1 00:00:51,483 --> 00:00:54,566 In a single gal's life, there are three important firsts. 2 00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:57,233 The first time you have sex, 3 00:00:58,066 --> 00:00:59,608 the first time you have good sex, 4 00:00:59,691 --> 00:01:02,191 and the first time you see 5 00:01:02,275 --> 00:01:04,566 a guy-you-just-started-dating's apartment. 6 00:01:08,775 --> 00:01:10,108 - Hey. - Hi. 7 00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:11,983 Come on in. 8 00:01:13,525 --> 00:01:14,650 Wow. 9 00:01:16,316 --> 00:01:18,858 Oh. Nice. 10 00:01:19,816 --> 00:01:22,941 Very nice. Thank God. 11 00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,775 You were expecting… 12 00:01:24,983 --> 00:01:28,400 Well, one never knows gentlemen left to their own devices. 13 00:01:28,983 --> 00:01:30,900 Oh, you name it, I've seen it. 14 00:01:31,608 --> 00:01:33,566 Pleather couches, 15 00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:37,525 two foot bongs. Hm. 16 00:01:37,941 --> 00:01:40,400 - Dead body in the corner. - Dead body, huh? 17 00:01:40,483 --> 00:01:42,775 I only went out with him for a week after that. 18 00:01:42,858 --> 00:01:46,483 But uh… hm, so far, 19 00:01:46,983 --> 00:01:48,775 nothing in here says "scary bachelor." 20 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:49,941 Except me. 21 00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:54,441 Hey. I really like this wall color. 22 00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:57,275 Yeah. I can't take credit for that. That's Lauren. 23 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:58,400 Ralph Lauren? 24 00:01:58,483 --> 00:02:00,900 No. Lauren-Lauren. My ex-girlfriend. 25 00:02:01,316 --> 00:02:02,483 She was the decorator. 26 00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,066 Oh, uh-huh. 27 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,900 I'm sorry. Is that weird? 28 00:02:05,983 --> 00:02:07,733 Please. Please. 29 00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:11,900 You have a "decorator," I have a "decorator." 30 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:17,358 There is really no need for the ex-decorator conversation. 31 00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:19,233 Got it. 32 00:02:23,316 --> 00:02:25,233 Should I set the alarm? Do you need to get up early? 33 00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:27,275 Nope. I'm all yours. 34 00:02:28,608 --> 00:02:29,983 - Good night. - Good night. 35 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,441 Welcome to my house. 36 00:02:43,608 --> 00:02:44,608 Oh. 37 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,108 Okay, what's going on there? 38 00:02:49,358 --> 00:02:53,108 Oh. That's my sound machine. I'm a troubled sleeper. 39 00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:55,108 Kind of hooked on it. 40 00:02:55,316 --> 00:02:56,358 Uh-huh. 41 00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:57,650 Frogs? 42 00:02:57,733 --> 00:03:00,650 Yeah, and cicadas. Officially, we're in the rainforest. 43 00:03:02,108 --> 00:03:03,733 Oh. That there's a bird. 44 00:03:09,358 --> 00:03:12,316 I feel like I'm camping. Not a big fan of camping. 45 00:03:13,358 --> 00:03:15,275 Tomorrow morning, I'll make you s'mores. 46 00:03:15,358 --> 00:03:16,483 Okay. 47 00:03:20,816 --> 00:03:22,525 Always wondered who bought those. 48 00:03:24,525 --> 00:03:25,983 Actually, it was a gift. 49 00:03:26,191 --> 00:03:28,150 - Oh. From… Yeah. Hm. - Yeah, Lauren. 50 00:03:28,233 --> 00:03:30,858 She got for me about two weeks after we started going out. 51 00:03:30,983 --> 00:03:32,983 - Hm. - She hated it when I tossed and turned. 52 00:03:33,066 --> 00:03:34,566 - It was her therapist's idea. - Hm. 53 00:03:35,275 --> 00:03:36,316 Lauren always did everything her therapist… 54 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,900 Mm-hm. Okay. Okay. 55 00:03:40,858 --> 00:03:42,691 So… frogs? 56 00:03:44,108 --> 00:03:45,608 What's so bad about frogs? 57 00:03:49,066 --> 00:03:50,108 Good night. 58 00:03:50,650 --> 00:03:53,608 You'll see. After a while, you won't even hear it. 59 00:03:55,858 --> 00:03:59,316 I could only hope he was referring to his ex-decorator's name. 60 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,191 Okay. One drink and then we leave. 61 00:04:03,358 --> 00:04:05,608 And one drink means one drink. 62 00:04:05,691 --> 00:04:07,275 Tell me why we're going to this again? 63 00:04:07,525 --> 00:04:10,191 She's an old friend going through a breakup. We're being supportive. 64 00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:12,858 - On a Friday night? - She tried to kill herself. 65 00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:15,316 - It was six Advils. - On an empty stomach. 66 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,400 Oh. 67 00:04:16,441 --> 00:04:19,650 The good news is I'm off the Zoloft, I lost ten pounds 68 00:04:19,816 --> 00:04:21,650 and after that asshole dumped me, 69 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:25,025 I realized I have this amazing gift for designing bags. 70 00:04:28,108 --> 00:04:29,358 It's a purse party. 71 00:04:29,733 --> 00:04:31,525 Oh. 72 00:04:32,941 --> 00:04:34,483 Isn't this precious? 73 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,066 You can take it to lunch. 74 00:04:36,525 --> 00:04:38,691 - Hm. - Isn't life funny? 75 00:04:39,483 --> 00:04:43,233 Because of that fucker, I've discovered I'm Fendi! 76 00:04:45,358 --> 00:04:46,650 Buy away. 77 00:04:53,316 --> 00:04:56,358 When did making bags become the fallback career? 78 00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:59,525 Someone should tell crazy that owning a hot glue gun 79 00:04:59,608 --> 00:05:01,608 does not make you a hot purse designer. 80 00:05:01,691 --> 00:05:02,983 Don't call her crazy. 81 00:05:03,066 --> 00:05:04,941 Look at this, I'd rather carry a colostomy bag. 82 00:05:05,066 --> 00:05:07,025 Ladies, these aren't bags. They're baggage. 83 00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:09,691 We are standing among the ruins of her last relationship. 84 00:05:10,066 --> 00:05:12,983 And it was one ugly breakup. 85 00:05:13,566 --> 00:05:14,691 I resent this. 86 00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:17,858 The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship 87 00:05:17,941 --> 00:05:20,025 is the person in your next relationship. 88 00:05:20,108 --> 00:05:21,733 True, and here's hoping that isn't me. 89 00:05:23,233 --> 00:05:26,483 Last night Berger started opening the ex-file. 90 00:05:26,566 --> 00:05:28,525 Fascinating. What do you know so far? 91 00:05:28,733 --> 00:05:30,191 Well. Her name is Lauren, 92 00:05:30,275 --> 00:05:32,566 she bought him a Sharper Image sound machine. 93 00:05:32,650 --> 00:05:33,816 She's a monster. 94 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,108 I mean, we just started dating. 95 00:05:35,191 --> 00:05:37,525 Do I really need to hear about the ex already? 96 00:05:37,608 --> 00:05:39,150 Yes. The sooner the better. 97 00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:42,233 Maybe it should be the later the better. Or better yet, the never the better. 98 00:05:42,316 --> 00:05:43,566 That's good tuna. 99 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:46,233 Carrie, you have to know where he's been so you know what you're getting. 100 00:05:46,316 --> 00:05:49,316 As long as what you get doesn't itch, I say you're fine. 101 00:05:49,525 --> 00:05:51,191 Look, he has a past, I have a past. 102 00:05:51,275 --> 00:05:53,150 Do our pasts really have to have a present? 103 00:05:53,233 --> 00:05:55,733 Yes. At least find out how they broke up. 104 00:05:55,816 --> 00:05:57,733 That will tell you a lot about their relationship. 105 00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:00,525 See, I was hoping to skip all that and start fresh this time. 106 00:06:01,108 --> 00:06:02,108 Is that crazy? 107 00:06:02,191 --> 00:06:04,608 No. Here comes crazy. 108 00:06:05,441 --> 00:06:07,025 Look at this one. 109 00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:08,483 Little shoes. 110 00:06:08,566 --> 00:06:09,900 - Isn't this fun? - Ah. 111 00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:13,816 I mean, who needs a balding, 38-year-old boyfriend with erectile disfunction 112 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,441 when you can have a new career and cute cater waiters? 113 00:06:17,066 --> 00:06:19,191 Excuse me. Champagne for the girls. 114 00:06:19,983 --> 00:06:21,233 Have fun! 115 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,358 - Katie. Shoes. - Hi. 116 00:06:24,441 --> 00:06:26,775 Hey. Doesn't that waiter look familiar? 117 00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:28,691 I fucked him. 118 00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:30,608 Oh. That guy. 119 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:34,525 It's that waiter from Raw, also known as the best sex I've had in years. 120 00:06:34,608 --> 00:06:35,608 Champagne, ladies? 121 00:06:36,191 --> 00:06:39,275 This party just got a whole lot more exciting. 122 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:43,941 Okay. Just one glass and then we've got dinner reservations at 66. Yes? 123 00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:47,191 Okay, but I can't stay out late because I have a 9:00 a.m. conversion class 124 00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:48,218 at the synagogue. 125 00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:49,650 You had a two-hour class today. 126 00:06:49,733 --> 00:06:53,941 I know. I'm accelerating my studies. There's just so much to take in. 127 00:06:54,358 --> 00:06:59,691 The history, the tradition, the philosophy. Oy! You guys! 128 00:07:00,566 --> 00:07:02,733 That was my first oy! 129 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,191 - Hi, Victoria. - Hi. 130 00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:08,233 A whole bunch of folks just arrived, 131 00:07:08,316 --> 00:07:10,191 so I'm gonna need some more tuna tartlets. 132 00:07:17,775 --> 00:07:18,941 Hello? 133 00:07:28,733 --> 00:07:30,233 Oh, my God! 134 00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,941 I'm way too fucking fragile to see this. 135 00:07:35,108 --> 00:07:36,358 You're fired. 136 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,566 This is my big purse party. 137 00:07:47,608 --> 00:07:50,733 Victoria, does this come in any other colors? 138 00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:53,316 Do I look like a fucking department store? 139 00:07:54,525 --> 00:07:56,900 Get the fuck out of my apartment. 140 00:07:56,983 --> 00:07:59,108 All you bitches, get out of my apartment. 141 00:07:59,191 --> 00:08:00,275 Give it. 142 00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:02,900 Look what you did. 143 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,108 I cut up my bedspread for this. 144 00:08:07,275 --> 00:08:08,358 Okay, dinnertime. 145 00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:11,608 The next day at Temple Emmanuel… 146 00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:14,275 Soon, you'll be ready for your mikvah. 147 00:08:15,108 --> 00:08:18,066 Who can tell me what the mikvah is? 148 00:08:18,775 --> 00:08:19,858 Yes, Charlotte. 149 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:23,400 It's the ceremony that marks our official conversion to Judaism. 150 00:08:23,691 --> 00:08:24,691 Very good. 151 00:08:25,066 --> 00:08:27,691 And what does the service entail? 152 00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:32,025 Yes, Charlotte. 153 00:08:32,566 --> 00:08:36,441 It's a ritual bath where we are immersed in water and reborn a Jew. 154 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:37,900 Very good. 155 00:08:38,191 --> 00:08:40,275 Charlotte, always the straight-A student, 156 00:08:40,691 --> 00:08:43,941 took to her Judaism class like a gefilte fish to water. 157 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,816 As you come to rebirth as a Jew, 158 00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,608 you'll find special and new traditions to embrace. 159 00:08:49,858 --> 00:08:52,483 However, you must also bear in mind 160 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,108 that you'll be letting go of your Christian traditions. 161 00:08:56,108 --> 00:08:59,775 Many find Christmas to be the most difficult to leave in the past. 162 00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:01,775 You must grieve this loss… 163 00:09:03,691 --> 00:09:05,608 it can be quite hard. 164 00:09:10,191 --> 00:09:11,816 And speaking of the past… 165 00:09:12,983 --> 00:09:15,358 It's half past two. You're 20 minutes late. 166 00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:16,650 I know. I got held up. 167 00:09:17,108 --> 00:09:18,400 I'm barely gonna make my appointment. 168 00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:21,566 I'm sorry. Debby had car trouble, so I took a cab. 169 00:09:21,650 --> 00:09:23,025 Debby? Who's Debby? 170 00:09:23,483 --> 00:09:24,650 Debby, the girl I'm seeing. 171 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,191 Oh. 172 00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:31,233 So, Brady's changed and ready to go. Don't forget the diaper bag. 173 00:09:31,316 --> 00:09:33,566 And please try to have him back on time tomorrow. 174 00:09:33,691 --> 00:09:36,108 I'm sorry. I'm never late. It's just her car… 175 00:09:36,191 --> 00:09:39,816 Steve, I don't need to know. I just need you not to be 20 minutes late again. 176 00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,316 Thanks. 177 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,775 Excuse me, Rabbi Minsch. 178 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:49,400 Yes, Charlotte? 179 00:09:49,483 --> 00:09:52,650 Um, I was just wondering what you said about Christmas. 180 00:09:53,233 --> 00:09:55,150 How exactly black and white is that? 181 00:09:55,233 --> 00:09:57,066 Charlotte, as a Jew, 182 00:09:57,150 --> 00:10:00,441 you have to embrace the new holidays and let go of the old. 183 00:10:01,108 --> 00:10:06,191 Keeping Christmas would be like being a vegetarian and still eating meat. 184 00:10:06,275 --> 00:10:07,691 Well, I wouldn't go to church or anything, 185 00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,358 but maybe I could still have a tree. 186 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:10,900 No. 187 00:10:14,358 --> 00:10:15,566 - Caroling? - Uh-uh. 188 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,858 - Rudolph. - No. 189 00:10:20,066 --> 00:10:22,025 - But Rabbi Minsch… - Charlotte… 190 00:10:22,275 --> 00:10:24,775 if you are serious about becoming a Jew, 191 00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:28,441 you'll have to let go of the attachments to your past. 192 00:10:29,275 --> 00:10:32,066 From that day on, Charlotte would always think of him 193 00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:34,108 as the Minsch who stole Christmas. 194 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:40,275 That night, miles from the Amazon, I was just drifting off to sleep when… 195 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:51,900 Hello? 196 00:10:52,525 --> 00:10:54,108 Remember that red dress you had? 197 00:10:54,191 --> 00:10:56,108 What? Where are you? 198 00:10:56,191 --> 00:10:59,066 In California. In bed. 199 00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:00,275 Oh. 200 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,608 I was sleeping. 201 00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:05,275 Alone? 202 00:11:05,441 --> 00:11:07,025 Yes. You woke me up. 203 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,316 You never used to need so much sleep, kid. 204 00:11:10,441 --> 00:11:13,733 I'm old now. Like you. 205 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:15,775 So, the red dress. 206 00:11:16,316 --> 00:11:17,733 Versace or Gucci? 207 00:11:17,983 --> 00:11:20,441 - That tiny little strap. - Gucci. 208 00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:24,150 And when I slipped one strap down, the other would fall. 209 00:11:24,983 --> 00:11:26,858 - Remember that dress? - Yes. 210 00:11:27,441 --> 00:11:29,733 Mm. You look good in that dress. 211 00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:31,525 Yes. 212 00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:38,733 Remember when I found you in your closet in just heels and a bra? 213 00:11:39,483 --> 00:11:42,608 And I came up behind you and put your hands against the wall? 214 00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:44,316 Remember that? 215 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,775 - Hm? - Yes. 216 00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:48,650 So what'd you do last night? 217 00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,483 Oh, nothing. I went to bed early. 218 00:11:51,858 --> 00:11:54,608 - Had accidental phone sex with Big. - What? 219 00:11:54,691 --> 00:11:56,150 Brunch is suddenly looking up. 220 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,525 Well, actually, he had phone sex. 221 00:11:58,608 --> 00:12:01,316 I was on the other end trying to figure out a polite way to get out of it. 222 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,900 Turns out, there is no polite way to get out of phone sex. It's just… 223 00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:07,733 I wasn't aware that you and Big had phone sex. 224 00:12:07,941 --> 00:12:11,066 Occasionally. Since he moved away. 225 00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:12,608 You have phone sex? 226 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,941 Well, I prefer to think of it not as phone sex, 227 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:17,900 so much as a trip down memory lane. 228 00:12:18,191 --> 00:12:19,191 Well, the next time he calls, 229 00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:21,733 just tell him that you're in a serious relationship with Berger. 230 00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:24,983 But I'm not in a serious relationship with Berger. We're still just dating. 231 00:12:25,108 --> 00:12:27,775 I mean, it's good dating, but we don't know where it's going yet. 232 00:12:27,858 --> 00:12:29,316 Well, you're never gonna know where it's going 233 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,983 if you keep reminiscing with Big. 234 00:12:31,066 --> 00:12:33,066 One doesn't have anything to do with the other. 235 00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:35,400 I just don't know why you wanna drag all that Big baggage 236 00:12:35,525 --> 00:12:36,900 into the new relationship. 237 00:12:36,983 --> 00:12:38,775 It's not baggage, it's Biggage. 238 00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:42,066 And Big is no more threat to Berger than Lauren is to me. 239 00:12:42,150 --> 00:12:43,441 - Pardon me. - Thank you. 240 00:12:43,733 --> 00:12:44,733 It's all in the past. 241 00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:46,400 And on your phone bill. 242 00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:48,941 He called me. I'm a lady. 243 00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:53,608 Oh. Come on, pudding. 244 00:12:53,691 --> 00:12:56,025 - Hey. - I'll get you a pacifier. 245 00:12:56,816 --> 00:12:57,816 Yeah. 246 00:12:58,316 --> 00:13:00,983 Look at all the shit Steve has in here. 247 00:13:02,275 --> 00:13:04,733 Oh, honey. Isn't the baby birth control enough? 248 00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:07,983 They're Steve's and Debby's, his new girlfriend. 249 00:13:08,066 --> 00:13:10,191 That's her name. Debby. 250 00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:11,858 Where are they doing it? Gymboree? 251 00:13:11,983 --> 00:13:14,108 Debby does day care? 252 00:13:17,691 --> 00:13:21,316 Oh, honey relax. I have those in my mouth all the time. 253 00:13:21,816 --> 00:13:25,316 Later that day, I got to thinking about tense relationships. 254 00:13:25,775 --> 00:13:29,316 And by that, I mean a relationship and its connection to the past, 255 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,441 present and future tense. 256 00:13:31,983 --> 00:13:33,025 At a certain age, 257 00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:36,441 we've all had relationships that far from past perfect. 258 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:41,316 But how much does that past relationship affect our dream of a future perfect? 259 00:13:41,983 --> 00:13:44,150 And as I became more and more tense, 260 00:13:44,775 --> 00:13:46,358 I couldn't help but wonder, 261 00:13:47,275 --> 00:13:50,191 can you get to a future if your past is present? 262 00:13:52,608 --> 00:13:54,191 And over at Samantha's, 263 00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:57,441 a day of great sex was about to fade into the past. 264 00:13:57,525 --> 00:13:59,650 Are you absolutely sure you can't stay? 265 00:14:00,150 --> 00:14:02,400 Yeah, I gotta pull an extra shift over at the restaurant. 266 00:14:03,608 --> 00:14:05,316 I got fired from my other gig, remember? 267 00:14:06,858 --> 00:14:09,566 Listen, I do feel bad about what happened. 268 00:14:10,566 --> 00:14:12,733 And I wanted you to have this. 269 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:18,691 $300? 270 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,233 I made some calls. 271 00:14:20,316 --> 00:14:22,650 That is what the A list caterer is paid. 272 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,441 Lady, you are fucking out of your mind. 273 00:14:31,191 --> 00:14:34,650 The next morning, after another fitful night of frogs… 274 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,316 - So you're gonna be okay here? - Absolutely. Go. 275 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,900 You know, it's just stupid standing breakfast thing 276 00:14:40,983 --> 00:14:42,233 with a bunch of writer buddies. 277 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:45,525 I'd ask you along but we're a pretty pathetic bunch. 278 00:14:45,775 --> 00:14:48,566 Please go. And for the record, you, my friend, 279 00:14:49,191 --> 00:14:51,025 are not pathetic. 280 00:14:51,108 --> 00:14:52,691 Ah. 281 00:14:57,191 --> 00:14:58,191 Hey, you gonna get that? 282 00:14:58,275 --> 00:15:01,400 You know what? 9:30 in the morning, one word. Telemarketer. 283 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,858 I think that's a two-word hyphenate. 284 00:15:03,941 --> 00:15:06,983 Hey, Jack, it's Lauren… 285 00:15:08,025 --> 00:15:09,066 It was official. 286 00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:11,816 Lauren controlled every machine in the apartment. 287 00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:14,275 And uh, call me, I wanna talk to you. 288 00:15:15,025 --> 00:15:18,775 Fuck you and fuck you! 289 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:19,900 Bye-bye. 290 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,025 Bye-bye. 291 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,900 You don't want your new boyfriend 292 00:15:26,983 --> 00:15:29,733 to still be in love with the ex, but you don't want… 293 00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:35,775 That is not the way you talk to your ex-decorator. 294 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,025 Damn, and just when you thought you didn't have to open the ex-file. 295 00:15:40,441 --> 00:15:42,025 So he's doing a fuck you to the ex. 296 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,441 As long as he keeps fucking you, what's the problem? 297 00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:46,441 The problem is, what's going on there? 298 00:15:46,525 --> 00:15:48,150 What big thing happened between them 299 00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:49,858 that would cause a double finger situation? 300 00:15:49,941 --> 00:15:51,941 And if it wasn't big, why is he still so angry? 301 00:15:52,316 --> 00:15:53,733 Does he have a problem with anger? 302 00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:56,233 And here come the questions. 303 00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:58,358 You're right. Men are crazy. 304 00:15:58,941 --> 00:16:01,691 I fucked that waiter at the party and he got fired for it. 305 00:16:01,983 --> 00:16:04,525 So, I gave him $300 the next time we fucked 306 00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,066 and now I think he's upset. 307 00:16:06,941 --> 00:16:08,775 Okay. Not the same situation. 308 00:16:08,858 --> 00:16:11,108 I don't see what the problem is. It's like a big tip. 309 00:16:11,233 --> 00:16:14,400 Now, $300 in a restaurant is a big tip. 310 00:16:14,483 --> 00:16:17,108 $300 in the bedroom is a big prostitute. 311 00:16:17,191 --> 00:16:18,733 Well, at least it wasn't phone sex. 312 00:16:18,983 --> 00:16:21,108 He called me. 313 00:16:21,191 --> 00:16:23,816 Yeah, keep telling yourself that. 314 00:16:26,066 --> 00:16:27,066 Right on time. 315 00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:29,941 And I appreciate that. I do. Come in. 316 00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:35,150 I'm just getting Brady ready to go out for a night with his dad. 317 00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:39,108 Packing up the old diaper bag, making sure he has everything he needs. 318 00:16:39,191 --> 00:16:45,400 Uh, bottle, binkie, Trojans. 319 00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:47,010 Look, Miranda… 320 00:16:47,025 --> 00:16:50,025 I'm not exactly thrilled that our baby is having sex already, 321 00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:52,191 but I sure am glad that he's using protection. 322 00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:54,733 Got your point. Very funny. 323 00:16:54,816 --> 00:16:57,191 No, Steve. Not funny, fucked up. 324 00:16:57,275 --> 00:16:58,525 Come on, it's just condoms. 325 00:16:58,608 --> 00:16:59,900 In the diaper bag, Steve? 326 00:16:59,983 --> 00:17:03,233 How much sex are you having that you need rubbers in the diaper bag? 327 00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:04,316 What's it to you? 328 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:09,983 Apparently, some of Miranda's baggage had shifted during fight. 329 00:17:10,191 --> 00:17:13,566 I just don't think you're taking this parenting thing seriously. 330 00:17:13,816 --> 00:17:16,150 - What? - You show up late to pick him up. 331 00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:17,983 - One time. - More than one time. 332 00:17:18,066 --> 00:17:20,483 There was that time, that other time when you were late. 333 00:17:20,566 --> 00:17:23,650 - Okay. What's your problem? - This is not about me. 334 00:17:23,858 --> 00:17:27,066 This is about your need to start taking responsibility for your child, 335 00:17:27,150 --> 00:17:28,941 and clearly, there are times when you can't 336 00:17:29,025 --> 00:17:30,650 because your mind is somewhere else. 337 00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:32,025 What are you talking about? 338 00:17:32,108 --> 00:17:35,316 Like, when your penis is in some girl's vagina 339 00:17:35,483 --> 00:17:37,066 and you're having an orgasm while 340 00:17:37,191 --> 00:17:40,275 our baby is quietly suffocating in the other room. 341 00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:42,025 Debby and I never do it when he's awake. 342 00:17:42,108 --> 00:17:44,233 Okay. Steve. You're not getting this. 343 00:17:44,316 --> 00:17:48,775 I am saying, your focus needs to be totally and completely on Brady. 344 00:17:48,858 --> 00:17:51,483 My focus is always 100% 345 00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:54,108 on Brady. 346 00:17:54,191 --> 00:17:55,400 Brady! 347 00:18:01,275 --> 00:18:02,983 See? 348 00:18:03,066 --> 00:18:05,775 That night, the only thing Miranda and Steve 349 00:18:05,858 --> 00:18:08,233 could agree on was separate diaper bags. 350 00:18:10,191 --> 00:18:12,233 And may all 351 00:18:12,316 --> 00:18:17,191 Your Christmases be white… 352 00:18:26,775 --> 00:18:28,900 Hey, beautiful, I'm here. 353 00:18:32,483 --> 00:18:33,483 What's all this? 354 00:18:34,441 --> 00:18:35,983 It's my last Christmas tree. 355 00:18:37,275 --> 00:18:38,316 It's July. 356 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,400 That's right, so it doesn't count. 357 00:18:41,108 --> 00:18:45,025 Charlotte, honey. You can have a tree. Lots of Jews do. 358 00:18:45,108 --> 00:18:47,441 Mm-mm. Wouldn't be appropriate. 359 00:18:48,150 --> 00:18:49,233 Oh, look. 360 00:18:50,191 --> 00:18:52,900 Oh. It's my favorite ornament. 361 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,775 "Silent night, holy night." See? 362 00:18:56,025 --> 00:18:58,900 That's the holy family in the nativity. 363 00:18:59,525 --> 00:19:01,275 This was my Grandma York's. 364 00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:05,400 It's so old. See how there's hardly any glitter left on the baby Jesus? 365 00:19:07,983 --> 00:19:10,441 It's very rare to have a blue Christmas ornament. 366 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,941 - Is that a fact? - Yeah. 367 00:19:14,525 --> 00:19:16,983 They're usually red or green. 368 00:19:17,816 --> 00:19:18,816 Silver. 369 00:19:19,775 --> 00:19:22,983 Hm, gold. 370 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,650 Keep Christmas, who cares? 371 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,816 I do. I'm gonna do this right. 372 00:19:28,941 --> 00:19:31,066 I'm not gonna be a meat-eating vegetarian. 373 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,400 No, these all have to go. 374 00:19:33,483 --> 00:19:36,025 Except this one. We're keeping this. 375 00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:38,858 What the hell? They were Jews too. 376 00:19:41,358 --> 00:19:46,400 Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made it out of clay 377 00:19:46,650 --> 00:19:49,441 And when it's something, something… 378 00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:52,191 - "Dry and ready." - Impressive. 379 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:53,816 - "Dry and ready." - Mm-hm. 380 00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:57,191 Oh, dreidel, I will play. 381 00:19:59,316 --> 00:20:02,191 That night Charlotte realized the memory she was giving up, 382 00:20:02,608 --> 00:20:05,983 might be nothing compared to the memory she was getting. 383 00:20:08,191 --> 00:20:10,691 And Samantha realized, to make things right, 384 00:20:11,191 --> 00:20:13,858 she would need to service someone else for a change. 385 00:20:14,025 --> 00:20:17,233 Hello. My name is Samantha. 386 00:20:17,566 --> 00:20:19,691 I'll be your waitress this evening. 387 00:20:19,816 --> 00:20:22,316 Tonight, I will be serving you. 388 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,108 You are fucking crazy. 389 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:29,358 Well, Mr. Waiter, you have no idea. 390 00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:30,941 You don't know my name, do you? 391 00:20:31,025 --> 00:20:34,191 Of course I do… Paul. 392 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,900 It's Jerry. 393 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,191 I took a shot. 394 00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:41,441 When you're a waiter, you must always be aware, 395 00:20:42,650 --> 00:20:45,441 that the customer comes first. 396 00:20:47,733 --> 00:20:51,525 It's a hard, hard job. 397 00:20:53,733 --> 00:20:55,900 - You know, Samantha… - Mm-hm. 398 00:20:56,025 --> 00:20:57,400 I'm not just a waiter. 399 00:20:57,525 --> 00:20:59,983 Oh, is that right, Jamie? 400 00:21:00,066 --> 00:21:02,066 - Jerry. - You're right. 401 00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:04,525 Yeah. I'm an actor. 402 00:21:06,691 --> 00:21:08,566 Oh, God. There goes my hard-on. 403 00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:15,941 It's a good thing I still have mine. 404 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,941 Samantha had had many waiters in her past 405 00:21:20,025 --> 00:21:23,650 but to the present day, this was her very first Jerry. 406 00:21:29,275 --> 00:21:31,691 As for me, I spent another night 407 00:21:32,066 --> 00:21:34,275 not sleeping in Berger's bed. 408 00:21:45,150 --> 00:21:46,150 You okay? 409 00:21:46,358 --> 00:21:47,400 No. I can't sleep. 410 00:21:48,275 --> 00:21:49,358 The frogs? 411 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:50,775 No, the frogs are fine. 412 00:21:51,775 --> 00:21:52,816 What's up? 413 00:21:53,441 --> 00:21:55,775 Nothing. Nothing. Go back to sleep. 414 00:22:00,275 --> 00:22:03,150 - Jesus. - It's the frogs. I'll turn it off. 415 00:22:03,233 --> 00:22:06,066 No. No, it's not the frogs. 416 00:22:10,691 --> 00:22:12,358 - It's Lauren. - What about her? 417 00:22:12,441 --> 00:22:15,941 Okay for the record, I was hoping to skip this and start fresh. 418 00:22:17,275 --> 00:22:19,650 But what's going on with you and the double finger? 419 00:22:20,150 --> 00:22:21,191 The double what? 420 00:22:21,316 --> 00:22:23,150 The other day, to the answering machine? 421 00:22:25,108 --> 00:22:26,691 Oh, right. 422 00:22:27,025 --> 00:22:28,191 Do we need to talk about this? 423 00:22:29,441 --> 00:22:30,816 She just drives me crazy. 424 00:22:31,275 --> 00:22:32,400 You know, she keeps calling here. 425 00:22:32,483 --> 00:22:34,483 She wants to go out to lunch for closure. 426 00:22:34,650 --> 00:22:35,650 That's her word. 427 00:22:35,733 --> 00:22:38,191 I would never say "closure", certainly not at 2:00 in the morning. 428 00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:40,775 She keeps bugging me. 429 00:22:40,858 --> 00:22:43,066 She thinks it's important in order to move on. 430 00:22:49,983 --> 00:22:50,983 What do you think? 431 00:22:51,566 --> 00:22:54,316 I think that it's gonna take a lot more than a lunch. 432 00:22:58,025 --> 00:22:59,150 What? 433 00:22:59,816 --> 00:23:03,233 No. It's embarrassing. Uh… 434 00:23:06,941 --> 00:23:09,233 She cheated on me. That's how it ended. 435 00:23:09,316 --> 00:23:10,733 Uh, she broke my heart. 436 00:23:10,816 --> 00:23:15,150 And pretty much killed me and I was dead. 437 00:23:16,650 --> 00:23:18,650 Till you. 438 00:23:25,150 --> 00:23:27,400 And then there is another important first. 439 00:23:27,941 --> 00:23:31,441 The first time you realized this really might be something. 440 00:23:33,025 --> 00:23:34,191 You ever been that hurt? 441 00:23:36,025 --> 00:23:37,025 Yeah. 442 00:23:38,858 --> 00:23:40,733 You wanna tell me about it? 443 00:23:43,275 --> 00:23:44,400 Sure. 444 00:23:44,566 --> 00:23:45,816 And just like that, 445 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:49,650 we moved out of the present and into our future. 446 00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:52,066 How much time have you got? 447 00:23:52,150 --> 00:23:53,400 I got all night. 448 00:23:55,483 --> 00:23:58,233 So now, it was time to clear up the past. 449 00:24:06,483 --> 00:24:08,233 Ah! 450 00:24:15,483 --> 00:24:16,608 Hey, it's me. 451 00:24:16,775 --> 00:24:18,400 Well, hello there. 452 00:24:18,483 --> 00:24:19,483 Have you got a minute? 453 00:24:19,525 --> 00:24:22,316 Yeah sure. I'm just relaxing in my hot tub. 454 00:24:22,608 --> 00:24:27,608 A hot tub? Oh, shame on you. That is such a cliche. 455 00:24:27,691 --> 00:24:29,566 No. A Jacuzzi is cliche. 456 00:24:29,941 --> 00:24:31,816 A hot tub is retro. 457 00:24:32,441 --> 00:24:35,900 Hey, remember the time we were in the jacuzzi in the Four Seasons… 458 00:24:35,983 --> 00:24:38,441 Okay, okay. Hold on there, partner. 459 00:24:38,525 --> 00:24:41,691 This is not gonna be one of those types of calls. 460 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:45,316 What type of call? I was talking about when you lost your necklace in the jets. 461 00:24:45,816 --> 00:24:46,816 Oh. 462 00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:49,025 But if you'd like to make it one of those phone calls, 463 00:24:49,108 --> 00:24:52,983 I'm a $1.50 for the first minute and $0.50 for each additional. 464 00:24:53,066 --> 00:24:54,066 Please stop. 465 00:24:54,525 --> 00:24:55,816 What's on your mind, baby? 466 00:24:57,650 --> 00:24:59,233 I was just calling to tell you 467 00:24:59,316 --> 00:25:02,941 that we won't be having any more of those calls. 468 00:25:03,858 --> 00:25:06,775 Oh. Really? Why is that? 469 00:25:07,150 --> 00:25:09,150 Because we're just friends now. 470 00:25:09,233 --> 00:25:10,650 Those are friendly calls. 471 00:25:11,025 --> 00:25:14,025 I don't talk to my friends like that. 472 00:25:14,191 --> 00:25:15,191 I do. 473 00:25:15,275 --> 00:25:18,025 Well, maybe that's why you have so few. 474 00:25:18,358 --> 00:25:20,900 You got me there. 475 00:25:24,650 --> 00:25:26,233 I started seeing someone. 476 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:28,358 Were you seeing someone the other night? 477 00:25:29,275 --> 00:25:31,983 Yes. But it just got serious. 478 00:25:33,441 --> 00:25:34,441 I see. 479 00:25:35,025 --> 00:25:39,108 So, I think we have to leave all that in the past. 480 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,733 Consider it in the past. 481 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:43,775 But we'll stay friends. 482 00:25:45,441 --> 00:25:46,941 Ah, friends. 483 00:25:48,150 --> 00:25:49,150 Good friends. 484 00:25:52,691 --> 00:25:54,066 His name is Jack Berger. 485 00:25:54,608 --> 00:25:55,858 He's a writer as well. 486 00:25:58,441 --> 00:26:01,858 Okay, kid. Hey, give me a call sometime. 487 00:26:03,441 --> 00:26:05,025 Any kind of call you want. 488 00:26:14,775 --> 00:26:17,233 That night in the basement of a synagogue, 489 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,358 after 75 accelerated classes, 490 00:26:20,858 --> 00:26:22,858 Charlotte, the Episcopalian princess 491 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,358 was reborn a Jew, 492 00:26:28,525 --> 00:26:30,858 leaving the old Charlotte behind. 493 00:26:31,775 --> 00:26:33,358 Was this tub drained before me? 494 00:26:35,191 --> 00:26:37,233 Well, not all of her. 495 00:26:45,941 --> 00:26:46,926 Hey. 496 00:26:46,941 --> 00:26:49,525 I finally figured out what you needed. 497 00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:50,941 - Oh yeah? - Mm-hm. 498 00:26:51,025 --> 00:26:53,025 I thought about it and I thought about it, 499 00:26:53,108 --> 00:26:55,400 and I narrowed it down to two choices. 500 00:26:56,275 --> 00:26:59,566 A Pulitzer prize, or this? 501 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,525 Well, I already have a Pulitzer. 502 00:27:02,608 --> 00:27:05,066 - You do? - Yeah, it's… I don't like to brag. 503 00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:07,691 Well then, I chose right. 504 00:27:10,691 --> 00:27:11,733 It's for a fresh start. 505 00:27:11,816 --> 00:27:16,358 It's the newest sound machine they make with many other sounds besides frogs. 506 00:27:17,316 --> 00:27:18,900 I don't care for frogs. 507 00:27:19,108 --> 00:27:20,650 New start, new sound. 508 00:27:22,025 --> 00:27:23,525 - Deal. - Deal. 509 00:27:23,775 --> 00:27:26,150 Deal. Oh… 510 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:40,650 That same night, next to Berger and "Surf Sounds number 4," 511 00:27:41,066 --> 00:27:44,691 I slept more soundly than I had in as long as I could remember.