1 00:00:45,438 --> 00:00:47,688 Taxi! 2 00:00:50,271 --> 00:00:53,188 In autumn, New Yorkers treat every nice day 3 00:00:53,355 --> 00:00:54,938 as if it could be their last. 4 00:00:57,771 --> 00:00:59,605 I'd have another if you would, what do you say? 5 00:01:00,271 --> 00:01:01,480 You're a bad influence. 6 00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:03,105 I waited and waited. 7 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,813 You said to meet you at the subway. 8 00:01:04,896 --> 00:01:07,521 I was at the subway. I was at the foot of the stairs. 9 00:01:07,605 --> 00:01:10,730 You was at the subway? You was in the subway… 10 00:01:10,813 --> 00:01:13,105 Oh, you don't know how to give directions! I waited… 11 00:01:13,188 --> 00:01:15,688 - This is going to be us in 30 years. - Pease don't say that. 12 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:19,396 - I'm kidding. That could never be us. - That already was us, remember? 13 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,146 Yeah, but that was then. 14 00:01:21,521 --> 00:01:23,063 Okay, so for the future… 15 00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:25,271 …I don't want to become that. 16 00:01:25,355 --> 00:01:28,021 Okay. I don't want you to worry about becoming that. 17 00:01:28,105 --> 00:01:29,146 Okay. 18 00:01:29,230 --> 00:01:30,271 I won't. 19 00:01:30,355 --> 00:01:32,438 - All right. - Anything else we don't want? 20 00:01:32,521 --> 00:01:35,188 Yeah. I don't want you paying for these beers. 21 00:01:35,271 --> 00:01:36,855 I'm serious. 22 00:01:37,646 --> 00:01:38,813 Your turn. 23 00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:39,938 Okay. 24 00:01:40,313 --> 00:01:43,230 - I don't want to become your mother. - That's a good one. 25 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,938 I don't want to slack off like I used to. 26 00:01:46,021 --> 00:01:48,938 I don't want to be so moody. This is fun. 27 00:01:49,438 --> 00:01:50,938 I don't want to lose you again. 28 00:01:51,605 --> 00:01:53,730 Even if I screw up all the other stuff, 29 00:01:54,313 --> 00:01:55,771 that's the one that matters. 30 00:01:56,730 --> 00:01:58,313 I don't want to lose you either. 31 00:02:01,438 --> 00:02:02,771 Will you marry me? 32 00:02:07,021 --> 00:02:08,355 Are you serious? 33 00:02:10,313 --> 00:02:11,355 Yes. 34 00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:12,938 Will you? 35 00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:15,021 Hell yeah. 36 00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:18,105 Some couples have to say their I don'ts 37 00:02:18,188 --> 00:02:20,813 before they can ever imagine saying their I dos. 38 00:02:28,813 --> 00:02:31,188 Eighty blocks and a world away, 39 00:02:31,271 --> 00:02:33,896 I was enjoying a different kind of happy hour 40 00:02:34,105 --> 00:02:36,188 at Aleksandr Petrovsky's. 41 00:02:36,271 --> 00:02:37,605 That's pretty. What is that? 42 00:02:40,355 --> 00:02:42,605 Oh. 43 00:02:52,688 --> 00:02:55,188 This is a little tune I've made up for you. 44 00:02:55,813 --> 00:02:57,355 - What? - Mmm-hmm. 45 00:02:57,521 --> 00:02:59,813 - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did. 46 00:03:03,105 --> 00:03:08,813 Which means "a woman with luminous and shining, sparkling eyes." 47 00:03:21,271 --> 00:03:26,146 That is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard in my life. Ick! 48 00:03:26,230 --> 00:03:30,438 I know. I can't even look at you all right now. I'm so embarrassed. 49 00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:34,521 Well, it all sounds very old world to me. Very 18th century Russia. 50 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:37,355 Yes, and I live in New York City circa now. 51 00:03:37,563 --> 00:03:40,313 I think it's romantic if someone offers me a seat on the subway. 52 00:03:40,396 --> 00:03:41,896 That is romantic. 53 00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:46,188 We are just starved for real romance and that is the sad truth. 54 00:03:46,271 --> 00:03:48,896 I'm not starved. Smith is in LA for the week 55 00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,396 and he calls me every night before he goes to sleep. 56 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,521 Phone sex doesn't count. 57 00:03:52,605 --> 00:03:54,813 Well, I'm drinking a glass of wine while we do it. 58 00:03:54,896 --> 00:03:57,688 I want to hear more about the romance. What else? What else did he do? 59 00:03:58,146 --> 00:04:02,605 Well, there was one more thing but if you I tell you, 60 00:04:02,688 --> 00:04:05,021 it will be the ick heard round the world. 61 00:04:05,105 --> 00:04:06,146 It will not. 62 00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:09,230 You know the song that he wrote for me? 63 00:04:09,313 --> 00:04:10,646 Yeah. Ick. 64 00:04:10,771 --> 00:04:12,855 Well, it had a name. 65 00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:21,021 The woman with eyes that… 66 00:04:21,813 --> 00:04:22,855 Sparkle? 67 00:04:22,938 --> 00:04:25,355 - What's French for ick? - Eyck! 68 00:04:25,438 --> 00:04:27,021 And I swear to you while he was playing it, 69 00:04:27,105 --> 00:04:29,313 I, I floated up out of my body 70 00:04:29,396 --> 00:04:33,105 and I was on the ceiling looking down at myself thinking… 71 00:04:33,813 --> 00:04:35,105 "Come on!" 72 00:04:35,188 --> 00:04:38,480 He was just expressing genuine emotion in an old fashioned way. 73 00:04:38,563 --> 00:04:40,563 But it's not genuine. It's pure show. 74 00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:43,355 I can't stand all that artificial hoo-ha. 75 00:04:43,771 --> 00:04:46,980 That's why I proposed to Steve over $3 beers. 76 00:04:50,063 --> 00:04:51,521 You proposed? 77 00:04:52,021 --> 00:04:54,063 You proposed marriage? 78 00:04:54,146 --> 00:04:58,646 Okay. Everybody stop. It's not a big deal. I'm not engaged. 79 00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,730 I'm not doing the big circus wedding. 80 00:05:00,813 --> 00:05:04,105 There will be no white dress or bridesmaids or posed pictures. 81 00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:05,771 I hate all that shit. 82 00:05:06,396 --> 00:05:10,188 Well, that's your choice. Every bride has to find her own style. 83 00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:12,480 When is it going to be? 84 00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,355 As soon as I can find some place that doesn't make me hurl. 85 00:05:15,521 --> 00:05:17,855 It's just going to be a simple, nothing thing. 86 00:05:17,938 --> 00:05:19,605 I don't even care about the wedding. 87 00:05:20,063 --> 00:05:21,730 I just want to be with Steve. 88 00:05:21,813 --> 00:05:23,605 - Oh, Miranda. - Okay. 89 00:05:23,688 --> 00:05:25,730 This is exactly what I don't want. 90 00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:27,063 No tears. 91 00:05:27,146 --> 00:05:28,230 Oh, my God. 92 00:05:28,646 --> 00:05:29,855 I can't believe it. 93 00:05:30,021 --> 00:05:31,813 That's it. You're all freaking me out. 94 00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:36,396 Samantha, I expected more from you. 95 00:05:40,521 --> 00:05:44,855 He just felt inspired to write her a song and then he played it for her. 96 00:05:44,938 --> 00:05:47,063 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 97 00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:48,771 Yeah. Not bad. 98 00:05:49,271 --> 00:05:51,271 I used to play clarinet when I was little. 99 00:05:51,355 --> 00:05:53,480 This is so good! You have to have some. 100 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,813 Doesn't that taste like real butter pecan? 101 00:05:57,563 --> 00:06:00,021 Okay. If that's what we're playing, sure. 102 00:06:00,105 --> 00:06:02,688 I can pretend this whipped flavored air is the real thing. 103 00:06:02,771 --> 00:06:04,230 Yum. 104 00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:06,271 I mean, it's like something out of a Victorian novel. 105 00:06:06,355 --> 00:06:08,480 People just don't do those things anymore. 106 00:06:08,563 --> 00:06:10,396 Hey, I can be romantic too, you know. 107 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,813 Oh, honey, I know you can. 108 00:06:13,271 --> 00:06:16,355 I think it's romantic that you walk me to the Tasti D-Lite every night. 109 00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:17,813 Don't humor me. 110 00:06:18,063 --> 00:06:21,355 I know how to do romance right. It's not just for foo-foo foreigners. 111 00:06:21,438 --> 00:06:22,480 - In fact… - Mmm. 112 00:06:22,563 --> 00:06:26,313 In fact, I am going to take you out for a real romantic night on the town. 113 00:06:26,396 --> 00:06:29,021 Mmm-hmm. Wining and dining baby. 114 00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:30,396 - Really? - You bet. 115 00:06:30,813 --> 00:06:32,355 Let me get another lick of that. 116 00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:34,730 - Mmm. - Okay. 117 00:06:34,813 --> 00:06:38,730 I don't want to make a big entrance. I don't want everyone staring at me. 118 00:06:38,813 --> 00:06:40,646 And from licking to lugging… 119 00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:42,980 I just want it to feel like us. Like… 120 00:06:43,188 --> 00:06:45,563 Not like one of those millions of cookie-cutter weddings 121 00:06:45,646 --> 00:06:46,730 I've had to suffer through. 122 00:06:47,063 --> 00:06:48,146 How do we do that? 123 00:06:48,396 --> 00:06:51,146 What about one of those boat rides that goes all around the island? 124 00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:52,131 That's different. 125 00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:53,271 We're not boat people. 126 00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:55,563 When have we ever been on a boat together, ever? 127 00:06:55,646 --> 00:06:56,688 Okay. 128 00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:58,313 You got a better idea? 129 00:06:59,105 --> 00:07:00,146 Shit! 130 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,771 Oh, shit. 131 00:07:01,938 --> 00:07:04,896 - Oh! - This is so us. We are pathetic. 132 00:07:05,605 --> 00:07:08,646 This gum is like super glue. Look at this. 133 00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:12,105 You see? We're bad people, not boat people. 134 00:07:12,313 --> 00:07:14,688 We should get married right here, in this mess. 135 00:07:14,771 --> 00:07:16,813 We're going to have to if I can't get this gum off. 136 00:07:20,063 --> 00:07:21,105 Hey. 137 00:07:21,563 --> 00:07:23,021 That's a nice garden. 138 00:07:24,563 --> 00:07:26,438 Yeah. It's pretty. 139 00:07:27,730 --> 00:07:28,938 But not corny. 140 00:07:29,855 --> 00:07:30,980 What do you think? 141 00:07:32,188 --> 00:07:33,438 I don't hate it. 142 00:07:36,188 --> 00:07:38,730 The only thing harder than choosing a spot for your wedding 143 00:07:38,813 --> 00:07:39,855 when you hate weddings… 144 00:07:39,938 --> 00:07:40,980 What about a guestbook? 145 00:07:41,063 --> 00:07:44,188 Is choosing a wedding gift for your friend who hates weddings. 146 00:07:44,271 --> 00:07:45,855 Sweetie, there's going to be like eight of us there. 147 00:07:45,938 --> 00:07:47,188 There's no one to keep track of. 148 00:07:48,271 --> 00:07:50,021 I can't believe Miranda's getting married. 149 00:07:50,521 --> 00:07:53,230 - This is pretty. - Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic. 150 00:07:53,313 --> 00:07:54,396 And too bridey. 151 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,605 Yeah. Let's try not to piss her off. 152 00:07:56,688 --> 00:07:59,688 Well, maybe we should just buy her a stapler and wrap it in brown paper 153 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,313 and just smear some dog poo on it. 154 00:08:01,396 --> 00:08:03,146 You think she'd be comfortable with that? 155 00:08:05,813 --> 00:08:07,271 Fine. We'll get the dish. 156 00:08:08,938 --> 00:08:09,980 Ladies. 157 00:08:10,313 --> 00:08:12,230 I have something to tell you. 158 00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:14,271 And you're not going to like it. 159 00:08:14,355 --> 00:08:17,688 If you get married and leave me all alone, I will kill you. 160 00:08:17,771 --> 00:08:21,146 As you know I have always loved my body just the way it is. 161 00:08:21,438 --> 00:08:25,605 My legs are fantastic, I have killer abs. My ass is perfection. 162 00:08:25,688 --> 00:08:27,396 Is this the part we're not going to like? 163 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,313 But I have decided after careful consideration, 164 00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:33,188 that I might be ready for bigger boobs. 165 00:08:34,563 --> 00:08:35,605 Since when? 166 00:08:35,688 --> 00:08:39,521 Since I had a cold hard dose of reality. 167 00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,230 From this. Look. 168 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,105 You're in In Touch magazine? 169 00:08:44,188 --> 00:08:46,730 - And that's your source of reality? - Yes. 170 00:08:47,313 --> 00:08:50,063 They named Smith Jerrod the number one hot guy to watch. 171 00:08:50,146 --> 00:08:53,146 They followed him all over town for a week. I'm in half the pictures. 172 00:08:53,521 --> 00:08:57,063 See. There are my boobs on Wednesday. See how small they are? 173 00:08:57,563 --> 00:09:00,688 There they are again on Thursday. Teeny tiny. 174 00:09:01,313 --> 00:09:04,188 And there they are having lunch. You can barely see them. 175 00:09:04,271 --> 00:09:05,646 I should have bought my loop. 176 00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:08,730 I can't believe you would actually consider having a boob job. 177 00:09:08,813 --> 00:09:11,230 I can't believe you went to Planet Hollywood. 178 00:09:11,313 --> 00:09:15,688 You are a confident intelligent woman. Why would you want to look like a bimbo? 179 00:09:15,771 --> 00:09:18,313 I wouldn't be getting the watermelon freak show kind. 180 00:09:18,396 --> 00:09:20,813 I'd get something tasteful. Something like… 181 00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:23,146 Yours. 182 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,438 Yours are good. 183 00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:27,188 - Mine? - Hmm. 184 00:09:27,521 --> 00:09:29,438 - Thank you. - What's wrong with mine? 185 00:09:29,563 --> 00:09:30,896 Well, they're not bad either. 186 00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:33,396 - Let's see. - Okay! All right. 187 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,938 Get hers! 188 00:09:35,021 --> 00:09:36,021 No. 189 00:09:37,563 --> 00:09:39,605 A few days later the rain came. 190 00:09:40,021 --> 00:09:41,521 Listen, you'll like this poem. 191 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:43,563 Poem? 192 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,355 And so did the poetry. 193 00:09:45,688 --> 00:09:47,771 "So long had a life together been 194 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,188 that once the snow began to fall 195 00:09:50,271 --> 00:09:52,146 it seemed unending. 196 00:09:52,438 --> 00:09:56,188 That least the flakes should make her eyelids wince. 197 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,563 I chilled them with my hand 198 00:09:58,813 --> 00:10:02,938 and they pretending not to believe that cherishing of eyes would beat 199 00:10:03,021 --> 00:10:06,230 against my palm like butterflies." 200 00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:10,271 Yeow. 201 00:10:11,063 --> 00:10:12,855 That is some serious stuff. 202 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,355 Had enough, huh? 203 00:10:14,438 --> 00:10:16,980 No. No, it's beautiful. 204 00:10:18,646 --> 00:10:21,896 How about I read you a little bit of my favorite poetry? 205 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,230 Please. 206 00:10:25,855 --> 00:10:28,855 "Cocktails at Tiffany's calls for classic charm. 207 00:10:29,938 --> 00:10:33,688 Oscar de la Renta, sleeveless silk faille. 208 00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:38,521 Full skirted dress with black patent leather bow belt." 209 00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:43,813 Now that is pure poetry. 210 00:10:44,438 --> 00:10:45,980 Oscar's a good friend of mine. 211 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,771 I'll tell him you like the dress. 212 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,021 Oscar? 213 00:10:50,438 --> 00:10:52,313 You call him Oscar? 214 00:10:52,396 --> 00:10:53,605 It's his name, isn't it? 215 00:10:55,646 --> 00:10:59,438 So you feel uncomfortable with the poetry. Why is that? 216 00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:03,730 Look. I'm sorry. 217 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,230 Perhaps we were not properly introduced. 218 00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:10,105 I write a column based on the assumption 219 00:11:10,188 --> 00:11:12,938 that romance is either dead or just… 220 00:11:13,563 --> 00:11:15,563 - Phony. - You think I'm phony? 221 00:11:15,646 --> 00:11:20,521 No. No, no, not at all. No. I'm the one that feels like a phony. 222 00:11:21,021 --> 00:11:26,438 Frankly, I'm just not used to these grand gestures. 223 00:11:26,855 --> 00:11:28,771 You mean no other man, no one ever… 224 00:11:30,146 --> 00:11:31,855 read you a little poem or… 225 00:11:33,355 --> 00:11:34,855 played a little music for you? 226 00:11:35,771 --> 00:11:36,980 Um… 227 00:11:38,355 --> 00:11:39,396 No. 228 00:11:40,105 --> 00:11:41,480 No, they have not. 229 00:11:42,313 --> 00:11:43,355 Wow. 230 00:11:46,313 --> 00:11:47,355 Okay. 231 00:11:54,605 --> 00:11:56,605 I'm in over my head. Where are you? 232 00:11:56,688 --> 00:11:58,896 Shopping for a wedding dress on my lunch hour. 233 00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:03,688 I said no white, no ivory. No nothing that says virgin. 234 00:12:03,813 --> 00:12:04,855 I have a child. 235 00:12:05,230 --> 00:12:06,271 The jig is up. 236 00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:11,730 Okay, so, yesterday the Russian read me a Russian poem. 237 00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:15,396 - But, you know, in English. - Are you just making this stuff up now? 238 00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:20,271 No. And this might sound crazy, but I don't think it's an act. 239 00:12:20,355 --> 00:12:23,188 I think he actually means it. 240 00:12:24,146 --> 00:12:26,105 That doesn't make it okay. 241 00:12:26,188 --> 00:12:28,146 Has he considered your feelings? 242 00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:30,438 You're right. He's a selfish pig. 243 00:12:30,521 --> 00:12:31,771 I'm serious. 244 00:12:31,938 --> 00:12:35,938 I think you should tell him that this whole romance thing gives you the icks, 245 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:39,730 turns your stomach and that he's dating you, not Anna Karenina. 246 00:12:39,813 --> 00:12:42,563 Okay, I'll tell him that. I can't tell him that. 247 00:12:42,938 --> 00:12:47,563 And let me ask you something. If you're so anti-romance, 248 00:12:47,646 --> 00:12:49,563 why are you having a wedding at all? Why not just 249 00:12:49,771 --> 00:12:52,396 go down to city hall and get it over with? 250 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,271 You know, I thought about that. 251 00:12:54,813 --> 00:12:58,646 But then I realized I actually do want to say those vows out loud 252 00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:01,105 to Steve in front of the people I care about. 253 00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:03,688 Are you gagging over there? 254 00:13:03,938 --> 00:13:05,521 No, the opposite. 255 00:13:06,021 --> 00:13:09,896 My God, Miranda, you were my cynical touchstone. 256 00:13:10,355 --> 00:13:13,105 Do you promise to still be cynical even after you're married? 257 00:13:13,230 --> 00:13:14,271 I do. 258 00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:18,855 I have got to go. There's a big pile of tutus coming at me. 259 00:13:19,313 --> 00:13:22,438 Okay. We need to have another talk. 260 00:13:26,563 --> 00:13:29,355 One of the great things about living in New York City, 261 00:13:29,438 --> 00:13:31,855 is that you don't have to sugar coat your feelings. 262 00:13:32,355 --> 00:13:36,730 But have New York women settled for a sugar-free existence as well? 263 00:13:38,063 --> 00:13:40,938 We accept Tasti D-Lite instead of real ice cream, 264 00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:43,313 e-mails instead of love songs, 265 00:13:43,438 --> 00:13:45,480 jokes instead of poetry. 266 00:13:45,938 --> 00:13:48,438 It's no wonder that when faced with the real thing, 267 00:13:48,521 --> 00:13:49,896 we can't stomach it. 268 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:53,230 Is it something we could learn to digest or… 269 00:13:53,521 --> 00:13:56,355 Have we become romance intolerant? 270 00:14:02,396 --> 00:14:06,605 Et puis, for the troisième course, we would like the foie gras, 271 00:14:07,021 --> 00:14:10,855 followed by the boeuf bourguignon avec la légume a la creme. 272 00:14:10,938 --> 00:14:13,146 It was Harry's version of a serenade. 273 00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:14,730 And Charlotte ate it right up. 274 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:17,313 Et en fin, the plat du fromage. 275 00:14:17,396 --> 00:14:20,438 The plate or the cart? We have a lovely cheese cart. 276 00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:22,230 Mais oui. Bring us the cart. 277 00:14:22,313 --> 00:14:24,313 Tout suite for my sweetie. 278 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:27,896 I had no idea you could speak French so well, honey. 279 00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:30,271 The French learn romance from me, baby. 280 00:14:34,355 --> 00:14:37,313 Downtown, in the name of boob job research, 281 00:14:37,396 --> 00:14:39,313 - Samantha decided to go… - Yeah, nice. 282 00:14:39,396 --> 00:14:41,396 …where the biggest crop would be on display. 283 00:14:42,646 --> 00:14:43,646 Some were little boobs. 284 00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,105 - That's okay. - Not so bad. 285 00:14:46,105 --> 00:14:47,396 Some were big boobs. 286 00:14:47,855 --> 00:14:49,813 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 287 00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:55,188 Some were ridiculously big boobs. 288 00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:56,313 Oh, boy. 289 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,021 Okay, that's my wife right there. 290 00:14:59,105 --> 00:15:01,646 And then there were the two biggest boobs of all. 291 00:15:01,730 --> 00:15:03,938 - Right beside her. - Wow! 292 00:15:11,063 --> 00:15:12,313 Can I get you something? 293 00:15:12,396 --> 00:15:16,688 You either have the most naturally beautiful breasts I've ever seen 294 00:15:16,771 --> 00:15:18,688 or I need the name of your doctor. 295 00:15:18,771 --> 00:15:21,438 You want Dr. Bevel. He's the best. 296 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,521 They paid for themselves in tips alone. 297 00:15:27,521 --> 00:15:30,021 Meanwhile, back in the 18th century… 298 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,271 Oh. 299 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:35,021 I'm sorry. Is this a formal sleepover? 300 00:15:40,771 --> 00:15:42,896 Actually there's an opening at the Met tonight. 301 00:15:43,313 --> 00:15:45,313 It's La Traviata, and you're going with me. 302 00:15:45,396 --> 00:15:50,730 Man, I was this close to throwing on my ball gown but I ignored my instincts. 303 00:15:50,813 --> 00:15:53,646 - All right, I'll go home and change? - No, no, no, could be much faster. 304 00:15:54,355 --> 00:15:55,396 Come in. 305 00:16:01,855 --> 00:16:02,938 Come on, Open it. 306 00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:21,396 Tonight only your poetry, not mine. 307 00:16:22,271 --> 00:16:24,313 From the magazine. You like it? 308 00:16:24,771 --> 00:16:27,188 If I had been on a romance-free diet, 309 00:16:27,271 --> 00:16:29,521 this seemed like a good time to binge. 310 00:16:33,105 --> 00:16:37,313 That was the most romantic, elegant… 311 00:16:40,355 --> 00:16:42,646 Pardon me. That was weird. 312 00:16:45,355 --> 00:16:46,605 Decadent… 313 00:16:47,355 --> 00:16:49,480 Seven course… 314 00:16:52,438 --> 00:16:53,730 I'm sorry, honey. 315 00:16:55,355 --> 00:16:56,980 Oh, boy. 316 00:16:58,355 --> 00:16:59,480 Are you okay? 317 00:17:09,146 --> 00:17:10,188 Honey? 318 00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:12,396 Are you going to be long in there? 319 00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:13,896 Uh, maybe. 320 00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:17,230 Oh, definitely. Why? 321 00:17:17,355 --> 00:17:19,438 That's okay. I'll go to the other one. 322 00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:22,105 When you splurge on romantic, seven-course meal, 323 00:17:22,188 --> 00:17:24,855 you generally want to remember every bite. 324 00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:27,813 There was the soup course, the dessert course, 325 00:17:28,063 --> 00:17:30,938 and all the other yummy courses in between. 326 00:17:31,021 --> 00:17:34,396 That's got to be it. I'm done. 327 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:38,813 Harry and Charlotte had romance shooting out of them every 20 minutes. 328 00:17:38,896 --> 00:17:40,230 Oh, I'm not. 329 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:41,896 For the rest of the night. 330 00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:44,896 I wouldn't go in there if I were you. It's not pleasant. 331 00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,730 I can't make it to the other one. 332 00:17:46,813 --> 00:17:48,563 It's the fucking fromage. 333 00:17:48,646 --> 00:17:49,688 No. 334 00:17:49,771 --> 00:17:52,355 That fucking fromage. 335 00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:55,563 Uh-oh. Oh. 336 00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:58,605 Oh. Look out. I'm coming in. 337 00:18:00,105 --> 00:18:02,063 Surviving a night of food poisoning together 338 00:18:02,146 --> 00:18:04,063 wasn't the stuff of great romance, 339 00:18:04,313 --> 00:18:06,771 but it was the stuff of lasting love. 340 00:18:08,105 --> 00:18:10,605 - The show starts at 7:30. - No, it's eight o'clock, we're fine. 341 00:18:10,688 --> 00:18:13,855 Meanwhile, a funny thing happened on the way to the opera. 342 00:18:17,146 --> 00:18:18,146 Wait, wait. 343 00:18:18,688 --> 00:18:20,688 What? 344 00:18:20,771 --> 00:18:23,563 This music. This place. 345 00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:25,688 You. 346 00:18:27,521 --> 00:18:29,105 Is it perfect? 347 00:18:30,896 --> 00:18:32,313 Would you dance with me? 348 00:18:38,563 --> 00:18:41,563 It was the most romantic moment. 349 00:18:42,896 --> 00:18:43,938 Stop, stop. 350 00:18:44,021 --> 00:18:45,396 - What? - Oh, my God. That lady fell. 351 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,230 - Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Are you okay? - Is she all right? 352 00:18:48,313 --> 00:18:49,771 You okay? 353 00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:54,188 No. It's too much. 354 00:18:54,896 --> 00:18:56,521 I'm an American. 355 00:18:57,063 --> 00:18:59,313 You gotta take it down a notch. 356 00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:01,813 - Does she need any help? - No, he's got it. 357 00:19:02,813 --> 00:19:06,646 And then a quarter of a pounder with cheese. 358 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,855 Um… 359 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,105 McNuggets. 360 00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:11,230 Would you like to super-size that? 361 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:14,438 - Can you handle it? - Absolutely. 362 00:19:14,938 --> 00:19:16,355 Absolutely. 363 00:19:19,313 --> 00:19:20,688 I'm sorry about the opera. 364 00:19:20,771 --> 00:19:24,438 Don't be silly. Other time. Other dress. 365 00:19:27,938 --> 00:19:29,521 May I offer you a fry? 366 00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:33,896 - They're French. - Oh, then… 367 00:19:35,563 --> 00:19:36,896 Here you are, thank you. 368 00:19:37,646 --> 00:19:38,646 Mmm… 369 00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:41,271 Mmm. 370 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:46,480 Okay. 371 00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:49,646 I think I might be up for a quick spin now. 372 00:19:51,021 --> 00:19:52,188 If you'll still have me. 373 00:19:52,605 --> 00:19:53,688 Of course. 374 00:19:58,771 --> 00:20:00,230 That'll be $9.54. 375 00:20:07,521 --> 00:20:10,271 And there, beneath the florescent moonlight, 376 00:20:10,521 --> 00:20:14,146 I was finally laughing with romance and not at it. 377 00:20:16,771 --> 00:20:20,396 And if I went any bigger than this, I think I'd look ridiculous, don't you? 378 00:20:20,771 --> 00:20:23,896 Well, that's not my work. But I did hers. 379 00:20:24,313 --> 00:20:26,021 And hers right before the Golden Globes. 380 00:20:26,105 --> 00:20:27,521 Wow, they're winners. 381 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,021 Other arm, please. 382 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,605 I have an event in two months 383 00:20:32,813 --> 00:20:35,105 that I'd really like to have a little cleavage for. 384 00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,438 - Hmm. - Will they be up and running by then? 385 00:20:38,021 --> 00:20:40,021 Miss Jones, you have a lump I'd like you to have checked out 386 00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:41,355 before we begin our work. 387 00:20:42,396 --> 00:20:44,021 It's right here, you can feel it yourself. 388 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,521 Are you kidding? 389 00:20:45,938 --> 00:20:47,230 No, I'm afraid not. 390 00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:49,771 Okay. 391 00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:52,480 But it's not serious, right? 392 00:20:52,563 --> 00:20:55,563 Well, it's probably just a cyst, but we want to be absolutely sure. 393 00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:58,230 I'd like you to have it looked at as soon as possible, okay? 394 00:21:05,271 --> 00:21:08,646 By Miranda's wedding day, I felt the whole world had gone romantic 395 00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:11,480 when Samantha insisted on picking me up in a cab. 396 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,605 What has come over you? This is 100 blocks out of your way. 397 00:21:15,688 --> 00:21:17,855 So, now we're going to 10th and 6th Avenue please. 398 00:21:17,938 --> 00:21:19,855 - Boy, you look nice. - Well, so do you. 399 00:21:19,938 --> 00:21:20,980 Thank you. 400 00:21:21,271 --> 00:21:25,355 So I had my breast consultation with the plastic surgeon. 401 00:21:25,438 --> 00:21:27,271 Please tell me you've changed your mind. 402 00:21:27,355 --> 00:21:29,980 Well, not exactly. He found a lump. 403 00:21:30,313 --> 00:21:33,313 And I had it biopsied, and it turns out I have cancer. 404 00:21:33,438 --> 00:21:34,480 You… 405 00:21:34,563 --> 00:21:36,021 You what? When? 406 00:21:36,271 --> 00:21:39,230 Well, I had it biopsied on Wednesday and I found out yesterday. 407 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,105 I'm going to give you all the information 408 00:21:41,188 --> 00:21:42,605 and I don't want you to get upset 409 00:21:42,688 --> 00:21:46,146 or start worrying and the only reason I'm telling you now and not later 410 00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:49,271 is I didn't want to accidentally blurt out, "I have cancer" 411 00:21:49,355 --> 00:21:51,021 in the middle of Miranda's wedding. 412 00:21:52,521 --> 00:21:55,230 Could you please take fifth? Broadway's a disaster. 413 00:21:57,355 --> 00:21:58,688 Okay. I'm listening. 414 00:21:58,771 --> 00:22:01,021 And please don't tell Charlotte and Miranda. 415 00:22:01,105 --> 00:22:02,605 I don't want to ruin their days too. 416 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:03,980 Of course, whatever you say. 417 00:22:05,438 --> 00:22:07,688 So, what exactly do you know? 418 00:22:07,771 --> 00:22:10,396 Well, just that there are cancer cells and I had a mammogram 419 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,521 and they think it's small which is a good sign. 420 00:22:12,688 --> 00:22:15,688 And I won't know anything else until they take the fucker out next week. 421 00:22:15,771 --> 00:22:18,438 So there, now you know everything and we can talk about something else. 422 00:22:22,188 --> 00:22:23,563 So do you like my skunk? 423 00:22:26,730 --> 00:22:28,063 Well, thank you for telling me. 424 00:22:28,230 --> 00:22:29,230 Sure. 425 00:22:30,313 --> 00:22:32,980 I'm sorry to put a big cloud over the whole day. 426 00:22:33,521 --> 00:22:35,938 - Samantha. - I know I'm going to be fine. 427 00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:37,230 I know that. 428 00:22:37,771 --> 00:22:38,813 It's just… 429 00:22:41,355 --> 00:22:43,188 I don't want to lose my breasts. 430 00:22:44,438 --> 00:22:47,771 - They're fabulous. - They are. 431 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,271 - For better or worse. - For richer or poorer. 432 00:22:55,355 --> 00:22:56,730 For richer or poorer. 433 00:22:57,063 --> 00:23:00,021 To love and to cherish as long we both shall live. 434 00:23:00,105 --> 00:23:03,563 To love and to cherish for as long we both shall live. 435 00:23:03,646 --> 00:23:07,438 - This is my solemn vow. - This is my solemn vow. 436 00:23:07,896 --> 00:23:10,855 Now Miranda. I Miranda Hobbes. 437 00:23:10,938 --> 00:23:12,813 I Miranda Hobbes. 438 00:23:13,105 --> 00:23:16,563 - Take you, Steve Brady. - Take you, Steve Brady. 439 00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:19,688 - To be my husband. - To be my husband. 440 00:23:19,771 --> 00:23:22,438 Look, Mommy and Daddy are getting married. 441 00:23:22,521 --> 00:23:25,355 - For richer or poorer. - For richer or poorer. 442 00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:29,021 - In sickness and in health. - In sickness and in health. 443 00:23:29,105 --> 00:23:32,313 To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live. 444 00:23:32,396 --> 00:23:35,855 To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live. 445 00:23:35,938 --> 00:23:39,105 This is my solemn vow. This is my solemn vow. 446 00:23:39,188 --> 00:23:42,146 Do you promise to uphold these vows you've made here today, 447 00:23:42,230 --> 00:23:44,771 witnessed by your closest friends and family? 448 00:23:46,105 --> 00:23:48,271 - I do. - I do. 449 00:23:49,396 --> 00:23:51,938 With the power invested in me by the State of New York, 450 00:23:52,355 --> 00:23:55,313 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 451 00:24:01,980 --> 00:24:05,855 Come on, everybody, it's happy time. 452 00:24:06,688 --> 00:24:08,938 It's happy time. 453 00:24:09,021 --> 00:24:12,563 Come on. Come on, it's happy time. 454 00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:19,438 The one wedding ritual Miranda never had a problem with 455 00:24:19,646 --> 00:24:22,813 was the part where everyone eats. And so we did. 456 00:24:23,730 --> 00:24:25,480 Samantha, you look so pretty today. 457 00:24:25,563 --> 00:24:27,896 - Thanks. I have cancer. - What? 458 00:24:27,980 --> 00:24:30,730 - Are you all okay with drinks? - No, we're not okay with drinks. 459 00:24:30,813 --> 00:24:32,521 - Keep them coming. - Cool. 460 00:24:34,938 --> 00:24:37,771 - I like the color of your dress. - Oh, thank you. 461 00:24:37,855 --> 00:24:40,355 I admire you for not pretending. 462 00:24:42,521 --> 00:24:47,396 So we're family now and there's something private I want to tell you. 463 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:51,605 - Oh, you don't have to. - The day I married Steve's father, 464 00:24:51,688 --> 00:24:53,021 I wore white. 465 00:24:53,730 --> 00:24:54,980 But I shouldn't have. 466 00:24:55,855 --> 00:24:56,938 I slipped. 467 00:24:57,771 --> 00:24:59,771 Once. God forgive me. 468 00:25:01,855 --> 00:25:03,396 Don't tell Steve. 469 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,855 When I walked down that aisle at St. Agnes, 470 00:25:07,355 --> 00:25:13,063 I had a white dress on, on the outside and my little Jackie on the inside. 471 00:25:22,146 --> 00:25:23,230 Steve? 472 00:25:24,271 --> 00:25:26,938 Hey. Ma. Still hungry? 473 00:25:27,146 --> 00:25:28,813 Come on. Let's get some chow. 474 00:25:32,188 --> 00:25:35,355 Oh, my God. I am legally bound to Steve's mother. 475 00:25:35,438 --> 00:25:36,896 - Hi again. - Congratulations! 476 00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:38,021 Congratulations! 477 00:25:41,438 --> 00:25:42,896 What? Why are you being weird? 478 00:25:43,396 --> 00:25:46,063 - We're not being weird. - No, we're just talking. 479 00:25:46,355 --> 00:25:47,605 About me, right? 480 00:25:48,188 --> 00:25:50,271 You think I'm an asshole, that I've become one of them. 481 00:25:50,355 --> 00:25:51,646 That I'm a Stepford bride. 482 00:25:51,730 --> 00:25:53,605 - No! - God, no! 483 00:25:54,188 --> 00:25:55,438 Then tell me what you were talking about. 484 00:25:55,521 --> 00:25:57,938 I'll tell you tomorrow. I don't want to ruin your special day. 485 00:25:58,271 --> 00:26:03,146 Forget about my special fucking day and be normal, please. I beg of you. 486 00:26:07,813 --> 00:26:09,230 I have breast cancer. 487 00:26:10,855 --> 00:26:12,438 - What? - See? 488 00:26:12,771 --> 00:26:14,563 Now it's my special fucking day. 489 00:26:16,730 --> 00:26:18,063 You have breast cancer? 490 00:26:18,146 --> 00:26:20,438 Hey, no tears. 491 00:26:21,230 --> 00:26:22,230 Miranda, 492 00:26:22,813 --> 00:26:24,688 I expected more from you. 493 00:26:25,063 --> 00:26:27,563 See, this is what we were afraid of. Go back to your people. 494 00:26:27,646 --> 00:26:29,146 We'll talk about this later. 495 00:26:29,230 --> 00:26:31,771 You are my people and we'll talk about it now. 496 00:26:33,438 --> 00:26:34,771 Now start at the beginning. 497 00:26:34,855 --> 00:26:38,271 You are the bossiest bride in the world. 498 00:26:38,355 --> 00:26:40,980 Yes, I am, and you have to do everything I say. 499 00:26:41,230 --> 00:26:42,271 Oh. 500 00:26:44,313 --> 00:26:45,438 Now start talking. 501 00:26:46,896 --> 00:26:50,521 Okay. Do you remember when I… 502 00:26:50,605 --> 00:26:52,271 For better or for worse, 503 00:26:52,688 --> 00:26:54,396 we were all ourselves that day. 504 00:26:56,688 --> 00:26:58,313 Just the way Miranda wanted it.