1 00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:13,450 Oh! You only make that face when your dick is on fire. 2 00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:14,980 So, you're certain? 3 00:00:15,010 --> 00:00:16,240 Definitively. 4 00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:19,120 The 36 HooliPhones that blew up at Hoolicon 5 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,720 and the 17 that blew up around the US 6 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,190 all had our code on them. 7 00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,890 Richard, these are real people 8 00:00:25,930 --> 00:00:28,560 with real crotches, and they're burning. 9 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,300 We have to tell someone. This was our fault. 10 00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:35,440 No. No, no. Keenan's demo was built to run on a $10,000 rig. 11 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,310 Jack ported it to a phone in four days. 12 00:00:38,340 --> 00:00:40,110 They wrote sloppy code that's pinging 13 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,390 the antenna constantly, looking for the goggles. 14 00:00:42,420 --> 00:00:45,980 That had to have caused the phone's antenna to draw too much power... 15 00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:48,450 Which would overheat the subpar battery. 16 00:00:48,470 --> 00:00:50,600 And when we pinged our network on top of all that... 17 00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:52,180 - Dick fire. - Richard, 18 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,130 what happened to being Honest Abe from now on? 19 00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:57,310 We committed a crime here. 20 00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:59,840 - Barely, Jared. - The fact that we hacked those phones 21 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,070 works in our favor. All of our code is hidden. 22 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:06,200 Agreed. And when Hooli launches a new software update to fix the phones, 23 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,210 our network will still be functional, Melcher will be happy, 24 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,340 Monica will fund us, and no one will ever know what we did. 25 00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:15,680 - I'll know! - Yes! I'll know too, but I'm okay with it. 26 00:01:15,710 --> 00:01:17,150 I'm sorry. 27 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:25,720 What the fuck is this? 28 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,220 I write three letters every time I start a job... 29 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,730 a personal action plan, 30 00:01:30,770 --> 00:01:32,730 a letter to my 40-year-old self, 31 00:01:32,770 --> 00:01:35,170 and that, a resignation letter. 32 00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:39,240 Uh, I'll be moving my things back into my condo. 33 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,940 - What about your squatter? - Oh, he's been out for months. 34 00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:45,780 He left to go sell cocaine at the Keystone Pipeline protests. 35 00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:48,350 I've just been staying in the garage out of solidarity. 36 00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:49,980 You can't leave. 37 00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:51,850 - Don't beg, Richard. - I'm not. 38 00:01:51,890 --> 00:01:54,520 According to the employee handbook, 39 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,370 which you wrote, an employee cannot leave 40 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,290 without giving two weeks' notice. 41 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,360 You... you read the handbook? 42 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:07,130 - Yeah, I did. - All right, fine. 43 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,000 I'll fulfill my duties under protest, 44 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,500 but I will not do anything illegal 45 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:14,110 nor unethical, and I will not lie. 46 00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:17,810 I already have upwards of 50 burnt perinea on my conscience. 47 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,240 Richard, that's enough. 48 00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:22,650 Consider that my two weeks' notice. 49 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,570 All right. Keep an eye on HooliNews, 50 00:02:29,590 --> 00:02:33,030 and let me know when Jack announces the HooliPhone update. 51 00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:36,660 What do you mean you're not issuing a software update? 52 00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:40,330 Who can say why the phone Gavin Belson brought to market 53 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:45,810 started exploding when we put Keenan Feldspar's technology on it? Huh? 54 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,310 Is it Gavin's fault? Is it Keenan's fault? Is it 50-50? Who knows? 55 00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:51,380 We need to change the narrative here. 56 00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:54,450 Has anyone flown commercial recently? 57 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,850 Nor have I, but apparently they're still making the announcements 58 00:02:59,890 --> 00:03:03,620 at the gate about Samsung Galaxy Note 7 being banned. 59 00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:07,420 We can't have people believing that our phones blow up airplanes, 60 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,900 no matter how much Gavin and/or Keenan may have wanted it. 61 00:03:10,930 --> 00:03:12,960 It's lethal PR. 62 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,070 We need to get ahead of this one, 63 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,070 which is why I am going to pull 64 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:20,710 every last affected HooliPhone out of circulation 65 00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:22,970 and replace it in the next three days. 66 00:03:23,010 --> 00:03:25,680 That's over nine million devices. 67 00:03:25,710 --> 00:03:29,380 Gavin Belson had to move heaven and earth to get our China plants 68 00:03:29,420 --> 00:03:31,680 up to a capacity of two million per day, 69 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:35,050 and his negotiations with labor were extremely delicate. 70 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:38,490 Well, China has never negotiated with Jack Barker. 71 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,530 What you're proposing is staggeringly expensive 72 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,730 and borderline impossible. 73 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:44,930 We won't approve it. 74 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,770 I see. Uh... 75 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,000 Slight hitch. I may have instructed my comms team 76 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:56,440 to issue a press release announcing the recall... 77 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,410 and it should be going out at... 78 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,880 - Yeah, it's out. - Jack. 79 00:04:01,910 --> 00:04:05,310 I'll tell you what: let's just gas up that HooliJet, 80 00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:09,790 and I am going to go ahead and go to China! 81 00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:24,980 So, every fucking HooliPhone that we're on 82 00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:26,700 is being pulled out of service and replaced 83 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,540 with a new one that doesn't have our code on it. 84 00:04:28,570 --> 00:04:30,640 Half of our storage capacity just gone. 85 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:33,670 Where the fuck are we gonna put all of Melcher's data? 86 00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:38,280 Wait. We have a server farm in the garage, right? 87 00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,430 Now, don't you think if Anton could've saved our ass, 88 00:04:40,450 --> 00:04:41,620 I would've suggested it by now? 89 00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:43,820 - Why can't it work? - What are you, fucking stupid? 90 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,520 In order to hold that much data, 91 00:04:45,550 --> 00:04:47,980 we would have to go RAID zero, no backup, 92 00:04:48,010 --> 00:04:49,890 so if we lose even one platter, 93 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,090 we lose Melcher's data... permanently. 94 00:04:52,130 --> 00:04:54,060 Plus, in Anton's present condition, 95 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,530 I'm afraid he might totally melt down. 96 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,330 - We have to call Melcher. - No, we are not calling Melcher. 97 00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:01,100 If we tell him about any of this, that would be suicide. 98 00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:02,930 Look, if we're gonna die, let's just die. 99 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,470 Why do we have to take Anton with us? 100 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,970 Jesus, man. You know that thing's not alive, right? 101 00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:09,110 - Fuck your dumb machine. - Wait. Do you? 102 00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:10,680 Do you actually fuck your dumb machine? 103 00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:12,410 - Is that the secret on your phone? - Fuck you. 104 00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:14,190 - Fuck you! Do you raw-dog it? - Guys. Guys. Guys! 105 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,850 Or do you put a condom on your tiny penis and fuck it in safe mode? 106 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,850 Just fuck each other and get it over with. "Oh, Anton, fuck me!" 107 00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:21,220 I will fuck both of you... 108 00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:24,760 - Gentlemen! This is Gladys. - Fuck you. 109 00:05:24,790 --> 00:05:27,060 She's interviewing to be my replacement. 110 00:05:28,090 --> 00:05:29,160 Hello. 111 00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,110 I like your sweater. 112 00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:32,730 Maybe let's talk outside. 113 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,900 - Great. - It's just right through here. 114 00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,570 Gilfoyle, Anton is going to be fine, okay? 115 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,400 Just spin him up. Please? 116 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,270 All right, buddy. 117 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,840 Let's see what you're made of. 118 00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:03,670 Outstanding. 119 00:06:03,690 --> 00:06:06,900 I'm sorry that you had to witness that scene in there. 120 00:06:06,930 --> 00:06:10,700 It probably gave you the impression that the company is in disarray, 121 00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:14,600 but I can assure you, there's a very simple explanation for that. 122 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,200 - It... it is. - Sorry? 123 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,040 Yeah, even setting aside our CEO's sexual distortion, 124 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,480 adultery, and lowbrow scatlogical vandalism, 125 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:28,330 we're still essentially a... a criminal operation 126 00:06:28,350 --> 00:06:32,260 whose only real product is dangerous malware. 127 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,870 I see you're fluent in Japanese. 128 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:39,060 Are... are you gonna be comfortable with casual racism? 129 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,880 I'm sorry. What happened here? 130 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:45,600 Uh, arson. 131 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:59,410 - Hsst! Gavin. - What? 132 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,680 That wasn't really breakfast, was it? 133 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:03,880 Yeah. 134 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,080 - Seriously? - Shh! 135 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,060 What are you doing? 136 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,960 Well, I'm watching an episode of House. 137 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,800 Put that fucking thing away. 138 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,170 Are you afraid it's gonna blow up? 139 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,100 'Cause it won't. It's not a HooliPhone. 140 00:07:29,270 --> 00:07:31,110 Why would a HooliPhone blow up? 141 00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:34,480 Hey! We're done with the migrating! 142 00:07:34,510 --> 00:07:36,010 How's it going in here? 143 00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:38,820 Don't touch the fucking lights. One surge and we're dead. 144 00:07:38,850 --> 00:07:41,260 - What the fuck? - What? 145 00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:43,650 Oh, the eyes. They're contacts. 146 00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:45,120 Okay, how we looking? 147 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,720 Jesus Christ! 148 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,560 I broke my glasses. I don't have an extra pair, 149 00:07:49,590 --> 00:07:53,030 so I had to pull these out of a drawer. I had 'em made for All Hallows' Eve. 150 00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,500 I was a cat. 151 00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:56,430 How are we looking? Did it all fit? 152 00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:59,070 Yes, but Anton is overheating already. 153 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:01,040 We're about to fry three of our platters. 154 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,900 I said this was a bad idea. 155 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:05,570 Fuck. What are we gonna do? 156 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:10,310 Excuse me. Just FYI, Gladys turned us down. 157 00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:22,060 Oh, hey, Richard, long time, no talk. 158 00:08:22,090 --> 00:08:23,620 Yeah, we've all been busy, so. 159 00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:25,930 - Oh yeah? - Yeah. Hey, listen, Big Head, 160 00:08:25,950 --> 00:08:28,430 do you think I could get your Stanford login 161 00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:30,660 so I can access the faculty server array? 162 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:34,530 Oh jeez. Uh, I don't think I can do that, man. 163 00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:37,400 Sure you can, man. Just click on "Forgot password." 164 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:41,410 No, um, it-it... it's just, um, I'm kinda on super-thin ice 165 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,440 with the head of the CS department right now. 166 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,340 After Erlich's whole SeeFood thing, 167 00:08:45,380 --> 00:08:48,010 Stanford started looking into my academic background, 168 00:08:48,050 --> 00:08:49,650 realized that I don't really have one, 169 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,350 and now I'm on probation, 170 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:54,020 and they've got this real teacher sitting in, watching me. 171 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,150 That is... that is a bummer. But hey, Big Head, 172 00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:59,190 they do, um, genome sequence analysis on the Sherlock cluster. 173 00:08:59,230 --> 00:09:02,790 They're not gonna notice a few more measly petabytes, all right? 174 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:06,480 We'll just get on and get off before anyone even notices we're there. 175 00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:10,440 Yeah? Come on, man. I need this, all right? I wouldn't ask you otherwise. 176 00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:14,840 All right. My username is "password" 177 00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:17,620 and my password is "password." 178 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,380 Your username is "password"? 179 00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:20,780 It was just easier. 180 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,710 Okay, Big Head came through. 181 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,210 I've already reserved the resources. 182 00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:25,880 We can start the transfer whenever we're ready. 183 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,250 Slight problem. I can't get online. 184 00:09:28,290 --> 00:09:29,620 What the fuck? 185 00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:31,710 I can't get on either. 186 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,980 Gilfoyle, did you fry the fucking router again? 187 00:09:35,010 --> 00:09:35,880 No! 188 00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,160 Jared! Did you pay the broadband bill? 189 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,200 No. I mean, we don't have the funds. 190 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:43,870 - What? - I tried to bring it to your attention, 191 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,630 but you said, "Fuck off, Mom." 192 00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:46,760 Wait. 193 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:50,130 Are you telling me Anton is completely cut off from the outside world? 194 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,410 Which means Melcher's data is offline. 195 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:53,810 We're in breach. 196 00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:57,910 Shit. Okay, uh... 197 00:09:57,950 --> 00:10:02,050 you guys keep Anton alive. I will... figure something out. 198 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,350 A product recall on that scale? 199 00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:06,790 What the fuck is Barker thinking? 200 00:10:06,820 --> 00:10:08,690 Uh, I was only at eight percent, 201 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,660 so if you could close some applications. 202 00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,760 Cell phone? 203 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,930 Lama-la, I... I need to know what Hooli stock is doing. 204 00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:20,330 Enlightenment... 205 00:10:21,470 --> 00:10:23,100 or ignorance. 206 00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:25,510 You must choose. 207 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,840 Erlich, get the bags. 208 00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:35,150 Richard Hendricks. What's up? 209 00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:39,120 Hi. I was just calling to let you know that, um... 210 00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,750 we're gonna have to take the network down 211 00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:43,760 just for a little bit for some routine maintenance, 212 00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:46,220 so your data might be inaccessible. 213 00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:47,090 What? 214 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,890 Yeah. Oh, just for an hour or two. 215 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,760 - Nothing major. - Richard... 216 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,070 you're supposed to give me 72 hours' notice for any disruption of service. 217 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:57,900 No, I know, I know, I know, but this is just to improve 218 00:10:57,940 --> 00:11:00,570 - your user experience, because we care. - Falling! Falling! 219 00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:01,970 What the fuck are you doing? 220 00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:04,510 - Would you fucking... - Is everything okay over there? 221 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,380 Yeah. "Okay"? Yeah. Yeah. 222 00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:09,780 Dan. Danny, Dan-Dan. 223 00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:12,220 It's totally normal. Totally normal. 224 00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:14,880 Look, as long as you have it back online, you know, 225 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,220 - before we open in the morning. - Yes, of course. 226 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,090 Hey, you want to talk to Liz? 227 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,290 - No. No, no. I... - I'm gonna go get some cake from the back. 228 00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:23,750 Why? They bring it to us. 229 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:27,210 That's okay. I'm just gonna... go to them. 230 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,970 All right. She's going to them. 231 00:11:31,540 --> 00:11:34,570 - Never get married, Richard. - Women, right? 232 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,270 - I'll talk to you. Yes. - Bye. 233 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,350 We'll go to them. 234 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,080 Guys, we'll go to them. 235 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,980 - Who? - Stanford! 236 00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:53,860 If we move Anton to Stanford, we can plug him directly into the cluster, 237 00:11:53,890 --> 00:11:57,360 and we'll be back online before Fiduciated opens. It's perfect. 238 00:11:57,390 --> 00:12:01,060 Yeah, except for the part about moving Anton to fucking Stanford. 239 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,430 How the fuck are we gonna do that? 240 00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:05,130 We take him apart, move him, put him back together. 241 00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:07,200 - That's insane. - Okay, well, 242 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,070 unless you happen to have a three-mile long Ethernet cable 243 00:12:10,110 --> 00:12:12,840 hidden up your fucking asshole, that's the plan! 244 00:12:12,870 --> 00:12:15,140 Is Big Head gonna be okay with us just showing up 245 00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:17,480 with three tons of unauthorized equipment? 246 00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:19,810 Yeah! I just spoke to him on the phone. 247 00:12:19,850 --> 00:12:21,290 He was like, "Uh, yeah." 248 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,390 Okay, do it. I'll get the truck. I'll get a truck. 249 00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:26,580 You know, I flew all the way here, 250 00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:29,050 to Tibet, on my own dime. 251 00:12:29,090 --> 00:12:30,260 You've killed my battery. 252 00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:33,390 I don't feel the slightest bit more spiritually centered. 253 00:12:33,430 --> 00:12:34,860 Can this thing go any faster? 254 00:12:38,430 --> 00:12:40,860 - Richard. - Oh. Yeah. 255 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:41,900 Okay. Thank you, Jared. 256 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,250 Uh, so, what... what time did Big Head say he needed us there? 257 00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:46,900 I don't know. He said whenever. 258 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:49,670 Typically, campus security requires a specific window 259 00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:51,540 - for deliveries of this size. - Okay. 260 00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:54,540 Did you send him an inventory, so that he could request 261 00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:56,810 and clear a static IP address for each server? 262 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,450 No. No. I wouldn't worry about it. 263 00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,520 Maybe I'll just give him a call. 264 00:12:59,550 --> 00:13:01,320 Nah, it's fine. It's fine. It'll be fine. 265 00:13:01,350 --> 00:13:04,190 - Well, maybe I'll just text him. - Jared! Oh my God! 266 00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:07,990 Just... just stop with the second-guessing, hand-wringing, 267 00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:10,960 pearl-clutching bullshit, okay, for just, like, a fucking minute. 268 00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:14,930 You know what? Um, I waive your two weeks. 269 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,000 - You can go. - What? 270 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,970 You wanted to go? Go. 271 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,210 Bye. Thanks. 272 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,010 I'll order a Lyft home and... 273 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,010 What the fuck was that? You fired him? 274 00:13:32,050 --> 00:13:34,080 He already quit, remember? 275 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,980 Besides, he was being a fucking asshole. 276 00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:37,920 Jared was being an asshole? 277 00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:40,720 Do you want to go with him? 278 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,490 Because, if you haven't noticed, 279 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,610 if we don't get this shit to Stanford 280 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,660 and all set up by 9:00 a.m., 281 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,250 we are fucked! 282 00:13:48,350 --> 00:13:50,630 Okay, listen up, everybody, 283 00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:52,090 here's the deal. 284 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,750 I was just talking to your foreman, Jung-Sho... 285 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:04,740 and he seems to feel that you are all working at maximum capacity 286 00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:07,110 and that you cannot work any harder. 287 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:10,820 But I have just flown from America, 288 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:15,020 and I'm here to prove to you that he is wrong. 289 00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:18,920 You can work harder, much harder. 290 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,590 How? With a little system I like to call 291 00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:25,930 the conjoined triangles of success! 292 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,300 Come on. 293 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,700 Breaking news. 294 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,100 Hooli CEO Jack Barker 295 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,030 has been taken hostage by workers 296 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:36,970 at a Hooli factory in China, 297 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,710 which produces cell phones. 298 00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:41,850 I want everyone to know I haven't been harmed... 299 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,480 and the workers here have assured me 300 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,880 that I will only be held as their honored guest 301 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,990 until Hooli has met their very reasonable request 302 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:54,820 for fair wages and for humane conditions. 303 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:58,590 On a more personal note, honey... 304 00:14:59,060 --> 00:15:01,230 I have to stop now. 305 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,230 All right. 306 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:07,040 Holy shit. I think we can actually make it. 307 00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:08,170 All right. 308 00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:09,410 Okay. 309 00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:14,180 What the fuck? 310 00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:17,010 Shit. We must've left the work lights on all night. 311 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,680 Well, do we have jumper cables? 312 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,550 - Jared did. - Triple-A? 313 00:15:20,580 --> 00:15:23,520 - Sounds like a Jared thing. - Wait. 314 00:15:23,550 --> 00:15:27,190 Aren't Anton's racks full of backup batteries? 315 00:15:29,290 --> 00:15:31,230 Okay. How much longer? 316 00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:34,530 Give us a minute. We just need to connect a few more. 317 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,290 Uh, try it now. 318 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,700 Just fuck the batteries! We don't need 'em! Let's go! 319 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,970 - Okay, hold on. - Oh my God, just throw them away! 320 00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:48,540 Okay, dude. Go, go. 321 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,310 Oh Jesus! Shit. 322 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,480 Oh, hey, Ashley. That was close. 323 00:15:52,510 --> 00:15:55,280 Well, look, it won't be the last time you stop traffic, huh? 324 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,520 Little hottie. 325 00:15:56,550 --> 00:15:58,150 But not now, when you're older. 326 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,020 I'm sorry, we have to... We have to go. Bye. 327 00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:01,950 Back the fuck up, please. Thank you. 328 00:16:01,990 --> 00:16:04,490 Big Head. Hey, I need you to meet me at the loading dock 329 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,860 behind Spilker in 10 minutes. I'll explain there. 330 00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:09,400 Now's not really a great time, Richard. 331 00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:11,830 I'm sort of in the middle of something. 332 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:14,030 Wait. You said you already explained. 333 00:16:14,290 --> 00:16:18,060 Yeah, I know. I did. Yeah, it's just... Big Head. 334 00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:20,440 Come on, buddy, I need you. 335 00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:22,570 Okay. Be right there. 336 00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:28,350 Can I go to the bathroom? 337 00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:31,820 Are you sure? We don't want to inconvenience you. 338 00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:35,150 It's no trouble at all, and there's no need to send a negotiator. 339 00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:36,350 I'm in Tibet. It's right next door. 340 00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:39,760 Well, we'd be grateful to have this in such good hands. 341 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,060 We've missed you, Gavin. 342 00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:43,760 Perhaps when you return, we... 343 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,600 Please. The only thing I'm concerned with right now 344 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,600 is bringing our boy home safe. 345 00:16:50,490 --> 00:16:52,520 Fuck you, Jack Barker! 346 00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,700 Hah! 347 00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:58,140 Hey. 348 00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:00,980 Opium? Are you fucking kidding me? 349 00:17:01,010 --> 00:17:03,010 I was on the phone for, like, three minutes. 350 00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:06,870 Big... Head. 351 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,650 Come on, get up. 352 00:17:08,690 --> 00:17:10,290 We need to get to the airstrip. 353 00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,420 Shit. Shit. Come on. Let's go, let's go. 354 00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:44,650 Start unloading it. Come on. 355 00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:47,990 Hey, man, so did you ever transfer all that data? 356 00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:51,660 No, we just gotta unload our servers near the Sherlock arrays. 357 00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:55,460 Servers? Richard, man, I told you, now is not a good time for this. 358 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,430 - I know, I know, I know. - You dick. 359 00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:58,810 You never told Big Head 360 00:17:58,830 --> 00:18:01,800 - we were bringing Anton here, did you? - Who's Anton? 361 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,500 He's everything that's packed into the back 362 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,200 of this giant fucking truck. 363 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,910 And you want to set it all up here? 364 00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:08,510 Oh, dude, come on. 365 00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:11,010 I told you I'm, like, so close to getting fired. 366 00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:13,740 Big Head, come on. It's just for a bit. 367 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,670 Richard, you specifically told us that Big Head said this was okay. 368 00:18:16,690 --> 00:18:17,990 That's what you fucking told us! 369 00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:20,550 You lied to our faces again. 370 00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:22,000 Come on, guys, we don't have time for this. 371 00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:24,600 You were just going to show up and fucking steamroll him? 372 00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:27,290 That was your whole plan? He's your oldest friend, 373 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:29,090 and you're okay just getting him fired? 374 00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:30,230 He's Big Head! 375 00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:32,660 He's gonna fall ass-backward into something, you know? 376 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:34,830 - He always does. - I'm not doing it. 377 00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,930 - What? - I'm out too. 378 00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:40,770 Now? We're-we're-we're... we're so... 379 00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:43,170 We... we got it. We're here. W-we did it. 380 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,660 You... hypocrites. 381 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:50,210 You fucking hypocrites. 382 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:52,620 When I wouldn't use the fake users, you called me a pussy. 383 00:18:52,650 --> 00:18:54,250 When I wouldn't lie on the stand, 384 00:18:54,290 --> 00:18:55,550 you called me a pussy. 385 00:18:55,590 --> 00:18:57,450 But now, when I'm actually doing 386 00:18:57,490 --> 00:19:01,020 what you've been wanting me to do, you quit? 387 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,820 You're the pussies. You are the pussies. 388 00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:06,760 I'm the only one that's trying to fucking... 389 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,860 save what we do here! 390 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:11,370 All this time we spent building this thing, and now, 391 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,540 now it falls apart because you two don't fucking do it? 392 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,470 - This is too much for you? Well, fuck you! - Hey, guys? 393 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:18,570 This is fine. 394 00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:21,070 - What? - Yeah, my bad. 395 00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:24,080 I thought you were talking about a lot more stuff. 396 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,130 Gre... 397 00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:29,850 - Oh... - Fuck. 398 00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:33,890 Fuck. 399 00:19:36,290 --> 00:19:38,360 So, anyways, my office is unlocked 400 00:19:38,390 --> 00:19:41,910 if you guys just wanna, like, toss that on my desk or whatever. 401 00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:43,160 I should probably get back, though, 402 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,910 before that teacher guy gets me in trouble. 403 00:19:45,930 --> 00:19:47,230 I'll see you guys. 404 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,070 How? 405 00:19:52,450 --> 00:19:53,620 Who? 406 00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:58,140 You had me open up the back... to get the batteries, 407 00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:00,610 and then you told me not to put them back, 408 00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:03,580 so... no one... 409 00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:07,920 You know who would've remembered to close the door? 410 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,090 Jared. 411 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,520 It's Melcher. 412 00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:17,230 Good luck with that. 413 00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:47,960 Richard. 414 00:20:47,990 --> 00:20:48,890 Can I come in? 415 00:20:48,930 --> 00:20:51,890 Umm... I have company. 416 00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:54,330 Is there a girl in there? 417 00:20:56,570 --> 00:20:57,800 How many girls are in there? 418 00:20:57,830 --> 00:21:00,740 Richard, what do you want from me? Nothing, it's just... 419 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,880 you were right about all of it. 420 00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:04,910 I killed Anton, 421 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,540 and, uh, I lost all of Melcher's data, 422 00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:10,070 everybody fucking hates me, 423 00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:15,570 and I'm basically one blood boy away from being Gavin Belson. 424 00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,150 I did not... 425 00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:20,990 run the company with integrity... 426 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,990 but... 427 00:21:25,060 --> 00:21:26,690 I'm gonna end it with some. 428 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,060 I'm going to Melcher's office, and I'm coming clean. 429 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,280 Anyway... 430 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,600 I'm really fucking sorry, man. 431 00:21:37,370 --> 00:21:39,540 Well, I'll leave you alone now. 432 00:21:40,220 --> 00:21:43,180 Hey. "This guy fucks." 433 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,850 Richard! 434 00:21:59,290 --> 00:22:01,860 - What's this? - It's a job application. 435 00:22:01,890 --> 00:22:05,000 I'd like to submit myself for a position with Pied Piper. 436 00:22:05,030 --> 00:22:07,800 I'd really like to be there till the bitter end. 437 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,540 "Lordy, Lordy, looks who's 40." 438 00:22:22,380 --> 00:22:23,480 That's the wrong one. 439 00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:26,750 I gotta say, Gavin... 440 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,650 when that storeroom door opened, 441 00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:31,790 and I saw your face grinning down at me, 442 00:22:31,820 --> 00:22:34,120 I thought it was an angel. 443 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,860 When we get home, I'm going to do everything in my power 444 00:22:36,890 --> 00:22:39,500 to get you back in the good graces of the Hooli board. 445 00:22:40,330 --> 00:22:43,390 I can use a fellow of your talents, sir. 446 00:22:43,420 --> 00:22:46,530 That's very gracious of you, Jack. Thank you. 447 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:47,910 Welcome aboard, gentlemen. 448 00:22:47,930 --> 00:22:51,340 Our flying time to Mountain View is 11 hours and 36 minutes, 449 00:22:51,380 --> 00:22:53,840 and we will be stopping off in Jackson Hole first. 450 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:57,380 Oh. Stopping off at Jackson Hole, are you, Gavin? 451 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,870 No, Jack. You are. 452 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:07,300 Jackson Hole is definitively out of the way. Everyone knows that. 453 00:23:07,330 --> 00:23:08,860 But I don't mind dropping you off first, 454 00:23:08,890 --> 00:23:11,260 this one last time. 455 00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:21,470 Hey. What are you guys doing here? 456 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:22,640 Jared called us. 457 00:23:22,670 --> 00:23:24,600 If you're gonna eat a giant plate of steaming hot shit, 458 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,640 we figured it should probably be a team effort. 459 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,780 Okay. Thanks. 460 00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,310 Uh, I'll go check in. 461 00:23:34,450 --> 00:23:37,180 Hi, could you tell Dan Melcher that Richard Hendricks 462 00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:38,920 and the guys from Pied Piper are here to see him? 463 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:41,050 You guys are Pied Piper? The guys who built 464 00:23:41,090 --> 00:23:43,120 our data storage network? It's awesome. 465 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,360 Oh. Yeah, it was awesome until it crashed this morning. 466 00:23:46,390 --> 00:23:48,890 I was just using it two minutes ago. It's working fine. 467 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,000 - Really? - Yeah. 468 00:23:55,940 --> 00:23:57,840 Uh... what's he talking about? 469 00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:03,720 It's up. 470 00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:05,550 All of Melcher's data is there. 471 00:24:05,580 --> 00:24:06,580 How is that possible? 472 00:24:06,610 --> 00:24:08,580 What are those devices? Those aren't phones. 473 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,120 Why the fuck are you laughing? 474 00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:16,190 You look fucking insane right now. 475 00:24:16,220 --> 00:24:18,960 Look at that OUI prefixes in these MAC addresses. 476 00:24:18,990 --> 00:24:20,790 Yeah, okay, so what are those? 477 00:24:20,830 --> 00:24:22,290 Smart fridges. 478 00:24:23,090 --> 00:24:24,860 About 30,000 of them. 479 00:24:24,950 --> 00:24:25,990 Come again? 480 00:24:26,020 --> 00:24:28,430 Jian-Yang's smart fridge must have been self-correcting. 481 00:24:28,470 --> 00:24:32,030 In order to fit my "Suck it, Jian-Yang" video onto his fridge, 482 00:24:32,070 --> 00:24:34,700 I had to add Pied Piper libraries to the firmware. 483 00:24:34,740 --> 00:24:37,540 Other smart fridges must've seen this as an update. 484 00:24:37,580 --> 00:24:40,540 - What? - The smart fridges talk to each other, 485 00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:41,980 and they share the new software. 486 00:24:42,010 --> 00:24:44,810 Right, so when we put that data onto Anton, 487 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:46,180 the last thing he did before he died 488 00:24:46,220 --> 00:24:50,890 was back himself up onto a huge network of smart fridges. 489 00:24:51,710 --> 00:24:54,180 Anton died so we could live. 490 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,420 Like Jesus. 491 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,290 Oh fuck. 492 00:24:57,330 --> 00:24:59,860 Guys, do you realize what just happened? 493 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:02,500 We're still alive. The network is stable. 494 00:25:02,530 --> 00:25:04,200 - Mm-hmm. - The new Internet works, 495 00:25:04,230 --> 00:25:05,430 and this is the proof. 496 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,570 - We did it! - Yes, we did. 497 00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:08,990 Wait a minute. 498 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,610 If Melcher never lost access to his data, what's he so upset about? 499 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,640 Richard! Richard! I'm so sorry. 500 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,110 We were tasting cakes, and then you called, 501 00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:19,850 - and then it just... came out. - What came out? 502 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,420 - You son of a bitch! - Save yourself! 503 00:25:24,170 --> 00:25:25,650 I'm guessing there's a story here. 504 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:28,920 - Stand down! No, no, no! - That's it! Help! 505 00:25:33,930 --> 00:25:36,720 - Gavin. - Mmm. 506 00:25:36,740 --> 00:25:37,730 I like your hair. 507 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:38,800 I like your eye. 508 00:25:38,830 --> 00:25:40,770 Yeah, I... I got it from a woman. 509 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,860 She didn't hit me. No, the man did... 510 00:25:42,890 --> 00:25:46,020 because of sex... that I gave to her. 511 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,280 So... welcome home, 512 00:25:49,310 --> 00:25:51,710 and congratulations on getting your business back. 513 00:25:51,740 --> 00:25:53,140 Thank you. And I should congratulate you 514 00:25:53,180 --> 00:25:54,750 on your remarkable tech breakthrough. 515 00:25:54,780 --> 00:25:57,010 I hear you're swimming in funding offers. 516 00:25:57,050 --> 00:26:00,350 A few. I think we're gonna go with Bream-Hall. 517 00:26:00,390 --> 00:26:03,990 - They seem to get us. - You haven't seen all the offers yet. 518 00:26:08,730 --> 00:26:11,160 Richard, we were partners once. 519 00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:12,970 I'd like to do it again. 520 00:26:12,990 --> 00:26:14,330 This is an acquisition offer, 521 00:26:14,370 --> 00:26:17,200 and it will make you a very wealthy man. 522 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,770 Let's do this together. 523 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:21,240 That's very kind of you. 524 00:26:22,710 --> 00:26:25,140 - But... - Richard, at least look it over. 525 00:26:25,180 --> 00:26:29,160 I can help you get exactly where you want to go. 526 00:26:29,180 --> 00:26:33,280 I'm pretty sure I know where I want to go and how to get there. 527 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:37,550 If you reject me now, Richard, I will come after you. I'll devour you. 528 00:26:37,590 --> 00:26:40,090 Think very carefully about what you're doing here. 529 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,020 Here's what I think, Gavin. 530 00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:44,860 I think my decentralized Internet 531 00:26:44,890 --> 00:26:47,940 threatens Hooli's box business model. 532 00:26:48,410 --> 00:26:51,700 I think, basically, you are just a server company now, 533 00:26:51,730 --> 00:26:53,900 and we intend to make servers obsolete. 534 00:26:53,940 --> 00:26:59,940 So, I think perhaps in the end, I will be the one devouring you. 535 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,220 I gave you that patent. 536 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:05,340 Thanks. 537 00:27:10,290 --> 00:27:11,500 Fair enough, Richard. 538 00:27:13,620 --> 00:27:15,590 I shall look forward to the fight. 539 00:27:16,530 --> 00:27:18,300 Right back at you, Gavy, baby. 540 00:27:19,390 --> 00:27:20,460 Gavin. 541 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,400 Oh, um, did Erlich ever show up in Tibet? 542 00:27:27,670 --> 00:27:28,700 No. 543 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,080 Jesus. What the hell did he order? 544 00:27:45,150 --> 00:27:46,450 No. No. No, no, no. 545 00:27:46,490 --> 00:27:49,050 No, no, no, no. Stop. Stop it. Stop it. 546 00:27:49,090 --> 00:27:50,850 No. Don't.