1
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,738
The only thing
as delicious as those first few bites

2
00:00:49,821 --> 00:00:51,363
of a truly great burger

3
00:00:51,696 --> 00:00:54,780
are those first few dates
with someone truly great…

4
00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:55,931
Like Berger.

5
00:00:55,946 --> 00:00:59,488
All right, so I thought, "That's cool,
I'll do a book reading in my hometown."

6
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,696
Right about after the fifth question,

7
00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:04,196
I realized that my mother
is heckling me.

8
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,780
- She was not.
- No, no. She was.

9
00:01:05,863 --> 00:01:07,113
Ask anybody at the Downers Grove,

10
00:01:07,196 --> 00:01:09,613
Barnes and Noble, all right.
They still talk about it.

11
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:11,863
Come here.

12
00:01:14,488 --> 00:01:17,488
Everything is fresh.
Everything is a first.

13
00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:21,530
- You like your beef?
- Everything is foreplay.

14
00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:26,780
Even a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond
can become an ecstatic errand.

15
00:01:26,863 --> 00:01:28,738
I don't see you as a fish person.

16
00:01:28,821 --> 00:01:31,863
Yeah the problem with the fish is,
then you're into the whole fish theme.

17
00:01:31,946 --> 00:01:34,071
You have the fish soap, fish bath mat.

18
00:01:34,155 --> 00:01:36,738
It's a pyramid scheme,
this shower curtain.

19
00:01:36,946 --> 00:01:38,446
Now this one,

20
00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:40,488
- this is the one I have at home.
- Mm-hm.

21
00:01:40,571 --> 00:01:42,405
Except on mine, China's covered in mold.

22
00:01:42,488 --> 00:01:44,571
And here they thought communism
was a problem.

23
00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:45,598
Mm.

24
00:01:45,613 --> 00:01:49,363
You know, it's a very intimate thing,
shopping for shower curtains.

25
00:01:49,446 --> 00:01:52,071
Oh, yeah?
Wait till I get you into bedding.

26
00:01:54,488 --> 00:01:56,780
And of course,
those first kisses

27
00:01:57,196 --> 00:01:59,613
are the greatest kisses in the world.

28
00:02:04,655 --> 00:02:05,696
Good night.

29
00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:11,863
All right. We should get out of here
before they turn the lights off.

30
00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:13,988
Oh… Well…

31
00:02:14,071 --> 00:02:16,155
The waitstaff
couldn't wait any longer.

32
00:02:16,238 --> 00:02:17,238
And neither could I.

33
00:02:17,321 --> 00:02:20,488
I wanted Berger
in my bed, bath and beyond.

34
00:02:20,571 --> 00:02:21,515
Immediately.

35
00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:25,196
I'm either leaving a very big tip
or a dry cleaning receipt.

36
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,363
- Ow, my hair.
- Oh! Sorry.

37
00:02:37,446 --> 00:02:39,530
- Was that…
- Yeah, no, I just…

38
00:03:00,696 --> 00:03:03,530
The next night Samantha
convinced us to go to Raw

39
00:03:03,655 --> 00:03:06,905
where the scene was hot
and the food was not.

40
00:03:07,113 --> 00:03:10,280
You'd think a place that eliminated
cooking could eliminate waiting.

41
00:03:10,363 --> 00:03:11,988
What do you mean,
they don't cook the food here?

42
00:03:12,071 --> 00:03:15,863
That's why they call it Raw.
The Raw Food Movement? People love it.

43
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:19,113
Sting, Demi, Soon-Yi, soon me.

44
00:03:19,196 --> 00:03:20,905
Now, what is raw food exactly?

45
00:03:20,988 --> 00:03:25,071
Vegan non-dairy, and nothing
is cooked over 118 degrees.

46
00:03:25,196 --> 00:03:27,405
So, in other words, raw vegetables.

47
00:03:27,488 --> 00:03:30,405
- And sometimes flowers.
- And you knew about this?

48
00:03:30,488 --> 00:03:33,280
- I read a review in The Times.
- Where, in the gardening section?

49
00:03:33,363 --> 00:03:36,988
- I heard it's delicious.
- People, the emperor has no oven.

50
00:03:38,738 --> 00:03:42,155
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I didn't get enough sleep last night.

51
00:03:42,238 --> 00:03:44,946
Really? Did you finally bugger Berger?

52
00:03:45,113 --> 00:03:46,613
How long have you been
waiting to say that?

53
00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:49,405
- It just occurred to me.
- Yes we finally buggered.

54
00:03:49,488 --> 00:03:50,655
Yay!

55
00:03:50,738 --> 00:03:52,696
You realize you are now
applauding intercourse?

56
00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:54,988
Well, it was their first time
and she really likes him.

57
00:03:55,113 --> 00:03:57,030
Jones. Your table is ready.

58
00:04:02,988 --> 00:04:04,321
So, details.

59
00:04:04,571 --> 00:04:07,113
Uh… it was good. It was fine.

60
00:04:07,405 --> 00:04:09,571
- Fine?
- I don't really wanna talk about it.

61
00:04:09,655 --> 00:04:11,530
- He couldn't get it up?
- He could get it up.

62
00:04:11,613 --> 00:04:15,488
That wasn't the… You know what?
There was no problem. Moving on.

63
00:04:18,321 --> 00:04:20,363
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.

64
00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:28,530
What? I don't wanna make
a big deal about it.

65
00:04:28,613 --> 00:04:29,946
It was just the first time.

66
00:04:32,655 --> 00:04:34,696
We're so good everywhere else.

67
00:04:34,863 --> 00:04:37,280
We're great in restaurants,
it's like poppity pop-pop.

68
00:04:37,363 --> 00:04:40,821
And the kisses are great.
And then in bed…

69
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:44,155
There was…
there was no sexual chemistry.

70
00:04:44,905 --> 00:04:46,821
I don't know what happened. He just…

71
00:04:47,196 --> 00:04:50,446
- Couldn't find you clit?
- He knows what he's doing.

72
00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:52,446
Then what are we talking about?

73
00:04:53,155 --> 00:04:56,321
It was… it was just quiet.

74
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,196
I wouldn't worry
about it, Carrie.

75
00:04:58,321 --> 00:05:01,030
If the kisses were great, then the sex
will eventually be good.

76
00:05:01,113 --> 00:05:03,030
- I'm not worried.
- How quiet was it?

77
00:05:03,113 --> 00:05:06,405
It was so quiet that at one point
I heard the M-11 bus.

78
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:08,821
I heard the doors open,
I heard people getting off.

79
00:05:08,946 --> 00:05:12,696
Well at least someone was getting off.
And speaking of…

80
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,905
Hey. Welcome to Raw.

81
00:05:14,988 --> 00:05:16,613
Hello.

82
00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:23,030
We'd like to get you started
with a little amuse-bouche.

83
00:05:23,571 --> 00:05:25,405
I'd like him to amuse my bouche.

84
00:05:25,571 --> 00:05:29,071
- Well, this just looks delicious.
- It's our summer vegetable soup.

85
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,571
I see you guys are set for drinks,

86
00:05:30,655 --> 00:05:32,238
so I'll give you a minute
with the menus.

87
00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:34,321
And… Oh, our specials tonight
if you're interested.

88
00:05:34,405 --> 00:05:36,946
Oh I'm extremely interested.

89
00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:39,196
Leek papaya patties
and zucchini enchiladas.

90
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,738
Mm.

91
00:05:40,863 --> 00:05:42,530
I'm gonna need a pizza after this.

92
00:05:42,613 --> 00:05:44,905
I'm gonna need a napkin
to dry off my seat.

93
00:05:44,988 --> 00:05:46,655
That waiter was hot.

94
00:05:47,405 --> 00:05:49,613
- And the soup is not.
- What is this?

95
00:05:49,696 --> 00:05:52,738
Bad. This is bad.
It is like lawn in a bowl.

96
00:05:52,821 --> 00:05:55,655
Maybe something should be
over 118 degrees.

97
00:05:55,738 --> 00:05:56,905
Like sex, for example?

98
00:05:56,988 --> 00:05:59,530
Can we please forget I said
anything? Seriously.

99
00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:01,863
Who else has news?

100
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:03,515
I do.

101
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,863
But you're gonna have
to put down your menus

102
00:06:04,946 --> 00:06:06,530
because I need your undivided attention.

103
00:06:06,613 --> 00:06:10,405
Well, you'll have to shoot our waiter.
Will you look at that ass.

104
00:06:12,613 --> 00:06:13,738
Do you mind?

105
00:06:14,655 --> 00:06:17,655
I have something a bit shocking to say.

106
00:06:18,155 --> 00:06:20,321
And after I say it,
I don't want anyone to react

107
00:06:20,405 --> 00:06:22,530
because I'm very happy with my decision.

108
00:06:25,321 --> 00:06:27,113
I'm becoming a Jew.

109
00:06:30,988 --> 00:06:33,488
- What?
- I can feel you reacting.

110
00:06:34,155 --> 00:06:37,571
I love Harry very much and he loves me.

111
00:06:37,738 --> 00:06:41,696
So tomorrow, I'm meeting with
the rabbi to discuss converting.

112
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:43,780
Isn't that a lot of hoop-jumping
for a man?

113
00:06:43,863 --> 00:06:48,405
Look. Harry's not who I expected
to fall in love with, but I did.

114
00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:52,196
And he makes me laugh,
and he says what he means…

115
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,696
And I feel like I can be
myself around him.

116
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,363
But yourself is Episcopalian.

117
00:06:56,446 --> 00:07:00,988
And it is still the most exciting
sex I've ever had.

118
00:07:01,196 --> 00:07:02,655
Mazel tov.

119
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,363
Now this is food.
And you know what's even better?

120
00:07:06,530 --> 00:07:08,155
While I'm eating this slice of pizza,

121
00:07:08,238 --> 00:07:10,571
my boyfriend is home taping
my favorite TV show.

122
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:12,905
And to which boyfriend are we referring?

123
00:07:12,988 --> 00:07:14,655
- My boyfriend TiVo.
- Ah!

124
00:07:15,238 --> 00:07:19,238
- You've traded Steve-o for TiVo.
- We don't talk of Steve-o anymore.

125
00:07:19,321 --> 00:07:21,488
- I thought if I changed his name…
- Who needs him?

126
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,571
With TiVo, when there's something
I don't enjoy,

127
00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:26,321
- I just speed right through it.
- If only we could do that in life.

128
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:29,363
Exactly. And he surprises me
with things he think I might like.

129
00:07:29,446 --> 00:07:31,155
Which is how I got
hooked on Jules and Mimi.

130
00:07:31,321 --> 00:07:32,905
I stopped watching television
when people

131
00:07:32,988 --> 00:07:34,530
started putting leaches
down their pants.

132
00:07:34,613 --> 00:07:36,863
No. No. No. This is BBC America.

133
00:07:36,946 --> 00:07:39,030
It's about a beautiful black man
from Brixton

134
00:07:39,113 --> 00:07:40,738
and a white woman from Hampstead Heath.

135
00:07:41,155 --> 00:07:44,280
I don't know what that means exactly,
but apparently there's a great divide.

136
00:07:44,613 --> 00:07:49,821
And he rents the flat above her hat shop
and tonight, they're finally having sex.

137
00:07:49,988 --> 00:07:51,988
Well, good luck to them.

138
00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,988
- Carrie, it was the first time.
- I know.

139
00:07:55,113 --> 00:07:56,613
And sometimes you have to work at it.

140
00:07:56,696 --> 00:07:58,155
Have you ever had to work at it?

141
00:07:58,238 --> 00:08:00,238
I'm dating a digital recording device.

142
00:08:00,363 --> 00:08:03,196
Well, I have never had to work at it
with someone I really like.

143
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,863
You should probably keep
that to yourself.

144
00:08:04,946 --> 00:08:07,155
Okay, but Miranda…

145
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,821
I gotta tell you. It was not good.

146
00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:15,446
There was no… no…
No throw-down.

147
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:18,780
- It was more like a slowdown.
- Hm.

148
00:08:18,863 --> 00:08:22,321
And it caught me completely off guard
because I thought it would be amazing.

149
00:08:22,405 --> 00:08:24,030
- Well, maybe that's the problem.
- What?

150
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,905
Your expectations were too high.
Of course you were disappointed.

151
00:08:27,113 --> 00:08:28,738
From now on,
people should tell it like it is.

152
00:08:28,821 --> 00:08:30,530
First time sex? Tricky.

153
00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:33,780
Non-dairy vegan ravioli?
Kindergarten paste.

154
00:08:42,446 --> 00:08:45,696
As I tried to scrub the smell
of uncooked okra off me…

155
00:08:46,071 --> 00:08:49,655
I started thinking about sexpectations.

156
00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:55,613
We're aware as smart, single women
that we can't expect perfection

157
00:08:55,696 --> 00:08:59,030
but life still manages
to throw us curve balls.

158
00:08:59,113 --> 00:09:02,155
Maybe once
you're into your mid-thirties,

159
00:09:02,363 --> 00:09:03,988
it shouldn't be called dating,

160
00:09:04,071 --> 00:09:07,613
it should be called
"waiting for the other shoe to drop."

161
00:09:08,405 --> 00:09:13,071
If it's not the sex between me and you,
then someone has to become a Jew.

162
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:16,071
Why is it always something?

163
00:09:16,863 --> 00:09:20,488
Unless you're in a problem-free
relationship with TiVo.

164
00:09:23,946 --> 00:09:27,280
No. No. Maybe later.

165
00:09:27,613 --> 00:09:30,155
Hello.

166
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,363
Shut up, shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up.

167
00:09:34,863 --> 00:09:36,613
Thank you.

168
00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:45,738
Jules. Are you there?

169
00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:48,530
Hello, Mimi.

170
00:09:49,363 --> 00:09:51,738
Do you always answer
the door without your shirt on?

171
00:09:52,071 --> 00:09:55,696
The heat isn't working
and that's why I rang you up.

172
00:09:56,988 --> 00:10:01,488
Seems to be working.
It's definitely balmy in here.

173
00:10:01,571 --> 00:10:03,321
No. The problem is in the bedroom.

174
00:10:03,738 --> 00:10:07,155
Right. Of course. The bedroom.

175
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:12,696
The next day, Charlotte boldly
went where no York had gone before.

176
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,613
The synagogue.

177
00:10:18,738 --> 00:10:21,530
Shalom. Where would I find the rabbi?

178
00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:24,321
His study. Inside.

179
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:25,655
Thank you.

180
00:10:31,488 --> 00:10:33,780
- Are you the rabbi?
- Yes.

181
00:10:33,863 --> 00:10:35,530
Hi, my name is Charlotte York

182
00:10:35,613 --> 00:10:39,071
and I'm here today because I would like
to consider joining the Jewish faith.

183
00:10:39,446 --> 00:10:40,988
We're not interested.

184
00:10:49,946 --> 00:10:52,780
Hello. I need to report a very rude man.

185
00:10:52,863 --> 00:10:54,821
I was just saying that my name
is Charlotte York

186
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,905
and I would like to consider
joining the Jewish…

187
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,613
I don't know what is with these people.
I never…

188
00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:06,863
Do you know how
much I love you for doing this?

189
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,071
Do you know how sexy you look?

190
00:11:09,238 --> 00:11:11,155
That's it.
I have to have you immediately.

191
00:11:12,196 --> 00:11:13,821
Harry definitely had throwdown

192
00:11:13,905 --> 00:11:16,196
but Charlotte was too thrown
and down to care.

193
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,988
Stop, Harry. I'm feeling very rejected
by your people.

194
00:11:20,905 --> 00:11:24,280
That's the game, baby.
They try to make it hard for you.

195
00:11:24,946 --> 00:11:26,780
- What?
- It's part of the process.

196
00:11:26,863 --> 00:11:30,196
Traditionally, they turn you down three
times to make sure you're serious.

197
00:11:30,571 --> 00:11:32,571
Suddenly Charlotte understood.

198
00:11:32,946 --> 00:11:34,780
They were playing hard to get.

199
00:11:35,196 --> 00:11:36,780
They were rules rabbis.

200
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:39,238
I can play that game.

201
00:11:41,071 --> 00:11:43,155
I invented that game.

202
00:11:43,988 --> 00:11:48,280
- No man rejects Charlotte York.
- I don't care what any rabbi says.

203
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:51,405
- You are my chosen person.
- Oh!

204
00:11:53,696 --> 00:11:56,405
Miranda was looking forward
to another perfect night

205
00:11:56,488 --> 00:11:58,030
with her perfect boyfriend.

206
00:11:58,238 --> 00:12:00,988
But unfortunately,
there was another woman.

207
00:12:01,071 --> 00:12:02,571
I think I did something bad.

208
00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:04,946
What do you mean? Brady?
I just checked on him.

209
00:12:05,030 --> 00:12:07,696
No, boy is beautiful, is fine.

210
00:12:11,821 --> 00:12:12,821
TiVo?

211
00:12:14,696 --> 00:12:17,738
What did you do?
Exactly, what did you do?

212
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:20,988
I sit on…

213
00:12:22,863 --> 00:12:25,405
- and then nothing.
- You sat on TiVo?

214
00:12:25,905 --> 00:12:27,280
Is it okay?

215
00:12:29,446 --> 00:12:31,988
Nothing is recorded.
How could you do this?

216
00:12:32,071 --> 00:12:34,613
This is Jules and Mimi,
the morning after.

217
00:12:34,738 --> 00:12:37,905
No. No. No. No. No.

218
00:12:37,988 --> 00:12:38,988
Yes.

219
00:12:40,946 --> 00:12:45,071
And across town,
I lay in bed willing Berger to call me,

220
00:12:45,238 --> 00:12:46,488
which never works.

221
00:12:51,655 --> 00:12:53,613
- Hello.
- Hey, it's me.

222
00:12:54,363 --> 00:12:55,696
I'm sorry for not calling earlier.

223
00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:57,946
And I know this is
the same excuse that every guy gives

224
00:12:58,071 --> 00:12:59,196
but in my case it is true.

225
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,905
A 60-foot raccoon
was attacking the village.

226
00:13:01,988 --> 00:13:04,946
And I had to trap it and kill it
and stuff it.

227
00:13:05,113 --> 00:13:06,280
And everybody's safe now.

228
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:10,863
Even the little Flanders girl
who was stuck in a tree.

229
00:13:12,071 --> 00:13:15,321
But I might have rabies.
What have you been up to?

230
00:13:15,405 --> 00:13:18,863
Oh, same old, same old.
Did The Times crossword puzzle,

231
00:13:18,946 --> 00:13:20,530
found a cure for cancer.

232
00:13:20,738 --> 00:13:23,696
- You did The Time's cross word puzzle?
- Monday's not Sunday's.

233
00:13:24,155 --> 00:13:25,321
Oh, okay.

234
00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:28,696
I need like three people to do Sunday's.
One of them has to have the answers.

235
00:13:29,238 --> 00:13:31,446
I was thinking that if two
people can be good in bed

236
00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:33,071
when they're not in the same bed,

237
00:13:33,488 --> 00:13:35,696
how hard a conversion could it be?

238
00:13:35,863 --> 00:13:38,446
I have some answers
if you have cab fare.

239
00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:39,530
Oh, yeah?

240
00:13:58,155 --> 00:13:59,321
Dump him.

241
00:13:59,696 --> 00:14:03,405
Fuck me badly once, shame on you.
Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.

242
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:05,613
Is that the saying?

243
00:14:06,405 --> 00:14:07,613
That's my saying.

244
00:14:07,696 --> 00:14:09,863
I don't wanna dump him.
I think he's fantastic.

245
00:14:09,946 --> 00:14:12,488
And aren't we getting a little old
to jump to the dump?

246
00:14:12,571 --> 00:14:14,363
What about working on things?

247
00:14:14,446 --> 00:14:16,613
Look at Charlotte. She's becoming a Jew.

248
00:14:16,780 --> 00:14:17,723
Hi…

249
00:14:17,738 --> 00:14:20,988
I need something that will make a guy
come in his pants as soon as he sees me.

250
00:14:21,071 --> 00:14:22,071
Got it.

251
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,905
- You talk to salespeople like that?
- I'm here all the time. They love me.

252
00:14:26,988 --> 00:14:31,030
Is this for a specific gentlemen
or do you just look for that generally?

253
00:14:31,113 --> 00:14:34,155
It's for that hot waiter from Raw.
I'm sleeping with him tonight.

254
00:14:34,238 --> 00:14:35,821
But he doesn't know it yet.

255
00:14:36,530 --> 00:14:38,030
I think I have to talk to him.

256
00:14:38,571 --> 00:14:41,405
- No.
- We talk about everything else.

257
00:14:41,488 --> 00:14:44,280
Honey, when it comes to sex,
spray it, don't say it.

258
00:14:44,363 --> 00:14:45,946
Okay, that was unnecessary.

259
00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:48,030
I'm trying to salvage your love life.

260
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:51,488
The only words you should be saying
in bed are dirty ones.

261
00:14:51,571 --> 00:14:54,405
I can't do that. Without alcohol.

262
00:14:54,488 --> 00:14:55,821
Then start drinking.

263
00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:59,238
Because if you want a hotter sex life,
you're gonna have to turn up the heat.

264
00:14:59,988 --> 00:15:01,363
Starting with.

265
00:15:02,405 --> 00:15:05,905
- I don't wear furry shoes.
- They're not for you, they're for him.

266
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:09,446
He mostly wears loafers. Are you sure
I can't talk to him about it?

267
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:10,530
Honey.

268
00:15:11,696 --> 00:15:14,363
If the sex isn't great,
it doesn't help to say it's not great.

269
00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:18,946
That's usually a downer.
And by that I mean, uh-uh. Uh…

270
00:15:19,155 --> 00:15:23,363
Yeah. Plus he must know it's not great.
He can't think this is good.

271
00:15:24,821 --> 00:15:26,071
Oh, God.

272
00:15:26,530 --> 00:15:29,071
Is it possible he thinks this is good?

273
00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:30,780
Here we are.

274
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,696
Oh, as a matter of fact.
I'm gonna take this.

275
00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:37,405
No, we'll take two.
And these in a seven.

276
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:42,238
That evening Miranda had one
of those regrettable discussions

277
00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:43,405
that results from the belief

278
00:15:43,488 --> 00:15:44,946
that you and your significant other

279
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,780
should be able
to talk through any problem.

280
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:51,363
We have been over this before.
I feel like you are not listening to me.

281
00:15:51,738 --> 00:15:55,446
I turned the system off for ten minutes
and nothing changed!

282
00:15:58,321 --> 00:16:01,696
I'm sorry. I'm upset.

283
00:16:03,488 --> 00:16:05,321
I'm just so disappointed.

284
00:16:05,738 --> 00:16:09,113
I got used to coming home to something.
Can't you work with me on this?

285
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:17,030
You told me to do that already.
What is wrong with you?

286
00:16:19,821 --> 00:16:20,863
Ugh!

287
00:16:23,863 --> 00:16:25,363
Friday night with Berger.

288
00:16:25,446 --> 00:16:29,071
I had my sexy
lingerie under my cool couture

289
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,238
and I was feeling good.

290
00:16:31,946 --> 00:16:33,738
You look so hot in that shirt.

291
00:16:34,655 --> 00:16:35,946
Are you being serious?

292
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,113
Okay. We're gonna need some drinks.

293
00:16:38,238 --> 00:16:40,071
- Oh, hey
- Hi.

294
00:16:40,155 --> 00:16:42,446
Well, it's still happy hour
so frozen margaritas are two-for-one.

295
00:16:42,571 --> 00:16:43,946
All right. Okay.

296
00:16:44,030 --> 00:16:45,780
- When in Rome.
- Sure.

297
00:16:47,196 --> 00:16:51,196
Since we were 0 for 2,
I figured two for one was a good idea.

298
00:16:57,821 --> 00:16:59,863
And after three
unreturned phone calls,

299
00:16:59,946 --> 00:17:02,071
Charlotte decided to make a house call.

300
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,446
Hello, Rabbi.
I brought you some kosher wine.

301
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:19,405
I'm sorry but my husband
can't see you now.

302
00:17:19,488 --> 00:17:22,946
Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude
but I think he can.

303
00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:25,488
Miss. What…

304
00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:31,905
Look, I'm 37 years old.
I'm reproductively challenged.

305
00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:35,113
I'm in love with a Jewish person
and it took me 20 years to find him.

306
00:17:35,196 --> 00:17:37,238
I don't have time to play these games.

307
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:56,363
All right, Charlotte. Lesson number one.
You have to give it a rest.

308
00:17:56,446 --> 00:17:59,071
Because it's about to be Sabbath,
the day of rest.

309
00:17:59,363 --> 00:18:00,821
You wanna be a Jew?

310
00:18:03,696 --> 00:18:04,696
Sit.

311
00:18:06,113 --> 00:18:07,238
Watch.

312
00:18:07,696 --> 00:18:09,113
Learn.

313
00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:15,405
Oh, that is so sweet, but actually,
I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend…

314
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,821
I can skip it.

315
00:18:20,488 --> 00:18:22,155
Come, girls. Gather.

316
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,946
Oh. Sorry.

317
00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:54,321
- Amen.
- Amen.

318
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:01,571
And Samantha was at Raw,
ready to get things cooking.

319
00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:07,446
- Hey, welcome to Raw.
- Hello. I was here the other night.

320
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,405
That's what happens. You come once,
you just keep coming over and over.

321
00:19:10,488 --> 00:19:12,905
Here's hoping.

322
00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:16,071
I'll be with you in a minute.
I'm getting slammed tonight.

323
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,530
For some reason the hostess keeps
seating everyone in my section.

324
00:19:18,613 --> 00:19:19,613
Be right back.

325
00:19:20,696 --> 00:19:22,696
- Sorry I took so long.
- Hi.

326
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:32,321
Suddenly, Samantha realized

327
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,863
why the Raw Food Movement
was a movement.

328
00:19:35,155 --> 00:19:37,446
Women weren't there for the cold food.

329
00:19:37,655 --> 00:19:39,696
They were there for the hot waiter.

330
00:19:42,530 --> 00:19:45,030
Oh. Sorry.

331
00:19:47,071 --> 00:19:49,405
Sorry. Sorry.

332
00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:51,738
Hey, big boy, look who's home.

333
00:19:51,821 --> 00:19:55,155
Oh, I got held up at work.
Thanks for filling in.

334
00:19:55,530 --> 00:20:00,238
Hi. Hi, cutie. Hi, cutie.
Did the TiVo guy come?

335
00:20:00,321 --> 00:20:05,113
Uh, no. They called and said they have
to reschedule for a week from Thursday.

336
00:20:05,613 --> 00:20:07,446
A week from Thursday?

337
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:11,071
Yeah. But I played around with a few
things and I think it's okay now.

338
00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:13,488
- What do you mean, it's working?
- Yep.

339
00:20:16,988 --> 00:20:20,113
I love you. I mean, you know,
for fixing that.

340
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,946
Yeah. Well, Magda
said it was kind of important.

341
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:26,405
So… Listen, I gotta take off.

342
00:20:27,738 --> 00:20:30,113
- Hot date?
- Yeah. I got this dinner thing.

343
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,863
So, I'll see you later, champ,
all right?

344
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,655
Some things,
like a broken TiVo, can be repaired.

345
00:20:41,738 --> 00:20:45,821
And others, like a broken heart,
are a little more complicated.

346
00:20:46,571 --> 00:20:50,030
Four hours and four courses
of uncooked food later,

347
00:20:50,238 --> 00:20:53,155
Samantha and her competitors
waited it out.

348
00:21:01,196 --> 00:21:04,196
Maybe they were less horny,
maybe it was all that roughage

349
00:21:04,446 --> 00:21:07,113
but one by one,
women threw in the napkin.

350
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:35,155
Can I get you anything else?

351
00:21:35,238 --> 00:21:40,488
Oh, no. I'm just enjoying
my delicious mushroom tea.

352
00:21:41,696 --> 00:21:42,696
Okay.

353
00:21:45,613 --> 00:21:48,738
- Did you want anything else?
- You know what.

354
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,196
I would like to have some
of that key lime custard.

355
00:21:52,988 --> 00:21:54,821
It sounds too good to pass up.

356
00:21:55,696 --> 00:21:56,780
Okay.

357
00:22:12,738 --> 00:22:14,405
Honey, you've put up a good fight

358
00:22:14,488 --> 00:22:16,696
but you have no idea
who you're dealing with.

359
00:22:16,821 --> 00:22:20,988
I'm going home with him and you're going
home with key lime custard.

360
00:22:21,238 --> 00:22:25,780
So, what do you say, I buy your dinner
and we call it a night. Hm?

361
00:22:28,530 --> 00:22:30,613
- Okay.
- Check!

362
00:22:32,446 --> 00:22:36,863
Meanwhile, I was finally
confident I could heat up my sex life

363
00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:41,405
because I was a sex columnist.
I was resourceful.

364
00:22:41,613 --> 00:22:43,905
And I was drunkety drunk drunk.

365
00:22:53,988 --> 00:22:54,988
Okay.

366
00:22:55,405 --> 00:22:57,905
There. Oh.

367
00:23:02,863 --> 00:23:05,280
I got a little something for you.

368
00:23:07,446 --> 00:23:08,696
And you're gonna love it.

369
00:23:14,030 --> 00:23:16,113
Look at that. Hm?

370
00:23:22,030 --> 00:23:23,655
Get ready, mister…

371
00:23:27,738 --> 00:23:28,738
'cause…

372
00:23:34,196 --> 00:23:37,196
'cause I got something
under here for you.

373
00:23:38,530 --> 00:23:41,946
Oh. And I have shoes.

374
00:23:43,488 --> 00:23:45,696
Wait till you see me in these. Hm?

375
00:23:53,780 --> 00:23:54,946
Oh.

376
00:23:57,071 --> 00:23:58,613
Hey, are you okay?

377
00:23:59,446 --> 00:24:00,946
Yeah, I'm fine.

378
00:24:02,363 --> 00:24:04,030
Whoo!

379
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:14,071
And after a night of Raw food,

380
00:24:14,155 --> 00:24:17,238
Samantha enjoyed
an all-nighter of raw sex.

381
00:24:36,738 --> 00:24:39,571
Hey. Can I tell you a secret?

382
00:24:39,946 --> 00:24:41,405
You're 12.

383
00:24:42,030 --> 00:24:43,780
You didn't have to order all that shit.

384
00:24:44,655 --> 00:24:46,738
I was ready to go
home with you last Tuesday.

385
00:24:46,946 --> 00:24:49,571
Now you tell me. I ate a fucking cactus.

386
00:24:50,405 --> 00:24:52,863
Get back down there
and make it up to me.

387
00:24:52,946 --> 00:24:53,946
Awesome.

388
00:25:10,446 --> 00:25:13,738
Samantha was still having
sex when it dawned on me

389
00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:15,655
that Berger and I hadn't.

390
00:25:28,488 --> 00:25:31,321
- Hey.
- Hey.

391
00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:33,613
We both knew
it was now or never.

392
00:25:41,030 --> 00:25:44,488
That morning I resigned myself
to the idea that I would never again

393
00:25:44,571 --> 00:25:46,988
have frozen drinks or hot sex.

394
00:25:48,696 --> 00:25:51,155
- I suck. This is awful.
- I know.

395
00:25:51,238 --> 00:25:52,780
I've never been this bad.

396
00:25:53,946 --> 00:25:56,280
Look, I don't want
to toot my own horn here, all right,

397
00:25:56,405 --> 00:25:58,030
but I'm way better than this.

398
00:25:58,113 --> 00:25:59,655
I've actually been told
that I'm good at this.

399
00:25:59,738 --> 00:26:01,113
I don't know what the fuck is happening.

400
00:26:01,196 --> 00:26:04,446
- We're so good everywhere else.
- Would you look at us in restaurants?

401
00:26:04,571 --> 00:26:06,946
- We're the best.
- We're the couple you wanna be.

402
00:26:08,821 --> 00:26:11,113
All right, we gotta make the bed
more like a restaurant.

403
00:26:18,321 --> 00:26:21,613
- Are you coming back?
- Yeah. Grab something that'll help.

404
00:26:26,238 --> 00:26:29,321
Now we're talking, huh?
What do you have there, a pet?

405
00:26:30,571 --> 00:26:32,280
- Shoes.
- Oh.

406
00:26:36,030 --> 00:26:37,530
Here, and…

407
00:26:39,071 --> 00:26:41,363
Berger, what if we're just not good
together in bed?

408
00:26:41,446 --> 00:26:44,280
No, don't say that. All right, look.

409
00:26:44,863 --> 00:26:47,988
I choked. We had it all going on.

410
00:26:48,071 --> 00:26:49,946
- We did.
- And I thought it would be great

411
00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:52,738
and I wanted it to be great
and I choked.

412
00:26:53,571 --> 00:26:56,488
And I came over the next night
and I thought it would be better and…

413
00:26:56,571 --> 00:26:58,196
- I choked.
- What's up?

414
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,488
We should be smoking, not choking.

415
00:27:01,363 --> 00:27:03,155
I think sometimes the rhyme helps.

416
00:27:03,821 --> 00:27:04,946
I agree.

417
00:27:05,363 --> 00:27:08,988
Boy, those are some very sexy shoes.

418
00:27:09,321 --> 00:27:12,155
- Shall I put them on?
- Yeah. Hey. Couldn't hurt.

419
00:27:18,655 --> 00:27:21,655
All right. Here.

420
00:27:21,780 --> 00:27:23,071
Throw some of that
over your left shoulder.

421
00:27:23,363 --> 00:27:25,280
Come on. You want things to get worse?

422
00:27:27,780 --> 00:27:31,196
- I was gonna talk to you about it but…
- Yeah, I wanted to talk to you but…

423
00:27:31,363 --> 00:27:34,238
Well, let's make a deal.
I talk to you, you talk to me.

424
00:27:34,446 --> 00:27:36,655
We should be able to talk
about these things.

425
00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:38,613
- Let's talk about it.
- We'll talk.

426
00:27:49,655 --> 00:27:51,946
That morning,
the other shoe dropped.

427
00:27:52,238 --> 00:27:53,946
And it wasn't bad at all.

428
00:27:54,196 --> 00:27:56,571
In fact, it was kind of hot.

429
00:28:02,238 --> 00:28:06,905
Give me one more chance
And you'll be satisfied

430
00:28:09,571 --> 00:28:14,780
Give me two more chances
You won't be denied

431
00:28:17,113 --> 00:28:20,280
Well, my heart is where it's always been

432
00:28:21,238 --> 00:28:24,446
My head is somewhere in between

433
00:28:24,613 --> 00:28:29,988
Give me one more chance
Let me be your lover tonight

434
00:28:31,655 --> 00:28:33,155
Check it out

435
00:28:34,155 --> 00:28:39,196
You're the real thing
Yeah, the real thing

436
00:28:40,863 --> 00:28:43,530
You take me higher

437
00:28:44,905 --> 00:28:46,988
You're the real thing

438
00:28:48,113 --> 00:28:50,780
Even better than the real thing

439
00:28:51,655 --> 00:28:54,571
Even better than the real thing