[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
And now it's time for...
hosted by SpongeBob's number one fan, Patchy the Pirate.
Ahoy, fellow fanatics!
Welcome to Patchy's Pick.
Come on back to the galley.
I'm cooking up a real treat for you today.
We're going to see me favorite show, "Shanghaied."
Ta-dah!
Boring!
If it isn't my less-than-amusing sidekick
Potty the Parrot.
Potty, say hello to the nice people.
I'm being held here against my will— help!
Arrgh!
Potty, come back!
Potty?
Potty!
Where'd you go?
Potty, you in there, buddy?
Potty!
Get me out of here!
Well, roll the cartoon.
Mm, Kelpo...
"With one of eight essential prizes inside!"
Holy Shrimp!
Squidward!
The sky had a baby from my cereal box.
Squidward!
The sky had a baby!
That's a giant anchor— now, go away!
Hey, SpongeBob.
The sky had a baby.
I know.
What should we name it?
How about...
Why don't you two go climb its anchor rope?
I'm sure it goes somewhere far away.
Now look what you've done.
We didn't do it.
Our hands are clean.
Clean.
Well, I'm going to get to the bottom of this thing.
Isn't that the top?
Squid, wait! Squid!
Ship!
You are in your little fantasy world.
No, look— a giant ship.
Great, let's go.
I can give this anchor-dropper a piece of my mind.
I don't know, Squidward.
That ship has a spooky green glow around it.
Probably because its owner is too lazy to clean
or drop his anchors in the right place.
Squid, wait.
All right, who owns this crate?
Come on out, I want to file a complaint.
Doesn't this place seem familiar?
I don't know— why?
Doesn't it just ring a bell?
Yes.
I know who owns this boat.
I just can't place the name.
No, no, it's not...
I am the Flying Dutchman.
That's it!
This ship belongs to the Red Baron.
Who be disturbing the Flying Dutchman in his own lair?
Squidward wants to complain to you.
I... No, I... I don't.
What about all that stuff about his ship being dirty?
I never said that.
Insulting a man's ship be worse than insulting his mother.
Wait— it was his mother you said was dirty, not his ship.
Ow.
You're next.
That was a close one.
Welcome back.
That was a closer one.
Welcome back.
Hey, how come when they act up
all they get is the welcome wagon?
If you ask me, it's...
So are you going to try that again?
Probably.
How about now?
No, no, they're not.
Now listen.
"Whosoever sets foot on the Flying Dutchman's ship
"uninvited or otherwise
"shall become members of his ghostly crew forever...
and, uh... ever."
Will we be getting business cards?
Silence!
You're part of my crew now
and our job is to sail around and frighten people.
It'll be grueling, mind-numbing and repetitive.
Just like... daytime television.
Now, you listen here, Mister.
If you think I'm going to spend
more than five minutes on this dumpster
then you're crazy.
I mean, look at this place.
It's disgusting.
Whoever told you that hanging oil lamps
next to hardwood paneling was a good idea...
I suppose you're going to show me...
Oh, that's very nice.
Oh, is this some kind of magic act?
Would anyone else like to enter the Fly of Despair?
No, we know our place now, Mr. Dutchman.
We'll do anything you say.
Then for starters, you can swab the deck.
Look, Patrick, a real, live ghost mop.
And I got this hat.
Listen!
We're going to Bikini Bottom tonight
for a little haunting spree
so I want this ship to look good and scary.
You mean you want it to look good... and scary.
Well, I think we could probably...
No, no, he means he wants it to look so good that it's scary.
Or maybe that by looking so scary
you forget that it doesn't look good.
I don't get it.
Look, it's easy...
Never mind what it means!
I just want it to look scary!
That's it!
You know, mold growing on the ceilings
bugs in the sink.
So you don't want it to look good?
Get moving!
What a night be this.
Crew, howl with me so that we might set the seven seas
ablaze with fear!
Eh, that'll do.
Okay, square one.
Since pink one's working the navigation
it's up to you to find our first victim.
Here, use this spyglass.
Now, hurry up— we're burning moonlight.
Let's see who we can find.
Captain, there's a guy we can scare.
I had four biscuits, and I ate one.
Then I only had three.
Ah... it does me heart good
to see children out after dark.
Pink one, take us behind those rocks.
Moving behind the rocks!
Keep going!
You're good, you're good.
You're good.
And... stop.
We'll buff out those scratches.
All right, never mind it.
Just jump out when I give the signal.
Boo!
Prepare to be burdened with the haunting memory
of my ghostly ghost pirates.
Was that the signal?
Okay, sorry, sorry.
Just do it again!
With the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!
How does he do that?
Get back on the ship.
It's still a mystery.
Those guys are dorks.
Yes, but they're my dorks.
You're good, you're good.
You're good.
Huh?
You're good, you're good.
You're good.
You're good, you're good.
You're good.
Why did the Dutchman ask us to wait in our bunk room?
Maybe he's going to give us a reward.
Like movie passes?
Or an oversized coffee mug!
I've been thinking.
Stop bouncing!
This whole "crew for eternity" thing isn't working out.
It's not really you, so much as it is me.
You're setting us free?
Well, actually, I'm just going to eat you.
See you at dinner.
Wait.
I have an idea.
Really? What is it?
Let's leave.
But the door is locked.
And the only way out is through the...
perfume department!
Let's do it.
Blah!
I always hate going in there.
Yeah.
Wait, listen!
Dear Diary...
I've told them I'm going to eat them tomorrow.
I made up some of that brown sauce
my cousin showed me just for the occasion.
It's a good thing I found my dining sock again.
Remember the last time I lost me dining sock?
I couldn't eat for a whole week.
Sure, sometimes I wonder how I survive.
If anything should ever happen...
Ahh!
Give me back my sock!
Everyone knows I can't eat without it!
Never!
Okay, then!
Uh, oh, give it to me!
No!
You're stretching the elastic!
It would seem we have reached an impasse.
Pink one is right.
Tell you what—
you give me back the sock and I'll give you... three wishes.
Make it five.
Four.
Three.
Take it or leave it.
Okay, uh, three.
You get three wishes.
Wow! Three wishes, Pat.
Isn't that great?
Wishes... I wish we had known that earlier.
Okay, you got two wishes left.
Well, we still have two more.
How exciting!
I wish Squidward were here to see this.
Ahh!
Boy, I'm glad all that's over.
Squidward, you're back!
Guess what.
The Dutchman gave us three wishes!
Patrick used the first one
and I guess I... just used the second one.
Well, then the last one you owe me
because you got me back into this mess!
Wait, I think it belongs to me!
That's enough!
Using my mystic otherworldly powers
I shall decide who gets the last wish.
Eenie-meenie-minie-mo, catch a sailor by the toe.
If he hollers, let him go.
My mother told me to pick the very best one
and you are it!
Our fate, SpongeBob!
We're about to get eaten!
What can you wish for
to make it so we don't get eaten?
Don't worry, Squidward.
I've got it all figured out.
He won't be able to eat us
because I wish that the Dutchman
was a vegetarian!
Hooray!
We're home!
You did it, SpongeBob.
We're safe!
But why have we been turned into fruits?
Hey, I get a wish, too.
Fruit prevents scurvy.
Ahh!
Hey, get back here with that!
I'll get you!
Ahoy, children— I'm back!
I hope all you boys and girls enjoyed the show
because it's time for you to walk the plank.
Oh, sorry, kids.
What I meant to say was, "It's time for fan mail."
Hooray!
And now the moment you've all been waiting for!
So get ready to blow milk out your nose
because we're going to open a letter!
The envelope please, Potty.
Thank you, my fine, feathered assistant.
You're not welcome.
Hey, Potty, you smell something?
Ah! Potty, that fuse in your head!
I told you we're not doing that stunt!
I didn't get the memo!
Well, that's it for Patchy's Pick.
Hooray!
Gary, looks like it's that time of week again.
Bath time!
Come on, let's go get the water started.
You're going to have to get in that tub, Gary.
Now, Gary, we can do this the hard way or the easy way.
Or the medium way.
Or the semi-medium- easy-hard way.
Or the sort of hard
with a touch of awkward-easy, difficult-challenging way.
So that's how you want to play it, huh?
Gary, check out this new toy.
Fetch!
Huh?
"New Boomerang Pet Ball— Really works."
Aye!
Gary, there's a bomb strapped to my chest!
It's going to explode in three seconds
unless you take a bath!
Please.
I am now going to assault your mind
with subliminal messages.
Sorry you had to see that.
Hello, fancy French restaurant...
I've got a naughty snail here
who won't take a bath.
What?
Could you say that again?
Slow down!
It's like you're speaking some other language.
Hey, Gar, how about some leapfrog?
Whee-hee!
Okay, your turn.
Hey, Gar, how about some leapfrog?
I've got a crisp dollar bill for the next fella
to take a bath in this house!
That didn't work either, huh?
Gary! Gary! Gary!
Look what I found!
It's an old pirate treasure map revealing the location
of buried pirate treasure
in this very house.
Come on, boy, let's go get that treasure!
Whoo!
Okay, Gary.
Now, 40 paces to the left.
One, two, three, four, five, six
seven, eight, nine, ten...
24, 25, 26, 27... 40.
The treasure must be in here.
Wow, Gary, look!
A pirate treasure chest!
Meow.
Why, no, Gary, this isn't the bathtub.
It's treasure!
Look— doubloons.
Don't drop them.
Look at this brooch!
Meow.
I don't know what a snail wants with a brooch!
Now, why don't you just get in the tub?
Get in the tub!
In the tub!
Now, Gary, are you going to get in this tub
or am I going to have to...
Gary, uh... could you, uh...
Gary, no!
Gary!
All right, Gary.
You have duped and/or frustrated me for the last time!
So if I can't get you to come to the bath
I'll just have to bring the bath to you.
Psst... Gary...
Bath delivery.
Come back, Gary.
I have something to share with you.
This is more like it.
Meow.
What are you waiting for, Gary?
Meow, meow, meow.
Oh, stuck in a tree?
Meow, meow, meow.
It's time to clean up your act, Gary.
Meow, meow, meow...
Oh, no!
I bathed Gary too hard and removed his skin.
Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Gary!
Bring that ladder back this instant!
I am not amused, mister.
You're going to take a bath and you're going to get clean now!
Meow.
I am so the boss of you.
Meow.
It's a free country
but you live in my house, under my rules.
Meow.
Don't use that tone with me.
You will do what I say, when I say!
What are you doing?
I am talking to you, Mister.
Do not go near that mud puddle!
Gary, do you hear me?
I am giving you three seconds
to get a away from that mud puddle.
One, two, two and a half...
Don't make me say three.
Gary!
Gary! Gary!
Gary!
I'm a dirty boy.
Meow.
Yeah, yeah, Gary, I'm getting behind my ears.
[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]