1
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:10,302
Today, I'm proud to celebrate the
opening of a thing I'd never heard of:

2
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,971
a freeway wildlife crossing.

3
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:16,266
Now here is a little girl
whose pestering has made this,

4
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:20,103
whatever this is,
a reality, Lisa Simpson.

5
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:24,566
This land bridge will allow animals to
migrate safely and end the collisions

6
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:28,028
that have turned our freeways
into a carcass-ridden hellscape.

7
00:00:35,541 --> 00:00:37,246
That's it, furry friends.

8
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:41,917
Migrate wherever your little paws,
hooves and trotters wish to take you.

9
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:52,261
They're headed towards the
pharmaceutical factory.

10
00:01:09,101 --> 00:01:11,446
This is your crane on drugs.

11
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,408
The wildlife of Springfield
has gone on a bad trip,

12
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:17,452
gobbling up several tons
of psychiatric medication.

13
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:21,623
Snakes on antipsychotics are
befriending rats on Zoloft.

14
00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:24,251
Beavers on beta blockers
are building dams

15
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,628
without their usual performance anxiety.

16
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:29,548
Turtles tweaking on
Adderall are racing past

17
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,967
chilled-out rabbits on Klonopin.

18
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:35,429
Look at those turtles go.
America's back, baby.

19
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,014
Dad, watch the road.

20
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,098
Oh, right, driving.

21
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,975
Okay, boy, you know the drill.

22
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:43,603
I can't get sucked into a conversation
with Milhouse's loser dad,

23
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:47,899
so you need to bail out of the car
without me coming to a full stop.

24
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:52,321
Don't push me.
I'm trying to time my jump.

25
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,323
Love you, bud.

26
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:02,539
Hey, buddy. Come check out
this new sprinkler I bought.

27
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,542
360 rotation, ma friend.

28
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,005
Stuck at 90.

29
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,341
It was doing it this morning, I swear.

30
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,764
Get in here, or you'll be trampled.

31
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,682
Trampled, eh?

32
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,392
Death or Kirk?

33
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,312
Death or Kirk?

34
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,938
Death, it is.

35
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,276
Due to this tragic and
not-at-all-my-fault stampede

36
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,986
of hopped-up wildlife...

37
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:36,114
all citizens are required
to shelter in place.

38
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:39,451
At least until the badgers
come down from the Ritalin.

39
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:42,496
Looks like we're having a sleepover.

40
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,873
Boys' night!

41
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:45,957
Yay!

42
00:02:47,563 --> 00:02:48,794
Nay.

43
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,630
Hope everyone's hungry for spaghetti!

44
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:52,964
Mmm!

45
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,759
And to wash it down, the pasta water.

46
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,805
Ooh.

47
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,766
You drink the water you
boil the noodles in?

48
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,394
Doesn't everyone?
It's got all the nutrients.

49
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,397
I love my "noody" juice.

50
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:12,150
This family sucks. Everything
they do is different and wrong.

51
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,237
May I be excused to go to the bathroom?

52
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,322
Do you need to winkle or make?

53
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,740
Ew.

54
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,498
Today, I show you
how to restore full rotation

55
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:27,916
on the sprinkler head.

56
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,293
Step one, remove splash plate.

57
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,546
Why aren't you sleeping in your bedroom?

58
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:36,007
Oh, Luann won't let me sleep in our bed
'cause of my night sweats

59
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:40,637
and night farting and also something I'm
too embarrassed to talk about.

60
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,764
Uh-huh. Can I get one of those saltines?

61
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,057
Have a whole sleeve.

62
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:47,561
I get a 5% employee discount
at the cracker factory.

63
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:50,522
I took that in lieu of the pension.

64
00:03:51,456 --> 00:03:53,108
Marge won't let me eat crackers in bed

65
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,776
because it makes the bed all crumby.

66
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,611
Oh, man. That's how it starts.

67
00:03:56,695 --> 00:04:00,365
Next thing you know, you can't even
take your socks off in your own house.

68
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,827
Kirk, socks!

69
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:12,127
Well, it's been really great
having you guys.

70
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,379
We'll finish the jigsaw
puzzle next time.

71
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:17,340
We got the corners!
That's the hard part!

72
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:21,219
Well, great.
Now it does a full rotation.

73
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,849
And they say "winkle" instead of "whiz."
Who says "winkle"?

74
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:30,061
We should. I think it's cute. Winkle.

75
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,691
Oh, no, it's him. I'm not here.

76
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,071
Oh, hi, Kirk. Are you okay?

77
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:43,325
You're not looking your most,
uh, sheveled.

78
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,993
Yeah, that's because
I haven't slept in a week.

79
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,870
I couldn't stop thinking
about how cracker crumbs

80
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,413
are destroying your marital bed.

81
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:49,873
Who told you that?

82
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,124
- Not me.
- Oh, hey, buddy.

83
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,710
I kept wondering about how I
could save your sexless marriage,

84
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:57,047
and then some teens dropped candy
apples on my car from an overpass.

85
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,715
They weren't all teens.

86
00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,883
I mean, tell us more.

87
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,053
When the apples hit my windshield,
the glass cracked like a spiderweb

88
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,097
but didn't spray any shards.
And that is when I had an epiphany.

89
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:09,392
I could use that same technology
to make a crumbless cracker.

90
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,062
A crumbless cracker? That's madness.

91
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,690
All I had to do was create a new edible
polymer and a mouth-safe adhesive.

92
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:18,360
And after working on that
for 96 hours straight,

93
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,613
I came up with this.

94
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:22,948
Take a bite, buddy.

95
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,586
It broke clean.

96
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,427
Kirk Van Houten,
you did something incredible.

97
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:48,139
No, Homer, we did something incredible.

98
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,021
This is big, man.

99
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,316
It's just hard to wrap my head
around the idea of a cracker

100
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,861
that doesn't crumb and
a you that doesn't suck.

101
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,534
Oh, yeah, I-I used to suck pretty hard,

102
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,203
yeah, but you brought me out of
it with your brilliant insight.

103
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:13,206
And now... now I need you
to take a leap of faith.

104
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,416
I do like faith.

105
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,043
It is the best way to get
out of thinking about stuff.

106
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:22,591
Quit your job and partner with me in
a new, cutting-edge cracker company.

107
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:25,844
Homer? A cracker bro?

108
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,387
Let's take a walk.

109
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,556
Picture something for me.

110
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:33,184
Imagine this street is your whole life.

111
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,103
Whoa.

112
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,900
For a while,
your existence was pretty good,

113
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,568
but then things got hard

114
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:46,239
and life's crackers began to
shower you with their crumbs.

115
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:48,867
The job.

116
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,744
The boy.

117
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,246
The hair.

118
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:57,167
All those crumbs you
endured were worth it

119
00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:01,212
because they led you
to a different path.

120
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,718
And after we walk it,
you're gonna be a hero

121
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,971
to your family... and to the world.

122
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:14,017
I wanna share this journey with
you because you're a good man.

123
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,144
I love you.

124
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:17,979
I love you too.

125
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:23,318
Tell me, do you dare wipe away
these starchy particles of shame?

126
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:30,992
Homer, will you join me
down this unknown road?

127
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,829
I just have one question.

128
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,957
If there's no crumbs,
what's that on your shirt?

129
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,250
Dandruff.

130
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,877
I'm in.

131
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:47,592
Excuse me, sir, would you like to
taste the future of bland food?

132
00:07:49,273 --> 00:07:52,722
Mmm. Not bad. And no crumbs.

133
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,350
Tonight,
I'm gonna have the cleanest beard

134
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,686
at the botched meth handoff.

135
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,064
Sisters, you gotta try these.

136
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,734
- Mmm. And no crumbs.
- Mmm.

137
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,154
It's a crispy habit that
won't mess up your habit.

138
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,739
It's a miracle.

139
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:15,662
Listen up, toilet paper hoarders
and hot dog cheapskates.

140
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,164
The cracker revolution is here.

141
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:25,171
Yums, not crumbs. Yums, not crumbs.

142
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:29,092
Yums, not crumbs! Yums, not crumbs!

143
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,761
It's happening!

144
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,597
- Ooh.
- Oh, my God.

145
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,560
Um, Kirk, as your doctor,
I am deeply concerned by your behavior.

146
00:08:39,330 --> 00:08:41,020
I left you a message regarding your...

147
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,357
Not now, Doc.
I've gotta change the world.

148
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,526
And no crumbs.

149
00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:57,996
Good news.

150
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:02,208
Delta Air Lines just ordered cracker
sleeves for their entire fleet.

151
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:08,339
Going crumbless is gonna save them
$1.5 million a day in cleaning costs.

152
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,716
All right, Dad.

153
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:13,636
Uh, Garçon, how much is your
most expensive bottle of wine?

154
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,056
Forty bucks. Snoopy's on the bottle.

155
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,141
Aw, it's not good enough for my friends,

156
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:23,396
which is why I bought this
$15,000 bottle at auction.

157
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,525
Uh, sweetheart,
isn't that a little pricey?

158
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,027
Honey, if there's one thing I know,

159
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:32,781
it's that there will always be
enough money for everything forever.

160
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,493
We are eternity.

161
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,662
Nothing goes away.

162
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,167
Dad, you're being a little weird.

163
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,711
Oh, Milhouse, you're so wise.

164
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:50,090
And, Luann, you're just so freaking hot.

165
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:55,845
I wish I was that lobster bib,
just so damp and all over you.

166
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,432
Does Kirk seem a little bejazzled?

167
00:10:00,137 --> 00:10:02,602
We're missing his brilliant insights.

168
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:06,856
Oh, I just love the feeling of
your sweat touching my sweat.

169
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:12,529
Oh... Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

170
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,197
Oh, let me get a better look
at you, baby.

171
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,616
Come here, come here.

172
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,910
- Be careful!
- Honey, please.

173
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:22,080
Oh, come on, baby.
Shake your Milhouse maker.

174
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:26,876
I wanna bang the whole world!

175
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,839
Sixteen, 17, 18, 19...

176
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,465
Amazing.

177
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,926
I don't know what's happening
with Mr. Van Houten.

178
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,719
It's like he's on something.

179
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,596
More like he's off something.

180
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,349
You see,
Kirk suffers from bipolar disorder,

181
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,935
and he ran out of his meds during
the pharmaceutical shortage

182
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:47,313
caused by that horribly
ill-advised wildlife crossing.

183
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:52,360
And when the drug supply returned,
Kirk refused to go back on his meds

184
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:56,072
because he felt like, quote,
"Superman surfing a hurricane."

185
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,659
I'm afraid your friend is now
well into a manic phase.

186
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:03,413
Um, Dr. Hibbert,
should you be telling us all this?

187
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:07,458
Probably not, but I just had
five mac-and-cheeseball martinis.

188
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:11,045
I guess doctor-patient
confidentiality doesn't stand a chance

189
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,589
against deep-fried gin.

190
00:11:14,205 --> 00:11:15,550
I feel terrible.

191
00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:20,513
He needs to get back on his medication.
Kirk has a serious illness.

192
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:24,350
Marge, you just had
a $3,000 glass of wine.

193
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,102
How is that an illness?

194
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,729
Yeah, Kirk rules.

195
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,982
He's like the Joker in those awesome
Batman movies where there's no Batman.

196
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,901
According to the DSM-5,

197
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:36,863
"Bipolar disorder type one causes
periods of up, elated behavior

198
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,241
followed by down periods of
despair and hopelessness."

199
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:41,326
Guys, wait up!

200
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,036
I-I need to tell you something.

201
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,999
Thank you for coming, buddy.
Really appreciate it.

202
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:52,170
I don't even live in this direction!

203
00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:01,638
Hi, Luann. I wanted to talk
about Kirk's behavior last night.

204
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:05,058
It seemed a little, uh, unmedicated?

205
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,268
Oh, right. Kirk's "disorder."

206
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,938
It turns out there's a cure: money.

207
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,523
That'll be all, Cashington.

208
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,400
But aren't you worried that...

209
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:18,279
That I won't be able to keep him
sexually satisfied? Of course I am.

210
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,657
We've made love four times today.

211
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,202
Five if you count the time
he took me at Panera Bread.

212
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,120
Why wouldn't you count that one?

213
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:30,166
Listen, Marge, I know you're only here
because you wanna sleep with Kirk.

214
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,918
I do not.

215
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,002
Really?

216
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,506
He just became a minority
owner of the Calgary Flames.

217
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,633
Oh, they haven't been good for years.

218
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:42,512
Aren't you at least worried about
how this could affect Milhouse?

219
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,598
Look at me. I'm Daddy.

220
00:12:48,475 --> 00:12:50,937
That's going to be
the boarding school's problem.

221
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,438
You're watching CNBC:

222
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,191
The Crackers,
Nothing but Crackers Network.

223
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,901
I'm Harper Poppyseed,

224
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,279
And this is Crunch Time: Live.

225
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:03,241
Today, we talk with the genius behind
the crumbless cracker, Kirk Van Houten,

226
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,285
and his cofounder, Homer Simpson.

227
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:09,539
Your Kirkers brand now controls
6% of the national saltine market.

228
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,207
What are your plans for expansion?

229
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,959
We don't have a plan for expansion.

230
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,669
We have a plan for domination.

231
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,587
I eat skyscrapers.

232
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,465
Um, what my colleague is
saying is that we have a plan

233
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,592
for measured steady growth.

234
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,720
What is this thing? I hate it.

235
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,305
Do you mean the stock ticker?

236
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,598
Oh, look, it's Cheez-Its.

237
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:31,561
Oh, those cheddar chumps turned
me down for a job seven years ago.

238
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,314
Hey, Zits, tell me how ma butt tastes.

239
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,899
Well, that's all the time we have.
Thanks for joining us.

240
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:40,903
Mr. Van Houten, your competitors say
your product is not all it's crack...

241
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,697
We really gonna talk about crackers

242
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,033
when humanity is on the
verge of extinction...

243
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,827
and I am the only one who can save us?

244
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:49,328
Excuse me?

245
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,873
Once temperatures on the
Earth's surface become lethal,

246
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,751
we need to transport
citizens to the ocean floor

247
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,753
using a high-speed aquatic rocket.

248
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,504
Ooh. Oh, my God.

249
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:03,593
Mr. Van Houten, your stock has plummeted
over 60% since the start of our interview.

250
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:08,473
And humanity needs to plummet
2,000 fathoms to the ocean floor.

251
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,975
Fund the aqua rocket now.

252
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,478
Oh... It's no longer safe
for me to be here.

253
00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:16,064
Ow.

254
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,982
It's not a real city.

255
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,359
Homer, I don't feel so good.

256
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,660
Hey, buddy. What you doing?

257
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,162
Checking the weather.

258
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,082
"Gray and cloudy." Refresh.

259
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,001
"Gray and cloudy." Refresh.

260
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,839
You know how some people think
you're something called "bipolar"?

261
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:45,426
Not me,
but this might be the other pole.

262
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,679
I think I'm gonna stop
brushing my teeth.

263
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,100
This is the FBI. We have a warrant.

264
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,772
Why is the FBI here?

265
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,983
Uh, because I stole money
from the cracker company

266
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,485
to fund the aqua rocket,

267
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:06,114
and now we're being
investigated by the SEC.

268
00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:08,783
The Salty Edibles Commission?

269
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,827
No. No, no, no!

270
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,204
Mmm, my hand smells like cheese.

271
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,623
What the hell is happening?

272
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:18,167
Well, Kirk has been stealing
money from the company

273
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,003
to fund an underwater super
boat that doesn't exist.

274
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,005
Well, everyone is terrified.

275
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,467
As soon as the FBI came in,
Bart ran upstairs.

276
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,511
Not the feds, not the feds.

277
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:34,183
You know how I was warning you
about how Kirk was bipolar?

278
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,687
I was the one... You-You didn't...

279
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,690
It's okay. It's okay. I forgive you.

280
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,817
I have a plan to make everything right.

281
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,652
What could you possibly do?

282
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,988
I've gotta take the fall
for Kirk's crimes.

283
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,824
Our family's in ruins!

284
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:53,828
No, no. Look, if Kirk goes to jail,
the cracker company is worthless.

285
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:57,832
But if I confess, our shares in
the business will make us rich.

286
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,959
No amount of money can fix this.

287
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,669
Not even this much?

288
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:04,046
Not even th...

289
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,424
I-I-I still don't
think you should do it.

290
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:09,135
Oh, there's another zero.

291
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:12,847
It doesn't matter. Promise me
you won't take the fall for Kirk.

292
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,934
Okay, I promise.
I'll think of another way.

293
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:21,063
Dearest Marge,
I couldn't think of another way.

294
00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:23,357
Please try not to gasp.

295
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,485
I'll be okay.
They'll send me to a white-collar prison

296
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,780
that probably has lots of
DVDs in their DVD library.

297
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:34,202
Kiss Lisa and Maggie and strangle
the boy for me. Love, Homer.

298
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,545
Munch on, Kirk.

299
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,800
I need to talk to your husband now.

300
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,053
Oh, look. Kitty needs her ball of yarn.

301
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,222
I see you wore your sluttiest dress.

302
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,433
Whatever. Where is he?

303
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:26,272
Oh, Kirk, I know you're not to blame
for this depression, and I'm sorry.

304
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,027
But Homer is... Stop eating turkey!

305
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,445
Blech.

306
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,280
Wake up.

307
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,827
Kirk, you're only supposed
to use the pool shower.

308
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,414
Sad, Marge. Just sad.

309
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:47,043
Homer is on his way to
confess to your crimes.

310
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,879
You have to go to the FBI
and tell them the truth.

311
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,381
Milhouse is crying on me.

312
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:56,969
Dr. Hibbert gave me your pills.
God love him, but he's so unethical.

313
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:59,388
If you take these, you'll feel better.

314
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,141
But no one likes me
when I'm regular Kirk.

315
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,645
When I stopped taking my meds,
everyone liked me.

316
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:06,771
I didn't.

317
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:11,484
But if you ever cared about your
friendship with Homer, take this.

318
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,448
Homer's been gone for so long.

319
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,033
There's no time to catch up to him

320
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,952
before he confesses and
my family is destroyed.

321
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:25,873
Whoa. Yes, there is.
The-The aqua rocket.

322
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:31,921
There is no aqua rocket. It only
exists in your manic, psychotic mind.

323
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,141
This is incredible.

324
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,185
Oh, I couldn't even get the color right.

325
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,605
The missiles don't even work.
I'm so stupid.

326
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:57,905
Is this what being manic feels like?

327
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,073
Yeah.

328
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:01,075
Now I get it.

329
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,330
Aqua rocket?

330
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:14,171
But I can't let you go to jail.
The world needs you. I need you.

331
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:18,259
The person you need is Manic Kirk,
and he's gone.

332
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:22,263
But we were going to walk down
the unknown road together.

333
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:26,308
Hey, hey. We'll always have
Cracker Con Cleveland.

334
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:35,860
Kirk, never forget.
You are the best dude.

335
00:21:39,952 --> 00:21:40,966
Shh.

336
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:46,964
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com