1 00:00:51,581 --> 00:00:52,915 New York City. 2 00:00:52,998 --> 00:00:55,498 Dreary, gray, miserable. 3 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,415 Or was that just me? 4 00:00:58,915 --> 00:01:01,956 After ending a sordid affair with my married ex-boyfriend, 5 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,831 and going through a painful breakup with my current one, 6 00:01:04,915 --> 00:01:07,581 I decided it was time for a change of scenery. 7 00:01:07,665 --> 00:01:08,748 And I wasn't alone. 8 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:12,415 I can't believe you're all going to LA without me. 9 00:01:12,498 --> 00:01:15,081 We still can't believe you went on your honeymoon without us. 10 00:01:15,165 --> 00:01:16,831 Oh, I have pictures. 11 00:01:17,956 --> 00:01:19,081 You happy now? 12 00:01:19,165 --> 00:01:20,498 While we were planning our escape, 13 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,248 Charlotte was celebrating her return. 14 00:01:22,331 --> 00:01:25,540 She and Trey had just come back from ten days in Bermuda. 15 00:01:25,623 --> 00:01:27,706 See, here Trey and I are playing golf. 16 00:01:28,831 --> 00:01:31,415 Do you think the studio will send a limo to pick us up? 17 00:01:31,498 --> 00:01:32,873 - No, I do not. - They should. 18 00:01:32,956 --> 00:01:34,665 They're making a movie out of your column. 19 00:01:34,748 --> 00:01:36,165 It's a little production company 20 00:01:36,248 --> 00:01:39,206 that's just talking about optioning my columns. 21 00:01:39,290 --> 00:01:42,248 I know. I was just practicing my LA spin. 22 00:01:43,123 --> 00:01:46,831 Oh, look, look. Here's one of Trey pretending to get a hole in one. 23 00:01:46,915 --> 00:01:48,790 - He just loved that gag. - Who wouldn't? 24 00:01:50,331 --> 00:01:52,623 Did you notice that we're both wearing Bermuda shorts? 25 00:01:52,706 --> 00:01:56,623 Bermudas in Bermuda. You kids were crazy down there. 26 00:01:56,706 --> 00:01:58,040 Well, I'd love to stay, 27 00:01:58,123 --> 00:02:00,581 but I've got to drug my cat and take him to the kennel. 28 00:02:00,665 --> 00:02:02,915 - Lovely. - Ah, I got to go too. 29 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,706 Hey, the car's picking us up at 1:00. 30 00:02:04,790 --> 00:02:05,790 We'll be there. 31 00:02:06,248 --> 00:02:09,456 - Welcome back, you old, married lady. - Aw! 32 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,123 - Bye, have fun! - All right. 33 00:02:16,206 --> 00:02:17,373 So how are you? 34 00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:18,706 I'm good. How are you? 35 00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:19,790 Great. 36 00:02:21,956 --> 00:02:24,206 I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me. 37 00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:26,290 Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon. 38 00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:28,081 You win. 39 00:02:28,623 --> 00:02:30,331 So, should we get more coffee, 40 00:02:30,415 --> 00:02:32,415 or should we get two guns and kill ourselves? 41 00:02:32,498 --> 00:02:34,956 He just… He couldn't get it up. 42 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,748 We tried twice, and it was just so frustrating, 43 00:02:37,831 --> 00:02:39,331 we just started playing golf. 44 00:02:39,415 --> 00:02:41,248 After many days on the golf course, 45 00:02:41,331 --> 00:02:43,790 Charlotte's handicap had gone down 12. 46 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:46,290 Trey's handicap had stayed the same. 47 00:02:46,373 --> 00:02:47,373 Well, sweetie… 48 00:02:49,373 --> 00:02:51,290 - Impotence is a common problem. - Oh, God. 49 00:02:51,831 --> 00:02:53,373 Do you think he's impotent? 50 00:02:54,623 --> 00:02:55,623 Well… 51 00:02:56,248 --> 00:02:59,123 My husband can't be impotent, he's gorgeous. 52 00:02:59,206 --> 00:03:01,373 All right, then. Glad you solved that. 53 00:03:02,165 --> 00:03:05,081 I was thinking that maybe he was just nervous 54 00:03:05,165 --> 00:03:08,040 about the wedding, and the honeymoon, and the golf. 55 00:03:08,123 --> 00:03:10,040 He played really badly one day. 56 00:03:11,206 --> 00:03:12,540 What do you want me to say? 57 00:03:14,456 --> 00:03:15,706 Let's just change the subject. 58 00:03:17,581 --> 00:03:18,665 What happened with Aidan? 59 00:03:19,915 --> 00:03:22,290 Nothing good. 60 00:03:22,373 --> 00:03:24,040 The whole reason I even agreed to this trip 61 00:03:24,123 --> 00:03:26,456 was to get away from Aidan, and Big, and the whole mess. 62 00:03:28,748 --> 00:03:30,790 Come on, let's get the check and go to Barneys. 63 00:03:30,873 --> 00:03:34,040 I can't possibly go to Los Angeles without another pair of shoes. 64 00:03:35,623 --> 00:03:36,623 No… 65 00:03:37,623 --> 00:03:39,456 You go. I'm gonna stay and have another cup. 66 00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:40,790 Just go, have fun. 67 00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:42,456 All right. 68 00:03:47,415 --> 00:03:48,456 Call me if you need me. 69 00:03:49,206 --> 00:03:50,331 Okay. 70 00:03:50,415 --> 00:03:51,415 - Bye. - Bye. 71 00:03:59,415 --> 00:04:00,831 Later that day, 72 00:04:00,915 --> 00:04:03,665 three single New Yorkers arrived in the City of Angels. 73 00:04:03,748 --> 00:04:07,373 Oh, I so needed this vacation. 74 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:08,665 You and me both, sister. 75 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,456 Hooray for Hollywood. 76 00:04:15,873 --> 00:04:17,040 Wait, that's his job? 77 00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:19,873 To sit in a fake fish tank in underwear? 78 00:04:19,956 --> 00:04:21,498 What do you think he's reading? 79 00:04:21,581 --> 00:04:23,331 The want ads? 80 00:04:23,415 --> 00:04:25,165 There seems to be a problem. 81 00:04:25,248 --> 00:04:26,540 Words I'm never fond of hearing. 82 00:04:26,623 --> 00:04:29,915 I have reservations for Miss Jones and Miss Bradshaw, but not Miss Hobbes. 83 00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:31,665 Great, that's just great. 84 00:04:31,748 --> 00:04:35,248 Well, there was supposed to be three reservations. 85 00:04:35,331 --> 00:04:37,623 The production company only requested two rooms, 86 00:04:37,706 --> 00:04:38,915 and I'm afraid we're all booked up. 87 00:04:39,373 --> 00:04:41,081 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 88 00:04:41,831 --> 00:04:43,165 She's from New York. 89 00:04:43,790 --> 00:04:44,775 I understand. 90 00:04:44,790 --> 00:04:47,040 I'll have another room tomorrow, or the next day, at the latest. 91 00:04:47,123 --> 00:04:49,873 Until then, might I suggest you stay with one of your friends? 92 00:04:52,998 --> 00:04:54,248 I'll stay with her. 93 00:04:54,331 --> 00:04:56,581 Okay, I don't want to hear anything about my smoking. 94 00:04:56,665 --> 00:04:58,790 Uh, they didn't request smoking rooms. 95 00:05:00,748 --> 00:05:01,691 Excuse me? 96 00:05:01,706 --> 00:05:03,206 You're on a non-smoking floor. 97 00:05:03,748 --> 00:05:05,165 Words I'm even less fond of hearing. 98 00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:11,623 Later that night, decked out in our New York goes to LA finest, 99 00:05:11,706 --> 00:05:13,956 we were ready for a night on the town. 100 00:05:21,206 --> 00:05:22,915 Okay, ready, let's go. 101 00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:29,748 Back in the hotel bar, 102 00:05:29,831 --> 00:05:32,290 we realized the three-hour time difference 103 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:35,123 also made us three hours late for cocktail hour. 104 00:05:35,206 --> 00:05:37,081 Welcome to LA. I'm Garth. 105 00:05:37,165 --> 00:05:39,498 I'm Samantha. How did you know I was from out of town? 106 00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:40,790 Because if you lived here, 107 00:05:41,248 --> 00:05:42,415 we would have met by now. 108 00:05:42,498 --> 00:05:46,123 So what do you do when you're not working as a one-man welcome wagon? 109 00:05:46,206 --> 00:05:47,206 I'm a dildo model. 110 00:05:48,206 --> 00:05:50,456 You wouldn't tease a girl, would you? 111 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:52,623 Really, I'm the number-two selling model in the US. 112 00:05:52,706 --> 00:05:55,040 Number one in Canada. My dick's bigger in Canada. 113 00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:56,998 Got to love that metric system. 114 00:05:57,081 --> 00:05:58,790 Ugh. 115 00:05:59,331 --> 00:06:00,331 I got to run. 116 00:06:00,706 --> 00:06:02,956 Where? A dildo emergency? 117 00:06:03,873 --> 00:06:05,998 You know, I know you think I'm yanking your chain, but I'm not. 118 00:06:06,081 --> 00:06:09,706 As a matter of fact, we are having a promotional party at the Hustler store 119 00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:13,165 celebrating the launch of a new line of toys and accessories. 120 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,790 Here's an invitation. 121 00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:16,373 Come. 122 00:06:16,831 --> 00:06:17,831 Oh. 123 00:06:18,665 --> 00:06:20,165 I always do. 124 00:06:20,873 --> 00:06:21,873 Oh. 125 00:06:24,331 --> 00:06:27,165 As Samantha said good-bye to Mr. Dildo, 126 00:06:27,248 --> 00:06:30,540 Miranda said hello to Mr. Dique. Mr. Jason Dique. 127 00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:33,165 It's spelled D-I-Q-U-E. It's Dutch. 128 00:06:33,248 --> 00:06:34,706 And yes, I've thought about changing it. 129 00:06:34,790 --> 00:06:36,456 - Well, it could be worse. - How? 130 00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:38,956 If your first name was Little. 131 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,081 - So what about you? What do you do? - I'm a lawyer. 132 00:06:41,165 --> 00:06:42,706 Oh, and I thought I had it bad. 133 00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:44,915 - Oh! - No, really, that's great. 134 00:06:44,998 --> 00:06:46,998 - You look like a lawyer. - And you look like a dick. 135 00:06:48,706 --> 00:06:51,998 It is so great to talk to a smart, and funny woman. 136 00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:58,206 Uh, what was I saying? 137 00:06:58,290 --> 00:07:00,665 It's great to talk to a smart, funny woman. 138 00:07:00,748 --> 00:07:02,040 Yeah, yeah. 139 00:07:02,706 --> 00:07:04,915 Uh, could you excuse me for a second? 140 00:07:05,956 --> 00:07:06,956 Okay. 141 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,248 And across the bar, 142 00:07:08,331 --> 00:07:11,498 I was having drinks with the most ambitious and feared creature 143 00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:13,248 in all of Los Angeles, 144 00:07:13,331 --> 00:07:14,915 the junior development executive. 145 00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:16,706 I just love your columns. 146 00:07:17,081 --> 00:07:18,540 They're so relatable. 147 00:07:18,623 --> 00:07:19,873 Thanks. Well, I try. 148 00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:23,248 It's like I'm you, or I will be when I turn 30. 149 00:07:24,415 --> 00:07:26,790 You. You are such a loser. 150 00:07:26,873 --> 00:07:27,956 You're a loser. 151 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,873 You are, loser! 152 00:07:30,665 --> 00:07:31,790 I'm kidding! 153 00:07:32,831 --> 00:07:35,915 What a loser. Last year, pitched me nothing but shit, 24/7. 154 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,665 - That's a lot of shit. - No shit. 155 00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:38,790 Oh! 156 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,540 But seriously, I am you. 157 00:07:42,956 --> 00:07:44,331 You've had your heart broken, 158 00:07:44,748 --> 00:07:46,123 I've had my heart broken. 159 00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:48,373 And if I have, that means other girls have. 160 00:07:48,456 --> 00:07:51,415 And if other girls have, that means big opening weekend. 161 00:07:51,873 --> 00:07:53,831 Not X-Men big, but chick flick big. 162 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,623 God, the guy who came up with that term should have his balls cut off. 163 00:07:57,373 --> 00:07:58,623 Don't you think that's a little severe? 164 00:07:58,706 --> 00:08:02,165 Do I sound like an asshole? I hope I don't sound like an asshole. 165 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:03,748 You know, I love your shoes. 166 00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:05,123 Oh, thanks. Thanks. 167 00:08:05,206 --> 00:08:06,831 So, big news. 168 00:08:07,373 --> 00:08:10,248 I have a star interested. Guess who. 169 00:08:11,790 --> 00:08:12,790 Um… 170 00:08:13,873 --> 00:08:14,873 Drew Barrymore? 171 00:08:14,915 --> 00:08:16,331 No. Guess. 172 00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,415 I'm really not good with the celebrity names. 173 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,790 Oh, guess. 174 00:08:20,873 --> 00:08:21,873 Uh… 175 00:08:22,831 --> 00:08:25,623 That Jennifer Love-something girl? 176 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:26,706 Nope. Guess. 177 00:08:28,456 --> 00:08:29,623 I'm done guessing. 178 00:08:32,748 --> 00:08:34,373 Matthew McConaughey. 179 00:08:37,456 --> 00:08:38,998 Why would he want to be involved? 180 00:08:39,081 --> 00:08:40,665 Because he's smart. 181 00:08:40,748 --> 00:08:43,915 He's a producer as well, and he really took to the material. 182 00:08:43,998 --> 00:08:45,623 You're meeting him tomorrow at 3:00. 183 00:08:45,706 --> 00:08:47,165 Hot, hottie, hot. 184 00:08:47,581 --> 00:08:48,581 What do you think about that? 185 00:08:53,331 --> 00:08:54,873 Meanwhile, back in New York, 186 00:08:54,956 --> 00:08:58,456 Charlotte was dealing with a bed that was still cold, coldie, cold. 187 00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:03,165 - Trey, honey, come to bed. It's late. - Oh, in a minute. 188 00:09:03,873 --> 00:09:06,623 I won't be able to sleep until I enter all these wedding gifts. 189 00:09:06,706 --> 00:09:07,998 Sleep was the last thing 190 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,123 Charlotte was hoping Trey would do in bed that night. 191 00:09:11,706 --> 00:09:13,331 You see, I've listed the gifts… 192 00:09:13,415 --> 00:09:16,206 - Uh-huh. - …who it's from, and the addresses. 193 00:09:17,081 --> 00:09:19,581 That'll make it a breeze when you send out the thank-you notes. 194 00:09:19,665 --> 00:09:22,831 Oh, I can't wait till all this wedding nonsense is behind us, 195 00:09:22,915 --> 00:09:27,415 and then we can relax and just be a regular man and wife. 196 00:09:28,373 --> 00:09:29,581 Wait a minute. 197 00:09:29,665 --> 00:09:32,248 The Jamison's were the crystal candlesticks, 198 00:09:32,331 --> 00:09:34,790 and the Sullivan's were the silver… 199 00:09:34,873 --> 00:09:36,248 Oh, hello, there. 200 00:09:37,456 --> 00:09:40,706 You know, since we've been home, 201 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:44,831 I've just been feeling so much more relaxed. Haven't you? 202 00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:46,165 Oh! 203 00:09:46,248 --> 00:09:48,290 I think you just deleted Mr. and Mrs. Evan Handey 204 00:09:48,373 --> 00:09:50,498 and their Steuben glass bowl. Hang on. 205 00:09:53,623 --> 00:09:54,623 Trey. 206 00:09:55,831 --> 00:09:57,540 We have a problem. 207 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,331 I know. 208 00:10:00,081 --> 00:10:03,706 Somehow, we've got two serving platters, and we only registered for one. 209 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,748 Charlotte walked back to her big, Park Avenue bed, 210 00:10:08,831 --> 00:10:11,873 wishing she had remembered to register for a sex life. 211 00:10:13,206 --> 00:10:16,415 When visiting LA, there are two things you simply must do. 212 00:10:16,498 --> 00:10:18,748 One, is rent a fabulous car. 213 00:10:18,831 --> 00:10:20,665 Two, is learn how to drive it. 214 00:10:20,748 --> 00:10:22,498 You said you knew how to drive a stick. 215 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:26,081 Well, I did, a couple of times. In a parking lot. 216 00:10:26,165 --> 00:10:28,581 Why didn't you just get an automatic? 217 00:10:28,665 --> 00:10:30,998 I love this car. It goes with my outfit. 218 00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:34,123 It was my own personal belief that cars are to Los Angeles 219 00:10:34,206 --> 00:10:36,290 what handbags are to New York. 220 00:10:37,248 --> 00:10:40,331 What's with this hill? LA is supposed to be flat. 221 00:10:40,415 --> 00:10:41,873 Yeah, I think they mean culturally. 222 00:10:41,956 --> 00:10:43,248 The hotel's right there. 223 00:10:43,331 --> 00:10:46,040 Yes, but to get there, we have to go up this hill. 224 00:10:51,456 --> 00:10:53,415 Okay, that's enough! Stop! 225 00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:58,831 I'm not going to die in this tin can. 226 00:10:58,915 --> 00:11:00,290 I have a date with a dildo. 227 00:11:02,248 --> 00:11:03,290 I'm sorry… 228 00:11:03,623 --> 00:11:05,373 All right, all right, come on, we're gonna do it. 229 00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,248 Let me try again. 230 00:11:09,123 --> 00:11:10,831 Oh, shit. 231 00:11:10,915 --> 00:11:12,831 Yeah, baby, go! 232 00:11:16,665 --> 00:11:19,915 A little while later, freshly showered and freaked out, 233 00:11:19,998 --> 00:11:23,290 I drove to the studio for my meeting with Matthew McConaughey. 234 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,331 - Hey. - Can I help you? 235 00:11:43,415 --> 00:11:44,665 Warner building five. 236 00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:46,623 There aren't any hills in there, are there? 237 00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:49,831 Go down there, make a left. General parking. 238 00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:51,040 Okay, thank you. 239 00:11:58,081 --> 00:11:59,748 I do. I like all of it. 240 00:11:59,831 --> 00:12:02,206 I think your writing is brilliant. 241 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,498 I really do. I mean, it's sharp, it's edgy, it's brutal at times. 242 00:12:06,581 --> 00:12:09,373 It's always a little juicy. It's very New York. 243 00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:12,998 And I'm saying I do like it, I really do. 244 00:12:13,081 --> 00:12:15,248 Wow. My God. Well… 245 00:12:16,123 --> 00:12:18,748 thank you, Matthew McConaughey. 246 00:12:19,123 --> 00:12:21,206 You're welcome, Carrie Bradshaw. 247 00:12:22,373 --> 00:12:24,248 Now, here's what I've been thinking about. 248 00:12:25,081 --> 00:12:29,581 How do we get your column to translate to the silver screen? 249 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,998 And I think I've got the answer. 250 00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:34,706 Now, what if we flush out the central relationship? 251 00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:39,498 Mmm-hmm, okay. The central relationship. 252 00:12:39,581 --> 00:12:40,998 Yeah, Carrie and Mr. Big, huh? 253 00:12:42,665 --> 00:12:44,456 I don't see why they couldn't make it work. 254 00:12:45,290 --> 00:12:46,415 I couldn't believe it. 255 00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:49,581 I flew 3,000 miles to have Matthew McConaughey 256 00:12:49,665 --> 00:12:52,540 ask the same question I've been asking myself for years? 257 00:12:52,623 --> 00:12:55,081 I mean, look at him. I mean, he is such a great guy. 258 00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:58,165 I mean, I don't know anybody any cooler than Mr. Big. 259 00:12:59,456 --> 00:13:03,206 My only question, really, is what the fuck is Carrie's problem? 260 00:13:03,956 --> 00:13:05,706 You know? What do you think? 261 00:13:07,123 --> 00:13:08,581 Well, um… 262 00:13:09,165 --> 00:13:10,165 I don't… 263 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:14,956 I don't particularly think it was just her problem. 264 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:20,123 Um, 'cause, well, actually, he had some, you know, commitment issues. 265 00:13:20,206 --> 00:13:22,831 Oh, that's bullshit, Carrie, and you know it! 266 00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:26,540 Cut. 267 00:13:26,623 --> 00:13:28,581 Kidding. I'm acting, huh? 268 00:13:30,373 --> 00:13:31,498 That's what I do. 269 00:13:32,331 --> 00:13:33,623 Yes, but do you see what I mean? 270 00:13:33,706 --> 00:13:35,456 That's why I want to develop the story with you. 271 00:13:37,206 --> 00:13:38,206 I'm Mr. Big. 272 00:13:39,331 --> 00:13:42,581 Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Okay, that's… 273 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,706 Excellent. You're in. 274 00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:46,123 You know what else? 275 00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,790 I really want to fuck you, baby. 276 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,290 Are you acting now? 277 00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,123 I'm Big, okay? 278 00:13:55,123 --> 00:13:57,206 - You be Carrie. - I am Carrie. 279 00:13:57,290 --> 00:14:00,915 We are animals. Man, woman, walking the Earth. 280 00:14:01,706 --> 00:14:04,040 We are made of head, heart, and loins. 281 00:14:04,498 --> 00:14:06,831 We're talking about using them. Am I right? 282 00:14:06,915 --> 00:14:07,915 Well… 283 00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,248 I have, uh, well… 284 00:14:10,790 --> 00:14:13,290 The girl said that we would probably… 285 00:14:13,373 --> 00:14:16,540 We would… we would talk about the columns today. 286 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,873 Let's get down to the underbelly of these two characters. 287 00:14:19,956 --> 00:14:23,415 And let's figure out why they're so fucked up. 288 00:14:24,456 --> 00:14:27,290 Well, I have a facial at 4:00. 289 00:14:27,373 --> 00:14:28,915 And I love you. 290 00:14:29,623 --> 00:14:32,165 I don't understand why we can't be together. 291 00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:33,706 Do you mind if I smoke? 292 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,498 I don't think you should smoke, Carrie. 293 00:14:35,581 --> 00:14:36,748 - What? - In the movie. 294 00:14:36,831 --> 00:14:38,998 I don't think Carrie should smoke. 295 00:14:39,081 --> 00:14:40,998 Oh, that's all right. 296 00:14:42,831 --> 00:14:45,748 Or in my office, okay? 297 00:14:46,623 --> 00:14:48,706 After I left the meeting, I took a wrong turn 298 00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:52,331 and somehow found myself right back where I had started. 299 00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:55,748 Back in New York. Back wondering about Big. 300 00:14:57,748 --> 00:15:00,123 I had come to LA for a vacation, 301 00:15:00,206 --> 00:15:02,373 hoping to get away from Big and Aidan, 302 00:15:02,456 --> 00:15:04,165 and most of all, myself. 303 00:15:04,248 --> 00:15:05,581 But sitting on the fake set, 304 00:15:05,665 --> 00:15:08,373 all my old issues felt more real than ever. 305 00:15:09,123 --> 00:15:10,748 I couldn't help but wonder, 306 00:15:10,831 --> 00:15:14,456 no matter how far you travel or how much you run from it, 307 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,998 can you ever really escape your past? 308 00:15:18,581 --> 00:15:20,290 Ma'am, no smoking. 309 00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:22,540 But I'm outside. 310 00:15:23,415 --> 00:15:24,831 And it's New York! 311 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:41,081 In New York, the release of a new book is cause for celebration. 312 00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:44,748 Here in LA, a new line of sex toys will do the trick. 313 00:15:44,831 --> 00:15:45,915 Isn't this fun? 314 00:15:46,623 --> 00:15:49,540 The answer to that would be "no." Sweetie, we want to go. 315 00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:51,998 What? We can't leave yet. 316 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,748 Look, they haven't even cut the cock. 317 00:15:53,831 --> 00:15:55,706 What are the chances it's cream filled? 318 00:15:55,790 --> 00:15:58,915 I am exhausted from McConaughey-mania. 319 00:15:58,998 --> 00:16:00,790 I just want to get into bed, go to sleep, 320 00:16:00,873 --> 00:16:02,790 and pretend this whole day never happened. 321 00:16:02,873 --> 00:16:04,290 Oh, stay a little longer. 322 00:16:04,373 --> 00:16:07,748 Garth's going to autograph some dildos. He's a very big seller. 323 00:16:07,831 --> 00:16:09,623 He's the John Grisham of penises. 324 00:16:09,706 --> 00:16:11,081 I'm going to go get in line. 325 00:16:14,915 --> 00:16:18,415 I can't believe how open and "Hi, I have sex" this place is. 326 00:16:18,498 --> 00:16:20,831 In New York, sex is so bottom shelf, paper bag. 327 00:16:20,915 --> 00:16:23,498 Exactly. It's all hidden, like me. 328 00:16:24,165 --> 00:16:25,165 What do you mean? 329 00:16:25,665 --> 00:16:27,790 Last night, I was talking to this cute guy, 330 00:16:27,873 --> 00:16:29,331 and we were having a great time. 331 00:16:29,415 --> 00:16:32,623 And then, this woman in a tight dress walked by with big breasts. 332 00:16:32,706 --> 00:16:34,206 Just boom, here they are. 333 00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,831 And he totally went for it. 334 00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:37,790 Right. 335 00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:40,165 But the thing is, I wanted to have sex with him, too. 336 00:16:40,248 --> 00:16:43,081 But it was all hidden in my witty banter and my little looks. 337 00:16:43,165 --> 00:16:45,290 And she just put it right out there. Sex. 338 00:16:45,373 --> 00:16:46,316 And she got the guy. 339 00:16:46,331 --> 00:16:47,790 Yeah, but how long did she have him? 340 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,915 Who cares? I'm on vacation, I want to get laid. 341 00:16:50,581 --> 00:16:54,081 I admire women who can just put it right out there where you can see it. 342 00:16:54,165 --> 00:16:55,873 See, look. Like her. 343 00:16:58,206 --> 00:16:59,456 You want to dress like her? 344 00:17:00,165 --> 00:17:01,581 You know what I mean. 345 00:17:01,665 --> 00:17:04,331 Do you think there's any chance that she's not up for sex? 346 00:17:04,415 --> 00:17:06,165 No, 'cause she's a hooker. 347 00:17:06,248 --> 00:17:08,081 She's not a… 348 00:17:08,415 --> 00:17:09,498 Hi. 349 00:17:09,581 --> 00:17:11,623 - Hi. - Have we met? 350 00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:15,915 No, I was just telling my friend how much I admire what you're wearing. 351 00:17:16,956 --> 00:17:17,858 Thank you. 352 00:17:17,873 --> 00:17:19,290 Are you in the porn industry? 353 00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:21,206 Oh, God, no. I'm a lawyer for Disney. 354 00:17:23,373 --> 00:17:24,373 See? 355 00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:26,290 - There you go. - Thank you so much. 356 00:17:26,373 --> 00:17:27,373 Enjoy. 357 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,540 You made it. 358 00:17:32,581 --> 00:17:37,290 Well, my opinion of Canadian consumers just went up a notch. 359 00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:40,165 Sign it, please. 360 00:17:40,623 --> 00:17:41,623 How should I sign it? 361 00:17:41,706 --> 00:17:43,040 I don't know. 362 00:17:43,123 --> 00:17:46,956 "To Samantha, who's staying at The Standard, Room 324." 363 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,081 Perfect. 364 00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:49,873 I'll deliver it personally. 365 00:17:50,581 --> 00:17:51,706 You're too kind. 366 00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:55,081 That night, 367 00:17:55,165 --> 00:17:57,623 Samantha took home the deluxe Garth. 368 00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:03,456 And next door, I learned that not only could I not escape my past, 369 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,290 I couldn't escape my present. 370 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,873 What is it about California air? It makes me sleep so well. 371 00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:16,165 - Mmm. - It's not the air. 372 00:18:16,248 --> 00:18:18,498 Your headboard knocked you unconscious. 373 00:18:18,581 --> 00:18:20,248 - You heard us? - I didn't. 374 00:18:20,748 --> 00:18:22,581 No, Miss Snore, you wouldn't. 375 00:18:22,665 --> 00:18:24,165 - Are you okay? - I'm cranky. 376 00:18:24,915 --> 00:18:27,915 I have to take another meeting with Matthew McConaughey and his partners. 377 00:18:27,998 --> 00:18:29,540 We're all gonna sit around and "brainstorm" 378 00:18:29,623 --> 00:18:32,456 what goes wrong with "Carrie and all her relationships." 379 00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:35,373 - Don't go. - I have to go. They flew me out here. 380 00:18:35,456 --> 00:18:36,873 I'm their little writer monkey. 381 00:18:36,956 --> 00:18:40,915 Well, I've got something to make you feel better. 382 00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:45,456 Oh, dildos before 10:00 a.m. I'm all perked up. 383 00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:47,748 - They're autographed, one for each. - Oh. 384 00:18:47,831 --> 00:18:51,456 "My friend went to California and all I got was this lousy dildo." 385 00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:54,290 Could you please put these back wherever they came from? People are staring. 386 00:18:54,373 --> 00:18:55,831 Please, it's LA. 387 00:18:55,915 --> 00:18:58,790 No one cares if your egg whites have a side of cock. 388 00:18:58,873 --> 00:19:01,415 Wow, nobody needs this much. 389 00:19:01,998 --> 00:19:04,290 Do you know the average woman is only five inches deep? 390 00:19:04,373 --> 00:19:06,040 Is that written on your place mat or something? 391 00:19:06,123 --> 00:19:08,873 To me, the mark of a fine penis is width. 392 00:19:08,956 --> 00:19:10,790 Mmm, couldn't agree more. 393 00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:12,956 That's why I know you'll enjoy your presents. 394 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,081 - Huh. - So are you saying that 395 00:19:15,165 --> 00:19:18,290 - Garth has the perfect girth? - Exactly. 396 00:19:18,373 --> 00:19:24,623 Mmm. Well, as much as I enjoy the fine, lifelike craftsmanship, 397 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,081 I'm going to leave mine with you. 398 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,331 Um, I think I'm holding onto mine. 399 00:19:29,415 --> 00:19:32,498 LA isn't working out exactly the way I had hoped. 400 00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:34,873 Meanwhile, back in New York, 401 00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,248 and still no closer to being input by Trey, 402 00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:39,456 Charlotte addressed thank-you notes. 403 00:19:40,665 --> 00:19:42,581 Every time she licked a love stamp, 404 00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:44,623 she felt it made a mockery of her marriage. 405 00:19:51,915 --> 00:19:53,540 - Hello. - It's me. 406 00:19:53,623 --> 00:19:57,123 It's been days and still nothing. What if he really is impotent? 407 00:19:57,206 --> 00:20:00,040 Well, what kind of impotence do you think it is? 408 00:20:00,123 --> 00:20:01,665 The kind that makes it soft? 409 00:20:01,748 --> 00:20:04,623 No, no. I mean, physical or emotional? 410 00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:06,081 I don't know. 411 00:20:06,123 --> 00:20:08,373 Well, have you asked him about it? 412 00:20:08,456 --> 00:20:11,248 Oh, he's embarrassed. He doesn't even want to talk about it. 413 00:20:11,331 --> 00:20:12,873 Okay, here's how you find out. 414 00:20:13,665 --> 00:20:16,790 You put a ring of paper around his flaccid penis while he's asleep. 415 00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:19,123 Jesus, I sound like a perverted Nancy Drew. 416 00:20:19,206 --> 00:20:20,373 What does that do? 417 00:20:20,456 --> 00:20:22,456 Well, if it rips during the night, 418 00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:26,290 that means he's capable of an erection and the problem is not physical. 419 00:20:26,373 --> 00:20:27,831 This floor's non-smoking. 420 00:20:27,915 --> 00:20:29,873 I have an addiction, sir! 421 00:20:30,248 --> 00:20:32,540 A ring of paper? 422 00:20:32,956 --> 00:20:33,956 Yep. 423 00:20:36,706 --> 00:20:40,290 Later that night, Samantha invited Mr. Dildo out for dim sum, 424 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:41,373 and then some. 425 00:20:41,998 --> 00:20:45,790 So, Samantha, tell me more about yourself. 426 00:20:45,873 --> 00:20:48,415 - What are your interests? - Well, I think that's pretty obvious. 427 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:49,665 I'm serious. 428 00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:53,581 I mean, don't you want to know more about me? My interests? 429 00:20:54,331 --> 00:20:56,540 Well, okay. 430 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,456 - I'm a poet. - Oh. 431 00:20:58,956 --> 00:21:01,540 I've been published in the Amicus Journal. 432 00:21:02,165 --> 00:21:05,456 Garth wanted Samantha to know that he was more than just a sex toy. 433 00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:06,915 He had a soft side. 434 00:21:07,748 --> 00:21:08,748 You want to hear one? 435 00:21:10,498 --> 00:21:14,540 And far away, Charlotte was dealing with Trey's soft side as well. 436 00:21:14,623 --> 00:21:17,373 She decided she was going to get some answers. 437 00:21:17,456 --> 00:21:19,540 So she came to bed armed with love. 438 00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:34,123 She went to sleep hoping her male had sufficient postage 439 00:21:34,206 --> 00:21:36,290 to deliver his package into her box. 440 00:21:37,331 --> 00:21:39,248 Back at the hotel, 441 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,790 Samantha was waiting for a delivery of her own. 442 00:21:41,873 --> 00:21:44,623 And once again, the leaves bloomed forth. 443 00:21:44,706 --> 00:21:48,081 Some headed south, some headed north. 444 00:21:49,831 --> 00:21:51,081 That's beautiful. 445 00:21:51,581 --> 00:21:52,706 Come here. 446 00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:55,581 Blue… 447 00:21:56,706 --> 00:21:57,915 as a baby bird, 448 00:21:58,915 --> 00:22:00,790 winged and aloft, 449 00:22:00,873 --> 00:22:04,206 my eyes search your eyes, 450 00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:06,581 for something I've lost. 451 00:22:09,373 --> 00:22:11,748 Samantha, I was thinking. 452 00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:13,998 Oh, you were? 453 00:22:14,081 --> 00:22:17,748 We have this really great connection. And I've pretty much done LA. 454 00:22:17,831 --> 00:22:18,831 How about I move to New York? 455 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,206 I could pursue my two passions, poetry and porn. 456 00:22:23,290 --> 00:22:24,415 Uh… 457 00:22:24,498 --> 00:22:25,540 Wouldn't it be great? 458 00:22:25,998 --> 00:22:27,206 We could keep seeing each other. 459 00:22:28,373 --> 00:22:30,665 Having a fling in LA is one thing, 460 00:22:30,748 --> 00:22:35,165 but introducing Mr. Dildo to everyone at a gala at the Met was quite another. 461 00:22:35,498 --> 00:22:37,706 I don't think it would work, Garth. 462 00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,165 I know me. 463 00:22:39,248 --> 00:22:42,998 And I'm much too possessive a woman to share your penis with the world. 464 00:22:44,248 --> 00:22:48,206 And just like that, Samantha escaped a life as Mrs. Dildo. 465 00:22:48,290 --> 00:22:51,456 She moved Garth out of her present and into her past. 466 00:22:51,540 --> 00:22:53,456 But she took the best part of him with her. 467 00:22:56,831 --> 00:22:59,581 I'd finally found a place to escape Miranda's snoring. 468 00:23:00,123 --> 00:23:03,581 The ghosts of my relationships past weren't so easy to shake. 469 00:23:04,331 --> 00:23:07,831 I had to face the fact that I hadn't really moved on from Big and Aidan. 470 00:23:07,915 --> 00:23:08,915 I'd just moved. 471 00:23:08,956 --> 00:23:09,956 Excuse me. 472 00:23:11,081 --> 00:23:12,915 I put it out, see? I put it out! 473 00:23:12,998 --> 00:23:16,331 Oh, no, I was just wondering if I could bum one of those. 474 00:23:16,415 --> 00:23:19,373 Oh, sorry, it was my last one. 475 00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:22,831 You want some company? 476 00:23:29,331 --> 00:23:30,498 You sure you want to be alone? 477 00:23:31,748 --> 00:23:32,748 I am. 478 00:23:32,831 --> 00:23:36,498 As soon as I said it out loud, I knew that that was just what I wanted. 479 00:23:39,331 --> 00:23:40,331 And needed. 480 00:23:45,415 --> 00:23:46,400 The next day, 481 00:23:46,415 --> 00:23:49,831 Charlotte woke up as excited as a little girl on Christmas morning. 482 00:23:49,915 --> 00:23:52,956 And she couldn't wait to see if Trey's package was unwrapped. 483 00:24:04,456 --> 00:24:06,873 Mmm, morning, morning, morning! 484 00:24:08,415 --> 00:24:11,665 Well, good morning. What are you so excited about? 485 00:24:11,748 --> 00:24:13,248 Nothing. 486 00:24:13,331 --> 00:24:14,373 I just love you. 487 00:24:15,706 --> 00:24:16,998 I love you, too. 488 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:21,748 For the first time in weeks, Charlotte felt relieved. 489 00:24:21,831 --> 00:24:23,498 Trey's problem wasn't physical. 490 00:24:23,998 --> 00:24:25,915 And then, she realized 491 00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:27,331 if it wasn't physical, 492 00:24:27,415 --> 00:24:30,248 she couldn't escape the fact that it might be emotional. 493 00:24:30,790 --> 00:24:33,665 And there was no easy love-stamp solution to fix that. 494 00:24:36,956 --> 00:24:39,540 I am totally digging this scene. 495 00:24:39,623 --> 00:24:43,081 It's so Urban Cowboy, circa 1982. 496 00:24:43,165 --> 00:24:45,415 All the fabulous places in LA, 497 00:24:45,498 --> 00:24:47,498 and we're at the Saddle Ranch Chop House? 498 00:24:47,581 --> 00:24:48,706 Hey, don't complain. 499 00:24:48,790 --> 00:24:50,748 It's the closest bar without a hill involved. 500 00:24:50,831 --> 00:24:53,123 You see, this is what I'm talking about. Look at her. 501 00:24:53,206 --> 00:24:56,206 She screams sex. It's so honest. 502 00:24:56,290 --> 00:24:58,081 I wish I could be more like that. 503 00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:01,790 Well, stop fucking complaining about it and just do something about it. 504 00:25:05,831 --> 00:25:08,623 Okay, which lovely lady's going to be next? 505 00:25:09,623 --> 00:25:10,623 I will! 506 00:25:10,956 --> 00:25:11,998 Miranda, no! 507 00:25:12,081 --> 00:25:13,290 Over here! She will! 508 00:25:13,373 --> 00:25:14,456 - No! - Here, take my shoes. 509 00:25:15,498 --> 00:25:16,915 Go, girl! Yee-haw! 510 00:25:31,831 --> 00:25:33,081 Hold on! 511 00:25:36,873 --> 00:25:39,498 We weren't sure if it was the California climate 512 00:25:39,581 --> 00:25:41,706 or the five Lone Star beers she drank, 513 00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:46,165 but as soon as she got on that bull, Miranda escaped Miranda. 514 00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:00,581 Wow, I guess she really did need a vacation. 515 00:26:06,081 --> 00:26:08,998 And the next day, as I pulled up to the studio, 516 00:26:09,081 --> 00:26:12,831 I realized I was the one who held the key to my escape. 517 00:26:13,290 --> 00:26:14,373 I could drive in 518 00:26:14,456 --> 00:26:17,623 and have someone tell me the mistakes I'd made in my past. 519 00:26:17,706 --> 00:26:20,581 Or I could drive on and figure them out myself. 520 00:26:27,498 --> 00:26:28,665 So that's what I did. 521 00:26:29,081 --> 00:26:32,081 I mean, if I could master a stick shift, 522 00:26:33,290 --> 00:26:35,956 could a successful relationship be that far behind?