1 00:00:49,648 --> 00:00:52,898 New York City is a great place to be engaged… 2 00:00:56,731 --> 00:00:57,773 Miss? 3 00:00:58,773 --> 00:01:01,231 Oh, I'm sorry, did you want this cab? 4 00:01:01,898 --> 00:01:03,481 - Why, thank you. - Sure. 5 00:01:07,981 --> 00:01:11,148 and it's an even better place to be enraged. 6 00:01:12,148 --> 00:01:13,856 Oh, you're so busy! 7 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,023 You're so busy! 8 00:01:23,981 --> 00:01:24,981 Ah. 9 00:01:30,231 --> 00:01:32,356 - Boy, do I have news. - So do I. 10 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,190 I didn't want to say anything until we were all together, but… 11 00:01:35,815 --> 00:01:38,815 Harry and I made up, and he asked me to marry him. 12 00:01:38,940 --> 00:01:41,731 - Oh, wow! - Oh, my God, congratulations! 13 00:01:41,815 --> 00:01:42,898 Sweetie, that's great. 14 00:01:42,981 --> 00:01:44,398 Look at that ring! 15 00:01:44,523 --> 00:01:46,606 I know, he had it made based on the one 16 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,690 that Richard Burton gave Elizabeth Taylor. 17 00:01:48,773 --> 00:01:51,273 Well, it is fabulous. 18 00:01:51,356 --> 00:01:53,898 Even more fabulous than your first one. 19 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,856 So, Carrie, what was your news? 20 00:01:58,940 --> 00:02:01,523 Oh, Berger broke up with me on a Post-it. 21 00:02:02,273 --> 00:02:05,273 - On a Post-it? - Uh-huh, uh-huh! Yep. 22 00:02:06,398 --> 00:02:07,690 Read it and weep, my friends. 23 00:02:08,690 --> 00:02:11,190 "I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me." 24 00:02:12,356 --> 00:02:13,898 The motherfucker's concise. 25 00:02:13,981 --> 00:02:15,773 First of all, I thought you were gonna break up with him. 26 00:02:15,856 --> 00:02:16,800 Yeah, I was. 27 00:02:16,815 --> 00:02:18,898 And I should have, but he said that he wanted 28 00:02:18,981 --> 00:02:20,856 to try to "work things out," 29 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:24,773 AKA, leave in the middle of the night. 30 00:02:24,856 --> 00:02:26,731 A Post-it, that's infuriating. 31 00:02:26,815 --> 00:02:30,148 I remember when breaking up over the phone was considered bad form. 32 00:02:30,231 --> 00:02:33,273 I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman. 33 00:02:33,356 --> 00:02:36,565 "I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down… 34 00:02:37,231 --> 00:02:38,231 ever." 35 00:02:38,315 --> 00:02:40,231 I miss having a doorman. 36 00:02:40,898 --> 00:02:42,481 So, are you gonna call him? 37 00:02:42,565 --> 00:02:46,106 No. I'm not going to dignify his behavior with a response. 38 00:02:46,190 --> 00:02:48,398 I am not even going to leave him one of those 39 00:02:48,481 --> 00:02:50,606 angry answering machine messages, 40 00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:52,315 "Hi, it's me, you're a dick!" 41 00:02:53,731 --> 00:02:55,940 But it sure felt good saying it right now, even to you. 42 00:02:56,023 --> 00:02:58,065 Well, that's what we're here for. 43 00:02:58,148 --> 00:02:59,133 I'm sorry. 44 00:02:59,148 --> 00:03:00,773 Yeah, I'm sorry, too. 45 00:03:00,856 --> 00:03:03,940 That relationship was a complete waste of time. 46 00:03:04,023 --> 00:03:06,440 Oh, it's never a complete waste of time. 47 00:03:06,523 --> 00:03:09,106 I mean, even in the worst relationship, you always learn something. 48 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,273 You might not want to say that to a woman 49 00:03:11,356 --> 00:03:12,981 carrying a loaded Post-it. 50 00:03:13,065 --> 00:03:14,773 But, Carrie, everything happens for a reason. 51 00:03:14,856 --> 00:03:16,440 Even if you don't know what it is yet. 52 00:03:16,523 --> 00:03:18,148 That's such bullshit. 53 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:20,315 It's not! Look at me. 54 00:03:21,065 --> 00:03:24,815 If I had never married Trey, then I never would have gotten divorced, 55 00:03:24,898 --> 00:03:28,023 and I never would have met my divorce lawyer, Harry, 56 00:03:29,065 --> 00:03:30,315 and I wouldn't be engaged now. 57 00:03:30,398 --> 00:03:31,398 Uh-huh. 58 00:03:33,356 --> 00:03:34,690 Paper covers rock. 59 00:03:36,523 --> 00:03:39,023 Maybe everything does happen for a reason. 60 00:03:39,106 --> 00:03:41,773 If Berger hadn't left me in the most horrible way 61 00:03:41,856 --> 00:03:43,148 anyone could ever imagine, 62 00:03:43,231 --> 00:03:45,690 I wouldn't have the afternoon free to walk you to your hair appointment. 63 00:03:45,773 --> 00:03:48,065 Mm-hmm. We're all being protected by the universe. 64 00:03:48,856 --> 00:03:50,065 When it comes to men, 65 00:03:50,148 --> 00:03:51,606 I think you may have had it right all along. 66 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,815 Keep it light, don't get too involved. 67 00:03:53,898 --> 00:03:54,940 Don't get too hurt. 68 00:03:55,023 --> 00:03:57,148 Exactly. If you're never someone's girlfriend, 69 00:03:57,231 --> 00:03:58,981 you could never be someone's ex-girlfriend. 70 00:03:59,731 --> 00:04:00,940 You know what? 71 00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,856 I'm gonna spend as much time mourning this relationship 72 00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:05,356 as he spent ending it. 73 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,148 Okay, I'm over it. 74 00:04:09,231 --> 00:04:12,731 Hey. Let's go somewhere fantastic tonight and have a fantastic time. 75 00:04:12,815 --> 00:04:14,315 What could we do that would be fantastic? 76 00:04:14,398 --> 00:04:17,690 I know. I'm taking you to Bed. 77 00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:19,731 I'm not that off men. 78 00:04:19,815 --> 00:04:21,981 No, Bed, it's a new club opening tonight. 79 00:04:22,065 --> 00:04:23,065 We'll all go. 80 00:04:23,523 --> 00:04:24,856 I think I have the invitation. 81 00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:27,690 Listen to me being all hurt. 82 00:04:27,773 --> 00:04:30,315 Look how many men have broken up with you, and you're fine. 83 00:04:31,190 --> 00:04:32,440 Ooh! 84 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:36,065 Come to Be… Come to Bed. Wow. 85 00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:39,731 People say everything happens for a reason. 86 00:04:39,815 --> 00:04:42,148 These people are usually women. 87 00:04:42,231 --> 00:04:45,565 And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. 88 00:04:46,523 --> 00:04:48,273 It seems that men can get out of a relationship 89 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,898 without even a goodbye, 90 00:04:49,981 --> 00:04:53,106 but apparently women have to either get married 91 00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:54,190 or learn something. 92 00:04:54,981 --> 00:04:59,523 Why are we in such a rush to move from confused to Confucius? 93 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:04,065 Do we search for "lessons" to lessen the pain? 94 00:05:04,773 --> 00:05:08,690 Meanwhile, Samantha was at home dressing a man for a change. 95 00:05:09,315 --> 00:05:12,398 I called some designers and I told them that the Absolut Hunk 96 00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:16,815 was going to do TRL on MTV and they jumped ASAP. 97 00:05:16,898 --> 00:05:20,606 Gucci, YSL, D&G. Take your pick. 98 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:24,315 You know, I'm not really comfortable wearing labels. 99 00:05:25,023 --> 00:05:26,065 If it's okay with you, 100 00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:27,648 I thought I'd just wear some jeans and this. 101 00:05:27,731 --> 00:05:30,273 Mm. That'll work too. 102 00:05:30,981 --> 00:05:34,190 You are going to be the fantasy of every adolescent girl 103 00:05:34,273 --> 00:05:36,731 and sexually confused boy in America. 104 00:05:37,856 --> 00:05:39,481 Mmm… 105 00:05:39,565 --> 00:05:42,065 How'd I get hooked up with such an amazing girlfriend? 106 00:05:42,148 --> 00:05:45,565 And that was a label Samantha wasn't comfortable wearing. 107 00:05:45,648 --> 00:05:49,190 Okay, you should get ready. The car will be here any minute. 108 00:05:50,023 --> 00:05:51,065 You sure you can't come? 109 00:05:51,148 --> 00:05:53,190 Oh, I can't, I promised Carrie and the girls. 110 00:05:53,273 --> 00:05:55,940 But I will catch the replay tonight. 111 00:05:57,773 --> 00:05:58,898 Should I hook up with you later? 112 00:05:58,981 --> 00:06:01,523 No, go out with the MTV crowd and have fun. 113 00:06:01,606 --> 00:06:04,106 You're the Absolut Hunk, work it! 114 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:08,815 And as your publicist, let me just say, 115 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:13,356 calling someone your girlfriend isn't a good idea right now. 116 00:06:14,356 --> 00:06:16,148 - Someone or you? - Either way. 117 00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,981 So when anyone asks if you have a girlfriend, 118 00:06:20,065 --> 00:06:25,606 you should say you're still looking and haven't found anyone special yet. 119 00:06:25,690 --> 00:06:26,773 That's what you want? 120 00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:29,065 That's what I want. 121 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,398 Samantha. 122 00:06:32,856 --> 00:06:36,731 But I do insist you top off that tank with some Dior sunglasses. 123 00:06:36,815 --> 00:06:38,106 It's MTV, 124 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,273 if you're not wearing something the kids can't afford, 125 00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:42,023 how will they know to look up to you? 126 00:06:44,606 --> 00:06:47,023 There. Much better. 127 00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:51,190 That night, as Charlotte was deciding what to wear, 128 00:06:51,273 --> 00:06:54,231 she noticed that everything went with her new engagement ring, 129 00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:56,606 except her old wedding dress. 130 00:07:00,773 --> 00:07:03,190 Meanwhile, in another closet… 131 00:07:03,273 --> 00:07:06,148 I don't think I can go. I'm not feeling so hot. 132 00:07:06,231 --> 00:07:08,815 - Are you sick? - No, I mean literally. 133 00:07:08,898 --> 00:07:12,273 Openings of hot new clubs are for hot childless people. 134 00:07:12,648 --> 00:07:15,231 I'm not even one of the hot mommies at mommy and me. 135 00:07:15,315 --> 00:07:17,398 Miranda, I don't want to have to resort to this, 136 00:07:17,523 --> 00:07:20,565 but if I have to, I will play the Post-it card. 137 00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:24,523 Just explain to me why I have to leave my house to go to Bed. 138 00:07:24,606 --> 00:07:28,023 Because this can't be "the day that I was broken up with by a Post-it." 139 00:07:28,106 --> 00:07:31,565 This has to be the day that something else happened. 140 00:07:31,648 --> 00:07:33,523 How about "the day your friend discovered 141 00:07:33,606 --> 00:07:35,523 all her clothes are covered in spit-up?" 142 00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:38,231 You are going, no excuses. 143 00:07:38,315 --> 00:07:40,523 Okay, okay. 144 00:07:42,481 --> 00:07:47,065 And speaking of no excuses, there they were, her skinny jeans. 145 00:07:47,148 --> 00:07:49,773 The jeans every woman keeps in the vain hope 146 00:07:49,856 --> 00:07:51,940 that someday she'll fit into them again. 147 00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,565 Oh, my God, Tony! What are you doing here? 148 00:08:13,648 --> 00:08:15,440 No, you did not come to this club. 149 00:08:15,523 --> 00:08:18,273 Ladies, this is a miracle. 150 00:08:19,023 --> 00:08:20,940 I am in my skinny jeans. 151 00:08:21,023 --> 00:08:26,731 I haven't fit into these since 1985, and that is only because I had mono. 152 00:08:28,065 --> 00:08:32,231 Miranda, I've never noticed before, but you've got one hot ass. 153 00:08:32,315 --> 00:08:34,898 - Really? - Yeah, and you look good. 154 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:35,981 How did you do it? 155 00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:38,148 Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, 156 00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:39,731 and stopped having any time to eat. 157 00:08:39,815 --> 00:08:41,815 Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying. 158 00:08:41,898 --> 00:08:46,023 I can't believe I am in my skinny jeans! I am never taking them off. 159 00:08:46,106 --> 00:08:47,856 Charlotte, can I wear these to your wedding? 160 00:08:48,606 --> 00:08:51,481 - I'm kidding. - Oh, no, it's just… 161 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:54,356 I just feel kind of silly that I made such a big fuss 162 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,606 about my ring earlier. 163 00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:58,940 Oh, honey, a diamond that big deserves a parade. 164 00:08:59,023 --> 00:09:00,815 But this is the second time around. 165 00:09:00,898 --> 00:09:02,523 I already did the showing of the ring, 166 00:09:02,606 --> 00:09:04,648 I already did the big wedding, you were there. 167 00:09:04,731 --> 00:09:05,856 - It was lovely. - Lovely. 168 00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:09,231 So this time I've decided that it should just be 169 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,231 really small and tasteful. 170 00:09:11,315 --> 00:09:13,023 - So, no denim? - Right. 171 00:09:13,606 --> 00:09:15,606 And I don't want to disappoint you, 172 00:09:15,690 --> 00:09:17,898 I've decided not to have bridesmaids. 173 00:09:19,023 --> 00:09:21,148 Whoo-hoo! 174 00:09:22,065 --> 00:09:23,008 Hallelujah! 175 00:09:23,023 --> 00:09:24,481 Okay, let's go to Bed. 176 00:09:28,565 --> 00:09:31,940 Since people often go to bars to try to get someone into bed, 177 00:09:32,023 --> 00:09:34,398 it was only a matter of time 'til someone 178 00:09:34,481 --> 00:09:36,856 cut out the middle man and put the beds in bars. 179 00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:39,690 Now this is my kind of place. 180 00:09:39,773 --> 00:09:41,481 And I thought they were being ironic. 181 00:09:42,023 --> 00:09:45,523 If I had know it was gonna be like this, I would have brought my bite guard. 182 00:09:47,481 --> 00:09:50,315 Um, bed for four please. 183 00:09:50,398 --> 00:09:52,148 All the beds are booked right now. 184 00:09:52,231 --> 00:09:53,690 Oh, damn, that always happens to me. 185 00:09:53,773 --> 00:09:56,481 We're on the VIP list, Samantha Jones. 186 00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:58,815 Perfect. I'll be right back. 187 00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:01,106 I have to find a bathroom. 188 00:10:01,190 --> 00:10:03,523 - I need to pee. - Oh, really? 189 00:10:03,606 --> 00:10:07,023 Or do you just want to stare at your ass in the mirror? 190 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,856 Well, that too. 191 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,231 Shake it, sister! 192 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:13,440 Whoo! 193 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,565 We're ready. Follow me. 194 00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,356 Oh, that was fast. 195 00:10:17,481 --> 00:10:19,440 What could I say, I know how to work it in Bed. 196 00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:27,523 Oh… 197 00:10:28,148 --> 00:10:29,898 And I didn't even have to buy you dinner. 198 00:10:29,981 --> 00:10:31,856 I'm sorry, someone pushed me. 199 00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,273 You want me to have them killed? 200 00:10:33,356 --> 00:10:35,273 - Would you? - Just say when. 201 00:10:35,356 --> 00:10:37,940 - When. - Okay, I'm bluffing. 202 00:10:38,023 --> 00:10:39,523 Yeah, I knew you were all talk. 203 00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,731 Yeah. I'm Peter. 204 00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:43,023 Oh… Miranda. 205 00:10:43,648 --> 00:10:46,231 Well, thank you for letting me crash. 206 00:10:46,898 --> 00:10:48,065 Why don't you hang out? 207 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,523 It's not that often I have such a beautiful woman in bed with me. 208 00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:55,565 Oh, okay. 209 00:10:55,648 --> 00:10:57,398 But move over, that's my side. 210 00:11:03,481 --> 00:11:05,565 All the men in here seem kind of old. 211 00:11:05,981 --> 00:11:07,731 That's because you're dating Smith. 212 00:11:07,815 --> 00:11:09,315 Who's basically a zygote. 213 00:11:09,398 --> 00:11:11,398 I am not dating him. I'm fucking him. 214 00:11:11,481 --> 00:11:14,273 And now, I'm looking for someone else to fuck. 215 00:11:14,356 --> 00:11:16,523 Well, I think you may have come to the right place. 216 00:11:17,690 --> 00:11:19,565 This place is awesome! 217 00:11:21,023 --> 00:11:23,273 Oh, no. That's Berger's friend. 218 00:11:23,356 --> 00:11:24,565 - Oh! - Where? 219 00:11:24,648 --> 00:11:25,981 In the next bed. 220 00:11:26,065 --> 00:11:27,315 Oh, God, I hate New York. 221 00:11:27,398 --> 00:11:29,481 Is there no other club opening tonight? 222 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,065 What should I do? 223 00:11:32,106 --> 00:11:33,565 Ignore them. 224 00:11:34,023 --> 00:11:35,008 No, I can't. 225 00:11:35,023 --> 00:11:37,106 It'll get back to Berger that I acted childish. 226 00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:38,690 Just go over there and say hi. 227 00:11:39,356 --> 00:11:41,523 Act like Berger's the last thing on your mind. 228 00:11:41,606 --> 00:11:43,981 Right. I'll take the high road. 229 00:11:44,065 --> 00:11:47,273 I'll be calm and classy and just say hello. 230 00:11:50,356 --> 00:11:51,440 Billy, hi! 231 00:11:51,523 --> 00:11:52,648 Hey, Carrie. 232 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,481 - Hi, how are you? - Fuckin' great. 233 00:12:00,565 --> 00:12:03,690 Chris, Andrew, this is Berger's girlfriend, Carrie. 234 00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:04,940 Is Berger with you? 235 00:12:05,023 --> 00:12:06,148 Um… 236 00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:10,773 This is kind of uncomfortable 237 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:15,523 but, uh, we broke up this morning. 238 00:12:15,898 --> 00:12:18,023 Oh. Man, I'm sorry to hear that. 239 00:12:18,106 --> 00:12:19,106 Yeah. 240 00:12:19,481 --> 00:12:21,940 Yeah, I knew you guys had all kinds of problems. 241 00:12:24,648 --> 00:12:25,648 Yeah… 242 00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,315 and he was bad in bed. 243 00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:33,023 Well, you look great, Billy. 244 00:12:39,648 --> 00:12:42,606 You know that angry message I didn't want to leave on Berger's machine? 245 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:43,981 I just left it on his friend. 246 00:12:44,065 --> 00:12:45,273 What happened? 247 00:12:45,356 --> 00:12:47,606 I took the lowest possible road. 248 00:12:48,315 --> 00:12:51,190 I told him Berger was bad in bed, which isn't even true. 249 00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:54,356 Two times! Don't you forget anything? 250 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,565 Why did you say that? 251 00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:58,231 I don't… It just came out. 252 00:12:58,315 --> 00:12:59,690 Well, it's understandable. 253 00:12:59,773 --> 00:13:02,440 You're suffering from Post-it traumatic stress syndrome. 254 00:13:02,523 --> 00:13:04,856 I need to find a way to erase that message. 255 00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:06,565 Go back over there and explain. 256 00:13:07,356 --> 00:13:09,981 Just tell them you're hurt and that you didn't mean it. 257 00:13:10,315 --> 00:13:12,440 Oh, great, now I have to admit that I'm hurt? 258 00:13:13,106 --> 00:13:15,690 First, a little nerve Clicquot. 259 00:13:28,106 --> 00:13:29,106 Hey. 260 00:13:29,481 --> 00:13:32,190 Uh, that thing I said before? 261 00:13:32,273 --> 00:13:34,565 Terrible and not true. 262 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,148 He was fine in bed. 263 00:13:36,981 --> 00:13:38,315 Great, in fact. 264 00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,856 Fireworks. Rockets. 265 00:13:42,898 --> 00:13:44,231 I don't even know why I said that. 266 00:13:45,606 --> 00:13:46,648 I'm… 267 00:13:48,106 --> 00:13:49,648 hurt, okay? 268 00:13:49,731 --> 00:13:50,731 Sure. 269 00:13:50,773 --> 00:13:51,898 Break-ups are tough. 270 00:13:51,981 --> 00:13:55,231 Yes. Under normal circumstances they are tough. 271 00:13:55,315 --> 00:13:57,440 And in this case… tougher. 272 00:13:58,273 --> 00:14:01,398 Look, I don't want to drag you into this, but, uh… 273 00:14:03,231 --> 00:14:05,481 Berger broke up with me on a Post-it. 274 00:14:10,398 --> 00:14:14,190 Yeah, I know as Berger's friend, you can't have a normal reaction. 275 00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:18,356 But just so you know, the normal reaction has been… 276 00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:22,273 Not that I'm going around telling everyone. 277 00:14:22,356 --> 00:14:23,856 Just some girlfriends. 278 00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:29,023 I'm trying to understand why someone would do that. 279 00:14:29,106 --> 00:14:31,523 Well, maybe he was afraid. 280 00:14:31,606 --> 00:14:32,731 Interesting, how so? 281 00:14:33,356 --> 00:14:34,815 Women can get really angry. 282 00:14:34,898 --> 00:14:38,815 Well, I assure you, I would have been very understanding. 283 00:14:39,148 --> 00:14:40,440 Right. 284 00:14:40,856 --> 00:14:41,856 Excuse me? 285 00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:47,023 You all say that, but then you just freak and get all psycho-bitch. 286 00:14:47,106 --> 00:14:48,398 Really? 287 00:14:49,565 --> 00:14:51,273 So now it's our fault? 288 00:14:51,356 --> 00:14:53,481 All we're saying is there really is no good way 289 00:14:53,565 --> 00:14:55,440 to break up with someone, is there? 290 00:14:55,523 --> 00:14:57,856 Well, it's funny you should mention that, Billy, 291 00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:00,315 because actually there is. 292 00:15:00,773 --> 00:15:05,648 You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman to her face 293 00:15:05,773 --> 00:15:07,481 that you no longer want to see her. 294 00:15:07,565 --> 00:15:11,356 Call me crazy, but I think that you can make a point 295 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,440 of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include 296 00:15:14,523 --> 00:15:17,606 an e-mail, a doorman or a missing person's report. 297 00:15:17,690 --> 00:15:21,815 I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy 298 00:15:21,898 --> 00:15:26,731 and actually have the uncomfortable "break-up" conversation, 299 00:15:26,815 --> 00:15:28,023 because here's what, 300 00:15:28,106 --> 00:15:31,148 avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy. 301 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,731 - And just so you know, Allan… - Andrew. 302 00:15:33,815 --> 00:15:37,106 Uh-huh. Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. 303 00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:40,481 We just want an ending to a relationship that… 304 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:44,148 that is thoughtful and decent 305 00:15:44,523 --> 00:15:46,565 and honors what we had together. 306 00:15:46,648 --> 00:15:48,981 So my point, Billy, is this, 307 00:15:49,606 --> 00:15:51,690 there is a good way to break up with someone. 308 00:15:51,773 --> 00:15:55,106 And it doesn't include a Post-it! 309 00:15:56,690 --> 00:15:58,690 Um, okay. 310 00:16:07,648 --> 00:16:08,591 Much better. 311 00:16:08,606 --> 00:16:10,690 You think? We have to get out of here immediately. 312 00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:16,606 So, what… 313 00:16:17,190 --> 00:16:18,356 You have a boyfriend? 314 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:19,856 Me? No. 315 00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:21,648 Right. 316 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:22,731 I don't. 317 00:16:23,398 --> 00:16:25,565 Come on. How is that possible? 318 00:16:30,065 --> 00:16:31,440 I have no idea. 319 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,356 Well, neither do I. 320 00:16:33,815 --> 00:16:34,981 You're hot. 321 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:37,815 Hi. Sorry, we're leaving. 322 00:16:37,898 --> 00:16:39,565 I just learned you should never go to bed angry. 323 00:16:41,356 --> 00:16:43,190 Oh! Well… 324 00:16:44,981 --> 00:16:46,231 Oh. 325 00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:48,731 Well, it was really great meeting you. 326 00:16:48,815 --> 00:16:50,523 It was good to meet you. 327 00:16:50,606 --> 00:16:51,606 I'll see ya. 328 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:54,341 And thanks. 329 00:16:54,356 --> 00:16:55,356 For what? 330 00:17:02,481 --> 00:17:03,481 Okay, so I'm angry. 331 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,315 So those guys will tell Berger that I'm angry. 332 00:17:05,398 --> 00:17:06,523 I can live with that. 333 00:17:06,606 --> 00:17:07,981 Come on, bro, give me a hit. 334 00:17:08,815 --> 00:17:10,273 - Pass that back. - Ooh… 335 00:17:10,356 --> 00:17:12,315 - You think that'll last? - You got it, man… 336 00:17:13,356 --> 00:17:14,565 Do you smell that? 337 00:17:14,648 --> 00:17:16,023 - Pot. - Oh. 338 00:17:17,606 --> 00:17:18,648 Let's get high! 339 00:17:19,273 --> 00:17:20,481 I'd get high. 340 00:17:20,565 --> 00:17:22,315 Wait, are you serious? 341 00:17:22,398 --> 00:17:26,606 Yes! That's exactly what my mind needs, cloudiness. 342 00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:29,565 I'm still too lucid on the facts of the day and night. 343 00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:31,440 Hey, when was the last time you smoked pot? 344 00:17:31,523 --> 00:17:33,315 I think I was wearing these jeans. 345 00:17:33,398 --> 00:17:36,273 - I'm not smoking pot. - Post-it. 346 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,481 How would we even get any? 347 00:17:39,148 --> 00:17:41,606 I'd call my dealer, but he's at the Cape. 348 00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:44,481 Oh, damn those dealers and their summer houses. 349 00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,106 I'll ask those guys. 350 00:17:48,315 --> 00:17:50,565 Excuse me, fellas? 351 00:17:50,648 --> 00:17:52,315 - I got it… - Excuse me? 352 00:17:53,148 --> 00:17:54,231 Hey… 353 00:17:54,981 --> 00:17:55,981 Um… 354 00:17:57,023 --> 00:18:00,398 My friends and I were wondering if you knew… 355 00:18:00,481 --> 00:18:02,398 I like her in those jeans. 356 00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,815 Is it safe to buy pot from strangers? 357 00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:06,981 They're not strangers, they're our new friends with pot. 358 00:18:07,065 --> 00:18:09,731 Okay, thank you. 359 00:18:12,565 --> 00:18:13,565 Okay. 360 00:18:13,648 --> 00:18:16,898 They're going around the corner to Drown the Hound, 361 00:18:16,981 --> 00:18:18,481 there's a guy there who deals. 362 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,981 And I get the one with the glasses. 363 00:18:21,523 --> 00:18:24,148 My, when she scores, she scores. 364 00:18:24,231 --> 00:18:26,023 All right. 365 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,190 - There you go. - Thanks a lot, Tommy. 366 00:18:31,773 --> 00:18:34,023 Mmm. Drown the Hound. 367 00:18:34,106 --> 00:18:36,148 And I thought they were being ironic. 368 00:18:37,815 --> 00:18:41,981 - I see our guys. - Yeah, go get our… 369 00:18:44,773 --> 00:18:46,981 If that last place was called Bed, 370 00:18:47,065 --> 00:18:48,773 then this should be called "Smell." 371 00:18:48,856 --> 00:18:50,023 Well, hold your nose. 372 00:18:50,106 --> 00:18:52,398 I promised Smith I'd watch him on TRL 373 00:18:53,106 --> 00:18:54,731 and this dump has a TV. 374 00:18:57,356 --> 00:18:59,106 What's this all over the floor? 375 00:18:59,648 --> 00:19:00,731 Peanut shells. 376 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,481 - Why? - I don't know. 377 00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:06,648 Do peanut shells have to happen for a reason? 378 00:19:07,273 --> 00:19:08,606 What can I get ya? 379 00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:09,731 Here's a 20. 380 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,190 I assume in a place like this 381 00:19:11,273 --> 00:19:13,981 that covers three drinks and a channel change. 382 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,940 Does the bride need another Jell-O shot? 383 00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,398 No, I can't… 384 00:19:18,481 --> 00:19:20,773 Yes! 385 00:19:21,398 --> 00:19:23,981 - Drinks! - One more. 386 00:19:24,065 --> 00:19:25,106 Look at them. 387 00:19:25,523 --> 00:19:27,398 So happy. 388 00:19:28,523 --> 00:19:30,148 Here comes the bride 389 00:19:30,231 --> 00:19:31,440 Hey, sweetie, what's wrong? 390 00:19:33,523 --> 00:19:36,398 I just… I wish I'd never been married before. 391 00:19:36,481 --> 00:19:39,231 But, if you hadn't married Trey, you wouldn't have met Harry… 392 00:19:39,315 --> 00:19:43,273 I know, it's just, I hate that this is my second ring 393 00:19:43,773 --> 00:19:45,440 and that this is my second marriage. 394 00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:48,481 And I hate that I finally found the love of my life 395 00:19:48,565 --> 00:19:51,606 and I can't celebrate it in a big, big way. 396 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:54,648 You can do whatever you want. 397 00:19:55,815 --> 00:19:57,273 No, I can't. It's… 398 00:19:57,815 --> 00:19:58,940 It's inappropriate. 399 00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:01,065 Excuse me? 400 00:20:01,148 --> 00:20:03,773 Hi, would you take a picture of me and my girlfriends? 401 00:20:03,856 --> 00:20:04,856 She's getting married. 402 00:20:05,398 --> 00:20:07,148 - Sure. - Thank you. 403 00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:13,065 You know, she got engaged last night. 404 00:20:13,148 --> 00:20:14,398 Oh! That's great! 405 00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:15,773 Congratulations! 406 00:20:15,856 --> 00:20:17,231 No, no, it's my second… 407 00:20:17,315 --> 00:20:19,981 She's getting married to a wonderful man. 408 00:20:20,065 --> 00:20:21,815 And look at this rock. 409 00:20:21,898 --> 00:20:23,981 - Oh, wow! - It's gorgeous! 410 00:20:24,065 --> 00:20:25,981 - It's beautiful! - Thank you. 411 00:20:26,065 --> 00:20:27,481 You have to be in the picture! 412 00:20:27,565 --> 00:20:28,606 No, that's okay. 413 00:20:28,690 --> 00:20:29,856 Come on. 414 00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,648 Give me the camera. 415 00:20:35,565 --> 00:20:38,315 All right. Everyone say, "bride!" 416 00:20:38,398 --> 00:20:39,565 Bride! 417 00:20:43,898 --> 00:20:44,898 So when are you getting married? 418 00:20:44,981 --> 00:20:46,815 - What's the dress like? - Where's the reception? 419 00:20:46,898 --> 00:20:48,856 And finally, Charlotte's inner judge 420 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:51,815 was silenced by some very loud bachelorettes. 421 00:20:52,981 --> 00:20:55,315 Sorry, I guess he's not here tonight. 422 00:20:55,773 --> 00:20:58,773 Oh, well, you can't cry over spilt pot. 423 00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:01,231 I could buy you a drink. 424 00:21:01,315 --> 00:21:03,356 I said I was buying her a drink, dude. 425 00:21:04,565 --> 00:21:05,565 You have a girlfriend. 426 00:21:05,648 --> 00:21:07,065 Gentlemen, please! 427 00:21:07,148 --> 00:21:09,065 That's the secret of the skinny jeans. 428 00:21:09,148 --> 00:21:12,606 It's not so much a state of behind as a state of mind. 429 00:21:16,065 --> 00:21:17,315 Hey, what's up? I'm La La. 430 00:21:17,398 --> 00:21:20,981 Now, you've seen him naked on a billboard right here in Times Square, 431 00:21:21,065 --> 00:21:23,065 and now he's on TRL, wearing clothes, 432 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:24,440 damn, but it's still all good. 433 00:21:24,523 --> 00:21:27,315 He is the absolute hottest, the absolute awesome, 434 00:21:27,398 --> 00:21:28,731 the Absolut Hunk. 435 00:21:28,815 --> 00:21:30,731 Give it up for Smith Jerrod. 436 00:21:30,815 --> 00:21:31,815 Hey! 437 00:21:33,356 --> 00:21:36,065 Man, we have a lot of fans in the house. 438 00:21:36,148 --> 00:21:37,606 Let's get right to some questions. 439 00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:40,106 Hi, I'm Amber. 440 00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:41,481 Hey, what's up, Amber? 441 00:21:42,148 --> 00:21:44,773 Nice, relaxed, sexy, yet modest. 442 00:21:45,731 --> 00:21:48,898 One, what is it like to be the Absolut Hunk? 443 00:21:49,606 --> 00:21:54,231 I have to say it's been a real trip, but I've met some really awesome people. 444 00:21:54,315 --> 00:21:55,731 You're hot enough to be on TV. 445 00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,606 - Take that to the dart board. - And two, 446 00:21:58,690 --> 00:22:00,481 do you have a girlfriend? 447 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,815 No, I'm still looking. 448 00:22:03,898 --> 00:22:05,815 Really, you're not dating anyone? 449 00:22:06,565 --> 00:22:09,648 I am dating, but I'm not seeing anyone special. 450 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,398 And even though Samantha had designed it herself, 451 00:22:14,481 --> 00:22:18,981 she realized "no one special" was another label she didn't care for. 452 00:22:19,065 --> 00:22:20,606 I changed my mind. 453 00:22:22,398 --> 00:22:23,398 Kiss me. 454 00:22:24,981 --> 00:22:27,648 And to prove that Smith was no one special to her, 455 00:22:27,731 --> 00:22:29,565 she kissed someone even less special. 456 00:22:30,106 --> 00:22:34,065 Unfortunately, he was someone special to a somewhat drunk person. 457 00:22:34,190 --> 00:22:36,106 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 458 00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:37,190 What happened? 459 00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:38,216 She kissed Frankie! 460 00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:41,190 Oh! Who the fuck do you think you are, huh? 461 00:22:41,273 --> 00:22:42,398 Fucking city girls, 462 00:22:42,481 --> 00:22:44,190 you think you're such hot shit that you can go around 463 00:22:44,273 --> 00:22:45,773 kissing other girls' boyfriends? 464 00:22:45,856 --> 00:22:47,398 I'm gonna kick your ass. 465 00:22:47,481 --> 00:22:49,106 I'm gonna slap the shit outta you. 466 00:22:49,231 --> 00:22:51,315 - Ah! - Oh, my God! 467 00:22:51,981 --> 00:22:54,440 - Relax! - Oh, yeah? You fuckin' relax! 468 00:22:59,231 --> 00:23:01,023 If I ever fucking see you again, 469 00:23:01,106 --> 00:23:04,648 I'm gonna put my shoe so far up your ass you're gonna taste leather! 470 00:23:08,606 --> 00:23:09,690 Okay, I get it. 471 00:23:10,523 --> 00:23:12,023 Angry women can be scary. 472 00:23:12,106 --> 00:23:15,273 Very few women can pull off anger in a tube top. 473 00:23:15,356 --> 00:23:16,356 Ugh… 474 00:23:17,190 --> 00:23:19,815 This night is turning into a total bust. 475 00:23:20,773 --> 00:23:22,065 Not total. 476 00:23:23,148 --> 00:23:25,815 Oh, my God, I love you! 477 00:23:25,898 --> 00:23:27,356 Where did you get that? 478 00:23:28,731 --> 00:23:32,356 Well, apparently, $20 will buy you three drinks… 479 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,481 Uh-huh. 480 00:23:33,565 --> 00:23:35,481 a channel change, and a joint. 481 00:23:35,565 --> 00:23:36,606 All right. 482 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,148 Fucking men. 483 00:23:45,898 --> 00:23:46,898 Yeah. 484 00:23:50,690 --> 00:23:52,606 - Men are bullshit. - Mmm… 485 00:23:53,731 --> 00:23:55,065 That's what I'm talking about. 486 00:23:55,731 --> 00:23:57,273 Being someone's girlfriend… 487 00:23:58,023 --> 00:23:59,065 Mm-mmm. 488 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,023 No good can come of it. 489 00:24:03,106 --> 00:24:04,440 That's what I'm saying. 490 00:24:08,481 --> 00:24:09,565 Wow. 491 00:24:11,065 --> 00:24:14,023 - This is strong weed. Mmm… - Mmm. 492 00:24:15,773 --> 00:24:16,773 Oh. 493 00:24:19,815 --> 00:24:20,856 It's Smith. 494 00:24:22,648 --> 00:24:24,231 - Hello? - Hi, did you see me? 495 00:24:24,315 --> 00:24:25,731 Yes, we saw it. 496 00:24:25,815 --> 00:24:28,648 - How did I do? - Perfect, just like we planned. 497 00:24:28,731 --> 00:24:30,731 Can you hear me? 498 00:24:31,940 --> 00:24:35,190 I'm not getting any reception here. Let me… 499 00:24:35,315 --> 00:24:37,356 - Hel… - Are you there? 500 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,190 As I contemplated the fact that my relationship had gone to pot, 501 00:24:41,273 --> 00:24:42,273 literally, 502 00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:45,773 I realized no high or low, 503 00:24:45,856 --> 00:24:48,731 would make this day any day other 504 00:24:49,190 --> 00:24:52,106 than "the day I got broken up with by a Post-it." 505 00:24:52,815 --> 00:24:54,565 Police. 506 00:24:55,148 --> 00:24:56,606 Stay right where you are. 507 00:24:59,231 --> 00:25:00,523 That's the way it goes. 508 00:25:00,606 --> 00:25:02,898 - We have to take her downtown. - Officer, please. 509 00:25:02,981 --> 00:25:04,523 I'm a lawyer and a mother. 510 00:25:04,606 --> 00:25:08,065 This woman is my friend, and she's an extremely law-abiding citizen. 511 00:25:08,148 --> 00:25:09,315 Who just broke the law. 512 00:25:10,106 --> 00:25:14,648 Yes, but in her defense, she has had a very, very bad day. 513 00:25:14,731 --> 00:25:17,565 - Her boyfriend just broke up with her. - On a Post-it. 514 00:25:17,648 --> 00:25:19,731 Come on. That didn't happen. 515 00:25:23,648 --> 00:25:26,731 "I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me." 516 00:25:28,481 --> 00:25:30,023 Wow. Brutal. 517 00:25:31,565 --> 00:25:35,190 Tell you what, I'll write you up for smoking in a bar. 518 00:25:35,273 --> 00:25:37,606 Oh, come on. Can't you just let her off? 519 00:25:37,690 --> 00:25:41,440 I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me. 520 00:25:43,815 --> 00:25:45,815 Oh, hear that? 521 00:25:45,898 --> 00:25:47,231 It's midnight. 522 00:25:47,690 --> 00:25:51,440 The official end to what will now be known as 523 00:25:51,523 --> 00:25:55,315 "the day I got arrested for smoking a doobie." 524 00:25:56,023 --> 00:25:59,565 I said doobie. This is gr… 525 00:26:01,398 --> 00:26:02,940 You didn't get arrested. 526 00:26:03,856 --> 00:26:07,273 See? Your Post-it was your get-out-of-jail-free card, 527 00:26:07,356 --> 00:26:08,981 so if you never met Berger, then you… 528 00:26:09,065 --> 00:26:11,106 Stop, you're killing my buzz. 529 00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:14,648 I have to say, I'm starting to agree with Charlotte's way of thinking. 530 00:26:15,273 --> 00:26:18,481 If I hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant by Steve, 531 00:26:18,565 --> 00:26:20,148 I never would have had Brady… 532 00:26:20,231 --> 00:26:22,106 - Aw! - I'm not finished. 533 00:26:22,190 --> 00:26:23,690 And had no time to eat, 534 00:26:24,481 --> 00:26:26,981 so I never would have fit into my skinny jeans 535 00:26:27,065 --> 00:26:30,398 and realized this city is full of cute men! 536 00:26:30,481 --> 00:26:32,440 Now that's my kind of thinking. 537 00:26:33,315 --> 00:26:36,023 Carrie, don't bogart the split. 538 00:26:36,106 --> 00:26:38,815 Okay, I know what I learned from my Berger relationship. 539 00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:49,315 Wait a minute, I just had it. 540 00:26:52,523 --> 00:26:53,565 What? 541 00:26:53,648 --> 00:26:54,648 You know what? 542 00:26:55,315 --> 00:26:56,690 I changed my mind. 543 00:26:57,315 --> 00:26:59,148 You don't think everything happens for a reason? 544 00:26:59,231 --> 00:27:00,690 No, no, not about that, about the wedding. 545 00:27:00,773 --> 00:27:03,523 I really want you guys to be my bridesmaids. 546 00:27:06,481 --> 00:27:08,440 You don't have to wear the matching dresses, I promise. 547 00:27:09,106 --> 00:27:10,773 - All right. - I'll eat to that! 548 00:27:10,856 --> 00:27:12,481 Can I get that in writing? 549 00:27:13,190 --> 00:27:17,190 Oh. I think I've had enough. My jeans just popped. 550 00:27:24,731 --> 00:27:27,898 I might never find the lesson in why Berger and I split, 551 00:27:27,981 --> 00:27:31,440 but at least, for the moment, there was a banana split.