1
00:00:01,350 --> 00:00:04,315
Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

2
00:00:04,418 --> 00:00:05,625
and NICKELODEON

3
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:24,694
Hi, mailman!

4
00:00:26,212 --> 00:00:27,453
Okay, see you tomorrow.

5
00:00:27,729 --> 00:00:28,936
Hey, the mail's here.

6
00:00:29,212 --> 00:00:30,418
What did you get?

7
00:00:30,694 --> 00:00:32,039
Let's see...

8
00:00:32,143 --> 00:00:33,556
Gary, Gary, Gary,
Gary, Gary, Gary—

9
00:00:33,832 --> 00:00:35,108
hey, a magazine!

10
00:00:35,384 --> 00:00:37,039
That's funny,
I don't remember

11
00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:39,556
subscribing to
Fancy Living Digest.

12
00:00:39,798 --> 00:00:41,729
Whoa!

13
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,005
Look at these
glossy depictions

14
00:00:44,108 --> 00:00:45,867
of a higher
standard of living.

15
00:00:46,143 --> 00:00:47,832
This guy's so rich

16
00:00:48,177 --> 00:00:49,970
he has a swimming pool
in his swimming pool.

17
00:00:50,074 --> 00:00:51,798
This guy's
got shoes!

18
00:00:52,074 --> 00:00:52,936
Give me that!

19
00:00:53,246 --> 00:00:55,315
Stealing my mail, eh?

20
00:00:55,418 --> 00:00:57,246
You're lucky
I don't report you
to the authorities!

21
00:00:57,522 --> 00:00:58,867
Hey, Squidward,

22
00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:01,108
how do those people
get all that money?

23
00:01:01,212 --> 00:01:03,970
They're entrepreneurs—
they sell things to people.

24
00:01:04,074 --> 00:01:05,453
What kind of things?

25
00:01:05,729 --> 00:01:06,936
How should I know?

26
00:01:07,177 --> 00:01:08,867
Things people
want to buy!

27
00:01:09,177 --> 00:01:09,970
Now, keep your paws
off my mail.

28
00:01:10,212 --> 00:01:11,625
That's it, Patrick!

29
00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:12,970
We got to become
entrepreneurs!

30
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,867
Is that gonna hurt?

31
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,556
Quick, if you
could have anything

32
00:01:17,039 --> 00:01:19,039
in the world right now,
what would it be?

33
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:21,453
Uh... more time for thinking!

34
00:01:21,867 --> 00:01:25,591
No, something real, an item,
something you would pay for.

35
00:01:25,867 --> 00:01:26,970
A chocolate bar?

36
00:01:27,074 --> 00:01:28,832
That's a great idea,
Pat!

37
00:01:29,177 --> 00:01:31,212
We'll be traveling
chocolate bar salesmen.

38
00:01:32,108 --> 00:01:33,522
Fancy living...

39
00:01:33,798 --> 00:01:35,315
here we come!

40
00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:37,970
Make way for a couple
of "entrepe-nooers"!

41
00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:40,143
Okay, Patrick, this is it,

42
00:01:40,246 --> 00:01:42,901
the first step on our
road to living fancy.

43
00:01:43,143 --> 00:01:44,556
Just follow my lead.

44
00:01:45,936 --> 00:01:47,591
Good afternoon, sir.

45
00:01:47,694 --> 00:01:50,591
Could we interest you
in some chocolate?

46
00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:52,074
Chocolate?

47
00:01:52,177 --> 00:01:54,729
Did you say "chocolate"?

48
00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:56,177
Yes, sir!

49
00:01:56,281 --> 00:01:57,350
With or without nuts?

50
00:01:57,625 --> 00:01:58,832
Chocolate?

51
00:01:59,108 --> 00:02:00,660
Chocolate?

52
00:02:00,763 --> 00:02:02,832
Chocolate!

53
00:02:03,108 --> 00:02:05,350
Chocolate!

54
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,591
Chocolate!

55
00:02:06,867 --> 00:02:08,591
Chocolate!

56
00:02:08,970 --> 00:02:10,556
Okay, that first guy
didn't count.

57
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,625
This is our real first step.

58
00:02:12,901 --> 00:02:14,384
Good morning, sir.

59
00:02:14,487 --> 00:02:16,039
Would you like to buy
some chocolate?

60
00:02:16,143 --> 00:02:17,970
Chocolate bars, eh?

61
00:02:18,281 --> 00:02:20,591
Yes, sir, we are
chocolate bar salesmen.

62
00:02:20,694 --> 00:02:23,005
A couple a mediocre salesmen,
if you ask me.

63
00:02:23,315 --> 00:02:25,798
That's no way to carry
your merchandise.

64
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:28,074
No, no, no, wrong.

65
00:02:28,177 --> 00:02:30,763
You guys want to be
goodsalesmen, right?

66
00:02:31,074 --> 00:02:32,867
Oh, most certainly sir!

67
00:02:33,177 --> 00:02:35,384
Well, no self-respecting
candy bar salesman

68
00:02:35,729 --> 00:02:38,901
would be caught dead
without one of these!

69
00:02:39,143 --> 00:02:40,901
Wow... what is it?

70
00:02:41,246 --> 00:02:43,694
It's a candy bar bag,
you knucklehead!

71
00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:45,108
It's specially
designed

72
00:02:45,384 --> 00:02:46,936
to cradle
each candy bar

73
00:02:47,177 --> 00:02:48,522
in velvet-lined
comfort.

74
00:02:48,798 --> 00:02:49,832
But...

75
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,005
I'm wasting my time.

76
00:02:51,315 --> 00:02:52,936
You don't need these bags.

77
00:02:53,177 --> 00:02:55,143
We need them!
We need them!

78
00:02:58,246 --> 00:02:59,315
So long, boys!

79
00:02:59,591 --> 00:03:00,763
Happy hunting!

80
00:03:03,005 --> 00:03:04,625
Suckers!

81
00:03:04,729 --> 00:03:07,729
♪ Fancy living, here we come

82
00:03:10,453 --> 00:03:13,315
Let's try next door.

83
00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:16,556
Yes?

84
00:03:16,832 --> 00:03:18,074
Huh?

85
00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:19,522
Say, weren't you
the same guy

86
00:03:19,625 --> 00:03:20,763
who sold us these
candy bar bags?

87
00:03:21,005 --> 00:03:22,660
I... don't recall.

88
00:03:22,901 --> 00:03:24,522
But it looks to me

89
00:03:24,625 --> 00:03:26,108
like you fellas have got
a lot of bags there.

90
00:03:26,487 --> 00:03:28,418
You two lady-killers are
too smart to be

91
00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:32,763
without one of my patented
candy bar bag carrying bags.

92
00:03:33,039 --> 00:03:34,384
We'll take 20!

93
00:03:36,487 --> 00:03:39,729
Oh, what can I do for
you two nice young men?

94
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,108
We're selling
chocolate bars.

95
00:03:41,384 --> 00:03:42,694
Like to buy one?

96
00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:44,694
That sounds heavenly.

97
00:03:44,936 --> 00:03:46,281
I'll take one.

98
00:03:46,384 --> 00:03:48,177
One chocolate bar
coming up!

99
00:03:50,487 --> 00:03:51,418
Huh?

100
00:03:52,798 --> 00:03:53,970
Eh...

101
00:03:54,246 --> 00:03:55,418
Huh?

102
00:03:58,143 --> 00:03:59,212
Huh?

103
00:03:59,315 --> 00:04:01,487
Uh, uh, uh...

104
00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:10,212
I know they're
in here somewhere!

105
00:04:10,315 --> 00:04:11,660
I don't have
time for this.

106
00:04:13,005 --> 00:04:14,487
I got it!

107
00:04:14,591 --> 00:04:15,901
One chocolate bar
for the nice...

108
00:04:16,143 --> 00:04:17,039
Chocolate!

109
00:04:17,315 --> 00:04:18,281
Chocolate!

110
00:04:18,384 --> 00:04:19,487
Chocolate!

111
00:04:19,763 --> 00:04:21,591
Chocolate!

112
00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:23,729
We're not doing
so well, Patrick.

113
00:04:24,005 --> 00:04:24,936
We need a new approach...

114
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:26,350
a new tactic!

115
00:04:26,591 --> 00:04:27,901
Huh...

116
00:04:28,005 --> 00:04:29,487
I got it— let's get naked!

117
00:04:29,591 --> 00:04:31,625
No, let's save that for when
we're selling real estate.

118
00:04:31,901 --> 00:04:33,350
There must be something!

119
00:04:33,453 --> 00:04:34,970
What was the reason
we bought those bags?

120
00:04:35,246 --> 00:04:36,901
He said we were mediocre.

121
00:04:37,212 --> 00:04:39,074
That's it—
he made us feel special.

122
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:40,901
Yeah, he did.

123
00:04:41,005 --> 00:04:42,074
I'm going back
to buy more bags!

124
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,315
No, wait, Patrick!

125
00:04:45,074 --> 00:04:46,729
Why don't we
try being nice?

126
00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:48,901
Oh... okay.

127
00:04:49,246 --> 00:04:51,591
Remember, Patrick,
flatter the customer.

128
00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:53,418
Make him feel good.

129
00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:55,177
Hello?

130
00:04:55,453 --> 00:04:56,798
I love you.

131
00:04:58,694 --> 00:05:00,625
You laid it on
a teensy thick
there, old pal.

132
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:01,798
Let me try.

133
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,418
Please. Go away!

134
00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:06,246
Um...

135
00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:07,936
Uh, uh, how ya doin'?

136
00:05:08,212 --> 00:05:09,418
How am I doing?

137
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:10,936
Wanna buy
some chocolate?

138
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:12,212
We got him now!

139
00:05:12,556 --> 00:05:14,039
Sorry, chocolate has sugar,

140
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,281
and sugar turns to bubbling fat.

141
00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:17,315
Isn't that right, lover boy?

142
00:05:17,625 --> 00:05:19,350
It tickles!

143
00:05:19,798 --> 00:05:21,315
As you can see,
me and chocolate no longer hang.

144
00:05:21,556 --> 00:05:23,832
You can keep that
for five bucks.

145
00:05:24,108 --> 00:05:25,625
I'll take ten!

146
00:05:25,729 --> 00:05:27,384
We haven't sold
one chocolate bar.

147
00:05:27,832 --> 00:05:30,556
I have a feeling we're
too easily distracted.

148
00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:31,970
Huh?

149
00:05:32,074 --> 00:05:33,832
Let's make a pact
right now

150
00:05:33,936 --> 00:05:36,487
that we will stay
focused on selling
at the next house.

151
00:05:36,591 --> 00:05:37,591
What?

152
00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:39,005
Let's shake on it.

153
00:05:39,281 --> 00:05:40,591
Did you say something?

154
00:05:40,694 --> 00:05:42,591
Remember, Patrick,
focus.

155
00:05:44,694 --> 00:05:45,867
Yes?

156
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,281
Good afternoon, sir.

157
00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:48,763
We're selling
chocolate bars.

158
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:53,418
Why is Chubby here
staring at me?

159
00:05:53,522 --> 00:05:55,763
Focusing.

160
00:05:57,867 --> 00:05:58,901
Back up, Jack!

161
00:06:02,246 --> 00:06:04,108
Nice place
you got here.

162
00:06:04,556 --> 00:06:07,936
I can't understand
what we're doing wrong.

163
00:06:08,039 --> 00:06:09,522
I can't understand
anything.

164
00:06:09,901 --> 00:06:12,143
There must be something
to this selling game

165
00:06:12,384 --> 00:06:13,832
that we're just
not getting.

166
00:06:14,315 --> 00:06:16,212
Other people do it,
I mean, look at that!

167
00:06:16,591 --> 00:06:18,453
"Eat Barnacle Chips,
they're delicious."

168
00:06:18,763 --> 00:06:20,970
They are most certainly
not delicious!

169
00:06:21,246 --> 00:06:22,867
Not the way
I use them.

170
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:24,729
Yet they sell
millions of bags a day.

171
00:06:25,108 --> 00:06:26,867
Well, maybe if they
didn't stretch the truth,

172
00:06:27,143 --> 00:06:28,694
they wouldn't sell as many.

173
00:06:28,936 --> 00:06:30,418
That's it, Patrick!

174
00:06:30,522 --> 00:06:31,936
We've got to
stretch the truth!

175
00:06:32,177 --> 00:06:34,418
Chocolate!

176
00:06:35,212 --> 00:06:36,177
We'll work as a team.

177
00:06:36,487 --> 00:06:38,143
Let me get this customer
warmed up

178
00:06:38,418 --> 00:06:40,281
and then you come in
for the kill.

179
00:06:40,384 --> 00:06:41,798
The kill.

180
00:06:43,901 --> 00:06:44,970
Yes?

181
00:06:45,246 --> 00:06:47,074
Hello, young lady.

182
00:06:48,694 --> 00:06:50,350
We're selling chocolate.

183
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:52,832
Is your mother home?

184
00:06:52,936 --> 00:06:54,729
Mom!

185
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,453
What? What?

186
00:06:56,556 --> 00:06:57,867
What's all
that yelling?

187
00:06:58,625 --> 00:06:59,798
You just can't wait

188
00:07:00,074 --> 00:07:02,005
for me to die, can you?

189
00:07:02,350 --> 00:07:03,867
They're selling
chocolate.

190
00:07:04,143 --> 00:07:05,453
Chocolate?
Yeah!

191
00:07:05,694 --> 00:07:06,901
What? What are
they selling?

192
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,315
Chocolates!

193
00:07:08,418 --> 00:07:09,970
What? Chocolates!

194
00:07:10,246 --> 00:07:11,384
I can't hear you!

195
00:07:11,487 --> 00:07:12,936
They're selling
chocolates!

196
00:07:13,177 --> 00:07:14,143
They're selling
chocolate?

197
00:07:14,384 --> 00:07:15,350
Yeah!

198
00:07:15,453 --> 00:07:17,453
Chocolate?

199
00:07:17,556 --> 00:07:20,074
I remember when they first
invented chocolate.

200
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:22,901
Sweet, sweet chocolate.

201
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:24,763
I always hated it!

202
00:07:25,108 --> 00:07:27,591
Oh, but this chocolate's
not for eating.

203
00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:29,212
It's for...

204
00:07:29,487 --> 00:07:30,936
You rub it
on your skin

205
00:07:31,212 --> 00:07:32,556
and it makes you
live forever!

206
00:07:32,832 --> 00:07:34,281
No, no, no...

207
00:07:34,556 --> 00:07:35,970
Live forever,
you say?

208
00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:37,350
I'll take one.

209
00:07:39,591 --> 00:07:41,177
Come on,
you lazy Mary.

210
00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:43,970
Start rubbing me
with that chocolate!

211
00:07:44,177 --> 00:07:46,487
I hate you.

212
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,556
If we keep
exaggerating the truth,

213
00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:50,832
we'll be fancy-living
in no time!

214
00:07:51,074 --> 00:07:53,212
Hooray for lying!

215
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,212
It'll make
your hair grow.

216
00:07:55,453 --> 00:07:56,832
Great!

217
00:07:56,936 --> 00:07:58,350
My wife's trying
to grow a beard.

218
00:07:58,625 --> 00:07:59,418
It'll make you
sound smart.

219
00:07:59,694 --> 00:08:01,487
I'll take 20!

220
00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:04,246
It'll keep your face
from getting any uglier.

221
00:08:04,453 --> 00:08:05,384
Just in time.

222
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,005
They make you fly.

223
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:08,556
You'll fall in love.

224
00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:10,039
They'll bring world peace!

225
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,453
You'll walk through walls!

226
00:08:11,556 --> 00:08:12,867
You'll rule the world!

227
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:20,177
This'll be the best lie yet!

228
00:08:20,453 --> 00:08:21,832
Yeah!

229
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,315
This guy will feel
so sorry for us,

230
00:08:23,418 --> 00:08:25,005
he'll have to buy
all of our chocolate!

231
00:08:26,350 --> 00:08:27,867
What can I do for you boys?

232
00:08:28,212 --> 00:08:29,901
Hello, would you like
to buy a chocolate bar?

233
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,315
We need an operation.

234
00:08:31,591 --> 00:08:32,798
Really?

235
00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:34,177
Small world.

236
00:08:34,418 --> 00:08:35,798
What's the matter with you guys?

237
00:08:35,901 --> 00:08:37,453
Uh...

238
00:08:37,556 --> 00:08:39,591
We've got some head trauma
and eternal bleeding.

239
00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:42,143
Some guys have all the luck.

240
00:08:42,591 --> 00:08:45,384
I was born with glass bones
and paper skin.

241
00:08:45,729 --> 00:08:47,556
Every morning I break my legs

242
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,384
and every afternoon
I break my arms.

243
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,591
At night I lie awake
in agony

244
00:08:51,694 --> 00:08:54,074
until my heart attacks
put me to sleep.

245
00:08:54,315 --> 00:08:55,281
Oh, no!

246
00:09:02,729 --> 00:09:03,867
Ow.

247
00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:05,039
Quick, Patrick,
let's help him.

248
00:09:05,281 --> 00:09:06,143
Careful.

249
00:09:06,522 --> 00:09:07,418
Put him down gently.

250
00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:09,901
Ow...

251
00:09:10,177 --> 00:09:11,694
Poor, poor man.

252
00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:13,556
If there's anything—
anything—

253
00:09:13,832 --> 00:09:15,143
we can do
to help you...

254
00:09:15,384 --> 00:09:16,936
There is one thing.

255
00:09:17,143 --> 00:09:18,591
As you can well imagine,

256
00:09:18,936 --> 00:09:20,591
my medical bills
are extremely high,

257
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:23,039
but luckily I'm able
to keep myself alive

258
00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:26,246
by selling... chocolate bars.

259
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:31,970
Such nice boys.

260
00:09:32,246 --> 00:09:34,350
It does my heart good...

261
00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:38,970
to con a couple of class-A
sucker-roonies like those two!

262
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:44,108
Don't get me wrong,
Patrick,

263
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,108
it's great that
we helped him out,

264
00:09:46,212 --> 00:09:49,936
but there's no one left in town
to sell chocolate bars to.

265
00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:51,108
Whoa!

266
00:09:53,005 --> 00:09:55,970
Let's face it, Patrick,
we're failures.

267
00:09:56,074 --> 00:09:57,832
I can live
with that.

268
00:09:59,074 --> 00:10:01,694
Let's change our names
to "Why" and "Bother."

269
00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:05,246
Chocolate!

270
00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,591
No, no, don't
hurt us!
Please...

271
00:10:12,143 --> 00:10:13,625
Finally!

272
00:10:13,729 --> 00:10:16,487
I've been trying to catch
you boys all day!

273
00:10:16,901 --> 00:10:19,660
Now that I've got you
right where I want you...

274
00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:21,729
I'd like to buy
all your chocolate.

275
00:10:29,350 --> 00:10:31,660
Thank you for
your patronage.

276
00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:35,143
Are we living the fancy life
yet, SpongeBob?

277
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:36,798
Not yet, pally.

278
00:10:36,901 --> 00:10:38,591
First we got to spend
all the money.

279
00:10:38,694 --> 00:10:40,281
But what are we going
to spend it on?

280
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,177
Hmm...

281
00:10:45,281 --> 00:10:46,350
Good evening, sir.

282
00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:48,177
Table for one,
please.

283
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,315
Sorry, but the whole restaurant
has been rented

284
00:10:50,591 --> 00:10:51,867
to a private party.

285
00:10:51,970 --> 00:10:54,039
But it's my only night
to be fancy!

286
00:10:54,453 --> 00:10:56,763
Oh, who could afford to rent out
the whole restaurant?

287
00:10:57,212 --> 00:11:00,418
Oh, a couple of
rich entrepreneurs
and their dates.

288
00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:05,832
So, how long have
you two ladies
known each other?

289
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:06,970
What?

290
00:11:07,246 --> 00:11:07,384
What did he say?

291
00:11:23,143 --> 00:11:26,798
In a familiar restaurant
in a familiar part of town,

292
00:11:26,901 --> 00:11:29,212
a call goes out in frustration.

293
00:11:29,487 --> 00:11:31,281
Will you hurry up?

294
00:11:31,384 --> 00:11:33,418
A call that would
normally be answered

295
00:11:33,763 --> 00:11:35,798
by Bikini Bottom's
semiretired champions—

296
00:11:35,901 --> 00:11:39,212
if they weren't the ones
causing the problem.

297
00:11:39,487 --> 00:11:40,556
Now, let's see.

298
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:43,005
I want a... no...

299
00:11:43,246 --> 00:11:46,108
I want a... uh...

300
00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:48,384
Uh, no... uh... hmm.

301
00:11:48,694 --> 00:11:50,625
Sir, will you please
order already?

302
00:11:50,729 --> 00:11:52,867
You're holding up the line.

303
00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:54,177
Uh...

304
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:57,694
Psst— hey, Mermaidman,
get a Krabby Patty.

305
00:11:57,798 --> 00:12:00,212
I've made my decision!

306
00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:03,798
One Krabby Patty for me

307
00:12:04,108 --> 00:12:06,212
and a Pip-squeak Patty
for the boy.

308
00:12:06,487 --> 00:12:08,315
Now, wait just a darn minute.

309
00:12:10,694 --> 00:12:12,694
I don't want a Pip-squeak Patty!

310
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,281
I want an adult-sized
Krabby Patty!

311
00:12:15,591 --> 00:12:18,005
The Krabby Patty
is too big for you.

312
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:19,798
You'll never finish it.

313
00:12:19,901 --> 00:12:21,522
Don't you see
what you're doing?

314
00:12:21,798 --> 00:12:23,487
You're treating me
like a child!

315
00:12:23,832 --> 00:12:25,625
The boy's eyes are bigger
than his stomach!

316
00:12:27,591 --> 00:12:28,591
And that's another thing!

317
00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:29,832
I'm not a boy!

318
00:12:29,936 --> 00:12:31,798
I'm so old I've got hairs

319
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:33,936
growing out of the wrinkles
on my liver spots!

320
00:12:35,729 --> 00:12:37,798
One Pip-squeak Patty...

321
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:40,625
And your bib and high chair.

322
00:12:43,074 --> 00:12:47,350
I'm 68 years old
and I want a Krabby Patty!

323
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:49,625
Your Pip-squeak
is getting cold.

324
00:12:49,901 --> 00:12:51,212
Shall I feed you?

325
00:12:51,453 --> 00:12:52,660
Feed this, old man!

326
00:12:52,763 --> 00:12:54,798
Ooh!

327
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:57,246
I'm tired of playing
second banana

328
00:12:57,487 --> 00:12:59,143
to a man
who wears a bra!

329
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:02,487
From now on, I want
to be called Barnacleman!

330
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:05,798
And I'm through with
protecting citizens

331
00:13:05,901 --> 00:13:07,315
that don't respect me!

332
00:13:07,591 --> 00:13:09,246
I respect you, Barnacleman!

333
00:13:09,487 --> 00:13:12,108
That's Barnacleboy, I...!

334
00:13:12,384 --> 00:13:13,246
I mean man!

335
00:13:13,522 --> 00:13:14,660
Oh...

336
00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:16,177
Forget you people.

337
00:13:16,281 --> 00:13:18,108
I say if you're not
going to give me

338
00:13:18,384 --> 00:13:19,867
any respect
as a hero,

339
00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:22,901
then maybe you'll give me
respect as a villain.

340
00:13:23,005 --> 00:13:26,901
A villain who is... evil.

341
00:13:27,177 --> 00:13:28,453
Evil?

342
00:13:28,729 --> 00:13:29,936
Evil?

343
00:13:31,522 --> 00:13:33,763
Evil!

344
00:13:33,867 --> 00:13:38,005
I'm crossing over
to the dark side.

345
00:13:39,212 --> 00:13:41,832
I should waste money
lighting the whole store?

346
00:13:46,832 --> 00:13:48,729
Did someone
say "evil"?

347
00:13:48,832 --> 00:13:50,901
Holy oil spill!

348
00:13:51,005 --> 00:13:53,384
It's Mermaidman
and Barnacleboy's
arch enemies,

349
00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:54,901
Man Ray and
the Dirty Bubble!

350
00:13:55,177 --> 00:13:57,798
Nighty-night, you old goat!

351
00:14:00,832 --> 00:14:02,487
Nighty-night.

352
00:14:02,763 --> 00:14:04,625
Will you tuck me in?

353
00:14:04,729 --> 00:14:06,660
We interrupt
your bleak and meaningless lives

354
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:09,281
for this special news break.

355
00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:12,074
Man Ray...

356
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,246
the Dirty Bubble...

357
00:14:16,591 --> 00:14:19,418
and now, playing for
the dark side, Barnacleboy...

358
00:14:19,694 --> 00:14:21,901
Barnacleman!

359
00:14:22,005 --> 00:14:24,798
Have been committing a series of
crimes throughout Bikini Bottom.

360
00:14:28,315 --> 00:14:29,625
Shh!

361
00:14:31,936 --> 00:14:34,246
I'll get you crazy kids!

362
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,246
These three have named
their new alliance...

363
00:14:40,108 --> 00:14:42,763
otherwise known as EVIL!

364
00:14:43,039 --> 00:14:44,660
What can we do?

365
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,936
When will this crime wave end?

366
00:14:47,039 --> 00:14:49,039
How will we defeat the EVIL?

367
00:14:49,384 --> 00:14:52,556
Why am I asking you
all these questions?

368
00:14:52,798 --> 00:14:56,039
Mermaidman, where are you?

369
00:14:57,763 --> 00:14:58,763
I'm right here!

370
00:14:59,108 --> 00:15:01,694
Don't worry, good citizens,

371
00:15:02,039 --> 00:15:07,487
nothing will stop me
from defeating the EVIL!

372
00:15:07,763 --> 00:15:09,729
Nothing!

373
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,039
Ice cream?

374
00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:15,625
I love ice cream!

375
00:15:16,074 --> 00:15:20,005
A double scoop of prune
with bran sprinkles.

376
00:15:20,108 --> 00:15:20,936
Mmm!

377
00:15:26,453 --> 00:15:28,074
Goes right through me
every time.

378
00:15:28,384 --> 00:15:30,694
You might as well
give up, Mermaidman.

379
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:33,315
There's three of us
and only one of you.

380
00:15:33,556 --> 00:15:34,832
You don't stand
a chance.

381
00:15:36,522 --> 00:15:37,901
Are you okay, Mermaidman?

382
00:15:38,212 --> 00:15:39,936
Oh, how are you
going to beat

383
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:41,556
all three of those guys
by yourself?

384
00:15:41,832 --> 00:15:42,763
You're right.

385
00:15:42,867 --> 00:15:44,143
I give up.

386
00:15:44,453 --> 00:15:45,591
You can't give up.

387
00:15:45,867 --> 00:15:47,108
What if we help you?

388
00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:48,936
No, no, that's
a terrible idea.

389
00:15:49,039 --> 00:15:52,074
But what if you
help me?

390
00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:53,522
Okay.

391
00:15:53,625 --> 00:15:56,798
So, who wants
to save the world?

392
00:15:56,901 --> 00:15:57,970
I do!

393
00:15:58,212 --> 00:15:59,281
I do!

394
00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:00,418
I do!

395
00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:01,556
I don't.

396
00:16:01,832 --> 00:16:03,143
Oh, yes, you do.

397
00:16:03,246 --> 00:16:04,901
No world means
no money.

398
00:16:05,177 --> 00:16:07,591
Now, go save the world
or you're fired!

399
00:16:09,763 --> 00:16:11,177
Then it's settled!

400
00:16:11,453 --> 00:16:13,487
To the Mermalair!

401
00:16:14,212 --> 00:16:15,453
Wow!

402
00:16:15,729 --> 00:16:17,625
The Mermalair.

403
00:16:17,729 --> 00:16:20,763
These costumes belonged
to the original

404
00:16:21,212 --> 00:16:24,453
International Justice League
of Super Acquaintances!

405
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:28,970
Wow! The I.J.L.S.A. were
the most heroic heroes ever!

406
00:16:29,074 --> 00:16:30,729
And you had
the best lunch box, too.

407
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:33,074
Once you put on these costumes,

408
00:16:33,453 --> 00:16:37,281
their fantastic powers
will become yours!

409
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:41,039
Wow— I didn't think
super-powers worked that way.

410
00:16:41,281 --> 00:16:42,591
Sure.

411
00:16:42,694 --> 00:16:44,315
Power's all in the costume.

412
00:16:44,694 --> 00:16:47,039
Why else would we run around
in colored undies?

413
00:16:47,143 --> 00:16:49,729
I can think of
three good reasons.

414
00:16:50,005 --> 00:16:51,867
The Quickster—

415
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:55,867
with the uncanny ability
to run really... quick!

416
00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:58,522
Want to see me run
to that mountain and back?

417
00:16:58,798 --> 00:17:00,591
You want to see me do it again?

418
00:17:00,867 --> 00:17:02,281
Captain Magma—

419
00:17:02,625 --> 00:17:05,246
get him angry
and he's bound to erupt!

420
00:17:05,522 --> 00:17:06,970
Krakatoa!

421
00:17:11,350 --> 00:17:13,143
The Elastic Waistband—

422
00:17:13,591 --> 00:17:17,039
able to stretch his body
into fantastic shapes and forms!

423
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:20,970
I can finally touch my toes!

424
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:25,832
And Miss Appear—
now you see her, now you don't!

425
00:17:26,177 --> 00:17:28,315
Does this outfit
make me look fat?

426
00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:31,936
The International Justice League
of Super Acquaintances!

427
00:17:32,039 --> 00:17:34,039
A subsidiary of Viacom.

428
00:17:35,005 --> 00:17:35,901
So, it's agreed—

429
00:17:36,143 --> 00:17:37,763
we'll get one cheese pizza,

430
00:17:37,867 --> 00:17:40,832
one with pepperoni and
mushrooms, and one with olives.

431
00:17:41,177 --> 00:17:43,556
Super Acquaintances,
we need your help.

432
00:17:43,798 --> 00:17:45,350
Holy halibut— it's the Chief!

433
00:17:45,694 --> 00:17:48,108
Thank you
for the introduction, Quickster,

434
00:17:48,212 --> 00:17:50,246
but we all know who I am.

435
00:17:50,350 --> 00:17:54,384
More to the point, we've got
news on the whereabouts of EVIL.

436
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:56,143
The whoseabouts of what?

437
00:17:56,246 --> 00:17:58,522
You just tell us
where they are, Chief,

438
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:01,591
and we'll hog-tie them faster
than you can say "salsa verde."

439
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,418
Our sources last saw EVIL

440
00:18:03,729 --> 00:18:05,936
harassing teenagers
up at Make-Out Reef.

441
00:18:06,246 --> 00:18:08,143
You know, Make-Out Reef.

442
00:18:12,832 --> 00:18:14,798
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

443
00:18:15,143 --> 00:18:17,487
Floppin' flounder, Mermaidman—
Make-Out Reef!

444
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,281
Those fiends!

445
00:18:19,384 --> 00:18:21,936
Attacking hormonally
stressed-out children!

446
00:18:22,212 --> 00:18:24,074
Ahh... Make-Out Reef.

447
00:18:24,177 --> 00:18:26,763
Good times, good times.

448
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,556
To Make-Out Reef!

449
00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:31,867
Away!

450
00:18:32,246 --> 00:18:34,487
Does this mean
we're not getting pizza?

451
00:18:36,901 --> 00:18:38,212
Stop it!
Leave us alone!

452
00:18:38,315 --> 00:18:40,556
Please, stop!
Please!

453
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:44,039
John and Nancy sitting
in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

454
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:47,212
Oh, shine the flashlight
in that car, Man Ray!

455
00:18:48,763 --> 00:18:50,005
With pleasure.

456
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,005
Hey, man, that's not cool.

457
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:57,763
Leave those young lovers alone!

458
00:18:58,108 --> 00:19:01,074
Well, if it
isn't Milkmaid Man.

459
00:19:01,177 --> 00:19:02,867
You've saved us
the trouble

460
00:19:03,108 --> 00:19:04,108
of tracking you down.

461
00:19:04,384 --> 00:19:06,074
You fiends can't win!

462
00:19:06,177 --> 00:19:08,108
You're outnumbered!

463
00:19:08,212 --> 00:19:10,108
You senile bag
of fish paste!

464
00:19:10,487 --> 00:19:14,039
There are three of us
and only one of you!

465
00:19:14,143 --> 00:19:16,039
Make that two!

466
00:19:16,143 --> 00:19:17,591
The Quickster!

467
00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:21,522
Three!

468
00:19:21,798 --> 00:19:23,556
Captain Magma!

469
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:26,763
Four!

470
00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:27,350
The Elastic Waistband!

471
00:19:29,591 --> 00:19:31,177
Five!

472
00:19:31,281 --> 00:19:32,522
M-M-Miss Appear?

473
00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:36,281
And me makes ten, I think.

474
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,798
Uh-oh.

475
00:19:37,901 --> 00:19:39,246
I don't feel so good
about this.

476
00:19:39,522 --> 00:19:41,936
Oh, there goes
our toy deal.

477
00:19:42,212 --> 00:19:47,453
Super Acquaintances, attack!

478
00:19:47,694 --> 00:19:48,660
Oh, no!

479
00:19:48,936 --> 00:19:49,832
Please, mercy!

480
00:19:50,074 --> 00:19:51,867
Krakatoa!

481
00:19:56,350 --> 00:19:58,074
Get it off, get it off!

482
00:19:58,384 --> 00:20:01,005
Get it off! Get it off!
Get it off!

483
00:20:01,108 --> 00:20:02,591
I'll save you, Quickster!

484
00:20:02,867 --> 00:20:03,867
What...?

485
00:20:05,487 --> 00:20:07,074
Whoa!

486
00:20:08,763 --> 00:20:10,556
Whoa...!

487
00:20:14,487 --> 00:20:19,418
I'll cool you off, Quickster,
with one of my water balls!

488
00:20:19,729 --> 00:20:20,798
Uh... ah...

489
00:20:20,901 --> 00:20:22,660
Uh... ah... uh... ah...

490
00:20:22,901 --> 00:20:23,763
Ah-ha!

491
00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:25,039
Huh?

492
00:20:25,143 --> 00:20:26,418
No-no, no-no!

493
00:20:26,729 --> 00:20:27,798
I'm not the Quickster,

494
00:20:28,039 --> 00:20:29,108
I'm Captain Mag... ma.

495
00:20:31,487 --> 00:20:34,315
Well, I guess it's up to me.

496
00:20:35,798 --> 00:20:39,039
I'll just sneak over, unseen,
and catch them by surprise.

497
00:20:48,522 --> 00:20:49,763
Get it off!

498
00:20:50,039 --> 00:20:51,005
Get it off! Get it off!

499
00:20:58,212 --> 00:20:59,315
Whew, glad that's over.

500
00:21:06,246 --> 00:21:08,281
We... we did it, we won.

501
00:21:08,556 --> 00:21:11,832
This day belongs to EVIL!

502
00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:17,936
You've lost, Mermaidman.

503
00:21:18,281 --> 00:21:20,867
And the superhero-
super-villain rules say

504
00:21:21,143 --> 00:21:24,212
you have to give in
to my demands.

505
00:21:24,315 --> 00:21:26,729
Okay, what do you want?

506
00:21:26,970 --> 00:21:28,384
World domination!

507
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:30,108
Tell him we want
world domination!

508
00:21:30,384 --> 00:21:32,729
Oh, and make him
eat dirt!

509
00:21:33,798 --> 00:21:35,694
In addition to the
domination thing.

510
00:21:36,074 --> 00:21:39,212
Number one: I want to be
treated like a superhero,

511
00:21:39,487 --> 00:21:41,281
not a sidekick.

512
00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:44,832
Number two: I want
to be called Barnacleman.

513
00:21:45,074 --> 00:21:46,177
And number three...

514
00:21:46,281 --> 00:21:48,694
Come on, domination.

515
00:21:49,143 --> 00:21:51,212
I want an adult-sized
Krabby Patty.

516
00:21:51,315 --> 00:21:52,832
Did you hear
him say

517
00:21:53,108 --> 00:21:54,108
anything about
eating dirt?

518
00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:56,177
Need a hand?

519
00:21:56,281 --> 00:21:57,660
Super pal?

520
00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:08,143
Good to have you
back on the side
of justice, Kyle.

521
00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:11,005
Let's go get you
that Krabby Patty.

522
00:22:11,281 --> 00:22:12,832
Was that it?

523
00:22:13,074 --> 00:22:14,315
I feel sick.

524
00:22:14,418 --> 00:22:16,177
Oh, this reminds me
of the time

525
00:22:16,522 --> 00:22:17,936
I went to Cancún with
the Killer Shrimp.

526
00:22:18,246 --> 00:22:20,005
Oh, they had these
papaya drinks...

527
00:22:20,281 --> 00:22:22,487
Oh, Neptune, shut up!

528
00:22:24,694 --> 00:22:26,384
Mmm.

529
00:22:26,487 --> 00:22:29,212
How's that adult-sized
Krabby Patty

530
00:22:29,418 --> 00:22:30,660
treating you,

531
00:22:30,901 --> 00:22:33,108
Barnacle... man?

532
00:22:33,350 --> 00:22:35,177
Actually, it's pretty big.

533
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:37,867
I'm not sure I can
finish the whole thing.

534
00:23:03,901 --> 00:23:05,522
and NICKELODEON

535
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:39,625
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org