1 00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:11,372 The core compression algorithm is optimal. 2 00:00:11,450 --> 00:00:12,815 All the test cases ran optimal. 3 00:00:12,890 --> 00:00:16,861 The Weissman Score is optimal. Looks like Nucleus is optimal. 4 00:00:16,930 --> 00:00:18,659 Good. Good. 5 00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:20,781 Congratulations, guys. 6 00:00:24,570 --> 00:00:25,810 - Oh, yeah. - A dunk. 7 00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:39,774 Richard, the ingestion engine is ready for testing. Have you seen Richard? 8 00:00:39,850 --> 00:00:42,774 He's in there, having a little trouble with his personal ingestion engine. 9 00:00:42,850 --> 00:00:46,013 Still? It's been an hour. He's gotta get this done. 10 00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:48,934 Oh, he's got his laptop in there, on top of his lap. 11 00:00:49,890 --> 00:00:51,858 Hey, Richard. 12 00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:53,739 Don't talk to me while I'm in the bathroom please. 13 00:00:53,810 --> 00:00:55,460 Well, snap it off, we gotta go. 14 00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:57,532 I know. Just don't talk to me while I'm in here. 15 00:00:57,610 --> 00:00:58,691 It's weird. 16 00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:01,216 Oh, my God. Jared's been back from that island 17 00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:03,418 for a whole day and he didn't get any toilet paper? 18 00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:05,811 Are you serious? ls Jared out there? 19 00:01:05,890 --> 00:01:07,699 I thought you didn't want me to talk to you 20 00:01:07,770 --> 00:01:09,730 while you were in the bathroom. Make up your mind. 21 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,818 You know what? Just get away from the door, please. 22 00:01:11,930 --> 00:01:13,614 Friday, the pool cleaner comes. 23 00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:15,260 - Do you understand? - Yes. 24 00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:18,419 And tomorrow is trash day so make sure all the cans are out front. 25 00:01:18,490 --> 00:01:19,935 Yes. 26 00:01:20,010 --> 00:01:24,015 Now, you are under no circumstances to order any movie on demand, 27 00:01:24,090 --> 00:01:25,251 adult or otherwise. 28 00:01:25,330 --> 00:01:26,741 Yes. 29 00:01:26,810 --> 00:01:29,017 Okay, has anything that I've just said confused you? 30 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,331 - Yes. - God damn it! 31 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,860 Jesus, Cher. Are you bringing your whole closet? 32 00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:38,412 I'm a pro, Dinesh. I won't apologize for it. 33 00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:41,061 I dress according to the moods that I sense in the room. 34 00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:43,610 As such, I must have options. 35 00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:45,499 We all packed and ready to go? 36 00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:48,820 We can take my car but gas is on the company. 37 00:01:50,130 --> 00:01:52,610 Hello? Did everyone leave? 38 00:01:52,690 --> 00:01:54,101 No. 39 00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:56,093 What? Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 40 00:02:07,890 --> 00:02:09,699 I don't know how you read your screen in the car. 41 00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,135 It makes me sick as a dog. 42 00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,974 I'm okay as long as I don't think about it. 43 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,620 Besides, the presentation is tomorrow. 44 00:02:14,690 --> 00:02:17,819 So if you just don't think about it, it really doesn't bother you 45 00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:19,810 to be staring at the screen when the car's moving 46 00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:22,694 - and turning and you're all queasy... - Oh, God! 47 00:02:22,770 --> 00:02:24,374 Gilfoyle. 48 00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:27,294 See, I knew it bothered you. Fucking liar. 49 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,930 So I'm a little behind, being stuck on that island for four days, 50 00:02:41,010 --> 00:02:43,138 but I think I'm on top of everything. 51 00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:45,895 Okay, uh, give me your IDs and I'll go register us... 52 00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:48,541 There you are. Got your credentials and wristbands 53 00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:50,857 for the walk through at 4:00 today. 54 00:02:50,930 --> 00:02:52,295 Uh, walk through? 55 00:02:52,370 --> 00:02:54,571 Yeah, basically, it's a sound check for the competition. 56 00:02:54,690 --> 00:02:56,579 Uh, yeah, we didn't know about that. 57 00:02:56,970 --> 00:02:58,779 Did I not tell you about the walk through? 58 00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:01,339 I am so sorry. 59 00:03:01,410 --> 00:03:03,139 Uh, that's why I'm here. Peter's on safari 60 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,457 with Lorne Michaels and Kanye West until next week 61 00:03:05,530 --> 00:03:07,453 so, I can put all of my attention on you guys for once. 62 00:03:07,530 --> 00:03:11,774 I am so sorry. I thought that I talked to you guys about the walk... 63 00:03:22,050 --> 00:03:24,621 Gentlemen, welcome to the big show. 64 00:03:24,730 --> 00:03:27,256 TechCrunch motherfucking Disrupt. 65 00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:31,052 Okay, guys, this place is a vortex of distraction. 66 00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:33,451 Normally the tech world is 2% women. 67 00:03:33,570 --> 00:03:36,892 Guys, these next three days, 15%. 68 00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:38,859 It's a goddamn meat market. 69 00:03:38,930 --> 00:03:40,455 I need you to focus. 70 00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,699 How we do here is the entire future of your company. 71 00:03:43,770 --> 00:03:45,534 Don't screw it all up now. 72 00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:48,216 We have to knock them dead in the preliminaries tomorrow 73 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,258 so we can move on to the finals on Friday. 74 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:54,654 I have a question. The program says that Dan Melcher is judging our round. 75 00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:56,459 Is there any way to get him removed? 76 00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:58,692 Not unless there's a conflict of interest. 77 00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:02,138 Well, there may be. I did have sexual intercourse with his wife. 78 00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:06,133 What? It was three years ago. 79 00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:08,497 So one of the guys judging us wants to fucking kill you? 80 00:04:08,730 --> 00:04:10,732 Maybe. I don't know if he found out. 81 00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:14,098 Either way, Richard, you may have to present instead of me so be prepared. 82 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,571 What, me? Present? No. 83 00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:19,256 We may be fine. We may be totally fine. 84 00:04:19,330 --> 00:04:21,651 We also may be totally fucked. 85 00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:23,220 I'll let you know either way. 86 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,971 I'm gonna go network. Don't approach me. 87 00:04:26,530 --> 00:04:30,251 I don't want to present. Besides, I'm not even done with the demo. 88 00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:33,652 Okay, Richard, you need to go to the hotel right now and finish. 89 00:04:34,370 --> 00:04:36,941 - You already checked us into the hotel? - Yeah. Yeah. 90 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,814 Okay, uh, I'm gonna do this module by module. 91 00:04:38,890 --> 00:04:43,214 Dinesh, you built the edge video player so I'm gonna start with you first, okay? 92 00:04:43,290 --> 00:04:45,736 Okay, you guys set up the booth, okay? 93 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,932 Um, I think it's this way. 94 00:04:48,010 --> 00:04:49,216 You think? 95 00:04:53,010 --> 00:04:54,739 A few flyers, that's all we have? 96 00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:57,051 Yeah, I think it is. 97 00:04:57,450 --> 00:04:59,373 Hello, what's your name? 98 00:04:59,490 --> 00:05:01,618 Visit us at microdrone.com... 99 00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:05,854 Oh, wow, Microdrone. They just closed $17 million in seed funding. 100 00:05:08,530 --> 00:05:10,771 Hi. Hello. Excuse me. 101 00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:14,297 Pied Piper? You guys are competing in the Startup Battlefield, right? 102 00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:16,020 Everyone has been talking about your compression rate. 103 00:05:16,130 --> 00:05:18,576 I mean, it is supposed to be sick. 104 00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:19,856 Yeah. 105 00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:21,972 Anyway, you must be great with Java 106 00:05:22,050 --> 00:05:25,372 and I just cannot seem to figure out this stupid bug. Do you mind? 107 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:27,855 I'll be back. 108 00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:30,500 Thank you. 109 00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:33,972 If we integrate one module every two hours we should be in great shape... 110 00:05:34,050 --> 00:05:36,701 Richard, follow me. Follow me. Follow me. 111 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,570 - All right. See you at the hotel. - See you. 112 00:05:40,650 --> 00:05:41,890 Very soon, I hope. 113 00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:46,621 Hey, man. Just wanted to say good luck. 114 00:05:47,210 --> 00:05:50,054 Okay, thanks. But what's with all the... 115 00:05:50,130 --> 00:05:52,656 Sorry. I just can't be seen talking to you, you know? 116 00:05:52,730 --> 00:05:54,459 Hooli people all over the place. 117 00:05:54,530 --> 00:05:58,580 I don't know, man, I'm just really into this whole rest and vest life, you know, 118 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,414 - way more than I thought I would be. - Mmm. 119 00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,174 I just don't want to rock the boat. 120 00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:05,174 Oh, hey, did I tell you? I'm getting a boat. 121 00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,218 - Wow. - And a boat guy to take care of it. 122 00:06:07,290 --> 00:06:09,054 You have to have a boat guy. 123 00:06:09,130 --> 00:06:10,495 Wow, yeah, you've gotta have a boat guy... 124 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,731 If you have a boat. 125 00:06:11,810 --> 00:06:14,734 Hey, um, you know that girl, right? 126 00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:18,499 Sherry, I think her name was. She said you guys went to school together. 127 00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:19,941 Uh, okay, yeah. 128 00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:22,297 I saw her at the Valleywag party last night, 129 00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:26,091 which was crazy, by the way. Dude, there must've been like 12 girls there. 130 00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:27,815 - Holy shit. - Nuts. 131 00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:31,019 Anyway, um, she said you guys went out a couple times 132 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:34,697 and then, uh, she dumped you and you became obsessed with her? 133 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:38,217 What? What? She said I was obsessed? 134 00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:40,054 She said obsessed. 135 00:06:40,130 --> 00:06:42,861 Uh, that's bullshit, 'cause I think we went out two times. 136 00:06:42,930 --> 00:06:45,854 Eh, it was nothing. So, how could I be obsessed? That's... 137 00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:49,861 No, you're going down! Nucleus is gonna crush Wide Diaper. 138 00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:52,900 You never should've said no to my man, Gavin Belson. 139 00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:56,457 Okay. 140 00:07:01,570 --> 00:07:03,174 Seeded quite a few new companies. 141 00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,901 Spinder. It's like Tinder but for spinsters. 142 00:07:05,970 --> 00:07:09,258 Elderly women looking for sex. 143 00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:32,733 There's this girl who's walking around, saying that I'm obsessed with her. 144 00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,814 Now, that just really pisses me off. 145 00:07:34,890 --> 00:07:37,860 That's fascinating. Let's just forget about it, okay? 146 00:07:37,930 --> 00:07:38,931 Yeah. 147 00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:44,252 I mean it's... it's just so fucked up, right? 148 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,014 I mean, I barely remember her. 149 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:49,370 And it's just so insulting to have someone walking around spreading lies about you. 150 00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:52,573 Right? I wonder who she's working with. 151 00:07:52,650 --> 00:07:55,813 Like I wonder who she's here with because if she's telling her coworkers, 152 00:07:55,890 --> 00:07:58,461 then that's a whole 'nother group of people I gotta worry about. 153 00:07:58,530 --> 00:08:00,134 Richard, you don't have to worry about anything 154 00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:01,780 - except for Pied Piper right now. - Yeah, I know. 155 00:08:01,850 --> 00:08:04,296 We have less than 24 hours till the preliminaries. 156 00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:08,251 - No one's worrying, that's the thing. Perfect. - Perfect. 157 00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:13,296 Okay, her. 158 00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:15,730 She used the word "obsessed," Dinesh. 159 00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:18,250 - "Obsessed." - Richard, I don't care. 160 00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:22,374 Neither do I. That's the entire point. 161 00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:27,411 I'm just gonna check her lnstagram real quick. 162 00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:29,652 Because if she's posting comments about me being obsessed... 163 00:08:29,730 --> 00:08:31,850 I mean, I can't just ignore that. 164 00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:38,460 Would you be interested in a device that links to your smartphone 165 00:08:38,530 --> 00:08:41,374 and lets you know, even before it happens, whether you're having a panic attack 166 00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:42,815 - or a heart attack? - Yeah, yeah. 167 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,415 Okay, here's how Panic-a-Tech works. 168 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,697 You wear this on your finger all day and it tracks your vitals. 169 00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:50,252 Or if that's too embarrassing, there's also a Bluetooth suppository 170 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:54,016 and that goes right where you think it goes. And that comes with a retrieval kit. 171 00:08:54,090 --> 00:08:57,378 Was he like, "Bro, you're my bro," 172 00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:02,100 or was he like, "I wanna shoot you in the face and watch you bleed out all over the stage" 173 00:09:02,170 --> 00:09:04,491 "'cause you fucked my wife, you cocksuck?" 174 00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,414 Right in the middle. It was like... 175 00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,016 Huh. 176 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,054 What happened? How's it going at the hotel? 177 00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:16,215 Weird. He switched to meta-data extraction and now wants to see you. 178 00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:20,221 Meta-data? Already? Makes no sense. 179 00:09:20,290 --> 00:09:21,815 He seems very distracted. 180 00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:28,054 Okay, guys, urn, since we're kind of playing from behind here 181 00:09:28,130 --> 00:09:30,531 I put together a little secret weapon. 182 00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:34,212 I, um... I went through the entire list of conference participants 183 00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:37,260 and I found images and I found bios and I printed them out 184 00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:38,456 so we have them all in one place. 185 00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:41,261 - Why did you do that? - Uh, okay. 186 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,981 Who's this guy? Watch. He is... 187 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:49,379 Rick Smith, co-founder of Crosscut Ventures. 188 00:09:49,450 --> 00:09:50,576 How did you... 189 00:09:50,650 --> 00:09:54,416 ID-Keen. It's this facial recognition app that Monica put on our phones. 190 00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:56,379 You just point it at anybody, tells you who they are 191 00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:58,259 and how important they are to the conference. 192 00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:03,256 You're not showing up at all. 193 00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:07,176 Yeah, maybe I'm not getting a... No, I'm getting a signal. 194 00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:10,657 Okay. Um, well... 195 00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:15,413 Ooh, Jared, Jared, uh, recycling's over there. 196 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:18,096 Hey, so what's the deal? Does the judge know or not? 197 00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:20,013 I don't know, Monica. He's toying with me. 198 00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:24,094 Or maybe he's not. I can't fucking figure it out. 199 00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:27,060 Erlich, you need to stop this. His wife is here. 200 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:29,337 Grow a pair and talk to her, find out for sure. 201 00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:32,300 Why don't you grow a pair and I'll talk to her? 202 00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:33,611 Hmm. 203 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,011 What? 204 00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:37,695 Hey- 205 00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:43,615 Do you happen to know Java? 206 00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:46,417 Are you kidding? It's like my specialty. 207 00:10:46,490 --> 00:10:47,855 Will you help me? 208 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:52,261 Oh, it would be my honor. 209 00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:12,370 Yes? 210 00:11:12,450 --> 00:11:15,579 Oh, sorry. Um, I must not have the right room. 211 00:11:15,650 --> 00:11:18,494 - I'm looking for Dan Melcher. - Yeah, that's us. 212 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:20,095 Oh, it is? Okay. 213 00:11:20,170 --> 00:11:22,059 I was looking to speak with his wife. 214 00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:26,853 That's me. I'm, well, his new wife, we just got married. 215 00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:28,534 Oh, congratulations. 216 00:11:29,130 --> 00:11:31,736 Uh, what happened with Madelyn? 217 00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:34,657 - You're a friend of Dan's? - Yeah. 218 00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:37,131 We've... We have a common interest... 219 00:11:37,210 --> 00:11:39,417 - Uh, many common interests. - Yeah. 220 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,094 Well, she was a nightmare. 221 00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:44,017 Pills, in and out of rehab. 222 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:47,015 Had all of these disgusting affairs. 223 00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,694 You know, the divorce nearly killed Dan. 224 00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:51,501 Really? Disgusting affairs. 225 00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:54,613 Well, I... I feel terrible. 226 00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:57,375 No, it's fine. He's put it behind him. 227 00:11:57,930 --> 00:11:59,341 All Of it? 228 00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,452 - I mean, every aspect of it? - Mmm-hmm. 229 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,661 Well, that is... That is great to hear. 230 00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:08,216 What if she's spreading this lie to everyone at this conference? 231 00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:09,655 I mean, honestly, Gilfoyle... 232 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:14,054 Richard, stop talking about this or I have to punch you in the face. 233 00:12:14,130 --> 00:12:17,612 Fuck. It is huge. 234 00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:21,691 - Uh... "Very, very huge." 235 00:12:21,770 --> 00:12:25,820 Check, one-two, two, tsetse fly, tsetse fly. 236 00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:27,380 Hey, how's the demo coming? 237 00:12:27,450 --> 00:12:29,612 Um, we're getting there. 238 00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:31,220 Uh, definitely... Getting there. 239 00:12:31,810 --> 00:12:33,938 Gentlemen, I bring good tidings. 240 00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:38,220 Turns out that Melcher is divorced, remarried 241 00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:41,692 and has put the previous relationship behind him completely. 242 00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:42,976 Problem solved. 243 00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:44,415 That's great. 244 00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:47,540 It sure is, Richard, it sure as hell is. 245 00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:53,215 Look at these poor fuckers. They don't even know what's about to hit 'em. 246 00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:55,419 The hammer of God. 247 00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:59,178 I am so sorry! I am so sorry. I thought you guys were gonna come get me 248 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:01,093 and... And I'm sorry. 249 00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,537 - Wait, Jared, what are you doing here? - What? 250 00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:04,657 - Who's watching the booth? - Yeah. 251 00:13:04,730 --> 00:13:06,937 - I thought that maybe Monica could... - Ooh. 252 00:13:07,010 --> 00:13:09,775 She's not in the company. We need her here. That's the thing. 253 00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:12,581 All right, everybody, uh, this run-through is for essential personnel only, 254 00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:14,055 essential only. 255 00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:17,291 Oh. 256 00:13:17,370 --> 00:13:20,260 - We need someone in the booth is the thing. - Right. 257 00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:21,775 You're essential to the booth. 258 00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:22,976 Right. 259 00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:27,173 All right, each team will have six minutes for presentation and demo, 260 00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:28,815 at which point the judges will ask a few questions... 261 00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,938 Uh, do you mind if I break in here, just one question. 262 00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,661 Uh, are the judges allowed to send us through 263 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,097 to the finals immediately after we present 264 00:13:36,170 --> 00:13:41,256 or do we have to wait until everyone else has gone? 265 00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:44,220 Well, I'm just saying what everybody's thinking. 266 00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:49,972 Hello, what's your name? 267 00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:52,018 Visit us at microdrone.com to download... 268 00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:54,934 - Uh, excuse me, no thank you. - ... a free video of you 269 00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:57,012 - at TechCrunch Disrupt. - Uh, no thank you. 270 00:13:57,090 --> 00:14:01,493 Nathan. Are you Nathan Zimmerman, CEO of Flingual? 271 00:14:01,570 --> 00:14:03,857 I... I... Whoever's doing this, no thank you. 272 00:14:03,970 --> 00:14:06,814 Yeah, I think we got a dead zone, an audio dead zone right here. 273 00:14:06,890 --> 00:14:08,415 Listen to this. 274 00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,739 Hear that? Compared to... 275 00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,098 Okay, here's what I want, as soon as the music comes up... 276 00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:14,210 Music? 277 00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:17,015 I want you to hit me with a spotlight, barn! And a hard spot. 278 00:14:17,130 --> 00:14:19,292 Better yet, do you have those spotlights that... 279 00:14:19,370 --> 00:14:20,860 come up from the ground, 280 00:14:20,930 --> 00:14:22,170 like in Pride Fighting. 281 00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:23,250 I can check. 282 00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:26,260 Okay, so two of those, one on each side and then one in the center 283 00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:30,858 so that it casts my shadow behind me, like a giant looking over his own shoulder. 284 00:14:30,930 --> 00:14:32,659 Do you have any wind machines. 285 00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:34,181 I'm gonna need two of those... 286 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,775 Are you humming to yourself? 287 00:14:36,130 --> 00:14:38,610 Was I? 288 00:14:39,010 --> 00:14:40,057 Uh... 289 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:43,930 You know, honestly, I may have found the perfect woman. 290 00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:46,138 Whoa. What? Who? Who? 291 00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,974 She's in the booth right next to us, Charlotte. 292 00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:50,530 She's not even physically my type, she has blonde hair 293 00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:53,978 and these stupid pink streaks that doesn't seem to be dominant at all. 294 00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:56,621 However, I think I'm in love. 295 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,580 Whoa! 296 00:14:58,650 --> 00:15:02,177 She invited me to her room to watch Cloud Atlas later tonight. 297 00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:04,457 Oh, yeah, that means she wants you to lay her. 298 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,214 Is that definitive? 299 00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:08,611 I mean, nobody can watch more than like a minute of that film. 300 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,852 So what's the deal? I mean, is she hot? 301 00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:12,341 Yeah, I mean, she's attractive, 302 00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:15,698 but almost every woman is attractive. It was her mind. 303 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:20,693 She wrote this Java method that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. 304 00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:22,454 Elegant, tight. 305 00:15:23,050 --> 00:15:26,020 There's just something so hot about a woman that can code like that. 306 00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:27,660 You know, I just want to 307 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:30,620 crawl in her frontal lobe and... 308 00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:31,976 What's up? 309 00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:34,772 You know I wrote that code, right? 310 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,421 No, this code was on her system. 311 00:15:37,490 --> 00:15:41,256 A banged up 15-inch MacBook Pro with shitty stickers on it? 312 00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:44,015 Everyone here has a beat up 15-inch MacBook Pro... 313 00:15:44,090 --> 00:15:46,457 With a 1.3 chip and only two gigs of RAM? 314 00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:49,932 She doesn't know Java. I wrote that code. 315 00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:53,661 - You said you were in love with her mind. - Oh, fuck. 316 00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:55,978 You realize what's going on, right? 317 00:15:56,050 --> 00:15:59,338 It's not her you're sexually attracted to, it's my code. 318 00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:02,892 Shut the... That is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever heard. 319 00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:06,531 Just face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code, you're code gay. 320 00:16:06,690 --> 00:16:10,012 No! No, I'm into her. Her, okay? Fuck your code! 321 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:11,774 You'd like to fuck my code, wouldn't you? 322 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:14,615 Hey, would you like to masturbate to the subroutine I just wrote? 323 00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:17,011 No! It's... I'm... I'm... 324 00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:19,536 And then I'll sort of close right here in the center 325 00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,612 with a confidence and poise that, well, 326 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,853 they probably won't have seen up until this point. 327 00:16:24,930 --> 00:16:28,730 And then at that point we've got some photos that we're gonna throw up on the big screen. 328 00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:31,290 - Photos? - Yeah, you know, just a few. 329 00:16:31,370 --> 00:16:34,101 Gandhi, MLK, me as an inquisitive child. 330 00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:35,695 Richard, could you please? 331 00:16:35,810 --> 00:16:38,051 Oh, yes, sorry. I'll just plug it in here. 332 00:16:40,410 --> 00:16:41,935 No! Don't! 333 00:16:42,010 --> 00:16:43,500 - Don't! - Oh, shit... 334 00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:45,692 - Oh, what the fuck? - Shit. 335 00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:46,851 Oh, she's here. 336 00:16:46,930 --> 00:16:47,977 Mmm. 337 00:16:48,770 --> 00:16:51,614 Oh, shit, it's frozen. It's frozen. 338 00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:53,533 That is not me, obviously. 339 00:16:53,610 --> 00:16:56,375 He's obsessed with me. I'm sorry. 340 00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:09,532 Hey, what's wrong? 341 00:17:11,850 --> 00:17:14,933 I'm just a little nervous 'cause you're so beautiful. 342 00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:17,497 Oh? 343 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,060 Random question... 344 00:17:19,610 --> 00:17:22,011 So you didn't write any of that Java code? 345 00:17:22,570 --> 00:17:23,571 Uh-uh. 346 00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:26,933 But I write all of our tweets and we have like a couple hundred followers. 347 00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,252 Couple hundred's pretty. 348 00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:34,021 Oh, let me move this. 349 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,460 Oh, that's the code your, uh, friend wrote. 350 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,050 - Yeah, it is. - It's really good, huh? 351 00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:48,739 It's fine. I don't care about it. 352 00:17:52,130 --> 00:17:53,620 Mmm, there we go. 353 00:17:56,850 --> 00:17:58,136 On, fuck. 354 00:18:00,090 --> 00:18:02,741 Come on, focus, focus. 355 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,380 Richard's not gonna finish, is he? 356 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,691 He'll finish, Gilfoyle, he has to. 357 00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:29,335 Are you okay? 358 00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:31,341 Yeah, I'm fine. 359 00:18:31,490 --> 00:18:34,300 I knew it. You couldn't do it. 360 00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:39,251 Please shut up. Shut up. 361 00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:43,335 Why is it that every time I'm about to have sex with a lady, 362 00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:45,934 he's all up in there somehow? 363 00:18:46,010 --> 00:18:49,332 Finally, just us. Guys, this round is on me. 364 00:18:49,410 --> 00:18:52,175 Hey, Jared. There you guys go. 365 00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:55,016 - To Pied Piper. Hmm? - To Pied Piper. 366 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,535 Hear, hear. 367 00:18:57,890 --> 00:19:00,655 Yeah, drink it up. 368 00:19:00,730 --> 00:19:02,698 - Mmm. - But it's not gonna change who you are. 369 00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:05,900 Monica, can I speak to you for a minute? 370 00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,301 Yeah. 371 00:19:07,410 --> 00:19:10,539 - No, Sherry, it has to be now! - Oh, shit. 372 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,414 Okay, look, we need to talk. 373 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:14,299 You keep telling people I'm obsessed with you. 374 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,020 Richard, why don't you just take a step back... 375 00:19:16,090 --> 00:19:18,331 It's not true... No, no, no, let me finish. 376 00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:22,813 Okay, did I put your picture up on the big screen in the auditorium? Yes. 377 00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:24,850 But that's because I was showing you to my friends 378 00:19:24,890 --> 00:19:27,131 to prove a point that I'm not obsessed with you. 379 00:19:27,210 --> 00:19:31,454 - Richard, I'm gonna go now. - No, I'm not obsessed with you, Sherry! 380 00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,060 I'm... 381 00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:35,696 I'm not. 382 00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:40,456 That guy Richard I was telling you about just totally freaked out on me. 383 00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:41,816 Yeah, the obsessed guy. 384 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,494 - Where are you? - You've been doing this ever since 385 00:19:43,570 --> 00:19:44,935 - we arrived at the conference. - Which elevators? 386 00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:48,981 You really think that you can come between me and Richard Hendricks? 387 00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:52,497 We're partners, okay, and I've devoted every second 388 00:19:52,570 --> 00:19:55,858 of my waking life for the past two months to him, okay? 389 00:19:55,970 --> 00:20:00,134 I am devoted to him and to the precious thing that we're building together! 390 00:20:00,210 --> 00:20:03,054 I'm his partner. I can tell when he's vomiting... 391 00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:04,336 - Uh, what? No. Because he's nervous... 392 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,856 - Never mind, Kate, I'm fine. - ... or when he's vomiting because he's sick 393 00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:09,217 or when he's vomiting because he had cilantro, which he loves 394 00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:11,179 but he shouldn't have because it makes him... 395 00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:16,051 I had no idea that you felt this way. I mean it, I am so sorry. 396 00:20:16,130 --> 00:20:18,531 I mean, I'm obsessed with her... 397 00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:21,853 Richard, can I talk to you for a second? 398 00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:25,575 Uh, okay. 399 00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:32,860 I owe you an apology. I was way off base. 400 00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:34,853 Well, yeah, you were. 401 00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:37,015 He cleared it all up for me. 402 00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:39,775 - Jared? Really? - Yeah. He's your partner, right? 403 00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:43,260 Yeah, he is. One of many. 404 00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:45,020 Probably too many. 405 00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:47,294 How could I not have seen this? 406 00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:50,181 Obviously you're not obsessed with me. 407 00:20:50,690 --> 00:20:54,740 Richard, it's none of my business, but be safe. 408 00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:57,939 - Okay? - Okay. 409 00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:03,421 Of course I'm safe. I backup my whole system like five times a day. 410 00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:07,296 So... Uh, Jared, hey, 411 00:21:07,730 --> 00:21:09,095 thank you. 412 00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:12,294 - For what? - Uh, you know, everything. 413 00:21:12,370 --> 00:21:16,295 I feel like we don't appreciate you enough, so thank you. 414 00:21:18,490 --> 00:21:20,413 Are you... Are you crying? 415 00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:25,939 Uh, don't do that. Don't cry. 416 00:21:29,290 --> 00:21:33,579 Oh, shit. I gotta get back to work. I... I need to focus here. 417 00:21:33,690 --> 00:21:34,896 We should all go. 418 00:21:34,970 --> 00:21:36,893 All right, I'm taking care of this one. 419 00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:40,099 But when we win this fuckin' thing, Richard, you're buying the next round. 420 00:21:40,170 --> 00:21:41,251 Yeah. 421 00:21:42,930 --> 00:21:45,615 Oh, no. 422 00:21:45,970 --> 00:21:49,452 We're with the conference, is there any sort of discount? 423 00:21:49,530 --> 00:21:51,532 - Kind of break you can... - Mmm-mmm. 424 00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:53,658 No. All right. 425 00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:56,301 - Hello, again. - Oh, hi. 426 00:21:56,370 --> 00:22:00,216 You know, that was really sweet of you to be so concerned about Dan. 427 00:22:00,290 --> 00:22:01,701 He really has been through hell. 428 00:22:02,050 --> 00:22:04,371 Well, it's the least I could do. 429 00:22:05,690 --> 00:22:07,374 So how did you know Madelyn again? 430 00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:10,499 Oh, uh, long story. 431 00:22:10,570 --> 00:22:12,060 Yeah? 432 00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:16,012 I have to admit, I'm curious. 433 00:22:18,570 --> 00:22:20,732 You know what, keep it open. 434 00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:26,178 Have you ever cared too much? 435 00:22:30,930 --> 00:22:33,979 People, are you ready? 436 00:22:34,050 --> 00:22:38,100 Are you ready for the ultimate tech startup competition? 437 00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:39,740 Let me hear it. 438 00:22:39,810 --> 00:22:41,938 Disrupt! 439 00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,615 Disrupt. 440 00:22:46,370 --> 00:22:49,817 Hello. My name is Saeed Jobrani. 441 00:22:50,090 --> 00:22:52,013 I am the CEO of lmmediBug. 442 00:22:52,410 --> 00:22:54,890 And we're hereto revolutionize 443 00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:58,019 the way you report bugs on your mobile platform. 444 00:22:58,090 --> 00:23:02,618 Happin! will revolutionize location-based mobile news aggregation as you know it. 445 00:23:02,770 --> 00:23:06,331 We're making the world a better place, through Paxos algorithms 446 00:23:06,450 --> 00:23:07,861 for consensus protocols. 447 00:23:07,930 --> 00:23:09,659 And we're making the world a better place 448 00:23:09,730 --> 00:23:12,620 through software-defined data centers for cloud computing. 449 00:23:12,690 --> 00:23:17,093 A better place through canonical data models to communicate between endpoints. 450 00:23:17,210 --> 00:23:19,212 A better place through scalable, 451 00:23:19,290 --> 00:23:22,499 fault-tolerant distributed databases with ACID transactions. 452 00:23:22,570 --> 00:23:25,141 And we are truly local mobile social. 453 00:23:25,210 --> 00:23:27,816 And we're completely So-Mo-Lo. 454 00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:29,136 And we're Mo-Lo-So. 455 00:23:29,210 --> 00:23:31,019 We're Lo-Mo-So, bro. 456 00:23:31,090 --> 00:23:34,731 We were So-Lo-Mo but now we're Mo-Lo-So. 457 00:23:34,810 --> 00:23:37,780 No, Mo-So-Lo. No... 458 00:23:40,770 --> 00:23:42,056 You want me to get a water or something? 459 00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:44,053 - Yeah, drink this. - Here. 460 00:23:45,890 --> 00:23:47,494 - So we're all good? - We're all great. 461 00:23:47,570 --> 00:23:50,733 I killed it. Our Weissman score on all tests, 2.89. 462 00:23:50,810 --> 00:23:52,574 Right at the theoretical limit. 463 00:23:52,650 --> 00:23:54,573 Yeah, all the edge modules are humming. 464 00:23:54,650 --> 00:23:57,494 Uh, even on mobile. They can throw anything at us. 465 00:23:57,570 --> 00:24:02,098 Great. Well, good luck. I'm gonna go find my seat. 466 00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:03,820 Um, except 3D video. 467 00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:06,016 What? 468 00:24:06,090 --> 00:24:08,013 3D video's still a little hinky. 469 00:24:08,090 --> 00:24:10,570 Erlich better steer them away from that just to be safe. 470 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:12,175 Where the hell is Erlich? 471 00:24:13,530 --> 00:24:15,214 He wasn't with you guys this morning? 472 00:24:15,290 --> 00:24:17,577 Rather than heating an entire room, 473 00:24:17,730 --> 00:24:20,415 HumanHeater is a microwave technology 474 00:24:20,490 --> 00:24:23,699 that can heat the surface of a person's skin instead, 475 00:24:23,850 --> 00:24:26,421 potentially saving millions in heating costs 476 00:24:26,530 --> 00:24:31,172 and helping the environment, thereby making the world a better place. 477 00:24:31,530 --> 00:24:33,020 Judges. 478 00:24:34,570 --> 00:24:35,617 Uh... 479 00:24:35,690 --> 00:24:37,533 Okay, so, 480 00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:43,174 you want to heat people with microwaves, is that right? 481 00:24:43,250 --> 00:24:44,900 That can't be safe. 482 00:24:44,970 --> 00:24:48,656 That's a great question and trust me, it is very, very safe. 483 00:24:48,730 --> 00:24:51,301 I've been working on it for 15 years. 484 00:24:51,370 --> 00:24:54,294 I don't trust you and it can't be safe. 485 00:24:54,370 --> 00:24:58,056 And even if it was, I don't think you could ever sell the public on this. 486 00:24:58,530 --> 00:25:00,100 Thank you. 487 00:25:00,850 --> 00:25:03,979 I think when people see the savings on their utility bill 488 00:25:04,050 --> 00:25:07,532 and when they see how it saves the environment, they will be sold. 489 00:25:07,610 --> 00:25:09,817 Microwaves? Are you kidding me? 490 00:25:10,170 --> 00:25:12,696 Man, they are brutal. 491 00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:15,660 All right, let's light this candle. 492 00:25:15,730 --> 00:25:17,334 Where the hell have you been? 493 00:25:17,410 --> 00:25:20,892 Uh, there's been some developments. You know how I fucked Melcher's old wife? 494 00:25:20,970 --> 00:25:22,972 - I fucked his new wife, too. - What? 495 00:25:23,050 --> 00:25:24,859 Uh, don't worry, he's not gonna find out. 496 00:25:24,930 --> 00:25:27,211 I left way before he got back last night and then I didn't 497 00:25:27,250 --> 00:25:29,457 go back this morning until 20 minutes after he had left. 498 00:25:29,530 --> 00:25:30,816 You went back? 499 00:25:30,890 --> 00:25:34,019 - How many times did you fuck this woman? - The old wife or the new wife? 500 00:25:34,250 --> 00:25:36,093 - The new wife. - Last night or this morning? 501 00:25:36,170 --> 00:25:39,060 Erlich, what were you thinking? This is kind of a big day today. 502 00:25:39,130 --> 00:25:41,178 Relax, he's not gonna find out. She's not gonna tell him. 503 00:25:41,250 --> 00:25:42,217 How the fuck do you know that? 504 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:45,851 Because she'd have to be crazy to tell him and I asked her point blank if she was crazy 505 00:25:45,930 --> 00:25:48,137 and she swore to me, no, she's not crazy. 506 00:25:48,570 --> 00:25:50,777 - Pied Piper, you're up. - Let's do it. 507 00:25:50,850 --> 00:25:54,536 The microwaves only penetrate the top layer of skin cells. 508 00:25:54,610 --> 00:25:57,341 I don't believe you. It can't be safe. 509 00:25:57,410 --> 00:25:58,536 Thank you. 510 00:25:59,290 --> 00:26:02,976 I've been testing it on these guys all winter and they're fine. 511 00:26:03,050 --> 00:26:05,417 Let me just demonstrate it to assure you... 512 00:26:05,490 --> 00:26:07,492 - No! No! - No! Please! 513 00:26:08,490 --> 00:26:12,017 No one is ever going to buy one of these. 514 00:26:12,090 --> 00:26:13,376 Ever. 515 00:26:13,450 --> 00:26:15,657 That was HumanHeater. 516 00:26:15,730 --> 00:26:18,415 Next up, Executive Chairman and Chief Visionary 517 00:26:18,490 --> 00:26:22,381 - Erlich Bachman presenting Pied Piper. 518 00:26:36,490 --> 00:26:38,572 Since the dawn of time, 519 00:26:38,650 --> 00:26:43,258 mankind hath sought to make things smaller, but until now, 520 00:26:43,330 --> 00:26:45,332 no man... 521 00:26:45,410 --> 00:26:47,333 You son of a bitch! 522 00:26:47,410 --> 00:26:49,731 Jesus Christ! Everyone, remain calm. 523 00:26:49,810 --> 00:26:52,495 Stay in your seats! Everything is under control! 524 00:26:52,570 --> 00:26:55,141 Lights? 525 00:26:55,650 --> 00:26:56,936 I think he knows. 526 00:26:57,010 --> 00:26:58,500 Security to main stage.