1 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,807 At this point I could stand to be a little perverted. 2 00:00:10,908 --> 00:00:12,858 Yeah, I wanna be a lot perverted. 3 00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:16,361 We'll be profitable and up 5X inside three years. 4 00:00:16,362 --> 00:00:18,531 You've got three months. 5 00:00:19,962 --> 00:00:22,113 - What is this? - My resignation letter. 6 00:00:22,114 --> 00:00:23,448 Laurie, what are you doing here? 7 00:00:23,449 --> 00:00:25,825 I've made myself the CEO of the OwlNet. 8 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,251 This is who you're walking away for? 9 00:00:27,252 --> 00:00:29,329 - This... George R. R... - No, no, no. No! 10 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,666 - Oh my god! - You did this, Richard! 11 00:00:32,708 --> 00:00:34,834 Cheers to our future endeavors together. 12 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:38,922 We will not mine user data. 13 00:00:38,923 --> 00:00:40,173 I was very clear about that. 14 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,175 If you do not take my money, Richard... 15 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:45,262 it will be very bad for you. 16 00:00:46,106 --> 00:00:51,106 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 17 00:01:00,736 --> 00:01:03,113 - A billion dollars? - Yes. 18 00:01:03,114 --> 00:01:08,451 A man offered us a billion dollars, 19 00:01:08,452 --> 00:01:10,662 and you said no? 20 00:01:10,663 --> 00:01:12,697 A very bad man, and he would've turned us 21 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,532 into the worst possible version of ourselves. 22 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,251 I mean, you can't put a price on ethics. 23 00:01:16,252 --> 00:01:18,336 But it seems you just did. 24 00:01:18,337 --> 00:01:20,422 One billion dollars. 25 00:01:20,423 --> 00:01:23,551 Monica... you were okay with this? 26 00:01:24,635 --> 00:01:25,761 Y-Yes? 27 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,346 Richard, 28 00:01:28,347 --> 00:01:29,927 do you remember when you turned down 29 00:01:29,928 --> 00:01:31,666 $10 million from Gavin Belson? 30 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:35,311 Did that start some sick addiction to turning down money? 31 00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:39,566 Are you just chasing that dragon, you sick junkie fuck? 32 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,618 Now, Dinesh, look, if I'd taken that 10 million, 33 00:01:42,619 --> 00:01:44,297 you wouldn't own two and a half percent 34 00:01:44,298 --> 00:01:45,480 of everything we've built here! 35 00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:48,977 Two and a half percent of a billion dollars is $25 million! 36 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,641 Yes, but, actually, the billion dollars 37 00:01:51,642 --> 00:01:53,643 was to own ten percent of the company. 38 00:01:53,644 --> 00:01:56,438 So, not to split hairs, you would, uh, technically, 39 00:01:56,439 --> 00:01:58,565 be worth... 250 million. 40 00:01:58,566 --> 00:02:00,011 - Fuck! - Huh. 41 00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:02,402 At an interest rate of 3.65 percent, 42 00:02:02,403 --> 00:02:04,779 leaving a billion dollars in the bank would get you 43 00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:06,656 $36.5 million a year. 44 00:02:06,657 --> 00:02:08,950 That's a hundred grand a day. That's... 45 00:02:08,951 --> 00:02:11,912 - Sixty-nine dollars a minute. - Sixty-nine dollars a minute! 46 00:02:11,913 --> 00:02:14,039 Think about all the gold chain 47 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,624 you could've bought with that money. 48 00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:17,125 I actually don't think... 49 00:02:17,126 --> 00:02:19,878 that interest rate is accurate because... 50 00:02:19,879 --> 00:02:22,631 - even a 30-year T-bill is only... - Two-point-nine percent. 51 00:02:22,632 --> 00:02:24,257 - Two-point-nine. - All your blathering 52 00:02:24,258 --> 00:02:26,384 just now would've made us $2.32. 53 00:02:26,385 --> 00:02:28,345 Again, I-I don't think that's right because, 54 00:02:28,346 --> 00:02:31,890 assuming an APR of three, I cost us well under two dollars, 55 00:02:31,891 --> 00:02:35,185 so it's not even... 56 00:02:35,186 --> 00:02:37,313 Um, sorry, uh... 57 00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,441 - Hello? - Richard! 58 00:02:41,442 --> 00:02:42,984 It's Maximo. 59 00:02:42,985 --> 00:02:44,945 We are on the phone. How are you? 60 00:02:44,946 --> 00:02:46,780 Yeah, I know. I'm fine. 61 00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:49,199 We were just talking about you, myself and Colin. 62 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,742 - Colin? - Oh, yes. 63 00:02:50,743 --> 00:02:52,577 Colin is here. 64 00:02:52,578 --> 00:02:54,496 He is making the peace sign to you. 65 00:02:54,497 --> 00:02:56,956 Now, you remember how you refused to take my money? 66 00:02:56,957 --> 00:02:59,876 Well, Colin, he did take my money. So, 67 00:02:59,877 --> 00:03:01,336 now he is leaving your network. 68 00:03:01,337 --> 00:03:02,754 Wait, to go where? 69 00:03:02,755 --> 00:03:05,090 Oh, to the network run by new friend, Laurie Bream. 70 00:03:05,091 --> 00:03:07,676 Now, you remember when I said if you did not take my money, 71 00:03:07,677 --> 00:03:09,803 it would be very bad for you? 72 00:03:09,804 --> 00:03:13,056 Well, let me tell you what is going to happen to you next. 73 00:03:13,057 --> 00:03:15,183 Which was too, too, too much for her, 74 00:03:15,184 --> 00:03:18,186 so she went down 51st Street to see Dr. X, 75 00:03:18,187 --> 00:03:20,522 who gave her eight pills, which left her... 76 00:03:20,523 --> 00:03:22,065 Boobless. 77 00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:38,707 - So, Colin's out. - Yes. 78 00:03:38,708 --> 00:03:40,984 So, our profits are... zero. 79 00:03:40,985 --> 00:03:42,094 It's worse than that. 80 00:03:42,095 --> 00:03:44,796 Maximo has bought all of Laurie's Pied Piper shares, 81 00:03:44,797 --> 00:03:47,424 as well as all the shares of Big Head's dad. 82 00:03:47,425 --> 00:03:49,300 He now owns 30 percent of the company. 83 00:03:49,301 --> 00:03:51,386 So, the only way we can raise money to stay alive 84 00:03:51,387 --> 00:03:53,513 is by selling shares, but the second we do that... 85 00:03:53,514 --> 00:03:54,723 Maximo buys them. 86 00:03:54,724 --> 00:03:56,725 Yeah, and when he gets a majority stake, 87 00:03:56,726 --> 00:03:59,060 he can do whatever he wants. 88 00:03:59,061 --> 00:04:01,229 Shut us down, fire all of us, 89 00:04:01,230 --> 00:04:03,295 take our IP to Laurie to use on her network. 90 00:04:03,296 --> 00:04:04,374 He's starving us out. 91 00:04:04,375 --> 00:04:06,985 - How long can we survive? - Well, 92 00:04:06,986 --> 00:04:11,118 the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years. 93 00:04:11,119 --> 00:04:13,579 Oh. Well, that's something. 94 00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:15,665 It ended in 1669, 95 00:04:15,666 --> 00:04:17,959 when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plague 96 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,710 after being attacked with the liquid 97 00:04:19,711 --> 00:04:22,213 from the spleens and buboes of the dead. 98 00:04:22,214 --> 00:04:23,381 What's a bubo? 99 00:04:23,382 --> 00:04:25,758 Plague-infested lymph nodes. 100 00:04:25,759 --> 00:04:28,469 So, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people? 101 00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:31,514 Fuck! Fuck. 102 00:04:31,515 --> 00:04:35,393 Richard, did you just try to punch the wall and miss? 103 00:04:35,394 --> 00:04:37,561 Nope. I clipped it. I got it. 104 00:04:37,562 --> 00:04:39,438 Sort of like that. 105 00:04:39,439 --> 00:04:40,731 I see. So, 106 00:04:40,732 --> 00:04:43,025 until a Richard Hendricks reports an assault, 107 00:04:43,026 --> 00:04:45,027 I-I technically can't turn myself in for it? 108 00:04:45,028 --> 00:04:46,445 That is correct. 109 00:04:46,446 --> 00:04:48,030 And what about a restraining order? 110 00:04:48,031 --> 00:04:50,866 Can I-I take one out against myself on his behalf? 111 00:04:50,867 --> 00:04:52,326 No. 112 00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:55,372 What if I threaten you guys? Just hear me out... 113 00:04:56,999 --> 00:05:00,209 Fucking pigs. I-I hope that you get cheated out of your overtime. 114 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:02,044 How about that, dickless? 115 00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:04,006 Maybe you could just try calling the guy? 116 00:05:05,882 --> 00:05:07,883 Why were you talking to the police? 117 00:05:07,884 --> 00:05:10,053 Oh, it was just a personal issue. 118 00:05:10,554 --> 00:05:12,222 You should not bring them here. 119 00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:15,225 Fuck the police. 120 00:05:15,726 --> 00:05:19,229 Jian-Yang, you're not doing anything illegal here, are you? 121 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,565 Yes. 122 00:05:24,317 --> 00:05:25,943 Where is everyone? 123 00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:39,081 Jared is bringing chaos to the house, 124 00:05:39,082 --> 00:05:41,459 and chaos is bad for our business. 125 00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:44,296 Yeah. What is our business? 126 00:05:44,963 --> 00:05:49,258 I told you, it's a better for both of us if you do not know. 127 00:05:49,259 --> 00:05:50,761 Oh, right. Yeah. 128 00:05:51,386 --> 00:05:53,179 We need to get rid of Gwart. 129 00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:55,556 It's the only way to get rid of Jared. 130 00:05:55,557 --> 00:05:57,433 Gwart. 131 00:05:57,434 --> 00:05:58,642 Yes. 132 00:06:02,981 --> 00:06:04,274 Richard? 133 00:06:05,984 --> 00:06:08,235 - Gavin. - You look like shit. 134 00:06:08,236 --> 00:06:09,945 So do you. 135 00:06:09,946 --> 00:06:11,907 What happened to your hand? 136 00:06:12,532 --> 00:06:13,950 I punched a wall. 137 00:06:14,701 --> 00:06:16,160 Cool. 138 00:06:16,161 --> 00:06:17,787 Want a drink? 139 00:06:17,788 --> 00:06:19,705 Don't you think it's a little early... 140 00:06:19,706 --> 00:06:22,458 It's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard. 141 00:06:22,459 --> 00:06:24,127 I'm not a fucking hobo. 142 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,588 All I wanted to do was be a golden millionaire. 143 00:06:27,589 --> 00:06:28,798 Is that too much to ask? 144 00:06:28,799 --> 00:06:31,759 A millionaire that gets peed on? 145 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,552 I could see you making half that happen. 146 00:06:33,553 --> 00:06:36,597 No, you have as many millions as your age. 147 00:06:36,598 --> 00:06:40,142 I mean, everyone in the Valley is swimming in money. 148 00:06:40,143 --> 00:06:41,685 Why not me? 149 00:06:41,686 --> 00:06:44,480 I believe your people have a concept for it. 150 00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:46,065 - Karma. - Firstly, 151 00:06:46,066 --> 00:06:48,442 I am Muslim from Pakistan, you fucking racist. 152 00:06:48,443 --> 00:06:50,611 Secondly, karma does not exist. 153 00:06:50,612 --> 00:06:52,154 Otherwise, it would mean that bad things 154 00:06:52,155 --> 00:06:53,823 happen to me because I'm a bad person. 155 00:06:53,824 --> 00:06:56,283 Check... and check. 156 00:06:56,284 --> 00:06:58,160 Oh, I'm a bad person? 157 00:06:58,161 --> 00:07:00,663 Says the guy who literally worships Satan. 158 00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:02,122 I am a great guy. 159 00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:04,500 In my youth, I would've argued that life is just 160 00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:08,045 a series of random events, devoid of any meaning. 161 00:07:08,046 --> 00:07:11,465 But as a data scientist, I have to recognize 162 00:07:11,466 --> 00:07:15,387 that sometimes, patterns emerge. 163 00:07:16,304 --> 00:07:18,139 Undeniable patterns. 164 00:07:20,559 --> 00:07:22,309 Get right with the universe. 165 00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:24,144 Dinesh? 166 00:07:24,145 --> 00:07:25,646 - Yo! - Hey. 167 00:07:25,647 --> 00:07:28,274 What is up, my cousin? 168 00:07:28,275 --> 00:07:29,817 - Oh! - Hey, uh, Gilfoyle, 169 00:07:29,818 --> 00:07:32,361 - you remember my cousin, Wajeed? - Yes. 170 00:07:32,362 --> 00:07:34,822 Coz, I have been meaning to call you. 171 00:07:34,823 --> 00:07:36,448 Remember last year when you wanted to sell 172 00:07:36,449 --> 00:07:38,868 all those shares of Bro that I gave you? 173 00:07:38,869 --> 00:07:40,870 And I was like, don't sell those shares! 174 00:07:40,871 --> 00:07:42,830 And you were like, "I need the money 175 00:07:42,831 --> 00:07:45,336 to buy floor mats for my Tesla, so I can make a guy 176 00:07:45,337 --> 00:07:47,092 named Danny in the office feel bad". 177 00:07:47,093 --> 00:07:48,335 Good memory. Um, 178 00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:51,213 but, you know, Bro was basically out of business. 179 00:07:51,214 --> 00:07:52,715 It was. 180 00:07:52,716 --> 00:07:55,092 But so wild! 181 00:07:55,093 --> 00:07:58,012 After you sold those shares, I sold Bro to MoveShack 182 00:07:58,013 --> 00:08:02,182 for basically nothing, and yesterday, 183 00:08:02,183 --> 00:08:04,101 MoveShack got "acquired" 184 00:08:04,102 --> 00:08:08,732 by Snapchat, and, uh... we crushed it! 185 00:08:09,649 --> 00:08:12,735 - How much did you make? - Oh, you won't believe this... 186 00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:20,191 Sixty million dollars? 187 00:08:20,192 --> 00:08:22,077 Yes, 60 million dollars! 188 00:08:22,078 --> 00:08:24,830 I'm a golden millionaire! 189 00:08:24,831 --> 00:08:26,415 Times two! 190 00:08:26,416 --> 00:08:29,251 So, Dinesh sold his shares, 191 00:08:29,252 --> 00:08:33,505 and then your fortunes turned around. Is that right? 192 00:08:33,506 --> 00:08:36,842 Huh. Weird. It's just like that time. 193 00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:40,012 Remember, you, me, and Ali, we went down to play by the river... 194 00:08:40,013 --> 00:08:42,973 - Oh... Boring story. - ... and then, and then Dinesh, 195 00:08:42,974 --> 00:08:45,684 you snuck home so that you could get Ali's jump rope 196 00:08:45,685 --> 00:08:47,156 and play with it by yourself, 197 00:08:47,157 --> 00:08:49,104 without telling him, 198 00:08:49,105 --> 00:08:52,399 and then Ali and I found a giant... 199 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,110 giant box of British candy. 200 00:08:55,111 --> 00:08:56,153 You love candy. 201 00:08:56,154 --> 00:08:57,780 Oh, it was the best. 202 00:08:57,781 --> 00:09:00,115 Anyway, I'm a golden millionaire. 203 00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:02,285 How about I buy drinks, yeah? 204 00:09:03,662 --> 00:09:05,663 - Karma's a... - You're a bitch. 205 00:09:05,664 --> 00:09:07,498 Anyway, the fucking US government 206 00:09:07,499 --> 00:09:09,416 blocked the entire thing. Can you believe that? 207 00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:11,002 I pay taxes. 208 00:09:11,962 --> 00:09:13,797 - I mean, I don't, but... - Yeah. 209 00:09:14,381 --> 00:09:16,006 But look, I mean, I think 210 00:09:16,007 --> 00:09:17,633 we're even more fucked than you are. 211 00:09:17,634 --> 00:09:19,593 We're quite a pair, aren't we? 212 00:09:19,594 --> 00:09:22,763 To us. To the men in the arena, 213 00:09:22,764 --> 00:09:26,308 living or dying under the watchful gaze of Caesar. 214 00:09:26,309 --> 00:09:28,477 Are you not entertained? 215 00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:38,654 It's, uh, from Jared Dunn. Do you remember him? 216 00:09:38,655 --> 00:09:40,531 Of course. How's he doing? 217 00:09:40,532 --> 00:09:42,533 Actually, uh, funny enough, 218 00:09:42,534 --> 00:09:46,036 he just bailed on me to go work for some... 219 00:09:46,037 --> 00:09:48,205 sexy new startup back at my old hacker hostel. 220 00:09:48,206 --> 00:09:52,251 Ironic. Exactly the same way he left me, for you. 221 00:09:52,252 --> 00:09:54,337 Jared always had an eye for talent. 222 00:09:56,256 --> 00:09:58,090 Thanks, I guess. 223 00:09:58,091 --> 00:10:00,342 So, what was the munition 224 00:10:00,343 --> 00:10:02,386 that CIFIUS got on your case for? 225 00:10:02,387 --> 00:10:04,054 Some kind of... 226 00:10:04,055 --> 00:10:06,432 - illegal hacking tool? - You wanna hear the worst part? 227 00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:09,560 It's a fucking dating app called Foxhole. 228 00:10:09,561 --> 00:10:11,186 - An app? - Yep! 229 00:10:11,187 --> 00:10:13,647 I can't shut it down because my investors will lose their shit, 230 00:10:13,648 --> 00:10:15,566 and I can't sell it because who the fuck wants something 231 00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:18,319 - with all those restrictions on it? - Right. 232 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,821 Anyway... 233 00:10:21,865 --> 00:10:23,449 Here's to us, 234 00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:24,783 the Shackletons, 235 00:10:24,784 --> 00:10:27,870 - betrayed by nature's cruelest whims... - Wait. 236 00:10:27,871 --> 00:10:29,937 - ... her wants... - Sorry, just... 237 00:10:29,938 --> 00:10:32,249 If I owned Foxhole, 238 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,876 wouldn't that prevent this Chilean guy 239 00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:36,086 from buying more of my shares? 240 00:10:36,087 --> 00:10:37,629 Actually, it would go even further. 241 00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,882 He'd have to sell all the shares he already owns. 242 00:10:39,883 --> 00:10:41,300 Okay, so, um, 243 00:10:41,301 --> 00:10:43,969 if you sell me Foxhole, I mean, that would 244 00:10:43,970 --> 00:10:45,929 certainly save my ass, obviously, 245 00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:48,640 but it would also save yours 246 00:10:48,641 --> 00:10:51,852 because then you could move your operations wherever you wanted. 247 00:10:51,853 --> 00:10:53,896 I mean, it's kind of perfect, right? 248 00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:56,857 It would benefit us both, equally. 249 00:10:56,858 --> 00:10:58,442 - Holy shit. - Yeah. 250 00:10:58,443 --> 00:11:02,237 Um, look, Gavin, I know we always haven't seen eye-to-eye, 251 00:11:02,238 --> 00:11:04,740 we're not the best of friends, but... 252 00:11:04,741 --> 00:11:07,451 this may be a chance to actually 253 00:11:07,452 --> 00:11:10,079 help each other out, right? 254 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,914 What do you say? 255 00:11:11,915 --> 00:11:14,709 I mean... isn't it obvious? 256 00:11:15,335 --> 00:11:18,129 I say... no! 257 00:11:19,339 --> 00:11:21,006 - What? - No! 258 00:11:21,007 --> 00:11:22,758 Fuck no, Richard! 259 00:11:22,759 --> 00:11:25,010 I can't make a move that would benefit you. 260 00:11:25,011 --> 00:11:26,845 You're my competition. Help no rival. 261 00:11:26,846 --> 00:11:29,014 It's one of the basic principles of business. 262 00:11:29,015 --> 00:11:31,575 We just spent the last hour bonding about how 263 00:11:31,576 --> 00:11:34,001 this business is comprised of backstabbers and cutthroats. 264 00:11:34,002 --> 00:11:36,522 Yes, exactly! That's what this is. 265 00:11:37,607 --> 00:11:39,316 It's a little weird you don't get it. 266 00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:40,776 I could help you, Gavin. 267 00:11:40,777 --> 00:11:42,569 You already have, Richard! 268 00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:44,446 I mean, I was sitting up here feeling 269 00:11:44,447 --> 00:11:47,157 totally just impotent, and then you came along 270 00:11:47,158 --> 00:11:49,993 and exposed your underbelly, and practically begged me 271 00:11:49,994 --> 00:11:52,621 to plunge the knife in! I mean, I still have a deep hole 272 00:11:52,622 --> 00:11:55,750 to crawl out of, but this is a fucking great start. 273 00:11:56,793 --> 00:11:58,127 Look at that. 274 00:11:58,128 --> 00:12:00,462 It barely hurts anymore. 275 00:12:00,463 --> 00:12:01,964 Well, if you'll excuse me, 276 00:12:01,965 --> 00:12:03,507 I have a triathlon to train for, 277 00:12:03,508 --> 00:12:06,136 and I'm suddenly feeling a wellspring of energy. 278 00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:08,972 Look, Richie, 279 00:12:09,597 --> 00:12:11,432 you're basically outta options. 280 00:12:11,433 --> 00:12:13,475 So, what are you saying? That... 281 00:12:13,476 --> 00:12:15,353 I just lay down and die? 282 00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:19,690 I take issue with your definition of die, my dude. 283 00:12:19,691 --> 00:12:22,568 I can get that Chilean cat on the phone right now and get you paid. 284 00:12:22,569 --> 00:12:24,087 There's no shame in it. 285 00:12:24,088 --> 00:12:28,235 Musk built PayPal and sold. Hoffman built Linkedln and sold. 286 00:12:28,236 --> 00:12:29,616 You seen those guys lately? 287 00:12:29,617 --> 00:12:33,328 I don't care about the money, that's not why I got into this. 288 00:12:33,329 --> 00:12:36,415 Richie, can I be honest with you for once? 289 00:12:36,416 --> 00:12:39,169 For once? You're my attorney. 290 00:12:41,963 --> 00:12:46,300 You remember the end of Thelma and Louise? 291 00:12:46,301 --> 00:12:48,469 How they drove that car off the cliff? 292 00:12:48,470 --> 00:12:52,931 Why? That was a mint '66 T-Bird. 293 00:12:52,932 --> 00:12:55,120 They didn't need that car to get over the cliff. 294 00:12:55,121 --> 00:12:56,340 Why'd that car have to die? 295 00:12:56,341 --> 00:12:58,812 I-I think it had something to do with, um, 296 00:12:58,813 --> 00:13:00,981 - women's rights or something? - Important stuff. 297 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,233 But... sorry, what's your point? 298 00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:04,902 My point, Richie, 299 00:13:04,903 --> 00:13:07,821 is you wanna go over the cliff, Thelma, that's fine. 300 00:13:07,822 --> 00:13:09,364 All right? You do you. 301 00:13:09,365 --> 00:13:12,534 But you gotta remember there are 500 other people 302 00:13:12,535 --> 00:13:16,413 in the trunk that are gonna burst into flames with you. 303 00:13:16,414 --> 00:13:18,290 And for what? 304 00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:20,167 Computers? 305 00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:22,461 That's Jared. He's been calling me all day. 306 00:13:22,462 --> 00:13:25,047 Uh, hey, can I call you back? I'm in the middle of something. 307 00:13:25,048 --> 00:13:27,424 Did you talk to Gavin Belson about Gwart's company, 308 00:13:27,425 --> 00:13:28,926 and call her sexy? 309 00:13:28,927 --> 00:13:30,552 Uh, what? No. 310 00:13:30,553 --> 00:13:32,888 I mean, yes, but I barely mentioned it. 311 00:13:32,889 --> 00:13:36,099 Did you call her sexy? Yes or no? 312 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,810 I think I was more talking about her tech. 313 00:13:38,811 --> 00:13:40,354 So, you told Gavin Belson, 314 00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:43,023 a lion in repose, 315 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:45,192 that Gwart was a potential threat, 316 00:13:45,193 --> 00:13:47,903 and now Jian-Yang is selling us to him for pocket change. 317 00:13:47,904 --> 00:13:49,571 - Jian-Yang can do that? - Yeah. 318 00:13:49,572 --> 00:13:52,658 He owns 60 percent of the company. He can do whatever he wants. 319 00:13:52,659 --> 00:13:54,868 Gavin is shutting us down, Richard. 320 00:13:54,869 --> 00:13:57,206 Gwart is so mad, she won't even look at me. 321 00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:59,414 - Aah, fuck. - You know, if you want revenge 322 00:13:59,415 --> 00:14:01,208 on me, that's fine. 323 00:14:01,209 --> 00:14:02,709 But to go after Gwart? 324 00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:04,253 She doesn't have 325 00:14:04,254 --> 00:14:06,922 your savvy or your ruthlessness, Richard. 326 00:14:06,923 --> 00:14:08,882 Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikes 327 00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:10,467 because the forest is too loud. 328 00:14:10,468 --> 00:14:13,053 Look, I was only talking to Gavin to save Pied Piper. 329 00:14:13,054 --> 00:14:14,179 I-I had no idea he was... 330 00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:15,639 A monster? Of course you did! 331 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,100 That's all you talked about for years! 332 00:14:18,101 --> 00:14:19,268 "Gavin is a monster. 333 00:14:19,269 --> 00:14:21,770 Poor Pied Piper. I'm Richard Hendricks". 334 00:14:21,771 --> 00:14:23,063 I don't think my voice is that deep. 335 00:14:23,064 --> 00:14:25,190 I mean, who is the buddy-fucker now? 336 00:14:25,191 --> 00:14:27,818 You are the buddy-fucker. 337 00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:31,228 So, we gonna save that T-Bird, 338 00:14:31,229 --> 00:14:33,473 or are we gonna take her right over the cliff? 339 00:14:36,452 --> 00:14:37,787 So, uh, 340 00:14:38,288 --> 00:14:40,872 look, I-I know it's not a billion dollars, 341 00:14:40,873 --> 00:14:43,584 but, um, given the situation... 342 00:14:44,544 --> 00:14:46,253 it's actually a very good deal. 343 00:14:46,254 --> 00:14:48,088 Do you want to sell the company? 344 00:14:48,089 --> 00:14:49,395 No, I don't. 345 00:14:49,396 --> 00:14:51,633 Dinesh, I don't, but... 346 00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:53,927 Ron is right. 347 00:14:53,928 --> 00:14:55,847 Maximo is getting it no matter what. 348 00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:58,640 Why just give it away? 349 00:14:58,641 --> 00:15:00,726 Right. Yeah. 350 00:15:00,727 --> 00:15:03,770 Look, anyway, you guys have done... 351 00:15:03,771 --> 00:15:07,316 everything I've asked for, so, uh, you all deserve this. 352 00:15:07,317 --> 00:15:09,651 Well, we can take the money and still be good people, right? 353 00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:11,403 Plus, Richard is the CEO, 354 00:15:11,404 --> 00:15:12,654 so I have to follow his orders. 355 00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:14,031 I mean, no one's ever been a bad person 356 00:15:14,032 --> 00:15:16,033 'cause they followed orders, right? 357 00:15:16,034 --> 00:15:17,826 You guys, there's really no other option. 358 00:15:17,827 --> 00:15:19,828 - Yes, there is. - What? No. 359 00:15:19,829 --> 00:15:23,041 Okay, if Hooli won't sell us Foxhole... 360 00:15:23,666 --> 00:15:25,792 we could just buy Hooli. 361 00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:27,294 Right. Yeah. 362 00:15:27,295 --> 00:15:29,838 The-the same way we can buy America and everything in it. 363 00:15:29,839 --> 00:15:32,716 No, I-I'm serious. We just found out how much Hooli's worth, 364 00:15:32,717 --> 00:15:34,375 and it's not that much. 365 00:15:34,376 --> 00:15:36,679 Sorry, how do we know how much Hooli's worth? 366 00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:46,396 Gavin bought Gwart's company using Hooli stock? 367 00:15:46,397 --> 00:15:50,025 Mm-hmm. And when he did, he tipped his hand. 368 00:15:50,026 --> 00:15:51,943 He really ran it into the ground. 369 00:15:51,944 --> 00:15:53,862 Yeah, and Maximo's offer's so strong 370 00:15:53,863 --> 00:15:55,615 that our price just shot up. 371 00:15:56,199 --> 00:15:58,868 Holy shit. We're worth more than Hooli. 372 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,871 Uh, hey Jared, uh, 373 00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:05,415 - thank you for... - Save it. 374 00:16:05,416 --> 00:16:08,418 I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Gwart. 375 00:16:08,419 --> 00:16:10,379 The second you own Hooli, you release us 376 00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:12,715 to become independent, non-negotiable. 377 00:16:14,050 --> 00:16:15,718 Of course. Sure, yeah. 378 00:16:16,302 --> 00:16:18,221 If that's what you want. Cool. 379 00:16:18,888 --> 00:16:20,722 So, guys... 380 00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:22,767 are we really doing this? 381 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:27,187 Fuck it. Yeah. 382 00:16:27,188 --> 00:16:28,563 I think we have to. 383 00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:30,565 We have to sleep on it. 384 00:16:30,566 --> 00:16:31,734 Okay. 385 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,820 We're gonna buy Hooli. 386 00:16:34,821 --> 00:16:36,488 Big question, 387 00:16:36,489 --> 00:16:38,240 - how do we buy Hooli? - Well, 388 00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:41,076 in order to get the cash, we have to sell a chunk 389 00:16:41,077 --> 00:16:43,537 of our shares to someone other than Maximo, 390 00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:45,247 and, I mean, 391 00:16:45,248 --> 00:16:47,457 whoever we rope into that is gonna lose a fortune. 392 00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:49,543 - Because... ? - Well, we'd be selling to them 393 00:16:49,544 --> 00:16:51,044 at our current high price. 394 00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:53,213 And when we acquire Hooli and Foxhole, 395 00:16:53,214 --> 00:16:55,757 CIFIUS will force Maximo to dump all his shares, 396 00:16:55,758 --> 00:16:57,384 and our valuation will plummet. 397 00:16:57,385 --> 00:16:59,177 And I couldn't do that to anyone. 398 00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:01,472 Oh? Couldn't you? 399 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,599 Yeah, I-I'm not sure I could do it either. 400 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,976 Okay! Deal breaker then, right? 401 00:17:05,977 --> 00:17:07,811 'Cause there's no one I could do that to either. 402 00:17:07,812 --> 00:17:09,939 Oh, isn't there... 403 00:17:10,773 --> 00:17:12,108 bro? 404 00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:14,317 Oh, God damn it. 405 00:17:14,318 --> 00:17:17,487 You want me to be an investor in your company? 406 00:17:17,488 --> 00:17:18,780 - I do. - Wow, 407 00:17:18,781 --> 00:17:20,615 that-that is so cool. 408 00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:22,909 But I don't know why I'm surprised because 409 00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:26,122 you're literally the greatest guy that I know. 410 00:17:26,706 --> 00:17:28,582 - What? - Yeah! I mean, 411 00:17:28,583 --> 00:17:31,084 literally last week, Farooq was calling me, and he was like, 412 00:17:31,085 --> 00:17:32,878 "Hey, you know who's a good guy?" 413 00:17:32,879 --> 00:17:34,629 And I was like, "My cousin Dinesh!" 414 00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:37,841 And he was like, "Yes. Yes, your cousin, 415 00:17:37,842 --> 00:17:39,468 - Dinesh". - That's me. 416 00:17:39,469 --> 00:17:40,660 It's hard for me to say, 417 00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,929 but I-I think we should hang out more, okay? 418 00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:45,557 And that's my fault, and I promise that I will call you 419 00:17:45,558 --> 00:17:47,476 as soon as me and my friends get back. 420 00:17:47,477 --> 00:17:48,769 Where you guys going? 421 00:17:48,770 --> 00:17:50,812 Oh, we're just gonna go down to the North Shore 422 00:17:50,813 --> 00:17:52,189 because... 423 00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:55,942 I bought 80 acres in Hawaii, bro! 424 00:17:55,943 --> 00:17:58,570 And the beach is, like, pretty private or whatever, 425 00:17:58,571 --> 00:18:00,655 but there's, like, fashion shoots and supermodels... 426 00:18:00,656 --> 00:18:02,991 Just sign it. 427 00:18:02,992 --> 00:18:04,910 Thank you, triathletes, for being here today 428 00:18:04,911 --> 00:18:08,663 to support a wonderful cause, HooliCares. 429 00:18:08,664 --> 00:18:11,458 Hooli cares. 430 00:18:11,459 --> 00:18:12,918 Do you? 431 00:18:14,879 --> 00:18:16,339 Take your marks. 432 00:18:39,028 --> 00:18:40,362 He's in the water. 433 00:18:40,363 --> 00:18:41,822 You sure? 434 00:18:41,823 --> 00:18:43,990 I cracked into Gavin's HooliWatch. 435 00:18:43,991 --> 00:18:45,283 Don't ask me how I did it. 436 00:18:45,284 --> 00:18:47,285 I've got real-time GPS location, 437 00:18:47,286 --> 00:18:49,788 blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate. 438 00:18:49,789 --> 00:18:51,915 I can even see where he is in his menstrual cycle. 439 00:18:51,916 --> 00:18:53,750 Looks like a good day to fuck him. 440 00:18:55,453 --> 00:18:57,379 So, I guess we're gonna talk all damn day? 441 00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:00,049 - That the play? - Uh, no. No. 442 00:19:00,591 --> 00:19:03,385 We're calling him, okay? So... 443 00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:06,388 - let's do this. - Okay. 'Cause it just seemed like... 444 00:19:06,389 --> 00:19:10,100 Lex Skelton. Hey, uh, it's, um, Richard Hendricks. 445 00:19:10,101 --> 00:19:13,311 I'd like to ask for you to call 446 00:19:13,312 --> 00:19:16,106 an emergency meeting of the Hooli board of directors. 447 00:19:22,238 --> 00:19:25,031 Flank that little fucker in the black cap! 448 00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:26,950 Uh, we've tried to, uh, 449 00:19:26,951 --> 00:19:29,077 contact Gavin Belson, 450 00:19:29,078 --> 00:19:31,997 but, uh, he hasn't responded. 451 00:19:31,998 --> 00:19:34,958 We do, however, have a quorum. 452 00:19:34,959 --> 00:19:36,084 Let's proceed. 453 00:19:36,085 --> 00:19:38,658 Great. Well, I would like to present you 454 00:19:38,659 --> 00:19:41,631 with an offer, and, uh, judging by the current state of Hooli, 455 00:19:41,632 --> 00:19:44,551 I think you'll find it very interesting. 456 00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:54,703 All right, according to the company charter, 457 00:19:54,704 --> 00:19:58,315 Gavin Belson does have two hours to formally object. 458 00:19:58,316 --> 00:20:01,401 Right. Yeah, two hours, 459 00:20:01,402 --> 00:20:03,028 so... 460 00:20:03,029 --> 00:20:04,738 That's no problem at all. 461 00:20:04,739 --> 00:20:06,531 You've seen my offer, 462 00:20:06,532 --> 00:20:09,326 but unless everyone agrees to sell, 463 00:20:09,327 --> 00:20:11,661 there's no deal because I need 464 00:20:11,662 --> 00:20:13,330 total control of the company. 465 00:20:13,331 --> 00:20:15,874 - So, who's in? - Richard, 466 00:20:15,875 --> 00:20:19,294 I expect a lot of us are on the fence here. 467 00:20:19,295 --> 00:20:22,422 Personally, I've been with Gavin for a lot of years, 468 00:20:22,423 --> 00:20:24,257 and believe... 469 00:20:24,258 --> 00:20:26,051 Oh. 470 00:20:26,052 --> 00:20:27,636 Everyone? 471 00:20:27,637 --> 00:20:30,973 All right. I suppose I won't stand in the way then. 472 00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,642 Okay! 473 00:20:33,643 --> 00:20:35,852 Good, yeah. I'll just email you 474 00:20:35,853 --> 00:20:38,018 the long form, and you can just eSign... 475 00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,815 eSign? No! 476 00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:42,984 We don't do that. 477 00:20:42,985 --> 00:20:45,111 - What? - Never have, never will. 478 00:20:45,112 --> 00:20:46,571 You want this deal to close, 479 00:20:46,572 --> 00:20:50,423 you bring us the forms, get everyone's hard signature, 480 00:20:50,424 --> 00:20:53,995 and then bring them to me to countersign. 481 00:20:53,996 --> 00:20:55,373 Is that a problem? 482 00:20:55,998 --> 00:20:57,332 No. 483 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,459 More push, more push, more push! 484 00:21:09,053 --> 00:21:10,512 Whoa, he just sped up! 485 00:21:10,513 --> 00:21:12,806 There's been some lag, but I think he's on the bike. 486 00:21:12,807 --> 00:21:14,850 - Okay, we gotta hustle, guys. - I'm aware. 487 00:21:16,352 --> 00:21:18,603 All right, everybody know where they're going? 488 00:21:18,604 --> 00:21:20,105 You go, you get the signatures, 489 00:21:20,106 --> 00:21:21,890 - we meet at Lex's offices, yeah? - Yeah. 490 00:21:21,891 --> 00:21:23,066 Okay. Quick, quick. 491 00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:25,986 Come on, come on, come on! 492 00:21:35,329 --> 00:21:36,621 Go, go, go! 493 00:21:36,622 --> 00:21:37,789 One down. 494 00:21:37,790 --> 00:21:39,374 The next one's up on Market. 495 00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,459 Just up this block and take a right. 496 00:21:41,460 --> 00:21:44,379 Is that what the GPS says? 497 00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:47,132 - N-no, I... - Okay, do you wanna drive? 498 00:21:47,133 --> 00:21:49,556 - No, Jared. Look... - I'm Terry Gross. 499 00:21:49,557 --> 00:21:50,885 - Look, should we maybe talk about... - My guest is 500 00:21:50,886 --> 00:21:52,965 a medical bioethicist who learned about 501 00:21:52,966 --> 00:21:56,391 opioid dependence the hard way. 502 00:21:56,392 --> 00:21:59,310 You know, I really ought to consult with my wife 503 00:21:59,311 --> 00:22:02,064 before I make such a big financial decision. 504 00:22:03,399 --> 00:22:06,736 You're really gonna let a woman tell you what to do? 505 00:22:10,614 --> 00:22:12,157 Over here! 506 00:22:15,077 --> 00:22:18,121 Oh, thank you. 507 00:22:18,122 --> 00:22:20,623 Almost done here. 508 00:22:20,624 --> 00:22:22,017 Gavin's just starting the run. 509 00:22:22,018 --> 00:22:24,168 His blood O2 is dog shit. 510 00:22:29,175 --> 00:22:31,259 - Plan J, sir? - Plan J! 511 00:22:34,585 --> 00:22:36,419 Jay! 512 00:22:36,420 --> 00:22:38,880 You are my spitting image. 513 00:22:38,881 --> 00:22:41,174 I'll meet you a quarter mile from the finish line. 514 00:22:41,175 --> 00:22:42,717 Go, go, go, go, go! 515 00:22:48,224 --> 00:22:50,308 I still got it, Hoover. 516 00:22:50,309 --> 00:22:51,518 I know you do, sir. 517 00:22:51,519 --> 00:22:53,603 As long as Jay doesn't fuck up, 518 00:22:53,604 --> 00:22:55,313 I'm gonna beat my personal record. 519 00:22:55,314 --> 00:22:57,524 Let's see, we started at 10:00, 520 00:22:57,525 --> 00:22:59,193 and now it's... 521 00:23:00,987 --> 00:23:03,530 I gave Jay my watch. 522 00:23:06,701 --> 00:23:08,910 The fuck? 523 00:23:08,911 --> 00:23:11,371 Turn around! Turn around, Hoover! 524 00:23:11,372 --> 00:23:12,580 Yes, sir. 525 00:23:12,581 --> 00:23:14,290 Mother fuck! 526 00:23:14,291 --> 00:23:17,669 - So, you've got them all signed, have you? - Yeah. 527 00:23:17,670 --> 00:23:20,213 And you can just, uh, countersign all that, and-and, 528 00:23:20,214 --> 00:23:22,048 your form to sign is at the end there. 529 00:23:22,049 --> 00:23:23,633 Do that, and we'll be out of your way. 530 00:23:32,393 --> 00:23:34,061 Fresca. 531 00:23:43,404 --> 00:23:45,239 Ah. 532 00:23:48,826 --> 00:23:50,911 Let's have a look-see, huh? 533 00:23:53,539 --> 00:23:56,208 "To whom it may... 534 00:23:57,585 --> 00:23:58,918 concern". 535 00:23:58,919 --> 00:24:01,421 Okay, and actually, the signature page... 536 00:24:01,422 --> 00:24:04,132 - I've done these things before! - Yep. 537 00:24:04,133 --> 00:24:05,925 No, I know. I know. 538 00:24:05,926 --> 00:24:08,094 What do you mean not to be disturbed? 539 00:24:08,095 --> 00:24:09,928 I just got a million texts that he's about 540 00:24:09,929 --> 00:24:12,265 to sign away my whole fucking company! 541 00:24:12,266 --> 00:24:15,561 It's Gavin fucking Belson, you clattering magpie! 542 00:24:17,313 --> 00:24:18,313 Hello? 543 00:24:18,314 --> 00:24:19,773 Fuck! 544 00:24:19,774 --> 00:24:21,733 We need to get to Lex's. Now! 545 00:24:21,734 --> 00:24:23,693 All right. Seven down, 546 00:24:23,694 --> 00:24:25,445 one to go! 547 00:24:25,446 --> 00:24:27,030 Yep. Yeah, just finish signing 548 00:24:27,031 --> 00:24:28,364 that form there, and we will... 549 00:24:28,365 --> 00:24:30,450 Stop! Lex, stop! 550 00:24:30,451 --> 00:24:31,619 Gavin? 551 00:24:33,287 --> 00:24:35,413 - Huh? - I thought he was in the race. 552 00:24:35,414 --> 00:24:37,040 - Gavin. - Yeah, he is. 553 00:24:37,041 --> 00:24:39,459 Looks like he's waiting about a mile from the finish line. 554 00:24:39,460 --> 00:24:41,711 Oh. 555 00:24:41,712 --> 00:24:44,964 You are a sneaky little gladiator, aren't you, Richard? 556 00:24:44,965 --> 00:24:47,217 But the Hooli charter, which I wrote, 557 00:24:47,218 --> 00:24:49,552 gives me the right to block this transaction. 558 00:24:49,553 --> 00:24:51,774 Uh, no. It doesn't. 559 00:24:51,775 --> 00:24:53,403 Yeah, that's right. You, uh, 560 00:24:53,404 --> 00:24:55,934 you had two hours, which lapsed... 561 00:24:55,935 --> 00:24:57,311 Seven minutes ago. 562 00:24:59,647 --> 00:25:01,731 I'm afraid they're right. 563 00:25:01,732 --> 00:25:02,982 Shit. 564 00:25:02,983 --> 00:25:05,151 Okay, fine! I can't block it! 565 00:25:05,152 --> 00:25:08,321 But come on, Lex! We have a history together! 566 00:25:08,322 --> 00:25:10,657 You wrote the very first check to Hooli. 567 00:25:10,658 --> 00:25:12,992 You're not gonna turn your back on 30 years 568 00:25:12,993 --> 00:25:14,782 of making money together, are you? 569 00:25:14,783 --> 00:25:17,425 I know we're not in the strongest position right now, 570 00:25:17,426 --> 00:25:20,083 but I will fight my way back, that's what I do. 571 00:25:20,084 --> 00:25:23,371 I-I kick and I scrap and I-I play dirty. 572 00:25:23,372 --> 00:25:25,380 Anything to win! I-I-I could've 573 00:25:25,381 --> 00:25:28,341 bailed Richard out, but I didn't! I fucked him! 574 00:25:28,342 --> 00:25:30,218 And then, I fucked over... 575 00:25:30,219 --> 00:25:31,678 "world poker tour" there! 576 00:25:31,679 --> 00:25:33,763 Just for the spite of it, just because I could! 577 00:25:33,764 --> 00:25:36,015 Look, forget all the bullshit about 578 00:25:36,016 --> 00:25:37,517 making the world a better place. 579 00:25:37,518 --> 00:25:40,395 The most valuable companies in this valley 580 00:25:40,396 --> 00:25:43,731 were built and run by-by savages, 581 00:25:43,732 --> 00:25:46,901 who cheat to win. Zuckerberg, and Jobs, 582 00:25:46,902 --> 00:25:49,904 and me, Gavin Belson. 583 00:25:49,905 --> 00:25:54,200 So please, Lex, put the pen down. 584 00:25:54,201 --> 00:25:55,869 Leave your money where it is. 585 00:25:55,870 --> 00:25:57,453 If this is a competition 586 00:25:57,454 --> 00:26:00,540 to find out who the shittier person is, 587 00:26:00,541 --> 00:26:03,210 I'm not sure it's something that I can add to. 588 00:26:03,961 --> 00:26:05,588 I can. 589 00:26:06,881 --> 00:26:09,049 - Dinesh? - This must be said. 590 00:26:10,050 --> 00:26:12,385 Gavin, you think you're the most spiteful guy in town, 591 00:26:12,386 --> 00:26:15,305 but you're not even the most spiteful guy in this room. 592 00:26:15,306 --> 00:26:17,473 The truth is... 593 00:26:17,474 --> 00:26:19,225 I'm a bad person. 594 00:26:19,226 --> 00:26:21,811 How do you think we got the money for this deal? 595 00:26:21,812 --> 00:26:24,564 I lied to my cousin's face. 596 00:26:24,565 --> 00:26:28,401 He is going to lose $40 million, give or take, 597 00:26:28,402 --> 00:26:31,321 plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope. 598 00:26:31,322 --> 00:26:34,200 See? I suck! 599 00:26:34,201 --> 00:26:36,435 Did you know that instead of breaking up with a girl 600 00:26:36,436 --> 00:26:39,245 that scared me, I called the FBI and sent her to prison? 601 00:26:39,246 --> 00:26:41,540 - The Teslas. - Right. 602 00:26:42,082 --> 00:26:43,583 I pressured my direct reports 603 00:26:43,584 --> 00:26:45,258 to buy Teslas that they could not afford 604 00:26:45,259 --> 00:26:47,887 because I wanted better wheels than a guy named Danny. 605 00:26:48,464 --> 00:26:50,340 And I was eight years old, 606 00:26:50,341 --> 00:26:52,175 I stole my friend Ali's jump rope 607 00:26:52,176 --> 00:26:55,553 and tied it to the back of a truck that drove away, 608 00:26:55,554 --> 00:26:58,222 and then I told him I had no idea what happened to it. 609 00:26:58,223 --> 00:26:59,933 And when he cried himself to sleep, 610 00:26:59,934 --> 00:27:02,060 I ate his British candy and told him 611 00:27:02,061 --> 00:27:03,811 God took it because he hated him. 612 00:27:03,812 --> 00:27:05,730 - Jesus! - So, 613 00:27:05,731 --> 00:27:07,385 if this decision is going to come down 614 00:27:07,386 --> 00:27:09,901 to who is the most spiteful, then, respectfully, sir... 615 00:27:09,902 --> 00:27:11,903 - Stop! Stop! - ... I would argue... 616 00:27:11,904 --> 00:27:14,072 Just stop talking! 617 00:27:14,073 --> 00:27:16,943 I don't wanna be in business with any of you people. 618 00:27:16,944 --> 00:27:19,577 I don't even wanna be in the same room with you! 619 00:27:19,578 --> 00:27:22,622 I'm gonna sign this and take my money out. 620 00:27:22,623 --> 00:27:25,124 Oop! Gonna miss my bus. 621 00:27:25,125 --> 00:27:26,834 Ugh... 622 00:27:26,835 --> 00:27:30,129 Excuse me. Excuse me. 623 00:27:30,130 --> 00:27:31,674 Excuse me. 624 00:27:32,633 --> 00:27:34,467 Think you won? 625 00:27:34,468 --> 00:27:36,344 Fuck you, Richard Hendricks. 626 00:27:36,345 --> 00:27:38,846 The Valley is small and the road is long. 627 00:27:38,847 --> 00:27:41,308 Just keep looking over your shoulder. 628 00:27:42,267 --> 00:27:43,978 Gentlemen. 629 00:27:44,645 --> 00:27:46,813 And lady... Ow! 630 00:27:46,814 --> 00:27:49,482 Hoover! Help! 631 00:27:52,319 --> 00:27:53,987 Guys... 632 00:27:53,988 --> 00:27:55,863 Did we... 633 00:27:55,864 --> 00:27:57,992 Just buy Hooli? 634 00:27:58,534 --> 00:28:00,118 Yeah, we did. 635 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:01,996 Holy shit. 636 00:28:02,746 --> 00:28:04,707 Feels pretty good! 637 00:28:06,166 --> 00:28:07,835 Wajeed is gonna be so pissed at me. 638 00:28:08,627 --> 00:28:10,254 And mom's gonna kill me. 639 00:28:10,921 --> 00:28:14,049 So, I guess, uh, everyone got what they want. 640 00:28:14,550 --> 00:28:16,635 Well, actually, uh, Jared. 641 00:28:17,678 --> 00:28:18,928 Hey, uh... 642 00:28:18,929 --> 00:28:21,305 I just wanna say, like... 643 00:28:21,306 --> 00:28:24,434 I'm really sorry about everything, 644 00:28:24,435 --> 00:28:27,603 and, uh, well, 645 00:28:27,604 --> 00:28:30,064 of course, I'd be happy 646 00:28:30,065 --> 00:28:32,817 to give you and Gwart your company back. 647 00:28:32,818 --> 00:28:35,653 That's obvious. And also, if you... 648 00:28:35,654 --> 00:28:37,905 needed office space, 649 00:28:37,906 --> 00:28:41,409 we'd be happy to have you. Um... 650 00:28:41,410 --> 00:28:44,538 I guess, I don't know, I just... I miss you, man. 651 00:28:45,664 --> 00:28:47,499 Whatever, I don't care. 652 00:28:50,711 --> 00:28:52,545 Jesus. 653 00:28:52,546 --> 00:28:54,757 Yeah, it's sort of his thing. 654 00:28:55,424 --> 00:28:56,883 All right, 655 00:28:56,884 --> 00:28:58,975 well, everybody's gathered out there, 656 00:28:58,976 --> 00:29:01,679 - so you should probably say something. - Okay. 657 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,140 Be gracious and don't expect too much. 658 00:29:04,141 --> 00:29:05,975 What are you talking about? I mean, 659 00:29:05,976 --> 00:29:08,770 won't they be happy? I freed them from Gavin. 660 00:29:08,771 --> 00:29:11,439 I mean, that's one way of looking at it. 661 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,483 Or, your company just swallowed theirs, 662 00:29:13,484 --> 00:29:16,069 and you fired their founder and CEO. 663 00:29:16,070 --> 00:29:18,308 They're probably a little freaked out. They wanna know 664 00:29:18,309 --> 00:29:20,239 that they're gonna keep their jobs. 665 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,242 But we don't know if they will. 666 00:29:23,243 --> 00:29:25,078 - Right. - Yeah. 667 00:29:25,079 --> 00:29:27,873 Well, you'll think of something. Just be yours... 668 00:29:28,957 --> 00:29:31,417 - Keep it short. Keep it short. - Yeah. 669 00:29:31,418 --> 00:29:35,171 Okay... Okay. 670 00:30:47,325 --> 00:30:50,997 This is a video called Maximizing Alphaness. 671 00:30:50,998 --> 00:30:53,332 You just gotta subconsciously absorb it. 672 00:30:53,333 --> 00:30:55,668 This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. 673 00:30:55,669 --> 00:30:56,836 Fuck yeah. 674 00:30:56,837 --> 00:30:59,338 It turns out my real parents are alive. 675 00:30:59,339 --> 00:31:02,008 So you gave me up to simplify your first class air travel? 676 00:31:02,009 --> 00:31:05,636 That's a clear row across. A, B, C, and D. 677 00:31:05,637 --> 00:31:08,514 Do we think this photo of Richard is funny? 678 00:31:08,515 --> 00:31:11,934 He was acting like your boss. You need to assert dominance. 679 00:31:11,935 --> 00:31:14,312 Ah! 680 00:31:14,313 --> 00:31:18,191 It's complicated. You're the only one who got hurt.