1 00:01:01,874 --> 00:01:04,541 Ah, the joy of a completed to-do list. 2 00:01:04,543 --> 00:01:07,319 Shall we celebrate by cracking open an amontillado? 3 00:01:07,396 --> 00:01:09,637 Uh, sir, you had that cask of amontillado 4 00:01:09,657 --> 00:01:11,306 walled off two days ago. 5 00:01:11,325 --> 00:01:13,325 - Along with the salesman. 6 00:01:13,402 --> 00:01:15,052 Are you still considering 7 00:01:15,054 --> 00:01:16,662 the Cask of the Month Club? 8 00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:18,831 After three months, it pays for itself. 9 00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:20,666 I'm thinking about it. 10 00:01:20,742 --> 00:01:22,893 Anyway, Smithers, a tasting. 11 00:01:22,911 --> 00:01:25,963 What about this 1945 Bordeaux? 12 00:01:27,416 --> 00:01:29,900 Yes, that could give my palate a little party. 13 00:01:29,902 --> 00:01:31,492 Palate, have at it. 14 00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:32,994 Oh. 15 00:01:33,072 --> 00:01:35,739 How I miss extra-venous fluids. 16 00:01:35,741 --> 00:01:37,924 Mm, you're getting notes of cigar smoke, 17 00:01:38,001 --> 00:01:40,001 saffron— Ooh, sandalwood. 18 00:01:40,079 --> 00:01:41,270 Yes, yes, all of those. 19 00:01:42,598 --> 00:01:45,357 And cupcake frosting from a child's birthday party 20 00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:47,693 with notes of petting zoo on the finish. 21 00:01:47,844 --> 00:01:50,529 Oh, I'm getting a little tipsy. 22 00:01:50,531 --> 00:01:52,197 Make sure you take two aspirin 23 00:01:52,274 --> 00:01:55,993 and drink plenty of water before I go to bed. 24 00:01:59,098 --> 00:02:00,931 What is it? what do you hear, boy? 25 00:02:00,933 --> 00:02:02,449 Dress shoes on linoleum. 26 00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:04,101 It's Smithers. 27 00:02:04,119 --> 00:02:05,360 Whenever he comes down here, he wants 28 00:02:05,437 --> 00:02:07,921 someone to stay late and do extra work. 29 00:02:13,554 --> 00:02:15,387 Homer, it's one taquito. 30 00:02:15,464 --> 00:02:16,613 It's not worth it. 31 00:02:16,615 --> 00:02:18,390 No snack left behind. 32 00:02:18,467 --> 00:02:20,117 I'll tell your story. 33 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,044 Simpson, come with me. 34 00:02:23,063 --> 00:02:24,563 Can I bring my taquito? 35 00:02:24,714 --> 00:02:25,981 No. 36 00:02:28,143 --> 00:02:30,068 Mr. Burns wants to impress his wine club, 37 00:02:30,070 --> 00:02:31,795 so he paid a million dollars 38 00:02:31,813 --> 00:02:33,888 for a very special bottle of Gevrey-Chambertin 39 00:02:33,908 --> 00:02:35,866 once owned by Napoleon. 40 00:02:36,985 --> 00:02:38,485 Whoa, just like the laundry pods 41 00:02:38,637 --> 00:02:40,829 they lock up at the Kwik-E-Mart. 42 00:02:42,824 --> 00:02:44,082 Wow. 43 00:02:44,234 --> 00:02:46,309 Turns out Napoleon fought the Battle of Austerlitz 44 00:02:46,311 --> 00:02:47,827 just because he'd heard there was 45 00:02:47,904 --> 00:02:49,646 an extraordinary bottle of red there. 46 00:02:49,665 --> 00:02:53,408 And you need my expert skills to keep watch over it. 47 00:02:53,485 --> 00:02:56,428 No, I need you to ride in the back with it as a human airbag. 48 00:02:56,621 --> 00:02:58,096 Ooh, human. 49 00:02:59,324 --> 00:03:02,250 Smithers, I coughed up my Adam's apple. 50 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,160 Not again. 51 00:03:03,178 --> 00:03:04,419 I'm on my way, sir. 52 00:03:04,438 --> 00:03:06,772 Simpson, I need you to bring the Napoleon wine 53 00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:08,815 directly to Mr. Burns' mansion. 54 00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:10,684 This is the most important job 55 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,686 you've ever done in your entire life. 56 00:03:12,762 --> 00:03:14,854 I'm glad to have earned your trust. 57 00:03:15,007 --> 00:03:17,432 If there were anyone else on Earth I could ask, I would. 58 00:03:17,509 --> 00:03:18,675 Thank you. 59 00:03:18,694 --> 00:03:19,767 Hurry, Smithers. 60 00:03:19,787 --> 00:03:21,828 Now ants are circling it. 61 00:03:23,182 --> 00:03:25,699 Okay, just get the bottle back to Mr. Burns. 62 00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:28,126 First, select the least bumpy route. 63 00:03:28,963 --> 00:03:30,611 Aah! Where'd it go? 64 00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:34,024 And now it is my great honor 65 00:03:34,042 --> 00:03:35,801 to christen this ship— 66 00:03:35,803 --> 00:03:37,877 - Well, I never. 67 00:03:37,954 --> 00:03:40,514 No, wait, this did happen once before. 68 00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,535 Mazel tov! 69 00:03:45,554 --> 00:03:46,979 Ow! 70 00:03:55,547 --> 00:03:56,379 Uh... 71 00:03:57,382 --> 00:03:58,865 Mwah. 72 00:04:08,318 --> 00:04:09,418 Mm... 73 00:04:14,157 --> 00:04:17,325 Oh, man, I'm so far from Mr. Burns' mansion. 74 00:04:17,402 --> 00:04:18,752 Where even am I? 75 00:04:18,828 --> 00:04:20,178 I'll give you a hint, dumb-ass. 76 00:04:20,330 --> 00:04:21,829 You live here. 77 00:04:21,907 --> 00:04:23,664 Give me another hint. 78 00:04:23,684 --> 00:04:25,909 Okay, Homer, you got a million-dollar bottle of wine. 79 00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:27,911 For once in your life, don't be stupid. 80 00:04:27,913 --> 00:04:30,022 Put it somewhere safe. 81 00:04:30,173 --> 00:04:31,915 Safe, safe. 82 00:04:31,933 --> 00:04:34,401 Wait, a safe. 83 00:04:38,198 --> 00:04:41,849 Safe. So this is what being smart feels like. 84 00:04:41,927 --> 00:04:44,110 I'll reward myself 85 00:04:44,187 --> 00:04:46,763 with a quick garage nap in the car. 86 00:04:46,765 --> 00:04:49,282 I'll just turn it on to keep warm and— 87 00:04:49,359 --> 00:04:50,525 No. 88 00:04:50,602 --> 00:04:52,435 Staying smart. 89 00:04:53,881 --> 00:04:55,547 Huh? Wha— Oh, no! 90 00:04:55,549 --> 00:04:57,290 I need to get to Burns' mansion. 91 00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:58,608 You're exhausted. 92 00:04:58,610 --> 00:05:00,794 At least eat dinner before you go. 93 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:03,722 Mmm, this is the best stew ever. 94 00:05:03,873 --> 00:05:04,964 Oh, it's nothing special. 95 00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:06,707 Just beef, carrots, onions, 96 00:05:06,785 --> 00:05:08,134 garlic and bay leaves. 97 00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:09,544 Well, it's delicious. 98 00:05:09,621 --> 00:05:10,637 Oh, and some wine. 99 00:05:10,713 --> 00:05:13,214 What kind of wine? 100 00:05:13,292 --> 00:05:15,716 I didn't want to use the good nine-dollar bottle, 101 00:05:15,736 --> 00:05:18,311 so I just used this old one. 102 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,073 How? No. 103 00:05:21,224 --> 00:05:23,408 No, I was smart. I was smart. 104 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:24,951 So smart. 105 00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:28,563 What? I don't understand. 106 00:05:28,582 --> 00:05:30,207 It's still locked. 107 00:05:32,086 --> 00:05:33,977 - Huh? Hey, Homer. 108 00:05:33,979 --> 00:05:35,979 What the hell kind of safe is this? 109 00:05:35,981 --> 00:05:38,239 Remember? You punched a hole in the wall 110 00:05:38,317 --> 00:05:41,242 when Major League Baseball added the pitch clock. 111 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,078 I like my sports slow, and they knew that. 112 00:05:44,156 --> 00:05:45,746 Marge, you don't understand. 113 00:05:45,766 --> 00:05:47,507 That wine you used in the stew 114 00:05:47,584 --> 00:05:48,916 was Burns' wine. 115 00:05:48,936 --> 00:05:51,678 It cost a million dollars! 116 00:05:51,830 --> 00:05:53,271 Oh, no. No! 117 00:05:53,423 --> 00:05:54,848 No, no, no, no, no, no. 118 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,958 A million dollars? 119 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,501 A million dollars! 120 00:05:58,503 --> 00:05:59,594 I don't want stew. 121 00:05:59,613 --> 00:06:01,446 I want mac and cheese. 122 00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:04,199 - Eat your million-dollar stew. 123 00:06:12,184 --> 00:06:14,017 You used all of the million-dollar wine? 124 00:06:14,019 --> 00:06:16,202 It's what the recipe calls for. 125 00:06:16,204 --> 00:06:18,279 You should have written your name on the bottle. 126 00:06:18,281 --> 00:06:21,157 Like I do with that special tea that makes me regular. 127 00:06:21,193 --> 00:06:22,859 Regular? You didn't go the whole time 128 00:06:22,861 --> 00:06:24,636 we were in the Wisconsin Dells. 129 00:06:24,713 --> 00:06:26,638 That's why I got the tea! 130 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,214 That I label. 131 00:06:28,216 --> 00:06:29,716 Simpson. 132 00:06:29,868 --> 00:06:32,293 Why haven't you delivered the bottle to Mr. Burns' mansion? 133 00:06:32,371 --> 00:06:33,720 Before I answer that, 134 00:06:33,722 --> 00:06:35,856 try some of this delicious stew. 135 00:06:36,966 --> 00:06:39,800 Mmm, the onions, the garlic, 136 00:06:39,878 --> 00:06:42,470 the red wine from the 19th century. 137 00:06:44,049 --> 00:06:44,972 Aah! 138 00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:46,491 It's not what you think. 139 00:06:46,568 --> 00:06:50,053 Marge cooked the wine into stew. 140 00:06:50,055 --> 00:06:52,497 Stew that we ate. 141 00:06:52,574 --> 00:06:54,482 - Uh, 142 00:06:54,559 --> 00:06:55,667 if you need to strangle the boy for a minute, 143 00:06:55,818 --> 00:06:57,002 that's what he's here for. 144 00:06:57,078 --> 00:06:59,078 Eh, it's what I bring to the table. 145 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,897 Oh, God, this is going to take Mr. Burns 146 00:07:00,916 --> 00:07:03,008 to a horrifying level of fury. 147 00:07:03,159 --> 00:07:05,326 He built this lumber mill just to kill us. 148 00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:07,328 Oh, that explains it. 149 00:07:07,406 --> 00:07:10,907 Waylon, Homer really did try to keep it safe. 150 00:07:10,926 --> 00:07:13,000 This is all my fault. 151 00:07:13,002 --> 00:07:16,521 I can't believe I was undone by Marge Simpson. 152 00:07:18,917 --> 00:07:20,683 Mm. Hmm? 153 00:07:21,753 --> 00:07:24,754 Okay, I know things look kind of bad. 154 00:07:24,756 --> 00:07:27,590 But there is a way out of this. 155 00:07:27,592 --> 00:07:28,942 This isn't "kind of bad." 156 00:07:29,018 --> 00:07:30,518 This is a catastrophe. 157 00:07:30,595 --> 00:07:34,264 If I may— for you, catastrophe is a new thing. 158 00:07:34,266 --> 00:07:37,542 But for me, it's just another day at the office. 159 00:07:37,619 --> 00:07:40,270 What the hell are talking about, you incompetent nitwit? 160 00:07:40,272 --> 00:07:42,530 Oh, Smithers, Smithers, Smithers. 161 00:07:42,607 --> 00:07:43,790 Let me explain. 162 00:07:43,866 --> 00:07:45,050 Maggie, my note. 163 00:09:12,622 --> 00:09:14,213 Mm, I can't resist 164 00:09:14,215 --> 00:09:16,366 a musical number that advances the plot. 165 00:09:16,368 --> 00:09:18,868 - I'm in. - But how do we cover this up? 166 00:09:18,870 --> 00:09:20,870 It's not gonna be easy. 167 00:09:20,872 --> 00:09:22,872 Mr. Burns is planning to pour the Napoleon wine 168 00:09:22,874 --> 00:09:26,225 for some of the most discerning wine connoisseurs in the world. 169 00:09:26,227 --> 00:09:28,895 You know, wine is basically just chemistry. 170 00:09:28,971 --> 00:09:30,880 Maybe you need someone who knows all about 171 00:09:30,882 --> 00:09:33,366 the chemistry of alcohol. 172 00:09:34,886 --> 00:09:37,403 Wine is the red one, right? 173 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,072 Well, I understand your dilemma, 174 00:09:39,074 --> 00:09:41,224 but I am right in the middle of an experiment 175 00:09:41,226 --> 00:09:44,985 to develop the proverbial six-pack abdominals. 176 00:09:46,398 --> 00:09:49,899 - I know, but it's what the ladies want. 177 00:09:49,918 --> 00:09:52,177 I think they just want someone who listens. 178 00:09:52,253 --> 00:09:54,737 Well, I don't have a contraption for that. 179 00:09:54,739 --> 00:09:56,514 Professor, maybe if I 180 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,840 Uh, well, based on my analysis 181 00:10:05,842 --> 00:10:09,194 of the last drops of the stewified Napoleon wine, 182 00:10:09,196 --> 00:10:12,680 I've created a replica out of diammonium phosphate, 183 00:10:12,757 --> 00:10:15,533 calcium carbonate and 14 CCs 184 00:10:15,535 --> 00:10:18,370 of Manischewitz. 185 00:10:20,765 --> 00:10:23,116 Mmm. That's, uh, that's amazing. 186 00:10:23,192 --> 00:10:25,768 - So we did it? - We did it. 187 00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:27,862 Uh, I, uh, did it, yes. 188 00:10:27,864 --> 00:10:30,364 And now, just to ensure I've removed 189 00:10:30,366 --> 00:10:33,367 the radioactive isotope found in all wines 190 00:10:33,369 --> 00:10:36,262 made after the dawn of the nuclear age... 191 00:10:37,799 --> 00:10:39,298 Perfect. 192 00:10:42,971 --> 00:10:44,896 Uh, should I be worried about that? 193 00:10:44,898 --> 00:10:46,956 Are you planning on having children? 194 00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:48,808 I never planned any of my children. 195 00:10:48,810 --> 00:10:51,111 Uh, well, it is what it is. 196 00:10:52,464 --> 00:10:54,814 I call to order this meeting with our credo, 197 00:10:54,816 --> 00:10:56,390 "Never drink something younger 198 00:10:56,468 --> 00:10:58,910 or date something older than you." 199 00:10:58,912 --> 00:11:00,728 To pointless excess. 200 00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:01,913 And now, the main event: 201 00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:04,916 a bottle of wine once held by Napoleon himself. 202 00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:07,660 So, raise a glass and bend an "Elba." 203 00:11:09,572 --> 00:11:12,257 Smithers, release the cork. 204 00:11:14,261 --> 00:11:15,835 Moment of truth. 205 00:11:15,837 --> 00:11:17,762 You know, our marriage really could use 206 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,098 fewer moments of truth. 207 00:11:21,101 --> 00:11:24,602 Now that's million-buck chuck! 208 00:11:24,604 --> 00:11:27,497 Complex with a hint of 209 00:11:27,499 --> 00:11:29,232 doy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoing! 210 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:31,684 Mm. 211 00:11:31,761 --> 00:11:33,686 The cover-up worked! 212 00:11:33,838 --> 00:11:36,856 And tonight, we'll have cover-up sex. 213 00:11:36,933 --> 00:11:39,342 Ooh, it'll be my first. 214 00:11:39,344 --> 00:11:41,119 No, it won't. 215 00:11:42,697 --> 00:11:45,123 I can't believe we pulled that off. 216 00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:47,792 I feel a little guilty and a little scared. 217 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,702 Like the first time I fast-forwarded 218 00:11:49,854 --> 00:11:51,129 through a commercial. 219 00:11:51,131 --> 00:11:52,130 Don't feel bad. 220 00:11:52,207 --> 00:11:53,447 With the money those billionaires 221 00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:54,632 spend on one bottle, 222 00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:56,116 it could buy every poor person in the world 223 00:11:56,194 --> 00:11:58,786 an inexpensive but very drinkable rosé. 224 00:11:58,863 --> 00:12:00,955 Those monsters. 225 00:12:01,032 --> 00:12:03,475 They are. And I do their bidding. 226 00:12:05,628 --> 00:12:08,705 I'm just as bad, if not worse, because I know better. 227 00:12:08,707 --> 00:12:10,648 I'm even starting to look like Mr. Burns. 228 00:12:10,725 --> 00:12:12,542 Hump! 229 00:12:12,544 --> 00:12:16,562 Sometimes I feel like I've only got this much soul left. 230 00:12:16,564 --> 00:12:17,897 Don't worry, Waylon. 231 00:12:17,899 --> 00:12:19,974 There's plenty of soul where that came from. 232 00:12:19,976 --> 00:12:21,993 You know, we've still got 233 00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:24,721 a lot of this Frinky drinky. 234 00:12:24,723 --> 00:12:26,998 Think how many wrongs we could right 235 00:12:27,075 --> 00:12:30,727 if we sold just one more million-dollar bottle. 236 00:12:30,729 --> 00:12:32,912 Are you slurring what I think you're slurring? 237 00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:35,507 Yes. What if we sell fake wine 238 00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:37,734 to the rich to give to the poor? 239 00:12:37,736 --> 00:12:39,469 Like Robin Hood. 240 00:13:15,865 --> 00:13:17,882 I'm cleansing my soul. 241 00:13:17,959 --> 00:13:20,443 And I'm getting out of the house. 242 00:13:24,616 --> 00:13:25,965 We're doing this. 243 00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:27,725 We're actually going to Robin Hood 244 00:13:27,802 --> 00:13:29,060 a bottle of fake wine. 245 00:13:29,062 --> 00:13:32,230 Look at all these mega-rich wine connoisseurs. 246 00:13:32,232 --> 00:13:35,641 I've never seen so many people not wearing baseball caps. 247 00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:38,069 And that's Jim Sprawldon from the Sprawl-Mart fortune. 248 00:13:38,071 --> 00:13:41,055 And from Sam's Club, there's Marcus Club himself. 249 00:13:41,132 --> 00:13:43,299 Oh... I can ask him to bring back 250 00:13:43,318 --> 00:13:46,302 Marcus's Choice cinnamon apple dryer sheets. 251 00:13:46,304 --> 00:13:49,138 There's Francis Ford Coppola and Andrew Lloyd Webber, 252 00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:51,991 the most surprisingly straight wine collector in the world. 253 00:13:51,993 --> 00:13:53,826 And he's next to Robert Parker, 254 00:13:53,828 --> 00:13:56,254 who invented the 100-point wine ranking scale. 255 00:13:56,331 --> 00:13:57,830 I will buy this Napoleon wine 256 00:13:57,832 --> 00:14:00,166 with the money from the music that I write. 257 00:14:00,318 --> 00:14:03,152 The money from the music of the night. 258 00:14:03,154 --> 00:14:06,155 I rate this conversation a 36. 259 00:14:06,157 --> 00:14:09,675 Next up is the last known wine owned by Napoleon. 260 00:14:09,677 --> 00:14:11,994 Offered for sale by an anonymous owner. 261 00:14:11,996 --> 00:14:13,420 I open the bidding at— 262 00:14:13,498 --> 00:14:15,589 $1 million! 263 00:14:15,591 --> 00:14:17,108 - $1.5 million. 264 00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:19,685 Wh— I'm sorry. I have a call from my accountant. 265 00:14:19,762 --> 00:14:21,613 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 266 00:14:21,689 --> 00:14:22,839 I bid nothing. 267 00:14:22,841 --> 00:14:24,782 Uh, $1.5 million. 268 00:14:24,784 --> 00:14:26,008 $2 million. 269 00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:29,528 $2 million? That's, like, 20,000100s. 270 00:14:29,530 --> 00:14:31,848 Going once. Going twice. Sold! 271 00:14:33,793 --> 00:14:36,853 Slowly, deftly, losing shall caress you. 272 00:14:36,855 --> 00:14:38,463 Hear it, feel it. 273 00:14:38,539 --> 00:14:40,465 Secretly depress you. 274 00:14:40,541 --> 00:14:42,358 You did Cats, right? 275 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:43,801 What the hell was that? 276 00:14:43,953 --> 00:14:46,545 And why do I love it? 277 00:14:46,547 --> 00:14:48,030 We did it! 278 00:14:48,032 --> 00:14:51,458 This money is going to right so many wrongs. 279 00:14:51,536 --> 00:14:53,870 Thank you, Marge. For the first time in my life, 280 00:14:53,872 --> 00:14:55,521 I feel free. 281 00:14:58,042 --> 00:15:00,300 You are under arrest for the high crime 282 00:15:00,302 --> 00:15:02,111 of wine forgery. 283 00:15:20,823 --> 00:15:22,173 Here's your cell. 284 00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:24,417 Does the gentleman find it suitable? 285 00:15:24,569 --> 00:15:27,095 Why do they always ask the man? 286 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:32,332 Oh, Homie, Homie, I don't know how to tell you this, 287 00:15:32,352 --> 00:15:33,685 but I'm in jail. 288 00:15:33,761 --> 00:15:36,095 Marge in jail? Puh-lease. 289 00:15:36,097 --> 00:15:39,524 This is like that phone scam I almost fell for last month. 290 00:15:39,675 --> 00:15:40,933 That was really me. 291 00:15:40,935 --> 00:15:42,752 I had to walk home from the airport 292 00:15:42,770 --> 00:15:44,754 because you wouldn't believe me. 293 00:15:44,756 --> 00:15:46,756 Then this is Marge! You're in jail? 294 00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:48,015 Yes. 295 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:51,761 Waylon and I faked and sold another Napoleon wine. 296 00:15:51,779 --> 00:15:53,204 Well, this is crazy. 297 00:15:53,355 --> 00:15:56,599 You're in jail for booze, and I'm... 298 00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:59,043 at home watching the kids. 299 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,861 - Time's up. 300 00:16:00,863 --> 00:16:03,381 I've got to go. I miss you all so much. 301 00:16:03,458 --> 00:16:05,699 - I love you. 302 00:16:05,777 --> 00:16:08,778 Oh, Mommy loves you, too, Maggie. 303 00:16:15,228 --> 00:16:18,563 Wine court is modeled after the quirky French legal system. 304 00:16:18,639 --> 00:16:21,807 It's based on every defendant's right to a certain, 305 00:16:21,884 --> 00:16:23,642 mm... je ne sais quoi. 306 00:16:23,719 --> 00:16:25,737 How do you know about all this? 307 00:16:25,813 --> 00:16:29,223 Oh, Wine Court TV plays all day in most gay bars. 308 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:32,726 Your Honor, this is a case of shocking fraud 309 00:16:32,746 --> 00:16:35,229 perpetrated by the worst kind of scammers. 310 00:16:35,248 --> 00:16:37,640 Do we seriously believe that a wine 311 00:16:37,658 --> 00:16:39,250 owned by Napoleon was found 312 00:16:39,252 --> 00:16:42,828 by an executive assistant and a homemaker? 313 00:16:42,922 --> 00:16:45,982 They're simple, ignorant Philistines. 314 00:16:45,984 --> 00:16:47,925 Mrs. Simpson, please tell the court 315 00:16:48,002 --> 00:16:49,761 your recipe for sangria. 316 00:16:49,837 --> 00:16:51,095 Two parts Duff wine cooler 317 00:16:51,205 --> 00:16:54,081 to one part grape Popsicle. 318 00:16:54,158 --> 00:16:56,750 - Oh, no, Marge. 319 00:16:56,770 --> 00:16:58,344 You stupid lady. 320 00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,773 Homie, I might be going to jail for years. 321 00:17:01,775 --> 00:17:04,442 Promise me you'll take good care of the kids. 322 00:17:04,593 --> 00:17:07,862 Honey, you know I can't make that promise. 323 00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:14,994 I wonder if Homer is looking at the same moon. 324 00:17:19,441 --> 00:17:21,017 Marge was always here... 325 00:17:21,035 --> 00:17:23,853 to dry and put away. 326 00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:27,114 - This is all my fault. 327 00:17:44,133 --> 00:17:46,967 You said Mom was in Santa Barbara with friends. 328 00:17:47,045 --> 00:17:50,229 Kids, your mom's not in Santa Barbara. 329 00:17:50,306 --> 00:17:51,322 She's in wine jail. 330 00:17:51,473 --> 00:17:54,141 There's no such thing as Santa Barbara. 331 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,219 Dad, you got to find a way to get Mom out of jail. 332 00:17:57,221 --> 00:17:58,888 You got to cover this up. 333 00:17:58,906 --> 00:18:00,239 It's the only thing you're good at. 334 00:18:00,391 --> 00:18:03,576 No, the only thing I'm good at is nothing. 335 00:18:03,728 --> 00:18:06,420 I will never cover up again. 336 00:18:09,584 --> 00:18:10,900 Ladies, gentlemen, 337 00:18:10,918 --> 00:18:13,327 and bored looking cat in a turtleneck. 338 00:18:14,997 --> 00:18:17,131 The wine we're accused of faking 339 00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:19,091 tastes exactly like the real thing, 340 00:18:19,243 --> 00:18:21,668 so if-if no one can tell the difference, 341 00:18:21,688 --> 00:18:23,245 how is that a crime? 342 00:18:25,007 --> 00:18:28,100 Your Honor, this is a case with legs. 343 00:18:28,252 --> 00:18:31,253 Pun intended on "legs" but not on "case." 344 00:18:31,255 --> 00:18:33,865 Wine is much more than a beverage. 345 00:18:34,016 --> 00:18:37,017 For centuries, it has told the story of civilization. 346 00:18:37,036 --> 00:18:40,112 Whenever something is that rare, unique, and beautiful, 347 00:18:40,264 --> 00:18:43,857 it is attacked by greed and fraud at every turn. 348 00:18:43,877 --> 00:18:46,936 Thus, it is our responsibility 349 00:18:46,938 --> 00:18:49,863 to ensure that this jewel of our society 350 00:18:49,865 --> 00:18:52,383 keeps its integrity intact. 351 00:18:54,112 --> 00:18:56,112 I have reached a decision. 352 00:18:58,241 --> 00:19:01,708 I declare the fake wine in question to be... 353 00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:02,894 real. 354 00:19:03,045 --> 00:19:05,479 - Case dismissed. 355 00:19:10,128 --> 00:19:11,627 I don't know what just happened. 356 00:19:11,646 --> 00:19:13,295 Oh, allow me to explain. 357 00:19:13,314 --> 00:19:16,556 I bought something more valuable than any bottle of wine: 358 00:19:16,634 --> 00:19:17,633 the judge. 359 00:19:17,652 --> 00:19:19,318 You bribed her to save us? 360 00:19:19,395 --> 00:19:21,245 I... I wasn't saving you, Smithers, 361 00:19:21,397 --> 00:19:22,988 and, uh, your wife. 362 00:19:23,065 --> 00:19:24,749 I was protecting the myth that the possessions 363 00:19:24,825 --> 00:19:27,418 of the obscenely wealthy are remotely worth it. 364 00:19:27,495 --> 00:19:29,236 If that bottle was exposed as fake, 365 00:19:29,313 --> 00:19:31,664 skeptical eyes might look to fine art 366 00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:32,757 such as my Vermeer, 367 00:19:32,833 --> 00:19:34,908 Girl with a Pearl Nose Ring. 368 00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:37,929 Or my Bible signed by Jesus. 369 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,156 And it's all thanks to this fine fellow 370 00:19:40,174 --> 00:19:42,158 who alerted me to your predicament. 371 00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:44,584 - Homer, you— - Covered it up. 372 00:19:44,662 --> 00:19:48,180 But, Dad, you said you were never gonna cover up again. 373 00:19:48,332 --> 00:19:51,167 I tried not to, but covering up is all I know. 374 00:19:51,185 --> 00:19:53,352 So, I went to the king of cover-ups. 375 00:19:53,504 --> 00:19:55,838 Who do you think hid all that nuclear waste 376 00:19:55,856 --> 00:19:58,007 under Denver's airport? 377 00:19:58,009 --> 00:20:00,493 - This guy. Oh, you. 378 00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,514 Great, we were saved by an evil deed 379 00:20:05,516 --> 00:20:09,018 from the man whose evil deeds we were trying to un-evil. 380 00:20:09,036 --> 00:20:11,295 But, Waylon, our whole drunken plan 381 00:20:11,372 --> 00:20:14,465 was to use bad money to do good things. 382 00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:16,692 And now we can. 383 00:20:16,694 --> 00:20:18,711 - Robin Hood? - Robin Hood. 384 00:20:54,065 --> 00:20:56,173 You will be housed here in wine jail 385 00:20:56,325 --> 00:20:58,901 while you await your trial in Springfield wine court. 386 00:20:58,919 --> 00:21:00,069 Wine court? 387 00:21:00,087 --> 00:21:02,662 Yes. Wine crimes are too sophisticated 388 00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:04,740 for the undeveloped legal palate 389 00:21:04,742 --> 00:21:06,091 of the American system. 390 00:21:06,093 --> 00:21:09,745 She sold a champagne that was actually a prosecco. 391 00:21:09,747 --> 00:21:12,356 He called his wine a Beaujolais nouveau 392 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,099 but there was nothing nouveau about it. 393 00:21:14,252 --> 00:21:17,269 And he's in solitary for his own protection. 394 00:21:17,346 --> 00:21:18,771 We don't take kindly 395 00:21:18,847 --> 00:21:20,939 to oenophiles here. 396 00:21:20,941 --> 00:21:23,759 And here is where we house our worst offenders: 397 00:21:23,761 --> 00:21:25,261 wine counterfeiters. 398 00:21:25,263 --> 00:21:28,355 Come back later to try our toilet wine! 399 00:21:28,357 --> 00:21:32,001 We are trying to recreate a 1974 San Quentin. 400 00:21:32,712 --> 00:21:33,619 Shh. 401 00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:35,546 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 402 00:21:35,697 --> 00:21:37,548 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 403 00:21:37,699 --> 00:21:40,092 and TOYOTA.