1
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:03,153
Yay! Another run for the Topes.

2
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:07,048
Why is everyone on the other
team old men and little kids?

3
00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:08,641
Well, little Abe, it's because

4
00:00:08,702 --> 00:00:10,327
all the good players
in the league

5
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,553
are off fighting the war.

6
00:00:11,555 --> 00:00:14,164
Our clever cowards found
a way out.

7
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:15,981
Now batting for Springfield,

8
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,483
Fake Cough Johnson.

9
00:00:17,561 --> 00:00:19,394
Ooh, cough, cough.

10
00:00:21,398 --> 00:00:22,397
Yippee!

11
00:00:22,399 --> 00:00:23,656
- Yeah!
- Yay!

12
00:00:23,658 --> 00:00:26,584
Someday you'll be sitting
in these very seats

13
00:00:26,661 --> 00:00:29,904
enjoying baseball
with a grandson of your own.

14
00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:32,574
I can't wait for that someday.

15
00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:38,763
I'm still waiting.

16
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:43,342
Bart, it's your grampa.

17
00:00:43,420 --> 00:00:45,570
It's a beautiful day
for a ballgame.

18
00:00:45,605 --> 00:00:47,697
Eh, baseball's
just a bunch of guys

19
00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:49,440
in tight pants barely moving.

20
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:50,925
I can watch that here.

21
00:00:50,927 --> 00:00:54,019
Marge, my stomach ate
my belt again.

22
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:55,780
Look under the fold.

23
00:00:55,857 --> 00:00:57,448
I'm too a-scared.

24
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,450
Ah, I guess it's just me

25
00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:02,286
and the self-storage units
again.

26
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,506
Dagnabbit!

27
00:01:06,385 --> 00:01:08,292
Hey! Now we're cooking.

28
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,053
In the only way men should.

29
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,296
Yeah! Heh.

30
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,265
Another fan?

31
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,451
Want some company?

32
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:22,065
Oh, boy, I'll be right there!

33
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:29,964
Another tough one
for the Topes, huh?

34
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:32,784
Yeah, yeah, tough one.

35
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:38,063
We would've had a shot in '91

36
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,992
if Flash Lewis didn't
get arrested mid-game.

37
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:44,587
Oh, yeah, oh, that guy could
really steal bases.

38
00:01:44,589 --> 00:01:47,090
And nitrous
from the dentist's office.

39
00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:50,985
Hey, you want to have some fun
and, uh, help the team?

40
00:01:51,004 --> 00:01:52,336
You suck!

41
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:55,339
My kidney stones move quicker
than your fastball.

42
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:59,585
You pitch worse
than Sandy Koufax on Yom Kippur.

43
00:01:59,604 --> 00:02:01,271
Whatever the hell that is!

44
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,500
We rattled him.

45
00:02:05,502 --> 00:02:06,834
That wasn't because of you!

46
00:02:06,853 --> 00:02:09,020
I'm having troubles
with my marriage.

47
00:02:09,022 --> 00:02:11,781
Well, at least
you're striking out somewhere.

48
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:15,359
Oh!

49
00:02:15,361 --> 00:02:18,455
I've never enjoyed
losing 14-1 more.

50
00:02:18,457 --> 00:02:21,291
Misery isn't so bad
when you have company.

51
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:23,609
Yeah, hey, they should make
a saying about that.

52
00:02:23,687 --> 00:02:26,020
Yeah, but they probably won't.

53
00:02:26,039 --> 00:02:27,613
Mm.

54
00:02:27,691 --> 00:02:29,615
Hey, listen, uh, if you, uh,

55
00:02:29,693 --> 00:02:32,877
don't end up stroking out
in the next couple of days, uh,

56
00:02:32,954 --> 00:02:34,362
maybe we could do this again?

57
00:02:34,364 --> 00:02:35,621
Or not, or not.

58
00:02:35,699 --> 00:02:38,141
Ooh, why do you have
to come on so hard, Moe?

59
00:02:38,218 --> 00:02:40,125
Stupid, stupid, stupid—

60
00:02:40,145 --> 00:02:42,553
- I'd love to.

61
00:02:42,555 --> 00:02:44,055
Wha—?

62
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,464
Hey, that's great!

63
00:02:45,484 --> 00:02:47,375
Hey, would it,
would it be okay if I added you

64
00:02:47,377 --> 00:02:49,227
as a contact in my phone?

65
00:02:49,229 --> 00:02:50,728
You'd be the first one.

66
00:02:50,805 --> 00:02:53,047
And you'll be
my only living one.

67
00:03:09,341 --> 00:03:11,082
My father?

68
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:12,567
My bartender?

69
00:03:12,585 --> 00:03:15,236
The guy I'm gonna bury
and the guy who's gonna bury me?

70
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:16,996
I got to drink to forget this.

71
00:03:17,015 --> 00:03:18,422
But where?

72
00:03:19,684 --> 00:03:21,000
We interrupt the ninth inning

73
00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:23,928
of this unprecedented
double perfect game

74
00:03:24,005 --> 00:03:25,838
for breaking baseball news.

75
00:03:25,915 --> 00:03:29,433
A once-in-a-generation prospect
is coming to the majors.

76
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,252
Macedonian two-way phenom,

77
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:32,937
Aeropos Walkov

78
00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:34,680
will leave the Minsk Golems

79
00:03:34,699 --> 00:03:36,440
to achieve his lifelong dream:

80
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,593
playing in the U.S.

81
00:03:38,595 --> 00:03:40,611
Walkov developed
his unique two-handed

82
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,855
pitching style
at the age of six,

83
00:03:42,857 --> 00:03:45,875
helping his father,
the village ratcatcher.

84
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:49,954
Where he also developed
his immense power at the plate.

85
00:03:49,956 --> 00:03:51,548
Gotti!

86
00:03:51,624 --> 00:03:54,625
Every major league club
is gonna pull out all the stops

87
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,553
to get Walkov to sign.

88
00:03:56,629 --> 00:04:00,114
Yeah, too bad the Topes can't
land a superstar like Walkov.

89
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:03,117
But Springfield ain't one
of them classy cities

90
00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:05,636
like, uh,
Philadelphia or Anaheim.

91
00:04:05,789 --> 00:04:08,213
If we started winning,
maybe my grandson

92
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,641
would finally
go to a game with me.

93
00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:14,812
Suck that sigh right back
into your gobble shoot.

94
00:04:14,814 --> 00:04:16,964
So what if our city's
a greased-stained

95
00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,299
mattress graveyard?

96
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,135
Our team's got
passionate, dedicated fans.

97
00:04:21,137 --> 00:04:22,303
We do?

98
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:25,397
Yeah, us, you lovable bag
of Alzheimer's.

99
00:04:25,417 --> 00:04:27,658
What we got to do
is make a video

100
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:30,753
with a personal appeal
to that two-handed-throwing

101
00:04:30,872 --> 00:04:32,422
Euro sasquatch.

102
00:04:32,498 --> 00:04:34,740
But all the rich teams
are gonna do that, too.

103
00:04:34,818 --> 00:04:36,818
Yeah, but what
they don't know is

104
00:04:36,820 --> 00:04:40,171
is I speak
a pretty good Macedonian.

105
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:43,341
How? You barely speak English.

106
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,844
No offense!

107
00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:49,163
Yeah, I learned it
from my grandmother.

108
00:04:56,448 --> 00:04:58,522
Yeah, nobody could put
a cigarette out

109
00:04:58,675 --> 00:05:01,192
on the back of your neck
like Baba Branka.

110
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,935
So what do you say?

111
00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:04,912
Let's make a video!

112
00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:11,018
Ah, geez, it's out of gas.

113
00:05:16,042 --> 00:05:18,968
Hey, Walkov, Chris Rock here
to tell you why you should come

114
00:05:19,045 --> 00:05:23,139
and play for my favorite team,
the New York Mets.

115
00:05:23,216 --> 00:05:24,641
What a city!

116
00:05:24,717 --> 00:05:27,702
Where else can you get
a sandwich at 3:00 a.m.

117
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,130
and a gun at the same bodega?

118
00:05:31,132 --> 00:05:33,149
Oh.

119
00:05:33,226 --> 00:05:35,134
Mr. Walkov, I'm Danny Trejo.

120
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:39,380
I have 468 credits on my IMDb.

121
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,565
So why don't you just be like me

122
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:46,053
and say yes to any job in L.A.?

123
00:05:46,072 --> 00:05:48,164
Hmm.

124
00:05:48,241 --> 00:05:51,042
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

125
00:05:52,078 --> 00:05:53,503
Mm...

126
00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:58,675
Mm-mm. Mm.

127
00:06:00,086 --> 00:06:01,427
Hmm.

128
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:11,595
Hello, Mr. Walkov.

129
00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:31,874
The point is, you big,
beautiful, farm-fed foreigner...

130
00:06:31,951 --> 00:06:33,209
Springfield.

131
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,769
Hearts.

132
00:06:34,787 --> 00:06:36,437
Walkov!

133
00:06:36,456 --> 00:06:38,214
Oh, my drone!

134
00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,216
I was gonna use it
to see if the trees

135
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:43,803
I planted in erotic formations
have grown in.

136
00:06:59,571 --> 00:07:02,071
I am here
because of a beautiful video

137
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,906
made by these two men:

138
00:07:03,908 --> 00:07:05,074
Corpse

139
00:07:05,226 --> 00:07:06,984
and Gargoyle.

140
00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:08,060
We did it!

141
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,805
We saved Springfield baseball!

142
00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:16,327
Springfield baseball!

143
00:07:18,815 --> 00:07:21,048
I gotta assume
that's a misunderstanding.

144
00:07:25,597 --> 00:07:28,172
There's a superstar in
Springfield for the first time

145
00:07:28,249 --> 00:07:29,657
since Bullseye the Target dog's

146
00:07:29,659 --> 00:07:32,009
private plane
landed here to empty its trash.

147
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:36,013
Thanks to the newly signed
Walkov, baseball is back.

148
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,800
And Mayor Quimby has sold off
every traffic light

149
00:07:39,836 --> 00:07:42,686
in town to pay for renovations
to the ballpark.

150
00:07:43,673 --> 00:07:45,948
- Go Isotopes...

151
00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:07,361
Thanks for taking me to see
Walkov's first game, Grampa.

152
00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:10,381
My grandson is going
to a game with me.

153
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:13,534
Now I can die less unhappy.

154
00:08:13,553 --> 00:08:15,812
All because
of what youse and me did.

155
00:08:15,888 --> 00:08:19,482
We're a great team,
like Martin and Lewis.

156
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,484
Thank you for noticing.

157
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:24,136
Wow, look at this place.

158
00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:27,824
The scoreboard's huge!

159
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,809
It's like everyone here
is looking at the same phone.

160
00:08:30,887 --> 00:08:33,312
Still too small!

161
00:08:33,331 --> 00:08:34,555
Ladies and gentlemen,

162
00:08:34,574 --> 00:08:37,500
please rise
for our national anthem.

163
00:08:37,577 --> 00:08:40,227
Ooh, I got to go translate
the anthem for Walkov.

164
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:41,486
It's kind of tough
'cause there's

165
00:08:41,506 --> 00:08:43,564
no Macedonian word for "free."

166
00:08:43,583 --> 00:08:46,584
Hey, you want to meet the big
teddy bear after the game?

167
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,569
Wow, you think I could?

168
00:08:48,588 --> 00:08:50,588
Of course.
Walkov wouldn't even be here

169
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,497
if it weren't for your gramps.

170
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,935
And, in some sick way,
neither would youse.

171
00:09:00,766 --> 00:09:03,250
Go ahead, kid,
show me you're a winner.

172
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,528
I heart Szyslak.

173
00:09:14,372 --> 00:09:15,955
- Attaboy!
- Yay!

174
00:09:35,059 --> 00:09:37,226
Starting off your Major League
career with a win?

175
00:09:37,336 --> 00:09:38,710
That's got to be
a great feeling.

176
00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:40,471
Just like when I played
for the Marlins.

177
00:09:45,962 --> 00:09:50,072
In Macedonia, our widows chant
mournful dirges

178
00:09:50,074 --> 00:09:52,533
for your garbage Marlins.

179
00:09:53,394 --> 00:09:55,244
Oh, where's Walkov going?

180
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,746
You said I could meet him.

181
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,640
Sorry, kids, the big lug's
teaching himself English

182
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,233
by watching Family Guy.

183
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:02,826
Giggity, giggity.

184
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,311
I got to go.

185
00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:06,881
It's a road trip
and I am traveling in style.

186
00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:12,261
Oh, I'm gonna be so regular.

187
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,841
Walkov approaches the plate.

188
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,661
And here comes the pitch,
sponsored by Squatty Potty.

189
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,330
It's a long drive,
sponsored by Hankook tires.

190
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:26,500
Walkov makes it to third base,
sponsored by Trojan condoms.

191
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,927
Trojan,
for when she waves you in.

192
00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:30,171
Wait a minute.

193
00:10:30,189 --> 00:10:32,856
This game is
just one big commercial.

194
00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:35,451
Hey, this series of
sponsorships is sponsored by...

195
00:10:35,453 --> 00:10:39,029
After a hard day turning
Macedonian into normal,

196
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,606
I wet my whistle with Gren-Aid.

197
00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:45,127
Ka-boom drink.

198
00:10:45,204 --> 00:10:46,945
Ah!

199
00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:49,206
Ka-boom drink!

200
00:11:11,731 --> 00:11:14,473
Please accept
this traditional Macedonian vest

201
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:18,369
from Mr. Walkov in memory
of your meaningful tryst.

202
00:11:22,074 --> 00:11:24,166
And so, after spending millions

203
00:11:24,243 --> 00:11:26,836
of tax dollars
on the BALCO investigation,

204
00:11:26,912 --> 00:11:31,490
not a single steroid abuser
was ever punished.

205
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:34,677
Oh, Grampa,
you and your stories.

206
00:11:34,754 --> 00:11:36,920
I'm sorry, sir, you can't go in

207
00:11:37,073 --> 00:11:39,015
unless you're a member
of the De Beers Diamonds

208
00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:40,999
Diamond Club Gold.

209
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,930
But these seats have been
in my family for 80 years.

210
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,190
Section J.

211
00:11:48,192 --> 00:11:51,610
Oh, yes,
you still sit in Section J.

212
00:12:01,873 --> 00:12:05,357
Two hot dogs for me
and my grandson.

213
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,543
Oh, we don't sell hot dogs
anymore.

214
00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:10,454
Crème brûlée,
get your crème brûlée here!

215
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,864
Served in a souvenir ramekin.

216
00:12:12,884 --> 00:12:14,216
Seafood towers!

217
00:12:14,368 --> 00:12:17,628
It ain't a ballgame
without a seafood tower.

218
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:18,888
Ortolan!

219
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,964
Brandy-drowned baby birds.

220
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,059
Comes with team logo napkin

221
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,636
to hide your shame from God.

222
00:12:26,639 --> 00:12:28,380
That's so wrong.

223
00:12:28,382 --> 00:12:30,399
No hot dogs?

224
00:12:30,476 --> 00:12:33,527
Sit down,
you bandwagon betties!

225
00:12:35,648 --> 00:12:39,784
Oh, is there any place left
that's just for only fans?

226
00:12:40,912 --> 00:12:42,303
Aah!

227
00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:44,488
Moe, you're not gonna believe

228
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:47,308
the way everything
has changed around here.

229
00:12:47,310 --> 00:12:48,642
Abe, will you please?
I'm working here.

230
00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:50,327
Walkov's doing
the product launch

231
00:12:50,404 --> 00:12:52,663
of his caffeinated goat jerky.

232
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,316
Well, youse didn't hear it
from me,

233
00:12:55,318 --> 00:12:58,052
but, uh, soon we'll be
branching out to llama.

234
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,597
What happened to that guy

235
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,599
that loved baseball so much

236
00:13:03,676 --> 00:13:06,751
he taped over
the 1998 Westminster Dog Show

237
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,271
to make that video for Walkov?

238
00:13:09,348 --> 00:13:11,665
Ah, the dogs weren't
that hot that year.

239
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,851
I'll tell you
what happened to that guy.

240
00:13:14,003 --> 00:13:15,853
He sold out.

241
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,004
Oh, is that right?

242
00:13:17,006 --> 00:13:18,188
You're right it's right.

243
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,116
They're putting ads
everywhere now.

244
00:13:20,192 --> 00:13:21,766
Even on the bases.

245
00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:25,696
Well, you're just jealous
that I'm Walkov's buddy.

246
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:28,106
That beautiful Balkan boy
loves me

247
00:13:28,184 --> 00:13:29,608
and Springfield loves him.

248
00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,794
But all this fiddle-faddle
that came with him

249
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,296
is bad for baseball!

250
00:13:34,373 --> 00:13:36,948
Having empty stadiums
was bad for baseball.

251
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,693
Now they're packed,
making money wart over bunion.

252
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,529
And soon the league is
gonna expand to 50 teams.

253
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,531
They might even get one
in Tampa.

254
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,367
Well, I say I saved baseball,

255
00:13:46,369 --> 00:13:48,385
and you were just
a bunch of sour grapes.

256
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:52,356
I wish I never let you
into my life or my phone!

257
00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:57,394
- Ah! Consarn.
Ah.

258
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:02,065
What are you watching one of
your potato unboxing videos?

259
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,808
Whoa there.

260
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:04,827
Draft-Pigs?

261
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,162
Uh, that's a betting site.

262
00:14:06,238 --> 00:14:08,572
Hey, gambling can
get you suspended.

263
00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:10,908
- At least
you're not betting on base—

264
00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,818
ball! And you're betting
on the Topes?

265
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,579
No! No, no, no!

266
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,249
I'm so sorry!

267
00:14:19,402 --> 00:14:21,585
I go under instead of over!

268
00:14:21,662 --> 00:14:24,180
Do you whip Walkov now?

269
00:14:24,256 --> 00:14:25,739
How did this happen?

270
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:28,684
How did you even hear
about sports betting, anyway?

271
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:32,930
Oh.

272
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,357
Not giggity!

273
00:14:37,786 --> 00:14:39,403
Not giggity!

274
00:14:44,944 --> 00:14:47,018
A subject line should be short.

275
00:14:47,038 --> 00:14:48,204
You don't have to write

276
00:14:48,206 --> 00:14:50,539
the whole email in there, okay?

277
00:14:51,951 --> 00:14:53,709
Abe, we got to talk. In private.

278
00:14:53,786 --> 00:14:56,103
Away from all of these,
these wrinkletons.

279
00:14:56,105 --> 00:14:58,272
I got nothing to say to you.

280
00:14:58,290 --> 00:14:59,197
Something horrible happened.

281
00:14:59,275 --> 00:15:00,607
Walkov's gambling.

282
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:03,627
And he called a press conference
to come clean about it.

283
00:15:03,629 --> 00:15:06,071
So why are you bothering me?

284
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,465
You got to help me talk him out
of telling the truth.

285
00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:10,117
Everything's gonna disappear.

286
00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:11,301
The team trips,

287
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,454
people calling me Mr. Creepo,

288
00:15:13,472 --> 00:15:15,564
the steaks
with a little plastic cow

289
00:15:15,641 --> 00:15:17,882
stuck in them saying
how it's been cooked.

290
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,294
I can't go back
to unlabeled steak!

291
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,739
So that's all you care about?

292
00:15:23,741 --> 00:15:26,516
You don't give
a leprechaun's lick

293
00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:29,136
about baseball
and now you want my help?

294
00:15:29,138 --> 00:15:31,138
Well, tough tomboys.

295
00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,231
Lisa, print out my email.

296
00:15:33,309 --> 00:15:35,400
So it's ready for the email man.

297
00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:37,311
That's not how it wor—

298
00:15:37,329 --> 00:15:38,504
Okay.

299
00:15:39,832 --> 00:15:41,164
Hiya, puppy.

300
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,016
I got some bad news
about the sport

301
00:15:43,018 --> 00:15:44,426
you love as much as I do.

302
00:15:44,503 --> 00:15:48,264
Turns out baseball breeds
nothing but snakes and scugs.

303
00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:51,492
And Walkov is
the biggest rat of them all.

304
00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:52,601
Walkov? Is he hurt?

305
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:53,994
That means I got an edge.

306
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,396
I got to lay down a bet now.

307
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,423
You're g-g-gambling?

308
00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:01,184
Of course, everybody else
is cashing in.

309
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,094
I'd be a sucker not to.

310
00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:05,281
Where'd you ever get that idea?

311
00:16:05,357 --> 00:16:07,524
I learned from watching Yu...

312
00:16:07,526 --> 00:16:11,269
Darvish. Yu's covered the spread
in six straight starts.

313
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,515
How does a kid get
on a gambling site?

314
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:16,667
Easy, Dad helped me.

315
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,854
That's the thing
about furniture.

316
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,048
It has an agenda.

317
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:26,026
Oh, sweet tomboys!

318
00:16:26,045 --> 00:16:28,545
- This is terrible!
- I know.

319
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,789
If the Phillies don't get
at least 3.5 runs today,

320
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,434
- I'll have to sell my bike.

321
00:16:40,559 --> 00:16:44,403
Thank you for coming, but I have
something I need to confess.

322
00:16:51,236 --> 00:16:53,829
Yeah, okay, he wants
to say that, uh,

323
00:16:53,906 --> 00:16:56,165
well, he loves playing
here in Springfield

324
00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:58,000
and, uh, what you call it,

325
00:16:58,002 --> 00:17:00,619
oh, everybody should, uh,
buckle up on the way home.

326
00:17:00,654 --> 00:17:02,838
Right? Click it or ticket, okay.

327
00:17:08,179 --> 00:17:11,254
That's Macedonian
for "Go Topes."

328
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,018
Yeah, Steve Gelbs,
Draft-Pigs News.

329
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:19,688
Walkov, why are you crying
and whipping yourself?

330
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,436
Oh, Walkov's
just real excited, uh,

331
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,605
for the big series
in Pittsburgh.

332
00:17:28,682 --> 00:17:31,516
And, um, oh, he's always wanted
to ride that, uh,

333
00:17:31,594 --> 00:17:33,944
Duquesne Incline Funicular.

334
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,263
Matt Lauer,
Senior Baseball Correspondent

335
00:17:36,265 --> 00:17:38,115
for BetBastards.com.

336
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,934
I think I can speak
for all of us when I say...

337
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:44,195
we completely buy
that explanation.

338
00:17:50,963 --> 00:17:52,537
Great, very good questions.

339
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,465
Hard-hitting.
See youse at the ballpark.

340
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,876
Wait one milk of magnesia
minute.

341
00:17:57,953 --> 00:18:00,562
I have a question—
not for Walkov,

342
00:18:00,639 --> 00:18:02,731
but for an old friend.

343
00:18:04,476 --> 00:18:07,127
This is only
for credentialed press.

344
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,220
Shut up, skinny Weinstein.

345
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:13,075
What do you say when baseball's
unquenchable pursuit of greed

346
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,060
leads to a ten-year-old boy

347
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,080
gambling on your sport?

348
00:18:18,157 --> 00:18:20,974
I'm just gambling till I get
myself out of this hole.

349
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:22,659
And then I'm going to quit.

350
00:18:23,996 --> 00:18:25,421
Until football starts.

351
00:18:25,497 --> 00:18:27,330
Bart? Betting?

352
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:32,319
Walkov, who do you like
for the AFC South?

353
00:18:32,337 --> 00:18:33,987
The Titans are plus 750.

354
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:35,322
No!

355
00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:37,599
Oh, he's just
a sweet, innocent kid.

356
00:18:37,676 --> 00:18:41,085
Just like Walkov,
and I've ruined 'em both.

357
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,664
Uh, the truth is...

358
00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:45,832
- Walkov's been gambling.

359
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,110
Yeah, youse is right
to gasp and murmur.

360
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,353
He's been betting
like a plumber on payday.

361
00:18:50,506 --> 00:18:52,005
He's betting on baseball.

362
00:18:52,024 --> 00:18:53,857
- But baseball's this sport.

363
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:55,175
And it's all your fault.

364
00:18:55,194 --> 00:18:56,860
Baseball used to be about men

365
00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:58,787
making hundreds
of millions of dollars

366
00:18:58,939 --> 00:19:00,363
to play a child's game.

367
00:19:00,365 --> 00:19:02,958
And then
money came into the picture.

368
00:19:03,035 --> 00:19:06,128
And now the whole league
is in bed with the bookies.

369
00:19:06,205 --> 00:19:09,965
The teams, the stadiums,
even the networks.

370
00:19:10,042 --> 00:19:13,026
But we always tell them
to gamble responsibly.

371
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:15,679
Oh, yeah, and I tell my
booze bags to drink responsibly.

372
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,366
I'm... drunk.

373
00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:21,626
Gambling's the top
of the food chain now.

374
00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:23,036
Pays all your salaries.

375
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:25,964
But, hey, when a potato
out of dirt like Walkov

376
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,558
actually makes a bet, oh-ho-ho,

377
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,894
you hypocrites
pretend to be offended.

378
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:34,231
You've ruined the six-hour
sun slog between guys

379
00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:35,974
that are too skinny for football

380
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,493
and too short for basketball

381
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:42,164
that used to deserve
to be called America's Pastime.

382
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:46,727
Thanks, Moe.
You did save baseball.

383
00:19:46,729 --> 00:19:48,745
Nah, we did.

384
00:19:48,822 --> 00:19:51,322
After a thorough
45-minute investigation,

385
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,568
the commissioner's office has
determined that Aeropos Walkov

386
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:58,238
is completely innocent of
betting on baseball.

387
00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,998
The guilty party was
determined to be

388
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:03,185
the disgraced former team
translator Moe Szyslak.

389
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,761
Looking for a fresh start,

390
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:07,914
Walkov has signed
an $800 million contract

391
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:11,768
with the newly renamed
San Francisco Draft-Pigs.

392
00:20:11,845 --> 00:20:14,012
I rich here now.

393
00:20:14,031 --> 00:20:16,014
Giggity!

394
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,867
I guess when
you have to choose between

395
00:20:18,944 --> 00:20:20,869
your moneymaker or your Moe,

396
00:20:20,946 --> 00:20:22,445
the decision's pretty easy.

397
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,265
At least Bart
isn't gambling anymore.

398
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,691
Drinks are on me, boys.

399
00:20:26,710 --> 00:20:28,435
Well, at least he's not losing.

400
00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:32,622
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

401
00:20:32,775 --> 00:20:34,883
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TOYOTA.

402
00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:36,885
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

403
00:20:42,042 --> 00:20:44,208
Photo shoot
taking place on the infield

404
00:20:44,228 --> 00:20:45,376
and Gramps isn't having it.

405
00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:46,787
"This isn't what I
bought a ticket for!

406
00:20:46,789 --> 00:20:48,455
I didn't come to see ads
gettin' filmed!"

407
00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:49,398
Throws the ticket on the field.

408
00:20:49,474 --> 00:20:51,049
One poke, two poke, three pokes.

409
00:20:51,051 --> 00:20:52,642
"Oh, I'm gonna have to turn
my hat around!"

410
00:20:52,644 --> 00:20:54,052
"I'll turn my hat around!

411
00:20:54,054 --> 00:20:56,405
"I hate all this marketing!
It's everywhere!

412
00:20:56,481 --> 00:20:58,131
It's even on the bases!"

413
00:20:58,133 --> 00:20:59,390
Throws the base.

414
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:03,394
"It's bad for baseball!"

415
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,746
And he says, "Okay."
One nose kiss,

416
00:21:04,748 --> 00:21:06,731
two nose kisses,
three nose kisses.

417
00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:08,232
They think he's done
with nose kisses.

418
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,811
He comes back for a fourth.

419
00:21:10,813 --> 00:21:12,570
He says, "Oh,
you want to kiss my nose?"

420
00:21:12,648 --> 00:21:13,997
He goes, "I'll throw my hat.

421
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:15,740
"I'll kick dirt on it
with my left foot.

422
00:21:15,818 --> 00:21:17,909
"And then I'll eject you
from my phone

423
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:19,410
"and kick my hat
with the right foot.

424
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:20,637
I'm outta here."

425
00:21:21,673 --> 00:21:22,431
Shh!