1 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,048 The worst thing about not being in a relationship… 2 00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:58,423 is when your job is to write about 3 00:00:58,756 --> 00:01:00,423 being in a relationship. 4 00:01:06,881 --> 00:01:09,215 Remember that guy who wore sandals? 5 00:01:09,298 --> 00:01:11,798 Randall, the sandal guy? We went on a couple of dates. 6 00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:14,423 - Like, six years ago? - Yeah. 7 00:01:14,548 --> 00:01:17,256 - Is that anything? - His name was Randall? 8 00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:20,506 No, but I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here, ladies. 9 00:01:20,631 --> 00:01:24,048 Last week, I wrote about my search for the perfect french fry. 10 00:01:24,131 --> 00:01:25,465 - Oh, I saw that. - It was cute. 11 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,048 Mmm-hmm, french fries. 12 00:01:31,215 --> 00:01:32,506 You didn't read it, did you? 13 00:01:32,756 --> 00:01:34,006 I… 14 00:01:34,673 --> 00:01:36,923 I don't always have time to read your column. 15 00:01:38,215 --> 00:01:39,423 Ah. Okay, then. 16 00:01:40,131 --> 00:01:43,131 Wow. Even my friends find me irrelevant. 17 00:01:43,215 --> 00:01:44,298 Hey, I read it every week. 18 00:01:44,465 --> 00:01:46,298 You have a little man hanging from your breast. 19 00:01:46,381 --> 00:01:48,298 - What else are you gonna do? - Eat. 20 00:01:48,465 --> 00:01:50,340 I'm in a dating desert. 21 00:01:50,548 --> 00:01:52,798 They're gonna have to change the name of my column to just, 22 00:01:52,923 --> 00:01:54,298 …and the City." 23 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:55,923 Or they'll just cancel it. 24 00:01:56,006 --> 00:01:57,840 You're on the side of a bus, for God's sake. 25 00:01:57,923 --> 00:01:59,923 Then why did my editor call? He never calls. 26 00:02:00,423 --> 00:02:03,423 I'm not getting laid. Therefore, I'm getting laid off. 27 00:02:03,506 --> 00:02:05,423 You're not getting laid off. 28 00:02:05,506 --> 00:02:08,090 Samantha, I don't know if you read the rest of the paper, 29 00:02:08,173 --> 00:02:09,465 but these are troubled times. 30 00:02:09,548 --> 00:02:11,506 People with real jobs are getting laid off. 31 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,965 This is not a good economy in which to be… 32 00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:15,173 whipped cream. 33 00:02:15,256 --> 00:02:18,631 Last night, I actually started writing about my sock drawer. 34 00:02:19,131 --> 00:02:21,006 Men as socks. 35 00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:22,798 Hmm, Socks and the City. 36 00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,715 I think you and I need to go find some men. 37 00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:27,673 - There are no men. That's the problem. - There are men. 38 00:02:27,798 --> 00:02:29,923 You just have to know where to look for them. When are you free? 39 00:02:30,006 --> 00:02:32,590 No, no. I'm not trolling for men just to have something to write about. 40 00:02:32,673 --> 00:02:34,673 You people go have sex, report back. 41 00:02:34,756 --> 00:02:36,840 I can only help if you want to write about baby-proofing. 42 00:02:36,965 --> 00:02:39,215 I'll tell you how to baby-proof. Use a condom. 43 00:02:40,048 --> 00:02:41,090 What can I get you? 44 00:02:41,215 --> 00:02:44,381 I'd like the veggie scramble and wheat toast. 45 00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,215 I'll have an order of fries. 46 00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,631 Maybe I'll make it a two-parter. 47 00:02:47,715 --> 00:02:49,923 I'd like the Denver omelet and hash browns. Thank you. 48 00:02:50,173 --> 00:02:52,423 I'll have the fruit plate, and I'm back with Richard. 49 00:02:54,548 --> 00:02:56,548 Richard, whose death we've been plotting? 50 00:02:56,881 --> 00:02:58,090 Well, maybe there are no men. 51 00:02:58,756 --> 00:03:01,548 I finally agreed to listen to what he had to say and… 52 00:03:01,673 --> 00:03:03,923 I've never known anyone like you, Samantha. 53 00:03:04,006 --> 00:03:05,798 I was in over my head. 54 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:06,923 And I got scared. 55 00:03:07,006 --> 00:03:08,215 He got scared? 56 00:03:09,131 --> 00:03:10,423 Well, that doesn't excuse the… 57 00:03:11,715 --> 00:03:14,131 Okay, that coming from you 58 00:03:14,215 --> 00:03:16,923 is almost as disturbing as the news itself. 59 00:03:17,006 --> 00:03:18,048 I get scared, 60 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,881 I hide under the covers, not between somebody's legs. 61 00:03:20,965 --> 00:03:21,950 Perhaps you had to be there. 62 00:03:21,965 --> 00:03:24,006 Perhaps you're gonna have to be there around the clock 63 00:03:24,131 --> 00:03:25,631 to make sure he doesn't get scared again. 64 00:03:25,715 --> 00:03:29,006 You know, being scared is not an easy thing for a man to admit. 65 00:03:29,131 --> 00:03:32,048 So what, they get a medal for correctly identifying a feeling? 66 00:03:32,131 --> 00:03:34,673 We do that all day long. I feel pissed off. 67 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,923 - Ta-da! - DNR, do not resuscitate. 68 00:03:38,048 --> 00:03:39,298 I'm not an idiot. 69 00:03:39,631 --> 00:03:41,465 I understand, as a woman of the world, 70 00:03:41,548 --> 00:03:44,798 that Richard is a very charismatic and successful man. 71 00:03:45,298 --> 00:03:48,256 And an interesting pussy might cross his path now and then. 72 00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:50,340 - And he might fall… - Into it? 73 00:03:50,423 --> 00:03:52,173 And if he does, it's just sex. 74 00:03:52,256 --> 00:03:53,590 That might be a flaw in him. 75 00:03:53,673 --> 00:03:56,381 But you know what? Nobody's perfect. 76 00:03:56,465 --> 00:03:58,048 Some women can't even get their husbands 77 00:03:58,131 --> 00:03:59,673 to pick up the dry-cleaning. 78 00:03:59,798 --> 00:04:02,715 You're comparing not wanting to pick up the dry-cleaning with… 79 00:04:03,173 --> 00:04:04,840 - Charlotte, do the thing. - No. 80 00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:06,798 Look, I know he loves me, 81 00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:08,298 I believe he's sorry, 82 00:04:08,423 --> 00:04:10,173 and I believe he'll try his best. 83 00:04:10,798 --> 00:04:12,215 Well, then that's your choice 84 00:04:12,298 --> 00:04:14,298 and we should all respect it. 85 00:04:14,381 --> 00:04:16,590 Now, how about this for a column: 86 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,215 "Desperate women who will believe anything"? 87 00:04:23,465 --> 00:04:25,965 The next day, two parents covered outlets 88 00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:28,215 to prevent their baby from getting shocked. 89 00:04:30,006 --> 00:04:31,006 I was thinking… 90 00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,215 Maybe we wanna get Brady baptized. 91 00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:38,590 For grownups, there is no such safeguard. 92 00:04:38,673 --> 00:04:40,465 Neither of us even goes to church. 93 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,923 Yeah, I know that, but it's tradition, you know. 94 00:04:43,048 --> 00:04:45,131 I was baptized, my father, my father's father. 95 00:04:45,215 --> 00:04:47,215 Everybody in my family gets baptized, you know. 96 00:04:47,881 --> 00:04:49,548 It would really mean a lot to my ma. 97 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,673 - Your ma? - Shh. 98 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,798 You never even had a mother when we were going out. 99 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,131 This is the first I've ever heard of your mother, and clearly, 100 00:05:01,215 --> 00:05:03,548 you're just trotting her out to make a case for religion. 101 00:05:03,631 --> 00:05:05,131 It's not about religion. It's not about God. 102 00:05:05,215 --> 00:05:07,840 It's just something you do in case, 103 00:05:08,131 --> 00:05:09,465 so the baby don't end up in… 104 00:05:09,756 --> 00:05:11,131 limbo. 105 00:05:11,215 --> 00:05:14,381 - You don't even know what that means. - I do so. 106 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,923 - So, what is it? - It's a place where babies 107 00:05:17,006 --> 00:05:19,006 fly around without bodies. Just… 108 00:05:19,673 --> 00:05:20,923 wings under their neck. 109 00:05:21,256 --> 00:05:23,881 Yeah, that sounds like something we should worry about. 110 00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:25,673 Brady isn't even crawling yet 111 00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,256 and you've got us baby-proofing every inch of this apartment. 112 00:05:28,465 --> 00:05:30,715 But you won't let someone sprinkle a little water on his head 113 00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:31,965 so he doesn't go to hell? 114 00:05:32,048 --> 00:05:33,756 Miranda didn't believe in hell, 115 00:05:33,881 --> 00:05:35,840 except the hell she was in right now. 116 00:05:35,923 --> 00:05:38,798 This is why I was worried about having you involved. 117 00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:41,006 Why should I go through some stupid ceremony 118 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,090 just to make your ma happy? 119 00:05:43,173 --> 00:05:44,298 It's nice. 120 00:05:44,715 --> 00:05:46,256 Everybody sees the baby. 121 00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:47,923 You have cake. Some people give you money. 122 00:05:48,006 --> 00:05:49,715 What's wrong with little Brady having a little party? 123 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:50,965 I don't believe in it. 124 00:05:52,256 --> 00:05:53,381 If you don't believe… 125 00:05:53,465 --> 00:05:55,465 it's just water on the kid's head. 126 00:05:57,465 --> 00:06:00,048 Downtown, Samantha's faith was faltering. 127 00:06:00,131 --> 00:06:01,423 My friends don't believe you. 128 00:06:01,506 --> 00:06:03,006 Am I dating your friends? 129 00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:05,048 With your track record, I wouldn't put it past you. 130 00:06:05,381 --> 00:06:07,131 What exactly seems to be their problem? 131 00:06:07,215 --> 00:06:08,381 This… 132 00:06:08,756 --> 00:06:09,840 is their problem. 133 00:06:10,131 --> 00:06:11,590 We talked about that. 134 00:06:11,756 --> 00:06:14,131 Yeah, but Miranda thinks it's bullshit. 135 00:06:14,715 --> 00:06:17,965 What's to stop you from getting scared every time a hot woman walks by? 136 00:06:19,131 --> 00:06:20,173 She wanted to know. 137 00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:22,298 Well, I don't give a shit what your friends think. 138 00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:23,965 I love you. 139 00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:26,798 And I've got something for you. 140 00:06:33,298 --> 00:06:35,548 Unless… Miranda wouldn't approve. 141 00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:40,381 Now, it was Samantha's turn to be scared. 142 00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:47,631 Don't worry, it's not for that finger. It's for… this one. 143 00:06:48,423 --> 00:06:51,298 So, when you flip me off, I'll have something shiny to look at. 144 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:52,840 There it was. 145 00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:57,006 A Canary Diamond I'll-try-not-to-cheat- and-eat-when-I'm-scared ring. 146 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,673 Samantha wasn't sure if she was in heaven… 147 00:07:07,381 --> 00:07:08,423 or limbo. 148 00:07:10,131 --> 00:07:13,090 Meanwhile, I was clearly in hell. 149 00:07:21,506 --> 00:07:22,590 That afternoon, 150 00:07:22,798 --> 00:07:25,131 Charlotte and I went trolling for men. 151 00:07:25,423 --> 00:07:26,631 Hey. He's kind of cute. 152 00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,631 We were playing One-One Hundred, 153 00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,215 which is like a road-trip game for urban singles. 154 00:07:31,298 --> 00:07:33,215 You watch the men coming your direction, 155 00:07:33,465 --> 00:07:36,465 and you see how many out of a hundred you'd sleep with. 156 00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:37,798 Okay, yes. 157 00:07:39,131 --> 00:07:41,631 Eight out of… forty-six. Where are you? 158 00:07:41,923 --> 00:07:43,006 Zero, thirty-two. 159 00:07:43,298 --> 00:07:44,923 Zero? What about the guy with the dog? 160 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,715 I don't like dachshunds for men. 161 00:07:46,798 --> 00:07:49,173 Can't handle a real dog, can't handle a real woman. 162 00:07:49,256 --> 00:07:51,048 - But he was gorgeous. - That's another thing. 163 00:07:51,173 --> 00:07:53,215 Men who are too good-looking, they're never good in bed 164 00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:54,840 because they never had to be. 165 00:07:57,340 --> 00:07:59,715 - Zero, thirty-five. - None of them? 166 00:08:00,715 --> 00:08:01,923 They were gay. 167 00:08:02,006 --> 00:08:02,991 It's imaginary. 168 00:08:03,006 --> 00:08:06,465 There must be someone in Gramercy Park that you'd have imaginary sex with. 169 00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:07,548 You're being too picky. 170 00:08:07,631 --> 00:08:09,381 Well, you're an imaginary whore. 171 00:08:09,506 --> 00:08:10,881 I am not. 172 00:08:10,965 --> 00:08:14,715 You have slept with eight men, and we have only had appetizers. 173 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,965 You should come with me next week to Dr. Cheryl Grayson's seminar. 174 00:08:18,048 --> 00:08:20,423 I've been before and it's really inspiring. 175 00:08:20,506 --> 00:08:23,256 And there's time for questions and answers. 176 00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:25,548 Plus, she has a new haircut, and I hear it's very cute. 177 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,256 Why would I go to that? 178 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,465 Because… 179 00:08:29,173 --> 00:08:32,215 - You're becoming cynical. - That's why I wouldn't go. 180 00:08:33,173 --> 00:08:34,840 It's kind of a Catch-22, isn't it? 181 00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:37,006 You might get a column out of it. 182 00:08:37,131 --> 00:08:38,965 - Ah! Sign me up. - Yay! 183 00:08:39,506 --> 00:08:40,840 I think you'll really enjoy it. 184 00:08:40,923 --> 00:08:43,131 Her philosophy of written affirmations 185 00:08:43,215 --> 00:08:45,465 has helped me let go of negative thoughts. 186 00:08:46,673 --> 00:08:49,465 Oh! No. Oh, not this guy. 187 00:08:49,798 --> 00:08:51,381 No, he's balding. He's… 188 00:08:51,673 --> 00:08:52,965 Got a big head. 189 00:08:53,298 --> 00:08:55,381 So, you still have some negative thoughts. 190 00:08:56,256 --> 00:08:58,090 Oh, my God, he's coming over here. Don't… 191 00:08:58,173 --> 00:08:59,298 Don't look up. 192 00:09:01,298 --> 00:09:03,465 Aren't you Carrie Bradshaw from the New York Star? 193 00:09:03,548 --> 00:09:06,131 Gabe, hey. 194 00:09:06,215 --> 00:09:07,465 You two know each other? 195 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:10,131 Yeah. This is my editor. 196 00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:12,965 - This is Gabe Manning. - Oh, hi, I'm Charlotte. 197 00:09:13,048 --> 00:09:15,131 Hi. I'm glad I ran into you, since apparently 198 00:09:15,215 --> 00:09:16,715 you don't return your calls anymore. 199 00:09:16,798 --> 00:09:17,923 Yeah. I know. I know. 200 00:09:18,006 --> 00:09:21,131 But I am just now researching my next column, 201 00:09:21,215 --> 00:09:24,340 and I think it's going to be super fun and sexy. 202 00:09:24,423 --> 00:09:27,215 See, we sit here and we pick 203 00:09:27,298 --> 00:09:31,173 how many men out of a hundred we would want to sleep with… 204 00:09:31,256 --> 00:09:33,173 Carrie, no one's asking you to fuck every guy in town. 205 00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:34,506 We're only a weekly paper. 206 00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:37,048 No. We don't actually sleep… 207 00:09:37,131 --> 00:09:38,923 Listen, the reason I've been trying to get in touch with you is… 208 00:09:39,048 --> 00:09:40,256 - I know… - …an editor from 209 00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:41,381 Clearwater Press called. 210 00:09:41,465 --> 00:09:43,965 They're interested in turning your columns into a book. 211 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,423 - Oh! - Oh? 212 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:58,215 I'm having a Cosmopolitan with the woman who wrote about Cosmopolitans. 213 00:09:58,715 --> 00:10:00,173 Now, if only I could find a man… 214 00:10:01,298 --> 00:10:03,840 Trouble finding a man. Have you ever considered writing about that? 215 00:10:03,923 --> 00:10:06,173 Oh! That's a great idea. Hey, let me get a pen. 216 00:10:06,256 --> 00:10:08,756 The next night, I met with publishing powerhouses 217 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,756 Lily Martin and Courtney Masterson. 218 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,173 Seriously, Carrie, this is such a thrill. 219 00:10:13,256 --> 00:10:16,423 All of us at Clearwater Press read your column religiously. 220 00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:18,298 Oh, God, I don't even do that. 221 00:10:18,381 --> 00:10:20,423 I even have the one on "Ten Men to Avoid" 222 00:10:20,506 --> 00:10:21,673 on my refrigerator. 223 00:10:21,756 --> 00:10:23,840 But not in that icky, Cathy comic kind of a way. 224 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,340 - Oh, God, no. I hate that shit. - Me, too. 225 00:10:26,423 --> 00:10:28,923 Anyway, I predict this book will be huge. 226 00:10:29,006 --> 00:10:30,840 - Huge. - And that's… 227 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,131 Why? 228 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:36,215 Because there are so many single women desperate for something like this. 229 00:10:36,298 --> 00:10:37,673 And you're looking at two of them. 230 00:10:37,756 --> 00:10:39,548 - One, two. - And the good news is you already 231 00:10:39,631 --> 00:10:41,715 have an incredible inventory of columns to choose from. 232 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:45,256 And some we don't have to include, like that last one on french fries. 233 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,923 That didn't make the fridge, did it? 234 00:10:47,006 --> 00:10:48,881 Basically, we want to fast-track it 235 00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:51,590 and get it on the shelves by Christmas/the Jewish Hanukkah. 236 00:10:51,965 --> 00:10:54,423 And you can pick and choose the columns, about 25 or 30, 237 00:10:54,506 --> 00:10:56,965 then you just have to write an introduction and a dedication 238 00:10:57,048 --> 00:10:58,590 to clarify the tone of the book. 239 00:10:59,381 --> 00:11:00,423 So, you mean… 240 00:11:02,548 --> 00:11:04,631 - What do you mean? - You know, what's the message? 241 00:11:06,215 --> 00:11:07,215 Just… 242 00:11:08,548 --> 00:11:10,090 Here are my favorite columns? 243 00:11:11,465 --> 00:11:14,173 Um, yes, but also, is it hopeful? 244 00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:16,756 Is Carrie Bradshaw an optimist or a pessimist? 245 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,215 Yeah, what's your point of view? 246 00:11:18,381 --> 00:11:21,923 You know, after all the breakups and the disappointments 247 00:11:22,006 --> 00:11:24,048 and the train wrecks. 248 00:11:24,131 --> 00:11:25,798 You still believe he's out there, right? 249 00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:29,548 Or should we just shoot ourselves now? 250 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,506 No. Um… 251 00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,090 Yes. 252 00:11:34,048 --> 00:11:35,048 Hopeful. 253 00:11:36,381 --> 00:11:39,381 To be honest, I wasn't sure what I believed. 254 00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:43,548 But my cynical side suspected optimism would sell more books. 255 00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:49,048 My best friend is going to be a published author. 256 00:11:49,131 --> 00:11:52,173 It's so fabulous. It even makes me more fabulous. 257 00:11:52,298 --> 00:11:55,840 I don't know. I think I enjoy being slightly under the radar. 258 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:58,006 I take comfort in the fact that many people, 259 00:11:58,090 --> 00:12:00,881 present company included, don't ever see my column. 260 00:12:00,965 --> 00:12:03,006 Well, I'm waiting till it's coming out in hardback. 261 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,340 I hope it's big and glossy. 262 00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,423 Like my mistakes. 263 00:12:06,048 --> 00:12:08,506 Is this really something you encourage? 264 00:12:08,631 --> 00:12:09,798 Do it. 265 00:12:09,881 --> 00:12:12,590 Newspaper is out. It's all about books. 266 00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:15,048 Everyone who's anyone has a book. 267 00:12:15,881 --> 00:12:17,465 Okay, I'm not sure what you just said 268 00:12:17,548 --> 00:12:20,590 because I was temporarily blinded by a piece of jewelry. 269 00:12:20,715 --> 00:12:21,756 Let me see that. 270 00:12:23,715 --> 00:12:25,006 It's from Richard. 271 00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:27,756 I think it's his way of saying, "I'm sorry." 272 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:30,590 Wow! What do you get if it happens again? 273 00:12:30,673 --> 00:12:31,715 The Hope Diamond? 274 00:12:31,798 --> 00:12:35,756 That's what this is. I-hope-that-fucker- doesn't-break-my-heart-again diamond. 275 00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:39,006 Evidently, we were both turning our pain into gold. 276 00:12:40,215 --> 00:12:42,673 That night, I started to think about belief. 277 00:12:43,715 --> 00:12:47,381 Maybe it's not even advisable to be an optimist after the age of 30. 278 00:12:48,756 --> 00:12:52,173 Maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily, 279 00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:53,590 like moisturizer. 280 00:12:54,465 --> 00:12:55,465 Otherwise, 281 00:12:55,631 --> 00:12:58,923 how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system, 282 00:12:59,006 --> 00:13:01,256 and love does not, as promised, 283 00:13:01,590 --> 00:13:02,590 conquer all? 284 00:13:03,506 --> 00:13:05,840 Is hope a drug we need to go off of, 285 00:13:06,256 --> 00:13:08,048 or is it keeping us alive? 286 00:13:08,798 --> 00:13:10,548 What's the harm in believing? 287 00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:13,673 Repeat your affirmations daily 288 00:13:13,798 --> 00:13:16,215 if you want to let love into your life. 289 00:13:17,090 --> 00:13:18,090 Open yourself. 290 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,590 Breathe in the possibility of love. 291 00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:23,256 What is not love is fear. 292 00:13:24,006 --> 00:13:28,631 It's time to let go of your fears and embrace your dreams. 293 00:13:30,048 --> 00:13:31,673 Miranda still wasn't a believer. 294 00:13:31,965 --> 00:13:33,131 But her faith was renewed 295 00:13:33,215 --> 00:13:35,465 when she found a church that seemed to suit her. 296 00:13:35,756 --> 00:13:37,756 And a suit that seemed to fit her. 297 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,298 - I'm waiting in the rain. - I know, I know. You said 10:45. 298 00:13:41,465 --> 00:13:43,215 - Yeah, and… - It's my fault. 299 00:13:43,506 --> 00:13:44,673 I'm sorry. 300 00:13:46,548 --> 00:13:47,756 He's not with her. 301 00:13:48,006 --> 00:13:49,006 Yeah, I know. I told you 302 00:13:49,090 --> 00:13:52,131 that she'd probably leave him with the baby nurse. This is my ma. 303 00:13:52,215 --> 00:13:53,215 Ma, Miranda. 304 00:13:54,548 --> 00:13:56,798 Hi, Mrs. Brady. So nice to meet you. 305 00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,631 No, Mary, please. 306 00:13:59,215 --> 00:14:01,215 Oh, you're so fancy. 307 00:14:01,756 --> 00:14:03,131 I wanted to wear my nice dress, 308 00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:05,715 but the dry cleaners doesn't open until 10:00. 309 00:14:06,048 --> 00:14:07,965 I was hoping that you'd bring little Brady, 310 00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:10,256 since I haven't seen him yet. 311 00:14:10,631 --> 00:14:13,673 I mean, well, you know, Stevie gave me a picture. 312 00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,965 I've been carrying it around in my wallet. 313 00:14:16,465 --> 00:14:17,965 It's a little creased. 314 00:14:18,298 --> 00:14:19,965 I should have put it in a frame. 315 00:14:20,548 --> 00:14:24,465 I xeroxed it at the phone company and everyone in my division 316 00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:25,840 said he looks like me. 317 00:14:28,756 --> 00:14:31,173 So, I'll see him at the ceremony. 318 00:14:31,631 --> 00:14:33,965 I'm just grateful to be included. 319 00:14:34,256 --> 00:14:36,340 Especially since I know you aren't Catholic 320 00:14:36,423 --> 00:14:38,465 and you didn't wanna have a christening. 321 00:14:39,756 --> 00:14:40,798 But the idea… 322 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:44,006 - of this little baby burning in hell… - Ma! 323 00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:46,006 - Ma. - All right. All right. 324 00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:47,923 I'm just saying… 325 00:14:48,381 --> 00:14:51,631 My oldest son, Jackie, had a baby who died. 326 00:14:52,298 --> 00:14:53,465 Two weeks old. 327 00:14:54,048 --> 00:14:55,173 We're still reeling. 328 00:14:55,548 --> 00:14:58,048 His wife is Black. She's not very friendly. 329 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,590 Thinks I have a problem with her. But I don't. 330 00:15:02,340 --> 00:15:03,631 I don't. 331 00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:04,965 Listen. 332 00:15:05,256 --> 00:15:06,256 Maybe the priest… 333 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,756 doesn't need to know you aren't getting married. 334 00:15:08,923 --> 00:15:10,298 We're not lying to the priest, Ma. 335 00:15:10,423 --> 00:15:13,090 Oh. Now you're religious. 336 00:15:13,381 --> 00:15:14,548 - Hello. - Oh! 337 00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:16,923 - Are you the Hobbes party? - Yes, we spoke on the phone. 338 00:15:17,006 --> 00:15:19,048 - I'm Father Andrew. Come on inside. - Sorry we're late. 339 00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:20,256 Oh, hello, Father. 340 00:15:20,673 --> 00:15:23,923 I'm Mary Brady. I go to Saint Agnes in Queens. 341 00:15:25,298 --> 00:15:26,673 They're not getting married. 342 00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:32,340 - Is she drunk? - No, just a couple of beers. 343 00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:36,673 I don't want the baby referred to as Catholic. 344 00:15:38,173 --> 00:15:39,923 Uh, no original sin. 345 00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,340 No renouncing of Satan. 346 00:15:43,423 --> 00:15:46,756 It's not that she's a fan of Satan, it's just that she doesn't wanna… 347 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,756 - talk about him. - In fact, no mention of Satan. 348 00:15:51,590 --> 00:15:52,673 The Devil… 349 00:15:52,756 --> 00:15:55,465 Miranda was surprised the priest was so flexible. 350 00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:57,756 But the truth is, in these troubled times, 351 00:15:57,881 --> 00:16:01,673 the Catholic Church is like a desperate 36-year-old single woman, 352 00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:04,131 willing to settle for anything it can get. 353 00:16:04,215 --> 00:16:05,381 …own forever. 354 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,173 This is not what I had in mind 355 00:16:08,256 --> 00:16:10,215 when you asked if I wanted to go dress shopping. 356 00:16:10,298 --> 00:16:12,465 Believe me, I'm less thrilled than you. 357 00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:15,548 He has to get baptized and wear a dress. 358 00:16:15,715 --> 00:16:17,090 Baby's first drag show. 359 00:16:18,506 --> 00:16:21,923 - It's a very odd tradition. - Oh, don't even get me started. 360 00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:25,381 It's all about cleansing this little baby of his sins, 361 00:16:25,465 --> 00:16:27,673 when clearly babies come into the world with a clean slate, 362 00:16:27,756 --> 00:16:29,340 and we're the ones that fuck 'em up. 363 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,256 So, you're a pessimist, right? 364 00:16:32,423 --> 00:16:33,423 Have we met? 365 00:16:33,548 --> 00:16:35,631 It's for my book. I have to figure out 366 00:16:35,965 --> 00:16:38,506 if I'm an optimist or a pessimist. 367 00:16:39,048 --> 00:16:40,340 And I don't know anymore. 368 00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:42,131 I don't know what I believe. 369 00:16:42,215 --> 00:16:44,340 Yeah, neither do I, and I'm having a baptism. 370 00:16:44,756 --> 00:16:45,840 So, how do you rationalize that? 371 00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,173 One less bath I have to give him. 372 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,840 Mostly, I'm doing it for Steve. He's been pretty good to me. 373 00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:52,590 I've known him for three years 374 00:16:52,673 --> 00:16:54,881 and I didn't have to meet his mother till yesterday. 375 00:16:54,965 --> 00:16:57,006 - What's she like? - Imagine Steve… 376 00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:58,256 - Mmm-hmm. - …in a wig, 377 00:16:58,673 --> 00:17:00,381 - drunk. - Yikes. 378 00:17:00,465 --> 00:17:01,840 Yeah. 379 00:17:02,215 --> 00:17:03,548 So, listen. 380 00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:06,548 How would you feel about being Brady's godmother? 381 00:17:06,965 --> 00:17:07,965 Really? 382 00:17:08,090 --> 00:17:09,298 What would I need to do? 383 00:17:09,423 --> 00:17:10,408 Officially, 384 00:17:10,423 --> 00:17:12,631 you provide the baby with spiritual guidance. 385 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:15,965 Unofficially, you stand up there with me so I have somebody to roll my eyes at. 386 00:17:16,048 --> 00:17:19,048 - What do you say? - I don't know. Spiritual guidance? 387 00:17:19,131 --> 00:17:21,881 And there's cake… from some bakery in Queens. 388 00:17:21,965 --> 00:17:25,006 The really sugary kind with the thick, white icing? 389 00:17:25,090 --> 00:17:27,298 Yeah, maybe even a buttercream cross on top. 390 00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:29,340 Oh, now you're talking. 391 00:17:30,131 --> 00:17:31,340 Spirituality. 392 00:17:31,673 --> 00:17:32,965 And cake. 393 00:17:35,006 --> 00:17:36,798 That night, Charlotte dragged me 394 00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:38,506 to the Fountain of Belief. 395 00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:40,215 It was mostly women. 396 00:17:40,298 --> 00:17:42,548 Apparently, women are the main market for hope. 397 00:17:42,631 --> 00:17:44,756 Welcome. Would you like to take an affirmation? 398 00:17:45,756 --> 00:17:47,840 Saying no would probably get us off on the wrong foot, 399 00:17:47,923 --> 00:17:49,756 - it being an affirmation and all. - Mmm-hmm. 400 00:17:51,006 --> 00:17:52,548 - Thanks. - Enjoy. 401 00:17:53,756 --> 00:17:55,548 "I believe in the good in people." 402 00:17:55,798 --> 00:17:57,590 That's nice. What does yours say? 403 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:58,840 Um… 404 00:17:58,923 --> 00:18:00,798 "I believe this is hooey." 405 00:18:00,881 --> 00:18:02,465 Are you going to make fun of everything? 406 00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,131 No, I'm not that quick. 407 00:18:05,715 --> 00:18:06,715 What did you do today? 408 00:18:07,131 --> 00:18:08,423 Oh, the usual. 409 00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:11,465 Helped pick a christening gown for my friend's illegitimate baby. 410 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,631 Aw. 411 00:18:13,381 --> 00:18:16,215 I'm so happy she decided to do a baptism. 412 00:18:16,298 --> 00:18:17,506 She asked me to be the godmother. 413 00:18:18,506 --> 00:18:20,090 - What? - It's not a big deal. 414 00:18:20,381 --> 00:18:23,256 It is a big deal. It's a huge responsibility. 415 00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:25,131 I know people whose friendships have ended 416 00:18:25,215 --> 00:18:27,381 because someone was a disappointing godparent. 417 00:18:28,923 --> 00:18:29,923 Why are you so… 418 00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:33,590 Oh… 419 00:18:36,465 --> 00:18:38,298 - Did you want to be the godmother? - No. 420 00:18:38,756 --> 00:18:40,673 I just think it wouldn't kill you to acknowledge 421 00:18:40,756 --> 00:18:41,923 that some things are sacred. 422 00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:44,631 - I do acknowledge that… - We're not talking. 423 00:18:45,256 --> 00:18:46,548 - We're not? - No. 424 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,256 Okay. 425 00:18:57,965 --> 00:18:59,048 Are we talking yet? 426 00:19:02,673 --> 00:19:04,298 Okay, let me know when we're talking. 427 00:19:09,756 --> 00:19:14,131 I believe this is going to be a very long evening. 428 00:19:17,965 --> 00:19:20,173 I believe we are the only normal people here. 429 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,506 I believe in the good in Charlotte, 430 00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:30,465 who dragged me here against my will when I wanted to stay home 431 00:19:30,923 --> 00:19:32,465 and just be negative. 432 00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:42,673 What does the gown look like? 433 00:19:45,798 --> 00:19:46,965 Table for two. 434 00:19:49,881 --> 00:19:51,340 I know you're trying to make me feel bad, 435 00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:52,965 but I gotta tell you, that turns me on. 436 00:19:53,506 --> 00:19:54,506 Right this way. 437 00:20:11,465 --> 00:20:12,465 Thank you. 438 00:20:19,131 --> 00:20:21,340 - Are we okay? - Oh, we're fine. 439 00:20:21,423 --> 00:20:23,131 Oh, I almost forgot. 440 00:20:23,506 --> 00:20:26,173 You're going to Miranda's baptism with me Sunday. 441 00:20:26,256 --> 00:20:28,006 It'll be all day. It'll be boring. 442 00:20:28,131 --> 00:20:30,090 - It'll be mandatory. - What time? 443 00:20:31,090 --> 00:20:32,090 Two. 444 00:20:32,381 --> 00:20:34,506 Are you going to do the thing again? 445 00:20:35,215 --> 00:20:36,256 No. 446 00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:38,006 Are you? 447 00:20:39,173 --> 00:20:40,173 Samantha. 448 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,173 I love you. 449 00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,673 Although he appeared to have reformed, 450 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,548 Samantha wasn't ready to forgive his sin. 451 00:20:53,923 --> 00:20:55,590 Love will come to you… 452 00:20:56,590 --> 00:20:58,756 only when you truly believe you deserve it. 453 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,215 Meanwhile, an hour and 20 affirmations later… 454 00:21:02,298 --> 00:21:03,840 Love will raise you up, 455 00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:06,048 fear will pull you under. 456 00:21:06,756 --> 00:21:07,798 Only love is real. 457 00:21:09,256 --> 00:21:10,381 Yes. Go on, stand right up. 458 00:21:11,256 --> 00:21:12,256 Yes, uh… 459 00:21:12,631 --> 00:21:14,256 I just wanted to thank you, Cheryl. 460 00:21:14,631 --> 00:21:16,923 Because the affirmations have really worked for me. 461 00:21:17,256 --> 00:21:19,840 I prayed for love, I believed in love, 462 00:21:19,923 --> 00:21:21,631 and last week, I fell in love. 463 00:21:22,090 --> 00:21:24,631 And he's perfect and kind and giving… 464 00:21:24,965 --> 00:21:27,340 And I now know that I deserve that. 465 00:21:27,423 --> 00:21:28,631 So, thank you. 466 00:21:29,006 --> 00:21:30,465 Thank yourself. You did it. 467 00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:31,881 Isn't that inspiring? 468 00:21:32,256 --> 00:21:34,756 Yeah. Yes. 469 00:21:42,298 --> 00:21:43,298 Anyone else? 470 00:21:45,215 --> 00:21:46,673 Yes. Did you want to say something? 471 00:21:46,798 --> 00:21:48,881 - Oh, no, I… - Um, yes. 472 00:21:48,965 --> 00:21:51,548 Hi, I was wondering, um… 473 00:21:55,048 --> 00:21:56,048 Hi. 474 00:21:57,756 --> 00:22:00,506 I'm just wondering how long that woman was doing her affirmations 475 00:22:00,631 --> 00:22:03,006 because I've been doing mine every day and… 476 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,506 I… I want to believe but… 477 00:22:05,965 --> 00:22:07,423 Nothing is happening and… 478 00:22:09,506 --> 00:22:10,881 I just don't think it's working. 479 00:22:10,965 --> 00:22:13,881 I just don't think it will work for me. 480 00:22:15,256 --> 00:22:16,256 I hear fear. 481 00:22:17,381 --> 00:22:18,381 I hear doubt. 482 00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:22,506 You have to believe love to receive love. 483 00:22:23,631 --> 00:22:25,631 Keep repeating your affirmations, and eventually, 484 00:22:25,715 --> 00:22:27,090 your heart will catch up with your head. 485 00:22:27,506 --> 00:22:28,756 Um, mmm-hmm. Uh… 486 00:22:29,465 --> 00:22:30,923 That's the thing, though. 487 00:22:31,923 --> 00:22:33,173 I did find love. 488 00:22:34,340 --> 00:22:36,673 I believed that there was someone out there for me, 489 00:22:37,173 --> 00:22:38,923 and I met him, finally. 490 00:22:39,631 --> 00:22:41,173 And we had a beautiful wedding. 491 00:22:41,965 --> 00:22:43,840 And then everything just fell apart. 492 00:22:44,881 --> 00:22:45,965 And I'm worried. 493 00:22:46,631 --> 00:22:49,506 I'm afraid that he took away my ability to believe. 494 00:22:49,798 --> 00:22:53,298 And I hate him for that because I always believed before. 495 00:22:53,965 --> 00:22:55,173 And now I just feel… 496 00:22:56,590 --> 00:22:57,715 lost. 497 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,465 And I am, I'm trying to put myself out there but… 498 00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:03,965 I feel hopeless. 499 00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:09,548 Perhaps you're not really putting yourself out there. 500 00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,090 Oh. 501 00:23:15,131 --> 00:23:16,965 No, she's out there. 502 00:23:17,715 --> 00:23:19,548 I mean, emotionally and physically. 503 00:23:20,506 --> 00:23:24,006 Maybe you're not looking for love in a real way. 504 00:23:24,090 --> 00:23:27,756 Maybe you're not really trying. Maybe you're not really out there. 505 00:23:28,381 --> 00:23:29,381 Believe me… 506 00:23:30,256 --> 00:23:31,548 she's out there. 507 00:23:42,173 --> 00:23:45,215 Sunday afternoon, we all gathered for a baptism 508 00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:47,340 in the little church that would. 509 00:23:53,048 --> 00:23:55,090 Hey, you… with the flower thing. 510 00:23:55,798 --> 00:23:58,340 Steve tells me that you're the godmother. 511 00:23:58,423 --> 00:23:59,465 Oh. Uh-huh. 512 00:23:59,756 --> 00:24:01,048 I'm the godfather. 513 00:24:02,590 --> 00:24:04,423 Steve's second cousin, Patrick. 514 00:24:05,798 --> 00:24:07,465 It'd make a good story, huh? 515 00:24:07,548 --> 00:24:09,381 Little Brady brought us together. 516 00:24:09,631 --> 00:24:10,715 - Oh. - Yay. 517 00:24:11,090 --> 00:24:13,756 Someone who isn't related to Steve. No offense, Patrick. 518 00:24:13,881 --> 00:24:14,923 None taken. 519 00:24:15,006 --> 00:24:16,340 - Hey. - Hey. Hi. 520 00:24:16,423 --> 00:24:17,881 I'll check you later, 521 00:24:18,673 --> 00:24:20,923 - gator. - Okay. 522 00:24:24,590 --> 00:24:26,215 It's a nice dress. 523 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,465 Well, I didn't want Brady to show me up. 524 00:24:28,715 --> 00:24:31,506 Uh, by the way, I think your baby's godfather 525 00:24:31,590 --> 00:24:34,298 baptized himself with some bad cologne. 526 00:24:34,381 --> 00:24:37,798 Yeah, well, Brady's grandmother invited the folks from Molly Maguires. 527 00:24:38,798 --> 00:24:41,840 Well, I know you've got your hands full with the drunk and the skunk, 528 00:24:42,298 --> 00:24:44,631 but I have to tell you something. 529 00:24:45,215 --> 00:24:46,881 I'm too fat to be wearing this, aren't I? 530 00:24:46,965 --> 00:24:49,715 No. Oh, no. No. You look beautiful. 531 00:24:49,798 --> 00:24:50,881 No, it's me. 532 00:24:52,756 --> 00:24:55,173 Are you sure that I am godmother material? 533 00:24:55,256 --> 00:24:56,256 Shouldn't you maybe… 534 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,965 pick someone a bit more maternal? 535 00:25:00,048 --> 00:25:02,215 No, I like that you're not. 536 00:25:04,256 --> 00:25:05,256 Here's the thing. 537 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:09,840 This is such an awesome responsibility. 538 00:25:10,173 --> 00:25:12,256 I don't know my own view of the future. 539 00:25:12,340 --> 00:25:15,673 I think I'm possibly one bad date away from bitter. 540 00:25:16,173 --> 00:25:17,465 Don't you think that I… 541 00:25:17,881 --> 00:25:19,381 I'm getting a little cynical? 542 00:25:19,756 --> 00:25:20,881 Not compared to me. 543 00:25:22,506 --> 00:25:24,465 Carrie, you're my best friend. 544 00:25:27,173 --> 00:25:29,423 Okay, but just so you know, Charlotte's dying for the job, 545 00:25:29,506 --> 00:25:31,423 and I think she'd probably be better at it. 546 00:25:31,715 --> 00:25:33,881 I don't know if I believe in any of this. 547 00:25:34,590 --> 00:25:35,881 But I believe in you. 548 00:25:36,881 --> 00:25:39,131 I want you to be my baby's godmother. 549 00:25:41,506 --> 00:25:44,090 Well, I did spring for the hat. 550 00:25:47,506 --> 00:25:50,423 Who presents this child to receive the sacrament of baptism? 551 00:25:50,881 --> 00:25:51,881 - We do. - We do. 552 00:25:55,756 --> 00:25:56,756 Okay. 553 00:26:14,756 --> 00:26:17,298 "Give him an inquiring and discerning heart. 554 00:26:17,923 --> 00:26:19,465 The courage to will and to persevere. 555 00:26:20,256 --> 00:26:21,340 A spirit to love. 556 00:26:21,631 --> 00:26:23,256 And the gift of joy and wonder. 557 00:26:24,090 --> 00:26:25,506 In the Lord's name, we pray." 558 00:26:26,048 --> 00:26:27,798 Lord, hear our prayer. 559 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,715 "In baptism, we use your gift of water, 560 00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:32,423 which you have made a rich symbol 561 00:26:32,506 --> 00:26:34,506 of the grace you give us in this sacrament. 562 00:26:36,048 --> 00:26:38,465 Through it, you led the children of Israel out of their bondage. 563 00:26:39,173 --> 00:26:40,506 Through it, we are reborn." 564 00:26:43,881 --> 00:26:46,423 There isn't enough holy water in the world to cleanse you. 565 00:26:53,006 --> 00:26:54,006 Brady… 566 00:26:54,590 --> 00:26:56,465 I baptize you in the name of the Father… 567 00:26:59,548 --> 00:27:00,548 and of the Son… 568 00:27:03,465 --> 00:27:04,631 and of the Holy Spirit. 569 00:27:07,256 --> 00:27:08,256 Amen. 570 00:27:09,465 --> 00:27:12,465 I couldn't help but hope the water would wash away 571 00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:14,715 some of my original cynicism. 572 00:27:18,548 --> 00:27:22,673 Isn't this the most beautiful goddamn Catholic you've ever seen? 573 00:27:22,756 --> 00:27:25,090 Oh, sorry, Father. 574 00:27:25,423 --> 00:27:27,631 But he's a cute fucking kid. 575 00:27:27,715 --> 00:27:31,131 - Honey, congratulations. - Oh, I didn't do anything. 576 00:27:31,590 --> 00:27:33,631 Well, you got me to a church. 577 00:27:35,131 --> 00:27:37,048 - Beautiful baby. - Oh, thank you. 578 00:27:37,673 --> 00:27:38,965 And just for the record, 579 00:27:40,048 --> 00:27:41,048 I did get scared. 580 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:42,881 Okay. 581 00:27:43,131 --> 00:27:44,965 Whatever. Thanks for coming. 582 00:27:52,298 --> 00:27:53,631 He's such a player. 583 00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:55,381 I don't know. 584 00:27:56,173 --> 00:27:57,881 Maybe things will work out between them. 585 00:28:01,298 --> 00:28:04,298 That night, I dedicated my baby, 586 00:28:04,673 --> 00:28:05,673 my book, 587 00:28:06,006 --> 00:28:08,381 to hopeful single women everywhere, 588 00:28:08,798 --> 00:28:10,631 and one in particular, 589 00:28:11,256 --> 00:28:13,090 my good friend Charlotte, 590 00:28:13,465 --> 00:28:15,381 the eternal optimist, 591 00:28:15,756 --> 00:28:18,048 who always believes in love.