1 00:00:16,957 --> 00:00:20,085 This is a 1908 first edition Model T, 2 00:00:20,168 --> 00:00:22,254 with a 30-inch pneumatic clincher. 3 00:00:22,337 --> 00:00:26,508 A top speed of 42 miles per hour, and an outmoded nickel crank. 4 00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:30,845 Speaking of outmoded cranks, here's the owner, C. Montgomery Burns. 5 00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:34,724 You'll have to pry this car from my cold, dead hand. 6 00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:37,769 Hmm. Well done. 7 00:00:37,852 --> 00:00:41,856 All that for today's episode of Comedians in Cars Kvetching. 8 00:00:41,940 --> 00:00:44,234 With my guest Krusty the Clown. 9 00:00:44,317 --> 00:00:46,278 Today's colleges are too PC. 10 00:00:46,361 --> 00:00:48,989 Don't get me started on today's colleges. 11 00:00:49,072 --> 00:00:53,702 Apparently, college kids don't dig my Ho Chi Minnow character anymore. 12 00:00:53,785 --> 00:00:57,288 What's not to like? It's a communist fish! 13 00:00:57,372 --> 00:01:00,208 Oh, I wish I could do drivel like you, Jerry. 14 00:01:00,291 --> 00:01:03,211 Drivel. Funny word. What's the plural? "Drivelous"? 15 00:01:04,379 --> 00:01:07,716 That looks like you'll be jaywalking home. 16 00:01:07,799 --> 00:01:11,761 Every time a rich comedian runs out of ideas, he does a car show. 17 00:01:13,805 --> 00:01:16,641 Oh, no. It's Carpool Karaoke. 18 00:01:23,565 --> 00:01:26,484 Yawn. Everything is so "drivelous". 19 00:01:26,568 --> 00:01:27,777 Farmers. 20 00:01:28,445 --> 00:01:29,654 Bazinga'd out. 21 00:01:29,738 --> 00:01:31,531 Too much sleaze. 22 00:01:31,614 --> 00:01:33,366 Too many fleas. 23 00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:35,702 We never watch what I wanna watch. 24 00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,704 Okay. What do you want to watch? 25 00:01:37,787 --> 00:01:39,831 Oh. I didn't think I'd get my way. 26 00:01:39,914 --> 00:01:42,667 So much pressure. 27 00:01:42,751 --> 00:01:46,254 Okay. Scanning through 1000 channels and… 28 00:01:47,338 --> 00:01:48,423 nothing good. 29 00:01:48,506 --> 00:01:52,427 Mom, maybe you could tell a story about us when we were younger. 30 00:01:52,510 --> 00:01:57,140 Um, we've done that a few times. Not sure what stories are left. 31 00:01:57,223 --> 00:02:00,268 Maggie's first tooth, Grampa's last tooth, 32 00:02:00,351 --> 00:02:03,646 the time Homer thought he invented stuffed crust pizza. 33 00:02:03,730 --> 00:02:05,315 I did invent it. 34 00:02:05,398 --> 00:02:08,359 I'm the Thomas Edison of stuffing things with cheese. 35 00:02:08,443 --> 00:02:09,611 Including yourself. 36 00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,446 Why you, little. 37 00:02:11,529 --> 00:02:16,451 Your primitive strangling is no match for fireplace tongs. 38 00:02:24,042 --> 00:02:26,169 We just made some memories, boy. 39 00:02:29,923 --> 00:02:32,550 Well, at least we used the fireplace for once. 40 00:02:32,634 --> 00:02:34,761 And this does remind me of a story. 41 00:02:34,844 --> 00:02:38,014 It's a story of a very sad time, 42 00:02:38,098 --> 00:02:43,395 a time when we thought Bart might be a truly bad boy. 43 00:02:43,478 --> 00:02:44,854 It was four years ago. 44 00:02:44,938 --> 00:02:49,776 Bart was six, and Homer was gently reading little Lisa to sleep. 45 00:02:51,152 --> 00:02:55,115 "The scared little bird walked up to the steam shovel. 46 00:02:55,198 --> 00:02:57,700 Are you my mother? Asked the bird. 47 00:02:57,784 --> 00:03:00,370 The steam shovel said, snort!" 48 00:03:03,373 --> 00:03:05,125 This story is terrifying. 49 00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:08,253 Okay, fine. We'll read a totally not scary book 50 00:03:08,336 --> 00:03:12,298 about two lost children about to be eaten by a witch. 51 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,387 Witches, steam shovels, empty pants. 52 00:03:17,470 --> 00:03:20,056 One more thing and I'm gonna scream. 53 00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,183 I caught a frog, I caught a frog. 54 00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:23,726 Ooh. Where did he go? 55 00:03:28,648 --> 00:03:30,233 What's going on in there? 56 00:03:30,316 --> 00:03:32,110 Boy, quit scaring your sister. 57 00:03:34,154 --> 00:03:37,991 I still have nightmares about that frog. Thanks a lot, Bart. 58 00:03:38,074 --> 00:03:40,535 Hey, my life was great before you came along. 59 00:03:40,618 --> 00:03:43,246 - I didn't ask to be born. - Yes, you did. 60 00:03:43,329 --> 00:03:45,623 - No, I didn't. - Did, did, did. 61 00:03:45,707 --> 00:03:48,626 Kids, kids, you're both unwanted. 62 00:03:48,710 --> 00:03:50,628 Now, let's get back to the story. 63 00:03:50,712 --> 00:03:52,672 What creates a misbehaver? 64 00:03:52,755 --> 00:03:57,927 In some cases, it could be a father who is occasionally inconsiderate. 65 00:03:59,095 --> 00:04:00,763 Saying Homer was occasionally inconsiderate 66 00:04:00,847 --> 00:04:03,308 is like saying Shamu is sometimes a whale. 67 00:04:03,391 --> 00:04:05,602 Did you know there were nine different Shamus? 68 00:04:05,685 --> 00:04:09,814 I'd rank 'em this way six, five, two, three... 69 00:04:09,898 --> 00:04:12,275 We're not ranking Shamus again. 70 00:04:12,358 --> 00:04:16,779 I'll just conclude by saying, a whale in captivity just lasts a week. 71 00:04:16,863 --> 00:04:19,657 It's a good week. Except for the last two hours. 72 00:04:19,741 --> 00:04:24,579 As I was saying, sometimes your father even forgot you were there. 73 00:04:30,376 --> 00:04:33,463 Mmm. Carrot. 74 00:04:33,546 --> 00:04:37,008 Homer, there's someone else here who might have wanted that cookie. 75 00:04:37,091 --> 00:04:38,510 Aw. Sorry, boy. 76 00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:41,095 Ew. Carrot. 77 00:04:43,264 --> 00:04:45,308 You know, the more I think about it, Homie, 78 00:04:45,391 --> 00:04:48,895 I think you may be a disconnected parent. 79 00:04:48,978 --> 00:04:50,438 Me disconnected? 80 00:04:54,609 --> 00:04:59,113 Listen, buster, if you don't bond with him soon, we're gonna have problems. 81 00:04:59,197 --> 00:05:02,784 Whenever you call me buster, it means something is really bad. 82 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,869 That's right, mister. 83 00:05:04,953 --> 00:05:06,496 Mister is worse than buster. 84 00:05:07,205 --> 00:05:09,082 Since we're having trouble communicating, 85 00:05:09,165 --> 00:05:12,001 we'll use this whiteboard to tell each other how we feel. 86 00:05:12,085 --> 00:05:15,338 But even when Homer tried to help, it didn't help. 87 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,427 Your turn, boy. Write how you feel. 88 00:05:21,511 --> 00:05:22,887 - I... - No, no, no, no. 89 00:05:22,971 --> 00:05:26,474 You're not supposed to use that hand. Try again, Son. 90 00:05:29,519 --> 00:05:30,520 Still wrong. 91 00:05:31,062 --> 00:05:32,063 Hey! 92 00:05:32,772 --> 00:05:34,857 This is the hand I wanna use. 93 00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:40,530 This is the hand the world wants you to use. Listen to the world. 94 00:05:40,613 --> 00:05:41,656 Never! 95 00:05:46,077 --> 00:05:49,998 Repeat after me: "Right is right." 96 00:05:50,081 --> 00:05:51,291 Right is wrong! 97 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,962 It's so hard being a good father. 98 00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:59,465 How did people raise kids before duct tape? 99 00:05:59,549 --> 00:06:01,551 It got to where all Bart could think about 100 00:06:01,634 --> 00:06:03,636 was how mad he was at Homer. 101 00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:12,520 Great news! The doctor says I'm not stupid like everyone thinks. 102 00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,522 I just needed glasses. 103 00:06:20,111 --> 00:06:23,615 Bet you didn't see that coming. Ha-ha! 104 00:06:24,574 --> 00:06:29,704 Ha-ha? I've never said that before. It's beautiful. 105 00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:31,789 Ha-ha! 106 00:06:32,582 --> 00:06:33,791 Ha-ha! 107 00:06:34,459 --> 00:06:35,668 Ha-ha! 108 00:06:35,752 --> 00:06:38,421 Those "ha-ha" s, they speak to me. 109 00:06:38,504 --> 00:06:44,844 I no longer want to be a doctor. I want to be a bully. 110 00:06:44,927 --> 00:06:48,181 Bart, don't you wish someone would stand up to bullies? 111 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,895 Ha-ha! Hey, that feels great. 112 00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,734 Whatcha plottin', boy? Revenge? 113 00:06:59,817 --> 00:07:02,153 Some bullies have to be taught a lesson. 114 00:07:03,237 --> 00:07:06,449 Oh, I understand. Back in double-ya double-ya two-ble-ya, 115 00:07:06,532 --> 00:07:08,826 I fought the biggest bullies in the world. 116 00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:09,952 Got any grenades? 117 00:07:10,036 --> 00:07:12,955 Nope. Used the last one yesterday to warm my soup. 118 00:07:13,039 --> 00:07:15,124 Oh, the nonsense I spout. 119 00:07:36,312 --> 00:07:39,315 - Ay, caramba! - Why, why, why? D'oh! 120 00:07:39,941 --> 00:07:41,859 My first prank. 121 00:07:41,943 --> 00:07:43,861 Bart hurt Dad! 122 00:07:43,945 --> 00:07:48,866 My first tattle. When I first knew my two shoes were goody. 123 00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:50,535 Lisa sucks! 124 00:07:50,618 --> 00:07:52,995 One of many Lisa suckses. 125 00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:54,288 Bart, be nice. 126 00:07:54,789 --> 00:07:58,292 Heavenly Father, Lisa sucks. Lisa sucks. Amen. 127 00:07:58,376 --> 00:08:03,089 Meanwhile, back in the past, Bart was acting as bad as he does today. 128 00:08:03,172 --> 00:08:05,508 But back then we didn't know why. 129 00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:10,555 Homer, I'm afraid Bart may be a… …bad seed. 130 00:08:10,638 --> 00:08:12,849 Bad seed? What does that mean? 131 00:08:12,932 --> 00:08:16,561 - He's a ne'er-do-well. - A ne'er-do-what? 132 00:08:16,644 --> 00:08:18,521 He's no darn good! 133 00:08:24,694 --> 00:08:29,115 We tried everything the Reverend recommended to fix Bart's bad behavior. 134 00:08:29,198 --> 00:08:34,829 Prayer, ignoring it, donating $20. Nothing worked. 135 00:08:34,912 --> 00:08:38,082 My recommendation is a larger donation. 136 00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:40,793 Thanks for nothing. 137 00:09:20,333 --> 00:09:23,795 I need backup. Get me back up. Literally. 138 00:09:25,421 --> 00:09:26,756 Oh, you think that's funny, huh? 139 00:09:26,839 --> 00:09:30,760 A fat man running in and slipping on a toy. That's hilarious. 140 00:09:32,637 --> 00:09:34,388 Yeah, well, I sort of get it. 141 00:09:34,472 --> 00:09:37,475 We decided you needed professional help. 142 00:09:39,852 --> 00:09:41,771 I'll do everything I can. 143 00:09:41,854 --> 00:09:42,855 Doctor? 144 00:09:44,982 --> 00:09:48,402 Oh, I see. I'm afraid Bart will have to see a specialist. 145 00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:50,822 I have more pressing duties. 146 00:09:51,948 --> 00:09:55,117 - Pfizer visor? - Don't mind if I do. 147 00:09:59,372 --> 00:10:03,292 It's normal for boys Bart's age to test the limits with their fathers. 148 00:10:03,376 --> 00:10:06,212 Let's take a look at Bart's file. Let's see. 149 00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:08,881 Loading, loading. 150 00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:11,300 Loading. 151 00:10:17,807 --> 00:10:20,810 Oh, my God. He's attacking his grandfather. 152 00:10:20,893 --> 00:10:22,311 That's his father. 153 00:10:22,395 --> 00:10:24,730 He's aged that poor man that much? 154 00:10:31,237 --> 00:10:32,238 What the? 155 00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:33,823 Homer is 38. 156 00:10:34,323 --> 00:10:35,366 Dear God. 157 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,578 Bart, you're a very special boy. 158 00:10:38,661 --> 00:10:43,291 And sometimes special boys need to go to special places. 159 00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:49,297 Don't worry, that's not one of our kids. 160 00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:52,091 It's one of the scary movies we let them watch. 161 00:10:52,174 --> 00:10:54,802 This is not where my son belongs. 162 00:10:56,429 --> 00:10:58,514 Sorry, not up to you. 163 00:10:58,598 --> 00:11:03,519 It's up to the ultimate authority in compassionate parenting: state law. 164 00:11:03,603 --> 00:11:05,646 The law? He's just a boy. 165 00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:07,064 To be incarcerated, 166 00:11:07,148 --> 00:11:10,526 the child has to know the difference between right and wrong. 167 00:11:10,610 --> 00:11:14,196 Oh, I know. Right is wrong. Right is wrong. 168 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:20,703 Okay. I'm just going to say it. The boy is a P-S-Y-C-H-O. 169 00:11:20,786 --> 00:11:21,871 Psycho! 170 00:11:21,954 --> 00:11:24,248 And there's your second opinion. 171 00:11:24,332 --> 00:11:29,045 With an emergency court order, we can get him immediately into this facility. 172 00:11:29,128 --> 00:11:31,172 The social workers will come Monday 173 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:35,343 in a windowless van disguised as a colorful ice-cream truck. 174 00:11:35,426 --> 00:11:36,677 No! 175 00:11:36,761 --> 00:11:38,220 It's for Bart's own good. 176 00:11:38,304 --> 00:11:41,182 We have to get him out of this horrible situation he's in. 177 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:42,850 You mean our home? 178 00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:47,939 Not your home. The terrible people in it. The house looks absolutely lovely. 179 00:11:48,022 --> 00:11:49,732 Thank you. I try. 180 00:11:49,815 --> 00:11:53,110 But before you leave this office, Bart, you get a treat. 181 00:11:53,194 --> 00:11:56,656 Ooh, candy. Mmm. 182 00:11:57,698 --> 00:12:01,535 Those aren't candies, those are meds, and you just took a year's worth. 183 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,458 Okay, okay. When they show up, 184 00:12:07,541 --> 00:12:10,711 we just have to convince them we're nice and normal. 185 00:12:10,795 --> 00:12:12,421 Nice and normal. 186 00:12:12,505 --> 00:12:14,423 Oh, we're doomed. 187 00:12:18,886 --> 00:12:20,888 Oh, no. 188 00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:22,974 Oh… 189 00:12:30,147 --> 00:12:32,400 Welcome to Baby Juvie, kid. 190 00:12:32,483 --> 00:12:35,027 This is so unfair. He's just a boy. 191 00:12:35,111 --> 00:12:37,655 There's no minimum age for detention in America. 192 00:12:37,738 --> 00:12:40,825 In Florida, for example, it's as young as seven. 193 00:12:40,908 --> 00:12:42,660 How do I know all this in my dream? 194 00:12:42,743 --> 00:12:45,579 Oh, you're "sloogling". Sleeping while googling. 195 00:12:48,082 --> 00:12:50,126 Take him away, toys. 196 00:12:55,256 --> 00:12:56,966 We really miss you, boy. 197 00:12:59,719 --> 00:13:03,639 The cow says… …Moo! 198 00:13:04,849 --> 00:13:08,769 That's a phone call you never wanna get. 199 00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:15,276 You know what these signify? That's right. It's all the times I cried. 200 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:17,695 Told you not to read Charlotte's Web. 201 00:13:17,778 --> 00:13:21,032 How should I know spiders have such a short lifespan? 202 00:13:21,115 --> 00:13:22,700 I'll shorten your lifespan. 203 00:13:24,035 --> 00:13:26,412 You keep Charlotte's name out of your mouth. 204 00:13:27,204 --> 00:13:28,372 Throw 'em in the pit. 205 00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:50,352 Son, I'm breaking you out of here. 206 00:14:00,112 --> 00:14:01,864 Thank God this is just a dream. 207 00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:08,537 I… should… have… checked… consumer reports! 208 00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:35,189 I gotta save him. 209 00:14:37,525 --> 00:14:41,779 Boy, I won't let them condemn you to a life of mental health. 210 00:14:42,988 --> 00:14:44,782 I don't know whether you're a bad kid or not, 211 00:14:44,865 --> 00:14:47,535 but we're gonna drive until we figure out what's wrong with you. 212 00:14:47,618 --> 00:14:50,412 - Well, if you want to know... - We can talk in the car. 213 00:14:50,496 --> 00:14:53,833 Also, no talking in the car. I'll be playing sports talk radio. 214 00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:56,919 Come on, Steve, if major league players 215 00:14:57,002 --> 00:14:58,671 just knew how to bunt with a man on third, 216 00:14:58,754 --> 00:15:00,673 we wouldn't even be having this conversation. 217 00:15:00,756 --> 00:15:03,843 We'd be eating a hot dog with your sister. 218 00:15:08,347 --> 00:15:13,894 I was taking a journey to save my son, but do you know who I was actually saving? 219 00:15:13,978 --> 00:15:17,815 - Yourself. - Would you like to tell the story, Lisa? 220 00:15:17,898 --> 00:15:19,441 - Not really. - I wish you would. 221 00:15:19,525 --> 00:15:20,693 You're much better than me. 222 00:15:20,776 --> 00:15:24,738 Thank you. I will. If you don't mind, I'll podcast it too. 223 00:15:24,822 --> 00:15:27,950 This is Lisa Simpson with Small Town Dorks. 224 00:15:28,033 --> 00:15:32,454 Father and son needed to flee, but first they needed essential supplies. 225 00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:37,710 Oh, my God. They found us. 226 00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:40,713 Relax, pally. They're here for the donuts, not for you. 227 00:15:40,796 --> 00:15:43,424 Word on the street is it's free donut day. 228 00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,467 I'm afraid you've been misinformed. 229 00:15:45,551 --> 00:15:48,470 - Well, is it free coffee with purchase... - I'm afraid not. 230 00:15:48,554 --> 00:15:51,223 Well, you're coming downtown to where I live, 231 00:15:51,307 --> 00:15:54,184 to teach my wife how to make donuts. Let's go. 232 00:15:59,899 --> 00:16:02,192 Look at him. After causing all this trouble. 233 00:16:02,276 --> 00:16:05,112 He's a pain in the neck. He's uncontrollable. He's… 234 00:16:06,488 --> 00:16:09,033 He's me. 235 00:16:10,868 --> 00:16:14,538 Son, for you, the last donut. Bup. 236 00:16:16,373 --> 00:16:17,666 Thanks, man. 237 00:16:19,585 --> 00:16:23,047 Aw. Being a father is finally worth it. 238 00:16:24,089 --> 00:16:26,884 How did I do this? Lou, I'm scared. 239 00:16:30,471 --> 00:16:33,223 - We better amscray. - Amscray? What's that mean? 240 00:16:33,307 --> 00:16:36,477 I don't know, and I probably never will. Now we gotta scram. 241 00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:42,900 What's this dump? 242 00:16:42,983 --> 00:16:46,487 Oh, I'd come here when things got hairy with my father. 243 00:16:54,161 --> 00:16:56,580 Myrna, Myrna, why did you leave me? 244 00:16:56,664 --> 00:16:58,916 Dad, It's been ten years, and her name is Mona. 245 00:16:58,999 --> 00:17:00,626 Don't you tell me how to grieve. 246 00:17:04,171 --> 00:17:06,715 Who do you think you're comforting? Skedaddle! 247 00:17:07,383 --> 00:17:09,718 Nobody loves me. 248 00:17:13,555 --> 00:17:19,019 You know, maybe my father's insensitivity to me led to my insensitivity to you. 249 00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:21,772 - Dad? - There's a pattern here. 250 00:17:21,855 --> 00:17:22,856 Dad! 251 00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:26,902 Maybe, just maybe, if I could break the cycle... 252 00:17:26,986 --> 00:17:29,446 Dad, look. A full can of beer. 253 00:17:29,530 --> 00:17:30,781 Whoo! 254 00:17:30,864 --> 00:17:33,450 What was I saying? Uh, it must not have been important. 255 00:17:33,534 --> 00:17:38,872 Tonight we sleep here. Tomorrow, we make for Canada, the Mexico of Alaska. 256 00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:43,335 I'm gonna say the rudest thing a Canadian has ever said. 257 00:17:43,419 --> 00:17:45,254 Sorry, but no. 258 00:17:45,337 --> 00:17:47,464 Here's some maple syrup for your trip back, eh? 259 00:17:47,548 --> 00:17:49,216 Thanks for nothing. 260 00:17:49,717 --> 00:17:53,178 Fine, we'll hide here. It'll be magic. Pick a poop window. 261 00:17:53,262 --> 00:17:55,514 You and me against the world, Son. 262 00:17:56,682 --> 00:17:58,017 Now, let's get some sleep. 263 00:18:01,103 --> 00:18:02,479 I love you, Dad. 264 00:18:02,563 --> 00:18:04,273 I love you too. 265 00:18:15,284 --> 00:18:17,619 This childhood is over. 266 00:18:17,703 --> 00:18:22,541 And in case we have to deal with that quote unquote "father", I brought this. 267 00:18:26,712 --> 00:18:28,130 Boy, they're coming for you. 268 00:18:28,213 --> 00:18:30,299 We have the tree surrounded. 269 00:18:30,382 --> 00:18:33,052 Just toss your boy out of the window, headfirst, 270 00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:35,137 - and no one gets hurt. - Never! 271 00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:39,683 We've got the one thing no kid can resist. Glow sticks. 272 00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:40,809 Gimme, gimme, gimme. 273 00:18:40,893 --> 00:18:42,311 Come on, boy. Gotta be strong. 274 00:18:42,394 --> 00:18:43,687 - Do as I say. - Colors, colors, colors, 275 00:18:43,771 --> 00:18:45,606 - colors, colors, colors. - Neon pink. No, it's a trap. 276 00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,775 Listen to me, Son. The glow sticks are beautiful now, 277 00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:50,402 but you'll feel cheap when you see them in the morning. 278 00:18:50,486 --> 00:18:52,738 Also, the insides taste like crap. 279 00:18:52,821 --> 00:18:54,031 No! 280 00:18:56,950 --> 00:19:00,829 Just take a bite of this ice cream, young man. And we can be on our way. 281 00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:02,539 No, it's drugged! 282 00:19:07,419 --> 00:19:10,047 My thoughts, they're getting organized. 283 00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:12,549 I'm remembering my PIN codes and my passwords, 284 00:19:13,342 --> 00:19:15,219 where I parked at Itchy & Scratchy Land. 285 00:19:15,302 --> 00:19:20,015 Oh, my God. I remember Marge's birthday. 286 00:19:23,852 --> 00:19:26,688 - Oh, yeah, that's pretty neat. - Not bad. That's pretty cool. 287 00:19:27,689 --> 00:19:30,859 But the biggest thing I remember is, my son is not a bad boy. 288 00:19:30,943 --> 00:19:32,361 You've mistaken my indifference, 289 00:19:32,444 --> 00:19:34,405 my ham-handed attempts to help him grow up, 290 00:19:34,488 --> 00:19:37,658 and my borderline alcoholism for me not giving a damn. 291 00:19:39,785 --> 00:19:41,537 Let them go! 292 00:19:42,079 --> 00:19:45,457 Sorry, Marge, I have a court order that says otherwise. 293 00:19:47,543 --> 00:19:50,462 Doctor, I've never thought more clearly in my life. 294 00:19:50,546 --> 00:19:52,798 This is my son, and I love him. 295 00:19:52,881 --> 00:19:55,008 Losing him would be like losing my arm, 296 00:19:55,092 --> 00:19:58,387 the important one, the one I bowl with. Please. 297 00:19:58,470 --> 00:20:01,348 They teach us at Johns Hopkins not to have feelings. 298 00:20:01,432 --> 00:20:03,725 But damn it, this is getting to me. 299 00:20:03,809 --> 00:20:04,977 Why? 300 00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:08,397 Son, what do you want? 301 00:20:09,064 --> 00:20:10,482 Use this whiteboard. 302 00:20:20,242 --> 00:20:21,910 D'oh! Whoo-hoo! 303 00:20:23,996 --> 00:20:25,038 We're done here. 304 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,001 Thank God. 305 00:20:29,084 --> 00:20:30,961 Give your dad a kiss, Son. 306 00:20:31,837 --> 00:20:33,839 Ow! It's like sandpaper. 307 00:20:33,922 --> 00:20:36,049 Come on, dig in there good. 308 00:20:36,133 --> 00:20:37,634 Mwah! 309 00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:53,692 And that was the first of many times we fended off family services. 310 00:20:54,860 --> 00:20:56,236 Not again. 311 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,654 You know what to do, people. 312 00:21:03,494 --> 00:21:06,663 I just can't give away these oatmeal cookies. 313 00:21:06,747 --> 00:21:08,040 Yoink! 314 00:21:08,790 --> 00:21:10,667 Just take the ding dang plate! 315 00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:30,771 Shh!