1
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,725
In this ever-expanding galaxy
called New York City,

2
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,725
there are certain heavenly bodies
one orbits around every day.

3
00:00:52,850 --> 00:00:54,600
And then there are those stars

4
00:00:54,683 --> 00:00:57,808
whose gravitational pull one drifts in
and out of over the years.

5
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,766
Is that all there is

6
00:00:59,850 --> 00:01:03,225
Bobby Fine, satellite friend,
piano bar legend.

7
00:01:04,766 --> 00:01:08,350
I usually do this number at home
in a pink caftan and a Peggy Lee wig.

8
00:01:09,475 --> 00:01:12,016
Like you've never done the same thing
after three daiquiris?

9
00:01:13,183 --> 00:01:17,516
But right now, I must take a quick break
to say hello to a celebrity friend.

10
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,308
Is there any other kind?

11
00:01:19,850 --> 00:01:22,558
- Little Miss Carrie Bradshaw.
- Wonderful.

12
00:01:22,808 --> 00:01:23,933
She writes books.

13
00:01:24,183 --> 00:01:26,641
You remember books.
Primitive versions of the DVD.

14
00:01:27,725 --> 00:01:31,933
Stop, please stop. Okay, one more time
for the cheap seats in the back.

15
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,225
Is that all there is

16
00:01:36,808 --> 00:01:41,350
Yes, that's all there is

17
00:01:43,808 --> 00:01:45,350
How long have you two known each other?

18
00:01:45,433 --> 00:01:48,308
Oh, let's put it this way.
Cats was just Kittens.

19
00:01:48,391 --> 00:01:50,766
Cats, the musical.

20
00:01:51,266 --> 00:01:53,350
- Hello?
- Oh, I loved Cats.

21
00:01:53,433 --> 00:01:55,100
Medic.

22
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,850
- It hasn't been that long, has it?
- Please, darling, when we met,

23
00:01:57,975 --> 00:02:00,183
you took aerobics,
and Stanford had hair.

24
00:02:01,225 --> 00:02:03,183
- Bobby.
- Whoa, Bitsy.

25
00:02:03,266 --> 00:02:04,933
- I thought you had a dinner.
- Oh, I do.

26
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,725
The driver is circling,
but I had to run up and say hello.

27
00:02:07,808 --> 00:02:10,475
- Aw.
- Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello.

28
00:02:10,558 --> 00:02:13,558
Bitsy Von Muffling.
This is Carrie, Miranda, Samantha,

29
00:02:13,641 --> 00:02:15,641
and the one who liked Cats.

30
00:02:15,725 --> 00:02:19,766
Bitsy, Samantha Jones.
I did PR for your museum benefit.

31
00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:22,641
Oh, Samantha, of course, I loved you.

32
00:02:23,141 --> 00:02:26,016
I was just so thrilled
that someone actually liked Cats.

33
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:29,475
- Well, I didn't like it that much.
- Waiter, sense of humor, table five.

34
00:02:30,225 --> 00:02:33,266
- So, Samantha, how are you?
- Fabulous. How are you?

35
00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:36,058
Delirious. I'm madly in love
and getting married.

36
00:02:36,183 --> 00:02:38,766
- Oh!
- Big, big, big Hamptons wedding.

37
00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:41,350
- Aw.
- Congratulations! Who's the lucky stud?

38
00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:42,433
Me.

39
00:02:50,725 --> 00:02:52,516
Oh! Oh!

40
00:02:53,308 --> 00:02:55,891
- You're getting married?
- Can you believe it?

41
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:58,141
Bitsy and I are affianced.

42
00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:00,475
I finally found the right girl.

43
00:03:06,016 --> 00:03:08,641
Well, Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle
before he can tinkle.

44
00:03:09,808 --> 00:03:12,100
And, Samantha, I have your address.
You have to come.

45
00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:14,266
- Nice meeting you all.
- Bye.

46
00:03:16,308 --> 00:03:17,516
I thought he was…

47
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,016
- gay.
- Uh, yeah.

48
00:03:19,225 --> 00:03:20,558
"Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle"?

49
00:03:20,641 --> 00:03:22,725
That as to be
the gayest sentence ever uttered.

50
00:03:22,808 --> 00:03:25,725
- He must be marrying her for the money.
- He doesn't need the money.

51
00:03:26,016 --> 00:03:29,058
He was one of the original investors
in A Chorus Line.

52
00:03:29,391 --> 00:03:31,725
Just when you thought
you'd never hear a phrase gayer than,

53
00:03:31,808 --> 00:03:33,891
"Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle."

54
00:03:34,016 --> 00:03:35,808
Why would he be getting married?

55
00:03:36,933 --> 00:03:39,391
In 1988, Bobby Fine announced

56
00:03:39,475 --> 00:03:42,016
that he was going to sell
his piano bar downtown

57
00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:45,266
and go volunteer
with Nicaraguan orphans.

58
00:03:45,641 --> 00:03:47,933
The orphans are still waiting.

59
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,808
This wedding will never happen.

60
00:03:53,308 --> 00:03:55,183
- It's happening.
- Everything's booked.

61
00:03:55,266 --> 00:03:58,016
So the really big question
is where are we going to stay?

62
00:03:58,558 --> 00:04:00,850
That's the really big question?

63
00:04:01,391 --> 00:04:04,016
What about, "Why are these two people
marrying each other?"

64
00:04:04,141 --> 00:04:06,058
- Hmm.
- Is that all there is?

65
00:04:06,141 --> 00:04:07,683
Well, Bitsy said
they were madly in love.

66
00:04:07,766 --> 00:04:10,975
You see, I find the love facade
the most offensive part.

67
00:04:11,391 --> 00:04:12,766
We're adults. We can handle it.

68
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:16,016
Bitsy should say, "I'm getting older
and I want companionship."

69
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,975
Or Bobby should say,
"The hot men don't go for me anymore."

70
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:21,141
But don't print up invitations
and call it love,

71
00:04:21,225 --> 00:04:24,475
as if love transforms people
and changes molecules.

72
00:04:24,558 --> 00:04:25,725
'Cause that's bullshit.

73
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,016
I guess you don't want
to be my date then.

74
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,141
No dates, unless they have
summer houses.

75
00:04:30,225 --> 00:04:32,225
Oh, relax. We can stay with Stanford
and Marcus.

76
00:04:32,308 --> 00:04:34,891
I was a fool to break up
with Richard before Labor Day.

77
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,641
He has a fabulous house.

78
00:04:36,725 --> 00:04:40,141
I wouldn't go to this charade
if you paid me.

79
00:04:40,475 --> 00:04:43,600
It's like there's a pink suede elephant
in the middle of the room,

80
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:45,225
and nobody's allowed to talk about it.

81
00:04:45,308 --> 00:04:46,975
Do you think they won't have sex?

82
00:04:47,058 --> 00:04:50,225
All married couples
stop having sex eventually.

83
00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:52,725
That's not true. You've had sex
with plenty of married people.

84
00:04:52,808 --> 00:04:54,141
That's how I know.

85
00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:55,641
Okay.

86
00:04:56,058 --> 00:04:57,516
Let's say it's companionship.

87
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:01,308
How do you sustain a relationship
without the zsa zsa zsu?

88
00:05:02,141 --> 00:05:03,433
- The what?
- You know,

89
00:05:03,516 --> 00:05:05,516
that butterflies-in-your-stomach thing

90
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,725
that happens when you not only
love the person

91
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,266
but you gotta have them.

92
00:05:09,808 --> 00:05:11,683
Isn't that what gets you
through the years?

93
00:05:11,766 --> 00:05:16,183
Even if it fades, at least,
you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu.

94
00:05:16,308 --> 00:05:18,475
I'm fine with whatever people
want to do.

95
00:05:18,850 --> 00:05:20,016
Just be straight with me.

96
00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:22,183
I think that's how
Bitsy proposed to Bobby.

97
00:05:22,808 --> 00:05:24,308
It was right about then

98
00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:26,641
Charlotte decided
to be straight with us.

99
00:05:26,725 --> 00:05:28,808
I'm seeing someone, sort of.

100
00:05:29,808 --> 00:05:31,433
You're in a "sort of" relationship?

101
00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:34,600
It's ridiculous. He's so not my type.

102
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:36,391
Is he heterosexual?

103
00:05:36,475 --> 00:05:37,558
Yes.

104
00:05:38,391 --> 00:05:42,933
But he's bald and short,
and he talks with his mouth full.

105
00:05:43,016 --> 00:05:45,141
And I don't even want to be seen
in public with him.

106
00:05:45,308 --> 00:05:47,683
And I hate his name, Harry,
because he is.

107
00:05:47,766 --> 00:05:48,975
Everywhere but his head.

108
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:51,475
Wow! Is the sex bad too?

109
00:05:52,641 --> 00:05:54,225
It's the best sex of my life.

110
00:05:56,516 --> 00:05:58,266
I think I might really like him.

111
00:06:00,225 --> 00:06:02,433
You want to go to a wedding
in the Hamptons in a few weeks?

112
00:06:03,308 --> 00:06:05,766
- Bitsy Von Muffling's.
- You're invited to that?

113
00:06:06,016 --> 00:06:07,475
Oh, yeah, I handled her divorce.

114
00:06:07,891 --> 00:06:09,975
I just never thought of you
as a Hamptons type.

115
00:06:10,058 --> 00:06:12,891
I am the Hamptons, baby.
I own a house in Bridge.

116
00:06:14,016 --> 00:06:17,641
Well, I can't go. I'm not really ready
for swimsuit season.

117
00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:19,475
What? You're a fucking knockout.

118
00:06:19,558 --> 00:06:21,058
It's you. It's your back.

119
00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:22,683
What's wrong with my back?

120
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,891
It's very hairy.

121
00:06:25,225 --> 00:06:27,433
You're not supposed to be able
to grab someone's back.

122
00:06:27,850 --> 00:06:30,766
Hey, this is how I was born.
What am I supposed to do about it?

123
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,433
Get it waxed.

124
00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:33,808
I'll tell you what.

125
00:06:34,558 --> 00:06:35,808
You come with me to the wedding,

126
00:06:36,391 --> 00:06:38,516
and I will get my back waxed.

127
00:06:38,641 --> 00:06:39,641
Fine.

128
00:06:40,683 --> 00:06:41,683
Come here, you.

129
00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:44,350
- No! Your hands are all greasy.
- Oh, oh, oh!

130
00:06:48,225 --> 00:06:50,475
That night,
I thought about what it takes

131
00:06:50,558 --> 00:06:53,308
to make a relationship work
till death do us part.

132
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,850
Most singles have more
long-term success with friends.

133
00:07:00,391 --> 00:07:02,850
So maybe it is a better strategy
to marry a friend.

134
00:07:03,641 --> 00:07:07,683
However, in the absence of sex,
whether that's the arrangement,

135
00:07:08,016 --> 00:07:10,058
or just what happens after a few years,

136
00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:13,975
what distinguishes this companion
from your many other companions?

137
00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:16,641
When it comes to saying, "I do,"

138
00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:20,725
is a relationship a relationship
without the zsa zsa zsu?

139
00:07:23,641 --> 00:07:25,100
Or in Samantha's case,

140
00:07:25,391 --> 00:07:28,683
how much is a woman due
for surviving the zsa zsa zsu?

141
00:07:28,766 --> 00:07:31,225
This is Richard.
You have 30 seconds.

142
00:07:31,308 --> 00:07:33,600
I've been thinking,
our pathetic relationship

143
00:07:33,725 --> 00:07:36,600
is as close to marriage
as either one of us ever hopes to get.

144
00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:39,475
So I feel I deserve
some sort of settlement.

145
00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:42,308
Like, say, a weekend at your house
in the Hamptons.

146
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,433
You're not invited.
I'll be having a party.

147
00:07:44,516 --> 00:07:46,016
You're not invited to that either.

148
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,141
Oh, it's Samantha. Call me.

149
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:55,141
A couple of weeks later,

150
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:58,391
another couple of exes
were working out their summer share.

151
00:07:58,766 --> 00:07:59,808
Hi.

152
00:08:00,558 --> 00:08:02,016
- How you doing?
- Hey.

153
00:08:02,391 --> 00:08:03,975
Me and Brady were just napping.

154
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:06,850
I miss napping.

155
00:08:07,766 --> 00:08:09,641
They look down on napping at work.

156
00:08:11,641 --> 00:08:13,683
Oh, it's so hot out.

157
00:08:16,058 --> 00:08:18,516
I was going to give him
one more bottle before I left.

158
00:08:18,975 --> 00:08:21,641
- I can do it.
- I know, but I like it.

159
00:08:22,391 --> 00:08:23,725
It used to be all breast.

160
00:08:24,183 --> 00:08:26,100
Now me and him, we got our bottle thing.

161
00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:30,850
Did Magda bring those?

162
00:08:32,683 --> 00:08:33,766
No, I did.

163
00:08:34,391 --> 00:08:35,641
Ma's garden in Queens.

164
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:40,850
Oh, lilacs.

165
00:08:42,058 --> 00:08:43,433
Yeah.

166
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:46,558
Good flowers.

167
00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,891
Miranda wasn't sure
if it was the smell of the lilacs,

168
00:08:56,975 --> 00:08:58,266
the smell of the baby,

169
00:08:58,558 --> 00:09:00,266
or the smell of Steve's skin.

170
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,600
But that afternoon,

171
00:09:01,891 --> 00:09:04,350
Steve went from ex to sex.

172
00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:07,766
I slept with Steve.

173
00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:10,725
Miranda admitted they were
somewhere between friends and lovers,

174
00:09:10,808 --> 00:09:12,641
somewhere between Manhattan
and the Hamptons.

175
00:09:13,933 --> 00:09:16,683
That's why you decided
to participate in the charade.

176
00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:20,308
- You're fleeing.
- I'm a fucking fugitive. Literally.

177
00:09:20,433 --> 00:09:23,350
- Perhaps it was the zsa zsa zsu.
- No. It was an itch,

178
00:09:23,433 --> 00:09:26,308
which we shouldn't have scratched
because now we're into a gray area.

179
00:09:26,725 --> 00:09:29,391
Not having sex was the only thing
holding our relationship together.

180
00:09:29,558 --> 00:09:31,100
Well, you're fleeing
to the right wedding.

181
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:33,183
- I think that's the theme.
- Seriously.

182
00:09:34,016 --> 00:09:37,975
You can't have a kid with someone
and get along and have great sex

183
00:09:38,225 --> 00:09:39,683
without giving the wrong impression.

184
00:09:40,308 --> 00:09:41,683
That being what, that you're happy?

185
00:09:42,141 --> 00:09:43,266
Fabulous.

186
00:09:44,308 --> 00:09:46,225
Absolutely.

187
00:09:46,808 --> 00:09:48,558
Yeah, bring them along.

188
00:09:49,516 --> 00:09:51,266
I look forward to seeing you, too.

189
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:55,350
This party is going to be amazing.
Strictly A-list.

190
00:09:55,475 --> 00:09:57,183
- Are we still invited?
- Yes.

191
00:09:57,266 --> 00:09:58,683
But shitty-pants there is not.

192
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,641
I have to bring him.
I won't be able to find a sitter.

193
00:10:01,725 --> 00:10:03,975
He's ruining my lunch.
He's not ruining my party.

194
00:10:04,058 --> 00:10:05,225
No babies.

195
00:10:06,225 --> 00:10:08,433
Evidently, there's already
a party pooper.

196
00:10:09,433 --> 00:10:10,516
Ketchup.

197
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,100
Carrie?

198
00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:27,433
Yeah. Hey.

199
00:10:27,933 --> 00:10:29,183
- Hi.
- Jack.

200
00:10:29,433 --> 00:10:31,058
Berger. I know, I remember.

201
00:10:31,141 --> 00:10:33,850
Uh, what's going on here, are you…
are you okay?

202
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,475
Do I need to make a tourniquet
out of a hotdog bun and a twig?

203
00:10:36,558 --> 00:10:38,808
No, it's just…

204
00:10:39,225 --> 00:10:40,266
- Ketchup.
- Yeah.

205
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:42,433
Oh, thanks.

206
00:10:44,016 --> 00:10:46,016
I didn't figure you
for a motorcycle guy.

207
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,641
Turns out I'm not.

208
00:10:48,266 --> 00:10:50,141
I bought it as a reaction
to my break-up.

209
00:10:51,558 --> 00:10:53,183
It was exactly what I wanted.

210
00:10:53,891 --> 00:10:55,850
A Berger with a side of single.

211
00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:58,516
Well, you look good on it.

212
00:10:58,933 --> 00:11:01,975
No. I look good next to it.
On it, I look like this.

213
00:11:04,058 --> 00:11:06,266
In fact, I'm not even really hungry.
I pulled over because…

214
00:11:06,683 --> 00:11:10,225
You know, a bug hit my visor
and my hands are still shaking.

215
00:11:10,516 --> 00:11:11,850
So you're "uneasy rider."

216
00:11:17,308 --> 00:11:19,850
Well, if you make it to the Hamptons,

217
00:11:20,183 --> 00:11:22,766
my friend is having a party
tomorrow afternoon.

218
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,433
- It's at Richard Wright's house.
- I heard about that.

219
00:11:25,516 --> 00:11:28,475
Yeah, that's quite a place.
I pass it on the way to my house.

220
00:11:29,766 --> 00:11:30,975
All right. I'm going to get a soda.

221
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:34,266
My throat's kind of dry
from all the screaming inside my helmet.

222
00:11:37,683 --> 00:11:40,308
- It's nice to see you.
- Yeah, you too, Berger.

223
00:11:41,558 --> 00:11:42,933
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow.

224
00:11:43,308 --> 00:11:44,766
Yeah, If you don't, uh…

225
00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:47,141
Call the Highway Patrol.

226
00:11:47,891 --> 00:11:48,891
Okay. Yeah.

227
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:53,600
Definitely zsa zsa zsu.

228
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,933
The next morning, Samantha prepared
her borrowed beach house

229
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,350
- for the big bash.
- Oh, hello.

230
00:11:59,933 --> 00:12:02,308
I want half the tables
set up near the house

231
00:12:02,391 --> 00:12:03,891
and the others near the pool.

232
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,725
Uh, ladies.

233
00:12:07,141 --> 00:12:10,683
- Um, Cassandra, did you bring my tote?
- Uh, shit, where are my Merits?

234
00:12:10,766 --> 00:12:11,975
Ladies, excuse me.

235
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:13,558
Hi.

236
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,850
The wait staff is to change
in the guest cottage,

237
00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:18,183
down near the entrance.

238
00:12:19,350 --> 00:12:20,850
Aren't you here to waitress?

239
00:12:20,975 --> 00:12:23,225
We go to restaurants.
We don't work in them.

240
00:12:23,391 --> 00:12:25,016
- Where's Richard?
- Richard?

241
00:12:25,350 --> 00:12:26,600
Well, Richard isn't here.

242
00:12:27,016 --> 00:12:28,600
I've got the house this weekend.

243
00:12:30,558 --> 00:12:31,558
Excuse me.

244
00:12:32,391 --> 00:12:34,516
Excuse me. Where are you going?

245
00:12:34,683 --> 00:12:36,808
Richard told us we could hang
by the pool whenever.

246
00:12:37,225 --> 00:12:39,516
Well, you can't pool-hang today.

247
00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:41,516
I'm having a party at 3:00.

248
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,308
Oh, we'll be fried by then.

249
00:12:43,891 --> 00:12:45,725
I have no cell reception at all.

250
00:12:58,433 --> 00:12:59,433
Hey.

251
00:13:01,975 --> 00:13:03,808
Miranda brought the kid.
Don't say anything.

252
00:13:05,433 --> 00:13:08,100
I know you didn't want any babies,
but he's wearing Ralph Lauren,

253
00:13:08,183 --> 00:13:10,433
and I stuck a cork up his ass,
so it ought to be okay.

254
00:13:10,516 --> 00:13:12,391
This is supposed to be an A-list party.

255
00:13:12,766 --> 00:13:15,266
Then who's the Double-D list
by the pool?

256
00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,266
Ugh. They won't leave.

257
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,058
They say Richard lets them
hang out here on weekends.

258
00:13:23,308 --> 00:13:24,725
Fucking freeloaders.

259
00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:28,225
- People in glass houses.
- I am not freeloading.

260
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,891
I went through a lot with Richard.

261
00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:32,558
And people should be rewarded
for not getting married as well.

262
00:13:32,975 --> 00:13:34,933
Frankly, I don't know
why you broke up with him.

263
00:13:35,016 --> 00:13:38,391
What's a little lying and cheating
compared to a pool with a little cabana?

264
00:13:38,933 --> 00:13:41,975
Uh, did you say "no babies"
or "no boobies"?

265
00:13:46,558 --> 00:13:47,600
- Lady?
- Yeah.

266
00:13:47,683 --> 00:13:48,683
And Brady?

267
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,683
That is so inappropriate.

268
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,683
- Greetings from Silicon Valley.
- Shh!

269
00:13:58,766 --> 00:13:59,808
People can hear you.

270
00:13:59,891 --> 00:14:02,016
What, like everyone here
can't see those tits are fake?

271
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:04,100
People as far as Quad
can see those tits are fake.

272
00:14:04,183 --> 00:14:05,558
Would you stop saying "tits"?

273
00:14:07,058 --> 00:14:09,391
Why are you wearing that shirt?
Tropical shirts are out.

274
00:14:09,475 --> 00:14:10,891
This is not tropical.

275
00:14:11,641 --> 00:14:14,100
- It's Tiki.
- Well, please Tiki it off.

276
00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:15,933
Ooh, I thought you'd never ask.

277
00:14:21,225 --> 00:14:23,641
Oh, my God! Your back!

278
00:14:23,725 --> 00:14:26,100
You must've had a bad reaction
to the waxing.

279
00:14:26,225 --> 00:14:27,808
Oh, yeah, I thought
it felt a little itchy.

280
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,433
- Ew.
- Suddenly, a little hair

281
00:14:29,516 --> 00:14:30,850
isn't looking so bad, huh?

282
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:37,350
Carrie, woman to woman,
the sex is amazing.

283
00:14:37,683 --> 00:14:39,766
I've never had a man
make me feel this way.

284
00:14:39,891 --> 00:14:43,391
Oh, why! Hush, Miss Scarlett.
How you do go on.

285
00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:51,183
- Hey.
- Hey.

286
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,891
Well, who ordered the Adonis?

287
00:14:55,766 --> 00:14:58,141
Bobby, Bitsy, this
is my boyfriend Marcus.

288
00:14:58,266 --> 00:15:01,350
For God's sake, man.
Get yourself to a gym once in a while.

289
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:04,016
Look at that body. It's disgusting!

290
00:15:04,891 --> 00:15:05,835
Wow!

291
00:15:05,850 --> 00:15:08,225
I could grate cheese on your abs.

292
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:12,975
Oh! Oh! One large pizza
and hold the salami.

293
00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:14,558
Oh!

294
00:15:14,641 --> 00:15:17,266
Please, put a shirt on
before I marry you.

295
00:15:20,058 --> 00:15:22,975
Oh, no! I haven't touched
a carbohydrate in three months.

296
00:15:23,058 --> 00:15:25,975
- I've got to fit into that dress.
- Honey, please eat something.

297
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,850
Would you look at her? She's Itsy-Bitsy.

298
00:15:28,391 --> 00:15:29,433
Bobby…

299
00:15:29,516 --> 00:15:32,058
Oh, Bobby, I see the Talcotts.
We've got to say hello.

300
00:15:32,391 --> 00:15:34,016
- See you all tomorrow.
- Okay.

301
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:35,391
- Bye.
- Bye, Bobby.

302
00:15:39,516 --> 00:15:40,516
Ow!

303
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,683
I swear and I'm totally serious,
I almost fainted

304
00:15:45,766 --> 00:15:49,641
when he mimed grated cheese on Marcus.

305
00:15:49,766 --> 00:15:52,350
It is so obvious that he wanted him.

306
00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:53,475
Try to keep up.

307
00:15:54,266 --> 00:15:56,100
Bobby… is straight.

308
00:15:56,391 --> 00:15:58,100
- Oh, right.
- What is she doing?

309
00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:00,141
Maybe he just makes her laugh.

310
00:16:04,558 --> 00:16:06,308
Can't you wait till we sit down to eat?

311
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,183
- It's so crass.
- Question.

312
00:16:08,516 --> 00:16:10,933
Is there anything about me today
that doesn't bug you?

313
00:16:11,016 --> 00:16:13,225
Well, people are trying to eat.
You should have your shirt on.

314
00:16:13,308 --> 00:16:15,641
- Mmm.
- And you have sauce on your face.

315
00:16:17,891 --> 00:16:19,016
Now so do you.

316
00:16:21,225 --> 00:16:24,016
Why did she need to tell me
the sex was amazing?

317
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:25,808
Because it is amazing.

318
00:16:26,058 --> 00:16:29,183
She's amazed he's able to get hard
without another penis in the room.

319
00:16:29,891 --> 00:16:31,058
And speaking of dicks,

320
00:16:31,516 --> 00:16:34,600
do you think Richard slept
with any of those cocoa-butter bitches?

321
00:16:34,725 --> 00:16:37,808
No! I'm sure they're just good friends.

322
00:16:38,558 --> 00:16:40,475
Berger.

323
00:16:41,516 --> 00:16:43,100
- Oh, God! How do I look?
- You look great.

324
00:16:43,183 --> 00:16:45,308
- Oh, Jesus! Where's a mirror?
- Oh, here.

325
00:16:47,266 --> 00:16:48,850
- Ta-da.
- Oh, great.

326
00:16:50,391 --> 00:16:51,641
All right, put it down. It's okay.

327
00:16:51,725 --> 00:16:52,933
Thanks for having a party.

328
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,058
How long have you
had a house here?

329
00:16:58,141 --> 00:16:59,141
Three years.

330
00:16:59,641 --> 00:17:01,933
Moments later,
among the butterflies,

331
00:17:02,475 --> 00:17:03,683
I felt butterflies.

332
00:17:04,225 --> 00:17:05,475
There's a really nice garden.

333
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:07,308
- So, you garden?
- No.

334
00:17:07,391 --> 00:17:08,725
No, I have been known to hoe.

335
00:17:09,058 --> 00:17:13,100
But my ex actually planted the garden
so we could enjoy fresh summer salads.

336
00:17:14,225 --> 00:17:17,016
Uh, we didn't quite make it
to the summer, so, uh…

337
00:17:17,391 --> 00:17:19,266
It's more fresh pain
than fresh vegetables.

338
00:17:20,225 --> 00:17:22,058
Yeah, I can't really go out there.

339
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:24,308
Yeah, I know how you feel.
When I broke up with my ex,

340
00:17:24,683 --> 00:17:25,766
I couldn't bring myself

341
00:17:26,183 --> 00:17:28,475
to go within six blocks
of his furniture store.

342
00:17:28,558 --> 00:17:29,641
When did you two break up?

343
00:17:29,933 --> 00:17:33,433
Uh… last year for the second time.
We broke up the first time

344
00:17:33,975 --> 00:17:35,183
the year before that.

345
00:17:35,266 --> 00:17:37,641
Oh, you broke up twice. Way to go.

346
00:17:37,725 --> 00:17:40,600
Yeah, well, we hadn't sufficiently
hurt each other enough

347
00:17:40,683 --> 00:17:41,725
the first time round.

348
00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:43,975
But we definitely took care
of business this time,

349
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,766
because this time, he moved in.

350
00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:48,850
So we had the merging of the things…

351
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:50,683
- Right.
- And the dividing of the things,

352
00:17:50,766 --> 00:17:53,683
and the things that are left behind
that you don't wanna give back

353
00:17:53,766 --> 00:17:55,100
because that seems mean.

354
00:17:55,516 --> 00:17:58,516
And you don't want to throw them away
because it's all you have left.

355
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,225
And it just gets harder as we get older

356
00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:03,475
because we're not dating
wildly inappropriate people anymore.

357
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,933
You know, there's…
There's no, "Phew! Glad that's over."

358
00:18:06,058 --> 00:18:07,475
Right. Right.

359
00:18:07,558 --> 00:18:10,141
And after every break-up, I tell myself,
"I'm never doing this again."

360
00:18:10,225 --> 00:18:12,641
It's too hard.
I mean, how many of these things

361
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,641
can one person survive?

362
00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:17,641
You know, they should institute

363
00:18:17,975 --> 00:18:20,391
- a helmet law for relationships.
- Right. That's…

364
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,891
- That's excellently put.
- Well, thank you.

365
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,016
Well, I should get going. Uh…

366
00:18:30,641 --> 00:18:31,683
It's going to take me

367
00:18:32,183 --> 00:18:34,516
six hours to drive
the two miles home, so…

368
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,141
- Oh.
- Yeah.

369
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,350
Oh.

370
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,516
- My jacket.
- My purse.

371
00:18:41,016 --> 00:18:42,016
Sorry.

372
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:47,600
- Oh, I hope there aren't grass stains.
- No, no. It's old.

373
00:18:50,016 --> 00:18:51,683
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

374
00:18:51,766 --> 00:18:54,225
The man could not get away
from me fast enough.

375
00:18:54,975 --> 00:18:57,933
Apparently, it's a short road
from comisery to misery.

376
00:18:59,933 --> 00:19:01,975
Oh! Oh! Oh, are you okay?

377
00:19:04,433 --> 00:19:05,475
Yeah, okay.

378
00:19:18,141 --> 00:19:20,975
Perfect!
Everything's going out right on time.

379
00:19:21,641 --> 00:19:23,641
Um, there's no Tab in here.

380
00:19:23,766 --> 00:19:26,850
- What are you doing in my refrigerator?
- It's Richard's refrigerator.

381
00:19:26,975 --> 00:19:28,516
I stocked it.

382
00:19:29,183 --> 00:19:30,891
Did you see any Rice Krispie treats?

383
00:19:30,975 --> 00:19:33,183
Richard usually
leaves those around for us.

384
00:19:33,266 --> 00:19:34,391
No, I didn't.

385
00:19:34,933 --> 00:19:37,058
And those lemons are for the drinks.

386
00:19:37,141 --> 00:19:39,850
- Drinks I paid for.
- Whatever.

387
00:19:39,975 --> 00:19:41,766
And I also paid for the food.

388
00:19:41,891 --> 00:19:43,475
In fact, the only thing at this party

389
00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:46,475
that you two actually paid for
are your breasts!

390
00:19:47,725 --> 00:19:48,766
Jealous?

391
00:19:49,183 --> 00:19:51,600
Oh, yes. I'm jealous.

392
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,475
I'm just dying to look like…

393
00:19:54,766 --> 00:19:55,850
this.

394
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:58,808
Well, maybe if you did,
you'd be out here with Richard.

395
00:19:59,558 --> 00:20:01,766
Snap!

396
00:20:12,975 --> 00:20:14,058
What, are you crazy?

397
00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:18,725
Evidently,
people who borrow glass houses

398
00:20:18,808 --> 00:20:20,266
shouldn't throw cantaloupes.

399
00:20:21,725 --> 00:20:24,641
The next morning,
while Stanford and Marcus had Brady,

400
00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,600
Miranda and I had brunch.

401
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:27,850
How about these muffins?

402
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,475
How about these eggs?

403
00:20:29,558 --> 00:20:31,808
- How about these napkins?
- How about these plates?

404
00:20:31,933 --> 00:20:33,100
How about we marry gay guys?

405
00:20:33,225 --> 00:20:35,391
How about maybe now
I won't have a choice?

406
00:20:35,933 --> 00:20:36,933
Was it really that bad?

407
00:20:37,183 --> 00:20:38,183
Bye-bye, Berger.

408
00:20:38,683 --> 00:20:39,808
One minute we were laughing,

409
00:20:40,141 --> 00:20:42,058
the next minute,
he had to get away from me so fast,

410
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,850
he left skid marks. Seriously.
I can show them to you.

411
00:20:45,308 --> 00:20:46,308
Jam, please.

412
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:51,558
I know what I did.
I revealed too much, too soon.

413
00:20:52,016 --> 00:20:53,808
I was emotionally slutty.

414
00:20:53,891 --> 00:20:55,475
- That's not like you.
- It wasn't me.

415
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,975
It was the zsa zsa zsu.
It makes me crazy.

416
00:20:58,433 --> 00:21:00,975
Bitsy Von Muffling-Fine
may have the right idea.

417
00:21:01,058 --> 00:21:04,225
Maybe we should stop looking
for a great relationship

418
00:21:04,891 --> 00:21:06,683
and settle for a fine one.

419
00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:11,183
I'd marry Steve in a second
if he were gay. Ugh.

420
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:13,183
Everything would be so easy.

421
00:21:13,266 --> 00:21:16,183
So, a gay area
is better than a gray area?

422
00:21:16,266 --> 00:21:18,891
Oh, yeah. More coffee. You want some?

423
00:21:21,141 --> 00:21:23,516
- Great coffee.
- Tell me something I don't know.

424
00:21:28,225 --> 00:21:30,266
- What?
- You did it, Stany.

425
00:21:30,975 --> 00:21:33,100
Great man, great house…

426
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:34,975
Great relationship.

427
00:21:35,350 --> 00:21:38,516
We've all been looking
and you actually found it.

428
00:21:39,308 --> 00:21:40,641
Marcus and I haven't had sex

429
00:21:40,725 --> 00:21:42,600
since we bought
the Cynthia Rowley china.

430
00:21:43,808 --> 00:21:46,183
Thank God! I am so relieved.

431
00:21:46,975 --> 00:21:48,058
Bitsy Von Muffling,

432
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,725
the first time I saw you,

433
00:21:50,516 --> 00:21:51,516
I fell in love.

434
00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:54,683
You walked in
wearing that red vintage Dior…

435
00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:56,850
Pink elephant in the room.

436
00:21:57,850 --> 00:21:59,933
Do you mind?
I am listening to the bride and…

437
00:22:00,433 --> 00:22:01,433
bride.

438
00:22:02,558 --> 00:22:04,141
My dear Bobby Fine…

439
00:22:04,850 --> 00:22:07,766
Something tells me
Bitsy isn't doing Fine.

440
00:22:08,475 --> 00:22:11,725
And that's the little piece
of information she's been Von Muffling.

441
00:22:12,850 --> 00:22:14,225
You are there for me
in the morning

442
00:22:14,933 --> 00:22:16,225
and there for me at night.

443
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:18,141
There in the good,

444
00:22:18,808 --> 00:22:19,808
there in the bad.

445
00:22:20,975 --> 00:22:22,225
There in my thoughts,

446
00:22:23,016 --> 00:22:24,225
there in my dreams.

447
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,975
But most of all, my darling,

448
00:22:27,683 --> 00:22:29,516
you are there in my heart…

449
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:31,558
forever.

450
00:22:32,016 --> 00:22:33,975
Perhaps we were all
much too cynical.

451
00:22:34,725 --> 00:22:36,766
Perhaps, somehow, despite the odds,

452
00:22:37,308 --> 00:22:39,683
Bobby and Bitsy
had found something real.

453
00:22:39,766 --> 00:22:42,225
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

454
00:22:43,058 --> 00:22:44,058
You may kiss the bride.

455
00:22:48,975 --> 00:22:50,516
Ah! Ooh!

456
00:22:51,016 --> 00:22:53,266
One more time
for the cheap seats at the back.

457
00:23:20,225 --> 00:23:23,058
Looks like somebody over here
is about to dance.

458
00:23:26,475 --> 00:23:28,766
I think you may have sold
this one a little short.

459
00:23:28,933 --> 00:23:29,933
Me, too.

460
00:23:30,558 --> 00:23:33,683
With a little time
and the right astringents,

461
00:23:34,141 --> 00:23:35,141
who knows?

462
00:23:35,558 --> 00:23:38,016
There's nothing on my face,
nothing in my teeth.

463
00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:40,183
I'm sure you'll hate
my moves on the dance floor,

464
00:23:40,266 --> 00:23:42,558
but that is the risk
that every man must take.

465
00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:48,266
What a beautiful night.

466
00:23:49,475 --> 00:23:52,100
It's too bad I blew my only chance
at a boyfriend this year.

467
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:54,891
You want to hold my boyfriend?

468
00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:58,058
Ah, I think
I'm gonna drown my sorrows

469
00:23:58,141 --> 00:23:59,475
in another piece of cake.

470
00:24:00,641 --> 00:24:02,975
And if anybody asks, I had two,

471
00:24:03,641 --> 00:24:04,683
not three.

472
00:24:15,308 --> 00:24:16,475
Do you smell that, Brady?

473
00:24:17,266 --> 00:24:18,308
It's lilac.

474
00:24:22,725 --> 00:24:26,516
Should we call Daddy
and tell him we miss him? Huh?

475
00:24:32,766 --> 00:24:36,183
Hey, it's me, Steve.
I'm not here. Leave a message.

476
00:24:49,808 --> 00:24:50,808
Yeah.

477
00:24:59,058 --> 00:25:00,225
Do you believe this wedding?

478
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,183
Funny where life has taken us, huh?

479
00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:08,391
I remember when we went
to these things just for the free food.

480
00:25:08,891 --> 00:25:10,308
I have dinner rolls in my purse.

481
00:25:13,725 --> 00:25:14,725
There's my song.

482
00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:18,808
And there's my girl.

483
00:25:21,891 --> 00:25:22,933
Whom I love.

484
00:25:24,558 --> 00:25:26,391
In case you had any money riding on it.

485
00:25:27,141 --> 00:25:28,141
Not a penny.

486
00:25:30,725 --> 00:25:34,725
Is that all there is

487
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:39,350
If that's all there is, my friends

488
00:25:39,766 --> 00:25:42,183
Then let's keep dancing…

489
00:25:42,266 --> 00:25:43,266
Look out.

490
00:25:43,516 --> 00:25:45,975
She's got a piece of fruit,
and she's not afraid to throw it.

491
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:47,975
Can we not talk about that?

492
00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:50,683
Okay. But we'll be the only ones here.

493
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,350
Look, I'm just glad Brady
wasn't the biggest baby at the party.

494
00:25:56,475 --> 00:25:59,308
I guess I went a little crazy,
being at Richard's house.

495
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,933
Around his party-crashing pussy posse.

496
00:26:03,558 --> 00:26:05,641
What do you call zsa zsa zsu gone bad?

497
00:26:07,058 --> 00:26:08,350
Zsa zsa ew.

498
00:26:17,016 --> 00:26:20,850
Then I fell in love with
The most wonderful boy in the world

499
00:26:21,225 --> 00:26:25,141
- Bitsy, honey, everything was perfect.
- It was.

500
00:26:25,225 --> 00:26:26,433
Oh, except for the dessert.

501
00:26:26,516 --> 00:26:29,141
The top layer of the crème brûlée
just wasn't hard enough.

502
00:26:30,391 --> 00:26:32,350
Yeah, that's the problem
with this wedding.

503
00:26:32,433 --> 00:26:34,433
The crème brûlée isn't hard enough.

504
00:26:34,516 --> 00:26:35,641
And then one day

505
00:26:36,350 --> 00:26:40,641
He went away and I thought I would die
But I didn't

506
00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:44,391
And when I didn't, I said to myself

507
00:26:44,975 --> 00:26:47,016
Is that all there is to love?

508
00:26:47,475 --> 00:26:51,683
I'm not technically crashing.
I was having lunch in town today,

509
00:26:51,766 --> 00:26:53,683
and for some reason,
the groom invited me.

510
00:26:54,225 --> 00:26:57,558
Is that all there is…

511
00:26:57,641 --> 00:26:58,641
Shall we?

512
00:26:59,725 --> 00:27:00,725
Sure.

513
00:27:00,766 --> 00:27:02,183
If that's all there is, my friends

514
00:27:02,725 --> 00:27:05,433
Then let's keep dancing…

515
00:27:05,516 --> 00:27:06,516
Harry.

516
00:27:06,933 --> 00:27:09,058
What? Now you want me
to wax my eyebrows?

517
00:27:09,683 --> 00:27:11,516
I think I may be falling
in love with you.

518
00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:14,558
I've been falling for you
since the moment we met.

519
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,141
- But I never thought…
- What?

520
00:27:18,558 --> 00:27:20,766
Come on, you could have
any blue-blooded guy here.

521
00:27:21,433 --> 00:27:23,058
- I'm…
- You're wonderful.

522
00:27:24,308 --> 00:27:25,308
And Jewish.

523
00:27:26,558 --> 00:27:29,475
- So?
- So, where can this go?

524
00:27:30,475 --> 00:27:31,475
I don't know.

525
00:27:32,891 --> 00:27:34,975
- Let's find out.
- Charlotte.

526
00:27:36,891 --> 00:27:38,350
I have to marry a Jew.

527
00:27:40,475 --> 00:27:43,808
She can marry a gay guy
and you can't marry an Episcopalian?

528
00:27:47,308 --> 00:27:48,350
What do we do now?

529
00:27:49,350 --> 00:27:50,350
I don't know.

530
00:27:51,225 --> 00:27:52,225
Dance?

531
00:27:53,475 --> 00:27:56,350
Apparently,
Charlotte had a zsa zsa Jew.

532
00:28:03,058 --> 00:28:04,100
You're awful quiet.

533
00:28:04,725 --> 00:28:06,933
- And I intend to stay that way.
- No.

534
00:28:07,391 --> 00:28:08,475
You were fine.

535
00:28:09,475 --> 00:28:11,933
I just wasn't sure
if I was up for all that again.

536
00:28:13,641 --> 00:28:14,683
Then I thought…

537
00:28:15,391 --> 00:28:16,725
Then you thought what?

538
00:28:18,308 --> 00:28:20,808
Maybe we should go out on a date
before we break up.

539
00:28:33,183 --> 00:28:34,933
When it comes to relationships,

540
00:28:35,266 --> 00:28:38,141
maybe we're all in glass houses
and shouldn't throw stones.

541
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:40,683
Because you can never really know.

542
00:28:42,558 --> 00:28:44,058
Some people are settling down.

543
00:28:45,433 --> 00:28:46,808
Some people are settling.

544
00:28:47,850 --> 00:28:50,016
And some people refuse to settle

545
00:28:50,475 --> 00:28:51,516
for anything less…

546
00:28:53,933 --> 00:28:54,933
than butterflies.