1
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:53,658
Someone once said
that two halves make a whole.

2
00:00:57,075 --> 00:01:02,200
And when two halves move in together,
it makes a whole lot of stuff.

3
00:01:03,658 --> 00:01:04,658
Hey, what's

4
00:01:04,741 --> 00:01:06,991
Hey, Pop-Tart, where you been,
and what have you been doing?

5
00:01:07,075 --> 00:01:09,950
I got coffee and papers.

6
00:01:10,033 --> 00:01:11,950
But I think
the more pressing question is

7
00:01:12,658 --> 00:01:14,158
what have you been doing?

8
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,491
Made myself an area.

9
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,616
Yes, I can see that.

10
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:22,241
I needed a space for my work papers
and stuff, you know, so… Is that okay?

11
00:01:22,325 --> 00:01:24,283
Yeah, sure, yes. It's just…

12
00:01:25,075 --> 00:01:26,866
You know
you're blocking the bathroom door.

13
00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:29,075
Yeah, but you got another one.
Who needs two bathroom doors?

14
00:01:29,158 --> 00:01:30,950
I do, me.

15
00:01:31,033 --> 00:01:33,241
Me, the one who loves
her two bathroom doors.

16
00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:35,033
What do you need two doors for?

17
00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:36,575
'Cause sometimes I'm in a hurry

18
00:01:36,658 --> 00:01:38,283
and it's just quicker to go,
ping, out that one,

19
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:41,700
- and it's my escape route in case.
- In case what?

20
00:01:41,783 --> 00:01:44,033
In case rapists come
in my bedroom window,

21
00:01:44,116 --> 00:01:46,283
I see them in the mirror,
and then, phew, I'm gone.

22
00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:48,908
There's a whole lot of phew-ing going on
in that bathroom.

23
00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:51,991
Hey, it's just gonna be like this

24
00:01:52,075 --> 00:01:54,408
till we're able to take over
the apartment next door.

25
00:01:54,491 --> 00:01:55,825
Then we can load the stuff in.

26
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:59,450
Would that be happening
in the next five minutes, please, God?

27
00:01:59,908 --> 00:02:01,741
Closing at the end of next week.

28
00:02:02,908 --> 00:02:04,741
Oh. Hello, Petey.

29
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,866
Really, what's the problem, right?
It's just boxes, right?

30
00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:11,200
A plant.

31
00:02:11,283 --> 00:02:13,908
The man brought a living thing
into my apartment.

32
00:02:13,991 --> 00:02:16,408
I don't do plants.
I kill everything I bring in there.

33
00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:18,533
You said yes to moving in,
the guy moved in.

34
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:21,116
But he's taking over whole areas.

35
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,825
This is why I've never lived with a man.

36
00:02:22,908 --> 00:02:26,366
This, and the fact that I want them out
an hour after I climax.

37
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:27,616
You let them stay a whole hour?

38
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:31,408
You'd be surprised how many are ready
to go again after a quick catnap.

39
00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:33,575
And there's no walls, you know.
There's nowhere to hide.

40
00:02:33,658 --> 00:02:35,783
As soon as I walk in the door,
he's all up in my face with,

41
00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:37,991
"Who'd you see? Where'd you go?
Who'd you meet? What do you know?"

42
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:44,366
What I know is, I need time
to decompress, just be alone.

43
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:46,408
But, Carrie, there are gonna
have to be some adjustments.

44
00:02:46,491 --> 00:02:47,908
Relationships are hard.

45
00:02:47,991 --> 00:02:51,491
Oh, you guys,
I miss walking into my apartment

46
00:02:51,575 --> 00:02:54,241
with no one there, and it's all quiet.

47
00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:57,991
And I can do that stuff you do
when you're totally alone.

48
00:02:58,075 --> 00:03:02,491
Things you would never want
your boyfriend to see you do.

49
00:03:02,575 --> 00:03:03,476
Like masturbate?

50
00:03:03,491 --> 00:03:05,991
My SSB, my Secret Single Behavior.

51
00:03:06,075 --> 00:03:09,200
Like, I like to make
a stack of saltines.

52
00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:10,783
I put grape jelly on them.

53
00:03:11,283 --> 00:03:14,616
I eat them standing up in the kitchen,
reading fashion magazines.

54
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:15,783
Why standing up?

55
00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:18,450
It's weird, but it just feels great.

56
00:03:18,533 --> 00:03:20,575
I like to put Vaseline on my hands,

57
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:23,283
and put them
in those Borghese conditioning gloves

58
00:03:23,366 --> 00:03:24,825
while watching infomercials.

59
00:03:24,908 --> 00:03:26,325
Before I was married,

60
00:03:26,408 --> 00:03:28,658
I used to study my pores
in a magnifying mirror

61
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,158
for an hour each night.

62
00:03:30,658 --> 00:03:32,450
I'm afraid
Trey will just think it's weird.

63
00:03:32,533 --> 00:03:34,783
He would.
You can't do that stuff in front of men.

64
00:03:36,366 --> 00:03:37,908
What about you, Lolita?

65
00:03:37,991 --> 00:03:39,658
Anything you do
you wouldn't want a man to see?

66
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:41,700
No.

67
00:03:42,033 --> 00:03:43,575
You know, I believe her.

68
00:03:46,116 --> 00:03:48,700
Hey, didn't we make a rule
about those things at lunch?

69
00:03:49,158 --> 00:03:51,200
It's my boss, I have to take it.

70
00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:53,116
Samantha Jones.

71
00:03:53,825 --> 00:03:55,741
Richard, it's Sunday.

72
00:03:56,866 --> 00:03:58,033
Fine.

73
00:03:58,116 --> 00:03:59,700
I'll see you in an hour.

74
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,408
He wants me to drop something off
this afternoon.

75
00:04:03,491 --> 00:04:04,533
Nice.

76
00:04:04,616 --> 00:04:08,116
A little skyrockets in flight,
afternoon delight?

77
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,950
No, it's just work.

78
00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:11,825
Hardly, you're sleeping with him.

79
00:04:12,908 --> 00:04:14,033
You told them?

80
00:04:14,116 --> 00:04:17,783
I also like to gossip on the phone
while secretly pumicing my calluses.

81
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,033
So how is he?

82
00:04:19,116 --> 00:04:21,408
And spare no detail.
I'm a horny pregnant person.

83
00:04:21,991 --> 00:04:23,491
I don't want to talk about it.

84
00:04:25,741 --> 00:04:28,866
Samantha likes a guy!
Samantha likes a guy!

85
00:04:28,950 --> 00:04:31,575
- I do not.
- You do. You do.

86
00:04:31,658 --> 00:04:33,741
Or you would tell us
all the dirty details.

87
00:04:33,825 --> 00:04:36,325
Oh, my God,
we're gonna have to ice skate home.

88
00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:38,033
Hell just froze over.

89
00:04:38,116 --> 00:04:40,325
Okay, you want details? Okay.

90
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,200
He's got the most perfect dick
I've ever seen.

91
00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:48,616
Long, pink, amazing.

92
00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:51,408
It's dick-a-licious.

93
00:04:52,741 --> 00:04:54,741
All right,
so what should I do about Aidan's stuff?

94
00:04:57,741 --> 00:04:59,366
I'm gonna have the girls over
for dinner.

95
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,116
That sounds like fun. What night?

96
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,200
Just the girls.

97
00:05:04,366 --> 00:05:06,533
I'm sorry, but I'm trying to get
my day planner back together.

98
00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:07,866
I just have so much more free time

99
00:05:07,950 --> 00:05:09,408
now that we're no longer
on the baby track.

100
00:05:09,491 --> 00:05:12,325
Some apartments
are cluttered with physical stuff.

101
00:05:12,408 --> 00:05:14,450
Others, emotional stuff.

102
00:05:14,533 --> 00:05:15,825
It's a big readjustment.

103
00:05:16,908 --> 00:05:18,825
I've wanted a baby
ever since I was a little girl.

104
00:05:18,908 --> 00:05:21,283
I mean, we have a baby room and no baby.

105
00:05:22,075 --> 00:05:24,700
Well, I've got some good news.

106
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:30,283
Bram Pomander thinks
he's snagged us orchestra seats

107
00:05:30,366 --> 00:05:32,325
to The Producers next week.

108
00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:37,825
Charlotte, yes, we're disappointed.

109
00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:39,116
But life goes on.

110
00:05:39,616 --> 00:05:41,533
We still have to find a way
to have a giggle.

111
00:05:42,616 --> 00:05:44,533
Come on, give me a smile.

112
00:05:55,325 --> 00:05:56,450
Hold on.

113
00:05:56,533 --> 00:05:59,366
Potential investors in Munich.
I wish I could say "fuck you" in German.

114
00:06:05,075 --> 00:06:07,533
Impressive. Why do you speak German?

115
00:06:08,116 --> 00:06:09,825
A gal has her reasons.

116
00:06:10,575 --> 00:06:12,783
Come to think of it, that wasn't
"fuck you," it was "fuck me."

117
00:06:12,866 --> 00:06:15,033
That's a negotiation ploy
I haven't tried before.

118
00:06:15,116 --> 00:06:16,241
Who are you kidding?

119
00:06:16,325 --> 00:06:18,450
So where's the layout
for the LA Magazine spread?

120
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:20,741
Signed, sealed, delivered.

121
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,200
And one more thing.

122
00:06:26,366 --> 00:06:27,366
It was perfect.

123
00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:30,741
Long, pink, amazing.

124
00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:35,575
I thought about you all weekend.

125
00:06:38,366 --> 00:06:42,325
Let me see if I can give you something
to think about all evening.

126
00:06:44,866 --> 00:06:46,783
Bring out that gorgeous dick.

127
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,533
You're gonna get down on your knees
right here?

128
00:06:50,616 --> 00:06:51,741
What if my assistant should see you?

129
00:06:56,991 --> 00:06:57,991
Oops.

130
00:06:59,491 --> 00:07:00,950
I dropped my portfolio.

131
00:07:03,575 --> 00:07:05,491
That may take some time to pick up.

132
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:13,908
Uff!

133
00:07:25,616 --> 00:07:28,825
Oops, better get those,
while you're down there.

134
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,533
If I had known you were gonna
turn out to be so not a loser,

135
00:07:33,616 --> 00:07:35,991
I would have run home after work
and changed.

136
00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:38,950
Or at least put on
some fresh deodorant, huh?

137
00:07:39,908 --> 00:07:41,700
Ow! Careful.

138
00:07:42,241 --> 00:07:43,741
You know, I was a much younger man

139
00:07:43,825 --> 00:07:45,866
when we started trying to set up
this blind date.

140
00:07:45,950 --> 00:07:48,241
You're the one who kept cancelling
to go to…

141
00:07:48,825 --> 00:07:51,616
- Where were you?
- First time, Spain and Rome.

142
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,950
The second time, Luxembourg and Athens.

143
00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:57,116
Walker Lewis,
fluent in five languages,

144
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,200
travelled the world
as a State Department interpreter.

145
00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:01,533
Seriously, Miranda,

146
00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:04,825
best blind date I have ever had

147
00:08:05,658 --> 00:08:07,200
in the continental USA.

148
00:08:21,408 --> 00:08:22,741
What?

149
00:08:23,366 --> 00:08:26,533
Listen, any reason I can't see you again
before I go to Brussels?

150
00:08:30,075 --> 00:08:32,825
He is so cute, and funny, and sexy.

151
00:08:32,908 --> 00:08:35,866
And I really wanna have sex with him,
but I don't know.

152
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,325
Is it okay to fuck one guy

153
00:08:37,408 --> 00:08:39,450
when you're pregnant
with another guy's baby?

154
00:08:39,533 --> 00:08:42,283
If one more person asks me that today…

155
00:08:42,950 --> 00:08:46,658
I mean, I'm not in a relationship
with the father of the baby or anything.

156
00:08:46,741 --> 00:08:49,366
I've rarely heard that used as a plus,
but go on.

157
00:08:49,450 --> 00:08:51,700
It's just… Is it tacky?

158
00:08:51,783 --> 00:08:53,658
And beyond tacky, is it safe?

159
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:56,158
Let's assume he's a really great fuck.

160
00:08:56,241 --> 00:08:57,575
'Cause so many men are.

161
00:08:57,658 --> 00:09:00,741
Could all that poking
shake the baby loose or something?

162
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,491
No, that's silly.

163
00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:05,825
Married couples have sex all the time.

164
00:09:06,408 --> 00:09:07,450
But what if he's huge?

165
00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:09,408
Again, 'cause so many men are.

166
00:09:09,491 --> 00:09:11,491
Could the dick dent the baby?

167
00:09:11,575 --> 00:09:13,075
Where do you think dimples come from?

168
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,158
- Oh, that is so cute.
- I try.

169
00:09:17,241 --> 00:09:20,658
Okay, I really need
to have sex with him now.

170
00:09:20,741 --> 00:09:24,283
Next time he comes back in town,
I'll be too big, he won't want to.

171
00:09:24,366 --> 00:09:27,366
Nothing puts a man off sex
like pregnancy.

172
00:09:29,158 --> 00:09:31,241
This is my last chance.

173
00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:34,116
Last chance for sex.

174
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:36,033
You're not on death row.

175
00:09:36,116 --> 00:09:38,033
Yes, I am, dead woman fucking.

176
00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:41,450
Miranda, it's your body, your life.
You do what's best for you.

177
00:09:41,533 --> 00:09:43,158
Easier said than done.

178
00:09:43,575 --> 00:09:46,991
You can't even ask Aidan not to talk
when you walk in the front door.

179
00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:51,241
Hi, Mrs. Cohen. Hold on a second.

180
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:52,366
Here, let me help you.

181
00:09:52,783 --> 00:09:53,783
Hold on.

182
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:55,616
Here we go.

183
00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:57,783
Hello. Okay?

184
00:09:57,866 --> 00:09:59,283
That's a crazy outfit.

185
00:10:01,283 --> 00:10:04,575
Okay. Mrs. Cohen,
this is my friend, Miranda.

186
00:10:04,658 --> 00:10:06,116
Hello, Mrs. Cohen.

187
00:10:08,658 --> 00:10:13,200
Listen, you tell your boy
I'm not leaving for 30 days.

188
00:10:13,575 --> 00:10:14,575
What?

189
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:17,200
But we're closing in a week.

190
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,741
Read the contract!

191
00:10:20,866 --> 00:10:23,616
I didn't think Mrs. Cohen
could move any slower,

192
00:10:24,325 --> 00:10:26,658
but apparently she could.

193
00:10:29,283 --> 00:10:30,658
Hey, gal, what's up?

194
00:10:30,741 --> 00:10:32,200
Where you been? What do you know?

195
00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:39,241
Brace yourself, partner.

196
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:41,491
I been outside,

197
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:46,825
and what's up is
Old Lightning Rod next door informs me

198
00:10:46,908 --> 00:10:50,575
she will not be leaving for 30 days.

199
00:10:52,158 --> 00:10:54,950
I was afraid
she was gonna do that. Fuck!

200
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:59,616
Fuck! What the fuck
are we gonna fucking do now?

201
00:11:01,991 --> 00:11:03,325
Thank you!

202
00:11:03,866 --> 00:11:06,200
You hate it too. I'm so relieved.

203
00:11:06,283 --> 00:11:09,241
I thought you'd already
changed into a pod.

204
00:11:09,325 --> 00:11:11,283
Invasion of the Single Snatchers.

205
00:11:12,825 --> 00:11:14,741
Of course I hate it.

206
00:11:15,116 --> 00:11:17,783
We cannot live like this.

207
00:11:19,158 --> 00:11:22,825
I mean, I got all my boxes in the hall.
You can't get in the fucking door.

208
00:11:22,908 --> 00:11:24,408
I know, did you see me?

209
00:11:24,491 --> 00:11:26,908
Every time. Every single time.

210
00:11:26,991 --> 00:11:28,366
We gotta get this stuff out of here.

211
00:11:28,491 --> 00:11:30,491
We could make some room for it
if we cleaned out your closet.

212
00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:36,783
Careful!

213
00:11:37,116 --> 00:11:39,283
Okay, damn. My ears.

214
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:40,866
Listen to me.

215
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:45,325
I have laid out clean towels
on the floor of the bathroom.

216
00:11:45,408 --> 00:11:50,116
Gently place the shoes
and boxes on them.

217
00:11:54,033 --> 00:11:55,033
Oh.

218
00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:57,033
Wow.

219
00:11:57,491 --> 00:11:58,991
I forgot I had these.

220
00:11:59,408 --> 00:12:00,950
Things are looking up.

221
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:03,283
How many pairs of shoes
does one person need?

222
00:12:03,366 --> 00:12:05,866
That is not the way
to get out of this alive.

223
00:12:07,575 --> 00:12:10,825
I figure I'm gonna need
about half this space.

224
00:12:10,908 --> 00:12:13,075
I figure you've gone mentally ill.

225
00:12:13,158 --> 00:12:14,658
What? You never wear most of this stuff.

226
00:12:14,741 --> 00:12:15,866
Yet.

227
00:12:15,950 --> 00:12:18,658
I never wear most of this stuff yet.
Someday I will.

228
00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:21,241
Oh, like, uh…

229
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,310
Like this?

230
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,366
When and where
were you planning to wear this?

231
00:12:27,658 --> 00:12:29,950
Don't do that. Don't mock the clothes.

232
00:12:30,741 --> 00:12:32,950
And for the record, have worn it.

233
00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:37,325
December '99,
Union Square, book signing.

234
00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:39,991
We gotta start somewhere.

235
00:12:40,741 --> 00:12:42,575
Come on, I love this outfit.

236
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:48,325
That's when I realized I was
holding onto a Roberto Cavalli outfit

237
00:12:48,408 --> 00:12:50,325
and throwing away my relationship.

238
00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,325
- Okay, it goes.
- Good.

239
00:12:53,408 --> 00:12:54,408
Bye-bye.

240
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:01,700
Pete.

241
00:13:02,116 --> 00:13:03,366
Pete, hey.

242
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,616
Hey, Pete!

243
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,575
Stop it. Pete, stop it!

244
00:13:07,658 --> 00:13:09,658
- Pete… Pete!
- Pete!

245
00:13:09,741 --> 00:13:11,325
- Oh, my God.
- Pete, hey!

246
00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:14,866
Don't show it to me.
Don't even show it to me.

247
00:13:14,950 --> 00:13:16,533
I think I saw turquoise.

248
00:13:16,616 --> 00:13:18,991
That better not be the pair I think.

249
00:13:19,991 --> 00:13:21,700
Oh, god damn it!

250
00:13:22,783 --> 00:13:26,408
That dog owes me $380.

251
00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:30,325
- Fine!
- You can't buy it. It's circa 1996.

252
00:13:31,450 --> 00:13:33,533
- God damn it!
- He's a dog.

253
00:13:33,616 --> 00:13:36,408
What's he supposed to do
with all your shit lying around here?

254
00:13:37,158 --> 00:13:41,450
My shit wouldn't be lying around
if we weren't making room

255
00:13:41,533 --> 00:13:43,658
because your shit is lying around.

256
00:13:43,741 --> 00:13:45,700
You got more shit lying around
than I got lying around.

257
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,575
What? Look at this place.

258
00:13:47,658 --> 00:13:51,825
It's loaded with your shit.
Just look at this bathroom.

259
00:13:51,908 --> 00:13:54,408
Look at all your shit in my bathroom.

260
00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:59,450
Who needs five almost-empty
Speed Stick deodorants?

261
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:00,783
What are you, a crazy bag man?

262
00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:02,325
They're different smells.

263
00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:04,658
And musk? When have you ever worn musk?

264
00:14:04,741 --> 00:14:08,366
Look at this stuff.
You got old razors, Rogaine…

265
00:14:10,741 --> 00:14:13,825
Wait a minute. You use Rogaine?
I didn't know you needed…

266
00:14:13,908 --> 00:14:14,908
It's preventative.

267
00:14:15,366 --> 00:14:17,950
- Is your hair falling out?
- I don't wanna talk about it!

268
00:14:18,033 --> 00:14:21,491
It seems it's not only women
who have Secret Single Behavior.

269
00:14:21,575 --> 00:14:24,366
This is my stuff.
Don't be going through my stuff.

270
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:26,450
You were more than happy
to go through my stuff.

271
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,575
Oh, your stuff, your bathroom.

272
00:14:28,658 --> 00:14:31,283
You always do that.
You never wanna let me in.

273
00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:33,866
I don't always do anything.

274
00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:36,575
And I have let you in.

275
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:39,741
You're fighting with me
about a stupid fucking outfit.

276
00:14:39,825 --> 00:14:42,783
Oh, shut up. It's Roberto Cavalli.

277
00:14:42,866 --> 00:14:46,575
I threw it away, and I love it.
What more do you want?

278
00:14:46,658 --> 00:14:49,033
Shut up? Shut up?

279
00:14:49,116 --> 00:14:50,825
Yes, shut up.

280
00:14:50,908 --> 00:14:52,991
Shut up? You're telling me to shut up?

281
00:14:53,075 --> 00:14:55,825
Please, just shut up.

282
00:14:55,908 --> 00:14:59,616
I am so sick of hearing you
talking, talking, talking all the time.

283
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,491
Don't you ever just shut up?

284
00:15:01,575 --> 00:15:03,616
- I'm gonna take a walk.
- No.

285
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:07,033
No, no, no. I'm taking a walk.

286
00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:09,616
You can stay here
with your boxes of shit

287
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,866
and your shoe-eating dog,

288
00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:13,033
and you can knock yourself out,

289
00:15:13,116 --> 00:15:15,533
putting on the Rogaine
and the Speed Stick.

290
00:15:18,991 --> 00:15:22,200
This is why I need a second door.

291
00:15:25,075 --> 00:15:26,075
I heard that!

292
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:32,283
I used to think those people
who sat alone at Starbucks

293
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,950
writing on their laptops
were pretentious poseurs.

294
00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:36,491
Now I know.

295
00:15:36,575 --> 00:15:39,450
They're people
who have recently moved in with someone.

296
00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:43,408
As I looked around, I wondered
how many of them were mid-fight,

297
00:15:43,491 --> 00:15:44,533
like myself.

298
00:15:45,908 --> 00:15:47,991
The hard thing
about fighting in relationships,

299
00:15:48,075 --> 00:15:50,033
as opposed to Madison Square Garden…

300
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,325
no referee.

301
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:54,116
There's no one to tell you
which comments are below the belt,

302
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,325
or when to go to your separate corners.

303
00:15:56,408 --> 00:15:59,366
As a result, someone usually gets hurt.

304
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:02,033
And it seems the closer a couple gets,

305
00:16:02,116 --> 00:16:04,283
and the more stuff they have
between them,

306
00:16:04,366 --> 00:16:07,950
the harder it is to figure out
exactly why they're yelling.

307
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,116
When it comes to relationships,
I couldn't help but wonder…

308
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:13,075
what are we fighting for?

309
00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:18,533
Hello, my darling.

310
00:16:20,158 --> 00:16:21,200
I'm home.

311
00:16:25,866 --> 00:16:26,866
What are you…

312
00:16:27,491 --> 00:16:29,033
Is that a surprise for me?

313
00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,116
Yes, it is.

314
00:16:30,491 --> 00:16:32,866
Don't get all excited,
it's just a little silly something.

315
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,283
- What is it?
- Open it.

316
00:16:41,408 --> 00:16:42,700
It's a cardboard baby.

317
00:16:43,783 --> 00:16:46,616
I saw it in the window
of a novelty store next to the hospital.

318
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,491
See, now we can relax,
because we have one.

319
00:16:59,616 --> 00:17:00,616
Oh, dear.

320
00:17:01,158 --> 00:17:02,408
It was supposed to be funny.

321
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,658
I thought we'd have a chuckle.

322
00:17:05,533 --> 00:17:06,658
Don't talk to me.

323
00:17:07,741 --> 00:17:09,533
See, it was a novelty store.

324
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,908
The clerk said that they…

325
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,616
But to Charlotte, it was
definitely hitting below the belt.

326
00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:19,533
If the meat is about
a quarter of an inch thick…

327
00:17:19,616 --> 00:17:20,908
- Mmm-hmm.
- Um…

328
00:17:20,991 --> 00:17:24,116
And across town,
Miranda decided it was time

329
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,366
to put on the gloves
and come out swinging.

330
00:17:27,825 --> 00:17:28,991
Leave a message.

331
00:17:29,075 --> 00:17:31,200
Hi, Walker, Miranda.

332
00:17:31,741 --> 00:17:35,533
Before you leave for Brussels on Monday,
how about getting together Friday night?

333
00:17:35,616 --> 00:17:37,491
My apartment. Call me.

334
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:39,741
Pregnant or not,
Miranda had needs,

335
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,575
and decided to stop fighting them.

336
00:17:41,658 --> 00:17:43,616
Now, if you like it spicy,
add some of those…

337
00:17:45,116 --> 00:17:46,533
And surprisingly,

338
00:17:46,616 --> 00:17:50,200
Samantha developed
some Secret Single Behavior of her own.

339
00:17:59,658 --> 00:18:02,950
Seven hours
and a landslide of lattes later,

340
00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:06,283
I vibrated home,
prepared to admit how silly I'd been.

341
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:17,616
That was, until he wasn't prepared
to admit how silly he'd been.

342
00:18:27,450 --> 00:18:29,158
He yelled, then I yelled.

343
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:32,450
It's been three days, and nothing.

344
00:18:32,533 --> 00:18:35,991
Not a word. And I'll be damned
if I say I'm sorry first.

345
00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:37,658
Well, Trey and I hardly ever yell.

346
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,325
We're Wasps.
Wasps don't yell, it's genetic.

347
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,533
- Would anyone like more salad?
- No, we're done. What's the main course?

348
00:18:44,616 --> 00:18:48,908
Hey, relax. Chew. You'll get laid.
You're not meeting him until 10:00.

349
00:18:48,991 --> 00:18:51,116
- Beef with Thai noodles.
- Ooh!

350
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,116
Richard is thinking of opening
a hotel in Thailand.

351
00:18:57,075 --> 00:19:00,700
Sweetie? It's perfectly okay
to like a guy.

352
00:19:00,783 --> 00:19:04,283
For the last time,
the only thing I like about Richard

353
00:19:04,366 --> 00:19:08,283
is his big, throbbing,
rock-hard, perfect dick.

354
00:19:09,533 --> 00:19:11,741
Whoops. Forgot it was ladies' night.

355
00:19:12,283 --> 00:19:15,200
- Trey, you're not supposed to be here.
- Good evening, everyone.

356
00:19:15,283 --> 00:19:16,408
- Good evening.
- Hello.

357
00:19:16,491 --> 00:19:18,366
- Hi.
- Hello, Mrs.

358
00:19:20,783 --> 00:19:21,866
Still mad, I see.

359
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:25,533
I suppose she told you about the baby.

360
00:19:25,616 --> 00:19:28,450
No, I didn't.
I never want to think about it again.

361
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:31,033
Well, see…

362
00:19:31,616 --> 00:19:35,283
- I was trying to make Charlotte laugh…
- It's not funny.

363
00:19:35,366 --> 00:19:36,950
Wait a minute now.
Maybe they'll think it's funny.

364
00:19:37,825 --> 00:19:41,533
Uh, see, we were so tense
about not being able to have one,

365
00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:44,533
that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby.

366
00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:45,616
Isn't that funny?

367
00:19:51,158 --> 00:19:53,033
Carrie, you're funny.

368
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,533
Cardboard baby, that's funny, right?

369
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,325
I mean, it's not funny "ha-ha,"

370
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:00,991
but silly.

371
00:20:03,325 --> 00:20:06,325
See, they sell them in novelty stores.

372
00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:11,325
And other people buy them,
and the clerk said that it was funny.

373
00:20:11,408 --> 00:20:12,991
You know what, maybe you have to see it.

374
00:20:13,075 --> 00:20:14,700
Don't you bring that thing in here.

375
00:20:14,783 --> 00:20:17,325
- It's silly.
- Not to me, it isn't.

376
00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:19,366
How would you feel if I gave you
a cardboard cut-out

377
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:20,658
of a big, flaccid penis?

378
00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:23,575
It's not so funny now, is it?

379
00:20:23,658 --> 00:20:26,825
Don't you bring that flat baby in here.
I will kill you!

380
00:20:27,700 --> 00:20:29,741
How dare you talk to me like that
in front of your friends?

381
00:20:29,825 --> 00:20:31,616
Oh, they know
all about your penis problems.

382
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,450
And they're just sick
of hearing about it.

383
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,033
There we were,
right in the middle of a Wasp nest.

384
00:20:36,116 --> 00:20:37,325
This is unforgivable!

385
00:20:37,408 --> 00:20:40,783
No, what's unforgivable
is you denying me my baby

386
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:42,991
because of your own
selfish, spoiled needs.

387
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,018
- I'm spoiled?
- Yes.

388
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,575
You. You are spoiled.

389
00:20:45,658 --> 00:20:47,408
Ever since we moved back in here,

390
00:20:47,491 --> 00:20:49,283
- it's been nothing but "baby, baby."
- Samantha Jones.

391
00:20:49,366 --> 00:20:50,575
- What about me?
- Richard.

392
00:20:50,658 --> 00:20:52,033
What about you,
you big baby?

393
00:20:52,116 --> 00:20:53,408
- Hello.
- How dare you say that to me

394
00:20:53,491 --> 00:20:55,283
when I always try to give you
everything you've ever wanted.

395
00:20:55,366 --> 00:20:57,158
- No, no, it's not too late to call.
- Everything but a baby!

396
00:20:57,741 --> 00:20:59,908
- Um, we're gonna go.
- Good.

397
00:20:59,991 --> 00:21:02,283
Oh, don't you talk
to my friends like that.

398
00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:04,408
- Without a baby, they're all I have.
- It's okay.

399
00:21:04,491 --> 00:21:06,950
- And what am I?
- You are the man

400
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,991
who gave me a cardboard baby.

401
00:21:09,075 --> 00:21:11,575
- It was funny.
- No, it wasn't!

402
00:21:12,033 --> 00:21:13,075
Good night!

403
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:28,075
Okay, what's so important
that it couldn't wait until…

404
00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:29,158
This.

405
00:21:35,325 --> 00:21:36,616
Let's get something straight.

406
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,700
I want no part of that.

407
00:21:39,408 --> 00:21:42,283
That turns everything
into a big screaming mess.

408
00:21:42,366 --> 00:21:44,825
We are work and sex, nothing more.

409
00:21:45,950 --> 00:21:46,950
Now,

410
00:21:48,033 --> 00:21:51,200
kindly take off those pants
and show me your dick.

411
00:22:01,450 --> 00:22:03,200
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

412
00:22:22,366 --> 00:22:23,991
That's what I'm talking about.

413
00:22:48,533 --> 00:22:50,533
Seeing a bantamweight
championship fight

414
00:22:50,616 --> 00:22:52,991
like Charlotte and Trey's
made me feel thankful

415
00:22:53,075 --> 00:22:55,700
that Aidan and I were still
in the banter weight division.

416
00:22:55,783 --> 00:22:56,908
I'm sorry.

417
00:22:58,033 --> 00:22:59,158
I'm sorry too.

418
00:23:04,241 --> 00:23:06,658
That night,
I slept in my clothes.

419
00:23:14,616 --> 00:23:16,783
Trey and his baby
slept in the guest room.

420
00:23:18,491 --> 00:23:21,658
And Charlotte no longer cared
what Trey thought.

421
00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:29,991
Fuck me.

422
00:23:30,366 --> 00:23:32,783
- Fuck me like there's no tomorrow.
- Yeah.

423
00:23:33,908 --> 00:23:37,200
For her last meal,
the condemned woman had seconds…

424
00:23:38,616 --> 00:23:39,825
and thirds.

425
00:23:42,158 --> 00:23:45,366
Samantha met the dawn
after a night of SSB.

426
00:23:45,450 --> 00:23:47,950
- Thanks.
- Sexy Swimming Behavior.

427
00:23:59,116 --> 00:24:00,116
Dance with me.

428
00:24:00,950 --> 00:24:02,158
What did I say?

429
00:24:05,741 --> 00:24:06,741
I'm your boss.

430
00:24:08,783 --> 00:24:09,783
It's an order.

431
00:24:19,158 --> 00:24:20,866
You think I'd leave your side baby

432
00:24:20,950 --> 00:24:21,950
Richard.

433
00:24:25,866 --> 00:24:28,741
You know me better than that

434
00:24:32,075 --> 00:24:36,325
You think I'd leave you down
When you're down on your knees

435
00:24:39,908 --> 00:24:42,116
I wouldn't do that

436
00:24:45,991 --> 00:24:49,700
I'll tell you you're right when you want

437
00:24:57,700 --> 00:25:00,200
Samantha finally
threw in the towel.

438
00:25:00,616 --> 00:25:05,033
All this time, she'd been trying
to make him just a perfect dick,

439
00:25:05,116 --> 00:25:08,950
fighting her feelings
that he might be the perfect Richard.

440
00:25:10,658 --> 00:25:16,241
Oh, when you're cold

441
00:25:16,325 --> 00:25:22,908
I'll be there
Hold you tight to me

442
00:25:24,116 --> 00:25:26,533
And back at
the Bradshaw-Shaw residence

443
00:25:26,616 --> 00:25:28,658
it was pretty much business as usual.

444
00:25:28,741 --> 00:25:30,950
Hey, what's up?
Where you been? Who'd you see?

445
00:25:31,616 --> 00:25:34,408
You're so much better than you know

446
00:25:36,950 --> 00:25:41,491
When you're lost and you're alone
And you can't get back again…

447
00:25:42,033 --> 00:25:45,325
Buddy, I need you to do something.

448
00:25:46,825 --> 00:25:47,825
What?

449
00:25:49,908 --> 00:25:51,658
I've never lived with anybody
before you,

450
00:25:51,741 --> 00:25:53,408
so I don't know
how to say this correctly…

451
00:25:55,950 --> 00:26:00,366
but I need you to not talk to me
for one whole hour.

452
00:26:01,325 --> 00:26:06,408
I know that sounds pretty selfish,
but it's just what I need. Is that okay?

453
00:26:06,741 --> 00:26:07,741
Mmm-hmm.

454
00:26:07,825 --> 00:26:08,950
Okay, good.

455
00:26:10,950 --> 00:26:13,575
We don't have any other rooms yet,

456
00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:15,783
so, I'm gonna close these,

457
00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,950
and then it's like I'm not here.

458
00:26:19,491 --> 00:26:22,700
For one whole hour, I'm not here.

459
00:26:24,450 --> 00:26:25,450
Thanks.

460
00:26:27,116 --> 00:26:28,116
I love you.

461
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:41,033
I'll tell you you're right when you want

462
00:26:50,741 --> 00:26:55,950
And if only you could see into me

463
00:27:00,158 --> 00:27:01,491
So, what are you doing out here?

464
00:27:02,575 --> 00:27:07,991
Oh, when you're cold

465
00:27:08,075 --> 00:27:10,450
I'll be there…

466
00:27:10,533 --> 00:27:11,991
That's the thing about needs.

467
00:27:12,075 --> 00:27:15,783
Sometimes when you get them met,
you don't need them anymore.

468
00:27:17,908 --> 00:27:19,825
As our 30 days wore on,

469
00:27:19,908 --> 00:27:23,783
Aidan and I miraculously managed
to not kill each other.

470
00:27:23,866 --> 00:27:25,158
But as I predicted…

471
00:27:26,658 --> 00:27:27,866
Toodle-oo!

472
00:27:27,950 --> 00:27:29,366
…the plant was not so lucky.

473
00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:34,283
Oh, when you're low

474
00:27:34,366 --> 00:27:40,741
I'll be there by your side, baby