1 00:00:08,620 --> 00:00:10,340 The greatness of human accomplishment 2 00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:12,428 has always been measured by size. 3 00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,343 The bigger, the better. 4 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:15,831 Until now. 5 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:17,584 Nanotech. 6 00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,264 Smart cars. 7 00:00:19,340 --> 00:00:20,944 Small is the new big. 8 00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,949 In the coming months, Hooli will deliver Nucleus, 9 00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:31,423 the most sophisticated compression software platform the world has ever seen. 10 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:35,789 Because if we can make your audio and video files smaller, 11 00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:41,424 we can make cancer smaller. And hunger. And AIDS. 12 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,581 What an asshole. 13 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:46,264 Why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout? 14 00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:47,580 No one does that. 15 00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,788 He's got to be doing it just to fuck with us, right? 16 00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:52,101 I actually think we're okay. The player I gave them 17 00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:54,421 was from a retired repository that was audio only. 18 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:56,309 Video compression is a completely different paradigm. 19 00:00:56,380 --> 00:00:59,429 What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good. 20 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,231 - People will see that. - Not if they get to market before us. 21 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:04,428 Inferior products win out all the time. 22 00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:06,747 Like Jesus over Satan. 23 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,708 I was going to say VHS over Beta. 24 00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:13,307 Okay, well, actually this is a superior product, right here. 25 00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,030 Is it a margarita machine? 26 00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,386 It's better. 27 00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:20,549 My first official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper. 28 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,982 That's not really our logo is it? 29 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,301 It looks like a guy sucking a dick 30 00:01:25,380 --> 00:01:27,906 and he's got another dick tucked behind his ear for later. 31 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:30,984 - Like a snack dick. It does. - No, it's a Pied Piper... 32 00:01:31,060 --> 00:01:33,904 Here, put them on. Gilfoyle, come on. 33 00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:35,106 I don't want it. 34 00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:38,787 Jared, I bought these t-shirts with my credit card 35 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:40,749 but I think I'm close to being maxed out, so... 36 00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:43,471 Yeah, we may have a little problem there. 37 00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:45,864 Peter Gregory's check. So? 38 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:48,227 So, it's made out to "Pied Piper incorporated," 39 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:49,984 I checked with the secretary of state website, 40 00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:53,348 and there's already a Pied Piper operating in California. 41 00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:55,509 So we need to change our name. 42 00:01:55,580 --> 00:01:58,504 - Thank God! - Praise the dark lord, that's great news. 43 00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:01,106 No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper. 44 00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:02,665 It's a classic fairy tale. 45 00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:03,906 Well, I looked it up. 46 00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:06,950 It's about a predatory flutist who murders children in a cave. 47 00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:10,024 It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it. 48 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,309 Richard, if we are going to change the name, we need to do it now. 49 00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:17,948 Names stick. My name's only Jared because Gavin called me that on my first day. 50 00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:19,471 My real name is Donald. 51 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:22,111 But, Jared, we already bought the T-shirts. 52 00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:24,502 I can't take these back. It was an online order. 53 00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:25,991 What is that atrocity? 54 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,148 What are we, an Irish pornography company? 55 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,701 I thought we were gonna replace the name "Pied Piper." 56 00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:32,270 I thought it was a place holder. 57 00:02:32,340 --> 00:02:35,549 "Placeholder" would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper. 58 00:02:36,140 --> 00:02:39,383 Richard, I've actually been holding off telling people I'm the co-founder 59 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:42,748 of "Pied Piper" because frankly, it's a little embarrassing. 60 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:48,671 Well, just to remind you, you are not the co-founder. 61 00:02:48,740 --> 00:02:50,424 So please don't tell anyone. 62 00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:55,228 Richard, take Aviato. That's not a name I found, it's a name that found me 63 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,825 on a vision quest. 64 00:02:56,980 --> 00:02:58,186 Something that you should do. 65 00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:01,349 No, no. I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs and sit out in the desert, 66 00:03:01,420 --> 00:03:03,582 and hope some name randomly pops in my head. 67 00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:05,344 Well, then I question your leadership. 68 00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:08,105 Richard, a name defines a company. 69 00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:13,346 It has to be something primal, something that you can scream out during intercourse. 70 00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:15,346 Like Aviato. 71 00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:18,104 Uber! 72 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:22,106 Google! 73 00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:23,944 Hulu! 74 00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:27,069 Exactly, right. Pied Piper! 75 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:37,151 I'm so sorry. Your voice doesn't really reach that register when you ejaculate, does it? 76 00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:40,144 No, it's just, everyone was doing it, I was just chiming in. 77 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:58,067 You guys, we can't change our name. 78 00:03:58,140 --> 00:04:00,507 I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name, 79 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:01,941 and ask him to cut me a new check. 80 00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,381 I mean, he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less. 81 00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:06,781 The Pied Piper name and trademark 82 00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:09,511 are registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy. 83 00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:11,702 I guess you could head out there and talk to them. 84 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:15,109 - But they may refuse... - Okay. No, no, no. I'll negotiate with them. 85 00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:17,421 No offense, Richard, but you're not a strong negotiator. 86 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,151 - I'm a great negotiator, Dinesh. - You're a terrible negotiator. 87 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,143 I'm a decent negotiator. 88 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,830 Just, so... 89 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,187 Oh, Peter, you're here... 90 00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:32,423 We were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago with the guys from Astraphile 91 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,184 about the emergency capital injection. 92 00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:38,628 As we discussed, our North Carolina plant went sideways. 93 00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:43,581 So we need 15 million now or we'll have to shut down. 94 00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:49,705 Have any of you ever eaten at Burger King? 95 00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:53,425 Yes... 96 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,101 Why? 97 00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:58,463 Well, I was just driven past one. 98 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:02,826 And while I know their market cap is $7 billion plus, 99 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:06,461 I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings. 100 00:05:06,620 --> 00:05:07,951 Okay, fine. 101 00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,591 But what does that have to do... 102 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:12,221 Is it popular among your peers? 103 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,782 Is it enjoyed? 104 00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,703 - People seem to like it. - Yeah, it's okay. 105 00:05:17,780 --> 00:05:21,387 And their selection consists solely of these burgers, 106 00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:24,782 of which they are presumably king? 107 00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:28,224 They have other things. Chicken, fish. 108 00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,143 I'm sorry. What are we doing here? 109 00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:33,065 Here is what we will do. 110 00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:38,385 Monica, have one of the assistants go to the nearest Burger King location 111 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:40,862 and purchase one of everything. 112 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,662 Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh. 113 00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:52,506 I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your payroll, 114 00:05:52,580 --> 00:05:53,991 because of your visa? 115 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,431 Visa? What visa? 116 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,661 I'm a fucking US citizen. 117 00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:59,670 I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because... 118 00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:03,030 Oh, I see... 119 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,988 Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national. 120 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,625 Citizen of Canada. 121 00:06:08,740 --> 00:06:09,980 Okay, thank you. 122 00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:12,191 You're Canadian? 123 00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:14,350 Your borders are merely a construct. 124 00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:17,185 I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world. 125 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,503 Do you mind just sending them the form so they know you're here legally? 126 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:21,786 Yes, I mind. 127 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,751 And also I may not be. 128 00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:26,741 To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash? 129 00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:28,620 Or bitcoin. 130 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,623 I didn't know I was working with an illegal. 131 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:32,346 The irony. 132 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:36,107 Well, sometimes we do center pivot, 133 00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,831 but mainly we do lineal like you see out there. 134 00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:41,866 What is it your business does again? 135 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,626 Something to do with algebra? 136 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:47,231 Algorithm, actually. 137 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:48,711 It's for compression. 138 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,951 Ultimately what we're trying to do is... 139 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,223 You remind me of my son. 140 00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:57,748 He's got Asperger's, too. 141 00:06:57,820 --> 00:06:59,060 Oh, no, I don't... 142 00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:02,186 Probably all those pesticides they put on the crops. 143 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,109 Well, whatever it is your business does, 144 00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:08,548 I don't think it's going to interfere with my irrigation company here. 145 00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:12,067 I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway. 146 00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:14,581 All these foreigners coming over here, 147 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:19,143 putting pieces of shit like that all over the good farmland around here. 148 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:23,066 All so people can sit around, stare at their phones all day. 149 00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:28,102 Nobody jerks off to magazines anymore. 150 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:36,230 Well, actually, that is a server farm. 151 00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:37,905 What we do, compression, 152 00:07:37,980 --> 00:07:41,223 would mean fewer of those, because we'd save a lot of memory space. 153 00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:43,191 - Really? - Yeah. 154 00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:45,501 Well, I'm all for that, believe me. 155 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,631 I'll tell you what. 156 00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:52,631 You can have the name for $1,000. 157 00:07:52,860 --> 00:07:54,271 How's that sound? 158 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:57,344 That sounds great! Yeah, cool. 159 00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:04,624 Oh, tremors, too? 160 00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,111 Just like my boy. 161 00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:11,381 Yeah. 162 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:16,586 Go for Erlich. 163 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:19,510 This is Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper. 164 00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:22,829 That's right. You guys said I was a bad negotiator, but I closed it! 165 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,948 We got a name. Tell everyone you know. 166 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,984 Oh, all right. 167 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,105 You don't sound that impressed. 168 00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:30,421 No, no, lam. 169 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,706 I just... 170 00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:35,984 Now we're Pied Piper. So, later. 171 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,106 Here you go. 172 00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:42,830 You must drink a lot of margaritas? 173 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:45,141 We will now. I have a startup that just got funded 174 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,746 so this is just kind of a gift for my guys to celebrate. 175 00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:50,426 Good luck with that. 176 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,185 You'll need it, too, when this town kicks you in the balls. 177 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,825 - Okay. Sure. - Let me get the door for you. 178 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,743 I had three startups, myself, 179 00:08:56,820 --> 00:09:00,427 and I couldn't get those Sand Hill Road morons to fund any of them. 180 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,470 Cowards. My last company was genius. 181 00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:05,821 Have you ever been lost in a parking lot before? 182 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,268 See, what my app would do is use existing AVL technology, right? 183 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:13,664 So you would just type in the VIN number. And if your car didn't have AVL capabilities 184 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:16,744 you would just type in whatever section of the parking lot you were in, 185 00:09:16,820 --> 00:09:19,471 like P3, or ground seven. 186 00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:22,384 So you just, you just write down what section of the parking lot you're in? 187 00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:23,746 Why do you need an app for that? 188 00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,470 So you can remember where you parked. 189 00:09:25,540 --> 00:09:28,623 Right, but why don't you just write it down on a piece of paper? 190 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:30,782 Well, yeah. But this is for your phone. 191 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,710 Okay, so it's just sorta like Notepad? 192 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,830 - Exactly! See? You get it. - Yeah. I get it. 193 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,062 - Why can't all those fucking VCs? - I don't know. 194 00:09:39,140 --> 00:09:40,221 Pussies, man. 195 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,540 Oh, there we go, thanks. 196 00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:55,829 This is which one? 197 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,425 The BK Double Stacker. 198 00:09:57,540 --> 00:09:59,065 Fascinating... 199 00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:05,070 Peter, I know that you are incredibly busy with... This. 200 00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:08,789 But I made a personal promise to the Astraphile guys 201 00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:12,626 that none of their employees would lose their job, which will happen at midnight to... 202 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,702 Do you see this? 203 00:10:15,260 --> 00:10:16,341 The Junior Whopper? 204 00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:19,264 No, not the sandwich. 205 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:24,862 This seed atop the breading. 206 00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:26,271 Those are sesame seeds. 207 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:30,465 A high number of these breadings have sesame seeds on them. 208 00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:34,063 Billions of breadings. 209 00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:40,630 Sesame seeds. 210 00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:44,431 They only grow in certain microclimates. 211 00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:48,707 Peter, I know you don't want to cause 212 00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:51,704 173 people in North Carolina... 213 00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:55,304 Cicadas. 214 00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:04,670 - Gentlemen! - Hey! 215 00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:06,902 It's our own personal Herb Cohen! 216 00:11:06,980 --> 00:11:08,903 - Who? - Herb Cohen. 217 00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:11,665 He's a famous negotiator. Wrote a bunch of textbooks. 218 00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:13,505 - No? - What? 219 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,902 - Have you seen the blogs? - No. 220 00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:17,869 Erlich went HAM on all the tech sites. 221 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:20,750 He had TechCrunch, Recode, and PandoDaily. 222 00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:22,345 Listen to what Kara Swisher says, 223 00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:25,742 "'individually, ' says Erlich Bachman, 'We are formidable. 224 00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:28,187 "But when you combine our portfolios, 225 00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:32,265 "Peter Gregory and I account for billions of dollars in assets. 226 00:11:32,340 --> 00:11:35,264 "We at Pied Piper look forward to giving Gavin Belson 227 00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:37,991 "and the donkeys at Nucleus a run for their money."' 228 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,391 What a dick. 229 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,226 It's the guy with the name. 230 00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,070 Hello, Arnold. 231 00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:46,471 Cut the shit. 232 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,622 I just read Recode.net. 233 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:49,940 You read Recode? 234 00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:51,784 I do when my customers tell me 235 00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:53,862 the name of my company's all over the Internet. 236 00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:57,786 But you'd probably think I'm just out here shitting in a hole and wiping with my hand. 237 00:11:57,860 --> 00:11:59,544 No, no, no, I don't think you do that. 238 00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:01,429 Do people think you do that? Do you do that? 239 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:02,626 No, no, no! 240 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:05,624 I'm not falling for that phony, mumbley-mouth, 241 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:07,509 googly-eyed routine again. 242 00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:09,309 If you're this tech billionaire, 243 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,270 why did I give you the name Pied Piper for next to nothing? 244 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,145 You played me. 245 00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:17,622 You want the name, it's going to cost you $250,000. 246 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,829 Okay, I think you just need to talk to the guy who said all that. 247 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,061 And he can clear it up for you. 248 00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,871 - Where's Erlich? - He's outside with the intern. 249 00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:27,307 - What intern? - You got interns? 250 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,781 We might as well have interns, we hire illegal aliens. 251 00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:32,830 - What? - No, no. We don't have either of those things. 252 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,345 I'll tell you what, asshole, 253 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,549 you use the name Pied Piper again, I'm going to call my lawyer 254 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,509 and we're gonna sue the shit out of you. 255 00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:44,104 - Fucking billionaires. - Arnold? Arnold, hello? 256 00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:47,070 - That sounded sub-optimal. - Yeah, it was. 257 00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:52,548 Hey, Jared, you know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber, the Hitler of music. 258 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,380 Do you have a problem with me being Canadian? 259 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,026 I do, actually. 260 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,580 Do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen? 261 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,584 Did it take you a long time? 262 00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:02,026 I'm glad I didn't do it then. 263 00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:04,185 Typical lazy immigrant. 264 00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:06,541 These people think they can just walk into this country... 265 00:13:06,580 --> 00:13:08,423 I did just walk into this country. 266 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:11,267 My car broke down on the Ambassador Bridge. 267 00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:14,628 It took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border. Major hassle. 268 00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:20,102 You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon. 269 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:23,828 So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music. 270 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,704 I don't understand. I thought you closed the name. 271 00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:31,386 Well, I guess it's still a little ajar, I don't know. 272 00:13:31,460 --> 00:13:32,791 Who am I, Herb Cohen? 273 00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,982 - I don't know who that is. - Neither do I. 274 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,387 That's a... That's a Jared thing. 275 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:41,266 Hey! Make sure to clean off all the gunk off the front bumper, okay. 276 00:13:41,340 --> 00:13:43,627 And since when do we have an intern program? 277 00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:45,907 We don't. And when Keith finds that out, 278 00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:48,381 it's gonna be a valuable business lesson for him. 279 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,782 What? Those are the Pied Piper shirts! 280 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,306 - Are you Richard? - Yeah. Yes. 281 00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:57,869 Okay, look, I fucked up. What do we do now? 282 00:13:58,260 --> 00:13:59,591 Who's "we"? 283 00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,150 This morning you rudely reminded me 284 00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:02,710 that I wasn't a founder of this company and now 285 00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:04,384 you want me to hold your hand and help you out? 286 00:14:04,460 --> 00:14:05,825 I don't think so, sister. 287 00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,269 This credit card is no good. 288 00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:09,985 Declined. 289 00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:12,424 Great. Great. 290 00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,264 That stupid margarita machine maxed me out. 291 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:17,025 So now the CEO of Pied Piper can't even afford to buy lunch. 292 00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,671 Yeah, I don't think we can use that name anymore. 293 00:14:26,220 --> 00:14:29,827 Dude! Dude, hey. I owe you a big apology, man. 294 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:33,461 I had no idea who you were before and I read all this coverage 295 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,589 about your company online, and I was like, "Hey, Pied Piper!" 296 00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:38,025 "I met this dude! He came into the store" 297 00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,910 "and told me my parking app was fucking awesome!" 298 00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,470 I did? 299 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:44,542 Yeah, so my mom was like, "Wow, really?" 300 00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:46,110 "You should really pursue it!" 301 00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:47,864 And I was like, "Yeah, I should." 302 00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:49,385 The parking app? 303 00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:52,623 So she decides to get a reverse mortgage on her home 304 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:54,031 and write me a check. 305 00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:55,870 - Ooh... - So I'm funded! 306 00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:57,711 Because of you, man. 307 00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:01,350 I was this close to giving up, and now you gave me my dream back, man! 308 00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:03,548 - But“ - Oh, hey, Ron! 309 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:07,222 You see this guy? This billionaire here? 310 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:10,622 He's the reason why I'm quitting! 311 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:14,825 - Jamie, no... - Well, you've helped me so much, 312 00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,982 what can I do for you? 313 00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:23,109 Well, I need to return this machine because I'm broke, and I need money for food. 314 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,467 Just a quick question. 315 00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:37,785 Is this gonna be a cash return, or does it credit back to the card? 316 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:45,709 All right, what about "Smaller," spelled "S-M-L-L-R"? 317 00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:47,782 You know, because we make things smaller, 318 00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:51,427 and this would be like a smaller version of the word "smaller." 319 00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,582 - It looks like "smeller." - Okay. 320 00:15:54,780 --> 00:15:56,305 What if we spell it... 321 00:15:57,740 --> 00:16:00,471 "S-M-L-R?" 322 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:04,502 Because that's an even smaller version of the word "smaller." 323 00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:05,911 Then it looks like Smiler. 324 00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:09,462 We're not gonna kick the shit out of Nucleus with Smiler. 325 00:16:09,740 --> 00:16:11,583 Where's Richard? Why isn't he in here for this? 326 00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:14,391 I think he was out back, wishing he'd taken the $10 million. 327 00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:18,624 No, I just saw him in his room, wishing he had taken the $10 million. 328 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:25,101 You know Smiler is also something that guys call women's assholes. 329 00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:30,067 Richard, why aren't you in there, coming up with new names? 330 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,349 I don't want a new name. I want Pied Piper. 331 00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,907 But, apparently, I can't have that. 332 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:37,982 So now I have to come up with a new name 333 00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:40,506 and take that to Peter Gregory and ask for a new check. 334 00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:44,022 He's gonna pull our funding, Gavin Belson's going to crush us, 335 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,229 and we will be ruined because I have no idea what I'm doing. 336 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:51,066 Neither did Zuckerberg when he was running Facebook at 19. 337 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:55,304 You think he had any real-world business experience? No. None. 338 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:59,425 But he was such a tough negotiator that now all of his friends are suing him. 339 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:02,231 How awesome is that? And Steve Jobs? 340 00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:04,302 He took a shit-ton of hallucinogens. 341 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:07,505 What a coincidence. Maybe something that you could actually do. 342 00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:10,182 I'm not going on some fucking vision quest. 343 00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:13,220 Okay, let me get this straight, you would rather do nothing than something? 344 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,782 Because all the guys in the other room 345 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:19,069 coming up with shitty names like, Smallulator, are at least doing something. 346 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,466 Fine. I'll just do it myself. 347 00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:26,381 I'll be back in 24 to 72 hours. 348 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,424 Have a cold pitcher of water and some orange slices ready for me. 349 00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:31,949 You know what, I'm really gonna go for this motherfucker 350 00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:34,182 so you better have some grapefruit ready, too. 351 00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:39,548 I'm gonna come back with a name so amazing that Peter Gregory will write us 10 checks. 352 00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:42,630 What about, Dwarfism 2.0? 353 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,385 Where's Dwarfism 1.0? 354 00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:46,507 Just in the world. 355 00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:47,661 Oh. 356 00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:48,866 That's prejudice. 357 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:50,823 - That's hurtful. - I'm sorry. 358 00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:53,511 Small, come back now, you hear? 359 00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:54,911 Interesting. 360 00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,908 Hey! That is not Cherry Garcia. 361 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:02,224 Sorry, Gilfoyle. Company business. 362 00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:07,222 And who's hiding drugs? Shocker, it's the illegal immigrant. 363 00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:18,267 What about Mine-imize, like minimize but mine. 364 00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:19,751 Yeah. 365 00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,070 Hello, Mr. Garris. 366 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:31,589 Yes, this is Richard from the company that is rightly called Pied Piper. 367 00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:33,620 That's right. 368 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:38,627 No, no, no. You listen to me. Okay. We had a handshake deal. 369 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:43,149 And that may not mean a lot to you, but where I'm from, that means a whole lot. 370 00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:45,700 Okay, you agreed to sell me that name for $1,000. 371 00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:50,422 So let me ask you this? Are you an honest man or are you a goddamn liar? 372 00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:54,627 Okay. Yes, same address? 373 00:18:56,060 --> 00:18:58,870 Good, yeah, great. See you then. 374 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:02,865 Dude, that was fucking badass. What did he say? 375 00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:05,181 He said he was gonna get in his truck, 376 00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,422 drive down here and beat the living shit out of me. 377 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,025 Why did you say that was your address? 378 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:10,750 - Say any other address. - I don't know. 379 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:12,948 He's got a very powerful voice. 380 00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,590 What are we gonna do? 381 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,704 If you keep screaming your name, 382 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,147 it forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human. 383 00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:51,151 It is now 5:35 PM and I have ingested the psilocybin. 384 00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:53,584 I have started the countdown timer 385 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,301 and I will be reaching Sonora and Nirvana in approximately... 386 00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:02,624 Oh, fuck. 387 00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:13,270 Oh, shit. 388 00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,382 He's here, that's him. 389 00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:19,825 He came. 390 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,700 - Should I call 911? - No, that's a pussy move. 391 00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:24,782 Yeah, it's a pussy move. 392 00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:26,350 Just shush. 393 00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:28,422 Stay here until he goes away, please. 394 00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:32,588 I'm looking for Pied Piper. 395 00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:33,821 You know where it is? 396 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,584 This is Pied Piper. 397 00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:38,630 No, no, no. It's a company. 398 00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,429 Like a big, big office. 399 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,628 Do you know where that is? 400 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:46,705 Yeah, it's... Here. Pied Piper. 401 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:49,101 No... 402 00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:51,671 Hi, Arnold. 403 00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:56,066 I'm Richard. I'm Richard. I'm Richard. 404 00:20:56,140 --> 00:20:58,825 - Donald. I'm Donald. - Richard. Richard... 405 00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:01,141 - Jared. I'm Jared. - Richard, Richard, Richard. 406 00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:03,427 - Gilfoyle. Gilfoyle. - My name is Richard. 407 00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:05,184 - Jared, Jared. - Richard, Richard. 408 00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:07,820 - Gilfoyle, Gilfoyle. - Jing Yang. Jing Yang. Jing Yang. 409 00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:13,946 SysBit Digital Solutions. 410 00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:18,309 Integrating Open Data Spaces. 411 00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:20,341 Yeah. 412 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:24,700 TechBitData Solution Systems. 413 00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:29,667 Creating unique cross platform technologies. 414 00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:33,863 Technologies. 415 00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:36,549 Technolo-Jesus. 416 00:21:36,620 --> 00:21:38,110 Oh, fuck! 417 00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:41,190 So this is Pied Piper? 418 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:43,501 This is a billion dollar company? 419 00:21:43,580 --> 00:21:45,503 Not even close. Not yet. 420 00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:48,228 You pack a lot of guys in here. 421 00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:52,146 It reminds me when I started Pied Piper in my garage. 422 00:21:53,460 --> 00:21:55,383 I kind of miss those days. 423 00:21:55,460 --> 00:21:56,791 Oh, yeah? 424 00:21:57,460 --> 00:21:59,064 I'll tell you what. 425 00:21:59,140 --> 00:22:01,984 $5,000 and the name is yours. 426 00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:05,703 Well, the thing is we agreed on $1,000. 427 00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,541 Fine, $4,000. 428 00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:11,590 Look, that's not the deal. 429 00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:14,460 - We shook on it. - $2,000. Final offer. 430 00:22:15,140 --> 00:22:17,142 We could do two. That's reasonable. 431 00:22:17,220 --> 00:22:20,030 No, we can't do two, Jared. It's not reasonable at all. 432 00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:23,229 Look, we shook hands on $1,000. That's the deal. 433 00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:26,627 Okay. $1,000. 434 00:22:27,340 --> 00:22:29,502 But you gotta throw in some gas money. 435 00:22:29,580 --> 00:22:32,948 - I drove all the way out here. - To come to kick my ass! 436 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,431 Okay, you know what? 437 00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:37,788 $500! That's the deal. $500. 438 00:22:38,060 --> 00:22:39,744 - Fuck this. - No, no, no, no. 439 00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:42,949 We don't have to... We can keep it at the original $1,000. 440 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:44,306 So, let's... 441 00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:50,984 - Okay, you got a deal. - All right. Cool. 442 00:22:51,060 --> 00:22:52,186 We got a name! 443 00:22:52,340 --> 00:22:53,785 InfoTrode... 444 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:57,106 Cloud-based, disruptive platforms. 445 00:22:57,180 --> 00:22:59,501 Disrupting the cloud through... 446 00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:00,945 I said cloud twice, shit. 447 00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:03,148 Making the world a better place 448 00:23:03,420 --> 00:23:08,460 through cross-platform business facing cloud... 449 00:23:08,540 --> 00:23:10,668 There's that... Shit! There's that cloud again! 450 00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:13,789 Info-trode, info-trode? What the fuck is info-trode? 451 00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:16,989 What is that? It's all just fucking meaningless words! 452 00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:18,625 Okay. No, no, no... 453 00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:23,700 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place. 454 00:23:29,460 --> 00:23:31,189 Good-bye. 455 00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:35,222 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place. 456 00:23:35,780 --> 00:23:39,341 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place. 457 00:23:39,420 --> 00:23:41,229 - Making the world a better place. - Sir? 458 00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:43,550 Are you okay in there? 459 00:23:43,620 --> 00:23:45,827 - Making the world a better place. - He's been in there all night. 460 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:47,709 I should call the sheriff. 461 00:23:47,980 --> 00:23:49,789 Making the world a better place. 462 00:23:50,420 --> 00:23:52,707 No, I... Hey, I told you he's going to handle it! 463 00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:54,908 - Mr. Gregory, this is ridiculous. - Sir... 464 00:23:54,980 --> 00:23:58,223 Mr. Gregory, we need an answer and we need it now! 465 00:24:00,220 --> 00:24:03,190 - Yes? - We need money. Now. 466 00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:05,388 And I'm sure that Burger King and sesame seeds 467 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:07,588 and whatever else you've been mumbling about in here 468 00:24:07,660 --> 00:24:09,344 all seem lovely to think about... 469 00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:11,548 Myanmar and Brazil. 470 00:24:11,620 --> 00:24:13,190 No, no! No more of this! 471 00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:15,866 Okay, are we getting the money or not? 472 00:24:15,940 --> 00:24:18,944 Will you please tell us what the hell is going on? 473 00:24:20,900 --> 00:24:24,063 Amusing coincidence that two of the three countries 474 00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:29,271 that provide the world's sesame seeds have such large cicada populations, no? 475 00:24:29,780 --> 00:24:32,829 The cicadas of Myanmar emerge every 13 years, 476 00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:36,461 while the Brazilian cicadas emerge every 17. 477 00:24:36,940 --> 00:24:40,626 Next year they will hatch, simultaneously, 478 00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:44,182 for the first time in 221 years. 479 00:24:45,660 --> 00:24:48,186 Crops from both countries will be decimated. 480 00:24:48,700 --> 00:24:54,309 Unlike Myanmar and Brazil, Indonesia has no cicada population. 481 00:24:54,380 --> 00:25:00,183 I was surprised to see Indonesian sesame seed futures priced so low. 482 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:02,590 I made a purchase. 483 00:25:02,660 --> 00:25:06,062 And now, if the shortage spikes the global price 484 00:25:06,140 --> 00:25:09,508 even 10% we'll profit... 485 00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:12,821 - Evan? - $68 million. 486 00:25:12,940 --> 00:25:16,149 If you wish, I could tap that projected revenue and make you 487 00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:19,025 a bridge loan of $15 million, gentlemen. 488 00:25:19,380 --> 00:25:21,826 Unless you need more? 489 00:25:21,900 --> 00:25:24,267 No, that's... Thank you. Thank you, holy shit. 490 00:25:24,340 --> 00:25:26,183 Yes? Happy? 491 00:25:26,420 --> 00:25:29,071 See? I told you he was taking care of it. 492 00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:33,510 And now, would anyone like some BK? 493 00:25:34,340 --> 00:25:37,025 Evan was kind enough to go out and get breakfast. 494 00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,625 It's just sitting here. 495 00:25:38,740 --> 00:25:42,426 - Actually, we'd... I'd love some. - Thank you so much. 496 00:25:45,780 --> 00:25:49,182 Is there cumin in this barbecue sauce? 497 00:25:51,020 --> 00:25:53,671 - I will definitely find out. - Please do. 498 00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:03,901 Gentlemen, we just got back from the bank. 499 00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,028 Our first deposit slip. 500 00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:08,228 We are officially Pied Piper. 501 00:26:08,340 --> 00:26:09,944 And I am officially legal. 502 00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:13,024 Dinesh wouldn't shut the hell up, so we finally went to the visa office. 503 00:26:13,340 --> 00:26:14,546 Took me five minutes. 504 00:26:14,620 --> 00:26:18,944 Took me five years. They asked me about Al-Qaeda, like, 14 times. 505 00:26:19,140 --> 00:26:21,825 He literally got it while I was still looking for parking. 506 00:26:24,260 --> 00:26:26,786 - Hello. - Is this Pied Piper? 507 00:26:26,860 --> 00:26:30,626 It is now, but we're not taking any follow-on investors at this point. 508 00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:35,547 Investors? No, this is Kelsey from the Arco station out on 108. 509 00:26:35,620 --> 00:26:39,989 Someone smeared your name and number in shit on my bathroom wall. 510 00:26:40,060 --> 00:26:43,985 - I think you may have the wrong number... - Richie. 511 00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:46,266 Oh, hey, guys. 512 00:26:48,060 --> 00:26:49,824 Hi. Who is this? 513 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:52,585 You're not gonna believe this, but this is me. 514 00:26:52,660 --> 00:26:57,188 Time is a sphere and I've been reincarnated during the same time period in which I exist. 515 00:26:57,260 --> 00:26:58,785 Yes, but where did he come from? 516 00:26:58,860 --> 00:27:01,261 From the future, obviously. 517 00:27:01,340 --> 00:27:04,389 Also, from a parking lot at a gas station in Sonora. 518 00:27:05,300 --> 00:27:07,428 He ate the whole bag of gold caps. 519 00:27:07,980 --> 00:27:09,061 Awesome! 520 00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:14,585 Erlich... 521 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:22,304 So, should I call the cops now before anyone else does? 522 00:27:22,380 --> 00:27:26,146 I just got an Amber Alert for Rogilio Núñez. 523 00:27:26,660 --> 00:27:27,741 Yeah, okay.