1
00:00:13,929 --> 00:00:14,956
Ow!

2
00:00:14,991 --> 00:00:16,830
Oh, for the love
of absolutely nothing, Toot.

3
00:00:16,832 --> 00:00:18,012
Keep it down!

4
00:00:18,014 --> 00:00:20,271
You're disturbing my customers!

5
00:00:21,665 --> 00:00:23,254
Start the board meeting without me.

6
00:00:25,406 --> 00:00:26,738
Oops.

7
00:00:26,740 --> 00:00:30,738
Is my new Kawabashi Leaf
Ninja set in show-off mode?

8
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:34,220
That's 500 CCs just champing at the bit.

9
00:00:34,718 --> 00:00:35,979
Ow!

10
00:00:35,981 --> 00:00:38,220
My black-market cochlear implant!

11
00:00:38,222 --> 00:00:40,554
Now let me blow something else.

12
00:00:40,556 --> 00:00:41,813
Your mind.

13
00:00:41,815 --> 00:00:44,404
Ow! My black market LASIK surgery!

14
00:00:44,406 --> 00:00:47,887
The youth hockey team
that I sponsor and coach

15
00:00:47,889 --> 00:00:49,404
won the championship this year.

16
00:00:49,406 --> 00:00:53,796
Trophies are what they give to winners,
when they win.

17
00:00:53,798 --> 00:00:56,145
F. Y. I.

18
00:00:56,147 --> 00:00:58,554
Okay, stuff like this
is why Gayle left you.

19
00:00:58,556 --> 00:01:00,796
No one knows why Gayle left me,

20
00:01:00,798 --> 00:01:03,312
except for Gayle and my
more-handsome brother.

21
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:05,738
But don't let my success
get to you, Moe.

22
00:01:05,740 --> 00:01:08,904
Remember, just because
something good happens to me,

23
00:01:08,906 --> 00:01:10,886
you're a giant loser.

24
00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:14,071
Anyway,
just something for you to stew on.

25
00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:17,886
Right. Sure I am. Me, stew. No way.

26
00:01:17,888 --> 00:01:20,463
Not stew, not me. No stew.

27
00:01:20,465 --> 00:01:21,813
Hey, Stu.

28
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,071
Me, stew?

29
00:01:23,073 --> 00:01:27,053
I ain't spending one second
replaying my failures.

30
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:31,296
Like how I don't got no money,
I got no education.

31
00:01:31,298 --> 00:01:33,312
My mattress is a pallet of flyers

32
00:01:33,314 --> 00:01:34,554
I was supposed to deliver.

33
00:01:34,556 --> 00:01:36,962
How I was invited to
five different dinners

34
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,312
for schmucks in one week.

35
00:01:38,314 --> 00:01:40,220
I only got one lightbulb,

36
00:01:40,222 --> 00:01:42,238
which I got to take from room to room.

37
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:46,220
How every sex cult I join
turns into a suicide cult.

38
00:01:46,222 --> 00:01:49,071
I'm a speck.
No, I'm-I'm less than a speck.

39
00:01:49,073 --> 00:01:51,554
I'm nothing but, uh... I'm a scuzz.

40
00:01:51,556 --> 00:01:52,886
Moe, what gives?

41
00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:55,738
You've been dwelling on your
failures for ten months.

42
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,387
Why didn't you stop me?

43
00:01:57,389 --> 00:01:59,646
'Cause then we'd have
to touch your shoulder.

44
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,979
Soccer season is over.

45
00:02:03,981 --> 00:02:07,220
The conquering participant returns.

46
00:02:07,222 --> 00:02:09,463
Congratulations, sweetie.

47
00:02:09,465 --> 00:02:12,312
I know how hard you
strived to participate.

48
00:02:12,314 --> 00:02:15,886
It wasn't easy,
but I did the bare minimum.

49
00:02:15,888 --> 00:02:19,145
Thanks for driving me to games
every Saturday, Dad.

50
00:02:19,147 --> 00:02:21,145
Well, I knew it wouldn't last forever.

51
00:02:21,147 --> 00:02:23,145
And now, with soccer season over,

52
00:02:23,147 --> 00:02:25,554
sitting season...

53
00:02:25,556 --> 00:02:27,145
begins.

54
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,479
Homer, get up.

55
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:31,129
Bart's first junior
hockey game is today.

56
00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:33,812
But-but kids' sports was over!

57
00:02:33,814 --> 00:02:36,646
It's great father-son bonding.

58
00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:39,629
No. It's me driving while
Bart looks at his phone.

59
00:02:39,631 --> 00:02:41,904
Then it's Bart playing
while I look at my phone.

60
00:02:41,906 --> 00:02:44,904
Then me driving home while
we both look at our phones.

61
00:02:44,906 --> 00:02:48,463
That's what kids' sports is.

62
00:02:48,465 --> 00:02:50,795
Can I have some money
to bet on the games?

63
00:02:55,297 --> 00:02:56,516
Okay, diapers.

64
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,479
I'm gonna tell you something

65
00:02:57,481 --> 00:03:00,463
no coach ever had the heart
to say to his players.

66
00:03:00,465 --> 00:03:04,154
You are only here to fix
my emotional problems.

67
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,404
Yeah!

68
00:03:06,406 --> 00:03:08,886
We're 20 games away
from me getting a trophy

69
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:11,812
and six payments away from
me owning this whistle.

70
00:03:11,814 --> 00:03:13,812
Now, you all know the game plan.

71
00:03:13,814 --> 00:03:16,053
We suck except Bart,
so give him the stupid puck

72
00:03:16,055 --> 00:03:18,554
and then shut our stupid mouths,
you stupid pukes.

73
00:03:18,556 --> 00:03:20,979
Yeah, good job, uh, kid who ain't Bart.

74
00:03:20,981 --> 00:03:23,071
Now let's go watch Bart do this!

75
00:03:43,648 --> 00:03:45,629
Oh, you're so done, Toot.

76
00:03:57,888 --> 00:04:02,145
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ouch...

77
00:04:02,147 --> 00:04:05,629
Oops. My biggest guy
took out your scorer.

78
00:04:05,631 --> 00:04:09,296
Hey, feel free to retaliate
with your biggest kid.

79
00:04:09,298 --> 00:04:11,312
Hmm.

80
00:04:11,314 --> 00:04:14,720
Put me in, Coach.
I'll rip him limb from limb.

81
00:04:17,147 --> 00:04:18,987
Let me at him.

82
00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:28,554
The net ate my hockey cookie.

83
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,571
Wha...

84
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,387
Oh, thank heavens.
An adult has arrived to help me.

85
00:04:52,389 --> 00:04:54,571
No, no, no. I'm just here to observe.

86
00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:58,129
Uh, how would you like to play hockey?

87
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,145
Haw-haw... key?

88
00:05:00,147 --> 00:05:02,053
It's the most messed-up
sport in the world.

89
00:05:02,055 --> 00:05:04,463
It's like a prison riot
but with less rules.

90
00:05:04,465 --> 00:05:07,737
And you, you would play
the best position of all...

91
00:05:07,739 --> 00:05:09,312
the goon.

92
00:05:09,314 --> 00:05:10,720
Goon...

93
00:05:10,722 --> 00:05:11,886
Pretty word.

94
00:05:11,888 --> 00:05:13,479
What it mean?

95
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:17,554
It's that sweet spot between
a thug and an enforcer.

96
00:05:17,556 --> 00:05:20,404
Anyone who comes near the
best players on the team,

97
00:05:20,406 --> 00:05:22,296
the goon turns their face into mustard.

98
00:05:23,328 --> 00:05:25,145
You're exactly what my team needs.

99
00:05:25,147 --> 00:05:27,312
Team? I don't do teams.

100
00:05:27,314 --> 00:05:28,645
Sorry.

101
00:05:28,647 --> 00:05:30,296
Not my pierogies!

102
00:05:30,298 --> 00:05:33,071
My Oma makes them but once a week.

103
00:05:34,215 --> 00:05:35,795
I got to deal with this.

104
00:05:35,797 --> 00:05:37,145
Nah, I get it.

105
00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:39,312
People look at scuzzes like
us like we got the plague.

106
00:05:39,314 --> 00:05:42,554
Which, when I did,
it weren't even bubonic.

107
00:05:42,556 --> 00:05:45,720
Our schedule,
in case you change your mind, there.

108
00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:47,053
Maybe we'll both find out

109
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,979
what it feels like to be winners.

110
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,601
Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

111
00:05:55,797 --> 00:05:57,571
Full steam ahead, lads.

112
00:05:57,573 --> 00:05:58,962
We make for the goal,

113
00:05:58,964 --> 00:06:01,554
and damn their neutral zone trap.

114
00:06:03,073 --> 00:06:06,071
Oh, another weekend
murdered by kids' sports.

115
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:07,962
How come this is the
only league in the world

116
00:06:07,964 --> 00:06:09,812
without a labor dispute?

117
00:06:09,814 --> 00:06:11,479
Unionize, cowards!

118
00:06:11,481 --> 00:06:13,129
Yarr!

119
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:16,204
I'm getting killed out there!

120
00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:18,329
So you get a little dinged up.

121
00:06:18,331 --> 00:06:20,812
You ever seen the children's
wing at the hospital?

122
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,312
They got murals on the walls.
You'll love it.

123
00:06:23,314 --> 00:06:26,403
Everywhere you look...
rainbow, rainbow, rainbow.

124
00:06:26,405 --> 00:06:28,162
The whole league knows
all they have to do

125
00:06:28,164 --> 00:06:29,753
is beat me up and they win.

126
00:06:29,755 --> 00:06:31,736
Yeah, you're right, it's hopeless.

127
00:06:31,738 --> 00:06:34,312
There ain't nobody who's
gonna walk into this rink

128
00:06:34,314 --> 00:06:35,920
and turn me into a winner.

129
00:06:35,922 --> 00:06:37,978
No how, no when.

130
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:40,920
Did somebody order a psycho?

131
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,070
Oh.

132
00:06:42,072 --> 00:06:43,312
Where do you want me, Crotch?

133
00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:45,479
Uh, it-it's "coach."
But just get out there.

134
00:06:45,481 --> 00:06:47,379
Get out there and do your thing.

135
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:03,145
- We won!
- We did it!

136
00:07:03,147 --> 00:07:04,254
Oh, my gosh!

137
00:07:04,256 --> 00:07:06,645
My life has meaning!

138
00:07:06,647 --> 00:07:08,978
As I've been screaming
for the last 15 minutes,

139
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:12,312
- all players must be wearing skates.
- Oh, come on.

140
00:07:12,314 --> 00:07:13,736
There's no way that that...

141
00:07:13,738 --> 00:07:15,254
Oh, there it is.

142
00:07:15,256 --> 00:07:17,254
Rule number one: "No cafeteria trays."

143
00:07:17,256 --> 00:07:19,661
The Bar Flyers forfeit.
The game is over.

144
00:07:19,663 --> 00:07:21,978
Aw!

145
00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:23,312
You said I'd get to win.

146
00:07:23,314 --> 00:07:26,254
All I did was make everyone else
a loser, too.

147
00:07:26,256 --> 00:07:30,312
Loser? No, no,
you-you were amazing out there.

148
00:07:30,314 --> 00:07:33,421
- I was?
- Kid, you are a natural born goon.

149
00:07:33,423 --> 00:07:36,995
A real diamond in the urinal.
All you need is some training.

150
00:07:36,997 --> 00:07:40,421
And I'm gonna make sure that
you learn from the best.

151
00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:44,254
Welcome to Top Goon.

152
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:45,569
It's beautiful.

153
00:07:45,571 --> 00:07:48,236
I'm gonna learn so hard, Moe.

154
00:07:48,238 --> 00:07:51,878
- I won't let you down.
- I know you won't, kid.

155
00:07:53,571 --> 00:07:56,254
- What was that?
- Oh, I just tousled your hair.

156
00:07:56,256 --> 00:07:58,812
Ain't nobody ever done that before?

157
00:07:58,814 --> 00:07:59,995
Uh..

158
00:07:59,997 --> 00:08:01,494
Keep going.

159
00:08:01,496 --> 00:08:04,403
Yeah, my arm's getting
a little tired, here.

160
00:08:04,405 --> 00:08:06,670
- That's your problem.
- All right.

161
00:08:10,884 --> 00:08:12,130
Welcome to Top Goon.

162
00:08:12,177 --> 00:08:14,587
I'd like to introduce
you to your faculty,

163
00:08:14,589 --> 00:08:17,162
the most feared men to ever lace 'em up.

164
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,920
Dave "The Hammer" Schultz.

165
00:08:18,922 --> 00:08:20,254
That's just a nickname.

166
00:08:20,256 --> 00:08:23,329
My given name is David
"The Hammer" Schultz.

167
00:08:23,331 --> 00:08:25,421
Stu "The Grim Reaper" Grimson.

168
00:08:25,423 --> 00:08:27,828
I look sane, but trust me, I'm not.

169
00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:29,070
You'll see.

170
00:08:29,072 --> 00:08:30,920
You'll all see.

171
00:08:30,922 --> 00:08:32,403
And Tiger Williams.

172
00:08:32,405 --> 00:08:34,903
Your instructor for Basic Pummeling

173
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,087
and, time permitting,

174
00:08:36,089 --> 00:08:38,421
The American Novel: 1930 to the Present.

175
00:08:39,647 --> 00:08:42,736
As a goon, you have one job on the ice:

176
00:08:42,738 --> 00:08:44,962
protect your team's best scorer.

177
00:08:44,964 --> 00:08:47,812
We call that person your "primary."

178
00:08:47,814 --> 00:08:51,254
This is the most important
person in your life.

179
00:08:51,256 --> 00:08:53,812
Who's the best scorer
on your team, Muntz?

180
00:08:53,814 --> 00:08:56,995
- Bart Simpson.
- Then Bart Simpson is your primary.

181
00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,978
Don't forget it.

182
00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:02,162
- Who do we protect?
- Our primary.

183
00:09:02,164 --> 00:09:04,236
And what do we do for our primary?

184
00:09:04,238 --> 00:09:05,812
Protect them.

185
00:09:05,814 --> 00:09:07,337
And who do we protect?

186
00:09:08,738 --> 00:09:10,070
Our primary?

187
00:09:10,072 --> 00:09:11,812
This kid's good.

188
00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:47,353
Mm...

189
00:09:48,496 --> 00:09:50,678
Aw...

190
00:09:51,180 --> 00:09:52,494
Huh?

191
00:09:52,496 --> 00:09:53,828
Hey, sorry I'm late.

192
00:09:53,830 --> 00:09:55,812
I couldn't unlock the Maps app.

193
00:09:55,814 --> 00:09:58,995
My phone don't
recognize my face as a face.

194
00:09:58,997 --> 00:10:00,995
I can't believe you came!

195
00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:03,569
I wouldn't miss this for
my own mother's funeral.

196
00:10:03,571 --> 00:10:05,828
I made that choice and I'm good with it.

197
00:10:06,428 --> 00:10:07,978
Hey, Moe. How's it going?

198
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,645
You know these guys?

199
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:12,402
I used to be the bartender
in the penalty box

200
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,162
at the Philadelphia Spectrum.

201
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,478
My tip jar was full of teeth.

202
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,645
I got Phil Esposito's
whole mouth somewheres.

203
00:10:20,755 --> 00:10:23,478
Muntz, recite the goon code.

204
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,828
I am a goon. I protect my primary.

205
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:28,070
And... that's pretty much it.

206
00:10:28,072 --> 00:10:31,978
Nelson Muntz, you've out-thugged
every gorilla in your class.

207
00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:34,587
You are... Top Goon!

208
00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:42,087
I did... not bad?

209
00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:43,628
Hey, you did more than that.

210
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:45,087
You did not horrible.

211
00:10:45,089 --> 00:10:48,920
Now come on, I got a graduation
present lined up for youse.

212
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:52,569
From up here, the wads look like ants.

213
00:10:52,571 --> 00:10:54,903
Hey, you-you want to drop
pickled eggs on them?

214
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,295
Sure!

215
00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:59,311
Yeah, Duff lets me use their blimp

216
00:10:59,313 --> 00:11:02,328
'cause I buy up all the beer
that the employees drown in.

217
00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:05,254
Pretty sweet for a couple of scuzzes.

218
00:11:05,256 --> 00:11:08,070
Yeah, it's a big world down there, kid.

219
00:11:08,072 --> 00:11:09,494
And when its back is turned,

220
00:11:09,496 --> 00:11:12,511
you can steal anything you want from it.

221
00:11:12,513 --> 00:11:14,569
Oh, that egg just hit a cop's horse.

222
00:11:14,571 --> 00:11:16,478
Floor it, Jimmy! Floor it!

223
00:11:25,814 --> 00:11:27,420
Great. I have to drive 50 miles

224
00:11:27,422 --> 00:11:30,162
to spend my entire weekend
freezing my ass off.

225
00:11:30,164 --> 00:11:33,753
Stone-cold sober,
sitting in seats with no backs,

226
00:11:33,755 --> 00:11:37,494
making awkward conversation
with dads who share way too much

227
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:38,995
about their marriages...

228
00:11:38,997 --> 00:11:41,978
I told Sarah when we got married,
"I am a foot guy."

229
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,978
Please guess the one part of the body

230
00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:46,070
she just doesn't moisturize?

231
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:47,920
Seriously, guess. Guess!

232
00:11:47,922 --> 00:11:51,004
- Please, just guess.
- Oh...

233
00:11:56,144 --> 00:11:59,235
Nelson, could I interest you
in a little skate?

234
00:12:00,221 --> 00:12:02,295
I could stretch my legs.

235
00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:08,777
Bart's my primary. I protect my primary.

236
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:12,087
What happened here is a
result of your actions.

237
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:21,195
Wow. Your kid's got real talent.

238
00:12:21,197 --> 00:12:23,344
No-game recognize game, yo.

239
00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:26,528
Shut up! Shut up, all of you!
Don't you see?

240
00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:28,787
There's nothing worse
than your kid being

241
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,120
so amazing at something

242
00:12:30,122 --> 00:12:33,120
you can't blow it off!

243
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:36,194
So, what's your old lady's

244
00:12:36,196 --> 00:12:38,028
footwear situation at night?

245
00:12:38,030 --> 00:12:40,028
Uh, socks?

246
00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:41,453
No socks?

247
00:12:46,847 --> 00:12:48,845
All right, all right,
tomorrow is the finals.

248
00:12:49,454 --> 00:12:51,286
Hockey's gonna be over!

249
00:12:51,288 --> 00:12:53,678
- If we win, it's on to the regionals.
- D'oh!

250
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,012
- Then states.
- D'oh!

251
00:12:55,014 --> 00:12:56,361
- Tri-states.
- D'oh!

252
00:12:56,363 --> 00:12:58,678
Quad-states, nationals,
and then tri-nationals.

253
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,769
But first, we take on King Toots' team.

254
00:13:02,771 --> 00:13:06,194
The same puck-nuts what
humiliated us the last time.

255
00:13:06,196 --> 00:13:08,028
But I know we're gonna win this game,

256
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:11,377
because we got our little hotshot MVP.

257
00:13:11,379 --> 00:13:14,177
That's right, our Most Violent Puncher.

258
00:13:14,179 --> 00:13:15,745
- Nelson Muntz.
— Huh?

259
00:13:20,196 --> 00:13:22,703
I score every goal on this team.

260
00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:28,344
And who the hell is texting me?

261
00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:31,361
"Estee Dionne Malip?"

262
00:13:31,363 --> 00:13:34,028
Uh, does anybody know what this, uh,

263
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:36,269
"Estee Dionne Malip" is about?

264
00:13:36,271 --> 00:13:38,861
Hey, I'm dealing
with an Estee Dionne Malip?

265
00:13:38,863 --> 00:13:42,028
Anybody? I don't even know
who the hell I got this from.

266
00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:44,678
I'm just gonna send it to my junk.

267
00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:49,012
What? What is-what is funny about that?

268
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,119
Show some respect to Coach.

269
00:13:53,121 --> 00:13:55,678
Why? His car
is a converted washing machine

270
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,328
and his wallet is a rat trap.

271
00:14:00,058 --> 00:14:01,111
Aah!

272
00:14:02,938 --> 00:14:04,861
Simpson's dead.

273
00:14:04,863 --> 00:14:09,119
Bart Simpson is your primary.
Bart Simpson is your primary.

274
00:14:09,121 --> 00:14:11,769
Oh, he is such a scuzz.

275
00:14:11,771 --> 00:14:13,286
So am I.

276
00:14:13,288 --> 00:14:15,953
You're not my primary. He is.

277
00:14:16,802 --> 00:14:18,861
Ow!

278
00:14:22,785 --> 00:14:24,194
Doc, is he gonna be all right?

279
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:28,912
Yes. But I'm afraid his
travel hockey season is over.

280
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:43,845
What... what have you done?
Bart was our only chance to win.

281
00:14:43,847 --> 00:14:46,361
You were supposed to
protect your primary!

282
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,119
I... I was.

283
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,453
Like hell you was.
Why'd I ever believe in you?

284
00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:52,953
Y-You're just a fist. Nothing more.

285
00:14:52,955 --> 00:14:54,528
Get off of my team!

286
00:14:55,789 --> 00:14:58,369
Don't look at me. I'm not crying!

287
00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:12,102
I just feel like "hockey team"
is still a smidge too big.

288
00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:14,286
Do you have any smaller letters?

289
00:15:15,196 --> 00:15:18,411
I'm no goon. I'm just a fist.

290
00:15:20,696 --> 00:15:23,361
And this last stop in hell

291
00:15:23,363 --> 00:15:25,077
is where I belong.

292
00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:35,886
Afternoon there, ma'am.

293
00:15:35,888 --> 00:15:37,444
Uh, I'm Moe Szysl...

294
00:15:37,446 --> 00:15:38,903
Yeah, can you hurry it up?

295
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,586
I got to eat this when
it's fresh off the zapper.

296
00:15:41,588 --> 00:15:42,978
It's about your kid.

297
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:45,144
I was his hockey coach
and I yelled some stuff

298
00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:47,235
that might have kicked
his heart in the plums.

299
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,252
Oh, so you're Coach Sizzle-slacks,

300
00:15:49,254 --> 00:15:51,644
the guy he calls his primary.

301
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:54,327
What? Nelson thinks I'm his primary?

302
00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,644
- You sure about this?
- Yup.

303
00:15:56,646 --> 00:15:59,978
He yelled the whole
story at the window dog.

304
00:16:01,646 --> 00:16:03,993
Nelson wasn't being a
psycho towards Bart.

305
00:16:03,995 --> 00:16:06,327
He was being a goon for me.

306
00:16:06,329 --> 00:16:07,735
Do you know where he went?

307
00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:10,160
He said something about
walking the streets.

308
00:16:10,162 --> 00:16:12,811
Coming to a fateful decision or whatnot.

309
00:16:12,813 --> 00:16:14,252
Eh. Kid stuff.

310
00:16:14,254 --> 00:16:16,628
I got to find him before
he does something crazy.

311
00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:20,086
Nelson Muntz.

312
00:16:20,088 --> 00:16:22,569
Your reputation precedes you.

313
00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:25,235
I hear you're a dingus to be respected.

314
00:16:25,237 --> 00:16:27,252
I'm just a fist with no code.

315
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,993
Figure I'll be working
for you sooner or later,

316
00:16:29,995 --> 00:16:32,544
so why not get it over with?

317
00:16:35,479 --> 00:16:38,569
I have a gift for smelling
out good henchmen.

318
00:16:39,813 --> 00:16:42,477
I'm getting hints of
barely-suppressed rage

319
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,494
with top notes of
"nothing matters" and...

320
00:16:45,904 --> 00:16:49,477
a deep finish of abandonment
by a male role model.

321
00:16:49,479 --> 00:16:52,311
Smell all you want.
It won't fix anything.

322
00:16:52,313 --> 00:16:53,327
Just tell me who to hurt.

323
00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:55,477
Want me to get him a lead pipe?

324
00:16:55,479 --> 00:16:59,586
Let's start him out easy. PVC.

325
00:17:05,162 --> 00:17:07,586
How you doing, son? Can you move?

326
00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:09,494
A little, but it hurts.

327
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:10,993
I meant can you move off the couch.

328
00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:14,586
I'm about to enjoy my first
hockey-free weekend in months.

329
00:17:15,190 --> 00:17:16,735
Ooh, hockey!

330
00:17:19,813 --> 00:17:22,977
Homer, get up.
You and Bart are gonna be late.

331
00:17:22,979 --> 00:17:25,419
What? He's useless. Doc said so.

332
00:17:25,421 --> 00:17:28,068
He can't play any sport
that I have to drive him to.

333
00:17:28,070 --> 00:17:30,919
He has physical therapy,
and the only place

334
00:17:30,921 --> 00:17:34,327
that takes our insurance
is three hours away.

335
00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:37,252
If they ask, Bart is a veteran.

336
00:17:37,254 --> 00:17:38,628
Oh...

337
00:17:41,646 --> 00:17:43,735
Mr. Mayor,
I believe you know the founder

338
00:17:43,737 --> 00:17:47,753
of this vaguely-purposed
yet tax-exempt charity,

339
00:17:47,755 --> 00:17:49,901
my goomar.

340
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:53,044
Mistresses are the
lifeblood of our community.

341
00:17:57,346 --> 00:17:59,544
Private event. No pictures.

342
00:18:00,404 --> 00:18:03,252
Well done, Nelly No-Sleeves.

343
00:18:04,903 --> 00:18:06,569
If you'll excuse me,

344
00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:09,811
my men and I have some
perfectly innocent business

345
00:18:09,813 --> 00:18:12,993
to attend to in the back room.

346
00:18:12,995 --> 00:18:15,294
God bless back rooms.

347
00:18:16,571 --> 00:18:17,753
You know why you're here.

348
00:18:17,755 --> 00:18:21,661
You borrow money from me,
I expect to be repaid.

349
00:18:21,663 --> 00:18:24,644
Time to make your bones.

350
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,419
Lead.

351
00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:29,993
This is all I am.

352
00:18:29,995 --> 00:18:31,294
Stop!

353
00:18:32,663 --> 00:18:35,477
Nelson, listen to me before
you done did something

354
00:18:35,479 --> 00:18:36,661
you can't done undid.

355
00:18:36,663 --> 00:18:38,993
Whoever's under that
hood don't deserve this.

356
00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:41,569
- They're a human being.
- Moe!

357
00:18:41,571 --> 00:18:44,586
Aw, thank you, old buddy.

358
00:18:44,588 --> 00:18:46,661
Oh, not youse!

359
00:18:46,663 --> 00:18:47,919
You got to help me out.

360
00:18:47,921 --> 00:18:49,993
I only borrowed money from the mafia

361
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:52,252
to buy fake birth certificates
for teenagers

362
00:18:52,254 --> 00:18:54,494
so they could play ten-and-under hockey.

363
00:18:54,496 --> 00:18:57,810
No one deserves a Kansas City
knee job more than this guy,

364
00:18:57,812 --> 00:18:59,327
but that don't matter none.

365
00:18:59,329 --> 00:19:02,311
You swing that pipe,
that's your soul on the line.

366
00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:04,269
You're wasting your time, "Coach."

367
00:19:04,271 --> 00:19:07,144
You said it yourself: I'm just a fist.

368
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,383
I know, and that's how
I saw youse at first.

369
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:10,402
As a weapon.

370
00:19:10,404 --> 00:19:11,735
I was using you,

371
00:19:11,737 --> 00:19:14,327
because I was obsessed with
beating King Toot here.

372
00:19:14,329 --> 00:19:17,160
I knew it. I'm in your head, bro.

373
00:19:17,162 --> 00:19:20,477
Feed him his own mustache!
No, wait. Don't, don't.

374
00:19:20,479 --> 00:19:22,252
Listen to me. You're a great kid.

375
00:19:22,254 --> 00:19:25,919
You're determined, selfless,
a real teammate...

376
00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:28,919
And you did for me what
I failed to do for you.

377
00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:31,669
You had my back, scuzz to scuzz.

378
00:19:34,479 --> 00:19:35,735
Aw.

379
00:19:35,737 --> 00:19:37,144
I don't know.

380
00:19:37,146 --> 00:19:40,144
Sometimes, boss,
I think you only see me as a knife.

381
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,327
Did you know I got dreams?

382
00:19:41,329 --> 00:19:43,810
I want to open a gourmet
mac and cheese place

383
00:19:43,812 --> 00:19:45,235
called Louie's Gooey.

384
00:19:45,237 --> 00:19:47,494
And I'm learning Swedish on a phone app.

385
00:19:47,496 --> 00:19:49,494
But I'm just a gun to you.

386
00:19:49,496 --> 00:19:52,628
Gentlemen, I don't see you as weapons.

387
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,402
Freaking millennials.

388
00:20:00,404 --> 00:20:03,901
Hockey's over,
but maybe we could still do stuff.

389
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,827
You know, like throw turtles at birds?

390
00:20:06,829 --> 00:20:08,661
Any time you want, kid.

391
00:20:08,663 --> 00:20:10,477
But whatever we do, from now on,

392
00:20:10,479 --> 00:20:13,402
let's leave the violence behind, uh?

393
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:15,734
Aah!

394
00:20:16,162 --> 00:20:18,327
Ah. There you go, kid.

395
00:20:18,329 --> 00:20:20,827
- You earned that.
- No, I haven't.

396
00:20:20,829 --> 00:20:23,327
And that's what makes
it all the sweeter.

397
00:20:49,588 --> 00:20:51,311
Slower...

398
00:20:51,313 --> 00:20:53,494
slower... great.

399
00:20:53,496 --> 00:20:57,402
Okay, do another hundred,
each one way less fast.

400
00:20:57,404 --> 00:21:00,311
- Oh...
- Now, with three sessions a week...

401
00:21:00,313 --> 00:21:03,235
- Oh...
- for the next four months...

402
00:21:03,237 --> 00:21:04,311
Oh!

403
00:21:04,313 --> 00:21:06,086
we can have you ready just in time

404
00:21:06,088 --> 00:21:08,827
for the start of baseball season.

405
00:21:08,829 --> 00:21:10,294
D'oh.

406
00:21:28,571 --> 00:21:30,169
Shh!

407
00:21:32,703 --> 00:21:35,654
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com