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Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

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and NICKELODEON

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Ah, Goo Lagoon, a luxurious
oasis of sand and sea.

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Shoot, SpongeBob,

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how can we
go swimming

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when you're
in a shirt & tie?

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Ah, yes, how foolish of me.

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Allow me to remedy
said situation right now.

9
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I will just use
this changing tent here

10
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to change into my bathing suit.

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And I won't do anything else.

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SpongeBob's acting jumpier

13
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than a rattlesnake
in a pickle barrel.

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Wait... what?

15
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Oh, I'll be changing all right,

16
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but not into a bathing suit.

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Wait until Sandy sees
that I brought my karate gear!

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Hi-yah!

19
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Hi... yah!

20
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Sandy won't beat me this time,

21
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because I've got the element
on my side.

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The element of surprise.

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Hi-yah!

24
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SpongeBob,
are you ready?

25
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Yes, Sandy,
I most certainly am ready!

26
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Ready to get it on.

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Hi...

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Hi-yah!

29
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Look, SpongeBob,

30
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we both brought our karate gear.

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Great minds
think alike, I suppose.

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Hi-yah!

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I may be down, but I'm not out!

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Way to go, buddy.

35
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It took us
three days

36
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to make that
potato salad.

37
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Three days!

38
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Hi-yah!

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Sandy?

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Oh, I'm Sandy all right...

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I'm very sandy.

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Hi-yah!

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Oh, I get it.

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She's "Sandy."

45
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That's her name and she's
also covered in... yes.

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Back in Texas,
we call ice cream
"frozen cow juice."

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Excuse me for a sec.

48
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Hi... yah!

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Thank you.

50
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No, no, thank you.

51
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Hi-yah!

52
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Who threw that
piece of paper at me?

53
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Hey, what's
everyone

54
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waiting
in line for?

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Ahoy, fair lass, it be the line
to get into the Salty Spitoon,

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the roughest,
toughest,
sailor club

57
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ever to be built
under the seven seas.

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Only the baddest of the bad
can get in.

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You need to have muscles.

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You need to have muscles
on your muscles.

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You need to have muscles
on your eyeballs.

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Ew.

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Looks like a rip-snortin'
good time, SpongeBob.

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Yeah, let's go in.

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Go ahead.

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Welcome to
the Salty Spitoon.

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How tough are ya?

68
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How tough am I?

69
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How tough am I?

70
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I had a bowl of nails
for breakfast this morning.

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Yeah, so?

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Without any milk.

73
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Uh, right this way.

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Sorry to keep
you waiting.

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Welcome to
the Salty Spitoon.

76
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How tough are ya?

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How tough am I?

78
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Wow.

79
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Got any more
tattoos?

80
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Uh, that won't
be necessary.
Go ahead.

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Thanks!

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See ya inside,
SpongeBob.

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How tough are ya?

84
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How tough am I?

85
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You got a new bottle
of ketchup?

86
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Sure.

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It's on!

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If I could just run this
under some hot water...

89
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Get outta here.

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This place is too tough
for you, little man.

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Too tough for me?

92
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That's downright ridiculous.

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I'll have you know
I stubbed my toe last week

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while watering my spice garden
and I only cried for 20 minutes.

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Listen, kid, I think
you'd be more comfortable

96
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over at that place.

97
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Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

98
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Are you saying I belong
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

99
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Oh, no, sorry.
I was actually

100
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pointing to the place
next to it.

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Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

102
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Yeah.

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Unless you think you're
tough enough to fight me.

104
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How's your collection
coming along?

105
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Well I don't
mean to brag,

106
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but it's
pretty sweet.

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I'm in the process
of acquiring issue 347

108
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which will give me
my fourth set.

109
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No!

110
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What weenies.

111
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Oh, brother.

112
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Would you care
for another diet cola

113
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with a lemon twist,
Weenie?

114
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What?

115
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But I'm not a weenie!

116
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I'm sorry, sir,
but my sensors indicate

117
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that you are
indeed a weenie.

118
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That's impossible!

119
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You can't hide
what's inside.

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I demand entrance
into your club

121
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on the grounds
that I am nota weenie!

122
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Hey, Reg,
how's it going?

123
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You were saying?

124
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Go ahead, buddy.

125
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Thanks, Reg.

126
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So, your name's Reg?

127
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Would you get outta here?

128
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Mark my words, Reg!

129
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I will get into
the Salty Spitoon!

130
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I will!

131
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Couldn't
get in, huh?

132
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What you need is
a tough hairdo.

133
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No one gets
into the double-S

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without a tough
hairdo.

135
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I disagree—
I saw a guy

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going in there
and he was bald.

137
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I saw that guy.

138
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He wasn't bald,
he had a shaved head.

139
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Shaved—
that's a hairdo.

140
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Case closed.

141
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Hey, where'd he go?

142
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I believe
he said something

143
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about going to
the wig store.

144
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Ha-ha!

145
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Check and mate!

146
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What's shaking,
my man?

147
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Not much.

148
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Say, haven't I seen you before?

149
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Doubt it— I'm a drifter—
just blew into town.

150
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Heard your club
was pretty tough.

151
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Thought I'd check it out.

152
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Nice try, kid.

153
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I know it's you.

154
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What are you
talking about?

155
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Aha!

156
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Hey everybody,
what's going on?

157
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Ah, you can go in.

158
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Sorry about that.

159
00:06:30,543 --> 00:06:31,715
And what do youwant?

160
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I'd like to gain entrance
to your club, please.

161
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I believe my hairdo is in order.

162
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So where do you stand

163
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on the whole
bald vs. shaved debate?

164
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Hey-ya, Reg.

165
00:06:46,612 --> 00:06:48,474
All right,
now it's a party.

166
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Oh, yeah, check out
the new ink.

167
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Thanks.

168
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Hey, look what I can make it do.

169
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Yeah!

170
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Hey, what about
that one?

171
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Huh, you know, I don't
remember getting this one.

172
00:07:02,646 --> 00:07:03,853
Can you make it
dance?

173
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Oh, here, let me try.

174
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Hot-cha, cha-cha,
hot-cha, cha-cha.

175
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Cha-ditty-
cha-ditty-cha!

176
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Hmm, wait a minute.

177
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Go ahead in.

178
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Yeah, sure, Reg.

179
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Thanks.

180
00:07:18,474 --> 00:07:20,405
Nice try, little man.

181
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Hey, I was in front of you!

182
00:07:24,474 --> 00:07:25,302
No, you weren't!

183
00:07:25,405 --> 00:07:27,095
Are you callin' me a liar?

184
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I ain't callin' you
for dinner!

185
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Hold it, you two—
that's enough.

186
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You're both
plenty tough.

187
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Go ahead in.

188
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All right.

189
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Thanks, Reg.

190
00:07:41,577 --> 00:07:42,577
Hey, what about me?

191
00:07:42,681 --> 00:07:43,681
I was in that scrap.

192
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I saw you running.

193
00:07:45,474 --> 00:07:47,750
When you get
in a real fight,
then we'll talk.

194
00:07:47,853 --> 00:07:52,646
Well then, I guess it's time
to take it up a notch.

195
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Care for another
sundae, weenie?

196
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I am not a weenie!

197
00:08:11,715 --> 00:08:13,853
Relax, you're
among friends.

198
00:08:13,957 --> 00:08:18,026
My friends don't hang out
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s.

199
00:08:18,129 --> 00:08:19,784
You tell 'em,
SpongeBob.

200
00:08:19,888 --> 00:08:21,543
Patrick, what are
you doing here?

201
00:08:21,646 --> 00:08:24,371
I'm always here on
Double-Weenie Wednesday.

202
00:08:24,474 --> 00:08:25,543
Actually,
they moved

203
00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:27,233
Double-Weenie
Wednesday
to Friday.

204
00:08:27,336 --> 00:08:28,577
Besides, today'sMonday.

205
00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:30,646
Oh, so it's
Mega-Weenie Monday?

206
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,302
That's now
on Sunday.

207
00:08:32,405 --> 00:08:33,267
Barnacles!

208
00:08:33,371 --> 00:08:34,164
Super Weenie
Hut Jr.'s

209
00:08:34,267 --> 00:08:35,577
has a Mega-
Weenie
Monday.

210
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:36,474
No, you're
thinking

211
00:08:36,577 --> 00:08:37,715
of Monster-
Weenie Monday.

212
00:08:37,819 --> 00:08:39,095
I don't have time for this!

213
00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:42,198
I've gotta go pick a fight
with a muscular stranger.

214
00:08:42,302 --> 00:08:43,715
It's the only way of getting

215
00:08:43,819 --> 00:08:45,267
into the Salty Spitoon.

216
00:08:45,371 --> 00:08:46,577
No, SpongeBob,
you can't.

217
00:08:46,681 --> 00:08:47,646
It's too dangerous.

218
00:08:47,750 --> 00:08:48,888
I've got no choice.

219
00:08:48,991 --> 00:08:50,681
I have a suggestion.

220
00:08:50,784 --> 00:08:52,853
Why not fake a fight?

221
00:08:52,957 --> 00:08:55,888
Hey, that's not
a bad idea!

222
00:08:55,991 --> 00:08:58,440
You can call me
a couple of bad names,

223
00:08:58,543 --> 00:09:00,267
we rumble,
next thing you know

224
00:09:00,371 --> 00:09:01,646
you're in
the Salty Spitoon.

225
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,784
Well, I guess I've
got nothing to lose.

226
00:09:04,888 --> 00:09:05,681
Let's do it!

227
00:09:05,784 --> 00:09:07,060
Yeah!

228
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:08,577
Hey, how come
you never

229
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:09,888
help us with
our problems?

230
00:09:09,991 --> 00:09:13,474
I am a robot,
not a miracle worker.

231
00:09:13,577 --> 00:09:14,440
Afternoon, Reg.

232
00:09:14,543 --> 00:09:15,991
Whoa, whoa, little man.

233
00:09:16,095 --> 00:09:17,543
You still can't go in.

234
00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:20,750
Well, that makes me
pretty mad.

235
00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:21,784
Oh, yeah?

236
00:09:21,888 --> 00:09:22,715
Yeah.

237
00:09:22,819 --> 00:09:24,129
I might have to beat someone up

238
00:09:24,233 --> 00:09:26,405
just to get rid
of all this blind fury.

239
00:09:26,508 --> 00:09:28,060
Wow.

240
00:09:28,164 --> 00:09:31,577
I feel pretty sorry for the
next guy who looks at me funny.

241
00:09:31,681 --> 00:09:33,577
Hmm... what about
that guy?

242
00:09:35,129 --> 00:09:37,129
I...
don't be silly,

243
00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:38,543
he's not bothering
anybody.

244
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,543
I mean, not like...
that guy!

245
00:09:42,129 --> 00:09:43,129
Who, me?

246
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:44,336
Yeah, you.

247
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:45,715
Standing there all
smiling and whatnot.

248
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,440
Somebody ought to teach
you some manners.

249
00:09:48,543 --> 00:09:50,474
Okay, but I must
warn you.

250
00:09:50,577 --> 00:09:55,681
I happen to be a world
championship... uh...

251
00:09:55,784 --> 00:09:58,646
"kick... box... er."

252
00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:02,577
I don't care if you're
the demon seed
of Davey Jones!

253
00:10:02,681 --> 00:10:04,957
You're going down, Tubby!

254
00:10:06,371 --> 00:10:08,129
Tubby?

255
00:10:11,233 --> 00:10:13,508
Nobody calls me Tubby!

256
00:10:14,508 --> 00:10:15,853
Wait, Patrick.

257
00:10:15,957 --> 00:10:18,060
You're supposed to
let mewin, remember?

258
00:10:18,164 --> 00:10:19,164
Oh, yeah.

259
00:10:22,095 --> 00:10:23,508
No, please wait!

260
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:47,198
No, please, have mercy.

261
00:10:52,681 --> 00:10:53,715
Wow!

262
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:54,715
You destroyed
that guy

263
00:10:54,819 --> 00:10:56,750
without even
touching him!

264
00:10:56,853 --> 00:10:58,198
I did?

265
00:10:58,302 --> 00:11:00,026
I never thought
I'd say this,

266
00:11:00,129 --> 00:11:02,405
but...
go ahead in.

267
00:11:02,508 --> 00:11:03,888
Really?

268
00:11:03,991 --> 00:11:05,267
I can go in?

269
00:11:05,371 --> 00:11:08,508
Oh, my gosh, I never thought
this moment would come!

270
00:11:08,612 --> 00:11:09,957
I, SpongeBob SquarePants,

271
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:13,508
am tough enough to get
into the Salty Spitoon!

272
00:11:13,612 --> 00:11:18,681
This is the happiest day
of my life!

273
00:11:21,853 --> 00:11:22,888
Sandy?

274
00:11:24,646 --> 00:11:25,784
What happened?

275
00:11:25,888 --> 00:11:28,715
You ran inside and
slipped on an ice cube.

276
00:11:30,784 --> 00:11:32,095
What happened?

277
00:11:32,198 --> 00:11:36,612
I slipped on an ice cube
and got covered in boo-boos.

278
00:11:36,715 --> 00:11:37,888
Boo-boos, eh?

279
00:11:37,991 --> 00:11:39,612
I think you guys
want thathospital.

280
00:11:39,715 --> 00:11:41,095
Weenie Hut General?

281
00:11:53,577 --> 00:11:58,784
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four,

282
00:11:58,888 --> 00:12:00,922
three, two, one.

283
00:12:01,026 --> 00:12:03,784
I'm done with my shift,
Mr. Krabs!

284
00:12:03,888 --> 00:12:05,336
And let me just say,

285
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:08,922
there will come a day when I
will make something of my life

286
00:12:09,026 --> 00:12:14,612
and I will never have to set
foot in this grease trap again!

287
00:12:14,715 --> 00:12:15,922
Yeah, we'll see you

288
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,198
after your lunch break,
Squidward.

289
00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:20,405
Okay.

290
00:12:21,681 --> 00:12:24,198
So I just took
my private yacht

291
00:12:24,302 --> 00:12:27,095
across my private lake
to my private heliport.

292
00:12:27,198 --> 00:12:30,302
It's the only way
off my private island.

293
00:12:30,405 --> 00:12:31,957
Oh, shrimp!

294
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:35,095
It's my arch rival from high
school, Squilliam Fancyson!

295
00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:38,095
I can't let him see me
in my Krusty Krab uniform.

296
00:12:38,198 --> 00:12:41,819
On your lunch break,
eh, Squiddy?

297
00:12:41,922 --> 00:12:44,922
Yes... I mean no...
I mean... uh, uh...

298
00:12:45,026 --> 00:12:46,508
Hey, whatcha
been up to?

299
00:12:46,612 --> 00:12:50,750
Oh, just succeeding in
everything you've failed in.

300
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,302
You are no great shakes,
Squilliam Fancyson!

301
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:58,198
Anyone can be a big shot in
a hick town like Bikini Bottom.

302
00:12:58,302 --> 00:12:59,612
Oh, is that so?

303
00:12:59,715 --> 00:13:02,577
Let's hear what you've
accomplished

304
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,302
since high school, Squiddy.

305
00:13:04,405 --> 00:13:06,922
Don't be intimidated,
Squidward.

306
00:13:07,026 --> 00:13:09,198
Try to imagine him
in his underwear.

307
00:13:11,784 --> 00:13:13,440
Oh, no, he's hot!

308
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,957
I'm, uh, in... food service.

309
00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:19,336
Hold it,
don't tell me—

310
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,612
you're a cashier!

311
00:13:22,026 --> 00:13:23,508
Don't lie.

312
00:13:23,612 --> 00:13:25,026
Lying always makes it worse.

313
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:26,957
I own a five-star restaurant!

314
00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:32,198
Squidward, I had no idea
you were such a success.

315
00:13:32,302 --> 00:13:32,922
That's right!

316
00:13:33,026 --> 00:13:34,681
And I would be honored

317
00:13:34,784 --> 00:13:38,612
if you would allow me
to come to yourrestaurant...

318
00:13:38,715 --> 00:13:39,888
tonight.

319
00:13:42,095 --> 00:13:44,508
T-t-t-t-t-t-tonight?

320
00:13:44,612 --> 00:13:47,267
In fact, we'll all come.

321
00:13:47,371 --> 00:13:48,784
My treat!

322
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:54,060
Please, Mr. Krabs,
you got to help me!

323
00:13:54,164 --> 00:13:55,371
When they get here
tonight

324
00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:58,612
they'll see I'm just
a big phony and a loser!

325
00:13:58,715 --> 00:14:00,440
Oh, boo-hoo!

326
00:14:00,543 --> 00:14:05,233
Let me play a sad song for you
on the world's smallest violin.

327
00:14:05,336 --> 00:14:06,026
This is serious.

328
00:14:06,129 --> 00:14:07,543
I know—
this really is

329
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:09,646
the world's
smallest violin.

330
00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,129
See?

331
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:12,543
Mr. Krabs!

332
00:14:12,646 --> 00:14:14,612
Please let me run
the restaurant

333
00:14:14,715 --> 00:14:15,784
for just one night!

334
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:18,336
I really need
to impress Squilliam.

335
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,957
Sq-Sq-Sq-Squilliam?

336
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,095
That guy who
made millions

337
00:14:22,198 --> 00:14:24,336
doing what you
wish you could do?

338
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,474
Don't rub it in.

339
00:14:25,577 --> 00:14:26,922
Why didn't you
tell me?

340
00:14:27,026 --> 00:14:29,784
We'll take him
to the cleaners!

341
00:14:30,164 --> 00:14:31,508
All right,
listen up!

342
00:14:31,612 --> 00:14:34,405
Men, Squilliam Fancyson
will be here in 20 minutes.

343
00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:37,198
Therefore, we need
to turn the Krusty Krab

344
00:14:37,302 --> 00:14:39,888
into a fancy restaurant
as soon as possible!

345
00:14:39,991 --> 00:14:41,888
Patrick, what are you
doing here?

346
00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:43,095
I thought the Corps

347
00:14:43,198 --> 00:14:45,233
would straighten out
my life, sir!

348
00:14:45,336 --> 00:14:45,957
The Corps?

349
00:14:46,060 --> 00:14:46,888
What the...?

350
00:14:46,991 --> 00:14:48,336
Patrick this isn't the...

351
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,302
Beggars can't
be choosers.

352
00:14:51,405 --> 00:14:52,405
Can you take hats

353
00:14:52,508 --> 00:14:54,474
in a dignified and
sophisticated manner?

354
00:14:54,577 --> 00:14:56,405
You mean like
a weenie?

355
00:14:56,508 --> 00:14:57,198
Okay!

356
00:14:57,302 --> 00:14:59,577
May I take
your hat, sir?

357
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,853
May I take
your hat, sir?

358
00:15:01,957 --> 00:15:02,922
May I...

359
00:15:03,026 --> 00:15:04,095
All right,
I've heard enough.

360
00:15:04,198 --> 00:15:05,646
You've got the job.

361
00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:09,164
Mr. Krabs, didn't you once
serve on the S.S. Gourmet?

362
00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:09,991
Aye-aye!

363
00:15:10,095 --> 00:15:11,715
Then you'll be
our chef.

364
00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:12,888
What can I do?

365
00:15:12,991 --> 00:15:14,198
I can't believe
I'm saying this,

366
00:15:14,302 --> 00:15:17,888
but, SpongeBob, you're going
to have to be the waiter.

367
00:15:17,991 --> 00:15:19,233
What's that?

368
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,646
It's the guy who goes
to tables and takes orders.

369
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:23,405
Do other restaurants
do that?

370
00:15:23,508 --> 00:15:24,405
Yes, they do that!

371
00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:26,095
Now listen,
Squilliam is on his way

372
00:15:26,198 --> 00:15:27,957
and you have
less than 20 minutes

373
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,612
to become
a fancy waiter,

374
00:15:29,715 --> 00:15:30,681
so read this.

375
00:15:30,784 --> 00:15:32,026
" How To Become a Fancy Waiter

376
00:15:32,129 --> 00:15:33,508
in Less Than 20 Minutes."

377
00:15:33,612 --> 00:15:34,681
Don't worry,
Squidward,

378
00:15:34,784 --> 00:15:35,991
I'll memorize
every page—

379
00:15:36,095 --> 00:15:37,302
right down to
the punctuation!

380
00:15:37,405 --> 00:15:40,026
All right, I've got
all the positions filled.

381
00:15:40,129 --> 00:15:41,922
I just might pull this off.

382
00:15:42,026 --> 00:15:43,026
Give me that hat!

383
00:15:43,129 --> 00:15:45,129
I said give it to me!

384
00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:48,026
Are you going to
hand it over or not?

385
00:15:48,129 --> 00:15:49,577
Don't you back-sass me!

386
00:15:51,129 --> 00:15:54,405
He's just the hat-check guy,
nothing essential!

387
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:58,198
What happened?
What is it?

388
00:15:58,302 --> 00:15:59,198
Peas!

389
00:15:59,302 --> 00:16:00,405
Made 'em the
old-fashioned way.

390
00:16:00,508 --> 00:16:03,371
Mr. Krabs, you got
to take them out of the...

391
00:16:03,474 --> 00:16:07,026
Holy fish paste, what is that?

392
00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:09,060
That's the appetizer!

393
00:16:09,164 --> 00:16:10,371
But, I thought you said

394
00:16:10,474 --> 00:16:12,957
you were the head chef
on the S.S. Gourmet?

395
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:14,336
Did I say that?

396
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,302
No, I cleaned
the bathrooms
on the Gourmet.

397
00:16:16,405 --> 00:16:19,026
I was the head chef
on the S.S. Diarrhea.

398
00:16:19,129 --> 00:16:20,060
There you are!

399
00:16:20,164 --> 00:16:21,819
SpongeBob, you got to help me!

400
00:16:21,922 --> 00:16:24,095
Patrick and Mr. Krabs
aren't working out

401
00:16:24,198 --> 00:16:25,750
and Squilliam's
almost here,

402
00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:27,405
and, and... SpongeBob?

403
00:16:29,819 --> 00:16:30,750
I can't do it.

404
00:16:30,853 --> 00:16:33,302
I can't do it, Squidward.

405
00:16:33,405 --> 00:16:34,371
What?

406
00:16:34,474 --> 00:16:36,853
Every sentence,
every paragraph—

407
00:16:36,957 --> 00:16:38,957
Spoons! Bread! Salad! Pepper!

408
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:40,164
Don't you understand?

409
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,198
My brain is full to bursting!

410
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,233
If I have to memorize
a single order,

411
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,129
I think I'm going
to explode!

412
00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:47,474
SpongeBob, hold on!

413
00:16:47,577 --> 00:16:52,371
Let's just take a second here
to relax.

414
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,164
Little more...

415
00:16:57,922 --> 00:17:00,198
Little more...

416
00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:03,233
Good.

417
00:17:03,336 --> 00:17:07,543
Now... I want you
to empty your mind.

418
00:17:07,646 --> 00:17:09,543
Empty my mind?

419
00:17:09,646 --> 00:17:11,888
Empty your mind.

420
00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:14,095
Empty my mind.

421
00:17:14,198 --> 00:17:16,474
Empty your mind of everything

422
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:20,095
that doesn't have to do
with fine dining.

423
00:17:20,198 --> 00:17:24,336
Fine dining
and breathing...

424
00:17:26,026 --> 00:17:27,302
Just got an order
from the boss:

425
00:17:27,405 --> 00:17:30,267
dump everything that
isn't about fine dining!

426
00:17:30,371 --> 00:17:31,646
Everything?

427
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:32,612
Everything.

428
00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:33,543
Come on, come on!

429
00:17:33,646 --> 00:17:34,336
Quicker, quicker!

430
00:17:36,508 --> 00:17:39,267
Start dumping,
start dumping.

431
00:17:39,371 --> 00:17:41,474
Come on, let's get moving!

432
00:17:41,577 --> 00:17:42,233
Hurry up!

433
00:17:42,336 --> 00:17:43,922
What am I paying you for?

434
00:17:44,026 --> 00:17:45,129
You don't pay me.

435
00:17:45,233 --> 00:17:46,233
We don't even exist.

436
00:17:46,336 --> 00:17:47,543
We're just a clever
visual metaphor

437
00:17:47,646 --> 00:17:50,405
used to personify
the abstract concept
of thought.

438
00:17:50,508 --> 00:17:54,026
One more crack like that
and you're out of here!

439
00:17:54,129 --> 00:17:55,095
No, please!

440
00:17:55,198 --> 00:17:56,129
I have three kids!

441
00:18:06,129 --> 00:18:08,164
How do you feel?

442
00:18:09,198 --> 00:18:10,095
SpongeBob?

443
00:18:13,922 --> 00:18:15,164
This isn't working!

444
00:18:15,267 --> 00:18:17,784
I gotta go tell Squilliam
I need more time!

445
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,991
I'll just go and tell him...

446
00:18:20,095 --> 00:18:20,922
You're here!

447
00:18:21,026 --> 00:18:22,336
Hello, Squiddy!

448
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,371
We're all ready
to be dazzled

449
00:18:24,474 --> 00:18:26,508
by your five-star
restaurant.

450
00:18:26,612 --> 00:18:27,302
Wait, Squilliam!

451
00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:28,715
I've got to explain!

452
00:18:28,819 --> 00:18:29,922
Explain what?

453
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,198
That you,
Squidward Tentacles,

454
00:18:32,302 --> 00:18:36,302
voted most likely
to suck eggs
n high school,

455
00:18:36,405 --> 00:18:39,853
are trying to pass off
a lousy burger stand

456
00:18:39,957 --> 00:18:42,026
as a five-star...

457
00:18:43,336 --> 00:18:45,577
restaurant?

458
00:18:47,715 --> 00:18:49,543
Hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...

459
00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:51,336
Hommina, hommina, hommina...

460
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,302
Hommina, hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...

461
00:18:54,405 --> 00:18:56,302
Table for Hommina?

462
00:18:56,405 --> 00:18:58,198
I can seat you
immediately.

463
00:18:58,302 --> 00:19:00,440
How did you do all this?

464
00:19:00,543 --> 00:19:02,302
It was easy— once
I cleared my mind.

465
00:19:02,405 --> 00:19:04,646
But what about
Krabs and Patrick?

466
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:05,577
Taken care of.

467
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,853
Right this way,
please.

468
00:19:14,129 --> 00:19:14,957
Good evening, sir.

469
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:16,164
From our menu tonight,

470
00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:17,646
might I recommend
the Krabby Newburg?

471
00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:20,440
We take the finest cuts
of aged, imported kelp,

472
00:19:20,543 --> 00:19:22,888
stuff them with herbs
from our garden,

473
00:19:22,991 --> 00:19:23,991
wrap them in parchment

474
00:19:24,095 --> 00:19:25,233
with our
shallot tapenade,

475
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:27,543
roast them for hours
in our wood-fired oven,

476
00:19:27,646 --> 00:19:29,681
and serve them
with wilted coral

477
00:19:29,784 --> 00:19:30,750
on a mahogany plank.

478
00:19:30,853 --> 00:19:34,233
Mmm... this is
fantastic!

479
00:19:34,336 --> 00:19:35,233
Thank you, sir.

480
00:19:35,336 --> 00:19:38,026
Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

481
00:19:39,508 --> 00:19:41,026
If you need
anything else,
just call.

482
00:19:41,129 --> 00:19:43,233
SpongeBob, I can't
thank you enough

483
00:19:43,336 --> 00:19:44,612
for all
you're doing!

484
00:19:44,715 --> 00:19:47,681
Fine dining and breathing
are all I know how to do.

485
00:19:49,302 --> 00:19:50,715
It worked.

486
00:19:50,819 --> 00:19:51,922
I can't believe it!

487
00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:55,405
Squilliam thinks I own
a five-star restaurant.

488
00:19:55,508 --> 00:19:58,750
Time to rub it in his face.

489
00:20:01,612 --> 00:20:04,267
Well, Squilliam,
I'm waiting.

490
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,853
All right, I admit it.

491
00:20:06,957 --> 00:20:08,819
Everything is fabulous!

492
00:20:08,922 --> 00:20:13,233
The food, the atmosphere—
everything's flawless!

493
00:20:13,336 --> 00:20:15,371
In that case,
I need you to read this.

494
00:20:15,474 --> 00:20:16,853
"Squidward Tentacles..."

495
00:20:16,957 --> 00:20:18,129
And I need you
to wear this.

496
00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:21,095
Oh, eh, "Squidward Tentacles
has the fanciest..."

497
00:20:21,198 --> 00:20:22,474
I'm sorry,
one more time.

498
00:20:22,577 --> 00:20:25,405
"Squidward Tentacles has
the fanciest restaurant

499
00:20:25,508 --> 00:20:29,233
in Bikini Bottom...
and he does not suck eggs."

500
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,819
Squidward,
I must tell you...

501
00:20:33,922 --> 00:20:35,267
Thank you.

502
00:20:35,371 --> 00:20:38,440
What really won me over
was your brilliant waiter.

503
00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:40,233
It's as if
all he knows

504
00:20:40,336 --> 00:20:42,474
is fine dining
and breathing.

505
00:20:42,577 --> 00:20:44,233
I must know
your name.

506
00:20:46,302 --> 00:20:47,164
My name?

507
00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:48,474
Yes, your name,
son.

508
00:20:48,577 --> 00:20:51,750
Uh, Beef Wellington?

509
00:20:51,853 --> 00:20:53,267
No, your name.

510
00:20:53,371 --> 00:20:56,060
Uh... er...

511
00:20:56,164 --> 00:20:57,577
The fork on the left?

512
00:20:57,681 --> 00:20:58,336
Stop joking.

513
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,612
Tell him
our name.

514
00:20:59,715 --> 00:21:00,612
My name...

515
00:21:00,715 --> 00:21:02,302
What's his name?
What's his name?

516
00:21:02,405 --> 00:21:03,577
I got nothing on a name!

517
00:21:03,681 --> 00:21:06,750
Come on baby, what's the name?

518
00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:12,060
We threw out his name!

519
00:21:16,646 --> 00:21:17,819
Uh...

520
00:21:19,888 --> 00:21:21,129
I am so
very sorry!

521
00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:24,060
I don't know what
has gotten into that...

522
00:21:25,129 --> 00:21:27,026
More soup for
your armpits?

523
00:21:28,577 --> 00:21:30,543
Please enjoy
the food!

524
00:21:30,646 --> 00:21:34,060
Would you like some cheese
on that, sir?

525
00:21:34,164 --> 00:21:36,371
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

526
00:21:38,853 --> 00:21:40,371
No, no!

527
00:21:42,164 --> 00:21:47,302
Run for your lives, everyone,
it's the appetizer!

528
00:21:59,543 --> 00:22:03,612
Well, Squiddy,
I'm waiting.

529
00:22:04,267 --> 00:22:05,646
Okay, I admit it!

530
00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:06,957
I'm a fraud!

531
00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:10,681
This was all a futile,
pathetic attempt
to impress you.

532
00:22:10,784 --> 00:22:13,474
This isn't really
my restaurant!

533
00:22:13,577 --> 00:22:15,543
I'm just a cashier!

534
00:22:15,646 --> 00:22:18,474
Squidward, I understand.

535
00:22:18,577 --> 00:22:21,715
I have a confession
to make myself.

536
00:22:21,819 --> 00:22:25,060
I made everything up
about my life.

537
00:22:25,164 --> 00:22:27,577
I have no yachts,
jets or anything.

538
00:22:27,681 --> 00:22:30,646
I was only trying
to impress you.

539
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:37,129
The horrible, sad truth is
I'm a cashier, too!

540
00:22:42,853 --> 00:22:45,405
Is that true?

541
00:22:45,508 --> 00:22:46,302
Of course not!

542
00:22:46,405 --> 00:22:47,819
I'm filthy,
stinking rich!

543
00:22:47,922 --> 00:22:49,026
Come on, everyone!

544
00:22:49,129 --> 00:22:53,060
Let's all take a ride
in my balloon/casino.

545
00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:54,405
Hooray!

546
00:23:00,577 --> 00:23:01,715
I got such
a headache.

547
00:23:01,819 --> 00:23:03,440
What's going on
with you?

548
00:23:03,543 --> 00:23:04,474
Oh, the usual.

549
00:23:07,612 --> 00:23:15,474
Would you get out of here!

550
00:23:15,577 --> 00:23:18,715
and NICKELODEON]