1 00:00:47,663 --> 00:00:48,746 Here's your drink. 2 00:00:48,871 --> 00:00:50,580 In the life of a New Yorker, 3 00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:54,288 there are several unpleasant things one will inevitably have to face. 4 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:58,246 Having your purse stolen, random public urination… 5 00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:04,371 And seeing a gay friend's boyfriend in a Broadway revue. 6 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:05,955 And all that jazz… 7 00:01:07,121 --> 00:01:09,413 I think I understand the three-drink minimum now. 8 00:01:09,788 --> 00:01:11,455 You're not enjoying the revue? 9 00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:13,121 And all that jazz… 10 00:01:13,205 --> 00:01:15,913 Frankly, I'm more concerned about my own review in The Times. 11 00:01:15,996 --> 00:01:18,496 Oh, my God, right. Your book's reviewed this week. 12 00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:21,163 - You must be so excited. - More like terrified. 13 00:01:21,913 --> 00:01:23,663 Michiko Kakutani. 14 00:01:24,913 --> 00:01:26,205 She's The Times' book critic. 15 00:01:26,580 --> 00:01:28,663 Oh, I thought you were suggesting an appetizer. 16 00:01:28,746 --> 00:01:30,371 She's brilliant and she's really tough. 17 00:01:30,496 --> 00:01:32,080 And impossible to pronounce. 18 00:01:32,955 --> 00:01:35,496 Uh-oh! I think they're bringing us home. 19 00:01:37,663 --> 00:01:40,246 How could you not love this? Look at my boyfriend. 20 00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:41,788 He's gorgeous. 21 00:01:43,121 --> 00:01:44,455 And he can kick. 22 00:01:46,455 --> 00:01:47,955 That jazz 23 00:01:48,038 --> 00:01:50,413 Bravo! 24 00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:52,871 - Bravo! - Love you! 25 00:01:52,996 --> 00:01:55,205 - Bravo! - Thank you! 26 00:01:55,496 --> 00:01:57,288 My boys, Marcus Adante… 27 00:01:57,580 --> 00:01:59,621 Isn't he great? He's great, don't you think? 28 00:02:00,205 --> 00:02:03,496 - I have to go to the ladies' room. - Now? They're gonna do an encore. 29 00:02:03,955 --> 00:02:05,746 I have to go to the ladies' room. 30 00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:07,996 Broadway's best, Debbie Cass. 31 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,330 Yay! 32 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,038 Who would have thought the phrase, 33 00:02:12,121 --> 00:02:13,996 "Go see your cousin Debbie's club act" 34 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:15,788 could contain such horror? 35 00:02:15,871 --> 00:02:18,955 I thought there'd be at least one straight guy here. 36 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:22,496 I mean, if not in the audience, then, at least, behind the bar. 37 00:02:23,788 --> 00:02:26,455 Well, hold on, 'cause tomorrow… 38 00:02:26,955 --> 00:02:30,288 we're gonna cruise the cute pretzel guys at the Village Square Market. 39 00:02:31,413 --> 00:02:34,288 Is that as sad as that just sounded? 40 00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:35,621 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 41 00:02:35,705 --> 00:02:37,538 I used to have a thing for the Amish guys 42 00:02:37,621 --> 00:02:39,121 who make hairbrushes. 43 00:02:39,205 --> 00:02:40,996 Um… Yeah. 44 00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,580 Hi. 45 00:02:44,246 --> 00:02:45,580 You're Carrie Bradshaw. 46 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:48,288 Yeah, have we met? 47 00:02:48,455 --> 00:02:49,996 I recognize you from your column. 48 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,371 Oh. 49 00:02:51,746 --> 00:02:53,621 And I went out with Aidan right after you. 50 00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:01,705 There I was, worried about The New York Times, 51 00:03:01,788 --> 00:03:04,788 when, apparently, I'd already been reviewed. 52 00:03:04,955 --> 00:03:06,496 I'm telling you, it was a hit-and-run. 53 00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:09,663 No, no, no! It was a face-and-run. 54 00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:11,913 Make it again. 55 00:03:12,705 --> 00:03:13,913 Yeah, that ain't good. 56 00:03:14,038 --> 00:03:15,996 I think you're being oversensitive 57 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,080 and it was some kind of a facial spasm or something. 58 00:03:18,163 --> 00:03:20,621 A lot of people have them, like Bell's palsy. 59 00:03:20,705 --> 00:03:22,663 No, it was not Bell's palsy. 60 00:03:22,746 --> 00:03:25,496 It was a full-frontal attack of the face. 61 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:30,830 Like, "Wow, was he messed up! You really screwed him up good." 62 00:03:30,913 --> 00:03:32,080 What did you say to her? 63 00:03:32,163 --> 00:03:35,663 I didn't have time to say anything. She just ran out of the bathroom. 64 00:03:35,788 --> 00:03:37,705 Fuck that fucking face girl. 65 00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:40,371 - Well, when you put it like that… - I'm sorry. 66 00:03:40,496 --> 00:03:43,496 I haven't slept for days. Brady's been crying non-stop. 67 00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:47,830 - You poor thing. Can I do anything? - Put me out of my misery. 68 00:03:47,955 --> 00:03:49,663 Well, what's wrong with him? Is he sick? 69 00:03:50,246 --> 00:03:51,788 No, he's not sick. 70 00:03:52,121 --> 00:03:54,205 He's not hungry. He's not teething. 71 00:03:54,288 --> 00:03:55,496 He just wants to scream. 72 00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:57,705 I'm doing everything I can, but I can't please him. 73 00:03:57,955 --> 00:04:00,205 If he was 35, this is when we would break up. 74 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,871 - He has issues, clearly. - I'm telling you, 75 00:04:02,955 --> 00:04:05,788 this 13-pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge. 76 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:09,413 I feel disgusting. All of my clothes smell like barf. 77 00:04:09,496 --> 00:04:12,080 I don't have time to have a shower, much less get a haircut. 78 00:04:12,163 --> 00:04:15,205 Oh, that reminds me, I have to confirm my appointment 79 00:04:15,371 --> 00:04:17,871 with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon. 80 00:04:17,955 --> 00:04:21,246 You have no idea how hard it was to get this appointment. 81 00:04:22,621 --> 00:04:24,580 Hi, it's Samantha Jones. 82 00:04:24,663 --> 00:04:27,455 I'm calling to confirm my appointment Saturday 83 00:04:27,538 --> 00:04:28,788 for a cut-and-color with John. 84 00:04:29,663 --> 00:04:30,705 Thanks. 85 00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:32,538 Ah! Crisis averted. 86 00:04:34,705 --> 00:04:38,205 Well, Magda is waiting for me. Time to go back to prison. 87 00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:41,330 - Let me come with you. I can help. - You don't have to do that. 88 00:04:41,455 --> 00:04:43,621 No, it's okay. Actually, I have a few questions 89 00:04:43,705 --> 00:04:46,205 because I'm meeting with the divorce lawyer on Monday. 90 00:04:46,288 --> 00:04:49,371 Oh, ask him if I could get an injunction to stop a face. 91 00:04:50,205 --> 00:04:53,288 - Who did you get? - Matthew Bloom of Bloom & Goldenblatt. 92 00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:57,246 - What's he like? - He's smart, he's tough. 93 00:04:57,371 --> 00:04:59,663 But is he tough enough to beat Bunny to a pulp? 94 00:05:00,121 --> 00:05:02,288 - Uh… yeah. - Good. 95 00:05:02,871 --> 00:05:04,913 Okay, great. 96 00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:06,788 - Bye, guys. Have a nice day. - Bye. 97 00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:08,746 Hey, Miranda, call me if you need anything. 98 00:05:08,996 --> 00:05:09,996 Yeah. 99 00:05:12,038 --> 00:05:14,705 Damn! Why is that girl still bothering me? 100 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,163 Honey, you have to let it go. 101 00:05:16,246 --> 00:05:18,871 If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, 102 00:05:18,955 --> 00:05:20,246 I'd never leave the house. 103 00:05:22,038 --> 00:05:24,746 Early Monday morning, Charlotte met with her lawyer. 104 00:05:24,830 --> 00:05:28,205 He was smart, tough, and gorgeous. 105 00:05:28,288 --> 00:05:30,080 You said on the phone you had some bad feelings 106 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,038 about your mother-in-law Bunny MacDougal. 107 00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:33,330 Did I? 108 00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:37,538 I get a sense from her lawyer this is going to be a bit of a battle. 109 00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:41,871 It was a battle, all right. The battle of the Charlottes. 110 00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:43,996 The Charlotte who wanted to seem attractive 111 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,663 to her adorable lawyer, 112 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:49,163 and the Charlotte who wanted to kick Bunny MacDougal's ass. 113 00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:52,871 It looks to me that Mrs. MacDougal has been very busy hiding assets 114 00:05:52,996 --> 00:05:55,621 to make sure you don't get, well, anything. 115 00:05:58,413 --> 00:06:01,705 Well, I just really want what was promised. 116 00:06:01,788 --> 00:06:02,955 I want my apartment. 117 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:06,330 Technically, it's not your apartment. Trey's family owns it. 118 00:06:06,746 --> 00:06:09,496 And she was very careful to make sure your name was never on the deed. 119 00:06:09,621 --> 00:06:11,455 What? Trey gave me that apartment. 120 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:12,913 Sorry. 121 00:06:13,663 --> 00:06:15,538 Usually, I'm a very refined person. 122 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:19,371 With your husband out of the country, I'm gonna need you to be more specific. 123 00:06:19,538 --> 00:06:21,205 Charlotte realized she could never be 124 00:06:21,288 --> 00:06:22,871 as ugly as she needed to be 125 00:06:22,955 --> 00:06:25,413 in front of a man she considered so handsome. 126 00:06:25,496 --> 00:06:27,621 Ah-ah-ah, sorry to bust in. 127 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,538 There's a bagel over here with my name on it. 128 00:06:29,663 --> 00:06:31,246 My partner, Harry Goldenblatt. 129 00:06:31,330 --> 00:06:33,871 Harry, Charlotte York. I'm handling her divorce. 130 00:06:33,955 --> 00:06:36,121 Hey, how you doing? You're in the right hands here. 131 00:06:37,871 --> 00:06:38,871 He's a killer. 132 00:06:38,913 --> 00:06:40,371 Oh! Ew! 133 00:06:42,163 --> 00:06:44,205 Who the hell ordered blueberry bagels? 134 00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,580 I'm talking to Thelma about this. 135 00:06:47,246 --> 00:06:48,246 Good luck to you. 136 00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:53,371 Is he a killer too? 137 00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:57,330 And just like that, Charlotte changed lawyers. 138 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,330 After a grueling day, 139 00:07:02,413 --> 00:07:05,246 which included leg, eyebrow, and bikini waxes, 140 00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:09,538 Samantha decided to reward herself with a night of R and R. 141 00:07:17,246 --> 00:07:18,538 Unfortunately, 142 00:07:18,621 --> 00:07:21,205 her favorite vibrator needed a little CPR. 143 00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,830 Brady, please. What? 144 00:07:39,663 --> 00:07:41,413 I cannot read your mind. 145 00:07:51,913 --> 00:07:53,871 - Who is it? - 4-D. 146 00:07:56,413 --> 00:07:58,663 - It's 2:30 in the morning. - I know. 147 00:07:59,205 --> 00:08:01,955 - I'm sorry. - You gotta stop that baby from crying. 148 00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:05,330 Look, I said I was sorry, but I have a baby. 149 00:08:05,621 --> 00:08:08,371 And sometimes babies make noise. That's what they do. 150 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,246 I know that. I have a baby too. 151 00:08:10,538 --> 00:08:12,580 And if you ever bothered to say hello in the elevator, 152 00:08:12,955 --> 00:08:13,996 you would know that. 153 00:08:14,496 --> 00:08:17,871 I'm Kendall. My baby is Alika. Have a nice night. 154 00:08:19,038 --> 00:08:21,163 Evidently, Miranda had been getting bad reviews 155 00:08:21,246 --> 00:08:22,746 from inside her own building. 156 00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:26,913 As for my review, I guess I was pretty nervous. 157 00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:28,330 - Times. - Thank you. 158 00:08:28,371 --> 00:08:31,371 I hadn't been up this early since Princess Diana's wedding. 159 00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:33,288 Thank you. 160 00:08:33,955 --> 00:08:35,080 Okay. 161 00:08:36,121 --> 00:08:37,163 Good morning. 162 00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:42,830 "All in all, I enjoyed spending time 163 00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:47,080 in Ms. Bradshaw's sharp, funny, finely-drawn world 164 00:08:47,163 --> 00:08:50,413 where single women rule and the men are disposable." 165 00:08:52,205 --> 00:08:53,205 Ouch! 166 00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:55,830 Carrie, I believe what you have there 167 00:08:55,913 --> 00:08:58,830 is a rave review from The New York Times. 168 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,705 "The men are disposable"? 169 00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:03,830 - I don't dispose of men, do I? - No. 170 00:09:03,913 --> 00:09:07,413 Well, Michiko Kakutani thinks so, and I always agree with her. 171 00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:09,288 Fuck Michiko Kakutani. 172 00:09:09,371 --> 00:09:12,330 - Oh, no sleep again? - Actually, it was a good night. 173 00:09:13,788 --> 00:09:15,246 I got a whole hour. 174 00:09:15,746 --> 00:09:18,621 I can't believe I have to go and pretend to be a lawyer now. 175 00:09:21,288 --> 00:09:24,330 - Can I wear a baseball cap to work? - With what shoes? 176 00:09:25,496 --> 00:09:27,121 Oh, my God, listen to me going on and on 177 00:09:27,205 --> 00:09:29,871 about Michiko Kakutani when you have real problems. 178 00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:32,496 So can I obsess for another minute? 179 00:09:32,621 --> 00:09:35,580 Just don't say her name again. It'll push me over the edge. 180 00:09:35,663 --> 00:09:39,955 So, yes, some of the men in the book are maybe a little disposable, 181 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:43,788 but this makes it sound like I think men are disposable in life. 182 00:09:45,746 --> 00:09:47,913 What? What's with the pause? 183 00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:50,580 I'm sorry. I fell asleep for a second. 184 00:09:51,330 --> 00:09:53,538 That's a terrible thing to think about me. 185 00:09:54,330 --> 00:09:55,371 Oh, my God! 186 00:09:55,913 --> 00:09:57,330 That's what the face meant. 187 00:09:57,871 --> 00:10:00,871 Do you think that Aidan thinks that I think he was disposable? 188 00:10:00,955 --> 00:10:03,496 Carrie, you did not throw Aidan away. 189 00:10:03,913 --> 00:10:05,205 Good morning. 190 00:10:05,496 --> 00:10:06,871 Well, that girl thinks I did. 191 00:10:06,955 --> 00:10:08,955 He must have said something like that to her. 192 00:10:09,288 --> 00:10:10,538 Where else would she get it? 193 00:10:11,830 --> 00:10:14,538 Steve and Aidan are close. Has Steve ever said anything to you? 194 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:17,955 - Does Steve hate me now? - Carrie, you're spinning. 195 00:10:18,163 --> 00:10:21,580 - Steve doesn't hate you. - Then how come I never see him anymore? 196 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,621 You never see him because I have to keep him away. 197 00:10:24,705 --> 00:10:28,330 Because if I see him now, I'll ask him to marry me 198 00:10:28,413 --> 00:10:30,246 just to give me some help. 199 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,288 I worked very hard at taking care of Aidan's feelings. 200 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:34,913 Will you mention that to Steve? 201 00:10:34,996 --> 00:10:37,871 - Because if Aidan told Steve… - Carrie, you know what? 202 00:10:38,663 --> 00:10:41,038 Maybe you should call your girlfriend, Samantha. 203 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:44,205 She has all kinds of time to talk about this kind of stuff. 204 00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:46,538 Look, I know it's me 205 00:10:46,871 --> 00:10:49,080 and I'm jealous of her free time and all, 206 00:10:49,205 --> 00:10:50,830 but if she could maybe, just once, 207 00:10:50,913 --> 00:10:53,455 acknowledge the fact that I've had a baby… 208 00:11:00,913 --> 00:11:03,455 It's not enough I've alienated my neighbor. 209 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,580 Now, I'm alienating my friends. 210 00:11:05,663 --> 00:11:07,246 You're not alienating anyone. 211 00:11:07,413 --> 00:11:10,121 Tell that to 4-D. She's pissed off I don't know her name. 212 00:11:10,205 --> 00:11:12,996 - Do you know your neighbors' names? - Please. 213 00:11:13,413 --> 00:11:15,580 I'm a bad neighbor and a bad mother. 214 00:11:15,663 --> 00:11:17,580 That's not true. You're doing great. 215 00:11:17,663 --> 00:11:18,913 Yeah, right. 216 00:11:19,496 --> 00:11:21,163 You're just having a bad week. 217 00:11:21,871 --> 00:11:23,246 Can I do anything to help? 218 00:11:23,746 --> 00:11:26,246 That helps, just asking. 219 00:11:27,871 --> 00:11:29,330 I'm late. I gotta go. 220 00:11:29,746 --> 00:11:31,580 Congratulations on the review. 221 00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:32,830 Yeah. 222 00:11:41,163 --> 00:11:43,496 Why is it that we only seem to believe 223 00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,621 the negative things people say about us, 224 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,705 no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary? 225 00:11:48,955 --> 00:11:52,121 A neighbor, a face, an ex-boyfriend 226 00:11:52,205 --> 00:11:54,830 can cancel out everything we thought was once true. 227 00:11:55,538 --> 00:11:57,996 Odd, but when it comes to life and love, 228 00:11:58,746 --> 00:12:01,371 why do we believe our worst reviews? 229 00:12:07,538 --> 00:12:11,621 After a long day in court, Miranda faced another jury. 230 00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:16,746 Don't cry. Don't cry. 231 00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:40,288 And at City Bakery, 232 00:12:40,371 --> 00:12:42,538 Samantha and I were reviewing desserts. 233 00:12:42,621 --> 00:12:43,830 Mmm-hmm. Delish. 234 00:12:44,746 --> 00:12:47,621 Hey, I'll buy you dessert if you do something for me. 235 00:12:47,705 --> 00:12:51,163 - I'm not eating desserts this week. - Oh, come on, best brownies in New York. 236 00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:54,330 Bastard. 237 00:12:54,788 --> 00:12:55,871 I'll take a brownie. 238 00:12:56,621 --> 00:12:59,830 - What do you need me to do? - It's about Miranda and the baby. 239 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:03,246 - Forget the brownie. - No, she'll take the brownie. 240 00:13:03,371 --> 00:13:05,371 Babies are not my scene. 241 00:13:07,121 --> 00:13:09,705 And from what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole. 242 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:14,038 - You can't call a baby an asshole. - Why not? She called it a meatloaf. 243 00:13:14,121 --> 00:13:17,330 I don't think it would kill all of us to be a little more supportive. 244 00:13:17,996 --> 00:13:19,080 Well, all right. 245 00:13:19,621 --> 00:13:21,413 When he's in college, I'll take him for a drink 246 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,413 and I'll flirt with his friends. How's that? 247 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,580 Maybe you could just stop by tomorrow and say, 248 00:13:26,663 --> 00:13:28,746 "I hear you had a baby. How's that going?" 249 00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:31,580 Carrie, I have no time. I'm booked all day. 250 00:13:32,955 --> 00:13:34,288 I have my hair appointment, 251 00:13:34,371 --> 00:13:36,413 and I'm returning a vibrator before that. 252 00:13:36,663 --> 00:13:38,288 Hair and a vibrator? 253 00:13:38,455 --> 00:13:42,246 Yes, that is my life, and I don't have to justify it. 254 00:13:42,746 --> 00:13:45,205 I hate it when people have babies and they suddenly expect you 255 00:13:45,288 --> 00:13:47,663 to turn into a some kind of Norman Rockwell painting. 256 00:13:47,955 --> 00:13:51,538 We're not talking about people, we're talking about our friend. 257 00:13:51,621 --> 00:13:52,871 And she's sinking. 258 00:13:55,288 --> 00:13:57,705 What, so, Miranda's like Venice? 259 00:13:57,788 --> 00:13:59,080 That'll be $14.20. 260 00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:02,496 She's paying for the brownie. 261 00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:05,580 Carrie. 262 00:14:06,496 --> 00:14:09,330 Oh! Hey! Julia, hi. 263 00:14:09,955 --> 00:14:12,913 Oh, um, this is my friend Samantha. This is Julia Afton. 264 00:14:12,996 --> 00:14:14,455 - We work together at Vogue. - Hi! 265 00:14:14,663 --> 00:14:17,413 Hardly. She gets to run in and out once a month, 266 00:14:17,496 --> 00:14:19,746 while I'm chained to the hem of Anna Wintour. 267 00:14:21,246 --> 00:14:23,496 - Oh, there's my friend. Nina. - I'm here. 268 00:14:25,496 --> 00:14:29,080 - It is about time. - Hey, sorry I'm late. 269 00:14:30,205 --> 00:14:31,996 Carrie, hi. 270 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,746 There I was, face to face with the face girl. 271 00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:38,371 - How do you two know each other? - I'll tell you over lunch. 272 00:14:38,580 --> 00:14:41,038 Nina Katz, hi. Samantha Jones. 273 00:14:41,121 --> 00:14:42,830 Oh, hi, nice to see you again. 274 00:14:43,705 --> 00:14:47,663 - Um, can we eat? I'm starvation central. - Okey-dokey. See you. 275 00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:49,205 Bye, Carrie. 276 00:14:50,871 --> 00:14:52,330 How do you know Nina Katz? 277 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:56,121 - How do you know Nina Katz? - Everybody knows Nina Katz. 278 00:14:56,205 --> 00:14:57,955 She's the booker for Saturday Night Live. 279 00:14:58,038 --> 00:15:01,455 - Well, she's also the face girl. - No! 280 00:15:01,538 --> 00:15:03,538 Nina Katz is the… 281 00:15:03,621 --> 00:15:04,663 Exactly. 282 00:15:05,413 --> 00:15:07,663 Great! That face will be all over Vogue. 283 00:15:07,746 --> 00:15:09,288 Not to mention SNL. 284 00:15:09,746 --> 00:15:12,205 - Nina Katz loves to talk. - $15.30. 285 00:15:12,705 --> 00:15:16,413 I… I'm going to need a big brownie as well, so… 286 00:15:18,413 --> 00:15:21,330 The next day, Samantha did some personal shopping. 287 00:15:22,746 --> 00:15:24,205 Very personal. 288 00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,330 - Can I help you? - Yes. 289 00:15:27,496 --> 00:15:29,580 I'd like to return this vibrator. 290 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,246 We don't sell vibrators. 291 00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:34,496 Yes, you do. I bought it here six months ago. 292 00:15:34,621 --> 00:15:37,705 That's not a vibrator. It's a neck massager. 293 00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:39,871 No, it's a vibrator. 294 00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:42,913 Sharper Image doesn't sell vibrators. 295 00:15:43,205 --> 00:15:44,580 It's a neck massager. 296 00:15:44,913 --> 00:15:48,413 You expect me to believe that women buy these to help their sore necks? 297 00:15:48,913 --> 00:15:51,788 - It's a neck massager. - Fine. 298 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:53,955 I'd like to return this neck massager. 299 00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:55,288 What's wrong with it? 300 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,121 It failed to get me off. 301 00:15:59,288 --> 00:16:01,330 It has a warranty and it just stopped. 302 00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:03,038 Made the saddest little sound. 303 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,871 Perhaps you wore it out. 304 00:16:04,996 --> 00:16:06,955 Well, honey, it wouldn't be the first one. 305 00:16:07,038 --> 00:16:08,830 Fine. Just… 306 00:16:09,288 --> 00:16:11,496 find another and go to the cashier. 307 00:16:15,288 --> 00:16:18,038 I know a man who's in desperate need of a neck massage. 308 00:16:20,871 --> 00:16:24,163 Oh, you don't want that one. Too many bells and whistles. 309 00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:29,038 That one actually works against you. 310 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:32,496 If we wanted to work that hard, we'd get us a man. Am I right? 311 00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:35,371 Samantha instantly established herself 312 00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:38,246 as the Michiko Kakutani of vibrators. 313 00:16:38,705 --> 00:16:41,413 I think that one actually is a back massager. 314 00:16:41,496 --> 00:16:42,580 Not if you mount it. 315 00:16:42,913 --> 00:16:43,913 Oh. 316 00:16:45,121 --> 00:16:46,788 No, absolutely not. 317 00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:47,871 That will burn your clit off. 318 00:16:48,705 --> 00:16:51,246 - Even with underwear? - Even with ski pants. 319 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,413 I brought you something. 320 00:17:15,288 --> 00:17:17,038 Well, it belongs to Alika. 321 00:17:17,705 --> 00:17:18,955 An oscillating chair. 322 00:17:20,663 --> 00:17:21,996 It helps. 323 00:17:23,288 --> 00:17:24,288 Come on in. 324 00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:31,955 Hey there, Mr. Mouth. 325 00:17:32,371 --> 00:17:35,246 What have you got to say that is so important? 326 00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:37,746 I'm sorry. It's just been non-stop. 327 00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:40,746 Now, this chair 328 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,955 is a little controversial, 329 00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:45,788 but I don't give a shit 330 00:17:46,205 --> 00:17:48,163 'cause it stopped my baby from crying 331 00:17:48,288 --> 00:17:51,580 when I was about ready to throw myself off the fire escape. 332 00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:54,913 - Sounds good. - Okay. Now. 333 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,205 Oh, my God! 334 00:18:01,746 --> 00:18:03,830 The chair is genius. 335 00:18:04,121 --> 00:18:06,205 I don't know, something about the vibration… 336 00:18:06,288 --> 00:18:08,205 I don't know. They love it. 337 00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:10,455 Alika could sit in it for hours. 338 00:18:12,163 --> 00:18:14,830 So, how come you haven't heard about this? 339 00:18:15,288 --> 00:18:16,913 Don't your girlfriends have babies? 340 00:18:17,455 --> 00:18:21,038 - No, I'm the only one. - Ooh, then, you're screwed. 341 00:18:22,246 --> 00:18:23,788 Actually, they've been very helpful. 342 00:18:23,913 --> 00:18:26,205 If they don't have kids, they don't have a clue. 343 00:18:30,788 --> 00:18:32,538 Miranda, you're not a bad mother. 344 00:18:33,996 --> 00:18:35,580 You just didn't have the chair. 345 00:18:37,955 --> 00:18:38,996 Thank you. 346 00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:43,038 Kendall. 347 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:50,788 Three blissful baby hours later… 348 00:18:51,955 --> 00:18:54,871 - Samantha, what are you doing here? - I'm not Samantha, you are. 349 00:18:55,038 --> 00:18:58,621 You have a 5:30 appointment with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon. 350 00:18:58,955 --> 00:19:00,705 - Go. - What? 351 00:19:01,621 --> 00:19:02,830 I can't take your… 352 00:19:03,413 --> 00:19:05,288 I'm counting to five and then I'm changing my mind. 353 00:19:05,746 --> 00:19:07,996 - Really? You want to babysit? - Mmm-hmm. 354 00:19:08,246 --> 00:19:11,538 - Five, four… - Okay! Okay. 355 00:19:13,288 --> 00:19:15,538 I don't know what to say. I can't believe it. 356 00:19:15,746 --> 00:19:18,871 Neither can I, but here I am, Mary fucking Poppins. 357 00:19:20,413 --> 00:19:21,830 Thank you. 358 00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:23,913 Um… 359 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:26,996 The numbers are on the fridge, and don't take him out of that chair. 360 00:19:27,163 --> 00:19:28,705 It's the only thing that keeps him quiet. 361 00:19:31,163 --> 00:19:32,371 And don't call boys. 362 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,080 Well, 363 00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:45,788 you don't look so bad. 364 00:19:52,871 --> 00:19:54,830 Meanwhile, in a chair across town, 365 00:19:54,913 --> 00:19:58,496 I was enjoying an afternoon of absolutely nothing. 366 00:19:59,371 --> 00:20:01,871 Good night, thank you. 367 00:20:16,538 --> 00:20:21,455 Hey. Do you think Nina Katz is telling random celebrity hosts 368 00:20:21,538 --> 00:20:24,413 - that I'm the bad-breakup girlfriend? - What? 369 00:20:24,496 --> 00:20:26,746 Well, you said she loved to talk. Do you think she's trashing me to, 370 00:20:26,871 --> 00:20:30,913 say, a Gwyneth Paltrow or an Ian McKellen? 371 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,413 You can't be serious. 372 00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:34,413 Don't get me wrong. I don't flatter myself 373 00:20:34,496 --> 00:20:36,621 that a Gwyneth Paltrow or an Ian McKellen 374 00:20:36,705 --> 00:20:38,413 would be interested in my love life, but… 375 00:20:38,496 --> 00:20:40,663 Are you at a zoo? 376 00:20:40,871 --> 00:20:43,080 No, thanks to you, I am at Miranda's, 377 00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:46,913 and Brady won't stop screaming, and I don't know what to do. 378 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,163 - You're at Miranda's? - I sent her to get my haircut. 379 00:20:50,371 --> 00:20:54,205 - That was nice. - Yes, and now I'm being punished. 380 00:20:54,413 --> 00:20:56,496 - So he's not hurt? - No. 381 00:20:56,580 --> 00:20:57,746 - Or wet? - No. 382 00:20:57,913 --> 00:21:00,038 Well, then I don't know what his problem is. 383 00:21:00,121 --> 00:21:01,830 His problem is he's an asshole. 384 00:21:03,705 --> 00:21:06,538 - Maybe you should call Miranda. - I will not. 385 00:21:06,621 --> 00:21:08,246 It took me months to get that appointment. 386 00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:09,663 Someone should benefit. 387 00:21:09,955 --> 00:21:13,080 I'll find some way to keep this kid quiet. Goodbye. 388 00:21:13,163 --> 00:21:15,121 No, wait, what about Nina? 389 00:21:15,205 --> 00:21:18,330 Carrie, maybe Charlotte has the time to talk about this kind of stuff. 390 00:21:18,413 --> 00:21:20,663 I have a screaming baby on my hands. 391 00:21:25,455 --> 00:21:27,330 What? What do you need? 392 00:21:32,246 --> 00:21:34,580 Well, that's better. 393 00:21:35,705 --> 00:21:38,788 - Is everything okay? - Absolutely. The chair thing broke. 394 00:21:38,871 --> 00:21:41,580 - But you know, shit happens. - The chair broke? 395 00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:44,413 But what did you… I mean, did he… 396 00:21:51,455 --> 00:21:53,121 That better be brand-new. 397 00:21:54,830 --> 00:21:57,455 Monday morning, Harry Goldenblatt did his best 398 00:21:57,580 --> 00:22:00,580 to make sure Bunny didn't hop all over Charlotte. 399 00:22:00,705 --> 00:22:02,913 Mrs. MacDougal is willing to offer 400 00:22:02,996 --> 00:22:06,830 her son's collection of mint-condition silver Buffalo coins. 401 00:22:06,913 --> 00:22:08,330 Could we get off the coin collection? 402 00:22:08,413 --> 00:22:10,413 She's not going to settle for a coin collection. 403 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:12,788 Well, according to the pre-nup… 404 00:22:13,163 --> 00:22:15,788 This is ridiculous. Trey gave me that apartment. 405 00:22:17,246 --> 00:22:21,288 She gave him her word. Till death do them part. 406 00:22:21,746 --> 00:22:23,538 Bunny, if you have something to say to me… 407 00:22:23,621 --> 00:22:26,330 - Fine. I shall. - I strongly recommend… 408 00:22:26,413 --> 00:22:27,705 Allan, hush. 409 00:22:28,913 --> 00:22:30,538 You, my dear, took a vow. 410 00:22:31,330 --> 00:22:33,830 And when things didn't go your way, you simply broke that vow. 411 00:22:34,246 --> 00:22:37,246 I come from a generation of women that valued marriage. 412 00:22:37,330 --> 00:22:40,080 We believed in "for better or for worse." 413 00:22:40,205 --> 00:22:43,538 Not "for better, or until the road gets rocky." 414 00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:47,746 When I think of the heartache and shame 415 00:22:48,121 --> 00:22:50,205 you caused my dear boy, 416 00:22:50,996 --> 00:22:54,163 I'm amazed that you could even come here and look me in the face. 417 00:22:54,246 --> 00:22:56,163 Charlotte couldn't fight anymore. 418 00:22:56,246 --> 00:22:59,246 It seemed to her she'd been fighting for this marriage forever. 419 00:23:00,955 --> 00:23:04,871 Be advised, young lady, I'm more than prepared to go to court. 420 00:23:09,330 --> 00:23:11,955 It's the coin collection. Take it or leave it. 421 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,205 Just hold on. 422 00:23:13,496 --> 00:23:15,705 Apparently, our office just received a telegram 423 00:23:15,788 --> 00:23:17,371 from Scotland from Dr. MacDougal. 424 00:23:17,455 --> 00:23:19,830 - Shall I read it? - By all means. 425 00:23:21,871 --> 00:23:24,538 "Charlotte York was a wonderful wife. Stop. 426 00:23:24,663 --> 00:23:26,996 She did nothing wrong. Stop. 427 00:23:27,121 --> 00:23:29,580 Give her everything she wants. Stop. 428 00:23:30,746 --> 00:23:32,246 Seriously, Mother… 429 00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:33,913 Stop." 430 00:23:34,996 --> 00:23:36,871 That's the thing about reviews. 431 00:23:36,955 --> 00:23:39,288 Sometimes, when you least expect it, 432 00:23:39,913 --> 00:23:41,246 you get a rave. 433 00:23:44,871 --> 00:23:46,371 Just the apartment. 434 00:23:46,663 --> 00:23:49,746 I'll have papers drawn up so Mrs. MacDougal can transfer the deed. 435 00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:52,830 Even though things had gotten ugly, 436 00:23:53,246 --> 00:23:55,580 Charlotte didn't want them to end that way. 437 00:23:55,663 --> 00:23:59,288 I'm sorry things didn't work out better for all of us. 438 00:24:00,621 --> 00:24:01,621 Allan. 439 00:24:03,663 --> 00:24:05,746 Charlotte realized there was no such thing 440 00:24:05,830 --> 00:24:07,705 as a fairy-tale divorce, either. 441 00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:09,663 "Ding dong, the witch is dead." 442 00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:19,955 And farther uptown, still unable to let it go, 443 00:24:20,330 --> 00:24:22,205 Nina Katz and that face 444 00:24:22,413 --> 00:24:24,746 had driven me to face my worst fear. 445 00:24:24,830 --> 00:24:27,121 So, Steve, I know I was kind of vague on the phone… 446 00:24:27,205 --> 00:24:29,621 It's Miranda, right? She doesn't want me to call her so much. 447 00:24:29,705 --> 00:24:30,913 Right? It's fine. Whatever. 448 00:24:31,038 --> 00:24:33,496 No, no no. It's not about Miranda. It's about… 449 00:24:36,621 --> 00:24:38,038 How does Aidan feel about me? 450 00:24:38,205 --> 00:24:40,121 Ah! Jeez, no. 451 00:24:40,205 --> 00:24:42,288 You're not going to try to get back together with him again, are you? 452 00:24:42,621 --> 00:24:47,163 Um, no, but that pretty much answers any question I had about how you feel. 453 00:24:49,455 --> 00:24:50,496 So… 454 00:24:50,746 --> 00:24:52,121 What? Does he hate me? 455 00:24:52,413 --> 00:24:54,830 No, but come on, Carrie. I mean, it was pretty bad. 456 00:24:55,330 --> 00:24:56,455 How bad, Steve? 457 00:24:58,246 --> 00:24:59,996 - Steve, the ball. - Sorry. 458 00:25:00,788 --> 00:25:01,788 So, how is he now? 459 00:25:02,371 --> 00:25:04,913 - Great. He's great. - Good. 460 00:25:05,913 --> 00:25:07,413 - He's great. - Good. 461 00:25:07,955 --> 00:25:08,996 Now. 462 00:25:09,913 --> 00:25:10,955 But back then… 463 00:25:11,330 --> 00:25:13,413 Back then, he couldn't get out of bed for like… 464 00:25:15,246 --> 00:25:17,955 - What? Days? Weeks? - Like, a month. 465 00:25:18,538 --> 00:25:20,705 - I brought him chicken wings. - Oh, Christ. 466 00:25:20,788 --> 00:25:22,746 Look, I don't mean to make you feel bad. 467 00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:23,871 Well… 468 00:25:24,663 --> 00:25:25,913 A month? 469 00:25:26,038 --> 00:25:27,455 Yeah, he was devastated. 470 00:25:27,538 --> 00:25:30,121 I mean, he lost his ability to open up and trust women. 471 00:25:33,705 --> 00:25:37,621 "He lost his ability to open up and trust women"? 472 00:25:37,705 --> 00:25:39,746 - Did he tell you that? - No. 473 00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:41,955 Guys don't talk about shit like that. We just ate wings. 474 00:25:42,038 --> 00:25:44,371 But the girl Nina he was dating, she told me that. 475 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,663 Okay, we're looking for the cute pretzel guys. 476 00:25:47,746 --> 00:25:50,663 How come you never wanted to cruise guys when I was available? 477 00:25:50,746 --> 00:25:52,621 This isn't about cruising, it's about clarity. 478 00:25:52,705 --> 00:25:55,413 That Nina Katz face chick is hitting a little too close to home. 479 00:25:55,496 --> 00:25:58,455 I want to find her and tell her my side of the breakup story. 480 00:25:58,580 --> 00:26:01,663 - Why? You know what you and Aidan had. - Yes, I know it, but she doesn't. 481 00:26:01,746 --> 00:26:03,955 And she's yip-yapping her version all over town. 482 00:26:04,038 --> 00:26:05,621 It only takes one bad review 483 00:26:05,705 --> 00:26:08,121 to cancel out all the good word-of-mouth. 484 00:26:08,955 --> 00:26:11,288 - What do you think of Marcus? - Nice. 485 00:26:11,705 --> 00:26:14,996 I mean, relationships are complicated. You can't reduce them to a face. 486 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:18,080 - I know that Aidan has feelings… - Okay, stop. 487 00:26:18,621 --> 00:26:20,455 I am done. 488 00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:24,080 I've listened to you talk about Aidan, for what? 489 00:26:24,455 --> 00:26:27,038 Ten blocks and two years? 490 00:26:27,496 --> 00:26:29,163 And I've been a wonderful audience. 491 00:26:29,496 --> 00:26:32,746 And I ask you about my Marcus, and all I get is… 492 00:26:32,830 --> 00:26:33,830 "nice"? 493 00:26:34,955 --> 00:26:36,038 I'm sorry. 494 00:26:36,663 --> 00:26:40,288 I mean, Carrie, how many relationships have I been in since you've known me? 495 00:26:40,871 --> 00:26:42,038 Real or imaginary? 496 00:26:43,663 --> 00:26:46,246 Come on, your opinion means a lot to me. 497 00:26:46,871 --> 00:26:48,913 You're my Machiko Kakamatsa. 498 00:26:49,746 --> 00:26:52,246 So, now what, you want me to review your relationship? 499 00:26:52,455 --> 00:26:54,205 Immediately, if not sooner. 500 00:26:54,330 --> 00:26:56,996 Okay, well… I like that he makes you happy. 501 00:26:58,205 --> 00:26:59,205 Oh, my God. 502 00:27:00,705 --> 00:27:02,955 Carrie. 503 00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:05,538 Okay, one more time and you are officially stalking me. 504 00:27:08,163 --> 00:27:11,288 - Hi, I'm Heather. - Heather Graham. I know. I love you. 505 00:27:11,371 --> 00:27:12,871 I'm Stanford Blatch. 506 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,080 Sorry. Heather, this is Carrie Bradshaw. 507 00:27:15,163 --> 00:27:16,496 Carrie Bradshaw, really? 508 00:27:20,746 --> 00:27:22,955 Okay, I… Nina, 509 00:27:23,580 --> 00:27:27,246 I need to talk to you for a second, alone, if I can. 510 00:27:27,955 --> 00:27:30,163 Miss Graham, may I buy you a pretzel? 511 00:27:30,330 --> 00:27:32,246 - Okay. - Get me one. 512 00:27:32,788 --> 00:27:35,246 - A man or a pretzel? - Whatever has less carbs. 513 00:27:35,330 --> 00:27:36,330 Right? 514 00:27:40,413 --> 00:27:43,788 I get the sense that you have a sort of feeling 515 00:27:43,871 --> 00:27:45,621 about what happened with Aidan, 516 00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:47,913 and I just want to clear something up. 517 00:27:48,996 --> 00:27:52,246 Breakups are awful and they are private. 518 00:27:52,705 --> 00:27:58,871 And they are not necessarily symptomatic of what two people had together. 519 00:27:59,705 --> 00:28:01,663 I loved Aidan very much. 520 00:28:02,205 --> 00:28:04,496 And I would never, ever have done anything 521 00:28:04,580 --> 00:28:05,955 to deliberately hurt him. 522 00:28:07,496 --> 00:28:08,496 Okay. 523 00:28:08,663 --> 00:28:11,455 Suddenly, I realized that the critic I was most afraid of 524 00:28:11,538 --> 00:28:12,913 wasn't Nina Katz. 525 00:28:13,538 --> 00:28:14,538 It was me. 526 00:28:15,371 --> 00:28:16,371 So… 527 00:28:18,413 --> 00:28:19,413 Bye. 528 00:28:20,871 --> 00:28:23,246 The truth is, at any given moment, 529 00:28:23,330 --> 00:28:25,288 someone, somewhere could be making a face about you. 530 00:28:29,038 --> 00:28:31,788 But it's the reviews you give yourself that matter. 531 00:28:31,871 --> 00:28:33,580 So I get over there with Heather Graham 532 00:28:33,663 --> 00:28:35,871 and I'm like, "Shit! What do we have to talk about?" 533 00:28:35,955 --> 00:28:37,663 - Being pretty. - I know. 534 00:28:37,746 --> 00:28:39,913 But we had nothing to talk about but pretzels. 535 00:28:40,996 --> 00:28:42,955 - Okay, so I said… - Ooh! 536 00:28:43,038 --> 00:28:44,705 Sorry. Come on. 537 00:28:45,371 --> 00:28:47,288 So I said, "Have you ever been to Bavaria? 538 00:28:47,371 --> 00:28:49,080 They make the best pretzels there."