1 00:00:58,938 --> 00:01:00,146 In New York City, 2 00:01:00,230 --> 00:01:04,063 it is a statistical fact that once every seven minutes, 3 00:01:04,146 --> 00:01:05,813 an unsuspecting woman… 4 00:01:06,146 --> 00:01:08,605 Shut the fuck up! 5 00:01:09,355 --> 00:01:10,256 …dates an actor. 6 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,771 Let me go. My husband will be home any minute. 7 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:16,105 For Samantha, one of the perks of dating Jerry the actor, 8 00:01:16,313 --> 00:01:19,021 was getting to stage full scale fantasy productions. 9 00:01:19,105 --> 00:01:21,980 Please. Please don't hurt me. I'll do anything, anything. 10 00:01:22,063 --> 00:01:23,480 Just shut the fuck up! 11 00:01:24,105 --> 00:01:25,980 Shut the fuck up! 12 00:01:26,063 --> 00:01:28,938 Oh. You are really good. 13 00:01:29,021 --> 00:01:31,355 I said, shut the fuck up! 14 00:01:32,063 --> 00:01:35,563 No, you shut the fuck up and fuck me before my husband gets home. 15 00:01:35,646 --> 00:01:37,563 Now! Whoo! 16 00:01:37,646 --> 00:01:40,730 And then he pretended to tie my hands behind my back 17 00:01:40,813 --> 00:01:42,396 and the whole time he kept screaming, 18 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,396 "Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up." 19 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:45,521 I tell you, 20 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:50,021 it is so refreshing to be with someone who likes to fuck outside the box. 21 00:01:50,771 --> 00:01:52,688 And this is my friend Samantha. 22 00:01:53,355 --> 00:01:55,355 The wallflower. Right. 23 00:01:55,855 --> 00:01:57,771 That is incredibly offensive. 24 00:01:57,855 --> 00:02:00,271 Violence against women is very serious issue. 25 00:02:00,355 --> 00:02:03,730 Oh, please. It was a fantasy. Fantasies can't be censored. 26 00:02:03,813 --> 00:02:06,646 Actually, I think the Supreme Court is working on that right now. 27 00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:09,771 All fantasies are healthy and harmless. Don't you agree? 28 00:02:11,188 --> 00:02:13,480 You know as a guy, I've always been under the impression 29 00:02:13,563 --> 00:02:19,021 that "rape" or anything in the "rape" family is just not a good idea. 30 00:02:20,021 --> 00:02:21,521 Can I go home now? 31 00:02:21,605 --> 00:02:23,188 There is no greater sound than your friends 32 00:02:23,313 --> 00:02:24,896 laughing at your new boyfriend's jokes. 33 00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:27,563 Well, that's not the only scenario we play. 34 00:02:27,646 --> 00:02:32,063 Sometimes he's Senator Smith or Principal Smith. Cellmate Smith. 35 00:02:32,146 --> 00:02:34,480 Okay. Moving on. Uh, Miranda. 36 00:02:34,563 --> 00:02:36,396 How was your date with the real estate guy? 37 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,396 Actually it wasn't horrible. 38 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,855 He was kind of cute and funny and… 39 00:02:41,105 --> 00:02:43,938 Hello? Oh. Doctor Smith. 40 00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:45,771 Thank you for returning my call. 41 00:02:48,605 --> 00:02:51,230 Excuse me. He thinks I may have the mumps. 42 00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,146 Yes, I am swollen. 43 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,605 Now, that's hot. 44 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,896 So, how did the date end? 45 00:02:58,021 --> 00:03:02,855 Um, he walked me home… I'm sorry. Are you maxed out on girl talk? 46 00:03:02,938 --> 00:03:04,313 No, no, no. I'm good. 47 00:03:04,396 --> 00:03:05,896 - I'll let you know. - Okay. 48 00:03:06,396 --> 00:03:09,021 So, he kissed me good night at the door. 49 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:12,146 I invited him up, he couldn't because he had an early meeting. 50 00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:14,438 We kissed again. Then he said he'd call. 51 00:03:14,771 --> 00:03:17,688 Two kisses. Very promising. 52 00:03:17,771 --> 00:03:19,313 You think? Even though he didn't come up? 53 00:03:19,396 --> 00:03:22,480 Definitely. It means he likes you but he wants to take it slow. 54 00:03:22,563 --> 00:03:24,605 - That's nice. - Berger, what do you think? 55 00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:28,771 You really wanna know? 56 00:03:28,855 --> 00:03:31,438 Please. I would love to have a man's opinion for a change. 57 00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:33,730 All right. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you. 58 00:03:34,271 --> 00:03:35,980 He's just not that into you. 59 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,646 - That's not true. - Don't listen to him. 60 00:03:41,896 --> 00:03:45,230 No. No. I'm intrigued. Elaborate. 61 00:03:45,730 --> 00:03:48,188 Look, I'm sorry but when a guy's really into you, 62 00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:50,146 he's coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting. 63 00:03:51,146 --> 00:03:55,355 Oh, that's is ludicrous. What about extenuating circumstances? 64 00:03:55,438 --> 00:03:58,646 What about you're stressed out, you're on deadline, you have a migraine? 65 00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:02,188 Or a lot of guys are afraid of getting their feelings hurt 66 00:04:02,271 --> 00:04:04,230 and they don't wanna ruin a friendship. 67 00:04:04,313 --> 00:04:07,230 Or they're freaked out by their own feelings? 68 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:10,230 There's a lot of push-pull out there. A lot of mixed messages. 69 00:04:10,313 --> 00:04:13,980 Yeah. I have to say that's all code for he's just not that into you. 70 00:04:14,563 --> 00:04:16,480 I'm sorry, but with guys, it's very simple. 71 00:04:16,563 --> 00:04:18,146 If we're into you, we're coming upstairs. 72 00:04:18,230 --> 00:04:21,188 We're booking the next date. There are no mixed messages. 73 00:04:22,146 --> 00:04:24,230 No mixed messages? But… 74 00:04:24,313 --> 00:04:27,313 I've spent my whole life deciphering mixed messages. 75 00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:29,521 I've made a whole career of it. 76 00:04:29,605 --> 00:04:32,521 Wow. He's just not that into me. 77 00:04:35,438 --> 00:04:38,480 - He's just not that into me. - Oh, honey. Ignore this person. 78 00:04:38,563 --> 00:04:40,855 He doesn't know what he's talking about. 79 00:04:40,938 --> 00:04:42,396 You are fired. 80 00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:46,313 Look. If he's not into you, the guy's obviously a weenie so… 81 00:04:46,396 --> 00:04:48,063 No. No. I love it. 82 00:04:48,563 --> 00:04:51,105 It is the most liberating thing I have ever heard. 83 00:04:51,188 --> 00:04:53,771 Think how much time in therapy I could have saved 84 00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:56,063 over the last 20 years if I had known this. 85 00:04:56,313 --> 00:04:59,063 I still think the real estate guy is gonna call. 86 00:04:59,146 --> 00:05:02,563 Yeah, I think you got an uncomfortable e-mail coming your way, you know? 87 00:05:02,646 --> 00:05:04,563 Something like, "Sorry, I haven't called. 88 00:05:04,646 --> 00:05:06,730 I'm in a place in the world where they don't have phones." 89 00:05:08,896 --> 00:05:09,896 I love him. 90 00:05:10,188 --> 00:05:12,146 The best part of a night out with your friends 91 00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:14,313 is talking about them all the way home. 92 00:05:14,563 --> 00:05:17,521 Charlotte is a trip. Samantha's hilarious. 93 00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:19,896 - They all are. - They thought you were hilarious. 94 00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:23,813 - Miranda… How do you not love Miranda? - I know. I love her. 95 00:05:23,896 --> 00:05:25,855 And I love that you loved her. 96 00:05:25,938 --> 00:05:28,605 Oh, God, she loved you. They all did. 97 00:05:28,688 --> 00:05:30,188 And they are a tough crowd. 98 00:05:30,271 --> 00:05:33,688 - I'm a tough crowd. - Okay. Your choice. 99 00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:36,521 Fudgesicle or Nutty-Buddy. 100 00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:39,188 Oh, my God. I wanted this one! 101 00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:40,688 We're perfect! 102 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,230 Oh, and when you went to the men's room, they were all… 103 00:05:43,313 --> 00:05:44,313 Stop. 104 00:05:44,355 --> 00:05:46,688 - What? Am I talking too much? - No. I wanna say something 105 00:05:46,771 --> 00:05:49,771 and I don't want you to say anything back, okay? You promise? 106 00:05:52,605 --> 00:05:53,730 I love you. 107 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:55,771 I love you, too. 108 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,105 And I am not saying it because you said it to me, I promise. 109 00:05:58,188 --> 00:06:00,896 I was gonna say it before. I've been thinking it the whole night. 110 00:06:03,105 --> 00:06:06,271 I love you. I just wanted to say it again on my own. 111 00:06:08,146 --> 00:06:10,105 In my euphoric state, 112 00:06:10,188 --> 00:06:13,396 I knew there was only one kind of person who could tolerate me. 113 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,146 I'm in love too. I'm so happy for you. 114 00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:18,146 It's the fastest I've ever said, "I love you" 115 00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:20,396 but I literally could not hold it in my mouth. 116 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,230 And why should you? There's no reason. You're in love. 117 00:06:23,313 --> 00:06:26,980 - I'm in love. - I love Harry so much, it hurts. 118 00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:30,105 Sometimes I look at Berger and he's so cute, 119 00:06:30,188 --> 00:06:33,355 I just wanna squeeze his face off. 120 00:06:33,438 --> 00:06:36,146 This Friday night is my first official Shabbos. 121 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:40,146 So, I am cooking a big traditional dinner for Harry. 122 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,396 I'm so excited to finally be a real Jew! 123 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,355 - Here's your brisket, lady. - Listen. Listen. I said lean! 124 00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:55,813 Just when I thought my week couldn't get any better, 125 00:06:55,896 --> 00:06:58,980 I came home to find a little surprise from Berger. 126 00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:16,313 From Berger's book to Samantha's books. 127 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,021 I'm sorry, Ms. Jones, 128 00:07:20,188 --> 00:07:24,563 but you owe the US government $300,000 in back taxes. 129 00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:28,146 But, auditor Smith, I don't have that kind of money. 130 00:07:28,563 --> 00:07:31,688 What are you gonna do? Take the shirt off my back? 131 00:07:33,855 --> 00:07:35,021 Take the shirt off my back. 132 00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,021 Oh! 133 00:07:38,521 --> 00:07:39,730 Ah. 134 00:07:41,521 --> 00:07:43,688 This is what I call internal revenue! 135 00:07:47,313 --> 00:07:50,813 In my fantasy, Hurricane Pandora would be brilliant. 136 00:07:51,813 --> 00:07:52,980 In reality… 137 00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:55,938 it was. 138 00:08:02,938 --> 00:08:05,188 All right, if you're still not finished, it's all over between us. 139 00:08:05,271 --> 00:08:07,771 I just finished it just this minute, I swear. 140 00:08:08,271 --> 00:08:09,271 Did you stop for meals? 141 00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:13,021 Hey. It's been two days. It's 400 pages. 142 00:08:13,105 --> 00:08:15,271 Yeah, well, I can't date a slow reader. 143 00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:16,563 Are you done? 144 00:08:16,646 --> 00:08:18,896 - Question is, are you done? - Yes, I'm done. 145 00:08:19,063 --> 00:08:20,646 And if you would shut your trap, 146 00:08:21,271 --> 00:08:22,688 I could tell you… 147 00:08:24,105 --> 00:08:28,313 that I love, love, loved it! 148 00:08:28,396 --> 00:08:30,021 I loved it. 149 00:08:30,438 --> 00:08:33,021 Except for one huge problem. 150 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:37,105 You have your leading lady running all over town wearing a scrunchie! 151 00:08:38,271 --> 00:08:39,688 A scrunchie. 152 00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:43,605 Uh, the hair thing? What's wrong with that? 153 00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:46,480 Well, nothing. Unless you're writing about women on the island of Manhattan, 154 00:08:46,605 --> 00:08:48,855 in which case uh, where do I begin? 155 00:08:48,980 --> 00:08:52,355 What are you talking about? A lot of New York women wear scrunchies. 156 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,813 Uh, in the bathroom maybe, when they're washing their faces. 157 00:08:56,188 --> 00:08:57,188 You're full of shit. 158 00:08:57,438 --> 00:09:00,730 I see women every single day, all over New York City wearing scrunchies. 159 00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:04,271 Okay, but here's the thing. Here's my crucial point. 160 00:09:04,355 --> 00:09:07,271 No woman who works at W magazine and lives on Perry Street 161 00:09:07,355 --> 00:09:10,646 would be caught dead at a hip downtown restaurant 162 00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,688 wearing a scrunchie! 163 00:09:15,063 --> 00:09:17,396 Man, it's a good thing I came along 164 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:21,021 because you may know the fellas but I know the ladies. 165 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,563 - Great. - Okay. 166 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:27,146 - Can I read you my favorite part? - No. I'm done talking about the book. 167 00:09:28,855 --> 00:09:29,938 We ordering in? 168 00:09:33,688 --> 00:09:36,605 He completely shut down. Why? 169 00:09:36,688 --> 00:09:40,230 Why did I have to get up on my sassy horse and ruin everything? 170 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,105 Yeah. Sass will bite you on the ass. 171 00:09:42,188 --> 00:09:44,271 And the thing that kills me is I loved the book. 172 00:09:44,563 --> 00:09:45,896 I could have gushed about it all night. 173 00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:49,313 Why did I have to go straight to the negative and just pick at it? 174 00:09:49,396 --> 00:09:50,813 Because you're in a relationship. 175 00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:53,021 I used to pick at Steve about everything. 176 00:09:53,271 --> 00:09:56,771 The way he held his fork, his grammar, his dirty fingernails. 177 00:09:56,855 --> 00:09:57,855 Used to? 178 00:09:58,146 --> 00:10:00,105 He has a new girlfriend for that now. 179 00:10:00,313 --> 00:10:01,313 Debbie! 180 00:10:01,896 --> 00:10:04,105 - Do you think Debbie picks at Steve? - Of course. 181 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,396 All women pick. It's in our DNA. 182 00:10:06,521 --> 00:10:08,355 It's our little way of showing that we care. 183 00:10:08,438 --> 00:10:12,105 Well, I think I've made it abundantly clear just how much I care. 184 00:10:12,188 --> 00:10:13,771 Well, you have to work it out with him. 185 00:10:14,105 --> 00:10:16,230 Berger has single-handedly changed my life. 186 00:10:16,355 --> 00:10:17,938 I still haven't heard from the real estate guy. 187 00:10:18,438 --> 00:10:19,438 But it's fine. 188 00:10:19,605 --> 00:10:21,021 He's just not that into me. 189 00:10:21,146 --> 00:10:23,480 I think right now, Berger's just not that into me. 190 00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:25,355 So, talk to him about it. 191 00:10:25,646 --> 00:10:28,105 You two seem like you could laugh your way through anything. 192 00:10:28,188 --> 00:10:31,313 Yeah, it's that kind of thinking that got me into this in the first place. 193 00:10:34,563 --> 00:10:37,521 One of the signs that a female gorilla is in love 194 00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:41,521 is that she can be seen picking nits off her male companion. 195 00:10:49,355 --> 00:10:50,355 And yet in humans, 196 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,230 nit picking can ruin a perfectly good evening. 197 00:10:53,313 --> 00:10:54,938 Not to mention, a relationship. 198 00:10:56,271 --> 00:10:58,313 Women are known to be more verbal than men, 199 00:10:58,438 --> 00:11:03,313 but, when does criticism that's constructive become destructive? 200 00:11:04,105 --> 00:11:07,771 Are there times when the ladies should just shut the fuck up? 201 00:11:13,313 --> 00:11:16,605 The next morning, another woman was making too much noise. 202 00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,563 What an earth is all that banging? 203 00:11:21,896 --> 00:11:23,688 Oh, good morning, Mrs. Collier! 204 00:11:23,771 --> 00:11:25,355 I'm a Jew now. How are you? 205 00:11:34,355 --> 00:11:35,771 - I know he'll call eventually. - Yeah. 206 00:11:36,146 --> 00:11:38,271 He's just going through a really hard time right now. 207 00:11:38,396 --> 00:11:40,188 - Mm-hm. - His boss got laid off. 208 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:43,355 Later on her lunch hour, Miranda checked her BlackBerry. 209 00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:44,855 There it was, 210 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,938 the uncomfortable e-mail Berger had predicted. 211 00:11:48,605 --> 00:11:49,980 - Yeah. - Then we may get busy, 212 00:11:50,063 --> 00:11:53,605 it's like, "Ah, I can't call. My God, I'm so stressed. I can't call you." 213 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:56,938 - But he's gonna call. - And his kitchen's being rewired. 214 00:11:57,021 --> 00:12:00,396 - That's all so complicated. At least. - Yeah that's like a two-day process. 215 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,980 Excuse me. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, 216 00:12:05,063 --> 00:12:10,188 and I hope what I'm gonna say will save you a lot of time and energy. 217 00:12:11,771 --> 00:12:13,896 He's just not that into you. 218 00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:17,646 So, move on. Have a great day. 219 00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:21,355 Having passed on the gospel to these New York women, 220 00:12:21,438 --> 00:12:24,480 Miranda could only hope they would spread the word, 221 00:12:24,563 --> 00:12:25,563 far and wide. 222 00:12:25,605 --> 00:12:27,980 - Bitch. - Who the hell asked her? 223 00:12:28,063 --> 00:12:28,965 Not me. 224 00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:30,938 - I know you didn't. - Crazy people in New York. 225 00:12:31,021 --> 00:12:33,230 - He is so gonna call you. - I know. 226 00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:35,938 And as two women's fantasies were being shattered, 227 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:38,146 another's were being brought to life. 228 00:12:41,313 --> 00:12:42,396 Samantha Jones? 229 00:12:44,146 --> 00:12:46,313 Detective Smith. Department of Homicide. 230 00:12:47,188 --> 00:12:49,355 Afraid I'm gonna have to ask you some questions, ma'am. 231 00:12:50,271 --> 00:12:51,938 Why certainly, detective. 232 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,021 Am I in some kind of trouble? 233 00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:57,396 - Two martinis please. Straight up. - Yes, ma'am. 234 00:12:58,021 --> 00:12:59,730 Actually, make mine a seltzer. 235 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,230 Oh, of course. You're working. 236 00:13:03,563 --> 00:13:05,021 But you know, detective, 237 00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:07,563 one little drink won't kill you. 238 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:11,438 - He'll have a martini. - No, it's a seltzer. 239 00:13:12,855 --> 00:13:14,188 Seriously, Samantha, I'm in AA. 240 00:13:14,313 --> 00:13:16,021 That sobered Samantha right up. 241 00:13:16,105 --> 00:13:19,146 I was totally like fucked up for eight years in Seattle. 242 00:13:19,521 --> 00:13:21,021 You know, I just realized, 243 00:13:21,105 --> 00:13:23,855 I have a presentation first thing in the morning, so… 244 00:13:25,355 --> 00:13:26,355 sorry. 245 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,813 Jerry had taken the fantasy into dangerous territory… 246 00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:35,646 reality. 247 00:13:36,396 --> 00:13:37,396 Two martinis. 248 00:13:37,605 --> 00:13:39,063 No, dude, I said a seltzer. 249 00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:43,646 Meanwhile, Charlotte was hard at work on her fantasy role, 250 00:13:43,730 --> 00:13:44,730 Martha Jewart. 251 00:13:44,771 --> 00:13:47,813 Okay, the kugel's in the over. The matzo balls are boiling. 252 00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:49,021 There's three hours till Shabbos. 253 00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:50,688 I think we should start braiding the challah. 254 00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:54,355 Doesn't Shabbos mean the day of rest, I.e., ordering in? 255 00:13:54,605 --> 00:13:56,105 We're wearing aprons. 256 00:13:56,438 --> 00:13:57,480 Do you own aprons? 257 00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:01,563 - The challah! - Okay, okay. You don't have to "holla"! 258 00:14:02,021 --> 00:14:04,063 Oh, Miranda, like this. 259 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,688 Oh. I don't know what I'm doing. 260 00:14:08,771 --> 00:14:10,355 Why did you call me over here? 261 00:14:10,438 --> 00:14:12,188 Because I didn't want to spend the rest of the week saying, 262 00:14:12,271 --> 00:14:13,730 "Guess you had to be there." 263 00:14:13,813 --> 00:14:16,521 Hey. Did Harry's friend ever call you? 264 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,396 Yes. As a matter of fact, I'm seeing him tonight. 265 00:14:19,563 --> 00:14:21,230 You think I could get away with this outfit? 266 00:14:21,563 --> 00:14:23,896 Definitely. The apron softens you. 267 00:14:24,105 --> 00:14:26,438 Can you read me what's next after it's braided? 268 00:14:26,938 --> 00:14:29,021 Hm. Uh… 269 00:14:29,688 --> 00:14:30,688 Oh. 270 00:14:30,730 --> 00:14:33,271 With her high school boyfriend, Charlotte doodled. 271 00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:35,313 With Harry, she Jew-dled. 272 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:41,521 Um… I think it calls for two cups of Mrs. Harry York Goldenblatt. 273 00:14:43,063 --> 00:14:45,230 Did I miss something, did you get married while I was at work? 274 00:14:45,313 --> 00:14:48,438 No. But that's where we're headed. 275 00:14:48,646 --> 00:14:50,480 You forget Charlotte Yorkenblatt. 276 00:14:50,771 --> 00:14:54,438 Actually, I've been making some calls and I was wondering 277 00:14:54,563 --> 00:14:56,146 how you both felt about November. 278 00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:59,105 - November for what? - For our wedding. 279 00:15:00,188 --> 00:15:02,271 Most of the synagogues are booked through the fall. 280 00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:06,355 - November works for me. - Has Harry even proposed yet? 281 00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:07,438 Miranda. 282 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,230 No. But he will. 283 00:15:09,896 --> 00:15:13,021 Aren't you counting your matzo balls before they rise? 284 00:15:13,105 --> 00:15:15,521 Miranda, zip the lip. 285 00:15:15,605 --> 00:15:17,188 Harry and I have an understanding about our future. 286 00:15:17,271 --> 00:15:19,188 We don't have to talk about it all the time. 287 00:15:19,605 --> 00:15:22,855 - It's "bereishit." - I don't know what that means. 288 00:15:22,938 --> 00:15:24,396 It's meant to be. 289 00:15:25,938 --> 00:15:29,230 I would never have gone through all this trouble 290 00:15:29,313 --> 00:15:31,563 if I didn't know for sure that we were getting married. 291 00:15:31,646 --> 00:15:34,563 I'm sorry, I just don't want to see you get hurt again. 292 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,146 And ever since her reality check with Jerry, 293 00:15:43,313 --> 00:15:45,480 Samantha had no interest in seeing him again. 294 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:50,521 However, when a certain government official called, 295 00:15:50,605 --> 00:15:52,855 she was more than happy to take a meeting. 296 00:15:57,271 --> 00:15:59,271 Secret Service agent Smith. 297 00:15:59,688 --> 00:16:00,688 If you're here… 298 00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:03,938 who's protecting the president? 299 00:16:04,313 --> 00:16:06,188 You know, I changed my mind. 300 00:16:06,438 --> 00:16:08,313 I thought of something even hotter for us to play. 301 00:16:08,438 --> 00:16:11,063 Hotter than Secret Service sluts? 302 00:16:11,188 --> 00:16:12,313 - Yeah. - Oh. 303 00:16:13,855 --> 00:16:17,146 I'm me, you're you. Go. 304 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,563 Oh… 305 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,396 You know, when I told you the other night I was in AA, you bolted. 306 00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:25,230 What's up with that? 307 00:16:25,396 --> 00:16:28,646 Jerry. It is Jerry, isn't it? 308 00:16:29,563 --> 00:16:31,646 I'm afraid we want different things. 309 00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:34,230 You want to tell me all about you 310 00:16:34,313 --> 00:16:37,521 and I don't want you to tell me all about you. 311 00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:40,063 It spoils the fantasy. 312 00:16:40,938 --> 00:16:43,480 - That's harsh. - Yeah. I am harsh. 313 00:16:44,146 --> 00:16:48,021 I'm also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient and always right. 314 00:16:48,105 --> 00:16:51,188 In bed, at the office, and everywhere else. 315 00:16:51,771 --> 00:16:52,756 I already knew that. 316 00:16:52,771 --> 00:16:55,271 And that's just a little bit about me. 317 00:16:56,105 --> 00:16:57,605 All right. Cool. 318 00:16:58,855 --> 00:17:00,563 Let me tell you one little thing about me. 319 00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:04,063 - See, this is exactly what… - At least let me tell you my last name. 320 00:17:05,105 --> 00:17:06,146 It's Jerrod. 321 00:17:09,771 --> 00:17:11,855 Your parents named you Jerry Jerrod? 322 00:17:12,980 --> 00:17:15,188 - No wonder you drank. - Right? 323 00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:18,438 There would still be accountants and undercover agents 324 00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:20,563 in their future, but that night, 325 00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:23,105 Samantha and Jerry got off on playing themselves. 326 00:17:25,063 --> 00:17:28,688 Meanwhile, I was looking forward to putting the scrunchie moment behind us. 327 00:17:33,230 --> 00:17:36,563 Unfortunately, it was staring us in the face. 328 00:17:41,563 --> 00:17:43,980 Okay. I'm sorry to have to do this 329 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,938 but I do believe we are in the presence of a scrunchie. 330 00:17:48,771 --> 00:17:51,521 I also do believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, 331 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,355 - that we are in New York City proper. - Mm. 332 00:17:54,438 --> 00:17:56,855 This woman does not appear to be washing her face. 333 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,563 She appears to be standing on line at a hip downtown restaurant. 334 00:18:02,688 --> 00:18:05,521 So, kinda kills your New York woman theory. 335 00:18:07,021 --> 00:18:08,563 Ah. Tough break, Bradshaw. 336 00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:13,313 - She's not from New York. - What? 337 00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:17,813 It doesn't matter. Did they say how long the wait was gonna be? 338 00:18:17,896 --> 00:18:20,313 Excuse me. Hi. I'm sorry to bother you. 339 00:18:20,396 --> 00:18:22,813 We're just wondering what part of New York you live in? 340 00:18:22,896 --> 00:18:25,188 Who? Me? 341 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,730 Oh, gosh! 342 00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:31,980 I am from Macon, Georgia. 343 00:18:32,063 --> 00:18:34,271 But thanks, you made my whole day. 344 00:18:34,521 --> 00:18:38,438 Honey, did you hear that? These people think I live in New York. 345 00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:41,771 I'm so hungry. When they gonna let us sit down? 346 00:18:43,396 --> 00:18:45,813 Downtown, over curried lamb and chutney, 347 00:18:45,896 --> 00:18:48,021 Miranda found herself presently surprised 348 00:18:48,105 --> 00:18:49,855 by Charlotte's matchmaking skills. 349 00:18:50,021 --> 00:18:53,980 - Oh! That was one spicy biryani. - I know. 350 00:18:54,063 --> 00:18:56,105 I've lost all feeling in my tongue. 351 00:18:57,105 --> 00:18:59,730 Listen, I know a great place around the corner 352 00:18:59,813 --> 00:19:01,146 if you wanna get coffee. 353 00:19:01,605 --> 00:19:07,980 Oh, you know, I wish I could, but I really should call it a night. 354 00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:11,313 Hey. It's fine. I understand. 355 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:15,313 You're just not that into me. And it's okay. I get it. 356 00:19:15,646 --> 00:19:18,480 No No. I like you. I just… 357 00:19:19,230 --> 00:19:20,771 really have to go. 358 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:23,271 Paul. Come on, you can stop lying. 359 00:19:23,355 --> 00:19:24,813 I am not lying. 360 00:19:24,896 --> 00:19:27,313 Come on, be a man. Tell the truth. 361 00:19:29,438 --> 00:19:30,771 I have diarrhea. 362 00:19:31,980 --> 00:19:35,646 Apparently, there is one rare exception to Berger's rule. 363 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:37,730 And it often involves curry. 364 00:19:38,688 --> 00:19:42,396 After dinner, Berger ate banana cream pie and I ate my words. 365 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,521 Another thing I loved was the way you used the sister's phone calls 366 00:19:45,605 --> 00:19:47,688 as little lamp posts. 367 00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:52,688 I mean… land marks or, uh, miles… mile posts. I don't know. Anyway. 368 00:19:52,771 --> 00:19:55,646 I just loved how those sort of punctuated the story. 369 00:19:55,938 --> 00:19:57,230 It's just a really nice touch. 370 00:20:00,188 --> 00:20:03,688 Oh, my God. The introduction, brilliant! 371 00:20:03,896 --> 00:20:08,480 You're instantly on this guy's sight even though he's a complete mess. 372 00:20:09,230 --> 00:20:11,271 You know, you really just nailed him. 373 00:20:19,105 --> 00:20:20,813 While I was working overtime, 374 00:20:22,146 --> 00:20:24,730 Charlotte's work was finally coming to an end. 375 00:20:24,813 --> 00:20:28,021 Harry, you can come on in now. Sorry it's so late. 376 00:20:28,105 --> 00:20:29,105 What's all this? 377 00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:30,813 Well, since it's our first Shabbos together, 378 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,771 I wanted to make it a little special. 379 00:20:32,896 --> 00:20:34,813 A little? This is phenomenal. 380 00:20:34,896 --> 00:20:37,480 I just need to get the candles and then we can say the Bracha. 381 00:20:49,730 --> 00:20:51,480 Oh, come on. 382 00:20:54,438 --> 00:20:56,813 Honey, please turn that off. We're about to eat. 383 00:21:02,605 --> 00:21:04,646 Mm. Smells incredible. 384 00:21:05,313 --> 00:21:08,521 And you made brisket. I cannot believe you made brisket. 385 00:21:45,563 --> 00:21:48,438 - Good Shabbos. - Good Shabbos, sweetie. 386 00:21:50,896 --> 00:21:54,021 Mm. I cannot believe you made all this. 387 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,563 - What did I do to deserve you? - I feel the same way. 388 00:21:59,021 --> 00:22:03,063 I've been thinking about blessings and you're such a blessing to me. 389 00:22:03,813 --> 00:22:04,813 What are you… 390 00:22:07,355 --> 00:22:08,896 Why is the TV on? 391 00:22:09,271 --> 00:22:11,480 - It's on mute. - Mute? Mute? 392 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:14,313 - We're having Shabbos dinner. - It's a big game, honey. 393 00:22:14,813 --> 00:22:17,730 Turn it off. I want you to turn it off right this minute. 394 00:22:17,813 --> 00:22:19,605 - But it's… - Off, now. 395 00:22:19,688 --> 00:22:21,438 Let me just watch this one pitch. 396 00:22:21,521 --> 00:22:24,646 I gave up Christ for you and you can't give up the Mets? 397 00:22:24,771 --> 00:22:26,938 This is gonna be a long life if you keep that up. 398 00:22:27,355 --> 00:22:29,563 "I gave up Christ for you, take out the trash." 399 00:22:29,646 --> 00:22:32,230 "I gave up Christ for you, pick up your socks." 400 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:37,021 Do you have any idea how hard I worked to prepare this meal for you? 401 00:22:37,563 --> 00:22:40,605 I went to Zabar's everyday this week. 402 00:22:41,271 --> 00:22:47,146 I had to make 30 matzo balls just to get four that were the right size and shape. 403 00:22:47,605 --> 00:22:49,730 Not to mention the months of studying 404 00:22:49,855 --> 00:22:52,938 and cramming like a maniac to convert to Judaism. 405 00:22:53,021 --> 00:22:54,521 And what have you done for me? 406 00:22:54,938 --> 00:22:56,063 Set the date! 407 00:22:56,855 --> 00:22:59,563 - Set the date. - What are you talking about? 408 00:22:59,730 --> 00:23:03,521 You said you couldn't marry me unless I was Jewish and now I'm Jewish. 409 00:23:03,896 --> 00:23:05,063 Set the date! 410 00:23:05,146 --> 00:23:07,396 You're acting crazy. Do you hear yourself? 411 00:23:07,688 --> 00:23:10,438 Do you know how lucky you are to have me? 412 00:23:10,896 --> 00:23:12,271 Do you know how we look? 413 00:23:12,813 --> 00:23:16,605 Do you know what people out there think when they see us together, do you? 414 00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:19,480 Yeah, I know what people are thinking. 415 00:23:20,605 --> 00:23:22,355 I just didn't think you were one of them. 416 00:23:23,646 --> 00:23:25,938 Finally, it was Charlotte who was on mute. 417 00:23:26,271 --> 00:23:27,480 I don't need this. 418 00:23:29,188 --> 00:23:30,188 I'm leaving. 419 00:23:34,563 --> 00:23:35,980 To think I bought a ring. 420 00:23:41,688 --> 00:23:43,688 The Mets won that night 5-4. 421 00:23:43,980 --> 00:23:46,271 But Charlotte lost everything that mattered to her. 422 00:23:47,313 --> 00:23:49,688 Oh. I just remembered another hilarious part. 423 00:23:49,813 --> 00:23:53,188 And later, on the corner of 73rd and mea culpa… 424 00:23:53,271 --> 00:23:57,021 Um, you know the scene where the dishwasher guy 425 00:23:57,105 --> 00:23:59,355 is spooning up the Rice Chex and he's putting them back in the box? 426 00:24:00,021 --> 00:24:01,146 It's perfection. 427 00:24:01,521 --> 00:24:04,105 - How'd you come up with that? - That's so lame. 428 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,855 No, it was not. It was hysterical. 429 00:24:06,938 --> 00:24:08,146 No, I'm not talking about the book. 430 00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:10,355 I'm talking about what you're doing right now. 431 00:24:10,813 --> 00:24:14,521 I just wanted you to know how much I loved your book. 432 00:24:15,271 --> 00:24:16,646 Because I did. 433 00:24:16,980 --> 00:24:20,063 And I'm sorry I muddied it up with the whole scrunchie thing. 434 00:24:20,396 --> 00:24:21,563 It's not that big a deal. 435 00:24:22,688 --> 00:24:23,688 Okay. 436 00:24:25,813 --> 00:24:27,355 I think I'm gonna call it a night. 437 00:24:27,438 --> 00:24:30,480 Uh, I gotta get an early start tomorrow. 438 00:24:30,730 --> 00:24:33,355 - Are you kidding? - No. Thanks for dinner. 439 00:24:34,521 --> 00:24:35,605 Call you tomorrow. 440 00:24:35,896 --> 00:24:38,271 And then there are times when a New York woman 441 00:24:38,355 --> 00:24:39,980 should not shut the fuck up. 442 00:24:40,063 --> 00:24:41,105 Hey. 443 00:24:43,146 --> 00:24:44,271 Berger. 444 00:24:46,271 --> 00:24:47,396 Berger! 445 00:24:49,230 --> 00:24:52,146 You can't just pull that line on me and walk away. 446 00:24:52,355 --> 00:24:53,688 Well, this time it's true. 447 00:24:53,771 --> 00:24:56,563 You're obviously still pissed and I'm sorry 448 00:24:56,730 --> 00:24:58,521 but you can't just shut down like this. 449 00:24:58,813 --> 00:25:01,105 We have to be able to say what's on our minds. 450 00:25:01,188 --> 00:25:04,646 If you thought that I had made some kind of mistake, 451 00:25:04,730 --> 00:25:06,313 I would want you to tell me. 452 00:25:06,563 --> 00:25:09,105 Oh? Nice hat. 453 00:25:13,105 --> 00:25:14,090 Carrie. 454 00:25:14,105 --> 00:25:16,271 It's fabulous and you just said that to hurt my feelings. 455 00:25:16,396 --> 00:25:17,730 Well, that's how you made me feel the other night… 456 00:25:17,813 --> 00:25:18,813 Fabulous. 457 00:25:19,855 --> 00:25:22,146 - So, you can just walk away now. - Uh, yes I can. 458 00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:23,605 Well, look. I'm sorry. All right? 459 00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:26,063 But what was I supposed to do with that scrunchie comment? 460 00:25:26,146 --> 00:25:29,355 Was I supposed to hop in my time machine and go back, fix my entire book? 461 00:25:29,646 --> 00:25:30,730 I don't know what your problem is, 462 00:25:30,813 --> 00:25:33,063 but it doesn't have anything to do with a scrunchie. 463 00:25:33,146 --> 00:25:36,438 Yeah. It's about the fact that my book is a big fat fucking failure. 464 00:25:36,688 --> 00:25:38,730 - Wait, what? - It's just, you know, 465 00:25:38,813 --> 00:25:40,313 I already feel like shit. 466 00:25:40,396 --> 00:25:43,105 You trying to pump me up all night, not helping. 467 00:25:46,980 --> 00:25:50,313 I'm sure this is all very sexy, you probably never… 468 00:25:52,063 --> 00:25:53,063 Stop. 469 00:25:54,646 --> 00:25:57,105 I wanna say something and I want you to listen. 470 00:25:58,813 --> 00:26:00,605 You're a beautiful writer. 471 00:26:01,730 --> 00:26:03,938 And I loved your book. 472 00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:06,771 And I love you. 473 00:26:07,605 --> 00:26:11,230 And I still think… you're very sexy. 474 00:26:12,980 --> 00:26:15,646 And I'm not gonna let you make a joke right now. 475 00:26:19,146 --> 00:26:20,188 Then I got nothing. 476 00:26:25,563 --> 00:26:26,563 Come on. 477 00:26:31,105 --> 00:26:32,688 Saying I love you is easy. 478 00:26:33,521 --> 00:26:36,563 What comes next, is a little scrunchier. 479 00:26:41,230 --> 00:26:43,188 Harry hadn't called in two days 480 00:26:43,646 --> 00:26:46,646 except to say he was sending someone over to pick up his TV. 481 00:26:51,355 --> 00:26:54,313 Just what New York needs. Another single Jewish girl. 482 00:26:59,896 --> 00:27:03,396 - Good morning. - Good morning. 483 00:27:03,521 --> 00:27:05,105 Mind if I get in there and wash my face? 484 00:27:05,563 --> 00:27:06,771 Not at all. 485 00:27:09,855 --> 00:27:11,021 Oh, my gosh. 486 00:27:11,105 --> 00:27:12,688 - Hm? - Where'd you get that? 487 00:27:12,771 --> 00:27:15,230 Well, Macon, Georgia. Why, you wanna try it on? 488 00:27:15,313 --> 00:27:16,605 - No. - Oh, but you're gonna look 489 00:27:16,688 --> 00:27:18,938 - so pretty with this scrunchie on. - No! 490 00:27:19,021 --> 00:27:20,646 You're gonna look really pretty. 491 00:27:20,771 --> 00:27:22,105 No, I hate you! 492 00:27:23,980 --> 00:27:26,271 How do you not love scrunchie?