1 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:14,690 Shit. I swear I deleted a picture, 2 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:19,846 but when I clicked back to the album, the icon reappeared, it undeleted itself. 3 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,161 But I can't get it to happen again, so... 4 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,969 Hey, Richard, totally out of the blue, 5 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,048 do you know how we might be able to find that bug? 6 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,329 No, Dinesh. We are not releasing the beta. 7 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,609 We integrated the neural net a week ago. The platform is full of bugs. 8 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,206 But that is what a beta is for. 9 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:40,411 You give it to people in the real world, they use it, and that is how we find the bugs. 10 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,403 Richard, Reid Hoffman says 11 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,324 if you're not mortally embarrassed by the quality of your initial release, 12 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,686 you've released too late. 13 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,491 Okay. We already are mortally embarrassed. 14 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,246 Okay? We move in and, subsequently, out of our offices, 15 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,169 mainly because it was too expensive. 16 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:59,404 We fired two CEOs, we've pivoted to a box, and then pivoted back. 17 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,927 Any more bad word-of-mouth and we will be royally fucked. 18 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,885 Where's Gilfoyle? 19 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,731 Hey, Gilfoyle, the deletion issue is ducking me again, and, um... 20 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:11,847 I'm sorry. 21 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,121 Well, hey, Richard. 22 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:14,766 Hi, Tara. 23 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,689 I need to borrow your fella here for a second. 24 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,450 All right, babe, I gotta go. 25 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,723 Hey, when you check out the settings view, 26 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,211 can you let me know if there's something weird 27 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,486 that happens with the submit button? 28 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,961 It was a little weird when I was doing QA. 29 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,041 Yeah, okay. 30 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,249 - Sorry, the settings view for... - The beta. 31 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,607 - The beta for... - Pied Piper. 32 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,923 It's a promising compression company that doesn't pay very well. 33 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,411 - You sent her the beta? - I did. 34 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,563 Are you fucking insane? It's not ready. It's riddled with bugs. 35 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:44,042 Really? Cause I've been test-driving it all day, and it's pretty fucking awesome. 36 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:45,887 Really? You think so? 37 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,485 Yeah. For real. 38 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,528 Congratulations, Richard. It's so fucking cool. 39 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,682 And when the neural net kicks in, it's gonna be rad. 40 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,603 But, you know, I did have one problem, though. 41 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,684 I tried to restore an old file and it asked me to confirm twice. 42 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,569 Yeah, well, that was a bad merge. 43 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,325 It's been there for months. I fixed it in 10 seconds. 44 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,490 Richard... 45 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:05,921 Maybe. 46 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:07,810 Yeah, maybe beta. 47 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,280 - Hi, Dinesh. Java. 48 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,845 Wait, that can't be right. 49 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,922 How can Bachmanity still be so far in the hole? 50 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,684 Look at all this shit that Big Head is selling. 51 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,683 He was renting virtually everything in the house. 52 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,805 He rented that cannon? 53 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:39,445 It was for display purposes only. So you forfeit your deposit. 54 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,285 It's a cannon. What's he supposed to do, not fire it? 55 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,646 That was the provision. 56 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,125 So that's it then, I guess. 57 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,690 Big Head's really broke. 58 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,484 You know what? He's young. He'll get past it. 59 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,921 Nelson is not the only one who should be worried. 60 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,002 - You were partners. - Fair point. 61 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:59,369 But shuttering a company in the tech world is almost a rite of passage, 62 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,726 like herpes simplex one. 63 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:05,601 At first, it's ugly and embarrassing and you're disgusted by your own dick. 64 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,320 But after a while, 65 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,641 in the larger scheme of things, you realize it's really... 66 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,849 Mr. Bachman, you structured Bachmanity as a general partnership. 67 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:17,721 Then, with no money in the bank, you threw a million-dollar luau on Alcatraz. 68 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,040 You're on the hook for that. 69 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,166 And even declaring bankruptcy isn't going to absolve you of these debts. 70 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,844 Bankruptcy? 71 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,490 it's none of my business. Good luck. 72 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,370 Wait, where are you going? We need you. You're our business manager. 73 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,727 There's no business remaining to manage. 74 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,086 Good day, Mr. Bachman. 75 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:35,886 Hey, good news. 76 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,689 They said we can each keep one of the cannonballs, 77 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,569 so not a total loss, right? 78 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,691 All right, so I've set up a sign-up page for the beta. 79 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,240 Now, we're gonna keep it small and secure, 80 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:52,291 so that means we're limited to 10 invite codes each to send out. 81 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,246 I've already got my list. 82 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,163 It's people that I know personally, 83 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,490 and people that I know I can trust. 84 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:03,007 Hmm, we only get 10 each. This could be prickly. 85 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,128 Well, I'm out. I don't trust anyone. 86 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,884 It's a huge part of my belief system. 87 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,167 You sent the beta to Tara. 88 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,891 Yeah, there was a transactional nature to that exchange, 89 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,088 - which I'll get into if you want. - Pass. 90 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,243 But it doesn't mean that I trust her, and I certainly don't trust anyone else. 91 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,728 Oh, in other words, you have no friends. 92 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:21,801 On principle. 93 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:26,841 I could make what rises to your low standards of a friend any time I want. 94 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:27,967 Sure you could. 95 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,681 Gilfoyle, if you're not gonna use your 10 invites, could Dinesh and I have them? 96 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,570 Sure. Knock yourselves out. 97 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,244 Loser. He's got no friends. 98 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,160 Okay. 99 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,720 Miriam, Sylvia... 100 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,567 Oh, Samantha! I almost forgot her. 101 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,042 You know, Jared, you can have all 10 of Gilfoyle's invites. 102 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:54,846 - Much appreciated. - Yeah. 103 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:57,970 Monica, hello. 104 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,771 Um, did you honestly think that you could send me an email 105 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:04,526 telling me that you were launching the beta without sending me the beta? 106 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,045 Come on. I'm dying to see it. 107 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,691 Well, I think the whole point, Monica, is to get the beta 108 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,410 into the hands of unbiased people 109 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,767 so they can give us an honest feedback, you know. 110 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,922 Besides, I just gave out my 10 invites. 111 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:19,050 Oh, if Monica wants an invite, I could, like, squeeze her on my list. 112 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,168 - Are you sure? - Yeah, no problem. 113 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,129 Okay, Monica, well, you're in luck. 114 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,965 Dinesh has decided to give you one of his codes, so... 115 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,771 Great. I promise I'll find something terrible to say. 116 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,925 Okay, so I did a rough accounting 117 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,401 of your assets and liabilities. 118 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,006 Jared, don't look at me like that. Just give it to me straight. 119 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:43,005 All right. Your house has appreciated in value since you bought it, 120 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,766 but if you sold it now for what Zillow and Redfin think it's worth... 121 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,569 I'd still be half a million in the hole. 122 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,768 Now, that's the bad news. 123 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:54,011 - Is there good news? - Well, it's unclear. 124 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,651 I went back through your records. 125 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:01,328 Uh, at first, I'll admit, a bit voyeuristically, uh, to see where all of the money went, 126 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,324 and apart from the party expenses, which were staggering... 127 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,401 Yeah. Fuck, yeah. 128 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,130 But one number jumped out at me. 129 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,324 Now, whoever did your accounting 130 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:13,803 earmarked almost 70% of Big Head's settlement money for taxes. 131 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,640 70%? 132 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:19,850 Even in Taxo-Alto, which I coined, it would be half that. 133 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,160 Where did that money go? 134 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,562 Well, that is the $6-million question. 135 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,165 I may have the answer. 136 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:32,046 I'm sorry. You're accusing me of impropriety? 137 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,848 You, the man who spent $20,000 138 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,685 renting giant fiberglass tiki heads, 139 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,121 and $40,000 more 140 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:44,046 when one of them was misplaced on the way back to the rental house? 141 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,203 I told you it wasn't misplaced. I know exactly where it is. 142 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,362 It's at the bottom of the bay. 143 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,206 I called you a thief because you, sir, have stolen from us. 144 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,124 Nelson, come on. You can't possibly believe this. 145 00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,161 - Sorry. - Don't apologize to him. 146 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,890 - Oh, right. Sorry. - Thank you. 147 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,327 Arthur, you listen to me, and you listen good. 148 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,882 I have people calling me 40 times a day asking for their money. 149 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,606 I even considered selling my house to pay them. 150 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:13,162 So you are going to go in your little fucking piggy bank right now 151 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,523 and pay back every fucking kopeck 152 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,365 that you stole from Big Head. 153 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,489 And if you don't, we're gonna take our little show on the road, 154 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,003 perhaps perform it for a man named the DA. 155 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,645 Ridiculous. 156 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,085 Very well. 157 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,089 Game on. 158 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,490 Let's go, Big Head. 159 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,201 Wait. 160 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,204 I may have moved around some of your money 161 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,044 in a way that wasn't exactly conventional. 162 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,607 - Give me back Big Head's fucking money! - Yeah! 163 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,125 - Sorry. Sorry. - No, you did good. 164 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,682 I can't, because I don't have it. 165 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,411 Hey, Marc, we may have a problem. 166 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,721 What's up? 167 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,848 Well, a buddy of mine at Datatrode 168 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,129 sits next to a guy who just got invited to Pied Piper's beta. 169 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,043 Shit. They're already in beta? 170 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,246 Should I tell Gavin? 171 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,209 Fuck, no. We're still two or three months out. 172 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,649 Yeah, if he hears Pied Piper's already in beta, trust me, he'll lose his shit. 173 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,805 Fine. But if it ever comes up, I didn't hear about this. 174 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,682 - And this came in when? - Forty-three minutes ago. 175 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,603 And deleted six minutes after that. 176 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,365 Fortunately, the filters, which I had installed, sir, 177 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:28,845 caught the relevant keywords. 178 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,809 I decided to walk it to you personally. 179 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,486 An employee's withholding critical information about a competitor. 180 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:34,925 This is a fireable offense. 181 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,445 You want me to bring this guy in? 182 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,601 No. 183 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,844 Acting on this would expose the fact that we're reading employees' private emails, 184 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,366 destroying the spirit of trust and freedom to innovate 185 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,488 that I've worked so hard to build here at Hooli. 186 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,767 You know, it makes you wonder if the word "Hooli" 187 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,127 has any meaning for these people whatsoever. 188 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,806 Is there anything I can do? 189 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,241 Yeah. 190 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,609 Get me a look at that Pied Piper beta. 191 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,569 I will figure out a way, sir. 192 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,728 Finally. Where the fuck have you... 193 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,401 - Hey, thanks for the lift, Kevin. - Yeah, no worries. 194 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,567 Oh, Kevin, this is Dinesh, one of my coworkers. 195 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:30,167 - Dinesh, this is Kevin. We met at Philz Coffee. - Hey. 196 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,770 - We're friends now. Isn't that right, Kevin? - Yeah. 197 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,000 All right, my friend. I should get to work, so thanks for the lift. 198 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,128 - Yeah. - Thanks for the coffees. 199 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,401 Oh... 200 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,923 Catch you later, my friend. 201 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,129 That was my friend, Kevin. 202 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,646 Congratulations. You now have one friend. 203 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,326 He also said there was a bug on the landing page. 204 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:54,851 - Well, how severe is it? - Not bad. 205 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,684 Compared to the rest of what he said, it's nothing. 206 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:00,290 Guys, uh, you might as well hear this from me. 207 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:03,648 Uh, I just had a long talk about the beta with my friend, Todd Chambers. 208 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,724 - The Dropbox guy? - Yeah, he was employee number 11. 209 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,882 Why did you send it to him? He hates everything. 210 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,724 Well, because I thought he would be honest with me, 211 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,804 and, um, he was, quite honest. Uh... 212 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:18,171 He said that in the 15 years he's been working in the Valley, 213 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,528 our beta was the best beta he's ever seen. 214 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,807 - By far. - What? Really? 215 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,769 I don't want to count our chickens before they hatch. 216 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,605 I mean, 3% of hatchlings are born mutated or dead, 217 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,843 but we may have a healthy brood on our hands. 218 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,930 I'm getting the same reaction. 219 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,765 I mean, a few bugs here and there, but overall, they love it. 220 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,888 We might be holding pocket aces here. 221 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,086 Awesome. 222 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,441 Hey, guys. 223 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,761 - How you holding up? - Good, yeah. 224 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,241 I mean, just trying to make sense of all the feedback. 225 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,164 Well, you know, I guess you just can't let it get in your head. 226 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,764 - Did you mean "go to my head"? - What did I say? 227 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,730 You said "get in your head," like it's a bad thing, but it's not. 228 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,370 - It's great. People love it. - Really? 229 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,886 Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe it myself. 230 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,166 They're flipping out. 231 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,446 That's awesome. That... 232 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,841 And that's for the beta that you sent me? 233 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,730 No, Monica. It's for the other beta that we've got kicking around here. 234 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:16,005 I mean, I have an inbox full of raves here for the upload performance, the mobile, the... 235 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,923 What about the interface? 236 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,241 Did people have any issues with that? 237 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,885 No, not at all. Why? 238 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,488 Do you have any issues with the interface? 239 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,446 I haven't actually had a chance to look at it yet. 240 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,766 Are you serious? You've been sitting on the beta for a day 241 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,446 after busting my balls about not getting an invite? 242 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,045 Pretty fuckin' lame. 243 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,963 Yeah. Sorry. 244 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,769 Yeah. Lame. 245 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,171 I just got an email from my friend, Max Karnow. 246 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,084 And he says, "I heard the beta's awesome. Can I get a look?" 247 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,122 Guys, I think we're starting to get some buzz. 248 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,486 You know, maybe we should talk to Laurie about moving up the official launch? 249 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,322 - You want to move it up? - Yeah, I think we're ready. 250 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,562 I mean, do you think you could set the meeting? 251 00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,521 Yeah. 252 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,444 Yeah, I'll go tell Laurie right now. 253 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,601 Okay. 254 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,525 What was that about? 255 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,329 She's fucking weird. 256 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,481 Hey, Richard, um, 257 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,322 if your friend Max Karnow needs an invite, 258 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,290 you know, I could probably squeeze him on my list. 259 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,205 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 260 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,045 I'll have to freeze out one of my boys, but they'll get it. 261 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,329 Just shoot me his email. 262 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:30,882 The perpetrator has been losing money for other clients for years, 263 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:35,090 was lying to us and funneling our money to said other clients, 264 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,527 therein, fucking us. 265 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,207 You know, I'm sorry to say this is not an uncommon occurrence. 266 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:45,524 Wait, it's not an uncommon... So then it... 267 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,247 Okay, got it. 268 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,561 So if it makes any difference, 269 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:53,247 I'd like to vie for a lesser sentence, 270 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,482 if after he makes full restitution, 271 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,450 he would write a very convincing public apology, preferably... 272 00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,646 Mr. Bachman, 273 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:04,330 an action like this is very expensive and time-consuming, 274 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,688 and as you've already pointed out, even if you do prevail, 275 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,804 the money is gone, unless you win a court order 276 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,451 allowing you to raid other innocent people's bank accounts, 277 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,045 and that's a tough sell, 278 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:19,605 even for a plaintiff who's more, uh, sympathetic. 279 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,842 Are you calling us unsympathetic? 280 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,968 You just threw a million-dollar party. 281 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:27,761 A tasteful Polynesian affair, culturally accurate, 282 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,683 which I'm sure you would appreciate, 283 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,681 and one that we can no longer pay for because this criminal has left us flat broke. 284 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:34,841 Also not true. 285 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,766 You have a large stake in a company called Pied Piper. 286 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:42,083 Yes, but I can't sell my shares at Pied Piper. Not now. 287 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,003 Wouldn't it cover your outstanding debts? 288 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,209 Of course. But they could potentially be worth billions. 289 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,203 Yes, and how do you see that playing to people 290 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,931 who are being priced out of their homes by rich tech people? 291 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,888 Have either of you been on a jury? 292 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,806 No, of course not. I always get out of it. The fines are very reasonable. 293 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,644 You don't just throw those things away? 294 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,006 Gentlemen, let me tell you what I see. 295 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,880 I see two able-bodied, entitled young white men 296 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,043 who lucked into more money than most people see in five lifetimes, 297 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,521 and who, if they hadn't had their millions stolen, 298 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,931 would have promptly squandered them 299 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,891 on more things like relocated swimming pools and lost tiki heads. 300 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,409 It's not lost. 301 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,566 I know exactly where it is. It's in the bay. 302 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,531 And if your Coast Guard would be a little more helpful, 303 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,364 we probably could have dragged it out of there by now. 304 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:29,885 Mr. Bachman, 305 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:34,091 you pay those caterers and bartenders you owe money to, 306 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:38,006 or I assure you that I will prosecute. 307 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:41,886 Mr. Chugtai, 308 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,407 I am gonna need all the phone numbers of the people on your list. 309 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:46,807 Why? 310 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,451 I'm just calling everybody that was on the beta 311 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,286 and saying hi and a quick thank you and then just a couple of follow-up questions. 312 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,647 Yeah. I don't think so. 313 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,290 What do you mean? 314 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,442 Well, I mean, put yourself in their shoes. 315 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:03,127 They're, like, snowboarding in Tahoe or, like, banging some smokin' chick, 316 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,921 and then this fuckin' nerd calls and he wants to talk about his app. 317 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,001 Buzz-kill. 318 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,969 Wait. Your boys are where? 319 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,402 Well, those are just hypotheticals. 320 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,087 I mean, my boys could be anywhere. I don't keep track of my boys. 321 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,123 Actually, we can. 322 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,770 We have the IP address and GPS coordinates for every active user, 323 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,363 so we can figure out just where your boys are at. 324 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,127 Um, you added a god-view? When did you do that? 325 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,329 Right before I gave it to Tara. I told you, trust no one. 326 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,246 Oh, that is very cool. Nice work, Gilfoyle. 327 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,206 And we can isolate each of our users. 328 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,520 Dinesh's, for example... 329 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:46,083 Before we invade people's privacy, there is a conversation about ethics. 330 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:50,529 Why is it that five of your users show up at this address? 331 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,250 Oh, it's buggy. 332 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,530 Should we beta-test the god-view? 333 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,285 I'm happy to drag this out as long as you want to. 334 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,161 Fine. 335 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:04,002 I was having trouble filling up my list, so I made up a few people. 336 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,605 Well, people do create imaginary friends to meet their emotional needs. 337 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,571 When I was little, I used to pretend that I shared a room with Harriet Tubman 338 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,529 and we were always planning our big escape. 339 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,327 Wait. 340 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,007 Who is this, and why are they at the Hooli campus? 341 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,121 What? 342 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,929 Did you give the beta to someone at fucking Hooli? 343 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:25,246 Who's Max Karnow? 344 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,325 Oh! That's not one of my friends. I have no friends. Got him from Richard. 345 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,209 No. No, that can't be right. 346 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,809 I went to Hendricks' Facebook page. 347 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,121 I found a friend of his that lived near Palo Alto, 348 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,044 searched his name and found that he was in the tech business. 349 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:43,364 I then came up with a great idea to dummy up an email account in his name, 350 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,566 sent a beta request to Hendricks, and then voila'. 351 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,530 - That's incredible. - Yes, well, it is my craft. 352 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,605 You see, I think security detail is like creating great jazz where we... 353 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,321 What are you talk... I'm talking about the beta. Will you shut the fuck up? 354 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,684 Fuck, this is good. 355 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,411 Their sign-up flow, their mobile app, it's just seamless. 356 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,766 How are they doing this? 357 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,208 I can put a team on that, sir. If you want to know how they... 358 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,965 What? Why are you so high-maintenance? 359 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,361 - Do you want me to answer that, sir? - No! God damn it! 360 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,090 You're so needy! 361 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:19,562 Okay, I just talked to the real Max Karnow, and he had no idea about the beta. 362 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,166 Wow, um, clearly, we're dealing with a Hooli spy here. 363 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,368 So what do we do? 364 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,886 I mean, shut down his account, obviously. 365 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,850 Yeah. On it. Sorry, Dinesh. 366 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,011 You will now have one less fake friend. 367 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,646 Wait, Gilfoyle. 368 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:40,123 Is shutting down this guy's account really the worst thing we can think of to do to him? 369 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,962 Oh, my God. Where the fuck is my head? 370 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,290 Stand by. 371 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,688 Look at their compression ratios. 372 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,491 The more files uploaded, the better they get? 373 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,766 Are we doing that? 374 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,884 No. Not really. 375 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,531 That's gotta be some kind of machine learning optimization. 376 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,887 - Maybe a neural net? - Well, then I want that. 377 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:03,521 You need to put that into our platform. Now. 378 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,524 I'm not even sure we have the resources here to engineer something like that. 379 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,405 And even if we did, our platform isn't designed to accommodate it. 380 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,807 You're talking about a ground-up rebuild. 381 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,610 Great. So do that. And beat them to market. 382 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:17,766 That's impossible. 383 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,205 You're at Hooli now, Marc. 384 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:24,807 And in case you didn't know, here at Hooli, we make the impossible possible. 385 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,410 So if I say I need... 386 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,603 - What the fuck is happening? - Oh, shit! 387 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,569 It looks like a zip bomb. They must know it's us. 388 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,246 - That hard drive is fucked. - This is my personal laptop. 389 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,971 You opened a stolen beta on your personal computer? 390 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,929 Yes. And I installed it on my phone. 391 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,323 Shit. It could fry the entire system. 392 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,289 - Cut the power to the building! - No, Gavin. 393 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,648 It's isolated to your user account, so it's just your laptop and your phone. 394 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,643 It has no impact on the rest of the network. 395 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,609 You don't know that. You don't know shit. None of you do! 396 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,921 You don't even know what Hendricks is capable of. 397 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:58,562 Cut the power to the building! Cut the power to the building! 398 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,804 And that's that. 399 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,684 - And now, delete user. - Nice. 400 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,726 Wait, is that Monica? She finally opened it. 401 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,802 Oh, yeah. Well, that's odd. 402 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,723 It says here that she started using it yesterday. 403 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,122 Wait, so she lied? 404 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,248 Why would she lie about using the beta? 405 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,085 Yeah, why would Dinesh lie about having friends? 406 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,766 Why would Tara lie to me about fucking other guys 407 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:26,890 when we have a totally open and hedonistic relationship that allows for behavior like that? 408 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,202 Because people like to lie, Richard. 409 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,729 It's a war of all against all. 410 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,891 The history of humanity is a book written in blood. 411 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,642 We're all just animals in a pit. 412 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,203 - I feel very sad. - Fucking Gilfoyle. 413 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,728 No, no. What are you doing? Get back to work. 414 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,280 On what? You powered down all the computers. 415 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:53,807 Use a notepad. Code on your phone. We have a deadline here. 416 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,844 No, Gavin, you have a deadline. 417 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,531 We quit, like we should have done the first time. 418 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,371 What first time? What are you talking about? 419 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,727 We both worked at Nucleus right here in this room. 420 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,047 Yeah, before you fired us and rehired us 421 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,361 to do the exact same thing without ever noticing. 422 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,363 I invited you to my wedding, Gavin. 423 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,286 Why? 424 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,926 We just lost our key engineers. What the hell do we do now? 425 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,651 No one leaves this room until we figure it out. 426 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,805 Thanks for the lift. 427 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,406 Steve's place is pretty far away from everything, 428 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,960 but he's letting me stay on his couch for free, so... 429 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,447 And you were supposed to be my meal ticket. 430 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,881 Yeah. 431 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,884 Hold on. C.J. called. 432 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,368 Hey, uh, just wanted to let you know about a great new story I'm chasing. 433 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:44,968 It's a cautionary tale of two young entrepreneurs who flew too close to the sun. 434 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,010 I mean, apparently, in the midst of losing millions, 435 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,048 they threw a huge party they couldn't afford. 436 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:53,522 I talked to two bartenders and a caterer who worked your party the other night. 437 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,405 None of them have been paid. Call me. 438 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,361 Well, it appears we've spent our last dime 439 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,929 acquiring a tech blog whose chief focus is chronicling our demise. 440 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,324 Jian-Yang. 441 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,484 Erlich Bachman, is your refrigerator running? 442 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,529 This is Mike Hunt. 443 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,320 Oh, here, here it is on the right. 444 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:19,886 Thanks, man. 445 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:24,164 Hey, are you sure you're cool with me taking both cannonballs? 446 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,243 - I'm sure. - Thanks, partner. 447 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,731 I got it. 448 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,202 I know you lied. 449 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,364 - Sorry. - What the fuck? 450 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,404 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. 451 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,209 How the hell did you know that I was here? 452 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,487 Well, we have god-view on the beta, 453 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,608 and I saw you leave your office and come here. 454 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,489 So you're stalking me? 455 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,608 Look, Monica, I know you're lying about not using the beta, 456 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,160 so why haven't I heard from you? 457 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,961 - Richard... - No, it's okay. 458 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,330 If you don't like it, you can say it. 459 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,686 Everybody loves it, so I think I can handle one negative review. 460 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,405 Fine. I don't like it. 461 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,960 Really? Are you serious? Everybody else loves it. 462 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,964 I've never wanted to like something more in my life, Richard. 463 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,805 - I just... I don't. - Okay. 464 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,167 What specifically do you not like about it? 465 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,571 Specifically? 466 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,369 All of it. 467 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,650 I mean, it's not, it's not the UX or the design or anything that you can tweak. 468 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,691 It's just, the whole thing feels engineered. 469 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,170 Okay. Well, that might make sense because, um, I'm an engineer. 470 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,766 Look, you've gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback. 471 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,650 The build is incredibly stable, and you're out of money. 472 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:04,041 So if you think it's ready, you should launch and unlock the next $3 million. 473 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,242 Look, Monica, I value your opinion, 474 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,086 and you're the one that doesn't like it, so I don't know. 475 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:13,760 Richard, look. 476 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,369 I passed on Slack. 477 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:20,807 Really? 478 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,770 I never told Laurie. She'd probably fire me if she knew, 479 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:28,607 but I had a chance to buy 20% of Slack for nothing, and I passed. 480 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,124 I didn't get it. I still don't. 481 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,806 I mean, what is it? Is it email? Is it a chat room? 482 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,203 Turns out, the answer is, it's a $3-billion company. 483 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,962 But that's the fucked-up thing about what we do. 484 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,769 Sometimes our opinion is wrong. 485 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,842 And no matter how good something is, 486 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,491 there's always gonna be someone who doesn't get it. 487 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,289 And unfortunately, with Pied Piper, it's me. 488 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,401 Um... 489 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,680 A week ago, I was worried about releasing a beta no one would like. 490 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,244 I'm just bummed that you're the one that doesn't like it. 491 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,766 Which is why you can't listen to anyone else. 492 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:04,525 If you believe in something, 493 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,490 don't let anyone talk you out of it, including me. 494 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:13,642 Peter Gregory always said, "Don't invest in products, invest in people." 495 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,722 I invested in you, 496 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,041 and if you think it's ready to go, 497 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,851 I will go to Laurie and fight like hell for it. 498 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,928 So, what do you want to do? 499 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,241 Congratulations, everyone. 500 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,526 Yeah, I can't believe it. 501 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,250 We're actually finally launching. 502 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:35,840 Yes. Tuesday, 9:00 a.m. 503 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,002 Pats on the back. Pats on the back. 504 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,561 Gentlemen, I just realized I've forgotten to take a shit. 505 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,120 So, uh, I'll see you back at the old homestead. 506 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,361 Okay. 507 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:01,966 Laurie. 508 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,810 I have a business proposition I'd like to discuss with you. 509 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,049 It's about my shares in Pied Piper. 510 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,880 Okay, T minus five minutes. 511 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,961 Dinesh, are you still seriously squashing bugs? 512 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,965 Not really. I'm so fucking tired, I'm creating more than I'm fixing. 513 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,769 Where the fuck is Gilfoyle? 514 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,529 This isn't easy for me to do. 515 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,568 You served me well, old friend. 516 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,007 But we're transferring to AWS now, 517 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,007 and I'm afraid you can't come. 518 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,929 Oh, I'm pathetic? 519 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:54,606 I'd rather have a bunch of fake friends than be best friends with a fucking metal box. 520 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,644 Can't you two see? 521 00:25:58,280 --> 00:25:59,964 You're each other's best friends. 522 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,691 Fuck you, Jared. 523 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:04,690 Yeah. Jinx. 524 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,523 You owe each other a friendship. 525 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,449 One minute. Holy shit. 526 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,321 Holy shit. 527 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:13,970 Excuse me. I gotta... 528 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,287 - Hello? - Hey, it's C.J. 529 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,681 Uh, I just heard from the folks that worked your party. 530 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,043 - And? - And it turns out they were paid in full. 531 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:26,647 So apparently I owe you an apology, and I feel bad. 532 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,566 Not as bad as I feel, I can assure you. 533 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,404 Yeah, I'm getting another call. 534 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,521 Hello? 535 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,649 Erlich Bachman, this is your mom, 536 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,882 and you are not my baby. 537 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:45,760 Not now, Jian-Yang! Not now! Go back into your room! 538 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,730 - Sorry. - It's okay. 539 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,481 Here we are, Erlich. 540 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,530 Jobs and Woz, Woz and Jobs. 541 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,568 I mean, we did it. You and me, man, forever. 542 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:57,641 All right. 543 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,644 Richard, never been more excited to be proven wrong. 544 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:04,687 Yeah, well, get ready for your lives to change forever. 545 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:13,962 Five, four, three, two, one...