1 00:00:46,995 --> 00:00:51,370 It's been said that New Yorkers are the most jaded people in the world. 2 00:00:55,661 --> 00:00:57,995 The fact is we've pretty much done and seen it all. 3 00:00:58,828 --> 00:01:01,245 It takes quite a bit to shock us. 4 00:01:03,036 --> 00:01:04,286 Which is why when Charlotte said 5 00:01:04,370 --> 00:01:07,203 the new show at her gallery would totally blow us away, 6 00:01:07,286 --> 00:01:09,870 we took it with the proverbial grain of salt. 7 00:01:09,953 --> 00:01:12,911 Seriously? That's a woman? 8 00:01:12,995 --> 00:01:16,078 It was the latest installation from the photographer Baird Johnson, 9 00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:20,745 entitled Drag Kings: The Collision of Illusion and Reality. 10 00:01:20,828 --> 00:01:23,328 Yep, that's a woman. 11 00:01:24,245 --> 00:01:26,661 Look at that bulge, it's shocking. 12 00:01:26,745 --> 00:01:29,745 Yeah, I know, hurry up and look before Giuliani shuts it down. 13 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:32,495 - So, what do you guys think? - It's amazing. 14 00:01:33,036 --> 00:01:34,245 Congratulations, sweetie. 15 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:37,578 You know, women dressing like men is very popular right now. 16 00:01:37,661 --> 00:01:39,536 And here I thought it was Pokémon. 17 00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,036 Who knew it was this easy? 18 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,370 All it takes is some stick-on sideburns and a sock in your pants. 19 00:01:44,453 --> 00:01:46,120 That's some sock. 20 00:01:46,203 --> 00:01:48,495 I've always had a thing for cowboys. 21 00:01:48,578 --> 00:01:51,078 Reminder, John Wayne's a Jane. 22 00:01:51,995 --> 00:01:55,578 Oh, my God, I'm attracted to her. Maybe I'm a lesbian. 23 00:01:56,370 --> 00:01:59,411 I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear. 24 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:00,911 But I've never gone the other way. 25 00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:04,036 See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear. 26 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,286 - That's hygienic. - I bet being a drag king would be fun. 27 00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:08,495 Oh, please. 28 00:02:08,578 --> 00:02:11,953 I have enough trouble figuring out how to be a woman in a man's world, 29 00:02:12,036 --> 00:02:14,161 without trying to be a woman pretending to be a man 30 00:02:14,245 --> 00:02:15,286 in a man's world. 31 00:02:15,828 --> 00:02:17,453 Well, at least you wouldn't have to wax. 32 00:02:17,536 --> 00:02:19,286 And by the way, if you ever change your mind, 33 00:02:19,370 --> 00:02:21,161 you've got "cop" written all over you. 34 00:02:21,245 --> 00:02:22,245 Really? 35 00:02:22,786 --> 00:02:24,911 - So, am I rich yet? - Getting there. 36 00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:27,245 Everyone. This is Baird, the artist. 37 00:02:27,328 --> 00:02:29,536 - Hi. - These are my friends. 38 00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:31,745 What inspired you to do this? 39 00:02:32,078 --> 00:02:35,453 I feel we have dual powers within each of us. 40 00:02:35,536 --> 00:02:39,370 Men can be very female, and women can be very male. 41 00:02:39,995 --> 00:02:41,328 Gender's an illusion. 42 00:02:42,536 --> 00:02:44,370 Sometimes a very beautiful illusion. 43 00:02:46,036 --> 00:02:47,036 You know, 44 00:02:48,078 --> 00:02:49,495 I'm gonna go get a canapé. 45 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,953 Because I'm starved, so… 46 00:02:53,036 --> 00:02:55,953 I mean, not that a canapé is a meal. But, you know… in a pinch. 47 00:02:56,870 --> 00:02:57,870 Excuse us. 48 00:03:03,828 --> 00:03:07,411 Okay, what was that about? Nobody loves canapés that much. 49 00:03:07,495 --> 00:03:09,786 - He makes me nervous. - The drag king stuff? 50 00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:11,411 No, I think he's… 51 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:14,120 - So ask him out. - Oh, I can't. 52 00:03:14,203 --> 00:03:16,495 You know me, I can never make the first move. 53 00:03:16,578 --> 00:03:18,786 Sounds like someone needs a sock in the pants. 54 00:03:18,870 --> 00:03:21,870 Well, I'm gonna drag myself home. 55 00:03:21,953 --> 00:03:24,120 - You wanna share a cab? - No, I'm meeting Sean. 56 00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:27,120 - Ooh, the young guy? - He's not that young. 57 00:03:27,203 --> 00:03:28,620 Carrie, he's 26. 58 00:03:28,703 --> 00:03:31,286 His generation has a totally different letter than ours. 59 00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:33,703 Oh, who cares? Age is an illusion. 60 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,620 - Good night. - Good night. 61 00:03:37,703 --> 00:03:39,786 Later, Miranda was shocked to find her apartment 62 00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:42,786 had undergone a gender transformation of its own. 63 00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:45,286 Hey, what are you doing here? 64 00:03:45,370 --> 00:03:47,870 I still got your key from when I fed your cat that time. 65 00:03:47,953 --> 00:03:49,161 I ordered us Chinese. 66 00:03:49,245 --> 00:03:51,370 I didn't think we were seeing each other tonight. 67 00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:54,036 Planning on seeing the other boyfriend, were you? 68 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,745 Well, now you've ruined that. 69 00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,161 - This is what we're watching? - Yeah. 70 00:03:59,245 --> 00:04:00,661 Give me that. 71 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,328 Hey there, easy, chief, you're making my brain hurt. 72 00:04:07,411 --> 00:04:10,203 Don't you have to work tonight? 73 00:04:10,286 --> 00:04:13,870 Not until 10:00, and I got stuff here I can change into. 74 00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:14,953 Right. 75 00:04:18,536 --> 00:04:19,786 But I got till 10:00. 76 00:04:26,203 --> 00:04:28,953 Miranda absolutely loved the man inside of her. 77 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,453 She just didn't love him inside her apartment all the time. 78 00:04:54,786 --> 00:04:58,286 - Oh. - Come on, the ice waits for no woman. 79 00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:00,911 I'm practicing my triple salchow in my head. 80 00:05:00,995 --> 00:05:02,078 Heads up. 81 00:05:02,161 --> 00:05:05,161 A little while later, and I was being dragged around by Sean, 82 00:05:05,245 --> 00:05:07,286 my Generation Something-Else date. 83 00:05:07,370 --> 00:05:08,661 We met at a downtown party, 84 00:05:08,745 --> 00:05:11,411 celebrating a new Internet magazine that Sean was running 85 00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:13,620 and that I still couldn't find on my computer. 86 00:05:13,703 --> 00:05:16,828 Oh… Don't… Oh seriously, stop! 87 00:05:17,411 --> 00:05:19,828 I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking. 88 00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:23,120 Smoking is the only thing that keeps me balanced. 89 00:05:24,245 --> 00:05:27,203 - Doesn't this place rock? - Oh, yeah. 90 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:30,578 You have to give me a little credit for an original date. 91 00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:33,411 I don't believe it's officially a date without cocktails. 92 00:05:35,161 --> 00:05:38,370 My coach is gonna kill me. 93 00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:46,620 Whoa! 94 00:05:47,703 --> 00:05:49,828 Half a flask of Jim Beam later, 95 00:05:49,911 --> 00:05:52,161 Sean and I had really broken the ice. 96 00:05:52,245 --> 00:05:53,495 Or at least my ass had. 97 00:05:53,578 --> 00:05:56,078 Man, that last fall was at least a 9.2. 98 00:05:56,161 --> 00:05:58,745 Oh, you and the Russian judge. Tough. 99 00:05:58,828 --> 00:06:02,328 There was something about him. He was sexy, charming, 100 00:06:02,411 --> 00:06:04,953 sexy, coordinated. 101 00:06:05,036 --> 00:06:08,036 Nothing about him or our third date was feeling typical. 102 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,786 So, Kerrigan, when was your last serious relationship? 103 00:06:12,495 --> 00:06:13,495 Until then. 104 00:06:13,578 --> 00:06:16,328 There it was. The inevitable third-date question. 105 00:06:17,286 --> 00:06:18,411 Ooh. 106 00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:19,620 Bad question? 107 00:06:20,286 --> 00:06:21,911 You wanna take another spin around the death rink? 108 00:06:23,036 --> 00:06:25,370 No, it's fine. It's fine. 109 00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:28,161 I ended something a while ago. 110 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,328 Two years of a lot of back and forth. 111 00:06:31,411 --> 00:06:33,870 You know, apparently, we weren't Y2K compatible. 112 00:06:34,411 --> 00:06:35,786 What about you? 113 00:06:35,870 --> 00:06:39,161 Well, before you, there was Kayla. Really neurotic. Lasted a year. 114 00:06:39,745 --> 00:06:42,078 And before her, Lesley, couldn't commit. 115 00:06:42,161 --> 00:06:43,745 And before Lesley, there was Mark. 116 00:06:46,453 --> 00:06:47,453 Is that a problem? 117 00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:51,870 He's a bisexual. 118 00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:54,203 Well, I could have told you that, sweetie. 119 00:06:54,286 --> 00:06:56,328 He took you ice-skating, for God's sake. 120 00:06:56,411 --> 00:06:59,120 The weird thing is he was so open about it. 121 00:06:59,203 --> 00:07:04,328 You know, "Hi, I'm a bisexual" like, "Hi, I'm from Colorado" or something. 122 00:07:04,411 --> 00:07:06,745 I don't think you're allowed to be bisexual in Colorado. 123 00:07:06,828 --> 00:07:08,328 "Is that a problem?" I mean… 124 00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:10,578 What kind of question is that? "Is that a problem?" 125 00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:12,995 - Of course it's a problem. - What did you say? 126 00:07:13,078 --> 00:07:14,578 I said it wasn't a problem. 127 00:07:15,203 --> 00:07:18,036 I panicked. He's such a good kisser. 128 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,620 You know, that generation is all about sexual experimentation. 129 00:07:21,703 --> 00:07:23,078 All the kids are going bi. 130 00:07:23,161 --> 00:07:24,995 So what? If all the bi kids are jumping off a bridge, 131 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,078 you're gonna do that too? 132 00:07:26,161 --> 00:07:28,953 I'm a try-sexual. I'll try anything once. 133 00:07:29,036 --> 00:07:32,870 When did this happen? When did the sexes get all confused? 134 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,786 Somewhere between Gen X and Gen Y, they blended and made XY. 135 00:07:37,286 --> 00:07:41,370 I did the "date the bisexual guy" thing in college. 136 00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:43,620 But in the end, they all ended up with men. 137 00:07:44,078 --> 00:07:45,495 So did the bisexual women. 138 00:07:45,578 --> 00:07:48,536 Which explains why there are no available men left for us. 139 00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:52,995 Oh, jeez. Maybe I do have a problem with this. 140 00:07:54,495 --> 00:07:55,578 I'm an old fart. 141 00:07:56,078 --> 00:07:58,328 Correction. A hot old fart. 142 00:07:58,661 --> 00:08:00,911 I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. 143 00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:04,245 I think it's just a layover on the way to Gaytown. 144 00:08:04,328 --> 00:08:06,495 Isn't that next to Ricky Martinville? 145 00:08:06,578 --> 00:08:08,536 You know, I think it's great. 146 00:08:08,953 --> 00:08:12,745 He's open to all sexual experiences. He's evolved. It's hot. 147 00:08:12,828 --> 00:08:15,745 It's not hot. It's greedy. He's double-dipping. 148 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,161 You're not marrying the guy, you're making out with him. 149 00:08:18,245 --> 00:08:20,161 Enjoy it, don't worry about the label. 150 00:08:20,245 --> 00:08:21,620 Yeah, you're right, you're right. 151 00:08:21,703 --> 00:08:26,411 I'm very into labels. Gay. Straight. Pick a side and stay there. 152 00:08:27,161 --> 00:08:30,036 - Hey, sister. Where are you going? - Home. 153 00:08:30,495 --> 00:08:32,453 I've got a date with my remote control. 154 00:08:32,828 --> 00:08:34,120 Steve's playing basketball. 155 00:08:34,203 --> 00:08:38,328 That means at last three hours of blissfully, uninterrupted alone time. 156 00:08:38,411 --> 00:08:39,953 What about my problem? 157 00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:42,078 Stop kissing him. 158 00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:45,828 Easy for her to say. 159 00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:50,703 That night, I couldn't get Samantha's words out of my head. 160 00:08:51,411 --> 00:08:53,203 Was Sean's generation on to something? 161 00:08:53,745 --> 00:08:56,245 Was sexual flipping the wave of the future? 162 00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:59,953 And if it was, could I play that game or was I over the hill? 163 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:03,578 If women can transform into men, and men can become women, 164 00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:05,703 and we can choose to sleep with everyone, 165 00:09:05,786 --> 00:09:08,036 then maybe gender doesn't even exist anymore. 166 00:09:08,786 --> 00:09:12,370 If we can take the best of the other sex and make it our own, 167 00:09:13,745 --> 00:09:16,036 has the opposite sex become obsolete? 168 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:18,411 Don't bust my balls here, Mitch. 169 00:09:18,495 --> 00:09:21,786 You call yourself a fucking head-hunter, then get me a decent assistant. 170 00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:23,078 Yeah? 171 00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,495 I'm looking for a Mrs. Jones. 172 00:09:25,995 --> 00:09:28,620 - It's "Miss." - I'm here for the assistant job. 173 00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:31,286 Well, please. 174 00:09:33,203 --> 00:09:34,245 Come in. 175 00:09:34,328 --> 00:09:35,911 Samantha hired Matt five minutes later. 176 00:09:37,036 --> 00:09:38,661 She may have been the man of the office, 177 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,745 but she figured she could always make room for one more. 178 00:09:41,911 --> 00:09:43,370 Meanwhile, Downtown, 179 00:09:43,453 --> 00:09:45,536 Charlotte could have used some help herself. 180 00:09:46,036 --> 00:09:48,245 - Someone's being industrious. - Oh. 181 00:09:49,161 --> 00:09:52,036 Baird, hi. I didn't hear you come in. 182 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,745 I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd come by 183 00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:56,120 and scare the shit out of you. 184 00:09:56,203 --> 00:09:58,453 Pick up my check for the pieces I sold. 185 00:10:03,245 --> 00:10:04,453 - Here. - Thanks 186 00:10:05,078 --> 00:10:08,370 Oh, there's something else. I've been thinking about this. 187 00:10:09,703 --> 00:10:11,495 I would love to have you pose for me. 188 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,120 As a man? 189 00:10:14,203 --> 00:10:15,745 Yeah, you'd be great. 190 00:10:16,786 --> 00:10:17,828 No. 191 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:20,495 - I don't think so. - Why not? 192 00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,786 - Well, I'm not, you know… - What, a model? 193 00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:25,161 No, butch. 194 00:10:25,953 --> 00:10:29,286 You'd be surprised, Charlotte. Every woman has a male inside of her. 195 00:10:29,661 --> 00:10:30,661 Even you. 196 00:10:31,995 --> 00:10:34,703 No, not me. 197 00:10:34,786 --> 00:10:37,036 I'm really bad at math, 198 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,370 and I can't change a tire to save my life. 199 00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:42,620 Pose for me. I'll get it out of you. 200 00:10:43,786 --> 00:10:44,786 Come on. 201 00:10:45,495 --> 00:10:46,495 Be a man. 202 00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:56,245 The next night, Sean took me to a club so new, 203 00:10:56,328 --> 00:10:57,870 even I hadn't heard of it. 204 00:10:59,328 --> 00:11:01,661 - What's the name of this place? - Hair. 205 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:04,203 - Like the musical. - Like the stuff on your head. 206 00:11:04,286 --> 00:11:05,495 Oh. 207 00:11:05,578 --> 00:11:06,828 You're too cool for me. 208 00:11:06,911 --> 00:11:08,203 You're too cute for me. 209 00:11:08,661 --> 00:11:09,953 Ten seconds of making out, 210 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,661 and I could almost forget Sean's lack of sexual orientation. 211 00:11:14,370 --> 00:11:15,661 Until we stopped kissing. 212 00:11:22,995 --> 00:11:25,245 Okay, mister, who you checking out, the guy or the girl? 213 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,703 Carrie, I was looking for the bathroom. 214 00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:30,370 Oh. 215 00:11:31,078 --> 00:11:32,370 Sorry. I'm sorry. 216 00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:36,620 Sorry, this whole bisexual thing is just… 217 00:11:36,703 --> 00:11:38,328 It's kind of throwing me for a loop. 218 00:11:39,203 --> 00:11:41,578 You know, you've been with men, you've been with women… 219 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:46,036 Wait, seriously, were you just looking at that guy? 220 00:11:46,495 --> 00:11:49,286 Carrie, I'm looking at you. 221 00:11:49,745 --> 00:11:50,995 I'm with you. 222 00:11:51,703 --> 00:11:53,870 - I dig you. - Oh, "dig" is in again? 223 00:11:53,953 --> 00:11:57,203 Yeah, and so is "groovy" and you're that too. 224 00:11:57,286 --> 00:11:59,036 - So, you're not gay? - I'm not gay. 225 00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:02,745 I've been in three major relationships. One happened to be a guy, okay? 226 00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:04,245 That's just me. 227 00:12:12,661 --> 00:12:15,578 An hour later, Sean was in my bed. 228 00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:17,536 That's just me. 229 00:12:21,953 --> 00:12:24,495 - Nice floor. - Oh, thanks. It's a rental. 230 00:12:31,911 --> 00:12:33,286 - What? - Nothing. 231 00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:36,203 Tell me, or I'll make you go skating again. 232 00:12:46,661 --> 00:12:48,161 Do I kiss better than a guy? 233 00:12:49,578 --> 00:12:50,995 Better than any I've kissed. 234 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,120 How about me? 235 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,786 Top 2%. 236 00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,370 I'll take that. 237 00:13:09,036 --> 00:13:13,953 So, if there was this really good-looking guy walking towards you, 238 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,286 and across the street, this really beautiful girl… 239 00:13:19,745 --> 00:13:21,953 - which one… - Hey, Carrie, come on. 240 00:13:22,995 --> 00:13:25,203 Could you stop making this all about sex? 241 00:13:25,911 --> 00:13:27,953 It's not, you know. It's about the person. 242 00:13:28,495 --> 00:13:29,495 You. 243 00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:32,036 I'm crazy about you. 244 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,328 The way you smell. 245 00:13:34,453 --> 00:13:36,453 The way your upper lip tastes. 246 00:13:39,745 --> 00:13:41,703 It may not have been all about sex, 247 00:13:41,786 --> 00:13:43,370 but it was for the next two hours. 248 00:13:46,828 --> 00:13:49,536 I wasn't the only one with thoughts of younger men on the brain. 249 00:13:49,911 --> 00:13:51,370 No, you listen to me. 250 00:13:51,453 --> 00:13:53,745 We've called your boss three times already. 251 00:13:53,828 --> 00:13:57,828 I'm not leaving word again, okay? Give him that message. 252 00:13:58,703 --> 00:14:00,161 Hello. Hello… 253 00:14:01,286 --> 00:14:02,286 What are you doing? 254 00:14:02,328 --> 00:14:05,328 - Matt, that is not how I do business. - Bitch makes me crazy. 255 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,328 I don't care. These are important clients. 256 00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,120 You can't talk to them like that. 257 00:14:09,203 --> 00:14:11,120 You want them to call you back or not? 258 00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:14,578 Maybe I need to remind you that I am the boss here. 259 00:14:14,661 --> 00:14:15,703 So, fire me. 260 00:14:15,786 --> 00:14:19,161 I just think you deserve some respect, that's all. 261 00:14:21,286 --> 00:14:23,120 Put this in the Fargis Benefit file. 262 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:31,620 Samantha found Matt's boyish arrogance annoying, unprofessional, 263 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:33,703 and incredibly hot. 264 00:14:36,828 --> 00:14:38,828 Meanwhile, Miranda was having her own problems 265 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:41,245 sharing a confined space with the other sex. 266 00:14:45,286 --> 00:14:46,870 - Hey. - What? 267 00:14:48,286 --> 00:14:49,286 What's going on? 268 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,745 You're on my side. 269 00:14:52,328 --> 00:14:55,370 My pillow. My guest pillow. 270 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:59,578 Okay, um, I'll tell you what. 271 00:15:00,370 --> 00:15:02,786 Tomorrow we'll go buy some paint 272 00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:04,786 and we'll draw a line down the middle for you. 273 00:15:10,453 --> 00:15:11,745 Go to sleep. 274 00:15:16,370 --> 00:15:18,120 That pile. Your stuff. 275 00:15:18,828 --> 00:15:20,078 You have to keep it neater. 276 00:15:21,036 --> 00:15:24,828 Well, maybe if you could spare a drawer or a box or something, 277 00:15:24,911 --> 00:15:26,578 I can keep my underwear out of the way. 278 00:15:26,661 --> 00:15:27,661 You want a drawer? 279 00:15:32,995 --> 00:15:33,995 Actually… 280 00:15:37,786 --> 00:15:39,453 Actually, I'd like to move in. 281 00:15:39,536 --> 00:15:42,120 Most single women dream of this moment. 282 00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:45,161 Most single women but Miranda. 283 00:15:46,495 --> 00:15:47,495 Wow! 284 00:15:48,245 --> 00:15:49,245 Okay. 285 00:15:49,953 --> 00:15:51,370 Where did that come from? 286 00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:54,203 What? I've been thinking about it. 287 00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:56,703 We have a great time together. 288 00:15:56,786 --> 00:15:58,245 We're practically living together anyway. 289 00:15:58,328 --> 00:16:00,870 Yeah, but we're not. 290 00:16:04,870 --> 00:16:05,870 Look. 291 00:16:06,703 --> 00:16:08,578 We just started dating again. 292 00:16:09,245 --> 00:16:12,411 There's no need to go at warp speed here, I mean… 293 00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:16,620 Nobody's dying, and I'm sure every book would say that we're not ready. 294 00:16:16,703 --> 00:16:18,870 I mean, you're here all the time. 295 00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:22,036 No problem. I'll get out of your hair. 296 00:16:22,911 --> 00:16:23,855 I'll leave the key. 297 00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:27,870 No! No, don't leave the key. I… Take the key. I just… 298 00:16:28,495 --> 00:16:31,370 I need my space. I feel like I'm being suffocated. 299 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,078 Jesus, Miranda. 300 00:16:39,036 --> 00:16:40,911 It's like you're the guy sometimes. 301 00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,786 Faced with relationship problems, 302 00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:47,620 some women turn to fried food. 303 00:16:47,703 --> 00:16:51,370 Miranda decided to turn to Manhattan's latest fitness craze, 304 00:16:51,453 --> 00:16:52,453 The Goddess Workout. 305 00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:56,953 All right, ladies, open up your chakras. Let the inner goddess sing. 306 00:16:59,661 --> 00:17:01,786 She's in there. All you have to do is let her out. 307 00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:04,370 This is gonna help you be a woman? 308 00:17:04,453 --> 00:17:06,828 I'm gonna find my inner goddess if it kills me. 309 00:17:07,161 --> 00:17:09,661 And pop your hip. Pop your hip. 310 00:17:11,036 --> 00:17:13,286 Open yourself like a lotus flower. 311 00:17:14,411 --> 00:17:15,703 Come on, pop your hip. 312 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,370 Pop your hip. 313 00:17:21,203 --> 00:17:23,995 You see, my hips don't pop, I'm a guy. 314 00:17:24,453 --> 00:17:25,703 You're insane. 315 00:17:25,786 --> 00:17:27,786 This isn't helping me find my inner goddess, 316 00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:29,661 this is making me find my inner humiliation. 317 00:17:29,745 --> 00:17:33,161 And reach back, ladies. Reach for the stars. 318 00:17:40,745 --> 00:17:42,661 - You know what, we're out of here. - Yeah. 319 00:17:47,078 --> 00:17:50,078 I'm never gonna be a girly girl. I never will. 320 00:17:50,161 --> 00:17:53,536 - I'm never gonna be a lotus flower. - And may I just say, thank God. 321 00:17:53,620 --> 00:17:55,786 A girly girl would want her boyfriend to move in. 322 00:17:55,870 --> 00:17:57,911 Yeah, she also wears make-up to the gym. 323 00:17:57,995 --> 00:18:00,036 And makes little hearts above her I's. 324 00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:04,953 I do love him. 325 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:07,828 - I do. - I know, sweetie. 326 00:18:07,911 --> 00:18:09,245 So, what's my problem? 327 00:18:09,828 --> 00:18:12,953 I think, in any relationship, one person's the alpha dog. 328 00:18:13,036 --> 00:18:15,453 The one that's in charge. That's you. 329 00:18:15,536 --> 00:18:17,120 You don't want to share your water dish. 330 00:18:17,745 --> 00:18:20,536 - But I'm very free with the chew toys. - That you are. 331 00:18:23,078 --> 00:18:25,703 Miranda arrived home later to an empty apartment. 332 00:18:28,911 --> 00:18:32,286 And for the first time, she really didn't like it. 333 00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:38,078 While Miranda and I worked out our inner goddesses, 334 00:18:38,161 --> 00:18:40,453 Baird was working the male out of Charlotte. 335 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:41,995 Yeah. 336 00:18:42,411 --> 00:18:43,953 You look great. 337 00:18:45,286 --> 00:18:47,036 I'm sorry, I can't… 338 00:18:47,703 --> 00:18:49,120 I can't do this. 339 00:18:50,495 --> 00:18:54,245 Just relax. Okay, let it go. Forget Charlotte. 340 00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:55,870 You're a man now. 341 00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:59,911 You're a hot guy. You can get any woman you want. 342 00:18:59,995 --> 00:19:04,120 You're rich, you're powerful. You eat guys like me for lunch. 343 00:19:05,161 --> 00:19:06,203 How you feeling now? 344 00:19:08,411 --> 00:19:11,036 I think I need a bigger sock. 345 00:19:13,245 --> 00:19:14,453 I think you do, too. 346 00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:35,870 Better? 347 00:19:37,703 --> 00:19:38,703 Much. 348 00:19:39,161 --> 00:19:42,620 Who knows whether it was the sock or the suit or Baird, 349 00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:45,536 but suddenly, Charlotte wasn't just a chick with a dick, 350 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,536 she was a chick with balls. 351 00:19:56,953 --> 00:19:59,786 Unfortunately, the two alpha dogs in Samantha's office 352 00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:01,453 were not getting along as well. 353 00:20:01,995 --> 00:20:04,620 These invitations need to go to the printers ASAP. 354 00:20:05,536 --> 00:20:06,786 Yeah, okay, I'll get to it. 355 00:20:07,411 --> 00:20:10,536 Now. Drop them at 72nd Street and then pick up lunch. 356 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,703 They're in opposite directions. I'll get lunch first. 357 00:20:12,786 --> 00:20:14,870 No, invitations first. 358 00:20:16,078 --> 00:20:17,703 Fine, then I'll be an hour late. 359 00:20:17,786 --> 00:20:19,870 Do you realize that you're my assistant? 360 00:20:20,245 --> 00:20:22,786 Your job is to do what I say, no matter what. 361 00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:24,286 I know what I'm doing. 362 00:20:24,911 --> 00:20:26,328 And I know better. 363 00:20:26,411 --> 00:20:28,536 - Yeah, says who? - Me. 364 00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:30,870 - And who the hell do you think you are? - Your boss. 365 00:20:34,078 --> 00:20:35,453 Samantha Jones, PR. 366 00:20:35,870 --> 00:20:38,370 No, I don't know when she will. 367 00:20:38,995 --> 00:20:40,161 Yeah, well, she's been busy. 368 00:20:40,995 --> 00:20:42,953 Yeah, you have a shitty attitude too. 369 00:20:43,328 --> 00:20:45,036 And FYI, your parties suck. 370 00:20:47,453 --> 00:20:50,453 Well, the bad news is, you're fired. 371 00:20:50,536 --> 00:20:51,578 The good news is… 372 00:20:52,536 --> 00:20:54,078 now I can fuck you. 373 00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:56,411 Samantha discovered the only place she and Matt 374 00:20:56,495 --> 00:20:58,161 worked well together was in bed. 375 00:20:58,245 --> 00:20:59,453 Fuck me on the desk. 376 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,411 - No, on the chair. - No, on the desk. 377 00:21:05,495 --> 00:21:07,953 With Sam on top, naturally. 378 00:21:09,953 --> 00:21:13,911 That night, Miranda invited Steve over for pasta al detente. 379 00:21:13,995 --> 00:21:17,578 - Hi. I'm late. I know I'm late. - Hey, it's okay. 380 00:21:17,661 --> 00:21:19,286 No, it's not okay. 381 00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:20,495 I was gonna make you dinner, 382 00:21:20,578 --> 00:21:23,578 and then this conference call went over, like, two hours. 383 00:21:23,661 --> 00:21:24,661 And I went to the market, 384 00:21:24,745 --> 00:21:26,703 and the recipe calls for extra virgin olive oil, 385 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:27,870 and they only had virgin. 386 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,328 And how the hell do I know the difference, since I don't even cook, 387 00:21:30,411 --> 00:21:32,703 so I just scrapped the whole thing and got the stuff in a jar, 388 00:21:32,786 --> 00:21:33,953 and I'm late. 389 00:21:35,870 --> 00:21:37,453 Don't move. It's glass. 390 00:21:40,453 --> 00:21:41,453 I can't. 391 00:21:42,161 --> 00:21:43,953 - I can't do this. - Of course you can. 392 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,703 We'll order pizza, it's no big deal. 393 00:21:45,786 --> 00:21:47,120 It's a big fucking deal! 394 00:21:47,745 --> 00:21:49,911 I just spilled Marinara sauce all over myself, 395 00:21:49,995 --> 00:21:52,911 and you're here and you saw that, and I drop things, okay? 396 00:21:52,995 --> 00:21:54,036 Okay. 397 00:21:54,870 --> 00:21:55,870 So do I. 398 00:21:57,578 --> 00:21:58,661 I do love you. 399 00:21:59,953 --> 00:22:01,578 But I've never lived with anybody before. 400 00:22:02,578 --> 00:22:03,703 And I'm stubborn. 401 00:22:04,411 --> 00:22:05,495 And I like the remote. 402 00:22:06,578 --> 00:22:07,703 And I can't cook. 403 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,661 And I don't do laundry sometimes for, like, two weeks. 404 00:22:11,745 --> 00:22:13,203 And my sponges smell. 405 00:22:13,995 --> 00:22:15,453 And you're gonna see all that. 406 00:22:16,578 --> 00:22:17,786 And I'm scared. 407 00:22:19,286 --> 00:22:23,495 And I don't know if I can move forward, but I really don't want to lose you. 408 00:22:25,286 --> 00:22:26,286 Hey. 409 00:22:31,995 --> 00:22:33,578 I'm not going anywhere. 410 00:22:40,661 --> 00:22:42,120 I'm crying on your shoulder. 411 00:22:42,620 --> 00:22:44,703 Jesus, I guess I really am a woman, huh? 412 00:22:45,911 --> 00:22:48,786 A week later, Miranda's man moved into her place. 413 00:22:48,870 --> 00:22:52,078 The same day that Charlotte moved her man into her place. 414 00:22:53,161 --> 00:22:54,495 She never saw Baird again. 415 00:22:54,578 --> 00:22:56,911 She was too embarrassed about how forward she'd been. 416 00:22:57,453 --> 00:23:00,286 She realized she might have been that type of guy, 417 00:23:00,370 --> 00:23:02,453 but she'd never be that type of woman. 418 00:23:04,536 --> 00:23:07,578 Eighty blocks Downtown, and five flights up, 419 00:23:07,661 --> 00:23:10,328 Sean and I had almost made it to the party. 420 00:23:10,411 --> 00:23:12,453 I swear, one more floor, I promise. 421 00:23:13,411 --> 00:23:15,995 If there's no vodka at the end of this, it's your head. 422 00:23:16,578 --> 00:23:18,161 Take it easy, dude, we're here. 423 00:23:19,286 --> 00:23:20,703 Okay, dude. 424 00:23:26,078 --> 00:23:28,453 - Okay, so whose party is this? - Mark's. 425 00:23:28,536 --> 00:23:30,995 Oh. Mark ex-boyfriend Mark? 426 00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:32,620 Is that a problem? 427 00:23:33,286 --> 00:23:34,745 It's his boyfriend's birthday. 428 00:23:36,870 --> 00:23:38,536 It was definitely a first. 429 00:23:39,286 --> 00:23:43,578 I was attending a party of my sort of boyfriend's ex-boyfriend. 430 00:23:43,661 --> 00:23:44,703 And his boyfriend. 431 00:23:44,786 --> 00:23:45,995 - Hey! - Hey! 432 00:23:46,995 --> 00:23:49,203 Carrie, this is Mark and his boyfriend Garth. 433 00:23:49,286 --> 00:23:50,828 Partner. Nice to meet you. 434 00:23:50,911 --> 00:23:52,286 This is our baby, Isabell. 435 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,411 Two L's, no E. 436 00:23:55,328 --> 00:23:57,328 Okay. Happy birthday. 437 00:23:57,411 --> 00:24:00,661 Oh, thank you. Thanks. This is Dawn and Grace. 438 00:24:00,745 --> 00:24:02,786 - Hi. - They just got married in Hawaii. 439 00:24:02,870 --> 00:24:04,536 Oh, congratulations. 440 00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:05,911 - Thanks. - Thank you. 441 00:24:05,995 --> 00:24:07,661 It was totally spur-of-the-moment. 442 00:24:07,745 --> 00:24:09,953 Yeah, I didn't want a big wedding like my first. 443 00:24:10,036 --> 00:24:11,245 It wasn't so bad. 444 00:24:11,328 --> 00:24:13,411 It was being married to you that sucked. 445 00:24:14,578 --> 00:24:16,411 Oh, so you two were… 446 00:24:16,495 --> 00:24:18,495 Married. Right, yeah. For like, a year. 447 00:24:18,578 --> 00:24:19,911 We were high on E for most of it, though, 448 00:24:19,995 --> 00:24:21,453 otherwise it would've been miserable. 449 00:24:21,536 --> 00:24:23,703 Hey, don't forget who gave you that egg there, buddy. 450 00:24:23,786 --> 00:24:25,953 Oh, and this is our token straight friend, Joel. 451 00:24:27,036 --> 00:24:28,161 Are you wearing pleather? 452 00:24:28,786 --> 00:24:31,453 Oh, well, yes, I am, and thank you for noticing. 453 00:24:32,620 --> 00:24:35,870 An hour later, I had almost gotten it straight. 454 00:24:35,953 --> 00:24:39,536 Okay, so… So Grace once dated Brett. 455 00:24:39,620 --> 00:24:42,661 - And Brett used to live with Joel? - Semi-platonically. 456 00:24:42,745 --> 00:24:45,870 - And you slept with Dawn. - Before she was with Mark. 457 00:24:45,953 --> 00:24:46,953 Naturally. 458 00:24:47,411 --> 00:24:49,036 Gay, bi, straight. 459 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,828 This party was a veritable poo-poo platter of sexual orientation. 460 00:24:57,495 --> 00:24:59,911 Time to play. 461 00:25:01,745 --> 00:25:03,328 - Play what? - Spin the bottle. 462 00:25:03,411 --> 00:25:06,870 Wait, wait, wait, seriously, seventh-grade spin the bottle, that one? 463 00:25:06,953 --> 00:25:09,161 - Yes, come play. It's fun. - Come on, it's fun. 464 00:25:29,245 --> 00:25:31,036 Get a room. 465 00:25:31,995 --> 00:25:34,328 Get a dental dam. 466 00:25:57,578 --> 00:25:58,578 Carrie. 467 00:26:00,786 --> 00:26:05,411 - Oh, whoops, it's a girl. Try again. - It's okay. 468 00:26:05,495 --> 00:26:07,245 Of course it was okay. 469 00:26:07,328 --> 00:26:09,911 I was in Alice-In-Confused Sexual-Orientation Land. 470 00:26:13,703 --> 00:26:15,286 I realized I had a choice. 471 00:26:15,370 --> 00:26:18,995 I could stand up and walk out and prove I was an old fart. 472 00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,953 Or I could fall down the rabbit hole. 473 00:26:49,661 --> 00:26:50,995 And so, I fell. 474 00:26:51,578 --> 00:26:54,078 It wasn't bad. Kind of like chicken. 475 00:26:59,245 --> 00:27:01,411 Hey, where are you going? It's your spin. 476 00:27:01,495 --> 00:27:03,578 Oh, just more cigarettes. 477 00:27:06,911 --> 00:27:09,120 That was the last night I saw Sean. 478 00:27:09,203 --> 00:27:10,953 I realized they could do whatever they wanted, 479 00:27:11,036 --> 00:27:14,078 but deep down, I was too old to play this game. 480 00:27:15,786 --> 00:27:18,495 So I took my hot, old fart-ass home. 481 00:27:19,620 --> 00:27:20,661 That's just me.