1
00:00:49,521 --> 00:00:51,266
He's gone too far
this time, dude.

2
00:00:51,349 --> 00:00:53,659
The stuff he's saying about
Jews is out of control.

3
00:00:53,742 --> 00:00:55,183
Bro, you just got to ignore him.

4
00:00:55,266 --> 00:00:56,575
Bro, it's pretty
hard to ignore him

5
00:00:56,658 --> 00:00:58,229
when he's saying it
all on a podcast.

6
00:00:58,312 --> 00:01:00,710
He actually said that
all women are whores,

7
00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:03,230
and the only thing we're
good at is murdering babies.

8
00:01:03,361 --> 00:01:04,583
Look, guys, just leave it alone.

9
00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:06,016
Don't give him any
more attention.

10
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:07,586
That's easy for
you to say, dude.

11
00:01:07,669 --> 00:01:09,414
Yeah, you are one of
the multitudes of groups

12
00:01:09,497 --> 00:01:11,456
he's spewing his
stupid shit about.

13
00:01:11,673 --> 00:01:12,374
Hey, guys.

14
00:01:12,457 --> 00:01:13,679
Who are you talking about?

15
00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:14,762
Clyde.

16
00:01:14,894 --> 00:01:15,894
Clyde?

17
00:01:16,026 --> 00:01:18,119
Yeah, and his stupid
debating podcast.

18
00:01:18,202 --> 00:01:19,464
Hey, here he comes.

19
00:01:20,943 --> 00:01:21,861
Whatever, guys.

20
00:01:21,944 --> 00:01:23,859
Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.

21
00:01:24,599 --> 00:01:26,301
You don't know a thing
about the Jewish people.

22
00:01:26,384 --> 00:01:28,603
Yeah, and shut up
about girls' bodies.

23
00:01:28,690 --> 00:01:31,219
Well, that sounds like a very
female and Jew thing to say.

24
00:01:31,302 --> 00:01:32,342
If you guys don't like it,

25
00:01:32,564 --> 00:01:34,244
why don't you come
debate me on my podcast?

26
00:01:34,348 --> 00:01:36,833
We're not indulging
your stupid podcast.

27
00:01:36,916 --> 00:01:38,352
Yeah, screw you, fat ass.

28
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,747
Wha... what?

29
00:01:43,488 --> 00:01:44,884
Now, as your counselor,

30
00:01:44,967 --> 00:01:46,843
I want to try and
understand why you're doing

31
00:01:46,926 --> 00:01:48,754
all these bad
things you're doing.

32
00:01:49,624 --> 00:01:52,501
The other students are
very upset at this podcast.

33
00:01:52,584 --> 00:01:54,459
And what makes you
think you got to say

34
00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:55,848
all this stuff, Clyde?

35
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,155
Hey, I'm just trying
to make my nut, man.

36
00:02:00,374 --> 00:02:01,510
Y-your nut?

37
00:02:01,593 --> 00:02:03,294
Yeah, you know, kids
have it tough these days.

38
00:02:03,377 --> 00:02:06,123
We got Xbox subscriptions,
PS5, Steam subscriptions,

39
00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:08,382
Netflix, HBO, you want
to order DoorDash.

40
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,167
My nut's about 60 bucks a week.

41
00:02:10,428 --> 00:02:12,173
So you know, as a kid, if
you could do a podcast,

42
00:02:12,256 --> 00:02:14,616
say some really divisive shit,
then you could make your nut.

43
00:02:16,216 --> 00:02:17,917
Well, Clyde, there's
more important things

44
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,480
than a nut, mkay?

45
00:02:20,394 --> 00:02:21,394
Like what?

46
00:02:21,613 --> 00:02:23,702
Well, like being nice, mkay,

47
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,665
making people smile,
helping people out.

48
00:02:26,748 --> 00:02:28,359
That's why I became a counselor.

49
00:02:28,968 --> 00:02:29,968
Yes?

50
00:02:30,274 --> 00:02:31,931
Mr. Mackey, I need you
to pack your stuff.

51
00:02:32,014 --> 00:02:32,976
You've been fired, bud.

52
00:02:33,059 --> 00:02:34,365
W-What?

53
00:02:34,626 --> 00:02:36,414
Government's doing away with
needless spending in schools.

54
00:02:36,497 --> 00:02:38,456
Get your things. Last
paycheck's up front.

55
00:02:38,586 --> 00:02:39,848
What are you talking about?

56
00:02:40,371 --> 00:02:42,072
Hey, wait a minute,
PC Principal.

57
00:02:42,155 --> 00:02:43,475
Power Christian Principle, yes.

58
00:02:43,765 --> 00:02:45,637
I've worked here for 26 years.

59
00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:47,164
We appreciate your
service to this school,

60
00:02:47,247 --> 00:02:49,775
but the government's cutting
back on unnecessary expenses.

61
00:02:49,858 --> 00:02:51,978
Well, what's more important
than a school counselor?

62
00:02:52,252 --> 00:02:53,775
Schools have one counselor now,

63
00:02:53,993 --> 00:02:55,913
and he is the greatest
counselor that ever lived.

64
00:02:56,169 --> 00:02:57,849
Thanks for everything.
Now, pack your shit.

65
00:03:02,306 --> 00:03:03,306
But...

66
00:03:03,829 --> 00:03:05,439
what about my nut?

67
00:03:20,411 --> 00:03:21,459
Hello, and welcome

68
00:03:21,542 --> 00:03:24,806
to the "Clyde Donovan Podcast."

69
00:03:26,808 --> 00:03:28,549
Welcome to the Channel
of Truth, guys.

70
00:03:28,854 --> 00:03:29,859
You can't trust Jews,

71
00:03:29,942 --> 00:03:31,078
white people are
the underprivileged,

72
00:03:31,161 --> 00:03:32,427
and women belong at home.

73
00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:33,732
I'd like to welcome
our first guest

74
00:03:33,815 --> 00:03:35,339
to the debate, Eric Cartman.

75
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,478
What the hell do you
think you're doing, Clyde?

76
00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:42,001
We're here speaking the
truth about the Jews

77
00:03:42,084 --> 00:03:43,351
and the underprivileged
white class...

78
00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:44,482
That's my shtick.

79
00:03:44,565 --> 00:03:46,658
Knock it off, Clyde.
You stole my idea.

80
00:03:46,741 --> 00:03:48,095
I don't know about
stealing ideas,

81
00:03:48,178 --> 00:03:49,879
but I do know about some
amazing supplement powders

82
00:03:49,962 --> 00:03:51,402
that are an absolute steal...
- Supplement powders?

83
00:03:51,485 --> 00:03:52,925
HE-MAN supplement powders
can really help you

84
00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:55,014
bulk up and get...
- Are you fucking serious?

85
00:03:55,097 --> 00:03:56,886
People are sponsoring
you for ripping me off?

86
00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:58,279
And it's really just the
best way to get ripped quick.

87
00:03:58,362 --> 00:03:59,493
So be sure to get some.

88
00:03:59,928 --> 00:04:02,008
And also, be sure to hashtag
#RespectClydesAuthority.

89
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,409
What?

90
00:04:05,456 --> 00:04:07,549
So after losing
my job, I realized

91
00:04:07,632 --> 00:04:11,201
I really better get a handle
on how much I spend a month.

92
00:04:11,505 --> 00:04:12,467
Yes, Mr. Mackey.

93
00:04:12,550 --> 00:04:13,946
Looking over your
portfolio here,

94
00:04:14,029 --> 00:04:16,858
it appears you've got about
an $8,000 a month nut.

95
00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:19,296
$8,000 a month?

96
00:04:19,774 --> 00:04:21,911
I had no idea my
nut was that big.

97
00:04:21,994 --> 00:04:24,174
Now, we could get you a
debt consolidation loan,

98
00:04:24,257 --> 00:04:25,523
cancel your streaming services,

99
00:04:25,606 --> 00:04:26,742
downgrade your
phone subscription,

100
00:04:26,825 --> 00:04:28,222
do a second mortgage
on your house,

101
00:04:28,305 --> 00:04:30,524
and your nut's still $8,000...

102
00:04:31,525 --> 00:04:32,525
a month.

103
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,050
But I don't have anything, mkay?

104
00:04:35,355 --> 00:04:36,404
I can't find a job.

105
00:04:36,487 --> 00:04:38,406
Nobody's hiring
counselors anymore.

106
00:04:38,489 --> 00:04:39,838
What am I supposed to do?

107
00:04:40,099 --> 00:04:42,754
Well, there are other
career opportunities.

108
00:04:42,928 --> 00:04:44,103
Have you considered...

109
00:04:44,364 --> 00:04:46,105
a job with the I-C-E?

110
00:04:47,106 --> 00:04:49,369
Help your country round up
undocumented immigrants.

111
00:04:50,849 --> 00:04:51,284
ICE?

112
00:04:51,893 --> 00:04:52,938
I'm a counselor.

113
00:04:53,112 --> 00:04:54,161
I help people.

114
00:04:54,244 --> 00:04:56,071
I would never work for ICE.

115
00:04:56,289 --> 00:04:58,169
I understand you have
to have your principles.

116
00:04:58,639 --> 00:05:00,950
It's just they are
offering new recruits

117
00:05:01,033 --> 00:05:03,078
about a $100,000 salary.

118
00:05:05,559 --> 00:05:06,604
Say... say what now?

119
00:05:08,562 --> 00:05:10,390
Are you looking
for a new career?

120
00:05:10,869 --> 00:05:12,523
Why not join the I-C-E?

121
00:05:13,175 --> 00:05:14,311
We have jobs available now

122
00:05:14,394 --> 00:05:16,831
with up to a $50,000
signing bonus.

123
00:05:17,441 --> 00:05:18,529
Signing bonus?

124
00:05:32,325 --> 00:05:34,588
I'm proud to work
for the I-C-E.

125
00:05:49,255 --> 00:05:52,480
And now, watch as Clyde
Donovan totally destroys

126
00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:54,260
these woke liberal students.

127
00:05:54,826 --> 00:05:56,048
Welcome to the channel, guys.

128
00:05:56,131 --> 00:05:58,007
Looks like a lot of whiny
babies have a problem

129
00:05:58,090 --> 00:06:00,440
with what I say,
so prove me wrong.

130
00:06:01,006 --> 00:06:02,137
Uh, Hey, Clyde.

131
00:06:02,442 --> 00:06:04,622
Um, you said nothing good
ever came from the Jews.

132
00:06:04,705 --> 00:06:07,712
But if that's true, why
are bagels so yummy?

133
00:06:07,795 --> 00:06:09,014
- Yeah.
- Yeah!

134
00:06:09,188 --> 00:06:10,541
Well, you've obviously
been taught by the Jews

135
00:06:10,624 --> 00:06:11,977
to have a problem with this
school and with America.

136
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,023
So let me ask you this... what
is your definition of a woman?

137
00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:15,106
Wait, now, what?

138
00:06:16,195 --> 00:06:18,035
What is a woman? It's
a very simple question.

139
00:06:19,285 --> 00:06:21,378
Well, a woman is a lady friend

140
00:06:21,461 --> 00:06:23,075
who, you know, gives you kisses.

141
00:06:23,158 --> 00:06:24,207
You see, you can't
answer the question.

142
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:25,687
But something is
male or it is female.

143
00:06:25,770 --> 00:06:27,210
Both science and
scripture agree to that.

144
00:06:27,293 --> 00:06:28,777
And that's just the truth. Next.

145
00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:31,606
Another woke student
totally destroyed.

146
00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:32,864
Oh, jeez.

147
00:06:33,343 --> 00:06:34,696
Did you call the
girls' soccer team

148
00:06:34,779 --> 00:06:36,915
a Marxist
indoctrination factory?

149
00:06:36,998 --> 00:06:38,265
That is correct.

150
00:06:38,348 --> 00:06:40,480
We actually beat the
boys 4 to 0, you know.

151
00:06:40,654 --> 00:06:42,269
You can whine about American
oppression all you want,

152
00:06:42,352 --> 00:06:43,966
but you're using an iPhone
made by the free market

153
00:06:44,049 --> 00:06:45,620
to complain about a system
that gave it to you.

154
00:06:45,703 --> 00:06:47,274
Girls have it way
easy in America,

155
00:06:47,357 --> 00:06:48,836
and that's just the truth.

156
00:06:49,446 --> 00:06:51,186
Woke student totally pwned.

157
00:06:51,361 --> 00:06:52,409
Women have it good in America,

158
00:06:52,492 --> 00:06:53,532
just like Black people do.

159
00:06:53,798 --> 00:06:55,020
Black people have
everything handed to them...

160
00:06:55,103 --> 00:06:56,103
Motherfucker!

161
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:04,548
I'm sick of people
stealing my schtick.

162
00:07:04,722 --> 00:07:07,551
If anyone around here is
gonna be a master debater,

163
00:07:07,725 --> 00:07:08,382
it's me.

164
00:07:08,465 --> 00:07:09,465
So let's go.

165
00:07:09,683 --> 00:07:11,080
Who wants to debate
the master debater?

166
00:07:11,163 --> 00:07:11,598
Let's go.

167
00:07:11,816 --> 00:07:12,816
You right there.

168
00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:15,345
That's the stupidest
haircut I've ever seen.

169
00:07:15,428 --> 00:07:16,428
You are wrong.

170
00:07:17,299 --> 00:07:19,001
Leviticus 3:17 says it
shall be a perpetual statute

171
00:07:19,084 --> 00:07:20,742
for your generations
throughout all your dwellings.

172
00:07:20,825 --> 00:07:21,913
So you can shut up, Bebe.

173
00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:24,021
You just hate America
and you love abortions.

174
00:07:37,145 --> 00:07:38,451
Mr. Mackey?

175
00:07:38,712 --> 00:07:39,931
Uh, yes, r-right here.

176
00:07:44,326 --> 00:07:45,446
Have a seat, sir.

177
00:07:47,329 --> 00:07:49,767
What makes you want to work
for immigration enforcement?

178
00:07:50,115 --> 00:07:51,115
Uh, well,

179
00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:52,987
you see, I got a nut.

180
00:07:53,553 --> 00:07:54,253
All right, you're hired.

181
00:07:54,336 --> 00:07:55,472
Take this to the next station

182
00:07:55,555 --> 00:07:57,339
for your physical and
orientation video.

183
00:07:58,558 --> 00:07:59,777
Well, th-that's it?

184
00:08:05,086 --> 00:08:07,266
You will now watch
an orientation video

185
00:08:07,349 --> 00:08:09,961
featuring the Director
of Homeland Security.

186
00:08:16,097 --> 00:08:17,664
Welcome to the team, recruits.

187
00:08:17,795 --> 00:08:20,232
I'm Kristi Noem, Head
of Homeland Security.

188
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:23,409
Oh, she seems nice,
mkay? Very pretty.

189
00:08:23,757 --> 00:08:25,850
A few years ago, I had
to put my puppy down

190
00:08:25,933 --> 00:08:27,413
by shooting it in the face,

191
00:08:27,544 --> 00:08:29,288
because sometimes
doing what's important

192
00:08:29,371 --> 00:08:30,808
means doing what's hard.

193
00:08:35,116 --> 00:08:36,161
Whoa. Whoa.

194
00:08:36,857 --> 00:08:39,138
Now, we'll ask the same
determination of you.

195
00:08:40,513 --> 00:08:42,084
Because detaining and
questioning people

196
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:43,298
is never easy.

197
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:47,916
Oh, God!

198
00:08:47,999 --> 00:08:49,613
As the face of
Homeland Security,

199
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,741
I'll be leading the way.

200
00:08:53,918 --> 00:08:55,271
And together, we'll make sure

201
00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:57,487
everyone is in this
country legally.

202
00:08:59,619 --> 00:09:01,712
So let's get out there
and get 'em, recruits.

203
00:09:01,795 --> 00:09:03,623
Together, we can make it happen.

204
00:09:06,844 --> 00:09:08,458
We hope you enjoyed
the presentation.

205
00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:10,935
Please step through to the
vehicles for your first raid.

206
00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:26,781
Keep your hands and
feet inside the vehicle

207
00:09:26,864 --> 00:09:27,864
at all times.

208
00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:34,832
Lock and load, recruits!

209
00:09:34,915 --> 00:09:36,134
Prepare to raid!

210
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,310
Mmm-kay.

211
00:09:42,967 --> 00:09:44,538
Watch as Eric
Cartman shuts down

212
00:09:44,621 --> 00:09:46,017
these woke liberal students.

213
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,100
Oh, my God.

214
00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:48,542
What makes you think
you have the right

215
00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:50,979
to say what I do with my body?

216
00:09:51,062 --> 00:09:52,142
Let me ask you something.

217
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:54,112
If a pregnant woman is
killed and the baby dies too,

218
00:09:54,195 --> 00:09:56,027
why is the killer charged
with a double homicide?

219
00:09:56,110 --> 00:09:58,813
Well, b... because people
have different beliefs.

220
00:09:58,896 --> 00:10:00,336
It's not about belief.
It's about truth.

221
00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:02,120
Science confirms life
begins at conception.

222
00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:03,992
So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5
says, before I formed you

223
00:10:04,075 --> 00:10:05,075
in the womb, I knew you.

224
00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:05,950
But it's just
morality that demands

225
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,295
we protect the most vulnerable.

226
00:10:07,469 --> 00:10:09,469
So let me ask you... when
do you think life begins?

227
00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:12,261
Eric, are you all
right in there?

228
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:13,349
Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.

229
00:10:13,432 --> 00:10:14,712
I'm just in here
master debating.

230
00:10:15,913 --> 00:10:17,179
Well, Eric, that's enough.

231
00:10:17,262 --> 00:10:18,746
Let's get out of the bathroom.

232
00:10:18,829 --> 00:10:19,829
I can't, Mom.

233
00:10:20,221 --> 00:10:21,575
I'm master debating to
these young college girls.

234
00:10:21,658 --> 00:10:24,055
That's very naughty,
Eric. Stop it.

235
00:10:24,138 --> 00:10:25,883
Mom, I finally got sponsored
by a protein powder,

236
00:10:25,966 --> 00:10:27,886
so I gotta master debate
for a couple more hours.

237
00:10:28,578 --> 00:10:29,858
Leviticus 9:1-8. Leave me alone.

238
00:10:36,455 --> 00:10:38,109
All right, recruits. This is it.

239
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:39,418
We're heading to a location

240
00:10:39,501 --> 00:10:41,373
that might be filled
with illegals.

241
00:10:41,547 --> 00:10:43,636
Let's take these
bad hombres down.

242
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,643
Backpack.

243
00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:47,771
Backpack.

244
00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:50,382
Backpack. Backpack.

245
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:00,826
Freeze!

246
00:11:04,352 --> 00:11:05,919
Oh, God. Mkay.

247
00:11:08,052 --> 00:11:09,531
We're just here for questioning.

248
00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:12,147
Cooperate, and nothing
bad... holy shit.

249
00:11:20,499 --> 00:11:22,026
Look, I'm really
sorry about this.

250
00:11:22,109 --> 00:11:24,634
It's just, I got a
monthly nut, you know?

251
00:11:25,069 --> 00:11:26,505
I gotta make my nut.

252
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,597
You did a good job
in there, soldier.

253
00:11:32,076 --> 00:11:33,908
Mkay. Thank you, Captain.

254
00:11:33,991 --> 00:11:35,736
I know it's tough
doing what's hard,

255
00:11:35,819 --> 00:11:38,169
but we could use more
men like you in the...

256
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,523
Whoa, what the fuck?

257
00:11:40,606 --> 00:11:42,129
Your Botox, Ms. Noem.

258
00:11:42,347 --> 00:11:43,570
Oh, yeah. Fix me up.

259
00:11:43,653 --> 00:11:44,653
Fix me up.

260
00:11:48,005 --> 00:11:49,702
Another day doing what's tough.

261
00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:57,366
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

262
00:11:57,449 --> 00:11:59,847
But a body growing inside a
woman's body is not her body.

263
00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:01,322
It's a completely
separate fetus...

264
00:12:03,194 --> 00:12:04,543
Eric, what are you doing?

265
00:12:05,022 --> 00:12:06,240
I'm sorry, mom.

266
00:12:06,632 --> 00:12:09,152
You told me to go to sleep, but
I started master debating again.

267
00:12:09,809 --> 00:12:12,159
This is really getting
to be a problem, Eric.

268
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,164
Mom, you don't understand.

269
00:12:13,247 --> 00:12:14,513
I'm getting really good at this.

270
00:12:14,596 --> 00:12:16,124
I have my arguments
down rock solid.

271
00:12:16,207 --> 00:12:17,778
These young college girls
are totally unprepared,

272
00:12:17,861 --> 00:12:20,084
so I can just destroy them
and also edit out all the ones

273
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:21,429
that actually argue back well.

274
00:12:21,516 --> 00:12:22,913
It just feels so good.

275
00:12:22,996 --> 00:12:24,480
I understand it feels good,

276
00:12:24,563 --> 00:12:27,087
but that doesn't mean
you do it all the time.

277
00:12:27,435 --> 00:12:28,610
I'm sorry, Mommy.

278
00:12:28,741 --> 00:12:30,834
Put the computer away
and leave those poor

279
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,401
college girls alone.

280
00:12:32,484 --> 00:12:33,485
OK.

281
00:12:33,615 --> 00:12:35,095
I won't master debate
anymore tonight.

282
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,494
Look, look, you can call
it reproductive rights.

283
00:12:38,577 --> 00:12:40,017
But be honest, if
a baby could speak,

284
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,366
it would fight for
its right to live.

285
00:12:41,449 --> 00:12:42,237
Eric Cartman!

286
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,320
I'm sorry, Mom!

287
00:12:45,758 --> 00:12:48,504
Tom, another protest today,
as thousands turned out

288
00:12:48,587 --> 00:12:51,028
in downtown Denver to
voice their outrage

289
00:12:51,111 --> 00:12:52,547
against the I-C-E.

290
00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:54,941
This is just out of control.

291
00:12:55,202 --> 00:12:57,165
A lot of the people being
targeted in these raids

292
00:12:57,248 --> 00:13:00,342
are kind, hard-working,
deeply faithful people

293
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:02,035
who care for their families.

294
00:13:02,253 --> 00:13:06,348
I have no doubt that there are
many, many Latinos in heaven.

295
00:13:22,012 --> 00:13:23,535
Oh, this is bad.

296
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:24,840
Mkay?

297
00:13:35,199 --> 00:13:37,248
Remember, only detain
the brown ones.

298
00:13:37,331 --> 00:13:38,902
If it's brown, it goes down.

299
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,030
Jesus, look out!

300
00:13:49,779 --> 00:13:51,175
There's another one
flying over here.

301
00:13:51,258 --> 00:13:52,346
Catch him! Catch him!

302
00:13:55,045 --> 00:13:56,528
I just need to ask
you some questions,

303
00:13:56,611 --> 00:13:58,222
mkay, make sure you're legal.

304
00:13:58,613 --> 00:14:00,398
How did you get into heaven?

305
00:14:00,702 --> 00:14:02,926
Um, I was really nice to people,

306
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,928
and I helped various charities.

307
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,495
Look, I'm really
sorry about this,

308
00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:08,449
but I'm just trying
to make my nut.

309
00:14:08,885 --> 00:14:10,147
Mackey, I need a word.

310
00:14:11,931 --> 00:14:12,976
Yes, Captain?

311
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:15,199
You did another great
job out there, Mackey.

312
00:14:15,282 --> 00:14:16,457
I like your style.

313
00:14:17,154 --> 00:14:18,503
Oh. Thank you.

314
00:14:18,677 --> 00:14:19,900
The President's
handing out bonuses

315
00:14:19,983 --> 00:14:21,075
to recruits that stand out.

316
00:14:21,158 --> 00:14:22,424
And I'm going to recommend you

317
00:14:22,507 --> 00:14:24,347
for the next set
of bonuses that...

318
00:14:24,509 --> 00:14:25,509
Ah!

319
00:14:26,424 --> 00:14:27,077
Grab it!

320
00:14:30,776 --> 00:14:32,343
No more brownies in heaven.

321
00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:37,308
Hello and welcome
to the third annual

322
00:14:37,391 --> 00:14:40,307
Charlie Kirk Award for
Young Masterdebaters.

323
00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:44,098
More and more young people today

324
00:14:44,181 --> 00:14:45,926
are learning to
fight for America

325
00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:47,445
through masterdebation.

326
00:14:47,662 --> 00:14:51,101
We're here to honor the recent
efforts of a brave young man

327
00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:53,411
who has been furiously
master debating

328
00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:55,849
for the past several
days and has won himself

329
00:14:55,932 --> 00:14:59,983
not only this trophy, but also
an all expenses paid vacation

330
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,116
to a beautiful five-star resort.

331
00:15:06,203 --> 00:15:08,683
He has proven himself
the true champion.

332
00:15:09,119 --> 00:15:11,038
Please welcome the best
young masterdebater

333
00:15:11,121 --> 00:15:13,558
of our time, Clyde Donovan.

334
00:15:14,689 --> 00:15:15,299
Clyde?

335
00:15:19,825 --> 00:15:21,744
No! That's my trip to
a five-star resort!

336
00:15:21,827 --> 00:15:23,307
Come on, Eric. Let's go.

337
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:25,656
Thanks, everyone.

338
00:15:26,005 --> 00:15:27,924
The Civil Rights Act
was a huge mistake.

339
00:15:28,007 --> 00:15:30,797
And, I don't know, lesbians
are an abomination of God.

340
00:15:31,881 --> 00:15:33,621
You all stole my schtick!

341
00:15:34,448 --> 00:15:35,841
Clyde!

342
00:15:42,195 --> 00:15:43,066
OK.

343
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,898
We got some of
your pay stubs in.

344
00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:46,721
Let's see how that
nut's looking.

345
00:15:49,986 --> 00:15:51,426
Well, seems you got some bonuses

346
00:15:51,509 --> 00:15:53,080
for rounding up
the most Mexicans.

347
00:15:53,163 --> 00:15:54,338
Shh.

348
00:15:54,555 --> 00:15:56,818
We don't round up Mexicans, OK?

349
00:15:56,949 --> 00:15:59,909
We just detain foreigners
who might be illegal.

350
00:15:59,996 --> 00:16:00,996
OK.

351
00:16:01,954 --> 00:16:03,655
Well, after taxes and
with your bonuses,

352
00:16:03,738 --> 00:16:06,437
it looks like you've got about
$10 grand a month to spend.

353
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:09,009
- Oh, I do?
- Yes.

354
00:16:09,092 --> 00:16:11,616
And your nut's up to
about $12 grand a month.

355
00:16:11,921 --> 00:16:12,965
What?

356
00:16:13,096 --> 00:16:15,446
But my nut was only
$8 grand a week ago.

357
00:16:15,663 --> 00:16:17,752
Right. But you got
a good-paying job.

358
00:16:17,927 --> 00:16:19,410
You see, as you make more money,

359
00:16:19,493 --> 00:16:21,495
your nut actually gets bigger.

360
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,458
How is that possible?

361
00:16:23,541 --> 00:16:24,541
It's all right.

362
00:16:24,803 --> 00:16:25,895
If you can just get
a few more bonuses,

363
00:16:25,978 --> 00:16:27,636
we can refinance the
house, divide that

364
00:16:27,719 --> 00:16:29,681
by the number of Mexicans
you detained, and, of course,

365
00:16:29,764 --> 00:16:32,162
compound any Costa Ricans
you might incur to the...

366
00:16:33,681 --> 00:16:35,481
Freeze! ICE AGENT
2: Nobody move!

367
00:16:37,468 --> 00:16:38,556
Here he is over here.

368
00:16:39,252 --> 00:16:41,211
Come on, Mackey. Need
to talk to you outside.

369
00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:43,213
Talk to me? About what?

370
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,389
What's this all about?

371
00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:47,308
Congratulations, recruit.

372
00:16:47,391 --> 00:16:49,658
I talked to the president
about your accomplishments,

373
00:16:49,741 --> 00:16:51,830
and he says he wants to
help you with your nut.

374
00:16:52,222 --> 00:16:54,050
Really? He does?

375
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,055
That's right.

376
00:16:55,138 --> 00:16:57,100
We have orders to
get you on a plane.

377
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,185
The President wants to
thank you personally.

378
00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:00,708
Congratulations.

379
00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:02,884
He's invited you to Mar-a-Iago.

380
00:17:03,668 --> 00:17:05,235
Mar-a-Iago?

381
00:17:20,946 --> 00:17:21,946
Oh, wow.

382
00:17:36,048 --> 00:17:37,658
Relax! Take a load off!

383
00:17:38,311 --> 00:17:39,360
Boss, the plane is here

384
00:17:39,443 --> 00:17:41,706
from Immigration and
Customs Enforcement.

385
00:17:41,836 --> 00:17:43,142
I know, stupid. Let's go.

386
00:17:56,068 --> 00:17:56,855
Hey, buddy.

387
00:17:56,938 --> 00:17:58,766
Welcome to Mar-a-Iago.

388
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,943
Oh, thank you, Mr. President.

389
00:18:02,727 --> 00:18:04,163
What is his fantasy, boss?

390
00:18:04,903 --> 00:18:06,122
Will you get out of here?

391
00:18:07,949 --> 00:18:09,303
Listen, buddy, I
want to offer you

392
00:18:09,386 --> 00:18:10,778
an incredible opportunity.

393
00:18:11,214 --> 00:18:12,480
How would you like
to make more money

394
00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:14,217
than you ever thought possible?

395
00:18:14,652 --> 00:18:17,568
Well, I do have a
pretty huge nut.

396
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:19,483
Now, that's the
kind of talk I like.

397
00:18:19,831 --> 00:18:21,789
Mar-a-Iago's for everyone
that's got a nut.

398
00:18:24,357 --> 00:18:25,750
I'm giving you a promotion.

399
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:29,058
You'll have access to all
that Mar-a-Iago has to offer.

400
00:18:29,449 --> 00:18:32,452
I want to make you the new
face of Homeland Security.

401
00:18:33,236 --> 00:18:35,590
But, Mr. President,
I thought Kristi Noem

402
00:18:35,673 --> 00:18:37,287
was the head of
Homeland Security.

403
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:39,594
Well, she was, but her
face freaks me out.

404
00:18:39,677 --> 00:18:40,721
So what do you say?

405
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,033
Well, I do need a
high-paying job.

406
00:18:44,116 --> 00:18:45,208
Excellent.

407
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,032
Now, let's take care
of that nut for you.

408
00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:50,731
Hey, Satan.

409
00:18:50,949 --> 00:18:52,733
Meet the new face of
Homeland Security.

410
00:18:52,907 --> 00:18:54,870
Whoa! Oh, my God.

411
00:18:54,953 --> 00:18:55,958
I just want to go.

412
00:18:56,041 --> 00:18:57,264
This place is gross.

413
00:18:57,347 --> 00:18:59,179
Would you like me to
apply the baby oil

414
00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:01,046
to Satan's asshole, boss?

415
00:19:01,438 --> 00:19:04,397
OK, look, I think there's
been a misunderstanding.

416
00:19:04,745 --> 00:19:07,139
I'm going to take a
little break here.

417
00:19:07,444 --> 00:19:08,536
Hey, come on.

418
00:19:08,619 --> 00:19:09,750
Relax, guy.

419
00:19:15,495 --> 00:19:16,975
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

420
00:19:19,717 --> 00:19:22,245
Backpack, backpack.

421
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,768
Oh, God, Dora the Explorer.

422
00:19:23,851 --> 00:19:24,851
Excuse me.

423
00:19:31,555 --> 00:19:33,252
Clyde?

424
00:19:34,601 --> 00:19:35,345
Not right now, sir.

425
00:19:35,428 --> 00:19:36,429
I've kind of had enough.

426
00:19:37,648 --> 00:19:41,086
What are you doing
here... young man?

427
00:19:41,565 --> 00:19:43,001
Just trying to make my nut, sir.

428
00:19:43,306 --> 00:19:44,524
Didn't really want all this.

429
00:19:46,135 --> 00:19:49,138
Oh, well, young man...

430
00:19:56,275 --> 00:19:58,886
I kind of know what you're
going through, mkay?

431
00:20:00,627 --> 00:20:02,720
I know we all have
a lot of pressures

432
00:20:02,803 --> 00:20:06,242
and we all want nice
things, mkay, but...

433
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:10,159
but if you're doing something
you don't really believe in

434
00:20:10,681 --> 00:20:12,378
just to make your nut,

435
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,034
you're going to find
that you just get sadder

436
00:20:16,295 --> 00:20:18,341
and your nut just gets bigger.

437
00:20:19,211 --> 00:20:20,211
Mkay?

438
00:20:22,171 --> 00:20:22,606
Yeah.

439
00:20:23,215 --> 00:20:24,215
I guess you're right.

440
00:20:25,565 --> 00:20:28,177
But... who are you?

441
00:20:33,791 --> 00:20:35,449
I'm a goddamn counselor.

442
00:20:35,532 --> 00:20:36,707
That's what I am.

443
00:20:37,490 --> 00:20:39,536
This place isn't right
for either of us.

444
00:20:39,884 --> 00:20:42,147
There's got to be someone
that can help get us out.

445
00:20:55,943 --> 00:20:57,031
All right. Got him.

446
00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:00,209
Hey, Kristi, what's going on?

447
00:21:00,818 --> 00:21:01,997
Trying to replace me

448
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,169
as the face of
Homeland Security, huh?

449
00:21:04,561 --> 00:21:06,040
Hey, relax, guy.

450
00:21:06,215 --> 00:21:08,042
Who could replace
a face like that?

451
00:21:08,217 --> 00:21:09,918
Think I can't handle
myself 'cause I'm a lady

452
00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:12,133
with good looks
that drive men wild?

453
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,239
Come on. We're
getting out of here.

454
00:21:31,022 --> 00:21:32,284
You too, come on.

455
00:21:35,505 --> 00:21:36,854
We got it. We got it.

456
00:21:41,641 --> 00:21:43,295
Another job well done.