1 00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:19,501 Come on, come on, stupid neck. 2 00:00:19,578 --> 00:00:22,746 After all the food I put down you. 3 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:29,862 Mmm. Button. 4 00:00:30,939 --> 00:00:34,033 Homie! What's going on? 5 00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:37,536 Knee? 6 00:00:37,763 --> 00:00:38,686 HAIM? 7 00:00:38,855 --> 00:00:39,780 Lick? 8 00:00:39,948 --> 00:00:42,249 "Need Heimlich!" 9 00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:47,621 Well played, Marge. 10 00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:49,048 For God's sakes, 11 00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:52,109 why don't you just buy a shirt with a bigger neck? 12 00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:54,887 Neck shaming, Marge. Neck shaming. 13 00:00:54,963 --> 00:00:56,371 That's not a thing. 14 00:00:56,465 --> 00:00:58,465 Who made you president of things? 15 00:00:58,542 --> 00:01:00,425 Quit your bickering. We'll be late. 16 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:04,288 Dad, we were saving that suit for you to be buried in. 17 00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:06,231 This isn't my funeral? 18 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,524 Oh. 19 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,992 Mm... 20 00:01:19,138 --> 00:01:20,662 Hey, hey! 21 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:27,978 It's the 35th Annual Springie Awards, 22 00:01:28,071 --> 00:01:29,980 honoring our town's finest. 23 00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:33,074 And here's Ms. Hoover. Who are you wearing? 24 00:01:33,243 --> 00:01:36,336 Same thing I always wear. I can only afford one dress. 25 00:01:36,413 --> 00:01:40,582 Ah, teachers. We can never repay you for all you do. 26 00:01:40,659 --> 00:01:42,175 So, we won't. 27 00:01:42,252 --> 00:01:44,995 Rainier Wolfcastle. What are you up for? 28 00:01:45,088 --> 00:01:46,680 I am a presenter. 29 00:01:46,756 --> 00:01:48,923 I'll be back... 30 00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,216 stage in the green room, 31 00:01:50,294 --> 00:01:52,927 gobbling up the caprese panini. 32 00:01:54,506 --> 00:01:56,615 And now please welcome 33 00:01:56,842 --> 00:01:58,283 your host for this evening. 34 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,010 He's charming, he's svelte, 35 00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:01,695 he's got beer on his belt, 36 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,180 Duffman! 37 00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:07,108 Oh, yeah! This shamelessly self-indulgent awards show 38 00:02:07,202 --> 00:02:10,203 is brought to you by Duff Lite. 39 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,113 Some right-wing groups have accused our beer 40 00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:14,115 of being "too woke." 41 00:02:14,193 --> 00:02:17,043 Let me say the only thing our beer stands for 42 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,396 is getting drunk, getting fat, 43 00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:22,474 and buying more till you pass out. 44 00:02:22,551 --> 00:02:24,551 God bless America! 45 00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:25,793 Can I still say that? 46 00:02:25,962 --> 00:02:27,204 - Oh, yeah! 47 00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,556 So, if you have a chance, take your family 48 00:02:29,725 --> 00:02:32,726 to the fabulous new Springfield Academy Museum. 49 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,303 Closed Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 50 00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:38,806 Admission is free, but parking is extremely expensive. 51 00:02:40,235 --> 00:02:42,995 And now I'm afraid we must apologize 52 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,906 for an earlier "In Memoriam" tribute 53 00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:48,000 to the person we said was dead 54 00:02:48,227 --> 00:02:50,060 but was actually alive... 55 00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:52,654 who now is actually dead. 56 00:02:52,822 --> 00:02:54,840 It is... our bad! 57 00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:57,567 But I'm alive. 58 00:02:57,661 --> 00:02:59,160 Oh... 59 00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:01,922 And now, Springfield's Nicest Person. 60 00:03:01,998 --> 00:03:03,924 Here's a surprise. Not! 61 00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,426 The winner is Ned Flanders! 62 00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,523 I really don't deserve this. I don't. 63 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,859 I mean, what do I do that any good man wouldn't? 64 00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:16,086 - I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. 65 00:03:16,088 --> 00:03:19,089 Thank you for playing me off. Just what I deserve. 66 00:03:19,258 --> 00:03:20,515 Oh, yeah! 67 00:03:20,684 --> 00:03:22,092 Oh, skunked again. 68 00:03:22,094 --> 00:03:25,621 I can't believe Maggie lost for "Best Silent Baby." 69 00:03:28,525 --> 00:03:31,877 And now the award for Best Sailboat Painting goes to... 70 00:03:31,954 --> 00:03:33,787 Sideshow Mel! 71 00:03:36,366 --> 00:03:39,109 They have the same painting as us. 72 00:03:39,111 --> 00:03:40,944 But yours is askew. 73 00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,037 Askew, I say. 74 00:03:43,115 --> 00:03:45,282 Will this show never end? 75 00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:47,467 Enough! 76 00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:49,119 And finally, the award 77 00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:52,731 for our town's Most Underappreciated Person... 78 00:03:54,718 --> 00:03:55,959 who is so modest 79 00:03:56,128 --> 00:03:57,461 they have no idea 80 00:03:57,463 --> 00:04:00,572 their name is about to be called. 81 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:01,982 The winner is... 82 00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:04,058 Marge Simpson! 83 00:04:04,227 --> 00:04:05,819 - Wha? - Way to go, Mom. 84 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,895 Yay, Mom! 85 00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:10,582 Marge! Marge! Marge! 86 00:04:15,163 --> 00:04:17,256 Oh, just a dream. 87 00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:20,000 But I can still enjoy it one minute more. 88 00:04:20,168 --> 00:04:21,818 Bart's kicking my ribs! 89 00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:23,244 Lisa's ribs are poking my foot. 90 00:04:23,322 --> 00:04:24,321 - Marge, I'm gonna sing 91 00:04:24,323 --> 00:04:25,672 in the shower and I need backup. 92 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,433 - All right, all right, I'm getting up. 93 00:04:30,662 --> 00:04:33,179 I'll just say this. Even when you visit me, 94 00:04:33,256 --> 00:04:35,682 it's worse than when you don't visit me. 95 00:04:35,851 --> 00:04:39,669 I'm sorry to say your dog is getting along in years. 96 00:04:39,671 --> 00:04:42,856 I'm afraid he's developed Dogzheimer's. 97 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,449 Dogzheimer's? 98 00:04:44,526 --> 00:04:45,933 Oh, I've heard of that. 99 00:04:46,028 --> 00:04:48,678 Not as bad as Cowheimer's, but... 100 00:04:48,772 --> 00:04:50,363 What were talking about again? 101 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,943 Oh, I totally agree. 102 00:05:00,859 --> 00:05:02,134 I can put either of them down. 103 00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:04,344 - What the... 104 00:05:05,622 --> 00:05:08,140 Look, Ma! I broke both my middle fingers. 105 00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:10,233 Ew, ew, ew! That is so gross 106 00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:13,461 I can't even enjoy that it's you. Ugh! 107 00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:17,057 Homie. I need help! Where are you? 108 00:05:19,302 --> 00:05:20,235 Hmm. 109 00:05:23,882 --> 00:05:25,215 Nothin' gets through. 110 00:05:25,217 --> 00:05:26,992 Only thing I want going in their brains is booze. 111 00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:33,332 Mm... 112 00:05:35,227 --> 00:05:36,835 So, who won? 113 00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:39,254 Me, 'cause I wasn't playing. 114 00:05:45,754 --> 00:05:48,438 Oh, my God. Marge has been trying to reach me all day. 115 00:05:48,498 --> 00:05:50,498 Aah! My father's in the hospital. 116 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:52,184 As a patient! 117 00:05:53,078 --> 00:05:54,094 Mm... 118 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:55,762 Mm? 119 00:05:55,931 --> 00:05:59,191 - Marge... - Not a word. 120 00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:05,012 Can you fix these? My ass hangs out. 121 00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:06,089 Give 'em to me. 122 00:06:06,091 --> 00:06:08,775 Where all problems end up. 123 00:06:10,278 --> 00:06:13,372 We now return to Trash for Cash. 124 00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:17,358 This seemingly average weather vane was originally made... 125 00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:18,693 in France. 126 00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,713 Makes sense. I bought it in "Jivernay." 127 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,698 Yes. I'd say the value is, 128 00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:27,201 at the very least, $5,000. 129 00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:30,947 We'll be able to cover the whole back 40 in insecticide. 130 00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:34,226 When will I get my insecticide? 131 00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,786 My late husband owned these pants. 132 00:06:36,788 --> 00:06:38,788 He was a rather large man. 133 00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:39,898 Don't much miss him. 134 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,959 The key to the value of these jeans 135 00:06:43,128 --> 00:06:45,219 is that both E's 136 00:06:45,297 --> 00:06:47,964 in "Leevi's" are capitalized. 137 00:06:47,966 --> 00:06:49,149 Ooh! 138 00:06:49,317 --> 00:06:51,468 Also very good for you, 139 00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:54,246 these pants have hidden rivets. 140 00:06:55,231 --> 00:06:55,989 Hm! 141 00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:58,808 Which were used before 1967 142 00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:02,587 when open rivets were considered vulgar. 143 00:07:03,815 --> 00:07:04,756 Does it matter that these 144 00:07:04,983 --> 00:07:06,499 were frequently worn? 145 00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:08,334 Including, sometimes, in bed? 146 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,912 Ugh. I never visit his grave. 147 00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:12,489 Actually, with jeans, 148 00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:16,518 a highly distressed seat can increase the value. 149 00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:20,513 I'd say the minimum possible value 150 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,999 for these pants is... 151 00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:24,258 - Oh... - Uh-huh? Uh-huh? 152 00:07:24,352 --> 00:07:27,237 $2,600. 153 00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:32,358 Having a husband finally paid off. 154 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,855 Uh, Homer? 155 00:07:45,949 --> 00:07:47,448 I couldn't fix your pants. 156 00:07:47,542 --> 00:07:49,192 You'll have to wear something else. 157 00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:50,451 Can I wear my Speedo to work? 158 00:07:50,545 --> 00:07:53,880 I'm afraid not, but we'll be fine. 159 00:07:54,049 --> 00:07:56,883 - Mm. - Aw. I make her happy. 160 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,478 Oh, you got a loose hair. Fixed it. 161 00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:33,253 Mornin', Jerry. 162 00:08:59,598 --> 00:09:01,498 Mm... 163 00:09:07,196 --> 00:09:09,939 - Yes, may I help you? - Comic Book Guy? 164 00:09:09,941 --> 00:09:11,532 No. I am his cousin, 165 00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,534 Collectible Pants Dude 166 00:09:13,628 --> 00:09:15,554 or CPD, whatever. 167 00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:18,039 I see. Well, I, uh, may be interested 168 00:09:18,207 --> 00:09:20,725 in selling this vintage item. 169 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,468 Huh, I say. 170 00:09:22,637 --> 00:09:24,729 I will give you, eh... 171 00:09:24,806 --> 00:09:25,955 twenty dollars. 172 00:09:26,124 --> 00:09:27,957 Not so fast, bub. 173 00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:31,052 I happen to know these are 501-XX 174 00:09:31,129 --> 00:09:34,464 big double-E jeans with hidden rivets. 175 00:09:34,466 --> 00:09:36,649 Zoinks! I see you know pants. 176 00:09:36,726 --> 00:09:38,802 In that case, my offer is... 177 00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,061 twenty-two dollars. 178 00:09:40,229 --> 00:09:43,656 I saw a pair on eBay for $3,000. 179 00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:45,658 Oh... Uh... 180 00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:49,254 Fine! You have me, madam. Because I must have them. 181 00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:52,090 I've never seen such a perfectly distressed rear. 182 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,667 I mean, these pants have experienced thousands— 183 00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:58,004 I say thousands— of pounds of butt pressure. 184 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,156 Yes, he's got a big keister. 185 00:10:00,249 --> 00:10:02,100 Are we gonna deal or what? 186 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,328 Sorry. Collectible clothes are my one addiction. 187 00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:08,422 Also cannabis gummies and the films of Kenneth Anger. 188 00:10:08,516 --> 00:10:09,515 But I digress. 189 00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:13,336 My offer is $2,595. 190 00:10:13,429 --> 00:10:14,270 Okay? 191 00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:16,781 - Hm... - I see you hesitate. 192 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,619 Well, let me zip up this deal and button its fly, okay? 193 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,710 Um, let me think just a little bit more. 194 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,372 You've already put the money in your bag. 195 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,525 Oh. So I have. Mm. 196 00:10:35,527 --> 00:10:37,093 Deal. 197 00:10:38,213 --> 00:10:38,878 Mm! 198 00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:40,138 Oh, my God. 199 00:10:40,365 --> 00:10:42,048 There are so many things I could do 200 00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:44,367 for my family's future with this money. 201 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:47,887 Mom, the money you gave me paid for a week of college. 202 00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,088 Next. 203 00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:51,983 You used the money for a neck tattoo? 204 00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:53,818 Not just the neck. 205 00:10:53,895 --> 00:10:56,237 Next. 206 00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:04,220 Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer! 207 00:11:04,389 --> 00:11:06,890 I am so sick of hearing about that jerk. 208 00:11:06,892 --> 00:11:10,317 "Wah, I built a bomb then I was sad when they dropped it." 209 00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:13,154 Boo-hoo. Aren't you sick of Oppenheimer, Smithers? 210 00:11:13,231 --> 00:11:16,232 Actually, sir, I preferred another movie last summer. 211 00:11:16,401 --> 00:11:18,659 Another movie? Besides Oppenheimer? 212 00:11:18,737 --> 00:11:20,403 - That's right. - There was a second movie 213 00:11:20,572 --> 00:11:21,421 people were seeing? 214 00:11:21,589 --> 00:11:23,256 Yes, there was. A global phenomenon. 215 00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:25,408 Really? Global, you say? 216 00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:27,760 And it finally gave me the courage 217 00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:29,746 to do this. 218 00:11:30,749 --> 00:11:32,857 Mm, well, you seem to be bleeding from the head. 219 00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:35,527 - It's dye. - Die on your own time. 220 00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:38,363 Now, regarding Oppenheimer, follow me. 221 00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:45,186 Have you fellows heard of "Tickling the Dragon's Tail"? 222 00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:47,188 Sounds like a DreamWorks film. 223 00:11:47,265 --> 00:11:48,189 Well, it's not. 224 00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:50,099 We carefully add small amounts 225 00:11:50,268 --> 00:11:51,710 of fissionable uranium, 226 00:11:51,937 --> 00:11:54,287 stopping just before critical mass. 227 00:11:54,363 --> 00:11:57,382 We can create the most profitable atomic pile of all. 228 00:11:57,459 --> 00:12:00,126 Oppenheimer tried it at Los Alamos but he failed. 229 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,294 Idiot! 230 00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:03,537 That showboat slides his boney self 231 00:12:03,615 --> 00:12:04,797 into every picture. 232 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,950 Should have called him Photo-Oppenheimer. 233 00:12:06,952 --> 00:12:08,785 My biopic will be longer, 234 00:12:08,787 --> 00:12:10,136 its star skinnier, 235 00:12:10,305 --> 00:12:12,956 and global annihilation will not be hinted at, 236 00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:15,016 but rather the heartwarming climax. 237 00:12:15,092 --> 00:12:17,610 - Excellent. 238 00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:21,965 Of, uh, course, sir, 239 00:12:21,967 --> 00:12:23,724 if you exceed the critical mass, 240 00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:25,969 it, uh, would lead to an uncontrolled nuclear explo... 241 00:12:29,824 --> 00:12:31,491 The plant's gonna blow! 242 00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:32,584 Alarmist. 243 00:12:33,979 --> 00:12:36,629 My suit's... too bulky! 244 00:12:40,986 --> 00:12:42,260 Did you see that, Smithers? 245 00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:45,171 That sweat-panted Superman rescued us all. 246 00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:47,581 Well, I just put my sweatpants on 247 00:12:47,659 --> 00:12:50,660 one leg at a time like any fat guy. 248 00:12:50,662 --> 00:12:52,753 Well, you saved my life. 249 00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:54,272 So I'm giving you two tickets, 250 00:12:54,499 --> 00:12:57,016 front row seats, to a baseball game. 251 00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:58,735 Debt paid. Never talk to me again. 252 00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:01,337 Hmm. 253 00:13:01,339 --> 00:13:03,673 I thought I'd enjoy this money, 254 00:13:03,766 --> 00:13:06,433 but I'm not happy. 255 00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:08,678 I sure don't envy you, lady. 256 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,347 When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. 257 00:13:11,516 --> 00:13:13,941 Add vodka, and meet me down here. 258 00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:16,211 - Oh. - Mm... 259 00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:19,631 Reverend, what does our faith say 260 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,343 about spending money on something just for yourself? 261 00:13:24,529 --> 00:13:27,196 Well, I sure don't know. but for 20 bucks 262 00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:29,882 I'll wipe the communion cup before you drink from it. 263 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,226 Eh? 264 00:13:34,797 --> 00:13:36,964 Oh... 265 00:13:37,058 --> 00:13:39,300 Homer, after a lot of soul searching, 266 00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:41,653 there's something I've got to tell you. 267 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,382 Are you at a baseball game? 268 00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:47,975 I am. It's so great. 269 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,570 We got to meet the players, play "Chopsticks" on the organ, 270 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:54,315 and they hit a foul ball to you on purpose. 271 00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:00,746 Are you there alone? 272 00:14:00,915 --> 00:14:02,732 Well, I asked Lenny, but he was busy. 273 00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:04,233 Carl was out sick. 274 00:14:04,235 --> 00:14:05,902 Smitty was taking or teaching 275 00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,846 a Pilates class, I forget which. 276 00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:10,073 So I finally asked that new guy from Ghana. 277 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:12,666 I have so many questions about your baseball. 278 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,427 First, why? 279 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,762 Homer, how come you didn't ask me? 280 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,340 Uh, well, you don't like baseball. 281 00:14:19,434 --> 00:14:21,508 Maybe, but more importantly, 282 00:14:21,677 --> 00:14:23,269 I like being asked. 283 00:14:23,346 --> 00:14:25,679 Oh, my God, oh, my God, uh, can I get you a jersey? 284 00:14:25,773 --> 00:14:27,181 Uh, what's your size again? 285 00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:29,442 Medium! It's always been medium. 286 00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:32,186 Um, that's something I should have known, right? 287 00:14:32,263 --> 00:14:35,373 Buster, you should know whether or not you should've known it. 288 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,101 But thanks for clearing things up for me. 289 00:14:38,103 --> 00:14:40,027 You're welcome. Do I get another kiss? 290 00:14:40,196 --> 00:14:42,121 Oh, you'll get a kiss, all right. 291 00:14:42,198 --> 00:14:43,697 You're gonna get a big kiss. 292 00:14:43,791 --> 00:14:45,942 You just wait for that kiss. 293 00:14:46,111 --> 00:14:47,944 If you come here, we can get it on the kiss cam. 294 00:14:49,114 --> 00:14:50,796 Dial tone? Hello? 295 00:14:50,965 --> 00:14:52,632 Marge? Marge? 296 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,726 Hello? Dial tone? 297 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,302 Now I have to kiss him? 298 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,546 Well, if it's all part of baseball. Mwah. 299 00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:07,096 I want the biggest ring I can buy! 300 00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:09,056 Ooh! That's a coincidence. 301 00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:12,393 I want you to have the biggest ring I can sell. 302 00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:13,620 Yes! 303 00:15:18,325 --> 00:15:20,326 Now, the current rule of thumb is a truly meaningful ring 304 00:15:20,569 --> 00:15:22,253 should cost three months' salary. 305 00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:24,756 If I don't have a salary, is it free? 306 00:15:24,832 --> 00:15:25,815 No. 307 00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:26,999 Nice try. 308 00:15:27,168 --> 00:15:29,761 Now, if for some reason I want to return this? 309 00:15:29,988 --> 00:15:31,320 Ooh, no problem. 310 00:15:31,322 --> 00:15:34,098 You have a full three seconds to change your mind. 311 00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:36,476 Starting now. 312 00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:41,422 Time's up. 313 00:15:41,499 --> 00:15:43,666 Oh... 314 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,276 Oh, my God. 315 00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:47,336 I didn't know I'd feel so guilty walking around 316 00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:49,489 wearing something so expensive. 317 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,765 Calm down, Marge, calm down. 318 00:15:51,843 --> 00:15:53,117 Nobody cares. 319 00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:54,935 Marge, I was a couple blocks away 320 00:15:55,029 --> 00:15:56,603 and I couldn't help noticing you wearing 321 00:15:56,698 --> 00:15:59,290 something your husband couldn't possibly afford. 322 00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:00,291 Tattletale! 323 00:16:00,368 --> 00:16:01,867 Casual Christian. 324 00:16:01,944 --> 00:16:03,777 Remember, sale's final. 325 00:16:06,207 --> 00:16:08,040 Okay, okay. Can't return it. 326 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,875 Might as well enjoy it. 327 00:16:11,954 --> 00:16:13,471 A guilt rash! 328 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,548 The last time I got one of these was when I took 329 00:16:15,624 --> 00:16:18,050 that bottle of shampoo from the hotel. 330 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,062 It wasn't opened. They could have reused it. 331 00:16:23,374 --> 00:16:25,984 I'll just leave it there. 332 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:30,029 No, no, no. Someone will find it. 333 00:16:47,065 --> 00:16:48,673 Mm... 334 00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,567 So this is what having a secret feels like. 335 00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:53,252 It's terrible. 336 00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:55,238 Why does everybody do it? 337 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,240 Maybe I could hide it in here. 338 00:16:57,333 --> 00:17:00,667 D'oh! How many places does Homer hide cookies? 339 00:17:00,762 --> 00:17:02,729 D'oh! 340 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,190 Whoa! 341 00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:08,067 Oh... 342 00:17:11,773 --> 00:17:14,032 Ah, no one can find it now. 343 00:17:14,259 --> 00:17:15,925 Who are you talking to, Mom? 344 00:17:16,094 --> 00:17:17,927 Aah! What are you doing here? 345 00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:20,371 Oh, I like to look at my old report cards. 346 00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:22,932 One teacher— if you could believe it— 347 00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,101 gave me an A-plus-plus. 348 00:17:25,194 --> 00:17:27,194 They're not allowed to do that anymore. 349 00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:29,288 It makes the other kids feel bad. 350 00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:32,032 And that's why we're losing to China. 351 00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,943 - Yo. - Aah! 352 00:17:33,945 --> 00:17:35,369 What are you doing in the attic? 353 00:17:35,463 --> 00:17:37,221 Well, one thing I'm definitely not doing 354 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:39,115 is hiding from the cops. 355 00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:40,040 Eh, we'll never find him. 356 00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,185 Let's go, boys. 357 00:17:43,137 --> 00:17:44,637 No respect for the law. 358 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,230 Let's get some donuts. 359 00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:52,570 Get to bed, now! 360 00:17:53,798 --> 00:17:56,157 - Now what? 361 00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,893 You're not judging me. 362 00:17:59,971 --> 00:18:01,562 With you, I can enjoy it. 363 00:18:01,656 --> 00:18:03,973 Don't swallow it. 364 00:18:04,066 --> 00:18:06,250 - What's the matter, Homer? 365 00:18:06,477 --> 00:18:08,828 I'm starting to think I don't appreciate Marge enough. 366 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:12,481 She does everything for me and I just take her for granted. 367 00:18:12,575 --> 00:18:14,425 Let me tell you something, Homer, you are so lucky 368 00:18:14,652 --> 00:18:17,077 that she doesn't leave you for the next tall, dark 369 00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:19,079 and handsome guy that comes along. 370 00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:22,082 Oh, Moe, I love... 371 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,769 the way you introduced me to this guy. 372 00:18:24,996 --> 00:18:26,104 Woo-hoo! 373 00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:28,481 Homer, I think your problem is... 374 00:18:41,846 --> 00:18:43,028 Uh, happy tears? 375 00:18:47,685 --> 00:18:49,127 - What the... 376 00:19:16,714 --> 00:19:17,989 Haw-haw! 377 00:19:18,216 --> 00:19:20,974 Before you, I rode through dog poop! 378 00:19:22,387 --> 00:19:25,070 I'll just have to live with my selfishness. 379 00:19:25,239 --> 00:19:27,206 Oh. 380 00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:33,004 What is this? 381 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,064 A fancy ring? 382 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,324 That Marge bought for herself? 383 00:19:37,402 --> 00:19:39,844 She's been holding back on us this whole time. 384 00:19:40,071 --> 00:19:43,097 Oh, my God, the things she does. 385 00:19:45,743 --> 00:19:48,227 The things she does. 386 00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:54,984 The things she does. 387 00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,086 Aw. 388 00:19:57,255 --> 00:19:59,588 The things she does. 389 00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:03,092 All the wonderful things she does. 390 00:20:03,185 --> 00:20:06,204 Putting those sweet notes in my lunch every day. 391 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,039 Getting everyone a birthday present 392 00:20:08,266 --> 00:20:10,616 and saying they're from both of us. 393 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,101 Even in her sleep, 394 00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:13,769 she's perfect. 395 00:20:13,862 --> 00:20:16,605 With all the wonderful, beautiful things Marge does, 396 00:20:16,699 --> 00:20:20,593 there's only one thing I can do with this ring. 397 00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:24,630 Homie, you're back. You... 398 00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:26,557 You put this on me? 399 00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:29,618 Baby, I just wish I'd bought it for you. 400 00:20:29,712 --> 00:20:32,137 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 401 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:35,382 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 402 00:20:35,476 --> 00:20:38,143 and TOYOTA. 403 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,488 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 404 00:20:45,059 --> 00:20:46,151 Ah, finally, no guilt. 405 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,152 Breaking news. 406 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,654 Amnesty International has identified 407 00:20:48,823 --> 00:20:52,808 the Spiffany Blue diamond as the most unethically mined gem 408 00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:53,993 in human history. 409 00:20:54,069 --> 00:20:56,420 It takes six blue whales to color each carat. 410 00:20:56,497 --> 00:20:58,831 Wearing this is a sparkly expression 411 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,092 that you love misery. 412 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:05,078 Well, I'll just wear the ring inside for a little. 413 00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:17,016 Hey! 414 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,370 Shh!