Patrick?
Oh, Patrick!
Are you ready to go jelly fishing?
Oh, boy, am I!
Here's your net.
Well, come on, Patrick.
The jellyfish don't catch themselves.
First, I have to put away my secret box.
Secret box?
You never told me about your...
secret box.
Hey! Hands off, Peeping Bob.
This here's my secret box.
Besides, if I showed you what was inside
it wouldn't be a secret anymore.
Duh!
Oh, Spongebob!
If only you could see inside my secret box
it would change your life.
It's okay, Patrick, I know all about secrets.
You do?
I've got a gazillion secrets.
Like what?
Well, it's no secret that the best thing about a secret
is secretly telling someone your secret
thereby secretly adding another secret
to their secret collection of secrets... secretly.
You want to hear one of my secrets?
Uh... let's see.
Did you know you're my best friend?
No... way.
Oh, let's hear another one!
Okay. Uh... secretly, I'm a little bit naive.
Wow!
I'll never look at you the same way again, Spongebob.
Gosh!
Tell me some more secrets!
Okay...
I love my job at The Krusty Krab.
I sleep with my shoes on.
I like jelly on both sides of my toast.
I've got an overdue library book.
overbite.
I've never been late for work.
I've said the word "fancy" in conversation.
I still don't have my driver's license.
I'm a little on the short side.
I'm wearing three pairs of underwear now.
Gasp!
I never would have guessed.
Now will you show me what's inside your secret box?
No, Spongebob!
It's for me to know, and for you to never find out!
You may be an open book, Spongebob
but I'm a bit more complicated than that.
The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
Oh, yeah? Well, I got plenty of secret stuff, too!
Uh...
I've got my secret socks on.
And my secret Gary's bowl.
My secret TV
and my secret TV channel.
What do you think of that, Patrick?
Whew!
Oh, whew!
Maybe if you saw what was inside
you'd know why it has to be secret.
Inside this very box is the most secrety secret
in all of Secretdom, and I am its sole witness!
It's a heavy burden, Spongebob
but nobody must know the mystery of the box.
Nobody!
Not even... Squidward's house.
It's a full-time job.
I'm constantly on the alert.
You never know when someone's going to...
Spongebob, what do you think you're doing?
That's my secret box!
Now hand it over!
But, Patrick, I must know the secret.
For the last time, Spongebob, no!
Come on, just a peek.
Never!
So, it's come to this.
And to think we joined the Best Friends Forever Club!
Listen up, Spongebob "Secret Stealer" Pants!
If you ever come near my secret box again
we won't be friends anymore!
But... we're supposed to be... friends forever.
I feel so filthy.
I have soiled our friendship garden.
I just couldn't help myself.
I know it's your secret.
I promise to respect that.
Oh, please forgive me, Patrick, please!
Well...
I guess it's not all your fault.
After all, this is a pretty great secret.
I mean, how could you resist
the greatest secret ever?
The most amazing...
mysterious...
powerful secret in all of Bikini Bottom?
So, what do you say, buddy?
Friends?
Friends.
What could be in that box
that Patrick doesn't want me to see?
Maybe it's the world's only albino jellyfish
or maybe Patrick's a master jewel thief
and it's full of diamonds.
Or maybe Patrick's a deranged maniac
who keeps his victims' severed heads in a box.
Or even worse
maybe it's an embarrassing snapshot of me
from a Christmas party.
I got to find out what's in that secret box.
I'm not going to rest till I do!
That's it.
How do you look into a secret box?
Secretly, of course.
I'll just take the box while Patrick's sleeping
look inside
and before Patrick
even has time to notice
I'll slide it back.
Patrick won't know
and I'll have my own little secret.
Good idea, eh, Gary?
Mmm... No.
Oh, what do you know?
You're a snail.
Snizzlefrazzy!
Who's it?
Se-e-ecret.
I got to be more quiet.
I don't want to wake Patrick up.
Duh! Who's there?
Who's... Who's...
Oh...
Shh!
Hey!
Oh...
Mmm... water.
Good old secret box.
Let's see what's inside.
Nighty-night, boxie.
Gee, Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper.
Huh? Who said that?
Who's there?
Uh...
It's the clam burglar!
And he's stealing my secret box!
Hand over the goods, secret-box bandit
and prepare for the most unpleasant
pillow fight of your life!
Wait, wait, wait, Patrick. Stop!
It's me, Spongebob!
Nice try, burglar.
But Spongebob's my best friend and he'd never steal from me.
No, really, Patrick. Look.
Our friendship ring.
It is you!
How could you do this?
If it makes you feel any better
I haven't looked inside.
That's it, Spongebob.
You have crossed the line.
As of right now, this friendship is over!
Really?
Nah, you can look inside if you really want to.
Okay!
Oh, this is one of the most exciting moments of my life.
Well, here it goes.
Huh?
Well? Didn't I tell you?
Isn't it great?
It's just a string.
A secret string!
Boy, when you're right, you're right.
That's some secret box you got there.
Yeah. Thanks for showing me that.
Well, good night, Patrick.
See you tomorrow.
Good night, Spongebob.
I should have known.
It was just a piece of string all along.
Wait till I tell Gary.
Good thing he didn't pull the secret string
opening the secret compartment
of my secret box
revealing one embarrassing snapshot of Spongebob
at that Christmas party.
Merry Christmas, Spongebob!
Yeah, uh, we're with
the pet hospital down the street
and I understand you have
a dying animal on the premises.
Hello.
You've reached The House of Unrecognized Talent.
Please start after the...
Sounds as though you've got a dying animal
to attend to, eh, old chum?
Squilliam Fancyson from band class?
I hear you're playing the cash register now.
Well, sometimes.
Uh, how's the unibrow?
It's big and valuable.
I'm the leader of a big fancy band now
and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week.
The Bu-Bu-Bu... the Bu-Bu-Bu... the Bu-Bu-Bu...?
That's right.
I'm living your dreams, Squidward.
The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it.
So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.
Oh, uh... I-I-I-I'd, uh...
I knew it!
You don't even have a band.
Well, I'll just let you get back
to the service industry now.
Hold it!
It just so happens that I don't sell fast food
I do have a band
and we're going to play that Bubble Bowl.
How do you like that, Fancyboy?
Good luck next Tuesday.
I hope the audience brings lots of ibuprofen.
I've got to drum up a marching band fast.
Drum.
Band humor.
"Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?"
"Then become part of the greatest musical sensation
ever to hit Bikini Bottom."
"And be forever adored
by thousands of people you don't know."
"Not to mention free refreshments."
"Practice begins tonight, 8:30 sharp."
Stupid music rental clerk made me late.
That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow.
Hmm, elbow, hmm.
More band humor.
People, people!
Settle down.
Okay, now.
How many of you have played musical instruments before?
Do instruments of torture count?
No.
Is mayonnaise an instrument?
No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.
Horseradish is not an instrument either.
That's fine, no one has any experience.
Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.
All of you.
When do we get the free food?
Okay, try to repeat after me.
Brass section, go.
Good. Now the wind.
And the drums.
Too bad that didn't kill me.
Let's just try stepping in rhythm.
Now, I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
Is this the part where we start kicking?
No, Spongebob, that's a chorus line.
Kicking?
Oh, I want to do some kicking!
Why, you...!
Why, I ought to...!
Whoever's the owner of the white sedan
you left your lights on.
Okay, that's perfect, everybody.
Bubble Bowl, here we come.
Flag twirlers, really spin those things.
Okay, turn.
Flag twirlers, let's go.
I want to see some spinning.
Flag twirlers, let's move!
Come on! Move!
How's that harmonica solo coming, Plankton?
It's tremendous.
You want to see?
Well, this is our last night together before the show.
And I know that you haven't improved since we began.
But I have a theory.
People talk loud when they want to act smart, right?
Correct!
So if we play loud, people might think we're good.
Everybody ready?
And a-one and a-two
and a-one, two, three, four!
Okay, new theory.
Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad
if some people didn't try to play
with big, meaty claws.
What did you say, punk?
Big... meaty... claws!
Well, these claws ain't for just attracting mates.
Bring it on, old man!
Bring it on!
No, people.
Let's be smart and bring it off.
Oh, so now the talking cheese is going to preach to us.
Wait, wait!
I know tensions are high.
Take that!
There's a deposit on that equipment, people!
Settle down, please!
Hit him! Hit him!
Hey, class is over.
Okay, yeah, see ya tomorrow.
That was good.
Say, what are you doing after...
Well, you did it.
You took my one chance at happiness
and crushed it.
Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces.
I really had expected better of you people.
I guess I'm a loser for that, too.
Don't bother showing up tomorrow.
I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident.
So, thanks.
Thanks for nothing.
You're welcome.
What kind of monsters are we?
That poor creature came to us in his hour of need
and we failed him.
Squidward's always been there for us
when it was convenient for him.
Evelyn, when your little Jimmy was trapped in a fire
who rescued him?
A fireman.
And, Larry, when your heart gave out
from all those tanning pills, who revived you?
Some guy in an ambulance.
Right.
So, if we all could just pretend
that Squidward was a fireman or some guy in an ambulance
then I'm sure we could all pull together
and discover what it truly means
to be in a marching band.
Yeah, for the fireman!
Yeah!
Now let's make Squidward proud.
A-one, a-two, a squiddly-diddly do.
I knew this was going to happen.
They're just going to have to find another band to play.
I just hope that...
Squilliam doesn't find out!
Squilliam! Aw!
What are you doing here?
I just wanted to watch you blow it.
So, where's your band?
Uh... they couldn't come.
They... died.
Then who's that?
Ah! That would be my band!
We're ready to perform, Squidward.
Well, Squiddy, this is exactly
how I pictured your band would look.
That's his eager face.
I guess this will be the last time
I can show my face in this town.
That's the spirit, Squidward.
Okay, football fans
put your hands together
for the Bikini Bottom Super Band!
Yeah!
These are some ugly-looking fish.
Maybe we're near one of those toxic-waste dumps.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Okay, everybody.
Let's get this over with.
One, two, three...
four...
Oh!
[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]