- I'm laying out. You coming? - The UV index is ten.
Jesus, we don't do anything. We don't eat, we don't go out.
- God knows, we don't do anything else. - Is that all you ever think about, sex?
All I ever think about? You haven't fucked me in over a year.
Blood sugar, I told you, the weight loss.
Good. Fine! Skin cancer!
What's up?
- Thing we talked about at the wedding. - Rusty.
- You made the call to Italy. - Our friend over there's gonna fit him for a suit.
She's sending over two of her best tailors.
- So I should meet 'em at the airport? - No, they'll call you when they arrive.
Now, you hook 'em up with a third party. Get 'em some scissors.
- This is smart, Tone, the more I think about it. - Glad you approve.
Anybody taking a look, there's nothing linking us to it.
- Good seeing you. - There he is.
Listen, come here a minute.
- About the other day... - I'm fine. A couple of stitches. You know.
My fucking temper, you know?
No, no. It's OK, really.
Take it.
Thanks.
Look, Tone, I don't remember slamming the refrigerator door,
but Carlo told me and my dad, I never should've raised my hands to you, I'm sorry.
As long as you realise.
It basically became the same thing every day.
Coffee, couple lines of meth, smooth that out with a shot of Jameson.
And that was just to drive the kids to school.
Then one day I fell asleep at work and forgot about Gracie's recital.
Human frailty. It makes me sick sometimes.
- Chris, right? - Should I know you?
Kevin Mucci, Yonkers.
- We met at the Trotters. Sal lacuzzo's cousin. - Right. Hey.
- Yonkers, what, are you lost? - My ex's birthday at the Red Robin in Clifton.
- I need a meeting to make it through that shit. - I hear that.
So I saw my cousin this week. It turns out he ran into a friend of yours, the big guy, Vito.
- And? - He was in a fag bar, dancing with a guy.
Get the fuck out!
Right, Joey, use your head.
- You are not gonna fucking believe this. - Vito Spatafore's an ass-muncher.
- What did you just say? - I'm sorry, it's true.
We ran into this kid. Vito was spotted in a fag bar in New York.
- He's a married man. - With a goomah.
All right, back up a second. What did the kid say exactly?
- The kid's cousin Sal lacuzzo. - From Yonkers, I know him.
Sal was at this place in the city, supposedly on business,
he saw Vito holding hands with a guy in nipple rings.
You're leaving out the best part.
He wore a motorcycle outfit, like the guy in the Village People, with the leather hat and vest.
Chaps too.
I don't know. Fucking slander, ask me.
- Let's take this in the back. - Yeah, that's what Vito did!
You can go.
If it was me this kid was spreading rumours about,
he'd have something up his own ass
and it wouldn't be no cock, either.
That's the point, though. This guy Sal, I know him.
- He's a friend of ours. - I fucking called it, long time ago.
- You knew Vito was a ricchion'? - Yes.
- When? - I never said it, but I knew.
Get the fuck out. Enough of this rush to judgment.
For all we know, this fucking Sal guy's got a hard-on for Vito.
You think this is funny? There's a man's reputation at stake here.
A married man, with kids.
That don't mean shit. Elton John was married.
Yeah, Rock Hudson too. I think.
So what do we gotta do, actually see him take it in the ass?
Get Vito on the phone.
He called me the other night. 3:00 in the morning, after the wedding.
And?
Honestly, it was weird. He wanted to know what was going on.
He was fucking fishing, see if we heard.
- Straight to voice mail. - Tone, I mean, he represents us.
I won't condemn him off the word of some douchebag from Yonkers.
- I could care less, basically. - Yeah? Maybe you're a flambé.
Fucking nauseating! It was up to me, I'd drag Vito behind my fucking car right now!
Take it easy, fucking Judge Roy Bean!
One of my bar girls knows his goomah.
We'll check with her. Maybe she's seen him and knows where he is.
Think about it, though, Tone. Sudden weight loss.
- AIDS? - Nobody's got AIDS!
I don't wanna hear that word in here again!
Federal Prosecutor's office won't tell you why your son's being held?
Or where. It has been four days now since he's been arrested.
- We have no money for a lawyer. - How did you hear about the centre?
- You will write the... - Habeas corpus? I'm not an attorney yet.
I'm a volunteer assistant. An attorney will file the writ.
- He is a good boy. - The FBI went to his school and took him.
- This is America? - It's not easy to be Muslim now.
They wouldn't let Afaf skate at the rink unless she removed her headscarf.
- You're kidding me. Why? - Insurance, they said.
It might fall off and someone could trip.
If she had been wearing a yarmulke, it would've been a different story, you can bet.
They're poor, hardworking people.
- Finn, not eating? - Coffee's good.
The government is completely fucking this family over.
When could she use that kind of language in this house with immunity?
I'm telling Mom about people that came into the office.
Was it a crack whore trying to get her kids back for the welfare money?
It was a family from Afghanistan who fled the Taliban and sweated out visa lotteries
in a refugee camp, and hold down three jobs.
You think it's funny? The FBI snatched their son like we're some third-world dictatorship.
- Pretty scary. - There must have been some reason.
- Like he's a terrorist, maybe. - 9/11, 9/11.
Bush is using it to erode our constitutional protections and you're falling for it.
I voted for him.
Right, you don't relate to black people clinging to logs.
You oughta chill out about some of this.
Let me ask you something, those two Arabs with the credit cards.
- Fazool and whatever his name is. - Yeah?
Do you think there's a chance they could be... I don't know, al-Qaedas, something like that?
You know, at one point, it did cross my mind.
Yeah, and?
I don't think so.
They're gun nuts, but the smaller guy, Ahmed,
when those Danish cartoons got published, he was upset, but at the protestors.
He said he hated the cartoons, but that the rioting would bring bad attention to Muslims.
And the other guy, Mohammed, his brother's a government interrogator in Lebanon or Syria.
Plus Mohammed and his girlfriend have a dog, a Springer spaniel.
I'm gonna get a coffee.
- Vito, what the fuck you doing? - Tony's looking for you.
- For me? - He's been calling for fucking days.
My goddamn phone. Jesus. Everything all right?
- You tell us. - I'm good. Tell Tony I'll call him.
It's better you come in.
Sure.
You go ahead and I'll follow you.
- Where the fuck... - What are you doing?
Fucking finocch'!
Lying piece of shit!
Better not come around here no more!
You speak Ital, right?
Some friends coming over from Naples paying a visit to a guy from New York.
- Who? - The little guy in Ozone Park.
That's pretty high up.
Provide 'em a couple of dumb gats, guidance on where to find him.
How do I get a hold of them?
Just leave your phone on. Part two when it's done.
I hear fat Vito's been riding up the Hershey Highway.
- Where did you get that? - Come on.
Somebody started a joke. I won't mention any names. There's no truth to it.
It's a fucking captain you're talking about.
People went to see him. He was down the shore with his goomah.
So it's bullshit, then?
Soon as he saw 'em, he took off like a bat out of hell!
- You didn't hear it from me. - It could be a mid-life thing.
Sucking a cock?
Mr Spatafore, hey. Marie's still at the hospital with her mom.
- Kids asleep? - They went to sleep about an hour ago.
Fuck!
- Hi. How are you doing? - I need a room for the night.
- I don't have anybody down for a reservation. - The sign said "Vacancy".
We have rooms. We usually don't get walk-ins. Come in.
Glad to have you. Slow here until the leaf-peepers show up.
- Let me show you where... - I want to go to my room.
No problem. It's 140, breakfast included. MasterCard or Visa.
- I'll pay cash. - Well, we accept that, too.
But you can take care of it in the morning.
I'm just beat, that's all.
- My car broke down. - On a night like this, too.
My stepson runs the tow service.
You want, early morning, I can have your rig brought to the Mobil.
Yeah?
Black Cadillac. Route 228.
This is for you.
Have a good night.
Franklin Pierce room. Up the stairs, first door to the right.
I was just over at the house. Everything is gone.
- Which house are you referring to? - The spec house.
The PVC, the shake roof shingles, even that expensive lock on the shed is missing.
That's awful, Mel.
You don't know anything about this?
- You left it there to rot. - I don't believe this.
- With my husband on his deathbed... - Sarah Bernhardt.
you picked through the place like a vulture!
You said you'd straighten out the permits and you never did!
- That is beside the point! - What happened to my bundt pan?
It was your fault the permits were denied!
You're a broken record, for God's sake, that's what you are!
- Carmela, wait. - No, let her go!
I've had a lifetime of her bullshit!
Gimme a coffee.
- National directory. City and state? - Peterborough, New Hampshire.
The number for Angelo Di Piazza.
- Double Z. - No number listed, sir.
- How about Roberta Di Piazza? - Nothing for Roberta Di Piazza.
- Nothing, sir. - Could you try Roberta Spatafore?
S-P-A-T-A-F-O-R-E.
I don't have anything for that listing, sir.
Look, I'm trying to find my cousin. Could you search the whole state?
Searching.
I'm sorry, sir.
- What's good? - First time here, try the johnnycakes.
- What's that? - Pancake made with white cornmeal.
New England specialty. Where you from?
Scottsdale.
Well, they're delicious. Little butter, local syrup.
- OK, and gimme some of them Jimmy Deans. - Our sausages are made in-house.
- How'd you guys make out in the storm? - Lost our lights in the middle of Cold Case.
We thought we were gonna have to talk to each other or read a book!
The usual, guys?
- Are we boring? - Yeah, yeah.
Here's your johnnycakes. I gotta warn ya, they're addictive.
They look good.
- You want more coffee? - No, I'm coffeed out.
You don't say hello to your uncle? - Hi, Uncle Sil.
Well, he ain't gonna show. I'll just leave him these.
He said he'd be back from Vegas today. I don't know.
You and Vito, how are things going with you guys?
We have our ups and downs.
- And in the romance department? - Excuse me?
What's this all about?
- It's awkward. - No offence, I don't want to talk about this.
Vito's a good father and a loving husband.
But his mind is elsewhere.
He takes these unexplained powders.
He's got a goomah. I know all about it.
It's nothing. Forget about it.
If you hear from him, tell him I brought him some Blood, Sweat & Tears tickets.
Backstage passes, too.
I'm telling ya, my business, I'm around a lot of women.
That one ain't getting laid.
- Hello. - Vito?
- You got him? - Who?
Put Vito on the phone, asshole.
- Fuck you, motherfucker! - Are you sucking his dick? Put him on.
- How 'bout I kick your ass, you fucking faggot? - Yeah, telephone tough-guy.
- Put Vito on the phone! - There ain't no Vito, man.
- I found the phone on the side of the road. - What?
Hang on a second.
Where'd you find the phone?
Hello?
- You motherfucker! - What happened?
Bob at the marina where Tony docks his boat says he'll donate a sunset dinner cruise.
I'd bid 300 for that.
- I got seasick in Bermuda on one of those. - Angie, finally.
Sorry. I had these sales reps in my office.
We're just going over the list for the silent auction. We're up to about 7,500 bucks.
- Good, Artie. - Ladies.
Again? Why not a live auctioneer?
I got sea bream, beautiful. Porcini-dusted ravioli...
I hate to be a pain, but I gotta get back. Can we just let him cook?
Great, go for it.
- Where were we? - Jesus Christ. He's always interrupting.
- People enjoy the silent auction. - I thought our goal was to raise money.
I say we get 'em liquored up, let 'em tear each other's throats out!
- Well... - It's just an idea.
Anyhow, put me down for $2,000 worth of bodywork and/or paint.
2,000? Ange.
So, did you hear about Vito and Marie? Separated.
Sorry, I gotta take this.
- Hello? - They were at the wedding. They seemed fine.
- Is that a beautiful fish or what? - For God's sake, all right!
Can I just get some prosciutto melon to go? I'm sorry, guys. I gotta get back.
No, the quarter panel from the LeSabre, I said.
You didn't know he was gay?
Actually, I had him pegged the whole time, but...
- He a close friend? - And he's one of my most valuable guys.
He's ambitious, he's focused.
When I was in hospital, he helped Carmela tremendously when we were strapped.
You've implied you have millions of dollars.
Your hospital stay was actually that costly?
Well, no, but...
- Is that the issue? - You tell me. What is the issue?
He's a fag!
And?
- Now what am I supposed to do? - About what?
I know it. They're born that way, right? It's not their fault.
Frankly, I think they go about in pity for themselves.
I don't think they see it as a fault.
In your circle, I'm sure you got all kinds of gays
and trans-whatevers of all stripes.
But not where I come from.
You personally...
how do you feel about homosexuality?
I find it disgusting.
Men kissing men, holding hands in the street.
Every fuckin' TV show now, they rub your nose in it.
Although, that...
The lesbian thing with the...
Jennifer Beals...
it's not bad.
Is she a dyke in real life?
I don't give too much of a shit what people do behind closed doors with consenting adults.
Although, don't forget, I'm a strict Catholic.
I agree with that Senator Sanitorium,
who says, if we let this stuff go too far, pretty soon we'll be fucking dogs.
I hear a lot of ambivalence.
This guy that got outed, look,
the guys that work for me are asking for head, his head.
What the fuck?
You know, him and me, we're in the construction business.
Some of these union old-timers, the contractors,
they're not gonna want to be seen with him.
And I'm talking huge deals, major fucking dollars.
A lot of your circle must have done jail time.
They can't be strangers to male-male sexual contact.
You get a pass for that.
Well, that's nice.
What are you gonna do? There's no women there.
You're there five, ten years.
Just for the record, my incarceration was very short-term
so I never had any need for any anal... you know.
So this fellow who has been outed, what's he saying?
You think I'm lying, don't you? About when I was in jail.
I've given you no indication I think you're lying.
What the fuck, I suppose...
something inside me says, "God bless.
"Who gives a shit?"
I had a second chance. Why shouldn't he?
Part of your new outlook?
Maybe.
I salute it, then.
Tall fuckin' order, I'll tell you that.
How so?
You can talk about every day being a gift and stopping to smell the roses,
but regular life's got a way of picking away at it.
Your house, the shit you own, it drags you down.
Your kids, what they want.
One bad idea after another.
Just trying to work a cellphone menu is enough to make you scream.
- There's some cold pasta. - No, I ate already.
What's all that?
For the silent auction.
My busy little beaver.
Not really.
Look, Tone, I haven't wanted to bug you, but before you got hurt,
you said you'd get that building inspector to cut me some slack.
Yeah, right right. I will, later.
Come here.
No, I'm still not ready for that.
Last time I thought I tore something from tensing my muscles.
No, I got something for that scar.
Vitamin E.
My facialist said it will help get the red out.
You were right about my uncle, Carm.
All along.
Doesn't give me any pleasure, believe me.
I should have cut him out of my life.
I brought this all on myself.
You did not. Don't ever think that.
All this, you never once said "I told you so."
Accentuate the positive.
I wanted you to get better.
You know, my shrink
told me that
I stood by Junior through all his jealousy and shit
trying to prove I'm a good guy
and that my mother couldn't hate a good boy like that.
Imagine laying next to a guy 15 years and all the time he's been playing for the pink team.
- Who told you? Tony swore me to secrecy. - I'm not gonna burn my sources.
Anyway, it's all over the place.
Those children... Imagine when they find out their father's a finocch'.
She's such a bright girl, Marie Spatafore. Think she and Vito had some arrangement?
I just hope she gets herself tested.
Still, Vito? He'd be, like, the last one you'd suspect.
Suspect of what?
Such a young lady!
She's working two jobs. Days she's interning at Gendler, Lookstein, Abruzzo & Abruzzo.
- What about Vito? - Nothing. Him and Marie are having problems.
- I can probably guess. - Excuse me?
- I'm not going first. - Do you know something?
He is possibly gay.
Finn saw him giving some guy a blow job.
- What? - When Dad got him that job in construction,
Finn showed up early one morning and saw Vito going down on a security guard.
- My God! - He saw this?
- He had Finn all freaked out. - Why didn't you say something?
Because Vito warned Finn not to.
- You gotta hear what Meadow told us. - Mom!
The cat's out of the bag, Meadow.
It's Dr Yank 'em, the painless dentist.
- How you doing, kid? - Hey, Tone.
Unfortunately, Finn here's got some bad news, so listen up.
Sit down.
Tell 'em what you saw.
Don't be scared, it's all right.
Good morning.
Let me ask you a question.
Before he cornered you in the porta-potty, when the security guard was sucking him off...
- One sec, it was the other way around. - What?
Vito was blowing the security guard.
Son of a bitch!
Catchin', not pitchin'?
- He's not gonna know I told you? - You ain't gonna have no problem from Vito!
- What are you gonna do? - It'll be OK. Get him to pay for some therapy.
Look, why don't you...
go out front, get yourself a sandwich?
Any kind you like. Soda.
When we're done here, somebody will take you back. All right.
I wanna kill the fat faggot myself. Be a fuckin' honour!
Cut off his pisciatil' and feed it to him.
- There can be no mistake now. - I can't believe I stuck up for him!
- I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. - We can't have him in our social club.
- I mean, that much I do know. - Social club? He's gotta go!
- I wanna think about it. - Yeah, I don't know.
- What the fuck? What is there to think about? - Sit down.
Fuck that! I'll say it again! What is there to think about?
You gonna take care of his kids after he's gone?
It's true. They didn't do nothing. Poor little guys.
Now, sit down.
I'm sorry if I yelled, T. It's just, how much more betrayal can I take?
Vito, a fag!
Big construction tycoon!
Tone, when he was talking about "greasing the union," who knew that's what he meant?
All right, this stays in these four walls.
Am I understood?
- Phil, my God. - You poor kid.
I know. I can't believe it myself.
I keep waiting for him to call. How long am I meant to tell the kids he's away on business?
Fuckin' shitbag. I get my hands on him, I'm gonna tear him limb from limb.
- Don't say that. - You're my cousin he married.
Making a mockery of the whole sacrament.
But what do we really know? I mean, maybe there were signs, but...
Vito Spatafore is a good man and he's a wonderful dad.
Somebody sees something one time and he's tossed aside like garbage?
That's why I'm here, honey.
There was confirmation through the grapevine. Vito was seen in a car with a man.
I don't want to get graphic beyond that. The idea of it repulses me so much.
What confirmation? Who?
- The witness has no reason to lie. - No...
We can't be in denial no more, much as we love him.
Where do you think he might have gone, honey?
So we can get him back here, get him to do something about it.
- Excuse me, Angie here? - In the office.
We can get you anything you want, sweetheart, air bags, chrome rims.
- Hi. - Carm, hi.
Sorry, am I interrupting? I'm here for the free bodywork certificates for the auction.
- That's right. - But if you're busy...
This'll just take another sec.
OK, sure.
They were doing something behind closed doors.
Angie's put money on the street.
- How do you know? - Angie told me.
She didn't tell me.
Probably cos of Tony. Maybe he didn't want you to know that. Me and my big mouth.
She's got enough money to do that?
Well, she's pretty successful with that body shop so...
Our grandmothers did it. Those were harder times, but a' salut', right?
She was one of us, now it's like she's one of them.
- You wanted to see me, Tone? - Yeah.
Hey, Carlo.
Sit down.
I'm putting you in charge of all construction business, replacing Vito.
Holy shit!
The guys respect you across the board, you done real good with the ports.
Thank you, Tone.
Jeez, I don't know what to say!
We'll have a drink.
Congratulations.
Listen, Tone...
since you think enough of me to give me this responsibility, I'll be the one to say it.
All right, skip the preambles.
The guys in Vito's crew say if he was to come back, they'll refuse to take orders from him.
They do?
Not only that...
a couple of the other captains won't talk to him and I don't disagree.
Paulie especially.
Now that he's accepted it, he's the most out for Vito's scalp.
Yeah, you should hear him, Tone. He's goin' fuckin' mau-mau on the subject.
It's not their fucking decision who they work with.
Let me tell you something. Vito, through sheer hard work, turned himself into my best earner.
I don't even know if I'd have the new boat without him.
- He's a come-from-behind kind of guy. - That's true, but...
So I'm gonna burn that kind of dedication?
Hard to believe I couldn't get something more out of him if he came back.
Stocks, offshore shit, I don't know.
Well, these other guys feel an effort should be made
to find him and put him down for the honour of the family.
Please...
Certain people love the high drama - like fuckin' high school girls.
Others I could name, they just can't wait to whack somebody, anybody.
But some people feel it's against our principles, Tony. A sin.
Carlo, let's be honest with ourselves here.
We all know Vito's not the first.
We're gonna do great things.
Jesus, thanks again, Anthony. Thank you.
What?
It's 2006.
There's pillow-biters in the Special Forces.
Let me just ask you, Tone.
Sake of argument.
Let's say he shows up.
You gonna kiss this guy on both cheeks?
Take Paulie, OK?
You know perfectly well guys like him never kick up their full per cent to you.
You look the other way, price of doing business.
But you cut Vito slack now that he's "out of the closet",
just the excuse people need to go off the reservation
and start withholding serious money.
Let me read in peace, will you?
- Having fun with all this paper? - I can't believe this is just one case.
Rafaella Martino. I'm the lead attorney on this mess.
- Meadow Soprano. - I'm Michael Kardish. I work with Rae.
You came highly recommended. Columbia Dean's List, volunteer at the Law Center.
This is really interesting, too. It's different than the kind of thing we see at the Law Center.
- Clients there are so trampled and... - Welcome to white-collar fraud.
I need the e-mails from box 44 and 45, July and August.
- Pull them and leave them with my assistant. - OK.
Tony Soprano's kid.
Building my lats back up.
Did you talk to the building inspector about my house?
Shit, I forgot.
The sorting's tedious, but some of the cases... This guy was pretty clever, really.
He set up all these phoney investment firms, then just siphoned the money out. $80 million.
Yeah, and he's out on bail.
Look at my father's friend, federal marshals dragging him out of his daughter's wedding.
He hasn't even been tried yet. You're innocent here until proven guilty.
Yeah, but Johnny Macaroni was indicted for murder.
They couldn't let him stay 15 more minutes?
You'd better put your pants on.
You know why they did that. To humiliate him in front of everyone.
Metal detectors, frisking, my father with the shoes.
- It was pure harassment. - The guy's lucky they even let him out.
So white-collar criminals can destroy people's lives and steal their pensions
and it's no big deal to you.
You know what? Bad subject.
- Let's talk about something else. - No, let's talk about it.
So we can stop with the macaroni cracks. Weird, since you're part Italian yourself.
- My dad is so deracinated... - The way he prefers it.
All those hysterical jokes about Italian cheeses and smelly feet.
- Why are you picking a fight? - You're slamming my family. I don't know.
This is good shit.
Amazing.
You weren't there for the "grand inquisition" about Vito.
I knew it. I'm picking the fight.
I was in the back of a butcher shop with your Uncle Paulie,
ratting out a guy I don't really even know.
I mean, what do you think's going to happen to Vito for being gay?
Don't give me any of that "poverty of the Mezzogiorno" bullshit.
We're in fucking Caldwell, New Jersey, and you're on your high horse about justice?
They are gonna mete it out themselves.
This is untenable.
This is nice, this pot.
Yeah, that's a Baneda. Arts and Crafts Movement.
Yeah? I really don't know much about this stuff.
Well, you've got a good eye. That's the most expensive piece in the store.
You're a natural.