1
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,720
Yeah, I know,
I was sort of sitting next to you.

2
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,040
The whole Waters family.
They just walked right out of there!

3
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,720
Again, I was in the room.
How do they always manage that?

4
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,160
They're good.

5
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:21,960
They're greedy
and they'll do it again,

6
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,240
and next time we're going to
catch them in the act.

7
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,240
How?

8
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:35,800
No good?

9
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,880
They always know we're coming.
How do they always know?

10
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,200
They're good, they work at it.

11
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,760
They just walked out of there!

12
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,760
They're never going to stop.
Well, neither are we.

13
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,200
Argh!

14
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,920
Argh!

15
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,800
Argh! AARGH!

16
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,400
Oh! Greg...

17
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,640
In the act!

18
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:17,800
It's the only way we're going to
do this, in the act!

19
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,640
They're still blocking it?

20
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,920
Yeah. Very efficiently hacked.

21
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,480
They must be bloody pleased
with themselves.

22
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,680
They must be.

23
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:02,880
Right then?

24
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,360
Ah, no! No, you've got to make
the arrest. This one's yours, boss.

25
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,520
You've never called me boss before.

26
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,920
Oh, well, look what happens
when you're good.

27
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:14,160
You know how most days
aren't good days?

28
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,401
This is a good day. Not
for the Waters family.

29
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,440
OK, ten men on the roof,
all exits covered.

30
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,040
The bank's closed, so we've
no hostages to worry about.

31
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,320
Sorry, no, go on. Go on.

32
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,481
Um, we've got the tunnel
entrance covered...

33
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,160
and Davies, Willow and Christie

34
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,441
are heading up armed
response on Mafeking Road.

35
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,240
Sorry, I'd better get this.
It's him, isn't it?

36
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,160
I, I, I have to go. What?

37
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,480
You make the arrest. No way!

38
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,600
Sorry, you'll be fine.
I'm cool with this.

39
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,880
Jones will get all the credit
if you leave now, you know he will.

40
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:53,000
Yeah, well, yeah, it doesn't matter,
I have to go.

41
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,000
Back up! I need maximum back up!

42
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,960
Baker Street now!

43
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:14,680
What's going on?

44
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,600
This is hard. What?

45
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,960
Really hard.
Hardest thing I've ever had to do.

46
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,440
Do you know any funny stories
about John?

47
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,120
What?

48
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,160
I need anecdotes.
Didn't go to any trouble, did you?

49
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,200
Shut up, Mrs Hudson.
I haven't said a word.

50
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,240
You're formulating a question,

51
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,720
it's physically painful
watching you think.

52
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,640
I thought it was you playing.

53
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,800
It was me playing.

54
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,280
I am composing.

55
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:14,680
You were dancing.

56
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,160
I was road-testing.

57
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,360
You what?

58
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,200
Why are you here?

59
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,040
I'm bringing you your morning tea.
You're not usually awake.

60
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,480
You bring me tea in the morning?

61
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,240
Well, where do you think
it came from?

62
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,640
I don't know.
I just thought it sort of happened.

63
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,280
Your mother has a lot to answer for.

64
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,840
Hmm, I know. I have a list.

65
00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,040
Mycroft has a file.

66
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:38,080
So, it's the big day then.

67
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,240
What big day?

68
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,800
The wedding! John and Mary
getting married.

69
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,640
Two people who currently live
together are about to attend church,

70
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,520
have a party, go on a short holiday,
then carry on living together.

71
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,800
What's big about that?
It changes people, marriage.

72
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,400
Hmm, no it doesn't.

73
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,680
Well, you wouldn't understand,
cos you always live alone.

74
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,920
Your husband was executed
for double murder.

75
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,120
You're hardly an advert
for companionship.

76
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,840
Marriage changes you as a person
in ways that you can't imagine.

77
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,360
As does lethal injection.

78
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,800
My best friend, Margaret,
she was my chief bridesmaid,

79
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:14,160
we were going to be best friends
forever, we always said that,

80
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,880
but I hardly saw her after that.

81
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,600
Aren't there usually biscuits?
I've run out. Have the shops?

82
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:22,200
She cried the whole day, saying,
"Ooh, it's the end of an era."

83
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,960
I'm sure the shop
on the corner is open.

84
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,680
She was probably right, really.
I remember she left early.

85
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:31,880
I mean, who leaves a wedding early?
So sad.

86
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,240
Hmm. Anyway, you've got
things to do.

87
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,320
No, not really. I've got plenty of
time to get ready... Biscuits!

88
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,320
Oh! I really am going to
have a word with your mother.

89
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,000
You can if you like,
she understands very little.

90
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,760
Right then.

91
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,480
Into battle.

92
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,320
Congratulations!

93
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:20,200
OK, hold it there, I want to get
this shot of the newlyweds.

94
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,640
Er, just the bride and groom,
please.

95
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,480
Sherlock...
Oh, sorry.

96
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:30,000
OK, three, two, one, cheese.

97
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:43,120
The famous Mr Holmes.
I'm very pleased to meet you.

98
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,440
But no sex, OK? Sorry?

99
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,720
You don't have to look so scared,
I'm only messing.

100
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,360
Bridesmaid, best man,
it's a bit traditional.

101
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,800
Is it? But not obligatory.

102
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,520
If that's the sort of thing you're looking for,
the man over there in blue is your best bet.

103
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,800
Recently divorced doctor
with a ginger cat...

104
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:04,080
A barn conversion and a history
of erectile dysfunction.

105
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,560
Reviewing that information,
possibly not your best bet.

106
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:07,960
Yeah, maybe not.

107
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,680
Sorry, there was one more deduction
there than I was expecting.

108
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,120
Mr Holmes, you're going
to be incredibly useful.

109
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,320
Hello. Lovely to meet you.

110
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,120
How are you?
Beautiful, Mary.

111
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,120
Thank you.
Congratulations.

112
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,160
David!

113
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:33,920
Ah, ah, Mary. Congratulations,
you look, um, very nice.

114
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,200
Thanks. John, congratulations.
You're a lucky man. Thank you.

115
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,800
Um, David, this is Sherlock. Hmm.

116
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,760
Um, yeah, we've um... We've met.

117
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:51,200
So, what exactly are my duties
as an usher?

118
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,880
Let's talk about Mary first.

119
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,320
Sorry, what?

120
00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,000
Well, I think you know what.
You went out with her for two years.

121
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,360
Er, ages ago. We're...
We're just good friends now.

122
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,600
Is that a fact?

123
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,800
Whenever she tweets, you respond within five
minutes, regardless of time or current location,

124
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,520
suggesting you have her on text alert. In your
Facebook photographs of the happy couple,

125
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,960
Mary takes centre frame, whereas John
is always partly or entirely excluded.

126
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,800
Well, you can't assume from that I've still
got some kind of interest in Mary...

127
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,320
You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on
on no less than three separate occasions.

128
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,000
Do you have anything to say
in your defence?

129
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,960
I think from now on, we'll downgrade
you to casual acquaintance.

130
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,400
No more than three planned
social encounters a year

131
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,240
and always in John's presence.

132
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,800
I have your contact details.
I will be monitoring.

133
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:40,480
They're right about you.
You're a bloody psychopath.

134
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,680
High functioning sociopath,
with your number.

135
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:55,360
Um...

136
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,240
Hello. Darling. Thank you.

137
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,440
You look fabulous. Thank you.

138
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,360
Thanks for coming, thank you.

139
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,800
Er, yes, well done in the service,
Archie.

140
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,760
He's really come out of his shell.
I don't know how you did it. Um...

141
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,760
Basically it's a cute smile
to the bride's side,

142
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,120
cute smile to the groom's side
and then the rings. No.

143
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,760
And you have to wear the outfit. No.

144
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,760
You really do have to wear
the outfit. What for?

145
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,680
Grown-ups like that sort of thing.
Why?

146
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,800
I don't know, I'll ask one.

147
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,200
You're a detective.

148
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,800
Yep. Have you solved any murders?

149
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,040
Sure, loads. Can I see?

150
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:40,720
Yeah, all right.

151
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,760
What's all the stuff in his eye?

152
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,480
Maggots. Cool!

153
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,760
Hmm.

154
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,520
He said you had some
pictures for him, as a treat?

155
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,720
Er, yes, if he's good.

156
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,280
Beheadings. Lovely little village.

157
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,640
Hmm? What did you say?

158
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,880
Hold it.

159
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,920
Nice.

160
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,520
I'm starving. Thanks.

161
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,720
I had to lose so much weight to
get into this dress.

162
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,680
Hmm, he's nice.

163
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,240
Traces of two leading brands of deodorant,
both advertised for their strength,

164
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,440
suggestive of a chronic body odour
problem, manifesting under stress.

165
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,160
OK, done there.
What about his friend?

166
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,400
Long-term relationship,
compulsive cheat. Seriously?

167
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,640
Waterproof cover on his smart-phone.

168
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,680
Yet his complexion
doesn't indicate outdoor work.

169
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,840
It suggests he's in the habit of taking
his phone into the shower with him,

170
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,600
which means he often receives texts and emails
he'd rather went unseen. Can I keep you?

171
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,400
Do you like solving crimes?
Do you have a vacancy?

172
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,720
So, Harry? Er, no. No show.

173
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,200
Darling, I'm so sorry.

174
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,160
Yeah, it was a bit of a punt
asking her, I suppose.

175
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,800
Still, free bar,
wouldn't have been a good mix.

176
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,800
Oh. God, wow!

177
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,880
Is that...? He came.

178
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,480
So that's him, Major Sholto.
Uh-huh.

179
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,880
If they're such good friends,
why does he barely even mention him?

180
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,320
He mentions him all the time to me,
never shuts up about him.

181
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,440
About HIM? Mm-hmm.

182
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,880
Urgh! I chose this wine,
it's bloody awful!

183
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,760
Yes, but it's definitely him
that he talks about? Mm-hmm.

184
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,880
I'm very, very, glad to see you, sir.

185
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,160
I know you don't really
do this sort of thing.

186
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,480
Well, I do for old friends,
Watson.

187
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,240
John.

188
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,320
It's good to see you. You too.

189
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,040
Civilian life suiting you, then?

190
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,880
Er, er, yes. Well, I think so, sir.
No more need for the trick cyclist?

191
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,560
No, I go now and then.
Sort of a top-up.

192
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,320
Therapy can be very helpful.

193
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,920
Where are you living these days?

194
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,120
Oh, way out in the middle of
nowhere. You wouldn't know it.

195
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,560
You look well... I've never even
heard him say his name.

196
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,960
Well, he's almost a recluse,
you know, since... Yes.

197
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,800
I didn't think he'd show up at all.

198
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,040
John says he's the most unsociable
man he's ever met.

199
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,080
He is? He's the most unsociable?
Hmm.

200
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:31,600
Ah, that's why he's bouncing around
him like a puppy.

201
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,720
Oh, Sherlock!

202
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:37,120
Neither of us were the first,
you know. Stop smiling.

203
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,120
It's my wedding day!

204
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,120
Urgh!

205
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,160
Yes? What, Sherlock?

206
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,280
Why are you out of breath? Filing.

207
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:21,120
Either I've caught you in a compromising
position or you've been working out again.

208
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,120
I favour the latter.
What do you want?

209
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,720
I need your answer, Mycroft,
as a matter of urgency.

210
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:29,680
Answer? Even at the eleventh hour,
it's not too late, you know.

211
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:30,840
Oh, Lord!

212
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,040
Cars can be ordered,
private jets commandeered.

213
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,000
Today. It's today, isn't it?

214
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,240
No, Sherlock, I will not be
coming to the night-do,

215
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,920
as you so poetically put it.

216
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,840
What a shame.
Mary and John will be extremely d...

217
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,800
Delighted not to have me
hanging around.

218
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,240
Oh, I don't know.

219
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,360
There should always be
a spectre at the feast.

220
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,760
So, this is it, then? The big day.

221
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,760
I suppose I'll be seeing
a lot more of you from now on.

222
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,320
What do you mean?
Just like old times.

223
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,840
No, I don't understand. 'Well,
it's the end of an era, isn't it?'

224
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,880
John and Mary, domestic bliss.

225
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,080
No, no, no. I prefer to think of it
as the beginning of a new chapter.

226
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,600
What? Nothing.
I know that silence. What?

227
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,320
Well, I'd better let you
get back to it.

228
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,920
You have a big speech or something,
don't you?

229
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:25,440
What? Cakes, karaoke, mingling.

230
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,800
Mycroft! This is what people do,
Sherlock. They get married.

231
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,520
I warned you, don't get involved.

232
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,480
Involved? I'm not involved. No...

233
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,920
John asked me to be his best man, how could I say no?
Absolutely. I'm not involved.

234
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,080
I believe you. Really, I do.

235
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,920
Have a lovely day and do give
the happy couple my best.

236
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,400
I will.

237
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:49,560
Oh, by the way, Sherlock,
do you remember Redbeard?

238
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,080
I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft.

239
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,120
No, of course you're not.

240
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,600
Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock.

241
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,560
Pray silence for the best man.

242
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,520
Ladies and gentlemen,

243
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,080
family and friends,

244
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,560
and...

245
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,360
um, others.

246
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,640
Er...

247
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,400
A-also...

248
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,480
Greg... Molly.
I've just had a thought.

249
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,560
Is that a brain?

250
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,680
What if John asks Sherlock
to be his best man?

251
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,040
Well, he will, won't he?
He's bound to. Exactly.

252
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:10,320
So? So, he'll have to make a speech,
in front of people.

253
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,960
There'll be actual people there,
actually listening.

254
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,280
Well, what's the worst
that could happen?

255
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,520
Helen-Louise probably
wondered the same.

256
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,080
Helen-Louise?

257
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,520
Oh, hello dear.

258
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,960
I was just thinking,
if John does ask Sherlock...

259
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,040
What, the speech, dear?
No, it'll be fine.

260
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,000
It's not just the speech,
though, is it?

261
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:46,720
Oh, brilliant!

262
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,880
Mrs Hudson? Hello, darling.
Are you all right?

263
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,440
I was coming to see Sherlock
and I thought you were...

264
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,920
No... Possibly dying.

265
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,960
Oh, sorry.

266
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,400
What's wrong?

267
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,000
The telegrams!

268
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,520
Sorry, what?

269
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,240
Oh, sorry.

270
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,240
Telegrams!

271
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,360
Right, um...

272
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:18,320
First things first, telegrams.

273
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,800
Well, they're not actually telegrams, we
just call them telegrams. I don't know why.

274
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,520
Wedding tradition.

275
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,920
Because we don't have enough of that
already, apparently.

276
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,000
"To Mr and Mrs Watson,

277
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,720
"so sorry I am unable to be with
you on your special day.

278
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,920
"Good luck and best wishes,
Mike Stanford." Aah. Aw.

279
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,640
"To John and Mary, all good
wishes for your special day,"

280
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,840
"with love and many big..."

281
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,000
"Big squishy cuddles
from Stella and Ted."

282
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:47,200
"Mary, lots of love..."

283
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,040
Yeah?

284
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:54,000
"Poppet. Oodles of love
and heaps of good wishes from Cam."

285
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,320
"Wish your family
could have seen this."

286
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:02,000
"Special day..."
"Very special day..."

287
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,520
"Love..."Love..."Love..."
"Love..."Love..."

288
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,640
Bit of a theme, you get the general
gist. People are basically fond.

289
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,120
John Watson.

290
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,800
My friend, John Watson.

291
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,320
John...

292
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,840
When John first broached the subject
of being best man, I was confused.

293
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,440
Sherlock? What was that
noise downstairs?

294
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:27,840
Oh, it was Mrs Hudson laughing.

295
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,080
Hmm, it sounded like
she was torturing an owl.

296
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,240
Yeah, well, it was laughter.

297
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,440
Could have been both.

298
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,800
Busy?

299
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,920
Oh, just occupying myself.
Sometimes it's so hard not smoking.

300
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,160
Mind if I interrupt?

301
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,280
Be my guest.

302
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,440
Tea? Er...

303
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,400
So, er, the big question.

304
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,680
Mm-hmm?

305
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,160
The best man.

306
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,520
The best man?

307
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,800
What do you think?
Billy Kincaid.

308
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,880
Sorry, what? Billy Kincaid, the Camden
Garrotter, best man I ever knew.

309
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,040
Vast contributions to charity,
never disclosed.

310
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,880
Personally managed to save
three hospitals from closure

311
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,000
and ran the best and safest
children's homes in north England.

312
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,560
Yes, every now and again there'd be some garrotings, but
stacking up the lives saved against the garrotings,

313
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,800
on balance I'd say he...
For my wedding.

314
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,400
For me, I need a best man.

315
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,760
Oh, right. Maybe not a garrotter.

316
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,280
Gavin? Who?

317
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,320
Gavin Lestrade?
He's a man and good at it.

318
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,320
It's Greg.
And he's not my best friend.

319
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,040
Oh, Mike Stanford, I see.

320
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,240
Well, he's nice. Um, though I'm not
sure how well he'd cope with all...

321
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,040
No, Mike's great,
but HE'S not my best friend.

322
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:43,840
Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest
and most important day of my life...

323
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,360
Well... No, it is. It is.

324
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:48,680
And I want to be up there
with the two people

325
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,880
that I love and care about
most in the world. Yes.

326
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,000
So Mary Morstan... Yes.

327
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:01,720
And...

328
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:06,960
you.

329
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,080
I confess at first I didn't realise
he was asking me.

330
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,080
When finally I understood, I expressed to him
that I was both flattered and surprised.

331
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,960
I explained to him that I'd never expected this
request and I was a little daunted in the face of it.

332
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,240
Sherlock...

333
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,720
I nonetheless promised I would do my very
best to accomplish a task which was, for me,

334
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,160
as demanding and difficult
as any I had ever contemplated.

335
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:40,000
Additionally, I thanked him for the trust
he placed in me and indicated that I was,

336
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,680
in some ways, very close to
being moved by it.

337
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,360
No, it's getting a bit scary now.

338
00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:52,800
It later transpired that I'd said
none of this out loud.

339
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:00,960
So, in fact...

340
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,400
You, you mean... Yes.

341
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,160
I'm your...

342
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,120
best... Man.
.. friend?

343
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,440
Yeah, of course you are.

344
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,200
Of course... You're my best friend.

345
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,840
How was that?

346
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,560
Surprisingly OK.

347
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,320
So you'll have to make a speech,
of course.

348
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,640
Done that. Done that.

349
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,480
Done that bit, done that bit.

350
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,160
Done that bit. Hmm.

351
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,640
I'm afraid, John,
I can't congratulate you.

352
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,880
All emotions,
and in particular love,

353
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:04,240
stand opposed to the pure, cold
reason I hold above all things.

354
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,600
A wedding is,
in my considered opinion,

355
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:11,240
nothing short of a celebration of all
that is false and specious and irrational

356
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,280
and sentimental in this ailing
and morally compromised world.

357
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,600
Today we honour the deathwatch beetle
that is the doom of our society,

358
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,480
and in time, one feels certain,
our entire species.

359
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,520
But anyway, let's talk about John.
Please.

360
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,440
If I burden myself with a little
helpmate during my adventures,

361
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:38,360
this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it
is that he has many fine qualities of his own

362
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:41,080
that he has overlooked
in his obsession with me.

363
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,600
Indeed, any reputation I have for mental
acuity and sharpness comes, in truth,

364
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,800
from the extraordinary contrast
John so selflessly provides.

365
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,080
It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour
exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day.

366
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,560
There is a certain analogy there,
I feel. And contrast is, after all,

367
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,320
God's own plan to enhance
the beauty of his creation.

368
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,760
Or it would be if God were not
a ludicrous fantasy

369
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,760
designed to provide a career
opportunity for the family idiot.

370
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,840
The point I'm trying to make
is that I am

371
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,800
the most unpleasant, rude,

372
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,640
ignorant and all-round
obnoxious arsehole

373
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,000
that anyone could possibly have
the misfortune to meet.

374
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,480
I am dismissive of the virtuous,

375
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,560
unaware of the beautiful

376
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,200
and uncomprehending
in the face of the happy.

377
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,880
So if I didn't understand
I was being asked to be best man,

378
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,120
it is because I never expected
to be anybody's best friend.

379
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,800
And certainly not the best friend

380
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:41,120
of the bravest and kindest
and wisest human being

381
00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:43,960
I have ever had the good fortune
of knowing.

382
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,360
John, I am a ridiculous man.

383
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,720
Redeemed only by the warmth
and constancy of your friendship.

384
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,800
But, as I am apparently
your best friend,

385
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,880
I cannot congratulate you
on your choice of companion.

386
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:00,960
Actually, now I can.

387
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,240
Mary, when I say
you deserve this man,

388
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,880
it is the highest compliment
of which I am capable.

389
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:16,560
John, you have endured war
and injury and tragic loss -

390
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:21,440
so sorry again about that last one -
so know this, today you sit between

391
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:25,680
the woman you have made your wife
and the man you have saved.

392
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:29,800
In short, the two people who love
you most in all this world.

393
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,240
And I know I speak for Mary as well
when I say,

394
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:36,000
we will never let you down and we
have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

395
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,760
Certainly not.

396
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:48,000
Ah, yes. Now onto
some funny stories about John.

397
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,760
What's wrong? What happened?
Why are you all doing that? John?

398
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:55,560
Oh, Sherlock!

399
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,960
Did I do it wrong?
No, you didn't. Come here.

400
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,160
I haven't finished yet.
Yeah, I know, I know.

401
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,560
So onto some funny stories now...
Can you wait till I sit down?

402
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,960
So, onto some funny stories
about John.

403
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:23,160
If you could all just cheer up
a bit, that would be better.

404
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,320
On we go.

405
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:29,920
So for funny stories, one has to
look no further than John's blog.

406
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,800
The record of our time together.

407
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,160
Of course, he does
tend to romanticise things a bit,

408
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,320
but then, you know, he's a romantic.

409
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,640
We've tackled some strange cases.

410
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,720
The Hollow Client...

411
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:49,560
The Poison Giant...

412
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,280
Get down, John!

413
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,080
We've had some frustrating cases...

414
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,600
What is that?

415
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,160
A French decathlete found
completely out of his mind,

416
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:16,200
surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes,

417
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,720
all empty except this one.

418
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,440
And what's in that one?

419
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,560
Inexplicable.

420
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,560
Touching cases...

421
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,840
She's going to ring the doorbell.

422
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,320
Oh, no. She's changed her mind.

423
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:40,160
Oh, she's going to do it.
No, she's leaving.

424
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,280
She's leaving.
Oh, she's coming back.

425
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:46,520
She's a client, she's boring. I've
seen those symptoms before. Hmm?

426
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:50,120
Oscillation on the pavement
always means there's a love affair.

427
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,320
And of course I have to mention
the elephant in the room...

428
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,520
But we want something

429
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,360
very particular for this
special day, don't we?

430
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,040
The Bloody Guardsman...

431
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,720
Need to work on your half of the
church, Mary, looking a bit thin.

432
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,240
Oh, orphan's lot. Friends,
that's all I have, lots of friends.

433
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,920
Schedule the organ music to
begin at precisely 11:48...

434
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,400
But the rehearsal's not for
another two weeks, just calm down.

435
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,240
Calm? I am calm. I'm extremely calm.

436
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,520
Let's get back to the reception,
come on.

437
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,320
John's cousin, top table?

438
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,040
Hmm, hates you.
Can't even bear to think about you.

439
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,040
Seriously? Second class post,
cheap card.

440
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,200
Bought at a petrol station. Look at
the stamp, three attempts at licking,

441
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,440
she's obviously unconsciously
retaining saliva.

442
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,840
Ah, let's stick her by the bogs.
Oh, yes.

443
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,440
Who else hates me?

444
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,640
Oh, great, thanks.

445
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,720
"Priceless painting nicked."
Looks interesting.

446
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,080
Table four... Done.

447
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:54,600
"My husband is three people."

448
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,200
Table five...
Major James Sholto - who he?

449
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,600
John's old commanding officer. I don't
think he's coming. He'll be there.

450
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,880
Well, he needs to RSVP, then.
He'll be there. Oh.

451
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:06,280
"My husband is three people."
It's interesting.

452
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,360
It says he has three distinct
patterns of moles on his skin.

453
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,000
Identical triplets, one in half a million births.
Solved it without leaving the flat.

454
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,520
Now, serviettes...
Swan or Sydney Opera House?

455
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,160
Where did you learn that? Many
skills are required in the field

456
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,960
of criminal investigation... Fibbing, Sherlock.
I once broke an alibi by demonstrating

457
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:26,040
the exact severity of a fold... I'm not John, I can
tell when you're fibbing. OK, I learnt it on YouTube.

458
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,640
Opera House, please.
Oh, hang on, I'm buzzing.

459
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,280
Hello?

460
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,760
Oh, hi, Beth.

461
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,760
Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not.

462
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,440
Actually, if that's Beth,
it's probably for me too, hang on.

463
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:48,560
He knows we don't have a friend called Beth,
he's going to figure out that it's code.

464
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:52,000
He's YouTubing serviettes. He's thorough.
He's terrified. Of course he's not.

465
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,640
When you're scared of something you start
wishing it sooner, just to get it all going.

466
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,120
But why would he be scared
that we're getting married?

467
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,720
It's not going to change anything,
we'll still do stuff.

468
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,040
You need to prove it to him.
I told you to find him a new case.

469
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:07,040
I'm trying. But you need to run him, OK?
Show him it's still the good old days.

470
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,920
That just sort of happened.

471
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,800
Sherlock, um, mate...

472
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,560
I have...

473
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,040
I've smelled 18 different perfumes,

474
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:37,920
I've sampled nine different slices
of cake, which all tasted identical.

475
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,920
I like the bridesmaids in purple...
Lilac. Lilac.

476
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,200
Um, there are no more decisions
left to make.

477
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,320
I don't even understand the decisions
that we have made.

478
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,400
I'm faking opinions,
and it's exhausting.

479
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:55,120
So, please, before she comes back...
pick something.

480
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,840
Anything. Pick one. Pick what?

481
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,480
A case. Your inbox is bursting.

482
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,200
Just... get me out of here.

483
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,400
You want to go out on a case? Now?

484
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,320
Please. Sherlock, for me.

485
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,840
Don't you worry about a thing,
I'll get you out of this.

486
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,720
Oh.

487
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,560
"Dear Mr Holmes,
my name is Bainbridge."

488
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,200
"I'm a Private in Her Majesty's
Household Guard."

489
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,560
"I'm writing to you
about a personal matter..."

490
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,920
"One I don't care to
bring before my superiors,"

491
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,280
"it would sound so trivial."

492
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,240
"But I think someone's stalking me."

493
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,920
"I'm used to tourists, it's part
of the job,"

494
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,800
"but this is different."

495
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:38,200
"Someone's watching me."

496
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,360
"He's taking pictures of me
every day."

497
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:48,120
"I don't want to mention it to the Major,
but it's really preying on my mind."

498
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,400
Uniform fetishist?
All the nice girls like a soldier.

499
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,400
It's "sailor". And Bainbridge
thinks his stalker is a bloke.

500
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,840
Let's go and investigate. Please.

501
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,040
Elite guard. 40 enlisted
men and officers.

502
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,320
Why this particular Grenadier?
Curious.

503
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:10,040
Now you're talking. OK.
Bye!

504
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,280
Er, we're just going to...
I need, um, Sherlock to help me

505
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,800
choose some er... Ties.
Socks.

506
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:17,200
Why don't we go with socks? Yeah.

507
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,080
I mean, you've got to get
the right ones.

508
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,520
Exactly, to go with my...
Tie. Outfit.

509
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,560
That'll take a while, right?
Is my coat in there? Yes.

510
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,320
I'm just going to take him
out for a bit. Run him.

511
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,680
I know. You said
you'd find him a case. Hmm.

512
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,480
Coming, Sherlock? Coming!

513
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,600
Taxi!

514
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,000
Company halt!

515
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,200
Right turn!

516
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,000
We're here to see
Private Stephen Bainbridge.

517
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:12,480
He's on duty right now, sir.

518
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,520
But I'll certainly
let him know when he's free.

519
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:15,840
And when will that be?

520
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,760
Another hour.

521
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,480
Do you think they give them classes?

522
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:34,920
Classes?

523
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:38,200
How to resist the temptation
to scratch their behinds.

524
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:42,320
Afferent neurons in
the peripheral nervous system.

525
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:43,760
Bum-itch.

526
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:44,720
Oh.

527
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,760
So why don't you see him any more?

528
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:54,800
Who? Your previous commander, Sholto.

529
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,760
Previous commander?

530
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:58,160
I meant ex.

531
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,560
"Previous" suggests that
I currently have a commander.

532
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,960
Which you don't. Which I don't.
Of course you don't.

533
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,080
He was decorated, wasn't he?
A war hero?

534
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:07,480
Not to everyone.

535
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,400
He led a team of crows into battle.

536
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,600
Crows?

537
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,720
New recruits. It's standard
procedure - break the new boys in.

538
00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:15,880
But it went wrong.

539
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,960
They all died,
he was the only survivor.

540
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:24,320
The press and families gave him hell, he gets more
death threats than you. Oh, I wouldn't count on that.

541
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:28,160
And why have you suddenly taken
an interest in another human being?

542
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,720
I'm "chatting".

543
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:35,920
I won't be trying THAT again.

544
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:40,040
Changing the subject completely...

545
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:44,640
you know it won't alter anything,
right, me and Mary getting married?

546
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,560
We'll still be doing all this.

547
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,760
Oh, good. If you were worried.

548
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,080
I wasn't worried.

549
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,080
Hmm.

550
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,120
The thing about Mary,

551
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,480
she has completely
turned my life around.

552
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,920
Changed everything.

553
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:05,760
But, for the record,

554
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:09,000
over the last few years there are
two people who have done that,

555
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,920
and the other one is...

556
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:14,560
a complete dickhead.

557
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,640
Can I ask what this
is in connection with?

558
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:52,840
Private Bainbridge contacted us
about a personal matter, sir.

559
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,720
Nothing's personal
when it concerns my troops.

560
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:57,760
What do you really want?

561
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,600
I'm here on a legitimate enquiry.

562
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:04,480
Are you press? Digging for some
bloody Royal story or something?

563
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,440
No, sir, I'm Captain John Watson,

564
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,760
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers.

565
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,320
Retired.

566
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,400
You could be a used-car
salesman now, for all I know.

567
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,640
Bainbridge?

568
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,400
Gentleman here to see you.

569
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:22,440
Bainbridge!

570
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,680
I know you, don't I?

571
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:33,920
Hmm?

572
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,040
I've seen you in the papers.

573
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:41,720
You hang around with that detective,

574
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:43,400
the one with the silly hat.

575
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,600
What the hell does Bainbridge
want with a detective?

576
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:49,400
I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say.

577
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,600
You're not at liberty to say?
He's a soldier in my regiment.

578
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,280
I'll be damned if he's going to get up to
cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. Sir!

579
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,920
Sir! What's going on?
It's Bainbridge, sir.

580
00:38:58,920 --> 00:38:59,960
He's dead.

581
00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:12,760
My God!

582
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,720
Ah! No, let me take a look,
sir, I'm a doctor.

583
00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:16,920
What?

584
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:18,160
Sergeant, arrest this man!

585
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:19,600
What? No, no! I'm a doctor!

586
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,640
Oh, you're a doctor
now too? Sergeant.

587
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:22,880
Let me examine him, please!

588
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,840
Sir, caught this one
snooping around.

589
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,320
Is that what this is all about?

590
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,520
Distracting me, so that
this man could get in here

591
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:29,960
and kill Bainbridge? Don't be...

592
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,080
Kill him with what?
Where's the weapon? What?

593
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,440
Where's the weapon?
Go on, search me - no weapon.

594
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,160
Bainbridge was on parade,
he came off duty five minutes ago.

595
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,000
When's this supposed
to have happened?

596
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,280
You obviously stabbed him before
he got into the shower. No. No?

597
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:46,480
He's soaking wet and there's shampoo in his hair.
He got into the shower, then someone stabbed him.

598
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,240
The cubicle was locked from the
inside, sir. I had to break it open.

599
00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:52,840
You must have climbed over the top. But
then I'd be soaking wet too, wouldn't I?

600
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,800
Major, please! I'm John Watson,
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers,

601
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,440
three years in Afghanistan,
a veteran of Kandahar, Helmand

602
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,040
and Bart's bloody Hospital!

603
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:01,880
Let me examine this body!

604
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,440
Thank you.

605
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,280
Suicide?

606
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,040
No. The weapon again, no knife.

607
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:20,960
Now, there is a wound
to the abdomen.

608
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:23,600
Incredibly fine.

609
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,080
Man stabbed to death,
no murder weapon.

610
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:27,800
Door locked from the inside.

611
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,640
Only one way in or out
of here. Sherlock...

612
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,600
Hmm? He's still breathing.

613
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,400
Oh, my God!

614
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,520
What do we do?
Give me your scarf. What?

615
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,840
Quickly, now! Call an ambulance!

616
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,840
What? Call an ambulance, now!

617
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:42,240
Do it!

618
00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:44,760
Nurse, press here, hard.

619
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,160
Nurse? Yeah, I'm making do.

620
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:47,960
Keep pressure on that wound.

621
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,160
Stephen? Stephen, stay with me.

622
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:54,320
Private Bainbridge had
just come off guard duty.

623
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,720
He'd stood there for hours,
plenty of people watching,

624
00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:57,960
nothing apparently wrong.

625
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,360
He came off duty and
within minutes was nearly dead

626
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,520
from a wound in his stomach,

627
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:03,880
but there was no weapon.

628
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:05,640
Where did it go?

629
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:08,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
I invite you to consider this -

630
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,320
a murderer who can
walk through walls,

631
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,560
a weapon that can vanish.
But in all of this,

632
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,840
there is only one element which can
be said to be truly remarkable.

633
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,680
Would anyone like to make a guess?

634
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:24,520
Come on, come on,

635
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,360
there is actually an element
of Q&A to all of this.

636
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:33,040
Scotland Yard,
have you got a theory?

637
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:37,200
Yeah, you, you're a detective,
broadly speaking. Got a theory?

638
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:38,960
Er, um, if the, er...

639
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:40,040
If the... If the...

640
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,640
If the blade was
propelled through the, erm...

641
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,080
grating in the air vent,

642
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,560
maybe a ballista
or a catapult, um...

643
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,200
Somebody tiny could crawl in there.

644
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,840
So, yeah, we're looking
for a dwarf.

645
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,160
Brilliant.

646
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:58,440
Really? No.

647
00:41:58,440 --> 00:41:59,600
Next?

648
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:02,440
Hello, who was that?

649
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,080
Tom?

650
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,040
Got a theory?

651
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:15,680
Attempted suicide, with a blade
made of compacted blood and bone.

652
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:18,000
Broke after piercing his abdomen,

653
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,440
like a meat...

654
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:21,840
dagger.

655
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:23,480
A meat dagger?

656
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,440
Yes.

657
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:27,680
No.

658
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:32,120
There was one feature,
and only one feature, of interest

659
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:34,040
in the whole of this baffling case,

660
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,600
and quite frankly it was
the usual - John Watson.

661
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,120
Who, while I was trying to solve
a murder, instead saved a life.

662
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,840
There are mysteries worth solving

663
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,480
and stories worth telling.

664
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:49,800
The best and bravest man I know

665
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,080
and, on top of that,
he actually knows how to do stuff.

666
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:54,880
Except wedding planning and
serviettes, he's rubbish at those.

667
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:56,360
Hmm. The case itself remains

668
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,840
the most ingenious and brilliantly
planned murder, or attempted murder,

669
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,240
I've ever had
the pleasure to encounter.

670
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:06,240
The most perfect locked-room
mystery of which I am aware.

671
00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:08,160
However, I'm not just here
to praise John,

672
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,280
I'm also here to embarrass him,
so let's move on to...

673
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:11,600
No, wait... How was it done?

674
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,400
How was what done? The stabbing?

675
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:17,280
I'm afraid I don't know.

676
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,480
I didn't solve that one.

677
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:23,280
It can happen sometimes,
it's very, very disappointing.

678
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,800
Embarrassment leads me on
to the stag night.

679
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:27,880
Of course there's
hours of material here,

680
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,320
but I've cut it down
to the really good bits.

681
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,800
Murder scenes?

682
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,560
Locations of murders?

683
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:38,000
Hmm, pub crawl, themed.

684
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,520
Yeah, but why can't you just
do Underground stations?

685
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,480
It lacks the personal touch. We're
going to go for a drink in every...

686
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,880
In every street where you've
found a corpse. Delightful!

687
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:47,160
Where do I come in?

688
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,880
Don't want to get ill.
That would ruin it, spoil the mood.

689
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,360
You're a graduate chemist,
can't you just work it out?

690
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:54,240
I lack the practical experience.

691
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,480
Meaning you think I like a drink?

692
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,720
Occasionally.
That I'm a drunk. No... No.

693
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,320
You look... well.

694
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,000
I am.

695
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,480
How's...

696
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:13,880
Tom?

697
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:15,000
Not a sociopath.

698
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,080
Still? Good.

699
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:18,240
And we're having quite a lot of sex.

700
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:24,440
OK. I want you to calculate
John's ideal intake, and mine,

701
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,600
to remain in the sweet spot
for the whole evening.

702
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:27,760
Light-headed - good.

703
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,240
Urinating in wardrobes - bad.

704
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:31,520
Hmm.

705
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,040
Two, erm... beers, please.

706
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:35,120
Pints?

707
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,920
443.7 millilitres.

708
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:41,920
Ah.

709
00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:48,120
What, are we on a schedule?

710
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:50,800
You'll thank me.

711
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,680
Cheers. Cheers.

712
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,120
Over there. What?

713
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,400
Toilets - any second now
you're going to need...

714
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,960
Hang on, tell me after.
I need the loo. Hmm, on schedule.

715
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:23,440
Eh? Nothing. Go!

716
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,400
How long? Sorry?

717
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:31,880
Your visit.

718
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,240
Estimate approximate
volume discharge...

719
00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:36,640
Stop talking now.

720
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:44,480
Oh, quick, one more. He mustn't see.

721
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:55,680
Here you go. Cheers.

722
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:03,960
I know ash! Don't tell me I don't!

723
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:10,720
All right, enough!
That's... Stand up.

724
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,920
Ash. I know ash.

725
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:24,360
I have an international reputation.

726
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,040
Do you have
an international reputation?

727
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:32,240
No, I don't have
an international reputation. No.

728
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:36,960
And I can't even remember what for.

729
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:44,960
It's crime... something or other.

730
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,360
Oh, what are you doing back?

731
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,160
I thought you were
going to be up late.

732
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,240
Ah, Hudders. What time is it?

733
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:56,240
You've only been out two hours.

734
00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:09,240
Am I a vegetable?

735
00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,880
You or the... thing...? Pffrrrt!

736
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:14,520
Funny!

737
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:15,760
Thank you.

738
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,960
Come on. No, you're not
a vegetable. It's your go.

739
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,040
Erm...

740
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,120
am I human?

741
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:25,360
Sometimes.

742
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:26,720
Can't have sometimes.

743
00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:27,920
It has to be, um...

744
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:31,520
Yes, you're human.
Yes, I know, OK. And am I a man?

745
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,000
Yep. Tall?

746
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,240
Not as tall as people think.

747
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:37,920
Hmm. Nice?

748
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:39,400
Ish.

749
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:40,480
Clever?

750
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:41,520
I would say so.

751
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,800
You would.

752
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:44,640
Hmm, am I important?

753
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,200
To some people.

754
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,880
Do people like me?

755
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,680
Erm, no they don't.

756
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,720
You tend to rub them up
the wrong way.

757
00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:55,320
OK.

758
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,400
Am I the current King of England?

759
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:01,440
You know we don't have a King.

760
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,600
Don't we? No.

761
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,560
Your go.

762
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:14,840
I don't mind. Am I a woman?

763
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,920
What?

764
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:21,160
Yes.

765
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:23,880
Am I... pretty?

766
00:48:25,240 --> 00:48:26,480
This?

767
00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:31,360
Beauty is a construct based
entirely on childhood impressions,

768
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,120
influences and role models.

769
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,600
Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?

770
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:41,680
I don't know who you are, I don't
know who you're supposed to be.

771
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:42,880
You picked the name!

772
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:44,920
But I picked it at random
from the papers.

773
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:48,320
You're not really getting the hang
of this game, are you, Sherlock?

774
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:52,760
So I am human, I'm not as tall
as people think I am. I'm...

775
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,880
I'm nice-ish, clever,

776
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:56,480
important to some people.

777
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,320
But I tend to rub them up
the wrong way.

778
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:02,320
Got it.

779
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,040
Go on, then. I'm you, aren't I?

780
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:04,841
Client!

781
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,320
Hello.

782
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:10,520
Hello. Come on.

783
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,520
Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?

784
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,680
I don't... a lot.

785
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,680
I mean, I don't date all that much.

786
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:27,640
And he seemed nice, you know?

787
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:30,520
We seemed to automatically connect.

788
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:31,960
We had one night,

789
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:35,680
dinner, such interesting
conversation.

790
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:37,920
It was lovely.

791
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:39,440
To be honest,

792
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,200
I'd love to have gone further,

793
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:46,400
but I thought, no, this is special,

794
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,160
let's take it slowly.

795
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:49,720
Exchanged numbers,

796
00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:52,240
he said he'd get in touch
and then...

797
00:49:55,520 --> 00:50:01,160
Maybe he wasn't quite
as keen as I was,

798
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,680
but I just thought

799
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:07,960
at least he'd call
to say that we were finished.

800
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,040
I went round there,

801
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:20,360
to his flat, no trace of him.

802
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:24,800
Mr Holmes, I honestly think

803
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:28,920
I had dinner with a ghost.

804
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:34,600
Mr Holmes?

805
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:41,720
With a ghost, Mr Holmes!

806
00:50:41,720 --> 00:50:44,640
Boring, boring, boring.
No...

807
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:46,200
fascinating.

808
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,120
John. John! Wake up.

809
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:52,720
I apologise about my...
You know... Him.

810
00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:54,080
Rude. Rude!

811
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:57,880
I checked with the landlord

812
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:01,080
and the man who lived there died.

813
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:02,960
Heart attack.

814
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:06,920
And there we are
having dinner one week on.

815
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:10,360
And I found this thing online,

816
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:12,840
a sort of chatroom thing,

817
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:17,080
for girls who think they're dating
men from the spirit world.

818
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:20,520
Don't worry, I'll find him
in ten minutes.

819
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:21,800
What's your dog's name?

820
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,440
Yeah, I'm there if you want it...
John, wake up.

821
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:26,960
Went to... Yeah.

822
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:28,640
The game is... something.

823
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:30,720
On?

824
00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:32,360
Yeah, that, that.

825
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:33,520
OK.

826
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,000
Oh, it's nice.

827
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,720
Nice place.

828
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:53,920
See anything? Hmm?

829
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:55,640
Any clues, Mr Holmes?

830
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,680
Oh, errrm...

831
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,640
I'm just going to whip this out.

832
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:40,360
You all right?
Hmm? Yeah, he's clueing. What?

833
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,280
He's... Hmm? He's clueing for looks.

834
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,360
Mr Holmes?

835
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,000
Mr Holmes! I'm calling
the police. Oh, no...

836
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,720
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

837
00:53:04,720 --> 00:53:06,960
No, look, this is
a famous detective,

838
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:09,760
it's Sherlock Holmes and
his partner, John Hamish Watson.

839
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:11,160
What do you think you're doing?

840
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,520
Don't compromise

841
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:15,880
the integrity of the...

842
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:22,360
Crime scene.

843
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,200
Yeah, that.

844
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:51,480
Wakey-wakey!

845
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:53,200
Oh, my God.

846
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:55,080
Greg... Is that Greg?

847
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:57,480
Get up. I'm going to
put you two in a taxi.

848
00:53:57,480 --> 00:54:00,160
I managed to square things
with the desk sergeant.

849
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:02,680
Ha! What a couple of lightweights -

850
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,720
you couldn't even make it
to closing time!

851
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:06,240
- Can you whisper?
- Not really!

852
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:11,960
Come on.

853
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:27,040
Well, thanks for a...

854
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,400
You know... an evening.

855
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:30,400
It was awful.

856
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:33,480
Yeah. I was going to pretend, but...

857
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,120
it was, truly.

858
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:36,520
That woman, Tessa...

859
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:37,760
What?

860
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:40,240
Dated a ghost, most interesting
case for months.

861
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:41,800
What a wasted opportunity!

862
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:44,840
OK.

863
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,240
How are you feeling?

864
00:54:52,240 --> 00:54:53,600
Hmm.

865
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,080
It's just like old times,
having you back here.

866
00:54:57,080 --> 00:55:01,360
I thought I'd make your
favourite, one last time.

867
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:04,280
Oh. Don't sound so final about it,

868
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:07,200
I will be visiting, you know.
Ooh, I've heard that one before!

869
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:09,240
No, it's different now,
though, isn't it?

870
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:11,360
It's different to when
we thought we'd lost him.

871
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:13,560
Well, marriage
changes everything, John.

872
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:17,560
Does it? Yeah. You might not
think it, but it does.

873
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:19,640
It's a different phase in your life.

874
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:20,920
You meet knew people,

875
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:22,560
cos you're a couple,

876
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:26,520
and then you just let
your old friends slip away.

877
00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:29,720
It won't be like that.
Well, if you've found the right one,

878
00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:32,800
the person that you click with,
it's the best thing in the world.

879
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,840
Well, I have. I know I have.
Oh, I'm sure.

880
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:37,040
She's lovely.

881
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:39,360
Yeah, I think so. What about you?

882
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:40,640
Me?

883
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:43,920
Did you think you'd found the right
one when you married Mr Hudson?

884
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:47,000
No. It was just
a whirlwind thing for us.

885
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,280
I knew it wouldn't work, but I just
got sort of swept along. Right.

886
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,480
And then we moved to Florida.

887
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:53,920
We had a fantastic time,

888
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:57,160
but of course I didn't know
what he was up to.

889
00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:59,520
Drugs? He was running, erm...

890
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,480
Oh, what do you call it?

891
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:03,680
Erm... A...

892
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:05,520
cartel.

893
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:07,520
And got in with a really bad crowd.

894
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,800
Right. And then I found out
about all the other women.

895
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,600
I didn't have a clue.

896
00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:17,000
So, when he was actually arrested
for blowing someone's head off,

897
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,480
it was quite a relief, to be honest.

898
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:23,080
Oh.

899
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:26,200
It was purely physical
between me and Frank.

900
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,560
We couldn't keep
our hands off each other.

901
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,120
I know, there was one night...

902
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:32,560
Oh, is that Sherlock?

903
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:34,400
Is it?

904
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:35,640
That's Sherlock.

905
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,320
Urgh...

906
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:57,920
There are going to be others.

907
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:00,960
Others? Victims, women.

908
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:03,080
Most ghosts tend to
haunt a single house.

909
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,640
This ghost, however,
is willing to commute. Look.

910
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:28,640
Hmm...

911
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:30,560
Not you. Not you.

912
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:32,760
Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you.

913
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:34,880
Not you. Not you.

914
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:36,720
Not you.

915
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:38,280
Not you. Not you.

916
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:39,760
Hmm...

917
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:41,400
Not you.

918
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,800
Not you. Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.

919
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:47,200
Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.

920
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:48,360
Not you, you, you, or you, or you.

921
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:52,640
Or not you, not you, not you,
not you, not you, not you.

922
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,400
Not you.

923
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:03,840
Hi.

924
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:05,360
Gail.

925
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:12,200
Charlotte.

926
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:15,920
Robyn.

927
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:19,960
Vicky.

928
00:58:27,640 --> 00:58:29,720
How did you meet?

929
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:31,960
Came up to me in a pub.
Same gym as me.

930
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:34,000
We just got chatting on the bus.

931
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:35,080
Online.

932
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,080
Name? Told you.

933
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:38,880
His name. Oscar.

934
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:40,760
Mike. Terry.

935
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:43,320
Erm... Love Monkey.

936
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:45,080
Your place?

937
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:46,360
His place.

938
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:48,800
Address?

939
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,200
Nothing happened.

940
00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:57,280
It was just... very romantic.

941
00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:00,000
Four women in four nights.
He must have something special.

942
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:01,680
He was very charming. He listened.

943
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:02,840
He was sweet.

944
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:04,160
He had a lovely...

945
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,200
You OK?

946
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:09,720
You've let your food go cold.
Mrs Hudson will play hell.

947
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:11,000
Not now, John.

948
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:16,480
Sorry about that.

949
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:18,080
He had a lovely manner.

950
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:21,120
Different names,
different addresses.

951
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:22,480
Describe him.

952
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:23,560
Short blonde hair.

953
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:24,960
Dark hair. Long.

954
00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:26,600
Ginger. I like gingers.

955
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:27,800
Couldn't tell.

956
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:29,680
He had a mask on.

957
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:33,760
He's stealing
the identity of corpses,

958
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:37,040
getting their names
from the obituary columns.

959
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:38,360
All single men.

960
00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:39,800
He's using the dead man's flat

961
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:42,440
under the assumption
it will be empty for a while.

962
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:43,800
Free love nest.

963
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:44,800
I feel sick.

964
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:45,800
It's gruesome.

965
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:47,720
That's awful. Clever...

966
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:48,560
Bastard!

967
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:55,080
Hello, Tessa.

968
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:56,560
Meanwhile, back to business.

969
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:58,320
No-one wants to use
a dead man's home.

970
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:01,760
At least not until
it's been cleared.

971
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:04,920
So, he disguises himself.

972
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:07,840
Steals the man's home,
steals his identity.

973
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:10,480
But only for one night.
Then he's gone.

974
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:12,640
He's not a ghost, John.
He's a Mayfly.

975
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:14,000
He lives for a day.

976
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:19,120
So, what was it
he was looking for?

977
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:20,160
Job?

978
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,640
Gardener. Cook.

979
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:23,240
Private nurse. I do security work.

980
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:24,440
Maid.

981
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:27,600
Obvious. You all work
for the same person.

982
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,520
No, no, not the same employer. Damn!

983
01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:45,920
Come on, we can do this.

984
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:47,040
Ideal night out?

985
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:48,360
Clay-pigeon shooting.

986
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:49,480
Line dancing.

987
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:50,560
Pictures.

988
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:52,360
Wine in front of the telly.

989
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:54,080
Dungeon.

990
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,000
Make-up? Clarins.

991
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:58,400
No7.

992
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,440
Maybelline. Nothing special.

993
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:01,400
Whatever's cheap.

994
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,080
Perfume?

995
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:05,160
Chanel. Chanel. Chanel.

996
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:07,600
Chanel. Estee Lauder.

997
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:10,240
Ideal man?

998
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:11,520
George Clooney.

999
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:13,040
Oh...! Home-loving.

1000
01:01:13,040 --> 01:01:15,000
He'd have to like cuddling.

1001
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:17,560
Caring. Ten things.

1002
01:01:17,560 --> 01:01:19,760
One - someone who isn't
competitive with other men.

1003
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,880
Two - someone who isn't constantly

1004
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:25,360
trying to define himself
by his masculinity...

1005
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:27,760
There's a unifying factor,

1006
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:29,200
there has to be.

1007
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,080
None of you reported
anything stolen.

1008
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:37,160
Security guard, gardener, cook,
maid, private nurse.

1009
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:39,040
He's romancing his way
up a pecking order.

1010
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:42,000
Somebody's pecking order.
Come on, think. Unless...

1011
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,120
Do you have a secret
you've never told anyone?

1012
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:46,640
No.

1013
01:01:46,640 --> 01:01:48,520
Gotcha! What do you mean?

1014
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:51,000
Everyone has secrets and
they all replied too quickly.

1015
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:53,800
Got to go. See you. No... Wait!
Bye-bye. Wait!

1016
01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:56,520
Sorry, sexy, some secrets
have to stay secret.

1017
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:58,320
Enjoy the wedding.

1018
01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:04,160
Why? WHY would he date all of those
women and not return their calls?

1019
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:06,680
You're missing
the obvious, mate. Am I?

1020
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:08,120
He's a man.

1021
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,200
But why would he
change his identity?

1022
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:11,600
Maybe he's married.

1023
01:02:13,560 --> 01:02:14,840
Oh...

1024
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:16,520
Married.

1025
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:17,640
Obvious, really.

1026
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:19,360
Our Mayfly Man
was trying to escape

1027
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:21,080
the suffocating
chains of domesticity

1028
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:23,320
and instead of endless nights in
watching the telly

1029
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:27,000
or going to barbecues with the awful,
dreadful, boring people he couldn't stand,

1030
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:30,400
he used his wits, cleverness and powers
of disguise to play the field. He was...

1031
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:34,760
On second thoughts,

1032
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:37,760
I probably should have told you
about the elephant in the room.

1033
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:40,400
However, it does help
to further illustrate

1034
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:42,280
how invaluable John is to me.

1035
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:45,960
I can read a crime scene the way
he can understand a human being.

1036
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:48,920
I used to think that's what made me
special - quite frankly I still do.

1037
01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:50,120
But a word to the wise,

1038
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:52,960
should any of you require
the services of either of us,

1039
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:54,800
I will solve your murder,

1040
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:57,680
but it takes John Watson
to save your life.

1041
01:02:57,680 --> 01:02:59,280
Trust me on that, I should know,

1042
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:01,520
he's saved mine so many times
and in so many ways.

1043
01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:07,600
This blog is the story of two men

1044
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:11,080
and their, frankly,
ridiculous adventures

1045
01:03:11,080 --> 01:03:13,960
of murder, mystery and mayhem.

1046
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:18,760
But from now on,
there's a new story.

1047
01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:22,160
A bigger adventure.

1048
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:25,080
Ladies and gentlemen,

1049
01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:29,680
pray, charge your glasses
and be upstanding.

1050
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:31,720
Today begin the adventures

1051
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:33,600
of Mary Elizabeth Watson

1052
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,440
and John Hamish Watson.

1053
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:39,560
The two reasons why
every single one of us is...

1054
01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:58,440
What did you say?

1055
01:03:58,440 --> 01:04:01,880
You said...

1056
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:05,120
"John Hamish Watson."

1057
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:07,560
You said that. You said "Hamish."

1058
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:11,080
This is a famous detective,
it's Sherlock Holmes

1059
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:12,880
and his partner, John Hamish Watson.

1060
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:14,800
How did you know?

1061
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:17,000
How did YOU know his middle name?

1062
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:19,120
He never tells anyone, he hates it.

1063
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,000
John "H" Watson?

1064
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:26,440
Yep.

1065
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,760
Henry? Shut up.

1066
01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:37,000
Humphrey?

1067
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:38,720
Shut up.

1068
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:39,521
Higgins?

1069
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:43,640
'Go away!'

1070
01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:46,320
It took him years to confide in me.

1071
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:48,680
Oh...

1072
01:04:48,680 --> 01:04:50,440
That's my birth certificate.

1073
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:51,680
Yep.

1074
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:58,320
And the woman - she knew.

1075
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:02,240
Hamish.

1076
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:05,280
John Hamish Watson,

1077
01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:08,320
just if you were
looking for baby names.

1078
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,160
God knows where she is.

1079
01:05:14,960 --> 01:05:16,880
Out of my head, I am busy!

1080
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:20,760
There's only one time
that name's been made public.

1081
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:22,680
Does it have to be on the invitation?

1082
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:24,680
It's your name.

1083
01:05:24,680 --> 01:05:26,440
It's traditional... It's funny...

1084
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:31,000
'Enjoy the wedding...'

1085
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:37,120
Enjoy the wedding.

1086
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:39,240
The wedding.
You knew about the wedding.

1087
01:05:39,240 --> 01:05:41,760
More importantly, you'd seen
a wedding invitation.

1088
01:05:41,760 --> 01:05:44,000
Now barely 100 people
had seen that invitation.

1089
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:46,120
The Mayfly Man only saw five women.

1090
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:48,280
For one person
to be in both groups...

1091
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:49,880
could be a coincidence.

1092
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:52,000
Oh, Sherlock!

1093
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:54,200
What do we say about coincidences?

1094
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:55,640
The universe is rarely so lazy.

1095
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:58,680
So, the balance of probability is?
Someone went to great lengths

1096
01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:03,040
to find out something about this wedding. What great lengths?
They lied. Assumed false identities.

1097
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:05,000
Which suggests? Criminal intent.

1098
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:06,240
Also suggests?

1099
01:06:06,240 --> 01:06:07,640
Intelligence, planning.

1100
01:06:07,640 --> 01:06:10,080
Clearly. But more importantly?

1101
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:12,960
The Mayfly Man.

1102
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:15,360
The Mayfly Man is...

1103
01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:17,560
Here today!

1104
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:20,360
Ooh, sorry. I...

1105
01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:23,000
Another glass, sir?

1106
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,800
Thank you, yes, thank you. Yes.

1107
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:27,080
Something's going to happen,
right here.

1108
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:31,520
Now, where were we?

1109
01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:32,440
Could be any second.

1110
01:06:36,280 --> 01:06:37,640
You have control of the room.

1111
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:39,200
Ah, yes.

1112
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:42,320
Raising glasses and standing up.
Very good. Thank you.

1113
01:06:42,320 --> 01:06:43,760
Don't lose it.

1114
01:06:43,760 --> 01:06:46,040
And down again.

1115
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:55,160
Ladies and gentlemen,

1116
01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:57,480
people tell you not
to milk a good speech.

1117
01:06:57,480 --> 01:06:59,880
Get off early, leave 'em laughing.

1118
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:04,120
Wise advice I'll certainly
try to bear in mind.

1119
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:05,360
But for now...

1120
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:07,000
part two!

1121
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,520
Part two is more action-based.

1122
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:13,240
I'm going to walk around,
shake things up a bit.

1123
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:16,040
Who'd go to a wedding?
That's the question.

1124
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:18,680
Who would bother
to go to any lengths

1125
01:07:18,680 --> 01:07:20,720
to get themselves to a wedding?

1126
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:23,600
Well, everyone.

1127
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:26,160
Weddings are great, love a wedding.
What's he doing?

1128
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:27,920
Something's wrong.

1129
01:07:27,920 --> 01:07:29,440
And John's great too.

1130
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:32,080
Haven't said that enough,
barely scratched the surface.

1131
01:07:32,080 --> 01:07:33,440
I could go on all night

1132
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:37,760
about the depth and complexity
of his jumpers,

1133
01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:40,080
and he can cook.

1134
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:43,640
Does... erm... a thing.
A thing with peas...

1135
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:47,120
Once. Might not be peas,
might not be him.

1136
01:07:47,120 --> 01:07:50,120
But he's got a great singing voice,
or somebody does.

1137
01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:52,400
Too many, too many,
too many, too many!

1138
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:56,520
Sorry, too many jokes about John.

1139
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:59,520
Now... Criminal intent.

1140
01:07:59,520 --> 01:08:01,200
Where was I? Ah, yes.

1141
01:08:01,200 --> 01:08:03,040
Extraordinary lengths.

1142
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:04,760
Speech. Speech.

1143
01:08:04,760 --> 01:08:06,480
Let's talk about...

1144
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:08,960
All of which is suggestive of...

1145
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:13,040
Murder! Sorry, did I say murder?

1146
01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:14,320
I meant to say marriage.

1147
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:16,920
But, you know,
they're quite similar procedures,

1148
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:18,160
when you think about it.

1149
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:20,000
The participants tend
to know each other

1150
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,760
and it's over
when one of them's dead.

1151
01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:25,240
In fairness, murder is a lot quicker
though. Janine, what about this one?

1152
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:29,240
Acceptably hot? More importantly, his
girlfriend's wearing new uncomfortable underwear

1153
01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:33,400
and hasn't bothered to pick this thread off his
jacket, or point out the grease smudge on his neck.

1154
01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:36,040
He's going home alone.
Also he's a comics and sci-fi geek,

1155
01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:39,000
they're always tremendously
grateful, really put the hours in.

1156
01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:40,640
Jeff, the gents.

1157
01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:41,920
Loos now, please.

1158
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:44,880
Greg. The loos, please. Why?

1159
01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:47,120
Oh, I don't know,
maybe it's your TURN.

1160
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:50,120
Yeah, actually,
now you mention it.

1161
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:52,920
Sherlock, any chance of a...
An end date for this speech?

1162
01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:54,000
Got to cut the cake.

1163
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,040
Oh, ladies and gentlemen,

1164
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:58,800
can't stand it when I finally
get the chance to speak for once.

1165
01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:00,120
Vatican cameos.

1166
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,040
What did he say?
What does that mean?

1167
01:09:02,040 --> 01:09:04,000
Battle stations,
someone's going to die.

1168
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:05,280
What?

1169
01:09:06,360 --> 01:09:09,040
Narrow it down. Narrow it down.

1170
01:09:10,320 --> 01:09:12,120
Narrow it down!

1171
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:13,880
Argh! No, no!

1172
01:09:13,880 --> 01:09:16,320
Not you!

1173
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:20,920
You. It's always you.

1174
01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:23,680
John Watson, you keep me right.

1175
01:09:25,320 --> 01:09:26,600
What do I do?

1176
01:09:26,600 --> 01:09:28,240
You've already done it.

1177
01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:30,360
Don't solve the murder.

1178
01:09:30,360 --> 01:09:31,560
Save the life.

1179
01:09:31,560 --> 01:09:34,040
Sorry, off piste a bit.

1180
01:09:34,040 --> 01:09:35,360
Back now. Phew!

1181
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:38,280
Let's play a game.
Let's play murder.

1182
01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:40,800
Sherlock!

1183
01:09:40,800 --> 01:09:43,680
Imagine someone's going to
get murdered at a wedding.

1184
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,040
Who exactly would you pick?

1185
01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:48,040
I think you're a popular choice
at the moment, dear.

1186
01:09:48,040 --> 01:09:51,040
If someone could move Mrs Hudson's
glass just slightly out of reach,

1187
01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:52,040
that would be lovely.

1188
01:09:52,040 --> 01:09:56,320
More importantly, who could you
only kill at a wedding?

1189
01:09:57,680 --> 01:09:59,400
Most people you can kill
any old place.

1190
01:09:59,400 --> 01:10:00,480
As a mental exercise,

1191
01:10:00,480 --> 01:10:02,880
I've often planned the murder
of friends and colleagues.

1192
01:10:02,880 --> 01:10:04,000
Now, John, I'd poison.

1193
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:07,080
Sloppy eater, dead easy. I've given
him chemicals and compounds,

1194
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:08,560
that way he's never even noticed.

1195
01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:10,800
He missed a whole Wednesday once,
didn't have a clue.

1196
01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:14,360
Lestrade's so easy to kill it's a miracle
no-one's succumbed to the temptation.

1197
01:10:14,360 --> 01:10:18,240
I've got keys to my brother's house, I could
break in and asphyxiate him, if the whim arose.

1198
01:10:18,240 --> 01:10:20,040
He's pissed, isn't he? Ow!

1199
01:10:20,040 --> 01:10:21,600
So, once again,

1200
01:10:21,600 --> 01:10:24,160
who could you only kill here?

1201
01:10:24,160 --> 01:10:25,720
Clearly it's a rare opportunity,

1202
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:27,680
so it's someone
who doesn't get out much.

1203
01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:29,600
Someone for whom
a planned social encounter

1204
01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:31,840
known about months in advance
is an exception.

1205
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:33,480
Has to be a unique opportunity.

1206
01:10:34,880 --> 01:10:37,160
And since killing someone
in public is difficult,

1207
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:39,320
killing them in private
isn't an option.

1208
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:42,720
Someone who lives in an inaccessible
or unknown location, then.

1209
01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:44,440
Someone private perhaps,

1210
01:10:44,440 --> 01:10:46,480
obsessed with personal security.

1211
01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:49,800
Possibly someone under threat.

1212
01:10:54,440 --> 01:10:56,960
Major James Sholto, who he?
I don't think he's coming.

1213
01:10:56,960 --> 01:10:57,960
He'll be there.

1214
01:10:57,960 --> 01:10:59,840
Where are you living these days?

1215
01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:01,920
Oh, way out in
the middle of nowhere.

1216
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:03,520
The press and families
gave him hell.

1217
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:05,360
He gets more death threats than you.

1218
01:11:06,760 --> 01:11:08,800
A recluse?

1219
01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:10,840
Small household staff.

1220
01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:12,920
Job? Gardener. Cook.
Private nurse. Maid.

1221
01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:14,920
High turnover
for additional security.

1222
01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:17,960
I do security work. Probably all
signed confidentiality agreements.

1223
01:11:17,960 --> 01:11:20,400
- Do you have a secret you've
never told anyone?
- No.

1224
01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:23,000
There is another question that
remains. Rather a big one,

1225
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:25,680
a huge one - how would you do it?
How do you kill someone in public?

1226
01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:27,480
There has to be a way.
This has been planned.

1227
01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:29,520
Mr Holmes! Hello, Archie,
what's your theory?

1228
01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:31,960
Get this right and there's
a headless nun in it for you.

1229
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:34,680
The invisible man could do it.
The who, what, why, when, where?

1230
01:11:34,680 --> 01:11:39,120
The invisible man with the invisible knife.
The one who tried to kill the Guardsman.

1231
01:11:55,160 --> 01:11:56,320
Bainbridge?

1232
01:11:56,320 --> 01:11:58,040
Bainbridge!

1233
01:12:09,080 --> 01:12:12,840
Ladies and gentlemen,
there will now be a short interlude.

1234
01:12:12,840 --> 01:12:14,920
The bride and groom...

1235
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:19,600
The bride and groom.

1236
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:23,360
Major Sholto's going to be murdered, I don't
know how or by whom, but it's going to happen.

1237
01:12:23,360 --> 01:12:25,920
Excuse me, coming through.
Consulting.

1238
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:30,440
Stay here. Please be careful.
Excuse me. Coming through.

1239
01:12:30,440 --> 01:12:32,920
Excuse me.

1240
01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:35,120
I'm sorry, one more.
Oops. I'm so sorry.

1241
01:12:35,120 --> 01:12:36,120
Thank you.

1242
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:04,640
How can you not remember which room?
You remember everything.

1243
01:13:04,640 --> 01:13:07,040
I have to delete something! 207.

1244
01:13:14,080 --> 01:13:17,000
Major Sholto? Major Sholto!

1245
01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:22,400
Major Sholto! If someone's about
to make an attempt on my life,

1246
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:24,840
it won't be the first time.
I'm ready.

1247
01:13:24,840 --> 01:13:26,840
Major, let us in.
Kick the door down.

1248
01:13:26,840 --> 01:13:28,040
I really wouldn't.

1249
01:13:28,040 --> 01:13:32,600
I have a gun in my hand and
a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes.

1250
01:13:32,600 --> 01:13:35,960
You're not safe in there. Whoever's after
you, we know a locked room doesn't stop him.

1251
01:13:35,960 --> 01:13:37,920
The invisible man
with the invisible knife.

1252
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:41,760
I don't know how he does it. I can't stop him and
that means he'll do it again! Solve it, then!

1253
01:13:41,760 --> 01:13:43,600
I'm sorry?

1254
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:46,720
You're the famous Mr Holmes,
solve the case, on you go.

1255
01:13:46,720 --> 01:13:49,360
Tell me how he did it
and I'll open the door.

1256
01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:51,640
Please, this is no time for games,

1257
01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:53,120
just let us in, you're in danger!

1258
01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:54,680
So are you,
so long as you're here.

1259
01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:57,600
Please, leave me.

1260
01:13:57,600 --> 01:14:01,120
Despite my reputation, I really
don't approve of collateral damage.

1261
01:14:01,120 --> 01:14:04,320
Solve it. Sorry? Solve it and
he'll open the door, like he said.

1262
01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:07,560
I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now?
Because it matters now.

1263
01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:10,600
What are you talking about? Get your
wife under control! She's right.

1264
01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:12,480
Oh, you've changed!
No, she is. Shut up!

1265
01:14:12,480 --> 01:14:14,760
You are not a puzzle-solver,
you never have been.

1266
01:14:14,760 --> 01:14:15,880
You're a drama queen!

1267
01:14:15,880 --> 01:14:19,640
Now, there's a man in there about
to die, the game is on - solve it!

1268
01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:36,480
Bainbridge?

1269
01:14:39,200 --> 01:14:40,680
Bainbridge!

1270
01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:46,160
Though in fairness,
he's a drama queen too. I know.

1271
01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:48,240
Major Sholto, no-one's
coming to kill you.

1272
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:51,040
I'm afraid you've already
been killed several hours ago.

1273
01:14:51,040 --> 01:14:52,200
What did you say?

1274
01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:53,760
Don't take off your belt.

1275
01:14:53,760 --> 01:14:55,280
My belt?

1276
01:14:55,280 --> 01:14:56,400
His belt, yes.

1277
01:14:56,400 --> 01:14:58,800
Bainbridge was stabbed
hours before we even saw him,

1278
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:00,360
but it was through his belt.

1279
01:15:00,360 --> 01:15:02,200
Tight belt, worn high on the waist.

1280
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:04,200
Very easy to push a small blade
through the fabric

1281
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:05,440
and you wouldn't even feel it.

1282
01:15:05,440 --> 01:15:08,320
The belt would bind the flesh
together when it was tied tight.

1283
01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:10,920
Exactly. But when you took it off...
Delayed-action stabbing.

1284
01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:13,800
All the time in the world
to create an alibi. Major Sholto?

1285
01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:15,080
So...

1286
01:15:17,880 --> 01:15:21,160
I was to be killed by my uniform.

1287
01:15:21,160 --> 01:15:23,480
How appropriate.

1288
01:15:25,560 --> 01:15:27,040
He solved the case, Major,

1289
01:15:27,040 --> 01:15:30,040
you're supposed to open
the door now. A deal is a deal.

1290
01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:32,080
I'm not even supposed to
have this any more,

1291
01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:34,200
they gave me special
dispensation to keep it.

1292
01:15:34,200 --> 01:15:36,520
I couldn't imagine life
out of this uniform.

1293
01:15:36,520 --> 01:15:39,560
I suppose, given the circumstances,
I don't have to.

1294
01:15:42,560 --> 01:15:43,920
When so many want you dead,

1295
01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:45,880
it hardly seems
good manners to argue.

1296
01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:54,320
Whatever you're doing in there,
James, stop it, right now!

1297
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:56,040
I will kick this door down!

1298
01:15:56,040 --> 01:15:58,960
Mr Holmes, you and
I are similar, I think.

1299
01:15:58,960 --> 01:16:01,760
Yes, I think we are. There's
a proper time to die, isn't there?

1300
01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:03,080
Of course there is.

1301
01:16:03,080 --> 01:16:06,800
And one should embrace it
when it comes.

1302
01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:07,840
Like a soldier.

1303
01:16:07,840 --> 01:16:10,640
Of course one should,
but not at John's wedding!

1304
01:16:12,800 --> 01:16:14,520
We wouldn't do that, would we,

1305
01:16:14,520 --> 01:16:16,840
you and me?

1306
01:16:16,840 --> 01:16:19,600
We would never do that
to John Watson.

1307
01:16:24,720 --> 01:16:26,080
I'm going to break it down.

1308
01:16:26,080 --> 01:16:28,120
Wait, wait, wait, you won't have to.

1309
01:16:34,400 --> 01:16:37,040
I believe I am in need
of medical attention.

1310
01:16:37,040 --> 01:16:39,840
I believe I'm your doctor.

1311
01:16:55,440 --> 01:16:57,680
Pretty good.

1312
01:16:57,680 --> 01:16:59,760
Just hold your nerve
on your turning.

1313
01:16:59,760 --> 01:17:01,440
Why do we have to rehearse?

1314
01:17:01,440 --> 01:17:03,680
Because we are about to
dance together in public

1315
01:17:03,680 --> 01:17:05,200
and your skills are appalling.

1316
01:17:06,800 --> 01:17:08,800
Wow, you're a good teacher. Hmm.

1317
01:17:08,800 --> 01:17:10,640
And you're a brilliant dancer.

1318
01:17:10,640 --> 01:17:12,520
Can I let you in
on something, Janine?

1319
01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:14,000
Go on, then.

1320
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:16,080
I love dancing,
I've always loved it.

1321
01:17:16,080 --> 01:17:17,160
Seriously?

1322
01:17:17,160 --> 01:17:18,120
Watch out.

1323
01:17:22,160 --> 01:17:24,680
Oh!

1324
01:17:24,680 --> 01:17:27,040
Never really comes up
in crime work, but, you know,

1325
01:17:27,040 --> 01:17:29,920
I live in hope of the right case.
Oh, I wish you weren't...

1326
01:17:29,920 --> 01:17:33,080
whatever it is you are.

1327
01:17:33,080 --> 01:17:35,920
I know. Well, glad to see
you've pulled, Sherlock,

1328
01:17:35,920 --> 01:17:38,760
what with murderers
running riot at my wedding.

1329
01:17:38,760 --> 01:17:40,440
One murderer... One nearly murderer.

1330
01:17:40,440 --> 01:17:42,840
Loves to exaggerate -
you should try living with him.

1331
01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:44,360
Sherlock.

1332
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:46,120
Got him for you.

1333
01:17:46,120 --> 01:17:49,240
Ah, the photographer,
excellent. Thank you.

1334
01:17:49,240 --> 01:17:51,600
May I have a look at your camera?

1335
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:54,600
Erm, what's this about?
I was halfway home.

1336
01:17:54,600 --> 01:17:56,680
You should have driven faster.

1337
01:17:57,880 --> 01:17:59,440
Ah, yes. Yes!

1338
01:17:59,440 --> 01:18:01,200
Very good.

1339
01:18:01,200 --> 01:18:03,800
Now you see... Perfect.

1340
01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:06,200
What is? Are you going to tell us?

1341
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:07,760
Try looking yourself.

1342
01:18:09,440 --> 01:18:12,720
Look for what?
Is the murderer in these photographs?

1343
01:18:12,720 --> 01:18:14,520
It's not what's
in the photographs,

1344
01:18:14,520 --> 01:18:16,600
it's what's not in them.
Not in any of them.

1345
01:18:16,600 --> 01:18:17,880
Sherlock?

1346
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:20,240
The showing-off thing,
we've discussed it before...

1347
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:25,480
There is always a man at a wedding
who is not in any photograph,

1348
01:18:25,480 --> 01:18:27,280
who can go anywhere.

1349
01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:30,080
And even carry an equipment bag
around with him if he likes.

1350
01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:32,040
And you never even see his face.

1351
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:33,640
You only ever see...

1352
01:18:42,440 --> 01:18:43,720
The camera.

1353
01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:45,240
What are you doing? What is this?

1354
01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:47,880
Jonathan Small, today's
substitute wedding photographer,

1355
01:18:47,880 --> 01:18:49,760
known to us as the Mayfly Man.

1356
01:18:49,760 --> 01:18:54,480
His brother was one of the raw
recruits killed in that incursion.

1357
01:18:54,480 --> 01:18:56,560
Johnny sought revenge on Sholto,

1358
01:18:56,560 --> 01:18:58,880
worked his way through
Sholto's staff,

1359
01:18:58,880 --> 01:19:00,080
found what he needed.

1360
01:19:00,080 --> 01:19:02,280
An invitation to a wedding.

1361
01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:05,800
The one time Sholto would
have to be out in public.

1362
01:19:05,800 --> 01:19:09,600
So he made his plan
and rehearsed the murder,

1363
01:19:09,600 --> 01:19:13,120
making sure of every last detail.

1364
01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:26,880
Brilliant, ruthless,

1365
01:19:26,880 --> 01:19:28,800
and almost certainly a monomaniac.

1366
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:31,800
Though, in fairness, his photographs
are actually quite good.

1367
01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:33,400
Everything you need is on that.

1368
01:19:33,400 --> 01:19:36,440
You probably ought to
arrest him or something.

1369
01:19:36,440 --> 01:19:38,560
Do you always carry handcuffs?

1370
01:19:38,560 --> 01:19:40,600
Down, girl. Come on, quick.

1371
01:19:40,600 --> 01:19:43,080
It's not me you should
be arresting, Mr Holmes.

1372
01:19:43,080 --> 01:19:45,640
Oh, I don't do the arresting,
I just farm that out.

1373
01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:47,840
Sholto, he's the killer, not me.

1374
01:19:47,840 --> 01:19:50,080
I should have killed him quicker.

1375
01:19:52,680 --> 01:19:54,600
I shouldn't have tried to be clever.

1376
01:19:55,960 --> 01:19:57,760
You should have driven faster.

1377
01:20:07,080 --> 01:20:08,400
Right.

1378
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:29,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
just one last thing

1379
01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:31,040
before the evening begins properly.

1380
01:21:31,040 --> 01:21:34,800
Apologies for earlier,
a crisis arose and was dealt with.

1381
01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:36,800
More importantly, however,

1382
01:21:36,800 --> 01:21:38,680
today we saw two people make vows.

1383
01:21:38,680 --> 01:21:40,120
I've never made a vow in my life

1384
01:21:40,120 --> 01:21:41,880
and after tonight
I never will again.

1385
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:44,080
So, here in front of you all,

1386
01:21:44,080 --> 01:21:45,800
my first and last vow.

1387
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:49,000
Mary and John,

1388
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:50,800
whatever it takes,

1389
01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:52,800
whatever happens,

1390
01:21:52,800 --> 01:21:54,160
from now on,

1391
01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:56,680
I swear I will always be there.

1392
01:21:56,680 --> 01:21:58,040
Always.

1393
01:21:58,040 --> 01:21:59,440
For all three of you.

1394
01:21:59,440 --> 01:22:01,920
Erm... Sorry, I mean...
I mean two of you.

1395
01:22:01,920 --> 01:22:04,440
All two of you. Both of you,
in fact. I just miscounted.

1396
01:22:04,440 --> 01:22:06,320
Anyway, it's time for dancing.

1397
01:22:06,320 --> 01:22:08,160
Play the music again,
please. Thank you.

1398
01:22:08,160 --> 01:22:10,200
OK, everybody, just dance,
don't be shy.

1399
01:22:10,200 --> 01:22:12,280
Dancing, please. Very good.

1400
01:22:12,280 --> 01:22:15,040
Sorry, that was one more deduction
than I was really expecting.

1401
01:22:15,040 --> 01:22:16,760
Deduction? Increased appetite...

1402
01:22:16,760 --> 01:22:18,720
I'm starving.
Change of taste perception.

1403
01:22:18,720 --> 01:22:20,880
Oh, I chose this wine,
but it's bloody awful!

1404
01:22:20,880 --> 01:22:22,160
You were sick this morning.

1405
01:22:22,160 --> 01:22:23,840
You assumed it was
just wedding nerves.

1406
01:22:23,840 --> 01:22:26,000
You got angry with me
when I mentioned it to you.

1407
01:22:26,000 --> 01:22:29,200
All the signs are there. The signs?

1408
01:22:29,200 --> 01:22:31,160
The signs of three.

1409
01:22:31,160 --> 01:22:33,040
What?

1410
01:22:33,040 --> 01:22:34,960
Mary, I think you should
do a pregnancy test.

1411
01:22:36,040 --> 01:22:39,160
Well, the statistics for
the first trimester are...

1412
01:22:39,160 --> 01:22:40,200
Shut up!

1413
01:22:41,680 --> 01:22:42,960
Just shut up.

1414
01:22:42,960 --> 01:22:44,160
Sorry.

1415
01:22:44,160 --> 01:22:46,320
How did he notice before me?

1416
01:22:46,320 --> 01:22:48,800
I'm a bloody doctor. It's your
day off. It's YOUR day off!

1417
01:22:48,800 --> 01:22:49,920
Stop. Stop panicking.

1418
01:22:49,920 --> 01:22:52,720
I'm not panicking. I'm pregnant,
I'm panicking! Don't panic.

1419
01:22:52,720 --> 01:22:54,360
None of you panic.

1420
01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:56,120
Absolutely no reason to panic.

1421
01:22:56,120 --> 01:23:00,080
Oh, and you'd know, of course! Yes, I would.
You're already the best parents in the world,

1422
01:23:00,080 --> 01:23:02,600
look at all the practice
you've had. What practice?

1423
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:06,520
Well, you're hardly going to need me around
now that you've got a real baby on the way.

1424
01:23:14,160 --> 01:23:16,200
Are you all right? Yeah!

1425
01:23:22,920 --> 01:23:26,080
Dance. Hmm?
Both of you now, go, dance.

1426
01:23:26,080 --> 01:23:29,360
We can't just stand here, people will
wonder what we're talking about. Right.

1427
01:23:29,360 --> 01:23:30,600
Well, what about you?

1428
01:23:30,600 --> 01:23:34,040
Yeah, we can't all three dance, there
are limits. Yes, there are. Ahem.

1429
01:23:34,040 --> 01:23:35,920
Come on, husband, let's go.

1430
01:23:35,920 --> 01:23:37,960
This isn't a waltz, is it? No.

1431
01:23:37,960 --> 01:23:39,680
Don't worry,
I have been tutoring him.

1432
01:23:39,680 --> 01:23:43,360
He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains.
Mrs Hudson came in one time.

1433
01:23:43,360 --> 01:23:45,520
I don't know how those
rumours started!