1 00:00:14,366 --> 00:00:15,408 Holy shit. 2 00:00:17,119 --> 00:00:18,161 What the fuck is that? 3 00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:21,414 Uh, that is Jared Dunn. 4 00:00:21,498 --> 00:00:23,082 He works for Gavin Belson. 5 00:00:25,836 --> 00:00:28,546 Hey. Sorry if I scared you. 6 00:00:28,630 --> 00:00:31,924 I know I have somewhat ghost-like features. 7 00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:35,386 My uncle used to say, "You look like someone starved a virgin to death." 8 00:00:36,054 --> 00:00:37,555 it's... Yeah. I can see it. 9 00:00:37,639 --> 00:00:38,639 - Mmm. - Mmm-hmm. 10 00:00:41,185 --> 00:00:42,894 I heard you were having a launch party. 11 00:00:43,562 --> 00:00:45,730 - Yeah. - Am I early? 12 00:00:46,273 --> 00:00:47,273 No. 13 00:00:49,985 --> 00:00:52,820 Well, then a gift of congratulations. 14 00:00:53,113 --> 00:00:54,322 Now if Gavin sent you here, 15 00:00:54,406 --> 00:00:55,865 you should know that I've turned him down. 16 00:00:55,949 --> 00:00:56,949 I'm going with Peter Gregory. 17 00:00:57,034 --> 00:00:58,534 I'm actually picking up my check tomorrow. 18 00:00:58,619 --> 00:00:59,911 So I've made my decision. 19 00:00:59,995 --> 00:01:02,538 That's not why I'm here. It's just... 20 00:01:03,248 --> 00:01:06,709 Watching you say no to $10 million to build your own thing, 21 00:01:06,794 --> 00:01:09,420 there's just something very exciting about that. 22 00:01:09,546 --> 00:01:12,048 Whoa. Whoa, whoa! What is he doing here? 23 00:01:12,382 --> 00:01:14,884 Hey, this is a private party, buddy. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 24 00:01:15,135 --> 00:01:17,428 - Oh, I didn't mean to... - You know, in the state of California 25 00:01:17,513 --> 00:01:20,389 you can kill a man for entering your house without permission. 26 00:01:20,474 --> 00:01:23,059 Okay. I understand. Thank you. 27 00:01:23,352 --> 00:01:24,352 Oh. 28 00:01:25,729 --> 00:01:28,370 Richard, I just wanna say, I really respect what you're doing here. 29 00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:32,151 And if you could ever use someone with my business-development skill set, 30 00:01:32,236 --> 00:01:34,779 - I would love to be a part of this. - The fuck you will be. 31 00:01:35,322 --> 00:01:37,365 We'll call you when we want pleated khakis. 32 00:01:42,204 --> 00:01:44,497 You know this is a fucking domestic? 33 00:01:44,581 --> 00:01:46,249 Why were you so mean to him? 34 00:01:46,416 --> 00:01:48,626 He wasn't spying on us. He just said he likes us. 35 00:01:48,710 --> 00:01:50,837 - He wants to join the company. - Of course he does, Richard. 36 00:01:50,921 --> 00:01:52,213 Let me explain something to you. 37 00:01:52,297 --> 00:01:54,715 Your whole life you've been an ugly chick, 38 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,009 but now suddenly you're a hot chick, 39 00:01:57,094 --> 00:01:59,011 with big tits and small nipples. 40 00:01:59,096 --> 00:02:00,937 So guys like that are gonna keep coming around. 41 00:02:01,098 --> 00:02:02,557 Don't be a slut, Richard. 42 00:02:02,975 --> 00:02:04,016 - I don't... 43 00:02:04,726 --> 00:02:06,853 Now speaking of such things, 44 00:02:06,937 --> 00:02:09,188 Dinesh, change the lighting to something erotic 45 00:02:09,273 --> 00:02:12,817 because it's about to get pretty fucking erotic in here. 46 00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:16,612 License to Kill-9. LBAction-dot-Erotica. 47 00:02:17,531 --> 00:02:19,198 What... What's going on? 48 00:02:19,366 --> 00:02:22,493 - What's happening? - Gentlemen, I present to you 49 00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:25,162 Mochacino. 50 00:02:25,581 --> 00:02:26,873 Not this guy. 51 00:02:27,666 --> 00:02:28,833 Mochacino. 52 00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:32,128 She's my gift to you. 53 00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:37,592 You wanna smoke weed? 54 00:02:43,807 --> 00:02:44,807 Um... 55 00:02:47,185 --> 00:02:48,352 Hey. 56 00:02:48,562 --> 00:02:50,605 Can somebody play something with a beat, please? 57 00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:52,815 I'll go make a playlist. 58 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:56,277 Yeah. I actually have some water cooking, I think. 59 00:03:04,286 --> 00:03:06,203 Yeah, I don't pay for it, so 60 00:03:06,788 --> 00:03:09,123 barking up the wrong tree here. 61 00:03:10,709 --> 00:03:11,876 God, I hate Palo Alto. 62 00:03:25,015 --> 00:03:26,432 Hello again. 63 00:03:26,516 --> 00:03:28,184 You know, I don't actually have a ton of dance music, 64 00:03:28,268 --> 00:03:29,428 but I turned the bass way up. 65 00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:31,103 Baby, 66 00:03:31,188 --> 00:03:32,688 you're getting a private show. 67 00:03:33,565 --> 00:03:35,274 Hey. 68 00:03:35,359 --> 00:03:37,026 What the fuck? 69 00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:38,986 Okay. There's the butt time. 70 00:03:41,323 --> 00:03:43,157 Should we have left him in there by himself? 71 00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:44,492 Should we go back in there? 72 00:03:44,576 --> 00:03:47,119 No interest. I entice the flesh, I don't pay for it. 73 00:03:47,204 --> 00:03:48,913 Plus, Tara's coming into town in a couple of weeks. 74 00:03:48,997 --> 00:03:50,706 I'm saving up all my humors for her. 75 00:03:50,791 --> 00:03:52,083 You know what I mean? 76 00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,001 - What's your excuse? - I didn't even shake 77 00:03:54,086 --> 00:03:56,796 a woman's hand until I was 17 years old. 78 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,299 The idea of getting an erection around men I live and work with, 79 00:04:00,384 --> 00:04:03,427 it's just not something I can handle. 80 00:04:03,512 --> 00:04:05,638 The idea that I have a boner and you have a boner 81 00:04:05,722 --> 00:04:07,014 and he has a boner and we're all sitting there 82 00:04:07,099 --> 00:04:08,599 with boners in our pants... 83 00:04:09,059 --> 00:04:10,810 I wonder if he's okay in there. 84 00:04:11,228 --> 00:04:13,688 So what do you guys do here? 85 00:04:13,772 --> 00:04:17,149 Oh, we're mostly working on a lossless compression algorithm. 86 00:04:18,527 --> 00:04:20,152 - A what? - Lt makes files smaller. 87 00:04:20,237 --> 00:04:21,862 Doesn't matter. It's called Pied Piper. 88 00:04:21,947 --> 00:04:24,407 It's gonna be famous. You'll know it, eventually. 89 00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:28,387 Who was this woman that you shook hands with for the first time? 90 00:04:28,870 --> 00:04:29,912 The postman lady. 91 00:04:30,205 --> 00:04:32,164 - What? - A woman that was a man? 92 00:04:32,249 --> 00:04:34,375 Not a post-man lady. 93 00:04:34,459 --> 00:04:36,669 - A lady who was a post... - Let me ask you another question. 94 00:04:36,753 --> 00:04:38,713 Who was the second woman you shook hands with? 95 00:04:38,797 --> 00:04:39,880 I didn't even know you were coming. 96 00:04:39,965 --> 00:04:41,382 - Stop. Doug! - Oh, boy. 97 00:04:42,092 --> 00:04:43,092 - Stop. - I'm the one... 98 00:04:43,176 --> 00:04:45,177 Someone is paying me. Okay? I didn't come 99 00:04:45,262 --> 00:04:47,555 just to dance on your boner all night for free. 100 00:04:47,639 --> 00:04:51,017 I was not erect. That was... I was only being polite. 101 00:04:51,184 --> 00:04:52,727 So you were being polite when you said that you loved me? 102 00:04:52,811 --> 00:04:55,563 First off, I said you seemed like someone I could fall in love with. 103 00:04:55,647 --> 00:04:57,273 And, yes, also politeness. 104 00:04:57,441 --> 00:04:58,733 Richie, pay the lady. 105 00:04:59,401 --> 00:05:01,360 What? Why should I pay her? 106 00:05:01,445 --> 00:05:03,405 I didn't hire her. I didn't even get a lap dance. 107 00:05:03,447 --> 00:05:05,698 This is a company party and you're the CEO, so pony up. 108 00:05:05,782 --> 00:05:07,950 No. If anyone should pay her, it should be you. 109 00:05:08,535 --> 00:05:11,037 Doug, help the CEO find his money. 110 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:13,414 No. No, no. We don't need help. 111 00:05:13,498 --> 00:05:14,749 I know where it is. It's here. 112 00:05:14,958 --> 00:05:16,167 - It's all here. Mmm-hmm. 113 00:05:16,251 --> 00:05:17,793 I don't know... Do you accept AMEX? 114 00:05:17,878 --> 00:05:20,588 - You damn right I do. - Put 100 on there for yourself, Mocha. 115 00:05:20,756 --> 00:05:22,423 Oh. Well, that's an expensive boner. 116 00:05:22,507 --> 00:05:23,507 Not a boner. 117 00:05:26,136 --> 00:05:27,762 Thanks for coming in, guys. 118 00:05:28,472 --> 00:05:31,807 We have a lot to do, so let's get started. 119 00:05:32,267 --> 00:05:33,434 Sounds great. 120 00:05:42,319 --> 00:05:43,694 Me? Okay. 121 00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:45,154 Uh... 122 00:05:45,822 --> 00:05:51,160 Well, we're just really excited to get going, Mr. Gregory. 123 00:05:51,244 --> 00:05:53,579 Yes. Who's "we"? 124 00:05:54,331 --> 00:05:55,748 Myself, him, 125 00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:58,375 - uh, the guys back at the house. - Guys? 126 00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:01,003 What guys? 127 00:06:01,963 --> 00:06:03,506 Who is this? 128 00:06:03,715 --> 00:06:05,841 Erlich Bachman. I'm an entrepreneur, 129 00:06:05,967 --> 00:06:07,176 much like yourself. 130 00:06:07,385 --> 00:06:08,385 Uh... 131 00:06:09,346 --> 00:06:11,472 Richard actually developed Pied Piper 132 00:06:11,556 --> 00:06:13,057 while residing in my incubator, 133 00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:16,811 so as per our agreement, I own 10% of the company. 134 00:06:17,187 --> 00:06:19,230 I'm paying you $200,000 for 5%, 135 00:06:19,314 --> 00:06:20,523 yet you're giving this man 136 00:06:21,066 --> 00:06:24,485 twice that in exchange for a futon 137 00:06:25,195 --> 00:06:27,029 and some sandwiches? 138 00:06:27,405 --> 00:06:29,949 Actually, sir, my tenants provide their own food. 139 00:06:30,033 --> 00:06:31,753 What other percentages have you apportioned? 140 00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:35,871 Can I see your cap table, investment deck, 141 00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:38,833 business plan, or any other relevant paperwork 142 00:06:39,042 --> 00:06:40,793 you may have prepared? 143 00:06:41,253 --> 00:06:44,296 I just was under the impression that 144 00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:47,800 we would just be coming by and saying, "Hi," you know, uh, 145 00:06:48,051 --> 00:06:49,510 to pick up the check. 146 00:06:49,636 --> 00:06:52,680 And I just didn't know that any of that stuff was due yet. 147 00:06:52,848 --> 00:06:53,889 "Due"? 148 00:06:57,185 --> 00:06:58,769 This is not college, Richard. 149 00:06:58,854 --> 00:07:01,647 I am not going to be giving you a course syllabus. 150 00:07:01,982 --> 00:07:05,734 You turned down $10 million to keep Pied Piper. 151 00:07:06,027 --> 00:07:10,030 What did you give up that money for? What is this company? 152 00:07:10,991 --> 00:07:12,199 What did I buy? 153 00:07:12,325 --> 00:07:14,785 - You bought the algorithm, which... - No. 154 00:07:16,329 --> 00:07:19,498 The algorithm is the product of the company. 155 00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:20,583 I know that. 156 00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:23,127 What I'm asking about is the company itself. 157 00:07:23,211 --> 00:07:25,546 Who is it? What do they do? 158 00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:27,381 Are they essential? 159 00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:31,010 Or do you just throw a percentage at them, like you did with this... 160 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,810 This all must be worked out. 161 00:07:40,312 --> 00:07:41,312 Now. 162 00:07:43,565 --> 00:07:45,983 When you said you'd guide us 163 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:48,110 through some of this stuff, I thought that this was 164 00:07:48,195 --> 00:07:49,820 the stuff you'd be guiding us through. 165 00:07:50,113 --> 00:07:53,616 I cannot guide you until you give me 166 00:07:54,951 --> 00:07:56,952 something to guide. 167 00:07:59,456 --> 00:08:01,123 This is going very poorly. 168 00:08:01,541 --> 00:08:04,460 - I know. - He doesn't seem to know what he's doing. 169 00:08:09,341 --> 00:08:11,425 Did you just take a sip from an empty cup? 170 00:08:12,677 --> 00:08:13,719 Yes. 171 00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:14,970 Why did you do that? 172 00:08:16,306 --> 00:08:19,475 - Just something to do. - Come back in 48 hours 173 00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:21,227 with an airtight business plan, 174 00:08:21,311 --> 00:08:23,520 a clear go-to-market strategy, 175 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:27,942 and three-year summary P&L, or there will be no check. 176 00:08:32,489 --> 00:08:33,781 That's it. 177 00:08:34,491 --> 00:08:36,325 Thanks for coming in, guys. 178 00:08:38,453 --> 00:08:39,453 Um... 179 00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:41,872 Are there any water fountains in your offices? 180 00:08:42,749 --> 00:08:43,832 I assume. 181 00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:47,503 I own 10% of an app that locates all nearby water fountains. 182 00:08:47,671 --> 00:08:48,879 I'd be happy to discuss it with you. 183 00:08:48,964 --> 00:08:50,714 Good day, gentlemen. 184 00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,050 You smoke weed? 185 00:08:58,223 --> 00:08:59,431 You really embarrassed me in there. 186 00:08:59,516 --> 00:09:02,017 You didn't say shit about any business plan before today. 187 00:09:02,102 --> 00:09:04,743 And neither did he. And he was kind of being an asshole back there. 188 00:09:04,771 --> 00:09:06,105 Yeah, that's why he's a billionaire. 189 00:09:06,189 --> 00:09:07,990 'Cause he knows how and when to be an asshole. 190 00:09:08,066 --> 00:09:09,066 That's what you need to be like. 191 00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:10,943 - You do, Richard. - Whatever. 192 00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:14,697 If you continue to mismanage this company, giving 10% to whoever... 193 00:09:14,864 --> 00:09:17,116 Obviously, you know, we can't go back on my shares. 194 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,410 That ship has sailed, but from here on out... 195 00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:21,203 Now you're being an asshole. 196 00:09:21,288 --> 00:09:22,871 You say that like it's a bad thing. 197 00:09:23,039 --> 00:09:25,320 Richard, if you're not an asshole, it creates this kind of 198 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:29,795 asshole vacuum and that void is filled by other assholes, like Jared. 199 00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:31,547 I mean, you almost gave him shares. 200 00:09:32,382 --> 00:09:34,800 You need to completely change who you are, Richard. 201 00:09:34,884 --> 00:09:37,261 A complete Teutonic shift has to happen. 202 00:09:37,971 --> 00:09:40,389 - Tectonic. - What? 203 00:09:40,765 --> 00:09:43,892 A "tectonic" shift is the Earth's crust moving around. 204 00:09:44,144 --> 00:09:46,145 "Teutonic," which is what you just said, 205 00:09:46,229 --> 00:09:48,939 is an ancient Germanic tribe that fought the Romans. 206 00:09:50,358 --> 00:09:51,650 They were originally from Scandinavia... 207 00:09:51,735 --> 00:09:53,652 Stop it! Stop it. 208 00:09:54,487 --> 00:09:56,655 You're being a complete tool right now. 209 00:09:56,823 --> 00:09:59,116 I need you to be a complete asshole. 210 00:09:59,784 --> 00:10:00,951 Do you understand the difference? 211 00:10:01,077 --> 00:10:03,078 If you're not an asshole, this company dies. 212 00:10:03,455 --> 00:10:05,331 Erlich, I have 48 hours. 213 00:10:05,457 --> 00:10:07,658 Are you going to help me with this business plan or not? 214 00:10:08,084 --> 00:10:11,337 I believe in you, Richard. That's why I'm not. 215 00:10:15,717 --> 00:10:19,094 "Business plans that are created in support of new ventures 216 00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:22,765 "or to implement profound changes in existing venture." 217 00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:37,279 Hi, this is Richard Hendricks. 218 00:10:37,864 --> 00:10:39,323 Is now a good time? 219 00:10:40,742 --> 00:10:42,159 Uh, I need some help. 220 00:10:46,664 --> 00:10:48,332 Whose Chevy Volt is that out front? 221 00:10:48,792 --> 00:10:50,042 Jared Dunn's. 222 00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:52,294 What? Why? Why is he here? 223 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:56,131 Well, because, as you know, I need some advice on the business plan. 224 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:57,466 You're cutting him in? 225 00:10:58,635 --> 00:10:59,635 Um... 226 00:11:02,472 --> 00:11:06,016 Good morning. Whoops, that was weird. 227 00:11:06,142 --> 00:11:07,935 I don't know why I did that. 228 00:11:08,395 --> 00:11:11,146 You kind of have a... Like a king-ish feeling to you. 229 00:11:11,231 --> 00:11:13,982 You're like a Norse hero from Valhalla. 230 00:11:14,234 --> 00:11:15,275 Don't pander to me. 231 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,820 Peter Gregory said specifically to trim the fat. 232 00:11:18,154 --> 00:11:20,656 They actually tried to diagnose me with a wasting disease 233 00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:22,408 because of my slender frame. 234 00:11:22,784 --> 00:11:27,329 So, um, I ironed out our customer acquisition strategy, 235 00:11:27,414 --> 00:11:31,375 and I wrapped our financials. I did a DCF valuation. 236 00:11:31,459 --> 00:11:35,295 Most VCs can't even do that math, but something tells me Peter is different. 237 00:11:36,005 --> 00:11:38,507 I think we can jump into the one-on-ones with each team member 238 00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:40,676 - to see if I can defend our cap table. - Okay. 239 00:11:41,302 --> 00:11:44,096 But first, if you don't mind, I'd like to use the restroom. 240 00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:47,015 Uh, yeah. You don't have to ask permission to do that. 241 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,934 Why, have you not gone since you've been here? 242 00:11:49,185 --> 00:11:50,227 I have not. 243 00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:54,982 Well... Well, go. I mean, go. 244 00:11:56,526 --> 00:11:59,111 Denpok, I know you were in Aspen. Thank you for coming. 245 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,779 Please, have a seat. 246 00:12:02,991 --> 00:12:04,491 I'm not sitting this summer. 247 00:12:05,243 --> 00:12:07,786 Of course. Incredible. 248 00:12:11,749 --> 00:12:14,168 What's weighing on you, Gavin? 249 00:12:14,294 --> 00:12:16,545 Jared Dunn quit today to join Pied Piper. 250 00:12:16,713 --> 00:12:20,382 I hate Richard Hendricks, that little Pied Piper prick. 251 00:12:22,135 --> 00:12:23,886 Is... Is that wrong? 252 00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:27,014 In the hands of a lesser person, perhaps. 253 00:12:28,224 --> 00:12:30,893 But in the hands of the enlightened, 254 00:12:30,977 --> 00:12:33,854 hate can be a tool for great change. 255 00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:37,691 You're right once again. 256 00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:45,240 Audious, play John Lennon's Imagine. 257 00:12:45,783 --> 00:12:47,451 Cueing John Wayne 258 00:12:47,535 --> 00:12:49,745 In A Mansion. Not found. 259 00:12:50,246 --> 00:12:52,748 - Fuck! Fuck! - Invalid command. 260 00:12:52,999 --> 00:12:57,169 Use the anger, Chela. Use it. 261 00:13:02,425 --> 00:13:06,929 Uh, thanks for sitting down like this, Gilfoyle. We know it's kind of a little weird. 262 00:13:07,472 --> 00:13:12,392 So, um, can you kind of catch me up on what you see as your role in the company? 263 00:13:12,685 --> 00:13:15,312 - What do you do? - What do I do? 264 00:13:17,857 --> 00:13:20,609 System architecture. Networking and security. 265 00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:23,654 No one in this house can touch me on that. 266 00:13:23,988 --> 00:13:25,531 Okay, that's good to know. 267 00:13:25,782 --> 00:13:27,241 But does anyone appreciate that? 268 00:13:27,325 --> 00:13:30,452 While you were busy minoring in gender studies 269 00:13:30,537 --> 00:13:32,371 and singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence, 270 00:13:32,455 --> 00:13:35,290 I was gaining root access to NSA servers. 271 00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:38,710 I was one click away from starting a second lranian Revolution. 272 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,128 I actually went to Vassar. 273 00:13:40,213 --> 00:13:43,799 I prevent cross-site scripting. I monitor for DDOS attacks, 274 00:13:43,883 --> 00:13:47,594 emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handlings. 275 00:13:47,804 --> 00:13:49,263 The internet... Heard of it? 276 00:13:49,389 --> 00:13:51,557 transfers half a petabyte of data every minute. 277 00:13:51,641 --> 00:13:54,309 Do you have any idea how that happens? 278 00:13:54,561 --> 00:13:56,937 All those YouPorn ones and zeroes streaming directly 279 00:13:57,021 --> 00:13:59,398 to your shitty little smart phone day after day? 280 00:13:59,482 --> 00:14:01,984 Every dipshit who shits his pants if he can't get 281 00:14:02,068 --> 00:14:04,444 the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under 12 seconds? 282 00:14:04,821 --> 00:14:07,197 It's not magic, it's talent and sweat. 283 00:14:07,782 --> 00:14:11,326 People like me ensuring your packets get delivered un-sniffed. 284 00:14:11,411 --> 00:14:12,578 So what do I do? 285 00:14:12,996 --> 00:14:15,706 I make sure that one bad config on one key component 286 00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:17,791 doesn't bankrupt the entire fucking company. 287 00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,418 That's what the fuck I do. 288 00:14:20,712 --> 00:14:22,671 Um, that's basically what I told him. 289 00:14:23,006 --> 00:14:25,173 Listen, wherever we end up here, 290 00:14:26,175 --> 00:14:29,344 I just wanna say that I feel I should get more equity than Dinesh. 291 00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:32,055 I know Gilfoyle probably came in here and puked out 292 00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:33,307 a bunch of tech specs, 293 00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:36,059 three-fourths of which are total horse-shit. 294 00:14:36,227 --> 00:14:38,395 Did he bring up the lranian Revolution thing? 295 00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:40,814 Yeah, those words mean nothing. 296 00:14:41,107 --> 00:14:42,441 But here's a fact, 297 00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:45,152 I'm the only one of these clowns that can code in Java. 298 00:14:45,612 --> 00:14:48,196 And I write sleek, performant, low-overhead Scala code 299 00:14:48,281 --> 00:14:51,199 with higher order functions that will run on anything. 300 00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:53,660 Period. End of sentence. 301 00:14:53,828 --> 00:14:56,747 So, basically, I think whatever equity I get, 302 00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:59,875 it should reflect that I contribute more than Gilfoyle. 303 00:15:01,961 --> 00:15:04,796 - This is weird. - I know, right? it's... 304 00:15:04,881 --> 00:15:07,215 - Everybody's been doing it. - Gilfoyle did this? 305 00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:09,843 It's just a formality to get me caught up. 306 00:15:10,303 --> 00:15:12,888 So what makes you of value to the Pied Piper team? 307 00:15:13,973 --> 00:15:14,973 Um... 308 00:15:15,391 --> 00:15:16,475 Programming, I guess. 309 00:15:16,559 --> 00:15:21,688 Pretty good at code, develop algorithms, so forth. 310 00:15:21,773 --> 00:15:24,566 Different from the type of algorithm Richard created? 311 00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:27,069 Well, yeah. Like, not as good. 312 00:15:27,987 --> 00:15:30,197 Richard's a 10X-er. I'm, like, barely an X-er. 313 00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:33,075 I kinda suck. 314 00:15:33,242 --> 00:15:34,910 Smoked you. And now... 315 00:15:35,578 --> 00:15:37,954 - Don't be a dick. - Mushroom stamp! 316 00:15:38,122 --> 00:15:41,416 - You're being a dick. - Oh, there you go. Show that to your mom. 317 00:15:41,626 --> 00:15:44,169 Mushroom stamp! That's great. 318 00:15:46,047 --> 00:15:47,839 Hey, what do you guys think about this Jared? 319 00:15:47,924 --> 00:15:48,924 He's shit, right? 320 00:15:49,425 --> 00:15:50,592 No, he's pretty sharp. 321 00:15:50,802 --> 00:15:53,053 Yeah, he does shit that no one else in the house can do. 322 00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:56,017 Yeah, but he's a know-it-all. I don't think there's room in here for him. 323 00:15:56,057 --> 00:15:58,218 Well, there will be after Richard gets rid of Big Head. 324 00:15:58,226 --> 00:16:00,185 Wait, Richard's getting rid of Big Head? Why? 325 00:16:00,311 --> 00:16:01,853 Listen, we all love Big Head. 326 00:16:01,938 --> 00:16:04,314 But the truth is, he's not as good of a coder as I am, 327 00:16:04,399 --> 00:16:06,240 not as good at system architecture as Gilfoyle, 328 00:16:06,651 --> 00:16:09,236 not as good at being a prick as you, no offense. 329 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,760 He's a lightweight at everything. Brings nothing to the table. 330 00:16:12,365 --> 00:16:15,367 Him getting points would be a big "fuck you" to all of us. 331 00:16:15,743 --> 00:16:19,830 - But he's a great guy. - Great guy. But useless. 332 00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:22,624 Yeah, he is a great guy. 333 00:16:23,459 --> 00:16:25,293 Not like that Jared. Huh. 334 00:16:25,712 --> 00:16:27,587 At least we can all agree on that. 335 00:16:28,631 --> 00:16:29,923 Yeah, I don't know. 336 00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:33,051 Me and Richard have just always been in this together, you know? 337 00:16:33,261 --> 00:16:34,261 Together, right. 338 00:16:34,345 --> 00:16:37,723 But to be clear, Richard created the algorithm on his own, yes? 339 00:16:38,057 --> 00:16:39,658 Oh, yeah, I had nothing to do with that. 340 00:16:41,394 --> 00:16:43,520 - He's my best friend. - That's true. 341 00:16:43,604 --> 00:16:46,606 Yes. The camaraderie is quite apparent. 342 00:16:46,691 --> 00:16:52,028 But Peter Gregory demanded a lean, ruthless business plan, 343 00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:56,158 and I don't think that the CEO of Microsoft has a paid best friend. 344 00:16:56,659 --> 00:16:59,453 Sergey Brin does. Larry doesn't do shit. 345 00:16:59,537 --> 00:17:00,537 See. 346 00:17:01,998 --> 00:17:04,875 What if Big Head is sort of like a floating utility player? 347 00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:06,668 Like a jack of all trades. 348 00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:12,632 But, by his own admission, he's really more like a master of none. 349 00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:14,342 That's true. That is true. 350 00:17:14,427 --> 00:17:17,471 Which is not something you'd generally reward with several points 351 00:17:17,555 --> 00:17:21,057 in what may someday be a multi-billion dollar company. 352 00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:23,351 This will never fly with Peter Gregory. 353 00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:28,106 I would not want to be Richard right now. 354 00:17:28,191 --> 00:17:30,192 Having to tell Big Head that he's out. 355 00:17:30,693 --> 00:17:32,235 This is gonna sound super mean, 356 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,780 but the other night he was sleeping, I was just staring at his face. 357 00:17:34,864 --> 00:17:38,200 All I could think was, "He's utterly useless. 358 00:17:38,534 --> 00:17:40,786 "Big Head is a man with zero purpose." 359 00:17:43,289 --> 00:17:46,875 - Oh, hi. Hi, Big Head. - Hey. 360 00:17:47,001 --> 00:17:48,001 How's it going? 361 00:17:48,669 --> 00:17:51,379 It's super good right now. 362 00:17:51,631 --> 00:17:54,716 Um, I'm just going to maybe go for a bike ride real fast 363 00:17:55,301 --> 00:17:58,136 and clear my... head. 364 00:17:58,471 --> 00:18:00,055 I'll see you. 365 00:18:00,556 --> 00:18:02,057 - Bike safe. - Yeah, enjoy it. 366 00:18:02,225 --> 00:18:04,726 That was nice, guys. He heard everything. 367 00:18:04,894 --> 00:18:06,353 That doesn't make it not true. 368 00:18:06,437 --> 00:18:09,356 I mean, come on, Richard. As far as Pied Piper is concerned, 369 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,900 he's as pointless as Mass Effect 3's multiple endings. 370 00:18:11,984 --> 00:18:15,570 I mean, he's a completely useless appendage, and we all know it. 371 00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:19,991 - Oh, hey, man. - Forgot my water bottle. 372 00:18:24,121 --> 00:18:29,084 Just gonna grab it, and then probably walk right back through one more time. 373 00:18:30,586 --> 00:18:32,462 I mean, Mass Effect 3? 374 00:18:33,172 --> 00:18:34,172 Harsh. 375 00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:36,258 I didn't mean for him to hear it, but it was true. 376 00:18:36,259 --> 00:18:39,761 I mean, we all called him a great guy, but he didn't overhear any of that. 377 00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:42,931 It's been 12 hours. 378 00:18:43,432 --> 00:18:45,350 God damn. He's still not answering. 379 00:18:46,394 --> 00:18:48,770 You know... I'm actually kind of worried about him. 380 00:18:48,855 --> 00:18:52,440 You know, if he's gone, like, really, truly gone, 381 00:18:52,942 --> 00:18:55,402 in a way that kind of solves your problem. 382 00:18:55,653 --> 00:18:57,195 I mean, like, if he's dead... 383 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,364 Are you trying to say that Big Head might be dead? 384 00:18:59,448 --> 00:19:01,366 That doesn't help at all. How is that helping? 385 00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:04,452 I'm just saying that that's a possible thing that could've happened to him. 386 00:19:04,537 --> 00:19:05,829 It could happen to anybody. 387 00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:09,165 And in this case, at least something good came out of it. 388 00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:10,500 What's the good part? 389 00:19:10,585 --> 00:19:12,460 You don't have to have an awkward conversation. 390 00:19:12,545 --> 00:19:14,671 That's scary. Should we go look for him? 391 00:19:14,755 --> 00:19:18,091 I mean, I agree with these guys. Jared's just not working out. 392 00:19:18,593 --> 00:19:19,634 What? 393 00:19:20,261 --> 00:19:21,386 Um, Richard... 394 00:19:21,971 --> 00:19:24,264 I don't wanna be too assertive here, 395 00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:27,309 but I could use your input on a few things for the business plan. 396 00:19:27,393 --> 00:19:30,020 Richie, you tried your best. Just call him, leave a message, 397 00:19:30,104 --> 00:19:31,187 say he's out. 398 00:19:31,272 --> 00:19:32,856 No, that's an asshole move. 399 00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:35,901 Yeah, remember? You need to be an asshole. 400 00:19:36,944 --> 00:19:39,821 I feel bad about saying that thing about him being dead. 401 00:19:39,906 --> 00:19:41,072 That's not who I am. 402 00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:46,786 - Wait, what is that? - That's impossible. 403 00:19:48,164 --> 00:19:49,497 NipAlert isn't live yet. 404 00:19:49,582 --> 00:19:51,124 Maybe he's demoing it for someone. 405 00:19:52,835 --> 00:19:54,586 "Mochacino." 406 00:19:54,670 --> 00:19:57,047 He rode his bike to San Jose? 407 00:19:57,131 --> 00:19:58,340 Jared, can I borrow your car? 408 00:19:58,424 --> 00:20:00,258 - Sure. - I have a car. 409 00:20:00,343 --> 00:20:02,260 What's wrong with my car? 410 00:20:02,345 --> 00:20:03,803 I just have... I don't know. 411 00:20:04,180 --> 00:20:06,348 All right, well, remember to be an asshole. 412 00:20:08,559 --> 00:20:10,852 A real asshole. 413 00:20:17,568 --> 00:20:20,987 Hi, I'm Richard Hendricks. You did a dance... The dancing at my house. 414 00:20:21,113 --> 00:20:22,781 Your ride's here. 415 00:20:23,032 --> 00:20:24,407 Oh, hey, man. 416 00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:26,201 - Hey. - Mushroom stamp! 417 00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:29,037 No, come on, dude, not again... 418 00:20:31,207 --> 00:20:33,625 I just wanted to work with computers and get paid for it. 419 00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:37,170 I didn't want end up fighting with my roommates over percentage points. 420 00:20:37,338 --> 00:20:38,546 So you're just gonna give up? 421 00:20:38,631 --> 00:20:41,424 On what? This isn't home. 422 00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:43,677 As much as I've tried, it's just not. 423 00:20:44,053 --> 00:20:47,263 I mean, what would I have even done if I didn't have Mochacino's card? 424 00:20:47,348 --> 00:20:48,807 Where would I have gone? 425 00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:51,184 It's fucking pathetic. 426 00:20:51,268 --> 00:20:54,646 Well, Mochacino seemed to like you. She let you into her apartment. 427 00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,439 I had to give her my bike. 428 00:20:56,524 --> 00:20:58,650 She's just like everyone else in this goddamn valley. 429 00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:01,903 Watching the bottom line. Fuck it, dude. I'm done here. 430 00:21:02,405 --> 00:21:03,530 What about NipAlert? 431 00:21:04,281 --> 00:21:08,868 Mochacino shows her tits for a living, and even she was uncomfortable using it. 432 00:21:08,953 --> 00:21:13,164 She said it was sexist. She's right. It's actually perverted. 433 00:21:13,374 --> 00:21:16,668 I made a perverted, sexist, useless thing. 434 00:21:19,088 --> 00:21:21,339 And, you know, everybody's right, man, 435 00:21:21,424 --> 00:21:23,508 there's nothing for me to do on Pied Piper. 436 00:21:23,926 --> 00:21:27,053 I think over time, maybe we could redefine your role. 437 00:21:27,179 --> 00:21:28,430 Come on, dude. 438 00:21:29,306 --> 00:21:31,706 Unless you can tell me right now what I can do for Pied Piper 439 00:21:31,726 --> 00:21:34,602 that no one else can, I'm gone. 440 00:21:38,274 --> 00:21:39,649 - Yeah. - Uh... 441 00:21:40,192 --> 00:21:42,902 I'm going to go get the stuff out of my cube at Hooli, 442 00:21:42,987 --> 00:21:45,613 and then I'm getting the hell out of this town. 443 00:21:49,326 --> 00:21:50,660 So this is goodbye then? 444 00:21:53,456 --> 00:21:55,373 I mean, I'll see you back at the house, man. 445 00:21:55,458 --> 00:21:57,375 I gotta, like, pack and stuff. 446 00:21:57,460 --> 00:21:58,543 Oh, totally. 447 00:21:58,961 --> 00:22:01,963 I'm going to take the train, I think, just do some thinking... 448 00:22:02,048 --> 00:22:03,631 Okay. All right, see you. 449 00:22:05,885 --> 00:22:08,470 - The train is this way... I just... - Oh. I was gonna say. 450 00:22:08,804 --> 00:22:10,013 Big Head. 451 00:22:11,432 --> 00:22:14,350 Whatever shit you're about to dump on my head, you can save it, okay? 452 00:22:14,435 --> 00:22:15,477 I'm not in the mood. 453 00:22:15,561 --> 00:22:17,353 Dude, I just wanted to tell you that Gavin Belson 454 00:22:17,438 --> 00:22:18,563 wants to talk to you about something. 455 00:22:18,689 --> 00:22:21,858 - Oh, okay. Fuck you. - No. Seriously. 456 00:22:22,318 --> 00:22:25,820 Gavin Belson said he wants to speak to Nelson Bighetti? 457 00:22:26,113 --> 00:22:28,114 Yeah, that's what I just said. 458 00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:30,825 Come on. 459 00:22:32,953 --> 00:22:34,162 Okay... 460 00:22:40,169 --> 00:22:41,503 I'm awake! I'm awake. 461 00:22:42,713 --> 00:22:44,964 - What? - No, no, I wasn't. 462 00:22:45,091 --> 00:22:49,427 I was sleeping. I'm sorry for sleeping and for lying about it. 463 00:22:49,678 --> 00:22:51,387 For both. No good. 464 00:22:51,847 --> 00:22:52,931 What happened? 465 00:22:53,849 --> 00:22:54,933 Did you fire Big Head? 466 00:22:55,267 --> 00:22:57,560 Uh, no. Not yet. I don't know. Sort of. 467 00:22:57,770 --> 00:23:00,563 So, um, do I include him in the cap table or not? 468 00:23:00,648 --> 00:23:01,981 It's basically good to go. 469 00:23:02,691 --> 00:23:06,277 Uh, no, he's out. Wait... I don't know. 470 00:23:06,362 --> 00:23:09,239 Actually, I just need to close my eyes for a little bit. Okay? 471 00:23:09,323 --> 00:23:12,408 Richard, it's T-minus four hours until presentation time. 472 00:23:12,701 --> 00:23:14,119 Are you gonna fire Big Head or not? 473 00:23:14,203 --> 00:23:15,703 I don't know. Uh... 474 00:23:16,956 --> 00:23:18,039 I'm just very tired. 475 00:23:18,124 --> 00:23:20,458 Okay? I'm just gonna go get some water... 476 00:23:20,543 --> 00:23:24,629 Richard, stop being a fucking pussy and start being an asshole. 477 00:23:31,887 --> 00:23:35,682 Fine! You want me to be an asshole, I'll be an asshole. 478 00:23:35,766 --> 00:23:38,768 I'll be an asshole to you and you and you and you 479 00:23:38,853 --> 00:23:40,311 and Peter-fucking-Gregory! 480 00:23:40,729 --> 00:23:43,565 Okay? Fuck all of you. Big Head stays! 481 00:23:43,941 --> 00:23:46,651 You know, if I wanted to be a sell out, I'd have done that already. 482 00:23:46,735 --> 00:23:49,529 I'd be on a beach somewhere with $10 million in my pocket. 483 00:23:49,613 --> 00:23:52,574 Not in my pocket, in a bank account. 484 00:23:52,741 --> 00:23:56,452 Okay? This is my company. It was my idea, and we do what I say. 485 00:23:56,745 --> 00:23:59,747 And what I say is, Jared, put Big Head in the business plan. 486 00:23:59,999 --> 00:24:01,624 He gets the same amount of shares as everybody else. 487 00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:04,252 Big Head, you're not going home, man. 488 00:24:04,753 --> 00:24:06,713 Uh, you're right. I'm not. 489 00:24:07,006 --> 00:24:09,841 Gavin Belson just offered me a huge promotion 490 00:24:09,925 --> 00:24:13,136 for 600 grand a year to steal me away from you guys. 491 00:24:13,512 --> 00:24:15,180 - What? - Yeah. For revenge. 492 00:24:15,264 --> 00:24:16,472 Because you took Jared. 493 00:24:17,725 --> 00:24:19,309 So you're like the VP of spite? 494 00:24:19,810 --> 00:24:21,477 But you have to do me a favor, Richard, 495 00:24:21,562 --> 00:24:25,106 if you run into Gavin ever you have to act really upset about it, you know? 496 00:24:25,316 --> 00:24:27,609 Oh, but I am upset. 497 00:24:28,694 --> 00:24:30,028 Okay? What the fuck? 498 00:24:30,112 --> 00:24:32,405 I kind of just went out on a limb for you here, man. 499 00:24:33,157 --> 00:24:35,450 Sorry, man, but this is huge for me. 500 00:24:35,701 --> 00:24:37,660 I'm going to move out, get my own place. 501 00:24:37,953 --> 00:24:40,288 In light of this new information, 502 00:24:40,539 --> 00:24:42,665 who gets Big Head's equity? 503 00:24:42,791 --> 00:24:44,334 Should I get half of his shares... 504 00:24:44,418 --> 00:24:46,127 I do. I get it. 505 00:24:46,629 --> 00:24:48,087 Okay? I get all of it! 506 00:24:50,132 --> 00:24:53,384 Big Head, man, congratulations on the job, really. 507 00:24:53,510 --> 00:24:56,471 But if you'll excuse me, I have to go lock down 508 00:24:56,555 --> 00:24:58,806 a motherfucking business plan. Jared, you're with me. 509 00:25:04,271 --> 00:25:05,480 What an asshole. 510 00:25:05,898 --> 00:25:08,775 Yeah. What an asshole. 511 00:25:14,406 --> 00:25:15,531 Next. 512 00:25:17,326 --> 00:25:18,952 - Hi. - Deposit? 513 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,119 Mmm-hmm. 514 00:25:24,833 --> 00:25:27,543 $200,000 from Peter Gregory? 515 00:25:27,836 --> 00:25:28,836 Mmm-hmm. 516 00:25:30,005 --> 00:25:31,047 - Wow. 517 00:25:34,510 --> 00:25:35,510 Sorry. 518 00:25:37,805 --> 00:25:38,805 Hello? 519 00:25:38,847 --> 00:25:40,974 Dude, they're taking your code apart. 520 00:25:41,308 --> 00:25:42,600 - What? - Yeah, 521 00:25:42,685 --> 00:25:46,437 did you give those brogrammer guys access to a player download or something? 522 00:25:46,522 --> 00:25:48,022 Oh, shit. 523 00:25:48,107 --> 00:25:51,276 They probably hacked the prototype and decompiled the compression library. 524 00:25:51,819 --> 00:25:54,237 Well, they've got it now, man. 525 00:25:54,321 --> 00:25:56,781 They're gonna reverse-engineer a version as close as they can 526 00:25:56,865 --> 00:25:58,241 without getting sued. 527 00:25:58,367 --> 00:25:59,807 Wait, wait, are you sure about this? 528 00:25:59,868 --> 00:26:01,953 Yeah, dude, Gavin wants to beat you to market. 529 00:26:02,037 --> 00:26:04,998 He wants to make sure no other investor in the Valley offers you a dime. 530 00:26:05,457 --> 00:26:06,708 That is not good. 531 00:26:06,875 --> 00:26:10,044 They're calling it Nucleus, whatever the fuck that means. 532 00:26:10,212 --> 00:26:14,048 Shit. Sorry, dude, I can't be talking to you like this. Later. 533 00:26:14,508 --> 00:26:15,550 Yeah. 534 00:26:16,969 --> 00:26:18,177 "Nucleus"? 535 00:26:18,512 --> 00:26:22,765 Excuse me. This check is made out to "Pied Piper incorporated." 536 00:26:22,850 --> 00:26:25,184 - Do you have an SS-4? - A what? 537 00:26:25,352 --> 00:26:28,313 Is Pied Piper a corporation registered with the IRS? 538 00:26:28,397 --> 00:26:30,231 I can't deposit that into a personal account. 539 00:26:31,734 --> 00:26:33,067 I don't know. 540 00:26:33,736 --> 00:26:35,403 Is that something maybe you could help me with? 541 00:26:35,571 --> 00:26:36,779 No, sir. 542 00:26:38,949 --> 00:26:40,241 Buddy, come on. 543 00:26:41,285 --> 00:26:43,202 Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. 544 00:26:43,662 --> 00:26:45,330 - Thank you. - Sorry. Okay. 545 00:26:47,416 --> 00:26:48,583 Next.