1 00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,950 Okay, kids, let's take our seats. 2 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,870 Before we get started, we have a guest speaker today. 3 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,520 Please give your undivided attention to Kipling. 4 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,530 Thank you, sir. Hey. What's up, guys? 5 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:54,660 My name's Kipling. 6 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,400 I'm with the Webelos of America. 7 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,580 I want to talk you guys about the exciting opportunity 8 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,360 to join the Webelos. 9 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:02,670 - Is that a chick or a dude? - Shut up. 10 00:01:02,750 --> 00:01:04,280 I'm sure some of you were in Scouts before. 11 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,240 Webelos are an extension of Scouts, 12 00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,110 specifically for fifth and sixth graders. 13 00:01:08,190 --> 00:01:09,540 You guys, is that a chick or a dude? 14 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:11,760 - It's a chick. - Nah, that's a dude, bro. 15 00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:13,550 part of it as well. 16 00:01:13,590 --> 00:01:15,330 Now, I know what y'all might be thinking... 17 00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:17,330 Webelos used to be only for boys. 18 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:19,160 Well, now they also allow girls, 19 00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:21,730 and I myself, as a... 20 00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,380 Webelo, can tell you 21 00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:26,260 it's a great organization for everyone. 22 00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:30,560 I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure 23 00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:31,780 that was a fucking dude. 24 00:01:31,910 --> 00:01:33,350 I'm definitely betting it's a chick. 25 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:34,610 What are the odds at? 26 00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:36,050 Looks like about 40 kids betting now, 27 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,480 55% saying the Webelo is a dude. 28 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,620 So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet? 29 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,010 What are you guys talking about? 30 00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:43,580 Prediction market app, dude. 31 00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:45,490 You know, online peer to peer betting. 32 00:01:45,580 --> 00:01:46,800 Yeah, it's social platform betting. 33 00:01:46,930 --> 00:01:48,020 People can make any bet they want, 34 00:01:48,060 --> 00:01:49,320 and then other users take them up on it. 35 00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,410 - Really? - Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude. 36 00:01:51,450 --> 00:01:53,240 People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school. 37 00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:55,500 See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday? 38 00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:56,810 Will there be a snow day this month? 39 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,240 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza 40 00:01:58,290 --> 00:01:59,640 and destroy a Palestinian hospital? 41 00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,330 Will school lunch have tater tots next week? 42 00:02:01,380 --> 00:02:02,730 Wait, what was that? 43 00:02:02,810 --> 00:02:04,510 Will school lunch have tater tots next week? 44 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,820 - No, the one about my mom! - Oh. Uh... 45 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,300 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza 46 00:02:08,430 --> 00:02:09,860 and destroy a Palestinian hospital? 47 00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:12,430 Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital? 48 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,300 'Cause she's a Jew? 49 00:02:15,390 --> 00:02:17,260 Boys, put 'em away. 50 00:02:17,390 --> 00:02:19,790 You know the rules... no cell phones during school time. 51 00:02:19,830 --> 00:02:21,180 Sorry, Jesus. 52 00:02:22,660 --> 00:02:24,230 No phones, guys! 53 00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:27,840 Take that bet down right now, fat ass! 54 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,100 I didn't put it up, Kyle. 55 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,620 I'm not even betting on it. 56 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,970 It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it... those are terrible odds. 57 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,410 This is such bullshit! 58 00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:35,760 I'm gonna find out who started this 59 00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:39,020 and I'm gonna fucking rip them a new asshole! 60 00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:42,070 Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out. 61 00:02:42,110 --> 00:02:44,590 Maybe these are pretty good odds. 62 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:50,430 You're watching Fox News! 63 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:52,860 They're called prediction market apps... 64 00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:55,430 controversial online betting that's found a loophole 65 00:02:55,470 --> 00:02:57,520 around normal gambling laws. 66 00:02:57,650 --> 00:03:00,520 And, of course, the number one trending bet on the apps: 67 00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:04,350 Will President Trump and Satan's baby be a boy or a girl? 68 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,050 That's right, prediction market apps 69 00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,830 are going crazy right now. 70 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:11,580 On Kalshi, 54% are betting it's gonna be a boy, 71 00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:14,930 while bettors on Polymarket are at nearly 60% 72 00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:18,190 the demonic butt baby's gonna be a girl. 73 00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:28,860 Hello, boss. 74 00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:31,860 Another gift for the baby. 75 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:33,820 Another present for the baby? 76 00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:35,650 What about me? 77 00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:38,260 Everyone is so excited for the baby, boss. 78 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:41,480 You must be so excited as well. 79 00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:43,350 Uh, yeah, sure. Real excited. 80 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,830 It is going to completely change your life, though. 81 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,038 What are you talking about? 82 00:03:49,049 --> 00:03:51,089 Well, when the baby comes, 83 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,360 you will have to give it all your attention. 84 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,060 No more dinner parties in the Rose Garden. 85 00:03:57,140 --> 00:04:00,500 No more baseball games. No more travelling. 86 00:04:00,630 --> 00:04:03,630 No more long nights at Mar-a-Lago. 87 00:04:06,810 --> 00:04:07,850 Oh. 88 00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:09,330 Ooh. 89 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,160 Hey, Satan! 90 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,380 You wanna get in the hot tub and smoke some cigarettes? 91 00:04:16,510 --> 00:04:19,690 Hot tubs and cigarettes are really bad for the baby. 92 00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:21,600 Yeah, I know. Let's do it anyway. 93 00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:24,390 Wait, do you want to get rid of the baby? 94 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,300 I don't think your followers would be very happy 95 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,740 if we got an abortion. 96 00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,960 Hey, relax, guy! 97 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,920 I don't want to get rid of the baby. 98 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,700 Good, 'cause we're not going to. 99 00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:36,450 Great! 100 00:04:42,139 --> 00:04:43,147 Jimmy! 101 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,789 - Oh, hey, Kyle. - What the hell is this? 102 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,850 That's a prediction market app. 103 00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:51,500 I'm asking why did you bet yes that my mom would strike Gaza? 104 00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:52,810 Oh, yeah, I put some money on that. 105 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:54,770 I know it's not very likely, but I like to bet on 106 00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:56,680 l-longshots. 107 00:04:56,770 --> 00:04:58,470 Why are you betting on it at all? 108 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,560 Israel and Gaza is a very serious matter. 109 00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:02,040 Oh, I know, Kyle. 110 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:03,690 I told a joke about Gaza on a Zoom meeting yesterday 111 00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:04,910 and nobody laughed. 112 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,040 I guess it's not even remotely funny. 113 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,390 Wow. What a terrific audience. 114 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,000 What is wrong with you people? 115 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,660 Do you even know what Gaza is? 116 00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,480 Do you seriously just care about making a couple bucks? 117 00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:17,400 You know what my mom would do if she found out about this? 118 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,140 She would absolutely lose her shit! 119 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:21,580 There's been a conflict in Israel for thousands of years, 120 00:05:21,660 --> 00:05:23,620 and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams 121 00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:24,887 that you bet on. 122 00:05:24,898 --> 00:05:26,378 Guys, phones. 123 00:05:26,389 --> 00:05:28,659 Sorry, Jesus. 124 00:05:28,670 --> 00:05:30,240 Kyle, if you think the bet isn't fair, 125 00:05:30,370 --> 00:05:31,370 then you can just take it up with the company 126 00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,070 - that manages the app. - I can? 127 00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:34,590 Sure thing. 128 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,810 These apps aren't r-run of the mill, rinkydink. 129 00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:38,290 They're all run by highly professional 130 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:41,290 strategic advisors. 131 00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:57,440 Hello? 132 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,880 Yeah, is this the "Strategic Advisor for Predictive Markets? 133 00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:04,270 Yes, it is. 134 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,800 Well, there's a bet on one of your apps 135 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,010 that's incredible insensitive, 136 00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,100 and it needs to be taken down now! 137 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:14,850 Oh, uh, all our bets are actually regulated by the CFTC. 138 00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:16,810 You need to talk to them. 139 00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:18,980 What's the CFTC? 140 00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:22,330 It's the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. 141 00:06:22,420 --> 00:06:24,160 It's the federal government. 142 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,250 They have to approve all bets and deal with discrepancies. 143 00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:29,600 Fine! I'll call the CFTC then. 144 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,040 So stupid. 145 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,000 Commodity Futures Trading Commission... here we go. 146 00:06:41,830 --> 00:06:44,490 Hello? 147 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,230 Yeah, I'm calling about a prediction market bet 148 00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:47,920 that's offensive to Jewish people. 149 00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:50,450 Ooh, that sounds really bad. 150 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,710 If it's offensive, you probably need to speak with the FCC. 151 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,540 The FCC? 152 00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,890 Yeah, they're dealing with all the offensive stuff now. 153 00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:00,070 Here, let me connect you. 154 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,120 Hello? 155 00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,080 This is the same fucking guy! 156 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,130 - Who is it? - Uh, apparently, 157 00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:18,350 there's a really offensive bet on an app 158 00:07:18,390 --> 00:07:20,480 that the government is sort of in charge of, 159 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,390 and I'm like the strategic advisor. 160 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,260 An offensive government app? 161 00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:26,620 I better go speak with the president right away. 162 00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:45,850 Hey, Satan! 163 00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:49,940 Hey, Satan! 164 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,900 Can you come downstairs? 165 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:55,900 What do you want? 166 00:07:55,950 --> 00:07:57,730 Just come down the stairs real quick. 167 00:07:57,860 --> 00:07:59,080 For what? 168 00:07:59,170 --> 00:08:00,610 For just real quick. 169 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:02,220 Oh, there you are, Mr. President! 170 00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:03,610 I need to talk to you. 171 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,350 No, no, no, no! Brendan Carr, don't... 172 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,310 Whoa! 173 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,880 The FCC guy must have shitty ankles. 174 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,630 You guys! You guys! 175 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,020 Have you checked out the betting app lately? 176 00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:26,810 - No. - Ever since Kyle got 177 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,330 all pissed off, the odds are going up 178 00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,980 on his mom attacking Gaza. 179 00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:31,850 - No way. - Yeah, check it out! 180 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:34,200 Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it. 181 00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,210 We gotta get in on this, guys. 182 00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,420 Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza. 183 00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:40,520 Yes, exactly. We know that. 184 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,430 And we can also influence Kyle 185 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,430 to get the odds raised even more. 186 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,910 It's called a conflict of interest, you guys. 187 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,220 It's a way to make free money. 188 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,570 Isn't that illegal? 189 00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:50,130 Yes! All we have to do is make sure 190 00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:52,000 Kyle stays angry, 191 00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:53,790 and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom 192 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,400 to goose the odds up even more. 193 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,010 What are you guys talking about? 194 00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:58,230 Nothing. Just talking about 195 00:08:58,270 --> 00:09:00,010 how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now. 196 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,450 - You think it's messed up? - Yes, I do, Kyle. 197 00:09:02,490 --> 00:09:04,360 Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist? 198 00:09:04,450 --> 00:09:05,670 It's obvious race bait. 199 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,800 Yeah, that's exactly how I feel! 200 00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:09,200 Dude, you might just want to let it go. 201 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,810 See? "Just let it go." 202 00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:12,550 That's how people want you to deal with a crisis 203 00:09:12,590 --> 00:09:13,850 that they don't even understand. 204 00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:15,640 Yes! Thank you! 205 00:09:15,770 --> 00:09:17,290 You can't give up, Kyle. 206 00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:19,290 It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom. 207 00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:21,950 And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will? 208 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:29,090 Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom? 209 00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:32,650 Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you. 210 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,960 Well, I don't know, I would just hate to be 211 00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:36,090 a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say. 212 00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:37,880 Well, anyway, good to talk to you guys. 213 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,050 Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about 214 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,920 my friend Kyle's mom? 215 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,540 Oh, my goodness, can you believe all the crazy apps 216 00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:52,280 our kids are on these days? 217 00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:54,720 Ugh! Who can keep track anymore? 218 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,900 Kyle comes to me every day with a new app 219 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,330 that he just has to have. 220 00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,860 I tell him, "That app costs money, Kyle. 221 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,250 "Then it charges you money. 222 00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,860 Where you gonna get this money?" 223 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,510 Yeah, you know what'd be nice? 224 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,820 Is an app where you can actually make some money. 225 00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:08,860 Yes. 226 00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:10,300 That'd be great, wouldn't it? 227 00:10:10,430 --> 00:10:12,871 Yes, it certainly would. 228 00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:16,169 So, Sheila, 229 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:20,350 how have you been feeling about the current situation in Gaza? 230 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,440 - What? - Uh, yeah, 231 00:10:24,530 --> 00:10:27,010 just... just thought we'd sort of take your temperature. 232 00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,930 Which way are you thinking about going with that? 233 00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:32,020 Well, I think it's all horrible. 234 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:35,190 - A lot of people are dying. - Uh-huh. 235 00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,590 And do you feel like you need to do anything about it? 236 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,720 What would I do about it? 237 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,550 I mean, probably nothing, right? 238 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,770 You're going to do nothing about it. 239 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,470 Are you implying the Jews in America 240 00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:49,950 have some kind of obligation to do something about it? 241 00:10:49,990 --> 00:10:52,690 - Whoa, whoa! - You want to vilify my faith! 242 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:54,340 - Is that it? - Sheila, it's okay. 243 00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:56,480 It's not Jews versus Palestine! 244 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,520 It's Israel versus Palestine! 245 00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,350 Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again. 246 00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:01,920 And maybe if you read books 247 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,140 instead of everything Hollywood actors say, 248 00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,490 you'd know the difference! 249 00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:10,580 What are you putting your money on? 250 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:14,410 I mean, it's a ridiculous bet, but she seems pretty pissed off. 251 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:17,150 There's really no money to be made on betting she won't. 252 00:11:17,190 --> 00:11:18,850 Yeah, let's take the long odds. 253 00:11:19,035 --> 00:11:20,645 That makes these apps more fun. 254 00:11:20,656 --> 00:11:21,658 - Yeah. - Yeah. 255 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,580 Hey, Satan! 256 00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:04,370 I made you some soup! 257 00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:10,200 I don't like carrots. 258 00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,420 Hey, relax, guy! 259 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,820 Carrots are good for you. 260 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,030 I don't want carrots. 261 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,650 I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash. 262 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,040 Mr. President, I really need to speak with you. 263 00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:22,430 Not now, Brendan Carr! 264 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,870 Satan won't eat his carrots. 265 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,000 Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now. 266 00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:27,740 Carrots are good for you, see? 267 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:30,220 Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it! 268 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,750 Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I... 269 00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:35,580 Oh, God! 270 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:37,970 Whoa! 271 00:12:38,010 --> 00:12:39,840 Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 272 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,410 Wow-wow-wow-wow! 273 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,940 Those carrots must have been from Erewhon. 274 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,600 Everywhere I went today, 275 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,160 it was the same thing. 276 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,470 What are you going to do about Gaza? 277 00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:03,730 Like us Jews in America have any control 278 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,480 over what's going on in Israel. 279 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,430 Why is everyone suddenly confronting us 280 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,130 about the politics? 281 00:13:09,170 --> 00:13:12,830 Have people been asking what you think about Gaza, Gerald? 282 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,880 No, for some reason, they were just asking 283 00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:17,050 - what you think about it. - You see? 284 00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:19,360 It's just pure antisemitism! 285 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,490 I'm so sick of being grilled about my views on Palestine 286 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,150 and my thoughts on Hamas! 287 00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:26,710 And being judged for things that are centuries old 288 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,280 and that non-Jews know nothing about! 289 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,630 Well, if they all think we should do something... 290 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:31,798 - You... stop! - Then you better believe 291 00:13:31,809 --> 00:13:33,489 I'll do something! 292 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,510 You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews 293 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:36,900 should just lay low for a little bit. 294 00:13:37,030 --> 00:13:40,290 There! Now my son is complacent. 295 00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:42,560 This is one Jewish household that will not put up with it 296 00:13:42,690 --> 00:13:44,300 - anymore! - Ma, please. 297 00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:45,560 Don't make things any worse. 298 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:48,740 Worse? How can it be any worse? 299 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,300 I'm going to find out where all this is coming from, 300 00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:54,650 and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind! 301 00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:57,880 No! Ma! 302 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,620 Look, boss, another present for the baby! 303 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,930 Another present for the baby? Right! 304 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:12,540 Isn't it cute, boss? 305 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,280 We must be careful, though, 306 00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:17,680 cats can be very harmful to a pregnancy. 307 00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,900 Harmful to a pregnancy? 308 00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:23,680 Well, yes, boss, it's a parasite called toxoplasmosis. 309 00:14:23,770 --> 00:14:25,990 It can be transferred from cats to humans 310 00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,690 and bring about some complications. 311 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,480 Toxoplasmosis? 312 00:14:55,370 --> 00:14:58,500 Hey, Satan! 313 00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:04,770 Hey, Satan, you gotta come see this, it's really great. 314 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,640 What? 315 00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:09,340 Ay! I thought you were napping in our room. 316 00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,780 No, I had to go get the ultrasound. 317 00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,780 I can't believe you didn't show up. 318 00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:16,610 It really makes me feel like you don't care about this baby. 319 00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:20,740 Hey, relax, guy, of course I care about the baby. 320 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:22,740 Mr. President, I'm feeling much better... 321 00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:25,180 No! Fuck! Brendan Carr! 322 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,590 You guys. You guys, I did it. 323 00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:45,850 You did what? 324 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:47,590 I talked so much shit about the Jews 325 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,990 that I got the odds on the bet up to 95%. 326 00:15:51,149 --> 00:15:52,369 Yeah, check it out. 327 00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:54,170 I put 1,400 bucks on it last night. 328 00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:55,600 I am locked in. 329 00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,080 Where'd you get 1,400 bucks? 330 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,600 I just took my mom's debit card, 331 00:15:58,650 --> 00:16:00,000 entered all the info into the betting app, 332 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,610 and put all the money she has on it. 333 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,520 Isn't she gonna be pissed off? 334 00:16:04,570 --> 00:16:07,480 Yeah, not when I turn her 1,400 bucks into 14,000. 335 00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:09,220 This is the safest investment ever. 336 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:10,790 Nothing can possibly go wrong. 337 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,790 Hey, fellas. Fellas! 338 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,230 Fellas, have you seen the news? 339 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,010 Kyle's mom's in Israel. 340 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,190 - Really? - Oh, wow! 341 00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:20,410 I just put money down! 342 00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:43,040 Dude, your mom's in Israel. 343 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,300 I know. 344 00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:45,607 Well, you gotta call her. 345 00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:46,668 You gotta calm her down. 346 00:16:46,679 --> 00:16:48,119 I've been trying to call her. 347 00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,480 Her phone's not working over there. 348 00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:51,440 Kyle this is no time for weakness. 349 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:52,920 Whatever your mom is doing, 350 00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:56,270 it is going to make kids here even more anti-Semitic. 351 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,400 You're totally right. 352 00:16:57,490 --> 00:16:58,750 Damn right, I'm right! 353 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,100 You have to get ahold of your mom 354 00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:01,620 and tell her to calm down, Kyle. 355 00:17:01,710 --> 00:17:03,320 Call the Israeli government if you have to. 356 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,110 How do I call the Israeli government? 357 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,280 Call a diplomat. Call an embassy. 358 00:17:07,370 --> 00:17:10,500 You just have to talk to someone who works for Israel. 359 00:17:15,590 --> 00:17:17,290 Hello. 360 00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:19,340 Oh, you have got to be shitting me! 361 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:20,900 - What? - This is the strategic advisor 362 00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:22,470 for predictive market apps. 363 00:17:22,589 --> 00:17:24,620 - Tell him to take the bet down. - What? 364 00:17:24,631 --> 00:17:25,781 Make him take the bet down, Kyle. 365 00:17:25,792 --> 00:17:27,040 It is anti-Semitic, and you have to fight 366 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,300 for what you believe in. 367 00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:31,000 I called before about an offensive bet, 368 00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:32,480 and I want that bet taken down right now! 369 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,660 That's right! 370 00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:35,440 Oh, yes, I believe your complaint 371 00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:38,180 was being reviewed by head of the FCC. 372 00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:39,880 Well, then what's the head of the FCC doing? 373 00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,360 Where the hell is he? 374 00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:52,460 Mr. Carr? Mr. Carr, can you hear me? 375 00:17:54,330 --> 00:17:58,070 We understand you're the head of the FCC, is that correct? 376 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,770 Mm-hmm. 377 00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:01,340 All right, well, I'm very sorry, 378 00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:03,510 but you do appear to have toxoplasmosis 379 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,120 from exposure to cat feces. 380 00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,210 Aww! 381 00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:12,390 We need you to get some rest. Try not to move. 382 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,830 Will the head of the FCC be okay, Doctor? 383 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,130 His bones are healing, 384 00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:19,350 so he may regain full range of motion. 385 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,790 But if the toxoplasmosis parasite gets to his brain... 386 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,140 I'm afraid he may lose his freedom of speech. 387 00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:28,840 Oh, no! 388 00:18:28,970 --> 00:18:31,110 We'll do everything we can. 389 00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:43,550 Mr. Carr, why do you keep meddling in my plans? 390 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:44,990 Huh? 391 00:18:45,030 --> 00:18:46,860 I've been trying to convince the boss 392 00:18:46,990 --> 00:18:50,600 to get rid of the baby. 393 00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:53,080 I am next in line to be president. 394 00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:55,260 That baby cannot be born. 395 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,040 And if you continue to interfere, 396 00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:00,920 I will make things very difficult for you. 397 00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:06,660 We can do this the easy way, 398 00:19:06,790 --> 00:19:09,190 or we can do it the hard way. 399 00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,460 Hello. 400 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:27,200 Uh, yes, is this the office of the president? 401 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,810 Yes, it is. 402 00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:30,690 I've got a young man who's saying one of our 403 00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:33,470 predictive market bets is offensive to Jews? 404 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,430 Ooh, that sounds bad. 405 00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:37,130 Yeah, it sounds pretty bad. 406 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,610 Well, the president isn't here, 407 00:19:38,650 --> 00:19:40,350 but I'm, like, a special advisor, 408 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,700 so I can probably get the bet taken down. 409 00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:45,220 Ooh, I'm a special advisor too! 410 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,920 Oh, really? That's great. 411 00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:49,180 Can you email me the bet in question? 412 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,880 Yeah, I'm emailing it now. 413 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,270 Oh, yeah, I see it. 414 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,580 Okay, I'll need to approve with the financial company 415 00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:57,500 backing all the app since the bet money needs to be returned. 416 00:19:57,630 --> 00:20:00,410 Okay, thanks, I'll let all the Jews know. 417 00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:07,160 What the hell? 418 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,590 They took it down. 419 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:13,160 We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets. 420 00:20:13,290 --> 00:20:14,950 How can the app company do that? 421 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,690 I got in at nine-to-one odds. 422 00:20:16,730 --> 00:20:18,600 This is b-b-bullshit! 423 00:20:18,690 --> 00:20:20,520 Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt. 424 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,260 Guys! For the love of God! 425 00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:30,920 Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks. 426 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,310 You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here 427 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,060 gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you. 428 00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:37,750 Oh, that's all right, Kyle. 429 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,190 I'm just happy the bet got taken down. 430 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,840 Now none of these sickos can profit 431 00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:43,410 off of what your mom does. 432 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:44,720 Yeah, well, those people 433 00:20:44,850 --> 00:20:48,200 would have all lost the bet anyway. 434 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,070 What do you mean they would have all lost the bet? 435 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,940 Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel. 436 00:20:54,070 --> 00:20:56,160 It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital? 437 00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:57,560 No, when my mom left the house, 438 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,730 she said she was gonna find 439 00:20:58,770 --> 00:20:59,990 the person responsible for all this 440 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,820 and give them a piece of her mind. 441 00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:13,988 You are not going to talk to me like that! 442 00:21:13,999 --> 00:21:15,609 I am extremely upset, 443 00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:19,190 and I am not leaving until I have said my piece! 444 00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:22,800 There you are, Mr. Netanyahu! 445 00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:24,760 Just who do you think you are, 446 00:21:24,890 --> 00:21:27,240 killing thousands and flattening neighborhoods, 447 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,980 then wrapping yourself in Judaism 448 00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:31,420 like it's some shield from criticism? 449 00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:33,550 You're making life for Jews miserable 450 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,380 and life for American Jews impossible! 451 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,600 Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister. 452 00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:40,210 You know what you're doing, 453 00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,430 and you're doing it on purpose! 454 00:21:42,470 --> 00:21:44,210 Well, now you can just sit in that chair, 455 00:21:44,340 --> 00:21:46,470 'cause I'm not going anywhere, buster! 456 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,560 I've been to every PTA meeting, 457 00:21:48,690 --> 00:21:50,170 every school board meeting, 458 00:21:50,220 --> 00:21:52,040 and I can go all day! 459 00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:59,381 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -