1 00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,571 Okay, I got to go. 2 00:00:49,655 --> 00:00:52,280 Bye. Have a good day. Give me a kiss. 3 00:00:53,738 --> 00:00:54,738 Bye, bye. 4 00:00:55,946 --> 00:00:58,488 One of the unfortunate things about ending a relationship 5 00:00:58,571 --> 00:01:00,821 in an expensive city like New York is, 6 00:01:00,905 --> 00:01:03,363 while you can emotionally move away from each other, 7 00:01:04,196 --> 00:01:05,655 you physically can't. 8 00:01:15,821 --> 00:01:18,238 Hey, going to work? 9 00:01:18,321 --> 00:01:19,446 Yeah, work. 10 00:01:20,071 --> 00:01:21,363 Sorry about waking you. 11 00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:22,905 What time is it? 12 00:01:23,696 --> 00:01:24,696 6:30. 13 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:26,655 Jesus, why so early? 14 00:01:27,030 --> 00:01:29,071 I got a brief due, so… 15 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,863 There was nothing brief about it. 16 00:01:30,946 --> 00:01:32,446 Steve and Miranda had been doing 17 00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:35,530 the polite, avoid-each-other break-up dance for about three weeks. 18 00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:38,155 Hey. 19 00:01:38,488 --> 00:01:41,071 I'm sorry it's taking me so long to find a place. 20 00:01:42,030 --> 00:01:43,363 I got a lead on one, though. 21 00:01:43,780 --> 00:01:44,863 Okay. 22 00:01:45,821 --> 00:01:46,946 Hey, do you… 23 00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:49,780 Never mind. 24 00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:51,238 What? 25 00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:54,280 No, I was gonna ask if you wanna go and look at it with me, but that's… 26 00:01:54,863 --> 00:01:55,946 That's weird, right? 27 00:01:56,696 --> 00:01:57,905 I don't know. 28 00:01:57,988 --> 00:01:59,238 I guess we could do that. 29 00:01:59,821 --> 00:02:00,821 Yeah? 30 00:02:05,446 --> 00:02:07,863 And when you finally do find that place to move, 31 00:02:07,946 --> 00:02:09,696 you need to fill it with furniture. 32 00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:13,030 That's why so many smart New Yorkers frequent the opening day 33 00:02:13,113 --> 00:02:14,905 of the new designers showcase. 34 00:02:16,488 --> 00:02:19,530 Hey. I'm like your roadie. 35 00:02:19,613 --> 00:02:20,780 Oh, I don't have a road. 36 00:02:21,196 --> 00:02:22,571 I just have this booth. 37 00:02:22,655 --> 00:02:24,738 So, at best, you're my booth bitch. 38 00:02:24,821 --> 00:02:27,613 - Yeah, I'm your booth bitch. - Meow. 39 00:02:28,321 --> 00:02:29,655 I waxed your wood. 40 00:02:29,738 --> 00:02:31,946 You wax it real good. 41 00:02:32,571 --> 00:02:34,821 - That's 'cause I'm your booth bitch. - Mmm. 42 00:02:38,571 --> 00:02:41,113 You watch the booth. I'm gonna go get us some coffee. 43 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:44,113 Whatever you say. 44 00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:45,530 I'm your booth bitch. 45 00:02:45,613 --> 00:02:47,280 Oh, that's sexy. 46 00:02:47,363 --> 00:02:48,405 And I like it. 47 00:02:50,655 --> 00:02:53,155 I didn't need to wait for a blue ribbon panel to decide. 48 00:02:53,613 --> 00:02:57,030 He was the finest new designer in the whole damn place. 49 00:03:04,613 --> 00:03:08,196 I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife, 50 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,488 but in those fantasies, I was running into them with a truck. 51 00:03:12,405 --> 00:03:14,530 I don't know how you could like this clunky wood. 52 00:03:14,613 --> 00:03:15,613 It's almost oppressive. 53 00:03:21,238 --> 00:03:22,488 What the fuck? 54 00:03:22,571 --> 00:03:24,321 Hey. Hi. 55 00:03:25,613 --> 00:03:26,613 Hi. 56 00:03:27,238 --> 00:03:28,655 I'm working here. Well, I mean… 57 00:03:29,488 --> 00:03:32,613 I'm not working… Just, this is my boyfriend's booth. 58 00:03:33,738 --> 00:03:34,780 I'm his booth bitch. 59 00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:37,446 That's a joke. 60 00:03:37,946 --> 00:03:39,321 I guess it's an in joke. 61 00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:40,780 I get it. 62 00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:45,446 So, can I, um, show you something in a hutch? 63 00:03:46,196 --> 00:03:49,446 His pieces are fantastic. It's just not really our style. 64 00:03:50,113 --> 00:03:51,015 Oh. 65 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,530 Yeah, we only like teeny tiny furniture. 66 00:03:56,696 --> 00:03:57,598 Hey. 67 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,780 Oh, hey. Hey. 68 00:04:00,238 --> 00:04:01,405 Hey. Oh. 69 00:04:01,488 --> 00:04:03,071 Hey, this is, um… 70 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,530 This is the designer. This is Aidan Shaw. 71 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,905 Hey, great stuff. 72 00:04:07,988 --> 00:04:09,696 Aw, thanks, man. 73 00:04:11,405 --> 00:04:13,363 - Oak? - Actually, it's mostly maple. 74 00:04:13,446 --> 00:04:14,446 There we were, 75 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:17,113 mostly maple, and incredibly uncomfortable. 76 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:19,363 Sorry, I didn't get your names. 77 00:04:19,446 --> 00:04:21,530 Oh! Oh, no, I'm sorry, um… 78 00:04:21,613 --> 00:04:23,821 These are my friends. 79 00:04:23,905 --> 00:04:26,280 This is, uh, Natasha and this is… 80 00:04:26,363 --> 00:04:27,613 Oh, oh! 81 00:04:27,696 --> 00:04:30,571 Oh, shit! Oh, my God, I'm sorry. Is that hot? 82 00:04:30,655 --> 00:04:32,780 - Well, it ain't cold. - God… 83 00:04:33,488 --> 00:04:34,571 - Here. - No, I'll… I'll… 84 00:04:34,655 --> 00:04:35,780 Sure. 85 00:04:35,863 --> 00:04:37,655 We should put some cold water on this. 86 00:04:38,655 --> 00:04:39,905 It was nice meeting you. 87 00:04:41,446 --> 00:04:42,655 Thanks for the coffee. 88 00:04:44,821 --> 00:04:46,780 - They seem nice. - Yeah, don't they? 89 00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:48,905 Where do you know them from? 90 00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:51,655 Oh… Well you know, from around. 91 00:04:53,030 --> 00:04:54,696 Like a hundred years ago. 92 00:04:55,988 --> 00:04:56,988 It's a past life. 93 00:05:01,738 --> 00:05:05,280 Two hours later, it was time for the opening day party. 94 00:05:05,363 --> 00:05:06,530 It was lovely. 95 00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:08,905 Caviar, silent auctions, 96 00:05:08,988 --> 00:05:10,321 and landmines. 97 00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:11,780 Where's Paul Bunyan? 98 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:16,821 If you're referring to my boyfriend, he's doing business. 99 00:05:17,321 --> 00:05:19,030 Ooh, he's a big 'un. 100 00:05:19,696 --> 00:05:21,238 Where'd he learn to whittle like that? 101 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,780 How many drinks have you had? 102 00:05:23,863 --> 00:05:25,113 Not nearly enough. 103 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:35,321 So… 104 00:05:36,446 --> 00:05:37,446 How are you? 105 00:05:38,363 --> 00:05:39,363 I'm great. 106 00:05:40,363 --> 00:05:42,530 And Daniel Boone, is he a nice guy? 107 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:44,988 His name is Aidan. 108 00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:46,530 Tsk! 109 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,988 Where's your sense of humor? 110 00:05:49,071 --> 00:05:50,488 Where's your wife? 111 00:05:50,571 --> 00:05:52,905 Guarding her bid on the silent auction. 112 00:05:52,988 --> 00:05:54,905 She's got her eye on a beige chair. 113 00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:58,530 Everything in my apartment is now beige. 114 00:05:58,613 --> 00:05:59,655 Beige… 115 00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,155 is bullshit. 116 00:06:01,238 --> 00:06:02,738 I thought you wanted beige. 117 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,405 Yeah, well… 118 00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:05,571 It doesn't quite… 119 00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:08,155 fit. 120 00:06:08,238 --> 00:06:09,238 Hey, you got a smoke? 121 00:06:09,738 --> 00:06:11,030 I quit. 122 00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:13,446 Oh, we always used to share a cigarette together. 123 00:06:13,530 --> 00:06:16,113 We did a lot of things that were bad for me together. 124 00:06:17,446 --> 00:06:18,946 I have a secret to tell you. 125 00:06:22,405 --> 00:06:23,780 It's not working. 126 00:06:25,321 --> 00:06:27,071 I'm getting out. 127 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,238 If you know anyone who's interested… 128 00:06:31,613 --> 00:06:33,363 You should really keep that to yourself. 129 00:06:33,446 --> 00:06:36,155 No one is interested in that information. 130 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,571 - Big's leaving his wife. - I knew it. 131 00:06:46,655 --> 00:06:47,556 - Oh, my God! - No! 132 00:06:47,571 --> 00:06:49,321 He got drunk and told me at the furniture show. 133 00:06:49,405 --> 00:06:50,821 What was he doing at the furniture show? 134 00:06:50,905 --> 00:06:53,196 - Drinking and leaving his wife. - Oh, my God. 135 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,571 Well, let's just say it, you won. 136 00:06:55,071 --> 00:06:56,863 - Was there a contest? - Oh, please. 137 00:06:56,946 --> 00:07:00,030 There's always a contest with an ex. It's called Who'll Die Miserable? 138 00:07:00,113 --> 00:07:02,988 - What did he say? - He said, "It's not working out." 139 00:07:03,405 --> 00:07:06,030 And then he leaned in and said, 140 00:07:06,113 --> 00:07:08,071 "If you know anyone who's interested…" 141 00:07:08,155 --> 00:07:09,613 Well… 142 00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:11,113 You don't know anyone who's interested. 143 00:07:11,196 --> 00:07:13,030 He's married, Carrie. Carrie, he's married. 144 00:07:13,113 --> 00:07:14,530 Charlotte, I think I'm aware of that fact. 145 00:07:14,613 --> 00:07:15,821 Why is he telling you? 146 00:07:15,905 --> 00:07:18,530 I don't know, to save postage on his newsletter? 147 00:07:18,613 --> 00:07:20,405 - What are you gonna do? - I'm not gonna do anything. 148 00:07:20,488 --> 00:07:22,113 She's not gonna do anything. 149 00:07:22,196 --> 00:07:23,905 Okay, you need to take a big breath 'cause you're starting to bug me. 150 00:07:23,988 --> 00:07:27,113 How dare he say that to you. Married men never leave their wives. 151 00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:30,530 Even if he did, I have no intention of doing anything, for two reasons. 152 00:07:30,613 --> 00:07:33,863 First, I have a great boyfriend, and second, I'm not insane. 153 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,363 So, let's order. 154 00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:37,196 What do winners order? 155 00:07:37,780 --> 00:07:39,196 Didn't you feel like punching him? 156 00:07:39,613 --> 00:07:40,613 No. 157 00:07:40,655 --> 00:07:42,280 It was too sad or something. 158 00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:43,821 I would have punched him. 159 00:07:43,905 --> 00:07:45,530 No, it is sad. 160 00:07:46,196 --> 00:07:47,946 How long has he been married? What, seven months? 161 00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:50,071 Hmm. The seven-month itch. 162 00:07:50,155 --> 00:07:53,571 Well, that's what happens when people jump into relationships too quickly. 163 00:07:55,321 --> 00:07:56,696 I resent that. 164 00:07:57,530 --> 00:07:59,738 Trey and I are nothing like Big and Natasha. 165 00:07:59,821 --> 00:08:01,905 Don't listen to her, she's mid-breakup. 166 00:08:01,988 --> 00:08:03,071 Thanks for the update. 167 00:08:03,155 --> 00:08:05,738 We're not like Big. Trey and I really love each other. 168 00:08:05,821 --> 00:08:07,613 - Who wants to split a Reuben? - In fact, 169 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:12,780 I'm meeting his mother this week, and if all goes well… 170 00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:14,280 If all goes well, what? 171 00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:17,571 Trey is this close to proposing. I can feel it. 172 00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:18,655 Oh, my God, really? 173 00:08:19,071 --> 00:08:21,696 You just met. I've had pairs of pantyhose longer. 174 00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:24,905 Miranda, it's not logical, this is love. 175 00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:26,946 It's not logical, it's right. 176 00:08:27,030 --> 00:08:29,113 In my heart, I feel it's right. 177 00:08:29,196 --> 00:08:30,863 Okay, whatever. 178 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:35,780 So… 179 00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:37,530 How did he look? 180 00:08:45,821 --> 00:08:47,821 Okay. I'll take it. 181 00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:51,405 As Miranda looked around the basement apartment, 182 00:08:51,488 --> 00:08:53,363 she realized the contest was over. 183 00:08:53,446 --> 00:08:56,488 Steve was the ex that was going to die alone and miserable. 184 00:08:56,571 --> 00:08:57,988 You can't live here. 185 00:08:58,655 --> 00:08:59,655 What… 186 00:09:00,113 --> 00:09:02,280 - It's not that bad. - It's not that bad? 187 00:09:02,363 --> 00:09:03,655 It's the doorway to hell. 188 00:09:04,696 --> 00:09:06,905 There's got to be a better place. I'll help you look. 189 00:09:07,905 --> 00:09:08,905 Guilt? 190 00:09:09,696 --> 00:09:10,696 Probably. 191 00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:13,321 I mean, I broke up with him. 192 00:09:13,405 --> 00:09:16,155 And he's got no money, no savings, no nothing. 193 00:09:16,780 --> 00:09:19,780 There should be some sort of city-funded break-up housing 194 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,280 - for those who find themselves in need. - Really. 195 00:09:22,363 --> 00:09:25,321 Like a big orphanage filled with white beds 196 00:09:25,405 --> 00:09:27,821 where old boyfriends could think about what they did wrong 197 00:09:27,905 --> 00:09:31,363 and cry themselves to sleep in a clean, safe environment. 198 00:09:33,571 --> 00:09:35,946 You think maybe you don't really want him to move away? 199 00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:38,113 No, it's not that simple. 200 00:09:38,196 --> 00:09:40,238 My head tells me it's time for him to leave, 201 00:09:40,321 --> 00:09:42,905 but the idea of him moving to a basement apartment 202 00:09:42,988 --> 00:09:46,446 on the corner of Depressing and West Shit Street breaks my heart. 203 00:09:47,488 --> 00:09:50,238 It's a pretty common belief that women tend to use 204 00:09:50,321 --> 00:09:52,280 the left, more emotional side of their brain, 205 00:09:52,363 --> 00:09:55,155 and men, the right, more logical side. 206 00:09:55,238 --> 00:09:57,238 But is it really that cut and dry? 207 00:09:57,613 --> 00:09:59,946 It seems that when it comes to affairs of the heart, 208 00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:03,030 there's a battle between what we know and what we feel. 209 00:10:03,113 --> 00:10:05,613 So, what do you do when you find yourself in a situation 210 00:10:05,696 --> 00:10:08,363 that leaps back and forth between the left and the right side? 211 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,530 When it comes to relationships, 212 00:10:10,613 --> 00:10:13,571 is it smarter to follow your heart or your head? 213 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,238 This is Trey the summer he graduated from medical school. 214 00:10:17,321 --> 00:10:20,696 Later that week, Charlotte met the head and heart of Trey's family. 215 00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:22,405 His mother, Bunny MacDougal. 216 00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:25,821 Trey, you look so cute in a cap and gown. 217 00:10:25,905 --> 00:10:29,030 That's just before we jumped in the fountain and all hell broke loose. 218 00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:32,946 Mother, what's next? Boy Scout snaps? 219 00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:36,071 Count your blessings I didn't bring the one on the bearskin rug. 220 00:10:36,155 --> 00:10:39,238 You'll have to excuse her, Charlotte. She's a bit of a camera Nazi. 221 00:10:40,405 --> 00:10:43,071 Well, if you insist on dragging us down memory lane, 222 00:10:43,155 --> 00:10:44,738 I'm getting a real drink. Excuse me. 223 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,280 - Glenlivet, rocks, please. - Yes, sir. 224 00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:50,280 Maybe you should have a red wine instead. 225 00:10:50,363 --> 00:10:51,446 Better for the heart. 226 00:10:52,488 --> 00:10:53,488 All righty. 227 00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,780 - Red wine. - Oh, Thomas, 228 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:58,405 we'd love some more of these nibbly cheese things. 229 00:10:58,488 --> 00:10:59,946 - Very good, ma'am. - Thank you. 230 00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:04,280 He's older than water, but never forgets a martini. 231 00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:09,155 So, do you play tennis? 232 00:11:09,238 --> 00:11:10,238 Mmm-hmm. 233 00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:11,571 I like her. 234 00:11:12,113 --> 00:11:13,530 Join the club. 235 00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:16,280 What are you two lovebirds doing tonight? 236 00:11:17,196 --> 00:11:19,238 We've got dinner reservations at Cloche. 237 00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:21,030 I was there last week. 238 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:24,155 Disappointing crab, and the host was rude. 239 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:29,488 Maybe you should go to Côte Basque instead. 240 00:11:30,405 --> 00:11:31,405 All righty. 241 00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:34,196 Charlotte was impressed with Bunny's technique. 242 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,655 Trey had been looking forward to Cloche all week. 243 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:41,696 Meanwhile, Downtown, Samantha was entertaining Adam Ball, 244 00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:44,405 a film editor who made a very lucrative living 245 00:11:44,488 --> 00:11:46,821 cutting the coming attractions for film companies. 246 00:11:47,363 --> 00:11:50,196 I'm cumming. I'm cumming. 247 00:11:53,905 --> 00:11:56,113 Oh, man. 248 00:11:56,821 --> 00:11:58,363 Oh, you give good head. 249 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:07,030 I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk. 250 00:12:14,363 --> 00:12:16,280 And she's never coming back. 251 00:12:16,363 --> 00:12:19,030 Well, I'm sorry, but who else can I talk to about this? 252 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:20,655 Might I suggest no one? 253 00:12:20,738 --> 00:12:22,488 You're my girlfriends, help me. 254 00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:24,405 Have you ever had this problem? 255 00:12:24,738 --> 00:12:26,530 Not really, but I have to admit, 256 00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:29,071 it's never exactly been a trip to Baskin-Robbins. 257 00:12:29,155 --> 00:12:33,530 Well, this guy is very sour. Like asparagus gone bad or something. 258 00:12:33,613 --> 00:12:35,696 - Can I cancel my rice pudding? Thanks. - Sure thing. 259 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,738 Beautiful guy, great in bed, it's so disappointing. 260 00:12:38,821 --> 00:12:41,196 It's like getting a bad bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau 261 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,363 the first day of season. 262 00:12:42,446 --> 00:12:43,988 It has a lot to do with nutrition. 263 00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:47,071 I once dated a smoker and it affected how his tasted. 264 00:12:47,155 --> 00:12:48,530 They should put that on the side of the pack 265 00:12:48,613 --> 00:12:50,155 if they want to cut back sales. 266 00:12:50,238 --> 00:12:52,696 Maybe there's something he could eat to make it sweeter? 267 00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:54,405 Maybe you should write to Martha Stewart. 268 00:12:54,488 --> 00:12:57,071 "Dear Martha, funky spunk. Help." 269 00:12:57,530 --> 00:13:00,946 "Dear Funky Spunk, try a hint of mint." 270 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,905 No, no, no, it's not just asparagus. 271 00:13:02,988 --> 00:13:04,738 It's asparagus and something else. 272 00:13:04,821 --> 00:13:06,405 I know, Clorox! 273 00:13:06,488 --> 00:13:08,863 Well, at least you'll get your whites whiter. 274 00:13:08,946 --> 00:13:10,571 This is serious, I almost gagged. 275 00:13:10,655 --> 00:13:12,571 - Oh, well, that is serious. - What am I gonna do? 276 00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:13,905 Just don't give him head again. 277 00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,821 Hmm. I never even thought of that. 278 00:13:16,905 --> 00:13:18,946 So, what, casual head is back now? 279 00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:21,946 Oh, it's fine. He's healthy and I don't swallow. 280 00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:25,030 Well, as long as you and the Center for Disease Control are fine with it. 281 00:13:25,113 --> 00:13:27,946 Of course, he just loves getting head. But then, what man doesn't? 282 00:13:28,030 --> 00:13:30,446 You know, if the whole cum situation were reversed, 283 00:13:30,530 --> 00:13:32,780 do you think that men would even get anywhere near the stuff? 284 00:13:32,863 --> 00:13:35,113 Well, maybe, if it tasted like beer. 285 00:13:38,321 --> 00:13:40,946 Later that day, Miranda came home to something 286 00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:42,321 that was even harder to swallow. 287 00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,280 You have one new message. 288 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,238 Hi, if this is Steve's number… 289 00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:51,405 This is Mira. We met last night. 290 00:13:51,488 --> 00:13:54,030 I'm the advertising exec who ordered the Amstel Light. 291 00:13:54,530 --> 00:13:56,738 Steve, if this is you, call me. 292 00:13:56,821 --> 00:13:58,696 I'd love to go to a movie sometime. 293 00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:03,405 Today, 12:22 p.m. 294 00:14:04,613 --> 00:14:06,821 And on an answering machine across town… 295 00:14:09,446 --> 00:14:11,696 You have one new message. 296 00:14:12,446 --> 00:14:13,738 Hi, it's me. 297 00:14:14,655 --> 00:14:16,530 I need to talk to you about what I said the other day. 298 00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:18,655 It's important, please call. 299 00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:20,155 You know my cell number. 300 00:14:20,238 --> 00:14:21,696 The right side of my brain told me 301 00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:23,280 the right thing was to delete it. 302 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,030 But I left it. 303 00:14:25,613 --> 00:14:27,780 It's important, please call. You know my cell number. 304 00:14:27,863 --> 00:14:31,030 Seven playbacks later, I invited over an impartial judge. 305 00:14:31,113 --> 00:14:32,821 - Well? - You should have punched him. 306 00:14:33,530 --> 00:14:35,655 He wants to get back together, right? I mean, that's the tone. 307 00:14:35,738 --> 00:14:39,155 The "hi" and then the "it's important." Is that what that means? 308 00:14:39,238 --> 00:14:41,571 Carrie, we could analyze this for years and never know. 309 00:14:41,655 --> 00:14:43,821 I mean, they still don't know who killed Kennedy. 310 00:14:43,905 --> 00:14:46,155 Well, what should I do? 311 00:14:46,238 --> 00:14:47,821 Well, it's pretty obvious what you want to do 312 00:14:47,905 --> 00:14:49,696 or you wouldn't still be listening to this message. 313 00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:53,613 And by the way, what happened to the "not insane" part of you? 314 00:14:53,696 --> 00:14:54,696 I don't know. 315 00:14:55,113 --> 00:14:57,321 After the fifth playback, he got in a little. 316 00:14:57,780 --> 00:15:00,738 - Ugh! God, I hate my machine. - Yeah. 317 00:15:00,821 --> 00:15:02,238 I hate mine too. 318 00:15:03,196 --> 00:15:05,696 Steve got a message from some girl executive 319 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,530 desperate for him to go to a movie. 320 00:15:07,613 --> 00:15:08,613 Already? 321 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,530 - He's still on your couch. - I know, it's amazing. 322 00:15:11,613 --> 00:15:14,613 A 34-year-old guy with no money and no place to live, 323 00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,446 because he's single, he's a catch. 324 00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:19,821 But a 34-year-old woman with a job and a great home, 325 00:15:19,905 --> 00:15:22,071 because she's single, is considered tragic. 326 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,363 So depressing. 327 00:15:24,905 --> 00:15:26,321 Let's listen to that message again. 328 00:15:27,655 --> 00:15:28,655 I'm deleting it. 329 00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:31,030 But it wasn't that simple. 330 00:15:31,113 --> 00:15:33,696 As soon as Miranda left, I stood and watched my emotions 331 00:15:33,780 --> 00:15:35,571 overrule both sides of my brain. 332 00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:39,905 - Hello? - It's Carrie. 333 00:15:39,988 --> 00:15:42,655 Oh, hey. Yeah, thanks for calling. 334 00:15:43,696 --> 00:15:46,363 Look, it's about what I said about getting out of my marriage. 335 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,488 I didn't know why I called, I didn't even know what I really wanted, 336 00:15:49,571 --> 00:15:51,696 but suddenly my heart was racing. 337 00:15:52,863 --> 00:15:53,905 I thought about it. 338 00:15:55,363 --> 00:15:56,738 And it's going to cost me a lot. 339 00:15:57,821 --> 00:15:59,821 So, maybe you should forget about what I said. 340 00:16:01,196 --> 00:16:02,280 I mean… 341 00:16:02,363 --> 00:16:04,571 I figure I made my bed, I should lie in it. 342 00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:06,446 You do that. 343 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,696 It was just what I needed. 344 00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:12,905 A big shock treatment to jolt me right back to sanity. 345 00:16:15,821 --> 00:16:16,905 You have cracks. 346 00:16:18,196 --> 00:16:19,196 Excuse me? 347 00:16:20,696 --> 00:16:21,696 The ceiling. 348 00:16:22,238 --> 00:16:23,238 Oh. 349 00:16:24,821 --> 00:16:25,863 How long have they been there? 350 00:16:27,030 --> 00:16:28,280 Just three years. 351 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:29,905 Oh, just three years? 352 00:16:32,571 --> 00:16:36,613 Don't take this the wrong way, but this place could use a little work. 353 00:16:37,071 --> 00:16:38,946 I know, but I can't afford it. 354 00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:41,113 You've got 8,000 bucks worth of shoes over there. 355 00:16:41,196 --> 00:16:43,030 - I needed those. - Oh. 356 00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:48,238 You could do little things. Plaster, strip the floors. 357 00:16:48,738 --> 00:16:50,738 You have no idea how beautiful it'd be 358 00:16:51,613 --> 00:16:53,071 if we took it down a level. 359 00:16:54,488 --> 00:16:56,571 I don't know how to do that stuff. 360 00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:57,655 I do. 361 00:16:58,571 --> 00:17:00,488 Let me strip your floors. 362 00:17:00,571 --> 00:17:01,988 Isn't that a lot of work? 363 00:17:02,071 --> 00:17:05,113 Nah. It'll just take a day. You won't even know I'm here. 364 00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:06,196 You sure? 365 00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:09,613 - Really? - A special lady needs a special home. 366 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,488 Here in my arms was a guy who wanted to make my home better, 367 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,780 and somewhere out there was a guy who wanted to pull it apart. 368 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,446 It wasn't a left- or right-brainer. It was a no-brainer. 369 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:27,946 Tell me why we're here, again? 370 00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,946 I'm making an effort to eat better. 371 00:17:30,321 --> 00:17:33,946 After a quick browse on the healthysperm.com web page, 372 00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:36,238 Samantha invited Adam Ball to dinner. 373 00:17:37,071 --> 00:17:40,613 Okay. Here are your wheatgrass shots. 374 00:17:41,821 --> 00:17:44,196 And I'll be right back with menus. 375 00:17:50,446 --> 00:17:51,655 I can't drink that. 376 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,196 Oh, try it. It's very good for you. 377 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:56,446 Bottoms up. 378 00:18:03,696 --> 00:18:04,946 Mmm. 379 00:18:12,446 --> 00:18:14,363 Oh, man, that shit is funky. 380 00:18:14,446 --> 00:18:16,863 Samantha had to fight every urge she had 381 00:18:16,946 --> 00:18:19,363 not to tell Adam Ball he didn't know from funky. 382 00:18:20,113 --> 00:18:23,863 How long does it take for the wheatgrass to work its way into your system? 383 00:18:23,946 --> 00:18:26,405 Uh, hard to say. 384 00:18:26,946 --> 00:18:28,071 Ballpark? 385 00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:30,030 An hour and a half. 386 00:18:30,113 --> 00:18:31,155 Oh. 387 00:18:31,238 --> 00:18:32,405 We should order. 388 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,238 An hour and a half, two wheatgrass shots, 389 00:18:35,321 --> 00:18:37,363 and a ginger melon smoothie later… 390 00:18:37,446 --> 00:18:39,655 I'm cumming. I'm cumming. 391 00:18:40,321 --> 00:18:42,405 I'm cumming! 392 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,363 Oh, man, man, man. You give good head. 393 00:18:51,905 --> 00:18:52,988 Oh, baby. 394 00:18:57,196 --> 00:18:59,905 - Mmm. - What? You don't like your salad? 395 00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:02,905 No, the dressing's a tad… something. 396 00:19:02,988 --> 00:19:04,155 - Excuse me. - Yes, sir? 397 00:19:04,238 --> 00:19:07,155 I'd like to change this for the arugula and endive, please. 398 00:19:07,238 --> 00:19:08,238 Certainly. 399 00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:11,113 Maybe you should try the tomato basil, it's sweeter. 400 00:19:11,905 --> 00:19:12,905 All righty. 401 00:19:18,363 --> 00:19:20,030 I have to say, Mum is quite taken with you. 402 00:19:20,113 --> 00:19:22,530 - She is? - Why wouldn't she be? 403 00:19:23,113 --> 00:19:24,113 You're exquisite. 404 00:19:25,863 --> 00:19:27,780 You really are a dream come true. 405 00:19:27,863 --> 00:19:29,821 Charlotte knew this was the moment. 406 00:19:29,905 --> 00:19:33,571 That magic moment where Trey was going to ask her to be his wife. 407 00:19:35,988 --> 00:19:36,988 Charlotte? 408 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,280 Yes? 409 00:19:40,321 --> 00:19:41,446 Tomato and basil? 410 00:19:42,196 --> 00:19:43,196 Yes. 411 00:19:46,405 --> 00:19:47,405 Enjoy. 412 00:19:47,905 --> 00:19:51,530 Doesn't this look like a little plate of heaven? Oh! 413 00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:54,530 This basil is perfection. 414 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,613 What is it about you, Charlotte? 415 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,363 You always seem to know just what I want. 416 00:20:03,196 --> 00:20:04,613 Maybe we should get married. 417 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,238 All righty. 418 00:20:09,446 --> 00:20:10,446 Mmm. 419 00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:12,155 Mmm! 420 00:20:13,655 --> 00:20:14,655 I'm engaged. 421 00:20:14,905 --> 00:20:16,655 Oh, my God! Really? 422 00:20:17,113 --> 00:20:19,071 Oh, that's wonderful, sweetie. 423 00:20:19,155 --> 00:20:20,738 I proposed to myself. 424 00:20:21,738 --> 00:20:23,613 - What? - Yes. 425 00:20:23,696 --> 00:20:25,988 I suggested he have a tomato salad, 426 00:20:26,071 --> 00:20:28,030 then I suggested we get married. 427 00:20:28,113 --> 00:20:29,780 Wait, what exactly did he say? 428 00:20:30,571 --> 00:20:31,613 "All righty." 429 00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:36,030 "All righty"? He said, "All righty"? 430 00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:38,613 Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, 431 00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,696 it's that you proposed to a guy who says "all righty." 432 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,988 - Oh, Carrie, stop. - All righty. 433 00:20:43,071 --> 00:20:45,238 I was the one who was supposed to say yes. 434 00:20:45,321 --> 00:20:48,155 Oh, who cares about those stupid rules? 435 00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:49,363 I do. 436 00:20:49,988 --> 00:20:52,530 Look, you're overreacting. You love Trey, right? 437 00:20:53,321 --> 00:20:54,905 And you want to marry him, right? 438 00:20:56,113 --> 00:20:57,113 Yes, but… 439 00:20:58,613 --> 00:21:02,405 There was no kneeling, there was no ring, no nothing. 440 00:21:02,821 --> 00:21:05,196 This is an awful engagement story. 441 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,030 What am I supposed to tell my kids? 442 00:21:07,113 --> 00:21:09,196 Well, Mommy really wanted to get married, 443 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,155 so Daddy said, "All righty." 444 00:21:12,655 --> 00:21:14,363 It's so unromantic. 445 00:21:14,446 --> 00:21:15,446 Oh. 446 00:21:28,363 --> 00:21:29,363 Steve? 447 00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:31,155 The dog. 448 00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:42,155 Steve, it's 4:00 a.m. 449 00:21:47,321 --> 00:21:50,071 Miranda realized he was with the girl executive. 450 00:21:50,155 --> 00:21:51,905 It was officially over. 451 00:21:51,988 --> 00:21:54,071 She finally got it into her head. 452 00:21:58,446 --> 00:21:59,488 Hey. 453 00:22:08,446 --> 00:22:09,613 - Morning. - Morning. 454 00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:11,488 I took the dog out already. 455 00:22:12,363 --> 00:22:13,821 Thanks, um, I was… 456 00:22:13,905 --> 00:22:15,696 There's coffee, and, um, 457 00:22:15,780 --> 00:22:18,613 I circled a bunch of apartments in The Village Voice that sound good. 458 00:22:19,155 --> 00:22:21,405 I should probably get out of here today, um… 459 00:22:22,071 --> 00:22:23,821 Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch. 460 00:22:24,530 --> 00:22:25,530 You're welcome. 461 00:22:37,613 --> 00:22:38,905 I think we did pretty good. 462 00:22:41,488 --> 00:22:42,613 We did us proud. 463 00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:44,946 Steve… 464 00:22:46,446 --> 00:22:47,446 Never mind. 465 00:22:47,905 --> 00:22:48,905 What? 466 00:22:50,405 --> 00:22:53,321 I was gonna say, "Keep in touch," but that's weird, right? 467 00:22:53,405 --> 00:22:54,821 That would be weird. 468 00:22:55,821 --> 00:22:57,113 I guess we could do that. 469 00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:26,780 Aidan! 470 00:23:30,488 --> 00:23:32,196 Aidan! 471 00:23:34,696 --> 00:23:36,571 You said I wouldn't be bothered. 472 00:23:36,655 --> 00:23:38,363 I'm… I'm bothered. 473 00:23:38,446 --> 00:23:39,488 It's too loud? 474 00:23:39,571 --> 00:23:42,363 Yeah, and I can't work through that. I've got a deadline. 475 00:23:42,863 --> 00:23:44,071 Take my keys, go to my house. 476 00:23:44,155 --> 00:23:47,238 No, no, I can't write there, 'cause Pete's jumping all over me, 477 00:23:47,321 --> 00:23:48,696 he's deleting things. 478 00:23:49,571 --> 00:23:51,030 You know what, I'm leaving. If anyone calls, 479 00:23:51,113 --> 00:23:52,696 I'll be at the Stanhope Hotel around the corner. 480 00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:56,030 - At least let me pay for it. - No, no, no. I got it, I got it. 481 00:23:56,821 --> 00:23:59,113 See, this is why I don't do home repairs. 482 00:23:59,655 --> 00:24:01,238 Unforeseen costs. 483 00:24:01,321 --> 00:24:02,905 You're gonna love these floors! 484 00:24:03,363 --> 00:24:05,071 Mum was beside herself. 485 00:24:05,530 --> 00:24:08,571 She immediately demanded your address so she could send flowers. 486 00:24:08,655 --> 00:24:09,780 That's nice. 487 00:24:09,863 --> 00:24:11,988 Charlotte had done the impossible in New York. 488 00:24:12,071 --> 00:24:14,571 She was engaged to her heart's desire. 489 00:24:14,655 --> 00:24:17,738 Unfortunately, she couldn't get the way it happened out of her head. 490 00:24:17,821 --> 00:24:18,821 Wait. 491 00:24:19,863 --> 00:24:21,530 I think we should stop here for a minute. 492 00:24:25,196 --> 00:24:26,613 Maybe we should go in there 493 00:24:26,696 --> 00:24:29,030 and find you the most beautiful ring that they have. 494 00:24:30,821 --> 00:24:32,530 All righty! 495 00:24:33,696 --> 00:24:36,363 From that moment on, Charlotte would tell everyone, 496 00:24:36,446 --> 00:24:39,571 that right in front of Tiffany's, out of nowhere, 497 00:24:39,655 --> 00:24:42,321 Trey popped the question and she said, 498 00:24:42,738 --> 00:24:43,780 "All righty." 499 00:24:57,946 --> 00:25:01,155 I'm not really in the mood for that tonight. 500 00:25:01,238 --> 00:25:03,571 Oh, come on, baby, you give the greatest head, please. 501 00:25:03,655 --> 00:25:04,696 Uh-uh. 502 00:25:04,780 --> 00:25:06,113 Not gonna happen. 503 00:25:06,196 --> 00:25:07,446 What's the problem? 504 00:25:10,780 --> 00:25:12,488 Well, Adam… 505 00:25:13,780 --> 00:25:16,071 you've got some funky tasting spunk. 506 00:25:16,155 --> 00:25:17,155 What? 507 00:25:17,196 --> 00:25:19,488 You heard me. Your spunk is funky. 508 00:25:20,530 --> 00:25:21,821 My spunk? 509 00:25:21,905 --> 00:25:24,446 Cum, spooge, jizz, joy juice. 510 00:25:24,530 --> 00:25:25,530 Funky. 511 00:25:25,613 --> 00:25:27,988 Man, I have heard some far-out excuses for not giving head, 512 00:25:28,071 --> 00:25:29,196 but this one takes the cake. 513 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,280 Excuse me? 514 00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:33,530 You're one of them two-blow job chicks. 515 00:25:33,613 --> 00:25:35,238 You put blow jobs in the coming attractions 516 00:25:35,321 --> 00:25:36,988 that I'm never gonna see in the actual movie. 517 00:25:37,071 --> 00:25:38,488 I resent that! 518 00:25:38,863 --> 00:25:40,196 I love giving head. 519 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,988 Well, then come on, give me a little BJ. 520 00:25:42,071 --> 00:25:44,071 Up and down a couple of times, you're done. 521 00:25:44,155 --> 00:25:45,530 - It's easy. - Easy? 522 00:25:46,030 --> 00:25:48,780 You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. 523 00:25:49,196 --> 00:25:52,530 Teeth placement and jaw stress and suction and gag reflex. 524 00:25:52,613 --> 00:25:54,780 And all the while bobbing up and down, 525 00:25:54,863 --> 00:25:56,696 moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. 526 00:25:56,780 --> 00:25:57,946 Easy? Honey! 527 00:25:58,738 --> 00:26:00,530 They don't call it a job for nothing. 528 00:26:02,030 --> 00:26:04,988 Now, having said all that, 529 00:26:05,446 --> 00:26:07,405 with the right man, it can be fabulous. 530 00:26:09,821 --> 00:26:13,196 That is, unless the man in question has spunk 531 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,696 that's like a trip to the rotten egg buffet. 532 00:26:16,155 --> 00:26:19,155 Come on, it can't be that bad. 533 00:26:21,155 --> 00:26:23,030 I'll make a deal with you. 534 00:26:24,196 --> 00:26:25,363 You try it. 535 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,821 If you're fine with it, 536 00:26:28,905 --> 00:26:30,196 I'll be fine with it. 537 00:26:31,071 --> 00:26:32,446 I can't do that. 538 00:26:32,946 --> 00:26:36,363 - It's gay. - It's not gay if it's you. 539 00:26:37,738 --> 00:26:38,821 Take it or leave it. 540 00:26:39,863 --> 00:26:40,848 Ten minutes later, 541 00:26:40,863 --> 00:26:43,446 Samantha learned just how far a man would go for a blow job. 542 00:26:47,155 --> 00:26:48,488 I'm fine with it. 543 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:55,238 Samantha kept her word. 544 00:26:55,321 --> 00:26:57,905 She gave him head, but her heart wasn't in it. 545 00:27:07,571 --> 00:27:08,738 - Hello. - It's me. 546 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,613 I'm in the lobby. 547 00:27:10,696 --> 00:27:12,071 How did you know I was here? 548 00:27:12,155 --> 00:27:13,571 That guy at your place. 549 00:27:14,030 --> 00:27:15,696 You called my house again? 550 00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:17,196 I have to talk to you. 551 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,946 Yeah, I have to talk to you too. Stay in the lobby, I'll be right down. 552 00:27:20,696 --> 00:27:21,696 Shit. 553 00:27:36,155 --> 00:27:37,405 This is not the lobby. 554 00:27:38,071 --> 00:27:39,238 Sit down, have a drink. 555 00:27:39,321 --> 00:27:40,863 What are you doing? You're calling my house, 556 00:27:40,946 --> 00:27:42,613 you follow me to hotels? 557 00:27:42,696 --> 00:27:46,196 Could you please sit down for one minute and listen to me? 558 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:47,738 Please, one minute. 559 00:27:51,405 --> 00:27:54,071 You know, I don't have time for this. I have a boyfriend and a deadline. 560 00:27:54,155 --> 00:27:56,613 And you have a wife and apparently a drinking problem. 561 00:27:56,696 --> 00:27:58,655 - I'm not drunk. - Then what is your excuse? 562 00:27:58,738 --> 00:28:00,280 Will you slow down? I can't think. 563 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,280 I was an asshole to you on the phone the other day. 564 00:28:08,363 --> 00:28:09,363 Yes. 565 00:28:10,405 --> 00:28:12,613 When I said I was leaving, you didn't say anything, 566 00:28:12,696 --> 00:28:14,280 so I got nervous, so I… 567 00:28:14,363 --> 00:28:15,821 So, what? 568 00:28:15,905 --> 00:28:16,905 So… 569 00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:19,321 I don't know. 570 00:28:19,405 --> 00:28:20,946 You know, this has to stop. 571 00:28:21,030 --> 00:28:25,030 The flirting and the jerking me around and the calling my boyfriend. 572 00:28:25,571 --> 00:28:26,556 He doesn't know about you 573 00:28:26,571 --> 00:28:28,155 and I don't want him to ever know about you. 574 00:28:28,780 --> 00:28:29,723 Why is that? 575 00:28:29,738 --> 00:28:31,488 Oh, go lay in your beige bed. 576 00:28:41,155 --> 00:28:42,863 Carrie! Wait, wait. 577 00:28:43,446 --> 00:28:45,488 I haven't explained this very well. 578 00:28:45,571 --> 00:28:47,155 Now, wait a minute. Listen. 579 00:28:47,655 --> 00:28:48,946 The thing is… 580 00:28:49,030 --> 00:28:50,446 Fuck! I miss you. 581 00:28:50,571 --> 00:28:51,571 Too bad. 582 00:28:53,196 --> 00:28:55,780 Do not come in here. Don't follow me in here! 583 00:28:55,863 --> 00:28:57,113 - I have to talk to you. - What? 584 00:28:57,196 --> 00:28:59,238 What is it? What is it you have to say? 585 00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:01,238 I made a mistake. 586 00:29:03,946 --> 00:29:04,946 Fuck you. 587 00:29:05,655 --> 00:29:06,655 I love you. 588 00:29:09,821 --> 00:29:10,821 Fuck you. 589 00:29:15,446 --> 00:29:17,655 My mind was yelling how angry I was, 590 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:19,405 but my heart… 591 00:29:20,030 --> 00:29:21,030 My heart… 592 00:29:21,113 --> 00:29:22,113 Fuck me. 593 00:29:42,113 --> 00:29:44,571 And just like that, I lost my head.