1 00:00:49,285 --> 00:00:52,538 Manhattan is a place you can get anything, anytime. 2 00:00:53,873 --> 00:00:55,208 Cabs at 2:00 a.m. 3 00:00:59,128 --> 00:01:00,546 Chinese food at 3:00. 4 00:01:05,635 --> 00:01:08,221 But somehow, you can never get your dry-cleaning. 5 00:01:20,066 --> 00:01:22,819 Charlotte was spending all of her time with Trey, 6 00:01:22,902 --> 00:01:25,321 a doctor from family money who had it all. 7 00:01:27,615 --> 00:01:29,367 All but all of Charlotte. 8 00:01:32,578 --> 00:01:36,207 Apparently, Trey was one New Yorker not getting everything, anytime. 9 00:01:40,837 --> 00:01:42,922 Trey is so thoughtful. 10 00:01:43,005 --> 00:01:44,924 He knew I wasn't feeling well last night, 11 00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:47,593 so he took me to get some soup down on Seventh Street, 12 00:01:47,677 --> 00:01:49,220 and then we went to second. 13 00:01:49,303 --> 00:01:50,303 Avenue? 14 00:01:50,596 --> 00:01:51,597 Base. 15 00:01:52,473 --> 00:01:54,767 And then what, he did your physics homework with you? 16 00:01:55,852 --> 00:01:59,313 No, I want to take it slow with him. I think he could really be the one. 17 00:01:59,397 --> 00:02:02,108 Charlotte, honey, you've only known him for two weeks. 18 00:02:02,191 --> 00:02:05,445 You can know his email address, you cannot know he's the one. 19 00:02:05,528 --> 00:02:06,821 I just know. 20 00:02:07,447 --> 00:02:10,867 And it's really hard, because he is very sexy, 21 00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:13,494 but I don't want to ruin it by having sex with him too early. 22 00:02:13,578 --> 00:02:14,578 Oh. 23 00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,164 So, you're "everything but" girl. 24 00:02:16,622 --> 00:02:20,168 I like to think of it as "kissing with extras." 25 00:02:20,251 --> 00:02:21,836 How very ninth-grade of you. 26 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,589 Do you know, I read that if you don't have sex for a year, 27 00:02:24,672 --> 00:02:27,133 you can actually become revirginized. 28 00:02:28,301 --> 00:02:30,303 And, I would imagine, quite frisky. 29 00:02:30,386 --> 00:02:31,929 But isn't that great? 30 00:02:32,013 --> 00:02:34,849 You can erase your whole sexual past and start again. 31 00:02:34,932 --> 00:02:37,977 Who wants their virginity back? It was bad enough the first time. 32 00:02:38,644 --> 00:02:39,645 How old were you? 33 00:02:40,188 --> 00:02:43,274 Um, 11th grade. 34 00:02:43,357 --> 00:02:44,650 Seth Bateman. 35 00:02:45,818 --> 00:02:47,195 His smelly rec room. 36 00:02:48,029 --> 00:02:50,239 Half a joint, three thrusts. Finito. 37 00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:51,781 Ew. 38 00:02:51,824 --> 00:02:54,619 And P.S., it was on the ping pong table. 39 00:02:57,497 --> 00:03:01,292 Meanwhile, I was doing "everything plus" with Aidan. 40 00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,169 I couldn't get out of bed with him. 41 00:03:03,252 --> 00:03:06,214 My bed had become our restaurant, our entertainment center, 42 00:03:06,297 --> 00:03:07,840 our own little New York. 43 00:03:07,924 --> 00:03:09,509 - Open 24 hours. - Mmm! 44 00:03:17,391 --> 00:03:19,644 When do you think they're gonna send a search party in for us? 45 00:03:20,353 --> 00:03:21,812 I guess spring thaw. 46 00:03:22,647 --> 00:03:24,649 That's an awful long time, my friend. 47 00:03:25,441 --> 00:03:26,442 Mmm-hmm. 48 00:03:31,822 --> 00:03:35,535 Downtown, another New Yorker was enjoying her very full life. 49 00:03:35,618 --> 00:03:39,372 Samantha had a new apartment in the ultra-chic Meatpacking District, 50 00:03:39,455 --> 00:03:40,873 and a new admirer. 51 00:03:40,957 --> 00:03:43,334 Well, there goes the neighborhood. 52 00:03:44,544 --> 00:03:45,586 Len Schnieder. 53 00:03:45,962 --> 00:03:46,962 4-A. 54 00:03:47,588 --> 00:03:48,673 I collect art. 55 00:03:48,756 --> 00:03:50,466 Samantha Jones, 2-D. 56 00:03:50,550 --> 00:03:53,010 And I'm guessing you collect compliments. 57 00:03:53,094 --> 00:03:55,054 Oh, Len, stop. 58 00:03:55,137 --> 00:03:57,557 Really, Len. 59 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:58,543 Stop. 60 00:03:58,558 --> 00:03:59,809 If you'll excuse me. 61 00:03:59,892 --> 00:04:00,893 Listen, 62 00:04:01,561 --> 00:04:03,563 I would love to have you come up to my place tonight. 63 00:04:03,646 --> 00:04:06,440 I make a mean wine spritzer. 64 00:04:06,524 --> 00:04:09,235 Oh, I don't think so. Sorry. 65 00:04:09,318 --> 00:04:12,697 Samantha said, "Sorry," but what she really meant was, 66 00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:15,491 "When did it become acceptable for over-the-hill losers 67 00:04:15,575 --> 00:04:17,159 to ask out hot women like her?" 68 00:04:17,243 --> 00:04:19,787 I'm keeping you on neighborhood watch. 69 00:04:23,207 --> 00:04:26,460 And just when Samantha thought her day couldn't get any worse… 70 00:04:28,921 --> 00:04:31,382 This is a catalog for pre-menopausal women. 71 00:04:31,924 --> 00:04:34,051 "New Transitions." Nice name. 72 00:04:34,135 --> 00:04:37,847 Why don't they call it what it is? "J. Crew for women who are drying up." 73 00:04:37,930 --> 00:04:41,100 FYI, I am not transitioning, I am happening. 74 00:04:41,183 --> 00:04:42,977 Sweetie, you just got on the wrong mailing list. 75 00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:44,353 I knew I shouldn't have signed up 76 00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:46,480 for that three-month Mirabella trial subscription. 77 00:04:46,564 --> 00:04:48,858 Last year I bought a back pillow online 78 00:04:48,941 --> 00:04:51,444 and ended up with all these catalogs for trusses. 79 00:04:51,527 --> 00:04:54,822 - You bought a back pillow? - Yeah, at I'm-getting-old.com. 80 00:04:54,906 --> 00:04:58,951 Maybe I could interest you in some vaginal lubrication suppositories. 81 00:05:00,745 --> 00:05:01,746 Listen to this. 82 00:05:02,496 --> 00:05:04,707 "Sometime in the ten years before menopause, 83 00:05:04,790 --> 00:05:08,628 you may experience symptoms including all-month-long PMS, 84 00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:15,301 fluid retention, insomnia, depression, hot flashes, or irregular periods." 85 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,554 On the plus side, people will start to give up their seats to you on the bus. 86 00:05:18,638 --> 00:05:20,640 Oh, my God! 87 00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:22,266 Vagina weights. 88 00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:24,226 Honey, my vagina waits for no man. 89 00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:25,394 Look at this. 90 00:05:25,478 --> 00:05:27,229 The Kegelmaster. 91 00:05:27,313 --> 00:05:28,689 What's a Kegel muscle? 92 00:05:28,773 --> 00:05:30,900 It helps you stay tight down there. 93 00:05:30,983 --> 00:05:32,026 And I have one? 94 00:05:32,109 --> 00:05:34,737 If you have to ask, you haven't been doing your exercises. 95 00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:36,906 What exercises? 96 00:05:36,989 --> 00:05:38,616 All you have to do to stay tight 97 00:05:38,699 --> 00:05:41,577 is to tighten and release it for ten minutes a day. 98 00:05:41,661 --> 00:05:42,995 Kegel exercises. 99 00:05:43,746 --> 00:05:45,081 I'm doing mine right now. 100 00:05:46,916 --> 00:05:48,626 Man, she's good. 101 00:05:49,085 --> 00:05:51,587 Well, I for one can't wait for menopause. 102 00:05:51,671 --> 00:05:54,215 Do you realize how freeing it'll be not to have our periods? 103 00:05:54,298 --> 00:05:56,801 Ugh, I can't wait till Flo stops coming to town. 104 00:05:57,176 --> 00:05:58,469 No one calls it Flo. 105 00:05:58,552 --> 00:05:59,929 I think my grandmother did. 106 00:06:00,012 --> 00:06:02,139 Oh, it'll be nice to be done with the mind-numbing cramps. 107 00:06:02,223 --> 00:06:03,766 Ugh, no kidding. 108 00:06:03,849 --> 00:06:05,935 I've got mine right now big time. 109 00:06:06,018 --> 00:06:07,645 I hear that, sister. 110 00:06:07,728 --> 00:06:09,814 Oh, my God, I have my period too! 111 00:06:09,897 --> 00:06:12,483 We're all synched up. I've heard about that happening. 112 00:06:15,528 --> 00:06:16,529 What? 113 00:06:17,238 --> 00:06:18,739 I'll get mine in a few days. 114 00:06:19,115 --> 00:06:22,326 If Samantha was running late, I was running even later. 115 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,913 The Gab magazine launch party was starting in an hour 116 00:06:25,996 --> 00:06:28,791 and my fabulous party dress was still at the cleaners. 117 00:06:28,874 --> 00:06:30,042 Oh. Oh! 118 00:06:31,085 --> 00:06:33,170 Oh, please, sir? 119 00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:35,380 Shit! 120 00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:39,552 Apparently, my fabulous party dress would be staying in for the evening. 121 00:06:45,141 --> 00:06:46,267 Across town, 122 00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:49,895 Miranda and Steve decided instead of staying in, they'd go out. 123 00:06:51,021 --> 00:06:54,483 Since when did it become appropriate to bring babies to restaurants? 124 00:06:54,859 --> 00:06:56,193 Aw, come on, he's cute. 125 00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:59,697 Yeah, God invented babysitters for a reason. 126 00:07:01,657 --> 00:07:02,950 I don't think it's so bad. 127 00:07:03,659 --> 00:07:05,119 It's nice having babies around. 128 00:07:05,202 --> 00:07:06,704 Don't get me wrong, I love babies. 129 00:07:07,246 --> 00:07:08,914 I just don't love babies with my soup. 130 00:07:09,582 --> 00:07:11,208 Oh, my God. Look at you. 131 00:07:11,625 --> 00:07:12,835 You're a mess! 132 00:07:17,757 --> 00:07:18,841 We should do it. 133 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:20,301 We should have a baby. 134 00:07:21,093 --> 00:07:22,678 Yeah, right. 135 00:07:22,762 --> 00:07:24,263 No, I'm serious. 136 00:07:24,597 --> 00:07:25,973 We'd have a really cute baby. 137 00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:28,267 Not like one of those who look like Khrushchev. 138 00:07:28,642 --> 00:07:29,894 We wouldn't have to get married. 139 00:07:30,394 --> 00:07:31,645 You're serious. 140 00:07:31,729 --> 00:07:33,647 Yeah, I'm serious. The timing's perfect. 141 00:07:33,731 --> 00:07:35,649 The timing is not perfect. 142 00:07:36,275 --> 00:07:39,445 We've only been living together for what, two months? 143 00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:41,739 It's way too quick, and I'm up for partner at the firm… 144 00:07:41,822 --> 00:07:44,533 We cannot have a baby. You're insane. 145 00:07:44,617 --> 00:07:46,118 Aw! 146 00:07:49,705 --> 00:07:52,666 Come on. I want a baby, it'd be fun. 147 00:07:53,250 --> 00:07:55,419 It's not like owning a foosball table, Steve. 148 00:07:55,503 --> 00:07:57,755 Do you have any idea how much work a baby is? 149 00:07:58,255 --> 00:07:59,632 Yeah, yeah, I know. 150 00:07:59,715 --> 00:08:01,842 But I could hang out with him during the day. 151 00:08:01,926 --> 00:08:04,011 You know, watch Sesame Street with him while you're at work, 152 00:08:04,095 --> 00:08:05,596 then I could go to work at the bar. 153 00:08:05,679 --> 00:08:08,516 And I'd be up all night with the baby, alone, 154 00:08:08,599 --> 00:08:11,977 and get no sleep and then have to get up the next day 155 00:08:12,061 --> 00:08:15,648 and stay awake to work the 14 hours I need to make partner 156 00:08:15,731 --> 00:08:16,899 so I can afford the apartment 157 00:08:16,982 --> 00:08:19,068 you're watching all the Sesame Street in. 158 00:08:20,152 --> 00:08:22,530 Let's hope the baby inherits my positive attitude. 159 00:08:25,491 --> 00:08:27,576 Can we please talk about something else? 160 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,537 No problem. 161 00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:38,337 While Miranda was left contemplating diapers, 162 00:08:38,420 --> 00:08:41,966 I was contemplating McQueen versus Gucci. 163 00:08:42,466 --> 00:08:45,136 All right, it's your last chance to attend a fabulous party 164 00:08:45,219 --> 00:08:46,637 with a fabulous girl. 165 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,222 It's a party on a boat? 166 00:08:48,305 --> 00:08:50,141 Correction. Fancy boat. 167 00:08:50,224 --> 00:08:54,145 And, P.S., the fabulous girl is rumored to be easy. 168 00:08:54,562 --> 00:08:55,896 What's the party for? 169 00:08:56,355 --> 00:08:58,858 - This new magazine, Gab. - Have you read it? 170 00:08:58,941 --> 00:09:01,110 Oh, hell no. I'm just going for the celebrity sightings. 171 00:09:01,193 --> 00:09:03,946 Oh, and I'll be stuck on this boat with all these celebs? 172 00:09:04,029 --> 00:09:06,282 And celebrity hangers-on. 173 00:09:06,365 --> 00:09:07,992 Well, as tempting as it sounds, 174 00:09:08,075 --> 00:09:10,369 would it be okay if I stayed on dry land for the night? 175 00:09:10,452 --> 00:09:11,495 Yeah, of course. 176 00:09:11,579 --> 00:09:13,622 Will you still be easy later? 177 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,292 Is that a proposition? 178 00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:17,501 Bon voyage. 179 00:09:17,585 --> 00:09:19,670 Bye. 180 00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:29,638 Send me the pillow that you dream on 181 00:09:31,098 --> 00:09:35,436 So that I can dream on it too 182 00:09:36,729 --> 00:09:39,690 The Gab party was everything they promised and more. 183 00:09:39,773 --> 00:09:41,275 Regis Philbin, Madonna, 184 00:09:41,358 --> 00:09:43,819 and every fired editor of The New Yorker was there. 185 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,571 - Hey. - Hey. 186 00:09:46,363 --> 00:09:47,406 So, where was I? 187 00:09:47,489 --> 00:09:48,532 Unfortunately, 188 00:09:48,616 --> 00:09:51,327 it was Trey who was doing most of the gabbing. 189 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:53,037 You were at the part about the birthday present. 190 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,120 Oh, that's right. 191 00:09:54,705 --> 00:09:57,208 So, my mother gives me this god-awful machine, 192 00:09:57,291 --> 00:09:58,542 you know, for sorting change… 193 00:09:58,626 --> 00:10:00,336 He has a lot of change. 194 00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:03,172 …for my birthday, and I lied to her and I said I loved it. 195 00:10:03,255 --> 00:10:05,090 And then immediately jumped into a cab and drove that thing 196 00:10:05,174 --> 00:10:06,550 right back down to Hammacher Schlemmer. 197 00:10:08,052 --> 00:10:09,178 So, there I was on… 198 00:10:09,261 --> 00:10:11,138 - 40th and Broadway. - Right, 40th and Broadway. 199 00:10:11,222 --> 00:10:14,308 And I hear this woman yell like a hyena… 200 00:10:14,391 --> 00:10:15,976 I did not! 201 00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:18,062 And the cab stops up short, right? 202 00:10:18,145 --> 00:10:21,273 I almost hit my head on that plastic partition, I got out, 203 00:10:21,357 --> 00:10:23,400 - I told him to stop the meter. - He told him to stop the meter. 204 00:10:23,484 --> 00:10:26,695 Right. And there was Charlotte, lying in the middle of the street. 205 00:10:27,238 --> 00:10:28,697 And that's how we met. 206 00:10:28,781 --> 00:10:29,865 And that's how we met. 207 00:10:31,533 --> 00:10:33,160 That's very sweet. 208 00:10:33,244 --> 00:10:36,038 Oh! You forgot the part about when the cabbie gets mad. 209 00:10:36,121 --> 00:10:37,748 No, it's okay, 'cause I remember. 210 00:10:38,374 --> 00:10:39,875 Well, anyway, it was fate. 211 00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:42,503 I mean, if my mother didn't give me such bad gifts, 212 00:10:42,586 --> 00:10:45,714 this wonderful gift would never have come into my life. 213 00:10:45,798 --> 00:10:46,840 Aw! 214 00:10:47,341 --> 00:10:49,718 I had heard the story at least three times already. 215 00:10:49,802 --> 00:10:51,220 A minute more of Trey, 216 00:10:51,303 --> 00:10:54,348 and we would definitely be in a "man overboard" situation. 217 00:10:55,391 --> 00:10:57,142 Hey, I'm going to go hit the buffet. 218 00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:58,560 Okay. 219 00:10:59,144 --> 00:11:00,854 Not too hard. 220 00:11:03,607 --> 00:11:05,317 As I walked away, I realized 221 00:11:05,401 --> 00:11:07,903 I hadn't seen Charlotte that happy in years, 222 00:11:07,987 --> 00:11:10,030 and with a man she'd known for five minutes. 223 00:11:12,032 --> 00:11:14,118 And just when I thought I was safe… 224 00:11:14,201 --> 00:11:16,829 - Hello. - Oh, hey. 225 00:11:17,955 --> 00:11:18,956 Cheese. 226 00:11:20,165 --> 00:11:21,250 Hello. 227 00:11:21,333 --> 00:11:24,586 I ran into the man I'd been happy with for five minutes. 228 00:11:24,670 --> 00:11:25,671 Right. 229 00:11:26,422 --> 00:11:27,423 Well… 230 00:11:27,506 --> 00:11:28,450 Hi. 231 00:11:28,465 --> 00:11:29,883 I thought I might see you here. 232 00:11:30,968 --> 00:11:31,968 You did? 233 00:11:36,098 --> 00:11:37,224 So, where's Natasha? 234 00:11:38,392 --> 00:11:39,518 She missed the boat. 235 00:11:40,352 --> 00:11:41,437 - Oh! - I'm sorry. 236 00:11:44,356 --> 00:11:45,357 Very crowded. 237 00:11:46,817 --> 00:11:47,901 Okay, well, I gotta… 238 00:11:48,694 --> 00:11:51,363 Dominick Dunne is holding my place in the bathroom line. 239 00:11:53,782 --> 00:11:57,619 Big and I trapped together on a boat. Without dates. 240 00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:02,833 We were two miles offshore. There was no way off. 241 00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:05,794 Children and women with emotional baggage first. 242 00:12:06,253 --> 00:12:07,254 Carrie. 243 00:12:07,671 --> 00:12:09,798 Look what Trey gave me. Isn't it beautiful? 244 00:12:09,882 --> 00:12:11,592 Oh, wow! 245 00:12:12,426 --> 00:12:13,552 Cartier. 246 00:12:13,635 --> 00:12:15,137 It was a complete surprise. 247 00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:18,348 He said the last few weeks have been really special, and that he's smitten. 248 00:12:18,432 --> 00:12:20,434 Look. It's inscribed. 249 00:12:20,976 --> 00:12:22,144 Oh, let's see. 250 00:12:22,686 --> 00:12:26,440 "To Charlotte, it's about time I met you." 251 00:12:26,523 --> 00:12:29,318 Oh, sweetie, that's great. 252 00:12:29,401 --> 00:12:30,819 Do you know what time this boat docks? 253 00:12:30,903 --> 00:12:32,905 - I think around 10:00. - What time is it? 254 00:12:32,988 --> 00:12:34,406 Oh, it's not set yet. 255 00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:36,033 Oh, well, it's pretty. 256 00:12:36,116 --> 00:12:38,952 Thanks. I guess I better get back to Trey. 257 00:12:39,453 --> 00:12:42,289 I think this is it, Carrie. I can just feel it. 258 00:12:44,083 --> 00:12:47,628 Apparently, one woman's Titanic is another woman's love boat. 259 00:12:53,133 --> 00:12:54,134 Boo. 260 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:55,761 Jesus. 261 00:12:57,888 --> 00:12:59,556 So, what was that back there? 262 00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:01,934 I… 263 00:13:02,851 --> 00:13:03,852 I don't know. 264 00:13:04,269 --> 00:13:07,564 Well, can't we have a conversation anymore? 265 00:13:08,357 --> 00:13:09,566 I don't know, can we? 266 00:13:12,111 --> 00:13:14,613 Around Brooklyn, there's gonna be a mutiny, pass it on. 267 00:13:17,074 --> 00:13:18,575 That's a spiffy opener. 268 00:13:19,451 --> 00:13:20,452 I try. 269 00:13:21,578 --> 00:13:22,830 So, what are you, are you… 270 00:13:25,707 --> 00:13:26,917 Are you seeing anyone? Or… 271 00:13:28,043 --> 00:13:29,962 Yeah, I am. 272 00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:31,755 He's great. 273 00:13:32,631 --> 00:13:34,091 He's perfect, actually. 274 00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:36,844 Where is he, Mr. Perfect? 275 00:13:36,927 --> 00:13:38,387 Oh, he's home. I didn't want to subject him 276 00:13:38,470 --> 00:13:40,389 to the cold food and slimy media leeches. 277 00:13:41,223 --> 00:13:42,266 Good idea. 278 00:13:42,349 --> 00:13:43,767 Present company excluded. 279 00:13:45,936 --> 00:13:47,437 That's some outfit, kid. 280 00:13:47,521 --> 00:13:49,648 Oh, really? You think so? 281 00:13:49,731 --> 00:13:51,817 Well, if you like this one, you would have loved the one 282 00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,027 being held hostage on 74th and Lex. 283 00:14:00,659 --> 00:14:01,827 It's good to see you. 284 00:14:05,455 --> 00:14:08,834 The next morning, I recovered from my see-Big sickness. 285 00:14:09,543 --> 00:14:13,630 While Downtown, Samantha realized maybe her ship had sailed. 286 00:14:14,631 --> 00:14:16,091 She was five days late. 287 00:14:17,009 --> 00:14:20,512 Later, we did brunch and bathroom at Time Café. 288 00:14:22,389 --> 00:14:23,390 I'm in love with him. 289 00:14:24,099 --> 00:14:25,559 You're not in love with him. 290 00:14:25,642 --> 00:14:28,437 You're in love with the very expensive watch he gave you. 291 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,506 Do you have another? 292 00:14:29,521 --> 00:14:33,567 Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list, buy tampons. 293 00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:34,902 Well, I have them at home, 294 00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:36,862 but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse. 295 00:14:37,529 --> 00:14:40,824 Wow. Kate must have a tiny vagina. 296 00:14:41,909 --> 00:14:45,162 I think the watch is a sign that he's in love with me, too. 297 00:14:45,245 --> 00:14:47,831 Aw, he's not in love, he's in blue-ball hell. 298 00:14:47,915 --> 00:14:49,666 Sometimes you just know. 299 00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:52,002 We're the right match, it's fate. 300 00:14:52,085 --> 00:14:53,420 It's not fate. 301 00:14:53,504 --> 00:14:55,339 His light is on, that's all. 302 00:14:56,548 --> 00:14:57,549 What light? 303 00:14:57,966 --> 00:14:59,259 Men are like cabs. 304 00:14:59,593 --> 00:15:01,553 When they're available, their light goes on. 305 00:15:01,970 --> 00:15:04,097 They wake up one day and they decide they're ready 306 00:15:04,181 --> 00:15:08,060 to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. 307 00:15:08,143 --> 00:15:09,353 The next woman they pick up, boom! 308 00:15:09,436 --> 00:15:12,272 That's the one they'll marry. It's not fate. It's dumb luck. 309 00:15:12,814 --> 00:15:16,360 I'm sorry. I refuse to believe that love is that random. 310 00:15:16,443 --> 00:15:18,070 Please, it's all about timing. 311 00:15:18,153 --> 00:15:19,530 You gotta get them when their light's on. 312 00:15:19,988 --> 00:15:21,573 Most men I meet are flashing yellows. 313 00:15:21,657 --> 00:15:23,075 Or off duty. 314 00:15:23,158 --> 00:15:26,245 They can drive around for years picking up women and not be available. 315 00:15:26,328 --> 00:15:28,330 Then they really shouldn't be allowed to get behind the wheel. 316 00:15:28,413 --> 00:15:30,749 Most men don't stay lit long before they take the plunge, 317 00:15:30,832 --> 00:15:34,086 versus most women, who've been lit pretty much since birth. 318 00:15:35,337 --> 00:15:37,256 You mooches took my last tampon. 319 00:15:37,339 --> 00:15:39,800 - You packing? - No, okay, I'm not. 320 00:15:39,883 --> 00:15:42,386 I don't have a tampon and I'll probably never need one again. 321 00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:44,805 A simple "no" is good enough. 322 00:15:44,888 --> 00:15:47,474 I haven't had my period in 35 days. 323 00:15:47,558 --> 00:15:50,018 - Are you… - No, I'm not pregnant, I'm… 324 00:15:51,770 --> 00:15:52,854 I'm drying up. 325 00:15:53,522 --> 00:15:58,610 Oh, come on. You're overreacting. It was a stupid catalog. 326 00:15:58,694 --> 00:16:00,737 I'm day-old bread. My time is up. 327 00:16:01,363 --> 00:16:02,739 Enjoy your Flos. 328 00:16:03,365 --> 00:16:06,952 For someone with no period, you've got a mean case of PMS. 329 00:16:07,369 --> 00:16:10,455 You have years of miserable cramps ahead of you. 330 00:16:11,957 --> 00:16:12,958 Ladies, 331 00:16:14,376 --> 00:16:16,211 what I'm about to tell you 332 00:16:17,087 --> 00:16:18,338 may come as a shock. 333 00:16:25,762 --> 00:16:26,763 I'm a little… 334 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:30,851 older… 335 00:16:31,935 --> 00:16:32,936 than you. 336 00:16:37,858 --> 00:16:40,068 That night, I couldn't stop thinking about time. 337 00:16:40,527 --> 00:16:43,322 Was every second of our lives controlled by fate? 338 00:16:43,405 --> 00:16:46,366 Or is life just a series of random occurrences? 339 00:16:46,992 --> 00:16:49,411 If I wasn't perpetually ten minutes late, 340 00:16:49,494 --> 00:16:51,204 would my life be totally different? 341 00:16:51,663 --> 00:16:53,415 Would I never run into Big? 342 00:16:53,498 --> 00:16:56,001 And would there ever be a good time to see him? 343 00:16:56,084 --> 00:16:57,377 Was Miranda right? 344 00:16:57,919 --> 00:16:59,504 Is timing everything? 345 00:17:10,724 --> 00:17:12,309 Hey, Scoob! Can't you do something… 346 00:17:12,392 --> 00:17:13,935 - Hey. - Hey. 347 00:17:15,270 --> 00:17:17,147 Could you turn that down? I'm working. 348 00:17:24,613 --> 00:17:26,031 Okay, not low enough. 349 00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:29,743 Hey, you're going to have to get used to a noisy house 350 00:17:29,826 --> 00:17:31,036 if we're gonna have a baby around. 351 00:17:33,455 --> 00:17:34,790 Okay, look. 352 00:17:35,415 --> 00:17:37,376 I've been thinking about this baby thing. 353 00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:41,046 We're really not in a great place right now, and I don't think… 354 00:17:41,129 --> 00:17:43,590 Could we have this conversation, please, without Scooby-Doo? 355 00:17:43,715 --> 00:17:44,660 It's a great one. 356 00:17:44,675 --> 00:17:47,803 It's the one where they find the ghost in the old salt mine. 357 00:17:47,886 --> 00:17:49,846 I'm serious, Steve, turn off the cartoons. 358 00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:52,599 "But, Scoobs, what about the ghost?" 359 00:17:53,767 --> 00:17:55,894 You know what? Forget it. 360 00:17:56,561 --> 00:17:57,562 Miranda! 361 00:17:58,146 --> 00:17:59,523 It was then that Miranda realized 362 00:17:59,606 --> 00:18:01,525 she may have already had a baby in her house. 363 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,277 I want to shelve this whole baby thing for a while. 364 00:18:05,612 --> 00:18:06,863 Yeah, okay, you got it. 365 00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:10,701 And put a coaster under that glass. 366 00:18:11,410 --> 00:18:13,578 And turn off the lights before you come to bed. 367 00:18:17,499 --> 00:18:20,836 We haven't had sex in over a week, and he wants to have a baby. 368 00:18:20,919 --> 00:18:22,546 What's wrong with this picture? 369 00:18:23,463 --> 00:18:26,842 Well, you could always go the immaculate conception route. 370 00:18:26,925 --> 00:18:27,968 Seriously. 371 00:18:28,385 --> 00:18:30,262 We're in this shitty place. 372 00:18:30,721 --> 00:18:31,722 We fight, 373 00:18:31,805 --> 00:18:34,850 and I'm working really long hours 'cause I'm up for this partner thing, 374 00:18:34,933 --> 00:18:37,686 and it's like he's using a baby as a Band-Aid 375 00:18:37,769 --> 00:18:39,563 for everything that's wrong with us. 376 00:18:39,646 --> 00:18:41,523 Well, what is wrong with you guys? 377 00:18:41,606 --> 00:18:42,606 I don't know. 378 00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:47,446 It's like he's a kid, and I end up nagging him all the time. 379 00:18:48,113 --> 00:18:51,867 I'm mean mommy, and believe me, no one wants to fuck mean mommy. 380 00:18:51,950 --> 00:18:53,577 Oh, I believe you. 381 00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:56,830 And then I think maybe I'm just sabotaging the relationship 382 00:18:56,913 --> 00:18:59,750 so I don't have to have a baby with him and actually be happy. 383 00:18:59,833 --> 00:19:01,668 Maybe the problem is me. 384 00:19:01,752 --> 00:19:04,337 This baby is gonna need a lot of therapy. 385 00:19:04,421 --> 00:19:05,839 There is no baby. 386 00:19:06,339 --> 00:19:07,883 Okay, mean mommy. 387 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:12,846 But I do want one eventually, and my clock is running out. 388 00:19:12,929 --> 00:19:15,891 I mean, I've only got like a million viable eggs left. 389 00:19:15,974 --> 00:19:19,144 300 of which we just killed with those martinis at lunch. 390 00:19:21,188 --> 00:19:23,523 That night, Samantha got drunk. 391 00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:27,360 She had lost her spirit, and there was no pill in the catalog to correct that. 392 00:19:27,778 --> 00:19:30,071 And so, she accepted a date with Len. 393 00:19:30,864 --> 00:19:34,034 After all, day-old bread needed to stick together. 394 00:19:34,117 --> 00:19:35,994 You ever been in a Cadillac Eldorado? 395 00:19:36,495 --> 00:19:38,121 - No. - Oh. 396 00:19:38,205 --> 00:19:40,332 Man, those babies are smooth. 397 00:19:40,415 --> 00:19:42,501 And they have buttons to do everything for you. 398 00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:44,878 They even have a button to adjust your lumbar. 399 00:19:44,961 --> 00:19:46,421 It's great for my hip. 400 00:19:46,505 --> 00:19:47,672 Uh-huh. 401 00:19:47,756 --> 00:19:49,716 Did I tell you that I have an artificial hip? 402 00:19:52,219 --> 00:19:54,221 - No. - Hard to believe, huh, baby? 403 00:19:56,848 --> 00:20:00,435 Samantha couldn't listen to one more minute of Len. 404 00:20:00,519 --> 00:20:03,772 And so, she slept with him and his hip to shut him up. 405 00:20:03,855 --> 00:20:04,898 Yeah, baby. 406 00:20:06,733 --> 00:20:07,818 Give it to daddy. 407 00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:12,239 Yeah! 408 00:20:17,118 --> 00:20:18,203 Oh, Jesus! 409 00:20:18,829 --> 00:20:19,830 What? 410 00:20:20,705 --> 00:20:22,916 Baby, either you're a virgin 411 00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:25,043 or Flo just came to town. 412 00:20:26,878 --> 00:20:29,256 - My period? - There's fucking blood everywhere. 413 00:20:31,633 --> 00:20:32,926 Oh, my God. 414 00:20:33,009 --> 00:20:33,995 That is so… 415 00:20:34,010 --> 00:20:35,971 These are fucking Pratesi sheets. 416 00:20:36,429 --> 00:20:37,722 Two grand a set. 417 00:20:39,349 --> 00:20:40,433 I'm sorry. 418 00:20:40,517 --> 00:20:43,645 Really. Very, very sorry. 419 00:20:43,728 --> 00:20:45,438 Samantha said, "Sorry." 420 00:20:45,522 --> 00:20:47,357 What she really meant was, 421 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,067 "There are plenty more young studs 422 00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:51,653 in this hot pre-pre-menopausal woman's future." 423 00:20:52,696 --> 00:20:54,197 This is embarrassing. 424 00:20:54,281 --> 00:20:55,532 I should go. 425 00:20:56,324 --> 00:20:57,367 Thanks for dinner. 426 00:20:59,661 --> 00:21:02,330 The next day, Miranda was putting in time and a half 427 00:21:02,414 --> 00:21:03,540 at her firm when… 428 00:21:06,376 --> 00:21:08,003 - Miranda Hobbes. - Hey. 429 00:21:08,503 --> 00:21:10,755 Hey, I'm really busy. I don't really have time to talk. 430 00:21:10,839 --> 00:21:13,550 Yeah, meet me in a half hour at 56th and 3rd, okay? 431 00:21:13,633 --> 00:21:15,260 I can't, I got a meeting at 4:00. 432 00:21:15,343 --> 00:21:17,429 Come on, Miranda, I think it'll help. 433 00:21:17,512 --> 00:21:18,512 Please? 434 00:21:19,222 --> 00:21:20,223 Okay. 435 00:21:24,019 --> 00:21:26,229 This is not gonna happen. 436 00:21:26,313 --> 00:21:27,898 Oh, come on, look at them. 437 00:21:28,648 --> 00:21:31,359 - How exactly would this help us? - What? 438 00:21:31,443 --> 00:21:32,861 Maybe we're not ready for a baby. 439 00:21:34,029 --> 00:21:35,572 This could be a test run. 440 00:21:36,031 --> 00:21:37,782 And who would take care of the test run? 441 00:21:38,491 --> 00:21:39,910 Me. 442 00:21:43,955 --> 00:21:47,500 Please, lawyer lady, take me home and love me. 443 00:21:47,584 --> 00:21:48,835 You're insane. 444 00:21:48,919 --> 00:21:50,503 Not in front of the puppy. 445 00:21:50,587 --> 00:21:52,797 Miranda had been backed into a corner. 446 00:21:52,881 --> 00:21:55,258 And even though she was surrounded by bitches, 447 00:21:55,342 --> 00:21:56,760 she didn't want to be one. 448 00:21:56,843 --> 00:21:57,844 Okay. 449 00:21:58,678 --> 00:22:02,641 That night, Charlotte and Trey were performing their usual duet… 450 00:22:02,724 --> 00:22:04,768 And then I got out and I found you. 451 00:22:04,851 --> 00:22:06,728 - Oh, really? - Mmm-hmm. 452 00:22:06,811 --> 00:22:08,229 I found you. 453 00:22:11,983 --> 00:22:13,318 I think I should come in. 454 00:22:13,777 --> 00:22:15,362 No, sweetie. 455 00:22:16,488 --> 00:22:18,156 I have an early meeting. 456 00:22:18,239 --> 00:22:21,701 But thanks, I had a lovely time. Really. 457 00:22:21,785 --> 00:22:22,786 Me, too. 458 00:22:26,706 --> 00:22:28,500 - Night. - Night. 459 00:22:41,971 --> 00:22:43,431 You're very persistent. 460 00:22:43,515 --> 00:22:45,600 I don't want to come in. I want to tell you something. 461 00:22:46,643 --> 00:22:47,769 I love you, Charlotte. 462 00:22:49,521 --> 00:22:50,522 You do? 463 00:22:51,481 --> 00:22:52,481 Yeah. 464 00:22:54,275 --> 00:22:55,443 I love you too. 465 00:22:57,028 --> 00:22:59,781 That night, Charlotte got everything she wanted. 466 00:23:01,116 --> 00:23:02,742 Trey got a hand job. 467 00:23:03,201 --> 00:23:04,953 And at 3:00 a.m… 468 00:23:05,036 --> 00:23:07,622 …Miranda was getting nothing but aggravated. 469 00:23:08,206 --> 00:23:10,333 Please, go to sleep. 470 00:23:10,417 --> 00:23:12,711 Shh, please, I beg you. Here. 471 00:23:12,794 --> 00:23:14,045 Look… 472 00:23:14,587 --> 00:23:19,884 This is supposed to be your mom's heart beating or something. 473 00:23:25,223 --> 00:23:26,224 Are you happy? 474 00:23:26,641 --> 00:23:27,851 Not really, no. 475 00:23:28,226 --> 00:23:31,271 We get this puppy and already I'm the only one taking care of it. 476 00:23:31,354 --> 00:23:33,189 I've been up all night, you're sound asleep, 477 00:23:33,273 --> 00:23:34,858 and this was a huge mistake. 478 00:23:34,941 --> 00:23:36,860 Hey, come on, relax. It'll be fine. 479 00:23:36,943 --> 00:23:39,696 Yeah, it'll be fine for you because you're not doing anything. 480 00:23:39,779 --> 00:23:41,781 He's just getting used to us. 481 00:23:43,074 --> 00:23:46,786 Hey! Poochy, poochy, puppy boy. 482 00:23:48,163 --> 00:23:49,164 Hey. 483 00:23:51,249 --> 00:23:52,375 Give mommy a kiss. 484 00:23:54,335 --> 00:23:55,420 Okay, this is it. 485 00:23:56,087 --> 00:23:59,883 I am so sick of you being the kid here. I cannot be in charge all the time. 486 00:24:00,550 --> 00:24:02,802 We're supposed to be equals, partners. 487 00:24:02,886 --> 00:24:04,137 You think we can have a baby? 488 00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:06,181 We can't even have a puppy together! 489 00:24:06,264 --> 00:24:07,891 We're just going through a rough patch here. 490 00:24:07,974 --> 00:24:11,561 This isn't a patch, Steve. This is it, all the time. 491 00:24:11,644 --> 00:24:13,062 And it's not good. 492 00:24:14,939 --> 00:24:18,443 Great. So you're just going to give up on us, just like that. 493 00:24:19,152 --> 00:24:20,487 Not just like that. 494 00:24:20,987 --> 00:24:24,699 I've been trying not to give up on us for a long time. 495 00:24:26,284 --> 00:24:27,327 That's nice. 496 00:24:27,952 --> 00:24:29,329 I'm just being honest. 497 00:24:29,788 --> 00:24:32,290 It was then that Miranda realized something. 498 00:24:32,999 --> 00:24:35,877 All this time, she thought the problem was her. 499 00:24:36,294 --> 00:24:38,505 It wasn't. It was them. 500 00:24:38,588 --> 00:24:41,758 And there was never a good time to say what she had to say. 501 00:24:42,091 --> 00:24:43,468 This isn't gonna work, Steve. 502 00:24:44,093 --> 00:24:46,137 There's good stuff here. 503 00:24:46,221 --> 00:24:47,222 Not enough. 504 00:24:48,264 --> 00:24:52,227 A baby would have been a quick fix for something that can't be fixed. 505 00:24:54,395 --> 00:24:55,855 Because you don't want it to work. 506 00:24:55,939 --> 00:24:58,149 That is so unfair. 507 00:25:01,694 --> 00:25:03,363 I don't want to fight with you anymore. 508 00:25:03,446 --> 00:25:04,823 You think that I do? 509 00:25:05,281 --> 00:25:06,282 I don't know. 510 00:25:10,328 --> 00:25:11,329 Steve. 511 00:25:13,665 --> 00:25:14,958 I really tried. 512 00:25:16,167 --> 00:25:18,795 That night, Miranda lost her partner. 513 00:25:20,171 --> 00:25:22,131 The next day, she got a new one. 514 00:25:22,215 --> 00:25:23,591 - Congratulations. - Hear, hear! 515 00:25:23,675 --> 00:25:24,675 Thank you. 516 00:25:24,717 --> 00:25:25,760 Fifteen of them. 517 00:25:25,844 --> 00:25:26,830 - Congratulations, partner. - Thanks. 518 00:25:26,845 --> 00:25:27,845 - Well deserved. - Thank you. 519 00:25:35,103 --> 00:25:37,689 Meanwhile, I was still enjoying my one. 520 00:25:40,942 --> 00:25:42,235 Do you want to have a sleepover? 521 00:25:42,318 --> 00:25:43,319 Mmm-hmm. 522 00:25:46,030 --> 00:25:47,282 Let me set the timer. 523 00:25:49,033 --> 00:25:52,954 I didn't know about Aidan, but my light was definitely on. 524 00:25:54,831 --> 00:25:57,166 You have one new message. 525 00:25:57,250 --> 00:25:58,835 Hey, Carrie, I'm… 526 00:25:58,918 --> 00:26:01,212 I knew who it was. 527 00:26:01,296 --> 00:26:03,673 I couldn't stop Big from coming back into my life, 528 00:26:03,756 --> 00:26:06,467 but at least I could stop him from coming out of my machine. 529 00:26:06,968 --> 00:26:08,219 Hey, you're out of filters. 530 00:26:08,303 --> 00:26:09,679 I'm gonna run down to the Korean. 531 00:26:09,762 --> 00:26:11,180 - Okay. - Okay? 532 00:26:18,146 --> 00:26:19,147 Hey. 533 00:26:20,732 --> 00:26:21,733 Yeah? 534 00:26:22,609 --> 00:26:23,860 You make me really happy. 535 00:26:27,196 --> 00:26:28,698 - See you in a bit. - Okay. 536 00:26:37,373 --> 00:26:39,918 Well, that was very fast. 537 00:26:43,796 --> 00:26:45,757 - What are you doing here? - Didn't you get my message? 538 00:26:46,299 --> 00:26:48,134 No, I didn't, I paused it. 539 00:26:48,968 --> 00:26:50,094 What are you doing here? 540 00:26:50,887 --> 00:26:52,013 That was him, wasn't it? 541 00:26:52,597 --> 00:26:53,723 The perfect guy? 542 00:26:53,806 --> 00:26:56,559 Yes, it was, and he's coming back, so… 543 00:26:57,060 --> 00:26:58,060 Please. 544 00:27:00,396 --> 00:27:01,481 What do you want? 545 00:27:06,653 --> 00:27:07,737 I don't know. 546 00:27:12,367 --> 00:27:14,202 No, go home to your wife. 547 00:27:17,246 --> 00:27:18,247 Go. 548 00:27:21,626 --> 00:27:22,877 I'm so fucked up. 549 00:27:30,677 --> 00:27:33,012 I had no idea what else Big was gonna say. 550 00:27:36,015 --> 00:27:38,309 And I'm not sure what bugged me more. 551 00:27:38,393 --> 00:27:40,812 That I didn't know, or that I cared. 552 00:27:42,605 --> 00:27:43,856 Hey, Carrie. 553 00:27:44,357 --> 00:27:46,025 I'm here on your corner. 554 00:27:46,442 --> 00:27:47,902 I know you're home, pick up. 555 00:27:48,736 --> 00:27:49,821 I, uh… 556 00:27:50,697 --> 00:27:51,698 I… 557 00:27:52,865 --> 00:27:53,866 Jesus. 558 00:27:55,952 --> 00:27:58,496 Well, I miss you. 559 00:28:00,999 --> 00:28:03,042 I can't fucking stop thinking about you. 560 00:28:03,126 --> 00:28:04,127 There you have it. 561 00:28:07,171 --> 00:28:08,423 There it was. 562 00:28:08,506 --> 00:28:12,010 Exactly what I had needed to hear, a year too late. 563 00:28:12,677 --> 00:28:14,637 I should have been happy, but I wasn't. 564 00:28:15,179 --> 00:28:18,057 It was the absolute worst timing of all. 565 00:28:19,559 --> 00:28:22,020 Ten minutes later, Aidan still hadn't come back. 566 00:28:22,603 --> 00:28:24,897 Suddenly, my life was all about timing. 567 00:28:25,356 --> 00:28:28,443 All the right things said at all the wrong times. 568 00:28:29,068 --> 00:28:31,487 My past coming back way too fast, 569 00:28:31,863 --> 00:28:34,907 and my future taking way too long to come home.