1
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,800
In local news,
champion angler abe simpson

2
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,468
Is retiring.

3
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,303
Yes, it's o-fish-ial.

4
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:16,306
After reeling in
his 20th fishing derby win,

5
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,267
He's finally bowing trout.

6
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:21,020
Later, stay tuna
for a sharking story

7
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,063
About a local sturgeon
with a cod complex

8
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:26,442
Who kills patients
just for the halibut.

9
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,318
Abe, why retire now?

10
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,322
Well, I want to go out
on my 20-year win streak

11
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:36,160
And pass along my only
earthly talent to my son.

12
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,995
Tomorrow he's gonna take over

13
00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:40,497
The simpson family
fishing dominance.

14
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,042
To all you fish
out there watching,

15
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,668
He's a-comin' for ya!

16
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:47,713
Whoa. It's sexy
when you're on the local news

17
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,797
For something not horrible.

18
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:52,009
Those fish should be so scared.

19
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,595
Those fish
shouldn't be scared at all.

20
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,805
I never win anything.

21
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,892
Why does my dad think
I'll win this fishing contest?

22
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,561
Maybe because all you have to do
is sit still

23
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,771
And hold a stick.

24
00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:06,482
That's two things!

25
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,197
Principal skinner,
sorry to barge in,

26
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,199
But I'm applying
to the most selective

27
00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,034
Kids' summer camp
in the country.

28
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,787
They even reject the
silicon valley adderall kids.

29
00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:22,664
And, um, I was hoping
you'd write me

30
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A letter of recommendation.

31
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,709
recommendation letter?

32
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,295
No one's ever asked me
to write one of those before.

33
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,673
I've mainly just done letters
to judges requesting leniency.

34
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,592
If I'm accepted into the
university of springfield camp,

35
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,552
I'll be fast-tracked to get into

36
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,429
The amherst middle school
summer workshop,

37
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,597
Which is a feeder

38
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,265
To the uc santa cruz
marine biology retreat,

39
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:44,186
Which is a sure ticket into
the oberlin philosophy day camp

40
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,021
With sleepover option.

41
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,857
Well, I believe
my edu95 software bundle

42
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,569
Did come
with a recommendation template.

43
00:01:56,325 --> 00:02:00,702
Don't forget, I was
the classroom hamster monitor.

44
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,872
And the art club
parliamentarian.

45
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,624
And I chaired the fundraiser

46
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To get the lunch ladies
ethical hairnets.

47
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Got it.

48
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,381
"many interests."

49
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,799
And print.

50
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,766
Never mind.

51
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,063
Welcome to the annual
springfield fishing derby,

52
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,065
Sponsored by duff camo.

53
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,692
"the deer will never see
you're drunk."

54
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:35,654
And now, the champion emeritus
will throw out

55
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,323
The ceremonial first cast!

56
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,539
Dad, why do you think
I can do this?

57
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:46,874
I never win anything.

58
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,083
I don't believe in you.

59
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,086
I'm banking on
the simpsons fishing gene.

60
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,421
I'm finally gonna pass down
something

61
00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:55,257
Other than chronic hand hate.

62
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:02,014
We're three hours
into this nail-biting,

63
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,141
Intense competition, folks,

64
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,894
Which means butt fatigue
is really setting in

65
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,937
On these recumbent warriors.

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00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,614
Aw, man, if I wanted
to watch dad sit and do nothing,

67
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,282
I'd visit him at work.

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00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,409
Mom, I bet
the other camp applicants

69
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,870
Are volunteering
and accomplishing stuff.

70
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,288
I'm just standing around here

71
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,832
Getting a tan line
from my pearls!

72
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,125
I'm sure you'll get in.

73
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,127
You get into everything.

74
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,796
I could pick up litter,
rescue driftwood,

75
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:38,467
Make sure beavers aren't chewing
on washed-up mannequin arms.

76
00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:43,889
sorry, marge,

77
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,766
But could you murmur
a little quieter?

78
00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,351
I'm trying to fish.

79
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,232
I got to let myself run
a little.

80
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,536
What the hell is that thing?

81
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Get it out! Get it!

82
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,791
Hey!

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00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:11,875
Homie!

84
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:15,545
The fish weight to beat
is 7.2 pounds.

85
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,464
Will a heavier fish arise?

86
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,466
We'll find out right after this.

87
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,134
When you're gutting your catch,

88
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,136
Are you sick and tired
of being stared at

89
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,264
By cold, accusing fish eyes?

90
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,556
You need the happy hood.

91
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:30,519
That's right, fish,
you'll love it!

92
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:32,396
And don't forget to play
the happy hood mobile game.

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00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:35,899
Homer simpson's fish
comes in at...

94
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,734
10.4 pounds.

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00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,027
We have a winner!

96
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,030
I've never won anything before.

97
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,532
What do I do?

98
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,415
my gorgeous boy.

99
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,084
I've never loved you more!

100
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,128
Thanks, dad.

101
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:02,384
I get to cook my husband's
prize-winning fish!

102
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,679
The whole house
is gonna stink like victory!

103
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:13,312
What? Is this
where marbles come from?

104
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,314
Like pearls and lobsters?

105
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:18,567
How did my slingshot marbles
get in there?

106
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:23,030
You added weight to my fish
with marbles?

107
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,614
I-I couldn't help it!

108
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:27,734
Watching you lose was so boring.

109
00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:30,871
So I didn't really win at all.

110
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,122
You cheated!

111
00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,213
My gorgeous boy,

112
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,174
I've never loved you more!

113
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:49,639
"the saga of the oregon trail,"

114
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A poem by milhouse van houten.

115
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,394
"we started our journey
to the pacific

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Because we heard
that it was terrific."

117
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,694
I'm here to take bart simpson
to his doctor's appointment.

118
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I have a doctor's appointment?

119
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,615
Yeah. Bunch of them.
You're really sick.

120
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"we made our first camp
when we were all ready.

121
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We made our first dinner,

122
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Meatballs and spaghetti."

123
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This isn't the way
to the doctor.

124
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There's no doctor.

125
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,968
So I'm not sick?

126
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I don't know.
Everybody's got something.

127
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,765
You and me are going cheating.

128
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,060
When your fish marbles
won me that contest,

129
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,229
It was the greatest thrill
I ever had as a father.

130
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And I want
to feel that rush again.

131
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,278
How do we cheat
at rock skipping?

132
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,864
I don't know. Making a plan

133
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To cheat in advance
felt dishonest.

134
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Perfect.

135
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:04,297
Ooh, a big envelope
from summer camp admissions!

136
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,091
I bet that's good news!

137
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:09,094
Mom, that's my safety.

138
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,637
Of course
I'm gonna get in there.

139
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,098
Florida state's
a total party camp.

140
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,225
Why haven't I heard yet?

141
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,060
Janey got responses
from all her camps,

142
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Even her reaches.

143
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,398
Her essay was about her
grandmother's immigrant story.

144
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,608
She came from ottawa.

145
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,152
That's barely an immigrant.

146
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,490
coming up later,
the liv pickleball tour

147
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,286
From riyadh, where
it's 110 degrees in the desert

148
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,496
And the action's heating up.

149
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,499
But now it's time
for competitive rock skipping!

150
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,169
They are really scraping
the bottom of the barrel

151
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,712
For new sports content.

152
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,465
Yeah, and barrel scraping
is up next.

153
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,218
here we have
last year's champion,

154
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,929
Cletus spuckler,
taking the shore.

155
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,181
Home viewers will notice

156
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,850
That's not the famous
nike swoosh on his shoes

157
00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:59,644
But, rather,
leeches on his bare feet.

158
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,063
Here comes the skip.

159
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,694
22 skips!

160
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,364
That's a throw worthy of
the late, great doink anderson!

161
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,033
Interesting fact...
He left his widow nothing.

162
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,660
Next up, homer simpson,

163
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:19,247
A first-timer but using the same
equipment as these pros,

164
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A flat rock
he found on the ground.

165
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46 skips.

166
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:33,762
This almost makes
my hitchhiking here worth it.

167
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,893
This, this is what we do it for.

168
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,353
The cheater's high.

169
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:44,481
You can feel the scam
pulsing in your blood,

170
00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,399
Like snorting
lotto scratcher dust

171
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,944
Or being elected king
of hamburger planet!

172
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:52,656
You know, dad, all the times
I cheated on stuff before...

173
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,783
School tests, covid tests...

174
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,201
I always felt
kind of bad about it,

175
00:08:56,203 --> 00:09:00,580
But cheating with you
feels so right.

176
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,123
Can we do it one more time?

177
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,627
Son, we're never gonna stop
doing it.

178
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,451
Bart, I finally get

179
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,161
Why some dudes become dads
on purpose.

180
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:24,289
This has been
the best week of my life.

181
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,498
Me, too!

182
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,417
And my life's not a barf-nado
like yours.

183
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,546
Do you think
it's a little strange

184
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,799
That your dad is suddenly
winning all these contests

185
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,926
And giant prizes?

186
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,262
Yeah, I've noticed
the same thing.

187
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,599
I guess I just assumed
that sports in america

188
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,392
Were getting much, much easier.

189
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,560
hey, honey.

190
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,604
Do you want
this ladies' ghillie suit I won

191
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,023
At the tobacco-spitting
competition?

192
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,025
Homer, we need to talk.

193
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,526
I like when we talk.

194
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,237
I don't like
when we need to talk.

195
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,031
You're sure winning
a lot of activities

196
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,241
You've never even tried before.

197
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,743
I'm sorry to ask this, but...

198
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,286
Are you cheating?

199
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,083
I can't lie to you.

200
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,459
Wait, that's a lie.

201
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,712
I can lie and I have,
but I'm not going to now.

202
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,091
I am cheating,
but not for prizes or glory.

203
00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,259
Me and bart
are cheating together as a team.

204
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,428
It's our father-son thing.

205
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,056
can't you do
something else with bart,

206
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,350
Like coach his soccer team?

207
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,477
Soccer? You mean bribing refs?

208
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,311
Where's the challenge?

209
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,354
That's not the kind of cheating

210
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,148
That brings a dad
and his son closer.

211
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,859
We have this special bond,
like lavar and lonzo ball

212
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,196
Or cecil and prince fielder
before they became estranged.

213
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,156
No, no, no, no, no, no.

214
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,825
Cheating is wrong.

215
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,953
Maybe you should find another
way to bond with your son,

216
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,037
Like just being a good dad.

217
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:49,457
Where's the jet ski in that?

218
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,960
Marge, you're always saying

219
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,586
You want our kids to succeed.

220
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,297
Then maybe not cheating
is cheating them.

221
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,260
Refresh.

222
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:00,677
Nothing.

223
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,637
Refresh.

224
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,180
Still nothing.

225
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:04,931
Refresh.

226
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,725
Spinny rainbow!

227
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,435
nothing.

228
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,311
Lisa simpson,

229
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:14,023
I'm here from the university
of springfield camp.

230
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,067
And I'm very excited to tell you

231
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,862
That you've been accepted
into our summer program.

232
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,656
I got in?

233
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,074
That's amazing!

234
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,118
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

235
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:29,122
It's so classy that you came
to tell everybody in person.

236
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,416
As the rowing coach,
I like to personally welcome

237
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,710
All the incoming members
of our camp rowing team.

238
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,128
What? Rowing?

239
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:38,256
Your application photos
were amazing.

240
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,008
You can row anywhere
in the shell...

241
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,594
Stroke, bow, powerhouse.

242
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,763
What?

243
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,681
- What?
- See you at camp.

244
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,266
Here's your henley!

245
00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:01,613
someone put doctored
photos into my application!

246
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,532
And I know who.

247
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,749
You cheated.

248
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,125
For me!

249
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,628
What? No, I didn't!

250
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,546
Honey, what's the matter?

251
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,299
Dad and bart put my head
on an olympic rower's body

252
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,635
To cheat my way into camp!

253
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,011
No, we didn't.
Why would we help someone

254
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,846
Who's already good at things?

255
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,348
Now shut up.
Dad's in the finals.

256
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,601
He could win an electric truck
they converted back to gas.

257
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,439
You've already cheated at
every dumb sport in the world!

258
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,609
I bet you're cheating
at this dumb sport right now!

259
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:43,905
my foot.

260
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,281
lisa, shh.

261
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,743
A lot of these axe throwers
have guns in their cars.

262
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,954
What are you afraid of,

263
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,831
That they'll see...

264
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,874
This?

265
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,751
A magnet.

266
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:57,961
If you was cheating at this,

267
00:13:57,963 --> 00:14:00,797
I bet you cheated
at all them other events

268
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,633
You surprisingly
and illogically won.

269
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:04,926
We were robbed!

270
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,303
Of our prizes and our dignity!

271
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,265
get 'em!

272
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:13,017
Stay back!
I'm a champion axe thrower!

273
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,229
my stump.

274
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,904
Don't let them cheaters
get away!

275
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:25,864
Look, guys,
you got us all wrong.

276
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,782
We didn't cheat!

277
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:31,369
quick, get on the atvs
we won by cheating.

278
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,998
Looks like you just got cheated!

279
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,250
Out of your revenge!

280
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,226
If you think I'm not mad
anymore, you're wrong.

281
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,729
While we were escaping,
I got even more mad!

282
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,481
It's called multitasking.

283
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,776
And it was one of the legitimate
skills on my application.

284
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,237
Remember?
The one you cheated on?

285
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,071
We didn't, I swear.

286
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:10,033
- Cheater's honor.
- Really?

287
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,327
Well, if you didn't,
then who uploaded

288
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:16,664
All those fake photos of me
rowing so I could get into camp?

289
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:17,832
I did.

290
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:18,625
You?

291
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,835
You? No, no.

292
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,462
It must've been me!

293
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,130
No, it was me.

294
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,382
But, marge, you're you.

295
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,802
You're sweet, pure,
incorruptible.

296
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,596
dad,

297
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,798
We ruined mom.

298
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,433
No! No!

299
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,858
What have I done?

300
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,527
Other than everything
I know that I did?

301
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,029
Yes, I cheated.

302
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,989
And you showed me how to do it.

303
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,825
But not to win
a beef jerky dehydrator

304
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,828
Or harley-davidson
beard shampoo.

305
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,914
"if you want your kids
to succeed,

306
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,750
Then not cheating
is cheating them."

307
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:06,673
Mom, you also cheated me
out of the chance

308
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:08,466
To get in on my own merits!

309
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,760
I worked hard.

310
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,470
I cleaned up the beach.

311
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,930
I taught old people
how to email!

312
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:18,851
I was working
with 72-point font!

313
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,896
This is all our fault.

314
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,773
Son, we made a terrible mistake.

315
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,776
But we can learn and do better.

316
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:30,613
Let's never, ever bond again.

317
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,032
You're right. Never again.

318
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,868
Promise me this is
the last time we hug.

319
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,287
I swear, dad. I swear.

320
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:38,955
There you is.

321
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,957
We never would've found you

322
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,583
If it weren't
for all that guilt vomiting

323
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,794
We done heard.

324
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,629
Go ahead. Kill me.

325
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,089
Cleave my skull.

326
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,258
I don't deserve to live
after corrupting

327
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,593
The only good person
I've ever known.

328
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,220
I don't know about that.

329
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,889
We was just gonna rough you up
a little bit.

330
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,725
Well, I mean, I...

331
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,351
I guess we could kill you,

332
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,062
But you probably need
to sign a waiver or something.

333
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,273
nobody is killing anyone.

334
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,443
The simpsons are coming with us.

335
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:16,993
You think we'll all stay friends
after this or just drift apart?

336
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,165
Well, drift apart it is.

337
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,128
Aw, this is the camp
I wanted to go to.

338
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,089
They must know
about the fake application.

339
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,927
welcome, simpsons!

340
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,137
I hope you don't mind that I had

341
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,097
The university of springfield
football team

342
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:38,931
Bring you here.

343
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,601
Um, I want to apologize

344
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,061
For being party
to a false application.

345
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:48,399
My mother and I need to have
"the talk" about honesty.

346
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,234
Lisa, don't be mad
at your mother.

347
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,862
It may surprise you to learn
that this institution has

348
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:55,031
A proud tradition
of embracing cheating.

349
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:59,535
After all, this is
university of springfield camp,

350
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,954
Usc.

351
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,832
Well... You're okay
with me cheating?

352
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,919
Say it isn't so, dean belichick.

353
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,088
You think your application
was the only one

354
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,131
With embellishments?
Look at these.

355
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,468
This ten-year-old claims
she performs open-heart surgery.

356
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,845
This 12-year old said
it was her idea

357
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,556
To use big fat straws
for boba tea.

358
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,974
And you know what?

359
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,393
we let them all in.

360
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,898
But I want
to live an ethical life!

361
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,566
This is the world we live in.

362
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:31,609
Taxpayers hide money
from the irs,

363
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,861
Dating profiles
are nothing but lies,

364
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:38,783
And right now the houston astros
are dreaming up ways to cheat

365
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,368
That would blow your mind.

366
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,454
So, here at usc,

367
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,664
We decided to own cheating

368
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:48,459
And prepare our students
for the way the world is,

369
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,878
Not the way
some would like it to be.

370
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,171
What do you say, lisa?

371
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,173
Will you accept
our most prestigious

372
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,509
Lance armstrong
summer scholarship?

373
00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:58,803
Am I risking
everything I believe in

374
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,347
By refusing to do something
I don't believe in?

375
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,101
I choose honesty.

376
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,227
I'm proud of you, honey.

377
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:09,313
Yep. Walking out the door.

378
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:13,651
Leaving this room and this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

379
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,529
Walking... Out.

380
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:17,530
here I go.

381
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:20,449
principles powering my feet.

382
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,995
Would you like me
to give you a little push?

383
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,496
Would you?

384
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:30,418
Let the rowing coach know
we're sorry she was lied to.

385
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,421
I think she may be used to it.

386
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,797
Homer, a moment?

387
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:38,926
I've been following your
incredible streak of dishonesty.

388
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,636
very impressive.

389
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,722
So much so, I'd like
to offer you a position

390
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:47,018
As a professor in our faculty
of cheating studies.

391
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,853
What do you say?
Will you shape the minds

392
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:52,190
Of tomorrow's
white-collar criminals?

393
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,651
No.

394
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,361
For once,
I learned something at college...

395
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,738
A lesson.

396
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,823
Cheating almost ruined my wife,

397
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,200
Who is all the love and goodness
you can stuff

398
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,702
Inside a green dress.

399
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,079
I'll never cheat again.

400
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:10,208
Except on diets.

401
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,337
Okay,

402
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,215
Here's how you really
skip a rock.

403
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,800
I used to be so good
at this!

404
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,719
Hey, where's bart?

405
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,138
He said he had an appointment
every Thursday night

406
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,015
From 7:00 to 9:00.

407
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,687
Students, look to your left,
look to your right.

408
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,607
Those are the people
you'll be cheating off of.

409
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,249
Shh!

410
00:21:33,329 --> 00:21:35,329
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