1 00:00:07,370 --> 00:00:10,294 Kidney function, liver function, testosterone... 2 00:00:10,370 --> 00:00:11,491 I don't know how you did it, 3 00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:15,216 but you have essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks. 4 00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:16,655 Wow. Really? 5 00:00:16,730 --> 00:00:18,539 We had a meth addict in here this morning 6 00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:21,853 who was biologically younger than you are, and he's 58. 7 00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:24,101 MySpace guy. 8 00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:26,255 So what is going on? 9 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,657 Uh... 10 00:00:27,730 --> 00:00:30,017 It's this cloud service configuration, 11 00:00:30,090 --> 00:00:32,775 - I've been stuck on it for over a week. - Wow. 12 00:00:32,850 --> 00:00:35,535 I'm a good programmer. I mean, it's the only thing I am good at. 13 00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:37,499 I mean, last year, I threw a Frisbee and I chipped my tooth. 14 00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:38,935 Oh, that's more of a dental issue. 15 00:00:39,010 --> 00:00:40,421 Yup, okay, I... 16 00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:44,131 The point is, I learned Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17. 17 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,531 I should be able to learn cloud, I have to. 18 00:00:46,610 --> 00:00:49,011 May I give you my professional opinion, as your doctor? 19 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:53,373 You should have taken that $10 million from Gavin Belson, okay? 20 00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,621 But regrets will kill ya, so try not to dwell on it. 21 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,294 I tried to tell you. 22 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:12,573 Outside help? No, we're not getting any outside help. 23 00:01:12,650 --> 00:01:15,540 It's a week until TechCrunch, Richard. We can't wait any longer. 24 00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,533 Richard, look at the board. 25 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:22,411 Okay, cloud architecture is just a giant turd that is clogging up our pipes. 26 00:01:22,490 --> 00:01:24,618 We have to call in a plumber to fix it. 27 00:01:24,690 --> 00:01:27,773 Okay, I hate that metaphor, but Erlich is right. 28 00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:30,820 Gilfoyle and I finished the distribution services days ago 29 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,540 and we're just sitting around waiting for you. 30 00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:35,853 - I can solve it. - Richard, you're a fucking rock star, okay? 31 00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,739 You just don't know cloud, 32 00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:42,532 this tiny, little, shitty area, which is becoming super important, 33 00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:44,692 and in many ways is the future of computing. 34 00:01:46,810 --> 00:01:49,939 That sort of went south on me, but you understand what I'm saying. 35 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,900 I've already talked to Peter Gregory about insourcing a consultant. 36 00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:55,701 I've made contact with a programmer whose cloud architecture 37 00:01:55,810 --> 00:01:58,939 is supposed to be insane. They call him The Carver. 38 00:01:59,010 --> 00:02:00,136 The Carver? 39 00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:03,414 That Black Hat guy who apparently hacked into the Bank of America 40 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,572 and took down their entire system, that The Carver? 41 00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:07,061 We should get him if we can. 42 00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:14,492 Okay, we can talk to the guy, but, I mean, he's really gonna have to sell me. 43 00:02:21,810 --> 00:02:24,416 Six months ago, these guys had $35 million 44 00:02:24,490 --> 00:02:25,821 and Series B financing. 45 00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:28,894 Now The Carver's here doing teardown. 46 00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:31,331 He's basically moving their carcass to the cloud. 47 00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:34,334 Don't touch anything. Failure is contagious. 48 00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:40,420 I think that's him. 49 00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:46,340 Excuse me, Mr. Carver? 50 00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:51,500 Yeah, uh, people refer to me as The Carver, 51 00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:55,017 but no one actually calls me that. It's, uh, what people call a screen name. 52 00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:57,616 You know. I'm Kevin. 53 00:02:57,690 --> 00:03:01,775 Okay, Kevin, um, we're from Pied Piper, we spoke earlier. 54 00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:04,376 - Yeah, so you guys are fucked, huh? - No. No, we're not fucked. 55 00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:05,815 Yes, we are totally fucked. 56 00:03:05,890 --> 00:03:08,211 We have a live demo in one week and our cloud is in the shitter. 57 00:03:08,290 --> 00:03:10,531 - That's accurate. - Wait, are you Richard? 58 00:03:11,570 --> 00:03:12,901 Yes, I am. 59 00:03:12,970 --> 00:03:17,055 Yeah, your, uh, algorithm is solid. It's a really good schema. 60 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,859 Okay, thanks. 61 00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:22,372 I did think you'd be younger. What are you, 25? 62 00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:23,656 I'm 26. 63 00:03:23,730 --> 00:03:24,936 Yikes. 64 00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:29,699 Uh, so I have a Model UN thing on Monday, 65 00:03:29,770 --> 00:03:32,137 but maybe I could burn through your gig over the weekend. 66 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:36,659 Mmm. You think you can do our whole job in two days? 67 00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:38,971 I know I can do it in two days. 68 00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:42,532 I pound Mello Yello, Oreos and Adderall and I don't sleep until I'm done. 69 00:03:42,730 --> 00:03:44,778 - Okay. 70 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,181 But you know what? I also have an offer 71 00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:47,854 to do some migration at Gittawonk this weekend. 72 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:52,174 It's, uh... It's kind of chill, and frankly, their tech's a little stronger. 73 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,332 Whoa. What? What? 74 00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:56,937 You think Gittawonk's tech is stronger than ours? 75 00:03:57,010 --> 00:03:59,661 I'm sorry, I don't remember reading in PandoDaily 76 00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:02,774 that Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory were fighting over Gittawonk. 77 00:04:02,850 --> 00:04:06,093 No one offered $10 million to acquire Gittawonk. 78 00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:09,413 Yeah, I agree with Richard, you should come work for us. 79 00:04:09,490 --> 00:04:11,970 - What... No... - What's it gonna take, a blow-job? 80 00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:14,781 Because Richard will suck the dick right off of your pelvis. 81 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,093 Now, you make me laugh, shaggy man. 82 00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:24,138 All right, I'm in. I'll see you guys Friday. 83 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:28,661 Okay. 84 00:04:28,730 --> 00:04:30,531 - Well done. - Yeah. 85 00:04:33,970 --> 00:04:36,974 Excuse me. Hi, um, would you guys be interested 86 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:39,735 in buying some candy so you can send my church group to camp? 87 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:40,897 Nope. 88 00:04:41,650 --> 00:04:42,856 Erlich, come on. 89 00:04:42,930 --> 00:04:44,580 $100 says there's no church. 90 00:04:44,690 --> 00:04:46,419 Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags. 91 00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:47,980 They're just children. 92 00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:50,974 Looks like Gilfoyle and his lady Satanist are back from the airport. 93 00:04:51,050 --> 00:04:53,371 Can you imagine what kind of shit-show this one's gonna be? 94 00:04:53,490 --> 00:04:55,857 He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe. 95 00:04:55,930 --> 00:04:58,410 What does that mean? All tatted-up and nowhere to go? 96 00:04:58,490 --> 00:05:01,141 - Hooked on OxyContin? - Decomposing? 97 00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:03,736 Oh. Oh, okay, that was dark. 98 00:05:05,810 --> 00:05:09,576 Gentlemen, this is Tara. 99 00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:11,379 - Hey. - Tara, this is the fellas. 100 00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:13,532 Jared, Dinesh, Erlich and Richard. 101 00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:16,181 - It's Erlich. - Oh, it's great to finally meet you guys. 102 00:05:17,930 --> 00:05:19,011 Hi. 103 00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,651 All right. 104 00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:21,817 Hmm. 105 00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:26,694 Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from? 106 00:05:26,770 --> 00:05:30,775 I mean, I'd have sex with that if you hose the Gilfoyle off of her. 107 00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:34,411 It's weird having a girl in the house. There's a very strange energy. 108 00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,171 Hmm. 109 00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:47,738 Hello... Kevin. 110 00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:51,856 Okay, Richard, I just need you to approve Kevin's fee. 111 00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:55,377 I got Erlich to sign and you just sign right there. 112 00:05:55,450 --> 00:05:58,021 $20,000 for two days. 113 00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:00,891 You know who else thought my price was too high? 114 00:06:00,970 --> 00:06:03,098 - BitRaptor. - Who? 115 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,816 Exactly. 116 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:11,341 Great. Peter Gregory is on his way out of town so I'm gonna hustle out there 117 00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:12,980 and get him to co-sign these 118 00:06:13,050 --> 00:06:15,018 and the check, and I'll be back as soon as I can. 119 00:06:15,170 --> 00:06:17,377 - Well, go. - Thank you. 120 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,132 You okay over there? You have any questions... 121 00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:24,577 Yeah, one question. 122 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,890 Cool. Shoot. 123 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:28,894 Why do you keep your lips pressed so tight together 124 00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,017 when you're not talking? 125 00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,574 'Cause they're like white. 126 00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:34,650 It looks uncomfortable. 127 00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:49,180 Hey, guys. 128 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:55,500 Hey, Kevin, um, 129 00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:59,171 so how did you bypass Bank of America's network security? 130 00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:00,531 I want details. 131 00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:05,094 My lawyers told me I'm not allowed to discuss it. 132 00:07:05,370 --> 00:07:07,372 Totally get it. That's baller. 133 00:07:27,050 --> 00:07:29,371 - Hey, babe? You're up. - Hmm. 134 00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:41,851 All right, I'm gonna go have a shower. Mmm-hmm. 135 00:07:44,970 --> 00:07:48,292 - Uh, what was that? - What? 136 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:51,812 Tara just whispered something to you and then she looked at me in a weird way. 137 00:07:52,570 --> 00:07:53,651 No, she didn't. 138 00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,331 Yeah, she did. 139 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:08,855 What's up? 140 00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:10,694 Do you know what compression is? 141 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:15,171 It's when someone takes pleasure in seeing their loved one gratified 142 00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,615 by another person. 143 00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:20,619 Sexually. It's the opposite of jealousy. 144 00:08:20,730 --> 00:08:24,576 It sounds like it's the opposite of normal. Why are you telling me about this thing? 145 00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:27,937 As shocking as this is... 146 00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:31,737 Tara is attracted to you. 147 00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:35,776 Come again? 148 00:08:35,850 --> 00:08:39,332 Yeah, freaked me out, too, at first. 149 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:42,416 I don't like the "at first" part at all. 150 00:08:42,490 --> 00:08:43,730 What are you saying? 151 00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:45,778 Since I abide by the maxim, 152 00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:48,456 "Do what thou wilt, that is the whole of the law," 153 00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:51,374 if you want to fuck my girlfriend, I'm okay with it. 154 00:08:51,450 --> 00:08:54,977 Jesus Christ, man, I could barely stand next to you when you're in your towel. 155 00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:56,859 I don't want to have a threesome with you. 156 00:08:56,930 --> 00:08:58,659 I'm not talking about a threesome. 157 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,893 Listen, I don't even have to be in the room, unless that's better for you. 158 00:09:01,970 --> 00:09:03,301 Okay, no, I don't... 159 00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:09,213 Right, so we're all settled then? 160 00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:11,372 - Yep. - Do you need parking validation? 161 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,339 No, I, uh, used Lyft. 162 00:09:13,450 --> 00:09:15,578 So I'll Lyft it back. 163 00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:17,379 Why don't I have Peter's car take you home? 164 00:09:17,450 --> 00:09:19,578 He's not using it, we're shipping off to Arallon tomorrow. 165 00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:22,813 - Arallon? - Yeah, the island Peter's building. 166 00:09:26,410 --> 00:09:28,412 What's the... The red line? 167 00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:29,901 That's the International Date Line. 168 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,574 The island's built right on it 169 00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:34,176 so the western half can celebrate the first New Year's on Earth, 170 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:36,412 then the next day, they walk over to the eastern half 171 00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:38,333 and celebrate the last New Year's on Earth. 172 00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:41,130 But if you can walk, why does he need the car on the island? 173 00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:44,060 Peter's not really big on walking. 174 00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:47,732 So I'll just have the guys pull it up front for you. 175 00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:48,811 Great. 176 00:10:02,010 --> 00:10:04,661 Driverless car. 177 00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:11,659 Select destination. 178 00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:16,258 Hi, um... I'm going to 5230 179 00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:19,812 Newell Road, Palo Alto... 180 00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:24,373 Route guidance calibrated. Distance to destination: 4.6 miles. 181 00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:25,611 Buckle up, please. 182 00:10:25,690 --> 00:10:26,976 - Okay. 183 00:10:28,090 --> 00:10:29,501 Enjoy your ride. 184 00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:35,495 You'? 185 00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:38,813 Tara wants to have sex with you? You sure? 186 00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:41,177 Yeah, Gilfoyle just told me, to my face. 187 00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:44,333 He told you that Tara wants to copulate with someone else in the house 188 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:47,778 other than him and that someone is you, Dinesh? 189 00:10:47,850 --> 00:10:49,215 Yeah, that's... 190 00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:52,897 You know, you seem confused by this but for a different reason than I am. 191 00:10:53,010 --> 00:10:55,820 Don't you think it's weird that Tara wants some strange 192 00:10:55,890 --> 00:10:58,860 and she chooses you over me, 193 00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:00,819 the logical person in the house? 194 00:11:00,890 --> 00:11:04,019 Okay, I see where we are ending up on this. Thank you for your time. 195 00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:07,173 Wait, are you sure that she didn't ask Gilfoyle 196 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:10,220 for a Danish and maybe you misheard her? 197 00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,816 You're probably right, she just wanted to fuck a Danish. 198 00:11:13,010 --> 00:11:15,695 Wait, you just built all the indexes on the fly? 199 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:17,056 Yeah, of course. 200 00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:19,781 Okay, well... Well, then what's that? 201 00:11:21,090 --> 00:11:22,615 The key value store. 202 00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:25,016 Tuples. 203 00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:28,340 Speak English? 204 00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:34,731 You're kind of doing that lip thing again there, buddy. 205 00:11:34,770 --> 00:11:36,454 No, I'm not. 206 00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:39,180 Stop looking at my lips. 207 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,334 Destination override. New destination. 208 00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:51,777 1 Gregory Drive. Arallon. 209 00:11:51,850 --> 00:11:56,412 Distance to destination: 4,126 miles. 210 00:11:56,490 --> 00:11:58,140 Enjoy your ride. 211 00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,019 Um, what's happening? 212 00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:03,771 Uh... 213 00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:06,818 I'm sorry, what... Mr. Car? 214 00:12:10,410 --> 00:12:13,414 Hey. Tara and I are going to a Satanic baptism. 215 00:12:13,490 --> 00:12:14,537 You wanna come? 216 00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:16,897 Stu Burns decided to walk the left-hand path with us. 217 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:20,531 The database administrator for Yahoo is becoming a Satanist? 218 00:12:20,610 --> 00:12:21,896 We're everywhere. 219 00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:25,019 Hey, Erlich, are you coming? Dinesh is. 220 00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:26,421 He is? 221 00:12:28,090 --> 00:12:30,013 - This is Monica. 222 00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:32,411 Hi, Monica, it's Jared. Uh, quick question... 223 00:12:32,530 --> 00:12:33,941 Jared, I can't talk right now. 224 00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:35,853 One of our assistants has been confusing the eastern, 225 00:12:35,930 --> 00:12:38,297 western time zones of Arallon on work orders. 226 00:12:38,410 --> 00:12:41,175 Now a bunch of important things are happening a day early. 227 00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:44,021 Peter is going to be furious when he finds out. 228 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,251 - He's going to make that noise. 229 00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:48,775 Oh, shit, that's him on the other line. I've gotta go. 230 00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:50,295 Oh, wait, Monica, I just... 231 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,781 Hi, Peter. 232 00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:55,214 Hello, Monica? 233 00:12:56,890 --> 00:12:59,097 Um, car? Mr. Car? 234 00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:00,535 Uh, excuse me. 235 00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:02,612 Arallon is an island, so how are we, um... 236 00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:04,340 Oh, no, no! No, no, no, no. 237 00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:06,253 Stop. Let me out. 238 00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:07,931 Um... 239 00:13:08,290 --> 00:13:10,133 Mmm. Um... 240 00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:11,450 Uh, that's not good. 241 00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:13,495 Oh, no! No! 242 00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:15,015 Excuse me, please! 243 00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:19,097 - Please honk. Please honk. 244 00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:20,615 No, no, no, no. No, no, no. 245 00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,098 No, no. Please. Please. 246 00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:26,060 Oh, no, that's not good. 247 00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:29,139 Okay, Donald, stay calm. 248 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:38,137 103 hours to destination. Entering sleep mode. 249 00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:40,178 - What? No! - Enjoy your ride. 250 00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:41,934 Okay, stay calm. Stay calm. 251 00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:43,614 Wait, my phone. 252 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,933 No bars. No bars. No bars. No bars. 253 00:13:58,810 --> 00:14:01,541 "We bring thy garden, o mighty Lucifer, 254 00:14:01,610 --> 00:14:05,535 "the fragrances which abound therein, vapors of..." 255 00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:07,578 What the fuck are we doing here? 256 00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:09,300 Look at these fucking people. 257 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:14,251 "... through this, the black flame of Satan thou walkest in Hell. 258 00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:16,571 "The gates are flung wide 259 00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:19,733 "and thy passage is heralded by the deathless cries 260 00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:21,699 "of his guardian beasts. 261 00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:25,294 "Breathe of his breath, o brother of the night 262 00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:27,941 "and nourish his waning brain. 263 00:14:28,010 --> 00:14:29,933 - "From the despair..." - I just figured it out. 264 00:14:30,010 --> 00:14:31,057 It all makes sense. 265 00:14:31,130 --> 00:14:32,177 Figured what out? 266 00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:36,221 Why Tara might be into you more than me. 267 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:37,974 She's attracted to ugliness. 268 00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:40,052 - on, fuck you. - No, think about it. 269 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:44,340 This is the life that she chooses, right? She's attracted to unattractiveness. 270 00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:47,095 Look at all these ugly people and Gilfoyle and now you. 271 00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:50,140 That's ridiculous. I'm way more attractive than you are. 272 00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:51,770 - No, you're not. - Way better looking. 273 00:14:51,810 --> 00:14:55,098 By no metric could you possibly be considered more attractive than me. 274 00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:58,333 You're saying that every woman in the entire world 275 00:14:58,410 --> 00:15:00,412 would think you're more attractive than I am? 276 00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:03,334 - Yes. Unless they're completely fucked up. - That's fuck... 277 00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:04,411 Damn it. 278 00:15:11,170 --> 00:15:12,695 You doing okay there? 279 00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,738 Yep, yeah. 280 00:15:14,810 --> 00:15:16,175 Fine, just, you know, 281 00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:19,777 it's big orchestration stuff, a lot of moving parts. 282 00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:23,013 Nothing you need to worry about. You just focus on the cloud. 283 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,854 I'm here if you need me. 284 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:45,132 You know what? Uh... 285 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,099 I know it's not what we hired you for, 286 00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:48,660 but I am actually having a little trouble 287 00:15:48,770 --> 00:15:51,535 with the data replication in the persistence layer. 288 00:15:51,930 --> 00:15:53,056 Move over. 289 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,213 - Uh-huh. 290 00:15:58,450 --> 00:16:00,373 Oh, Christ. 291 00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:05,179 - I'm much more handsome than you are. - No, my face is completely symmetrical. 292 00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:06,854 You know what my nickname was when I was a kid? 293 00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:08,819 - What? - Pakistani Denzel. 294 00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:10,051 You look nothing like him. 295 00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:12,531 Denzel Washington has a beautiful smile. 296 00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:13,691 You look ridiculous. 297 00:16:13,770 --> 00:16:16,660 Hail Satan, it is done. 298 00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:18,650 Hail Satan. Hail Satan, it is... 299 00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:20,896 It's done. 300 00:16:24,370 --> 00:16:26,611 Well, thanks for coming, everyone. 301 00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:30,979 Brother Jason was kind enough to furnish this week's food. 302 00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:33,098 It's Chick-fil-A. 303 00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:35,537 I know, they're on the Christian right, 304 00:16:35,650 --> 00:16:38,699 but darned if that chicken isn't good. 305 00:16:38,770 --> 00:16:41,091 - I think the Dark Lord would understand. 306 00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:44,051 - Also... Ugh. A reminder. 307 00:16:44,130 --> 00:16:47,373 If you parked in the Sav-On parking lot, 308 00:16:47,450 --> 00:16:49,214 they do tow. 309 00:16:50,530 --> 00:16:53,613 Well, I didn't know if you wanted original Oreos or Double Stuf 310 00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:55,613 so I went a little nutty and I got both. 311 00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:57,376 How's it, um... 312 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,737 Fuck. Fuck. 313 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,335 - Kevin? 314 00:17:02,290 --> 00:17:03,576 Hello? 315 00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:07,101 Fuck. 316 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:09,059 What are you doing down here? 317 00:17:09,130 --> 00:17:12,532 I did it again, I did it again. 318 00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,294 - Did what? - I did it again. 319 00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:17,181 No. 320 00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:19,541 What is this? 321 00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:22,777 Did you overwrite the data schema? 322 00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:25,931 Why would you do this? You don't ever do this! 323 00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:28,581 That's exactly what they said when I was working at BofA. 324 00:17:28,650 --> 00:17:32,052 Working at BofA? I thought you hacked in. 325 00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,177 No. 326 00:17:34,530 --> 00:17:37,579 I was a consultant at the retail banking services. 327 00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:39,300 I crashed their entire system. 328 00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:41,976 It took a team of seven engineers more than a week 329 00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:44,377 to comb through all the code and find my mistake. 330 00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:46,612 And the only way that I ever avoided being sued 331 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:49,978 was by agreeing to never tell anyone that I worked there. 332 00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,295 Oh, fuck. 333 00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:55,020 Oh, fuck, what? 334 00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:58,333 I just told you. Now I could get in trouble. 335 00:17:58,850 --> 00:18:00,090 Trouble? 336 00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:02,571 You just skull-fucked my whole system. 337 00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:04,290 I am going to punch you in the fucking... 338 00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:06,651 We don't like sacrifice goats or anything. 339 00:18:06,730 --> 00:18:08,971 We're not like the Order of the Golden Dawners, you know. 340 00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:11,012 Yeah. 341 00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:13,020 Richard, are you okay? 342 00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:15,098 Um... Mmm... 343 00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:18,657 Dinesh, uh, we may have a slight problem. 344 00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:22,451 The Carver just carved up our entire platform. 345 00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:24,370 What the fuck? 346 00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,737 Yeah, the database layers, the application layers, 347 00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:28,619 even the chef scripts are fucked. 348 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:31,819 The little fucker must have hacked into the DDL tables like he did with BofA. 349 00:18:31,930 --> 00:18:35,298 He didn't hack into BofA. He was consulting there at the time, 350 00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:37,611 when he took down the system by accident. 351 00:18:37,730 --> 00:18:39,812 Oh, you told them too? - What the fuck? 352 00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:43,781 Richard, why would you let that little fetus access the DDL? 353 00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:47,332 Because I thought that fetus was better than me 354 00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:49,014 and so did you and everybody 355 00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:51,297 and you just, you pressured me into hiring him... 356 00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:53,981 Yes, Richard, for the cloud, to deploy the cloud. 357 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,779 So that you could do what you do best 358 00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:59,536 and concentrate on everything else which the fetus just fucked up. 359 00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:01,294 You need to drag this little shit stain... 360 00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:02,496 You hear that? 361 00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:04,140 out from under this table and have him go through 362 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,939 every single line of code with you 363 00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:08,257 to unfuck it while it's still unfuckable. 364 00:19:09,210 --> 00:19:11,611 I should not have eaten all of that Satanist chicken. 365 00:19:15,690 --> 00:19:18,500 Okay, and with this one here, did you delete it 366 00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:19,935 or just move it? 367 00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:24,211 Hello? Kevin. 368 00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:25,860 Maybe. I don't know. 369 00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:28,934 What? What does that mean? What's wrong with you, man? 370 00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:31,900 I can't focus. I'm out of Adderall. 371 00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:35,571 Where's that Jared guy? He was getting my refill. 372 00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:38,494 That's actually a really good question. 373 00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:39,935 I don't know where he is. 374 00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:53,811 The Carver's Adderall prescription. I hope that's not a problem. 375 00:19:55,050 --> 00:19:56,461 - Dead battery. 376 00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:57,611 That's a problem. 377 00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,541 I need to lay down. 378 00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:01,135 What? No! 379 00:20:01,210 --> 00:20:03,178 You said you could code for 48 hours straight. 380 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:04,411 That's like your thing. 381 00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:07,096 Yeah, how the fuck do you think I do that? Adderall. 382 00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:09,013 Well, we don't have any. 383 00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:11,620 It's really bright in here. 384 00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:13,614 Who takes Adderall anymore? 385 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:16,292 Half the kids in Palo Alto. 386 00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:20,501 Hey- 387 00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:25,220 Any of you guys currently on Adderall 388 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:29,454 and, uh, you know, want to make $50? 389 00:20:53,690 --> 00:20:55,021 Oh, boy. 390 00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:58,813 What do you mean, it's not Adderall? It's Adderall! 391 00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:01,370 I know what Adderall looks like. It's not Adderall. 392 00:21:08,290 --> 00:21:09,451 Uh... 393 00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:11,532 Excuse me. Caleb? 394 00:21:12,370 --> 00:21:14,532 There's been some kind of mistake. 395 00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:18,456 What you sold me was not actually Adderall. 396 00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:19,770 So maybe we could... 397 00:21:19,890 --> 00:21:21,892 Do you think you could get me some real Adderall? 398 00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:23,415 Yeah, yeah, of course. 399 00:21:23,810 --> 00:21:24,811 Um... 400 00:21:24,890 --> 00:21:26,415 I could do that or, um... 401 00:21:26,490 --> 00:21:28,379 I can give you some of this. 402 00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:31,020 - Ow! 403 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,455 Okay, I'm gonna... 404 00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:35,380 You're gonna do what, bitch? Call the cops on me? 405 00:21:35,490 --> 00:21:38,300 Tell them you got the wrong illegal drugs from a kid? 406 00:21:38,410 --> 00:21:41,175 You dumb piece of shit. Get the fuck out of here. 407 00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:42,900 - Uh, you... - Run! 408 00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:45,257 - All right, I'm running. - Keep running! 409 00:22:24,770 --> 00:22:26,579 Stupid... 410 00:22:28,530 --> 00:22:30,373 Richard, what's wrong? 411 00:22:32,610 --> 00:22:34,294 Have you been crying? 412 00:22:34,850 --> 00:22:37,171 Hey! Which one was it? 413 00:22:37,570 --> 00:22:39,174 It was Church Candy, wasn't it? 414 00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:41,139 You just brought piss to a shit fight, you little cunt! 415 00:22:41,370 --> 00:22:42,371 Ow! 416 00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:45,939 No, no, no! 417 00:22:46,010 --> 00:22:49,219 Now you get in your fucking house and you get me five Adderall 418 00:22:49,290 --> 00:22:51,531 or I'll slit your fucking throat! You understand? 419 00:22:51,650 --> 00:22:53,732 I'll kill your mother! I'll rape your father! 420 00:22:53,810 --> 00:22:56,131 I'll curb-stomp that little face so hard 421 00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:58,941 that your teeth will go flying, you little shit! 422 00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,375 Now go! Go! Go! Go! 423 00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:03,010 - Get me five Adderall, right now! - Okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 424 00:23:16,650 --> 00:23:18,220 - Hi. - Tara. 425 00:23:20,090 --> 00:23:21,694 - Hello. - Hi. 426 00:23:22,650 --> 00:23:24,015 First of all... 427 00:23:24,890 --> 00:23:26,460 So, um... 428 00:23:28,650 --> 00:23:31,813 I have thought about it. A lot. 429 00:23:32,890 --> 00:23:37,373 To be honest, elements of this arrangement still trouble me. 430 00:23:39,010 --> 00:23:43,971 However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences. 431 00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:48,180 So I feel it may be foolish to turn this down. 432 00:23:49,890 --> 00:23:54,657 So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room 433 00:23:54,730 --> 00:23:58,212 and I can verify that the door is locked 434 00:24:00,130 --> 00:24:02,451 then I have concluded that, 435 00:24:04,370 --> 00:24:06,372 yes, 436 00:24:06,450 --> 00:24:11,536 I would love to have sexual relations with you, 437 00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:14,011 Tara. 438 00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:16,531 Yeah. 439 00:24:16,890 --> 00:24:19,211 Uh, what are you talking about? 440 00:24:20,970 --> 00:24:22,381 Gilfoyle told me. 441 00:24:23,370 --> 00:24:25,338 I know you want to have sex with me. 442 00:24:26,050 --> 00:24:27,256 Gilfoyle? 443 00:24:27,850 --> 00:24:29,852 Would you come in here for a second? 444 00:24:30,490 --> 00:24:31,491 Um... 445 00:24:31,650 --> 00:24:32,890 Um... 446 00:24:33,570 --> 00:24:37,052 Did you tell Dinesh that I want to have sex with him? 447 00:24:39,410 --> 00:24:40,571 No. 448 00:24:42,010 --> 00:24:44,775 Oh, wait, yeah, I totally did. I forgot about that. 449 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:46,818 I was really high. I was just fucking with him. 450 00:24:46,930 --> 00:24:47,977 Did he believe me? 451 00:24:48,850 --> 00:24:49,851 Uh... 452 00:24:49,930 --> 00:24:52,058 Did you just present yourself to my woman? 453 00:24:52,130 --> 00:24:53,131 Uh... 454 00:24:55,530 --> 00:24:57,214 Oh, this is outstanding. 455 00:24:57,330 --> 00:25:00,618 Oh, my God, that is so mean of you! 456 00:25:00,890 --> 00:25:02,619 Look at how cute he is. 457 00:25:03,050 --> 00:25:04,939 He's adorable. You're adorable. 458 00:25:05,010 --> 00:25:09,095 Don't call me... It's very emasculating. 459 00:25:10,770 --> 00:25:13,694 What kind of fucking idiot listens to what Gilfoyle has to say? 460 00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:17,058 Okay, Tara, here's what it is. 461 00:25:17,170 --> 00:25:19,218 If you can tell me to my face 462 00:25:19,290 --> 00:25:21,861 that you seriously find Dinesh more attractive than me, 463 00:25:21,930 --> 00:25:24,615 then and only then will I concede defeat. 464 00:25:29,290 --> 00:25:30,291 What? 465 00:25:36,810 --> 00:25:38,733 And our regression test is... 466 00:25:38,810 --> 00:25:39,857 - Done. 467 00:25:40,010 --> 00:25:42,900 Yes. It's clear, we all test out. 468 00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:46,098 - The system's stable again. - Thank God. 469 00:25:46,170 --> 00:25:49,140 Now we can move on to the next module and I can forget you ever existed. 470 00:25:49,210 --> 00:25:51,577 Can you do me a favor? 471 00:25:52,730 --> 00:25:55,131 Don't tell anyone I cratered this bad. 472 00:25:55,490 --> 00:25:58,370 I won't tell anyone I hired you if you won't tell anyone you worked here. 473 00:25:58,570 --> 00:26:01,574 Oh, the BofA deal. Got it. 474 00:26:03,450 --> 00:26:05,020 Well, I'm gonna call my mom and have her pick me up. 475 00:26:05,090 --> 00:26:06,580 Your mom? 476 00:26:06,650 --> 00:26:08,937 Oh, by the way, you owe me $20,000. 477 00:26:09,010 --> 00:26:11,775 What a dick. 478 00:26:12,690 --> 00:26:14,658 You have to talk to Jared about that. 479 00:26:17,890 --> 00:26:19,016 Where is Jared? 480 00:26:35,650 --> 00:26:37,857 Excuse me. Can you help me? 481 00:26:39,690 --> 00:26:41,738 Obstacle averted. Resuming operations. 482 00:26:42,490 --> 00:26:44,015 Please be careful. 483 00:26:53,890 --> 00:26:56,973 - Please be careful. - Please be careful. 484 00:27:11,290 --> 00:27:12,291 Okay.