1 00:00:07,404 --> 00:00:09,989 They say women are like soda water. 2 00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:12,325 They go better with a gallon of scotch. 3 00:00:12,326 --> 00:00:15,704 And when the weather is hot, we drink a lot. 4 00:00:20,751 --> 00:00:25,630 And sometimes it's so hot people open their windows to let the air in, 5 00:00:25,631 --> 00:00:28,133 and their secrets out. 6 00:00:30,135 --> 00:00:31,220 No! 7 00:00:31,887 --> 00:00:35,140 No. Don't go. Your tiny feet are so cool. 8 00:00:38,685 --> 00:00:40,895 Wait. I know a place to go. 9 00:00:40,896 --> 00:00:43,774 Where the people always say it's too cold. 10 00:00:49,321 --> 00:00:51,155 Get your own cooling duct! 11 00:00:51,156 --> 00:00:54,992 Typical. My entire life you've never done one nice thing for me. 12 00:00:54,993 --> 00:00:56,744 And I'm always kind and loving. 13 00:00:56,745 --> 00:01:00,581 So redirect that AC or we're moving you to a worse home. 14 00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,083 There is no worse home. 15 00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:04,168 I mean the one they put veterans in. 16 00:01:04,169 --> 00:01:06,672 You monster! Elder abuse! 17 00:01:08,090 --> 00:01:09,257 What took you so long? 18 00:01:09,258 --> 00:01:12,593 I'm not sure what you're talking about, Abe "Grampa" Simpson. 19 00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:15,054 But we need your help with an investigation. 20 00:01:15,055 --> 00:01:16,515 And I mean now. 21 00:01:26,733 --> 00:01:29,443 They're digging up these poor people's graves? 22 00:01:29,444 --> 00:01:30,528 Now, don't worry. 23 00:01:30,529 --> 00:01:34,407 They're putting up a monument to the suffering of these unfortunate souls. 24 00:01:37,703 --> 00:01:39,287 What are we doing here? 25 00:01:39,288 --> 00:01:42,373 We're here because when they dug up one grave, 26 00:01:42,374 --> 00:01:45,585 they saw something no one should see. 27 00:01:45,586 --> 00:01:48,297 Come on, kids. Let me show ya. Get your phones. 28 00:01:54,511 --> 00:01:57,889 Somebody snuck a second body in here. 29 00:02:00,934 --> 00:02:04,521 And on that extra body, we found this. 30 00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:08,482 "Simpson and O'Donnell Private Investigators. 31 00:02:08,483 --> 00:02:10,110 Ask for Abe"? 32 00:02:12,946 --> 00:02:17,367 Grampa, you were a private detective? It takes you an hour to find your socks. 33 00:02:17,909 --> 00:02:20,745 All right, Wiggum. You showed me what you wanted to show me. 34 00:02:20,746 --> 00:02:24,206 Now, in this country a man can say what he wants and do what he wants. 35 00:02:24,207 --> 00:02:25,916 Except on college campuses 36 00:02:25,917 --> 00:02:29,211 where you can say some things but not others and it's unclear which. 37 00:02:29,212 --> 00:02:31,005 Hey, you can leave anytime, 38 00:02:31,006 --> 00:02:35,885 after you explain how your business card got on that body. 39 00:02:35,886 --> 00:02:37,219 Fine. I'll talk. 40 00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:40,723 But only at the home with a nurse-call button nearby. 41 00:02:40,724 --> 00:02:42,475 Those things aren't even hooked up. 42 00:02:42,476 --> 00:02:45,854 Pushing the button is my exercise. 43 00:02:46,938 --> 00:02:48,065 See? 44 00:02:50,984 --> 00:02:53,570 Oh. I never saw that part before. 45 00:02:54,613 --> 00:02:56,072 You think it's hot today? 46 00:02:56,073 --> 00:02:59,158 It's nothin' compared to the summer of '82. 47 00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:02,495 It was like living inside the sun with the heat on. 48 00:03:02,496 --> 00:03:05,373 Billy and me had been partners for a couple years. 49 00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:06,666 There was plenty of work. 50 00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,585 Divorce cases, Roller Derby hit-and-runs. 51 00:03:09,586 --> 00:03:12,464 But this particular day was mighty slow. 52 00:03:13,674 --> 00:03:16,050 Ah, nice shot. You should be in the NBA. 53 00:03:16,051 --> 00:03:18,678 You too, pal. You look great in short shorts. 54 00:03:18,679 --> 00:03:22,015 You mean the shorts that everybody wears now in the '80s? 55 00:03:23,308 --> 00:03:25,893 Then she came in. 56 00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:27,728 I was looking for a detective. 57 00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:31,107 But it seems I found a mutual admiration society. 58 00:03:31,108 --> 00:03:33,109 Are you here to join? 59 00:03:33,110 --> 00:03:34,778 First, I'd have to admire you. 60 00:03:36,196 --> 00:03:40,449 I'm Agnes Skinner. And I want you to follow my boyfriend. 61 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,368 Oh. Who's your boyfriend? 62 00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:45,705 A rich bald vulture by the name of Montgomery Burns. 63 00:03:45,706 --> 00:03:49,208 I think he's cheating on me with someone younger and sexier. 64 00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:51,544 - I don't buy your story. - Which part? 65 00:03:51,545 --> 00:03:55,047 The part where there's someone younger and sexier than you. 66 00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:57,592 Mmm. It just got really hot in here. 67 00:03:58,301 --> 00:03:59,468 Towel me off? 68 00:04:02,097 --> 00:04:06,101 Are you my new mommy? 'Cause I am owed a lot of tuckin' in. 69 00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:11,648 Uh, Daddy's, uh, busy, son. W-Why don't you play with these handcuffs? 70 00:04:12,607 --> 00:04:13,607 Oh, boy. 71 00:04:13,608 --> 00:04:18,028 If you're babysitting, I guess I'll take my business elsewhere. 72 00:04:18,029 --> 00:04:19,280 H-Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 73 00:04:19,281 --> 00:04:23,659 What if I go with Agnes, you know, and kinda check things out? 74 00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:27,747 Okay. But remember, you're representing the firm, so act professional. 75 00:04:27,748 --> 00:04:29,165 Yes. 76 00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:36,922 I don't get a new mommy? 77 00:04:36,923 --> 00:04:39,508 I'll be your daddy and your mommy, Son. 78 00:04:39,509 --> 00:04:41,552 Now, be quiet and leave me alone. 79 00:04:41,553 --> 00:04:43,179 And that was that. 80 00:04:43,180 --> 00:04:45,514 Now if you're finished, it's Tapioca Tuesday, 81 00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:48,058 and I'm jonesing for something bland and lumpy. 82 00:04:48,059 --> 00:04:51,521 - Tapioca. - Tapioca. 83 00:04:53,857 --> 00:04:56,066 Slow down there, Humphrey Go-cart. 84 00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:58,152 What did your partner say when he got back? 85 00:04:58,153 --> 00:05:01,864 Nothing. Which isn't surprising because he never came back. 86 00:05:01,865 --> 00:05:04,116 Never came back? What did you do? 87 00:05:04,117 --> 00:05:05,951 Got new business cards. 88 00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:09,705 "Abe Simpson and nobody. Private investigators." 89 00:05:09,706 --> 00:05:11,207 I'm not surprised. 90 00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:13,542 My dad never does anything for anybody. 91 00:05:13,543 --> 00:05:17,213 Homer, let the policemen give your dad the third degree. 92 00:05:17,214 --> 00:05:18,964 Wiggum, I'm done singing. 93 00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:21,801 But here's an encore for you. Get lost! 94 00:05:21,802 --> 00:05:25,179 Oh, yeah? How'd you like it if we put you in an interrogation room 95 00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:29,975 with a bare light bulb, no bathroom, and a cold steel chair with an uneven leg? 96 00:05:29,976 --> 00:05:31,727 I'd call that an upgrade. 97 00:05:34,105 --> 00:05:36,398 Okay. Fine. We'll leave for now. 98 00:05:36,399 --> 00:05:40,236 But I am officially declaring you a person of interest. 99 00:05:40,237 --> 00:05:43,614 Wow, Grampa. You're finally interesting. Can we hang out? 100 00:05:43,615 --> 00:05:45,032 Yeah, but I ain't talking. 101 00:05:45,033 --> 00:05:46,368 Perfect. 102 00:05:48,537 --> 00:05:49,870 I can't believe it. 103 00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,998 Would Grampa really not look for his partner? 104 00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:54,959 It's exactly what he would do. 105 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,546 He didn't look for his missing wife. He couldn't find our runaway dog. 106 00:05:58,547 --> 00:06:00,589 He didn't realize I was lost at the zoo 107 00:06:00,590 --> 00:06:03,634 until the chimpanzee in the car seat threw up. 108 00:06:03,635 --> 00:06:06,554 He still sends that monkey birthday cards. 109 00:06:06,555 --> 00:06:08,138 Maybe I could get some answers 110 00:06:08,139 --> 00:06:11,141 from a forensic analysis of the old business card. 111 00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:14,562 Lisa, I don't like it when you dust for residues. 112 00:06:14,563 --> 00:06:18,232 Please, please, please. I promise I'll only look for splatter. 113 00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:20,818 Okay. But put down a newspaper. 114 00:06:20,819 --> 00:06:22,487 What the hell is a newspaper? 115 00:06:25,866 --> 00:06:27,867 Bart, there's blood on this card. 116 00:06:27,868 --> 00:06:29,201 Type AB negative. 117 00:06:29,202 --> 00:06:32,371 Which is only one percent of the population. 118 00:06:32,372 --> 00:06:34,832 Amazing. You can make even blood boring. 119 00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:39,253 If Billy O'Donnell had the same blood type, it could be him in the coffin. 120 00:06:39,254 --> 00:06:41,338 Coffin, eh? You're saying he's a vampire? 121 00:06:41,339 --> 00:06:43,257 Yes, he's a vampire. 122 00:06:43,258 --> 00:06:46,427 We must inwestigate his blood. Blah! 123 00:06:46,428 --> 00:06:49,179 You're treating me like a child. And I love it. 124 00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:51,015 Say "blah" two more times and I'm in. 125 00:06:51,016 --> 00:06:52,600 Blah. Blah. 126 00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:53,893 Okay. Blood type. 127 00:06:53,894 --> 00:06:56,145 I know two people with all the information in town. 128 00:06:56,146 --> 00:06:58,439 - But it'll cost you. - How much? 129 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,443 I'm afraid we're gonna have to spend some time with them. 130 00:07:02,444 --> 00:07:05,946 Here's the medical techs at my barium swallow. 131 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,364 Here's me waking up 132 00:07:07,365 --> 00:07:10,034 because the anesthesia wasn't strong enough. 133 00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:12,870 And here's the kink in my esophagus. 134 00:07:12,871 --> 00:07:16,040 And here's us transferring our slides to video. 135 00:07:16,041 --> 00:07:18,500 Transferring. 136 00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:21,879 Now here's us transferring our video to digital. 137 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,173 Transferring. Transferring. 138 00:07:24,174 --> 00:07:25,299 Transferring. 139 00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:26,885 Hey, can we get some service? 140 00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:30,804 Snoop till your heart's content, kids. 141 00:07:30,805 --> 00:07:35,392 But remember, that information belongs to the people of Springfield. 142 00:07:35,393 --> 00:07:37,771 Show them the respect they deserve. 143 00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:42,441 O'Bannon, O'Brady, O'Connell, O'Connor. 144 00:07:42,442 --> 00:07:44,193 Lotta Irish in this town. 145 00:07:44,194 --> 00:07:47,321 O'Day, O'Dell, O'Doh-de-o'doh. 146 00:07:47,322 --> 00:07:49,657 O'Donnell. Billy O'Donnell. 147 00:07:49,658 --> 00:07:51,408 Blood type: AB negative. 148 00:07:51,409 --> 00:07:53,827 It's a match. I'm taking this to Grampa. 149 00:07:53,828 --> 00:07:56,497 Did you know Lenny has only one butt cheek? 150 00:07:56,498 --> 00:07:58,500 No wonder he keeps falling off his stool. 151 00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:01,086 - Not my fault. 152 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,839 Chief, that's the old man's granddaughter. 153 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,092 And you didn't want to set up a stakeout. 154 00:08:08,093 --> 00:08:11,053 No, I wanted to. You didn't. 155 00:08:11,054 --> 00:08:12,763 Well, somebody did... Shut up. 156 00:08:12,764 --> 00:08:14,515 It's the same blood type. 157 00:08:14,516 --> 00:08:17,184 I bet you wanna get right back on that trail. 158 00:08:17,185 --> 00:08:19,937 That trail is 40 years old. 159 00:08:19,938 --> 00:08:23,190 Colder than the hands of the orderly who puts my gown on. 160 00:08:23,191 --> 00:08:26,860 Hey, orderlies have feelings too. 161 00:08:26,861 --> 00:08:31,699 The DMV found Billy's abandoned car on old Apple Blossom Parkway. 162 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:36,036 Which is now the location of the Springfield Nuclear Plant. 163 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,288 Well? 164 00:08:38,456 --> 00:08:42,292 You're messing with things you should let lie. 165 00:08:42,293 --> 00:08:45,546 And you're lying about messes you should let thing. 166 00:08:45,547 --> 00:08:47,297 Nobody talks to me like that. 167 00:08:47,298 --> 00:08:49,550 I'm what that way talks how. 168 00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:51,719 I always looked up to you, Grampa. 169 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,889 Well, I'm shrinking every day. So I'll be down to you mighty soon. 170 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:58,475 I can't believe you didn't even try! 171 00:08:58,476 --> 00:09:01,520 But, but... Damn it, I did try. 172 00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:05,816 Checked with his ex-wife, his bookie, his dance instructor. 173 00:09:05,817 --> 00:09:09,194 Sorry, handsome. You are barking up the wrong tree, four, five, six. 174 00:09:09,195 --> 00:09:13,574 Back step, kick step, shuffle ball change. 175 00:09:13,575 --> 00:09:16,160 There was only one person who could tell me what happened. 176 00:09:16,161 --> 00:09:17,327 Agnes. 177 00:09:17,328 --> 00:09:20,372 But it was like she disappeared off the face of the earth. 178 00:09:20,373 --> 00:09:23,333 Burns was guarding her tighter than a human LoJack. 179 00:09:23,334 --> 00:09:26,754 Finally I got a tip from her favorite leg warmer store. 180 00:09:26,755 --> 00:09:30,049 I found her at the marina. 181 00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:31,550 I'm trying to talk business. 182 00:09:31,551 --> 00:09:34,178 And you bring me to the most romantic spot in town? 183 00:09:34,179 --> 00:09:37,431 You are really making it hard for me to focus. 184 00:09:37,432 --> 00:09:39,933 You're not very smart. I like that. 185 00:09:39,934 --> 00:09:43,812 I mean, you're really, really stupid. I find that sexy. 186 00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:47,441 I mean, you are really, unbelievably, droolingly— 187 00:09:47,442 --> 00:09:49,485 Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. You made your point. 188 00:09:49,486 --> 00:09:51,820 Now, damn it. What happened to my partner? 189 00:09:51,821 --> 00:09:54,908 Don't get ahead of yourself. You haven't bought me a drink. 190 00:09:56,201 --> 00:09:57,284 What'll you have? 191 00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:58,827 Don't get ahead of yourself. 192 00:09:58,828 --> 00:10:00,412 You haven't kissed me. 193 00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:07,628 Now, uh, the next part is kinda racy 194 00:10:07,629 --> 00:10:12,092 so you listen to some nondescript '80s rock, while I tell it to myself. 195 00:10:18,348 --> 00:10:20,849 She was relentless. 196 00:10:20,850 --> 00:10:24,020 I heard something I'd never heard before, 197 00:10:24,604 --> 00:10:26,188 "Not bad". 198 00:10:26,189 --> 00:10:31,110 I fell for her like Mario over a thousand Donkey Kong barrels. 199 00:10:31,111 --> 00:10:34,696 And then she told me what happened the last night she saw Billy. 200 00:10:34,697 --> 00:10:38,201 They were following Burns to see what he was up to. 201 00:10:39,744 --> 00:10:41,996 Okay, listen. You stay in the car until I get back. 202 00:10:44,124 --> 00:10:46,417 I waited. And waited. 203 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:51,672 Ma'am, are you okay? 204 00:10:51,673 --> 00:10:55,260 'Cause I've been staring at you since 2:00 in the morning. 205 00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:00,973 I never saw Billy again. 206 00:11:00,974 --> 00:11:03,183 Abe, what if Burns knows I was there? 207 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,018 I guess I'll have to ask him. 208 00:11:05,019 --> 00:11:07,313 Luckily, I'm wearing my gun. 209 00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:11,400 So what happened when you saw Burns? 210 00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:12,818 I can't tell you. 211 00:11:12,819 --> 00:11:14,069 Why can't you tell me? 212 00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:17,240 Because it's something that would destroy your father. 213 00:11:19,159 --> 00:11:21,327 That's the only chord I know. 214 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,130 Two visitors in one day. 215 00:11:33,131 --> 00:11:36,508 There's something rotten in the state of Denmark. 216 00:11:36,509 --> 00:11:39,596 Is that the state we're in? Denmark? Ha! 217 00:11:41,973 --> 00:11:45,184 Bart, Grampa knows a secret that could destroy Dad. 218 00:11:45,185 --> 00:11:50,105 Oh, my God. We certainly don't want that falling into the wrong hands. 219 00:11:50,106 --> 00:11:54,527 Boy, you're here because I need you to sneak me out without the cops seeing. 220 00:11:57,947 --> 00:12:00,657 Fine. I'll figure out a plan but there's a price. 221 00:12:00,658 --> 00:12:01,992 A new bike. 222 00:12:01,993 --> 00:12:03,785 No, two new bikes. 223 00:12:03,786 --> 00:12:05,829 How many bikes does one kid need? 224 00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:08,374 My goal is to be the Jay Leno of bikes. 225 00:12:19,469 --> 00:12:22,263 - There they go. 226 00:12:22,847 --> 00:12:27,184 Oh, damn it. We got three or four flat tires. Maybe five. I-I can't tell. 227 00:12:27,185 --> 00:12:29,102 Well then, we should pursue on foot. 228 00:12:29,103 --> 00:12:32,106 I-I got a doctor's note that says I-I shouldn't run. 229 00:12:33,191 --> 00:12:37,486 Well, look who came to visit me after all these years. 230 00:12:37,487 --> 00:12:39,905 Magnum Pee-yew. 231 00:12:39,906 --> 00:12:43,992 Agnes, you look terrific 'cause I can't see well anymore. 232 00:12:43,993 --> 00:12:45,535 Who is this man, Mother? 233 00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:47,746 I don't remember him from our scrapbooking. 234 00:12:47,747 --> 00:12:51,709 Seymour, shut the door and play with your little buddy while the grown-ups talk. 235 00:12:52,669 --> 00:12:54,419 You wanna play Chex box? 236 00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:56,171 You mean Xbox? 237 00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:57,631 No, Chex box. 238 00:12:57,632 --> 00:13:00,425 There are two extremely challenging mazes on the back. 239 00:13:00,426 --> 00:13:02,761 Would you like to get the spoon back to the dishwasher 240 00:13:02,762 --> 00:13:04,513 or help the milk find the refrigerator? 241 00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:07,599 Oh, I'd like the principal to find his manhood, if you don't mind. 242 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,060 I am muy macho, amigo. 243 00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:12,771 Now, choose your Hello Kitty pencil and get tracing. 244 00:13:12,772 --> 00:13:16,191 Agnes, 40 years ago I let my partner down. 245 00:13:16,192 --> 00:13:17,859 Now I gotta fix that. 246 00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:21,446 Well, can it wait for a sour ball? 247 00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:24,908 Bitter on the outside and not very satisfying, 248 00:13:24,909 --> 00:13:26,911 just like me. 249 00:13:27,453 --> 00:13:29,204 Mmm. 250 00:13:29,205 --> 00:13:33,709 Now think, is there anything you wanna share about that night we lost Billy? 251 00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:36,795 I have trouble remembering my meds, my birthday, 252 00:13:36,796 --> 00:13:38,588 even who you are, frankly. 253 00:13:38,589 --> 00:13:40,841 But I'll never forget that night. 254 00:13:40,842 --> 00:13:42,802 The road was covered in this. 255 00:13:46,055 --> 00:13:48,933 Baby, you just broke the case. 256 00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:50,892 Before you go, 257 00:13:50,893 --> 00:13:54,229 how's about we see what else we can break? 258 00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:57,858 Lamps or hips, they're all replaceable. 259 00:13:59,319 --> 00:14:00,610 Yowza! 260 00:14:00,611 --> 00:14:01,862 Okay, easy now. 261 00:14:01,863 --> 00:14:03,822 Whoa! I got... Oh. No. Not that elbow. 262 00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:06,325 - That knee doesn't work. - No, no, my bursitis. 263 00:14:06,326 --> 00:14:08,118 - Ow. 264 00:14:08,119 --> 00:14:11,122 So sweet Wendell Willkie. 265 00:14:24,218 --> 00:14:25,218 What's this? 266 00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:28,638 How did you get through the unguarded grounds and sliding door? 267 00:14:28,639 --> 00:14:34,228 Burns, I'm here to finish a conversation we started 40 years ago. 268 00:14:34,771 --> 00:14:38,732 Burns, I think you might have crossed paths with my partner the other night. 269 00:14:38,733 --> 00:14:40,192 Oh, yes, Billy. 270 00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:42,319 He, uh, said he was leaving on a trip. 271 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,695 A one-way ticket. 272 00:14:43,696 --> 00:14:45,906 You could say he's gone to paradise. 273 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,993 That answer's not good enough! 274 00:14:49,994 --> 00:14:52,412 Daddy, I got scared alone in the car. 275 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,498 I thought I gave you a coloring book. 276 00:14:54,499 --> 00:14:58,252 I ate the crayons. 277 00:14:58,753 --> 00:15:02,506 Well, you and Little Boy Blue Green and Red can exit together! 278 00:15:02,507 --> 00:15:03,757 Release the hounds! 279 00:15:06,719 --> 00:15:09,596 Bad puppy. No love. No love! Bad puppy! 280 00:15:09,597 --> 00:15:12,891 Burns, I say, you know something about Billy! 281 00:15:12,892 --> 00:15:15,644 And I'll never rest until I find out what. 282 00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:16,937 Let's make a deal. 283 00:15:16,938 --> 00:15:18,897 You forget about your ex-partner, 284 00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:21,733 and I'll give your son a job when he grows up. 285 00:15:21,734 --> 00:15:24,069 He don't need your help. 286 00:15:24,070 --> 00:15:25,738 Daddy. Daddy! 287 00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:34,037 I will give that poor, pathetic knuckle-brain a job and never fire him, 288 00:15:34,038 --> 00:15:36,873 no matter how often and how badly he messes up. 289 00:15:36,874 --> 00:15:38,668 Help! Help! 290 00:15:44,799 --> 00:15:47,551 And that's why your son wasn't fired 291 00:15:47,552 --> 00:15:50,804 for screwing up 742 times. 292 00:15:50,805 --> 00:15:52,681 Tarnation, is he bad! 293 00:15:52,682 --> 00:15:54,558 Wait just a minute! 294 00:15:54,559 --> 00:15:58,311 All those times I screwed up and should've been fired but wasn't, 295 00:15:58,312 --> 00:15:59,939 that was thanks to you? 296 00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:01,857 Mm-hmm. 297 00:16:01,858 --> 00:16:04,234 No matter how big of an idiot I am, 298 00:16:04,235 --> 00:16:05,986 I can never lose my job! 299 00:16:05,987 --> 00:16:08,029 I'm like a Supreme Court Justice. 300 00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:10,574 Thank you, Dad. 301 00:16:10,575 --> 00:16:13,535 Oh, I just did what any father would. 302 00:16:13,536 --> 00:16:15,954 I gave you the best life I could. 303 00:16:36,350 --> 00:16:38,727 Dad, are we having a moment? 304 00:16:38,728 --> 00:16:41,521 - I don't think so. - Oh. 305 00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:42,773 Okay. Maybe. 306 00:16:43,274 --> 00:16:46,610 Well, another heartwarming moment at the Burns mansion. 307 00:16:46,611 --> 00:16:48,153 Now, off you go. 308 00:16:48,154 --> 00:16:51,657 The poison gas will attack your spinal cord within two minutes. 309 00:16:54,118 --> 00:16:56,745 - Not so fast! 310 00:16:58,372 --> 00:17:00,207 Burns, for the sake of my son, 311 00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:03,084 I really wanted to believe you when you said Billy was okay. 312 00:17:03,085 --> 00:17:04,544 But now I know the truth. 313 00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,755 Billy found out when you built the plant, 314 00:17:06,756 --> 00:17:10,592 instead of using good solid rebar, you were using this! 315 00:17:10,593 --> 00:17:12,594 Shredded phone books! 316 00:17:12,595 --> 00:17:13,887 Billy found out. 317 00:17:13,888 --> 00:17:15,430 So you killed him! 318 00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:17,641 Me? Kill someone? 319 00:17:17,642 --> 00:17:20,810 Oh, sure, blame the ruthless villain. 320 00:17:20,811 --> 00:17:23,021 Start talking or I'll cut you in two! 321 00:17:23,022 --> 00:17:24,940 You bumped him off. 322 00:17:24,941 --> 00:17:27,609 No, I paid him off. 323 00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:30,111 He used the money to move to a tropical island. 324 00:17:30,112 --> 00:17:32,781 A paradise, just like I told you. 325 00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:34,282 I'll call him right now! 326 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,789 Abe, is that you? 327 00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:42,749 Wow, look at you. 328 00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:44,209 You aged terribly. 329 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:45,877 You're alive? 330 00:17:45,878 --> 00:17:48,964 Well, if you call drinking rum out of a coconut, 331 00:17:48,965 --> 00:17:51,925 surfing, and hanging out with beautiful women "living," 332 00:17:51,926 --> 00:17:54,178 then yeah, I guess I've been living. 333 00:17:54,679 --> 00:17:57,472 Hey, Billy, want another Abe is an Idiot? 334 00:17:57,473 --> 00:18:00,350 Oh. That's a... That has nothing to do with you. 335 00:18:00,351 --> 00:18:03,103 That's just a, uh, cocktail that I invented. 336 00:18:03,104 --> 00:18:04,813 Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 337 00:18:04,814 --> 00:18:07,148 Why didn't you tell me you were alive? 338 00:18:07,149 --> 00:18:10,652 Because I didn't want my ex-wife to know, and you can't keep a secret. 339 00:18:10,653 --> 00:18:12,904 Remember when you told everyone my shoes have lifts? 340 00:18:12,905 --> 00:18:14,906 I thought it made you interesting. 341 00:18:14,907 --> 00:18:16,199 It made me seem short. 342 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,325 Tom Cruise short. 343 00:18:17,326 --> 00:18:19,828 I told Agnes to wait one week, and then tell you everything. 344 00:18:19,829 --> 00:18:21,496 Agnes knew? 345 00:18:21,497 --> 00:18:22,581 That's right, Abe. 346 00:18:22,582 --> 00:18:24,499 I was lying to you all along. 347 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:25,875 Because you were dumb. 348 00:18:25,876 --> 00:18:27,377 So, so dumb. 349 00:18:27,378 --> 00:18:29,504 So dumb. 350 00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:31,423 - All right, all right. I get it. 351 00:18:31,424 --> 00:18:34,134 I wanted you to think Burns killed your partner. 352 00:18:34,135 --> 00:18:36,011 So you would kill Burns. 353 00:18:36,012 --> 00:18:38,763 Why would anyone want to kill me? 354 00:18:38,764 --> 00:18:40,473 Because when I got to know you, 355 00:18:40,474 --> 00:18:45,604 I realized your heart was as ugly and withered as your ass. 356 00:18:45,605 --> 00:18:46,563 Ouch. 357 00:18:46,564 --> 00:18:49,816 Also, I snuck my name into your will so I'd get rich when you died. 358 00:18:49,817 --> 00:18:52,653 - No one's killin' no one! 359 00:18:57,158 --> 00:18:59,951 How dare you blow the head off the bear I killed? 360 00:18:59,952 --> 00:19:01,786 Eh, we'll all die soon enough. 361 00:19:01,787 --> 00:19:03,371 And Abe, remember this, 362 00:19:03,372 --> 00:19:06,916 you were too good a lover to be more than just a friend. 363 00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:08,126 What does that mean? 364 00:19:08,127 --> 00:19:10,378 I'm trying to leave you with something. 365 00:19:10,379 --> 00:19:11,838 I'll take it! 366 00:19:14,884 --> 00:19:17,135 Dad, something else came out of this. 367 00:19:17,136 --> 00:19:18,470 Something wonderful. 368 00:19:18,471 --> 00:19:20,138 I learned what you did for me. 369 00:19:20,139 --> 00:19:23,225 And I get to tell you thank you before you're gone. 370 00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:28,689 All for you, Dad. 371 00:19:29,815 --> 00:19:30,815 I'm done. 372 00:19:42,536 --> 00:19:45,330 Something's been eating at me, and I gotta find out the answer. 373 00:19:45,331 --> 00:19:49,918 If Billy O'Donnell's alive, then who was the second body in the coffin? 374 00:19:49,919 --> 00:19:51,169 We tried DNA testing. 375 00:19:51,170 --> 00:19:53,755 I don't know why we didn't do that in the first place. 376 00:19:53,756 --> 00:19:54,923 The second corpse 377 00:19:54,924 --> 00:20:00,095 was actually Springfield's beloved business card printer, Harold Baumgartner. 378 00:20:00,096 --> 00:20:04,182 He loved his wife so much he asked to be buried with her, literally. 379 00:20:04,183 --> 00:20:07,852 Which also explains all the other business cards we found in the coffin. 380 00:20:07,853 --> 00:20:12,524 This guy made excellent business cards. Forty years later clear as a bell. 381 00:20:12,525 --> 00:20:15,068 So the blood type was just a coincidence. 382 00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:18,905 Or maybe it was God's way of finding closure 383 00:20:18,906 --> 00:20:20,949 for a bunch of lost souls. 384 00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:23,576 But that was some nice work you did there, kid. 385 00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:26,121 Hey, how would you like to join the force? 386 00:20:26,122 --> 00:20:28,456 I think she's too young, Chief. 387 00:20:28,457 --> 00:20:31,334 Lou, you can't know that until you give her a gun. 388 00:20:31,335 --> 00:20:32,627 Am I right, Ralphie? 389 00:20:32,628 --> 00:20:34,963 Do I shoot toward the talking? 390 00:20:34,964 --> 00:20:37,049 I think I'm just gonna run home now.