1
00:00:07,934 --> 00:00:13,520
Ah, Goo Lagoon, a luxurious
oasis of sand and sea.

2
00:00:13,624 --> 00:00:15,589
Shoot, SpongeBob,

3
00:00:15,693 --> 00:00:16,624
how can we
go swimming

4
00:00:16,727 --> 00:00:18,486
when you're
in a shirt & tie?

5
00:00:18,589 --> 00:00:20,279
Ah, yes, how foolish of me.

6
00:00:21,727 --> 00:00:24,451
Allow me to remedy
said situation right now.

7
00:00:24,555 --> 00:00:26,520
I will just use
this changing tent here

8
00:00:26,624 --> 00:00:29,313
to change into my bathing suit.

9
00:00:29,693 --> 00:00:31,244
And I won't do anything else.

10
00:00:31,348 --> 00:00:32,555
SpongeBob's acting jumpier

11
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:35,313
than a rattlesnake
in a pickle barrel.

12
00:00:35,417 --> 00:00:36,382
Wait... what?

13
00:00:37,727 --> 00:00:40,175
Oh, I'll be changing all right,

14
00:00:40,279 --> 00:00:41,968
but not into a bathing suit.

15
00:00:42,072 --> 00:00:46,693
Wait until Sandy sees
that I brought my karate gear!

16
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:47,451
Hi-yah!

17
00:00:47,555 --> 00:00:48,727
Hi... yah!

18
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,934
Sandy won't beat me this time,

19
00:00:51,037 --> 00:00:53,589
because I've got the element
on my side.

20
00:00:53,693 --> 00:00:56,762
The element of surprise.

21
00:00:56,865 --> 00:00:57,658
Hi-yah!

22
00:00:57,762 --> 00:00:59,831
SpongeBob,
are you ready?

23
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:03,210
Yes, Sandy,
I most certainly am ready!

24
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,003
Ready to get it on.

25
00:01:06,106 --> 00:01:08,106
Hi...

26
00:01:08,210 --> 00:01:09,244
Hi-yah!

27
00:01:09,348 --> 00:01:10,486
Look, SpongeBob,

28
00:01:10,589 --> 00:01:12,175
we both brought our karate gear.

29
00:01:13,486 --> 00:01:15,900
Great minds
think alike, I suppose.

30
00:01:16,003 --> 00:01:17,520
Hi-yah!

31
00:01:23,279 --> 00:01:26,727
I may be down, but I'm not out!

32
00:01:27,624 --> 00:01:28,624
Way to go, buddy.

33
00:01:28,727 --> 00:01:29,658
It took us
three days

34
00:01:29,762 --> 00:01:31,796
to make that
potato salad.

35
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,486
Three days!

36
00:01:33,589 --> 00:01:35,141
Hi-yah!

37
00:01:35,244 --> 00:01:36,589
Sandy?

38
00:01:36,693 --> 00:01:39,417
Oh, I'm Sandy all right...

39
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,796
I'm very sandy.

40
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:42,520
Hi-yah!

41
00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:44,831
Oh, I get it.

42
00:01:44,934 --> 00:01:46,072
She's "Sandy."

43
00:01:46,175 --> 00:01:49,865
That's her name and she's
also covered in... yes.

44
00:01:51,175 --> 00:01:54,624
Back in Texas,
we call ice cream
"frozen cow juice."

45
00:01:54,727 --> 00:01:56,727
Excuse me for a sec.

46
00:01:56,831 --> 00:01:57,934
Hi... yah!

47
00:01:58,900 --> 00:01:59,624
Thank you.

48
00:01:59,727 --> 00:02:01,796
No, no, thank you.

49
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:02,900
Hi-yah!

50
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,520
Who threw that
piece of paper at me?

51
00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:13,555
Hey, what's
everyone

52
00:02:13,658 --> 00:02:15,244
waiting
in line for?

53
00:02:15,348 --> 00:02:19,003
Ahoy, fair lass, it be the line
to get into the Salty Spitoon,

54
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,555
the roughest,
toughest,
sailor club

55
00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:23,831
ever to be built
under the seven seas.

56
00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:27,072
Only the baddest of the bad
can get in.

57
00:02:27,175 --> 00:02:28,762
You need to have muscles.

58
00:02:30,175 --> 00:02:32,934
You need to have muscles
on your muscles.

59
00:02:34,106 --> 00:02:37,348
You need to have muscles
on your eyeballs.

60
00:02:40,141 --> 00:02:41,555
Ew.

61
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:48,693
Looks like a rip-snortin'
good time, SpongeBob.

62
00:02:48,796 --> 00:02:50,348
Yeah, let's go in.

63
00:02:50,451 --> 00:02:51,796
Go ahead.

64
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:54,279
Welcome to
the Salty Spitoon.

65
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,589
How tough are ya?

66
00:02:55,693 --> 00:02:57,072
How tough am I?

67
00:02:57,175 --> 00:02:58,279
How tough am I?

68
00:02:58,382 --> 00:03:01,141
I had a bowl of nails
for breakfast this morning.

69
00:03:01,244 --> 00:03:02,003
Yeah, so?

70
00:03:02,106 --> 00:03:04,348
Without any milk.

71
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,313
Uh, right this way.

72
00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:06,727
Sorry to keep
you waiting.

73
00:03:06,831 --> 00:03:08,658
Welcome to
the Salty Spitoon.

74
00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:09,658
How tough are ya?

75
00:03:09,762 --> 00:03:12,003
How tough am I?

76
00:03:14,244 --> 00:03:15,762
Wow.

77
00:03:15,865 --> 00:03:17,451
Got any more
tattoos?

78
00:03:17,555 --> 00:03:19,968
Uh, that won't
be necessary.
Go ahead.

79
00:03:20,072 --> 00:03:20,934
Thanks!

80
00:03:21,037 --> 00:03:22,555
See ya inside,
SpongeBob.

81
00:03:22,658 --> 00:03:23,968
How tough are ya?

82
00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:24,865
How tough am I?

83
00:03:24,968 --> 00:03:26,831
You got a new bottle
of ketchup?

84
00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:27,865
Sure.

85
00:03:27,968 --> 00:03:29,141
It's on!

86
00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:49,486
If I could just run this
under some hot water...

87
00:03:49,589 --> 00:03:50,762
Get outta here.

88
00:03:50,865 --> 00:03:53,210
This place is too tough
for you, little man.

89
00:03:53,313 --> 00:03:54,313
Too tough for me?

90
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:55,900
That's downright ridiculous.

91
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,210
I'll have you know
I stubbed my toe last week

92
00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:01,934
while watering my spice garden
and I only cried for 20 minutes.

93
00:04:02,037 --> 00:04:05,382
Listen, kid, I think
you'd be more comfortable

94
00:04:05,486 --> 00:04:06,589
over at that place.

95
00:04:06,693 --> 00:04:08,037
Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

96
00:04:08,141 --> 00:04:10,762
Are you saying I belong
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

97
00:04:10,865 --> 00:04:12,382
Oh, no, sorry.
I was actually

98
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,003
pointing to the place
next to it.

99
00:04:14,106 --> 00:04:16,555
Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

100
00:04:16,658 --> 00:04:17,968
Yeah.

101
00:04:18,072 --> 00:04:20,727
Unless you think you're
tough enough to fight me.

102
00:04:22,382 --> 00:04:24,762
How's your collection
coming along?

103
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,210
Well I don't
mean to brag,

104
00:04:26,313 --> 00:04:27,244
but it's
pretty sweet.

105
00:04:27,348 --> 00:04:29,727
I'm in the process
of acquiring issue 347

106
00:04:29,831 --> 00:04:32,003
which will give me
my fourth set.

107
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:32,968
No!

108
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:34,451
What weenies.

109
00:04:34,555 --> 00:04:36,106
Oh, brother.

110
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,831
Would you care
for another diet cola

111
00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:41,003
with a lemon twist,
Weenie?

112
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:41,693
What?

113
00:04:41,796 --> 00:04:43,900
But I'm not a weenie!

114
00:04:45,141 --> 00:04:47,900
I'm sorry, sir,
but my sensors indicate

115
00:04:48,003 --> 00:04:49,727
that you are
indeed a weenie.

116
00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:53,589
That's impossible!

117
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,762
You can't hide
what's inside.

118
00:04:58,727 --> 00:05:00,555
I demand entrance
into your club

119
00:05:00,658 --> 00:05:03,382
on the grounds
that I am nota weenie!

120
00:05:03,486 --> 00:05:05,141
Hey, Reg,
how's it going?

121
00:05:05,244 --> 00:05:06,072
You were saying?

122
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,141
Go ahead, buddy.

123
00:05:07,244 --> 00:05:08,175
Thanks, Reg.

124
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:09,831
So, your name's Reg?

125
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,900
Would you get outta here?

126
00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:13,141
Mark my words, Reg!

127
00:05:13,244 --> 00:05:16,313
I will get into
the Salty Spitoon!

128
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,451
I will!

129
00:05:17,555 --> 00:05:18,727
Couldn't
get in, huh?

130
00:05:18,831 --> 00:05:20,451
What you need is
a tough hairdo.

131
00:05:20,555 --> 00:05:21,831
No one gets
into the double-S

132
00:05:21,934 --> 00:05:23,072
without a tough
hairdo.

133
00:05:23,175 --> 00:05:24,417
I disagree—
I saw a guy

134
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,348
going in there
and he was bald.

135
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,555
I saw that guy.

136
00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,279
He wasn't bald,
he had a shaved head.

137
00:05:29,382 --> 00:05:30,796
Shaved—
that's a hairdo.

138
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:31,796
Case closed.

139
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:32,900
Hey, where'd he go?

140
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,968
I believe
he said something

141
00:05:35,072 --> 00:05:37,589
about going to
the wig store.

142
00:05:37,693 --> 00:05:38,520
Ha-ha!

143
00:05:38,624 --> 00:05:40,934
Check and mate!

144
00:05:41,451 --> 00:05:43,106
What's shaking,
my man?

145
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,003
Not much.

146
00:05:44,106 --> 00:05:46,210
Say, haven't I seen you before?

147
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:49,589
Doubt it— I'm a drifter—
just blew into town.

148
00:05:49,693 --> 00:05:51,624
Heard your club
was pretty tough.

149
00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,210
Thought I'd check it out.

150
00:05:53,313 --> 00:05:53,831
Nice try, kid.

151
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:54,831
I know it's you.

152
00:05:54,934 --> 00:05:56,968
What are you
talking about?

153
00:05:57,072 --> 00:05:57,831
Aha!

154
00:05:57,934 --> 00:06:00,831
Hey everybody,
what's going on?

155
00:06:06,003 --> 00:06:07,658
Ah, you can go in.

156
00:06:07,762 --> 00:06:08,900
Sorry about that.

157
00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:10,175
And what do youwant?

158
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,727
I'd like to gain entrance
to your club, please.

159
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,865
I believe my hairdo is in order.

160
00:06:20,555 --> 00:06:21,624
So where do you stand

161
00:06:21,727 --> 00:06:23,796
on the whole
bald vs. shaved debate?

162
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:24,968
Hey-ya, Reg.

163
00:06:25,072 --> 00:06:26,934
All right,
now it's a party.

164
00:06:27,037 --> 00:06:29,348
Oh, yeah, check out
the new ink.

165
00:06:29,451 --> 00:06:30,244
Thanks.

166
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,175
Hey, look what I can make it do.

167
00:06:34,831 --> 00:06:36,658
Yeah!

168
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:37,968
Hey, what about
that one?

169
00:06:38,072 --> 00:06:41,003
Huh, you know, I don't
remember getting this one.

170
00:06:41,106 --> 00:06:42,313
Can you make it
dance?

171
00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:43,417
Oh, here, let me try.

172
00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:48,900
Hot-cha, cha-cha,
hot-cha, cha-cha.

173
00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:50,555
Cha-ditty-
cha-ditty-cha!

174
00:06:50,658 --> 00:06:52,865
Hmm, wait a minute.

175
00:06:52,968 --> 00:06:54,175
Go ahead in.

176
00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:55,520
Yeah, sure, Reg.

177
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:56,831
Thanks.

178
00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:58,865
Nice try, little man.

179
00:07:00,555 --> 00:07:02,831
Hey, I was in front of you!

180
00:07:02,934 --> 00:07:03,762
No, you weren't!

181
00:07:03,865 --> 00:07:05,555
Are you callin' me a liar?

182
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,658
I ain't callin' you
for dinner!

183
00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:15,037
Hold it, you two—
that's enough.

184
00:07:15,141 --> 00:07:16,589
You're both
plenty tough.

185
00:07:16,693 --> 00:07:17,589
Go ahead in.

186
00:07:17,693 --> 00:07:18,589
All right.

187
00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:19,934
Thanks, Reg.

188
00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:21,037
Hey, what about me?

189
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,141
I was in that scrap.

190
00:07:22,244 --> 00:07:23,831
I saw you running.

191
00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:26,210
When you get
in a real fight,
then we'll talk.

192
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:31,106
Well then, I guess it's time
to take it up a notch.

193
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:49,037
Care for another
sundae, weenie?

194
00:07:49,141 --> 00:07:50,072
I am not a weenie!

195
00:07:50,175 --> 00:07:52,313
Relax, you're
among friends.

196
00:07:52,417 --> 00:07:56,486
My friends don't hang out
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s.

197
00:07:56,589 --> 00:07:58,244
You tell 'em,
SpongeBob.

198
00:07:58,348 --> 00:08:00,003
Patrick, what are
you doing here?

199
00:08:00,106 --> 00:08:02,831
I'm always here on
Double-Weenie Wednesday.

200
00:08:02,934 --> 00:08:04,003
Actually,
they moved

201
00:08:04,106 --> 00:08:05,693
Double-Weenie
Wednesday
to Friday.

202
00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,037
Besides, today'sMonday.

203
00:08:07,141 --> 00:08:09,106
Oh, so it's
Mega-Weenie Monday?

204
00:08:09,210 --> 00:08:10,762
That's now
on Sunday.

205
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:11,727
Barnacles!

206
00:08:11,831 --> 00:08:12,624
Super Weenie
Hut Jr.'s

207
00:08:12,727 --> 00:08:14,037
has a Mega-
Weenie
Monday.

208
00:08:14,141 --> 00:08:14,934
No, you're
thinking

209
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,175
of Monster-
Weenie Monday.

210
00:08:16,279 --> 00:08:17,555
I don't have time for this!

211
00:08:17,658 --> 00:08:20,658
I've gotta go pick a fight
with a muscular stranger.

212
00:08:20,762 --> 00:08:22,175
It's the only way of getting

213
00:08:22,279 --> 00:08:23,727
into the Salty Spitoon.

214
00:08:23,831 --> 00:08:25,037
No, SpongeBob,
you can't.

215
00:08:25,141 --> 00:08:26,106
It's too dangerous.

216
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:27,348
I've got no choice.

217
00:08:27,451 --> 00:08:29,141
I have a suggestion.

218
00:08:29,244 --> 00:08:31,313
Why not fake a fight?

219
00:08:31,417 --> 00:08:34,348
Hey, that's not
a bad idea!

220
00:08:34,451 --> 00:08:36,900
You can call me
a couple of bad names,

221
00:08:37,003 --> 00:08:38,727
we rumble,
next thing you know

222
00:08:38,831 --> 00:08:40,106
you're in
the Salty Spitoon.

223
00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:43,244
Well, I guess I've
got nothing to lose.

224
00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:44,141
Let's do it!

225
00:08:44,244 --> 00:08:45,520
Yeah!

226
00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:47,037
Hey, how come
you never

227
00:08:47,141 --> 00:08:48,348
help us with
our problems?

228
00:08:48,451 --> 00:08:51,934
I am a robot,
not a miracle worker.

229
00:08:52,037 --> 00:08:52,900
Afternoon, Reg.

230
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:54,451
Whoa, whoa, little man.

231
00:08:54,555 --> 00:08:56,003
You still can't go in.

232
00:08:56,106 --> 00:08:59,210
Well, that makes me
pretty mad.

233
00:08:59,313 --> 00:09:00,244
Oh, yeah?

234
00:09:00,348 --> 00:09:01,175
Yeah.

235
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:02,589
I might have to beat someone up

236
00:09:02,693 --> 00:09:04,865
just to get rid
of all this blind fury.

237
00:09:04,968 --> 00:09:06,520
Wow.

238
00:09:06,624 --> 00:09:10,037
I feel pretty sorry for the
next guy who looks at me funny.

239
00:09:10,141 --> 00:09:12,037
Hmm... what about
that guy?

240
00:09:13,589 --> 00:09:15,589
I...
don't be silly,

241
00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:17,003
he's not bothering
anybody.

242
00:09:17,106 --> 00:09:20,003
I mean, not like...
that guy!

243
00:09:20,589 --> 00:09:21,589
Who, me?

244
00:09:21,693 --> 00:09:22,796
Yeah, you.

245
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:24,175
Standing there all
smiling and whatnot.

246
00:09:24,279 --> 00:09:26,900
Somebody ought to teach
you some manners.

247
00:09:27,003 --> 00:09:28,934
Okay, but I must
warn you.

248
00:09:29,037 --> 00:09:34,141
I happen to be a world
championship... uh...

249
00:09:34,244 --> 00:09:37,106
"kick... box... er."

250
00:09:37,589 --> 00:09:41,037
I don't care if you're
the demon seed
of Davey Jones!

251
00:09:41,141 --> 00:09:43,417
You're going down, Tubby!

252
00:09:44,831 --> 00:09:46,589
Tubby?

253
00:09:49,693 --> 00:09:51,968
Nobody calls me Tubby!

254
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:54,313
Wait, Patrick.

255
00:09:54,417 --> 00:09:56,520
You're supposed to
let mewin, remember?

256
00:09:56,624 --> 00:09:57,624
Oh, yeah.

257
00:10:00,555 --> 00:10:01,968
No, please wait!

258
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:25,658
No, please, have mercy.

259
00:10:31,141 --> 00:10:32,175
Wow!

260
00:10:32,279 --> 00:10:33,175
You destroyed
that guy

261
00:10:33,279 --> 00:10:35,210
without even
touching him!

262
00:10:35,313 --> 00:10:36,658
I did?

263
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,486
I never thought
I'd say this,

264
00:10:38,589 --> 00:10:40,865
but...
go ahead in.

265
00:10:40,968 --> 00:10:42,348
Really?

266
00:10:42,451 --> 00:10:43,727
I can go in?

267
00:10:43,831 --> 00:10:46,968
Oh, my gosh, I never thought
this moment would come!

268
00:10:47,072 --> 00:10:48,417
I, SpongeBob SquarePants,

269
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,968
am tough enough to get
into the Salty Spitoon!

270
00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:57,141
This is the happiest day
of my life!

271
00:11:00,313 --> 00:11:01,348
Sandy?

272
00:11:03,106 --> 00:11:04,244
What happened?

273
00:11:04,348 --> 00:11:07,175
You ran inside and
slipped on an ice cube.

274
00:11:09,244 --> 00:11:10,555
What happened?

275
00:11:10,658 --> 00:11:15,072
I slipped on an ice cube
and got covered in boo-boos.

276
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,348
Boo-boos, eh?

277
00:11:16,451 --> 00:11:18,072
I think you guys
want thathospital.

278
00:11:18,175 --> 00:11:19,555
Weenie Hut General?

279
00:11:32,037 --> 00:11:37,244
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four,

280
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:39,382
three, two, one.

281
00:11:39,486 --> 00:11:42,244
I'm done with my shift,
Mr. Krabs!

282
00:11:42,348 --> 00:11:43,796
And let me just say,

283
00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:47,382
there will come a day when I
will make something of my life

284
00:11:47,486 --> 00:11:53,072
and I will never have to set
foot in this grease trap again!

285
00:11:53,175 --> 00:11:54,382
Yeah, we'll see you

286
00:11:54,486 --> 00:11:56,658
after your lunch break,
Squidward.

287
00:11:56,762 --> 00:11:58,865
Okay.

288
00:12:00,141 --> 00:12:02,658
So I just took
my private yacht

289
00:12:02,762 --> 00:12:05,555
across my private lake
to my private heliport.

290
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,762
It's the only way
off my private island.

291
00:12:08,865 --> 00:12:10,417
Oh, shrimp!

292
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,555
It's my arch rival from high
school, Squilliam Fancyson!

293
00:12:13,658 --> 00:12:16,555
I can't let him see me
in my Krusty Krab uniform.

294
00:12:16,658 --> 00:12:20,279
On your lunch break,
eh, Squiddy?

295
00:12:20,382 --> 00:12:23,382
Yes... I mean no...
I mean... uh, uh...

296
00:12:23,486 --> 00:12:24,968
Hey, whatcha
been up to?

297
00:12:25,072 --> 00:12:29,210
Oh, just succeeding in
everything you've failed in.

298
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:31,762
You are no great shakes,
Squilliam Fancyson!

299
00:12:31,865 --> 00:12:36,658
Anyone can be a big shot in
a hick town like Bikini Bottom.

300
00:12:36,762 --> 00:12:38,072
Oh, is that so?

301
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:41,037
Let's hear what you've
accomplished

302
00:12:41,141 --> 00:12:42,762
since high school, Squiddy.

303
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:45,382
Don't be intimidated,
Squidward.

304
00:12:45,486 --> 00:12:47,658
Try to imagine him
in his underwear.

305
00:12:50,244 --> 00:12:51,900
Oh, no, he's hot!

306
00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:55,417
I'm, uh, in... food service.

307
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,796
Hold it,
don't tell me—

308
00:12:57,900 --> 00:12:59,072
you're a cashier!

309
00:13:00,486 --> 00:13:01,968
Don't lie.

310
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:03,486
Lying always makes it worse.

311
00:13:03,589 --> 00:13:05,417
I own a five-star restaurant!

312
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:10,658
Squidward, I had no idea
you were such a success.

313
00:13:10,762 --> 00:13:11,382
That's right!

314
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,141
And I would be honored

315
00:13:13,244 --> 00:13:17,072
if you would allow me
to come to yourrestaurant...

316
00:13:17,175 --> 00:13:18,348
tonight.

317
00:13:20,555 --> 00:13:22,968
T-t-t-t-t-t-tonight?

318
00:13:23,072 --> 00:13:25,727
In fact, we'll all come.

319
00:13:25,831 --> 00:13:27,244
My treat!

320
00:13:29,624 --> 00:13:32,520
Please, Mr. Krabs,
you got to help me!

321
00:13:32,624 --> 00:13:33,831
When they get here
tonight

322
00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:37,072
they'll see I'm just
a big phony and a loser!

323
00:13:37,175 --> 00:13:38,900
Oh, boo-hoo!

324
00:13:39,003 --> 00:13:43,693
Let me play a sad song for you
on the world's smallest violin.

325
00:13:43,796 --> 00:13:44,486
This is serious.

326
00:13:44,589 --> 00:13:46,003
I know—
this really is

327
00:13:46,106 --> 00:13:48,106
the world's
smallest violin.

328
00:13:48,210 --> 00:13:49,589
See?

329
00:13:49,693 --> 00:13:51,003
Mr. Krabs!

330
00:13:51,106 --> 00:13:53,072
Please let me run
the restaurant

331
00:13:53,175 --> 00:13:54,244
for just one night!

332
00:13:54,348 --> 00:13:56,796
I really need
to impress Squilliam.

333
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,417
Sq-Sq-Sq-Squilliam?

334
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:00,555
That guy who
made millions

335
00:14:00,658 --> 00:14:02,796
doing what you
wish you could do?

336
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:03,934
Don't rub it in.

337
00:14:04,037 --> 00:14:05,382
Why didn't you
tell me?

338
00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:08,244
We'll take him
to the cleaners!

339
00:14:08,624 --> 00:14:09,968
All right,
listen up!

340
00:14:10,072 --> 00:14:12,865
Men, Squilliam Fancyson
will be here in 20 minutes.

341
00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,658
Therefore, we need
to turn the Krusty Krab

342
00:14:15,762 --> 00:14:18,348
into a fancy restaurant
as soon as possible!

343
00:14:18,451 --> 00:14:20,348
Patrick, what are you
doing here?

344
00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:21,555
I thought the Corps

345
00:14:21,658 --> 00:14:23,693
would straighten out
my life, sir!

346
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:24,417
The Corps?

347
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,348
What the...?

348
00:14:25,451 --> 00:14:26,796
Patrick this isn't the...

349
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,762
Beggars can't
be choosers.

350
00:14:29,865 --> 00:14:30,865
Can you take hats

351
00:14:30,968 --> 00:14:32,934
in a dignified and
sophisticated manner?

352
00:14:33,037 --> 00:14:34,865
You mean like
a weenie?

353
00:14:34,968 --> 00:14:35,658
Okay!

354
00:14:35,762 --> 00:14:38,037
May I take
your hat, sir?

355
00:14:38,141 --> 00:14:40,313
May I take
your hat, sir?

356
00:14:40,417 --> 00:14:41,382
May I...

357
00:14:41,486 --> 00:14:42,555
All right,
I've heard enough.

358
00:14:42,658 --> 00:14:44,106
You've got the job.

359
00:14:44,210 --> 00:14:47,624
Mr. Krabs, didn't you once
serve on the S.S. Gourmet?

360
00:14:47,727 --> 00:14:48,451
Aye-aye!

361
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,175
Then you'll be
our chef.

362
00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:51,348
What can I do?

363
00:14:51,451 --> 00:14:52,658
I can't believe
I'm saying this,

364
00:14:52,762 --> 00:14:56,348
but, SpongeBob, you're going
to have to be the waiter.

365
00:14:56,451 --> 00:14:57,693
What's that?

366
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,106
It's the guy who goes
to tables and takes orders.

367
00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:01,865
Do other restaurants
do that?

368
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:02,865
Yes, they do that!

369
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,555
Now listen,
Squilliam is on his way

370
00:15:04,658 --> 00:15:06,417
and you have
less than 20 minutes

371
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,072
to become
a fancy waiter,

372
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,141
so read this.

373
00:15:09,244 --> 00:15:10,486
" How To Become a Fancy Waiter

374
00:15:10,589 --> 00:15:11,968
in Less Than 20 Minutes."

375
00:15:12,072 --> 00:15:13,141
Don't worry,
Squidward,

376
00:15:13,244 --> 00:15:14,451
I'll memorize
every page—

377
00:15:14,555 --> 00:15:15,762
right down to
the punctuation!

378
00:15:15,865 --> 00:15:18,486
All right, I've got
all the positions filled.

379
00:15:18,589 --> 00:15:20,382
I just might pull this off.

380
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:21,486
Give me that hat!

381
00:15:21,589 --> 00:15:23,589
I said give it to me!

382
00:15:23,693 --> 00:15:26,486
Are you going to
hand it over or not?

383
00:15:26,589 --> 00:15:28,037
Don't you back-sass me!

384
00:15:29,589 --> 00:15:32,865
He's just the hat-check guy,
nothing essential!

385
00:15:34,589 --> 00:15:36,658
What happened?
What is it?

386
00:15:36,762 --> 00:15:37,658
Peas!

387
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:38,865
Made 'em the
old-fashioned way.

388
00:15:38,968 --> 00:15:41,831
Mr. Krabs, you got
to take them out of the...

389
00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:45,486
Holy fish paste, what is that?

390
00:15:45,589 --> 00:15:47,520
That's the appetizer!

391
00:15:47,624 --> 00:15:48,831
But, I thought you said

392
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:51,417
you were the head chef
on the S.S. Gourmet?

393
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,796
Did I say that?

394
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,762
No, I cleaned
the bathrooms
on the Gourmet.

395
00:15:54,865 --> 00:15:57,486
I was the head chef
on the S.S. Diarrhea.

396
00:15:57,589 --> 00:15:58,520
There you are!

397
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,279
SpongeBob, you got to help me!

398
00:16:00,382 --> 00:16:02,555
Patrick and Mr. Krabs
aren't working out

399
00:16:02,658 --> 00:16:04,210
and Squilliam's
almost here,

400
00:16:04,313 --> 00:16:05,865
and, and... SpongeBob?

401
00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:09,210
I can't do it.

402
00:16:09,313 --> 00:16:11,762
I can't do it, Squidward.

403
00:16:11,865 --> 00:16:12,831
What?

404
00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:15,313
Every sentence,
every paragraph—

405
00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:17,417
Spoons! Bread! Salad! Pepper!

406
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,624
Don't you understand?

407
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,658
My brain is full to bursting!

408
00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:22,693
If I have to memorize
a single order,

409
00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:24,589
I think I'm going
to explode!

410
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:25,934
SpongeBob, hold on!

411
00:16:26,037 --> 00:16:30,831
Let's just take a second here
to relax.

412
00:16:32,348 --> 00:16:34,624
Little more...

413
00:16:36,382 --> 00:16:38,658
Little more...

414
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,693
Good.

415
00:16:41,796 --> 00:16:46,003
Now... I want you
to empty your mind.

416
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,003
Empty my mind?

417
00:16:48,106 --> 00:16:50,348
Empty your mind.

418
00:16:50,451 --> 00:16:52,555
Empty my mind.

419
00:16:52,658 --> 00:16:54,934
Empty your mind of everything

420
00:16:55,037 --> 00:16:58,555
that doesn't have to do
with fine dining.

421
00:16:58,658 --> 00:17:02,796
Fine dining
and breathing...

422
00:17:04,486 --> 00:17:05,762
Just got an order
from the boss:

423
00:17:05,865 --> 00:17:08,727
dump everything that
isn't about fine dining!

424
00:17:08,831 --> 00:17:10,106
Everything?

425
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:11,072
Everything.

426
00:17:11,175 --> 00:17:12,003
Come on, come on!

427
00:17:12,106 --> 00:17:12,796
Quicker, quicker!

428
00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,727
Start dumping,
start dumping.

429
00:17:17,831 --> 00:17:19,934
Come on, let's get moving!

430
00:17:20,037 --> 00:17:20,693
Hurry up!

431
00:17:20,796 --> 00:17:22,382
What am I paying you for?

432
00:17:22,486 --> 00:17:23,589
You don't pay me.

433
00:17:23,693 --> 00:17:24,693
We don't even exist.

434
00:17:24,796 --> 00:17:26,003
We're just a clever
visual metaphor

435
00:17:26,106 --> 00:17:28,865
used to personify
the abstract concept
of thought.

436
00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:32,486
One more crack like that
and you're out of here!

437
00:17:32,589 --> 00:17:33,555
No, please!

438
00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:34,589
I have three kids!

439
00:17:44,589 --> 00:17:46,624
How do you feel?

440
00:17:47,658 --> 00:17:48,555
SpongeBob?

441
00:17:52,382 --> 00:17:53,624
This isn't working!

442
00:17:53,727 --> 00:17:56,244
I gotta go tell Squilliam
I need more time!

443
00:17:56,348 --> 00:17:58,451
I'll just go and tell him...

444
00:17:58,555 --> 00:17:59,382
You're here!

445
00:17:59,486 --> 00:18:00,796
Hello, Squiddy!

446
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:02,831
We're all ready
to be dazzled

447
00:18:02,934 --> 00:18:04,968
by your five-star
restaurant.

448
00:18:05,072 --> 00:18:05,762
Wait, Squilliam!

449
00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:07,175
I've got to explain!

450
00:18:07,279 --> 00:18:08,382
Explain what?

451
00:18:08,486 --> 00:18:10,658
That you,
Squidward Tentacles,

452
00:18:10,762 --> 00:18:14,762
voted most likely
to suck eggs
n high school,

453
00:18:14,865 --> 00:18:18,313
are trying to pass off
a lousy burger stand

454
00:18:18,417 --> 00:18:20,486
as a five-star...

455
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,037
restaurant?

456
00:18:26,175 --> 00:18:28,003
Hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...

457
00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:29,796
Hommina, hommina, hommina...

458
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,762
Hommina, hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...

459
00:18:32,865 --> 00:18:34,762
Table for Hommina?

460
00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:36,658
I can seat you
immediately.

461
00:18:36,762 --> 00:18:38,900
How did you do all this?

462
00:18:39,003 --> 00:18:40,762
It was easy— once
I cleared my mind.

463
00:18:40,865 --> 00:18:43,106
But what about
Krabs and Patrick?

464
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:44,037
Taken care of.

465
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,313
Right this way,
please.

466
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,417
Good evening, sir.

467
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,624
From our menu tonight,

468
00:18:54,727 --> 00:18:56,106
might I recommend
the Krabby Newburg?

469
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:58,900
We take the finest cuts
of aged, imported kelp,

470
00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:01,348
stuff them with herbs
from our garden,

471
00:19:01,451 --> 00:19:02,451
wrap them in parchment

472
00:19:02,555 --> 00:19:03,693
with our
shallot tapenade,

473
00:19:03,796 --> 00:19:06,003
roast them for hours
in our wood-fired oven,

474
00:19:06,106 --> 00:19:08,141
and serve them
with wilted coral

475
00:19:08,244 --> 00:19:09,210
on a mahogany plank.

476
00:19:09,313 --> 00:19:12,693
Mmm... this is
fantastic!

477
00:19:12,796 --> 00:19:13,693
Thank you, sir.

478
00:19:13,796 --> 00:19:16,486
Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

479
00:19:17,968 --> 00:19:19,486
If you need
anything else,
just call.

480
00:19:19,589 --> 00:19:21,693
SpongeBob, I can't
thank you enough

481
00:19:21,796 --> 00:19:23,072
for all
you're doing!

482
00:19:23,175 --> 00:19:26,141
Fine dining and breathing
are all I know how to do.

483
00:19:27,762 --> 00:19:29,175
It worked.

484
00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:30,382
I can't believe it!

485
00:19:30,486 --> 00:19:33,865
Squilliam thinks I own
a five-star restaurant.

486
00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:37,210
Time to rub it in his face.

487
00:19:40,072 --> 00:19:42,727
Well, Squilliam,
I'm waiting.

488
00:19:42,831 --> 00:19:45,313
All right, I admit it.

489
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:47,279
Everything is fabulous!

490
00:19:47,382 --> 00:19:51,693
The food, the atmosphere—
everything's flawless!

491
00:19:51,796 --> 00:19:53,831
In that case,
I need you to read this.

492
00:19:53,934 --> 00:19:55,313
"Squidward Tentacles..."

493
00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:56,589
And I need you
to wear this.

494
00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:59,555
Oh, eh, "Squidward Tentacles
has the fanciest..."

495
00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:00,934
I'm sorry,
one more time.

496
00:20:01,037 --> 00:20:03,865
"Squidward Tentacles has
the fanciest restaurant

497
00:20:03,968 --> 00:20:07,693
in Bikini Bottom...
and he does not suck eggs."

498
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:12,279
Squidward,
I must tell you...

499
00:20:12,382 --> 00:20:13,727
Thank you.

500
00:20:13,831 --> 00:20:16,900
What really won me over
was your brilliant waiter.

501
00:20:17,003 --> 00:20:18,693
It's as if
all he knows

502
00:20:18,796 --> 00:20:20,934
is fine dining
and breathing.

503
00:20:21,037 --> 00:20:22,693
I must know
your name.

504
00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:25,624
My name?

505
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:26,934
Yes, your name,
son.

506
00:20:27,037 --> 00:20:30,210
Uh, Beef Wellington?

507
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:31,727
No, your name.

508
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,520
Uh... er...

509
00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:36,037
The fork on the left?

510
00:20:36,141 --> 00:20:36,796
Stop joking.

511
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,072
Tell him
our name.

512
00:20:38,175 --> 00:20:39,072
My name...

513
00:20:39,175 --> 00:20:40,762
What's his name?
What's his name?

514
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,037
I got nothing on a name!

515
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:45,210
Come on baby, what's the name?

516
00:20:48,727 --> 00:20:50,520
We threw out his name!

517
00:20:55,106 --> 00:20:56,279
Uh...

518
00:20:58,348 --> 00:20:59,589
I am so
very sorry!

519
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:02,520
I don't know what
has gotten into that...

520
00:21:03,589 --> 00:21:05,486
More soup for
your armpits?

521
00:21:07,037 --> 00:21:09,003
Please enjoy
the food!

522
00:21:09,106 --> 00:21:12,520
Would you like some cheese
on that, sir?

523
00:21:12,624 --> 00:21:14,831
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

524
00:21:17,313 --> 00:21:18,831
No, no!

525
00:21:20,624 --> 00:21:25,762
Run for your lives, everyone,
it's the appetizer!

526
00:21:38,003 --> 00:21:42,072
Well, Squiddy,
I'm waiting.

527
00:21:42,727 --> 00:21:44,106
Okay, I admit it!

528
00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:45,417
I'm a fraud!

529
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,141
This was all a futile,
pathetic attempt
to impress you.

530
00:21:49,244 --> 00:21:51,934
This isn't really
my restaurant!

531
00:21:52,037 --> 00:21:54,003
I'm just a cashier!

532
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:56,934
Squidward, I understand.

533
00:21:57,037 --> 00:22:00,175
I have a confession
to make myself.

534
00:22:00,279 --> 00:22:03,520
I made everything up
about my life.

535
00:22:03,624 --> 00:22:06,037
I have no yachts,
jets or anything.

536
00:22:06,141 --> 00:22:09,106
I was only trying
to impress you.

537
00:22:09,210 --> 00:22:15,589
The horrible, sad truth is
I'm a cashier, too!

538
00:22:21,313 --> 00:22:23,865
Is that true?

539
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:24,762
Of course not!

540
00:22:24,865 --> 00:22:26,279
I'm filthy,
stinking rich!

541
00:22:26,382 --> 00:22:27,486
Come on, everyone!

542
00:22:27,589 --> 00:22:31,520
Let's all take a ride
in my balloon/casino.

543
00:22:31,624 --> 00:22:32,865
Hooray!

544
00:22:39,037 --> 00:22:40,175
I got such
a headache.

545
00:22:40,279 --> 00:22:41,900
What's going on
with you?

546
00:22:42,003 --> 00:22:42,934
Oh, the usual.

547
00:22:46,072 --> 00:22:53,934
Would you get out of here!

548
00:22:54,037 --> 00:22:57,175
and NICKELODEON]