1 00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:50,881 New York City, no matter how well you think you know it, 2 00:00:50,965 --> 00:00:54,173 there's always somewhere or someone new to discover. 3 00:00:54,756 --> 00:00:58,006 I was on my second date with Ray King, who lived in Queens, 4 00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:00,506 although it felt like our second, third and fourth date, 5 00:01:00,590 --> 00:01:03,215 because we'd been to three jazz clubs in one night. 6 00:01:03,298 --> 00:01:05,423 I can't sing for shit, but damn, can I chop. 7 00:01:06,048 --> 00:01:07,965 And where does one learn this skill? 8 00:01:08,048 --> 00:01:09,840 - Jersey Shore. - Is that where you're from? 9 00:01:09,923 --> 00:01:13,631 Listen. This lick right here is why I wanted to play the bass. 10 00:01:16,173 --> 00:01:17,173 Man. 11 00:01:17,673 --> 00:01:19,215 How about that? 12 00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:21,465 Jesus, that's sweet. 13 00:01:22,006 --> 00:01:23,506 Listen to that again. 14 00:01:32,673 --> 00:01:35,340 Yeah. Yeah. 15 00:01:40,131 --> 00:01:41,673 How about that? 16 00:01:46,131 --> 00:01:48,548 This might be a good time to tell you… 17 00:01:49,215 --> 00:01:50,715 I don't like jazz. 18 00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:57,798 Why would you say something like that? 19 00:01:58,131 --> 00:02:00,340 I don't know, you can't follow it, 20 00:02:00,423 --> 00:02:02,256 and there's no melody. 21 00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:04,631 And it's just like aaah! It's all over the place. 22 00:02:04,715 --> 00:02:08,048 Carrie, you gotta stop trying to make it be something else, 23 00:02:08,131 --> 00:02:10,465 and appreciate it for what it is. 24 00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:12,131 Damn, I wish I had my bass. 25 00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,340 Come here, you be the bass. 26 00:02:17,131 --> 00:02:19,465 Don't I have to be in the musician's union or something? 27 00:02:19,548 --> 00:02:21,881 You play all those instruments? 28 00:02:21,965 --> 00:02:25,756 "Play" is a little strong. I learn a few notes, I get bored, I move on. 29 00:02:26,756 --> 00:02:28,590 Listen to the bass. 30 00:02:29,756 --> 00:02:31,381 The beauty of jazz, 31 00:02:31,715 --> 00:02:33,590 is that it can go anywhere. 32 00:02:34,423 --> 00:02:36,173 It can go from here… 33 00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:39,090 to here… 34 00:02:41,340 --> 00:02:42,923 to here… 35 00:02:45,715 --> 00:02:49,131 It was right about that time that I started to appreciate 36 00:02:49,215 --> 00:02:51,881 a little type of music we call jazz. 37 00:02:55,256 --> 00:02:57,298 So, what did you do last night? 38 00:02:57,756 --> 00:02:59,381 I listened to jazz. 39 00:03:02,423 --> 00:03:04,590 What is so funny about jazz? 40 00:03:05,715 --> 00:03:07,381 Okay, here it is. 41 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,798 Last night, with Ray, 42 00:03:12,131 --> 00:03:13,381 I had… 43 00:03:16,090 --> 00:03:18,965 The most intense orgasm of my entire life. 44 00:03:19,756 --> 00:03:23,173 - Oh. - I did my laundry. Continue. 45 00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:25,381 It doesn't make sense, I barely know him. 46 00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:27,090 We've only been on two dates. 47 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,756 And yet you had sex with him. 48 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,756 Can everyone please let Carrie talk about the sex? 49 00:03:32,465 --> 00:03:35,173 The mind-blowing sex. Now, 50 00:03:35,756 --> 00:03:38,673 I realize that this next statement, 51 00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:41,715 makes me a bit of a freak, but, um… 52 00:03:43,340 --> 00:03:46,131 I usually have to be in love with someone 53 00:03:46,215 --> 00:03:48,131 to have that kind of orgasm. 54 00:03:48,215 --> 00:03:49,881 You might want to see someone about that. 55 00:03:49,965 --> 00:03:52,548 What the hell is going on? 56 00:03:52,631 --> 00:03:54,215 Maybe Ray is the one. 57 00:03:54,298 --> 00:03:56,131 Your clitoris seems to think so. 58 00:03:56,215 --> 00:03:57,923 Ah, it was probably just a fluke. 59 00:03:58,006 --> 00:04:00,090 I'm going back tomorrow to find out. 60 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,506 I, on the other hand, am on strike. 61 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,048 What does that mean? 62 00:04:04,131 --> 00:04:06,423 It means I'm not having any more sex. 63 00:04:06,506 --> 00:04:08,715 That's not a strike, honey, that's a slump. 64 00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:12,506 No, it might have started as a slump, but I'm in control of it now. 65 00:04:12,590 --> 00:04:14,756 I've made the conscious decision not to have sex 66 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,340 until conditions improve. 67 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,631 How many people will be affected by this strike? 68 00:04:18,715 --> 00:04:22,048 Um, so far, just the one, but, uh, I'm optimistic. 69 00:04:23,423 --> 00:04:27,798 The thing is, I can't go on any more bad dates. 70 00:04:27,881 --> 00:04:30,840 I would rather be home alone than out with some guy 71 00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:33,298 who sells socks on the Internet. 72 00:04:33,381 --> 00:04:36,006 Well, I'm dating someone. 73 00:04:36,715 --> 00:04:38,590 Someone I actually like. 74 00:04:38,673 --> 00:04:40,340 - Good. - Wow! 75 00:04:40,423 --> 00:04:41,590 Maria. 76 00:04:45,215 --> 00:04:47,965 My Maria, from the gallery? 77 00:04:48,048 --> 00:04:50,381 She's my Maria now, we're having a… 78 00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:52,131 relationship. 79 00:04:53,215 --> 00:04:55,840 Yes, ladies, I'm a lesbian. 80 00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,131 Wait a second. 81 00:05:00,048 --> 00:05:03,131 - You're in a relationship? - Yes. Oh. 82 00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:05,090 And she just walked in. 83 00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:07,881 Please get those looks off your faces. Maria. 84 00:05:14,590 --> 00:05:16,465 - Hello. - You know Charlotte. 85 00:05:16,548 --> 00:05:17,631 Sure. 86 00:05:17,715 --> 00:05:19,423 And this is Carrie and Miranda. 87 00:05:19,506 --> 00:05:21,006 - Hi! - It's so nice to meet you. 88 00:05:21,090 --> 00:05:23,798 - Good to see you. - I see you told them. 89 00:05:23,881 --> 00:05:25,048 Mm-hm. 90 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,465 - How does that work? - Uh… 91 00:05:27,548 --> 00:05:29,798 You go to bed, you wake up the next morning 92 00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:31,256 and, poof, you're a lesbian? 93 00:05:31,340 --> 00:05:33,006 I forgot to tell you, I'm a fire hydrant. 94 00:05:33,090 --> 00:05:35,423 Yeah, I'm a shoe. 95 00:05:35,506 --> 00:05:38,506 I always wanted to be one, and, poof, now I am. 96 00:05:38,590 --> 00:05:41,631 I don't think she's a lesbian, I think she just ran out of men. 97 00:05:41,715 --> 00:05:44,048 Then you go on strike, you don't eat pussy. 98 00:05:44,131 --> 00:05:45,381 Ew. 99 00:05:45,465 --> 00:05:48,506 Did you just say "eat pussy"? 100 00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:50,715 I did, but just for emphasis. 101 00:05:53,340 --> 00:05:57,756 You know, the truly amazing thing is, I had the news tonight. 102 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:02,256 - I had the most intense… - "Mind-blowing," I believe was the word. 103 00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:04,048 …orgasm of my life, 104 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,923 and Samantha still managed to up-sex me. 105 00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:16,131 They met at my gallery. I introduced them. 106 00:06:16,215 --> 00:06:17,756 Poof, you're a pimp. 107 00:06:18,881 --> 00:06:21,840 Later that night, inspired by Samantha's willingness 108 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,298 to explore new territory, 109 00:06:23,381 --> 00:06:26,631 Charlotte felt it was time to conquer some old territory. 110 00:06:27,048 --> 00:06:28,131 The bed. 111 00:06:28,215 --> 00:06:31,715 Where she and Trey had so much trouble as man and wife. 112 00:06:31,798 --> 00:06:32,965 Here we are. 113 00:06:33,923 --> 00:06:34,965 Yep. 114 00:06:36,756 --> 00:06:38,756 Should we have a glass of wine first? 115 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,840 - I'm fine, unless you… - No, I'm okay. 116 00:06:47,715 --> 00:06:49,423 If you don't feel ready… 117 00:07:01,006 --> 00:07:04,881 Just because she was on strike, didn't mean she had to do without. 118 00:07:07,048 --> 00:07:10,256 That's how Miranda discovered the perfect relationship. 119 00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:11,881 Welcome to the show. I'm Jon Stewart… 120 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,798 Jon Stewart and chocolate éclairs. 121 00:07:14,881 --> 00:07:19,298 …be here today and she is, from what I understand, in love with me. 122 00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:21,465 That night, 123 00:07:21,548 --> 00:07:25,048 Charlotte and Trey enjoyed a sweet ending to their evening as well. 124 00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:27,965 Not bad, huh? 125 00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:32,340 It was almost mind-blowing. 126 00:07:33,006 --> 00:07:34,631 Charlotte was relieved. 127 00:07:35,006 --> 00:07:37,756 Now that they had fixed their problem in the bedroom, 128 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,381 she was ready to move back into the other rooms as well. 129 00:07:41,798 --> 00:07:43,090 So… 130 00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,256 what are you thinking? 131 00:07:47,173 --> 00:07:50,840 I'm thinking I've never seen my John Thomas so hard. 132 00:07:51,756 --> 00:07:55,840 I swear, at times I felt like it was gonna rocket right off. 133 00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:59,548 What were you thinking? 134 00:08:01,131 --> 00:08:03,048 I don't know. Um… 135 00:08:05,715 --> 00:08:06,965 Should I? 136 00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:12,840 Do you? 137 00:08:16,048 --> 00:08:18,506 - Are we ready to… - Go again? 138 00:08:22,506 --> 00:08:24,923 Houston, we don't have a problem. 139 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,965 Three, two, one, blastoff! 140 00:08:34,215 --> 00:08:36,548 - Who is it? - It's Ray. 141 00:08:36,965 --> 00:08:38,673 Uh, hi. Uh, come on up. 142 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:40,840 Shit. 143 00:08:45,048 --> 00:08:46,048 Hello? 144 00:08:46,381 --> 00:08:50,465 So did you and the girls run down the street talking about me? 145 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,840 - Maybe. - How many blocks? 146 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,423 Oh… 147 00:08:54,506 --> 00:08:56,548 Two, okay, nine. 148 00:08:57,131 --> 00:08:59,048 Honestly, I'm a little hurt. 149 00:08:59,131 --> 00:09:00,840 After all the hours I've spent listening 150 00:09:00,923 --> 00:09:03,090 to you people talk about your relationships. 151 00:09:04,465 --> 00:09:05,673 You do that? 152 00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:07,423 I make the courtesy call. 153 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,965 "Do you think you love him? Blah, blah, blah." 154 00:09:10,048 --> 00:09:13,881 Well, you just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing. 155 00:09:13,965 --> 00:09:16,423 That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace. 156 00:09:16,506 --> 00:09:17,673 Or Birkenstock. 157 00:09:17,756 --> 00:09:19,756 This is not about being gay or straight. 158 00:09:20,548 --> 00:09:22,673 Maria is an incredible woman. 159 00:09:22,756 --> 00:09:25,131 She's got passion, and talent, 160 00:09:25,215 --> 00:09:27,131 - intelligence… - A vagina. 161 00:09:28,131 --> 00:09:30,840 - Vagina schmagina. - "Schmagina"? 162 00:09:31,465 --> 00:09:33,965 Is that what the lesbians are calling it? 163 00:09:34,048 --> 00:09:36,590 For your information, we haven't even had sex yet. 164 00:09:36,673 --> 00:09:37,715 Wow. 165 00:09:37,798 --> 00:09:39,715 You really are in a relationship. 166 00:09:39,798 --> 00:09:43,340 I am. Life is not all about sex. 167 00:09:43,423 --> 00:09:45,715 Try telling that to her schmagina. 168 00:09:46,381 --> 00:09:49,048 I want a bourbon, and I want to go down on you. 169 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:52,340 Not necessarily in that order. 170 00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:53,923 The truth is, 171 00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:56,965 I really want it to be special the first time. 172 00:09:57,048 --> 00:09:59,840 I'm sure that it will be special. 173 00:10:00,256 --> 00:10:01,340 Um… 174 00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:05,006 I'm sure it will be special, because… 175 00:10:05,423 --> 00:10:07,048 Is Ray there? 176 00:10:07,756 --> 00:10:11,548 No, Samantha, I'm listening. I… Oh, God. I'm listening. 177 00:10:13,298 --> 00:10:15,798 The next day, I thought about what Samantha said. 178 00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:19,298 She wasn't having sex because she wanted to have a relationship, 179 00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:23,423 and I was having mind-blowing sex hoping to turn it into a relationship. 180 00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:24,798 So there you have it. 181 00:10:24,881 --> 00:10:27,006 We've got a relationship without sex, 182 00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:28,923 and sex without a relationship. 183 00:10:29,006 --> 00:10:31,215 Which had a better shot at survival? 184 00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,215 I couldn't help but wonder, 185 00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:35,673 what comes first, the chicken or the sex? 186 00:10:36,881 --> 00:10:40,048 That night I decided to really talk to Ray. 187 00:10:40,131 --> 00:10:43,423 I figured we needed to catch the relationship up to the sex. 188 00:10:43,881 --> 00:10:45,631 Well, that was the plan. 189 00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:49,381 Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. 190 00:10:49,798 --> 00:10:53,090 I asked you a question. Where did you go to school? 191 00:10:53,881 --> 00:10:54,965 All over. 192 00:10:56,381 --> 00:10:57,465 Oh. 193 00:10:57,548 --> 00:11:00,423 Freckles on the legs, nothing wrong with that. 194 00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:03,506 It was my best relationship ever. 195 00:11:05,881 --> 00:11:08,173 Meanwhile, over at Casa de Lesbo… 196 00:11:08,256 --> 00:11:10,090 That coq au vin was amazing. 197 00:11:10,923 --> 00:11:14,423 You can paint, you can cook, you can do everything. 198 00:11:18,965 --> 00:11:19,965 But… 199 00:11:20,465 --> 00:11:24,465 you brought the most incredible dessert. 200 00:11:26,006 --> 00:11:27,381 Want a bite? 201 00:11:32,673 --> 00:11:35,590 Samantha decided if she was going to be gay, 202 00:11:35,673 --> 00:11:37,631 she'd be gay all the way. 203 00:11:39,173 --> 00:11:40,340 Mm. 204 00:11:43,756 --> 00:11:45,965 I might not be much in the kitchen, 205 00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,548 but I'm more than enough in the bedroom. 206 00:12:01,173 --> 00:12:02,881 Oh, baby. 207 00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:04,423 Samantha. 208 00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:08,465 It's not really working for me. 209 00:12:09,548 --> 00:12:13,381 It was a phrase Samantha had never heard in bed before. 210 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:17,381 Honey, I've never gotten any complaints from the men. 211 00:12:18,881 --> 00:12:21,715 Well, men. 212 00:12:23,423 --> 00:12:27,090 I want you to look at me. 213 00:12:29,006 --> 00:12:30,965 Connect with me. 214 00:12:32,923 --> 00:12:35,465 This is lovemaking. 215 00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,756 It's not a porno flick. 216 00:12:38,881 --> 00:12:42,006 I want to show you. I'm gonna lay down. 217 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,548 And I want you to look at my boceta. 218 00:12:46,506 --> 00:12:49,215 It's a Portuguese word for "pussy." 219 00:12:58,048 --> 00:13:01,090 Meanwhile, Miranda, still off sex and on chocolate, 220 00:13:01,173 --> 00:13:04,548 couldn't bring herself to order the seven éclairs she really wanted. 221 00:13:04,631 --> 00:13:06,465 So she asked for just one. 222 00:13:06,548 --> 00:13:09,215 One cake, please. 223 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,631 - Which do you recommend? - I'd go with the Louvre. 224 00:13:12,715 --> 00:13:15,340 Monsieur Payard's signature chocolate cake. 225 00:13:15,423 --> 00:13:17,756 Wow. Sold. 226 00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:20,423 Okay, that'll be $74.50. 227 00:13:20,506 --> 00:13:23,006 As in 74 dollars and 50 cents? 228 00:13:23,465 --> 00:13:24,548 Yes. 229 00:13:24,631 --> 00:13:27,548 Miranda decided she didn't need a cake that badly, 230 00:13:30,673 --> 00:13:33,965 especially when she could make one for under $5. 231 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,881 Every once in a while, a girl has to indulge herself. 232 00:13:48,256 --> 00:13:49,298 Oh. 233 00:13:53,340 --> 00:13:54,340 Mm. 234 00:13:56,756 --> 00:13:57,965 Oh. 235 00:14:02,048 --> 00:14:04,006 - I'm on the mallard! - Huh? 236 00:14:04,090 --> 00:14:05,298 Sorry. 237 00:14:55,881 --> 00:14:58,006 He still hasn't asked me to move back in. 238 00:14:58,090 --> 00:15:00,756 We make love all over the apartment. In the morning, 239 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,840 I get in a cab and go home like a Park Avenue hooker! 240 00:15:03,923 --> 00:15:06,006 - Can't you bring it up? - No! 241 00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:09,215 We finally got the penis working, I don't want to scare it. 242 00:15:09,298 --> 00:15:11,506 Why can't I have the relationship and the sex? 243 00:15:11,590 --> 00:15:13,631 - Why is it one or the other? - You got me. 244 00:15:13,715 --> 00:15:16,423 I wanna order. Where's the lesbian du jour? 245 00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:18,965 Oh, listen, you guys, when she gets here, 246 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,215 we have to talk about her relationship. 247 00:15:21,298 --> 00:15:23,673 She was mad we didn't take it seriously last time. 248 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,423 Please. She isn't having a relationship, she's just doing this to bug us. 249 00:15:27,506 --> 00:15:30,298 I don't know. They haven't even had sex yet. 250 00:15:31,048 --> 00:15:33,548 She said she wants it to be special. 251 00:15:33,631 --> 00:15:34,840 - Really? - Yeah. 252 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,256 Well, then we should be supportive. 253 00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:40,590 This is the healthiest thing she's done in ages. 254 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,131 Does anybody want to split the chocolate pudding? 255 00:15:44,006 --> 00:15:45,423 Morning, ladies. 256 00:15:45,506 --> 00:15:47,256 - Morning. - Hi! 257 00:15:50,423 --> 00:15:53,590 Tell us about your relationship. How is everything going with Maria? 258 00:15:54,048 --> 00:15:58,465 Well, did you know that when a vagina gets engorged, 259 00:15:58,548 --> 00:16:00,673 it expands to the size of a fist? 260 00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,798 It's like a fabulous cave. 261 00:16:02,881 --> 00:16:04,298 I guess they've had sex. 262 00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:07,423 - Apparently so. - And we have three holes down there. 263 00:16:07,506 --> 00:16:09,881 Okay, stop talking about your relationship. 264 00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:13,173 But it's fascinating! There are places a dick just can't go. 265 00:16:13,256 --> 00:16:15,631 Some dicks manage just fine. 266 00:16:15,715 --> 00:16:17,923 Please, Maria has ten dicks. 267 00:16:18,298 --> 00:16:20,340 For the record, you started this. 268 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,465 I am sorry, 269 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,923 but a finger is not a dick. 270 00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:28,298 A finger is more like a third of a dick. 271 00:16:28,381 --> 00:16:31,256 So technically, Maria only has three and a third dicks. 272 00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:34,006 I can tell you right now, this… 273 00:16:35,673 --> 00:16:38,173 is not the same as this. 274 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:40,298 Okay, put that away. 275 00:16:40,798 --> 00:16:43,756 I'm just saying, size has nothing to do with it. 276 00:16:44,173 --> 00:16:46,048 What's happening to you? 277 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,256 I'm getting an education. 278 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,006 Not only do I now know everything there is to know 279 00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:53,048 about the glorious boceta… 280 00:16:53,131 --> 00:16:54,840 That's Portuguese for "pussy." 281 00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:57,548 "Boceta, schmagina, let's call the whole thing off." 282 00:16:57,631 --> 00:16:59,465 The most important thing, 283 00:16:59,548 --> 00:17:03,381 is that Maria has taught me how to connect during sex. 284 00:17:03,465 --> 00:17:05,423 It's not just some animal act. 285 00:17:06,631 --> 00:17:09,798 It's about two people making love. 286 00:17:11,256 --> 00:17:12,631 Yeah. 287 00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,006 Yeah. 288 00:17:19,131 --> 00:17:20,506 - Hey. - Hi. 289 00:17:21,090 --> 00:17:23,465 I couldn't pick a shirt. Red, blue, I didn't know. 290 00:17:23,548 --> 00:17:25,590 Come on in, I'm making margaritas. 291 00:17:25,965 --> 00:17:28,548 Hey. Look what I bought today. 292 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:33,215 - My first jazz CD. - No. 293 00:17:34,631 --> 00:17:37,090 No. You gotta hear that on vinyl. 294 00:17:39,548 --> 00:17:40,673 Wait, Ray. 295 00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:42,548 Ray, Ray. 296 00:17:42,631 --> 00:17:46,256 Ray! Stop. Don't play anything. 297 00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:50,131 Don't scat, don't chop, don't blend. 298 00:17:50,215 --> 00:17:51,298 Could we… 299 00:17:51,381 --> 00:17:53,756 Could we just sit and talk for a while? 300 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,256 Oh, the "gotta talk" girl, gotta talk. 301 00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:59,673 "What are you thinking? Where is this going?" 302 00:17:59,756 --> 00:18:01,923 I'm not that girl. 303 00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:04,548 I'm not any girl, I just want to talk. 304 00:18:06,048 --> 00:18:07,590 You know, talk. 305 00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:11,006 Like, where are you from? 306 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,131 You said something about the Jersey Shore. 307 00:18:13,215 --> 00:18:15,423 I spent a couple summers there. 308 00:18:16,215 --> 00:18:17,423 Worked on the boardwalk. 309 00:18:17,506 --> 00:18:19,465 There was a skeet shooting place I went to. 310 00:18:19,548 --> 00:18:22,256 - On the Jersey Shore? - Upstate New York, college. 311 00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:23,923 And, pull! 312 00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:27,381 Man, why no skeet in the city? I love the skeet. 313 00:18:27,465 --> 00:18:30,173 I should open one in New York. Maybe sell a club. 314 00:18:30,256 --> 00:18:32,798 When was the last time you had canned corn? 315 00:18:32,881 --> 00:18:35,215 That sounds good right now. You hungry? 316 00:18:35,298 --> 00:18:37,756 No, because remember I met… 317 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:41,256 I had a pot pie in Vegas once, loaded with corn… 318 00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:42,506 As Ray talked, 319 00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:46,340 I realized he wasn't spontaneous and unpredictable and thrilling. 320 00:18:46,423 --> 00:18:47,798 This is the old downtown… 321 00:18:47,881 --> 00:18:50,465 He was a guy with ADD. 322 00:18:50,548 --> 00:18:51,631 My mom used to drink… 323 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,215 What kind of relationship could I have 324 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,298 with a guy I couldn't even talk to? 325 00:18:55,381 --> 00:18:56,465 Flaky crust. 326 00:18:56,798 --> 00:18:58,215 I'd have to end it. 327 00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,215 You like pies? 328 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:02,923 Ray? 329 00:19:04,506 --> 00:19:05,923 Wanna play me? 330 00:19:06,631 --> 00:19:08,090 Yeah. 331 00:19:08,173 --> 00:19:09,298 Eventually. 332 00:19:16,090 --> 00:19:17,881 Meanwhile, uptown… 333 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:19,923 I was thinking. 334 00:19:20,006 --> 00:19:22,840 Charlotte gave Trey one more chance to ask her to move in. 335 00:19:22,923 --> 00:19:25,465 Ah, I'm just gonna say it. Ahem. 336 00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:28,465 Next time I'm hard, 337 00:19:28,548 --> 00:19:31,381 would you consider measuring my John Thomas? 338 00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:34,131 What? No! 339 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,090 I understand, it's juvenile, I know. 340 00:19:37,173 --> 00:19:39,715 But I've just never seen it like this. 341 00:19:41,756 --> 00:19:43,590 I'm taking a shower. 342 00:19:45,048 --> 00:19:48,465 Charlotte was never a woman who cared much about penises 343 00:19:48,548 --> 00:19:51,131 and now a penis was running her life. 344 00:19:54,465 --> 00:19:55,756 Forget it. 345 00:20:02,631 --> 00:20:04,340 As Charlotte lathered up, 346 00:20:04,423 --> 00:20:06,673 she really started to get lathered up. 347 00:20:07,631 --> 00:20:09,465 Who did he think he was? 348 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,381 He was her husband, and she was his wife. 349 00:20:12,465 --> 00:20:15,840 What the hell was going on in this Upper East Side nightmare? 350 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,506 - Trey! - Oh. 351 00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:22,548 I'm tired of being married to your penis! 352 00:20:22,631 --> 00:20:24,131 I am a person. 353 00:20:24,215 --> 00:20:26,215 This is supposed to be a relationship! 354 00:20:26,298 --> 00:20:28,256 And I am done walking on eggshells! 355 00:20:28,340 --> 00:20:31,590 "Ooh, don't talk about moving in in front of the penis 356 00:20:31,673 --> 00:20:33,298 because it might go soft." 357 00:20:33,381 --> 00:20:36,173 "The penis likes this," and "The penis doesn't like that!" 358 00:20:36,256 --> 00:20:38,673 And "The penis wants to be measured!" 359 00:20:38,756 --> 00:20:41,131 - It was just a thought. - Here's another thought! 360 00:20:41,215 --> 00:20:43,590 You can shove this marriage up your ass! 361 00:20:43,673 --> 00:20:44,840 Don't go. 362 00:20:44,923 --> 00:20:48,798 I'm going home to my own apartment, where I have a lease. 363 00:20:49,590 --> 00:20:52,881 I hope that you and your penis have a very lovely night! 364 00:21:04,673 --> 00:21:07,548 Meanwhile, Miranda was getting fed up as well… 365 00:21:07,631 --> 00:21:08,881 with herself. 366 00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:38,673 Hi, it's me, leave a message. 367 00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,465 I know you're probably busy 368 00:21:40,548 --> 00:21:42,881 having mind-blowing sex right now, 369 00:21:42,965 --> 00:21:46,923 but I feel that you need to know, your good friend Miranda Hobbes 370 00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:49,881 has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage 371 00:21:49,965 --> 00:21:51,256 and eaten it. 372 00:21:51,590 --> 00:21:53,673 You'll probably need this information 373 00:21:53,756 --> 00:21:56,631 when you check me in to the Betty Crocker Clinic. 374 00:22:13,090 --> 00:22:15,173 That night Miranda realized 375 00:22:15,256 --> 00:22:18,715 she'd been using chocolate as a substitute for sex, 376 00:22:18,798 --> 00:22:21,423 and now she needed a substitute for chocolate. 377 00:22:28,923 --> 00:22:30,923 The strike was officially over. 378 00:22:33,965 --> 00:22:35,465 That's perfect! 379 00:22:35,548 --> 00:22:37,006 Just when she thought she knew 380 00:22:37,090 --> 00:22:39,506 everything there was to know about women… 381 00:22:42,215 --> 00:22:45,131 …Samantha caused the very elusive 382 00:22:45,215 --> 00:22:46,881 female ejaculation. 383 00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:48,256 Was that good or bad? 384 00:22:48,340 --> 00:22:51,590 That was very good. 385 00:22:52,340 --> 00:22:55,340 Samantha got the relationship and the sex. 386 00:22:56,090 --> 00:22:59,173 In fact, a little more sex than she'd expected. 387 00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,506 I want some water. 388 00:23:03,923 --> 00:23:05,423 You want some water? 389 00:23:07,173 --> 00:23:08,215 Be right back. 390 00:23:08,298 --> 00:23:10,423 The next morning, I woke up with a new thought. 391 00:23:10,506 --> 00:23:12,423 Maybe Ray was like jazz. 392 00:23:12,506 --> 00:23:16,090 Instead of trying to make him be something else, I needed to let go, 393 00:23:16,173 --> 00:23:18,131 and appreciate him for what he was. 394 00:23:18,506 --> 00:23:20,715 Truly mind-blowing sex. 395 00:23:36,298 --> 00:23:37,506 Ray? 396 00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:45,381 But unfortunately, 397 00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:48,173 I got the feeling Ray had stopped playing me, 398 00:23:48,256 --> 00:23:50,631 and moved on to another instrument. 399 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:02,173 Morning, ma'am. 400 00:24:02,631 --> 00:24:03,756 Morning. 401 00:24:05,881 --> 00:24:07,923 You, uh, left something at my… 402 00:24:10,381 --> 00:24:12,798 - At the apartment. - Oh. 403 00:24:16,548 --> 00:24:19,548 I want you to move back in, 404 00:24:20,090 --> 00:24:22,215 and get rid of this old apartment. 405 00:24:22,923 --> 00:24:25,423 And stay all night, every night. 406 00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,881 And wake up next to me every morning and be my wife. 407 00:24:31,298 --> 00:24:33,090 - You do? - Yeah. 408 00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:37,965 I talked it over with my penis and we both agree. 409 00:24:40,381 --> 00:24:42,423 I don't want to lose you again. 410 00:24:44,590 --> 00:24:47,423 Charlotte York MacDougal, 411 00:24:48,715 --> 00:24:50,381 will you remarry me? 412 00:24:51,173 --> 00:24:52,881 Yes, Trey MacDougal, 413 00:24:53,756 --> 00:24:55,256 I will remarry you. 414 00:25:19,173 --> 00:25:22,673 Walking home from ADD, "another dating disaster," 415 00:25:22,756 --> 00:25:26,256 I worried that there's a reason they call it "mind-blowing" sex. 416 00:25:26,340 --> 00:25:28,465 Maybe that kind of physical connection 417 00:25:28,548 --> 00:25:31,131 obliterates the chance of an intellectual one. 418 00:25:31,215 --> 00:25:34,340 Or maybe it's possible to find both. 419 00:25:34,881 --> 00:25:38,590 That's what I was hoping, because great sex is great, 420 00:25:38,673 --> 00:25:41,923 but I still like a song with a melody I can sing to.