1
00:00:00,987 --> 00:00:04,424
and NICKELODEON]

2
00:00:08,194 --> 00:00:10,864
MRS.
Okay, class, quiet, quiet.

3
00:00:10,930 --> 00:00:12,832
Now, get out your
pencils and paper

4
00:00:12,899 --> 00:00:14,534
and write down
the assignment.

5
00:00:15,602 --> 00:00:16,870
Did you hear that?

6
00:00:16,936 --> 00:00:18,872
We get an assignment.

7
00:00:18,938 --> 00:00:22,442
Everyone must write an essay
on what not to do

8
00:00:22,509 --> 00:00:23,443
at a stoplight.

9
00:00:24,511 --> 00:00:25,845
Did you hear that?

10
00:00:25,912 --> 00:00:28,448
What not to do
at a stoplight!

11
00:00:28,515 --> 00:00:30,216
In no less than 800 words!

12
00:00:32,952 --> 00:00:34,654
Did you hear that?
800 words?

13
00:00:34,721 --> 00:00:37,657
Yeah, I know!

14
00:00:37,724 --> 00:00:39,259
Due tomorrow.

15
00:00:39,325 --> 00:00:44,197
And remember, class:
work hard and no goofing off.

16
00:00:44,264 --> 00:00:47,233
Okay, Gary, no goofing off!

17
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,536
I am about to write
the greatest essay

18
00:00:49,602 --> 00:00:50,603
of all time.

19
00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:52,872
Like most great essays,
it will be written

20
00:00:52,939 --> 00:00:54,774
on paper.

21
00:00:54,841 --> 00:00:56,676
Even more important
than the paper is...

22
00:00:56,743 --> 00:00:58,878
the pencil.

23
00:01:00,814 --> 00:01:03,516
A pencil is sharp or as dull
as I like.

24
00:01:03,583 --> 00:01:05,785
Hmm, funny, as my ideas grow,
you shrink.

25
00:01:07,987 --> 00:01:10,356
Well, I couldn't have asked

26
00:01:10,423 --> 00:01:12,492
for a more beautiful day
to write an essay.

27
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,196
Okay, here we go.

28
00:01:16,262 --> 00:01:21,434
"What Not To Do
At A Stoplight."

29
00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:22,235
Hey, this is easy.

30
00:01:22,302 --> 00:01:25,572
"By SpongeBob Squarepants."

31
00:01:25,638 --> 00:01:27,540
Ha! This essay is pure gold.

32
00:01:27,607 --> 00:01:30,810
And now, pencil,
get ready to do your stuff

33
00:01:30,877 --> 00:01:33,112
because here we go.

34
00:01:46,459 --> 00:01:47,660
Gee...

35
00:01:47,727 --> 00:01:50,096
this is harder than I thought.

36
00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:01,608
Come on, SpongeBob!

37
00:02:02,842 --> 00:02:05,979
It should be against the law
to have to write an essay

38
00:02:06,045 --> 00:02:10,216
on such a super sailorific,
sunshiny day!

39
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Oh!

40
00:02:11,184 --> 00:02:12,685
But I must press onward,

41
00:02:12,752 --> 00:02:16,189
because with this pencil and the
completion of this essay,

42
00:02:16,256 --> 00:02:20,193
I'll be one step closer
to my driver's license!

43
00:02:29,102 --> 00:02:31,905
Oh, yeah.

44
00:02:31,971 --> 00:02:34,240
This'll be no problemo.

45
00:02:34,307 --> 00:02:37,644
Why, I got plenty of time.
It's only 6:00.

46
00:02:38,811 --> 00:02:41,581
Okay... okay, here we go.

47
00:02:41,648 --> 00:02:43,249
Here we go.

48
00:02:43,316 --> 00:02:44,584
Ahh!

49
00:02:44,651 --> 00:02:46,152
I know, I just need to get

50
00:02:46,219 --> 00:02:48,788
a little blood pumpin'
in the old noodle.

51
00:02:48,855 --> 00:02:50,456
How about some calisthenics?

52
00:02:50,523 --> 00:02:54,527
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!

53
00:02:54,594 --> 00:02:59,465
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!

54
00:02:59,532 --> 00:03:02,502
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!

55
00:03:02,569 --> 00:03:05,738
Ah, I can feel
those juices pumpin' now!

56
00:03:25,692 --> 00:03:27,060
Hey! What am I doing?

57
00:03:27,126 --> 00:03:28,761
I got to write that paper!

58
00:03:30,296 --> 00:03:33,666
Come on, pencil, make words.

59
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:35,868
Gary!

60
00:03:35,935 --> 00:03:37,103
Hey, hey, hey

61
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:40,306
Gary, how's my favorite mollusk?

62
00:03:40,373 --> 00:03:41,908
How about
you let ol' SpongeBob

63
00:03:41,975 --> 00:03:43,610
fix you up
something to eat?

64
00:03:44,677 --> 00:03:46,779
What do you mean,
you're not hungry?

65
00:03:48,281 --> 00:03:50,817
I know I have
an essay to write!

66
00:03:50,883 --> 00:03:52,685
Now come on, Gary!

67
00:04:01,361 --> 00:04:03,262
I got to make sure
you get your nutrition

68
00:04:03,329 --> 00:04:06,933
so I'm not leaving
until you eat every single bite.

69
00:04:11,971 --> 00:04:13,673
Gary, a-are you sure
you don't want

70
00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:15,108
some crème brulée?

71
00:04:15,174 --> 00:04:16,676
Or-or some chocoflavored
algae bits?

72
00:04:18,311 --> 00:04:19,912
Gee, Gary sure made a mess.

73
00:04:19,979 --> 00:04:21,681
I can't work on my essay

74
00:04:21,748 --> 00:04:24,217
knowing there's a mess
in the kitchen.

75
00:04:28,421 --> 00:04:30,456
Hmm...

76
00:04:32,258 --> 00:04:33,526
I might as well clean
the rest of the floor

77
00:04:33,593 --> 00:04:35,228
while I'm at it.

78
00:04:38,464 --> 00:04:41,267
I should get
these hard-to-reach places, too.

79
00:04:41,334 --> 00:04:42,902
And these dishes
need to be cleaned.

80
00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:45,805
Can't have dirty garbage.

81
00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:49,876
Well, I think
it's clean enough now.

82
00:04:52,545 --> 00:04:54,447
Why, that didn't take too long.
It's only...

83
00:04:54,514 --> 00:04:56,582
10:00!

84
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:57,450
Oh!

85
00:04:57,517 --> 00:04:59,886
No more fooling around.

86
00:04:59,952 --> 00:05:01,654
I got to get back to work.

87
00:05:01,721 --> 00:05:05,191
Okay, Mr. Essay, I say

88
00:05:05,258 --> 00:05:07,760
prepare to be written!

89
00:05:11,698 --> 00:05:12,765
I'm doing it!

90
00:05:12,832 --> 00:05:13,766
I'm doing it!

91
00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:16,169
Yeah, yeah! Yeah!

92
00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:17,770
And some of these...
and some of these...

93
00:05:17,837 --> 00:05:20,840
Almost there and...

94
00:05:23,576 --> 00:05:26,412
Now let's see
how it looks so far.

95
00:05:26,479 --> 00:05:27,613
"The..."

96
00:05:28,948 --> 00:05:30,149
Break time!

97
00:05:30,216 --> 00:05:32,885
Pacing always helps me think.

98
00:05:32,952 --> 00:05:35,755
Let's see, only 799 words to go.

99
00:05:35,822 --> 00:05:38,891
Think, SpongeBob, think!

100
00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:47,934
W-Who's that?
Wha...? Hello?

101
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,702
Hey, Patrick, what you up to?

102
00:05:49,769 --> 00:05:51,871
Sleeping.

103
00:05:51,938 --> 00:05:53,906
That's really fascinating.

104
00:05:53,973 --> 00:05:55,241
Are you having a good sleep?

105
00:05:55,308 --> 00:05:56,909
Any dreams you'd like
to discuss?

106
00:05:56,976 --> 00:05:57,910
I remember on the...

107
00:05:57,977 --> 00:05:59,345
SpongeBob?

108
00:05:59,412 --> 00:06:01,848
You and I both know
that you're just using me

109
00:06:01,914 --> 00:06:03,282
as a distraction

110
00:06:03,349 --> 00:06:04,817
so you don't have to write
your essay.

111
00:06:06,819 --> 00:06:08,354
That is not true!

112
00:06:08,421 --> 00:06:11,924
I called to have an engaging
conversation with you.

113
00:06:11,991 --> 00:06:13,826
Well, I'm listening.

114
00:06:13,893 --> 00:06:15,862
Uh... Marco...

115
00:06:15,928 --> 00:06:16,896
Polo.

116
00:06:18,397 --> 00:06:20,166
Yeah, well,
I got to get going, Patrick.

117
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:21,834
Got an important essay to write.

118
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:23,936
Sheesh, what a chatterbox.

119
00:06:24,003 --> 00:06:25,872
Can't he see that I'm busy?

120
00:06:27,406 --> 00:06:29,742
I can't write
with all these eraser shavings

121
00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:30,743
all over my paper.

122
00:06:32,545 --> 00:06:34,747
Now they're floating
around my thinking space.

123
00:06:36,949 --> 00:06:38,885
So long, pesky particles.

124
00:06:43,856 --> 00:06:44,891
I swallowed one!

125
00:06:44,957 --> 00:06:46,526
I'm choking!

126
00:06:46,592 --> 00:06:48,261
Water!

127
00:06:48,327 --> 00:06:49,962
Water!

128
00:06:54,267 --> 00:06:55,868
That was a close one.

129
00:06:56,969 --> 00:06:58,204
What do you mean

130
00:06:58,271 --> 00:07:00,273
overly dramatic,
Gary?

131
00:07:00,339 --> 00:07:02,775
All that choking
sure made me hungry.

132
00:07:04,243 --> 00:07:06,212
I can't write on an
empty stomach, Gary.

133
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,281
I got to have my brain food.

134
00:07:08,347 --> 00:07:11,818
Now, let's see...
white or rye bread?

135
00:07:11,884 --> 00:07:13,553
Or pumpernickel?

136
00:07:13,619 --> 00:07:15,755
Gee, I guess it really depends
on the meat inside...

137
00:07:15,822 --> 00:07:16,556
and the cheese.

138
00:07:17,824 --> 00:07:19,592
A visitor?

139
00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:20,760
For me?

140
00:07:20,827 --> 00:07:22,295
Hello.

141
00:07:22,361 --> 00:07:24,564
Package for
Mr. Squarepants.

142
00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:25,798
Great!

143
00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:27,300
Thanks!

144
00:07:27,366 --> 00:07:29,569
So, uh, you like
delivering mail?

145
00:07:29,635 --> 00:07:31,771
It puts bread on the table.

146
00:07:31,838 --> 00:07:32,839
Rye or pumpernickel?

147
00:07:34,941 --> 00:07:35,741
Oh, brother.

148
00:07:35,808 --> 00:07:37,710
So, do you deliver
your own mail

149
00:07:37,777 --> 00:07:39,378
or do you have
your own mailperson?

150
00:07:39,445 --> 00:07:41,214
But then who delivers
his mail?

151
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,249
Is there a never-ending
chain of mailmen

152
00:07:43,316 --> 00:07:44,917
delivering mail
to other mailmen?

153
00:07:44,984 --> 00:07:46,252
Well, I guess a P.O. box

154
00:07:46,319 --> 00:07:48,287
could, in theory,
break the chain...

155
00:07:48,354 --> 00:07:49,789
Don't you have
a paper to write?

156
00:07:51,490 --> 00:07:53,993
How did he know I'm supposed
to be writing an essay?

157
00:07:58,531 --> 00:08:00,233
In other news

158
00:08:00,299 --> 00:08:03,336
local resident
SpongeBob Squarepants

159
00:08:03,402 --> 00:08:06,739
only has a few hours left
to complete his essay

160
00:08:06,806 --> 00:08:09,208
and yet he continues
to goof off.

161
00:08:09,275 --> 00:08:11,477
When will he learn?

162
00:08:15,314 --> 00:08:17,383
Hey, SpongeBob.

163
00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:18,517
Over here.

164
00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:21,254
Come on, take a seat.

165
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:25,024
Put your feet up and relax.

166
00:08:28,761 --> 00:08:29,762
Oh, no!

167
00:08:29,829 --> 00:08:31,030
Midnight!

168
00:08:34,267 --> 00:08:36,702
Must... get... back to desk!

169
00:08:39,171 --> 00:08:40,473
Whew!

170
00:08:40,539 --> 00:08:41,674
That was a close call.

171
00:08:41,741 --> 00:08:43,442
My pants!

172
00:08:43,509 --> 00:08:46,479
Yoo-hoo.
Down here.

173
00:08:46,545 --> 00:08:47,513
You get up here!

174
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:49,315
I got to get back to work!

175
00:08:49,382 --> 00:08:50,316
Freedom!

176
00:08:50,383 --> 00:08:51,651
Stop, pants!

177
00:08:51,717 --> 00:08:53,719
You get back here
this instant...

178
00:08:53,786 --> 00:08:54,987
pants!

179
00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:05,731
Time's... up... SpongeBob.

180
00:09:06,799 --> 00:09:08,034
Burning!

181
00:09:08,267 --> 00:09:12,571
Only 799 words to go!

182
00:09:14,907 --> 00:09:15,841
No!

183
00:09:18,511 --> 00:09:19,645
What have I done?

184
00:09:19,712 --> 00:09:20,746
Help!

185
00:09:20,813 --> 00:09:23,916
Help, my house is on fire!

186
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:33,426
SpongeBob, why?

187
00:09:33,492 --> 00:09:36,128
Why did you set me
on fire, SpongeBob?

188
00:09:36,362 --> 00:09:38,564
Why didn't you just
write your essay?

189
00:09:38,631 --> 00:09:40,866
Stop wasting time!

190
00:09:43,669 --> 00:09:46,105
Where's my essay?

191
00:09:46,339 --> 00:09:47,907
Oh, there you are.

192
00:09:48,774 --> 00:09:50,576
I must have dozed off.

193
00:09:50,643 --> 00:09:52,645
Let's see, where are we?

194
00:09:53,879 --> 00:09:55,982
Do I dare look at the clock?

195
00:10:00,553 --> 00:10:03,222
It's almost 9:00!

196
00:10:03,289 --> 00:10:04,323
Class starts in five minutes!

197
00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:07,026
How am I going to write
this whole paper

198
00:10:07,093 --> 00:10:08,594
in five minutes?

199
00:10:08,661 --> 00:10:11,630
How am I supposed to know
what not to do at a stoplight?

200
00:10:11,697 --> 00:10:14,200
Feeding your snail
is something not to do

201
00:10:14,266 --> 00:10:15,468
at a stoplight...

202
00:10:15,534 --> 00:10:18,371
and making a sandwich
and-and lighting candles

203
00:10:18,437 --> 00:10:20,639
and drinking water
and calling your friends

204
00:10:20,706 --> 00:10:22,308
and karate chopping the TV

205
00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:24,577
and shooting the breeze
with the mailman

206
00:10:24,643 --> 00:10:25,611
and falling asleep and...

207
00:10:27,546 --> 00:10:29,248
Mrs. Puff!

208
00:10:29,315 --> 00:10:31,617
Mrs. Puff, I'm finished!

209
00:10:31,684 --> 00:10:33,419
All 800 words!

210
00:10:33,486 --> 00:10:35,254
I'm finished!
Here it is!

211
00:10:35,321 --> 00:10:37,490
They... Mrs. Puff?

212
00:10:37,556 --> 00:10:39,258
Where is everybody?

213
00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:41,260
Oh, there you are,
SpongeBob.

214
00:10:41,327 --> 00:10:43,029
Here you go,
Mrs. Puff.

215
00:10:43,095 --> 00:10:47,133
800 words, all about stoplights
and what not to do at them.

216
00:10:47,199 --> 00:10:50,102
I'm sorry, SpongeBob,
I tried to call you.

217
00:10:50,169 --> 00:10:52,838
I have to go
to a teachers' convention.

218
00:10:52,905 --> 00:10:54,774
But what about
my essay?

219
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,276
I decided to cancel
the assignment.

220
00:10:57,343 --> 00:10:59,645
We're just going to take
a field trip

221
00:10:59,712 --> 00:11:01,313
to a stoplight instead.

222
00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:02,915
See you next week.

223
00:11:29,575 --> 00:11:31,210
Whoo!

224
00:11:33,512 --> 00:11:36,348
Oh, sweep, sweep.

225
00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:40,886
Need... furniture!

226
00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:53,199
Patrick, what's
with the home improvement?

227
00:11:56,769 --> 00:11:58,270
Hey, Patrick!

228
00:11:58,337 --> 00:12:00,139
Ooh, sweep, sweep!

229
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:02,007
Well, Patrick, I came
over to see

230
00:12:02,074 --> 00:12:03,876
if you wanted to go
jelly fishing

231
00:12:03,943 --> 00:12:06,579
but I can see you're busy
having an episode.

232
00:12:08,147 --> 00:12:09,782
You know something,
Spongebob?

233
00:12:09,849 --> 00:12:12,218
it's just all fun and games
for you.

234
00:12:12,284 --> 00:12:13,953
Nothing really matters.

235
00:12:14,019 --> 00:12:15,488
"Oh, let's go jelly fishing!

236
00:12:15,554 --> 00:12:17,957
"We don't have any work to do.

237
00:12:18,023 --> 00:12:22,194
"Life is just a big bowl
of fancy, assorted cashews

238
00:12:22,261 --> 00:12:26,465
"and nobody has anything
to dust or to clean

239
00:12:26,532 --> 00:12:28,834
or to wipe, or fabricate!"

240
00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:33,672
But, Patrick, the only thing
I've ever seen you clean

241
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:34,907
is your plate.

242
00:12:39,111 --> 00:12:41,347
I don't know what to do,
Spongebob.

243
00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:42,882
You got to help me!

244
00:12:42,948 --> 00:12:45,151
Patrick, you forgot
how to eat again.

245
00:12:45,217 --> 00:12:46,886
Come on, we'll
get the funnel.

246
00:12:46,952 --> 00:12:49,922
No, it's not that,
Spongebob; it's worse.

247
00:12:49,989 --> 00:12:51,423
Darn, I like
the funnel.

248
00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:52,725
Well, what is it then?

249
00:12:52,791 --> 00:12:54,293
Look!

250
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,595
Hey, a note.

251
00:12:56,662 --> 00:12:58,264
Yeah, but turn it over.

252
00:12:58,330 --> 00:12:59,698
There's a letter.

253
00:12:59,765 --> 00:13:01,200
You're right.

254
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:03,335
And I got this message
from my parents.

255
00:13:03,402 --> 00:13:04,603
Your parents?

256
00:13:04,837 --> 00:13:06,939
"Dear Patrick,
Your mom and I

257
00:13:07,006 --> 00:13:08,774
"are coming out tomorrow
for Starfish Day.

258
00:13:08,841 --> 00:13:11,977
"Please try to remember,
but don't try too hard

259
00:13:12,044 --> 00:13:14,113
"or you'll hurt yourself
like last time.

260
00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:15,514
Love, Daddy."

261
00:13:15,581 --> 00:13:17,983
Spongebob, my parents think
I'm dumber

262
00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:19,952
than a sack of diapers.

263
00:13:20,019 --> 00:13:21,253
No, they don't,
Patrick.

264
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,322
Parents just like
to push your buttons...

265
00:13:23,389 --> 00:13:24,390
like this— Nee!

266
00:13:26,091 --> 00:13:28,160
That always cheers me up.

267
00:13:28,227 --> 00:13:30,496
But not today.

268
00:13:30,563 --> 00:13:32,932
Patrick, if your parents
think you're dumb

269
00:13:32,998 --> 00:13:35,401
then they must not know
what dumb really is.

270
00:13:35,467 --> 00:13:37,469
But don't they watch
television?

271
00:13:37,536 --> 00:13:38,938
That's what I'm saying, Pat.

272
00:13:39,004 --> 00:13:41,340
If your parents got to meet
a real dummy

273
00:13:41,407 --> 00:13:44,143
they'd realize what genius
you really are.

274
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:46,245
Oh, but don't genius live
in a lamp?

275
00:13:46,312 --> 00:13:49,315
And besides, we don't know
any dumb people.

276
00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:50,950
Don't worry, Patrick.

277
00:13:51,016 --> 00:13:51,951
I'll be the dummy!

278
00:13:52,017 --> 00:13:53,953
When your parents see
how dumb I act

279
00:13:54,019 --> 00:13:57,089
they'll think you're
the smartest guy ever.

280
00:13:57,156 --> 00:13:58,490
Math is power!

281
00:13:58,557 --> 00:14:01,227
A, B, C, D

282
00:14:01,293 --> 00:14:03,529
E, F, G...

283
00:14:03,596 --> 00:14:05,831
Oh! H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...

284
00:14:05,898 --> 00:14:07,833
Should I get the bullhorn
again, Marty?

285
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:09,335
W, X, Y and Z?

286
00:14:09,401 --> 00:14:10,402
Hi, Mom.

287
00:14:10,469 --> 00:14:11,770
Hi, Dad.

288
00:14:11,837 --> 00:14:13,973
Son, you recognized us
this time.

289
00:14:14,039 --> 00:14:17,042
Why wouldn't I recognize
my own parents?

290
00:14:17,109 --> 00:14:19,144
You never were a bright one.

291
00:14:19,211 --> 00:14:20,379
Uh...

292
00:14:21,847 --> 00:14:23,549
Well, aren't you going
to show us inside?

293
00:14:23,616 --> 00:14:25,918
He probably forgot
where it is.

294
00:14:25,985 --> 00:14:27,119
I know where...

295
00:14:27,186 --> 00:14:29,555
Oh, let me lead the way
so we don't get lost, huh?

296
00:14:29,622 --> 00:14:31,557
Hold hands now.

297
00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:34,260
Okay, we're almost there.

298
00:14:34,326 --> 00:14:36,161
Let go on three.

299
00:14:36,228 --> 00:14:38,764
One, two, three.

300
00:14:38,831 --> 00:14:40,432
Good job!

301
00:14:40,499 --> 00:14:42,468
Pats for Patrick.

302
00:14:46,405 --> 00:14:49,475
I'll go get the beverages.

303
00:14:51,277 --> 00:14:52,745
Wow, son!

304
00:14:52,811 --> 00:14:55,514
You put the drinks in something
this time.

305
00:14:55,581 --> 00:14:58,117
Aw, son, you must've been
working all night

306
00:14:58,183 --> 00:15:00,419
to put these together
for us.

307
00:15:00,486 --> 00:15:02,588
We love you.

308
00:15:06,625 --> 00:15:08,060
I mean, I'll get it.

309
00:15:08,127 --> 00:15:09,528
Protective helmet— check.

310
00:15:10,629 --> 00:15:12,131
I'm supposed
to look stupid, Gary.

311
00:15:13,232 --> 00:15:14,967
What could go wrong?

312
00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:17,002
What a surprise.

313
00:15:17,069 --> 00:15:18,570
Hi.

314
00:15:18,637 --> 00:15:21,840
Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor,
Spongebob.

315
00:15:21,907 --> 00:15:22,875
Hi.

316
00:15:22,941 --> 00:15:24,009
Hello there.

317
00:15:24,076 --> 00:15:25,344
How do you do?

318
00:15:25,411 --> 00:15:26,345
Hi.

319
00:15:26,412 --> 00:15:28,080
Put her there.

320
00:15:29,682 --> 00:15:31,016
Mama, Mama!

321
00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:33,185
He means shake.

322
00:15:33,252 --> 00:15:35,120
No, Spongebob, no!

323
00:15:35,187 --> 00:15:36,989
Shake hands.

324
00:15:37,056 --> 00:15:39,658
No, Spongebob.

325
00:15:39,725 --> 00:15:42,394
Grab my dad's hand.

326
00:15:42,461 --> 00:15:44,863
Grab it with
only one hand.

327
00:15:44,930 --> 00:15:46,165
Good boy!

328
00:15:46,231 --> 00:15:51,036
Now move your
arm up and down.

329
00:15:52,004 --> 00:15:54,873
So, Spongebob,
do you live nearby?

330
00:15:54,940 --> 00:15:55,941
Hi.

331
00:15:56,008 --> 00:15:59,244
No, Spongebob.
Show them your house.

332
00:15:59,478 --> 00:16:03,949
No, not your blouse,
your house.

333
00:16:07,353 --> 00:16:09,021
He lives in a fruit?

334
00:16:09,088 --> 00:16:11,123
That's unhealthy.

335
00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:16,161
Hey, Spongebob!

336
00:16:16,228 --> 00:16:19,031
You want to stay
for dinner?

337
00:16:24,636 --> 00:16:27,172
Does he always do that
after he eats?

338
00:16:27,239 --> 00:16:29,742
Only on Wednesday.

339
00:16:35,614 --> 00:16:38,717
Uh, Patrick, I think your friend
might be broken.

340
00:16:38,784 --> 00:16:42,688
Yeah, and it would take
more than some masking tape

341
00:16:42,755 --> 00:16:44,423
to fix that guy.

342
00:16:46,792 --> 00:16:49,628
Whoa! Is he going to be okay?

343
00:16:49,695 --> 00:16:51,330
Oh, that's nothing.

344
00:16:51,397 --> 00:16:53,365
You should see him
in the morning

345
00:16:53,432 --> 00:16:56,935
prancing around, yelling,
"Harmony! Harmony! Harmony!

346
00:16:57,002 --> 00:17:00,072
He drives
all the neighbors crazy.

347
00:17:00,139 --> 00:17:03,342
Why, just the other day
our neighbor Squidward was...

348
00:17:06,412 --> 00:17:08,147
There's really
no help for him.

349
00:17:10,549 --> 00:17:12,551
I mean, look at
the way he's dressed.

350
00:17:12,618 --> 00:17:15,421
Only somebody with holes
drilled in their head

351
00:17:15,487 --> 00:17:17,189
would wear that stuff.

352
00:17:17,256 --> 00:17:19,525
And how about this shape?

353
00:17:19,591 --> 00:17:21,660
I mean, I've heard
of barrel-chested

354
00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:24,363
but never box-chested!

355
00:17:26,465 --> 00:17:30,469
Hey, Spongebob, do you have
any mascara I could borrow?

356
00:17:33,539 --> 00:17:35,941
The boy wears makeup?

357
00:17:36,008 --> 00:17:37,376
What a card!

358
00:17:43,182 --> 00:17:44,917
Hey, Patrick.

359
00:17:44,983 --> 00:17:45,851
Patrick!

360
00:17:45,918 --> 00:17:48,520
Aw, he said my name.

361
00:17:48,587 --> 00:17:51,223
Wow, how'd you train
him to do that?

362
00:17:53,826 --> 00:17:55,594
Ow! He bit me.

363
00:17:55,661 --> 00:17:57,463
Patrick,
meet me in the kitchen.

364
00:17:57,529 --> 00:18:01,767
Oh, I guess the dummy
wants to have a private
conversation.

365
00:18:04,403 --> 00:18:06,405
A dumb one!

366
00:18:08,474 --> 00:18:09,975
So, what's on your mind?

367
00:18:10,042 --> 00:18:10,943
No, wait!

368
00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:13,779
I already know the answer:
nothing.

369
00:18:15,614 --> 00:18:18,050
See, that's funny,
'cause you're dumb!

370
00:18:18,283 --> 00:18:19,785
Patrick, could you let up
on the insults

371
00:18:19,852 --> 00:18:21,687
just a little bit?

372
00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:24,690
Oh, we're those too complicated
for you?

373
00:18:24,756 --> 00:18:27,125
I'll try dumbing them down
a bit.

374
00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:30,762
Patrick, I get the feeling
that you think I really am dumb.

375
00:18:33,632 --> 00:18:37,002
That's just what I'd expect
you to say.

376
00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:39,571
Dumb people are always
blissfully unaware

377
00:18:39,638 --> 00:18:41,607
of how dumb they really are.

378
00:18:43,709 --> 00:18:45,811
I'm only pretending to be dumb.

379
00:18:45,878 --> 00:18:47,713
It was our plan, remember?

380
00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:50,582
Oh, Spongebob, if only
you could see

381
00:18:50,649 --> 00:18:53,485
how stupid you sound right now

382
00:18:53,552 --> 00:18:56,421
with your talk
of imaginary plans.

383
00:18:56,488 --> 00:18:59,691
Tell you what, you've caught me
in a good mood.

384
00:18:59,758 --> 00:19:01,326
I'll humor you.

385
00:19:01,393 --> 00:19:04,730
Go on. Go out there and act
smart for everyone.

386
00:19:04,796 --> 00:19:07,032
Okay, I will.

387
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:11,737
And-and don't worry;
I'll keep this warm for you.

388
00:19:12,938 --> 00:19:14,873
I have a confession to make.

389
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:16,875
I lied about being stupid.

390
00:19:16,942 --> 00:19:18,510
I just acted like a fool

391
00:19:18,577 --> 00:19:21,647
so you would appreciate Patrick
a little bit more.

392
00:19:21,713 --> 00:19:24,283
I know how to talk and eat
and do laundry—

393
00:19:24,349 --> 00:19:26,718
I even separate the darks
and the lights.

394
00:19:26,785 --> 00:19:29,221
So what do you say we start over
and try again.

395
00:19:29,288 --> 00:19:32,224
Hi. My name is
Spongebob Squarepants

396
00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:33,759
and I am not a dummy.

397
00:19:35,394 --> 00:19:37,563
Amazing. Three minutes
in the kitchen

398
00:19:37,629 --> 00:19:40,899
and our son has taught him
to talk in complete sentences.

399
00:19:40,966 --> 00:19:42,267
Oh, good work, son.

400
00:19:42,334 --> 00:19:44,303
It wasn't easy, Dad.

401
00:19:44,536 --> 00:19:46,371
B-but-but...

402
00:19:46,438 --> 00:19:49,575
It looks like it's time
for your next lesson, young man.

403
00:19:49,641 --> 00:19:51,843
Now listen to me!
I'm not dumb!

404
00:19:51,910 --> 00:19:55,213
I have a brain.
See, here's a picture of it.

405
00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:58,450
That must be actual size.

406
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,757
No! It's normal size
and fully functional.

407
00:20:05,824 --> 00:20:07,292
Watch.

408
00:20:08,927 --> 00:20:10,762
Two plus two equals four.

409
00:20:10,829 --> 00:20:13,465
Oh, son, you taught him math,
too.

410
00:20:13,532 --> 00:20:15,634
No!

411
00:20:15,701 --> 00:20:17,603
And you taught him to sing.

412
00:20:18,737 --> 00:20:20,372
Oh, now he's
short-circuiting.

413
00:20:20,439 --> 00:20:22,708
You must've taught him
a little too much.

414
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:50,502
You know, son

415
00:20:50,569 --> 00:20:53,972
I've always known
that when it comes to brightness

416
00:20:54,039 --> 00:20:56,508
well, you're about a three-watt.

417
00:20:56,575 --> 00:21:00,078
But this guy... he's a wet match
in a dark cave.

418
00:21:00,312 --> 00:21:02,948
He makes
phone operators seem smart.

419
00:21:03,015 --> 00:21:05,384
But more importantly, son

420
00:21:05,450 --> 00:21:08,420
he's shown me what a sharp,
quick-witted boy you've become.

421
00:21:08,487 --> 00:21:11,623
I-I feel like I'm
really meeting you
for the first time.

422
00:21:11,690 --> 00:21:13,925
Isn't that right, Janet?

423
00:21:13,992 --> 00:21:15,861
You bet, Marty.

424
00:21:15,927 --> 00:21:18,330
Janet?

425
00:21:18,397 --> 00:21:19,731
Marty?

426
00:21:19,798 --> 00:21:21,733
Who are you people?

427
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,802
Marty, I'm scared.

428
00:21:24,936 --> 00:21:26,004
Excuse me.

429
00:21:26,071 --> 00:21:28,974
Does this lovely
couple belong to you?

430
00:21:29,041 --> 00:21:30,876
They've been standing
outside my house saying

431
00:21:30,942 --> 00:21:32,611
"Where's Patrick?" all day.

432
00:21:32,678 --> 00:21:34,513
It's driving me nuts!

433
00:21:34,579 --> 00:21:37,582
Mom! Dad!

434
00:21:38,950 --> 00:21:42,254
Wow, son, you actually
recognized us this time.

435
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:46,024
And you remembered
to get dressed today.

436
00:21:51,463 --> 00:21:55,434
Oh, that's right, honey,
we don't have a son.

437
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:57,602
Oh, yeah.

438
00:22:09,114 --> 00:22:13,085
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

439
00:22:13,151 --> 00:22:16,922
and NICKELODEON