MAY I HELP YOU, SIR?
I'D LIKE THATTABLE BY THE WINDOW.
AS SOON AS THE PRESENT CUSTOMERS ARE DONE WITH IT.
THEY LIKE TO CHEW THEIR FOOD THOROUGHLY.
97, 98, 99...
DON'T RUSH ME, WOMAN!
PERHAPS THIS WILL SPEED UP THE PROCESS.
HOW WILL THAT HELP THEM CHEW FASTER?
SPONGEBOB, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
NO PROBLEM, I WAS JUST TELLING THIS CUSTOMER
HE HAS TO WAIT FOR HIS FAVORITE TABLE.
FIVE BUCKS IF I GET THE TABLE NOW.
AH...!
OH, MY HIP.
ENJOY YOUR MEAL.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE.
WHY DID YOU GIVE HIM THE TABLE?
"MONEY TALKS".
I DIDN'T KNOW MONEY COULD TALK.
DID IT TELL YOU TO KICK THOSE OLD PEOPLE OUT?
WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST OLD PEOPLE?
DON'T GO GOOFY ON ME, BOY.
MONEY CAN'T REALLY TALK.
ONLY FISH CAN TALK.
WOULDN'T IT BE NEAT IF MONEY COULD TALK?
YEAH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT'S THAT MUSIC?
I THINK MR. KRABS IS GONNA SING.
OH, GREAT.
UH, NO THANKS, I GOT TO GO.
I REALLY HAVE TO PEE.
WHAT DID I MISS?
PARLEZ VOUS FRANCAIS?
HABLE ESPANOL?
OO-YAY EAK-SPAY IG-PAY ATIN-LAY?
MM-HMM.
MAYBE THIS WILL MAKE YOU TALK.
TALK!
YOU'RE BEIN' TOO HARD ON THE LITTLE GUY.
YOU CAN TALK TO ME.
I'M YOUR FRIEND.
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO TALK TO MONEY.
ANYTHING!
ANYTHING?
YOU?
THAT'S RIGHT.
'TIS I, THE OMINOUS FLYING DUTCHMAN.
I'LL GRANT YOUR WISH.
BUT IT'LL COST YOU.
YEAH, YEAH, MY IMMORTAL SOUL.
I'VE HEARD THAT SPEECH BEFORE.
WHA...?
WELL, UH, GREAT.
BUT BE WARNED!
YEAH, YEAH, SKIP THE LECTURE.
I WANT WHAT'S COMING TO ME.
HUMPH, YOU'RE NO FUN AT ALL, YOU KNOW THAT?
HEY, IS THAT PIXIE DUST?
UH, UH.
OOH, THAT WAS A STRANGE DREAM.
Male voice: YOU THINK THAT WAS A STRANGE DREAM?
I DREAMT I WAS TRAPPED IN A PRISON MADE OF PEANUT BUTTER.
WHO SAID THAT? Male voice: DOWN HERE.
HEY, IT'S A NICKEL.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY BELLY BUTTON, LITTLE FELLA?
I GOT STUCK IN THERE DURING YOUR LAST COIN SHOWER.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
DO YOUHAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME?
YEAH, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH?
OH, IT WORKED.
I CAN TALK TO MONEY.
PLEASE, DON'T START SINGING AGAIN.
DON'T WORRY, DARLINGS.
SOON YOU'LL BE REJOINED WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
OH, MY, WHY DON'T YOU KISS ME LIKE THAT?
DON'T START.
THAT'LL BE $5.
HEY, DUDES.
RUN, JUMP!
JUMP OUT, JUMP OUT!
GOOD MORNING, MY DARLINGS.
GOOD MORNING, MR. KRABS.
YOU'RE COMING HOME WITH ME.
YAY!
SPONGEBOB, I DID IT.
I CAN TALK TO MONEY.
GO AHEAD, SAY HELLO.
HELLO... MONEY.
OH, AREN'T THEY A RIOT?
I'M REALLY STARTING TO WORRY ABOUT MR. KRABS.
I'M WORRIED HE JUST LEFT WITH MY PAYCHECK.
NOW THAT WE'RE ALONE, LET'S TELL EACH OTHER SECRETS.
WHAT KIND OF SECRETS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YEAH, WE LIVE IN A SAFE.
YOU GOT ANY FRIENDS YOU COULD INVITE OVER?
AREN'T WE ENOUGH FOR YOU?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?
YEAH!
NOTHING, NOTHING, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS MIGHT WANT SOME COMPANY
YOU KNOW, TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
WHY DON'T YOU ASK WHAT WOULD MAKE US HAPPY?
OK, SO HOW CAN I MAKE YOU HAPPY?
SPEND US. WHAT?
WE'RE MONEY.
IT'S IN OUR NATURE.
I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN THAT SAFE FOR EIGHT YEARS.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE SPENT ON A FAIRY PRINCESS OUTFIT.
WHAT? NO WAY.
I WANT TO BE SPENT ON CORN DOGS.
I WANT TO BE SPENT ON DIAPERS.
YEAH, YEAH, ME TOO.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
I AM NOT SPENDING YOU ON CORN DOGS, DIAPERS
OR FAIRY PRINCESS OUTFITS.
DID YOU FIND EVERYTHING OK?
UNFORTUNATELY.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
MR. KRABS, LOOKIN' GOOD.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MR. KRABS?
I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S ACTING KIND OF WEIRD.
SPEND US.
I CAN'T SPEND ALL OF YOU.
AND NONE OF YOU WANT TO BE SPENT ON STUFF I WANT.
SPEND US.
AH, YOU'RE ALL SHALLOW AND SELF-ABSORBED.
WHAT DID I EVER SEE IN YOU?
SPEND US.
I'M NOT LISTENING.
SPEND US.
I'M NOT...
SPONGEBOB?
HI, MR. KRABS.
I JUST CAME BY TO MAKE SURE YOU WEREN'T
YOU KNOW, TOTALLY INSANE.
TAKE THIS BAG AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE AND BURY IT.
OOH, OOH- WHAT HAVE I DONE?
GIVE ME THAT BACK.
OK, GLAD YOU'RE NOT INSANE.
DUTCHMAN, YOU CHEATED ME.
TAKE THIS HORRIBLE CURSE AWAY.
I WANT A REFUND.
ALL SALES ARE FINAL FROM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN
ESPECIALLY FOR A SELFISH SHELLFISH LIKE YOURSELF.
TRY SAYING THAT THREE TIMES FAST.
YOUR SOUL'S GOING IN ME FANNY PACK OF DESPAIR.
NOW PAY UP.
HUH?
AN I.O.U.?
HEE-HEE, YEAH, WELL, I SORT OF SOLD MY SOUL ALREADY.
WHAT? TO WHO?
THOSE GUYS.
WE WERE HERE FIRST, POPS.
WE'VE ALL GOT A CLAIM ON KRABS' SOUL.
GET TO THE BACK OF THE LINE.
NOW, NOW, I'M SURE WE CAN SORT THIS OUT.
YOU TOO, SPONGEBOB?
HE WAS $5 SHORT ON PAYDAY.
AHOY, MATEYS.
TODAY I'LL BE SPINNING A TALE YOU WON'T SOON FORGET.
IT'S CALLED SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS VS. THE PATTY GADGET.
NOW SPONGEBOB WAS WORKING.
HIS EYE ON THE GRILL
TILL HE HEARD A SHARP SOUND THAT GAVE HIM A CHILL.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT COULD IT MEAN?
WOW, IT'S A DEEP-FRY PATTY COOKIN' MACHINE.
AND HIDING BEHIND IT, WHO DO WE SEE?
NONE OTHER THAN SQUIDWARD
AND HIS BAD FACE ACNE. HEY!
WHAT IS THIS CONTRAPTION YOU'VE HAULED INTO ME PLACE?
A MIRACLE, A MARVEL.
IT WILL COOK KRABBY PATTIES AT A FABULOUS PACE.
BUT HOW ARE THE PATTIES?
I MEAN, HOW DO THEY TASTE?
I'LL LET YOU TRY ONE.
SHOVE THIS IN YOUR FACE.
I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT PATTY WAS YUMMY.
THOUGH IT SITS LIKE A ROCK WHEN IT LANDS IN ME TUMMY.
BUT I'VE GOT ME A FRY COOK
AND HE'S ALWAYS ON TIME.
AH, BUT THIS GIZMO IS FASTER
AND YOU WON'T PAY IT A DIME.
YOUR MACHINE SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL
BUT HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
HMM, JUST FIRE SPONGEBOB
AND TELL HIM GET LOST.
THE MACHINE WANTED HIS JOB TO MAKE SPONGEBOB QUIT
AND SPONGEBOB DIDN'T LIKE IT.
NO, NOT ONE BIT.
PUSHING HIS GRILL, SPONGEBOB BURST THROUGH THE DOOR.
I CHALLENGE YOUR GADGET.
I DECLARE PATTY WAR.
WITH THREE LITTLE WORDS, KRABS STARTED THE SHOW.
FLAG RAISED IN THE AIR, HE CRIED
READY, SET, GO...!
QUICK AS A FLASH, SQUIDWARD PULLED THE BIG LEVER.
THEN SAT BACK AND WATCHED, FEELING, OH, SO QUITE CLEVER.
SPONGEBOB WITH SPATULA HELD TIGHT IN HIS FIST,
FLUNG 20 PATTIES, NOT A SINGLE ONE MISSED.
THE CROWD WAS IMPRESSED.
WOW!
THEY CHEERED FULL OF GLEE.
ALL EXCEPT PATRICK, WHO HAD TO GO PEE.
A NOISE AND A CLATTER CAME FROM THE MACHINE.
AND OUT POPPED THE PATTIES IN A BURST OF HOT STEAM.
THE GADGET WAS FAST.
ITS FIRST BATCH COMPLETED.
BUT SPONGEBOB YELLED OUT
"I WON'T BE DEFEATED"!
HE TOOK IN SOME AIR.
SPONGEBOB SWELLED HIS PHYSIQUE.
THEN DOZENS OF PATTIES FILLED UP HIS CHEEKS.
HE STRAINED AND HE SWEATED.
HE SUMMONED HIS WILL.
AND SHOT KRABBY PATTIES, RIGHT ONTO THE GRILL.
"NOT BAD"
YELLED OUT SQUIDWARD.
A REALLY GOOD TRY.
BUT LET'S SEE HOW YOU DO AGAINST MY MACHINE SET ON HIGH.
THE GIZMO, IT SHUDDERED.
IT CLATTERED, IT SHOOK.
AND AS SQUIDWARD LAUGHED: HA, HA.
SANDY SAID:"WHAT A SCHNOOK".
BUT OL' SPONGEBOB CRIED OUT
"I WON'T LOSE TO THAT THING"!
THEN HE RAISED UP TWO SPATULAS
AND LEAPT LIKE A SPRING.
HIS HANDS WERE A BLUR, THE PATTIES WENT FLYING.
HE FRIED UP A HUNDRED WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.
SQUIDWARD WAS WORRIED, SPONGEBOB COULDN'T BE BEAT.
I GOT ONE LAST CHANCE, I'LL TURN UP THE HEAT.
HE STRUGGLED AND STRAINED
TILL HIS FACE TURNED DARK BLUE.
THEN THE LEVER MOVED FORWARD
AND BROKE RIGHT IN TWO.
THE GADGET BUCKLED AND SPARKED.
IT CRACKED LIKE A GUN.
SO SQUIDWARD TOOK OFF YELLING
"LET ME KNOW IF I'VE WON".
LIGHTNING FLEW FROM ITS MAW.
IT LOOKED READY TO BURST.
BUT SPONGEBOB, STILL STANDING, YELLED
"FOUL BEAST, DO YOUR WORST".
THE PATTIES CAME FLYING BY TWOS AND BY THREES.
BY DOZENS, BY HUNDREDS, OH, IT WAS SOMETHING TO SEE.
AYE, THAT MACHINE, IT WAS FAST.
BUT SPONGEBOB WAS FASTER.
HE'D PROVE TO THAT THING THAT HE WAS ITS MASTER.
THE GADGET BLEW INTO BITS AND DIED WITH A BOOM.
THE BLAST WAS SO LOUD
IT WOKE KING NEPTUNE.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT WAS ALL OVER, FINISHED AND DONE.
WITH HIS HEAD HELD UP HIGH
SPONGEBOB KNEW HE HAD WON. PHEW.
THE CROWD YELLED, "HOORAY
SQUIDWARD'S NAME IS NOW MUD"!
BUT AS THEY WERE CHEERING
SPONGEBOB FELL WITH A THUD.
UNH.
THE SERVICE WAS SHORT.
TEARS SHED WITH REGRET.
SQUIDWARD, IT SEEMED, WAS THE ONE MOST UPSET.
WHOO, YEAH!
WHAT'S THAT?
YOU THOUGHT SPONGEBOB WAS BURIED DOWN THERE?
THEY JUST BURIED THE GADGET
HA-HA, THIS I SWEAR.
WELL, THAT ENDS ME TALE, STRAIGHT FROM THE BOOK.
NOW I GOT TO GO AND POLISH ME HOOK.
WELL, SQUIDWARD, OL' BOY
ALL THAT'S LEFT IS TO GO WIN THAT DANCING TROPHY
AND GIVE IT A HOME.
AFTER ALL, NOBODY EVER WORKED HARDER TO GET IT THAN YOU.
ALL THOSE YEARS OF TRAINING WITH THE MASTERS.
YOUR TIRELESS EFFORT TO KEEP YOUR INSTRUMENT SUPPLE.
NOT TO MENTION YOUR WEEKLY THIGH WAXING.
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO GO GET IT.
SO, LET'S DO IT.
WHOO...!
TSK, TSK, TSK, TSK.
WANT TO GIVE ME A RULING, SPONGEBOB?
SORRY, SQUIDWARD, YOU GOT TO GO LOWER TO WIN.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?
WE'RE LIMBO DANCING
TO GET READY FOR THE DANCE-A-THON AUDITIONS.
WE'RE GONNA WIN THE TROPHY.
HA, THE TWO OF YOU?
DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH.
COME HERE... SEE THAT?
THAT'S WHERE THE TROPHY'S GOING.
OOH...
YOU BUILT US A TROPHY CASE FOR WHEN WE WIN?
OH, YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND.
NO, YOU TWITS.
I BUILT THAT TROPHY CASE FOR ME WHEN IWIN.
I'M GOING TO ACE THE TRYOUTS TODAY
AND THEN I'M GOING TO THE FINALS TOMORROW
AND WIN THE TROPHY.
I AM GOING FORTH TO MEET MY DESTINY.
GOOD-BYE.
RULING, SPONGEBOB?
I THINK WE BETTER RAISE THE BAR.
HIYA, SQUIDWARD.
OH, GREAT.
THE FLYING GAVONNE BROTHERS.
JUST IGNORE THEM, SQUIDWARD.
CONTESTANTS 51 AND 52 TO THE STAGE, PLEASE.
WE'RE UP, PATRICK.
WISH US LUCK, SQUIDWARD.
DO I KNOW YOU?
YOU KIDDER.
LET'S GO, PATRICK.
POOR BOOBS, THEY DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
WELL, SEE YOU AT THE FINALS, SQUIDWARD.
YOU ACTUALLY GOT IN?
YEP.
HUMPH, IF THOSE TWO NITWITS MADE IT
THEN I'M A SHOO-IN.
CONTESTANT 53 TO THE STAGE, PLEASE.
LOOK OUT, DANCING WORLD
HERE COMES YOUR FUTURE.
MUSIC, PLEASE.
Male Judge: NEXT.
EXCUSE ME?
YOU'RE DONE.
YOU KNOW, NEXT CONTESTANT.
YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT, SORRY, MAC.
BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I, I, I ALREADY BUILT A TROPHY CASE
WITH THE CUTEST LITTLE PLAQUE.
IF I COULD JUST, JUST, JUST TOUCH IT. HEY!
BUT I, HEY...
UNHAND ME, YOU BRUTES.
AH!
SPONGEBOB?
YOU'RE JUST NOT GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT OF THIS THING, SQUIDWARD.
DOH, HELP ME UP.
HOW'D THE AUDITION GO, SQUIDWARD?
THE AUDITION?
MY TROPHY?
I MEAN, UH, UH...
YEAH, THE AUDITION.
EVIDENTLY, I'M SUCH A GREAT DANCER
THAT I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM THE COMPETITION FOR LIFE.
WHOA. IMPRESSIVE.
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
WOULD YOU BE OUR COACH FOR THE FINALS?
WHAT?
I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN HELP YOU TWO DOPES.
LIKE POLISHING YOUR EMPTY TROPHY CASE?
FINE.
BUT I KEEP THE TROPHY WHEN WE WIN, DEAL?
DEAL.
OK.
SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, PATRICK.
OK, HERE I GO.
WATCH ME NOW.
OOH, CRAMP!
WELL, I GUESS THAT JUST LEAVES YOU, SPONGEBOB.
SHOW ME YOUR STUFF.
READY, AND...
HAVING FUN?
YES, YES, I AM.
SPONGEBOB, DANCING ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ART
AND ART IS SUFFERING!
NOW, WE'LL START WITH SOME BALLET.
WATCH MY FEET AND FOLLOW MY LEAD.
READY, AND PLIE.
RELEVE.
AND NOW, GRAND JETE-
AHH...
OH, WHERE AM I?
SEE IF I CAN FIND THE LIGHTS.
AH...!
WAIT A MINUTE.
OH!
THIS GIVES ME AN IDEA.
READY, SPONGEBOB?
READY.
A ONE AND A TWO, AND PLIE.
JETE.
RELEVE.
NO, NO, NO.
THIS WILL NEVER WORK.
YOU'VE GOT TWO LEFT FEET.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
GIVE ME THOSE.
UNH...
THAT'S BETTER.
OK, LET'S GO.
SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHY ARE YOU MOVING YOUR ARMS LIKE THAT?
I GUESS THEY'RE HAPPY.
ARGH, HAND 'EM OVER.
AND THE OTHER ONE, COME ON.
UNH...
NOW, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
GEE, SQUIDWARD, WITH YOUR ARMS AND LEGS DOING ALL THE WORK
I'M NOT REALLY DOING ANYTHING.
I THINK I SHOULD HELP.
ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY LEADERSHIP?
WELL, I JUST...
OK, HAND IT OVER.
YOU KNOW WHAT, SQUIDWARD?
WHAT?
I THINK I'M SUFFERING FOR MY ART NOW.
GOOD GRAVY.
GET A LOAD OF THE TALENT HERE.
OH, PLEASE.
JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE MY BRILLIANT MOVES.
OOH.
OH...
OH MY GOODNESS.
I AM HONORED TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF SUCH DIVINE TALENT.
QUIT GROVELING.
WHERE IS YOUR DIGNITY?
THESE LOSERS ARE HERE TO WORSHIP US.
I MEAN ME.
BY THE END OF THE NIGHT
I'LL HAVE THEM ON THEIR KNEES
JUST BEGGING FOR MORE.
Now that's what I like to call
a hard act to follow.
Next up, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.
OH, MAN.
I CAN'T WAIT.
I AM SOSTOKED ON DANCING RIGHT NOW.
NOW BEFORE I BEGIN
LET ME JUST THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING OUT TONIGHT.
WILL YOU PLEASE STOP IT?
AND LET MY DANCING DO THE TALKING.
WOW, SQUIDWARD, THE CROWD'S GONE SILENT.
OF COURSE THEY HAVE.
THEY ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF A TRUE ARTISTE.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
IS HE HURT?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN, BUT IT'S HURTING MY EYES.
I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.
UH, SQUIDWARD?
HA, IF THEY THINK THAT'S GOOD
WAIT TILL THEY SEE...
CRAMP!
OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!
OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!
HUH?
HEY, GUYS, WAIT UP.
HUH? WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S KIND OF NICE.
HEY GUYS, COME CHECK THIS OUT.
MUST FINISH DANCE... ON OTHER...
UM, SQUIDWARD, IS THIS PART OF THE ACT?
THE PAIN!
BY UNANIMOUS DECISION, WE HAVE A WINNER.
MINE!
I WON, I WON!
NEVER BEFORE HAVE I SEEN SUCH ZEST
SUCH JOIE DE VIVRE.
OH, THANK YOU, YOU'RE TOO KIND.
BUT I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT A VERY SPECIAL SOMEONE.
WAIT, SPONGEBOB, NO!
THE RULEBOOK CLEARLY STATES
"A SINGLE DANCER MUST PERFORM
WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ASSISTANCE FROM A PARTNER."
THEREFORE, YOU'RE THE WINNER.
OH MAN, THE JIG'S UP, PEDRO.
WE'RE GOIN' HOME.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO CALL A TAXI.
MERCIFUL NEPTUNE.
ARE THERE ANY MORE CHEATERS?
OH, CRUD, WE'RE TWO DANCERS.
WE'RE NINE DANCERS ACTUALLY.
DOES THIS COUNT?
ISN'T THERE A SINGLE DANCER HERE
WHO IS NOT ASSISTED BY A PARTNER?
UH, WHAT ABOUT NUMBER 52 OVER THERE?
IS HE ALONE?
WELL, LET ME SEE.
WHY, YES, HE IS A SINGLE DANCER.
OH, WELL, THEN.
I GUESS HE WINS.
I LOVE YOUR NEW DANCE, PATRICK.
THANKS.
French Narrator: EPILOGUE.
TOMMY?
I'VE GOT A FRESH LOAD OF LAUNDR...
TOMMY, OH, OH, DEAR ME, NO!
HELLO, IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
MY SON! HE'S...
MOM, CALM DOWN.
I'M JUST DOING "THE CRAMP"!
OH... OH, YOU KIDS
AND YOUR CRAZY DANCE FADS.
HEY, EVERYBODY.
LET'S ALL DO "THE CRAMP"!
YEAH!