1
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,951
One night,
four ladies in the east

2
00:00:49,035 --> 00:00:51,076
met at Compass to discuss going west.

3
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,868
I have to go to San Francisco
on a book tour.

4
00:00:54,951 --> 00:00:55,936
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

5
00:00:55,951 --> 00:00:57,743
You wouldn't go to the Upper West Side.

6
00:00:57,826 --> 00:00:59,951
Suddenly, you're going to San Francisco?

7
00:01:00,035 --> 00:01:03,326
They're making me. Apparently,
I'm very big in San Francisco.

8
00:01:03,576 --> 00:01:05,951
You mean, Big is in San Francisco.

9
00:01:06,035 --> 00:01:08,576
Okay, yes, perhaps I'll see Big.

10
00:01:09,410 --> 00:01:12,118
Guys, I need to have sex.
It's been too long.

11
00:01:12,201 --> 00:01:14,618
Lately, I've been having
these dreams where I run.

12
00:01:14,701 --> 00:01:18,160
I run up to complete strangers

13
00:01:18,368 --> 00:01:21,201
- and just start kissing them.
- If all you want is sex,

14
00:01:21,285 --> 00:01:23,951
you don't have to go across the country,
just go across the restaurant.

15
00:01:24,035 --> 00:01:26,368
Those guys have been checking us out
ever since they sat down.

16
00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:31,910
Oh! Cute, cute, cute.

17
00:01:32,285 --> 00:01:33,910
Boring, boring and boring.

18
00:01:34,785 --> 00:01:37,285
- Like these scallops.
- I love the food here.

19
00:01:37,410 --> 00:01:40,118
- Same old, same old.
- Same old? It just opened last week.

20
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,993
Scallops are scallops,
and bachelors are bachelors.

21
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:45,243
Sounds to me
like you might be experiencing

22
00:01:45,326 --> 00:01:48,118
a "been there, done them"
existential crisis.

23
00:01:48,201 --> 00:01:51,451
It's not me, it's New York.
Nothing is ever really new.

24
00:01:51,535 --> 00:01:53,660
In fact, they should change the name
to "Same York."

25
00:01:53,743 --> 00:01:55,660
You're nuts.
These scallops are fantastic,

26
00:01:55,743 --> 00:01:57,493
and those guys are cute.

27
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,951
You should go say hi. May I?

28
00:02:00,035 --> 00:02:02,076
No, I don't want to say hi.
I want to say,

29
00:02:02,201 --> 00:02:04,535
"Could one of you
lie on top of me for a while?"

30
00:02:04,618 --> 00:02:08,160
I need to feel the weight
of a man on me.

31
00:02:08,285 --> 00:02:10,868
It's times like this, I wish women
could go to male prostitutes.

32
00:02:10,951 --> 00:02:11,993
Women do.

33
00:02:12,076 --> 00:02:15,035
No, only in bad screenplays
and first novels.

34
00:02:15,243 --> 00:02:17,701
That is an incredible investment idea.

35
00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:20,701
We should open a brothel
where the men are cute

36
00:02:20,785 --> 00:02:23,201
and the sheets
are 500-count Egyptian cotton.

37
00:02:23,285 --> 00:02:26,618
- Samantha, you can be the madam.
- Well, at least, it's something new.

38
00:02:26,701 --> 00:02:29,035
We could put one in every neighborhood,
like Starbucks.

39
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,145
Starfucks.

40
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,076
A place like that
doesn't exist in reality

41
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,243
because women don't think
about sex like that.

42
00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:36,951
It's not an animal urge.
We need to feel things.

43
00:02:37,076 --> 00:02:39,035
We need a connection.
Isn't that right, Carrie?

44
00:02:39,118 --> 00:02:40,368
No, Big is my male prostitute.

45
00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:43,535
I am mixing business
with much-needed pleasure.

46
00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:45,785
And my relief is just a train ride away.

47
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,868
- A train? Why don't you just fly?
- Oh, no, no, flying makes me nervous.

48
00:02:49,993 --> 00:02:53,368
I get uneasy seeing the National Guard
go through my makeup case.

49
00:02:53,493 --> 00:02:54,743
Besides, it'll be fun.

50
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,285
Especially…

51
00:02:56,826 --> 00:02:58,410
if Samantha goes with me.

52
00:02:59,326 --> 00:03:01,951
Oh, please! Come on, it'll be hilarious.

53
00:03:02,076 --> 00:03:05,618
Two gals on a train,
very Some Like It Hot.

54
00:03:05,743 --> 00:03:07,993
And the whole trip ends

55
00:03:08,118 --> 00:03:10,035
with a luxury suite

56
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:15,201
in a fabulous four-star
San Francisco hotel.

57
00:03:15,618 --> 00:03:16,618
Why didn't you invite me?

58
00:03:16,701 --> 00:03:19,160
Because Samantha is the only one
who's bored enough to do it.

59
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:22,785
So what time do we leave "Same York"?

60
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:27,201
I'm gonna get laid!
I'm gonna get laid!

61
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:33,118
More and more
single women of a certain age

62
00:03:33,368 --> 00:03:35,035
are looking for a certain thing.

63
00:03:35,285 --> 00:03:39,410
And that certain thing does not
necessarily involve a certain ring.

64
00:03:41,243 --> 00:03:44,160
We may have traded the little black book
for a little black dress

65
00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:46,326
and replaced the Ferrari with a Fendi,

66
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:49,951
but in view of certain evidence,
I had to wonder…

67
00:03:51,326 --> 00:03:53,160
Are we the new bachelors?

68
00:03:59,535 --> 00:04:01,410
Final call to 9:15…

69
00:04:01,493 --> 00:04:03,201
What did Big say
when you told him?

70
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,493
I haven't yet.
I'm gonna wait till I get there.

71
00:04:05,785 --> 00:04:09,410
You know, "Hello, guess where I am."
Very casual, very la, la, la.

72
00:04:09,493 --> 00:04:11,743
Well, that's one approach.
I would have called and said,

73
00:04:11,826 --> 00:04:14,035
"I'm coming,
and I won't be the only one."

74
00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:17,451
I think I'm getting a pimple.
Can you see anything?

75
00:04:17,785 --> 00:04:19,285
Right here, above my freckle.

76
00:04:19,576 --> 00:04:21,326
Mmm. All clear.

77
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,910
Oh, good, the last thing I need
is a big, honking zit

78
00:04:23,993 --> 00:04:25,368
when I meet my prostitute.

79
00:04:25,451 --> 00:04:29,535
This may be just what I needed,
if I can stand the train for three days.

80
00:04:29,785 --> 00:04:31,160
Oh, think of it as an adventure.

81
00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:33,701
"It's not the destination,
it's the journey."

82
00:04:33,785 --> 00:04:39,035
A journey in adjoining
first-class deluxe sleeper berths.

83
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,410
Truth be told, I've always wanted
to take a train. It's so sexy.

84
00:04:42,493 --> 00:04:45,576
You never know who's going
to be getting on and getting me off.

85
00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:48,201
All aboard.

86
00:04:48,743 --> 00:04:49,785
Hello, sir.

87
00:04:59,993 --> 00:05:01,910
Oh, we're here.

88
00:05:08,535 --> 00:05:09,535
Um…

89
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:15,826
Um, we were supposed to have
the deluxe first-class sleeper.

90
00:05:15,910 --> 00:05:17,535
This is the first-class sleeper.

91
00:05:17,660 --> 00:05:20,576
And I suppose the regular class
sleeps in what? A tuna can?

92
00:05:21,535 --> 00:05:24,326
And right here, you have your door
to the restroom.

93
00:05:29,618 --> 00:05:30,618
Wait.

94
00:05:31,076 --> 00:05:33,410
You shower over the toilet?

95
00:05:36,910 --> 00:05:39,951
I'm starting to understand why there was
a murder on the Orient Express.

96
00:05:40,951 --> 00:05:42,701
And in a far less
crowded space…

97
00:05:42,785 --> 00:05:45,451
- Oh!
- Delivery from Bloom & Goldenblatt.

98
00:05:45,701 --> 00:05:47,243
I thought they'd send a messenger.

99
00:05:47,326 --> 00:05:50,368
Do you know what we'd charge you
for a messenger to make a 12-block drop?

100
00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:53,660
So, a partner personally delivers
my divorce papers?

101
00:05:53,910 --> 00:05:54,951
Sure, why not?

102
00:05:55,701 --> 00:05:58,785
- I needed the walk.
- Okay, uh…

103
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,535
I was just gonna go work out,
but come in.

104
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,785
Whoo! It's hot.

105
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,535
Excuse me?

106
00:06:09,868 --> 00:06:12,660
Outside. I'm schvitzing
like a pudding at a picnic.

107
00:06:15,118 --> 00:06:16,535
So…

108
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,993
this is the pagoda
we've been fighting over, huh?

109
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:20,826
It's impressive.

110
00:06:20,910 --> 00:06:22,535
I can see why you'd never
want to give it up.

111
00:06:22,785 --> 00:06:25,243
Mmm. Actually,
I'm thinking about selling.

112
00:06:25,326 --> 00:06:27,076
After everything
we went through to get it?

113
00:06:27,201 --> 00:06:29,285
Well, you know,
it's too big for one person.

114
00:06:29,368 --> 00:06:31,576
I'm putting the word out.
If anyone hears of a great apartment…

115
00:06:31,660 --> 00:06:33,826
Hey, I got a buddy
who's putting his place on the market.

116
00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:35,576
It may be a little too bachelor
for your taste.

117
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:38,243
Oh, I can change that. You should've
seen this place when I moved in.

118
00:06:38,326 --> 00:06:40,451
It was where plaid furniture
came to die.

119
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:43,118
I could set it up
so you can get a first look.

120
00:06:43,493 --> 00:06:45,326
- Okay.
- Done. So…

121
00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:46,910
Uh, let's get you divorced.

122
00:06:47,076 --> 00:06:48,910
Sit and sign.

123
00:07:04,576 --> 00:07:06,118
Do you have a handkerchief or something?

124
00:07:06,201 --> 00:07:08,118
You're still sweating.

125
00:07:08,451 --> 00:07:11,076
Oh! Sorry. This never happens.

126
00:07:11,951 --> 00:07:14,118
Um… Oh, thanks.

127
00:07:18,701 --> 00:07:20,743
- That's it?
- That's it.

128
00:07:20,910 --> 00:07:22,951
You are no longer Mrs. Trey MacDougal.

129
00:07:25,993 --> 00:07:27,285
How do you like that?

130
00:07:28,701 --> 00:07:29,743
I like it.

131
00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:37,618
- You have some tissue stuck to you.
- I'm a fucking mess today.

132
00:07:38,493 --> 00:07:39,493
Mmm.

133
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,868
Somewhere outside
of Pittsburgh,

134
00:07:41,993 --> 00:07:44,535
Samantha and I decided
to get out of our twin cans

135
00:07:44,618 --> 00:07:47,743
and go for a classic train dinner
in the club car.

136
00:07:54,701 --> 00:07:55,993
This is it?

137
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,160
I thought there'd be
white linen tablecloths,

138
00:07:58,243 --> 00:08:00,201
and Bing Crosby singing at a piano.

139
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:05,951
Oh, uh…

140
00:08:06,035 --> 00:08:09,785
- Excuse me, table for two, please.
- Just sit anywhere that's open.

141
00:08:11,368 --> 00:08:13,201
Whoa!

142
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:21,785
Oh! Sorry. The train zigged.

143
00:08:24,201 --> 00:08:25,201
Okay.

144
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:28,076
Excuse me. Sorry.

145
00:08:28,618 --> 00:08:29,618
Ooh.

146
00:08:37,118 --> 00:08:38,118
Really?

147
00:08:41,618 --> 00:08:42,660
Hello.

148
00:08:45,118 --> 00:08:46,160
Thank you.

149
00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:49,160
- I'm eating with the Amish?
- Mmm-hmm.

150
00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:53,993
Are you aware, every time we stop,
good-looking people get off

151
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,660
and more ugly people get on?

152
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,868
- Shh!
- I'm serious, this is the train to ugly.

153
00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:01,951
There isn't one man on this train
I'd fuck. What about you?

154
00:09:02,035 --> 00:09:03,660
Don't ask me. I'm horny.

155
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:06,326
And nine hours of train-rocking
hasn't helped.

156
00:09:07,993 --> 00:09:08,993
Sorry.

157
00:09:10,785 --> 00:09:13,618
If she has a problem,
next time she can take a buggy.

158
00:09:16,910 --> 00:09:17,910
Thanks.

159
00:09:18,243 --> 00:09:20,493
How do you think the Zagat Guide
would rate a place

160
00:09:20,576 --> 00:09:22,576
that lists potato chips as an appetizer?

161
00:09:22,701 --> 00:09:26,618
Don't even say potato chip to me.
This zit is getting bigger by the hour.

162
00:09:26,826 --> 00:09:27,910
Here, can you see it now?

163
00:09:30,243 --> 00:09:32,993
Let's just say you're starting to look
like you belong on a train.

164
00:09:33,493 --> 00:09:34,493
Really?

165
00:09:35,410 --> 00:09:38,493
- What can I get you?
- A martini and an airplane.

166
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:39,660
Um…

167
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:42,535
- What's safe to order?
- The club sandwich.

168
00:09:43,993 --> 00:09:45,118
And a martini.

169
00:09:46,576 --> 00:09:49,243
Oh, God! I need a big old drink.

170
00:09:52,326 --> 00:09:53,826
Again, sorry.

171
00:09:58,535 --> 00:10:00,576
And speaking of martinis…

172
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:03,743
- A zebra-skin rug.
- Hey, I told you he was a bachelor.

173
00:10:04,285 --> 00:10:07,951
- But a bar in the bedroom?
- Oh! You ain't seen nothing yet.

174
00:10:10,326 --> 00:10:12,118
Ta-da!

175
00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:14,076
- Ew!
- Mmm-hmm.

176
00:10:15,410 --> 00:10:16,826
Ooh.

177
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:19,410
You seem to know your way around here.

178
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:21,951
Oh, yeah, I sublet while I was
going through my divorce.

179
00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:23,201
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

180
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,576
Surround sound.

181
00:10:28,910 --> 00:10:30,826
I can't believe that men think

182
00:10:30,951 --> 00:10:33,576
it takes all this stuff
to get a woman into bed.

183
00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:36,535
What does it take?

184
00:10:38,618 --> 00:10:40,160
- Charlotte.
- What?

185
00:10:40,451 --> 00:10:43,535
I think you are
the sexiest woman I ever met.

186
00:10:43,701 --> 00:10:47,118
Harry, don't be ridiculous,
I'm wearing my glasses.

187
00:10:47,201 --> 00:10:49,701
It makes me crazy when you say my name.

188
00:10:49,785 --> 00:10:51,618
Well, then I'm definitely
gonna stop saying it.

189
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:53,576
What a putz your ex-husband must be.

190
00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:55,285
- Trey was not a putz.
- He was a putz.

191
00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:56,951
If I was lucky enough
to have you in my bed,

192
00:10:57,035 --> 00:10:58,951
I would never be able
to take my hands off you.

193
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,035
Stop, Harry.

194
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,951
Ever since the first moment I saw you,
I can't think about anything else.

195
00:11:04,035 --> 00:11:06,993
I'm like, I'm…
I'm fucking Romeo over here.

196
00:11:07,326 --> 00:11:09,951
God, it's hot, I'm sweating.
Can you open a window?

197
00:11:10,035 --> 00:11:12,451
I fantasize about your lips.

198
00:11:12,785 --> 00:11:15,243
Your perfect pink lips.

199
00:11:19,201 --> 00:11:20,785
Somebody needs you

200
00:11:20,910 --> 00:11:23,826
Together we can take it home

201
00:11:25,826 --> 00:11:28,701
Your lips girl, they kill me…

202
00:11:29,076 --> 00:11:31,326
Two days, two toilet showers,

203
00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:33,826
and too many club sandwiches later…

204
00:11:44,201 --> 00:11:46,910
- Hello?
- It's me, and it's still bad.

205
00:11:47,243 --> 00:11:49,368
- The trip or the pimple?
- Both.

206
00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:52,410
I tried to squeeze it
somewhere outside Oklahoma.

207
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:56,618
Here's a helpful hint.
Never give yourself a train facial.

208
00:11:56,743 --> 00:11:57,743
Got it.

209
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,910
If this thing hasn't
started to deflate by Colorado,

210
00:11:59,993 --> 00:12:01,868
I'm not even calling Big.

211
00:12:02,951 --> 00:12:05,201
Hold on, someone who used to be Samantha
just came in.

212
00:12:05,326 --> 00:12:08,785
Rumor has it a group of guys
not resembling the Elephant Man

213
00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:11,285
just got on and are having
a bachelor party

214
00:12:11,368 --> 00:12:13,201
in the bar car. Get dressed.

215
00:12:13,285 --> 00:12:14,910
I can't go anywhere with this pimple.

216
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,660
I got on a train for you.

217
00:12:17,201 --> 00:12:19,785
You are going to the bar car with me.

218
00:12:22,118 --> 00:12:24,035
I have to go to a bachelor party.

219
00:12:25,535 --> 00:12:28,160
And back in New York,
Charlotte found herself sandwiched

220
00:12:28,243 --> 00:12:30,410
between some confirmed bachelors.

221
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:34,993
How can a person have really hot S-E-X

222
00:12:35,076 --> 00:12:36,701
with someone they don't even like?

223
00:12:36,785 --> 00:12:39,576
You're spelling "sex" in a place
with a go-go boy on the bar?

224
00:12:39,951 --> 00:12:41,826
- I'm serious.
- Why?

225
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,701
Oh, my God, Char. You?

226
00:12:46,368 --> 00:12:48,285
I don't know what happened.
He's my divorce lawyer,

227
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,618
and I don't even like him.

228
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:52,368
So? Some of the best sex I've had
is with people I can't stand.

229
00:12:52,451 --> 00:12:54,326
Details. This is so exciting.

230
00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:56,160
Well, he was showing me
this bachelor apartment,

231
00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:58,285
and I think it was
all the leather and music.

232
00:12:58,410 --> 00:12:59,743
Leather, I get it. Go.

233
00:12:59,826 --> 00:13:02,493
Suddenly, out of nowhere,
we were kissing and then we…

234
00:13:02,576 --> 00:13:05,743
Fucking? Oh, my God, Char!
This is so exciting.

235
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,493
- How was it?
- Unbelievable.

236
00:13:09,618 --> 00:13:10,951
Cosmos for everyone!

237
00:13:11,035 --> 00:13:13,451
No! No, it's not good.
I don't want to date him.

238
00:13:13,576 --> 00:13:16,326
- He's not very attractive.
- Ugly sex is hot.

239
00:13:16,576 --> 00:13:19,326
No, he's sweaty and pushy.

240
00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:21,451
No, no, I could never date him.

241
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:22,951
But, well…

242
00:13:23,243 --> 00:13:25,160
maybe just for the sex.

243
00:13:25,535 --> 00:13:28,368
- How does that work, exactly?
- Okay, listen up.

244
00:13:28,701 --> 00:13:31,118
You have to be very clear
about the rules.

245
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,785
It's just sex.
You can't act romantic at all.

246
00:13:33,910 --> 00:13:36,868
You have to talk just sex talk.
"Fuck me, and get out."

247
00:13:37,910 --> 00:13:40,076
- Isn't that rude?
- No, it's hot.

248
00:13:40,618 --> 00:13:42,410
Hello! Where's my drink?

249
00:13:52,785 --> 00:13:55,993
Things are looking up.
They are pretty cute.

250
00:13:56,076 --> 00:13:57,618
This blush is worse than a pimple.

251
00:13:57,743 --> 00:13:59,743
I look like I'm in a high-school play
or something.

252
00:13:59,826 --> 00:14:01,243
Come on, follow my lead.

253
00:14:04,826 --> 00:14:06,618
Hello.

254
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,326
Hi.

255
00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:16,076
Well, well, well…

256
00:14:16,326 --> 00:14:19,076
Aren't you boys a sight for sore eyes?

257
00:14:22,535 --> 00:14:24,701
So, what are we drinking?

258
00:14:25,118 --> 00:14:28,035
- Light beer.
- Oh, we can do better than that.

259
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,618
Sir, a bottle of champagne, please.

260
00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:34,826
I'm sure one of you gentlemen
will help me pop my cork.

261
00:14:37,035 --> 00:14:38,493
And just like that,

262
00:14:38,576 --> 00:14:42,326
we went from Some Like It Hot
to Some Like Us Not.

263
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:45,451
- I thought I was looking pretty hot.
- You are pretty hot.

264
00:14:45,535 --> 00:14:47,076
- Not according to them.
- Champagne.

265
00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:54,743
Hi.

266
00:14:56,535 --> 00:15:00,993
Excuse me,
but what kind of bachelor party is this?

267
00:15:01,118 --> 00:15:03,535
We're not really bachelors.
We're all married.

268
00:15:03,785 --> 00:15:06,618
Except Bri, he's the last one
in the gang to bite it.

269
00:15:06,701 --> 00:15:08,951
Yeah, we're taking him
to the Giants game in San Francisco.

270
00:15:09,035 --> 00:15:10,035
- Yeah!
- Giants!

271
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,951
Well, uh…

272
00:15:12,743 --> 00:15:16,951
My friend over there has come
on this very long trip as a favor to me,

273
00:15:17,035 --> 00:15:20,285
and I was hoping that one of you fellas

274
00:15:20,826 --> 00:15:24,326
could oblige her
in a little harmless male flirtation.

275
00:15:24,951 --> 00:15:27,243
We're trying to be good.
Promised our wives.

276
00:15:28,035 --> 00:15:31,326
As far as a pimp,
I was a total train wreck.

277
00:15:33,951 --> 00:15:35,243
They love their wives.

278
00:15:37,868 --> 00:15:39,368
You were right, Carrie.

279
00:15:40,118 --> 00:15:42,785
It's not New York
that's the problem, it's me.

280
00:15:43,951 --> 00:15:46,701
I am having an exist…

281
00:15:48,951 --> 00:15:50,410
The midlife thing, you know.

282
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,035
This thing has roots.

283
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,660
And I don't know what I'm gonna do.

284
00:15:54,743 --> 00:15:56,951
I mean, I already fuck younger guys,

285
00:15:57,035 --> 00:15:58,660
and I don't want a sports car.

286
00:15:59,451 --> 00:16:01,535
Oh, God, parking in New York is a bitch.

287
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:05,160
I'm sorry about the train.
This was a terrible idea.

288
00:16:05,285 --> 00:16:07,868
- Oh!
- It's all my fault.

289
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,660
All because I had to get laid.

290
00:16:11,826 --> 00:16:12,868
There.

291
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:14,451
Popped it.

292
00:16:14,576 --> 00:16:16,785
All right!

293
00:16:16,993 --> 00:16:19,451
Let's get another bottle to celebrate.

294
00:16:21,076 --> 00:16:23,451
One very long trip later,

295
00:16:23,535 --> 00:16:27,701
Samantha and I dragged our cabooses
into a bookstore near the Golden Gate.

296
00:16:27,951 --> 00:16:29,618
Impressive turnout.

297
00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:31,743
I guess you are big in San Francisco.

298
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:32,910
Oh, my publisher.

299
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:35,951
- Hi!
- You made it in one piece.

300
00:16:36,076 --> 00:16:38,368
Well, that's debatable.

301
00:16:38,451 --> 00:16:40,743
Wow! I can't believe it.

302
00:16:41,076 --> 00:16:43,326
All these people came to hear me read?

303
00:16:43,451 --> 00:16:44,785
- Carrie.
- Yes.

304
00:16:44,868 --> 00:16:46,160
They're not all just for you.

305
00:16:46,285 --> 00:16:47,951
- Oh.
- Mr. Winkle's here.

306
00:16:48,618 --> 00:16:49,618
Who's Mr. Winkle?

307
00:16:54,326 --> 00:16:56,076
He's making an appearance
right after you.

308
00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,576
- You're opening for a dog?
- I know.

309
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:02,868
They had a chance to get Mr. Winkle,
and they jumped at it.

310
00:17:02,951 --> 00:17:04,201
He's huge on the Internet.

311
00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:09,076
Lily, I can't be the opening act
for a dog.

312
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,160
What can I say, Carrie?

313
00:17:10,243 --> 00:17:12,660
The West Coast sales rep
totally fucked me on this.

314
00:17:12,743 --> 00:17:15,410
- Lily, hi!
- Hey. One sec, I'll be right back.

315
00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:19,285
You know, maybe…

316
00:17:19,368 --> 00:17:21,368
Oh, thanks, but don't even
waste your energy.

317
00:17:21,451 --> 00:17:25,285
You know, go back to the hotel,
and get in that giant tub and relax.

318
00:17:25,368 --> 00:17:26,910
I'll see you later, we'll have a meal.

319
00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:29,451
Later? Aren't you going to call Big?

320
00:17:29,535 --> 00:17:31,618
Between the pimple and the puppy,
I'm not up for it.

321
00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:35,160
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, go, go. Take a long bath.

322
00:17:35,243 --> 00:17:36,701
I may never get out.

323
00:17:37,993 --> 00:17:38,993
Bye.

324
00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:52,285
This book tour stuff is rough.

325
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:57,285
That's a cute top.

326
00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:05,410
"As I walked home,
I couldn't help but wonder.

327
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:08,993
Was it Mr. Big, was it New York,

328
00:18:09,785 --> 00:18:10,868
or was it me?'"

329
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,826
Does anyone have a question?

330
00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:18,910
Yes?

331
00:18:19,285 --> 00:18:20,993
When is Mr. Winkle coming out?

332
00:18:21,326 --> 00:18:22,326
Oh.

333
00:18:22,451 --> 00:18:24,576
Uh, in a mere moment.

334
00:18:24,910 --> 00:18:28,660
So, if there are no other questions
about my book…

335
00:18:30,951 --> 00:18:33,201
Uh, yes, I see a hand,
but I can't see the man.

336
00:18:33,451 --> 00:18:35,826
Could, um, could you shift? Sorry.

337
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,910
Yes, I have a question.

338
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,035
Um…

339
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:44,035
This Mr. Big character,
does he have a real name?

340
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,701
Uh… Yes, but I can't reveal it.

341
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,951
I have to protect his privacy.

342
00:18:52,201 --> 00:18:54,243
I no longer cared
about Mr. Winkle.

343
00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:56,160
I had Mr. Big.

344
00:18:58,868 --> 00:19:01,951
Samantha! Samantha!

345
00:19:02,076 --> 00:19:03,993
I'm taking a bubble bath.

346
00:19:05,201 --> 00:19:08,410
You have to get out.
Big's here, I need to have sex.

347
00:19:08,826 --> 00:19:10,035
I'm taking a bath.

348
00:19:10,118 --> 00:19:13,535
I got you a smaller room
all to yourself downstairs.

349
00:19:13,701 --> 00:19:15,701
I can't get in another small room.

350
00:19:16,076 --> 00:19:18,826
Please. I have to get laid.

351
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:20,701
Well…

352
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,410
You better fuck him good.

353
00:19:24,493 --> 00:19:27,410
Because I'm not gonna go through this
again in another six months.

354
00:19:27,493 --> 00:19:28,826
Can you hurry?

355
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,701
I told him to come up
in about half an hour.

356
00:19:30,910 --> 00:19:34,451
So, snap it up. Faster.
Okay, bye-bye. Thank you, sweets.

357
00:19:39,076 --> 00:19:41,326
Oh, God.

358
00:19:51,826 --> 00:19:52,826
Hey, you.

359
00:19:53,118 --> 00:19:55,160
- So, did you hide the body?
- What body?

360
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:56,910
Or whatever it was you needed to do

361
00:19:56,993 --> 00:19:59,951
that kept me wandering around
the hotel gift shop for half an hour.

362
00:20:11,951 --> 00:20:13,035
I got you some gum.

363
00:20:14,993 --> 00:20:17,201
Big Red. The clerk recommended it.

364
00:20:17,535 --> 00:20:18,660
Well…

365
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,118
Aren't you something.

366
00:20:23,368 --> 00:20:24,660
- Want some?
- Sure.

367
00:20:42,243 --> 00:20:43,451
Nice digs.

368
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:47,660
- This will set your publisher back, huh?
- Yeah.

369
00:20:50,076 --> 00:20:51,076
You look good.

370
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:53,118
So do you, kid.

371
00:20:56,910 --> 00:20:58,410
What? What?

372
00:20:58,535 --> 00:21:00,993
My gum. Christ! You surprised me.

373
00:21:03,868 --> 00:21:04,868
Yeah.

374
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,160
- I swallowed it.
- Sorry.

375
00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:09,660
Here, let me kiss it
and make it all better.

376
00:21:14,035 --> 00:21:16,201
- How's that?
- We better go.

377
00:21:17,118 --> 00:21:19,243
- Dinner reservations.
- Oh, I'm not hungry.

378
00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:20,395
We have to go.

379
00:21:20,410 --> 00:21:22,743
I promised my partners
I'd make a little vineyard connection

380
00:21:22,826 --> 00:21:25,076
with the restaurant owner. So, let's go.

381
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,535
We'll have a nice meal and catch up.

382
00:21:29,701 --> 00:21:30,701
Okay.

383
00:21:32,618 --> 00:21:35,451
So, I'm walking through the mall,
and I see your book.

384
00:21:35,785 --> 00:21:37,743
Wait, you were in a mall?

385
00:21:38,118 --> 00:21:39,368
I live in America now.

386
00:21:39,951 --> 00:21:42,076
You've gotta go through them
to get to the outside.

387
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:47,160
Anyway, I pass a bookstore,
and there you are, right in the window

388
00:21:47,243 --> 00:21:50,368
- next to the real books.
- Oh, sir, you are too kind.

389
00:21:50,868 --> 00:21:52,660
- Good cover. Cute.
- Oh.

390
00:21:53,618 --> 00:21:55,368
- Sexy.
- Sexy, huh?

391
00:21:55,868 --> 00:21:56,868
Hmm.

392
00:21:57,076 --> 00:22:00,576
So, I go in. I bought it,
drove right home,

393
00:22:01,118 --> 00:22:06,326
sat on my porch, lit up a cigar,
and I read it cover to cover.

394
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:08,160
- Porch?
- Screen doors and everything.

395
00:22:09,076 --> 00:22:10,076
Well.

396
00:22:10,951 --> 00:22:11,993
What did you think?

397
00:22:15,243 --> 00:22:17,326
I had no idea that I hurt you so much.

398
00:22:18,826 --> 00:22:20,785
I gotta say,
it was tough to see it in print.

399
00:22:21,076 --> 00:22:24,326
- You've read my columns.
- Not all in one sitting, one reading,

400
00:22:24,618 --> 00:22:25,743
one right after the other.

401
00:22:25,826 --> 00:22:28,410
Bam! Bam! Bam!

402
00:22:29,243 --> 00:22:30,910
I really got how much I hurt you.

403
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,660
Oh, come on, that's fiction. Fiction!

404
00:22:35,201 --> 00:22:36,243
I embellished.

405
00:22:36,326 --> 00:22:38,576
No, Carrie,
some of that stuff really happened.

406
00:22:38,910 --> 00:22:41,035
- Word for word.
- It's just writing.

407
00:22:41,118 --> 00:22:43,160
It's all in the past.

408
00:22:43,535 --> 00:22:47,201
Now let's forget all that
and talk about something else.

409
00:22:50,701 --> 00:22:51,993
How's the wine business?

410
00:22:52,743 --> 00:22:53,993
- Great.
- Yeah?

411
00:22:56,368 --> 00:22:58,493
You know that chapter
about my apartment key?

412
00:22:58,618 --> 00:23:00,285
Was I really that big of an asshole?

413
00:23:02,035 --> 00:23:03,160
Oh, my God.

414
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,826
"He was like the city itself…

415
00:23:07,035 --> 00:23:10,243
cold, infuriating and exhausting.

416
00:23:10,326 --> 00:23:11,743
Suddenly,
it became clear to me,

417
00:23:11,826 --> 00:23:13,910
this was not my best-laid plan.

418
00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:16,201
See, that's what I'm talking about.

419
00:23:16,326 --> 00:23:18,826
When have I ever been cold? Am I cold?

420
00:23:18,910 --> 00:23:19,951
No.

421
00:23:20,743 --> 00:23:24,285
You're hot. Very hot.

422
00:23:24,410 --> 00:23:28,201
- What about chapter three?
- That… That was all years ago.

423
00:23:28,701 --> 00:23:29,701
Can…

424
00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:31,410
Can we please stop talking?

425
00:23:34,410 --> 00:23:36,285
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
- What, what, what?

426
00:23:36,993 --> 00:23:39,076
Look, I just don't want you
to get hurt again.

427
00:23:39,201 --> 00:23:40,326
I won't.

428
00:23:40,576 --> 00:23:41,826
It's just sex.

429
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,660
Well according to this book,
it is not just sex.

430
00:23:44,743 --> 00:23:46,785
Look, what happened in New York

431
00:23:46,868 --> 00:23:48,910
was all my fault.
I didn't read the signs.

432
00:23:49,118 --> 00:23:52,493
You were unavailable
and very clear about that.

433
00:23:52,826 --> 00:23:54,076
It was all me.

434
00:23:54,785 --> 00:23:57,326
Now, please, kiss me.

435
00:23:57,910 --> 00:24:00,285
Or at least lie on top of me.

436
00:24:00,660 --> 00:24:03,535
Carrie, I think it's very clear
from this book,

437
00:24:03,660 --> 00:24:06,618
that when it comes to me,
you do not have good judgment.

438
00:24:06,743 --> 00:24:08,160
Now, look at chapter three.

439
00:24:08,243 --> 00:24:11,368
That's fiction.
And it's not even a bestseller.

440
00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:12,701
Here, page 39.

441
00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:14,701
Oh, God.
I can't believe this is happening.

442
00:24:15,243 --> 00:24:17,285
- Are you involved with someone else?
- No.

443
00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:19,618
Oh, it's the pimple, isn't it?

444
00:24:19,993 --> 00:24:24,035
I just don't want to do something here
that I'll be sorry for later.

445
00:24:25,035 --> 00:24:26,243
I'm fine.

446
00:24:26,826 --> 00:24:27,993
Look at me. Put…

447
00:24:28,493 --> 00:24:29,743
Put the book down

448
00:24:30,285 --> 00:24:31,326
and look at me.

449
00:24:32,660 --> 00:24:33,868
I'm fine.

450
00:24:34,618 --> 00:24:35,660
Just fine.

451
00:24:37,826 --> 00:24:38,826
Don't I look fine?

452
00:24:40,076 --> 00:24:41,201
Mmm-hmm.

453
00:24:42,535 --> 00:24:43,535
So…

454
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:48,076
Let's talk just a little more.
Now, look, page 39.

455
00:24:48,785 --> 00:24:49,785
This part.

456
00:24:55,826 --> 00:24:57,993
I love making love to you.

457
00:24:59,076 --> 00:25:02,410
No. That was not love.
That was just sex.

458
00:25:04,410 --> 00:25:07,576
Charlotte, you are so beautiful.

459
00:25:08,326 --> 00:25:11,785
Your skin is so soft, so smooth.

460
00:25:13,535 --> 00:25:14,576
And you…

461
00:25:16,243 --> 00:25:17,576
have a hard dick.

462
00:25:18,201 --> 00:25:19,285
Now…

463
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:21,743
put your pants on and go.

464
00:25:24,576 --> 00:25:25,660
Is that okay?

465
00:25:26,493 --> 00:25:27,618
Whatever you say.

466
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:35,618
There they were,
the bachelorette and the beast.

467
00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:39,618
What about… dinner Saturday night?

468
00:25:41,535 --> 00:25:42,576
Hey.

469
00:25:42,826 --> 00:25:45,118
This is just sex. We're not a couple.

470
00:25:45,201 --> 00:25:46,201
You're just…

471
00:25:46,868 --> 00:25:48,035
a great fuck.

472
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,243
Is that clear?

473
00:25:50,910 --> 00:25:51,910
Clear.

474
00:25:58,951 --> 00:25:59,951
Hello?

475
00:25:59,993 --> 00:26:01,660
Good morning,
it's your wake-up call.

476
00:26:01,785 --> 00:26:03,701
- Oh, what time is it?
- 7:30.

477
00:26:04,493 --> 00:26:06,576
- What time did I say?
- 7:30.

478
00:26:07,535 --> 00:26:10,368
Oh… Okay. Thank you.

479
00:26:14,701 --> 00:26:17,326
After my wake-up call,
I got my real wake-up call.

480
00:26:18,993 --> 00:26:19,993
Thanks to my book,

481
00:26:20,118 --> 00:26:21,951
nothing was ever
going to happen with Big.

482
00:26:28,451 --> 00:26:29,535
Hey.

483
00:26:30,743 --> 00:26:31,785
Where are you going?

484
00:26:32,076 --> 00:26:35,285
I have two book readings this morning
before I head back to New York.

485
00:26:37,410 --> 00:26:38,743
Not so fast.

486
00:26:39,785 --> 00:26:41,660
- Come here.
- Now?

487
00:26:42,618 --> 00:26:46,035
What about last night? All that talk?
All those concerns?

488
00:26:46,576 --> 00:26:47,576
Fuck it.

489
00:26:48,326 --> 00:26:50,285
You'll need material for the sequel.

490
00:26:56,326 --> 00:26:59,743
"Like that freckle on my face
that he once told me he loved,

491
00:27:00,535 --> 00:27:02,618
I could do my best to cover it
during the day,

492
00:27:03,410 --> 00:27:07,326
but at night, after I washed
the city off my face,

493
00:27:07,826 --> 00:27:08,868
there it was,

494
00:27:09,285 --> 00:27:12,326
a tiny brown dot near the tip of my lip.

495
00:27:13,076 --> 00:27:16,118
And I wondered how something so small

496
00:27:16,785 --> 00:27:19,201
could suddenly seem so big."

497
00:27:31,910 --> 00:27:33,201
- Here you go.
- Thank you.

498
00:27:36,576 --> 00:27:39,535
- Luggage in the car. Car at the curb.
- Oh!

499
00:27:39,618 --> 00:27:41,118
Thanks for doing all that.

500
00:27:41,451 --> 00:27:43,826
So, how did it go with Big?

501
00:27:44,118 --> 00:27:45,493
We had sex.

502
00:27:45,785 --> 00:27:47,118
Hallelujah.

503
00:27:47,201 --> 00:27:49,868
Yeah, but it was not
as simple as I had hoped.

504
00:27:50,368 --> 00:27:51,576
What does that mean?

505
00:27:52,326 --> 00:27:56,826
The question-and-answer section
of this reading is now over.

506
00:27:56,910 --> 00:27:59,576
- I'll tell you on the train.
- Train? Get real.

507
00:28:00,285 --> 00:28:02,701
American Airlines, first-class,

508
00:28:03,326 --> 00:28:04,326
and some Valium.

509
00:28:08,910 --> 00:28:11,826
I cannot wait
to get to New York.

510
00:28:11,910 --> 00:28:15,201
- What about the midlife crisis?
- Honey, who's midlife?

511
00:28:18,326 --> 00:28:20,618
And sometimes,
it's not the journey.

512
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:22,493
It's the destination.

513
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:27,326
Birds flying high
You know how I feel

514
00:28:28,868 --> 00:28:33,868
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel