1 00:00:07,710 --> 00:00:09,235 Okay, here's another one. 2 00:00:09,470 --> 00:00:13,520 TechCrunch says, "Laurie Bream spotted lunching at the Rosewood 3 00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:16,036 "with yet another rising tech star, Sam Herron. 4 00:00:16,110 --> 00:00:19,717 "Could this finally be the new CEO of Pied Piper?" 5 00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:21,994 Maybe she's just fucking them all. 6 00:00:22,070 --> 00:00:24,357 It's been 10 days. You know what would be nice? 7 00:00:24,430 --> 00:00:27,912 If I found out what Laurie wanted to do with my company from her 8 00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:29,395 instead of the fucking Internet. 9 00:00:29,590 --> 00:00:33,117 Richard, the accountants finally agreed to release our books. 10 00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:35,115 Okay. 11 00:00:36,310 --> 00:00:39,871 Hey, Richard. ls there anything we should be doing? 12 00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:42,237 I don't know. Why are you asking me? I'm not the CEO. 13 00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:43,436 There is no CEO. 14 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:46,434 Because, apparently, Jack's empty fucking chair 15 00:00:46,550 --> 00:00:47,881 is a better choice than I am. 16 00:00:47,950 --> 00:00:50,794 So, maybe ask the chair, see what it thinks. 17 00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:53,190 Say what you will about the chair, 18 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:56,160 but at least it never told me to build a fucking box. 19 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,711 True. Compared to Richard, it's a lot sturdier. 20 00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:01,794 And it has a lot less of Barker's ass rubbed all over it. 21 00:01:13,510 --> 00:01:14,511 Are you serious? 22 00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:17,391 On top of Jack's ridiculous severance package, 23 00:01:17,470 --> 00:01:20,314 we spent $1,000 on each one of your fucking monitors? 24 00:01:20,630 --> 00:01:23,793 We did? Huh. That's very pricey. 25 00:01:23,870 --> 00:01:27,079 So what? Raviga funded us for $5 million. 26 00:01:27,310 --> 00:01:29,836 There's no way we burned through all that. 27 00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:32,834 Do you have any idea how these deals work? That money's tranched. 28 00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:35,921 - What's that? - Well, from the Old French for "slice." 29 00:01:36,390 --> 00:01:38,154 Yeah, try to keep up, Dinesh. 30 00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:39,914 We get our money in stages. 31 00:01:39,990 --> 00:01:42,641 Right? We get $2 million upfront to get us going, 32 00:01:42,710 --> 00:01:44,280 to design and build the product, 33 00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:47,877 but we don't get the next three million until we take a product to market. 34 00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:49,641 And Jack was okay with hemorrhaging money, 35 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,633 because he thought we were launching the box 36 00:01:51,710 --> 00:01:54,361 and then getting the next three million in the next few weeks. 37 00:01:54,470 --> 00:01:56,871 But the platform will take way longer to launch than that. 38 00:01:56,990 --> 00:02:00,597 Yes. So we are effectively a $250 million company 39 00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:02,877 who just took $5 million in funding, 40 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,954 and now we're dead-ass broke. 41 00:02:05,350 --> 00:02:06,954 Our burn rate is astronomical, 42 00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:09,397 and every day we sit in limbo like this... 43 00:02:13,190 --> 00:02:14,521 What if we don't? 44 00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:17,398 What if we don't sit in limbo? 45 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,154 Like, fuck limbo, right? 46 00:02:19,870 --> 00:02:24,751 I mean, right now, let's fire all these fucking sales assholes, 47 00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:27,197 and break the lease on this place and get the fuck out of here. 48 00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:30,440 Can we do that? There's no CEO here to approve any of that. 49 00:02:30,510 --> 00:02:34,151 Yeah. There's also no CEO here to tell me not to do it, right? 50 00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:37,717 That's right. You're the CTO. Technically, you're the ranking officer. 51 00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:39,111 Fucking A. 52 00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:42,353 Look, when, or if, a new CEO comes to take over the company, 53 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:46,355 we will do what they say to the best of our abilities. 54 00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:48,797 But there is a very real possibility 55 00:02:48,870 --> 00:02:51,237 that there won't be a company for them to take over 56 00:02:51,350 --> 00:02:53,432 if we don't do something about it now. 57 00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:56,521 - So, no more surprise waffles. - What? 58 00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:58,035 - No more Chef Amy. - No. 59 00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:00,351 And no more of these stupid offices, okay? 60 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,761 We're going to move back to the hostel. 61 00:03:02,150 --> 00:03:04,676 - Fuck. - Dinesh, we need to cut every corner, 62 00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:09,278 save every penny, and plow it into engineers to build the platform. Okay? 63 00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:10,431 Then we will be back on track. 64 00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:13,753 So Gilfoyle, Dinesh, pack up those gold-plated monitors 65 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:15,914 because we are selling them. 66 00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:18,352 Jared, come on. Let's do this. 67 00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:20,598 Hmm. Well, that sucks. 68 00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:26,791 Jesus. 69 00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:34,315 Okay, guys. Can I have your attention, please? 70 00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:35,870 Yeah, next goal wins. 71 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:39,477 No. Now. Sorry, it's got to be now. 72 00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:42,196 And so, bring it in, Dang, 73 00:03:42,270 --> 00:03:45,160 Chef Amy, Jan the Man, Keith, Northeast Regional. 74 00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:46,396 And do you still have your shadow? 75 00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:47,916 - Yo. - Hey, there he is. 76 00:03:47,990 --> 00:03:49,754 Okay, uh, circle up. 77 00:03:49,990 --> 00:03:52,038 All right, I have some news for you. 78 00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:53,800 Is this about the new CEO? 79 00:03:53,870 --> 00:03:55,474 Recode is saying that it could be Reid Hoffman. 80 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:58,555 No. I don't know anything about that. 81 00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:02,316 No, no. There's no new CEO. There's no new employees of any kind. 82 00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:06,395 There's actually... It's more about you guys becoming former employees. 83 00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:10,714 So, look, we're heading in a different direction. 84 00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:13,392 And what that means is, if I haven't taken you aside 85 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:16,952 and spoken to you privately about staying on, that does mean that you are 86 00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:18,520 terminated immediately. 87 00:04:18,630 --> 00:04:22,760 So, Dang, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, all of Sales, 88 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,798 I am really sorry about all this. 89 00:04:24,870 --> 00:04:27,601 Are you sure that you can fire us, like, legally? 90 00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:30,280 Yeah. Yes, absolutely. 91 00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:33,513 I'm CTO. I'm the highest ranking officer, so yes, answer. 92 00:04:33,830 --> 00:04:36,674 You're still CTO? Laurie hasn't fired you yet? 93 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,638 No, she has... Why would she fire me? 94 00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:41,792 Well, Code/Rag said that your tech is mediocre 95 00:04:41,910 --> 00:04:43,878 and that's why no one will take the CEO job. 96 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,111 - What? - Yeah. 97 00:04:45,190 --> 00:04:46,430 That's why I assumed that you'd been fired. 98 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:49,670 Uh, maybe she's waiting till Friday to fire him. 99 00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:52,112 - Oh, that makes sense. - No, it doesn't make sense. 100 00:04:52,190 --> 00:04:53,794 That's not what's happening, okay? 101 00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:55,634 I'm not getting fired. That's crazy. 102 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:57,838 I haven't read this article. Okay, maybe I'm too busy 103 00:04:57,910 --> 00:05:00,516 making the tech awesome, because it's not mediocre. 104 00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:03,070 It's actually... Turns out, it's fucking revolutionary. 105 00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:05,232 So, I guess that's the truth. 106 00:05:05,350 --> 00:05:08,274 And also, I'm not fired, these guys aren't fired, you all are fired. 107 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,399 Everyone from this wall is fired. So, enjoy being fired. 108 00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:20,560 Jesus. This is a good apple. 109 00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:22,872 - Where did you get this? - Oh, I have a fruit guy. 110 00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:24,871 Fantastic. 111 00:05:25,430 --> 00:05:26,920 Read me back what we have so far. 112 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:30,473 Uh, "Bachman and Bighetti shall each include in this venture 113 00:05:30,550 --> 00:05:32,837 "any and all portfolio companies. 114 00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:35,720 "The exception shall be for Pied Piper." 115 00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,880 Hey, how come Pied Piper is not a part of it? 116 00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:41,840 'Cause, you know, I actually used to work there, so maybe it should be? 117 00:05:41,910 --> 00:05:45,278 Big Head, Pied Piper is no longer an incubating entity. 118 00:05:45,390 --> 00:05:47,836 It would be unfair to you, and to me, and to them 119 00:05:47,910 --> 00:05:50,356 for me to relinquish any of my shares in their company. 120 00:05:50,870 --> 00:05:55,398 And besides, like you, I'm giving up everything else I have of value, 121 00:05:55,470 --> 00:05:58,041 shares, options, cash, liquid assets. 122 00:05:59,270 --> 00:06:01,193 Wait. So all my assets? 123 00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:03,040 That seems like kind of a lot. 124 00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:06,320 It is a lot, Big Head. We're both giving up a lot. 125 00:06:06,390 --> 00:06:08,518 We're both gaining a lot also. 126 00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:11,275 And that's what every successful partnership is about. 127 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:14,959 Committing fully, blindly, and without concern of the consequences, 128 00:06:15,030 --> 00:06:17,112 - like marriage. - Right. 129 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,275 Oh, here. Get this down. 130 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:23,840 In the event of a tie vote, any disagreement shall be settled 131 00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:27,952 with a toss of a coin of Mr. Bachman's choosing. 132 00:06:30,110 --> 00:06:31,316 What the fuck are you doing in here? 133 00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:32,961 Can't you see we're having a meeting? 134 00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:36,199 Go ahead, Big Head, read that back to me. 135 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:39,320 Oh, um, "In the event of a tie..." 136 00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:41,721 The fucking juicer's broken. 137 00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:43,633 This is the second one in two days! 138 00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:50,075 C.J. Cantwell of Code/Rag writes, and I quote, 139 00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:52,596 "Having met this many candidates without closing one, 140 00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:56,597 "one can't help wonder why Pied Piper can't land a man. 141 00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:59,916 "Could the vaunted tech of founder Richard Hendricks, 142 00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:03,233 "whom I once called the next Mark Zuckerberg, 143 00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:08,316 "be turning Pied Piper from a unicorn into a donkey wearing a party hat?" 144 00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:11,919 - And? - And she's slandering my tech. 145 00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:13,833 It's the one thing that's working around here. 146 00:07:13,910 --> 00:07:18,074 Look, I think if I just talk to her, I can get her to change it. 147 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:21,751 No. I do not want you to engage with a muckraker like C.J. Cantwell 148 00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:23,958 simply to salve your male ego. 149 00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,272 My male ego has nothing to do with this, Laurie. 150 00:07:26,350 --> 00:07:30,639 Look, good coders won't want to work for a company they think has shitty tech. 151 00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:33,873 I need to get ahead of this now. And if I don't, we're done. 152 00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:38,000 Richard, whether you appreciate this or not, I do actually have a plan here. 153 00:07:38,070 --> 00:07:40,994 You can meet with everyone in Palo Alto to replace me as CEO. 154 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:42,674 I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. 155 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:45,674 Okay, but I need to do something about this, now. 156 00:07:45,910 --> 00:07:48,117 She's calling us the next Clinkle. 157 00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,075 Clinkle, Laurie. Clinkle. 158 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:52,152 You do know what happened to Clinkle, right? 159 00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:54,710 - Do you want us to be Clinkle? - Please, just stop saying "Clinkle." 160 00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:56,155 It jars the ear. 161 00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:59,752 Fine. I will have my office set up an interview. 162 00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:02,631 But I want you to present yourself well, Richard. 163 00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:04,712 Be showered, groomed, well-dressed. 164 00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:08,636 And you will need to sit down with our head of PR beforehand to go over talking points. 165 00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:09,711 Why? 166 00:08:10,230 --> 00:08:12,392 Because you are in an emotional state, 167 00:08:12,470 --> 00:08:15,917 and when you are emotional, you become highly inarticulate. 168 00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:18,152 Well, I don't say that's true. 169 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,121 Okay. Yes. Fine. Sure. 170 00:08:23,190 --> 00:08:24,191 Um... 171 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:25,916 And thank you, Laurie. 172 00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:34,111 Before you ask, the answer is yes, I did blow all these hard drives clean. 173 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,757 - So... - You really are a moron. 174 00:08:37,070 --> 00:08:39,835 The only way to really blow the hard drives clean 175 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:41,514 is to take a drill and punch a hole through it. 176 00:08:41,590 --> 00:08:45,197 All right, calm down, Snowden. I zeroed them all out, we're fine. 177 00:08:45,270 --> 00:08:47,159 Welcome, welcome. 178 00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:50,393 Uh, we have lost our lease, so everything must go. 179 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:54,237 The chairs are arranged in ascending order of lumbar support. 180 00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,994 So, have a gander. 181 00:08:57,950 --> 00:08:59,679 Oh, uh, word to the wise, 182 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,794 the Haworths are like a spa day for the buttocks. 183 00:09:03,030 --> 00:09:04,953 Yeah, and I have a fragile posterior. 184 00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,601 My aunt used to call me "glasshole." 185 00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:09,557 So, you can take it from me. 186 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,275 Look at these fucking maggots. 187 00:09:12,030 --> 00:09:16,160 Crawling all over our garbage, leaving their slime of mediocrity. 188 00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:19,317 Ah, I thought you'd feel right at home in a marketplace, 189 00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:21,392 haggling, selling your monkey paws, 190 00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:24,201 looking for Indiana Jones in a wicker basket. 191 00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:26,438 Okay. Marion was in the wicker basket, 192 00:09:26,510 --> 00:09:29,400 Indiana Jones was tipping them over, you fucking idiot. 193 00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:31,231 Hi. 194 00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:33,031 Let me know if you have any questions. 195 00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:36,512 Well, how about that? I made my first sale. 196 00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:40,398 I've organized a lot of estate sales, so this is kind of my wheelhouse. 197 00:09:40,470 --> 00:09:42,438 - What? - I have a lot of elderly friends. 198 00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:43,991 Oh, that is a fun item. 199 00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:46,517 That's a hardware fan. 200 00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:50,838 You've got the yellow hoodie on today. 201 00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:52,800 Oh, yeah. 202 00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,600 Wait a second. 203 00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:56,400 None of these are signed. 204 00:09:56,670 --> 00:10:00,117 Oh, yeah. Urn, it's just my business manager had some questions 205 00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:02,636 about the way some of this stuff was being arranged. 206 00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:05,960 Like, he said something about how it's not a corporation. 207 00:10:06,030 --> 00:10:09,432 It's just a general partnership or something. 208 00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,512 I mean, he told me I didn't understand, which is true, 209 00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:13,115 so he wanted to maybe talk to you about it. 210 00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:15,670 So you want to lawyer up? Is that what we're doing? 211 00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:17,760 I don't think he has a law degree. 212 00:10:17,870 --> 00:10:22,114 Big Head, I would hope that a handshake deal would be good enough for you. 213 00:10:22,630 --> 00:10:24,155 Because we're headed down a long road, 214 00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:27,040 and that road must be paved with trust. Blind trust. 215 00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:30,913 And you bringing in these so-called "experts" 216 00:10:31,550 --> 00:10:32,756 really gives me pause, 217 00:10:32,950 --> 00:10:34,634 and it insults my honor. 218 00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:38,794 Huh. Uh, sorry, hold on. I got to take this. I'll be right back. 219 00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,713 Sorry. Hello? 220 00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:43,554 Hey. Uh, how do I look? 221 00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:46,556 If I'm being honest, like a ventriloquist dummy. 222 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:52,798 Uh, okay. Well, you know, that's actually kind of fitting, 223 00:10:52,870 --> 00:10:55,476 because I'm on my way to Raviga right now 224 00:10:55,550 --> 00:10:58,520 to meet with a PR person to tell me exactly what to say 225 00:10:58,590 --> 00:11:00,513 to a reporter and how to say it. 226 00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:01,716 Well, that does make sense. 227 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,555 You do tend to babble on when you're under pressure. 228 00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:07,676 Why does this thing people say? 229 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:11,996 Why indeed? 230 00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:13,401 That was weird. 231 00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:16,272 I just got a call from Laurie Bream's office at Raviga, 232 00:11:16,350 --> 00:11:19,672 asking if I'd want to interview for the job of CEO at Pied Piper. 233 00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:22,881 What? Are you fucking kidding me? 234 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,361 That's exactly what I said. 235 00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:27,354 Then I said no, and then we both hung up. 236 00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:31,151 I mean, I assume they hung up. I had already hung up, so... 237 00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,560 Wow. Wow. 238 00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:37,351 Okay. Okay. Yeah, great. Big Head. 239 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,080 Big Head? Fucking kidding me? 240 00:11:39,430 --> 00:11:40,556 What the fuck is going on? 241 00:11:40,630 --> 00:11:43,440 Big Head, you can insult me all you want 242 00:11:43,510 --> 00:11:45,672 by involving your self-described shylocks, 243 00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:48,680 but to insult Richard and humiliate him, 244 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,957 that's like kicking a child who's done nothing to deserve it. 245 00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:53,318 I may not be able to finish my ramen. 246 00:11:54,270 --> 00:11:55,635 I told them no. 247 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,601 Hi there. Richard Hendricks here to see Dawn Simon, PR. 248 00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:01,957 Sure, she'll be meeting you in the small conference room. 249 00:12:02,070 --> 00:12:04,471 - Um, do you need me... - No, no. I, uh, I know where it is. 250 00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:07,394 It turns out, I actually know something. 251 00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:08,710 I'm not a fucking idiot. 252 00:12:12,550 --> 00:12:14,393 - Richard Hendricks. Hi. - Before we get any further, 253 00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:16,711 I just want you to know that I'm not going to be yelling at you, 254 00:12:16,790 --> 00:12:18,030 but I probably am going to yell. 255 00:12:18,790 --> 00:12:20,280 - Okay. - Okay. Uh... 256 00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:23,081 Because this is bullshit. 257 00:12:23,150 --> 00:12:25,551 Honestly, I mean, I get it. This is your job. You're in PR. 258 00:12:25,630 --> 00:12:28,395 Your job is to pretty much tell me what I can't say. 259 00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:30,677 I mean, when I talk to this reporter, I probably can't say 260 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,516 how fucked up it is that Laurie Bream fired me 261 00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:36,951 and then replaced me with Action Jack Barker. 262 00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:39,681 I probably can't say how the only action he took 263 00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:42,640 was to essentially pick the wrong product and then bleed the company dry. 264 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:46,751 And I probably can't say how fucking pissed off I am 265 00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:50,551 that Laurie Bream is out there gallivanting around the Valley, 266 00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:56,194 interviewing every dickhole on Earth for my job, including Big Head, 267 00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:57,601 a man that I fired, by the way. 268 00:12:57,670 --> 00:12:59,160 And no offense, I like him. I do actually. 269 00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:01,073 He's a close friend of mine, been that way for years. 270 00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:03,551 But he is a bit of a simpleton, and his name's fucking Big Head. 271 00:13:03,630 --> 00:13:05,041 But, okay, look. 272 00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:09,952 I want to be CEO of Pied Piper, okay? 273 00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:14,080 It is my company. I worked my ass off to build this company, okay? 274 00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:15,800 That's my job. I deserve it. 275 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,271 And it fucking kills me that Laurie is out there 276 00:13:18,350 --> 00:13:21,115 trying to give it to someone else, anyone but me. 277 00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,591 But I probably can't say that, can I? 278 00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:25,874 You can say anything you want to say to me. 279 00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:27,671 All right. 280 00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,835 Thank you for meeting me, Monica. 281 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,153 You are from... 282 00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:36,876 Baltimore. 283 00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:42,518 H.L. Mencken hails from Baltimore. 284 00:13:43,150 --> 00:13:44,197 Who? 285 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,960 Widely perceived as a racist, 286 00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:49,837 but his work on the English language is comprehensive, 287 00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:54,393 and his perspicacious skewering of evangelicals is laudable. 288 00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:59,235 Monica, my mission here is not merely to have fun. 289 00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:01,841 That's okay. 290 00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:05,395 When I voted against you at the board meeting, I just want... 291 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,679 Monica, this is not about you, for once. 292 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,438 I brought you here to say 293 00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:15,436 - I am sorry. - For... 294 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,279 Ah, yes, of course. You are going to make me say it. 295 00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:18,476 Why am I not surprised? 296 00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:21,916 I made a mistake with Richard Hendricks. 297 00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:24,112 And out I went, right on my ass. 298 00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:28,991 And then Laurie put that jackhole Barker in to bankrupt the company. 299 00:14:29,070 --> 00:14:30,720 But does she cop to that? No, no, no. 300 00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:32,992 Because the Laurie-tron 6,000 301 00:14:33,070 --> 00:14:34,959 isn't programmed to admit when she's made a mistake. 302 00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:37,280 I made an error. 303 00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:40,999 Wow, um, that's really big of you to admit. 304 00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:43,710 I should not have removed him as CEO, 305 00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:47,237 and installing Jack Barker in his place only compounded that error. 306 00:14:47,310 --> 00:14:50,951 But if that's true, then why are you meeting with so many other CEO candidates? 307 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:54,797 I am meeting publically with a number of high-value candidates 308 00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:55,996 I know to be unavailable, 309 00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:59,552 as well as with a number of less-qualified candidates 310 00:14:59,630 --> 00:15:01,837 with whom Richard compares favorably. 311 00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:03,721 That's why you called Big Head. 312 00:15:03,790 --> 00:15:09,274 Yes. You see, Richard must not be perceived as being the most expedient candidate. 313 00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:13,036 He must be seen as the correct candidate. 314 00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:15,920 This is very exciting for Richard. 315 00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:19,961 I have been impressed by his conduct in a tough situation. 316 00:15:20,150 --> 00:15:22,915 - He's shown mettle. - Mmm-hmm. Definitely. 317 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,914 Therefore, I will call for a vote at the next board meeting 318 00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:26,991 to offer him the job. 319 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:31,360 That is, of course, assuming he continues to demonstrate an air of professionalism. 320 00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:36,240 Hi, Dawn. Are you waiting for someone? 321 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,438 Yes. I'm supposed to be meeting with Richard Hendricks 322 00:15:38,510 --> 00:15:40,399 before he sits down with a Code/Rag reporter. 323 00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:43,919 Oh, that's weird. I saw him earlier. 324 00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:45,231 And that is why... 325 00:15:46,710 --> 00:15:48,235 I'm just being honest here. 326 00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:53,039 I think that Peter Gregory is better off where he is. 327 00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:57,273 Just saying, because if he knew what Laurie was doing to his company, 328 00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:59,512 he probably would want to take a gun and blow his brains out. 329 00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:02,635 Uh, okay. 330 00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:05,520 We should probably start talking about the things that I can say. 331 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:07,952 Um... 332 00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:10,192 Richard. Richard Hendricks? 333 00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:13,719 Yes. Who are you? 334 00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:15,792 Dawn Simon, Raviga's publicity director. 335 00:16:21,910 --> 00:16:22,957 So that would make you... 336 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,873 C.J. Cantwell, Code/Rag. 337 00:16:26,430 --> 00:16:28,637 Thank you, I think I have everything I need. 338 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,400 Please tell me that went well. 339 00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:40,874 Yep. No, yeah. 340 00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:43,956 It, uh... It was gone great. 341 00:16:44,110 --> 00:16:47,114 Yep. It had gone. 342 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,194 It was great. 343 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:51,950 Uh, she's a great guy. 344 00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:54,840 Really. Girl. She's cool. She's a cool one. 345 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,594 Cool. I can just... I can get out here? 346 00:16:58,750 --> 00:16:59,876 - Just 'cause I got another thing. - Yeah. 347 00:17:00,030 --> 00:17:02,715 Slow down. Listen to me. Look, in my defense, 348 00:17:02,790 --> 00:17:04,838 I said those were all the things I can't say, okay? 349 00:17:04,910 --> 00:17:06,435 So it's kind of like I didn't even say them. 350 00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:09,195 But you did say them, at a meeting you scheduled with a reporter. 351 00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:11,398 Reporter? Come on, you're a tech blogger. 352 00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:14,121 Oh, really. Hard to see why Laurie insisted on a PR rep for you. 353 00:17:16,430 --> 00:17:20,071 Look, uh, just... Tell me what I can do to kill this? 354 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,474 - You want me to spike the story? - Yes, please. 355 00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:26,271 Give me something better. I don't know, go on a drunken racist Twitter rant, 356 00:17:26,350 --> 00:17:28,671 or get in your car, run over Elon Musk, 357 00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:31,117 and give me an exclusive from jail. Yeah. 358 00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:33,033 Otherwise, I'm posting this at noon tomorrow, so... 359 00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:35,477 No, no, no, no. Look. Look. 360 00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,439 If you want to leave, you're going to have to run me over! 361 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,960 These offices were nice. 362 00:17:49,910 --> 00:17:52,151 Now everything looks so bare. 363 00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:56,155 Yeah. There is a certain sad vulnerability to it. 364 00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:59,517 Have you ever seen a naked dead person? 365 00:17:59,590 --> 00:18:01,957 No. No. No. 366 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:03,791 Hmm. 367 00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:06,551 Well, the good news is, we cleared 368 00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:10,072 almost $70,000 from selling all this stuff. 369 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:12,830 That's not enough to afford all the coders we need. 370 00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:14,631 We need at least a dozen. 371 00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:16,800 Where would we even put them now? 372 00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:18,997 Shall we? 373 00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:26,435 Wait. Where's my hard drive? 374 00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:28,116 What did it look like? 375 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,034 It just looked like a normal standard hard drive. 376 00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:34,273 - You sure it was in your bag? - Yeah, it was in my bag. 377 00:18:35,750 --> 00:18:40,517 Could it maybe have slid out and was next to your bag, 378 00:18:40,590 --> 00:18:42,752 which was next to all the hard drives we got rid of? 379 00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:47,839 Did you sell my personal hard drive? 380 00:18:48,150 --> 00:18:50,391 You didn't happen to wipe that one clean, too, did you? 381 00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:53,998 - My personal hard drive? - Yeah. 382 00:18:54,070 --> 00:18:56,676 No! Fuck! 383 00:18:57,150 --> 00:18:59,391 So it had our confidential IP on it? 384 00:18:59,710 --> 00:19:04,113 Yes. All the work we did on the platform, the box, everything. 385 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,996 Okay, well, what's gone is not necessarily lost. 386 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,278 Okay, we just need to find it. 387 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,398 I found my retainer in the school dumpster. 388 00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:15,519 I found my biological father in a militia up in the Ozarks. 389 00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:16,671 This should be no problem. 390 00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:18,595 Don't worry, Dinesh, we'll find it. 391 00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,880 Uh... 392 00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:31,112 Does he not know we're moving out? 393 00:19:31,510 --> 00:19:32,557 Should We tell him? 394 00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:37,272 No. Jack paid him in full up front, 395 00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,598 and he seems so at peace. 396 00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:43,561 - All right. - All right. 397 00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:52,514 I am such an idiot. 398 00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,035 You've got no choice, Richard. 399 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:57,000 You need to go in to Laurie and just tell her what happened. 400 00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:01,280 What? It's bad enough she's going to find out what I said after this piece posts online. 401 00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:04,115 You want me to go in and tell her right to her face? 402 00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:05,191 No fucking way. 403 00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:07,716 You could spin it. Tell her you're sorry. 404 00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:11,431 I had it. I had my old CEO job back, and I fucked it up. 405 00:20:11,950 --> 00:20:13,281 I'll get it. 406 00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:19,510 Ah. The Super Angel Premium Deluxe. 407 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:21,750 In the flesh. 408 00:20:22,110 --> 00:20:26,320 Yeah, I had to drive to San Mateo to get one that has auto-reverse. 409 00:20:26,470 --> 00:20:27,596 Why didn't you send your assistant? 410 00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:29,914 She was on the phone, so... 411 00:20:29,990 --> 00:20:34,871 Well, Big Head, it takes a brave man to admit his mistakes, 412 00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:39,512 and with this token of apology, you've officially righted your wrong. 413 00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:42,033 Consider the matter resolved. 414 00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:44,191 Cool. 415 00:20:45,150 --> 00:20:47,596 Traditionally, the offender shakes the offendee's hand, 416 00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:49,240 so you would come to me. 417 00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:52,835 That's an honest Thomas. 418 00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:58,558 Gentlemen, Monica, from the ashes of whatever happens here 419 00:20:58,830 --> 00:21:02,835 will rise the phoenix that shall be known as Bachmanity. 420 00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,594 That's what you're gonna call your company? 421 00:21:05,950 --> 00:21:08,430 Yeah, well, before it was gonna be Bachman Capital. 422 00:21:08,790 --> 00:21:11,999 Because I provide the Bachman, and he provides the capital. 423 00:21:12,630 --> 00:21:16,430 Yeah, but then, we compromised, and made it Bachmanity, 424 00:21:16,510 --> 00:21:20,515 'cause it's Bachman from him and then the "etti" from me. 425 00:21:20,990 --> 00:21:22,230 So it's two syllables each. 426 00:21:22,670 --> 00:21:26,231 Very much into keeping score, this one. Have a seat. 427 00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:28,472 I'll go fetch the documents and my Montblanc. 428 00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:30,071 Psst! 429 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:37,920 So, slight hiccup. I tracked down the woman who bought the drive, 430 00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:40,277 but she wasn't interested in selling it back. 431 00:21:40,910 --> 00:21:43,641 Apparently, she's already given it to her elderly father 432 00:21:43,710 --> 00:21:46,395 and booked the Geek Squad to set it up for him this afternoon. 433 00:21:46,470 --> 00:21:49,394 What about my drive? All our stuff is on there. 434 00:21:49,910 --> 00:21:51,241 I think we're fine. 435 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:55,031 She said he mostly uses the computer to download photos of old ships. 436 00:21:55,150 --> 00:21:58,154 I don't think he'll be able to find our files even if he wanted to. 437 00:21:58,390 --> 00:22:01,633 Well, I mean, hopefully. But still... 438 00:22:01,790 --> 00:22:04,157 Dinesh is right, this is sloppy. 439 00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:05,951 Where does this guy live? 440 00:22:06,710 --> 00:22:08,758 Shit, Richard, I'm sorry, man. 441 00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,554 Initial here and here. 442 00:22:10,910 --> 00:22:14,437 No. It's okay. I deserve it. It's my own fault. 443 00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:16,279 And you're gonna wanna sign here. 444 00:22:16,350 --> 00:22:18,796 Still, man, that just really sucks. 445 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:21,680 You know, I bet you wish you could just scrub the whole Internet, 446 00:22:21,750 --> 00:22:23,400 like Gavin Belson does, right? 447 00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:25,431 Whoa, weird. 448 00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:28,677 Every single one of my signatures looks totally different. 449 00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:30,718 - Wait. What? - Yeah, look. 450 00:22:30,790 --> 00:22:33,680 This one's in cursive, this one's just printed, and then I... 451 00:22:33,750 --> 00:22:36,037 One I just wrote "Big Head," but that's not going to hold up. 452 00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:39,836 No, no, no. Did you just say Gavin Belson scrubbed the Internet? 453 00:22:40,310 --> 00:22:41,357 Oh, yeah. 454 00:22:43,510 --> 00:22:45,672 Yeah, and then they told me to my face, 455 00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:47,639 that after Nucleus was shut down, 456 00:22:47,710 --> 00:22:49,758 Gavin had one of his execs order them to scrub 457 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:52,953 all negative mentions of Nucleus off of Hooli Search. 458 00:22:54,070 --> 00:22:56,676 Wow. Okay, when exactly did this happen? 459 00:22:56,950 --> 00:22:59,112 No, no. Actually... 460 00:22:59,190 --> 00:23:02,717 You told me that you would spike my story if I give you something better. 461 00:23:02,790 --> 00:23:03,791 This is better, right? 462 00:23:04,070 --> 00:23:06,072 Yeah. Light-years better, actually. 463 00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:07,720 Your story's spiked. Great, okay. 464 00:23:07,790 --> 00:23:10,999 As long as we're trading apples for comparable apples, 465 00:23:11,070 --> 00:23:13,676 I've got a fresh and juicy that's ripe for the picking. 466 00:23:14,150 --> 00:23:19,236 Ms. Cantwell, what say you to an exclusive on the launch of a future financial behemoth? 467 00:23:19,590 --> 00:23:21,319 How about we just stick with Gavin? 468 00:23:21,830 --> 00:23:23,878 Gavin for Richard? Deal? 469 00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:25,111 Done. 470 00:23:26,350 --> 00:23:28,830 Monica, do you really need to be here? 471 00:23:36,630 --> 00:23:39,236 - Geek Squad. - The computer's right here. 472 00:23:41,750 --> 00:23:42,990 You're not wearing the shirt. 473 00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:45,715 I spilled coffee on it. 474 00:23:46,390 --> 00:23:47,516 I'm a nerd. 475 00:24:07,230 --> 00:24:10,393 All right. We're all set here. 476 00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:19,237 Yes. 477 00:24:19,310 --> 00:24:20,391 Can I have my hard drive? 478 00:24:23,470 --> 00:24:26,280 Oh, no. You fucking dick. 479 00:24:28,830 --> 00:24:29,831 Shit. 480 00:24:34,670 --> 00:24:36,115 You're gonna be replacing it. 481 00:24:43,350 --> 00:24:45,079 You're back. How did the board meeting go? 482 00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:46,751 Well, um... 483 00:24:46,830 --> 00:24:53,190 You're looking at the past, present, and possibly future CEO of Pied Piper. 484 00:24:55,110 --> 00:24:56,714 Oh, that is... 485 00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:59,280 Oh, congratulations! 486 00:24:59,390 --> 00:25:00,880 - Jared... - My captain. 487 00:25:00,950 --> 00:25:04,352 "O Captain! my Captain! Rise up and hear the bells 488 00:25:04,710 --> 00:25:08,396 "Rise up-for you the flag is flung for you the bugle trills." 489 00:25:08,630 --> 00:25:09,791 All right. Dismissed. 490 00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:15,719 Well, uh, just to remind you, Pied Piper is still a sinking ship, so... 491 00:25:15,790 --> 00:25:17,360 Enough with the maritime metaphors. 492 00:25:17,430 --> 00:25:20,673 This is honestly, like, the best birthday gift that I ever could've asked for. 493 00:25:21,030 --> 00:25:22,634 - It's your birthday? - Uh, I don't know. 494 00:25:22,910 --> 00:25:25,277 The CPS worker couldn't find my birth certificate, 495 00:25:26,550 --> 00:25:28,120 but maybe now it is. 496 00:25:28,470 --> 00:25:33,192 And in other good news, we've managed to fill out our engineering team. 497 00:25:33,790 --> 00:25:35,519 Did you tell them that my Fage's off-limits? 498 00:25:35,750 --> 00:25:37,593 Oh, that won't be a worry. 499 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:38,671 Come meet them. 500 00:25:38,790 --> 00:25:41,600 All right, guys, who wants to start work on the fragment uploader? 501 00:25:41,710 --> 00:25:43,951 Uh, Gleb, why don't you and Sanjay take it? 502 00:25:44,030 --> 00:25:45,634 Richard, say hi. 503 00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:50,511 Yes. Hello, lam, um, Richard Hendricks, the CEO of Pied Piper. 504 00:25:50,950 --> 00:25:52,156 - Welcome aboard. - Hi. 505 00:25:52,230 --> 00:25:53,356 What the fuck is going on here? 506 00:25:53,470 --> 00:25:55,472 We got a little creative. 507 00:25:55,990 --> 00:25:58,516 Um, I read that the woman who started Pegg'd 508 00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:02,561 built her entire app using a team of coders from India she never met in person. 509 00:26:02,630 --> 00:26:04,792 And it only cost $15,000. 510 00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:08,710 Yeah, so we figured why limit ourselves to a few expensive people in the Valley, 511 00:26:08,790 --> 00:26:12,237 when we could afford a full complement if we outsourced? 512 00:26:12,310 --> 00:26:15,519 Um, Richard, I know we said that we sold everything in the offices 513 00:26:15,590 --> 00:26:19,640 to pay for these guys, but that was not exactly true. 514 00:26:20,310 --> 00:26:22,153 Um, we kept one thing. 515 00:26:22,990 --> 00:26:23,991 Okay. 516 00:26:27,710 --> 00:26:29,041 Oh, wow. It's the CEO chair. 517 00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:34,435 Ah. 518 00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:35,716 Have a seat. 519 00:26:36,670 --> 00:26:37,831 Okay. 520 00:26:41,670 --> 00:26:42,751 Okay, uh... 521 00:26:43,470 --> 00:26:45,120 Well, why don't we 522 00:26:45,510 --> 00:26:48,832 go around the room, or screens, or whatever, and introduce ourselves? 523 00:26:50,190 --> 00:26:53,433 Hello, my name is Gleb. I am in Bulgaria. 524 00:26:55,190 --> 00:26:58,114 Hello, I am Sanjay. I am here in Mumbai, India. 525 00:26:58,190 --> 00:26:59,555 - You having trouble? - No. 526 00:26:59,630 --> 00:27:02,713 Hello. I am Elisabet. I am speaking to you from Estonia. 527 00:27:03,950 --> 00:27:05,440 Uh, thank you for the... 528 00:27:06,350 --> 00:27:08,114 Whoa! 529 00:27:08,190 --> 00:27:09,601 It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 530 00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:11,911 - It's fine. I got it. I got it. - Dude. 531 00:27:11,990 --> 00:27:14,277 - I got it. I got it. - You're making a great first impression. 532 00:27:14,630 --> 00:27:16,473 Sorry. Can we go to the... Do the names one more time?