1 00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:49,490 There are very few things this New Yorker loves 2 00:00:49,573 --> 00:00:51,073 as much as Sunday brunch. 3 00:00:51,156 --> 00:00:54,656 You can sleep in till noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city. 4 00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:56,990 Alcohol is often included with the meal. 5 00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,073 And Sunday is the one day a week 6 00:00:59,156 --> 00:01:01,448 you get the single woman's sports pages. 7 00:01:01,531 --> 00:01:03,656 The New York Times wedding section. 8 00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:05,406 This is so depressing. 9 00:01:05,490 --> 00:01:07,656 The oldest woman on this page is 27. 10 00:01:07,740 --> 00:01:09,198 I don't wanna hear that. 11 00:01:09,281 --> 00:01:11,906 Now I'm all depressed and I haven't even had my coffee yet. 12 00:01:11,990 --> 00:01:13,406 Well, at least you have a boyfriend. 13 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,115 That doesn't mean I'm getting married, it means I'm getting laid. 14 00:01:16,198 --> 00:01:18,073 Yes, on a regular basis, no less. 15 00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:19,531 I'll drink to that. 16 00:01:19,906 --> 00:01:23,823 "Until recently, the bride, 24, worked as an account supervisor 17 00:01:23,906 --> 00:01:25,531 at Ogilvy & Mather." Twenty-four! 18 00:01:25,615 --> 00:01:27,323 Okay, honey, no more reading aloud. 19 00:01:27,406 --> 00:01:29,906 I love how they say "until recently, the bride." 20 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,365 Yeah, meaning she quit her job 21 00:01:31,448 --> 00:01:34,823 as soon as she found her soulmate/investment banker. 22 00:01:34,906 --> 00:01:38,656 It's so retro. "Okay, I've got a big rock on my finger. 23 00:01:38,740 --> 00:01:41,240 Now I can stop pretending to care about my career." 24 00:01:41,323 --> 00:01:44,365 "Until recently, the bride had a life of her own." 25 00:01:44,990 --> 00:01:48,490 You know who those women marry? The roman numeral guys. 26 00:01:48,573 --> 00:01:51,781 - Charles Duffy Anderson IV. - Ding, ding, ding. 27 00:01:51,865 --> 00:01:54,698 I find the higher the number, the worse the sex. 28 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,406 I went out with Somebody III who couldn't even get it up. 29 00:01:57,490 --> 00:01:59,531 Imagine how bad Henry VIII must have been. 30 00:01:59,615 --> 00:02:02,906 Yeah, you give him head, he cuts yours off. 31 00:02:04,073 --> 00:02:05,698 This couple met on a bike tour. 32 00:02:05,781 --> 00:02:09,073 I can barely make it through spinning, and all the men in there are gay. 33 00:02:09,156 --> 00:02:10,865 It's amazing how upset women can get 34 00:02:10,948 --> 00:02:12,906 over the marital status of strangers. 35 00:02:16,073 --> 00:02:17,156 - What was that? - Nothing. 36 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,115 - Let me see. - No, nothing to see. 37 00:02:21,198 --> 00:02:22,740 Oh, you're such a bad liar. 38 00:02:31,573 --> 00:02:34,031 And then, there's the occasional familiar face. 39 00:02:34,823 --> 00:02:37,073 Well, it's official. He's married. 40 00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:39,031 Where are my home fries? 41 00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:47,573 It's… It's fine, all right? 42 00:02:47,656 --> 00:02:51,156 It's fine. I was prepared for this, guys. 43 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,906 He… They had an engagement party at the Plaza. 44 00:02:54,365 --> 00:02:57,990 - But sometimes engagements break off. - This one didn't. Let's move on. 45 00:02:58,073 --> 00:02:59,058 I just don't understand 46 00:02:59,073 --> 00:03:00,531 why their wedding gets to be like a short story. 47 00:03:00,615 --> 00:03:03,906 Why not just an announcement? What's next, Big and Natasha, the movie? 48 00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:07,073 It's fluff. It's PR. Anybody could be this story. 49 00:03:07,156 --> 00:03:08,823 Anybody who's getting married. 50 00:03:09,365 --> 00:03:12,156 See, this is what I hate about The Sunday Times. 51 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,865 This and all the country houses I can't afford. 52 00:03:20,156 --> 00:03:21,656 So, you want to rent a movie or something? 53 00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:24,240 No, Charlotte, it's okay. I'm not gonna slit my wrists. 54 00:03:24,323 --> 00:03:26,990 I know, I just thought you might want some company. 55 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,031 You know what? I think I want to be alone. 56 00:03:29,656 --> 00:03:33,323 - All right, I'm just gonna take… - Would you please stop? 57 00:03:33,906 --> 00:03:36,990 I know what you're gonna do. I mean, you can't not read it. 58 00:03:37,073 --> 00:03:39,323 And you're gonna cry, and it's gonna be awful. 59 00:03:39,406 --> 00:03:42,656 So, let's just read it now and get it over with, okay? 60 00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:46,573 "The couple met in Paris, on the lle St-Louis." 61 00:03:46,656 --> 00:03:49,281 Oh, how original, they fell in love in Paris. 62 00:03:49,990 --> 00:03:51,448 "'I was sitting alone at a cafe 63 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:54,365 when the waiter brought over a bottle of their finest Pinot Noir 64 00:03:54,448 --> 00:03:56,823 from a very handsome man at the bar,' 65 00:03:56,906 --> 00:03:59,281 the bride said, her brown eyes sparkling." 66 00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:00,365 Ugh! 67 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:03,490 "'By the time we'd finished the wine, I knew I wanted to marry him.'" 68 00:04:03,573 --> 00:04:06,156 Oh please, you were drunk and he was rich. 69 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,198 This is just bad journalism. 70 00:04:08,906 --> 00:04:11,156 "Marry they did, yesterday in Southampton 71 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,031 at the bride's parents' estate. 72 00:04:13,115 --> 00:04:14,698 There were only 50 guests. 73 00:04:14,781 --> 00:04:16,406 'We wanted to keep it intimate,' she said. 74 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,948 'Just family and close friends.' 75 00:04:18,031 --> 00:04:19,490 Yeah, and The New York Times. 76 00:04:19,573 --> 00:04:21,406 Really, how intimate is that? 77 00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:25,281 You know what, I don't hear Big anywhere in this article. 78 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,406 Natasha's calling the shots and he's just along for the ride. 79 00:04:28,865 --> 00:04:32,031 "The bride carried calla lilies, tied with a red ribbon." 80 00:04:32,115 --> 00:04:33,115 Well, that's nice. 81 00:04:33,865 --> 00:04:35,240 "As she walked down the aisle, 82 00:04:35,323 --> 00:04:38,406 a saxophone played 'When A Man Loves A Woman.'" 83 00:04:39,865 --> 00:04:41,990 Well, that's tacky. 84 00:04:42,698 --> 00:04:43,906 No, that's Big. 85 00:04:49,573 --> 00:04:50,573 Jesus. 86 00:04:56,740 --> 00:05:00,323 What I wouldn't give for a working fireplace. 87 00:05:01,115 --> 00:05:03,865 - He wasn't the right man for you. - I know that. I know. 88 00:05:03,948 --> 00:05:06,698 It's not him. It's the whole wedding. 89 00:05:07,448 --> 00:05:10,615 And it's her. It's her! Her! 90 00:05:12,198 --> 00:05:13,323 You know, she's just… 91 00:05:14,698 --> 00:05:18,365 You know, she's shiny hair, style section… 92 00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:21,448 Vera Wang. And I'm… 93 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:26,240 you know, the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants. 94 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:44,073 Big wasn't the only one taking the plunge. 95 00:05:44,156 --> 00:05:46,990 After more than a decade of domestic independence, 96 00:05:47,073 --> 00:05:49,906 Miranda had finally opened herself up to a relationship… 97 00:05:50,656 --> 00:05:51,740 Good morning. 98 00:05:51,823 --> 00:05:53,115 …with a cleaning lady. 99 00:05:53,198 --> 00:05:54,823 Oh, good morning, Magda. 100 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,323 Do you know where the coffee mugs are? 101 00:05:59,406 --> 00:06:01,240 Ah, I moved them here. 102 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,823 See, now all glasses are together. 103 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:07,740 Oh, sure, I guess that makes more sense. 104 00:06:09,823 --> 00:06:12,740 Um, you know what? I always drink my coffee 105 00:06:12,823 --> 00:06:15,490 out of my law school class of '90 mug, 106 00:06:15,573 --> 00:06:17,323 because it's bigger, and… 107 00:06:18,031 --> 00:06:20,073 It's just what I always use. 108 00:06:20,156 --> 00:06:24,406 I bring you nice herbal teas. Tea is better for you. 109 00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:28,448 Oh, thank you very much, but I prefer coffee. 110 00:06:28,531 --> 00:06:29,615 Thank you. 111 00:06:30,948 --> 00:06:32,490 Why do I have a rolling pin? 112 00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:35,198 It's for you to make pies. 113 00:06:35,615 --> 00:06:36,823 Uh-huh. 114 00:06:36,906 --> 00:06:39,073 It's good for women to make pies. 115 00:06:41,656 --> 00:06:43,240 Do you have a rolling pin? 116 00:06:43,615 --> 00:06:45,448 - On me? - In your kitchen? 117 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,740 Are you kidding me? I use my oven for storage. 118 00:06:47,823 --> 00:06:50,823 Okay, my cleaning lady brought me a rolling pin. 119 00:06:50,906 --> 00:06:52,990 It was like, she couldn't believe I didn't have one. 120 00:06:53,073 --> 00:06:54,781 I can't believe you have a cleaning lady. 121 00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:57,948 Oh, don't even start. I feel guilty enough. 122 00:06:58,031 --> 00:07:01,573 I hate being home when she's home because I feel like if I'm home, 123 00:07:01,656 --> 00:07:03,573 I should be cleaning, or making pies, 124 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:06,073 because according to her, that's what women do. 125 00:07:06,156 --> 00:07:08,740 Where did you find this person, in a time capsule? 126 00:07:08,823 --> 00:07:11,406 I know. I don't need to make pies. 127 00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:13,531 I'm practically a partner in a major law firm. 128 00:07:13,615 --> 00:07:15,656 If I want pie, I can buy it. 129 00:07:16,615 --> 00:07:19,281 You know, I think I need this in a smaller size. 130 00:07:20,531 --> 00:07:22,115 Um, I'll get it for you. 131 00:07:22,198 --> 00:07:24,615 Just hand it out to me, there's no need for you to come out. 132 00:07:24,698 --> 00:07:25,698 Carrie? 133 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:32,948 And there she was, Mrs. Big, all 5'10" of her. 134 00:07:33,031 --> 00:07:34,406 Hey. 135 00:07:35,073 --> 00:07:36,198 Hi, Natasha. 136 00:07:36,948 --> 00:07:40,615 Um, I heard… Well, I read, um… 137 00:07:41,823 --> 00:07:44,365 Congratulations on the thing, on the wedding. 138 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,948 Um, this is Miranda, she's shopping with me. 139 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:48,573 - Hi. - Nice to meet you. 140 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:52,073 That looks nice, what you have on there. 141 00:07:52,156 --> 00:07:53,156 You think? 142 00:07:53,698 --> 00:07:56,490 Yeah, I need something for this 143 00:07:56,573 --> 00:07:58,948 Women In The Arts luncheon I helped organize. 144 00:07:59,031 --> 00:08:02,573 - I'm on the steering committee. - Oh, really? I'm a member. 145 00:08:03,031 --> 00:08:07,406 'Cause, you know, I write, so I am a woman in the arts. 146 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,948 I go to that lunch every year. 147 00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:12,573 In clothes. 148 00:08:13,865 --> 00:08:15,906 So, you're going then? 149 00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:17,365 Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah I'm going. 150 00:08:18,656 --> 00:08:21,031 - Great, I'll see you there. - All right. 151 00:08:22,656 --> 00:08:23,656 Great. 152 00:08:27,031 --> 00:08:28,448 Oh, my God. 153 00:08:28,531 --> 00:08:30,948 And now, I can't find the invitation. 154 00:08:31,031 --> 00:08:32,823 Well, why did you tell her you'd go? 155 00:08:32,906 --> 00:08:35,490 Because I have a deficit now. I've talked to her twice, 156 00:08:35,573 --> 00:08:38,406 once I was in a cowboy hat, and once I was in my bra. 157 00:08:38,490 --> 00:08:40,990 I'm like freakin' Annie-Get-Your-Clothes-On. 158 00:08:41,073 --> 00:08:44,823 I would just… I would like her to see me looking normal. 159 00:08:44,906 --> 00:08:46,073 Just normal? 160 00:08:46,156 --> 00:08:47,656 Okay, yes, I would prefer to look amazing. 161 00:08:47,740 --> 00:08:51,823 But not like I'm trying amazing, just effortlessly striking. 162 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,906 I see. And will Big be at this event? 163 00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:57,031 No, it's a Women In The Arts luncheon. 164 00:08:57,115 --> 00:08:59,198 This isn't about Big, it's about Natasha. 165 00:08:59,281 --> 00:09:01,781 Okay, but it seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a woman. 166 00:09:01,865 --> 00:09:05,198 Can you help me find out when and where this stupid thing is? 167 00:09:05,656 --> 00:09:07,823 I can do better than that. I'm coming with you. 168 00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:10,323 Oh, so now you support women in the arts? 169 00:09:10,406 --> 00:09:12,115 I support you, and, honey, 170 00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:14,948 these bitches need to be put in their places. 171 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:19,406 That night, I modeled my entire wardrobe in my head 172 00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:21,365 and vetoed everything. 173 00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:23,615 Why did I care so much? 174 00:09:23,698 --> 00:09:27,490 What was it about Natasha that always made me feel like the charity case? 175 00:09:28,406 --> 00:09:31,406 Was it just that she had Big, or was this bigger than Big? 176 00:09:31,865 --> 00:09:33,823 I started to wonder. 177 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,198 Are there women in New York 178 00:09:35,281 --> 00:09:37,740 who are just there to make us feel bad about ourselves? 179 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:42,323 For Miranda, that woman was a certain Ukrainian housekeeper. 180 00:09:42,406 --> 00:09:45,823 - You're early. - Yes. Good morning. 181 00:09:45,906 --> 00:09:47,948 Um, did you bring me this? 182 00:09:49,573 --> 00:09:52,573 - It's gift, to make nicer your bathroom. - Oh. 183 00:09:52,656 --> 00:09:57,406 Thanks. And did you move my hairdryer? It used to be under the sink. 184 00:09:57,490 --> 00:09:58,823 - In the middle drawer. - Ah. 185 00:09:58,906 --> 00:10:00,531 Last week I organize for you. 186 00:10:00,615 --> 00:10:02,490 No, that drawer doesn't need organizing. 187 00:10:03,698 --> 00:10:06,865 Magda had discovered Miranda's goodie drawer. 188 00:10:08,448 --> 00:10:10,948 Look, I have a boyfriend, 189 00:10:11,031 --> 00:10:14,031 so it's not like I'm sleeping with a bunch of different men. 190 00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:16,698 There's one guy, and for a long time there was no guy, 191 00:10:16,781 --> 00:10:18,823 and that's why I have the other thing. 192 00:10:19,698 --> 00:10:22,198 - Okay? - You like him, this boyfriend? 193 00:10:24,073 --> 00:10:25,073 Yes. 194 00:10:25,656 --> 00:10:26,948 You want to marry this man? 195 00:10:28,281 --> 00:10:29,448 I don't know. 196 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:34,656 Everybody wants to get married. I am married 28 years. 197 00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:39,490 Well, we'll see. I don't know if I want to get married. 198 00:10:42,948 --> 00:10:44,240 God bless you. 199 00:10:49,948 --> 00:10:52,698 I don't need you to bless me. 200 00:10:52,781 --> 00:10:54,698 I don't need God to bless me. 201 00:10:54,781 --> 00:10:57,198 I'm perfectly fine with my life as it is. 202 00:11:01,531 --> 00:11:04,323 It's like I hired my mother. 203 00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:07,031 Luckily, Manhattan has spas, 204 00:11:07,115 --> 00:11:09,698 where a woman can pay to feel good about herself. 205 00:11:10,073 --> 00:11:12,615 I just can't believe she opened your goodie drawer. 206 00:11:12,698 --> 00:11:14,948 Everybody knows the night-stand is private. 207 00:11:15,031 --> 00:11:16,240 What do you have in there? 208 00:11:16,323 --> 00:11:19,781 You know, the usual, condoms, vibrator… 209 00:11:19,865 --> 00:11:22,281 - Massage oil, cigarettes. - Nipple clamps. 210 00:11:22,365 --> 00:11:24,573 - Really? - Not for me, for them. 211 00:11:25,031 --> 00:11:26,281 That's freakish. 212 00:11:26,823 --> 00:11:30,115 What's in your goodie drawer, Robert's Rules Of Order? 213 00:11:30,198 --> 00:11:33,240 - I don't have a goodie drawer. - Oh, everybody has a goodie drawer. 214 00:11:33,323 --> 00:11:34,781 I have a goodie closet. 215 00:11:34,865 --> 00:11:37,031 I don't need to know what's in your goodie closet. 216 00:11:37,115 --> 00:11:39,948 Ditto. Nipple clamps will suffice for today. 217 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,448 I'm not in the mood for steam, it's too hot. 218 00:12:23,531 --> 00:12:25,490 Then take off your towel, relax. 219 00:12:25,573 --> 00:12:28,156 I don't feel like being relaxed in here. 220 00:12:29,990 --> 00:12:32,490 There goes a woman who desperately needs a goodie drawer. 221 00:12:39,115 --> 00:12:40,323 Charlotte, honey? 222 00:12:41,573 --> 00:12:43,990 - What's wrong? - Nothing, I… I was just hot. 223 00:12:44,406 --> 00:12:46,740 Okay. And… 224 00:12:47,906 --> 00:12:48,906 And… 225 00:12:49,823 --> 00:12:53,323 I'm just not comfortable being naked in public. 226 00:12:53,948 --> 00:12:58,240 Well, this isn't really public, it's a ladies' locker-room. 227 00:12:58,323 --> 00:13:01,490 - I didn't grow up in a naked house. - Well, I didn't either. 228 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,240 I bet she grew up in a naked house. 229 00:13:09,948 --> 00:13:12,615 She might still live in a naked house. 230 00:13:14,281 --> 00:13:17,448 Oh, Charlotte, sweetie, who cares how you look to other women. 231 00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:19,906 You don't care 'cause you have a perfect body. 232 00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:21,990 Oh, my God, you're deluded. 233 00:13:22,698 --> 00:13:26,781 Charlotte, sweetie, you have a beautiful figure. 234 00:13:26,865 --> 00:13:28,740 - Really? - Yes. 235 00:13:28,823 --> 00:13:31,115 Then why was that woman in the steam room looking at me 236 00:13:31,198 --> 00:13:32,615 like my thighs were too big? 237 00:13:36,323 --> 00:13:38,573 Samantha always felt good about herself. 238 00:13:38,656 --> 00:13:42,281 But after her 80-minute massage, she felt even better. 239 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,115 - Mmm. - I just had the most intense massage. 240 00:13:48,573 --> 00:13:50,156 Kevin goes down on you. 241 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,656 Samantha's was good, but not that good. 242 00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:53,740 Are you serious? 243 00:13:54,406 --> 00:13:56,198 Yes, he's incredible. 244 00:13:56,906 --> 00:13:58,031 You should try him. 245 00:13:58,115 --> 00:13:59,865 Samantha smiled politely, 246 00:13:59,948 --> 00:14:02,531 but a woman with a goodie closet doesn't need to pay for head. 247 00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:04,073 Celia! 248 00:14:07,031 --> 00:14:09,573 - Forgot your key. - Oh. Thanks, Kevin. 249 00:14:11,698 --> 00:14:14,698 Then again, you can never have too many massages. 250 00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:17,906 Samantha immediately got on the wait list 251 00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:20,240 for Kevin's next available appointment. 252 00:14:23,156 --> 00:14:25,906 That night, Steve wasn't available either. 253 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,823 So Miranda decided to do the next best thing. 254 00:14:37,323 --> 00:14:41,365 Apparently, Magda was not only cleaning, she was performing an exorcism. 255 00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:45,240 Later that week, 256 00:14:45,323 --> 00:14:48,281 I had a religious experience at Manolo Blahnik. 257 00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:52,781 I need your honest opinion. 258 00:14:52,865 --> 00:14:54,073 You can't afford them? 259 00:14:54,156 --> 00:14:55,656 Can I get you something? 260 00:14:55,740 --> 00:15:01,906 Oh yeah, I'll have that incredibly rich-looking, flourless chocolate thing. 261 00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:05,615 - And, um, a cafe au lait. - I'll have a fruit cup. 262 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,990 - Oh, now you're making me feel bad. - No, no, you get what you want. Thanks. 263 00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:15,948 You know, this place has the best desserts in New York. 264 00:15:16,031 --> 00:15:17,615 The whole point of coming here is to splurge. 265 00:15:17,698 --> 00:15:20,656 I know, but that was a splurge. Fruit has a lot of carbs. 266 00:15:21,198 --> 00:15:23,240 Okay, Is there a new Zone book out or something? 267 00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,906 I hate my thighs. 268 00:15:25,865 --> 00:15:29,573 The problem is not your thighs, sweetie. The problem is your head. 269 00:15:29,656 --> 00:15:30,656 Now… 270 00:15:31,906 --> 00:15:33,073 about the shoes. 271 00:15:33,948 --> 00:15:35,240 Hold on… 272 00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:38,781 I need these for the WITA luncheon. 273 00:15:39,156 --> 00:15:43,823 Now, the heels are almost high enough to put me face to face with Natasha, 274 00:15:43,906 --> 00:15:45,490 if Natasha wears flats. 275 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,490 But why would she wear flats. 276 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,906 Do you think they make the right statement? 277 00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:52,698 What statement do you want them to make? 278 00:15:53,156 --> 00:15:55,073 "I am beautiful and powerful, 279 00:15:55,156 --> 00:15:57,573 and I don't care that you're only 25, and married my ex." 280 00:15:58,115 --> 00:16:00,781 I thought you didn't have a complex about how you look to other women. 281 00:16:00,865 --> 00:16:04,906 Oh, no, it's not a complex. It's a Natasha-specific obsession, 282 00:16:04,990 --> 00:16:08,573 which will be over as soon as she sees me at the benefit, 283 00:16:08,656 --> 00:16:12,490 looking fabulous in these shoes and this dress I saw at Bergdorf's 284 00:16:12,573 --> 00:16:14,115 that's gonna cost me a month's rent. 285 00:16:14,198 --> 00:16:17,698 Oh, listen to you. You don't have to prove anything. 286 00:16:18,198 --> 00:16:23,865 You are stunning and intelligent and funny. And what is she? 287 00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:26,323 Married, that's all. 288 00:16:26,906 --> 00:16:29,906 You could go to that luncheon, wearing what you're wearing right now 289 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,448 and still be the most incredible woman in the room. 290 00:16:33,573 --> 00:16:36,865 Wow! Why can't you do that for yourself? 291 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,073 That afternoon, Charlotte faced her fear. 292 00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:46,490 I'd kill for your breasts. 293 00:17:55,948 --> 00:17:59,365 Meanwhile, Samantha had spent the last half hour face-down, 294 00:17:59,448 --> 00:18:01,490 picturing Kevin's face down on her. 295 00:18:03,073 --> 00:18:08,073 - Is this pressure okay? - Oh, yes. That is just fine. 296 00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:10,781 Ready to turn over now? 297 00:18:11,906 --> 00:18:13,740 I most certainly am. 298 00:18:25,823 --> 00:18:26,906 Is this okay? 299 00:18:27,656 --> 00:18:28,656 Yes. 300 00:18:30,698 --> 00:18:32,156 Is this okay? 301 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,198 Mmm. Yes. 302 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,948 Is this okay? 303 00:18:38,323 --> 00:18:40,073 Yes. 304 00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:48,906 Since they were running out of time, 305 00:18:48,990 --> 00:18:51,698 Samantha decided to take the matter in her own hands. 306 00:18:55,406 --> 00:18:57,073 Is this okay? 307 00:18:57,948 --> 00:18:59,948 Apparently, it wasn't. 308 00:19:00,031 --> 00:19:02,698 What kind of person does such a thing? 309 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:07,615 To molest a trained professional while he is trying to do his job. 310 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:13,448 Helena Rubinstein is a civilized place, for civilized people. 311 00:19:14,198 --> 00:19:16,448 I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to come back here. 312 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,323 I have to protect my staff. 313 00:19:20,031 --> 00:19:22,073 Clearly, she meant Kevin's staff. 314 00:19:22,573 --> 00:19:24,448 Look, this isn't my fault. 315 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:27,281 I know for a fact that Kevin went down on another customer, 316 00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:29,823 and that's why I booked the appointment. 317 00:19:35,198 --> 00:19:36,573 The following Monday, 318 00:19:36,656 --> 00:19:39,448 Samantha and I were the definition of civilized. 319 00:19:39,531 --> 00:19:42,115 We officially became ladies who luncheon. 320 00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,156 I'm telling you, it was entrapment, 321 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,240 false advertising, and blatant discrimination. 322 00:19:46,323 --> 00:19:49,198 You can't just randomly go down on one person and not on another. 323 00:19:49,281 --> 00:19:51,823 I paid good money expecting to be eaten out. 324 00:19:53,531 --> 00:19:57,323 This is not the conversation I wish to have as my most amazing self. 325 00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:59,448 - Do you see her? - No. 326 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,365 Ooh, but I do see Wendy Wasserstein and Gloria Steinem. 327 00:20:02,448 --> 00:20:04,448 Believe me, you look absolutely stunning. 328 00:20:04,531 --> 00:20:06,823 You know what? I believe you. 329 00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:08,656 Oh. 330 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,531 Hello, Mimi. 331 00:20:10,615 --> 00:20:13,531 Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, and Ms. Samantha Jones. 332 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:19,281 I'm a member, I just haven't been to an event, ever. 333 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:21,490 It's Bradshaw. 334 00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,490 Ah. Here you are. 335 00:20:25,448 --> 00:20:27,323 Okay, please wear your name tags. 336 00:20:27,406 --> 00:20:30,615 Last year we had an unfortunate incident with Joyce Carol Oates. 337 00:20:30,698 --> 00:20:31,698 Oh. 338 00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:33,656 I'm not really sure the "Hello, my name is" 339 00:20:33,740 --> 00:20:35,031 goes with the ensemble. 340 00:20:35,115 --> 00:20:36,698 Hello, my name is Fabulous. 341 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,448 Oh, Natasha's not here yet. 342 00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:42,740 Oh, You know what? Natasha's not coming. 343 00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:43,725 What? 344 00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:47,323 She's got a terrible cold, poor thing, and she didn't wanna get everybody sick. 345 00:20:47,406 --> 00:20:48,573 Here are your drink tickets. 346 00:20:52,781 --> 00:20:55,656 I can't believe that bitch is a no-show. 347 00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:59,031 I'm the one who's sick. I charged another outfit I can't afford. 348 00:20:59,115 --> 00:21:02,073 Probably bounced a cheque to charity, just to prove I'm amazing. 349 00:21:02,156 --> 00:21:05,448 And I've never felt less so. Let's just go, all right? 350 00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:08,698 I paid $85, we're having our two drinks. 351 00:21:08,781 --> 00:21:10,031 What do you feel like? 352 00:21:10,115 --> 00:21:12,656 Um, loser on the rocks? 353 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:14,740 Give me those tickets. 354 00:21:19,448 --> 00:21:21,740 Who is this and what is she doing in my bedroom? 355 00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,115 It is Virgin Mary. 356 00:21:24,906 --> 00:21:27,740 - And where's my other thing? - What thing? 357 00:21:28,490 --> 00:21:31,240 You know, the thing. The thing. Don't make me say it. 358 00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:33,490 The thing you moved and replaced with this lady. 359 00:21:33,573 --> 00:21:36,281 In bathroom, middle drawer. Next to hairdryer. 360 00:21:38,115 --> 00:21:40,740 But no man will marry you if that is by bed. 361 00:21:40,823 --> 00:21:42,198 It mean you don't need him. 362 00:21:43,573 --> 00:21:47,156 Magda, what I don't need is another mother. 363 00:21:47,573 --> 00:21:50,115 I have one in Philadelphia, and that's close enough. 364 00:21:50,656 --> 00:21:51,656 I need a housekeeper, 365 00:21:51,698 --> 00:21:54,240 who will clean my apartment and stop judging me 366 00:21:54,323 --> 00:21:57,156 because I'm a 34-year-old single woman living in New York. 367 00:21:57,698 --> 00:22:00,490 I drink coffee, and have sex, 368 00:22:00,573 --> 00:22:04,365 and buy pies, and enjoy battery-operated devices. 369 00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:07,781 If you can't deal with that, I will find another housekeeper who can. 370 00:22:13,865 --> 00:22:16,115 I also head up the committee to match mentors 371 00:22:16,198 --> 00:22:17,823 with underprivileged children. 372 00:22:17,906 --> 00:22:18,906 It would be wonderful 373 00:22:18,948 --> 00:22:22,156 if you'd be willing to work with some of our kids who want to write. 374 00:22:22,573 --> 00:22:24,406 I write about sex. 375 00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:26,615 Is that something they'd like to learn, these kids? 376 00:22:26,698 --> 00:22:28,573 Writing about blow jobs and stuff? 377 00:22:29,698 --> 00:22:33,448 Or we can always use help in fundraising. 378 00:22:33,531 --> 00:22:36,698 Carrie, this is Jenna. 379 00:22:36,781 --> 00:22:39,240 - Hi, Jenna. - Nice to meet you. 380 00:22:39,323 --> 00:22:41,156 Jenna went to college with Natasha. 381 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,823 Go ahead, Jenna, tell her what you told me. 382 00:22:44,448 --> 00:22:49,198 Okay, well, Natasha lived in my dorm, freshmen year at Tulane. 383 00:22:49,281 --> 00:22:53,406 And once, she showered with a guy in the community bathroom. 384 00:22:55,281 --> 00:22:56,281 And? 385 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,365 And she gained like ten pounds, sophomore year. 386 00:23:02,906 --> 00:23:04,031 Wow. 387 00:23:04,115 --> 00:23:05,406 Ten pounds. 388 00:23:06,198 --> 00:23:07,240 Thanks, Jenna. 389 00:23:07,323 --> 00:23:08,323 Okay. 390 00:23:09,781 --> 00:23:11,031 Merry Christmas. 391 00:23:12,031 --> 00:23:13,615 That's supposed to make me feel better? 392 00:23:13,698 --> 00:23:16,156 Six years ago she was a cheerleader with a weight problem? 393 00:23:16,615 --> 00:23:17,990 Well, it's something. 394 00:23:18,073 --> 00:23:19,865 You had to love her for trying. 395 00:23:19,948 --> 00:23:22,156 Samantha thought a woman could make me feel good 396 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,156 by making Natasha sound bad, 397 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,906 but it only made me feel worse. 398 00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:27,781 Another drink? 399 00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:30,490 Another one and I'll be a lady who loses her lunch. 400 00:23:30,906 --> 00:23:32,448 Well, trust me, when you get home tonight, 401 00:23:32,531 --> 00:23:34,990 you're gonna smile about the fact that she was a porker in college. 402 00:23:35,073 --> 00:23:36,990 Ten pounds does not a porker make. 403 00:23:41,031 --> 00:23:43,073 Uh, you're Samantha Jones. 404 00:23:43,490 --> 00:23:46,490 Yes. Oh. We met at Helena Rubinstein. You're… 405 00:23:46,573 --> 00:23:51,240 Katy, Leisle, look who's here. It's the woman who got Kevin fired. 406 00:23:52,823 --> 00:23:54,615 - Thanks a lot. - Yeah, thanks. 407 00:23:54,698 --> 00:23:57,031 - Who's gonna fuck me now? - Kevin fucked you? 408 00:23:58,448 --> 00:24:00,365 Turns out, I wasn't the kind of member 409 00:24:00,448 --> 00:24:01,990 those women in the arts really needed. 410 00:24:03,906 --> 00:24:06,240 And, that night, in her spotless apartment, 411 00:24:06,323 --> 00:24:09,115 Miranda knew she'd done the right thing taking a stand 412 00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:10,573 because of her night-stand. 413 00:24:12,990 --> 00:24:16,656 Magda realized that while single women in New York never make pies, 414 00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:18,656 they sometimes make guys. 415 00:24:19,573 --> 00:24:22,865 A couple of weeks later, I got something in the mail from Women In The Arts. 416 00:24:22,948 --> 00:24:25,948 It was a "Thank you for attending" signed by Natasha. 417 00:24:27,698 --> 00:24:32,323 Game over. I had to accept the fact that in life, some women are simply better. 418 00:24:32,406 --> 00:24:34,823 And no amount of shoes or lack of pastry 419 00:24:34,906 --> 00:24:36,906 or making of pies will change that. 420 00:24:37,906 --> 00:24:39,656 I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, 421 00:24:39,740 --> 00:24:41,948 who can wear white and not spill on it, 422 00:24:42,031 --> 00:24:44,823 and chair committees, and write thank-you notes. 423 00:24:44,906 --> 00:24:46,323 And I can't feel bad about that. 424 00:24:47,198 --> 00:24:48,823 "Sorry I couldn't be their." 425 00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:53,656 T-H-E-I-R. 426 00:24:56,323 --> 00:24:58,531 But I could feel good about this. 427 00:25:02,823 --> 00:25:04,448 Hello? 428 00:25:04,531 --> 00:25:07,573 Miranda, it's a good thing she got married. 429 00:25:08,156 --> 00:25:09,573 The woman's an idiot.