1 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,050 - Here you go, Court. Yeah. - Thank you. 2 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,259 I struck out again. 3 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:54,971 Every job interview is asking me about the gap in my résumé. 4 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,973 There's no cool way to say that I went to rehab 5 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,850 and then spent seven years chilling with Mom. 6 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:01,978 Just tell them that you're a former narcotic tester who values family. 7 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,980 I'm serious. 8 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,899 - I wouldn't hire me. - Don't do that. 9 00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,735 I'm rooting for you. All right? I'm gonna call you later. 10 00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,654 And I'm rooting for ya! 11 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:14,074 - You're not rooting for her. - Of course I am. 12 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,242 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 13 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:18,787 You said it, like, seven times, and not one of them was genuine. 14 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,665 You're doing her dirty. 15 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:23,834 You're a dirty bird. 16 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,627 Yeah, all right, it's complicated. 17 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,671 Obviously, I want my sister to get a job, 18 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,048 but the second she does, our mom becomes my problem. 19 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:33,468 So, I guess I'm hoping that if I say "I'm rooting for ya" enough, 20 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,553 I'll start to mean it. 21 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:37,431 Good luck, sister. I'm rooting for you. 22 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,640 Suck my ass. 23 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,019 This is not the way to the office. 24 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,478 Yeah, about that. 25 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:46,773 Remember that time I asked if you would guest lecture at my school, 26 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,650 and you said you'd rather spend time with your son-in-law? 27 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,069 - Yeah. That was a good one. - It was. 28 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,447 Well, I took that as a yes. 29 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:55,907 You're kidnapping me? 30 00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:57,367 Don't be so dramatic. 31 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:01,163 I'm borrowing you, against your will. 32 00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:04,166 - Take me home. - No. 33 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,253 Derek, eating funnel cake sort of defeats the purpose of hiking. 34 00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:10,505 Well, maybe they shouldn't sell it in the parking lot, Jimmy. 35 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:11,840 Ignore him, honey. 36 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,176 Eat whatever you want when you're exercising. 37 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,511 Okay, if Liz is done making up for her infidelity… 38 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:17,679 I will strangle you. 39 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,056 Charlie and I found a baby! 40 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:21,975 Hey! All right. 41 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,311 The mother is five months pregnant, so we still have prep time. 42 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,604 Plus, the baby's mixed race, 43 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,398 and I've already used it as an excuse to cancel plans later. 44 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,859 I've always wanted a mixed-race baby! 45 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,235 That's true. She has. 46 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,362 This is not your baby, Liz. 47 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:34,738 I know. 48 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,073 Well, I don't believe that. 49 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,283 - You shouldn't. - I wouldn't. 50 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,161 You know, our baby doesn't like your attitude. 51 00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:45,707 Sit your ass down, Paul. 52 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,585 I would like to thank Dr. Rhoades for coming. 53 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,837 I wish he hadn't have said that the world is already full of therapists 54 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:53,465 and you all are wasting your time, but he is who he is. 55 00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,258 Does anybody have any questions? 56 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,136 Noah? 57 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:01,390 Is cognitive behavioral therapy better than humanistic therapy? 58 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,476 - Do I have to answer the stupid ones? - Yeah. 59 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:06,436 Great question. 60 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,979 My answer's yes. 61 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,481 Next? 62 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:10,732 You. Be better. 63 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:14,111 I read your book. Twice. You're a genius. 64 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,237 Now we're cooking. 65 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,697 All right. Enough ass-kissing. 66 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,282 What's the most common issue you see in your practice? 67 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,576 Well, in my practice, it's… 68 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:25,163 it's patients that can't seem to get out of their own way. 69 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:28,125 They're stuck in problems of their own creation. 70 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,003 I do not love that you said that last part directly to me. 71 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,796 But it does make me feel better about doing this… 72 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,549 Did everybody bring their copy of Dr. Rhoades's book? 73 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:36,618 Yes. 74 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,801 Let's do it! 75 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,638 Check it out. It's a room full of Pauls. 76 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,390 I'm gonna frame this in my office. 77 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,850 I don't give a shit. 78 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,144 I love this. 79 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:51,523 Okay. I will see your Skittles 80 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:55,944 and I will raise you three pink Starbursts. 81 00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:57,696 Too rich for me. 82 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,281 I call. 83 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,408 Three queens. Whatcha got? 84 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,617 Boom! 85 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,702 Nothing. 86 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,203 How'd you know I was bluffing? 87 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,330 You have the weirdest tell. 88 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,540 Every time you realize I'm about to beat you, 89 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:09,916 you look proud of me. 90 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,877 Poker's hard. I am proud of you. 91 00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:14,504 Jorge used to clean me out in the barracks. 92 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,381 Yeah, 'cause you can't gamble for shit, bro. 93 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,427 It's good to see you laugh, man. How you been feeling? 94 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,636 Good. 95 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,847 Staying with my boy the last few weeks and working at the truck 96 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,350 helped me realize I was just missing a routine, you know? 97 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,018 I'm grateful. 98 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:31,730 Somebody did it for me. Just passing it on. 99 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,776 Let's not get emotional, guys. 100 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,278 - I'm fine. - I'm talking about me, Sean. 101 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,280 We got beer, men, cards. Somebody deal. 102 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,719 - Hi. - Hi. 103 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,721 You're coming with me to pizza tonight. 104 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,890 No, I already ate. 105 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,935 Plus, I just did my skincare and took a gummy. 106 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,353 Come on. 107 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,522 I have only hung out with this guy once. 108 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,857 What if he, like, ties me up and throws me in his trunk? 109 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,192 That's hot. 110 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,111 Okay, I'll come. 111 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,530 But we're getting a hundred garlic knots. 112 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,614 Okay, perfect. 113 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:23,782 Love you. See you soon. 114 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,912 - Hey. You one of Sean's buddies? - Hi. 115 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,163 The game's out back. 116 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,749 No, I'm actually going to take Alice for pizza. 117 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,293 Are ya? 118 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:39,756 It's just, you got a face of a full-grown dude. 119 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,258 What are you? Like, 37? 120 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,759 No, sir. I'm 17. 121 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,843 Wow. 122 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,679 I'm Dylan, by the way. 123 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,681 No shit! You're the Dyl-pickle. 124 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,600 Sorry, that's a nickname I made up to tease Alice 125 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,768 so I could have sex with her mom. 126 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,353 Why are you telling me this? 127 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:54,730 I wish I knew, pal. 128 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:58,525 You know what, you surprised me, Dylan. So I just gotta regroup. 129 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,779 It's actually a little late to be heading out for pizza. 130 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,156 It's 8:30. 131 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,657 No, that's a good pizza time. 132 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:09,244 Okay. I'm gonna lay out a few ground rules for ya. 133 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:10,912 Cool. 134 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,463 You okay? 135 00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:24,676 Sir? 136 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,555 You good? 137 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,101 Sir, can I help? 138 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,230 Please. 139 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,941 Okay, here we go. 140 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,320 Holy shit! 141 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,748 So, first off, no drinking. 142 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:58,335 And, second of all, if it's gonna be past midnight, you have her call me. 143 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,419 Okay. 144 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,129 I think I'm gonna go wait for Alice in the car. 145 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,423 It's nice to meet you. 146 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:04,925 Feel better. 147 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,221 He's gonna use the fact that he saved my life 148 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,722 to try to have sex with Alice, isn't he? 149 00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:12,099 - I would. - Definitely, bro. 150 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:16,186 Yeah. This would be a lot easier if I hadn't felt his dick in my back. 151 00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:50,178 So, when it happened, did you see Jesus? 152 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,432 No, but I think my nana was there. I don't want to talk about this anymore. 153 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,642 Did Dylan save your life? 154 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,686 I wouldn't say that, no. 155 00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:01,982 I was about to dislodge the grape, so I think he helped me save my own life. 156 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,192 - Back me up, Sean. - He definitely saved your life. 157 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,904 - What, am I supposed to lie? - Yes, Sean. Sometimes we lie. 158 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:12,451 Did you also call him Dyl-pickle and say he had a full-grown dude face? 159 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,077 He did have a full-grown dude face. 160 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:18,832 Look, are we certain that "Dylan" is not a full-grown man 161 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:19,958 - with a family… - Oh, my God. 162 00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:22,711 …who is trying to make it as a high-school sports star? 163 00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,088 I saw a documentary, kid. These things happen. 164 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:28,425 Look, I was just thrown, okay? 165 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,178 I didn't know you were seeing anybody. 166 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:34,056 I literally hung out with him, like, once. I haven't told anyone. 167 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,308 - Told me. - Sometimes we lie, Sean. 168 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,976 At this point, I'm just having fun. 169 00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:41,104 Fine. Last week, he invited me to a dance at his school. 170 00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:44,983 It's time I reenter the world, okay? So, I'm gonna go. 171 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:48,779 Oh, my gosh. That's great. I'm proud of you. 172 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,490 Also, Dylan's parents are letting other parents over to their house 173 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,368 to take embarrassing photos, but due to recent events, 174 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:55,952 I'm sure you understand why you're not invited. 175 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,037 I do. 176 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:01,041 What if I promise not to eat any snacks wider than my esophagus? 177 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,918 See you, Dad. 178 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:05,629 Hey, I love you. 179 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,506 I mean, I'm happy for her. 180 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,049 I'm just kind of bummed she didn't tell me. 181 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,592 Jimmy, that has nothing to do with you. 182 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,427 When I was her age, I didn't tell my dad jack 183 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:14,346 'cause I was getting into so much debaucherous shit. 184 00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:16,348 Like the last dance I was at in high school… 185 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,933 Is there anything I can do to keep you 186 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,976 - from telling me this story? - There just isn't. 187 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,478 I got so shwasted 188 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,106 and I gave such a powerful hand job that I ended up spraining my wrist 189 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,691 and had to wear a brace to graduation. 190 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,526 Proud moment for your family. 191 00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:34,241 Look, I've spent way too much time listening to you shitting on yourself, 192 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,159 so I want you to hear this: 193 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:41,206 Alice asserting her independence means you did good. 194 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:45,794 Now, the hard part for you is figuring out how to let her separate 195 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,337 without making her feel guilty. 196 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:51,383 If you can manage to do that, then when she really needs something, 197 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,303 there's a chance that you'll be the one she calls. 198 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,597 I can do that. 199 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,223 Good. 200 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,768 I'm sorry, Gaby, I have to know. 201 00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:04,271 If you sprained your wrist, what happened to this poor kid's penis? 202 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,273 He had to wear a brace to graduation as well. 203 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,818 What's up, Big Bird, Dr. Grumps? 204 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,028 Nope. 205 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,738 Hey. Is everything okay? 206 00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,406 Yeah. 207 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,241 I finally figured out my work sitch. 208 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:20,746 I'm joining the army. I actually report in a week. 209 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:23,457 A week? And where did you get that idea? 210 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,628 Oh, hell no. Lunchtime is over. 211 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,839 You guys, get out of the truck. 212 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,549 Sorry, this is actually not about the food. 213 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,633 This is an outside issue. 214 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,719 Out! 215 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,596 Thanks for meeting at my office. 216 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,431 Charlie's a management consultant. 217 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:41,641 No one even knows what he does. 218 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,852 I assume he assesses companies 219 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:47,314 and then consults on strategies to improve on system efficiency? 220 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,523 Exactly. 221 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,903 - Are you two fucking? - Why would you even say that? 222 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,988 Focus, Stuart. Let's talk baby. 223 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:57,366 So, we definitely want to be called to the hospital for the birth. 224 00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,203 Maybe we can get a police escort so we can speed. 225 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,080 I'm loving this enthusiasm. 226 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,248 The mother really responded to your brochure. 227 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,126 So you two are definitely in the mix. 228 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,628 - In the mix? - What? 229 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,839 So, we're just an Oscar nominee? We're Glenn fucking Close? 230 00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,884 It's between you and a straight couple. 231 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,135 Tragic, I know. 232 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:20,639 The mom just wants to meet everyone, so think of it as a first date. 233 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:21,807 How is that helpful? 234 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,059 I screwed up every first date I ever went on. 235 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,643 I'm a lot. 236 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,521 Really? I hadn't noticed. 237 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,146 Wow. 238 00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,274 Jimmy, I need your help. 239 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,442 Oh, sorry. 240 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,069 I always forget he actually does work here. 241 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,238 It's okay. We're not really getting anywhere today. 242 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,281 Calm down, Steven. We started two minutes ago. 243 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,866 Brian, get out. 244 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,911 No, this is an emergency. I need you to help me not be me. 245 00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:45,122 Same. 246 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:47,916 How about the next time my sister asks you for a sandwich, 247 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,752 instead of G.I. Janeing her, you actually give her a sandwich. 248 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:51,962 I mean, she did get a sandwich. 249 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,256 Gabs, I really wanna do this. 250 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,758 I don't wanna get some dumb job around here. 251 00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,301 I wanna see the world. 252 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,012 Can I say something? 253 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,888 By all means, Sean's friend. 254 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,057 Please weigh in on this important family issue. 255 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,435 I was where Courtney is and, look, 256 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,813 I know it sounds corny, but it helped me get my shit together. 257 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,482 Now, I've got friends I can count on forever. 258 00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:13,567 Cool. 259 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:17,154 But, Courtney, I just thought that I'd have more time. 260 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,031 I know I promised you three months with Mom. 261 00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,950 So, if you want me to wait, there's another portal next year. 262 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,910 I'm not doing this without your blessing. 263 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,665 Hold up. Is this the plan? 264 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,626 You guys become some weirdo emotionally-manipulative platoon 265 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,587 and just give me sad eyes until I cave in? 266 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:37,841 Damn it. It's working. 267 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:40,719 I'm really happy for you. 268 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,596 Thank you. 269 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,181 I'll grab drinks to celebrate. 270 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,390 I'll help. 271 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,144 I'm gonna fuck him. 272 00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,270 Really? In the shrimp truck? 273 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:57,152 Look at us doing good things for the people we love. 274 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,321 Not getting mad at each other for meddling. 275 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,907 - You are on my shit list. - Okay. 276 00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:06,161 You think she's gonna be okay? Like, seriously? 277 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,038 I think she's gonna be great. 278 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:15,962 I can't think of a single first date or interview, or first anything, 279 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,339 that didn't go horribly. 280 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,925 You realize because Steven left early I don't get paid, right? 281 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:21,843 Focus. 282 00:13:22,386 --> 00:13:25,555 I don't know why everything always goes south for me so quickly. 283 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,973 I have thoughts. 284 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:28,975 I shouldn't have come here. 285 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,645 There's no way you can figure me out quickly enough. 286 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:32,771 I'm too complex. 287 00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:35,732 You grew up gay in Texas with a conservative father, 288 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,734 so you developed strategies to survive 289 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:40,612 and now your defense mechanism is to lash out when you meet people, 290 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,614 because you're afraid that they'll reject you first. 291 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,117 Nuh-uh. 292 00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,327 Brian, look, Charlie humanizes you. 293 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:50,872 Maybe just let him do most, if not all, of the talking. 294 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,625 I'm not capable of going 45 minutes without talking. 295 00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:56,336 My record is three, and I'd just gotten my tonsils out. 296 00:13:56,420 --> 00:14:00,173 Okay, you tell Charlie that when he sees you falling into your defensive patterns, 297 00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,550 he can lightly squeeze your arm. 298 00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,553 Now, that will be your cue to just take a deep breath, reset, 299 00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,514 and say the exact opposite of what you were about to say. 300 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:09,516 Got it. 301 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:12,769 What is wrong with me? 302 00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,396 Nothing, buddy. 303 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,276 The people I worry about are the ones who are stuck. 304 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,111 That's not you. 305 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,823 Look, man, I wish that you could look at yourself through my eyes 306 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,284 and see just how far you've come. 307 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,997 Oh, my God. Jimmy, are you good at your job? 308 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,416 Yeah, sometimes. 309 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,084 Arrogant. 310 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,503 Okay, now I gotta get a handle on the baby part. 311 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,590 Stuart said the mom could ask a million questions about parenting. 312 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:42,841 That I can't help you with. 313 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:46,011 When Alice was a baby, I was more of a "do what you're told" kind of dad. 314 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,097 You know who we need to see. 315 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:50,932 No. 316 00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:54,102 You do what I say, when I say, and how I say it. 317 00:14:54,186 --> 00:14:56,480 Is it weird that I'm a little turned on? 318 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,106 Is this funny to you? 319 00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:00,776 If you screw up getting us this beautiful mixed baby, 320 00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,444 I will rip your dick off 321 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,780 and smack you in the face with it! 322 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,169 I hate all of you. 323 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,883 - There you are. - Hey. 324 00:15:25,384 --> 00:15:26,635 What's going on back there? 325 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,514 Oh, yeah. She's giving Brian a crash course on all things baby. 326 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,101 She's gonna wanna know if you're doing formula or breast milk. 327 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,895 We don't say "ew" over breast milk. 328 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,814 Got it. It's disgusting, but we don't say it. 329 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,982 That reminds me when Mom would feed you, 330 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,360 you would get the cutest little breast milk mustache. 331 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,654 - I'm gonna skip past that. - That's fair. 332 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,239 I don't have a dress for tonight. 333 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,741 I mean, I have a hundred dresses, and I love them all, 334 00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:51,284 but I also hate them all. You know what I mean? 335 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:53,954 I hear you. That's why I no longer own shorts. 336 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,665 I know I'm just anxious, but can I get a new one? 337 00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,500 Yeah. Let's do it. I'll drive. 338 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,920 I was just asking if I can get your credit card? 339 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:06,008 Course. Sure thing. 340 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:08,927 - Here you go, kid. - Wait. No speech? 341 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,554 No angling to come with? 342 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,223 'Cause I want this so bad. I'd let you sit in the parking lot. 343 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,892 Nah. You got this. 344 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,270 - Thanks. - Have fun. 345 00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:22,691 Parking lot sounded sweet. 346 00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,109 - Right? - Yeah. 347 00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,485 'Cause if they take longer than five minutes, 348 00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:28,447 you can pretend you're just stretching your legs and go in. 349 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,516 Spy on them. 350 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,658 - Yeah. Dad life. - Yeah. 351 00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:33,618 Make your kid think you don't care when you do. 352 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,370 Fuck yeah. 353 00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:38,832 We found out Matthew lost his job again… 354 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,751 and Liz and I, you know, we want to comfort him, 355 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,712 but we can't say anything until he tells us himself. 356 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:46,256 How do you not cave? 357 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:49,509 Every time I feel tempted, I just flick myself on the balls. 358 00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,636 - Right. - Yeah. 359 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,889 I'll find my own thing. 360 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,391 Listen, the army's not my thing. 361 00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,061 I don't love a bunk bed. 362 00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,980 Does your mom know your sister's leaving yet? 363 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,274 No. Courtney's telling her right now. 364 00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:09,237 Okay, well… I gotta do my stretches. Dr. Sykes sent some new ones over. 365 00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:13,909 Wait, twerking helps with Parkinson's? 366 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:16,745 I know you want me to get out of here, but I'm not going to. 367 00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:19,831 Do you think my mom's gonna want to move in with me? 368 00:17:19,915 --> 00:17:21,958 How would I know? I never met her. 369 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,960 Would you wanna live with Meg? 370 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,213 I don't know. 371 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,048 Maybe someday. 372 00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:32,511 The less time I have left on Earth, 373 00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:36,473 the more I think about being near my kid. 374 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,267 Yeah, right, but I got a lot going on right now, you know? 375 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,437 Work, teaching, being a Dungeon Master. 376 00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:43,729 Is that a sex thing? 377 00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:45,731 No, Paul. It's a Dungeons & Dragons thing. 378 00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:47,817 But there is a new guy. He's cool. 379 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,027 I can't have my mom around 380 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:52,197 while I'm trying to take him to the bone zone aka titty city. 381 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,240 How do I make her understand that she'll be a lot happier 382 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,075 if I get her live-in help and she stays at home? 383 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,619 Look, this isn't about her. 384 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:02,165 This is about setting boundaries. And saying what you want. 385 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,418 It'll be hard, but I'll do it. 386 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:06,655 What? 387 00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,463 Look, kid, I'm not taking a shot at you here. 388 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,716 But we are who we are. 389 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:13,093 I'm a cranky old bastard with a full head of hair, 390 00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:15,929 you're a lifelong caretaker. 391 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:18,598 The only person you're not good at looking after is yourself. 392 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:23,395 If your mom wants to move in with you, I'm not sure you could say "no". 393 00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,148 I'm not sure I can either. 394 00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:29,026 Want to sit with me and pretend to punch people? 395 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,110 Make you feel better. 396 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,571 I gotta go, but I love that for you. Get 'em. 397 00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:36,450 Dave. Dave. Dave. 398 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,076 My dad. 399 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,161 Dave. 400 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:42,497 Paul can't know for sure. He's not psychic. 401 00:18:42,581 --> 00:18:43,665 Right? 402 00:18:43,749 --> 00:18:45,917 All right, turn that ass around, I want to see. 403 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,714 Hello, nurse. Hottie alert. 404 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,382 You're sure it's not too, 405 00:18:52,883 --> 00:18:55,719 "Hey, I'm Alice, and I'm showing off my secret big'uns." 406 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:57,971 What? You have them, too. 407 00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:00,432 Girl, please. These big'uns haven't been a secret since the seventh grade. 408 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:02,516 I don't know. 409 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,061 You look beautiful. 410 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:05,729 Thanks. 411 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,773 - And thanks for bringing me. - Of course. 412 00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:09,941 Actually, there's something I want to say. 413 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:14,029 I know that all that stuff happened with Summer and Connor 414 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,447 and that I wasn't there. 415 00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:19,701 I think it's safe to say I probably shouldn't have bonked your dad. 416 00:19:19,785 --> 00:19:22,287 If you had asked, I would have said "run." 417 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,706 Well. You live and you learn. 418 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:26,625 But that is still no excuse. 419 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,460 Gaby, stop it. 420 00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,045 If I had needed you, I would have blown up your phone, 421 00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:32,130 - and you would have been there. - Always. 422 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,093 - Right. Turn around, let me zip you up. - Okay. 423 00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:48,939 You look like your mom. 424 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,570 All right, so how you feeling about this dance? 425 00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:57,406 The good thing is he goes to a different school. 426 00:19:57,489 --> 00:20:00,325 So, I don't have to be the girl with the dead mom. 427 00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:02,869 You know, I can just hide out and be anonymous. 428 00:20:02,953 --> 00:20:04,621 You can be whoever you wanna be. 429 00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:07,207 In college, I was bisexual Gaby for a semester 430 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,667 until I decided cooters weren't for me. 431 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:10,460 That sounds kinda fun. 432 00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:12,587 It was, but vaginas are a lot. 433 00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:16,299 Anyway, you ready? I'm gonna get this, this is on me. 434 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:17,592 Dad gave me his credit card. 435 00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:18,578 - What? - Yeah. 436 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:21,263 Get whatever you want, he'll never know. Hey, maybe I'll get me something. 437 00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:26,101 Oh, my God. How about these "fuck me" boots. 438 00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:28,687 I like it. Let's just make sure they don't call them that on the receipt. 439 00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:32,315 So, Brian and Charlie, how did you two meet? 440 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,735 Nonsexual role-playing? Seriously? 441 00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,696 Gestalt therapy uses role-playing to help patients 442 00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,741 confront maladaptive behaviors and you are no longer listening to me, 443 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:41,825 so let's just do this. 444 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,411 I'm back in character. 445 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:47,581 I ovulated, I'm with child. 446 00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:49,458 My breasts are voluptuous… 447 00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:50,625 Okay, Liz. 448 00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:53,837 I feel overwhelmed at the thought of having a baby. 449 00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:56,298 Do you and your husband feel ready for it? 450 00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,716 That's a great question. 451 00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,217 Charlie, why don't you take this one? 452 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,011 Not the point of this exercise. 453 00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,597 Are you guys gonna baby-proof the house? 454 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,309 I'm so young and clueless, when does a kid even walk? 455 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:10,145 A week. A month? 456 00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:11,730 Trick question, some never do! 457 00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:13,899 - Jesus Christ. - This is stupid. 458 00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:16,485 Liz, why don't you just tell me what you'd want to hear 459 00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:17,903 if you were giving your baby up. 460 00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:22,324 I mean, obviously, I'd wanna hear that you would love the baby so much. 461 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:26,161 And don't pretend that you're not gonna make mistakes. 'Cause you will. 462 00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:30,791 Like, if you were desperate for a daughter, but you had a third boy. 463 00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:33,085 So you didn't cut his hair, and when people said, 464 00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:36,046 "Oh, what a beautiful girl," you didn't correct them. 465 00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:37,881 And maybe you pierced his baby ears. 466 00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:41,176 Look, you're gonna do everything for your kid. 467 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,844 And you know what your reward is? 468 00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:46,556 They grow up and reject you. 'Cause they're assholes. 469 00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:50,018 And then you have to find a way to be happy 470 00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:51,770 that they can stand on their own two feet. 471 00:21:52,938 --> 00:21:54,106 And that is not easy. 472 00:21:54,690 --> 00:21:57,275 But I think what I would like to hear the most 473 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:01,071 is that even if people keep reminding you 474 00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:04,366 that your life shouldn't revolve around your child, 475 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:08,704 from the moment they put that baby in your arms 476 00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:14,251 and you see the trust in his eyes, you just know in your heart 477 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:17,170 that it's the most important thing that you'll ever do. 478 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:20,298 Just say that. 479 00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:22,759 Oh, shit. I gotta go. 480 00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,428 Alice is going to that dance later, 481 00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:26,763 and I got to pretend to be "resting" in the living room 482 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:28,682 so I can catch her before she takes off. 483 00:22:29,558 --> 00:22:31,018 You wanna hug? 484 00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:34,104 If you blow this for me, 485 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:37,065 I'll make Charlie give me a baby the old fashioned way. 486 00:22:37,149 --> 00:22:38,191 I know. 487 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,822 You know you just missed her, right? 488 00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:44,905 Damn it. 489 00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:46,491 Don't worry. 490 00:22:46,575 --> 00:22:47,909 I gave Dylan the dad speech. 491 00:22:47,993 --> 00:22:49,494 I think it was a bit more effective coming from me, 492 00:22:49,578 --> 00:22:51,913 seeing as how I don't owe the guy my life. 493 00:22:51,997 --> 00:22:55,876 Sean. He loosened the grape so that I could calmly spit it out 494 00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:57,711 and I do not want to talk about this anymore. 495 00:22:57,794 --> 00:22:58,794 Yeah, I know, buddy. 496 00:22:59,504 --> 00:23:02,841 Hey, I snuck a picture of Alice in her dress for you. You wanna see? 497 00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:04,343 Oh, my gosh. Yes. 498 00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:12,768 She ain't here, man. You can say it. 499 00:23:12,851 --> 00:23:14,144 She's a princess. 500 00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:18,982 So, Paul, you and Julie got any cool, sexy plans tonight? 501 00:23:19,066 --> 00:23:21,943 No. She's got kickboxing. 502 00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:24,905 Holy cow. She kickboxes too? That's how she gets those legs. 503 00:23:26,490 --> 00:23:29,701 Look, Paul. I know that you believe that I can't lay down the law with my mom, 504 00:23:29,785 --> 00:23:32,996 but I'll have you know I'm a lot stronger than you think. 505 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,874 Plus, I got a ton of great people in my life that will help me through it. 506 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:37,793 Whether they want to or not. 507 00:23:39,711 --> 00:23:41,338 You're not taking me home, are you? 508 00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:42,422 Not your home. 509 00:23:43,757 --> 00:23:44,758 Goddamn it. 510 00:23:46,802 --> 00:23:49,179 I suggested that we meet here 'cause it's closer to where she works. 511 00:23:49,262 --> 00:23:52,057 Plus, this way, when I faint, there are three people to help catch me. 512 00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:53,141 Thank you. 513 00:23:53,225 --> 00:23:54,810 - That's mine. - It's mine now, thank you. 514 00:23:57,229 --> 00:23:58,173 It's Matthew. 515 00:23:58,188 --> 00:24:00,941 Finally calling to tell me he got shitcanned. 516 00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:02,025 Little fucker. 517 00:24:02,651 --> 00:24:04,361 Hey, sweetie. How are you? 518 00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:07,072 Oh, no. 519 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:12,119 But you were the best manager Buffalo Wild Wings ever had. 520 00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:15,747 Bu… Where is she going? And why would he work there? 521 00:24:15,831 --> 00:24:17,791 Don't panic. We got you. 522 00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:24,589 Hey, sweetie. Everything okay? 523 00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:27,384 Yeah. We ended up ditching the dance. 524 00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:29,302 I'm at an after-party at Dylan's. 525 00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:32,514 He lives right by that kid from my fourth-grade class 526 00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:34,891 who was kosher and you accidentally fed him bacon. 527 00:24:34,975 --> 00:24:37,394 Best day of Zack Bornstein's life. 528 00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:38,478 It's just… 529 00:24:38,562 --> 00:24:40,731 I'm fine, but can you meet me on that corner? 530 00:24:42,441 --> 00:24:43,525 I'm on my way. 531 00:24:45,277 --> 00:24:46,903 What? No. 532 00:24:48,405 --> 00:24:49,614 I have to. 533 00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:52,743 Wow. 534 00:24:52,826 --> 00:24:54,369 I'm Ava. 535 00:24:54,453 --> 00:24:56,872 Sorry that I'm late, the restaurant got slammed. 536 00:24:56,955 --> 00:24:59,916 It's okay. You are gonna love them. Enjoy my house. 537 00:25:00,709 --> 00:25:01,918 Wait… 538 00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:09,051 This is fancy. Love this. 539 00:25:10,010 --> 00:25:11,178 Oh, yes. 540 00:25:11,261 --> 00:25:14,056 Mom, this is Paul. Paul, this is my mother Phyllis. 541 00:25:14,139 --> 00:25:15,932 - I've told her a lot about you. - Hi. 542 00:25:16,016 --> 00:25:17,434 How nice to meet you. 543 00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:19,686 He doesn't seem like he's in love with himself. 544 00:25:19,770 --> 00:25:21,772 - Just give him a minute. - Your daughter's amazing. 545 00:25:21,855 --> 00:25:24,900 I'm honored to call her a colleague and a friend. 546 00:25:26,026 --> 00:25:27,944 She's lucky to have you as a mentor. 547 00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:29,863 Extremely lucky. 548 00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:30,989 Now I see it. 549 00:25:32,157 --> 00:25:36,286 So look, Mom. There's something that we need to discuss. 550 00:25:37,037 --> 00:25:38,246 Y'all a couple or something? 551 00:25:39,623 --> 00:25:40,791 I'm spoken for. 552 00:25:40,874 --> 00:25:42,292 - Oh, okay. - No. 553 00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:43,752 - Well, what's going on? - No. 554 00:25:45,796 --> 00:25:48,131 So, the thing with Courtney leaving… 555 00:25:48,215 --> 00:25:50,300 Okay. Hold on. I just got here, baby. 556 00:25:50,384 --> 00:25:52,344 I haven't even seen the rest of your place yet. 557 00:25:52,427 --> 00:25:54,680 And I wanna see which bedroom gonna be mine. 558 00:25:58,767 --> 00:26:00,394 You'll love the room at the end of the hall, 559 00:26:00,477 --> 00:26:01,561 it's got a ton of great light. 560 00:26:01,645 --> 00:26:03,897 Light is good. Where is it? Down here? 561 00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:05,649 - Just that way. - Okay. 562 00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:10,987 Don't beat yourself up. You're a good daughter. 563 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,782 Maybe she'll remarry one day. 564 00:26:19,037 --> 00:26:20,037 Okay. 565 00:26:21,623 --> 00:26:25,585 Not to be awkward, but… I'm half-Japanese. 566 00:26:25,669 --> 00:26:27,462 - The father… - Japanese. 567 00:26:27,546 --> 00:26:28,755 Score. 568 00:26:29,548 --> 00:26:31,717 - Not that it matters. Here's your water. - Thanks. 569 00:26:33,802 --> 00:26:38,557 I've never had a meeting like this before so I don't know where to start. 570 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:39,891 Well, you can start at the beginning. 571 00:26:39,975 --> 00:26:41,059 Okay. 572 00:26:41,143 --> 00:26:42,644 Sure. Yeah. 573 00:26:43,854 --> 00:26:45,355 Boom. Boom. 574 00:26:47,274 --> 00:26:48,817 So, how did you get preggers? 575 00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:50,027 Nope. 576 00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:51,987 Forget I said that. 577 00:26:52,571 --> 00:26:54,281 In fact let's just hit rewind. 578 00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:01,288 Wait, where the hell's my coffee cup? 579 00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:03,790 You saw me throw it in here, right? 580 00:27:04,750 --> 00:27:06,668 What! How did this happen? 581 00:27:06,752 --> 00:27:08,879 Did I miss? Oh, my gosh. 582 00:27:09,629 --> 00:27:11,798 Am I losing my mind? What kind of black hole… 583 00:27:11,882 --> 00:27:13,550 Well, that's not even empty. 584 00:27:14,301 --> 00:27:15,385 That's… 585 00:27:16,303 --> 00:27:19,014 Check this out. It got stuck between the two bins. 586 00:27:19,514 --> 00:27:22,392 That is crazy, I thought I was going absolutely nuts… 587 00:27:22,476 --> 00:27:24,770 Stop. Breathe. 588 00:27:27,481 --> 00:27:28,481 Yeah… 589 00:27:29,858 --> 00:27:32,319 Can I start again? I'm just nervous. 590 00:27:33,779 --> 00:27:34,946 I am… Me too. 591 00:27:37,616 --> 00:27:41,078 Have you always known that you wanted to be parents? 592 00:27:43,121 --> 00:27:47,209 If I'm being honest, it's been a journey for us. 593 00:27:47,793 --> 00:27:49,211 I was terrified. 594 00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:51,004 Not Charlie. 595 00:27:52,381 --> 00:27:53,715 He was born for this. 596 00:27:55,425 --> 00:27:57,344 - How are you feeling now? - Better. 597 00:27:58,762 --> 00:28:00,681 I've still got a lot to learn. 598 00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:05,602 But I do know that it takes a village. 599 00:28:06,436 --> 00:28:08,522 That's actually why I wanted you to meet us here. 600 00:28:09,231 --> 00:28:11,483 We wanted you to see all the great people in our life 601 00:28:11,566 --> 00:28:14,653 who would be in this baby's life. 602 00:28:15,237 --> 00:28:17,280 Like if I don't know where the soft spot is, 603 00:28:17,364 --> 00:28:19,950 I know that the village will. 604 00:28:21,994 --> 00:28:23,078 Why aren't you squeezing my arm? 605 00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,413 Because you're doing great. 606 00:28:27,874 --> 00:28:29,668 The only reason my friends aren't here right now 607 00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:32,796 is because they put their kids first. 608 00:28:34,297 --> 00:28:36,341 And that's the type of parents we wanna be. 609 00:28:37,801 --> 00:28:39,177 That's really great to hear. 610 00:28:40,178 --> 00:28:43,181 I actually have a couple more questions that I scribbled down. 611 00:28:43,265 --> 00:28:45,183 Oh, my God. Brian, look. 612 00:28:45,726 --> 00:28:48,020 I've been collecting these since I was a kid. 613 00:28:48,103 --> 00:28:50,564 I just love their dumb hair. It's so… 614 00:28:51,732 --> 00:28:53,692 Me too. I used to put on shows with them. 615 00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:57,154 - What? - Guys and Trolls, Evita… 616 00:28:57,237 --> 00:28:58,822 Musicals are like my jam. 617 00:28:58,905 --> 00:29:00,365 Okay. Well… 618 00:29:01,033 --> 00:29:03,201 now I know you're the mother of our child. 619 00:29:05,078 --> 00:29:06,330 - Can I see it? - Of course. 620 00:29:06,413 --> 00:29:08,123 Oh, my God. Look at this. 621 00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:24,973 - Hey. - Hey. 622 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:26,683 What's going on? 623 00:29:27,267 --> 00:29:28,769 I just needed a minute. 624 00:29:29,269 --> 00:29:32,230 I told Dylan I was talking Summer down from some bad molly. 625 00:29:32,814 --> 00:29:33,857 Good lie. 626 00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:35,734 Frighteningly specific. 627 00:29:36,777 --> 00:29:38,153 You wanna tell me what's really up? 628 00:29:38,737 --> 00:29:39,863 We were just hanging out, 629 00:29:39,946 --> 00:29:42,699 and someone recognized me from "cheater cheater bitch". 630 00:29:42,783 --> 00:29:44,284 And then they read through some comments 631 00:29:44,368 --> 00:29:48,789 and just like that, I'm "the girl with the dead mom" again. 632 00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:51,166 Ah, man. 633 00:29:53,251 --> 00:29:54,920 Is it always gonna be like this? 634 00:29:56,963 --> 00:29:58,340 I'm afraid so. 635 00:29:59,216 --> 00:30:00,300 Awesome. 636 00:30:00,384 --> 00:30:02,427 I do think it's gonna get easier with time. 637 00:30:03,470 --> 00:30:04,971 Like when you go off to college. 638 00:30:06,890 --> 00:30:10,060 Unless, of course, you wanna do college here and just live with me forever? 639 00:30:15,023 --> 00:30:16,024 You want me to drive you home? 640 00:30:16,817 --> 00:30:17,818 No. 641 00:30:18,610 --> 00:30:20,153 No, I don't wanna hide anymore. 642 00:30:20,654 --> 00:30:22,614 I just want people to stop feeling sorry for me. 643 00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:27,661 Do you know why I tell people I have "dead wife face"? 644 00:30:27,744 --> 00:30:29,037 Because you do? 645 00:30:29,663 --> 00:30:30,872 Partly. 646 00:30:32,541 --> 00:30:34,376 But also 'cause it's almost funny. 647 00:30:35,627 --> 00:30:38,630 So it lets people know they don't have to walk on eggshells around me. 648 00:30:38,714 --> 00:30:40,257 It doesn't always work, but… 649 00:30:41,883 --> 00:30:45,637 makes me feel like I have some ownership over it. 650 00:30:49,516 --> 00:30:50,684 I'm gonna go back inside. 651 00:30:51,476 --> 00:30:52,477 Good. 652 00:30:56,106 --> 00:30:57,941 Promise me you won't drive by and check-in. 653 00:30:58,900 --> 00:30:59,901 I promise. 654 00:31:00,652 --> 00:31:01,653 Show me your hands. 655 00:31:03,697 --> 00:31:04,698 Okay. 656 00:31:15,959 --> 00:31:18,587 So your mom is just gonna live in your guest room? 657 00:31:18,670 --> 00:31:19,671 - No… - Derek. 658 00:31:19,755 --> 00:31:21,673 …she said the bed in my guest room's too soft. 659 00:31:21,757 --> 00:31:23,842 The sofa bed in my office is too hard. 660 00:31:23,925 --> 00:31:26,511 Now, I guess her Goldilocks ass is going to sleep in my room 661 00:31:26,595 --> 00:31:28,388 which apparently is "just fucking right". 662 00:31:30,307 --> 00:31:31,892 You know, when Derek's mom comes to town, 663 00:31:31,975 --> 00:31:34,644 she has to stay 2,000 feet away from our home at all times. 664 00:31:34,728 --> 00:31:36,188 Same rules as sex offenders. 665 00:31:36,271 --> 00:31:37,898 They do not mesh. 666 00:31:37,981 --> 00:31:40,734 I'm sorry, baby. I'll work on it if you want. 667 00:31:41,526 --> 00:31:44,237 "I can work on it if you want?" Who is this lady? 668 00:31:44,863 --> 00:31:45,863 I'm nice now. 669 00:31:49,368 --> 00:31:50,410 Hello, Stuart. 670 00:31:50,494 --> 00:31:52,245 - So you said 2,000 feet away? - Yeah. 671 00:31:52,329 --> 00:31:54,247 Damn. You got her on a registry or something? 672 00:31:54,331 --> 00:31:57,334 Can you be on a registry if you emotionally abuse children? 673 00:31:58,043 --> 00:31:59,044 Okay. 674 00:32:00,629 --> 00:32:02,339 Yeah, we'll talk tomorrow. 675 00:32:04,049 --> 00:32:05,133 What? What did he say? What? 676 00:32:07,511 --> 00:32:08,762 She went with the other couple. 677 00:32:09,846 --> 00:32:11,765 - Seriously? - Aw, guys. 678 00:32:11,848 --> 00:32:15,477 You know, I never thought I'd say this, but fuck that pregnant bitch. 679 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,646 I've actually heard you say that, like, six or seven times. 680 00:32:17,729 --> 00:32:18,730 Yeah. 681 00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:21,149 I really thought she'd pick us. 682 00:32:22,776 --> 00:32:24,861 Why are you looking at me like that? 683 00:32:24,945 --> 00:32:28,281 You don't know how much it means to me to see how disappointed you are. 684 00:32:30,534 --> 00:32:31,785 So you're happy that I'm sad? 685 00:32:31,868 --> 00:32:32,995 What the fuck? 686 00:32:33,078 --> 00:32:34,621 Yeah. Do better, Charlie. 687 00:32:34,705 --> 00:32:36,707 Honestly, I thought y'all were both on board with that little… 688 00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:38,875 Welcome to the club, buddy. 689 00:32:41,878 --> 00:32:44,965 Like, my mom was being such a bitch about curfew. 690 00:32:45,048 --> 00:32:48,635 Like, sometimes, I honestly just wish she would disappear forever. 691 00:32:50,762 --> 00:32:53,223 I can't believe I just said that. 692 00:32:53,807 --> 00:32:55,517 Oh, my God. Look at you, you hate me. 693 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,060 No, I'm fine. 694 00:32:57,853 --> 00:32:59,104 I just have dead mom face. 695 00:33:01,648 --> 00:33:02,941 That was a good one. 696 00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:07,195 No, really, like… Yeah, well, anyway, so… 697 00:33:16,204 --> 00:33:17,205 Thank you.