1
00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:27,428
So, all in favor
of the city of Springfield

2
00:00:27,430 --> 00:00:29,744
no longer celebrating Columbus Day

3
00:00:29,746 --> 00:00:33,002
due to the problematic behavior
of Christopher Columbus?

4
00:00:33,004 --> 00:00:34,012
Aye.

5
00:00:34,014 --> 00:00:36,336
All opposed?

6
00:00:36,338 --> 00:00:39,503
Now I'll hand it over to the
terrifyingly engaged citizen

7
00:00:39,505 --> 00:00:42,910
who has had her hand up since
before the meeting began,

8
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:44,744
Helen Lovejoy.

9
00:00:46,430 --> 00:00:48,910
I've noticed lately that
people have been putting up

10
00:00:48,912 --> 00:00:51,595
quite a few little DIY free libraries

11
00:00:51,597 --> 00:00:52,762
all over town.

12
00:00:52,764 --> 00:00:55,411
What's DIY stand for?

13
00:00:55,413 --> 00:00:56,595
Do it yourself.

14
00:00:56,597 --> 00:00:58,928
I'm trying to but I can't.

15
00:00:58,930 --> 00:01:02,153
Just this past week,
six new ones popped up.

16
00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:03,910
Hallelujah!

17
00:01:03,912 --> 00:01:05,461
Think about the consequences, people.

18
00:01:05,463 --> 00:01:06,762
Free books?

19
00:01:06,764 --> 00:01:08,486
What if one of them is the Kama Sutra?

20
00:01:08,488 --> 00:01:11,094
That's just bait for learned perverts.

21
00:01:11,096 --> 00:01:14,744
There is no classical
art without the erotic.

22
00:01:14,746 --> 00:01:16,910
- Ew.
- You and me got to hang sometime.

23
00:01:16,912 --> 00:01:18,910
I like those little libraries.

24
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,336
Unlike the public school library,

25
00:01:20,338 --> 00:01:23,002
these have books written after 1945.

26
00:01:23,004 --> 00:01:25,116
The children think Iceland
is still a kingdom.

27
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:27,503
Oh, these abominations
don't follow the rules

28
00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:29,244
of my neighborhood association.

29
00:01:29,246 --> 00:01:32,411
What if someone paints it an
unauthorized shade of white?

30
00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:34,411
Like Swiss coffee.

31
00:01:37,082 --> 00:01:38,285
Homer Simpson here.

32
00:01:38,287 --> 00:01:41,486
Today I'm standing,
even in the presence of a chair,

33
00:01:41,488 --> 00:01:43,319
to say what if we took

34
00:01:43,321 --> 00:01:45,778
all the little free book huts

35
00:01:45,813 --> 00:01:48,534
and moved them into one big building

36
00:01:48,569 --> 00:01:50,011
open to everybody?

37
00:01:50,988 --> 00:01:53,744
Do you mean like... a library?

38
00:01:56,988 --> 00:01:59,986
- He's so slow.
- Nothing upstairs.

39
00:01:59,988 --> 00:02:02,136
- Aw, what a dummy.
- Idiota.

40
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:05,670
Am I really a stupid man?

41
00:02:05,672 --> 00:02:08,077
I... Well, uh...

42
00:02:08,079 --> 00:02:10,762
Sorry, reflections can't talk.
Got to go.

43
00:02:14,971 --> 00:02:18,153
You guys say ideas all the time.

44
00:02:18,155 --> 00:02:20,670
The one time I say one
they shoot me down,

45
00:02:20,672 --> 00:02:22,910
just like they shot down the Titanic.

46
00:02:22,912 --> 00:02:25,319
Actually, the Titanic...

47
00:02:26,251 --> 00:02:29,386
Face it, Marge,
you're married to a dummy.

48
00:02:29,673 --> 00:02:32,653
No, a dum-dum.

49
00:02:32,655 --> 00:02:36,486
Oh, this big, beautiful head
is full of great ideas

50
00:02:36,488 --> 00:02:38,486
just waiting to be set free.

51
00:02:38,488 --> 00:02:40,670
I might be okay if you do that

52
00:02:40,672 --> 00:02:42,411
for the rest of my life.

53
00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:45,428
I know just the place that
will make you feel better.

54
00:02:48,356 --> 00:02:50,129
Did you see how the credit card thing

55
00:02:50,164 --> 00:02:52,153
at the ticket booth told
me to remove my card,

56
00:02:52,155 --> 00:02:54,248
like I didn't know how to do it?

57
00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:57,428
Then it got stuck
'cause I didn't know how to do it.

58
00:02:57,430 --> 00:02:59,684
Let's just go home.

59
00:02:59,719 --> 00:03:01,744
We haven't even seen any animals yet.

60
00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:05,500
So? Even the animals
will think I'm dumb.

61
00:03:05,535 --> 00:03:06,761
Oh, don't be silly.

62
00:03:09,354 --> 00:03:11,336
That's just the sound hyenas make.

63
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,528
Slow Leonard?

64
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,752
I've always loved that tortoise.

65
00:03:19,754 --> 00:03:22,935
I can't believe Leonard is still alive.

66
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,694
The mighty tortoise.

67
00:03:24,696 --> 00:03:27,768
Dumber than me. Loser to the hare.

68
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:30,528
The tortoise famously wins that race.

69
00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:33,010
Really? I only read the beginning

70
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,677
of that story really fast.

71
00:03:34,679 --> 00:03:36,602
Then I got tired and took a nap.

72
00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:38,486
I don't see any tortoise.

73
00:03:41,495 --> 00:03:44,194
Excuse me, do you know
what happened to Leonard?

74
00:03:44,196 --> 00:03:46,586
Leonard? Huh. I don't see him.

75
00:03:46,588 --> 00:03:49,027
That's weird.
Well, the thing about a tortoise is

76
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,361
they're always somewhere.

77
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:53,027
He must have gotten out.
Who's in charge here?

78
00:03:53,029 --> 00:03:55,452
I am the director of the zoo.

79
00:03:55,454 --> 00:03:56,602
Would you like a koala sticker?

80
00:03:56,604 --> 00:04:00,176
Yes, I would. Slow Leonard is missing.

81
00:04:00,178 --> 00:04:02,269
Now, let's not panic, sir.

82
00:04:02,271 --> 00:04:04,252
I don't see him either, but I'm sure

83
00:04:04,254 --> 00:04:05,768
there's some explanation.

84
00:04:05,770 --> 00:04:07,843
- We'll look into it.
- Look into it?

85
00:04:07,845 --> 00:04:10,528
I know when I'm being talked down to.

86
00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:12,843
- You think I'm dumb, don't you?
- No,

87
00:04:12,845 --> 00:04:15,768
I don't,
but do you have a degree in zoology?

88
00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:19,343
No, but I've seen the
comedy classic Zookeeper

89
00:04:19,345 --> 00:04:21,343
- 19 times.
- I love that movie.

90
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,194
I don't need your approval,

91
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,419
and neither does Sylvester Stallone,

92
00:04:25,421 --> 00:04:29,361
as the voice of Joe, the African lion.

93
00:04:29,363 --> 00:04:31,194
A tortoise is missing,

94
00:04:31,196 --> 00:04:33,194
and this dumb guy

95
00:04:33,196 --> 00:04:36,176
is gonna find him.

96
00:04:40,588 --> 00:04:43,693
There we go. A recent picture.

97
00:04:45,271 --> 00:04:47,269
Mom, it's late, I'm worried.

98
00:04:47,271 --> 00:04:49,768
Why isn't Dad at Moe's?
Is Moe all right?

99
00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:52,602
He's fine.
Your dad's been looking for clues

100
00:04:52,604 --> 00:04:54,768
in those zoo pictures all night.

101
00:04:54,770 --> 00:04:59,010
Come on, buddy,
you're smart enough to crack this.

102
00:04:59,397 --> 00:05:00,676
Dolly tire tracks.

103
00:05:00,678 --> 00:05:03,394
I bet someone used a dolly
to cart Leonard off.

104
00:05:03,396 --> 00:05:06,676
And those treads are clearly
from a Haul-Pro convertible

105
00:05:06,678 --> 00:05:09,419
with a weight cap of 500 pounds.

106
00:05:09,421 --> 00:05:12,102
Wow, Dad, how did you figure that out?

107
00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,252
Eh, yep, well, your dad knows

108
00:05:14,254 --> 00:05:17,194
a thing or two about dollies.

109
00:05:17,196 --> 00:05:20,236
Drive safe, ya bum.

110
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:22,935
I think you'll find these photos

111
00:05:22,937 --> 00:05:27,027
more than enough proof to open
a missing turtle investigation.

112
00:05:27,029 --> 00:05:28,510
Wow, Homer, you're right.

113
00:05:28,512 --> 00:05:31,027
These photos are incredible evidence.

114
00:05:31,029 --> 00:05:33,586
- Really?
- Evidence of how dumb you are.

115
00:05:33,588 --> 00:05:35,860
I just love it when regular people think

116
00:05:35,862 --> 00:05:37,510
they can solve crimes.

117
00:05:37,512 --> 00:05:40,302
It's like a dog thinking
he can mow the lawn.

118
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,010
- Aw.
- Look at...

119
00:05:44,012 --> 00:05:45,361
Hey.

120
00:05:46,437 --> 00:05:48,918
No one takes me seriously.

121
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,601
You know, there's a lot
of specific interest groups on Facelook.

122
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,435
I'm in one about knitting mug cozies

123
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:57,176
with a little window so you
can read the funny message

124
00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:58,361
- on the mug.

125
00:05:58,363 --> 00:06:00,918
Why don't you check to
see if there's a group

126
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,269
about Leonard's case?

127
00:06:02,271 --> 00:06:06,027
Social media? Is that website still on?

128
00:06:06,029 --> 00:06:08,860
Hey, there is a missing
tortoise group here.

129
00:06:09,588 --> 00:06:11,343
It's called Lost Leonard!

130
00:06:11,345 --> 00:06:13,585
But what if they say I'm stupid

131
00:06:13,587 --> 00:06:15,252
or drag me in the comments?

132
00:06:15,254 --> 00:06:17,361
Do you know how scary
it is in this climate

133
00:06:17,363 --> 00:06:18,843
to be a dumb white man?

134
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,435
You care about that turtle.

135
00:06:20,437 --> 00:06:22,693
I think you'll feel better if you try.

136
00:06:23,988 --> 00:06:25,377
The police don't believe me,

137
00:06:25,379 --> 00:06:28,176
but I'm posting some
photos that I think prove

138
00:06:28,178 --> 00:06:31,236
that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped.

139
00:06:35,530 --> 00:06:37,935
Dad, they're agreeing with you.

140
00:06:37,937 --> 00:06:39,860
They think Leonard was stolen, too.

141
00:06:39,862 --> 00:06:41,361
Really? Oh, my God.

142
00:06:41,363 --> 00:06:43,176
A group of anonymous cyber sleuths

143
00:06:43,178 --> 00:06:44,676
don't think I'm an idiot.

144
00:06:44,678 --> 00:06:46,269
They like what I said.

145
00:06:47,313 --> 00:06:50,085
That tickles.

146
00:06:50,087 --> 00:06:52,797
The Internet thinks I'm smart.

147
00:06:56,678 --> 00:06:59,027
Okay, this is Homer S. live streaming

148
00:06:59,029 --> 00:07:00,585
to the Lost Leonard Facelook group

149
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,402
from the scene of the crime.
Are we all on?

150
00:07:07,534 --> 00:07:08,752
How convenient.

151
00:07:08,754 --> 00:07:10,860
They're replacing
Leonard with a much more

152
00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,361
Instagrammable animal.

153
00:07:12,363 --> 00:07:15,102
One that can fit into baby clothes.

154
00:07:15,104 --> 00:07:17,918
Maybe we have our motive.

155
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,010
- Of course.
- Brilliant.

156
00:07:20,012 --> 00:07:22,693
Thanks, guys. I do what I can,

157
00:07:22,695 --> 00:07:24,269
which is a lot.

158
00:07:24,271 --> 00:07:26,343
Look at this, dream team.

159
00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:29,601
A video doorbell across
the street from the zoo.

160
00:07:29,603 --> 00:07:31,509
How convenient.

161
00:07:31,511 --> 00:07:34,236
Oh. It's actually very convenient.

162
00:07:35,937 --> 00:07:37,843
Simpson, what can I do for you?

163
00:07:37,845 --> 00:07:40,509
For us. I don't know if
you've heard the terrible news

164
00:07:40,511 --> 00:07:42,768
that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped.

165
00:07:42,770 --> 00:07:44,419
What? Not Leonard.

166
00:07:44,421 --> 00:07:46,676
Why couldn't they have
taken one of those damn

167
00:07:46,678 --> 00:07:48,601
barking seals instead?

168
00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:52,435
When do you monsters sleep?

169
00:07:52,437 --> 00:07:55,010
I'm a member of a team of cyber sleuths

170
00:07:55,012 --> 00:07:56,102
searching for Leonard.

171
00:07:56,104 --> 00:07:58,176
Can we look at your door camera footage?

172
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,935
Oh, of course. And, um,

173
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,419
I'd love to join the group.

174
00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:03,843
But, uh, you guys probably already have,

175
00:08:03,845 --> 00:08:05,693
uh, a superintendent.

176
00:08:05,695 --> 00:08:09,010
We do now.

177
00:08:09,212 --> 00:08:10,860
- Marge. Marge.

178
00:08:10,862 --> 00:08:14,027
Marge, fan out those cocktail napkins.

179
00:08:14,029 --> 00:08:16,527
Or did you not watch
the TikTok I sent you?

180
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,343
Calm down.

181
00:08:18,345 --> 00:08:19,935
I've never seen you this excited

182
00:08:19,937 --> 00:08:21,194
for a meet and greet.

183
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,860
Yeah, so who's coming
to this thing again?

184
00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,252
Internet randos?

185
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,010
Let me tell you something, son.

186
00:08:27,012 --> 00:08:30,085
Every human being is
born an Internet rando.

187
00:08:30,087 --> 00:08:31,527
And then they stay Internet randos

188
00:08:31,529 --> 00:08:33,509
until they connect over a cause.

189
00:08:33,511 --> 00:08:35,551
And then and only then do they achieve

190
00:08:35,553 --> 00:08:39,843
their full potential
and become not random.

191
00:08:39,845 --> 00:08:41,860
Dad, is that really...

192
00:08:41,862 --> 00:08:43,601
Duh, yes. Paella.

193
00:08:43,603 --> 00:08:46,343
What do you think all this
toasted saffron is for?

194
00:08:46,345 --> 00:08:48,027
You've never toasted us anything.

195
00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:49,418
Not even toast.

196
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:51,361
I don't need to show off for you, Marge.

197
00:08:51,363 --> 00:08:53,176
You already bought the cow.

198
00:08:53,178 --> 00:08:55,768
I finally have a group of
friends who think I'm smart.

199
00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:57,693
Who haven't used a skeptical emoji

200
00:08:57,695 --> 00:09:00,027
with a monocle even once with me.

201
00:09:01,514 --> 00:09:03,843
They're here.
Keep stirring gently, slow.

202
00:09:03,845 --> 00:09:06,443
Like stirring a baby.

203
00:09:07,271 --> 00:09:08,676
Thanks for hosting, Homer.

204
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:11,010
I would have,
but my infinity pool broke.

205
00:09:11,012 --> 00:09:12,601
Its edge is now finite.

206
00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:15,527
I'm up to my eyeballs in
contractors and physicists.

207
00:09:15,529 --> 00:09:19,509
Come in. Oh, you all look
so much like your avatars.

208
00:09:19,511 --> 00:09:22,361
I got paella, of course, a big-screen TV

209
00:09:22,363 --> 00:09:24,010
for viewing surveillance footage,

210
00:09:24,012 --> 00:09:25,418
an evidence board

211
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:27,027
and, of course, yarn for connecting

212
00:09:27,029 --> 00:09:29,601
our seemingly unrelated photos.

213
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,843
Um, is this genuine Mrs.
McClellan's Evidence Yarn?

214
00:09:32,845 --> 00:09:34,102
Fancy.

215
00:09:34,104 --> 00:09:37,241
Why, yes, it is. Illuminati strength.

216
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:40,027
Nine out of ten scientists
are afraid of it.

217
00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:45,434
I'd like to thank Homer for
this extraordinary paella.

218
00:09:45,436 --> 00:09:49,918
My mouth would swear it is in Barcelona.

219
00:09:58,254 --> 00:10:00,752
Hey, uh, uh,
not to go down a rabbit hole,

220
00:10:00,754 --> 00:10:02,509
but this plot could go deep,

221
00:10:02,511 --> 00:10:05,085
and the one person we
haven't looked at yet

222
00:10:05,087 --> 00:10:07,085
is the zoo director.

223
00:10:07,367 --> 00:10:09,418
The zoo director. Um, Gil,

224
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:12,252
- isn't that a little desperate?
- Hold it.

225
00:10:12,254 --> 00:10:15,176
There's one thing you need to
know about this paella party.

226
00:10:15,178 --> 00:10:17,342
There are no bad ideas.

227
00:10:17,344 --> 00:10:19,585
Nothing said here is stupid.

228
00:10:19,587 --> 00:10:20,601
Mm-hmm.

229
00:10:20,603 --> 00:10:22,585
- Mm...
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

230
00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:24,176
Oh, then I want to say I agree with Gil

231
00:10:24,178 --> 00:10:27,434
about the zoo director.
We should board it.

232
00:10:28,038 --> 00:10:30,921
Has anybody dug through
the tortoise scat yet?

233
00:10:30,956 --> 00:10:33,027
Maybe he was being used as a drug mule.

234
00:10:33,029 --> 00:10:34,418
Board it.

235
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:37,935
Perhaps Leonard's seed
was required by scientists

236
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,010
who want to breed slower horses.

237
00:10:40,012 --> 00:10:41,418
- Uh, board it!
- Board it!

238
00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:43,676
Uh, h-hey...

239
00:10:43,678 --> 00:10:45,194
how about that?

240
00:10:45,196 --> 00:10:48,252
The yarn knows something
we're still figuring out.

241
00:10:48,254 --> 00:10:50,176
We're gonna find this turtle,

242
00:10:50,178 --> 00:10:53,360
but damn it,
we found love along the way.

243
00:10:53,395 --> 00:10:56,434
Oh, oh! What if the turtle
was taken by a billionaire

244
00:10:56,436 --> 00:10:59,434
to transfuse his blood for longevity?

245
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:01,693
- Board it.
- Mom, are we worried

246
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:05,585
this group is crossing into
the conspiracy theory zone?

247
00:11:05,587 --> 00:11:08,676
Mmm, as long as he's got a
heavy hand with the saffron,

248
00:11:08,678 --> 00:11:09,752
who cares?

249
00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:11,768
Well, these people are finally

250
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:13,676
taking your father seriously.

251
00:11:13,678 --> 00:11:15,575
He's not used to that.

252
00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:16,860
Bart, you're always telling him

253
00:11:16,862 --> 00:11:18,342
his ideas are dumb.

254
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,693
And, Lisa, you're always proving it.

255
00:11:20,695 --> 00:11:23,360
He deserves a chance to be a big fish

256
00:11:23,362 --> 00:11:24,768
in a small, weird pond.

257
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:26,585
So let him have this.

258
00:11:26,587 --> 00:11:28,176
It's all harmless enough.

259
00:11:28,178 --> 00:11:29,585
So it's decided.

260
00:11:29,587 --> 00:11:32,676
We're protesting in front
of the zoo director's house.

261
00:11:32,678 --> 00:11:36,434
I shall bring the milk
in case they tear gas us.

262
00:11:36,436 --> 00:11:37,843
Mm...

263
00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:39,718
We can't be more emphatic,

264
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,010
we think Leonard's in your attic.

265
00:11:42,012 --> 00:11:43,843
Please stop these protests.

266
00:11:43,845 --> 00:11:45,752
Why would I kidnap an animal?

267
00:11:45,754 --> 00:11:47,085
That's what a zoo is:

268
00:11:47,087 --> 00:11:49,259
a bunch of kidnapped animals.

269
00:11:50,699 --> 00:11:51,768
It's the cops!

270
00:11:54,270 --> 00:11:56,342
If you're gonna pepper spray me,
do it fast.

271
00:11:56,344 --> 00:11:58,102
I don't have much phone battery left.

272
00:11:58,104 --> 00:12:01,268
Calm down,
I'm not here as Police Chief Wiggum.

273
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:04,085
I'm here as Clancy Wiggum,
a simple civilian

274
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:05,935
hungry for turtle justice.

275
00:12:05,937 --> 00:12:07,268
Justice you'll never get from

276
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:09,752
a cold, faceless police department.

277
00:12:09,754 --> 00:12:11,918
Uh-oh, body camera's on.

278
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,102
Don't worry,
I can erase it with a paper clip.

279
00:12:14,104 --> 00:12:16,027
They, uh, they taught us how.

280
00:12:16,029 --> 00:12:18,085
I need to say something to a woman

281
00:12:18,087 --> 00:12:19,918
I'm very much in love with.

282
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,918
Lizzie, before this group started,

283
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,342
I was in a shell of my own making.

284
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:26,693
Oh, my God.

285
00:12:26,695 --> 00:12:29,176
So I'm poking my head out and asking

286
00:12:29,178 --> 00:12:30,843
in front of our new best friends,

287
00:12:30,845 --> 00:12:33,434
will you make me the happiest man

288
00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:35,193
on this flat earth?

289
00:12:36,195 --> 00:12:38,085
Yes, yes.

290
00:12:38,087 --> 00:12:39,509
I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life

291
00:12:39,511 --> 00:12:41,768
taping together shredded
documents with you.

292
00:12:43,235 --> 00:12:44,293
- Hooray.
- Aw.

293
00:12:44,843 --> 00:12:46,360
Sure, the wedding planning
is a lot of work,

294
00:12:46,362 --> 00:12:49,752
but the group is also learning
how to sweep for spyware

295
00:12:49,754 --> 00:12:51,085
and pick locks.

296
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:54,601
That's why all our doorknobs
are in that basket.

297
00:12:54,603 --> 00:12:59,271
Homie, I wonder if your cabal's ideas

298
00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:01,384
are getting maybe a little

299
00:13:01,419 --> 00:13:02,693
too far out of the box?

300
00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:04,027
Thank you, Marge.

301
00:13:04,029 --> 00:13:05,676
You know what's inside boxes?

302
00:13:05,678 --> 00:13:07,935
Styrofoam peanuts and lies.

303
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:10,102
And I'm tired of being fed both.

304
00:13:10,104 --> 00:13:11,693
- The beauty of this group is that
- Hmm?

305
00:13:11,695 --> 00:13:13,860
- we always support each other. There isn't one theory
- Hmm...

306
00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:15,601
- about Leonard that's right.
- Mm.

307
00:13:15,603 --> 00:13:18,102
They're all right. He could be anywhere.

308
00:13:18,104 --> 00:13:20,585
- Like the kitchen?
- Exactly.

309
00:13:20,587 --> 00:13:24,752
No, he's literally in the kitchen.

310
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:29,069
Homer, did you kidnap Leonard?

311
00:13:31,928 --> 00:13:33,768
No, I didn't commit the crime.

312
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,735
I did something much worse.

313
00:13:36,845 --> 00:13:38,443
I solved it.

314
00:13:44,870 --> 00:13:48,027
Why the hell is Slow
Leonard in our house?

315
00:13:48,029 --> 00:13:49,509
Do I have to tell you?

316
00:13:49,511 --> 00:13:51,918
Can't we just accept
this as the new normal?

317
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,751
There's a 500-pound tortoise
chewing on my kitchen table.

318
00:13:55,753 --> 00:13:57,251
It's not normal.

319
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,251
Okay, here goes.

320
00:13:59,253 --> 00:14:00,584
After our protest,

321
00:14:00,586 --> 00:14:03,027
I went back to the tortoise enclosure

322
00:14:03,029 --> 00:14:04,860
for one last look.

323
00:14:05,862 --> 00:14:07,100
Huh?

324
00:14:07,102 --> 00:14:09,675
My doughnut hole!

325
00:14:10,511 --> 00:14:12,934
Ooh, ooh! Aah! Ow, ow!

326
00:14:14,197 --> 00:14:14,526
Mm?

327
00:14:14,528 --> 00:14:16,751
That's when I discovered a doughnut hole

328
00:14:16,753 --> 00:14:18,934
will always return to its mother

329
00:14:18,936 --> 00:14:21,027
a larger hole.

330
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:24,027
Leonard. You weren't kidnapped.

331
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:26,192
You were right here all along.

332
00:14:26,194 --> 00:14:29,417
Wait, so after following
all those crazy leads,

333
00:14:29,419 --> 00:14:33,100
you found Leonard by going
down an actual rabbit hole?

334
00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:36,192
- Yeah, so?
- Don't you see the irony?

335
00:14:36,194 --> 00:14:39,175
Oh, now I don't get it.

336
00:14:39,177 --> 00:14:40,601
Anyway...

337
00:14:40,603 --> 00:14:43,693
Guys, you'll never believe it,
but I found...

338
00:14:43,695 --> 00:14:44,860
Just hold that thought.

339
00:14:44,862 --> 00:14:47,675
I made us all evidence
collection fanny packs.

340
00:14:47,677 --> 00:14:51,251
Which we'll all wear on
the pedal bus pub crawl.

341
00:14:51,253 --> 00:14:52,751
Are you coming, Homer?

342
00:14:52,753 --> 00:14:54,509
There's a guac trough in the middle.

343
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:59,175
If I told 'em I found him,
the group would end.

344
00:14:59,177 --> 00:15:01,027
How could I let that happen?

345
00:15:01,028 --> 00:15:05,267
Those friendless weirdos have
become my best weird friends.

346
00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:07,751
They're the only people
who don't say "Einstein"

347
00:15:07,753 --> 00:15:10,342
after "great idea,"
or "Sherlock" after...

348
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:13,342
Oh, you have to tell them the truth.

349
00:15:13,344 --> 00:15:15,584
Well, the truth is different these days.

350
00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:18,009
It's more of a hunch
you're willing to die for.

351
00:15:18,011 --> 00:15:19,434
No, it's not!

352
00:15:19,436 --> 00:15:21,768
But tomorrow Gil and Miss
Hoover are getting married

353
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:23,342
on Chem Trail Island,

354
00:15:23,344 --> 00:15:25,509
and we're all going to wear
matching head shields

355
00:15:25,511 --> 00:15:27,918
so that Bluetooth can't steal
winning lottery numbers

356
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,267
from our brains.

357
00:15:29,269 --> 00:15:31,175
Homer, you solved the mystery.

358
00:15:31,177 --> 00:15:34,267
This confederacy of nutsos
has gone too far.

359
00:15:34,269 --> 00:15:36,584
You're all acting dumb.

360
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,267
Dumb.

361
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:40,084
You think I'm dumb, Marge?

362
00:15:40,086 --> 00:15:41,526
Just like everyone at the library

363
00:15:41,528 --> 00:15:44,434
and all the other smartypantseseseses

364
00:15:44,436 --> 00:15:46,008
in this town?

365
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:48,768
Well, you can't shame me into
turning my back on my people.

366
00:15:48,770 --> 00:15:51,842
I'm going to that
conspiracy-themed wedding.

367
00:15:51,844 --> 00:15:53,300
And you're no longer my plus-one,

368
00:15:53,302 --> 00:15:56,359
which is your loss because
I'm at a great table.

369
00:15:56,361 --> 00:16:00,100
Equidistant from the bar
and the bathroom.

370
00:16:28,436 --> 00:16:31,842
To the bride and groom,
who, in uncovering

371
00:16:31,844 --> 00:16:33,251
a turtle-stealing plot,

372
00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:36,359
also uncovered an undying love.

373
00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:38,026
Aw.

374
00:16:38,028 --> 00:16:39,526
Yeah, I, too, have a toast.

375
00:16:39,528 --> 00:16:42,192
To us bringing to
justice the zoo director,

376
00:16:42,194 --> 00:16:44,084
who knows where that turtle is.

377
00:16:44,974 --> 00:16:46,026
Who's got ideas?

378
00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:48,359
Remember, this is a safe space

379
00:16:48,361 --> 00:16:51,084
for all dangerous and violent plans.

380
00:16:51,086 --> 00:16:53,434
Easy. We dump a swarm of murder hornets

381
00:16:53,436 --> 00:16:55,675
- down her chimney.
- Uh... - Board it!

382
00:16:55,677 --> 00:16:57,434
I can stuff a couple
of bricks of cocaine

383
00:16:57,436 --> 00:16:59,768
- in her wheel well.
- Board it.

384
00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:03,100
Let's cut the brake lines
on her brand-new Prius.

385
00:17:03,102 --> 00:17:06,084
- Board...
- No, don't board it.

386
00:17:06,086 --> 00:17:08,192
Don't board any of it.

387
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,026
- What?
- Why?

388
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:12,693
Because the zoo director
didn't do anything wrong,

389
00:17:12,695 --> 00:17:15,434
and punishing an innocent
zoo director is...

390
00:17:15,436 --> 00:17:17,509
a bad idea.

391
00:17:18,611 --> 00:17:21,342
But you said there were no bad ideas.

392
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:24,359
I was wrong. Most ideas are bad.

393
00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:27,751
It's okay to think them,
just don't act on them.

394
00:17:27,753 --> 00:17:29,526
Apostasy!

395
00:17:29,528 --> 00:17:32,917
He's not an "us" anymore, he's a "them."

396
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,550
Them! Them! Them!

397
00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:37,434
Enough is enough!

398
00:17:37,436 --> 00:17:40,175
Look, we have Slow Leonard.
He wasn't kidnapped.

399
00:17:40,177 --> 00:17:44,175
Real, living turtle!

400
00:17:44,177 --> 00:17:45,267
Let's talk sense here.

401
00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:47,026
The most obvious explanation

402
00:17:47,028 --> 00:17:49,026
is the one that's before our very eyes.

403
00:17:49,028 --> 00:17:50,859
- Hey, it's true.
- Yeah. - Uh-huh.

404
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,267
Oh, thank God.

405
00:17:52,269 --> 00:17:55,175
This is not Slow Leonard,
this is a robot.

406
00:17:55,177 --> 00:17:58,267
A robot built by Homeland Security

407
00:17:58,269 --> 00:18:01,751
to scan our tongues to
see whom we've kissed.

408
00:18:01,753 --> 00:18:05,175
We'll prove it.
Scan him with your robot detectors.

409
00:18:05,177 --> 00:18:07,026
Guys, it is the turtle.

410
00:18:07,028 --> 00:18:09,084
And those robot detectors are made of

411
00:18:09,086 --> 00:18:11,026
hair dryers and old video games.

412
00:18:11,028 --> 00:18:13,342
Look, we had a great ride together.

413
00:18:13,344 --> 00:18:15,509
The paintball and pinot noir weekend,

414
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,841
the duck boat tour of Shelbyville,

415
00:18:17,843 --> 00:18:19,251
storming City Hall.

416
00:18:19,253 --> 00:18:21,584
It felt so good to be
part of a community

417
00:18:21,586 --> 00:18:23,526
Where we're all respected and supported.

418
00:18:23,528 --> 00:18:26,026
But we can't pull our
heads inside our shells

419
00:18:26,028 --> 00:18:28,933
and hide from the very real truth:

420
00:18:28,935 --> 00:18:31,675
our lost turtle has been found.

421
00:18:34,603 --> 00:18:37,042
I cannot believe I'm saying this.

422
00:18:37,044 --> 00:18:38,693
It's not a robot.

423
00:18:38,695 --> 00:18:40,768
Dr. J, super dunk!

424
00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:42,841
But what happens to all of us

425
00:18:42,843 --> 00:18:44,768
when we don't have anything to solve?

426
00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:46,434
Nothing has to change.

427
00:18:46,436 --> 00:18:49,768
We have more in common than
just the tortoise, don't we?

428
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:51,568
Well, we must. Right?

429
00:18:53,972 --> 00:18:55,509
Aw, nuts.

430
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:57,100
Oh, great.

431
00:18:57,102 --> 00:19:00,175
Now I have to get this lasered off.

432
00:19:00,177 --> 00:19:03,084
I love being in this group,
but it's over.

433
00:19:03,086 --> 00:19:04,841
And now I and the rest of us

434
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,192
have to go back to a world where

435
00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:08,609
everyone thinks we're dumb.

436
00:19:13,599 --> 00:19:16,768
Unless we find a new mystery
only we can solve.

437
00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:18,267
Like...

438
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:22,342
Where does calamari really come from?

439
00:19:22,344 --> 00:19:24,434
Well, the common wisdom
is that it's squid,

440
00:19:24,436 --> 00:19:28,267
but I say there's no
such thing as a squid.

441
00:19:28,269 --> 00:19:29,693
Board it.

442
00:19:29,695 --> 00:19:32,434
Mmm, that's good squid.

443
00:19:32,436 --> 00:19:34,217
I heard it's pig butt,

444
00:19:34,219 --> 00:19:37,008
but the shadow pig butt
counsel spends billions

445
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,767
quashing those rumors.

446
00:19:38,769 --> 00:19:41,417
Board it.

447
00:19:41,419 --> 00:19:43,933
As long as we're blowing
each other's minds,

448
00:19:43,935 --> 00:19:45,767
I've heard there's a cartoon show

449
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,601
that can predict the future.

450
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,008
Maybe we can watch it

451
00:19:49,010 --> 00:19:51,151
and find out what's going to happen.

452
00:19:55,511 --> 00:19:56,917
Board it.

453
00:19:56,919 --> 00:19:58,192
Indubitably.

454
00:19:58,194 --> 00:20:00,175
- Making up stuff is fun.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

455
00:20:00,177 --> 00:20:03,100
Well, I guess no matter how
crazy and lame people are,

456
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:06,917
they always want to hang
with other crazy lame-os.

457
00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:10,175
I'm no conspiracy theorist,
but I do wonder

458
00:20:10,177 --> 00:20:14,192
who stands to benefit
from all of... this?

459
00:20:14,194 --> 00:20:16,584
- Space here.
- Multiverse! - Board it.

460
00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:18,008
- Okay, that's good.
- And here's another idea.

461
00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:19,084
- Oh, that's...
- Hold on, I need

462
00:20:19,086 --> 00:20:20,108
- more cards.
- Yes!

463
00:20:24,253 --> 00:20:25,601
Our profits are through the roof.

464
00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:29,026
We can't make enough yarn,
index cards and ivermectin.

465
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,859
We're in a golden age.

466
00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:33,026
Keep defunding schools, America.

467
00:20:43,177 --> 00:20:45,251
Okay, everybody,
today we're making one of my

468
00:20:45,253 --> 00:20:49,029
favorite dishes:
conspiracy-meeting paella.

469
00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:50,601
It's a great dish for
blowing the lid off

470
00:20:50,603 --> 00:20:54,225
any diabolical plot the
mainstream media won't cover.

471
00:20:54,227 --> 00:20:57,750
CIA murders in your town, UFO stuff.

472
00:20:57,752 --> 00:20:59,192
And it even pairs well

473
00:20:59,194 --> 00:21:01,750
with a New World Order scenario.

474
00:21:01,752 --> 00:21:03,342
Now, this is a dish where the freshness

475
00:21:03,344 --> 00:21:05,267
of the ingredients really matters,

476
00:21:05,269 --> 00:21:08,767
like this chorizo made
from home-schooled pigs.

477
00:21:08,769 --> 00:21:11,100
If you're a lizard person watching this,

478
00:21:11,102 --> 00:21:13,750
instead of using chicken,
feel free to go with

479
00:21:13,752 --> 00:21:16,767
whatever insect or
small mammal goes well

480
00:21:16,769 --> 00:21:18,526
with Calasparra rice.

481
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:20,026
Well, that's all you need to know.

482
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:22,267
Let me know in the
comments how it turned out,

483
00:21:22,269 --> 00:21:24,900
and what shape you think the sun is.

484
00:21:28,634 --> 00:21:29,716
Shh!

485
00:21:32,656 --> 00:21:35,660
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com