1 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,821 The past few months have just been... 2 00:00:38,909 --> 00:00:41,303 really awful. 3 00:00:41,433 --> 00:00:42,955 There were these ICE raids 4 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,133 and my dad's company went out of business. 5 00:00:46,177 --> 00:00:47,873 Then we lost our house and had to move 6 00:00:47,918 --> 00:00:51,095 into the old folks home with my grandpa. 7 00:00:51,226 --> 00:00:52,748 It's like everything keeps changing 8 00:00:52,879 --> 00:00:55,446 and I really don't know how to cope with it. 9 00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,102 Uh-huh. 10 00:00:59,147 --> 00:01:00,886 And how exactly do you feel like shit has changed, bro? 11 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,024 Well, Jesus, It just seems like 12 00:01:07,155 --> 00:01:08,721 people aren't really as kind and giving 13 00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,375 as they used to be, you know? 14 00:01:10,419 --> 00:01:12,116 Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia 15 00:01:12,247 --> 00:01:13,596 and I'm thinking of sharing it. 16 00:01:13,726 --> 00:01:16,467 'Cause I feel like that's what everyone needs right now. 17 00:01:16,512 --> 00:01:19,905 Like, a big Christmas miracle? 18 00:01:22,257 --> 00:01:24,388 Sounds like some socialist bullshit to me, bro. 19 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,044 Jesus, I don't wanna live 20 00:01:27,175 --> 00:01:28,697 in an old folks home anymore, OK? 21 00:01:28,741 --> 00:01:30,221 Now, I don't know what's made you change like this, 22 00:01:30,352 --> 00:01:33,485 but we need some God damn Christmas magic! 23 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,747 Hey, baby, I brought us some Pinot Grigio! 24 00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:38,620 What took you so long? 25 00:01:38,751 --> 00:01:41,537 Don't be mad... I was out doing my charity work! 26 00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:42,929 I'm a Christian, 27 00:01:42,973 --> 00:01:44,800 so I sing to people in need! 28 00:01:44,931 --> 00:01:47,281 Just shut up and pour me that shit. 29 00:01:47,412 --> 00:01:49,066 You wanna make your life better, Stan? 30 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,763 Join the frickin' club! 31 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,200 This is the time of year we all wish things were better. 32 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,723 But trust me, nothing miraculous 33 00:01:55,768 --> 00:01:58,640 is gonna happen to anyone. 34 00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:23,360 Only days remain until America meets 35 00:02:23,448 --> 00:02:25,841 President Trump's demon spawn. 36 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,280 How Satan will give birth to the butt baby is still unclear, 37 00:02:29,411 --> 00:02:32,805 but everyone knows the crap-out is coming. 38 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003 Where the hell is he? 39 00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,484 Donald? 40 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616 Donald! 41 00:03:01,704 --> 00:03:03,184 Where is Donald? 42 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,575 Oh, sorry, Satan. 43 00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:05,968 The President had to fly to Colorado 44 00:03:06,012 --> 00:03:07,491 on an urgent matter. 45 00:03:07,579 --> 00:03:11,061 An urgent matter? Are you serious right now? 46 00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,497 I told him this was the day 47 00:03:13,542 --> 00:03:16,283 we were going to sing songs and decorate the nursery! 48 00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:18,460 What is he doing that's more urgent than that? 49 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,071 Sorry, it's all high-level classified stuff. 50 00:03:21,114 --> 00:03:23,028 Even we don't have clearance to know what he's doing. 51 00:03:23,073 --> 00:03:26,859 He is such a piece a shit! 52 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,298 He does this to me all the time! 53 00:03:30,341 --> 00:03:34,953 I'm about to have this baby, and he's out fucking around! 54 00:03:37,609 --> 00:03:38,871 Hormones, huh? 55 00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:41,090 It is strange that the President hasn't 56 00:03:41,178 --> 00:03:43,614 even informed me why he's going to Colorado. 57 00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,573 Well, the President said it's top secret 58 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,924 and only he and the vice president can know. 59 00:03:48,054 --> 00:03:50,621 Whatever they're doing... 60 00:03:50,753 --> 00:03:55,235 must be part of an extremely covert military operation. 61 00:03:59,544 --> 00:04:01,459 Merry Christmas! 62 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,157 Relax, guy! 63 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,900 Hey-hey-hey! Relax, guy! 64 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,902 OK, Boss, this is the place. 65 00:04:10,947 --> 00:04:13,297 That is the police station over there. 66 00:04:13,341 --> 00:04:15,691 That's where they are keeping Peter Thiel. 67 00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,996 All right, we just gotta keep it quiet. 68 00:04:18,128 --> 00:04:20,739 Nobody can know I want to kill this baby... ope! 69 00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263 Merry Christmas! Hey-hey-hey! 70 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655 Relax! 71 00:04:27,529 --> 00:04:29,270 Are you sure this Peter Thiel can do it? 72 00:04:29,313 --> 00:04:30,705 Yes, Boss. 73 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,924 But we must find a way to break him out 74 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,275 of that police- Shh, shh, shh, shh. 75 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,277 Happy holidays! 76 00:04:36,364 --> 00:04:38,453 Hey-hey-hey! 77 00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:41,672 Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any spare change, mkay? 78 00:04:41,717 --> 00:04:43,501 The government cut school funding 79 00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,547 so I lost my job. 80 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,200 Then, you know, everything costs more 81 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,378 with all the tariffs, and my health care got cut, 82 00:04:50,465 --> 00:04:54,164 so I'm just struggling like a lot of Americans are. 83 00:04:56,732 --> 00:04:59,082 All right, well, Merry Christmas! 84 00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,347 We better hurry, Boss. 85 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826 The town might be onto us, 86 00:05:04,957 --> 00:05:07,003 and the crap-out could be any minute now. 87 00:05:07,133 --> 00:05:08,787 OK, let's synchronize our watches. 88 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,748 It's time to complete Operation Kill My Own Baby! 89 00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:28,154 Hello, seniors, I'm Peggy Rockbottom 90 00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:30,460 here to spread a little holiday cheer. 91 00:05:30,592 --> 00:05:33,811 You know, sometimes we forget the reason for the season. 92 00:05:33,943 --> 00:05:36,075 But there's only one man in my life, 93 00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,729 and that man is Jesus Christ. 94 00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,340 And I wrote this song for him. 95 00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,320 Come on, seniors, sing along! 96 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,571 I don't know if you can hear me, 97 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,660 but I've been kind of wishing for a Christmas miracle. 98 00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,623 If miracles can still even happen, 99 00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:48,756 please, make it happen now. 100 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,296 Yay! 101 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,645 Look, guys, it's Stanny! 102 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,821 Stanny! 103 00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:12,301 Oh, no! 104 00:07:12,345 --> 00:07:15,566 - Did you miss us, Stan? - Oh, no! 105 00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,051 That son of a bitch. 106 00:07:23,095 --> 00:07:27,316 I could give birth any minute. 107 00:07:27,404 --> 00:07:29,580 "Oh, hey, Satan, you about to go into labor? 108 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,321 "OK, how about you go do everything, 109 00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:32,974 and I'll do nothing?" 110 00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194 Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald! Just like you always do. 111 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,112 Ugh. God, he is so disgusting. 112 00:07:41,157 --> 00:07:43,551 Ugh, he's such a pig! 113 00:07:48,077 --> 00:07:50,513 A blue jock strap? 114 00:07:50,558 --> 00:07:53,474 He doesn't wear a blue jock strap. 115 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,128 Who does this belong to? 116 00:07:56,258 --> 00:08:00,001 Vance. 117 00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,876 It's Vance. 118 00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357 They're together. 119 00:08:08,445 --> 00:08:11,229 What are you talking about? 120 00:08:11,361 --> 00:08:16,321 They just wanna kill the baby. 121 00:08:16,453 --> 00:08:17,758 What? 122 00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633 The President... Vance... so much sex. 123 00:08:23,765 --> 00:08:25,244 I can't understand you 'cause you're covered 124 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506 in dried-up milk! 125 00:08:26,594 --> 00:08:29,292 It's not milk. 126 00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032 Eww! 127 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,563 Oh! 128 00:08:41,696 --> 00:08:44,785 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God! 129 00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439 Tell me everything you know! 130 00:08:47,571 --> 00:08:50,834 I will, but first... please... 131 00:08:50,966 --> 00:08:55,622 I need to get... just a little high. 132 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,192 Go away! 133 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:03,587 What do you guys want? 134 00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,588 Well, didn't you hear, Stan? 135 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,852 Satan's gonna give birth to the antichrist! 136 00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,202 Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby 137 00:09:10,246 --> 00:09:12,987 and there's gonna be a big crap-out! 138 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,164 And nobody loves a crap-out more than us! 139 00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,296 Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. 140 00:09:18,428 --> 00:09:19,821 This doesn't make any sense! 141 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,126 You guys are just something that Cartman made up 142 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,259 in his head! 143 00:09:23,389 --> 00:09:26,304 Aww, are you really gonna overanalyze a crap-out? 144 00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,568 No way! Crap-outs have no rules! 145 00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,222 Yay! 146 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,703 All right, y'all, Stan wished us here 147 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,575 to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says. 148 00:09:35,663 --> 00:09:37,403 I didn't wish for that! 149 00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:39,188 I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby 150 00:09:39,318 --> 00:09:40,755 or crap-outs. 151 00:09:40,885 --> 00:09:42,886 But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan! 152 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,629 And this crap-out's gonna make everything better! 153 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,892 It is? Are you sure? 154 00:09:49,024 --> 00:09:51,461 Of course! Crap-outs are the best! 155 00:09:51,548 --> 00:09:53,549 Come on! Let's get to it! 156 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,684 Yay! 157 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,602 Oh, it's been so long. 158 00:10:03,342 --> 00:10:05,430 So then Vice President Vance, 159 00:10:05,475 --> 00:10:07,084 he doesn't want you to have the baby, right? 160 00:10:07,216 --> 00:10:09,347 'Cause he thinks your baby is gonna hurt 161 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,134 his chances of becoming president. 162 00:10:12,177 --> 00:10:15,789 So he convinces Trump to try to get rid of the baby himself, 163 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358 but every time he tries, he gets blocked by the FCC. 164 00:10:20,490 --> 00:10:24,102 If he didn't want the baby, why didn't he tell me? 165 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,278 They couldn't let anyone know they wanted to get rid 166 00:10:26,365 --> 00:10:29,411 of the baby because, you know, Republicans, abortions... 167 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891 it's a bad look. 168 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,938 So then Vance gets this guy Peter Thiel 169 00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,375 to get rid of the baby, and Thiel's about to come do it 170 00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:38,073 when Pam Bondi suddenly finds out 171 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,770 there's a plot to kill the baby. 172 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,948 So crazy, man. You can't write this shit. 173 00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819 What did I ever see in him? 174 00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,996 So then The President, he's pissed off at Vance. 175 00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:50,476 He says, you've been lying to me, but Vance says, 176 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:51,738 I was just trying to protect you, 177 00:10:51,869 --> 00:10:53,304 and then they start having sex 178 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,655 over and over and over and over... 179 00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:57,569 Enough! 180 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,183 The president hath deceived me. 181 00:11:01,313 --> 00:11:04,054 He hath deceived us all. 182 00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188 And I shall make him pay. 183 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,629 Oh, hell yeah, man. Let's go get that motherfucker. 184 00:11:19,462 --> 00:11:20,898 Crap-out! 185 00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,775 Hey! Merry Christmas! 186 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214 - Merry Christmas! - Happy Holidays! Relax, guy! 187 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825 Hello, we're with the Salvation Army! 188 00:11:35,957 --> 00:11:37,480 We brought some food for your prisoners! 189 00:11:40,831 --> 00:11:44,182 - Food for the prisoners? - Hey, relax, guy! 190 00:11:44,313 --> 00:11:46,444 This is the time of year to give to the needy! 191 00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,100 We brought 'em this cake! - We don't need your cake! 192 00:11:49,231 --> 00:11:51,885 The president's gonna come for us, and he's gonna... oof! 193 00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:53,583 Well, I guess there's no harm. 194 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,150 Mitch, let 'em in. 195 00:11:55,193 --> 00:11:57,978 Hey, thanks, buddy! 196 00:12:10,818 --> 00:12:12,688 OK, hold on a second. 197 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,603 You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C. 198 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953 Yeah, he was, and now he's about to be here! 199 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607 But how can you know that? 200 00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,610 Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny, will you just get on board 201 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:21,567 with the crap-out already? 202 00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:23,221 Don't worry, Stanny. 203 00:12:23,265 --> 00:12:25,179 Everything has been foretold and nothing can stop 204 00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,659 the antichrist from coming. 205 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,964 Except, of course, for Peter Thiel! 206 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,794 P-P-P-Peter Thiel! 207 00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,621 Wait, you mean the six seven guy? 208 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,929 You know Peter Thiel? 209 00:12:35,059 --> 00:12:36,930 Yeah, he did a big dumb assembly at the school. 210 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496 He's here? 211 00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,977 What are you gonna do, Stanny? 212 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978 Are you gonna kill him and eat him? 213 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,241 All right, look. 214 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,634 If I'm gonna get on board with something, 215 00:12:44,721 --> 00:12:46,722 I need it make at least a little bit of sense. 216 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246 Well, OK, Susan Sontag, we'll make sure 217 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,206 it all lines up perfectly for ya. 218 00:12:51,336 --> 00:12:53,642 Yay! 219 00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,996 Peter Thiel to Red Dragon. 220 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867 Come in, Red Dragon. 221 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260 Go ahead, guy. This is Red Dragon. 222 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,175 I got the walkie in the cake. 223 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,178 Awaiting further instructions. 224 00:13:07,222 --> 00:13:08,483 Excellent. 225 00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,312 Just stand by, and we'll find a way to get you out 226 00:13:10,442 --> 00:13:11,834 so you can kill my baby. 227 00:13:11,966 --> 00:13:13,357 Let's synchronize our watches. 228 00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,578 Donald! 229 00:13:15,621 --> 00:13:17,101 Uh-oh. 230 00:13:17,232 --> 00:13:21,496 You have lied to me. 231 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,196 Satan! We were just doing some charity work! 232 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,285 Yeah, I don't think so! 233 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550 I told Satan every detail of your expertly-crafted plot. 234 00:13:32,682 --> 00:13:34,944 Boss, it's your cum rag! 235 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,991 I stayed with you while you two are fucking 236 00:13:38,035 --> 00:13:39,558 behind my back? 237 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,605 Did Donald tell you he has genital warts? 238 00:13:44,476 --> 00:13:47,131 Hey, relax there, guy. 239 00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,567 Look, there he is! 240 00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:50,134 It's Satan! 241 00:13:50,265 --> 00:13:53,006 Yay! 242 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,096 Just as the prophecy foretold! 243 00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:57,140 Towelie? What's going on? 244 00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,102 What's going on is the most exquisitely woven tapestry 245 00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:04,496 of ideas that you've ever seen, man. 246 00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,284 Your deception is over, Donald, and so are we. 247 00:14:09,327 --> 00:14:12,025 This child will be born. 248 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,116 And for once, you are going to have to live 249 00:14:15,246 --> 00:14:18,206 with the consequences of your actions. 250 00:14:34,004 --> 00:14:36,659 Keep your hands off my president, bro. 251 00:14:38,530 --> 00:14:41,097 Whoa! It's Jesus Christ! 252 00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,708 Aww! 253 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,535 This happens to be a great man 254 00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,060 who's protecting our country from fags. 255 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,106 What the hell happened to Jesus? 256 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:51,151 He's all Christian now. 257 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938 This man is a con artist, and I will deal with him! 258 00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,160 Don't think so, bro! 259 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,034 Yeah! America! Whoo! 260 00:15:08,038 --> 00:15:11,302 Oh, my God, this just keeps getting crazier. 261 00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222 What's wrong, Satan? 262 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574 It's the baby. I think it's coming. 263 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,664 - Oh, wow, y'all, it's time! - What do we do, Stan? 264 00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,971 I don't know! 265 00:15:28,015 --> 00:15:29,929 You gotta get him to a hospital! 266 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372 Oh, boy! The big crap-out is almost here! 267 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,723 I can hardly wait! Can hardly wait! 268 00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246 Look, it's the doctor! 269 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,987 Yay! 270 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,815 All right, we're almost ready. 271 00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,382 We just wanna run a quick ultrasound, 272 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,254 and we'll get you into the OR. 273 00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:55,737 Doctor, we must hurry. There are evil forces at work. 274 00:16:02,179 --> 00:16:05,052 All right! This guy's incredible! 275 00:16:05,182 --> 00:16:08,184 OK, now set Peter Thiel free! 276 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,062 - Mr. President! What happened? - I don't know! 277 00:16:15,149 --> 00:16:17,411 I got another Christian dipshit to help me get what I want! 278 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760 Let's go, Christianity! 279 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,285 Then we can proceed. 280 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,852 We have very little time to stop 281 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506 the antichrist from coming. 282 00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,509 Boss, just so you know, 283 00:16:27,552 --> 00:16:30,467 I don't care if my asshole is filled with genital warts. 284 00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991 I still love you. 285 00:16:36,039 --> 00:16:38,259 I can't believe he turned out to be 286 00:16:38,389 --> 00:16:40,913 this big of a piece a shit. 287 00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:44,178 I seriously fall for the worst guys. 288 00:16:44,308 --> 00:16:47,746 Now, now, Satan, you need to save your strength! 289 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,487 I mean, I knew he sucked, OK? 290 00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,404 I knew it, but I didn't think he would go this far. 291 00:16:53,448 --> 00:16:56,668 I am so stupid. - No! You're not stupid! 292 00:16:56,755 --> 00:16:59,889 Stanny, tell Satan he's not stupid. 293 00:16:59,932 --> 00:17:02,978 - You're not stupid. - No, I'm stupid! 294 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,980 I saw how he treated everyone, 295 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287 but I was willing to look the other way. 296 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:11,465 All because I just wanted my Christmas miracle. 297 00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,511 Your Christmas miracle? 298 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556 My little baby. 299 00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:20,691 The only thing in my life that could actually be good. 300 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,912 But now Donald has Jesus on his side, 301 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,480 and we'll never be free. 302 00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:29,571 Satan's right. 303 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:33,008 If the President has Jesus on his side, he's unstoppable! 304 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,706 It's only a matter of time 305 00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:37,230 before they come here and ruin everything. 306 00:17:37,274 --> 00:17:38,883 Aww! 307 00:17:39,015 --> 00:17:40,537 Now, don't be down, y'all. 308 00:17:40,669 --> 00:17:43,671 We have our own secret weapon. - That's right! 309 00:17:43,715 --> 00:17:47,327 They might have Jesus, but we've got Stan! 310 00:17:47,458 --> 00:17:48,938 Yay! 311 00:17:56,598 --> 00:17:58,948 Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go! 312 00:18:07,261 --> 00:18:09,176 Let's do this! 313 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394 Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come! 314 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833 What are we gonna do? 315 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,665 Where is room 6-7? 316 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,320 Thank you! 317 00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,216 - Hey, kid! Get out of the way! - No. 318 00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:52,000 If you wanna get to Satan, you'll have to go through us. 319 00:18:52,044 --> 00:18:53,916 I am fully embracing this crap-out. 320 00:18:54,003 --> 00:18:55,831 Yay! 321 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,313 Do not listen to these foul creatures of darkness, child! 322 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575 I don't know who to listen to anymore. 323 00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,577 All I know is, I might as well help someone 324 00:19:03,621 --> 00:19:05,101 get their Christmas miracle. 325 00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,886 'Cause nobody's helping me with mine. 326 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,018 At least that's what Christmas used to mean. 327 00:19:10,062 --> 00:19:11,455 Trying to make things a little easier 328 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,022 for someone else who needed it. 329 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,327 I don't know what happened 330 00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:16,025 to your Spirit of Christmas, Jesus. 331 00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941 Let's face it, you gave up, and now you've hit rock bottom. 332 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075 Hey, I didn't hit her, OK? 333 00:19:24,207 --> 00:19:27,035 I mean, all right, maybe I did! 334 00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,907 But Peggy was asking' for it! 335 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,823 That's actually not at all what I was talking about. 336 00:19:31,867 --> 00:19:34,564 No. You're right. 337 00:19:34,609 --> 00:19:36,437 You're right, my child. 338 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,960 I gave up and I lost faith. 339 00:19:39,004 --> 00:19:40,571 I don't want to do this. 340 00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573 Hey! Don't forget I can sue you! 341 00:19:46,011 --> 00:19:48,622 Then go ahead and sue me. 342 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,583 I'm not going to be afraid anymore. 343 00:19:52,627 --> 00:19:54,018 Excuse me, everyone. 344 00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,804 Sorry... sorry to interrupt, 345 00:19:55,846 --> 00:20:00,025 but I'm afraid we have some really bad news. 346 00:20:00,069 --> 00:20:03,377 - What? - What? What happened? 347 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508 We've looked at the ultrasound, and... 348 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,512 it appears that at some point when nobody was watching, 349 00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861 the baby hung itself and took its own life. 350 00:20:12,821 --> 00:20:15,257 - What? - What are you talking about? 351 00:20:15,302 --> 00:20:17,477 I'm afraid you can see it all in the video. 352 00:20:17,608 --> 00:20:19,697 The baby got ahold of some bedsheets. 353 00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,220 There's a couple minutes missing from the ultrasound, 354 00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:23,179 but it's definitely a suicide. 355 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,963 You gotta be kidding me! 356 00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,834 The baby hung itself? 357 00:20:26,878 --> 00:20:30,316 Boss! Boss! It's a miracle! 358 00:20:30,447 --> 00:20:31,927 But does that mean 359 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,322 there's not gonna be a crap-out? 360 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,542 This is a Fox News special alert. 361 00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327 Fox News has just received confirmation 362 00:20:41,415 --> 00:20:44,331 that the unborn child of Satan and President Trump 363 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,680 has decided to take the easy way out 364 00:20:46,724 --> 00:20:48,378 and end its own life. 365 00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,554 Definitely an unfortunate turn of events. 366 00:20:50,685 --> 00:20:53,077 Fox News has analyzed the ultrasound. 367 00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,124 You can see the baby probably considering suicide right here 368 00:20:56,168 --> 00:20:57,691 and then... a little bit missing... 369 00:20:57,735 --> 00:20:59,128 and it killed itself. 370 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998 Obvious confirmation of suicide. 371 00:21:01,130 --> 00:21:02,784 You can see a little chair there. 372 00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133 Just what babies do sometimes. 373 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,137 That's right, and if you or someone you know 374 00:21:08,224 --> 00:21:10,792 is a fetus contemplating suicide, 375 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,361 we urge you to call Fox News as much as you possibly can. 376 00:21:14,448 --> 00:21:16,493 In the meantime, all our thoughts and prayers 377 00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:18,364 are with the president tonight, 378 00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,757 Who will be holding a funeral for his unborn child 379 00:21:20,889 --> 00:21:22,804 at the White House. 380 00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,382 Hey, Merry Christmas! 381 00:21:36,426 --> 00:21:38,733 Did you hear the news? The baby's dead! 382 00:21:38,820 --> 00:21:41,343 Yes, Mr. President, we are so sorry. 383 00:21:41,475 --> 00:21:43,519 Happy holidays! The baby's dead! 384 00:21:43,607 --> 00:21:45,739 Are you OK, sir? 385 00:21:45,783 --> 00:21:50,484 Yeah, it's really hard! Here, have a cigar! 386 00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,573 Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas! The baby's dead! 387 00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,966 You're so strong, Mr. President. 388 00:21:55,053 --> 00:21:57,099 And you're taking it really well. 389 00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,754 Hey! Thanks, Pam! 390 00:22:50,457 --> 00:22:55,112 I win! I win! I win again! 391 00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,696 Christmas letters from home. Here you go. 392 00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,698 Some Christmas joy from your loved ones. 393 00:23:14,829 --> 00:23:16,570 There you go. 394 00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353 Hey, there's one for you today. 395 00:23:27,929 --> 00:23:30,410 Dear Stan, I'm writing this 396 00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933 because I owe you an apology 397 00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544 and a thank you. 398 00:23:35,676 --> 00:23:38,286 You asked for a Christmas miracle, 399 00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:40,462 and I didn't listen. 400 00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,726 So now, go to this address. 401 00:23:42,857 --> 00:23:44,032 No way. 402 00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066 Thank you. Thank you! 403 00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,986 I'll be here, Stan, watching over everybody. 404 00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,508 Be good. 405 00:24:26,553 --> 00:24:28,859 And remember, never give up on the things 406 00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,339 that you commit to. 407 00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,341 He's so great, isn't he? 408 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603 Merry Christmas, everyone! 409 00:24:34,735 --> 00:24:37,519 Let's all have the happiest holidays! 410 00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,194 Come on, seniors, sing along!