1 00:00:48,028 --> 00:00:51,861 I had been dating politician, Bill Kelley, for three weeks now. 2 00:00:51,945 --> 00:00:54,736 Since most of my time with him was spent on a campaign trail, 3 00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:56,445 I decided to dress the part. 4 00:00:56,528 --> 00:01:00,445 I found some vintage Halston and did a spin on Jackie Kennedy. 5 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,861 The early years. 6 00:01:01,945 --> 00:01:03,070 Go Kelley. 7 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,195 Who here knows what a city comptroller does? 8 00:01:12,278 --> 00:01:14,653 Me! 9 00:01:15,195 --> 00:01:16,195 You do? 10 00:01:16,653 --> 00:01:18,278 I figured we made a good match. 11 00:01:18,361 --> 00:01:21,736 I was adept at fashion, he was adept at politics. 12 00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:25,195 At the heart of this world city is a populace whose passion, love, 13 00:01:25,278 --> 00:01:26,903 and devotion to their home… 14 00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:28,695 And really, what's the difference? 15 00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:30,945 They're both about recycling shopworn ideas 16 00:01:31,028 --> 00:01:33,611 and making them seem fresh and inspiring. 17 00:01:33,695 --> 00:01:35,695 And it is this unique love affair, 18 00:01:36,236 --> 00:01:39,736 this symbiotic relationship between citizenry and city, 19 00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:42,611 that I promise to cherish and protect. 20 00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:44,403 Thank you. 21 00:01:45,903 --> 00:01:48,403 - Great guy. - Yes, he is. 22 00:01:57,653 --> 00:01:58,653 Can I, uh… 23 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:01,111 Can I talk to you about proposition 114? 24 00:02:01,195 --> 00:02:03,320 - What is that? - You and me in the bedroom. 25 00:02:05,528 --> 00:02:08,778 - Is that on the ballot? - It ought to be. I'd back it. 26 00:02:09,403 --> 00:02:11,611 We'd plan this or whatever position you want. 27 00:02:13,736 --> 00:02:14,945 Which way is the bedroom? 28 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,695 Put me down! 29 00:02:21,861 --> 00:02:22,903 Oh, God! 30 00:02:22,986 --> 00:02:24,028 Well you're all… 31 00:02:26,820 --> 00:02:30,070 That was the night I had my political consciousness raised. 32 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,570 So, how about a movie Wednesday night? 33 00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:36,111 Wednesday? 34 00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,445 I'm not sure. I might be working. 35 00:02:38,528 --> 00:02:39,528 Thursday, then. 36 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,903 Okay, maybe Thursday. I'll see. 37 00:02:43,570 --> 00:02:45,445 Why, do you have plans? 38 00:02:45,903 --> 00:02:49,820 Steve, you can't just assume that I'm gonna be free every night. Right? 39 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:52,820 Is it a date? 40 00:02:53,903 --> 00:02:55,445 It could be a date. 41 00:02:55,528 --> 00:02:59,153 In which case, I wouldn't necessarily share that information with you. 42 00:02:59,236 --> 00:03:01,361 Why not? I'd like to know. Who are you dating? 43 00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:02,695 Nobody in particular. 44 00:03:03,861 --> 00:03:06,570 - Anybody specific? - What is this, the third degree? 45 00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:09,570 I'm trying to figure out when I get to see you again. 46 00:03:10,653 --> 00:03:12,278 I'm not dating anyone else. 47 00:03:12,778 --> 00:03:15,070 And I'm not planning on dating anyone else. 48 00:03:18,445 --> 00:03:19,736 I just want to see you. 49 00:03:20,945 --> 00:03:21,945 I see. 50 00:03:23,445 --> 00:03:24,445 Exclusively. 51 00:03:28,111 --> 00:03:29,111 I got it. 52 00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:33,986 That's very sweet. I just hadn't thought about things that way. 53 00:03:34,653 --> 00:03:35,778 So, think about it. 54 00:03:37,736 --> 00:03:38,736 Okay. 55 00:03:38,778 --> 00:03:40,153 Because I thought about it 56 00:03:40,236 --> 00:03:43,195 and I think if we really want to see if things can work out between us this time 57 00:03:43,278 --> 00:03:46,445 we got to at least make the commitment to be exclusive. 58 00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:50,028 Okay. 59 00:03:51,111 --> 00:03:52,111 I hear you. 60 00:03:53,528 --> 00:03:54,528 Okay. 61 00:04:01,278 --> 00:04:04,528 The truth was, there were no other candidates in sight. 62 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:08,570 But Miranda wasn't sure she was ready to let Steve win by default. 63 00:04:10,153 --> 00:04:12,236 I can't believe you're dating a politician. 64 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,695 You're not even registered to vote. 65 00:04:13,778 --> 00:04:15,320 It's the Undecideds they're really after. 66 00:04:15,403 --> 00:04:17,070 Well, I totally get it. 67 00:04:17,153 --> 00:04:18,153 Not only is he good-looking, 68 00:04:18,236 --> 00:04:20,153 but he's got the power thing going for him. 69 00:04:20,236 --> 00:04:21,320 It's got to be a turn-on. 70 00:04:21,403 --> 00:04:23,570 Oh, yeah, I'm dating a potential comptroller. 71 00:04:24,195 --> 00:04:25,861 It's hot. 72 00:04:26,361 --> 00:04:27,486 I wanna help out with the campaign. 73 00:04:27,945 --> 00:04:30,070 Since when are you interested in politics? 74 00:04:30,153 --> 00:04:32,861 Always. It's a really great way to meet men. 75 00:04:32,945 --> 00:04:36,236 And with Carrie by our side, we can just get to meet the inner circle 76 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,111 and all the really interesting donors. 77 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:41,111 By "interesting men" she means "single and rich." 78 00:04:41,195 --> 00:04:43,278 Well, guys, he's not running for president. 79 00:04:43,361 --> 00:04:46,278 Oh, he should. I'd vote for him. He's really cute. 80 00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:48,055 So? 81 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:50,736 I always vote for candidates according to their looks. 82 00:04:50,820 --> 00:04:53,736 I base my decision on the swimsuit competition. 83 00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:57,403 The country runs better with a good-looking man in the White House. 84 00:04:57,486 --> 00:04:59,236 I mean, look what happened with Nixon. 85 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,445 No one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone. 86 00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:04,445 I used to have a college crush on Dan Quayle. 87 00:05:04,528 --> 00:05:08,153 Country needs a president in a hat. No one wears a hat anymore. 88 00:05:08,736 --> 00:05:12,320 Good president, wore a hat. 89 00:05:12,403 --> 00:05:15,611 So busy picking out a hat, he forgot to get in the war. 90 00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:17,695 I had a college crush on Dan Quayle. 91 00:05:17,778 --> 00:05:20,195 Yeah. We pretty much tried to ignore that the first time. 92 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:23,403 I think it was his crisp, white shirts. 93 00:05:23,486 --> 00:05:24,778 Reminded me of my father. 94 00:05:24,861 --> 00:05:26,736 So, basically you were just voting for your father. 95 00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:28,153 - Yeah. - I always thought 96 00:05:28,236 --> 00:05:31,153 there was something homoerotic about Quayle's relationship with Bush. 97 00:05:31,236 --> 00:05:32,611 Very Batman and Robin. 98 00:05:32,695 --> 00:05:38,028 Well, based strictly on looks, no one was more handsome than JFK. 99 00:05:38,111 --> 00:05:39,778 Or quicker to jump in the sack, I might add. 100 00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:43,236 I'm glad you three weren't around during the original 13 colonies. 101 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,736 I don't think our founding fathers were very fuckable. 102 00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:50,778 I don't know. I heard that Thomas Jefferson was a real fox. 103 00:05:50,861 --> 00:05:54,111 There we were. Just four girls talking politics. 104 00:05:55,028 --> 00:05:57,528 Meanwhile, Miranda was facing a day at the polls 105 00:05:57,611 --> 00:05:59,278 a bit earlier than she expected. 106 00:05:59,361 --> 00:06:01,695 Last night, as we were walking home from dinner, 107 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,320 Steve asked me to go steady. 108 00:06:03,403 --> 00:06:05,653 Oh, how sweet. They still call it that? 109 00:06:05,736 --> 00:06:07,861 I don't know that I can make that kind of commitment. 110 00:06:07,945 --> 00:06:09,653 How many other guys are you dating? 111 00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:11,070 That's not the point. 112 00:06:11,528 --> 00:06:14,195 I'm just so ambivalent about Steve and moving forward. 113 00:06:14,278 --> 00:06:15,695 Well, you did let him back in your life. 114 00:06:15,778 --> 00:06:16,778 So? 115 00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:18,861 So, that's gotta mean there's something there. 116 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,486 Sure, there's plenty there. 117 00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:22,778 Lots of flaws that make me not want to stick my neck out. 118 00:06:22,861 --> 00:06:24,903 But then there's a lot of really great stuff too. 119 00:06:25,445 --> 00:06:28,195 Maybe I should just be honest and tell him what I'm really feeling, 120 00:06:28,278 --> 00:06:30,736 which is, "what if somebody better comes along?" 121 00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:32,945 You've gotta put a better spin on it than that. 122 00:06:34,153 --> 00:06:36,070 You see, that's my problem. 123 00:06:36,403 --> 00:06:38,778 I don't know how to be political in relationships. 124 00:06:38,861 --> 00:06:41,445 Uh-oh. It's time for the old list. 125 00:06:41,528 --> 00:06:43,861 Things you like about Steve. Things you don't like about Steve. 126 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,820 See which column is longer. 127 00:06:45,903 --> 00:06:47,236 That's so judgmental. 128 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,570 Miranda, you are judgmental. Why don't you put it to good use? 129 00:06:51,695 --> 00:06:55,195 Okay, fine. I'll make a list. 130 00:06:56,778 --> 00:06:59,070 Though politics had always seemed as relevant to me 131 00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,111 as a new Erica Jong novel, 132 00:07:01,195 --> 00:07:04,403 I did find it interesting that a discussion about politics 133 00:07:04,486 --> 00:07:07,028 ultimately became a discussion about sex. 134 00:07:07,111 --> 00:07:08,736 And a discussion about sex 135 00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:11,570 ultimately became a question of politics. 136 00:07:11,653 --> 00:07:14,820 Which led me to wonder if the two weren't, in fact, 137 00:07:14,903 --> 00:07:17,320 inextricably linked, and if so, 138 00:07:18,028 --> 00:07:20,361 can there be sex without politics? 139 00:07:21,736 --> 00:07:24,903 That night, Samantha discovered a hot, new candidate of her own. 140 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,111 Hey there, Pink Lady. Can I buy that for you? 141 00:07:28,486 --> 00:07:32,153 Maybe, if you promise never to use a lame line like that ever again. 142 00:07:32,236 --> 00:07:33,236 Hey, it worked didn't it? 143 00:07:33,736 --> 00:07:35,903 - Jeff Fenton. - Samantha Jones. 144 00:07:35,986 --> 00:07:38,820 You are damn attractive. And that is not a line. 145 00:07:38,903 --> 00:07:41,361 Jeff, how long have you been sitting at this bar? 146 00:07:41,445 --> 00:07:42,445 My first drink. 147 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,195 So, you're just naturally forward? 148 00:07:44,278 --> 00:07:47,278 I'm aggressive. I run a very successful hedge fund. 149 00:07:47,361 --> 00:07:49,695 My life is about calculating risk. 150 00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:52,320 And telling a beautiful lady she's attractive, 151 00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:54,945 that's the safest bet I've made all day. 152 00:07:55,945 --> 00:07:56,888 Thank you. 153 00:07:56,903 --> 00:07:59,028 - You like to ski? - I love it. 154 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,653 My partners and I have this gorgeous house in Sun Valley. 155 00:08:01,736 --> 00:08:02,736 How long have you been skiing? 156 00:08:03,153 --> 00:08:04,445 On and off for years. 157 00:08:04,528 --> 00:08:06,153 I can tell. You've got the legs for the sport. 158 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,028 Oh, shit. 159 00:08:08,653 --> 00:08:10,028 Got to run back to the office. 160 00:08:11,278 --> 00:08:12,611 How about dinner this week? 161 00:08:13,111 --> 00:08:14,861 'Cause I got to tell you everything about me, 162 00:08:14,945 --> 00:08:16,570 I didn't get a chance to hear anything about you. 163 00:08:16,653 --> 00:08:18,361 Samantha never felt better. 164 00:08:18,445 --> 00:08:20,986 There were gorgeous women sitting on either side, 165 00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:22,611 and Jeff had elected her. 166 00:08:22,695 --> 00:08:24,070 Fenton Partners. 167 00:08:24,153 --> 00:08:26,736 That's right. We're up 320% for the year. 168 00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,361 Samantha Jones. Public Relations. Very nice. 169 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,611 You must do well. Like, who's gonna say no to you? 170 00:08:35,528 --> 00:08:37,278 What do you say to dinner? Friday night? 171 00:08:37,986 --> 00:08:39,736 I think that might work. 172 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:43,570 And just as her self-esteem was soaring right off the charts… 173 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,111 Nice to meet you, Pink Lady. 174 00:08:46,028 --> 00:08:47,111 I'll give you a call. 175 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,153 Bye. 176 00:08:55,528 --> 00:08:56,528 Later that week, 177 00:08:56,611 --> 00:09:00,445 I brought "the single ladies coalition to elect Bill Kelley" to a fundraiser. 178 00:09:00,528 --> 00:09:02,361 What do you guys consider to be the height difference 179 00:09:02,445 --> 00:09:04,528 between a short person and a little person? 180 00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,653 - A little person? - You know, a midget. 181 00:09:06,736 --> 00:09:08,945 - A midget or a dwarf? - What's the difference? 182 00:09:09,028 --> 00:09:10,111 I'm not sure, actually. 183 00:09:10,195 --> 00:09:12,028 I think "little person" is the proper way 184 00:09:12,111 --> 00:09:13,778 to refer to an adult under five feet. 185 00:09:14,486 --> 00:09:17,861 Well. You know, I agreed to go on a date with a very short person. 186 00:09:17,945 --> 00:09:20,028 But I didn't realize he was so short. 187 00:09:20,111 --> 00:09:22,236 I mean, sitting down, he was perfectly proportional. 188 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,236 Standing up, he barely clears my nipples. 189 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,695 Well, that may be the perfect height. 190 00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:26,820 I'd like to cancel the thing, 191 00:09:26,903 --> 00:09:29,028 but I can't just because he's a munchkin. 192 00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:31,736 You know, this is a very politically incorrect conversation 193 00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,153 to be having at a political fundraiser. 194 00:09:33,236 --> 00:09:35,945 But anything less than five feet is unacceptable. 195 00:09:36,028 --> 00:09:38,028 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go mingle, 196 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,403 because there are a lot of cute guys here 197 00:09:39,486 --> 00:09:41,611 and these things never last beyond two martinis. 198 00:09:42,486 --> 00:09:44,028 Charlotte was running her own campaign. 199 00:09:44,111 --> 00:09:48,320 She was determined to be elected wife before the year was out. 200 00:09:48,736 --> 00:09:49,736 There's Miranda. 201 00:09:50,445 --> 00:09:51,445 Give me that. 202 00:09:51,528 --> 00:09:54,028 - Hey, you made it. Hi. - Hey! 203 00:09:54,903 --> 00:09:57,320 Tell me again, why are we voting for this guy? 204 00:09:57,403 --> 00:10:00,320 Well, he's calling for an investigation into the Board of Education 205 00:10:00,403 --> 00:10:01,403 to weed out waste and fraud. 206 00:10:01,486 --> 00:10:04,111 And he's launched a probe against large corporations 207 00:10:04,195 --> 00:10:06,195 to make them stop throwing away your tax dollars. 208 00:10:06,986 --> 00:10:07,986 I'm sleeping with him. 209 00:10:08,778 --> 00:10:10,195 Good enough for me. 210 00:10:10,278 --> 00:10:11,278 Come on, I'll introduce you. 211 00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:17,236 Jesus Christ, that guy talks more than I do. Hi. 212 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,945 Hi. This is the lovely Miranda Hobbes. 213 00:10:20,028 --> 00:10:20,930 - Hi. - Hello. 214 00:10:20,945 --> 00:10:22,236 And her friend Steve Brady. 215 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,320 - Hi. - How you doing? 216 00:10:23,403 --> 00:10:25,153 I've heard such wonderful things about you. 217 00:10:25,236 --> 00:10:26,445 Oh, you must be reading my clippings. 218 00:10:26,528 --> 00:10:28,653 I pay a lot of people a lot of money to say nice things about me. 219 00:10:29,653 --> 00:10:32,778 Hey, if you win, maybe you can fix a couple of parking tickets for me. 220 00:10:32,861 --> 00:10:34,653 I owe the City of New York 500 bucks. 221 00:10:34,736 --> 00:10:36,070 Figure, I need the money more than they do. 222 00:10:37,611 --> 00:10:38,945 What? It's a joke! 223 00:10:39,653 --> 00:10:40,903 Come on, he knows I'm kidding. 224 00:10:41,528 --> 00:10:42,653 Oh. 225 00:10:43,861 --> 00:10:45,445 I'll grab us a drink. It was nice meeting you. 226 00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:46,528 Nice meeting you. 227 00:10:46,653 --> 00:10:48,153 Uh, we have the Mayor's wife over here. 228 00:10:48,236 --> 00:10:49,236 Excuse me. 229 00:10:50,695 --> 00:10:52,945 The dumb jokes, con. 230 00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:56,861 Cute butt, pro. 231 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,986 I don't believe in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party. 232 00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:02,195 I just believe in parties. 233 00:11:04,653 --> 00:11:07,611 Across the room, Charlotte was stumping for her cause, 234 00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:08,945 and making new friends. 235 00:11:09,028 --> 00:11:10,153 I love Lichtenstein. 236 00:11:10,695 --> 00:11:13,111 But then, I'd loved comic books as a kid too. 237 00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:16,986 But that's great. His work is accessible on so many levels. 238 00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:22,195 Sweetheart, this is Charlotte. She runs a gallery downtown. 239 00:11:22,278 --> 00:11:23,653 Charlotte, this is my fiancée Catherine. 240 00:11:23,736 --> 00:11:24,736 Hi. 241 00:11:25,570 --> 00:11:26,570 Nice to meet you. 242 00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:28,820 - Guess who's here? - Who? 243 00:11:30,903 --> 00:11:33,070 - Stanford! Hey. - Oh, hi. 244 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:35,945 I can only stay a few minutes. 245 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,861 I've got tickets to The Vagina Monologues. 246 00:11:37,945 --> 00:11:38,945 Why? 247 00:11:38,986 --> 00:11:40,611 Just because I don't eat at the restaurant, 248 00:11:40,695 --> 00:11:42,611 doesn't mean I can't hear the specials. 249 00:11:42,695 --> 00:11:44,611 Quick. No one's looking. Give me a sip of your drink. 250 00:11:44,695 --> 00:11:47,528 Oh. Hey, Bill. This is my fabulous friend, Stanford Blatch. 251 00:11:47,611 --> 00:11:48,596 - Mmm. - Bill Kelley. 252 00:11:48,611 --> 00:11:50,820 - Hello, I represent the queer vote. - Mmm. 253 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,111 If you can carry Chelsea, you've got the city locked up. 254 00:11:54,195 --> 00:11:56,653 I'm not worried about Chelsea. Have you seen my ass? 255 00:11:58,070 --> 00:11:59,070 Got my vote. 256 00:11:59,611 --> 00:12:01,028 Mr. McGraff, twelve o'clock. 257 00:12:01,486 --> 00:12:02,486 Well, excuse me. 258 00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:06,820 Who's that guy? 259 00:12:08,153 --> 00:12:09,903 Oh, that's his campaign manager. 260 00:12:10,361 --> 00:12:11,361 Fix me up. 261 00:12:12,695 --> 00:12:14,153 How do you even know he's gay? 262 00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:16,153 I've seen him rollerblading on Eighth Avenue. 263 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,221 Oh. 264 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,236 That's enough. 265 00:12:19,611 --> 00:12:20,611 Please? 266 00:12:21,778 --> 00:12:24,111 Oh, great. Now I'm a first lady and a pimp. 267 00:12:30,028 --> 00:12:31,153 Hey, excuse me. 268 00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:34,195 Um, this is awkward, 269 00:12:34,278 --> 00:12:36,820 so feel free to stop me at any time, but… 270 00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:40,903 Um, there's a person here who'd like to meet you. 271 00:12:40,986 --> 00:12:41,986 Okay. 272 00:12:42,445 --> 00:12:43,445 A guy. 273 00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:47,070 Keep going. 274 00:12:47,945 --> 00:12:49,361 Oh. Yeah, well, um… 275 00:12:50,361 --> 00:12:52,153 It's the guy right over there. 276 00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:57,611 You mean, the blond guy with the great arms. 277 00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:03,778 Oh, uh… 278 00:13:04,986 --> 00:13:08,611 Actually, no. It's the… It's the bald guy, 279 00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:11,570 with the great sense of humor. 280 00:13:12,361 --> 00:13:13,736 Do you know the blond guy? 281 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,361 No. 282 00:13:15,445 --> 00:13:17,236 'Cause he's really much more my type. 283 00:13:17,736 --> 00:13:18,736 Okay. 284 00:13:19,236 --> 00:13:20,236 Well… 285 00:13:21,361 --> 00:13:22,445 Go Kelley. 286 00:13:24,153 --> 00:13:26,611 I wondered how to handle this political hot potato. 287 00:13:28,986 --> 00:13:29,986 He's not gay. 288 00:13:30,861 --> 00:13:33,986 - I could have sworn he was. - Mmm-mmm-mmm. 289 00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:36,028 I realized I was getting good at politics. 290 00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:41,028 I am just so at the place where I'm just really ready to settle down. 291 00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:44,653 I mean, it just seems like a miracle when two nice people like you guys 292 00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:46,403 can even find each other. 293 00:13:46,486 --> 00:13:48,611 Actually, we met in the most unusual way. 294 00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:50,778 One of my girlfriends threw a party 295 00:13:50,861 --> 00:13:53,611 where all the women were asked to bring a man they weren't interested in. 296 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:57,403 Somebody brought Bob. 297 00:13:57,486 --> 00:13:58,695 And the rest is history. 298 00:13:58,778 --> 00:14:01,028 Ah! I love that! 299 00:14:01,653 --> 00:14:04,903 One woman's trash is another woman's treasure. 300 00:14:07,278 --> 00:14:09,403 Bill raised 6 grand that night. 301 00:14:09,903 --> 00:14:11,278 It really got him in the mood. 302 00:14:12,028 --> 00:14:13,195 You know, 303 00:14:13,278 --> 00:14:15,320 you're the first woman in a long, long time, 304 00:14:15,403 --> 00:14:17,403 that I've felt this intimate with. 305 00:14:17,486 --> 00:14:18,570 You're so beautiful. 306 00:14:18,986 --> 00:14:21,070 So funny. You're great. 307 00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:22,153 Thank you. 308 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,528 I love making love with you. 309 00:14:25,153 --> 00:14:26,528 The feeling is mutual. 310 00:14:27,986 --> 00:14:30,570 Is there anything you want or need that I'm not doing? 311 00:14:30,653 --> 00:14:32,820 - No, it's great. - 'Cause I want to know. 312 00:14:32,903 --> 00:14:34,070 I want to make you happy. 313 00:14:34,611 --> 00:14:35,820 Well, I am happy. 314 00:14:37,653 --> 00:14:38,778 What about you? 315 00:14:39,153 --> 00:14:41,195 Is there anything that you want or need that I'm not doing? 316 00:14:41,278 --> 00:14:42,278 No. 317 00:14:44,903 --> 00:14:47,361 - Well, maybe one thing. - What? 318 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:51,320 Well, I would love to get you in the shower. 319 00:14:52,403 --> 00:14:53,528 Mmm-hmm. 320 00:14:53,611 --> 00:14:55,403 And get each other all fresh and clean. 321 00:14:56,486 --> 00:14:57,903 Oh, that sounds nice. 322 00:14:58,736 --> 00:14:59,736 And then… 323 00:15:01,111 --> 00:15:02,486 I'd like you to pee on me. 324 00:15:07,778 --> 00:15:11,445 I would be very worried if I were you. The pee could just be foreplay. 325 00:15:11,528 --> 00:15:12,653 Oh, my God! 326 00:15:12,736 --> 00:15:14,486 Where there's smoke… I'm just saying. 327 00:15:14,986 --> 00:15:16,820 This is so typical of men in power. 328 00:15:16,903 --> 00:15:19,070 They just love to be dominated and humiliated. 329 00:15:19,153 --> 00:15:20,611 What did you say when he asked you? 330 00:15:20,695 --> 00:15:23,236 Well, I told him I'd just gone, but maybe another time. 331 00:15:23,861 --> 00:15:27,028 But I really don't think that I can keep saying that forever. 332 00:15:27,611 --> 00:15:31,028 I peed on a guy once during sex, but it was an accident. 333 00:15:31,111 --> 00:15:32,278 What did he say? 334 00:15:32,361 --> 00:15:34,195 Honestly, I don't even think he noticed. 335 00:15:34,278 --> 00:15:36,153 - Huh. - I once had to stop eating meat 336 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,278 for six months. 337 00:15:37,361 --> 00:15:41,236 So this is what it's come down to, ready, set, pee? 338 00:15:42,445 --> 00:15:45,278 Look, sometimes with the right guy, you have to make concessions. 339 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,778 There's always gonna be something. 340 00:15:46,861 --> 00:15:48,736 Are you guys seriously advocating that I do this? 341 00:15:49,236 --> 00:15:51,861 Why not? He's a great-looking, rich political prince. 342 00:15:51,945 --> 00:15:54,778 Oh sure, it's practically a fairytale, The Princess And The Pee. 343 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,111 You know, if you really feel like you can't work it out with Bill, 344 00:16:01,195 --> 00:16:03,195 then just bring him to this party I'm having Friday night. 345 00:16:03,278 --> 00:16:06,028 Everyone is bringing a guy they're no longer interested in. 346 00:16:06,111 --> 00:16:08,445 That's a great idea. I can bring my short guy. 347 00:16:08,528 --> 00:16:09,611 Yes! 348 00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:11,695 Oh, yeah. That's terrific. You're dating a munchkin, 349 00:16:11,778 --> 00:16:13,611 and I've gotta follow the yellow brick road. 350 00:16:13,695 --> 00:16:18,486 A couple of nights later, and no closer to a solution, I had a date with Bill. 351 00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:20,778 He took me to his favorite Indian restaurant, 352 00:16:20,861 --> 00:16:23,445 that boasted the hottest curry in the city. 353 00:16:24,195 --> 00:16:25,778 So I just got some new polls. 354 00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:27,820 Which have me way ahead in Manhattan and Brooklyn, 355 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,570 but for some reason I'm lagging in the Bronx. 356 00:16:29,653 --> 00:16:32,945 I may have to spend another 50 grand just to buy myself some voter turnout. 357 00:16:33,986 --> 00:16:35,361 - It's pretty hot, isn't it? - Yeah. 358 00:16:35,445 --> 00:16:36,986 - Have some water. - Oh, no, I'm fine. 359 00:16:39,195 --> 00:16:40,361 - Excuse me. - Yes sir? 360 00:16:40,445 --> 00:16:42,111 Can I get another one of these? You want a beer? 361 00:16:43,778 --> 00:16:45,820 So, I read your column yesterday. 362 00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:48,320 - You did? - Yeah. It's great. Very funny. 363 00:16:49,361 --> 00:16:50,528 Just one question. 364 00:16:50,611 --> 00:16:53,153 Who's the handsome politico you keep referring to? 365 00:16:53,236 --> 00:16:56,611 Oh, he's just some other fellow I'm seeing in Washington. 366 00:16:58,361 --> 00:17:01,111 - You don't mind, do you? - Hey, my life is an open book. 367 00:17:01,195 --> 00:17:02,195 It has to be. 368 00:17:06,778 --> 00:17:09,070 What I really love about the column is the way you seem to feel about him. 369 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:10,820 And it's mutual. 370 00:17:11,361 --> 00:17:13,153 Even if I can't put it in print the way you do. 371 00:17:15,236 --> 00:17:16,945 I am so crazy about you. 372 00:17:19,986 --> 00:17:20,986 Me too. 373 00:17:22,153 --> 00:17:24,736 Listen, I was really hoping we could spend the night together, 374 00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:26,778 but I have an early breakfast meeting with the Brooklyn Bridge… 375 00:17:26,861 --> 00:17:27,986 Oh, that's no problem. 376 00:17:30,403 --> 00:17:31,403 Rain check? 377 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,403 That Friday night, Charlotte threw her used-date party. 378 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,986 Hi. You made it! 379 00:17:45,278 --> 00:17:47,528 - There are so many eligible men here. - Oh. 380 00:17:47,611 --> 00:17:50,570 Hi, Charlotte. Nice apartment. Can I get you something to drink? 381 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,570 Yes, immediately, if not sooner. 382 00:17:54,653 --> 00:17:56,153 You brought Stanford? 383 00:17:56,236 --> 00:17:58,653 Well, you said to bring a man you're not interested in. 384 00:17:58,736 --> 00:18:01,403 - You're making a mockery of this party. - Oh. 385 00:18:01,486 --> 00:18:04,111 - Carrie, Charlotte! - Hi! 386 00:18:04,195 --> 00:18:05,570 This is Jeff Fenton. 387 00:18:06,195 --> 00:18:07,096 Ladies. 388 00:18:07,111 --> 00:18:08,653 - How do you do? - It's a pleasure. 389 00:18:08,736 --> 00:18:10,195 - Hi. - Nice to meet you. 390 00:18:10,778 --> 00:18:11,903 I'll take your coat. 391 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,320 Take your time. 392 00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:15,695 Mingle. 393 00:18:16,736 --> 00:18:17,986 Is he the smallest man you've ever seen? 394 00:18:18,778 --> 00:18:22,236 If you ladies will excuse me, I have to go meet my eligible guests. 395 00:18:22,695 --> 00:18:24,070 I've got to get busy too. 396 00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:32,111 Oh, God. 397 00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,570 Carrie! Hey! 398 00:18:34,653 --> 00:18:36,820 Hey, what are you doing here? 399 00:18:36,903 --> 00:18:39,153 Well, I figured, before I finalize the list, 400 00:18:39,236 --> 00:18:40,778 I should see what's out there. 401 00:18:44,736 --> 00:18:46,861 - How's that list going? - Great. Fine. 402 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,153 I'm guessing that's Samantha's little friend. 403 00:18:50,236 --> 00:18:51,236 Oh, yeah. 404 00:18:52,445 --> 00:18:55,570 You gotta go to Cuba now. Another year will be too late. 405 00:18:55,653 --> 00:18:57,153 But can't you get arrested for going? 406 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,820 No you just fly through Canada. They love Americans. 407 00:18:59,903 --> 00:19:02,486 Hey, I'll e-mail you some of my pictures if you want. 408 00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:03,861 Yeah, I'd love to see them. 409 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,403 - Charlotte, right? - Right, and… 410 00:19:07,486 --> 00:19:10,528 - Greg Miller. - Very nice to meet you, Greg Miller. 411 00:19:10,611 --> 00:19:13,736 Sell the house and go to school 412 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:17,986 Get a young girlfriend, daddy's jewel 413 00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:20,070 - Having any luck? - Excuse me? 414 00:19:20,778 --> 00:19:21,778 Meeting someone. 415 00:19:22,778 --> 00:19:24,570 Well, I'm kind of already here with somebody. 416 00:19:27,111 --> 00:19:29,695 Yeah. An ex-girlfriend, right? 417 00:19:30,445 --> 00:19:31,736 What are you talking about? 418 00:19:33,278 --> 00:19:34,403 Get a clue. 419 00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:37,445 Give me a call. 420 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,570 You brought me here to dump me? 421 00:19:41,653 --> 00:19:42,778 Not exactly. 422 00:19:43,361 --> 00:19:47,653 I just thought maybe you could meet someone else your own size. 423 00:19:47,736 --> 00:19:50,070 Listen, sweetheart, give me an hour in a sack, 424 00:19:50,153 --> 00:19:51,820 and you'll swear I'm the Jolly Green Giant. 425 00:19:51,903 --> 00:19:53,778 - Oh, really? - Oh, really. 426 00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:55,528 I'm the best you've ever had. 427 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,570 Samantha felt so politically incorrect 428 00:19:57,653 --> 00:19:59,153 about dumping a man for his height, 429 00:19:59,236 --> 00:20:02,070 that she felt she had no other option than to sleep with him. 430 00:20:02,153 --> 00:20:04,236 Fine. Let's go. 431 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,820 A change would do you good 432 00:20:07,903 --> 00:20:09,528 A change would do you good… 433 00:20:09,611 --> 00:20:12,570 Okay, I'm ready to go. There's no one in here for us. 434 00:20:12,653 --> 00:20:14,028 Oh, speak for yourself. 435 00:20:14,111 --> 00:20:17,111 If these guys are in their 30s and these women don't want them, 436 00:20:17,195 --> 00:20:19,570 there might just be a little something here for me. 437 00:20:20,903 --> 00:20:21,986 Talk to you tomorrow. 438 00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:30,361 Hi. 439 00:20:31,111 --> 00:20:32,820 I'm an adventure-travel junkie. 440 00:20:32,903 --> 00:20:35,570 I took the entire year off after business school, 441 00:20:35,653 --> 00:20:37,403 trekked the old spice trail through Asia. 442 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,028 - Wow. - Talking to Greg, 443 00:20:39,111 --> 00:20:41,736 Charlotte felt like she had unearthed a rare coin 444 00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:44,445 that some other woman had thoughtlessly discarded. 445 00:20:44,528 --> 00:20:45,820 - Hi. - Hey. 446 00:20:45,903 --> 00:20:47,736 Charlotte, this is my ex, Melinda Peters. 447 00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:49,153 She kind of hooked me up on this thing. 448 00:20:49,236 --> 00:20:51,986 - Hi. You must be a friend of Karen's. - Mmm-hmm. 449 00:20:52,070 --> 00:20:54,820 Thank you so much for bringing this wonderful man. 450 00:20:55,278 --> 00:20:56,278 You're welcome. 451 00:20:56,903 --> 00:20:58,486 Can I talk to you for a minute? 452 00:20:58,570 --> 00:20:59,570 Sure. Excuse me. 453 00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,028 - Hey, Charlotte. - Bye. Thanks for coming. 454 00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:08,236 Hey. 455 00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:09,903 - Bye. - Bye. 456 00:21:09,986 --> 00:21:12,903 Apparently, once Melinda saw Greg talking to another woman, 457 00:21:12,986 --> 00:21:15,236 he suddenly looked all shiny and new again. 458 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,861 A change would do you good 459 00:21:17,945 --> 00:21:19,070 I think a change 460 00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:21,278 A change would do you good 461 00:21:21,361 --> 00:21:22,611 Would do you good 462 00:21:22,695 --> 00:21:25,445 A change would do you good… 463 00:21:26,195 --> 00:21:28,778 That night, Jeff proved to Samantha 464 00:21:28,861 --> 00:21:31,695 that he more than made up for his shortcomings. 465 00:21:32,611 --> 00:21:33,945 Oh, a change 466 00:21:34,028 --> 00:21:36,236 A change would do you good 467 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,486 Would do you good… 468 00:21:38,570 --> 00:21:39,903 Samantha told us later, 469 00:21:39,986 --> 00:21:43,028 it was like having sex with a horny smurf. 470 00:21:44,611 --> 00:21:46,486 Meanwhile, across town, 471 00:21:46,570 --> 00:21:49,570 Steve was busy stuffing Miranda's ballot box. 472 00:21:57,736 --> 00:21:58,736 You know… 473 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:03,486 I'm not looking for a quick answer on the monogamy thing. 474 00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:07,570 It's probably just something that's got to happen on its own. 475 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:09,320 Yeah. 476 00:22:14,070 --> 00:22:17,361 It's just, I wanted you to know how I feel. 477 00:22:18,486 --> 00:22:20,153 You're the best woman I ever met. 478 00:22:22,736 --> 00:22:24,236 And I want you to know… 479 00:22:25,528 --> 00:22:26,611 to know that. 480 00:22:30,278 --> 00:22:31,528 I love you, Miranda. 481 00:22:32,611 --> 00:22:33,611 I really do. 482 00:22:36,903 --> 00:22:40,528 Suddenly, Steve had just verbalized the one big pro 483 00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:42,778 that outweighed all the cons. 484 00:22:43,986 --> 00:22:47,653 Later that week, Samantha decided to put her heels in storage, 485 00:22:47,736 --> 00:22:49,528 and gave Jeff another chance. 486 00:22:49,611 --> 00:22:51,570 Little boy's room. I'll be right back. 487 00:23:06,778 --> 00:23:08,611 Samantha was stunned. 488 00:23:08,695 --> 00:23:11,778 It was one thing to date a man who went to the little boy's room. 489 00:23:11,861 --> 00:23:13,070 Quite another to date one 490 00:23:13,153 --> 00:23:15,153 who still shopped at the little boy's department. 491 00:23:16,653 --> 00:23:17,695 Samantha! 492 00:23:18,236 --> 00:23:22,861 Ah! Oh. I'm not feeling very well. I've got to go. Good night. 493 00:23:22,945 --> 00:23:24,195 Wait, I'll take you. 494 00:23:26,195 --> 00:23:27,361 I'm not really sick. 495 00:23:27,903 --> 00:23:28,903 Look, Jeff. 496 00:23:29,361 --> 00:23:31,486 I can't do this. It's not a very good idea. 497 00:23:31,570 --> 00:23:33,195 I just don't want to lead you on. 498 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:36,570 Lead me on? You came five times the other night. 499 00:23:36,653 --> 00:23:39,570 - Well, it's not really that… - Then, what? What? What is it? 500 00:23:39,653 --> 00:23:41,861 What happened in the past five minutes? 501 00:23:43,695 --> 00:23:46,486 You shop at the boy's department. 502 00:23:46,570 --> 00:23:49,986 So, what? The clothes fit me better, plus they're cheaper. 503 00:23:50,070 --> 00:23:51,945 Where do you shop, the big and tall whore store? 504 00:23:54,195 --> 00:23:58,403 You know, you're nothing but a big dick with a little man attached. 505 00:23:58,486 --> 00:23:59,986 And you're nothing but a big pair of tits 506 00:24:00,070 --> 00:24:01,486 with too much extra leg room. 507 00:24:04,861 --> 00:24:08,278 Surprisingly, Samantha had found what she was really looking for. 508 00:24:08,653 --> 00:24:10,361 And it had nothing to do with size. 509 00:24:10,445 --> 00:24:13,403 Hey! Somebody get me a booster chair. 510 00:24:13,486 --> 00:24:16,153 She'd found a man who made her laugh. 511 00:24:16,236 --> 00:24:17,861 They dated for two weeks. 512 00:24:17,945 --> 00:24:18,945 Though he was short, 513 00:24:19,028 --> 00:24:21,278 it was a very long relationship for Samantha. 514 00:24:22,570 --> 00:24:27,528 That same night, parched and nervous, I spent another night with Bill. 515 00:24:27,611 --> 00:24:30,195 - Man, that was great. - Yes, it was. 516 00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:33,070 Come on, let's go take a shower. 517 00:25:04,528 --> 00:25:06,528 Come on, get in here while it's hot. 518 00:25:11,278 --> 00:25:13,570 Bill? Can I talk to you about something? 519 00:25:13,653 --> 00:25:14,986 Yeah, okay. 520 00:25:21,903 --> 00:25:25,236 I've been giving this peeing thing a lot of thought, 521 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,403 and while I think it's totally fine that that's what you're into, I just… 522 00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:32,861 It's just never really been my thing. 523 00:25:33,611 --> 00:25:34,611 Oh, yeah? 524 00:25:34,653 --> 00:25:39,778 Yeah, so I thought instead, um, maybe you could close your eyes 525 00:25:39,861 --> 00:25:43,903 and I could dribble warm tea on you. That might feel good. 526 00:25:44,945 --> 00:25:47,945 Or, uh, maybe, um… 527 00:25:48,028 --> 00:25:51,195 you might think it's fun to, you know, 528 00:25:51,278 --> 00:25:54,986 hear the sound of running water when we have sex. 529 00:25:56,653 --> 00:26:00,195 And, if things got really serious between us, 530 00:26:00,278 --> 00:26:01,278 I could 531 00:26:02,070 --> 00:26:06,278 maybe even leave the bathroom door open sometime. 532 00:26:07,070 --> 00:26:11,486 Although, honestly, I'm really not sure how comfortable I'd be with that either. 533 00:26:13,903 --> 00:26:16,403 You know, there's something I wanna tell you too. 534 00:26:17,736 --> 00:26:20,820 Some people connected with the campaign read your column, 535 00:26:21,570 --> 00:26:24,320 and they had a different take on it than I did. 536 00:26:26,028 --> 00:26:27,278 What does that mean? 537 00:26:27,361 --> 00:26:30,778 Well, they thought it was really funny and clever, but… 538 00:26:30,861 --> 00:26:32,361 that it was a lot about sex. 539 00:26:34,153 --> 00:26:38,528 And they don't think it's such a good idea for me to be dating 540 00:26:38,611 --> 00:26:40,695 a sex columnist so close to the election. 541 00:26:41,486 --> 00:26:43,611 They thought it was kind of seamy. 542 00:26:45,445 --> 00:26:49,320 Wait a second. I may write about sex, 543 00:26:50,403 --> 00:26:52,528 but you like people to pee on you. 544 00:26:54,028 --> 00:26:56,445 Yeah, but nobody knows about that. 545 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,528 I realized that politics had not only entered my bedroom, 546 00:27:10,611 --> 00:27:12,528 but my bathroom as well. 547 00:27:12,611 --> 00:27:14,236 And I decided then and there 548 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,653 that my bravest political act would be to tell the truth. 549 00:27:22,945 --> 00:27:27,111 Of course, I didn't use his real name. It was much more political not to.