1
00:00:49,730 --> 00:00:53,688
It is said that it takes
a lifetime to figure out who you are.

2
00:00:54,146 --> 00:00:56,105
This book cover is so you.

3
00:00:56,563 --> 00:00:59,521
People in publishing
move a tad faster.

4
00:00:59,605 --> 00:01:01,188
It's just a mock-up and don't be thrown.

5
00:01:01,271 --> 00:01:02,896
We put your head
on another person's body.

6
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,563
- Oh.
- Okay, here it is,

7
00:01:05,646 --> 00:01:07,980
the cover of Sex and the City.

8
00:01:08,063 --> 00:01:11,438
The best-selling Sex and the City.

9
00:01:13,355 --> 00:01:14,355
No!

10
00:01:15,271 --> 00:01:17,855
Oh, I'm sorry. That just came out.

11
00:01:17,938 --> 00:01:20,021
Uh, not at all, that's good.

12
00:01:20,105 --> 00:01:22,105
You had a strong reaction.
That's what we want.

13
00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:25,021
Well, we don't want
people's reaction to be "no."

14
00:01:25,105 --> 00:01:27,146
Right. Let me talk you through it.

15
00:01:27,771 --> 00:01:31,438
Blurred background, a fast-paced city,

16
00:01:31,521 --> 00:01:34,646
and you naked,
with nothing but your ideas.

17
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:40,688
No, I get it. But, see,
no matter how fast-paced the city,

18
00:01:40,771 --> 00:01:45,521
I always manage to get my clothes on
before I leave the apartment.

19
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,896
See, Courtney, here's what concerns me.

20
00:01:48,813 --> 00:01:51,063
That cover is all about sex.

21
00:01:51,146 --> 00:01:54,021
- Well, sex sells.
- Yes, yes.

22
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,480
But my columns are about relationships,

23
00:01:57,563 --> 00:02:00,230
and when I do write about sex,
it's just words.

24
00:02:00,313 --> 00:02:03,480
Reading about sex
is a lot different than…

25
00:02:03,563 --> 00:02:08,771
than seeing it in front of you,
naked on Sixth Avenue, hailing a cab.

26
00:02:09,313 --> 00:02:12,146
- I totally understand, Carrie.
- Okay.

27
00:02:13,396 --> 00:02:14,396
We're fucked.

28
00:02:15,896 --> 00:02:18,980
No, no, no. Okay, okay,
let me just… Let me see it again.

29
00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:21,813
No, no, absolutely not.
I would sooner die.

30
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:23,131
The next day,

31
00:02:23,146 --> 00:02:26,938
our talk turned from bachelors,
baby bottles, and Balenciaga blouses

32
00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:28,230
to books.

33
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,521
Bad, worse, loser…

34
00:02:32,355 --> 00:02:33,355
disaster.

35
00:02:33,646 --> 00:02:36,396
And you know the scary thing?
I'm being kind.

36
00:02:38,146 --> 00:02:39,146
Honey, relax.

37
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:41,688
What could anyone say about you?
You're fabulous.

38
00:02:41,771 --> 00:02:43,813
That's sweet.
But if I get the wrong book cover,

39
00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:45,271
I'm a fabulous target.

40
00:02:45,771 --> 00:02:48,813
- People are mean.
- People are not that mean.

41
00:02:49,313 --> 00:02:52,146
Ugh. She looks like shit.
Is her stylist blind?

42
00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:54,855
I have just officially entered panic.

43
00:02:54,938 --> 00:02:59,021
Oh, stop. Talk to me. This is what I do.

44
00:02:59,521 --> 00:03:01,688
How do you see yourself on the cover?

45
00:03:01,771 --> 00:03:03,230
You know, like a writer

46
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:06,730
who somehow happened
to have wound up on her book cover

47
00:03:06,813 --> 00:03:10,188
looking smart, sexy,
and properly airbrushed.

48
00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:13,313
Hmm. Well, I can help you with that.
I'll talk to the publishers.

49
00:03:13,396 --> 00:03:14,381
When's the photo shoot?

50
00:03:14,396 --> 00:03:17,188
It's next Thursday,
but, Samantha, I can't afford you.

51
00:03:17,271 --> 00:03:20,063
Hmm. True, my PR services are pricey.

52
00:03:20,855 --> 00:03:23,813
It'll cost you two martinis and a lunch.

53
00:03:23,896 --> 00:03:27,021
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Okay, I'll talk to my people.

54
00:03:27,105 --> 00:03:29,188
What kind of a diet book
are you looking for?

55
00:03:29,271 --> 00:03:32,355
I don't know.
Something with a title like

56
00:03:32,438 --> 00:03:35,563
How To Lose That Baby Fat
by Sitting On Your Ass.

57
00:03:36,855 --> 00:03:38,896
- How about The Zone?
- How about "no."

58
00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:41,063
- Thought you were serious about this.
- I am.

59
00:03:41,563 --> 00:03:44,605
Just as soon as I finish
this nougat-caramel pretzel-devil thing.

60
00:03:45,105 --> 00:03:48,230
Okay. I'm gonna go look
for this book I read about.

61
00:03:48,313 --> 00:03:49,313
What's it called?

62
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,105
Starting Over, Yet Again.

63
00:03:54,938 --> 00:03:55,938
See you.

64
00:04:02,063 --> 00:04:05,855
There it was,
the Self Hell aisle.

65
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,688
As Charlotte looked at the titles,

66
00:04:17,771 --> 00:04:20,855
The Woman's Comfort Book,
The Path to Love,

67
00:04:20,938 --> 00:04:22,855
Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting,

68
00:04:22,938 --> 00:04:24,605
Please Understand Me II,

69
00:04:24,688 --> 00:04:27,146
she couldn't bear the thought
that she belonged there.

70
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,646
That really helped me.

71
00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:38,980
Travel?

72
00:04:40,688 --> 00:04:41,688
Travel?

73
00:04:45,563 --> 00:04:46,563
Travel?

74
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,271
That's adorable.

75
00:04:53,146 --> 00:04:54,480
This is psychotic.

76
00:04:56,646 --> 00:04:58,563
All right, it's none of my business,
but don't do that.

77
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:01,688
I did. I lost 24, gained 46.

78
00:05:01,771 --> 00:05:04,230
- But The New York Times…
- Is The New York Times gonna come

79
00:05:04,313 --> 00:05:06,855
to your apartment at 2:00 a.m. and pry
the cookie dough out of your hands?

80
00:05:06,938 --> 00:05:07,938
I don't think so.

81
00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:10,730
Weight Watchers.
It's the only sane way to go.

82
00:05:11,188 --> 00:05:12,188
They even have dessert.

83
00:05:14,771 --> 00:05:16,813
- Where's Starting Over, Yet Again?
- Shh!

84
00:05:17,313 --> 00:05:19,938
Here you go.
Good luck with Weight Watchers.

85
00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:21,021
Thank you.

86
00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:23,480
Did you find your book?

87
00:05:23,563 --> 00:05:25,896
No, it wasn't for me.

88
00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:35,438
Yeah, like I need his advice.

89
00:05:36,396 --> 00:05:37,521
I'm a dead woman.

90
00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:40,063
Who needs the Self Help aisle

91
00:05:40,146 --> 00:05:42,730
when you can self help yourself
to amazon.com

92
00:05:42,813 --> 00:05:46,896
and get exactly what you need,
overnight express, and shame free?

93
00:05:51,521 --> 00:05:53,355
That's quite a package.

94
00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:57,438
- Excuse me?
- That's quite a package.

95
00:05:59,396 --> 00:06:00,605
Sign right here, please?

96
00:06:10,230 --> 00:06:11,230
There.

97
00:06:12,313 --> 00:06:14,563
- How's that?
- Pretty damn good.

98
00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:16,646
I just got my nails done.

99
00:06:17,063 --> 00:06:20,188
Would you mind opening my package?

100
00:06:21,230 --> 00:06:23,771
Ooh! Thank you.

101
00:06:25,146 --> 00:06:28,396
Now maybe I can help you
with your package.

102
00:06:29,271 --> 00:06:30,271
Fuckin' A.

103
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:39,271
At exactly 12:15,

104
00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:42,188
I stopped by to pick up Samantha
for our business lunch

105
00:06:42,271 --> 00:06:44,355
to decide what we thought was sexy.

106
00:06:55,271 --> 00:06:56,271
I'm sorry.

107
00:06:57,521 --> 00:06:58,771
Do you want to keep going?

108
00:06:59,188 --> 00:07:01,521
No, I've had enough.

109
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,021
Some women, like Samantha,

110
00:07:08,105 --> 00:07:10,480
know when to stop putting things
in their mouths,

111
00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,771
while others, like Miranda,
need a little help.

112
00:07:20,813 --> 00:07:22,230
I'm much lighter in metric.

113
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:30,480
- Oh. Oh, excuse me. Hi.
- Hmm?

114
00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:32,021
- Hi.
- There's been a mistake on my weight.

115
00:07:32,105 --> 00:07:33,980
No, the scales don't lie.

116
00:07:34,063 --> 00:07:37,646
Uh, this isn't a vanity thing.
The other woman inverted the numbers.

117
00:07:38,771 --> 00:07:40,771
Look, if I'm gonna do this,
I wanna do it right.

118
00:07:41,230 --> 00:07:43,396
Well, you've got the right attitude.
Come on.

119
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,563
Hi, I'm sorry. Can I scooch in a minute?

120
00:07:45,646 --> 00:07:46,646
- Sure.
- Thanks.

121
00:07:47,146 --> 00:07:48,771
Okay. Oh.

122
00:07:50,896 --> 00:07:51,896
- Yeah!
- Oh!

123
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:53,313
- Elaine!
- Yeah?

124
00:07:53,396 --> 00:07:56,605
You wrote down this woman weighs 158.2,

125
00:07:56,688 --> 00:08:00,105
- but she weighs 152.8.
- Sorry.

126
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,813
Could you not yell out my weight?

127
00:08:01,896 --> 00:08:04,021
Hey, I weigh 240.

128
00:08:04,896 --> 00:08:06,146
Goal weight 77.

129
00:08:06,563 --> 00:08:08,646
Here you go, and here's a name tag.

130
00:08:09,063 --> 00:08:10,063
A name tag?

131
00:08:10,646 --> 00:08:12,605
Oh, yeah, we all gotta wear these.

132
00:08:14,230 --> 00:08:15,813
Tom, Big Boned.

133
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,021
Miranda, Baby Weight.

134
00:08:18,396 --> 00:08:19,688
- Hi.
- Hi.

135
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:23,271
Later that same day,

136
00:08:23,355 --> 00:08:25,980
Stanford came over
for a fag and some flipping.

137
00:08:26,063 --> 00:08:28,980
Hey, finish that and get over here
and start on Vogue.

138
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,355
Tear out any outfit
that might work for me,

139
00:08:31,438 --> 00:08:33,480
and try to pick something
that won't be too pathetic

140
00:08:33,563 --> 00:08:35,771
if I wind up in the half-off bin.

141
00:08:40,730 --> 00:08:42,438
Well, you look very…

142
00:08:43,605 --> 00:08:44,688
something.

143
00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:46,355
I am very something.

144
00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:49,063
What's going on over there, Ms. Blatch?

145
00:08:50,813 --> 00:08:51,813
I met someone.

146
00:08:52,855 --> 00:08:54,730
Oh, my God. Really?

147
00:08:54,813 --> 00:08:56,813
That's fantastic.

148
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:01,688
- His name is Marcus.
- And is he a Roman?

149
00:09:01,771 --> 00:09:02,980
No, he is not.

150
00:09:03,063 --> 00:09:06,230
Oh, too bad. I always adore
a metal breastplate on a man.

151
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,396
So, what does this Marcus do?

152
00:09:08,813 --> 00:09:12,688
Okay, before I tell you,
you have to promise not to judge.

153
00:09:12,771 --> 00:09:15,730
- Do I judge?
- We all judge. That's our hobby.

154
00:09:15,813 --> 00:09:18,271
Some people do arts and crafts.
We judge.

155
00:09:18,396 --> 00:09:19,521
I'll be kind.

156
00:09:20,563 --> 00:09:23,730
He's a dancer in Radio City Music Hall.

157
00:09:24,646 --> 00:09:26,730
I feel as though my hands are tied.

158
00:09:26,813 --> 00:09:30,313
He's a Broadway-caliber dancer
working in the male chorus.

159
00:09:30,396 --> 00:09:34,563
Last Christmas, he danced the part
of Arabian Coffee in The Nutcracker.

160
00:09:34,646 --> 00:09:38,271
- And where did you meet your Rockette?
- Standing in line at Starbucks.

161
00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:41,355
You met a man who played Coffee
waiting to get coffee?

162
00:09:41,438 --> 00:09:42,980
Mmm-hmm.

163
00:09:43,063 --> 00:09:45,063
We're both Grande House Blends.

164
00:09:45,605 --> 00:09:47,646
What is that, a new zodiac sign?

165
00:09:53,271 --> 00:09:54,271
Hello?

166
00:09:54,521 --> 00:09:57,313
How funny was that thing
in my office today?

167
00:09:57,438 --> 00:10:00,355
It was hilarious. I'm sending you
the X-ray bill for my elbow.

168
00:10:00,438 --> 00:10:02,688
Could you have
gotten out of there any faster?

169
00:10:03,188 --> 00:10:04,188
No.

170
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,188
Oh, lighten up.

171
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:10,730
- Um… I am lightened up.
- Good news.

172
00:10:10,813 --> 00:10:13,230
I got my favorite stylist
to do us a favor

173
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,896
and pull some looks for the cover.

174
00:10:15,438 --> 00:10:17,938
Oh. Well, did you tell them
what we're looking for?

175
00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,063
Sexy chic, just like you said.

176
00:10:20,146 --> 00:10:23,271
Well, when are you meeting them?
'Cause maybe I should join you as well.

177
00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:26,063
Don't worry, I'll handle it.

178
00:10:26,146 --> 00:10:27,188
But…

179
00:10:27,271 --> 00:10:28,563
I have some ideas.

180
00:10:29,271 --> 00:10:31,313
You still want me to do this, right?

181
00:10:31,396 --> 00:10:33,521
- Yeah, why wouldn't I?
- Fantastic.

182
00:10:33,605 --> 00:10:34,730
I'll have them pull some stuff

183
00:10:34,813 --> 00:10:36,563
and we can go look at it.
How's Saturday?

184
00:10:36,646 --> 00:10:38,896
Oh, it's great,
and I'll ask Stanford to come.

185
00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:41,271
Is Stanford suddenly a stylist?

186
00:10:41,355 --> 00:10:44,230
No, but he's gay and bitchy.
My target test audience.

187
00:10:44,771 --> 00:10:46,521
You okay?

188
00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:48,938
I'm fabulous. We'll talk tomorrow.

189
00:10:49,021 --> 00:10:50,021
Okay.

190
00:10:53,271 --> 00:10:54,730
Ask Stanford to come where?

191
00:10:54,813 --> 00:10:57,480
Look at some outfits
for the cover. Saturday.

192
00:10:58,230 --> 00:11:01,813
Well, I'll have to check with Marcus.
We may have plans.

193
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:05,771
Oh, God. You're not gonna turn into
one of those couples, are you?

194
00:11:05,855 --> 00:11:08,313
Judgey-wudgey was a bear.

195
00:11:09,688 --> 00:11:12,271
I think it's pretty much agreed
that it goes:

196
00:11:12,355 --> 00:11:15,855
"Open minded, good. Judgmental, bad."

197
00:11:16,605 --> 00:11:19,313
But are we being too quick
to judge judgment?

198
00:11:22,146 --> 00:11:25,605
Perhaps judgment is not so much
a snap decision

199
00:11:25,688 --> 00:11:28,146
as an early warning
and detection device.

200
00:11:30,105 --> 00:11:31,855
If it is instantly clear that a person,

201
00:11:31,938 --> 00:11:34,730
a place,
or even a profession is not for you,

202
00:11:34,813 --> 00:11:37,105
is it better to ignore
your better judgment

203
00:11:37,188 --> 00:11:38,730
and read between the lines?

204
00:11:38,813 --> 00:11:42,146
Or, should you judge a book
by its cover?

205
00:11:43,896 --> 00:11:44,980
You've got mail.

206
00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:50,396
"Based on your recent book purchase,

207
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,646
here's a list of books
you might be interested in."

208
00:11:54,105 --> 00:11:56,021
The selected list included

209
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:58,771
Lonely Women No Men,

210
00:11:59,355 --> 00:12:01,521
Love Hurts You Don't Have to,

211
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,855
I'm Fine Now,

212
00:12:04,438 --> 00:12:07,063
and Reservations for One.

213
00:12:07,688 --> 00:12:10,771
Charlotte refused to see herself
as one of those type women.

214
00:12:16,396 --> 00:12:19,771
It fell eight flights and landed
at the feet of a woman walking by

215
00:12:19,855 --> 00:12:21,355
who was contemplating a divorce.

216
00:12:22,396 --> 00:12:24,438
She considered it a sign from God.

217
00:12:25,730 --> 00:12:27,563
After three Weight Watchers meetings

218
00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:30,063
where they did nothing
but talk about eating,

219
00:12:30,146 --> 00:12:32,271
Miranda "Baby Weight"
and Tom "Big Boned"

220
00:12:32,355 --> 00:12:34,938
decided to go someplace
and actually eat.

221
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:38,730
So then I did the one where you can only
have the water, eggs, and grapefruit.

222
00:12:38,813 --> 00:12:40,938
- 'Cause they're so good together.
- Yes.

223
00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:43,938
Actually worked out well for me
until I, um, fainted

224
00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:45,605
on an Indian woman in the subway.

225
00:12:45,688 --> 00:12:49,063
What about the one with
all the prepackaged chemicalized food?

226
00:12:49,146 --> 00:12:52,896
I don't know how they get all of those
delicious artificial ingredients

227
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,521
- into such little tiny packages.
- I know.

228
00:12:55,646 --> 00:13:00,105
Although, they did have this
itty-bitty thing of tuna that I loved.

229
00:13:00,188 --> 00:13:02,521
But then, I cut my tongue
licking it out of the can,

230
00:13:02,605 --> 00:13:03,730
and I knew it was time to stop.

231
00:13:03,813 --> 00:13:06,146
- Did you ever try the cabbage-soup diet?
- No.

232
00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:09,480
- I heard it gives you really bad…
- Gas? Yeah, it's true.

233
00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:11,021
That was the end of my fiancée.

234
00:13:11,105 --> 00:13:13,646
Oh. She sounds mean.

235
00:13:13,730 --> 00:13:16,146
Well, I think there was more to it
than cabbage.

236
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:18,230
We weren't very good together.
She was very critical.

237
00:13:18,646 --> 00:13:20,271
The more she put me down,
the more I ate.

238
00:13:20,896 --> 00:13:24,271
And to this day,
whenever somebody criticizes me, I um,

239
00:13:25,313 --> 00:13:26,813
I go right for those.

240
00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:31,063
Oh, glazed. They're my favorite.

241
00:13:31,146 --> 00:13:32,146
Tell me about it.

242
00:13:32,188 --> 00:13:34,896
The best Weight Watchers meeting
is down on 23rd Street.

243
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,063
- Yeah.
- Can't go anywhere near it

244
00:13:36,146 --> 00:13:37,938
'cause there's a Krispy Kreme
right next door to the place.

245
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:40,646
How many Weight Watchers points
do you think is in one of those?

246
00:13:41,313 --> 00:13:42,298
Two…

247
00:13:42,313 --> 00:13:43,896
hundred thousand?

248
00:13:45,646 --> 00:13:48,521
Would it be terrible if we split one?

249
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,688
We're consenting adults.

250
00:13:54,438 --> 00:13:58,146
Sir, can I get a Krispy Kreme and, um…

251
00:13:58,688 --> 00:13:59,688
a knife?

252
00:14:04,021 --> 00:14:05,021
Here you go.

253
00:14:06,938 --> 00:14:10,813
- Whoever invented glaze is a genius.
- Mmm-hmm.

254
00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:18,396
Mmm. Mmm.

255
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:20,980
Mmm.

256
00:14:21,021 --> 00:14:23,396
See, that is worth being fat for.

257
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:26,730
- I'm sorry, it's just worth it.
- Mmm-hmm.

258
00:14:27,730 --> 00:14:28,938
I know how we can burn this off.

259
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:30,480
Really?

260
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:32,771
Activity points.

261
00:14:48,105 --> 00:14:50,980
Weight Watchers turned out
to be a lot more enjoyable

262
00:14:51,063 --> 00:14:52,480
than Miranda had expected.

263
00:15:09,688 --> 00:15:13,230
- No!
- Yes. I was all over his face.

264
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:14,521
- No!
- Yes!

265
00:15:14,605 --> 00:15:15,938
Talk about loving yourself.

266
00:15:16,021 --> 00:15:17,771
I'd rather just be good friends
with myself.

267
00:15:17,855 --> 00:15:19,146
You know, when I was a lesbian…

268
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:20,396
I saw that coming.

269
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,313
…I could get in and out
with nothing more than a fine lip gloss.

270
00:15:23,688 --> 00:15:24,980
Well, you're awfully quiet.

271
00:15:25,063 --> 00:15:28,438
What is there to say?
The man simply has bad manners.

272
00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:30,938
You keep a box of tissues
on the nightstand.

273
00:15:31,021 --> 00:15:32,896
While he's stroking you with one hand,

274
00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:35,855
he grabs a tissue
and subtly dabs his face.

275
00:15:36,313 --> 00:15:38,605
Hmm. Emily Post's polite pussy.

276
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,855
So, why didn't you just say something?

277
00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:43,396
It's a little hard to criticize

278
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,521
if you're with someone
who overeats when he's criticized.

279
00:15:46,605 --> 00:15:49,521
Miranda went out with an overeater,
and he overate her.

280
00:15:53,396 --> 00:15:57,605
And then, when he popped his head up,
he had such a proud look on his face.

281
00:15:57,688 --> 00:16:01,230
Oh, they always look so proud,
like they just came back from war.

282
00:16:03,938 --> 00:16:06,646
And they all want that
you're-my-hero kiss.

283
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:08,605
Not without a tissue and an Altoid.

284
00:16:08,688 --> 00:16:11,063
It's a weird double standard, I guess.

285
00:16:11,146 --> 00:16:14,271
I'd feel insulted if I'd just gone down
on a guy and he wouldn't kiss me.

286
00:16:14,355 --> 00:16:17,521
Samantha, do you kiss after a blowjob?

287
00:16:17,605 --> 00:16:21,021
No, she just signs the delivery slip
and sends him on his way.

288
00:16:24,188 --> 00:16:25,896
What's going on?

289
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:27,688
Apparently, Carrie has a problem

290
00:16:27,771 --> 00:16:31,105
with the fact that she saw me
blowing the, uh, Worldwide Express guy.

291
00:16:31,771 --> 00:16:32,756
Ew.

292
00:16:32,771 --> 00:16:35,105
Okay, I would like to point out
that was her and not me,

293
00:16:35,188 --> 00:16:36,813
and when did I say I had a problem?

294
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,646
Oh, please. You walked in,
caught us, turned, and ran.

295
00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:42,646
Well, what was I supposed to do?
Sit and flip through Marie Claire?

296
00:16:42,730 --> 00:16:44,646
Where'd you see her blowing
the Worldwide Express guy?

297
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:46,063
Not on the street?

298
00:16:46,146 --> 00:16:47,396
Of course not!

299
00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:50,771
It was in the privacy of my office.

300
00:16:50,855 --> 00:16:53,563
And it wasn't a Worldwide Express guy.

301
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,980
It was my Worldwide Express guy.

302
00:16:56,063 --> 00:16:58,938
- Your Worldwide Express guy?
- Yes.

303
00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:00,396
Really? What's his name?

304
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,480
Joe, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

305
00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:06,896
Samantha, what's the big deal?

306
00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:08,688
We laugh about this kind of stuff
all the time.

307
00:17:08,771 --> 00:17:10,063
- Fine.
- Oh.

308
00:17:10,146 --> 00:17:12,646
- Samantha!
- It's fine.

309
00:17:14,105 --> 00:17:16,396
We better go, Carrie.
We'll be late for the stylist.

310
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,730
Naughty, fabulous, camp. Harlow.

311
00:17:21,813 --> 00:17:24,021
No. No. No… No.

312
00:17:24,105 --> 00:17:27,771
I think it's a fantastic approach,
and the publishers love the idea.

313
00:17:27,855 --> 00:17:31,021
They wanted me buck-naked,
waiting for the M11 bus.

314
00:17:31,105 --> 00:17:33,438
I thought we said "sexy chic."

315
00:17:33,521 --> 00:17:35,396
Who is this stylist?
Frederick's of Hollywood?

316
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,605
Oh, just go behind there
and at least try one on.

317
00:17:37,688 --> 00:17:39,313
I can't wear this.

318
00:17:39,896 --> 00:17:41,938
I'm gonna look like an extra
from Moulin Rouge.

319
00:17:42,021 --> 00:17:45,063
You will not.
The shoes are lined up in there. Scoot.

320
00:17:46,688 --> 00:17:48,480
Don't say "scoot."

321
00:17:49,271 --> 00:17:50,896
- Knock, knock.
- Oh!

322
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:53,980
Nothing in here I haven't seen
and ruled out in junior high.

323
00:17:54,063 --> 00:17:56,688
- Hi.
- Hello, doll. Carrie's changing.

324
00:17:57,563 --> 00:18:01,146
Samantha, this is my boyfriend, Marcus.

325
00:18:01,771 --> 00:18:05,021
Oh! Papa's got himself
a brand-new bag.

326
00:18:06,063 --> 00:18:08,313
Carrie, come on out.
I wanna introduce you.

327
00:18:20,855 --> 00:18:23,855
Marcus Adante, Lady Marmalade.

328
00:18:23,938 --> 00:18:25,521
Hi, Marcus, it's nice to meet you.

329
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,480
I don't usually dress
like a high-class hooker.

330
00:18:27,563 --> 00:18:29,188
That is not a hooker look.

331
00:18:29,771 --> 00:18:32,230
Please! This screams hooker.

332
00:18:32,688 --> 00:18:36,480
What respectable New York woman
would be caught dead wearing this?

333
00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:37,938
I have one in red.

334
00:18:40,563 --> 00:18:42,021
Am I a hooker?

335
00:18:42,105 --> 00:18:43,730
Could you guys wait outside
for a second?

336
00:18:43,813 --> 00:18:46,021
We're just having some trouble
deciding on my outfit.

337
00:18:46,105 --> 00:18:49,730
No, no, no, let's get a second,
and I might add, gay opinion.

338
00:18:49,813 --> 00:18:52,438
Stanford, doesn't she look adorable
in that?

339
00:18:52,896 --> 00:18:53,840
Yes.

340
00:18:53,855 --> 00:18:57,188
Stanford, isn't this
the worst possible outfit for my cover?

341
00:18:58,313 --> 00:18:59,313
Yes.

342
00:19:00,521 --> 00:19:03,230
What about you?
What do you think of this?

343
00:19:04,438 --> 00:19:05,688
It's not very modern.

344
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:07,521
Isn't he great?

345
00:19:08,271 --> 00:19:10,730
He's great.
Can you wait outside for a second?

346
00:19:13,688 --> 00:19:15,438
- What do you think?
- Yeah, great.

347
00:19:23,188 --> 00:19:25,396
Samantha, I really appreciate the help,

348
00:19:26,355 --> 00:19:29,980
but you and I have very different ideas
about what's sexy.

349
00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:32,688
- This is about the blowjob, isn't it?
- What?

350
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,813
One little blowjob,
and I'm a hooker with no taste.

351
00:19:36,355 --> 00:19:39,021
This isn't about the blowjob.
This is about the book cover.

352
00:19:39,105 --> 00:19:41,021
I don't feel comfortable
being on a shelf

353
00:19:41,105 --> 00:19:43,813
next to a biography of Eleanor Roosevelt

354
00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:45,396
with my breasts hanging out.

355
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:46,813
What is the problem?

356
00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:50,021
I've seen you at cocktail parties
wearing not much else.

357
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,855
Nuh-uh. Not lately, you haven't.
And you know why?

358
00:19:52,938 --> 00:19:56,271
'Cause it's time for ladies my age
to cover it up.

359
00:19:56,688 --> 00:19:58,771
We can't get away with the same stuff
we used to.

360
00:19:58,855 --> 00:20:00,480
Meaning blowjobs.

361
00:20:01,146 --> 00:20:04,230
Oh, Jesus, again with the blowjobs!

362
00:20:04,646 --> 00:20:06,271
What is your problem?

363
00:20:06,355 --> 00:20:08,730
I don't have a problem.
You have a problem.

364
00:20:09,313 --> 00:20:12,438
I have marabou-covered breasts.
That is my only problem.

365
00:20:12,521 --> 00:20:16,355
I'm not blind. I saw
that look in your eye in my office.

366
00:20:16,438 --> 00:20:18,521
- What look?
- That judgmental look.

367
00:20:18,605 --> 00:20:21,771
That wasn't judgment. That was shock.
I thought we were having lunch.

368
00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:26,355
Are you telling me you have no judgment
about me and the Worldwide Express guy?

369
00:20:26,438 --> 00:20:29,646
No judgment. But I do have a question.

370
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:32,938
Will this relationship be
priority-overnight or next-day delivery?

371
00:20:34,563 --> 00:20:37,313
Oh, come on, Samantha.
Lighten up, remember?

372
00:20:37,396 --> 00:20:42,605
If I walked in on you giving a blowjob
to a Worldwide Express guy…

373
00:20:42,688 --> 00:20:44,146
You would never walk in on me,

374
00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:46,813
because that is something
I would never do.

375
00:20:46,896 --> 00:20:47,896
There!

376
00:20:49,688 --> 00:20:52,355
And I cannot believe
that you would judge me

377
00:20:52,438 --> 00:20:55,813
after everything
that we've been through.

378
00:20:57,438 --> 00:20:59,021
Samantha, where are you going?

379
00:20:59,605 --> 00:21:02,105
I'm gonna splash some water on my face,
and then I'm going home.

380
00:21:02,605 --> 00:21:05,438
And I will not be judged by you
or society.

381
00:21:05,938 --> 00:21:09,271
I will wear whatever,
and blow whomever I want,

382
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:12,355
as long as I can breathe and kneel.

383
00:21:34,813 --> 00:21:35,813
Mmm!

384
00:21:38,396 --> 00:21:39,896
That night, Miranda had gone

385
00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:42,480
from facing her weight
at Weight Watchers

386
00:21:42,563 --> 00:21:44,896
to waiting
for her Weight Watcher's face.

387
00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:54,396
Hey.

388
00:21:55,771 --> 00:21:58,563
- Give me those gorgeous lips.
- Stop! No, I can't do that.

389
00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:01,980
- Why? What did I do?
- It's not you. It's me.

390
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:06,063
Literally me.
I'm all over your face. I'm all over.

391
00:22:07,146 --> 00:22:08,646
Does that happen to other guys?

392
00:22:09,021 --> 00:22:11,480
Yes, but not so much.

393
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:12,813
So, what are you saying?

394
00:22:14,105 --> 00:22:16,021
- I'm a big, fat, sloppy eater?
- No, no!

395
00:22:16,105 --> 00:22:19,605
I'm just worried
that I might be too many food points.

396
00:22:20,188 --> 00:22:22,605
- You're making jokes?
- That's what we do.

397
00:22:22,688 --> 00:22:24,271
Miranda "Baby Weight."

398
00:22:25,605 --> 00:22:27,396
Yeah, but not when
I'm vulnerable and naked.

399
00:22:28,355 --> 00:22:31,355
- I'm not comfortable at this weight.
- Never mind.

400
00:22:32,021 --> 00:22:33,063
You look great.

401
00:22:34,605 --> 00:22:36,438
- Take a tissue.
- I don't want a tissue.

402
00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:39,313
- I want a potpie.
- You don't want a potpie.

403
00:22:41,313 --> 00:22:42,563
You're right. I want seven.

404
00:22:46,105 --> 00:22:47,896
I don't think
we should see each other anymore.

405
00:22:52,230 --> 00:22:53,855
I gotta concentrate on my diet.

406
00:22:54,521 --> 00:22:55,521
Oh…

407
00:22:57,146 --> 00:22:59,646
I… I was just being silly.

408
00:23:00,396 --> 00:23:02,605
Come back to bed.

409
00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:06,021
Do what you were doing.
You're good at it!

410
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:07,730
Bon appetit!

411
00:23:09,355 --> 00:23:12,146
The bad news was
that from then on,

412
00:23:12,230 --> 00:23:16,271
Miranda had to go downtown
to the notorious Weight Watchers meeting

413
00:23:16,355 --> 00:23:19,646
next to the Krispy Kreme,
where she wouldn't bump into Tom.

414
00:23:20,396 --> 00:23:25,021
The good news was that she never wanted
a glazed doughnut again.

415
00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:30,605
Samantha Jones.
Please hold.

416
00:23:31,355 --> 00:23:32,256
Hey, Carrie.

417
00:23:32,271 --> 00:23:34,105
Hi, is she in? Okay.

418
00:23:34,188 --> 00:23:35,563
Hello? Uh-huh.

419
00:23:36,438 --> 00:23:37,438
Is she alone?

420
00:23:38,938 --> 00:23:39,938
Okay.

421
00:23:40,646 --> 00:23:42,771
- Mmm-hmm.
- Knock, knock.

422
00:23:47,938 --> 00:23:50,271
See? Live it, learn it.

423
00:23:54,730 --> 00:23:57,438
That's all I get
for a tailor-made knock-knock joke?

424
00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:00,980
That's better.

425
00:24:02,438 --> 00:24:03,438
So…

426
00:24:04,521 --> 00:24:06,980
two days, four calls, no answer.

427
00:24:07,771 --> 00:24:10,938
I know. Sorry. I've been busy.

428
00:24:13,688 --> 00:24:15,605
Do we have to do this?

429
00:24:15,688 --> 00:24:18,230
Can't we just pretend
the whole thing didn't happen?

430
00:24:18,313 --> 00:24:20,855
Well, sure, if we don't ever want
to talk on the phone again.

431
00:24:20,938 --> 00:24:22,896
In a few days,
the whole thing will blow over.

432
00:24:23,271 --> 00:24:25,146
That's an interesting choice of words.

433
00:24:27,105 --> 00:24:28,105
Look…

434
00:24:29,896 --> 00:24:32,021
- I'm sorry…
- Carrie, stop.

435
00:24:32,646 --> 00:24:35,105
I don't wanna do
the "I'm sorry" stuff with you.

436
00:24:35,188 --> 00:24:36,813
Anyone else, but not you.

437
00:24:37,355 --> 00:24:39,563
You and I are perfect.

438
00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:43,230
Sweetie, as lovely
as that idea sounds…

439
00:24:44,021 --> 00:24:46,896
- we're not perfect.
- We're pretty damn close.

440
00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:50,271
Make no mistake about it,
it's not my personal style,

441
00:24:50,355 --> 00:24:54,396
but I really admire your ability
to put your sex life out there.

442
00:24:55,980 --> 00:24:56,980
Thank you.

443
00:24:57,021 --> 00:24:58,021
So…

444
00:24:58,688 --> 00:25:00,730
I brought some looks for my cover.

445
00:25:01,896 --> 00:25:03,146
I want your opinion.

446
00:25:03,230 --> 00:25:04,688
- You do?
- Yeah.

447
00:25:05,188 --> 00:25:08,063
Well, just… in there.

448
00:25:10,313 --> 00:25:11,313
I did judge you.

449
00:25:12,521 --> 00:25:13,521
Just a little.

450
00:25:14,646 --> 00:25:16,480
And I feel bad,
especially in light of the fact

451
00:25:16,563 --> 00:25:20,146
that you were so good to me
during the whole Big-married-man affair.

452
00:25:20,730 --> 00:25:23,271
Oh, honey, it's not just you.
I judge me.

453
00:25:23,396 --> 00:25:26,396
Ever since that fucking Richard,
I don't even know who I am anymore.

454
00:25:26,938 --> 00:25:28,396
And just like that,

455
00:25:28,980 --> 00:25:32,230
I realized what was under
Samantha's fabulous cover.

456
00:25:33,188 --> 00:25:34,771
And I'm sorry about the delivery guy.

457
00:25:34,855 --> 00:25:37,771
I had no idea
what that must have been like for you,

458
00:25:38,605 --> 00:25:41,355
until I walked in on Stanford
getting a blowjob from Marcus.

459
00:25:41,438 --> 00:25:43,896
- Oh, yeah, he told me.
- Oh!

460
00:25:44,396 --> 00:25:45,813
- This is good.
- Yeah?

461
00:25:45,896 --> 00:25:47,521
Just the jacket and legs.

462
00:25:47,605 --> 00:25:49,605
With a sexy pair of shoes…
Wait, wait, wait, wait!

463
00:25:50,521 --> 00:25:53,813
Stanford was getting a blowjob?
I thought he would be…

464
00:25:53,896 --> 00:25:56,271
You know, never mind. Being judgmental.

465
00:25:56,396 --> 00:25:58,896
Oh, honey, we all thought that.

466
00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:01,105
Here, at the camera.

467
00:26:01,188 --> 00:26:03,271
- Move that up a couple of stops.
- Okay, smile.

468
00:26:04,605 --> 00:26:06,938
That looks great. Keep smiling.

469
00:26:09,313 --> 00:26:10,313
You look gorgeous.

470
00:26:11,438 --> 00:26:12,480
Wait, wait, wait!

471
00:26:12,563 --> 00:26:13,646
- What?
- Move that key light.

472
00:26:13,730 --> 00:26:16,771
Sometimes it takes a friend
to make a picture perfect.

473
00:26:16,855 --> 00:26:20,730
But a picture-perfect friendship,
well, that's just in books.

474
00:26:20,813 --> 00:26:22,355
- Yeah, that's right.
- Do you like it?

475
00:26:22,438 --> 00:26:23,730
- Yes.
- Cable!

476
00:26:27,063 --> 00:26:29,146
Isn't she fabulous?

477
00:26:32,605 --> 00:26:34,521
Give a smile.
Here at me, cover girl.

478
00:26:36,730 --> 00:26:41,688
From another point of view

479
00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:47,105
Oh, oh, yeah

480
00:26:49,355 --> 00:26:54,230
In another way
From another point of view