1
00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,055
Hmm...

2
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:14,807
Hmm!

3
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,017
Read it and weep.

4
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:22,730
An A? I do read it and I do weep.

5
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:26,151
Oh! My special little guy.

6
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,111
Hmm...

7
00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:29,780
This isn't Bart's work.

8
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:34,951
He used an artificial intelligence app
called CheatGPT to write his essay.

9
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,828
So what? It's not illegal.

10
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:39,831
It doesn't have to be illegal
to be unethical.

11
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,791
Your words mean nothing,
and your face is a butt.

12
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,502
Do too and...

13
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,966
Hey! Tongues down.

14
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:52,302
Just give me a moment to say goodbye.

15
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:57,765
All right, we lost her.

16
00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:02,061
Dad, can you please explain to Bart
why using AI to do his homework is wrong?

17
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,231
Yeah, sure, uh...

18
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:08,276
"Relying on artificial intelligence
to complete assignments

19
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:11,571
could undermine the development
of critical analytical skills."

20
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:16,993
What? You just prompted CheatGPT
to write that speech for you.

21
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,245
Mmm.

22
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:22,957
Give me back my phone-brain,
so me father better parent good.

23
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:28,671
Ugh, those poor teachers.
How are they gonna deal with this?

24
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:31,215
"In conclusion, the protagonist embraces

25
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:34,260
the story's central dichotomy
of familiar versus exotic,

26
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:38,849
thus realizing that he does enjoy
green eggs in addition to ham."

27
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,852
I'm supposed to believe
that was written by Ralph Wiggum?

28
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,190
It's the AI. We can't keep up with it.

29
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,649
Help us. You gotta do something.

30
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,026
It's just not okay.
You have to do something.

31
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:53,029
We're aware the students are
using CheatGPT on their devices,

32
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,281
so in order to stay
one step ahead of them,

33
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,952
we've purchased AI detection software.

34
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,705
Teacher's Net?

35
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,792
As always,
the teachers are four steps behind.

36
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:09,212
We've only got five minutes
in the server room

37
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,964
before Lunchlady Dora comes down
to spit chaw.

38
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,174
Oh, no problem.

39
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:17,720
Just let me install this patch
and detection software overridden.

40
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,099
Okay, they've destroyed
our detection software

41
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,851
and somehow also locked us
out of the microwave.

42
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,979
Oh, my ramen is in there!

43
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,649
It just keeps spinning.

44
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,192
We're not beaten yet.

45
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,403
We're installing
a state-of-the-art firewall,

46
00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:35,988
so that our system is unhackable.

47
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,950
They think we can't get around a firewall.

48
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,995
Say hello to my little VPN.

49
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,497
The firewall has fallen.

50
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,958
No!

51
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,085
Gods, man, we're breached.

52
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:53,756
That's it. We have no choice
but to invoke the banana option.

53
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,050
Why is all our homework about bananas?

54
00:02:56,051 --> 00:03:02,390
"Einstein's theory of relativity is
a linchpin in modern banana science." Huh?

55
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:05,017
- They ghost-prompted us.
- Explain.

56
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,520
I was gonna.

57
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,856
The teachers hid
the word "banana" in our assignments

58
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,859
in invisible white text.

59
00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,694
- Explain further.

60
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,114
So when we pasted
the homework prompts into CheatGPT,

61
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:21,577
we didn't realize we also asked it
to write about bananas.

62
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:27,833
They banana us, we'll banana them.

63
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:33,087
[yelps, sighs] We banana-ed them,
they banana-ed us.

64
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,047
Skinner!

65
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,967
Your IT spending is through the roof,
Seymour.

66
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,553
The battle against AI isn't cheap, sir.

67
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,180
Well, the solution is simple.

68
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,182
I'm going to announce it today
at assembly.

69
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,809
And why do I smell bananas?

70
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,103
Um... Because I'm happy to see you?

71
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,814
Ye...

72
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:52,899
I am thrilled to announce

73
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:57,529
that Springfield Elementary is now
a phone-free school.

74
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:05,828
And all the homework
will be handwritten in class.

75
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:11,834
Trust me, cell phone distraction is
the enemy of learning.

76
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,587
In fact, that was the subject
of my master's thesis

77
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,256
at the Ogdenville State University.

78
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:21,177
This is just like Animal Farm,
and we're the bananas.

79
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,638
Everyone, put your phone in these pouches,

80
00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:26,308
which renders them unusable
until the end of the day.

81
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,606
Nice try, bucko.

82
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:38,444
You know, I used to like Chalmers
'cause he'd yell at Seymour.

83
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,363
Thanks to him,
I know what the word "impotent" means.

84
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:43,115
This has gone too far.
We've gotta get rid of this guy.

85
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,618
But how do you get a superintendent fired?

86
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,538
Gary Chalmers is like a mouse
in a bubble bath.

87
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,373
Squeaky clean.

88
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:51,625
Hmm?

89
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,793
Huh?

90
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,044
Unless...

91
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:58,881
Chalmers said he went
to Ogdenville State, right?

92
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,634
Yeah, that's where he said
he did his master's "feces."

93
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:05,972
Why don't we shake that thesis
and see what falls out?

94
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,308
Plagiarism? I-I'm not a plagiarist.

95
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,728
Well, we got an anonymous tip
about some improprieties

96
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,230
in your graduate work.

97
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:18,734
Ironically, the AI software you authorized
to catch the kids cheating,

98
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:19,986
it caught you.

99
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,904
But I would never cheat.

100
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:26,158
You neglected to put quotation marks
around two different cited passages,

101
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:30,162
and it's like the difference
between "ibid" and "op cit"

102
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,331
means absolutely nothing to you.

103
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:37,003
Comptroller, surely these are
inconsequential infractions.

104
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:40,339
We have "a zero tolerance policy
when it comes to plagiarism,"

105
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,508
and I'm using quote fingers accurately

106
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:46,597
because I'm citing the author
of our school honor code: You.

107
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:50,182
Hoist with my own petard.

108
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,686
Stealing from Shakespeare.
You're shameless. And fired.

109
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,565
Punctual as always, Willie.

110
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,901
- Leave him on the hood of his car?
- As per protocol.

111
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,113
So, I guess my dad stole some words
or something.

112
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,157
Anyway, he was arrested.

113
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,952
I wasn't arrested. I was fired.

114
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,205
Always told the students
that when they look in the mirror,

115
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,834
they should be proud of the person
looking back at them.

116
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:20,964
Now that I'm no longer superintendent,
I don't know who I see anymore.

117
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,387
Yeah, I think he got arrested.

118
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,855
Oh, a bartender's favorite song:

119
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:40,566
the sigh of a depressed loser
with money to burn.

120
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,027
Actually, I, uh, lost my job.

121
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,322
Fired. Oh, man, that's rough.

122
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:50,034
- Yeah, we've all been there.
- You can talk to us, or—

123
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:53,454
I devoted my life to public service,
and what do I get, hmm?

124
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:57,666
A backstab from the searing knife
of academic technicality.

125
00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,544
And that's when I went from intendant
to superintendent.

126
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:03,798
I took the title over the pay bump,
never leaving a child behind,

127
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:05,674
even though sometimes I desperately...

128
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,551
Oh, I desperately wanted to do that.

129
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:11,556
At least I've got a new place
to spend all my time, huh?

130
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,267
This must not come to pass.

131
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,354
I thought he was gonna be our Frasier,
but it turns out he's our Rebecca.

132
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,357
Do something.
Talking to him was your idea.

133
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:24,778
Talking to him was my idea.
I didn't know we had to listen to him.

134
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,947
Hey, Mr. Fascinating,

135
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,826
you know what might make you less
of a massively annoying bummer?

136
00:07:31,827 --> 00:07:34,286
I could get you a job at the power plant.

137
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,957
Oh, please, why would they want
to hire a disgraced educator?

138
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,418
A middle-aged man past his prime?

139
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:44,296
But let me tell you
how citations should really work, huh?

140
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,715
Mmm. Hmm?

141
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,510
Sweet silence at last.

142
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,890
Get off my lawn, you drunks!

143
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,400
Are you going to eat
a third crumb cake, or is that about it?

144
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:07,236
Hey, it's Super-Custodian Chalmers.

145
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,446
Just call me Gary.

146
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,823
Rather not be reminded
about what I am now.

147
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,366
How's your first day going?

148
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,410
Well, I've already cleaned
the workstations,

149
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,328
de-gunked the eye wash annex,

150
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:21,584
and origamied the exposed square of
toilet paper in each stall, like so. Hmm?

151
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:24,795
Buddy, buddy,
you're giving 110% right now.

152
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,965
You need to cut that in half
to, um... uh... uh...

153
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,509
- Fifty-five percent.
- No, that's way too high.

154
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,013
Uh, what about initiative
and pride in a job well done?

155
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,849
Ugh, you're even doing
too much work in this argument.

156
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,937
You need to simply appear busy.
Come on, walk with me.

157
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,565
Actually, I'm pretty sure
I outrank a janitor,

158
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,444
so I'm gonna need you
to push me around in your trash can.

159
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,956
Good Lord.
I mean, they're more checked out

160
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,042
than the public schoolteachers.

161
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,752
See? You're working too hard.

162
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:10,549
Take a seat, relax, enjoy a crumb cake
while I explain the most important thing.

163
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:14,970
You need to develop a sixth sense,
for when the boss is about to—

164
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,388
Ahem.

165
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,557
I am so sorry, sirs—

166
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,683
Taking a break?

167
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,060
Punish him, Smithers.

168
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,521
I'd do it myself,
but that "ahem" took too much out of me.

169
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:26,941
The tunnels behind the cooling towers
need cleaning right now.

170
00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,400
Chalmers!

171
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,404
Yes, sir.
Right, right, right away, sir. Yes.

172
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:34,658
Ooh.

173
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:39,161
"Chalmers!" I mean, who talks like that?

174
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,330
If I had underlings, I'd treat them with—

175
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:45,252
What the hell was that? Who's there?
Wha-What touched me?

176
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,672
Well, Lord Tennyson in a top hat!

177
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:55,678
Oh, dear God, some sort of mutated
nuclear super snails.

178
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,596
Shoo. Shoo, now. Shoo, go away.

179
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,473
Please, take pity on a broken man

180
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,519
who's had every last shred
of his dignity stripped away from him.

181
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,791
Horror movies suck now.

182
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,086
Forty-five minutes and there hasn't
been a single jump scare.

183
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,214
Dad, you look—

184
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:35,718
I know, I know. I look
like a pathetic failure of a father,

185
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:38,053
of a school administrator, of a man.

186
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,181
Shut up! I was gonna say you look amazing.

187
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,391
Really?

188
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:45,020
Bro, spill your skincare routine
right now.

189
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:50,357
All I did was lie in a tunnel covered
in the mucus of absurdly large snails.

190
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,818
Snail slime?
Did you bring me any?

191
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,153
Dad, give it.

192
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,322
Why on earth would you want snail mucus?

193
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,324
It's called mucin, stupid.

194
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,117
It contains
regenerative healing properties

195
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,327
and boosts collagen.

196
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:05,831
TL;DR, it makes your face snatched.
People pay, like, actual money for it.

197
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,918
They pay for this mucin?

198
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,462
Sir, for the Christmas card this year,

199
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:14,131
would you like the hound's pajamas
to match yours

200
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,216
or just tastefully complement them?

201
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:19,386
Hmm. Can we prepare both
and decide on the day?

202
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,555
Oh, absolutely.

203
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,515
Gentlemen.

204
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:27,061
Oh, Smithers, I must thank you
for firing that old janitor yesterday.

205
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:30,522
It's invigorating to see
some fresh, young faces around here.

206
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,568
Actually, I...
I think that is the same old janitor.

207
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,070
The very same.

208
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:40,074
But how? You look amazing.
Spill your skincare routine right now.

209
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:42,826
You know my daughter,
Shauna, said the same thing.

210
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:45,120
Shauna Chalmers complimented you?

211
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,831
- That's huge, sir.
- Ooh.

212
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:51,669
I believe that the slime
of the specially adapted snails

213
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:56,924
here at the plant rejuvenated my skin,
and I have a way to monetize it.

214
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,760
And why should we listen to you?

215
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:02,930
A businessman.

216
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:06,266
A business plan.

217
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:11,146
Gentlemen, snail mucin as skincare
is a $4-billion-a-year business.

218
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,650
You have the raw material,
the man power and the infrastructure.

219
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,527
All you're missing is a visionary

220
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,197
who can take this enterprise
to the next level.

221
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,740
Me.

222
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,916
Yes. Yes, quite.

223
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,504
Welcome to Men-trepreneurs,

224
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:40,300
the podcast that finally celebrates
companies run by and for men.

225
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:47,224
Today, we look at the rocketing success
of the men's skincare brand Escarbro.

226
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:51,311
Please welcome the founder
and CE-Bro, Gary Chalmers.

227
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,898
Well, it's an honor to be here,

228
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,317
and, you know, I've been
a Patreon supporter of yours

229
00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,237
ever since $5 a month
became nothing to me.

230
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:03,449
So, Gary, you used to be
in the public sector, no?

231
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:07,119
Yes, boo my lost decades.

232
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,456
However, I have nothing but gratitude
for that broken path

233
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:14,919
because it brought me
to a dank tunnel of snail secretions.

234
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,754
Gratitude is huge.

235
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,338
So grateful for it.

236
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,257
Gratitude's my oxygen.

237
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,593
Oh, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

238
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:23,761
Thanksgiving's my Christmas.

239
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:26,013
We don't even celebrate Christmas,
just two Thanksgivings.

240
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:30,934
Well, anyway, that nuclear snail hole,
and I write about this in the book,

241
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:34,313
it phase-shifted me
from a misguided do-gooder

242
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,690
into a disruptive entrepreneur.

243
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:40,194
Your marketing strategy is
revo-lution-ary.

244
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:42,863
You're making normal guys feel insecure
about their looks.

245
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,532
I mean, that's the kind of insecurity
that, up until now,

246
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,618
only women were allowed to feel.

247
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:50,496
Well, at the end of the day,
it's about lifting people up.

248
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,873
So grateful.

249
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,626
Escarbro is lighting the Gram,
the Tok, and the Tube

250
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:59,756
on fire with its use of "ug-fluencers."

251
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,633
Hey, guys. Get ready for bed with me

252
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:06,262
as I dab on my Escarbro
Mansturizering Serum for Men.

253
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:10,140
I have been super self-conscious
about my hyperpigmentation

254
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:13,769
ever since Escarbro online ads explained
what it was

255
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,855
and that I should
be super self-conscious about it.

256
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,399
But now...

257
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,235
Damn, Homer!

258
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:24,404
You make sure you subscribe,
so you never run out.

259
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:28,492
I'm using Escarbro
Macho Time Puffiness Pulverizer.

260
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:34,832
Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.

261
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,375
Trust me, youse gotta subscribe.

262
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:40,045
With this goo, open casket is
actually an option over here.

263
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:43,423
Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.

264
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:47,886
If I was a marketing paradigm,
I'd be like, "Stop shifting me, bro!"

265
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,222
You know? So grateful.

266
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,932
How are you keeping up
with all this demand?

267
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,184
Well, to keep the slime oozing,

268
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:58,105
we scoured the globe to find
the world's leading snail handlers.

269
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:11,493
Oh, I see, Claudia. I bring the romaine
and suddenly we're friends again.

270
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,745
Now that's a return on investment.

271
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,456
Amazing turnout.

272
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:21,378
Oh, yes. It's a real him's him
of direct-to-masculine-customer giants.

273
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:24,924
Waylon, meet Vijay from Vijay's ButtPants.

274
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:30,596
Antoine, who dominates the goat
colostrum protein frozen yogurt space.

275
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,347
No proven downside.

276
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:38,020
And Dirk Denchley, the CEO of Father D's
High-T Testosterone Tea Bags.

277
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,439
Gary, your website has the hardest-to-find

278
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,774
"cancel subscription" button
in the business.

279
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,192
Brilliant, bro.

280
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,695
Oh, well, that wasn't intentional.

281
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:47,779
Come on, dude.

282
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,115
Our whole business model
is people signing up

283
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,534
for subscriptions
that they forget to cancel.

284
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:55,954
That seems a bit underhanded. Although...

285
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,123
A toast to the suckers.

286
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,876
May they never check
their credit card statements.

287
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,463
Yeah, um... salute.

288
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:09,676
It's so weird having a super rich dad
who people think is cool.

289
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,512
It's also weird having a juice bar
in your living room.

290
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,098
But, uh, great idea, honey, great.

291
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,976
I was kidding, but whatever.

292
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,563
You know, my friends can't get enough
of your anti-aging goo.

293
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:24,650
Wait a minute.
High school kids are using Escarbro?

294
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,819
Oh, God, yeah.
Everyone wants to have kindergarten skin.

295
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,155
Yeah, but we...
we weren't marketing to kids.

296
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,491
Well, I guess there's no harm, right?

297
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,285
Can I have a new pony? This one pooped.

298
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,163
Uh... Of course, sweetie.

299
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,584
Ugh, dappled? Fine.

300
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,127
Welcome back, sir.

301
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,881
The children are gonna love hearing
about your journey to financial success.

302
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:51,677
And, uh, might I say your beard
has grown in remarkably dark.

303
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,680
Oh, I use an adaptogen
matcha spore powder.

304
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:58,558
You know, I spent so much
of my life in public education,

305
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,936
but I never felt I was doing good
in the world

306
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,522
until I started selling creams for men.

307
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:08,026
Plus, even as a janitor, I made more money
than as a superintendent.

308
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,446
Are you saying
there's an open janitor position?

309
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:14,741
Sorry I'm late. I had to charge
my light therapy mask.

310
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:18,705
- What a unique child.
- These days, not so unique.

311
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:22,834
Dab, dab, dab.

312
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,795
Oh, no. I look 12.

313
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,339
Make with the hydrating toner spray, now!

314
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:32,302
Just don't forget your décolletage.

315
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:38,266
I had no idea our industry reached
children this young.

316
00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:43,770
How can they focus on learning
while they're worrying about all this?

317
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,856
Hey, Escarbro guy.

318
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,232
Gary.

319
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,483
God!

320
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,027
Can I have a free sample?

321
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:51,653
Do you have a promo code?

322
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:55,324
Make my name a promo code.
Promo code: Devin exclamation point.

323
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,075
- Yeah!
- We want the code!

324
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:04,083
- Whew.
- Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.

325
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,046
Greetings.

326
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,798
- Good Lord.

327
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:14,259
Um... Would you excuse me
for just one moment?

328
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,804
I have to do something. Pardon me.

329
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:21,224
The phone-banning guy
can't get off his phone. Ironic.

330
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:25,520
Hey, that is irony.
Very accurate heckling, Bart.

331
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,314
- Thank you. I love you.
- What?

332
00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,523
Nothing.

333
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:32,027
Now, I've always believed that everyone
should be able to look in the mirror

334
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,696
and be proud of the person
looking back at them.

335
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:38,116
And right now,
as I look at myself in the reflection

336
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:42,871
of your smooth, pore-less,
vigorously moisturized little faces,

337
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,873
I am not proud.

338
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:49,378
I look ridiculous.
You all, all of you look ridiculous.

339
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,671
Sir, sir, I'm on the hiring web page.

340
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:56,219
It wants me to attach my resume as a PDF,
but I only have it as a JPEG.

341
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,222
When I was a public servant,
it was my job to educate you,

342
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:01,807
but also to protect you.

343
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,059
Protect you from people like me.

344
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:07,729
Social media swindlers
who profit off of insecurities

345
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,399
that you shouldn't even have yet, or ever.

346
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:16,655
Who am I kidding? I am a superintendent,
whether I like it or not.

347
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:22,577
And as of right now, I am banning
all skincare products from school grounds.

348
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,496
- You can't do that.

349
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,997
You don't work here anymore.

350
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,834
Well, as a matter of fact, I can and I do.

351
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:32,129
I just bought
Springfield Elementary at auction

352
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,424
in the section for VCRs
and public schools.

353
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:39,594
Teachers, get those phone pouches
back out here

354
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:44,183
and fill them
with all of that preposterous skincare!

355
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:48,312
Thanks for waiting for me, old friend.

356
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:52,899
Why on a competition baking show
do they need to have an opening sketch?

357
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,901
Just get to the "and bake."

358
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,071
You think the crew gets to eat
all the cakes they drop on the ground?

359
00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,198
Dad, are we poor again?

360
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:04,327
Now, don't worry, honey. I still have
a small stake in the skincare company.

361
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,956
And those nuclear snails,
they're never gonna stop sliming.

362
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:14,004
I heard it was someone's special day!
Francis, get over here.

363
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:15,839
Birthday treats for everyone!

364
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,468
Salty potato chips and buckets of beer.

365
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:23,263
Aw, they like it so much,
they're shaking with joy.

366
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:27,392
- More like shriveling.
- Maybe too much shriveling?

367
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,643
- Uh...
- Ooh.

368
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,687
Uh, let's call it a day.

369
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,565
Seymour, you got this, right?

370
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,738
I hope they at least
let me keep the coveralls.

371
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,458
Ooh.

372
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,669
Mmm.

373
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:57,924
Whoever invented eating crumb cake
in a trash can was a genius.

374
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:02,552
Wait a minute. I think I invented
eating crumb cake in a trash can.

375
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:07,308
I'm gonna be rich! And then I'm gonna buy
so many trash cans!

376
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:30,873
Shh!