1 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,304 And Moses raised his staff unto the sky, 2 00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,724 and the Lord sent forth a mighty tempest that thundered like... 3 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,393 Oh, come on now, Alice. That's a bit much. 4 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,103 Alice! 5 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:27,568 Today, we hold an assembly for a dead lady you never met, 6 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:32,198 because this wonderful, generous woman has left her entire estate to the school 7 00:00:32,281 --> 00:00:34,408 to fund the new music program. 8 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,411 This is a dream come true. We can get... 9 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:38,539 Um… Uh… 10 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:41,792 I'd like a word. My name is Joe Quimby III. 11 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,253 Mr. Dahan's homeroom. I go to this school now. 12 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,005 Welcome, rich kid. 13 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:50,801 Maybe by "music program", instead of new instruments, 14 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:55,012 Mrs. Glick really meant an epic three-day music festival. 15 00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:00,185 We could get performers like Little Smelly, 16 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:05,356 DJ Breakfast, Jupiter Jerks, the recently reunited G.O.R.M, 17 00:01:05,439 --> 00:01:08,734 and possibly Chunk Mafia! 18 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,111 Chunk it up! 19 00:01:10,194 --> 00:01:14,658 This once-in-a-generation tornado of fun will become a reality 20 00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:19,787 when I'm elected as your student council president in next month's election. 21 00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:21,248 Absolutely! 22 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:24,793 No, no. A festival is just one weekend, 23 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:30,299 but a new music program will produce timpanists and flautists forever. 24 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,384 We could be lectured by Lisa, 25 00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:36,805 or let's all kick off my son's campaign with free frozen yogurt! 26 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,890 This isn't what Mrs. Glick wanted! 27 00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:42,728 I've heard of frozen water and plain yogurt, 28 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,854 but this is extraordinary. 29 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,524 Those Quimbys have run this town forever, 30 00:01:47,606 --> 00:01:51,444 and they've never had a day of struggle in their lives! 31 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:00,953 What's for supper? 32 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,415 I was weeping in the fields when I found a turnip! 33 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,459 A whole blessed turnip! 34 00:02:07,543 --> 00:02:08,794 A rock? 35 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:11,298 Wee Joe has the real turnip! 36 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,227 Farewell, Ma and Pa. 37 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,605 In this town, all I shall ever be is the son of a pig whistler. 38 00:02:27,688 --> 00:02:29,149 I want something more! 39 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:34,028 Oink, oink, oink. 40 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:45,039 Hmm. Joseph O'Shaughnessy from Quimby, Ireland. 41 00:02:45,122 --> 00:02:48,293 Never seen an apostrophe in a name before. Must be a typo. 42 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:50,503 Welcome to America, Joe Quimby. 43 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:02,306 Someone ought to run against that rich, little nepo-Quimby. 44 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:06,937 Someone who cares about the school with real plans for the future. 45 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,774 Someone like… …me. 46 00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:15,403 Two votes. That's all you get. You and Milhouse… maybe. 47 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,823 I'm still doing my research. 48 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,909 The only candidate with a chance against Joe Quimby III would be Bart. 49 00:03:21,992 --> 00:03:27,081 Everyone loves the cis Caucasian bad boy, and you should see his polling. 50 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:33,629 Bart's playing well with all the demos, bullies, nerds, twinks, 51 00:03:33,712 --> 00:03:35,841 by which I mean kids who like Twinkies. 52 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:41,054 So, I have to get my idiot brother elected to save the music program? 53 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,099 Well, I guess if you wanna win in politics, 54 00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:47,102 you've got to get your hands dirty. 55 00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:54,526 Do we really want to spend the rest of our days 56 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:58,405 scavenging through horse leavings for coins and buttons? 57 00:03:58,487 --> 00:03:59,489 Buck up, Joe. 58 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:03,159 Being a dunglark is part of the fast-growing gag economy, 59 00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:05,036 and who else will hire us? 60 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,957 No Irish can be a foot-post, a beetler, a bodger, a coal heaver, 61 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:13,127 a garthman, a hello girl, a loblolly boy, 62 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:16,714 a propbobby, or even a lowly scrimshander. 63 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,800 Well, at least we can watch the Saint Patrick's Day parade. 64 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,937 Hey, this is a respectable parade. 65 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:36,610 Oh, there's Spanucci, the barrel king of Slobtown. 66 00:04:36,692 --> 00:04:40,154 Ooh. He looks like a good man. Perhaps he'll give me a job. 67 00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:42,740 Ha! I'd never hire an Irish! 68 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:50,165 Farewell, you slightly different kind of Catholic dog. 69 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,893 Oh, hello, Celtic scum. What are you carrying? 70 00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:12,728 I made you a corned beef sandwich. 71 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,735 Needs mustard. 72 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,417 After the accidental choking death of Rigatoni Spanucci, 73 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:38,254 a will found on his body states he's bequeathed his barrel factory 74 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,673 to his dearest friend, Joe Quimby. 75 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:45,595 And bad news for Wall Street means a windfall for Quimby's new business. 76 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,305 Stockbrokers are losing the shirts off their backs 77 00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:50,141 and the suits that go with them. 78 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:54,437 Lucky for them, Quimby's barrels are there to cover their shame. 79 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,524 Quimby then bet it all to start his own movie studio. 80 00:05:57,606 --> 00:06:02,653 Here he is at the premiere of his new hit, barrel-based musical Over the Falls. 81 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:05,240 Hey, Joe. Stave a seat for me! 82 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:09,577 Joe, you've conquered so many industries. What's next? 83 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,413 Well, I was thinking of running for city council. 84 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,543 The Irish barrel monkey wants to be in politics. 85 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:20,254 Know your place, you filthy Irish. 86 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:27,262 Extra, extra. Barrel Baron's baby about to be born! 87 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,346 Father just hearing it now. 88 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,726 Son, I may be a barrel king and movie mogul, 89 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,728 but to the people that hold the strings, 90 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,608 I'll always be a dirty Irish dung lark. Not you. 91 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,358 One day you'll wear these. 92 00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:47,324 Trust me, boy, you're going to be a winner. 93 00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:51,452 Trust me, Bart, you're gonna be a winner. 94 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,122 I'm already a winner. I just got the high score. 95 00:06:54,204 --> 00:06:59,209 Bart, you have to run for president. Somebody's gotta stop little Quimby. 96 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:03,632 Oh, but I don't wanna be president, and I'm excited for that music festival. 97 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:07,509 He's getting the Chunk Mafia. Chunk, chunk it up. 98 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,887 Are you guys chunking it up? 99 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,014 - Chunk it up. Chunk it up. - Chunk it up. Chunk it up. 100 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:16,810 Chunk it up. 101 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:23,233 But, Bart, if you run for president and win, it'll drive Skinner crazy. 102 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:25,528 Huh? Chunk it up. 103 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:30,492 A cherry bomb in every toilet and a beehive in Skinner's car. 104 00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:32,494 They're in my ears! 105 00:07:32,576 --> 00:07:34,913 And we'll save Lisa's stupid music program. 106 00:07:38,415 --> 00:07:42,127 No! 107 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:49,343 Can our school risk a president whose name rhymes with fart? 108 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,887 Six, five. 109 00:07:52,596 --> 00:07:55,808 Four, three, two, one. 110 00:07:58,435 --> 00:08:01,105 Bart dealt it, but you don't need to smelt it. 111 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:04,108 Next Thursday, vote Joe Quimby III. 112 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,779 He's killing us on the Bart-fart rhyme angle. 113 00:08:08,862 --> 00:08:12,951 This is exactly what took down Kevin Kiarrhea. 114 00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:17,788 Hold on. Hold on. If they're gonna fight dirty, so can we. 115 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:21,709 With exhaustive negative opposition research. 116 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:28,132 The Quimbys have had so many scandals, and nothing has stopped them. 117 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:32,302 From bootlegging to barrel shaving and so much philandering. 118 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:35,514 Also, how many bridges can one family drive off? 119 00:08:35,597 --> 00:08:38,143 Ugh, just keep microfiche-ing. 120 00:08:38,225 --> 00:08:43,981 Fiche, fiche, fiche, fiche… …fiche, fiche. 121 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,234 Wait a second. Bouvier? 122 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:50,779 That woman who married Mayor Quimby looks a little like Mom… 123 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:54,491 And that flower girl is Mom. 124 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:58,955 Yeah, that's me in the picture… …and the bride is my aunt Beatrice, 125 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,581 and I don't want to talk about it. 126 00:09:00,664 --> 00:09:04,335 Uh, okay, but I just have a couple more questions. 127 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:08,715 Sorry, I can't hear you! I think a fork fell in. 128 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,677 I'm not afraid to tell you the hard truth. 129 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,846 The rich deserve tax breaks for yachts 130 00:09:14,928 --> 00:09:18,600 and LeRoy Neiman paintings and fancy dinners like this one. 131 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:22,812 Terrific speech, Son. 132 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:26,566 You've grown up to make me, your mother, and my five mistresses very proud. 133 00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:29,068 Uh… 134 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,614 Oh, Donkey Kong Junior. 135 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,948 Maybe we'll both live up to the expectations 136 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,201 of our barrel-cursed fathers. 137 00:09:37,284 --> 00:09:40,871 You're blowing your chance to do real good for the people of Springfield. 138 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,081 Who the hell are you? 139 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,332 Beatrice Bouvier. 140 00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:45,835 I get coffee for the person who gets you coffee. 141 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,004 Look, your family money and your pretty-boy good looks 142 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,630 aren't going to win you this election. 143 00:09:49,713 --> 00:09:51,216 You, uh, think I'm pretty? 144 00:09:51,298 --> 00:09:53,051 You can make a real difference, but oh, no, 145 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:56,971 you just wanna please your rich daddy and his lobster rattling friends. 146 00:09:57,054 --> 00:10:01,267 Hmm. Who am I kidding? The first casualty of politics is hope. 147 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:02,393 I quit. 148 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,979 Don't leave, you lippy dame! 149 00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:07,816 If you want me to stay, you have to hit the real neighborhoods 150 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,650 and meet the people you'll be serving. 151 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,152 Okay, but you're driving. 152 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,822 There's a, uh, lot of bridges between here and there. 153 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:19,576 This is Slobtown. The working-class heart of Springfield. 154 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:22,663 Ugh. My father left this neighborhood as soon as he could. 155 00:10:22,746 --> 00:10:24,039 Ugh. What is that? 156 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:28,503 That's a Slobtown meat cone. A waffle cone full of beef stew. 157 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,296 Ugh, these people are animals. 158 00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:32,298 Thank God they don't get to vote. 159 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,844 They do, and the cone allows them to hold stew in one hand 160 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,846 while hooping a barrel with the other. 161 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:47,855 My father would sing me to sleep with this song. 162 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,028 - Hey! - Hey! 163 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,578 I get it now. 164 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,539 Politics is about improving the lot of working folks. 165 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,876 Beatrice, will you be my campaign manager? 166 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,337 Will you promise to be the best version of yourself? 167 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,966 You're the first person I've never wanted to lie to, 168 00:11:15,048 --> 00:11:17,969 so I'm not lying when I say yes. 169 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:26,561 I may be a lemon pelted simpleton, but this feels like real growth. 170 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,399 Elect me, and we'll have more money for parks, 171 00:11:31,481 --> 00:11:35,903 education, and inspiring murals of ethnically diverse children getting along. 172 00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,783 Meat cones for both of you on the house. 173 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,036 Would you like a napkin? 174 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:48,374 No, because it ain't a Slobtown meat cone unless you're wearing it. 175 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:55,590 As E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial said, we "phoned home" with a message of hope, 176 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:59,509 and the voters told us we have the "Eye of the Tiger". 177 00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:05,642 You've always vetted my policy proposals, but this one's all my own. 178 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:11,730 Beatrice Bouvier, will you, uh… 179 00:12:11,813 --> 00:12:16,235 Yes, yes. A thousand focus groups, yes! 180 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,993 Are you tired of band-aids in the Jell-O? 181 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,496 Playground slides with exposed bolts? 182 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,417 And entitled rich kids trying to run our school? 183 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:35,922 It's 3 a.m. Whose finger do you pull? 184 00:12:36,004 --> 00:12:39,591 Next Tuesday, vote Bart "The Fart" Simpson. 185 00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:43,804 Dude, way to flip the fart narrative. 186 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,682 Oh, genius ad, Lisa. 187 00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:48,725 And get this, in the school paper's poll of four-square players, 188 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,187 you're tied with Quimby two to two. 189 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:54,274 It's weird, but it turns out I love popularity. 190 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:57,610 Excuse me, I got a rope of kindergartners begging for the Fart Man. 191 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,410 Do you, Joe Quimby Junior, 192 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:10,664 take Beatrice Bouvier to be your lawfully wedded wife? 193 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:14,751 Yes, I do, and there's no ums, uhs, or ahs about it. 194 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:18,548 I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. 195 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,721 Joe, your father wants to talk to you. 196 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,851 Marrying a slobtown girl will help us with the unions. 197 00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:32,477 Smart move, Son. 198 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,730 I married her because I love her. 199 00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:39,527 Never say that on the record. Now, there's one thing your image needs. 200 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,157 What? Mistresses? 201 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,616 Uh… My dad says being a philanderer 202 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:50,038 is an essential part of my hyper-masculine political image, 203 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,249 but don't worry, I told him I would never cheat on you. 204 00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:54,500 Oh, thank God. 205 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,086 He'll be happy as long as the press catches me in bed 206 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,212 naked with many, many sexy ladies, 207 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:02,508 but I will commit neither hanky nor panky. 208 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:07,846 So you'll respect me privately, but humiliate me publicly? 209 00:14:07,929 --> 00:14:09,389 I don't have a choice. 210 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:13,769 I'm sorry, but whatever my father wants, my father gets. 211 00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:17,606 Oh. You broke my heart, Joe Quimby. 212 00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:24,447 Are you going off to your magical castle? 213 00:14:24,529 --> 00:14:28,951 Princesses aren't real, and there is no happily ever after. 214 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,378 Let's check the lunchroom map. 215 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,923 It all comes down to the girls who sniff Sharpies 216 00:14:42,005 --> 00:14:45,134 and that sad boy who's always throwing up. 217 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,220 Uh, I'm hearing all the votes are in, 218 00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:51,765 and we can now call the election for Joseph Quimby III. 219 00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:54,309 They rejected my music program. 220 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,770 Oh, who cares? They rejected me. 221 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,524 Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. 222 00:14:59,606 --> 00:15:01,650 Failure music, please. 223 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,696 And that's the best they'll ever sound. 224 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,873 I need to talk to you. 225 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:19,085 I thought you did an amazing job on Bart's campaign. 226 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,837 The way you linked me to chocolate milk inflation? 227 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:25,006 Negative, unfair, and I wish I'd thought of it. 228 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,466 Compliment noted. 229 00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:29,386 Lisa, my father has endless plans for me, 230 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:33,182 and now those plans include having you on my team. 231 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,767 Why would I work for you? 232 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:38,312 You deep faked a picture of my brother picking his nose. 233 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,105 That wasn't a deep fake. 234 00:15:40,188 --> 00:15:42,399 That makes sense. 235 00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:44,527 My father wants you, 236 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,488 and whatever my father wants, my father gets. 237 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:50,073 I need your answer by Monday at recess. 238 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:56,371 Don't sweat this decision too much. Just remember, it's all just a game. 239 00:15:58,665 --> 00:16:01,085 It's all just a game. 240 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:05,130 You spend your whole life chasing sashes, and then it's over. 241 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,509 Mr. Mayor, something amazing has happened. 242 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:09,969 Beatrice came back? 243 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,138 No, you forgot about your televised debate. 244 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,806 It starts in five minutes. 245 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:16,350 Oh, right. I'm running for governor now. 246 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:21,313 Mr. Mayor, some critics say you're skating by on your family money 247 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,941 and pretty-boy good looks. How do you respond? 248 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:33,951 I say I love you, Beatrice, and I'm so sorry I hurt you. 249 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,452 I want the voters to know 250 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:39,039 I'm not having sex with an endless parade of nubile beauties. 251 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:44,128 I only want to have routine, reliable intercourse with the woman I love, 252 00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:48,216 and even then… …not that frequently. 253 00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:52,970 If he can't even cheat on his wife, how can he repave our highways? 254 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,846 I say we turn on him. 255 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,264 Yeah! 256 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,600 He's a wuss. 257 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:04,731 Dad, other than that last question, uh, how do you think I did in the debate? 258 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:08,527 I stole the family turnip. I left the land of my birth. 259 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,489 I killed a man with a corned beef sandwich. 260 00:17:11,571 --> 00:17:14,784 All to make our name in this country. 261 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,996 Okay, all pretty positive so far. 262 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,664 But you've ruined all that. 263 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:24,710 You'll never be more than the mayor of a two-bit town. 264 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,127 You're a failure, 265 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:29,507 and you've forever brought shame to the Quimby name. 266 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:39,349 Oh, if there was only a way to, uh, make this right. 267 00:17:39,432 --> 00:17:42,435 Have a son and raise him to succeed where you failed. 268 00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:51,903 Thanks for reaching out, Lisa. 269 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:55,365 I've only heard about your family through your aunts, Patty and Selma. 270 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:59,452 How's your morbidly obese alcoholic father dealing with his chronic butt fungus? 271 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,622 Um… He gets by. 272 00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:02,914 One more question. 273 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,835 Why is your mom just standing in the doorway? 274 00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:07,461 Because when I was four, 275 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:11,965 you told me that princesses aren't real, and there's no happily ever after. 276 00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:14,175 Oh, gosh, did I say that? 277 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:18,013 Yes, and I wasn't ready to hear that my dreams would never come true. 278 00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:22,434 And that's why I married the first… 279 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:25,605 I love your dad. Great guy. 280 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:29,733 Marge, I'm so sorry, but you should know what happened that day. 281 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:33,613 I had just found out that the love of my life betrayed me. 282 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,659 I never saw him again or ate meat out of a cone. 283 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,243 Oh. 284 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:43,830 He chose his father's ambitions over his love for you. 285 00:18:43,913 --> 00:18:45,540 I'm so sorry. 286 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:50,337 Poor Joe, he never stood a chance against his dad. 287 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:54,299 His son wants my help, and I think I know how to give it to him. 288 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,558 Joe, Joe. 289 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,688 Joe, I finally understand your family, 290 00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:11,192 and I've written the first speech of your administration. 291 00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,778 Oh, I love it. 292 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:18,115 Let me introduce my son and your new president, 293 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:22,827 Joseph Fitzgerald Shriver Onassis Schlossberg Quimby III. 294 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:26,248 Joe, Joe, Joe. 295 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:31,127 Ever since my grandfather got rich making barrels, 296 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:34,006 my family has been jumping over those barrels 297 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:35,924 and hitting them with hammers. 298 00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:39,010 But we have never been able to escape them 299 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:43,348 because those barrels are filled with ambition instead of love, 300 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,851 and often they are on fire. 301 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,310 It is true. 302 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:51,981 I can play this game no longer because my soul has run out of quarters. 303 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:57,445 I'm stepping down, but I leave you in the worthy hands of Bart Simpson. 304 00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:01,282 What up, Springfield? We did it! Chunk it up. 305 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,368 Bart, Bart, Bart! 306 00:20:03,451 --> 00:20:05,954 Sorry, but the school constitution says 307 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,290 that the next in line of succession is the Chief hall monitor. 308 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,000 That's, uh, Martin Prince. 309 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:15,338 Suck it, Simpsons, and I'm saving the music program. 310 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:16,589 Hit it. 311 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,929 I'm sorry I let you down, Father. 312 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,151 I've never been more proud of you. 313 00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:38,863 Bart, we broke a 100-year cycle of emotional trauma. 314 00:20:38,945 --> 00:20:40,655 So what? History is boring. 315 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,782 Don't they say it just keeps repeating itself? 316 00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:45,952 Sure, but each time it's a little different. 317 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,002 Hey! 318 00:21:07,098 --> 00:21:08,349 Chunk Mafia. 319 00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:46,096 Shh!